If I ever meet this man in person I’m going to buy him the best cut of steak and a fine glass of bourbon. Many guys, including myself, did not grow up with access to this hard and true advice on tap.
Thank You.. I'm a Brit from over the pond approaching the big 50... long term relationships can lead to pain & suffering and a gradual decline of mental, physical, and spiritual health.. a loss of self, identity, hopes, and dreams.... stress is a constant factor through 'mind games' and manipulation, especially when deployed by a woman of mature years with decades of experience ... solitary confinement or single handed trekking to the North Pole would be preferable ... manliness, youth, confidence, and ambition are traded for servitude to a lost cause ... thanks again for the solitarily.
My fiancee recently started to take redpill advice seriously and treated his entitled kid sister like an adult for the first time. She snapped instantly and cut him out of her life. Well, that escalated quickly.
Rewatching paul's old stuff it is all more valuable than I had realized my first time through. I really couldn't understand much of what he was saying the first time through, even after having been in relationships before. After hearing his talks though I did begin to see the behaviors he was talking about on the regular with women and nipped em.
Well said about foreign women; it is so incredibly obvious to me that this is the case that I can't understand how anyone would entertain the notion. A woman who is willing to leave her home, her family, her friends and everything else she knows to marry a foreign man is either the ultimate lover, or the ultimate gold-digger. Which one is more likely?
+Lorenzo Benito Ayup. Precisely. I have been advised by people who actually know that in Russia, for instance, women who marry American men actually believe that they have the rip-off coming. Many of them think that if you are that stupid, you deserve to lose everything.
You can’t change “crazy”, the best thing to do is to keep her at a safe distance. Sometimes it means divorce other times leaving a girlfriend or it might mean not starting a relationship .
I love your suggestion for the "Terminator Move" which is basically just you delving into whatever interests YOU instead of following HER path to Crazytown. I must admit that there have been times where my mind has been so filled with emotional "static" from an altercation that it was almost impossible to maintain an interest in anything at all, let alone something I might find interesting. I definitely get what you mean by saying that is "easier said than done". True.
Yeah that happened to me to. It used to put me into a daze for days a at a time. I think in other video he even suggest, PRETEND your interested, even if you aren't. Just keep your eyes on the thing. The message is still there.
A woman tried this on me. She asked me very sarcastically- hOw'S RoGeR? I replied "I think he's fine. If you're really concerned, you should ask him yourself."
Mr. Elam, I do think you are a very smart and rational man. I enjoy the quality and the content of your videos. The one problem that blows up your method of finding a safe haven to remove yourself while she's stuck on stupid is....... If you are middle class with kids! She is now walking around with her hand on the hand-grenade, and if you don't proactively engage in calming her senses while she's bat crazy. You could lose your kids minus 48 days a year, 25% of the pension and possible the house. I say middle class because nothing from nothing leaves nothing( poor-lower working class) and at the other end. If you're wealthy enough to still be in the top 20% after giving up half.( upper- to rich) you can move on. But, for the middle class, it will be a devastating death sentence.
Terminator movie = metaphor for go to the fahking gym and lift heavy weights for 1 hour at least, to exhaustion. Great stress and anger reliever for men. Your body is your temple. This works. Also. Motorcycle ride alone or with buddies.
Damn, so i am not the only one, who have emotional parents. Someone should make video about that case and how to deal with them. You can at least break up with your emotional girlfriend, but you cant break up with your parents.
slimak lol You are probably experiencing something called “parentification “. It’s when a parent acts like the child in their relationship with their own kid.
My technique is the following: Extend your arm in a stopping motion and state “This is my personal space I am not required to fix anything”. Next say the magic words “Every breath I take without your approval boosts my self-esteem which is already very high”.
As I listen to my mom, telling my stepdad what he has to do/ not do, because she thinks ( feels) like that is what he needs to do/not do. Demanding he do what she wants or there will be an argument and she will be unhappy.
Well I guess that explains the "happy wife happy life" quote that all women seem to state more often than not! I sort of worked this out myself after 50 years but you have certainly stated it far more succinctly. Love the work you do. I really think there should be changes to the way people get married to include a marriage contract of 3 years that disallows children and then can be renewed for life if you want children or just renewed if you want to remain married for another 3 years. Children are the biggest losers under the current arrangement and women are always keen to bring kids into even the worst marriage for some god only knows reason.
Great part 2! Sage advice. Please check the audio levels on your microphone and recording, the volume level of your videos is very low. I have everything maxed out on my end. Such good information should be heard literally and metaphorically :)
+musiclover1979 Yeah. I am going to get the mic closer to me again. I hate lapel mics, too hard to control placement. I like the shot I am in now, but the mic is too far. If I turn the recording volume too high it picks up too much ambient noise. The only solution is to move it closer, which I will do. Thanks for the feedback, you guys rock.
Thank you, Paul. I'm dealing with exactly the kind of woman you describe right now. I told her it was time to leave after giving her three years worth of chances. The last time she started her crazy shit, she tearfully said she'd see a psychiatrist to help her control her anger. That was about a month ago and, of course, she didn't. After another outburst, I told her she had crossed the line and it was time for her to go. She's in the process of moving out, but will delay getting all her crap out of here in hopes I'll cave in again. Not this time. I told her she has two weeks to get her things out of my house. If she doesn't, they all go to the curb. We'll see how that works out, but it's over between us, one way or another. Just to show you how stupid I am, I took her back about 8 months ago when I threw her out the first time. Not this time. The only good thing about this relationship is that at least I didn't marry the...uh, her...like she wanted me too. At least my stupid gene was turned off for that plea.
OK. Seen it again. Out of this new perspective I shall be really, really glad having been forced out of the house by court. After years of fruitless counseling etc. Still licking my wounds, but still on MY way. Getting better. Yes I've been used, at least I feel like having been used financially, emotionally even - to a certain extend - sexually, but MY PART is, and MY responsibility, having accepted all that for so long. Even supporting it, by ways I still not overview. - Uff. Exhausted.
Some people persist in driving junkers. They're loud and smelly They're toxic and usually leaky They're needy and always close to a breakdown They'll let you down at the worst time They're a tad embarassing in public. They're an expensive money pit.
Paul, thanks for your videos. I wonder if you might provide a video or comment on the silent treatment used by women (and men) in LTRs, and productive ways to respond. I recognize some might need a cooling off period from an argument or a negative experience. But I have noticed that silent treatment is a highly effective and frequently default weapon used by women (and teenaged children). I've known men to experience this treatment from wives for 2+ hours early to coming over to visit me after days and even a week of silent treatment. Thanks.
The silent treatment is like a child holding their breath until they turn blue. It's only a problem to you if you allow it. Just say - if you don't answer me I will assume your answer is yes/no. And I will continue doing what I want to do. When they see their silent treatment does not work, they might even change their behaviour. But as Paul says, the only person you can change is you. So don't fret over getting the silent treatment.
I see now what I should have done during a few arguments with my wife a few years ago. Yes, she's a Filipina. And, yes, Asian women have many, most, of the same issues as western women. Believe it because it's true.
As long as the woman can rely on the power of the state to always back her up in case the man does anything at all to actively sanction her insanity, your seemingly "constructive" suggestions of temporary disengagement and retreat from crazy, dear sir, aren't worth shit. In case of co-habitation, he can only run away, in case of children, he can't really even do that, its utter defeat for him either way. You point out how a woman, faced with a man who just disengages, can either start thinking or leave, yet you conveniently forget the third and most obvious option; She can simply continue and even escalate the insanity. Again, the man can continue to suffer the insufferable, he can run away, or he can go berserk and kick the shit out of her and suffer the legal and social consequences of that. As dire as they may seem, the ideas of the MGTOW crowd, i.e. total and complete detachment from all this crap, seems to be the only consistent and therefore plausible solution. Either that or cultural regression into religious medievalism, like for example the one provided by islam. The state of affairs is sad indeed
Here are some additional suggestions if she cant behave: Lock her phone in the safe for an hour Turn off wifi Lock her outside (remember to throw out a blanket if its freezing temperature, youre not a monster)
The same problem is also several other places: 1) It is her who decide how your home looks like, try to count how many items is there because you decide it. 2) Have you ever got an "honey would you please do" list, or an other sort of "shores"? Imagine if you gave her a ToDo list!! 3) Your time, how often do you decide to ask her about what you want or drop things you rather would? How often do she ask you what you think she shall do? If there a visit at your parents in law or a football match, how often do she think that it is totally fine that you decide the sport instead of a cop of tea? 4) and a lot other situations.
Great video, excellent points. However, I've noticed you tend to focus on personal, intimate relationships with women. I'd like to see you include strategies for dealing with women who we aren't involved with but who nonetheless play an important role in our lives: our female boss at work, female administrators at school, etc. Women who have some amount of power that we can't easily kick out of our lives and have to deal with. Especially, since some of your viewers are MGTOW, like myself, who may prefer not to deal with irrational women on an intimate level.
+john doelan Fair enough, however, my take is values centered. In the end (at least from my perspective), it doesn't matter who you are dealing with. No job and no family members are worth a life of insanity. Personally, I won't work for anyone but myself. I realize not everyone can do that, and it presents a different set of challenges. But in the end, again IMO, it boils down to either kissing ass or having boundaries. Tough choices with no pretty answers but the onus is still on the person who is affected by it.
lol. You know, I've realized that those guys who subscribe to the whole alpha/beta view of the world really are sad. I'd rather be fully human than try to fit into a gynocentric structure of female approval. There's no shame in sharing information / wisdom among men to grow ones knowledge and skills. Besides, some of those women really are "big and scawy". Have you seen what the fat acceptance bunch has done to women nowadays?? LOL :)
3:58 there is an alternative even with woman learn how humans tick what moves them an how they react take control of the situation and her stop giving into rationality and dont take anything not reasonable seriously even more call out her on use her tools as your own, only hypocrite wont listen to its won reasoning. There are many alternatives how one can react to human find the best way for you if the alternative is giving up on someone you dont want to.
The Terminator was not an alpha male. He was a total submissive with no agency of his own. Yes women have agency. I can say "no." But I suspect women are more like the Terminator psychologically than men.
If I ever meet this man in person I’m going to buy him the best cut of steak and a fine glass of bourbon. Many guys, including myself, did not grow up with access to this hard and true advice on tap.
The opportunity is there now. Come to the Jamboree
Her leaving was the BEST THING that happened to me during the entire relationship.
Thank You.. I'm a Brit from over the pond approaching the big 50... long term relationships can lead to pain & suffering and a gradual decline of mental, physical, and spiritual health.. a loss of self, identity, hopes, and dreams.... stress is a constant factor through 'mind games' and manipulation, especially when deployed by a woman of mature years with decades of experience ... solitary confinement or single handed trekking to the North Pole would be preferable ... manliness, youth, confidence, and ambition are traded for servitude to a lost cause ... thanks again for the solitarily.
My fiancee recently started to take redpill advice seriously and treated his entitled kid sister like an adult for the first time. She snapped instantly and cut him out of her life. Well, that escalated quickly.
EXCELLENT! You are both better off.
Jerry Bruckhart Yep, we don't miss the drama at all.
Rewatching paul's old stuff it is all more valuable than I had realized my first time through. I really couldn't understand much of what he was saying the first time through, even after having been in relationships before. After hearing his talks though I did begin to see the behaviors he was talking about on the regular with women and nipped em.
Build the wall and protect your borders! I so desperately needed this advice 10 years ago. Better late than never. Love your work Paul!
Well said about foreign women; it is so incredibly obvious to me that this is the case that I can't understand how anyone would entertain the notion.
A woman who is willing to leave her home, her family, her friends and everything else she knows to marry a foreign man is either the ultimate lover, or the ultimate gold-digger. Which one is more likely?
+Lorenzo Benito The latter.
+Lorenzo Benito Ayup. Precisely. I have been advised by people who actually know that in Russia, for instance, women who marry American men actually believe that they have the rip-off coming. Many of them think that if you are that stupid, you deserve to lose everything.
+Lorenzo Benito Lorenzo, take a look at my post, I have first hand real life experience with asian women. see what you make of my opinion
Or poor beyond belief and any life is better?
Just don't take her back to America. Even if she wasn't a gold-digger, American society will turn her into one.
You can't please women because they're always in a state of want more than in a state of need.
You can’t change “crazy”, the best thing to do is to keep her at a safe distance. Sometimes it means divorce other times leaving a girlfriend or it might mean not starting a relationship .
Finally, an Adult. Good Video.
I love your suggestion for the "Terminator Move" which is basically just you delving into whatever interests YOU instead of following HER path to Crazytown.
I must admit that there have been times where my mind has been so filled with emotional "static" from an altercation that it was almost impossible to maintain an interest in anything at all, let alone something I might find interesting. I definitely get what you mean by saying that is "easier said than done". True.
Yeah that happened to me to. It used to put me into a daze for days a at a time. I think in other video he even suggest, PRETEND your interested, even if you aren't. Just keep your eyes on the thing. The message is still there.
Nsh just fly to bangkok for a rendition, B
"....Go see a friend if she hasn't run them all off." - That is some of the most delightful gender humor I have ever encountered.
A woman tried this on me. She asked me very sarcastically- hOw'S RoGeR? I replied "I think he's fine. If you're really concerned, you should ask him yourself."
Mr. Elam, I do think you are a very smart and rational man. I enjoy the quality and the content of your videos. The one problem that blows up your method of finding a safe haven to remove yourself while she's stuck on stupid is....... If you are middle class with kids! She is now walking around with her hand on the hand-grenade, and if you don't proactively engage in calming her senses while she's bat crazy. You could lose your kids minus 48 days a year, 25% of the pension and possible the house.
I say middle class because nothing from nothing leaves nothing( poor-lower working class) and at the other end. If you're wealthy enough to still be in the top 20% after giving up half.( upper- to rich) you can move on. But, for the middle class, it will be a devastating death sentence.
Terminator movie = metaphor for go to the fahking gym and lift heavy weights for 1 hour at least, to exhaustion. Great stress and anger reliever for men.
Your body is your temple.
This works.
Also. Motorcycle ride alone or with buddies.
Better yet- get rid of her, then go to the gym.
Paul tell it as it is. Love you brother!
Brilliantly stated FACTS Paul!
Your creative analogies are uniquely TOP NOTCH & *PURE GOLD, SILVER & FRANKINCENSE*
Big Salute!!!
Thank you, sir!
This is a great advice i'm going to be using it with my dad. He acts exactly like a the stereotypical girlfriend you have described.
Damn, so i am not the only one, who have emotional parents. Someone should make video about that case and how to deal with them. You can at least break up with your emotional girlfriend, but you cant break up with your parents.
slimak lol You are probably experiencing something called “parentification “. It’s when a parent acts like the child in their relationship with their own kid.
My technique is the following: Extend your arm in a stopping motion and state “This is my personal space I am not required to fix anything”. Next say the magic words “Every breath I take without your approval boosts my self-esteem which is already very high”.
"Emotional Reasoning" is an oxymoron.
As I listen to my mom, telling my stepdad what he has to do/ not do, because she thinks ( feels) like that is what he needs to do/not do. Demanding he do what she wants or there will be an argument and she will be unhappy.
Well I guess that explains the "happy wife happy life" quote that all women seem to state more often than not! I sort of worked this out myself after 50 years but you have certainly stated it far more succinctly. Love the work you do. I really think there should be changes to the way people get married to include a marriage contract of 3 years that disallows children and then can be renewed for life if you want children or just renewed if you want to remain married for another 3 years. Children are the biggest losers under the current arrangement and women are always keen to bring kids into even the worst marriage for some god only knows reason.
Great part 2! Sage advice. Please check the audio levels on your microphone and recording, the volume level of your videos is very low. I have everything maxed out on my end. Such good information should be heard literally and metaphorically :)
+musiclover1979 Yeah. I am going to get the mic closer to me again. I hate lapel mics, too hard to control placement. I like the shot I am in now, but the mic is too far. If I turn the recording volume too high it picks up too much ambient noise. The only solution is to move it closer, which I will do.
Thanks for the feedback, you guys rock.
And your clock is stuck at 1:25 :)
1:39 Just the other day I was telling a buddy of mine, just how uncomfortable I have become in my role as chivalric vassal. Haha!! good stuff
Just wanted to say a massive thank you!
These 2 videos saved my ass!
Looking forward to the next video
Thanks Paul. I'm new to the channel and new to the idea. Great job. Hats off to you for your work and devotion.
I have missed your videos, Paul.
+4thtroika Hey man, long time no see!
:)
Thank you, Paul. I'm dealing with exactly the kind of woman you describe right now. I told her it was time to leave after giving her three years worth of chances. The last time she started her crazy shit, she tearfully said she'd see a psychiatrist to help her control her anger. That was about a month ago and, of course, she didn't. After another outburst, I told her she had crossed the line and it was time for her to go. She's in the process of moving out, but will delay getting all her crap out of here in hopes I'll cave in again. Not this time. I told her she has two weeks to get her things out of my house. If she doesn't, they all go to the curb. We'll see how that works out, but it's over between us, one way or another. Just to show you how stupid I am, I took her back about 8 months ago when I threw her out the first time. Not this time. The only good thing about this relationship is that at least I didn't marry the...uh, her...like she wanted me too. At least my stupid gene was turned off for that plea.
great words of wisdom.
Good, needed advice. Thanks.
On point as usual Mr. E.
OK. Seen it again. Out of this new perspective I shall be really, really glad having been forced out of the house by court. After years of fruitless counseling etc. Still licking my wounds, but still on MY way. Getting better. Yes I've been used, at least I feel like having been used financially, emotionally even - to a certain extend - sexually, but MY PART is, and MY responsibility, having accepted all that for so long. Even supporting it, by ways I still not overview. - Uff. Exhausted.
I like this guy. I like this guy alot....
Keep up the great work brother. Cheers.
Put yourself first, always.
the grass is always greener wherever you water it...
I have definitely enjoyed and I certainly will see you next time.
This is fantastic advice.
Thank you.
Stayed single my whole life (so far!) Hasn't been perfect, but it's far better than putting up with crazy. Don't have the patience! 😅
I built the "psychological wall..." and thats when all hell broke lose.
Some people persist in driving junkers.
They're loud and smelly
They're toxic and usually leaky
They're needy and always close to a breakdown
They'll let you down at the worst time
They're a tad embarassing in public.
They're an expensive money pit.
your a cool cat ,good work !
To all men listen and do yourself a favour. It works
I wish I knew this info long ago.
"If you need sugar coated, please visit a doughnut shop"... :D
"Manipulated Man" by Esther V is an excellent book about female nature.
thank you SIR!
well said
Paul, thanks for your videos.
I wonder if you might provide a video or comment on the silent treatment used by women (and men) in LTRs, and productive ways to respond. I recognize some might need a cooling off period from an argument or a negative experience. But I have noticed that silent treatment is a highly effective and frequently default weapon used by women (and teenaged children). I've known men to experience this treatment from wives for 2+ hours early to coming over to visit me after days and even a week of silent treatment. Thanks.
The silent treatment is like a child holding their breath until they turn blue. It's only a problem to you if you allow it. Just say - if you don't answer me I will assume your answer is yes/no. And I will continue doing what I want to do. When they see their silent treatment does not work, they might even change their behaviour. But as Paul says, the only person you can change is you. So don't fret over getting the silent treatment.
He did. Is the “90 day crossroad”.
It will cover your questions
I see now what I should have done during a few arguments with my wife a few years ago. Yes, she's a Filipina. And, yes, Asian women have many, most, of the same issues as western women. Believe it because it's true.
Why the F*^* would you marry a Philippino!! They are the worst
If you like sending your hard earned money to somewhere other than you. Filipino is the way. You will go broke at someone else's expense.
Hey your clock died
His material is timeless. 😊
@@srhs_wrestling7480 You Sir deserve a "Platinum Shovel" badge :D
As long as the woman can rely on the power of the state to always back her up in case the man does anything at all to actively sanction her insanity, your seemingly "constructive" suggestions of temporary disengagement and retreat from crazy, dear sir, aren't worth shit. In case of co-habitation, he can only run away, in case of children, he can't really even do that, its utter defeat for him either way. You point out how a woman, faced with a man who just disengages, can either start thinking or leave, yet you conveniently forget the third and most obvious option; She can simply continue and even escalate the insanity. Again, the man can continue to suffer the insufferable, he can run away, or he can go berserk and kick the shit out of her and suffer the legal and social consequences of that. As dire as they may seem, the ideas of the MGTOW crowd, i.e. total and complete detachment from all this crap, seems to be the only consistent and therefore plausible solution. Either that or cultural regression into religious medievalism, like for example the one provided by islam. The state of affairs is sad indeed
This is why I'd never marry an American woman.
Be willing to walk away even from kids....Especially if they're girls....A girl will only grow up even worse than the mother.
Here are some additional suggestions if she cant behave:
Lock her phone in the safe for an hour
Turn off wifi
Lock her outside (remember to throw out a blanket if its freezing temperature, youre not a monster)
The desire to Unapologetically make sense can offend some people, regardless of gender.
Down with the Gynocentric order! Long live the rebellion!!
The same problem is also several other places:
1) It is her who decide how your home looks like, try to count how many items is there because you decide it.
2) Have you ever got an "honey would you please do" list, or an other sort of "shores"? Imagine if you gave her a ToDo list!!
3) Your time, how often do you decide to ask her about what you want or drop things you rather would? How often do she ask you what you think she shall do? If there a visit at your parents in law or a football match, how often do she think that it is totally fine that you decide the sport instead of a cop of tea?
4) and a lot other situations.
The only thing that sucks about this commentary is that I got to it a year too late.
3:25-3:35
Translation: Have your finger on the eject button and the will to use it.
Happiness comes and goes... same with women.
Like and comment , Gents .
Great video, excellent points. However, I've noticed you tend to focus on personal, intimate relationships with women. I'd like to see you include strategies for dealing with women who we aren't involved with but who nonetheless play an important role in our lives: our female boss at work, female administrators at school, etc. Women who have some amount of power that we can't easily kick out of our lives and have to deal with. Especially, since some of your viewers are MGTOW, like myself, who may prefer not to deal with irrational women on an intimate level.
+john doelan Fair enough, however, my take is values centered. In the end (at least from my perspective), it doesn't matter who you are dealing with. No job and no family members are worth a life of insanity.
Personally, I won't work for anyone but myself. I realize not everyone can do that, and it presents a different set of challenges. But in the end, again IMO, it boils down to either kissing ass or having boundaries. Tough choices with no pretty answers but the onus is still on the person who is affected by it.
+Labba Dabba I am booting you from commenting here. This is not a forum for launching personal insults.
lol. You know, I've realized that those guys who subscribe to the whole alpha/beta view of the world really are sad. I'd rather be fully human than try to fit into a gynocentric structure of female approval.
There's no shame in sharing information / wisdom among men to grow ones knowledge and skills. Besides, some of those women really are "big and scawy". Have you seen what the fat acceptance bunch has done to women nowadays?? LOL :)
+john doelan Not a religious man, but saying amen anyway.
chief, when do you fix that damn clock?
3:58 there is an alternative even with woman learn how humans tick what moves them an how they react take control of the situation and her stop giving into rationality and dont take anything not reasonable seriously even more call out her on use her tools as your own, only hypocrite wont listen to its won reasoning. There are many alternatives how one can react to human find the best way for you if the alternative is giving up on someone you dont want to.
I kotow, then when I had enough I told my gf to get an apartment... this guy's method probably would have been better.
You could, in theory, train your bitch like a dog. This might cause trouble in today's society though.
Cash Money
The Terminator was not an alpha male. He was a total submissive with no agency of his own.
Yes women have agency.
I can say "no."
But I suspect women are more like the Terminator psychologically than men.