3 Crucial Questions to Ask Before Marriage | Michael Bungay Stanier

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 พ.ย. 2024

ความคิดเห็น • 41

  • @eq2
    @eq2 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +22

    The articulation of priorities from 11:55 is incredible. He said 1) health, 2) serving others (purpose) and 3) the relationship. And focusing on 1) and 2) gives the energy for 3) which effectively makes it number one.
    This has given me an internal framework to prioritize health and purpose admist relationship anxiety myself. 🙏🙏 Thank you!!

  • @earthwishesaccount6767
    @earthwishesaccount6767 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    Hi Lewis! Thank you for sharing your priorities for your life. I’m a woman and my priorities are similar to yours; no one will ever keep me away from my mission which is to help animals. In the past when I was married I asked my ex husband early on for us to go to therapy; he never accepted the invitation. I agree, people should go to marriage therapy from the beginning of the relationship, so difficult conversations would have a professional facilitator. By the way, I think you are wrong when saying that women would want to be priority number one for a man; not me!! I need to “breath” and I need freedom. I guess what women want is for a man to be faithful and honest. And, for a man to be an excellent friend and a protector; we want to feel safe with the man we are with. We want to admire our man; no admiration no respect, no love. By the way, I guess there are a good number of men who just see women as sex objects, and as their shadow, shadow that helps them to inflate their Ego.

    • @stilianifakidaraki3724
      @stilianifakidaraki3724 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Oh my goodness, you’re ME!! I think exactly the same and my mission is also to help animals!

  • @A22208
    @A22208 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

    I'm a rescuer and I admit I am screwed up. I fawn.

  • @MIHAELABURLANESCU
    @MIHAELABURLANESCU หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    Not only that you have to repair it, but you also have to fall in love again. And again. And again... as many times it is necessary so the family to go on & to keep develop.

    • @ElimEx1
      @ElimEx1 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Love is a choice, it's an action. it's not a feeling once you get past the limerence stage.

    • @MIHAELABURLANESCU
      @MIHAELABURLANESCU หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@ElimEx1 great platitude 😀 (I hope I didn’t upset you 😀)

    • @MIHAELABURLANESCU
      @MIHAELABURLANESCU หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@ElimEx1 think a little to see were you’re wrong 😀

    • @ElimEx1
      @ElimEx1 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@MIHAELABURLANESCU I'm not wrong. Every single relationship experts will tell you the same. The feeling of love is hormonal and doesn't last. It is replaced by other feelings just as fleeting. What people call love it in actuality, limerence. Every therapist in the world will tell you that. After a while, you choose the person you are with, not based on hormones but based on facts. Can I build a future. Will this person be safe (safety is a huge factor for women). Will this person share my values and my goals. Those are not based on irrational hormonal decisions and impulses. Those are considered thoughts. This is why so many couples don't make it past the initial hormonal surges. It's also a big factor in the 3-5-7 year "itches". At each of those stages, a different set of habits sets in and it's the approximation of when, in most people, some of the feelings disappear to be replaced by logic. It's also when, for some people who experienced trauma, the "fight or flight" instinct kicks in. When those people don't have proper coping mechanisms, they have affairs or turn to some form of substance abuse. Alchohol, chemical or otherwise (food, sugar, carbs, etc). I would highly recommend to you the works of Esther Perel, especially Mating in Captivity and a book by someone else whose name I don't remember called Come as you are.

    • @marinaton
      @marinaton หลายเดือนก่อน

      Lol 😂. How romantic 😂 Life totally works like that 😆

  • @frances4773
    @frances4773 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    Shout out to ester, Terry, and the gotmans!

  • @moniqueteal7153
    @moniqueteal7153 24 วันที่ผ่านมา

    Well Lewis, I never really found you irresistably attractive until now . Great share on your priorities!!

  • @veronicavolkow7662
    @veronicavolkow7662 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    The three priorities are very healthy

  • @jeanettebrooks1963
    @jeanettebrooks1963 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    I’m curious what do great men expect their woman’s priorities to be: 1. her health ( physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually) 2. Her financial success (which could include you) 3. The relationship. Does this sound reasonable or does someone have a better idea?

    • @annettecserna2854
      @annettecserna2854 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Thank you!!

    • @ElimEx1
      @ElimEx1 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Everyone is different. For me, I would have liked my wife to priortized first herself, then the relationship, then the marriage (those are 2 separate things), then her work/passions and finally the kids. I think that's the healthiest and it's a great model for the kids. Didn't happen this way and i love my wife for who she is. Best answer I can give you is, let everyone be their authentic self and learn to love them for who they are, not who they could be.

  • @thisfungrandma5893
    @thisfungrandma5893 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    This is a powerful video!

  • @Cynthia-rt2mz
    @Cynthia-rt2mz หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    DO NO HARM!
    SOMETHING I haven't learned that yet for I still do it. No matter how I try, there are times it does occur.
    That's where how can we fix it becomes essential.
    Therapy taught the communication skills my childhood never taught, for fighting words were taught versus proper skills of LOVE DIALOGUE.
    Good luck in your marriage Lewis. May you receive the love you deserve.

  • @SelinaDavids
    @SelinaDavids 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Wow! the feelings is mutual, I love it, very open minded, thank you very much.🌷🌷🌷

  • @FrankieTurner-n2k
    @FrankieTurner-n2k 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    A healthy relationship is all about living in harmony having a peacefull life understanding each other and always be there in good times and bad be the best soulmate you can and love is lovely

    • @puzzletherapy4u
      @puzzletherapy4u 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      You don't always know how you're going to react to something that comes along in life. Sometimes you and your partner disagree on how to respond to a situation and so it's impossible to always live in harmony.

    • @FrankieTurner-n2k
      @FrankieTurner-n2k 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Yes thats true but if you meet someone calm it works better

    • @FrankieTurner-n2k
      @FrankieTurner-n2k หลายเดือนก่อน

      Never be with a guy who ia commited to another never be second best you are worth so much more ladies:)

    • @mepulley7913
      @mepulley7913 หลายเดือนก่อน

      You can not live in "harmony" without experiencing turmoil. To be in a constant state of turmoil is insanity. No one wants that. However, it's how you will face that turmoil either together, or alone.

  • @annettecserna2854
    @annettecserna2854 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    So did I miss it? But what is the name of the book? And I only heard one question, where are the other 2 questions?

    • @prettygirltingz9077
      @prettygirltingz9077 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I think he forgot

    • @annettecserna2854
      @annettecserna2854 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I’m curious- can we get the name of the book and read it or just have the other 2 questions placed in a link?

    • @jeanettebrooks1963
      @jeanettebrooks1963 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      1. how will we fix it when things go wrong?
      2. Would you be open to going to therapy in the beginning of the relationship to create boundaries, agreements and commitments with 3rd party help.
      3. What are your practices, preferences and priorities?

  • @A22208
    @A22208 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Vision over family. Probably not the guy for me. His health matters of course, but is it over mind or in conjunction?

  • @jessicafaleide9065
    @jessicafaleide9065 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    More people need to value health!! Good for you for sharing Lewis. Sounds like you are a perfect fit to own a BEMER blood flow device!🧡〽️

  • @FrankieTurner-n2k
    @FrankieTurner-n2k 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +18

    If your constantly having arguments it wont work

    • @ADifferentVibe
      @ADifferentVibe 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I know many like this...

    • @ZeljanaMiljevic
      @ZeljanaMiljevic หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@ADifferentVibeI’ve NEVER met a decently happy couple 😂😂😂 they all hate each other

  • @mrjeff9169
    @mrjeff9169 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Truth

  • @healingypsy
    @healingypsy หลายเดือนก่อน

    most of us meaning british men who flee before marriage at the hint of conflict, after marriage british women flee but very good at keeping the peace until marriage 🤭

  • @nada7sn7
    @nada7sn7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    ✨✨