As I get older the concept of friendship becomes stranger and stranger. I realized most of my friendships were never built on a genuine commonality but rather because of circumstances. Seems like they are so important you're young but as I grow older, I see this more of another societal expectation like marriage. I don't think its necessary part of life anymore.
amazing, for the past two or three years I've started to realize that my friends were only around me if I were doing something to get them close to me and they would never prioritize our friendship, so I decided to start letting them go and my life has got so much better, and I've told them I was letting them go... too late; most people use friends as a support system, when you're too independent you don't see it the same way since you're the one who's supporting them. Nice topic, Mrs. Nelson.
Contacting each other every couple of months is not a friendship. That's a friendly acquaintanceship. You have to touch base at least weekly so you know the big stuff that's going on in each others' lives. Could be a few texts or a couple of emails. But some kind of contact. In what other kind of relationship in your life would you ever consider someone close who contacted you every two months?
My "circle" is more like a hyphen now. I dropped all but 2 friends after everyone but the 2 didn't show up to my grad party. They said they were definitely coming, and then 2-3 hours before the party, they *all* texted me with the excuse that they were 'sick' (this was way before covid). All of them... "Sick". Riiiiiiiight. And none of them gave me the courtesy of an actual call; it was via text. These were the same friends who had me stuck being the one to always call and say hi, etc. After all the money I spent on food for 25 people, decorations, etc. and only 2 showed up... I was _LIVID!_ Since then, I don't try to make new friends; people have to prove themselves to *me* first, and that's just the way it works now. Don't want to initiate with me or put in any effort with me? Fine, but don't call me only when you need something because the answer will be no. *Stop texting and calling people. See how many dead plants you've been watering.*
That happened to me a long time ago on my 24th bday. I had a table set for 15 at the restaurant for dinner & 2 of them showed up w one who brought her boyfriend….(3). It was the most embarrassing point where God showed me who was Really for me……I cut them All out whom were coworkers at the time, ppl I had similar interests….. that was a turning point in my life why I surrendered to Jesus.
ps) Sorry that happened to you. Horrible way to find out who your friends are. But, I that is how God/or Life Reveals who is really your Friend.💔❤️🩹 Know, you Deserve the Best & you are Worthy🤍 God Loves you
Sorry to hear that, they are not good friends, its upsetting....exactly the same thing happened to me...I was selling these children's books at the time, so I organised a book party in our village...I asked friends to come over and have a look etc, not one person showed up, I cried for weeks feeling very disappointed...I have always supported them in the past... so one sided...I'm the one texting them if they are ok etc...they never intitate... i have 3 friends now...I have distance myself from the others...I really don't understand why they never get in touch ever...
@@Seraphim7 I completely agree! It's funny you mentioned that because 3 or 4 days later, I got a call. My uncle found me and informed me of inheritance! Those ex-friends found out and suddenly, they wanted to bend over backwards for me... Pft.
I've been in this situation. I just went through it with a group of friends. I'm always the one initiating contact & planning hangouts, but they do their own thing without me. After deep reflection, I realized if they were genuinely my friends they wouldn't do that. Long story short, those are not your "friends".
I just left and cut ties with my entire circle of "friends" a few days ago because they cared more about strangers than me, now some are painting me to be the villain because I hurt their ego lol, good riddance, don't need fake shits.
Hold on your Darkseid, all you need are the motherboxes and once you find the Anti-life we are all doomed. Just kidding. I know what you mean. Some people are like gangrene, got to remove them or you will be sorry. Atleast you had the courage to let go. I feel that people need to learn to enjoy there own company more.
Same man. I had a friend that talks about how much he loves social media all the time, Yet when you check his page, he has no pics of his friends or our close friend that had passed away (that got him his current job.) Instead, his profile picture and most prized image is a picture he got with some dumb modern broad singer at some concert. When your "friend" puts the experience of seeing a random celebrity over trying to grow together, you know theyre not of the same tree
@@usernameluis305 I don’t talk to my childhood friend anymore. He always has other plans to spend more time with his wife. Another thing I don’t like now is bringing my dad to go to restaurants with me and my childhood friend. My dad is too damn talkative that he won’t even allow me to talk to my childhood friend.
Friends are important to me because I’ve never really had family. I give so much, am always consistent.. and lately my friends are so invested in their partners/professional lives, I feel like there’s no more room for me anywhere anymore. I feel so alone.
I have very limited social time. I’m choosing to be selective with friendships. I don’t like the pressure and guilt trips some friends use. These are the friends who use me as their “friend therapist” in one way friendships. I love how Shasta suggests asking in a non-pressured way to see if a friend could spend time together rather the shaming way, “ I feel left out. You see other friends more than me” way.
Yes yes yes!!!! Go where the consistency grass is green and thriving!!! Thank you Shasta!! (Your hair looks fabulous btw and I loooove that necklace!) Shasta for president!! 😀🙌
Recently my friend showed me that she doesn't value me or my time. She travels for her job, and she came back into town. We got together a couple times, but we made a plan to see each other before she travels across state again. She ended up leaving without even telling me. I texted her and asked if she had left yet..and she texts back saying "oh sorry we left and we're in Minnesota now". (Her and her husband) Wow. In my opinion, a true friend wouldn't just completely disrespect made plans. Especially when we made the plan the same day she left. It basically showed me I'm not a priority to her and she doesn't respect or value me or my time. She's also done this to me several times before, but this last time really hurt. Should I disconnect the friendship at this point?
Maria C84, You mentioned that she's done this several times before. Why did this last time hurt more than the other times? My guess is that she will continue to do this to you until you put a STOP to it. You seem like you are way more invested in this relationship than she is and perhaps its time to let that go. Think of how much time and energy you have put into this relationship just to feel hurt. She is showing you exactly how she feels about you and how little she values you. Why don't you believe her??? She is very aware that she can treat you anyway that she wants to and you will still be there wanting more. 'You have taught her how to treat you in this relationship'. Perhaps that is something to take a look at? Clearly you deserve better and I do think you will find it!
@@dama2614 Thank you DA MA, yes I've had time to re evaluate the friendship and I've since the friendship has ended. I appreciate your response and unfortunately there isn't a friendship anymore. I cant keep valuing someone who doesn't value me in return.
Are not friends. Same with parents, coworkers, siblings, extended family, spouses, and even your own children in some cases. Either they meet you have half way or you cut them off for your own good.
I agree with Shasta and honestly it depends on how much time you have. Outside of my busy schedule with work, being a mom of small kids, wife and all, i would much rather focus my extra time on someone who values that time. So I’d say find ppl of similar interests who like to do similar things. Tag along. A new friend loved to watch shows online and we have similar taste, so I did the same. This offered extra avenues to bond outside of seeing face to face. Connections matter, so find diff ways you can be connected, so they won’t go 5 months without seeing you or talking to you.This is especially true for right side friends (as Shasta describes in her books). One thing Shasta talks about, that helps with new friends is that it’s ok for you to initiate. What matters is that it’s building the connection that is needed. Eventually, that will translate to going high on the 3 ends of the friendship triangle. Which is what really matters.
You have such wonderful energy. Although much of what you say is universal, I am particularly grateful as a thirty-something woman to find you! And I agree, we can change the world :)
This is excellent advice I have a male colleague I want to spend time with but he is very busy I'm very busy too So I think I will write down your suggestions and ask him about when I see him
They could move away and you also move away, right? So, in that case, if neither of you are reaching out to the other... then it's the same thing, no longer a friendship... is it? : (
2:00 the problem with this is that, we used to spend hours playing video games, but now i dont want to waste my time doing that anymore and that is all they seem to want to do
Hi Shashta, I asked my (best) friend multiple times why we don’t see each other anymore and why we don’t text anymore, if I’ve done or said something wrong and 9/10 she doesn’t reply. I’ve texted her multiple times, asked her face to face in May (we hadn’t seen eachother since November ‘18) and I never get an answer.. I ask to meet up and she just ignores it. I really don’t know what to do anymore.. should I let go? I feel like I’m a puppy trying to get ‘attention’.. I get that you can be busy but not even a text, come on..
Ever since I got my autism and mental disabilities diagnosis, my people don't have time to be friends with me anymore. When the pandemic hit, that eroded even further. I am always the one having to iniatiate a conversation. They don't even seem to care to even say hi.I really think friendship in America is dead/
Maybe they're introverts and you need to give them some space to breathe and they will enjoy the friendship more. Or, they don't and won't, and you have to just let that be. Friendship is two people, you don't set the script.
My childhood friend doesn’t call me anymore and he’s always making more plans to spend with his wife whenever I ask him if he wants to hang out and do something. I also don’t like inviting to eat out at anymore restaurants when I’m with my dad. My dad is too talkative that he won’t even let me talk to my childhood friend when we eat out at restaurants.
hi Shasta; is it bad to not want friends around you and to want space; i have a friend who always wants me around even when im tired; im coming from work and all i need to do is to sleep; i make time for her every weekend when i do not have plans but thats not enough; she even wants me to move from where i stay to where she stays so that she can have me around all the time; moreover she is bullyish and way too controlling for me; any advice?
As I get older the concept of friendship becomes stranger and stranger. I realized most of my friendships were never built on a genuine commonality but rather because of circumstances. Seems like they are so important you're young but as I grow older, I see this more of another societal expectation like marriage. I don't think its necessary part of life anymore.
I agree 100%
The way I see it, I see friends, some of them at least as acquaintances. Not really friends.
amazing, for the past two or three years I've started to realize that my friends were only around me if I were doing something to get them close to me and they would never prioritize our friendship, so I decided to start letting them go and my life has got so much better, and I've told them I was letting them go... too late; most people use friends as a support system, when you're too independent you don't see it the same way since you're the one who's supporting them. Nice topic, Mrs. Nelson.
Contacting each other every couple of months is not a friendship. That's a friendly acquaintanceship. You have to touch base at least weekly so you know the big stuff that's going on in each others' lives. Could be a few texts or a couple of emails. But some kind of contact. In what other kind of relationship in your life would you ever consider someone close who contacted you every two months?
This🔥
My "circle" is more like a hyphen now. I dropped all but 2 friends after everyone but the 2 didn't show up to my grad party. They said they were definitely coming, and then 2-3 hours before the party, they *all* texted me with the excuse that they were 'sick' (this was way before covid). All of them... "Sick". Riiiiiiiight. And none of them gave me the courtesy of an actual call; it was via text. These were the same friends who had me stuck being the one to always call and say hi, etc. After all the money I spent on food for 25 people, decorations, etc. and only 2 showed up... I was _LIVID!_ Since then, I don't try to make new friends; people have to prove themselves to *me* first, and that's just the way it works now. Don't want to initiate with me or put in any effort with me? Fine, but don't call me only when you need something because the answer will be no.
*Stop texting and calling people. See how many dead plants you've been watering.*
Wow so sorry to hear that! Sounds like they were never really your friends to begin with.
That happened to me a long time ago on my 24th bday. I had a table set for 15 at the restaurant for dinner & 2 of them showed up w one who brought her boyfriend….(3). It was the most embarrassing point where God showed me who was Really for me……I cut them All out whom were coworkers at the time, ppl I had similar interests….. that was a turning point in my life why I surrendered to Jesus.
ps) Sorry that happened to you. Horrible way to find out who your friends are. But, I that is how God/or Life Reveals who is really your Friend.💔❤️🩹 Know, you Deserve the Best & you are Worthy🤍 God Loves you
Sorry to hear that, they are not good friends, its upsetting....exactly the same thing happened to me...I was selling these children's books at the time, so I organised a book party in our village...I asked friends to come over and have a look etc, not one person showed up, I cried for weeks feeling very disappointed...I have always supported them in the past... so one sided...I'm the one texting them if they are ok etc...they never intitate... i have 3 friends now...I have distance myself from the others...I really don't understand why they never get in touch ever...
@@Seraphim7 I completely agree! It's funny you mentioned that because 3 or 4 days later, I got a call. My uncle found me and informed me of inheritance! Those ex-friends found out and suddenly, they wanted to bend over backwards for me... Pft.
What if you are always the one reaching out? What if they engage in activities they know you like but don't invite you?
Seriously my thoughts rn 😞
I've been in this situation. I just went through it with a group of friends. I'm always the one initiating contact & planning hangouts, but they do their own thing without me. After deep reflection, I realized if they were genuinely my friends they wouldn't do that.
Long story short, those are not your "friends".
Don’t reach out and don’t be afraid of FOMO. Cmon. You must be an extrovert. Learn to entertain yourself and have fun alone.
Personally they’re being nice nasty they don’t really want you around 😊
As in many romantic relationships, some people prefer relationships with people they have to chase than with people who chase them. ❤
I just left and cut ties with my entire circle of "friends" a few days ago because they cared more about strangers than me, now some are painting me to be the villain because I hurt their ego lol, good riddance, don't need fake shits.
Hold on your Darkseid, all you need are the motherboxes and once you find the Anti-life we are all doomed. Just kidding. I know what you mean. Some people are like gangrene, got to remove them or you will be sorry. Atleast you had the courage to let go. I feel that people need to learn to enjoy there own company more.
Same man. I had a friend that talks about how much he loves social media all the time, Yet when you check his page, he has no pics of his friends or our close friend that had passed away (that got him his current job.) Instead, his profile picture and most prized image is a picture he got with some dumb modern broad singer at some concert. When your "friend" puts the experience of seeing a random celebrity over trying to grow together, you know theyre not of the same tree
@@usernameluis305 I don’t talk to my childhood friend anymore. He always has other plans to spend more time with his wife. Another thing I don’t like now is bringing my dad to go to restaurants with me and my childhood friend. My dad is too damn talkative that he won’t even allow me to talk to my childhood friend.
Yeah crazy isn’t it. They prioritize associates or coworkers over their true friends. Very backwards
Haha
Friends are important to me because I’ve never really had family. I give so much, am always consistent.. and lately my friends are so invested in their partners/professional lives, I feel like there’s no more room for me anywhere anymore. I feel so alone.
I have very limited social time. I’m choosing to be selective with friendships. I don’t like the pressure and guilt trips some friends use. These are the friends who use me as their “friend therapist” in one way friendships. I love how Shasta suggests asking in a non-pressured way to see if a friend could spend time together rather the shaming way, “ I feel left out. You see other friends more than me” way.
Yes yes yes!!!! Go where the consistency grass is green and thriving!!! Thank you Shasta!! (Your hair looks fabulous btw and I loooove that necklace!) Shasta for president!! 😀🙌
Recently my friend showed me that she doesn't value me or my time.
She travels for her job, and she came back into town. We got together a couple times, but we made a plan to see each other before she travels across state again. She ended up leaving without even telling me. I texted her and asked if she had left yet..and she texts back saying "oh sorry we left and we're in Minnesota now". (Her and her husband)
Wow. In my opinion, a true friend wouldn't just completely disrespect made plans. Especially when we made the plan the same day she left. It basically showed me I'm not a priority to her and she doesn't respect or value me or my time. She's also done this to me several times before, but this last time really hurt.
Should I disconnect the friendship at this point?
Maria C84,
You mentioned that she's done this several times before. Why did this last time hurt more than the other times? My guess is that she will continue to do this to you until you put a STOP to it. You seem like you are way more invested in this relationship than she is and perhaps its time to let that go. Think of how much time and energy you have put into this relationship just to feel hurt.
She is showing you exactly how she feels about you and how little she values you. Why don't you believe her??? She is very aware that she can treat you anyway that she wants to and you will still be there wanting more. 'You have taught her how to treat you in this relationship'. Perhaps that is something to take a look at? Clearly you deserve better and I do think you will find it!
@@dama2614 Thank you DA MA, yes I've had time to re evaluate the friendship and I've since the friendship has ended. I appreciate your response and unfortunately there isn't a friendship anymore. I cant keep valuing someone who doesn't value me in return.
This sounds a lot like chasing people.
One of the biggest issues is we live in a time where everything is about I and me , people are subconsciously becoming selfish
I think this a lot
Iv been trying this for over 5 years. Iv given up chasing people.
Are not friends. Same with parents, coworkers, siblings, extended family, spouses, and even your own children in some cases. Either they meet you have half way or you cut them off for your own good.
It’s better to cut off friends if they’re very dumb people that always get angry about how they hate this and that all the time.
How about a single friend of 6 yrs who doesn’t call. I call often because I like to share ideas about our journey.
I agree with Shasta and honestly it depends on how much time you have. Outside of my busy schedule with work, being a mom of small kids, wife and all, i would much rather focus my extra time on someone who values that time. So I’d say find ppl of similar interests who like to do similar things. Tag along. A new friend loved to watch shows online and we have similar taste, so I did the same. This offered extra avenues to bond outside of seeing face to face.
Connections matter, so find diff ways you can be connected, so they won’t go 5 months without seeing you or talking to you.This is especially true for right side friends (as Shasta describes in her books).
One thing Shasta talks about, that helps with new friends is that it’s ok for you to initiate. What matters is that it’s building the connection that is needed. Eventually, that will translate to going high on the 3 ends of the friendship triangle. Which is what really matters.
You have such wonderful energy. Although much of what you say is universal, I am particularly grateful as a thirty-something woman to find you! And I agree, we can change the world :)
i agree with having conversations, but not accepting excuses over a period of time
This is excellent advice I have a male colleague I want to spend time with but he is very busy I'm very busy too So I think I will write down your suggestions and ask him about when I see him
You can try too hard , move on if you have to keep chasing someone , if you dont see someone for 6 months its hardly freindship is it
They could move away and you also move away, right? So, in that case, if neither of you are reaching out to the other... then it's the same thing, no longer a friendship... is it? : (
2:00 the problem with this is that, we used to spend hours playing video games, but now i dont want to waste my time doing that anymore and that is all they seem to want to do
So my friends are all finding new people and now I don’t have a friend what do I do?
Hi Shashta, I asked my (best) friend multiple times why we don’t see each other anymore and why we don’t text anymore, if I’ve done or said something wrong and 9/10 she doesn’t reply. I’ve texted her multiple times, asked her face to face in May (we hadn’t seen eachother since November ‘18) and I never get an answer.. I ask to meet up and she just ignores it. I really don’t know what to do anymore.. should I let go? I feel like I’m a puppy trying to get ‘attention’.. I get that you can be busy but not even a text, come on..
Lyn DS dump her ass
, if she's not talking to you she probably doesn't want to talk to you anymore. Nobody is ever that busy that they can't give a brief response.
She probably found a boyfriend or something. What a piece of shit for not even giving you a response. Fuck that bitch
Lyn DS,
Check out the Book Entitled:
'What Did I Do Wrong: What To Do When You Don't Know Why The Friendship Is Over' by Liz Pryor
@@dama2614 i just checked out the description of that book and great recommendation! Thank you!
Hello i'm here again ☺️ thank you for sharing your knowledge you make our lives better 😊
Ever since I got my autism and mental disabilities diagnosis, my people don't have time to be friends with me anymore. When the pandemic hit, that eroded even further. I am always the one having to iniatiate a conversation. They don't even seem to care to even say hi.I really think friendship in America is dead/
i attempt once or twice, if no reciprocation, then cut them off, and enjoy living your life
Thank you for sharing your imformation with me about friendship
I love this advice! Thank you so very much!
All my best friend does now is hang / skype her boyfriend that's literally it she has no time for anything or anyone else
Time to move on
@@tball5677 it’s time to move on and make new friends who share the same passions for the hobbies that you like.
I’m gonna have to try and not lie or disrespect my friends like I did and pushed em away, thank ya kindly, goodnight ma’am...
I think it’s because they don’t want to be your friend anymore…
Maybe they're introverts and you need to give them some space to breathe and they will enjoy the friendship more. Or, they don't and won't, and you have to just let that be. Friendship is two people, you don't set the script.
I ❤️ this one...
Ditch em and get new ones.
My childhood friend doesn’t call me anymore and he’s always making more plans to spend with his wife whenever I ask him if he wants to hang out and do something. I also don’t like inviting to eat out at anymore restaurants when I’m with my dad. My dad is too talkative that he won’t even let me talk to my childhood friend when we eat out at restaurants.
unless you're going through a traumatic experience, then there's always that exception, but otherwise it's time to make new friends
The older I get I let folks go peacefully ❤
Crap on em, it’s not worth my time. Either they want you as a friend or not. Simple.
I let go of friends I care too much.
one acquaintance isn't available until the next 6 months due to work and she works 9 to 5, next don't make time for these type of people
Friendship is magic understand each other and Care our self to love and Miss you in my life
Some people will grow apart from you when they make other new friends.
Hello I'm interested
hi Shasta; is it bad to not want friends around you and to want space; i have a friend who always wants me around even when im tired; im coming from work and all i need to do is to sleep; i make time for her every weekend when i do not have plans but thats not enough; she even wants me to move from where i stay to where she stays so that she can have me around all the time; moreover she is bullyish and way too controlling for me; any advice?
Plot twist: Her friends stab her in the back one by one
Youre lovley x
Apparently, only women need friends.
I think she just specializes in women since she is going off her experiences