Person 2 - I can absolutely and completely relate to these feelings. I stared watching Our Planet on Netflix the other night, and had to stop before it even really started because I was afraid of being sent into a dark place thinking about climate change, how I feel most people don't care, etc. So my thoughts to you: 1. You're not alone!! And there are absolutely others who care. We may be farther and fewer between than the majority, be we do exist, and we exist for a reason. 2. Be the change you want to see - set a good example by living the behaviors you want others to emulate. I started carrying around reusable utensils in my office job, and people frequently ask me when I'm out to lunch or have takeout "how/why did you get that metal utensil?" Things like this give you opportunities to share your thoughts and motivations, without bringing it up yourself and maybe coming off like you're on a soapbox (something I frequently worry about being vegan/sustainability conscious). 3. Don't stop doing the things you do to help the planet. No matter how poorly you feel about the general state of the planet, know that every little change does make a difference, and you should feel great about any commitments you've made to try and be a better human/earth inhabitant. Stay strong! DM me if you need a sustainability buddy
I completely agree. You are definitely not alone and it is very hard when you care so much so my advice is very similar: 1. Be kind on yourself. You are obviously a very thoughtful and values driven person and the world needs you and others like you. 2. Read Jane Goodall's Reason For Hope. She shares an inspiring story about being driven by a taxi driver who complains about people who care so much for animals. He just doesn't get it. Although she is exhausted and disappointed, Jane refuses to sit back and listen. She digs deep, leans forward and explains very gently the importance of what she and others like her are trying to do. This is her calling and it is not easy. Did she persuade him? Yes she did! I think about this story often because it can be so exhausting and demoralising. But if Jane Goodall can do it then so can we! 3. Watch more uplifting videos from The Dodo or Esther the Wonderpig! I get overwhelmed if I watch too many videos or feeds showing terrible things. I want to be informed and I want to help the causes but it is very tough so a few minutes spent watching something heartwarming can really help me feel like it is all worth it.
Wow. I teared up as soon as you said to pause and go take a shower. That is such a loving thing to tell people to go do for themselves. We forget when things get dark and it helps so much to have someone remind us that we deserve and need self care. I'll never forget in my darkest time, I went to a sound healing/ meditation class, my teacher laid a blanket on me and tucked me in, and I immediately cried from that tiny act of love. The simplest things are the most precious in dark times. You're lovely for sharing this ❤
I definitely need to be in the right headspace to watch these videos, since I easily get quite emotional. But wow, in all of these videos (and all the time, of course) you are such a wonderful person, and I'm sure all people who've written to you feel comforted by your answers. I think we all feel lucky to have this safe place to come to on the internet, and despite never have written into one of these videos, I feel grateful that this space is something you provide. I think we should all be grateful to have someone like you in our lives, even if we don't know you personally. xxx
Its great that its a manageable way that i can help! Since sharing my own mental health story i get a lot of DMs that theres just no way i can keep up with so this hopefully helps everyone xo
#2 - I related to this super hard. I'm teaching a class on climate anxiety right now and while I don't have answers for how deal, I would highly recommend the book "Emotional Resiliency in the Age of Climate Change" by Leslie Davenport. It's written for clinicians but it's very readable and has a lot of helpful strategies & tools for dealing with climate depression and anxiety. It's a whole new realm of mental health because unlike a lot of general anxiety (NOT talking about trauma survivors here), the feelings of anxiety & depression are completely & utterly warranted.
To person 2.. I can really relate. My best advice (besides what Rhian says) is to try to surround yourself with more like minded people and invite your friends to go on more "ethical outings", get creative! Picnics, walks, bike rides, thrifting, volunteering, local restaurants and coffee shops are all great places to start
Rhian, I think this awesome that you are willing to use your life experience to help others find a port in the storm. An ear made available is priceless!
Person Number 2. I get you. The world can seem so overwhelmingly bleak and we have a lot of work to do. But like anything, we can't do the work if we are running on empty, if we're not taking care of ourselves. Self. Care. Is. Not. Selfish. Part of looking after yourself is allowing yourself down time - relaxation and joy! I absolutely believe that this stuff is what fuels us for the fight. I agree with Rhian about having compassion. People take time to come to their own conclusions, what might be obvious to you now, might not have occurred to you 5 years ago (exhibit A. Me. I had no idea about animal testing or cruelty free beauty even 2 years ago. I cared about other important things but I hadn't put much thought into this one.) Everyone is at different stages of their journey and compassion for ourselves and others is crucial. None of us are perfect. But we can all make a difference.
#5 I have no advice but I wanted to offer my condolences. The pain you must be feeling is unimaginable and I wish you the best of luck during this healing process. My heart is hurting for you ❤️
#2 i completely relate. as much happiness and positive change as it has made in my life, veganism and learning more about issues you mentioned and SO many more has really effected my depression. thinking of all the suffering in the world, the lack of care around us, and the inability to create change all by yourself is a heavy burden to carry.. i personally have found putting my energy into activism and direct action is the only thing that really helps me and it’s also a great way to socialize with like-minded people. try to find fb groups or something similar online for events or other things you can help with.. just remember, as you said, there’s so many people who don’t care.. your compassion, kindness, and huge heart will make a difference!
Person 1- I can totally relate to having problems early on in a relationship. My partner and I got together 7 years ago, and some of the biggest fights of our entire relationship happened in the first year. I don’t know what kinds of things happened for you guys, but for us it was things that eroded trust. I had major doubts about the relationship for a long time after that, and wondered if I was foolish for staying together through those fights, and if the relationship was doomed because of its horrible start. I completely agree with Rhian on everything she suggested, and I really encourage talking through your feelings, fears, and needs with each other. It took my partner and I a long time to rebuild trust and security. Honest communication, accountability, and reassurance were really key for us. Not sure if this is helpful for what you’re going through, but I hope you’re doing well ❤️ sending you lots of love 💕 💕
Friend #5 - my condolences to you for what you are going through. I went through the loss of a loved one recently and the experience made me realize how differently we all cope with grief. My family members all had different ways of approaching things, like cleaning out the house, and that what is best for one person may make things worse for another. Some people have an easier time with grief than others, I think we are all just made differently and that’s ok. I learned that what I find comforting (talking about them, going through pictures) could make it so much harder for others and that’s ok! We have to find what makes it bearable for us and follow that, regardless of what we think we “should” do or feel. Just hoping this realization may help you too as it did me.
Advice for #5: If you don’t feel capable of going through your father’s house yet, see if a close friend or relative is willing to box everything up for you and place it in storage until you (and your brother) are ready. Everyone heals at different paces. Don’t force yourself through anything you know you cannot emotionally handle right now. A cousin boxed up my birth mother’s belongings after her tragic death and it took me nearly four months to be able to go through it all. Lend yourself some grace. ❤️
#4 - I've always been quite comfortable with sex/intimacy but I have recently found that I go through phases where I feel so put off by sex I feel disgusted if I do anything sexual. For me it comes and goes, sometimes for longer periods if I am feeling depressed. Talking therapy has helped me understand past traumas that I hadn't processed and were affecting me so that would be my number 1 recommendation as well as what Rhian mentioned of communicating with your partner about what you're going through. Another thing that helped was understanding and accepting that I don't need to feel or be sexual always and that it's okay for the drive to fluctuate. I've found that repeating this to myself has taken a lot of pressure off. If you do feel like getting intimate with your partner or yourself, going slowly and getting in the mood through the different senses might also help!
Person 3: I am having the hardest time because my family is splitting apart due to divorce. The more I am in therapy the more I realize how unhealthy my mother is. I honestly think there is something going on with her and it would be so much easier that way. That would mean that she’s mean to me because she has “whatever diagnosis” and she’s not being just flat out awful. Seeking a diagnosis is like a sigh of relief that we aren’t going crazy. It helps us separate our identity from our behavior if that makes sense. I was also diagnosed with anxiety in high school and I was RELIEVED when I was diagnosed. My parents would tell me I was acting crazy and they were ashamed of me, but they finally realized that wasn’t me and that I needed help.
Person #1: if something doesn't feel right & you don't believe you can get over the past, even years later, don't feel like you have to stay where you're at. Better yourself & things around you will start falling into place. Being confident in your decisions will make you a happier person. Trust your gut! Person #2: educate people but don't let ignorant minds get you down. You are here on this earth to better yourself & others but not change the world entirely; you are only one person.
Person 5 - I’m really sorry you’re going through this horrible time and I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad suddenly and unexpectedly around 5 years ago now. My advice is to not expect anything from yourself and to not pressure yourself because you feel like you should or could be doing better. My grief came in waves and initially was very delayed and I felt guilty because of that - yet it was something I had no control over. Just allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you feel and remember that none of those feelings are wrong. Try to talk through it with family and friends if you feel you are able or approach a therapist if you have the means to. I sincerely hope you find some peace soon xx
Person 2-- On the topic of not being able to enjoy yourself doing other things, remind yourself that you HAVE to take breaks. If you do not take breaks from things, you will burn yourself out and not be able to help the cause as effectively. It is in your best interest AND the environment's if you try to embrace balance. You need to take care of yourself in order to do good in the world.
Person 2 - From my personal experience, I prefer leading by example and encouraging change without demanding it. I even think about my own journey where for example I thought zero waste was crazy 5 years ago and I now make a lot of low waste changes. I live my lifestyle and hope I influence some people (who may find out a clothing item they like is second-hand, see my reusables and vegan dish at lunch or see me use reusable bags at the bulk bins at the grocery store for example). I also try to have an impact through my gifts, for example I find the reusables from Marley's Monsters with the cute prints are just awesome whether you are into the environment or not, so almost all my gifts include some of those now (I might give some unpaper towels, bowl covers or sandwich bags with a print that makes me think of the person I am gifting to - they'll think it is super cute, and it will reduce some of their waste without them even conscientiously making low waste a priority - and they may end up loving it and switching to more reusables!).
This is a great response, i think its important to hear from others on their experiences and what they ARE trying to do within the same cause. It can just look different for everyone x
To person #3: I think seeking a diagnosis is a feeling that I relate to. It probably helps you understand yourself and how you work as well as help other people understand better issues you could be facing in day to day life. It can also allow you to seek people with similar conditions to get support from. Just FYI, I believe that Asperger is less and less considered a separate condition and we tend to generalise it more and more to just ASD. Hearing at the comments that was given by your psychologist, i have a feeling that their knowledge of ASD may be in need of being updated and opened up (many many people with ASD diagnostics do make eye contact for example, there is a wide variety of forms of autism). I would probably do as Rhian suggested, and maybe look for another person specialised in ASD because you would probably get more support from them in my opinion. I hope that doesn’t sound too judgmental and hopefully this will help you! xo
Person 2 - I have the same problem. I suffer with anxiety and depression in general but what makes it even worse is animal suffering, climate change, environment.....etc. It wakes me at night,I feel panic and wish I would never be born. My husband told me that he can't deal with it and is thinking of leaving me. I was devastated but told him that I will not change how I feel about animals +planet and I will keep fighting for them. It happened 3 months ago, he is still here but not telling me what will be next. Now the ADVICE TO YOU: 1.Go to talk to therapist 2. Enjoy small things (I enjoy cruelty free make up) 3. Talk to animals 4. Look at your life and struggles the same way as you would watch movie 5. If you need deeper talk, let me know and I will give you my email.
Bellah, are you doing therapy also? Perhaps its something you and your husband can do together if not already. And making time to do fun things together if you feel up to it. I'm wishing you all the best
person n°2: i know it’s stressful and some people are pieces of shit about it (saying it’s not real of just using/throwing plastic to be annoying) but most of the climate change is made by big ass corporations or governments who pollute enourmously! yes individuals using single use plastic, eating too much meat ect is bad but at the end of the day making people feel bad isn’t the answer. being sustainable and pressuring governments/companies and just spreading the word is all we can do at that point , if gov won’t make laws and provide with better options / make bad shit illegal it won’t drastically change
#4. I haven't been exactly through that, but I kindddd of understand. For so long I used to feel guilty and then came to understand that it was just how I was raised. I come from a very conservative family and I was never taught that sex can be good and healthy. It was just a "thing married people do". Also be kind to yourself, everyone has a different libido and style. I personally (sorry for the tmi) have a very fluctuating one. If I am single for a while I have no interest. I am a person that only enjoys intimacy with being vulnerable with another person. For me that means, one night stands and such NEVER works for me. I even get to a point that I cannot go through it, it doesn't "work" for me. Also being with different partners have also taught me everyone has different styles. Many people think sex is what they see in porn, but it is SO much more than that. I also have SO much anxiety surrounding that, that I can ruin my own mood, pretty often. Usually communicating and over time getting comfortable with the person works for me. That means trying new things is also hard for me. Also why communicating is important because I need someone to be patient with me. LOL. But everyone is different, and that's ok. Feel free to explore on your own and communicate. Slowly try to understand why it makes you feel that way and accept some of the things you can't change. It is who you are. Idk what resources they might be on asexuality, and different definitions. That might help. I think there is a definition for me that is kind of only romantic way. Hope this rant helps and/or makes sense. Lol
1. I struggled with similar issues ruminating on past issues in my relationship. After working through the past issues with my therapist she suggested I try to reframe my thinking to the future and asked me to imagine our 50th wedding anniversary. She asked would the mistakes in the very beginning of the relationship really define it or do I want it to be the home we build together, the children we raise, the work we do for the community, etc? Hope that helps!
#3 There is a reason one of the most popular songs from Crazy Ex Girlfriend is about getting a diagnosis. It is totally normal to want to get one, I would look that song up, it may make you feel better. There is also one about antidepressants being totally normal.
Person #4. Going through the same thing. I've been in my relationship for 3 years now. And since October my sex drive plummeted. I'm 23 btw, and I've always been comfortable with sex for the most part. My partner and I never had an issue and now it's reallllly taking a toll on us. Everything else is great except that. He feels like I only like him as a friend and that we only do it for the sake of his feelings. It sucks feeling like you never want it anymore especially being so young still. Yesterday he even bought me libido pills to take. So you're not alone.
@@alexandriaowens1202 I'm vegan as well and for a moment was worried that maybe that could of affected it, but I kind of doubt it cause I've been vegan for 3 years. It's just crazy because I don't feel too different mentally other than the normal everyday stressors. I feel tense even from a touch and it's so hard to just relax. It's rough for sure. I just hope I snap out of it soon!
Person 3 - It is true that all mental disorders are on a spectrum, but from a clinical perspective there is a literal cut-off, and your symptoms need to be above that cut-off for diagnosis (there is debate around this, but this is how it is for now, in the end a cut-off is necessary to avoid over-diagnosing). You can be lower on the spectrum, and have some autism spectrum disorder traits for example without having an actual "disorder" from a clinical perspective. Still, you may want to get a second opinion, and hopefully someone who can explain their diagnosis or lack thereof better (especially if the psychiatrist you saw has no experience with adults). Be aware that a diagnosis can be helpful or the opposite - I agree with Rhian that it may be a good idea to work out what it means to you if you are still seeing your psychologist. Also I am not sure where you are from but usually psychologists can diagnose disorders too (they just can't prescribe medication).
Person #2: It might be helpful to read some of the recent interviews that Chelsea Handler has given. Essentially, she concluded that her anger and emotion was more connected to past trauma than the election results. So, my point is, sometimes we might be focusing our emotional energy onto immense world issues that an individual has little control over because it is easier than facing and healing our own past trauma. As humans, it's totally natural to avoid pain, especially emotional pain. It is always recommended that you partner with a trauma based therapist for trauma work. Wishing you the best.
This is true but also a point of view that comes from Priviledge when it comes specifically about the topic of the election and our current climate change. Im Mexican American so Im at least lucky I was born and raised in America but I have Daca Family and many of my family has beem directly affected and suffering because of our current President. It's sad because I wish I could say that our issues only stem from past trauma and not because of our current president. I think its important to always keep in mind that just because were not personally being affected that others arent. Because that sometimes keeps us from making change. Just wanted to put that out there. But generally speaking politics aside I agree with you! Many people convince themselves that their entire life problems are caused by one thing because its easiest to do so then actually facing the root of the problem.
Person 4: I sometimes hear this kind of feelings due to religious roots. Girls are sometimes taught that not being a virgin means you are dirty in some way, so maybe this thing got stuck to your head. If it is not a religious thing, try and find some books about thr antropology and psychology of our bodies. Sex is one of our primary instincts for surviving and our bodies ar anatomically made to enjoy sex. If you don’t enjoy sex it can be because of your relationship or because you are asexual. Either way, you are not broken and it is not your fault for feeling like this. Try and get yo know more about you and also read more. Best of luck!
Person #5, What about the possibility of a brief counselor going with you to your father's place and helping you do a walk thru? Or a dear friend that know you are struggling?
Person 2: I can not relate to your feelings. Growing up in a poor country and struggling through life makes you see things in a different way in terms of priority. Yeah, I am educated about the bad stuff, I try to live my life making small things like: not wasting energy, water, not using my car on my daily basis. BUT because my job is in the hopsital I am more concerned about other things than out planet. I don’t think everyday about this topic because I don’t have control on other people’s lives. What I have is: a busy life and a wish to make small changes I can do myself in order to help people with medical issues.
I relate to 2 hard.This is why its frustrating to even Hear Vegans be so non chalant about others not being vegan and eating meat. Saying its one choice to eat Animals and its ok weirds me out. Is it really Our choice when the planet is literally Dying and Climate change is already effecting many people in lower income places. Beef, Pork, Fish and all these animals Contribute to the destruction of the Earth and The lives in it so Im just at a point where I just dont understand how people can say its a personal choice when its a choice that Everyone is impacted from.
Because it is a personal choice. I do agree we should all make changes but forcing people to be vegan or whatever won’t help anything. A dictatorship where there is no choice will only cause people to rebel. It’s like alcohol, it can cause massive problems and affect families of an alcoholic yet it is still a choice to consume it. Instead of forcing others to follow a vegan lifestyle, we should encourage and show alternatives. But saying it shouldn’t be a choice sounds very much like a dictatorship and that’s not the way to go.
I don't think it's that some vegans are being nonchalant about it. We ALL face the same scary issues related to the state of the planet, we just have different ways of dealing with that- as with anything. Others who are unaware don't fall into a one-size-fits-all category where they ALL need gentle encouragement or they ALL need shock tactics and grim PETA videos... different things help different people to change and i personally don't see the point in trying to divide a group of people all striving for change just because we don't go about things the same. The more different approaches we can encompass, the more changes we can make. Just my thoughts and how i was raised.
#5, I am so sorry you are going through this. Personally, I have often struggled with how I would deal with a loss like that. Even when I was doing well mentally, I would worry about something tragic that would pull me off course I guess. In therapy, I was able to work through how I could cope were something to happen. My biggest piece of advice would be to communicate how you are feeling to your doctor, a therapist or as Rhian suggested a grief counsellor. Being open with a family member or friend could also be helpful to supplement with therapy. You cannot be expected to work through this on your own and I really believe having someone to lean on would be helpful. Give yourself some grace and be open to possibly taking medication again to pull you through. Again, I am so so so sorry that this is happening to you and I really hope that you can find the support you need to push through this difficult time. I'll be thinking of you ❤️
Person 2 - I can absolutely and completely relate to these feelings. I stared watching Our Planet on Netflix the other night, and had to stop before it even really started because I was afraid of being sent into a dark place thinking about climate change, how I feel most people don't care, etc. So my thoughts to you:
1. You're not alone!! And there are absolutely others who care. We may be farther and fewer between than the majority, be we do exist, and we exist for a reason.
2. Be the change you want to see - set a good example by living the behaviors you want others to emulate. I started carrying around reusable utensils in my office job, and people frequently ask me when I'm out to lunch or have takeout "how/why did you get that metal utensil?" Things like this give you opportunities to share your thoughts and motivations, without bringing it up yourself and maybe coming off like you're on a soapbox (something I frequently worry about being vegan/sustainability conscious).
3. Don't stop doing the things you do to help the planet. No matter how poorly you feel about the general state of the planet, know that every little change does make a difference, and you should feel great about any commitments you've made to try and be a better human/earth inhabitant. Stay strong! DM me if you need a sustainability buddy
I completely agree. You are definitely not alone and it is very hard when you care so much so my advice is very similar:
1. Be kind on yourself. You are obviously a very thoughtful and values driven person and the world needs you and others like you.
2. Read Jane Goodall's Reason For Hope. She shares an inspiring story about being driven by a taxi driver who complains about people who care so much for animals. He just doesn't get it. Although she is exhausted and disappointed, Jane refuses to sit back and listen. She digs deep, leans forward and explains very gently the importance of what she and others like her are trying to do. This is her calling and it is not easy. Did she persuade him? Yes she did! I think about this story often because it can be so exhausting and demoralising. But if Jane Goodall can do it then so can we!
3. Watch more uplifting videos from The Dodo or Esther the Wonderpig! I get overwhelmed if I watch too many videos or feeds showing terrible things. I want to be informed and I want to help the causes but it is very tough so a few minutes spent watching something heartwarming can really help me feel like it is all worth it.
Wow. I teared up as soon as you said to pause and go take a shower. That is such a loving thing to tell people to go do for themselves. We forget when things get dark and it helps so much to have someone remind us that we deserve and need self care. I'll never forget in my darkest time, I went to a sound healing/ meditation class, my teacher laid a blanket on me and tucked me in, and I immediately cried from that tiny act of love. The simplest things are the most precious in dark times. You're lovely for sharing this ❤
I've been there, friend. Its really the smallest loving acts that can make a difference x
I definitely need to be in the right headspace to watch these videos, since I easily get quite emotional. But wow, in all of these videos (and all the time, of course) you are such a wonderful person, and I'm sure all people who've written to you feel comforted by your answers. I think we all feel lucky to have this safe place to come to on the internet, and despite never have written into one of these videos, I feel grateful that this space is something you provide. I think we should all be grateful to have someone like you in our lives, even if we don't know you personally. xxx
I feel you, Anna! I need to be in the right headspace to film them. We all need to honor our own boundaries
These videos are some of my faves from you. It’s really kind that you attempt to help your subscribers.
Its great that its a manageable way that i can help! Since sharing my own mental health story i get a lot of DMs that theres just no way i can keep up with so this hopefully helps everyone xo
Thanks for that intro. didn't realize just how much I'd actually been neglecting
showered and ate a late dinner. : )
#2 - I related to this super hard. I'm teaching a class on climate anxiety right now and while I don't have answers for how deal, I would highly recommend the book "Emotional Resiliency in the Age of Climate Change" by Leslie Davenport. It's written for clinicians but it's very readable and has a lot of helpful strategies & tools for dealing with climate depression and anxiety. It's a whole new realm of mental health because unlike a lot of general anxiety (NOT talking about trauma survivors here), the feelings of anxiety & depression are completely & utterly warranted.
To person 2.. I can really relate. My best advice (besides what Rhian says) is to try to surround yourself with more like minded people and invite your friends to go on more "ethical outings", get creative! Picnics, walks, bike rides, thrifting, volunteering, local restaurants and coffee shops are all great places to start
great comment!
Rhian, I think this awesome that you are willing to use your life experience to help others find a port in the storm. An ear made available is priceless!
Person Number 2. I get you. The world can seem so overwhelmingly bleak and we have a lot of work to do. But like anything, we can't do the work if we are running on empty, if we're not taking care of ourselves. Self. Care. Is. Not. Selfish. Part of looking after yourself is allowing yourself down time - relaxation and joy! I absolutely believe that this stuff is what fuels us for the fight. I agree with Rhian about having compassion. People take time to come to their own conclusions, what might be obvious to you now, might not have occurred to you 5 years ago (exhibit A. Me. I had no idea about animal testing or cruelty free beauty even 2 years ago. I cared about other important things but I hadn't put much thought into this one.) Everyone is at different stages of their journey and compassion for ourselves and others is crucial. None of us are perfect. But we can all make a difference.
#5 I have no advice but I wanted to offer my condolences. The pain you must be feeling is unimaginable and I wish you the best of luck during this healing process. My heart is hurting for you ❤️
Thank you Rhian for that intro. I definitely needed to shower and take care of basics I’ve been neglecting
#2 i completely relate. as much happiness and positive change as it has made in my life, veganism and learning more about issues you mentioned and SO many more has really effected my depression. thinking of all the suffering in the world, the lack of care around us, and the inability to create change all by yourself is a heavy burden to carry.. i personally have found putting my energy into activism and direct action is the only thing that really helps me and it’s also a great way to socialize with like-minded people. try to find fb groups or something similar online for events or other things you can help with.. just remember, as you said, there’s so many people who don’t care.. your compassion, kindness, and huge heart will make a difference!
Activism really helped me when I was feeling like this, getting involved with some awesome people that want to inspire change is a great idea ;)
Person 1- I can totally relate to having problems early on in a relationship. My partner and I got together 7 years ago, and some of the biggest fights of our entire relationship happened in the first year. I don’t know what kinds of things happened for you guys, but for us it was things that eroded trust. I had major doubts about the relationship for a long time after that, and wondered if I was foolish for staying together through those fights, and if the relationship was doomed because of its horrible start. I completely agree with Rhian on everything she suggested, and I really encourage talking through your feelings, fears, and needs with each other. It took my partner and I a long time to rebuild trust and security. Honest communication, accountability, and reassurance were really key for us. Not sure if this is helpful for what you’re going through, but I hope you’re doing well ❤️ sending you lots of love 💕 💕
Friend #5 - my condolences to you for what you are going through. I went through the loss of a loved one recently and the experience made me realize how differently we all cope with grief. My family members all had different ways of approaching things, like cleaning out the house, and that what is best for one person may make things worse for another. Some people have an easier time with grief than others, I think we are all just made differently and that’s ok. I learned that what I find comforting (talking about them, going through pictures) could make it so much harder for others and that’s ok! We have to find what makes it bearable for us and follow that, regardless of what we think we “should” do or feel. Just hoping this realization may help you too as it did me.
Advice for #5:
If you don’t feel capable of going through your father’s house yet, see if a close friend or relative is willing to box everything up for you and place it in storage until you (and your brother) are ready. Everyone heals at different paces. Don’t force yourself through anything you know you cannot emotionally handle right now. A cousin boxed up my birth mother’s belongings after her tragic death and it took me nearly four months to be able to go through it all. Lend yourself some grace. ❤️
#4 - I've always been quite comfortable with sex/intimacy but I have recently found that I go through phases where I feel so put off by sex I feel disgusted if I do anything sexual. For me it comes and goes, sometimes for longer periods if I am feeling depressed. Talking therapy has helped me understand past traumas that I hadn't processed and were affecting me so that would be my number 1 recommendation as well as what Rhian mentioned of communicating with your partner about what you're going through. Another thing that helped was understanding and accepting that I don't need to feel or be sexual always and that it's okay for the drive to fluctuate. I've found that repeating this to myself has taken a lot of pressure off. If you do feel like getting intimate with your partner or yourself, going slowly and getting in the mood through the different senses might also help!
Super helpful!
I would imagine pushing yourself to have sex even when you don't want to isn't good for anyone!
Person 3: I am having the hardest time because my family is splitting apart due to divorce. The more I am in therapy the more I realize how unhealthy my mother is. I honestly think there is something going on with her and it would be so much easier that way. That would mean that she’s mean to me because she has “whatever diagnosis” and she’s not being just flat out awful. Seeking a diagnosis is like a sigh of relief that we aren’t going crazy. It helps us separate our identity from our behavior if that makes sense. I was also diagnosed with anxiety in high school and I was RELIEVED when I was diagnosed. My parents would tell me I was acting crazy and they were ashamed of me, but they finally realized that wasn’t me and that I needed help.
Person #1: if something doesn't feel right & you don't believe you can get over the past, even years later, don't feel like you have to stay where you're at. Better yourself & things around you will start falling into place. Being confident in your decisions will make you a happier person. Trust your gut!
Person #2: educate people but don't let ignorant minds get you down. You are here on this earth to better yourself & others but not change the world entirely; you are only one person.
Person 5 - I’m really sorry you’re going through this horrible time and I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad suddenly and unexpectedly around 5 years ago now. My advice is to not expect anything from yourself and to not pressure yourself because you feel like you should or could be doing better. My grief came in waves and initially was very delayed and I felt guilty because of that - yet it was something I had no control over. Just allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you feel and remember that none of those feelings are wrong. Try to talk through it with family and friends if you feel you are able or approach a therapist if you have the means to. I sincerely hope you find some peace soon xx
Person #2 really resonates with me. Hearing your response was incredibly helpful.
I love this series I think it’s very important ❤️
Person 2-- On the topic of not being able to enjoy yourself doing other things, remind yourself that you HAVE to take breaks. If you do not take breaks from things, you will burn yourself out and not be able to help the cause as effectively. It is in your best interest AND the environment's if you try to embrace balance. You need to take care of yourself in order to do good in the world.
Person 2 - From my personal experience, I prefer leading by example and encouraging change without demanding it. I even think about my own journey where for example I thought zero waste was crazy 5 years ago and I now make a lot of low waste changes. I live my lifestyle and hope I influence some people (who may find out a clothing item they like is second-hand, see my reusables and vegan dish at lunch or see me use reusable bags at the bulk bins at the grocery store for example). I also try to have an impact through my gifts, for example I find the reusables from Marley's Monsters with the cute prints are just awesome whether you are into the environment or not, so almost all my gifts include some of those now (I might give some unpaper towels, bowl covers or sandwich bags with a print that makes me think of the person I am gifting to - they'll think it is super cute, and it will reduce some of their waste without them even conscientiously making low waste a priority - and they may end up loving it and switching to more reusables!).
This is a great response, i think its important to hear from others on their experiences and what they ARE trying to do within the same cause. It can just look different for everyone x
To person #3: I think seeking a diagnosis is a feeling that I relate to. It probably helps you understand yourself and how you work as well as help other people understand better issues you could be facing in day to day life. It can also allow you to seek people with similar conditions to get support from. Just FYI, I believe that Asperger is less and less considered a separate condition and we tend to generalise it more and more to just ASD. Hearing at the comments that was given by your psychologist, i have a feeling that their knowledge of ASD may be in need of being updated and opened up (many many people with ASD diagnostics do make eye contact for example, there is a wide variety of forms of autism). I would probably do as Rhian suggested, and maybe look for another person specialised in ASD because you would probably get more support from them in my opinion. I hope that doesn’t sound too judgmental and hopefully this will help you! xo
Person 2 - I have the same problem. I suffer with anxiety and depression in general but what makes it even worse is animal suffering, climate change, environment.....etc. It wakes me at night,I feel panic and wish I would never be born. My husband told me that he can't deal with it and is thinking of leaving me. I was devastated but told him that I will not change how I feel about animals +planet and I will keep fighting for them. It happened 3 months ago, he is still here but not telling me what will be next. Now the ADVICE TO YOU: 1.Go to talk to therapist 2. Enjoy small things (I enjoy cruelty free make up) 3. Talk to animals 4. Look at your life and struggles the same way as you would watch movie 5. If you need deeper talk, let me know and I will give you my email.
Bellah, are you doing therapy also? Perhaps its something you and your husband can do together if not already. And making time to do fun things together if you feel up to it. I'm wishing you all the best
@@rhianhy Thank you. At this moment we have separate therapy. But I know we will have to do it together one day.
person n°2: i know it’s stressful and some people are pieces of shit about it (saying it’s not real of just using/throwing plastic to be annoying) but most of the climate change is made by big ass corporations or governments who pollute enourmously! yes individuals using single use plastic, eating too much meat ect is bad but at the end of the day making people feel bad isn’t the answer. being sustainable and pressuring governments/companies and just spreading the word is all we can do at that point , if gov won’t make laws and provide with better options / make bad shit illegal it won’t drastically change
Totally agree! Fighting one another on this is what keeps the big corporations laughing the whole way to the bank!
Thank you so much for this. I *am* going to pause and go shower now. I'll be back :)
I love these, you are such a safe space for others
#4. I haven't been exactly through that, but I kindddd of understand. For so long I used to feel guilty and then came to understand that it was just how I was raised. I come from a very conservative family and I was never taught that sex can be good and healthy. It was just a "thing married people do". Also be kind to yourself, everyone has a different libido and style. I personally (sorry for the tmi) have a very fluctuating one. If I am single for a while I have no interest. I am a person that only enjoys intimacy with being vulnerable with another person. For me that means, one night stands and such NEVER works for me. I even get to a point that I cannot go through it, it doesn't "work" for me. Also being with different partners have also taught me everyone has different styles. Many people think sex is what they see in porn, but it is SO much more than that.
I also have SO much anxiety surrounding that, that I can ruin my own mood, pretty often. Usually communicating and over time getting comfortable with the person works for me. That means trying new things is also hard for me. Also why communicating is important because I need someone to be patient with me. LOL. But everyone is different, and that's ok. Feel free to explore on your own and communicate. Slowly try to understand why it makes you feel that way and accept some of the things you can't change. It is who you are. Idk what resources they might be on asexuality, and different definitions. That might help. I think there is a definition for me that is kind of only romantic way. Hope this rant helps and/or makes sense. Lol
1. I struggled with similar issues ruminating on past issues in my relationship. After working through the past issues with my therapist she suggested I try to reframe my thinking to the future and asked me to imagine our 50th wedding anniversary. She asked would the mistakes in the very beginning of the relationship really define it or do I want it to be the home we build together, the children we raise, the work we do for the community, etc? Hope that helps!
#3 There is a reason one of the most popular songs from Crazy Ex Girlfriend is about getting a diagnosis. It is totally normal to want to get one, I would look that song up, it may make you feel better. There is also one about antidepressants being totally normal.
Person #4. Going through the same thing. I've been in my relationship for 3 years now. And since October my sex drive plummeted. I'm 23 btw, and I've always been comfortable with sex for the most part. My partner and I never had an issue and now it's reallllly taking a toll on us. Everything else is great except that. He feels like I only like him as a friend and that we only do it for the sake of his feelings. It sucks feeling like you never want it anymore especially being so young still. Yesterday he even bought me libido pills to take. So you're not alone.
@@alexandriaowens1202 I'm vegan as well and for a moment was worried that maybe that could of affected it, but I kind of doubt it cause I've been vegan for 3 years. It's just crazy because I don't feel too different mentally other than the normal everyday stressors. I feel tense even from a touch and it's so hard to just relax. It's rough for sure. I just hope I snap out of it soon!
@@alexandriaowens1202 thanks a lot for the input and support (: I hope you have a good night or day, wherever you are!
Person 3 - It is true that all mental disorders are on a spectrum, but from a clinical perspective there is a literal cut-off, and your symptoms need to be above that cut-off for diagnosis (there is debate around this, but this is how it is for now, in the end a cut-off is necessary to avoid over-diagnosing). You can be lower on the spectrum, and have some autism spectrum disorder traits for example without having an actual "disorder" from a clinical perspective. Still, you may want to get a second opinion, and hopefully someone who can explain their diagnosis or lack thereof better (especially if the psychiatrist you saw has no experience with adults). Be aware that a diagnosis can be helpful or the opposite - I agree with Rhian that it may be a good idea to work out what it means to you if you are still seeing your psychologist. Also I am not sure where you are from but usually psychologists can diagnose disorders too (they just can't prescribe medication).
Person #2: It might be helpful to read some of the recent interviews that Chelsea Handler has given. Essentially, she concluded that her anger and emotion was more connected to past trauma than the election results. So, my point is, sometimes we might be focusing our emotional energy onto immense world issues that an individual has little control over because it is easier than facing and healing our own past trauma. As humans, it's totally natural to avoid pain, especially emotional pain. It is always recommended that you partner with a trauma based therapist for trauma work. Wishing you the best.
This is true but also a point of view that comes from Priviledge when it comes specifically about the topic of the election and our current climate change. Im Mexican American so Im at least lucky I was born and raised in America but I have Daca Family and many of my family has beem directly affected and suffering because of our current President. It's sad because I wish I could say that our issues only stem from past trauma and not because of our current president. I think its important to always keep in mind that just because were not personally being affected that others arent. Because that sometimes keeps us from making change. Just wanted to put that out there.
But generally speaking politics aside I agree with you! Many people convince themselves that their entire life problems are caused by one thing because its easiest to do so then actually facing the root of the problem.
Person 4: I sometimes hear this kind of feelings due to religious roots. Girls are sometimes taught that not being a virgin means you are dirty in some way, so maybe this thing got stuck to your head. If it is not a religious thing, try and find some books about thr antropology and psychology of our bodies. Sex is one of our primary instincts for surviving and our bodies ar anatomically made to enjoy sex. If you don’t enjoy sex it can be because of your relationship or because you are asexual. Either way, you are not broken and it is not your fault for feeling like this. Try and get yo know more about you and also read more. Best of luck!
Person #5, What about the possibility of a brief counselor going with you to your father's place and helping you do a walk thru? Or a dear friend that know you are struggling?
Person 2: I can not relate to your feelings. Growing up in a poor country and struggling through life makes you see things in a different way in terms of priority. Yeah, I am educated about the bad stuff, I try to live my life making small things like: not wasting energy, water, not using my car on my daily basis. BUT because my job is in the hopsital I am more concerned about other things than out planet. I don’t think everyday about this topic because I don’t have control on other people’s lives. What I have is: a busy life and a wish to make small changes I can do myself in order to help people with medical issues.
I relate to 2 hard.This is why its frustrating to even Hear Vegans be so non chalant about others not being vegan and eating meat. Saying its one choice to eat Animals and its ok weirds me out. Is it really Our choice when the planet is literally Dying and Climate change is already effecting many people in lower income places. Beef, Pork, Fish and all these animals Contribute to the destruction of the Earth and The lives in it so Im just at a point where I just dont understand how people can say its a personal choice when its a choice that Everyone is impacted from.
Because it is a personal choice. I do agree we should all make changes but forcing people to be vegan or whatever won’t help anything. A dictatorship where there is no choice will only cause people to rebel. It’s like alcohol, it can cause massive problems and affect families of an alcoholic yet it is still a choice to consume it. Instead of forcing others to follow a vegan lifestyle, we should encourage and show alternatives. But saying it shouldn’t be a choice sounds very much like a dictatorship and that’s not the way to go.
I don't think it's that some vegans are being nonchalant about it. We ALL face the same scary issues related to the state of the planet, we just have different ways of dealing with that- as with anything.
Others who are unaware don't fall into a one-size-fits-all category where they ALL need gentle encouragement or they ALL need shock tactics and grim PETA videos... different things help different people to change and i personally don't see the point in trying to divide a group of people all striving for change just because we don't go about things the same. The more different approaches we can encompass, the more changes we can make.
Just my thoughts and how i was raised.
#5, I am so sorry you are going through this. Personally, I have often struggled with how I would deal with a loss like that. Even when I was doing well mentally, I would worry about something tragic that would pull me off course I guess. In therapy, I was able to work through how I could cope were something to happen. My biggest piece of advice would be to communicate how you are feeling to your doctor, a therapist or as Rhian suggested a grief counsellor. Being open with a family member or friend could also be helpful to supplement with therapy. You cannot be expected to work through this on your own and I really believe having someone to lean on would be helpful. Give yourself some grace and be open to possibly taking medication again to pull you through. Again, I am so so so sorry that this is happening to you and I really hope that you can find the support you need to push through this difficult time. I'll be thinking of you ❤️
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