Sonya, you are such a wise and knowledgeable voice in the area of teaching and training up a child in the way they should go. I am so incredibly thankful to have found your channel and to get to sit under your tutelage. You have and continue to help me so much! Thank you.
I have a 4.5 and a 6 next month year old little girls. Recently, I have discovered that their answers to my questions throughout the day are completely made up and not true. It surprises me when I find that my child completely flat out lied to me and I’m totally clueless with where and how this came about!
Thank you for reaching out with your experience, it is very true that children can just come out with answers or develop habits without observing or being taught them. We hope that you find the strategies mentioned in this episode helpful in teaching them to learn a new habit. SCM has additional resources for habit training at the link below. "Laying Down the Rails for Children" is a resource that you can use directly with your children (recommended for first grade and up, although younger siblings may choose to join in) that will help you with habit training. The other resources at this link are helpful in learning more about habit training for yourself. simplycharlottemason.com/store/laying-down-the-rails-resources/
Can you do this with older children. We adopted a girl that is age six. How do we go about teaching and basically over coming habits that have been instilled from birth
Hi, Thank you for reaching out with your question! It is never too late to start habit training! I will leave you with some helpful information from the Simply Charlotte Mason website. First this is an article that refers to “older children.” In a Charlotte Mason education, formal lessons begin at 6 years old, so your child wouldn't yet be considered "old" in this process, however there are some great words of encouragement in this post. You are correct, we would be working on instilling habits from a young age and you haven’t had that opportunity with your child up to this point, but be encouraged by the information from this blog post that it is never too late to begin! simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-and-a-starting-with-older-children-dealing-with-negativity/ This link will give you an excellent overview of habit training as well as provide you with links for habit training resources offered by SCM. simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-a-introduction-to-habit-training/
I am struggling with teaching my daughter why it's important to tell the truth. She just turned 4, and she always lies to try and get out of perceived trouble or get something she wants. "Did you already eat a cookie?" "No, I haven't had any." or "Can you pick up the blocks you knocked over?" "I didn't knock them over." I can't seem to get her to understand why it's important to tell the truth.
Thanks for reaching out with your question! Here is another helpful post on the habit of truthfulness: simplycharlottemason.com/blog/moral-habits/ SCM has done some collaboration with Ginger Hubbard, in the posts below you can see how she points the child to God's word to help teach them and discusses getting to the heart issue behind the outward behavior. You may want to check out some more of Ginger's resources as well as she has some material specific to lying. simplycharlottemason.com/blog/6-discipline-mistakes-parents-make/ simplycharlottemason.com/blog/i-cant-believe-you-just-said-that/ If she is lying to avoid the consequence, then you may want to focus on teaching this habit outside of those moments where you suspect or know that she has lied. This post goes over training the will and all of the things that go into it and habit training. Yes, consequences good and bad to correct as needed, but also presenting good living ideas, practicing the habit, and reinforcing the good habit (truthfulness). simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-a-training-the-will/ This post is helpful in thinking about how to break a bad habit when you identify one has formed: simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-and-a-breaking-a-bad-habit/ This post may be helpful as well, we move toward what we focus on. So yes, while you will need to correct her when she lies, you also want to focus on the good habit that you want to reinforce which is telling the truth here. You also may want to frame questions in a different way to help her and set her up with as many opportunities to tell the truth as possible. simplycharlottemason.com/blog/move-toward-focus/
Hello I am new to these concepts and wish I had heard them before my children were born. They are 9 and 6 and both need encouragement in truth telling. My question is, what are appropriate consequences when you find a child is lying?
Thank you for joining us and for reaching out with your questions! Here is a helpful post on consequences. One thing to keep in mind is that we want to encourage our children in the positive habit of telling the truth, so we want to reinforce and reward that, making it easy to tell the truth. Often children will lie to avoid negative consequences so it will be important to consider the "why" behind the lying. Here is a helpful post on thinking through what is behind the lying as well as some thoughts on breaking bad habits. simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-and-a-breaking-a-bad-habit/ Habits Q & A: Consequences simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-amp-a-consequences/ Ginger Hubbard has some great material on lying as well. Here is a link to a collaboration with her with links to some of her resources that may be of help to you. simplycharlottemason.com/blog/i-cant-believe-you-just-said-that/
Hi, Thank you for reaching out with your question! It may be helpful to ask yourself does the child have all of the information needed to complete the task and have I given clear instructions? It may also be helpful to target the habit of obedience and reinforce prompt obedience. You know your child best and will quickly figure out if they are using questions to seek understanding, if it is a situation where additional information is needed to complete the task, or if it is a delay tactic. This is a collaboration with Ginger Hubbard and she touches on "delayed obedience" as well as other parenting mistakes that we all make. simplycharlottemason.com/blog/6-discipline-mistakes-parents-make/ Here are some helpful resources on the topics of authority and obedience. Authority and Obedience: simplycharlottemason.com/blog/authority-and-obedience-core-values-of-charlotte-mason/ 5 Ways to Work on the Habit of Obedience: simplycharlottemason.com/blog/5-ways-to-work-on-the-habit-of-obedience/
Thankyou Sonya and The Simply Charlotte Mason Team! God bless you and keep you in your hour of need.
You are very welcome, glad you have found this post helpful!
Always a joy and inspiration to listen to!
Thank you for your kind words.
Sonya, you are such a wise and knowledgeable voice in the area of teaching and training up a child in the way they should go. I am so incredibly thankful to have found your channel and to get to sit under your tutelage. You have and continue to help me so much! Thank you.
Thank you for your kind words and feedback! So glad that you have found this channel and these videos to be a helpful resource.
So much wisdom!!! Thank you!
You are so welcome, thanks for joining us!
I have a 4.5 and a 6 next month year old little girls. Recently, I have discovered that their answers to my questions throughout the day are completely made up and not true. It surprises me when I find that my child completely flat out lied to me and I’m totally clueless with where and how this came about!
Thank you for reaching out with your experience, it is very true that children can just come out with answers or develop habits without observing or being taught them. We hope that you find the strategies mentioned in this episode helpful in teaching them to learn a new habit. SCM has additional resources for habit training at the link below. "Laying Down the Rails for Children" is a resource that you can use directly with your children (recommended for first grade and up, although younger siblings may choose to join in) that will help you with habit training. The other resources at this link are helpful in learning more about habit training for yourself. simplycharlottemason.com/store/laying-down-the-rails-resources/
Can you do this with older children. We adopted a girl that is age six. How do we go about teaching and basically over coming habits that have been instilled from birth
Hi, Thank you for reaching out with your question! It is never too late to start habit training! I will leave you with some helpful information from the Simply Charlotte Mason website. First this is an article that refers to “older children.” In a Charlotte Mason education, formal lessons begin at 6 years old, so your child wouldn't yet be considered "old" in this process, however there are some great words of encouragement in this post. You are correct, we would be working on instilling habits from a young age and you haven’t had that opportunity with your child up to this point, but be encouraged by the information from this blog post that it is never too late to begin!
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-and-a-starting-with-older-children-dealing-with-negativity/
This link will give you an excellent overview of habit training as well as provide you with links for habit training resources offered by SCM.
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-a-introduction-to-habit-training/
I am struggling with teaching my daughter why it's important to tell the truth. She just turned 4, and she always lies to try and get out of perceived trouble or get something she wants. "Did you already eat a cookie?" "No, I haven't had any." or "Can you pick up the blocks you knocked over?" "I didn't knock them over." I can't seem to get her to understand why it's important to tell the truth.
Thanks for reaching out with your question! Here is another helpful post on the habit of truthfulness:
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/moral-habits/
SCM has done some collaboration with Ginger Hubbard, in the posts below you can see how she points the child to God's word to help teach them and discusses getting to the heart issue behind the outward behavior. You may want to check out some more of Ginger's resources as well as she has some material specific to lying.
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/6-discipline-mistakes-parents-make/
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/i-cant-believe-you-just-said-that/
If she is lying to avoid the consequence, then you may want to focus on teaching this habit outside of those moments where you suspect or know that she has lied. This post goes over training the will and all of the things that go into it and habit training. Yes, consequences good and bad to correct as needed, but also presenting good living ideas, practicing the habit, and reinforcing the good habit (truthfulness).
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-a-training-the-will/
This post is helpful in thinking about how to break a bad habit when you identify one has formed:
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-and-a-breaking-a-bad-habit/
This post may be helpful as well, we move toward what we focus on. So yes, while you will need to correct her when she lies, you also want to focus on the good habit that you want to reinforce which is telling the truth here. You also may want to frame questions in a different way to help her and set her up with as many opportunities to tell the truth as possible.
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/move-toward-focus/
@@SimplyCharlotteMason Thank you!!!
Hello I am new to these concepts and wish I had heard them before my children were born. They are 9 and 6 and both need encouragement in truth telling. My question is, what are appropriate consequences when you find a child is lying?
Thank you for joining us and for reaching out with your questions! Here is a helpful post on consequences. One thing to keep in mind is that we want to encourage our children in the positive habit of telling the truth, so we want to reinforce and reward that, making it easy to tell the truth. Often children will lie to avoid negative consequences so it will be important to consider the "why" behind the lying.
Here is a helpful post on thinking through what is behind the lying as well as some thoughts on breaking bad habits.
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-and-a-breaking-a-bad-habit/
Habits Q & A: Consequences
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-amp-a-consequences/
Ginger Hubbard has some great material on lying as well. Here is a link to a collaboration with her with links to some of her resources that may be of help to you.
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/i-cant-believe-you-just-said-that/
How to distinguish when a child asks questions to understand better versus to buy time/get attention/attempt to change instruction?
Hi, Thank you for reaching out with your question! It may be helpful to ask yourself does the child have all of the information needed to complete the task and have I given clear instructions? It may also be helpful to target the habit of obedience and reinforce prompt obedience. You know your child best and will quickly figure out if they are using questions to seek understanding, if it is a situation where additional information is needed to complete the task, or if it is a delay tactic.
This is a collaboration with Ginger Hubbard and she touches on "delayed obedience" as well as other parenting mistakes that we all make.
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/6-discipline-mistakes-parents-make/
Here are some helpful resources on the topics of authority and obedience.
Authority and Obedience:
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/authority-and-obedience-core-values-of-charlotte-mason/
5 Ways to Work on the Habit of Obedience:
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/5-ways-to-work-on-the-habit-of-obedience/