Competing in the Olympic Trials During ED Treatment
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 มิ.ย. 2024
- This video describes my personal experience with entering a partial hospitalization program for eating disorder treatment. At the same time that I was attending 10hr days in treatment and facing some of my biggest fears, I was also training for the US Olympic Trials. The success that I had experienced during the last 10 years of my life were built upon perfectionism and a need for control that manifested in an eating disorder. While facing my issues head on and confronting the reality that the way I approached training, fueling, and competing in my sport needed to change was difficult, it was also necessary. It was the most challenging time of my life, and, looking back, I truly don't know how I was able to get through this. I give full credit to the people in my life for providing unwavering support through every step of this process.
It is nice to look back now and know that I made it through, but at the time there was so much uncertainty around my future. I'm thankful that I took action when I did because it gave me a chance to have longevity in this sport, and that is something I fully plan to do.
00:00-00:30 intro
00:30-02:06 You Get What You Work For
02:06-03:24 Beneath The Surface
03:24-05:26 An Ultimatum
05:26-06:23 A Silver Lining
06:23-07:28 Positivity Can Only Go So Far
07:28-08:52 Portland Track Festival
08:52-09:41 "No Part of Me Wants to Be Here"
09:41-11:13 The Content Is What Cracked The Egg
11:13-12:05 Authenticity
12:05-13:59 The Olympic Trials Prelims
13:59-16:07 The Olympic Trials Finals
16:07-16:48 Bonus Content!
Allie I honestly believe you are saving people's lives by being so honest with your struggles with ED. You are a true inspiration.
100% this
facts. she saved my life. and continues to inspire and motivate me and so many others everyday.
I am crying reading this thread. Thank you all so much.
Sometimes I feel conflicted about sharing so much, but it's comments like these that remind me why it's so worth it.
@@allie_ostrander Please continue sharing your journey, ups and downs. Your battle with eating disorders is the toughest race of your life!
I got chills with this from your journal: "Today is not everything, but I will give everything today." Thank you for sharing your struggles and triumphs with the world.
That line certainly hit different haha
In one of your earlier videos detailing your struggle and recovery process with ED, you said that part of what caused it was people crediting your racing success to being small and light.
This is a good reminder for us all to be careful and honest in our praise. Allie's early results weren't because she was small. They were the result of her being a talented runner who also trained as hard if not harder than her competitors. Sometimes we want to dismiss the hard work component (which we can all do if we want to put in the time and effort) and credit something else for other's success. Imagine if all those people who told Allie that she was doing so well because she was tiny, instead praised her for her work ethic and training.
Being careful with words and praise so so important! I think that there needs to be a better understanding of how words can be interpreted and the long-lasting impacts they can make.
It is important that we watch what we say. I had a run coach tell me, “You will be faster if you lose weight.” 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️. ED’s are sometimes fueled by statements that Coaches make to their athletes.
The micowave that beeps at the 7:30ish mark had me going to the kitchen and looking around!! I noticed my griddle was left on (I made pancakes for breakfast)! Your video "may have" prevented a house fire!! Thank you, Allie!! You can now put 'fire prevention expert' on your resume'
Haha! This is definitely getting added to the resume.
I can only imagine how draining 10 hours in "food school" was. An hour is long! You are so thoughtful and strong and brave. Keep fighting and so glad you are addressing and working through all this now instead of allowing the ED to share space and ruin you.
Haha yes, an hour is enough to bring on emotional turmoil...the next 9 are just overkill lol
@@allie_ostrander I’m a little nervous because about to go into a full treatment center in 2 weeks that I think is more 24/7. But thank you for giving me hope that it’s worth it!!
In life sometimes "you have to have a breakdown, before you have a breakthrough" You've accomplished this and soooo much stronger than ever. Sky's the limit
This should be required viewing for both athletes and coaches. This video could easily be included within a USATF coaching class. I have been really admiring your content in your videos. Very inspiring. I can't wait to see what you do next!
My daughter battled ED in high school and college. She got better and now has a master's degree and is a ED therapist a Recovery Center in Houston. You can get better and thrive. You have a long life ahead, good luck, it does get better.
As someone relatively new to following along on your journey, this was all new to me. It's super impressive that you were able to overcome your eating disorder, whilst still being an elite athlete. Keep being your authentic self!
Sometimes I forget that people don't know about this because I still see it as such a central part of what shaped me as a person. Thank you for taking the time to watch!
ok, so WHY did you train for olympic trials when you were in treatment? i understand why but do you now see how toxic that was?
*unhealthy
Super impressed by your courage to release this to the world. Speaks a lot about how far you have come in your own headspace and approach to what it means to be a runner and influencer in 2023. Proud of you
Honestly super proud of you for posting this content, it’s very real and very raw. ED recovery is one of the hardest things I’ve ever personally done, so I just want to say you’re not alone, and I’m rooting for you.
So difficult! It’s still an ongoing battle to stay the course, but worth it.
You being honest and open about this is amazing!
Thank you for being so brave and sharing your struggles and journey. Stay strong and keep being your authentic self! 🙌
Crying all the way through this video. Your vulnerability all the way through is inspiring. What you’re going through is not easy. Thank you for sharing. I cant wait to continue watching your journey
So proud of you Allie, and I really appreciate you sharing what must have been such a tough struggle
The fact that you kept going even after going through the harsh world of having and ED is so inspiring. Thank you for putting your real self out there to encourage girls (and boys) who are struggling with themselves. Your running is so impressive and I'm so thankful you are doing better now.
seeing your mom at the very end and knowing Spencer's mentality from watching his videos was a great demonstration of the people you have around you - truly a blessing, keep going and keep giving it your all!
Allie, thank you for sharing this. Glad you feel comfortable doing so and I am sure it will help a lot of people. Glad you are in a good place in life and running right now. 🙂👍
My god what a beautifully done video. Thank you for sharing and deeply appreciate the inner strength required for this level of openness.
TY for sharing coming from a runner who has struggled with eating issues myself. I can’t imagine the pressure of competing at the highest levels though and the pressure you put on yourself as a high achiever.
I came to this channel for the Alaskan trail race journey, and I'm staying for the engaging, thoughtful, and important personal narratives you're sharing with us. It takes courage and thoughtfulness to share the ups and downs of life like this. You're really helping people who have their own life trials. Thank you.
Keep up the great work! I wish you the best during your journeys!
you are such an inspiration and you are so brave for sharing this. i know it will help so many people
Proud of you, Allie. It takes a lot of courage to juggle prepping for the OTs with overcoming something as emotionally distressing as an ED. You're a champ in all of our eyes. 🏆
This video Allie, and your honesty, is exactly why you are my favorite runner!
Thanks for sharing Allie! You are an incredible person and runner , and You amaze me Allie!! 💖
thank you for sharing this. it means more than you can imagine.
“Authenticity “. Before you even mentioned it in this video, I was going to say that’s the quality I most admired in you. You are always so real and honest. I’m so proud of all you’ve achieved and overcome. And, what an amazing family and boyfriend you have been blessed with. Best wishes to you in the future.
Thank you! That's the best compliment I could receive. Also, my support system is the best!
Ohhh sister, I want to give you a hug!!! Thank you for sharing your experience. Keep doing what feels best for you.
You are a champion. No one can understand ED treatment unless they go through it. Thank you for sharing
Thank you for sharing this Allie! You really are a true inspiration and changing more lives than you even know! Also your Mom at the end is adorable 🥲
Thank you for sharing your story, this video was so well done. You are amazing and so strong.
Allie, this is your magnum opus. Thank you for being you and for being so real.
Keep doing what you’re doing! Thanks for sharing Allie ❤
Thank you for sharing! I don’t know you but you inspire me to run more & faster. I hope you are still on the road to fully recover. I’m wishing you all the best with your health but also your running. You got this ❤❤
Outstanding Achievement, thank you for having the courage to share this story. I hope you continue to progress through to the next Olympics in the steeplechase 👍
Beautiful story! Thanks for sharing. No one is a failure until they quit
Bravo! Do what makes you happy and fills you with joy. You owe that to yourself. Only you and those close to you know what you have been through and are going through; it's hard but ignore all the noise. It's refreshing to see someone who is authentic. You are a champion.
You are amazing and definitely an inspiration to other women and girls with ED!! ❤
Wow! Thank you so much for sharing your story. You told it so well!
Thank you for this vulnerable and honest depiction of your experience, and sharing something so difficult, but it will resonate with and help others!! Well done.
Thanks for sharing, you’re amazing! This will help so many people.
Fantastic, honest video. I wish you all the best, and I hope to see you smashing more PR's in 2023.
This is a really great video. You can really feel the authenticity of this video. Thanks for making this and sharing your story.
Thanks for your courage, Allie! And you are an outstanding storyteller too. Best from a fan in Norway🙂
Thank you for sharing this so honestly. I know it’s never easy, but thank you.
So great so great. Thanks Allie for sharing. You are such and inspiration!!!
Such a powerful story- thank you for sharing!
You are an amazing role model for young female athletes. Thank you for your authenticity, strength & courage!
What a great young lady! Your YT channel is great, and you are a true warrior.
Allie you are really saving people with that.Thanks❤
Hi Allie, I think your gonna have a great 2023. Try not to sweat the things you can’t control.
God Bless
Great video, thank you for your honesty and i wish you all the best on your journey!
I wish you the best of luck. A fan of yours. Hope you can enjoy your runs, your races and more importantly, your life!
You are an amazing example to us all and a huge inspiration to myself and those choosing to live authentically and pursue growth beyond an ED. Thank you for all you do
Wow, thank you. Growth is hard, but sometimes it's the best thing you can do.
6:04 i’m blown away by the insight and maturity of this journal entry. your attitude is so valuable and will carry you far in life.
Thanks for always sharing the hard side of life, you inspire alot of people including me to just keep going. All the best for this year Allie 💛
so proud of you, allie! one of the best role models in the sport for girls and young women! men, too!
Thank you Alli for your courage to be honest and showing your authentic self. It’s never easy to put yourself out there for everyone to see. Just from seeing your recent videos, you seem like you are in a good place in recovery. It’s definitely a journey. Thank you for sharing your struggles, triumphs, and ongoing progress. 💕
It's definitely still an ongoing process, but I am happy with the progress I have made!
Congrats. A bunch of kisses and hugs from Brazil!
Thank you for sharing! I have a lot less anxiety about a lot of things because of people like you, sharing experiences. I know I am not alone in my personal challenges and that there is community, and now people struggling with EDs have one more person sharing their story, showing that THEY aren't alone either. So, thank you for sharing your story :)
I'm glad that me being open about my struggles can help other people and normalize some of these issues!
I watched this video twice and I never have ever done that on a TH-cam video. You deserve a gold medal for being able to sustain my attention span for that long! 💫🏆🎶 you’re a shining star!
Haha, thank you! Glad you enjoyed :)
Thank you for sharing your story of recovery. Can't wait to see what happens next!
Same! So excited :)
Thank you for posting this. I am in recovery from a severely restrictive ED. I had the same situation as you. I had 3 stress fractures, one after another. And I kept coming back and thinking it was ok but my body couldn’t withstand my training + lack of nutrition. After my third injury (I was out for 16 weeks) I dived deep into recovery and gained healthy weight. I’ve been feeling a lot better but it’s incredibly hard. Recovery is so hard. The hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s so worth it in the long run. Much love to you and everyone else who is and has struggled with this disease.
It is the hardest thing I've ever done, too. Hang in there and keep working!
Allie, Thank you for posting this. I've admittedly never struggled with an ED but I have struggled mentally at times with running and life and this helped me gain a perspective on how to handle some things in my own life. You're doing life saving work with this video.
It's so normal to struggle, but I hope this video shows that struggles aren't permanent and sometimes they just force us to grow in ways we didn't think we need to.
this is absolutely phenomenal.. thank you for sharing this with us. you showing your raw emotions and the downsides of something that a lot of people think have no downsides. you’re absolutely amazing and so so so strong. ❤❤❤
Thank you so much!!
I didn't think I could admire you anymore than I already did, but I do
It’s still a daily choice, but sticking with it certainly pays off! Thank you ❤️
Thanks for sharing Allie. I don’t suffer from ED but I do suffer from mental illness that can make training at my highest level REALLY hard sometimes. It always makes me feel better seeing that other high level athletes have mental breakdowns and rough patches. It takes a lot to share that side of your experience, so I thank you. I hope you’re doing a lot better! :)
When you're struggling with a mental illness, it's so hard to performa at a high level because mental engagement is so important. I don't think people understand that the mental overwhelm isn't something that can just be turned off. I hope you're doing well!
ED is most commonly used as the acronym for erectile dysfunction. You see it used to sell viagra all the time on tv. Just seems wrong to throw it around in a story about a young girl.
I have tremendous respect for you, not only a a runner, but as a human being. Your journey is taking tremendous courage and strength. Peace and best wishes.
Thank you so much :)
You are such an inspiration! ♥️♥️
Thank you for sharing! Your conclusion stuck out to me the most - we’re all so much more than a single achievement. We are our perseverance and grit and the process of becoming the best version of ourselves. Love that.
Yes, I used to think that running fast and winning races was the most important thing I could do, but now I realize that utilizing my platform for good is so much more impactful :)
You Rock! Find your happy place. Stay awesome and you've succeeded Allie. Respect
You are an amazing and authentic human being. Much love from your fans in Colorado. Have fun in 2023.
Thank you!
First video I’ve seen from your channel, instant sub. Love how you speak out against perfectionism, EDs in professional sports, and so much more. Inspiring video, thank you for being so transparent!
Damn Allie, that was one hell of a video! Thanks for posting it. You are so brutally honest. Wish you even more success!
Thank you! 🤗
Allie your channel is epic specially for your fellow athlete s .You are a Giant and so adept
in your description of the (trap) that gets when your not looking !! Your form when you steeple makes me burst with pleasure. Rock&Roll
..
You are a beautiful person Allie. Thank you for being so incredibly vulnerable and showing all your challenges....be they physical, mental or emotional. You truly are standing by your value of being authentic. I am so glad that you had such lovely people in your court while you were in treatment. Treatment for any mental health issue is absolutely exhausting and challenges you to the core. I went through in patient treatment for anxiety and depression...so I can relate to some degree. Sending you so much gratitude and
Overcoming mental illness is so hard, I'm glad that you got the help you needed! I was sooo fortunate to have an incredible support system around me through the entire process--in treatment and after discharge--there's no way I would have gotten through it without them.
You continue to inspire me and the struggles I go through everyday. I'm always happy to see another video from you. I will always follow your career but more importantly I look forward to seeing the impact you make on others with ed by being open and honest about yourself instead of putting on a happy face when you're not really feeling happy and believe me thats a very easy thing to do. God bless you Allie. From You're Boise fan :)
Thank you :) I'm glad that you enjoy and appreciate the videos and authenticity!
Thanks for sharing Allie!
Keep going!
Just know that you are appreciated. You don't have to share this, but you are and it's helping others. Thank you!
I appreciate this comment :)
Thank you for sharing your story 💙
Thanks for sharing. You're a inspiration. Keep it up!
To say you are brave is a tremendous understatement, Allie. Congrats on overcoming your challenges. We are judged by the way we handle adversity. You've handled yours with courage and grace.
At the time, I did not feel graceful lol, but now I look back with pride.
Thank you for sharing your story ❤
Thank you for sharing, I’ve struggled multiple times in the past, and I’m glad the topic is getting talked about more. You did such an amazing job impressing how you feel in words. I really resonated with this ❤
I had a lot of time to think and find the right words lol...it's not easy to express. Also, even with how long this video was and all the journal entries I showed, I still feel like I barely scratched the surface of everything I have to say about this experience.
Great voice over as well as narration. You're talented and a genuine communicater. Nice job!
I love your transparency in this video, showing your real emotions. I know it must have been difficult to make. I think sharing your story will help so many people.
It was tough to relive that time…but also rewarding to see how far I’ve come
What an inspiration. Thank you.
One of the best TH-cam videos I've seen.
Being vulnerable and opening up like you did takes a lot of courage.
You're strong in every meaning of the word.
thank you so much!
Inspiring story. You are a badass. Always be proud of doing your best.
Thank you for posting your story. It means a lot to someone who's gone on a similar journey with running. Wishing all the very best for you
Of course! I wish you the best as well!
This video tackles a lot of important points, and eating properly to avoid injury is one of them. Your life was taking on the trajectory of a Shakespearian tragedy -- the hubris (perfectionism, control) that got you on top eventually took you down. But alas you resurrected yourself. I like the positivity, I like the acceptance, I like the wisdom. Life throws a lot of flowers and feces at us, and we have to be sturdy enough to handle it. Would love to see a future video that tells us your running plans. You're a top ten American runner who I don't think has reached her peak.
I don't think I have reached my peak either!
@@allie_ostrander We agree on something! 😁😁
You are amazing and brave and strong Allie. Thank you for continuing to inspire us all and thank you for sharing your life so authentically. You are gold. Keep it up 🌟
Thank you!!
you are a God given gift to us all.
Thank you for your transparency. I believe this video will not only help others but will hopefully be helpful to you as well. Keep up the great work in running and in life.
It was helpful to look back and realize how far I have come :)
That was some harsh moment that video of your training made me so sad glad you overcame it. All the good for you, you are a great inspiration. Those two races were amazing, being in the finals is by itself an impressive result, specially after what you were experiencing. Keep the good work.
Looking back on some of that footage was tough because it was such a testing time in my life, but it's nice now that I know my life is so much better because of it.
you are amazing allie! thank you for sharing your story. you're so honest & vulnerable and I trust this will reach any athletes who are struggling with this now who need encouragement & hope. rooting for you always. the best is yet to come.
Thank you! Rooting for you too :)
Notwithstanding the bravery to put out this video Allie, you are super talented , funny, intelligent and have done great people around you
Thank you so much!
I have been a fan of your running since Boise State. I've become a fan of the authentic you. I'm sure you are helping others by sharing your journey, and I hope it does you good, too. I will continue rooting for you!
Thank you!
Thankyou for sharing this!! You will help save so many lives with your story. You are a strong amazing inspiring woman. Thankyou so much. Love from Australia 🇦🇺
Thank you