It's an honor to have you at Live On Purpose TV, Narayan Choi. We have much more like this on our Positive Parenting playlist: th-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html. Perhaps you can even share some with your parents.
I love HOW you deliver your messages too! your facial expressions, your smile, you talk to us like you are our best friend and I love that, I really feel like we all are a team!
1. Take a deep breath 2. Love them unconditionally 3. Get their attention 4. Speak clearly and age-appropriate 5. Let consequences and empathy be the teacher
Dr Paul thank you so much for emphasizing the point to LOVE YOUR CHILDREN NO MATTER WHAT as a parent- anybody that was raised by a narcissistic parent or adult knows how painful it is to only be loved conditionally even as a kid. With this experience I’m so determined to love my children no matter what and I’m grateful to you for guiding me through your videos. Maybe one day you can exploit that aspect of narcissistic/toxic parents who think their manipulative toxic behavior is love. So many kids are suffering and no wonder we have so many toxic adults now. Thank you for doing your part to make the world a better place❤️
Cheers for the Video clip! Sorry for the intrusion, I would appreciate your thoughts. Have you heard the talk about - Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (probably on Google)? It is a great one off product for becoming an excellent parent without the normal expense. Ive heard some awesome things about it and my mate at last got great success with it.
Look at You all fired up, humble as always, and doing powerful break through work. For Free. Ty ty ty. I'm a more Empathetic Cool Mummy now..AND getting lots and lots of hugs and kisses...tys...
This thing is bloody working for meeee.. thanksssss dude .. will need to make it a habit for me to be empathetic to them.. long way to go ... But a great start.. thanks Paul..
Thank you! Again! The consequences and empathy part AND making sure they have your attention, those can be tough when in the moment and I want to work on those
I love your videos, you are the first TH-cam channel I subscribed. My daughter is three years old, every time I tell her not to this and that, and she said ok. Then she goes do things that I just told her not do.
Yep, arron0417, that is a kid for you. Give consequences, not harsh, but gentle and she will learn that your words are gold. Glad to have you at Live On Purpose.
Live On Purpose TV a topic that we are living now is our 3-year-old boy tends to cry a lot and whine -- usually at home and occasionally at school program (where I am with him). We try to always acknowledge his feelings to let him know that we get him, but my God its becoming very frustrating. Any suggestions on approaches we should take? Thank you 🙏 in advance!
With whining, I tell the child that I don't respond to whining, and can we figure out a way to say what he wants? When he comes up with a non-whining voice, then respond. Whining gets attention and that is why kids use it.
Another great video that is helping me shift MY attitude and behaviors. One question - what do you do or how do you recover if you 'lose' it or find yourself ranting at your child??
Stop, remove yourself until you are calm and ask for a do over, Lianne Brewer. You are teaching your child how to ask for forgiveness and start over. It is something that will happen to them.
I just listen to this video with my kids (boys ages 9 and 13)over lunch 🙈😂....let me tell you....they were eager to confirm all you said. At the part where you asked “What is the most important thing a parent has the job to do” I yelled out “teach”....Ha! Wrong answer 😰 Then they said “Mom! You do not love us!?” 😅 All kidding aside....there is some real good stuff here 😊 Thanks
Yep- you can’t MAKE someone listen to you. But you can do all in your power that is appropriate to make sure they know you expect them to and require them to.
Rant and rave -yeah definitely me. I know it doesn't help or create good progress. I'm lost for what I can do. My partner has it ingrained that our child can do whatever they want, so now anything that is asked obviously doesn't get done. I have no idea how to parent from this and don't see it improving as long as my partner keeps stating they can do whatever they want
Ashlee Gardner, that is a tough one. I assume you are living together. Might be time for some counseling. Best for all, but it might just be you to start with.
Thank you for the great tips! When I told my 7 y o son that I still love him, no matter what, he replied: "ok, I will test you next time" :) The thing is that he expects me to allow breaking rules and not limit with consequences, he says " when you love me don't tell me I did wrong, let me have unlimited screen time, offer me for dinner the third option, preferably dessert-like" and things like that. How would you recommend responding to this?
I tell my kids that because I love them, I want them to be healthy, and to grow up into responsible adults. That's why we eat healthy foods and don't neglect our responsibilities. Chores, school work, and healthy amounts of sleep are more important than screen time. The rules are there to help them to be healthy, happy, and to protect us from getting hurt.
@@kaltaylor01 Thank you for you input, Kimberly! I said all you mentioned too and he doesn't get it, he is very rigid and considers love only as getting what he wants because his mind can't look forward for those long-term benefits, as adult's yet.
Sounds like a smart kid, Nichka. He does not get to give you suggestions. You lay out the options and that is it, don't discuss the options and quickly enforce if he doesn't choose. He is trying to get you flustered.
Thank you alwayz, you are amazing and greatly appreciated 😀👍.Have a phenomenal day everyone filled with lots of unconditional lovez, light, laughter, and timeless wisdom 😊😘👍👍👍💖💕❤💙💓💞💫🌠🌟✨🔥🍀🌈☀🌹🌼🌻🌸🎊🎉🎶💰💵#BESTLIFEEVER
I’m almost 8 months pregnant. High risk pregnancy at that. My kids have been not listening when it comes to their virtual learning, cleaning up behind themselves etc. I don’t understand because they were doing everything so well. This started all of a sudden. I don’t know what to do anymore
Leia's World, kids can pick up on our anxious feelings and that might have happened here. Hard to say. Take stock of yourself, if you are presenting with calm face, calm voice and calm body. Give it a go. Remember what you control and what you don't and don't worry about the stuff you don't control.
Dr. Paul, I am thinking about working on subconcsios mind of my son via short positive affirmative messages during his sleep. Do you have any experiences on this in resolving some issues and reprogramming a child's mind? If this works for adult, I thought it may work for kids as well. I have 7 y o son.
Affirmations are powerful, Nichka. I talk about them in my book, Pathological Positivity. There is nothing wrong with positive affirmations for a 7 yr old and can help with their confidence if it isn't just masking the problem.
Thank you! Should I say affirmations during his sleep from "I" or "you" or his name statements? Example with I: "I easily make friends, I love to be in school"?
I missed the part about being asleep before, sorry. In my opinion, affirmations are best when awake and said by the person. You can start to say them at first and they will slowly be heard and then said by the person.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you. But my original question was about working on subconscious mind which is influenced during alpha or theta phase before or during sleep. Do you know anything about this?
Strive to see the good qualities in your children. Write them down and try to spend time with each one independently so you can begin to cherish what unique and wonderful individuals they are. Hope that helps, Lonna 27.
But Dr please make a spicific Vedio about teenagers nowadays how played the whloe day spcialy in holidays with ONLINE game on their own laptops.. and put their headphones and don't even hear me..and if they hear me they don't listen to me.. and don't obey. They dont help me at home in any thing ..only when I started yelling..Tell me what should I do with them ?.I'm very tired of that ..please help me and give me an advice..u said loved them ...I do ...But how cuold they feel my love either ..while they r not connected with me ?and thank u so much for ur amaizing videos.
You can limit the screen time. Turn off the internet and they won't be able to access the games and online entertainment. You can even refuse to have electronics in the home until the behavior changes. Take control, gufran.
the thing that I have a huge problem with is my son doing things he knows is wrong, and not listening and fallowing the rules. he has seen therapist, but......... this has realy been big issue at school, home and grandparent house.
I don't have off the top of my head, Catalina Navarro. Go to the bookstore and pick up a few and read a few pages. I have found this works well because some people do better with a certain style of book and someone else prefers another. Happy reading.
Mines one child. The child I took over for. I love her more then my blood children but my bloods content hers is def of a suffering sort sadly that needs lots of attention and help. 3-8 has been such a battle tho my other kids are golden with less attention
I have a teenager and with the distance learning they have chrome books. Well as you know school just started up again and come to find out all those times my daughter said she was doing her homework assignments, zoom calls, etc...she wasn't! She has hardly done anything outside of daily attendance. When I try to have dialogue with her she just shuts me down and refuses to talk about it. I'm currently at a loss right now and dont know the most effective way to handle this.
Ok, I know you say we can't control them but we can control ourselves. I guess my biggest concern is she will go through life starting things and when things don't go how she thinks they should she will just give up vs making the necessary changes in herself, the situation, etc... I know that there are parents watching your videos who are going thru so much more and they wish they were going thru something "silly" like this. For those parents my heart goes out to them. I guess I just keep trying to be that role model and pray, pray, pray....
I want to show empathy and enforce consequences... but then that's all I do for every meltdown all day. They dont stay with the consequence, or they need me all the time to help them get through it...
Is there a video explaining what it means to love a child? I'm a very unemotional person. I have teen step children. I had a hard up bringing. I'm not very good at showing my feelings. How does one "show" they love a child?
It is different for different people, Enter User Name Here. Ask the child how they like to be shown. Some kids want a hug, others want a high five or attaboy, some equate time with love or a small gift. Open up the communication and see what they say.
We were doing an early childhood Suzuki music class today, and we left early instead of just leaving the room and waiting for her to calm down. My toddler wants to do what she wants instead of listening to the teacher, she’s almost 2, and was the youngest in the class by probably a year. I feel like I failed because I enacted “flight” instead of sitting her down face to face and explaining that we can go back when she’s ready. But I was also super embarrassed around the other parents whose kids were listening. Could it be that I need to enroll her in sports instead of sit down/focus based activities because of her activity level? I don’t think she has ADHD because we sit and read together just fine and she does great at the dinner table. She is very social and loves to be active, but I feel like I missed out on a learning experience here but am too chicken to go back tomorrow.
So what do you do when your fiance fights with you about discipline. He wants me to disipline more when i dont we argue. There are deeper problems going on but agreeing about displine is one of the biggest.
teresa grant, Try to build on the places where you agree and then talk it out in the other areas. Maybe watch a few videos together and discuss how they feel with each of you.
My husband just got custody of he's granddaughter!! She's 7!! She's pretty good!! She just drives me crazy!! My kids are grown!! Im too old to raising any kids!! It's just a mess!!!!
Time for some open, honest talk, Jennifer Crowe. Since he got custody, I hope he is taking the load of the work associated with a young child. Work out how you are going to get through the next 11 years together. Seek help if you can't work through the issues. Thanks for watching.
How do we use this for a rebellious tantrum-filled teenager who thinks she knows it all !!! I feel kids of this generation of multi fold rebellious...she doesnt bother about consequences, and threatens me that I am not supposed to be giving her the consequences, and she makes sure she yells when outside, just to attract attention. Watching your videos has helped me to be calm, and I would give in to her tantrums earlier, but now I am like, I dont care who thinks what of me, go ahead and rebel is what I am ok now, till she calms...Love your children No Matter What, and Even If - this is such a deep learning...I am not yet there, but can you point me some videos towards teenager parenting
Niko, we have whole playlist for teens, check it out and see what you think. Don't respond when she yells, keep your voice quiet or don't respond at all.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you so much Dr. Jenkins!! I am so thrilled to hear from you, and I honestly did not even expect that you would be able to read through the infinite comments here !! I was watching so many videos of yours, and I will once again go through the playlist for teens. I can see there are two playlists specific to teens - "Positive Parenting for the Teenage Years" and "Just for Kids and Teens"..is that the one which contains the treasure box of guidance for parents? 😆 I must admit that even I was a rebel, but I guess my daughter is multi-fold, and I guess she reflects the energy of the current generation. Sometimes I feel I just dont know who she is, and when I saw so many of your videos where you keep repeating that teens are different animals or creatures...LOL.....I used to have a wide smile, and stopped feeling that I am all alone in this...LOL....Your videos are so helpful and in my case, I am dealing with a 15 year old teen and 7 year old kid...so please do talk about sibling rivalry in kids having such an age gap....Its like a never ending World War at home in recent days and I dont seem to be doing a good referee job that I have started surrendering to the Universe !!! LOL
Hi Dr Paul, garbage to gold I've a 3 year old boy who I confiscate his toys when he doesn't obey. He gets upset which is normal but he also says that's fine dad's cleaning up for me. Which isn't the reaction I was expecting from this little guy. Am I doing something wrong? He knows why he's getting consequences to his acts. I was hoping it'd encourage him to listen to my instructions...
Sarn Wallis, how does it go after he doesn't see the toys for a few weeks? This might not be a motivator for your son and you have to find something else. Earlier bedtime? No tablet time? Brainstorm what you control.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Once I've confiscated his toys he only gets them back when he has done something to deserve it. Punishment /reward. So it can't be confiscated for weeks. He doesn't have screen time, going to bed earlier won't make my life any easier so as you say I'll have to brainstorm for other ideas. Don't you think if I keep confiscating his toys... (I'm being consistent) it'll pay off in the end? Thanks for the quick response 😊
Ok so im standing there taking deep breaths there killing each other. They screaming shut up at each other and with every word making the little about ready to have a meltdown.
Im a Big sister ,o have a sister,she just only talk to us (me mom,dad and grandma and some of cousins)but anyone else she just laugh and get shy and hide behind us,my mom always tell that i wasnt like this when i was a child ,she says somethings wrong abt Sis,idthink so i think its the lack of attention,as a teen i find it hard to go accordingly and play with sister but i ry my best but it never satisfied her...and when i gree up there were a lot of ppl taking care of me and i used to have a lot of fun,but my sister prefers to watch cartoons and youtube.when we stop her she cries even in the lowest tone i say she just yells at me ,idk what it is but i think its the lack of attention,and she never response to her teacher in online vlasses its her first experience at school she just 4,i think its that she dont i teract with other ppl and i think she dont know how to interact woth others......Tell me what do you think
Some children are just shy. At only 4 years old, she shouldn't be expected to be able to talk to everyone. Model for her how to talk and she will figure it out.
I discuss that in a few videos about Parental Alienation. Love your child no matter what and even if and then be calm and always open to having a relationship. Never give up hope.
Can these work for a visiting uneducated in child care uncle too I am visiting my stepsister and her 4 year old son is always bossing everyone in the family around he likes to scream noo he throws tantrums and disobey
Vicky Andersen my mom had 7 of us and when there would be a few of us fighting 7 of us, she would make us all sit in the living room as punishment and to sit with no TV on as she sat there with the paper. I’m 58 now, and she use to say “Now I know I got the right kid” I could be in the bathroom when all hell broke loose and I would still have to sit there. And if someone sat there stirring the pot we would have to sit there even longer.
Jap, my mom had five kids and she always said: "if you fight each other you all get in trouble with me." We all were punished for it. No matter who started the fight. She doesn't care.
All points correct. But doesn't work to/with a child with parental alienation that changes personalities, effects/affects and behaviours that are or say one thing to one parent, but on occasions th target parent, when child has been coached/plan on occasions to what alienating parent says or what they think the alienated parent wants to do or say, even if effects/affects the targeted parent, but they are emotionallly bound/manipulated to the alienating parent. I might be an amazing person. But listern or don't hear (or visa versa) when they say or acknowlege what you say, to make you happy or situation when with you, short term, but go back and behave the way they do/are with the alienting parent, master/slave relationship, or the one they think that pulls thier strings or general environment, as even with 50/50 contact and positvie can not overcome an alenating parent, a narcissist...
Is it bad to tell a toddler, "You are not listening therefore I am not going to listen to you?" Is that the end of the world for them? Is that how they regard the situation?
Vanessa Bayardo, I think we want to model the behavior that we want from them. We want to seek understanding so probably not effective in the long run.
ساره النجار Sara El Naggar , you may need to come up with some true mantra about yourself that you say to counter the negativity that you hear. I am sorry this is happening, but know that it won't be forever. Surround yourself with other people who are positive and can help counter what you are hearing.
Does you mom have any health issues? I scream a lot too sometimes but that’s when dad steps in and I can remove myself because I have an organ called adrenal glad that does not work, therefore my body cannot produce the chemicals this man mentioned that triggers the “fight or flight” response. It’s called adrenal insufficiency. Maybe your mom has something like that Maybe your mom needs to see her family doctor. I wish you the best of luck. She loves you, I’m sure ❤️💕
Don't have them around if you don't want them to have access, Adrita Chakraborty. Make a family rule that the phone go in a basket when you walk in the door and no one is allowed to have them until the next day.
I have a video about husbands, Lisa Ruiz. How To Get Your Husband To Pay Attention To You, or How To Get Your Husband To Do Chores Without Nagging are two off the top of my head. Search them or go to the playlist to find.
Positive parenting is nice.... but when you have a kid that brags about trying to steal a car and killing a chipmunk do you really think positive thinking will help? I doubt it
Persephones Charm, a lot of things led up to that point. We can still help him. Remember, I worked in a youth detention facility where murder was the reason they were there.
When your child refuses to do something... Instead of saying: "You have to do it. You have to write/ brush your teeth/ switch off the TV." Say "I can see you really don't feel like doing it.When I was small, I sometimes didn't like it too when Grandma made me do it. But we all have to do it beta. Come, I will help you." Let's EMPATHISE before reinforcing the rule! Let Children know it's okay to not want to do something, and sometimes we still have to and that you understand. Be in your child's team, even while putting the boundary!
I'm big brother and this is so helpful for dealing with my younger siblings
It's an honor to have you at Live On Purpose TV, Narayan Choi. We have much more like this on our Positive Parenting playlist: th-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html. Perhaps you can even share some with your parents.
especially when my sibling acts so angry all the time
Lool same that's why I'm watching this
I love HOW you deliver your messages too! your facial expressions, your smile, you talk to us like you are our best friend and I love that, I really feel like we all are a team!
ShadowRipper 25, thank you for being a part of our Live On Purpose Community. We are a positive parenting team!
He’s very cute too 😉
I'll 9lkl8b8
1. Take a deep breath
2. Love them unconditionally
3. Get their attention
4. Speak clearly and age-appropriate
5. Let consequences and empathy be the teacher
Belinda Olvera, good recap.
Thanks! saved me time.
Thanks you for taking such great notes
Dr Paul thank you so much for emphasizing the point to LOVE YOUR CHILDREN NO MATTER WHAT as a parent- anybody that was raised by a narcissistic parent or adult knows how painful it is to only be loved conditionally even as a kid. With this experience I’m so determined to love my children no matter what and I’m grateful to you for guiding me through your videos.
Maybe one day you can exploit that aspect of narcissistic/toxic parents who think their manipulative toxic behavior is love. So many kids are suffering and no wonder we have so many toxic adults now.
Thank you for doing your part to make the world a better place❤️
TinTin A, you are welcome, I am glad we connected.
I needed to hear this today, my teens were fighting verbally, just stressing me physically.
Alondra Silva, Glad we could help.
I watch these videos as a parent and an educator. Thanks for the help you give to me as a dad first, and a teacher second.
Sounds like you have your priorities correct, David Whitehead. What I teach are principles that can be applied in many ways.
Cheers for the Video clip! Sorry for the intrusion, I would appreciate your thoughts. Have you heard the talk about - Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (probably on Google)? It is a great one off product for becoming an excellent parent without the normal expense. Ive heard some awesome things about it and my mate at last got great success with it.
Why would anybody dislike these videos? Thank you for your FREE advice!
Haha, I'm not too worried about the dislikes, Andrew V. I appreciate YOU watching.
Look at You all fired up, humble as always, and doing powerful break through work. For Free. Ty ty ty.
I'm a more Empathetic Cool Mummy now..AND getting lots and lots of hugs and kisses...tys...
Yay! Love to hear it, Venus Semmens.
I’m going through a ton of your videos. Looking for this one. You are so right on I get frustrated.
Thank you for watching.
This thing is bloody working for meeee.. thanksssss dude .. will need to make it a habit for me to be empathetic to them.. long way to go ... But a great start.. thanks Paul..
You can do it! 30 min food crafts, everyday is a new start to practice our new skills.
Great advise, it’s time for me to love my kids!❤️
Yes it is, Amy McNeill and you are in a perfect position to do so. THank you for watching.
Thank you! Again! The consequences and empathy part AND making sure they have your attention, those can be tough when in the moment and I want to work on those
Sounds like a great plan. You should see some positivity powerup with the changes.
This showed up in my feed just at the right time. Thank you for the content 🥰
Love it!
Lovely video Dr Paul, thanks again 😀😍
You are welcome.
I found these videos this month and LOVE LOVE LOVE them.
Thanks, Debra Jones, spread the word. I love this TH-cam Community.
Thank you!!!! Mommy of a three year old is so much fun but so frustrating sometimes 😂🥰
So true! Autumn Christ, hang in there.
I love your videos, you are the first TH-cam channel I subscribed. My daughter is three years old, every time I tell her not to this and that, and she said ok. Then she goes do things that I just told her not do.
Yep, arron0417, that is a kid for you. Give consequences, not harsh, but gentle and she will learn that your words are gold. Glad to have you at Live On Purpose.
I ❤ it! "You are really smart & you"all figure it out". 😃👍
Wendi Watson, haha, yes, showing confidence in our children will benefit all.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! 🙂
You are welcome, PhoenixSkies1. Thank you for watching.
Really like the approach you took on this video. Another great one. My husband and I love your videos. We watch you every nite.
Thank you, Eu Avalos. Let me know if you come up with a topic that you would like me to cover.
Live On Purpose TV a topic that we are living now is our 3-year-old boy tends to cry a lot and whine -- usually at home and occasionally at school program (where I am with him). We try to always acknowledge his feelings to let him know that we get him, but my God its becoming very frustrating. Any suggestions on approaches we should take? Thank you 🙏 in advance!
With whining, I tell the child that I don't respond to whining, and can we figure out a way to say what he wants? When he comes up with a non-whining voice, then respond. Whining gets attention and that is why kids use it.
Live On Purpose TV than you 🙏
Another great video that is helping me shift MY attitude and behaviors. One question - what do you do or how do you recover if you 'lose' it or find yourself ranting at your child??
Stop, remove yourself until you are calm and ask for a do over, Lianne Brewer. You are teaching your child how to ask for forgiveness and start over. It is something that will happen to them.
Good advice, Suzanne Martin.
Wow, very applicable to my situation, thank you.
I am glad the video is helpful, Catalina Navarro. Thank you for letting me know.
Thank you so much Dr.Paul,great video again for a mother with a toddler like me.😊😊😊
You are welcome, Jessica ilano. Thank you for putting these into practice.
Thank you very dear Dr for alla the videos
You are welcome, Rosa Luz Power. Glad you like the channel.
Thank you Dr . Paul it really helps your advice...More power and Godbless.😃
My pleasure!
...I LOOOOVE this
Thank you, Janine Plamondon. Honored to be on your team.
This was really helpful. Thank you so much Dr Paul😍
You are welcome, Irene Ifere Ohia. Glad the video is helpful.
U r a fantasic person...this video helped me alot.....thankyou
Glad the video is helpful to you, Reshani Shalika. Thank you for watching.
Thanks for all your videos!!!!
Glad you like them!
I just listen to this video with my kids (boys ages 9 and 13)over lunch 🙈😂....let me tell you....they were eager to confirm all you said. At the part where you asked “What is the most important thing a parent has the job to do”
I yelled out “teach”....Ha! Wrong answer 😰
Then they said “Mom! You do not love us!?” 😅
All kidding aside....there is some real good stuff here 😊 Thanks
Thank you for watching, Eniko F. I loved that you watched with your children and were able to have a conversation.
Love this one
Thank you.
Great 👌
Thank you! Cheers!
Thank you. I find your videos really helpful.
Thank you, Szilvia Menyhért. I love being able to get the principles out on TH-cam.
Yep- you can’t MAKE someone listen to you. But you can do all in your power that is appropriate to make sure they know you expect them to and require them to.
Yes, stay in your lane of control.
Rant and rave -yeah definitely me. I know it doesn't help or create good progress. I'm lost for what I can do.
My partner has it ingrained that our child can do whatever they want, so now anything that is asked obviously doesn't get done. I have no idea how to parent from this and don't see it improving as long as my partner keeps stating they can do whatever they want
Ashlee Gardner, that is a tough one. I assume you are living together. Might be time for some counseling. Best for all, but it might just be you to start with.
Thank you for the great tips!
When I told my 7 y o son that I still love him, no matter what, he replied: "ok, I will test you next time" :) The thing is that he expects me to allow breaking rules and not limit with consequences, he says " when you love me don't tell me I did wrong, let me have unlimited screen time, offer me for dinner the third option, preferably dessert-like" and things like that. How would you recommend responding to this?
I tell my kids that because I love them, I want them to be healthy, and to grow up into responsible adults. That's why we eat healthy foods and don't neglect our responsibilities. Chores, school work, and healthy amounts of sleep are more important than screen time. The rules are there to help them to be healthy, happy, and to protect us from getting hurt.
@@kaltaylor01 Thank you for you input, Kimberly! I said all you mentioned too and he doesn't get it, he is very rigid and considers love only as getting what he wants because his mind can't look forward for those long-term benefits, as adult's yet.
Sounds like a smart kid, Nichka. He does not get to give you suggestions. You lay out the options and that is it, don't discuss the options and quickly enforce if he doesn't choose. He is trying to get you flustered.
Great, Kimberly Taylor. Give the kids the benefits and though they might get the long-term thinking yet, you are putting it out there.
What do you mean by "quickly enforce"? Thank you so much for responding!
Loved this.
Thank you for your content!
You are so welcome! Honored to be on your team, deltafalcon1.
All those positive parenting methods work so good for us. Very useful video, as always 👍
So grateful to hear that you are using the principles in your home, Kamila Sh.
Thank you alwayz, you are amazing and greatly appreciated 😀👍.Have a phenomenal day everyone filled with lots of unconditional lovez, light, laughter, and timeless wisdom 😊😘👍👍👍💖💕❤💙💓💞💫🌠🌟✨🔥🍀🌈☀🌹🌼🌻🌸🎊🎉🎶💰💵#BESTLIFEEVER
Good to hear from you, Deseree Kjersem.
Dr.Paul ,I would like to know, can i use affirmations for a six year old,my son (mirror technique)and affirmations in his room to calm his anger?
Yes you can, Reshani Shalika. Never to young to begin a positive self-talk.
I’m almost 8 months pregnant. High risk pregnancy at that. My kids have been not listening when it comes to their virtual learning, cleaning up behind themselves etc.
I don’t understand because they were doing everything so well. This started all of a sudden. I don’t know what to do anymore
Leia's World, kids can pick up on our anxious feelings and that might have happened here. Hard to say. Take stock of yourself, if you are presenting with calm face, calm voice and calm body. Give it a go. Remember what you control and what you don't and don't worry about the stuff you don't control.
Dr. Paul, I am thinking about working on subconcsios mind of my son via short positive affirmative messages during his sleep. Do you have any experiences on this in resolving some issues and reprogramming a child's mind? If this works for adult, I thought it may work for kids as well. I have 7 y o son.
Affirmations are powerful, Nichka. I talk about them in my book, Pathological Positivity. There is nothing wrong with positive affirmations for a 7 yr old and can help with their confidence if it isn't just masking the problem.
Thank you! Should I say affirmations during his sleep from "I" or "you" or his name statements? Example with I: "I easily make friends, I love to be in school"?
I missed the part about being asleep before, sorry. In my opinion, affirmations are best when awake and said by the person. You can start to say them at first and they will slowly be heard and then said by the person.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you. But my original question was about working on subconscious mind which is influenced during alpha or theta phase before or during sleep. Do you know anything about this?
Dr.Paul. I struggle with "my job" to love them no matter what. I don't know how to do that. I'm only happy with my kids when they're : good' :(
Strive to see the good qualities in your children. Write them down and try to spend time with each one independently so you can begin to cherish what unique and wonderful individuals they are. Hope that helps, Lonna 27.
Thank you Dr. Paul
But Dr please make a spicific Vedio about teenagers nowadays how played the whloe day spcialy in holidays with ONLINE game on their own laptops.. and put their headphones and don't even hear me..and if they hear me they don't listen to me.. and don't obey. They dont help me at home in any thing ..only when I started yelling..Tell me what should I do with them ?.I'm very tired of that ..please help me and give me an advice..u said loved them ...I do ...But how cuold they feel my love either ..while they r not connected with me ?and thank u so much for ur amaizing videos.
You can limit the screen time. Turn off the internet and they won't be able to access the games and online entertainment. You can even refuse to have electronics in the home until the behavior changes. Take control, gufran.
I love theses videos
Sarah Ahmed, Thank you, honored to be on your team.
the thing that I have a huge problem with is my son doing things he knows is wrong, and not listening and fallowing the rules. he has seen therapist, but......... this has realy been big issue at school, home and grandparent house.
A Mc, consistency is key in situations like this. Don't give up.
Dr. Paul. Can you recommend books about how to develop empathy. I think I might need serious help on that topic.
I don't have off the top of my head, Catalina Navarro. Go to the bookstore and pick up a few and read a few pages. I have found this works well because some people do better with a certain style of book and someone else prefers another. Happy reading.
Concious Parenting
The Awakened Parent
Out of Control
All: Dr. shefali Tsabari
Non violent communication by Marshall Rosenberg
I can´t watch these videos and just listen; I have to take notes. Thank you! I am not a parent yet, but as a teacher, this is so helpful ^_^
There are quite a few teachers viewing the videos, and grandparents and aunts and uncles. Glad to have you here, Lyllies.
Either I’m not understanding his advice and not having patience or my child is difficult to deal with. Either way this is tough 😩
Natacha V, it is tough, there is no doubt about it. And, it takes a while to develop new patterns. You can do this, stick with it.
I'm sitting her thinking the same thing...I do ALL OF THOSE things that he said and my kids STILL DONT LISTEN!😫
Mines one child. The child I took over for. I love her more then my blood children but my bloods content hers is def of a suffering sort sadly that needs lots of attention and help. 3-8 has been such a battle tho my other kids are golden with less attention
I have a teenager and with the distance learning they have chrome books. Well as you know school just started up again and come to find out all those times my daughter said she was doing her homework assignments, zoom calls, etc...she wasn't! She has hardly done anything outside of daily attendance. When I try to have dialogue with her she just shuts me down and refuses to talk about it. I'm currently at a loss right now and dont know the most effective way to handle this.
Earth Mama, let her experience the consequences, an F on the assignment, etc. she isn't the only one who hasn't managed the electronics well.
Ok, I know you say we can't control them but we can control ourselves. I guess my biggest concern is she will go through life starting things and when things don't go how she thinks they should she will just give up vs making the necessary changes in herself, the situation, etc...
I know that there are parents watching your videos who are going thru so much more and they wish they were going thru something "silly" like this. For those parents my heart goes out to them. I guess I just keep trying to be that role model and pray, pray, pray....
I want to show empathy and enforce consequences... but then that's all I do for every meltdown all day. They dont stay with the consequence, or they need me all the time to help them get through it...
Parenting is tough and time consuming for sure, Jessica Olmstead. If the consequences are taking too much time, try some other consequences.
Is there a video explaining what it means to love a child? I'm a very unemotional person. I have teen step children. I had a hard up bringing. I'm not very good at showing my feelings. How does one "show" they love a child?
It is different for different people, Enter User Name Here. Ask the child how they like to be shown. Some kids want a hug, others want a high five or attaboy, some equate time with love or a small gift. Open up the communication and see what they say.
We were doing an early childhood Suzuki music class today, and we left early instead of just leaving the room and waiting for her to calm down. My toddler wants to do what she wants instead of listening to the teacher, she’s almost 2, and was the youngest in the class by probably a year. I feel like I failed because I enacted “flight” instead of sitting her down face to face and explaining that we can go back when she’s ready. But I was also super embarrassed around the other parents whose kids were listening. Could it be that I need to enroll her in sports instead of sit down/focus based activities because of her activity level? I don’t think she has ADHD because we sit and read together just fine and she does great at the dinner table. She is very social and loves to be active, but I feel like I missed out on a learning experience here but am too chicken to go back tomorrow.
Haiti Kuwait, almost 2 is too young to be in a music lesson where she needs to sit and learn. She needs a play group.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you! Play group! Yes! That makes total sense!!
Had to pause and comment .
0:16 - 0:34 .
Looks like you are talking about ME ☹
You are not in this alone, Amanda Arya. Glad you are part of our TH-cam community.
So what do you do when your fiance fights with you about discipline. He wants me to disipline more when i dont we argue. There are deeper problems going on but agreeing about displine is one of the biggest.
teresa grant, Try to build on the places where you agree and then talk it out in the other areas. Maybe watch a few videos together and discuss how they feel with each of you.
Trully love unconditionally, that's how I always feel. Not easy to keep cool and this really helps :) You are amazing :)
You are right, Learn Portuguese Online with Célia. Not easy, but so worth it.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV indeed :):):)
So... how do you deal with a child who tries to piss you off on purpose and you can see the enjoyment on their face from making you mad.
Persephones Charm, keep your cool. Remember, you don't control them, only yourself.
My husband just got custody of he's granddaughter!! She's 7!! She's pretty good!! She just drives me crazy!! My kids are grown!! Im too old to raising any kids!! It's just a mess!!!!
Time for some open, honest talk, Jennifer Crowe. Since he got custody, I hope he is taking the load of the work associated with a young child. Work out how you are going to get through the next 11 years together. Seek help if you can't work through the issues. Thanks for watching.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thanks!! Well my husband is 65 so hopefully her parents will grow up and step up!!! There younger than we are!!
How do we use this for a rebellious tantrum-filled teenager who thinks she knows it all !!! I feel kids of this generation of multi fold rebellious...she doesnt bother about consequences, and threatens me that I am not supposed to be giving her the consequences, and she makes sure she yells when outside, just to attract attention. Watching your videos has helped me to be calm, and I would give in to her tantrums earlier, but now I am like, I dont care who thinks what of me, go ahead and rebel is what I am ok now, till she calms...Love your children No Matter What, and Even If - this is such a deep learning...I am not yet there, but can you point me some videos towards teenager parenting
Niko, we have whole playlist for teens, check it out and see what you think. Don't respond when she yells, keep your voice quiet or don't respond at all.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you so much Dr. Jenkins!! I am so thrilled to hear from you, and I honestly did not even expect that you would be able to read through the infinite comments here !! I was watching so many videos of yours, and I will once again go through the playlist for teens. I can see there are two playlists specific to teens - "Positive Parenting for the Teenage Years" and "Just for Kids and Teens"..is that the one which contains the treasure box of guidance for parents? 😆 I must admit that even I was a rebel, but I guess my daughter is multi-fold, and I guess she reflects the energy of the current generation. Sometimes I feel I just dont know who she is, and when I saw so many of your videos where you keep repeating that teens are different animals or creatures...LOL.....I used to have a wide smile, and stopped feeling that I am all alone in this...LOL....Your videos are so helpful and in my case, I am dealing with a 15 year old teen and 7 year old kid...so please do talk about sibling rivalry in kids having such an age gap....Its like a never ending World War at home in recent days and I dont seem to be doing a good referee job that I have started surrendering to the Universe !!! LOL
Hi Dr Paul, garbage to gold I've a 3 year old boy who I confiscate his toys when he doesn't obey. He gets upset which is normal but he also says that's fine dad's cleaning up for me. Which isn't the reaction I was expecting from this little guy. Am I doing something wrong? He knows why he's getting consequences to his acts. I was hoping it'd encourage him to listen to my instructions...
Sarn Wallis, how does it go after he doesn't see the toys for a few weeks? This might not be a motivator for your son and you have to find something else. Earlier bedtime? No tablet time? Brainstorm what you control.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Once I've confiscated his toys he only gets them back when he has done something to deserve it. Punishment /reward. So it can't be confiscated for weeks. He doesn't have screen time, going to bed earlier won't make my life any easier so as you say I'll have to brainstorm for other ideas. Don't you think if I keep confiscating his toys... (I'm being consistent) it'll pay off in the end? Thanks for the quick response 😊
Ok so im standing there taking deep breaths there killing each other. They screaming shut up at each other and with every word making the little about ready to have a meltdown.
Ugh, teresa grant, I feel your pain. When they are out of control, it is best to just separate to deescalate the situation.
Im a Big sister ,o have a sister,she just only talk to us (me mom,dad and grandma and some of cousins)but anyone else she just laugh and get shy and hide behind us,my mom always tell that i wasnt like this when i was a child ,she says somethings wrong abt Sis,idthink so i think its the lack of attention,as a teen i find it hard to go accordingly and play with sister but i ry my best but it never satisfied her...and when i gree up there were a lot of ppl taking care of me and i used to have a lot of fun,but my sister prefers to watch cartoons and youtube.when we stop her she cries even in the lowest tone i say she just yells at me ,idk what it is but i think its the lack of attention,and she never response to her teacher in online vlasses its her first experience at school she just 4,i think its that she dont i teract with other ppl and i think she dont know how to interact woth others......Tell me what do you think
Some children are just shy. At only 4 years old, she shouldn't be expected to be able to talk to everyone. Model for her how to talk and she will figure it out.
What do you do when you get on their level but they refuse to look at you bc they know it’s a trigger for you?
Allie, show them that you have control of yourself and trust will be built as you act calmly.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV can you give an example
What about if they are manipulated by the other parent to hate you? To not listen or care what you say?
I discuss that in a few videos about Parental Alienation. Love your child no matter what and even if and then be calm and always open to having a relationship. Never give up hope.
Can these work for a visiting uneducated in child care uncle too I am visiting my stepsister and her 4 year old son is always bossing everyone in the family around he likes to scream noo he throws tantrums and disobey
My problem is the application.....🤣
nvaranavage, you are not alone. That is why one on one coaching is sometimes helpful. You are right on track.
It’s hard for me because I have 3 kids and they like to fight each other so when one listens, the other messes with them
Vicky Andersen, yes, they know what buttons to push and seem to never tire of it.
Vicky Andersen my mom had 7 of us and when there would be a few of us fighting 7 of us, she would make us all sit in the living room as punishment and to sit with no TV on as she sat there with the paper. I’m 58 now, and she use to say “Now I know I got the right kid” I could be in the bathroom when all hell broke loose and I would still have to sit there. And if someone sat there stirring the pot we would have to sit there even longer.
Jap, my mom had five kids and she always said: "if you fight each other you all get in trouble with me." We all were punished for it. No matter who started the fight. She doesn't care.
All points correct. But doesn't work to/with a child with parental alienation that changes personalities, effects/affects and behaviours that are or say one thing to one parent, but on occasions th target parent, when child has been coached/plan on occasions to what alienating parent says or what they think the alienated parent wants to do or say, even if effects/affects the targeted parent, but they are emotionallly bound/manipulated to the alienating parent. I might be an amazing person. But listern or don't hear (or visa versa) when they say or acknowlege what you say, to make you happy or situation when with you, short term, but go back and behave the way they do/are with the alienting parent, master/slave relationship, or the one they think that pulls thier strings or general environment, as even with 50/50 contact and positvie can not overcome an alenating parent, a narcissist...
Bradley Yates, as the child grows, they will see the difference between the two sides and be able to choose which serves him better.
Is it bad to tell a toddler, "You are not listening therefore I am not going to listen to you?" Is that the end of the world for them? Is that how they regard the situation?
Vanessa Bayardo, I think we want to model the behavior that we want from them. We want to seek understanding so probably not effective in the long run.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV that is true. Thank you.
I want to quit i no longer want to try I'm so done
Consider a membership to Live On Purpose Central and take our courses and other resources. go.liveonpurposecentral.com.
What do you do when your mom screams at you for every minor inconvenience to the point where you feel like crap everyday?
ساره النجار Sara El Naggar , you may need to come up with some true mantra about yourself that you say to counter the negativity that you hear. I am sorry this is happening, but know that it won't be forever. Surround yourself with other people who are positive and can help counter what you are hearing.
Does you mom have any health issues?
I scream a lot too sometimes but that’s when dad steps in and I can remove myself because I have an organ called adrenal glad that does not work, therefore my body cannot produce the chemicals this man mentioned that triggers the “fight or flight” response. It’s called adrenal insufficiency. Maybe your mom has something like that
Maybe your mom needs to see her family doctor.
I wish you the best of luck. She loves you, I’m sure ❤️💕
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🏾
Salad For Kings, thank you for watching.
Can you suggest how to keep children away from smartphones.
Don't have them around if you don't want them to have access, Adrita Chakraborty. Make a family rule that the phone go in a basket when you walk in the door and no one is allowed to have them until the next day.
how do i get my husband to listen to me?I can't seem to get him to put anything he touches back where it goes
I have a video about husbands, Lisa Ruiz. How To Get Your Husband To Pay Attention To You, or How To Get Your Husband To Do Chores Without Nagging are two off the top of my head. Search them or go to the playlist to find.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV yeah but how do I get my wife to do those things ;-)
Whatever happened to a good old fashion ass whooping😅
Went out with the last century, at least.
Positive parenting is nice.... but when you have a kid that brags about trying to steal a car and killing a chipmunk do you really think positive thinking will help? I doubt it
Persephones Charm, a lot of things led up to that point. We can still help him. Remember, I worked in a youth detention facility where murder was the reason they were there.
Yeah, but don't insult them. Especially highly sensitive kids, the could commit suicide if you insult and scream.
Five Nights at Plushies, I agree, don't insult people as a way of getting what you want, it never lasts.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV What you said should go viral. :)
When your child refuses to do something...
Instead of saying:
"You have to do it. You have to write/ brush your teeth/ switch off the TV."
Say
"I can see you really don't feel like doing it.When I was small, I sometimes didn't like it too when Grandma made me do it. But we all have to do it beta. Come, I will help you."
Let's EMPATHISE before reinforcing the rule!
Let Children know it's okay to not want to do something, and sometimes we still have to and that you understand.
Be in your child's team, even while putting the boundary!
Great reminder.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you so much 💫💫💫
If all else fails there's this magical long leather called belt