Our 19-Year-Old is Not Obeying Our Rules!
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 มิ.ย. 2024
- 💵 Create Your Free Budget! Sign up for EveryDollar ⮕ ter.li/6h2c45
📱Download the Ramsey Network App ⮕ ter.li/ajeshj
🛒 Visit The Ramsey Store ⮕ ter.li/7vyom2
📞 Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 weekdays from 2-5 pm ET or send us a message ter.li/n88ly5
Explore More Shows from Ramsey Network:
🎙️ The Ramsey Show ⮕ ter.li/ng9950
🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour ⮕ ter.li/9gcp3d
🧠 The Dr. John Delony Show ⮕ ter.li/2u3mc0
💰 George Kamel ⮕ ter.li/1elws8
💡 The Rachel Cruze Show ⮕ ter.li/n2u6jc
💼 The Ken Coleman Show - Highlights ⮕ ter.li/1rbjr2
📈 EntreLeadership ⮕ ter.li/ktxv2k
Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy
www.ramseysolutions.com/compa...
Once a person say "I'm grown I do what I want" its time to go.
😂👍🏼
Yup time to move out
My uncle always said this about his kids he would be like “they are grown i can’t tell em anything” Wack!!
Yep
And cut off the 💰 💰 💰
You can't tell a legal adult they can't spend the weekend away, but the same token, they can't expect you to pay their bills!
You can make whatever rules you want for the people that live in your house. They can choose to follow them or suffer the consequences that you decide exist for those who break the rules that live in your house.
You can tell them they can’t live in your house though
You can not let her back in to the house when she returns.
I stopped following my parents rules under their roof when I was 19. I was promptly removed. Thankful for that.
Same my man
Do you still have a relationship with your parents?
Jennifer J IG your talking to me, my father passed a few years ago and my mom, well, I’ll always love her.
On track to be an everyday millionaire within a years time.
@@Howtocreatewinningfocalsbeads thats incredible but that can't pay for a broken relationship. I don't blame you though. they didn't want to work with you when you were trying to figure things out, they shouldn't be there when you figured them out
If she feels she’s “adult” enough to go on her own and do what she wants, then she’s adult enough to pay her own adult expenses.
Word
Yup! The Bank of Mom and Dad is now closed!
Consequences for your actions
I have a rule for my kids. When you’re 18, it’s college or military, but you ain’t hanging around here. Peace out, I’m ready to lounge in my underwear...
@@lovethemflowers is QQ
The girl wants to have all the rights and privileges of adulthood without taking on any of the responsibilities. You're either an adult or you aren't. Cut her off.
Stop paying for ANY of that adults expenses.
My parents let my sister move out at 19, but my mother would drop off groceries for her and pay for gas in her car. 😐
Mine threatened suicide. What then?
The legal system is crazy! You can try not give them finances and payments, but they can simply go to the courts and file for maintenance costs against you.
I have a situation at the moment where my 21 year old daughter is suing me for her living expensive, college fees, car, cell phone, food and medical expenses. The costs claim, is almost my full salary.
The legal system says I must pay maintenance until she is self supporting, regardless of age
@@ekp-g205 call their bluff.
@ J D - You have got to be kidding. What crackpot state lets a 21 year old kid sue their parent? At 21? Because their not self supporting. You’re in California, right? Only place I can imagine.
I knew immediately she had a boyfriend. Same thing happened with me, and I was given an ultimatum. So at 19 I moved out. Fortunately, my situation turned out well and I grew a lot from it. Kick her out. I intend on not tolerating "I'm an adult, but still pay my bills for me" the same way my parents didn't tolerate that from me.
Sir We Are About to Die IMHO I think it's because American society is desperately trying to undercut the innate desires of women to have their own families.
Sir We Are About to Die oh many young males chase after young women as well.
@@josephinenelan4204 who in society is telling women not to have families? Can you tell me the statistics on single mothers on welfare?
@Sir We Are About to Die which is why men in the comment section have said that they went through the same situation when they were younger.
You don't like women, which is fine but at least use your critical thinking skills before making stupid comments.
@Sir We Are About to Die of course because you commenting makes it true. Critical think...
Yeah she’s needs to move out. I wouldn’t judge this daughter as a bad person. It’s just her time to grow up.
Yeah, she needs to fall and get scraped a little bit by reality.
And girls are more mature than boys.
Daughter says she’s old enough to make her own decisions then if she doesn’t follow her parents rules then they need to STOP paying for all the expenses she just listed. Period end of discussion.
One has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws.
she sounds like she's afraid of her daughter.
I think you meant "afraid for* her daughter."
@@kaeleenm5207 no, ment what she said
Many parents are these days. They walk on eggshells around their kids to avoid making them upset. It's a symptom of the pussification of America
I’m glad Dave finally addressed the TH-cam comments about him needing to only talk about money. Dave Ramsey can talk about whatever he wants in the Dave Ramsey show.
A lot of 18 and 19 year olds want to be treated like adults, but not want adult responsibilities. It doesn’t work like that.
I lived at home with my parents as an adult for a few years and l clearly remember my Mom telling me “If you want to live under our roof you have to follow our rules”. My Mom passed away earlier this year from pancreatic cancer. Thank you Mom, for setting those boundaries with me.
sorry for your loss
Celeste Vasquez Thank you.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
@@rangequeenThank you.
@@nantinee9 You’re welcome. God bless 🙏🏻
45 secs in I know exactly what Dave is going to say. "How do you expect her to act like an adult when you treat her like a child?"
When my son was 18 he said he didnt have to go by our rules and I told him to get out which he did. It was tough but 20 years later he is the best son. You gotta nib it in the bud early.
That happened and then my dad died I still hate him to this day
Not forgiving him only hurts you
*nip
Being 22 and still under my parents roof. I still follow rules because that's what I expect my children to do. I hang out with my friends and have fun. I pay my bills such as car insurance, school, phone bill and invest all my savings. No boyfriend yet and don't plan on it any time soon. All my friends got kick out of the house because of this situation now they are living on paycheck to paycheck just because they didn't want to follow their parents rules also a lot of relationship problems.
STAY WITH YOUR PARENTS. SAVE MONEY, INVEST AND WATCH AND LEARN FROM YOUR FRIENDS WHO SAYS THE " IM AN ADULT AND I'll DO WHAT I WANT" Learn from their mistakes. Parents do what's best for their kids.
Yes, even if you don’t agree all the time, you are stacking paychecks for your future and will feel very blessed later in life.
Yes! I was a super head strong young adult and pushed my parents boundaries. My parents held me accountable and today I am a responsible, functioning, educated adult.
I was in a similar situation and left because my dad was too controlling, but I had the sense to leave and go to the military. I'll never understand why people think you can do what you want in your parent's house. If you don't like it leave, but don't expect them to keep paying for you at the same time. "I'm grown and I don't have to follow your rules, but don't remove me from your insurance and cell phone plan because I make little kid money." Get outta here with that mess.
And also make the mistake to think that they can do whatever they want to do and dont gave to listen to anyone or rules. Like you said you went to the military, just like I did, thinking I'm gonna go because I'm tired of my parents telling me this and that but guess what the army did too but worse! So no matter who you are whatever you go and whatever you do you have to listen to someone or else. Whether parents or the military or a job or the police or the government so I dont get the prideful attitude that we think we can DO WHATEVER WE WANT just because we now past 18 years old. Lol.
Your dad was too controlling so you enlisted ? OK 👍.
Yup, lol. I never said that to my parents as long as they were paying my bills. I also was never gonna go to a hotel with my boyfriend while on their money knowing what their answer would be.
Yep I learned quick myself when I moved out at like 17, I didn’t have a phone or car when I left and luckily a buddy took me in but you can only couch bounce for so ling
@@pyewacketpeggy8329 The military is the way it is because it needs to be. The hypocrisy of parents pushing a moral code on their kids that a lot of time they did not follow is a lot harder to take.
You do have to be careful when kicking someone out of the house over a boy. They will only be pushed more into the bad situation. It's a good way to leave young people in a position where they are vulnerable to abuse.
When they get to that stage of, " I'm an adult I can do what I want" there's no turning back. Let them learn a painful lesson.
@@joeeberstein5752 What's the painful lesson in this particular scenario?
@@alienwarex51i3 probably single motherhood and working a low wage job to make ends meet. Heartache from the boyfriend having left her because the bond of marriage and responsibility is not holding him accountable. And of course, another broken child from a broken home. There are many assumptions here, but that is a very likely scenario as it happens to a high percentage of couples that simply shack up.
As an adult, she made the decision. You’re not going to make the rules in someone else’s house and still think you can do what you want to do. She wants to leave over a boy, let her leave.
@@jesusisc0mings00n3 If the parents taught her about reliable birth control then that wouldn’t be a concern.
When I was 19 I knew every answer to all world problems. I was so impressed with my wisdom. I think it comes with the age. I grew, had some life experiences and learned I was the microcosm in the macrocosm. I smile now when I listen to young people.
Strong Parents raise Strong Children who Evolve into Strong Adults..
Weak Parents raise Weak Children who turn out hating the world and all of it's surroundings..
Most of the time, but not always. My mom and dad had four kids, some of us listened and live good lives, some of us didn’t, and are miserable. At the end of the day, we all choose our own path.
@@anneshirley9560 So true, some are destined to never learn by the negative thoughts in their mind and the choices that they make.
I’ve always said I’m not just raising kids. I’m raising my children to become adults. I may be tough, but they listen and one day will see I made my decisions based off of what was best for them at the time and in the long run.
Read up on nature vs nurture in developmental psychology, these things are fiercely debated but current science consensus is very interesting. I'm humbly certain that your theory is not spot on.
My mom kicked my 31 yr old brother out for drinking and he was in detox and will be in rehab like next Monday. But if he declines that offer he has to do 5 yrs in Prison. Sometimes you can't help ppl who don't wanna be helped
Best wishes for you and your family. Sounds like a very tough situation. You are 100% right that you can’t force a person to be helped if they don’t want it, though it can be painful to watch.
That's sad and I am sorry to hear that, but that's not comparable at all to the situation in the video.
Dave, I’m 19, I have listened to you for a long time, and I appreciate both the financial and the life advice. I hope you know that you have fans who appreciate your biblical advice!
"Go be you!" That's really a loving thing to say.
She’s 19 w/ a boyfriend and a car... They’re going to hook up regardless.
She can do what she wants. If she has a boyfriend and car she can pay for own expense.
Yeah do what you want in your own place but not under my roof. My kids know better. My 29 year old has her own place she can do what she wants when she wants. When she lived with me she knew better. My 21 year old is focused on nursing school thank goodness. I’m grateful they have good heads on their shoulders.
@@marciabinninger2840 I don't understand if you go to work and you pay for what is yours Take care of yourself you can do what you please by going on a trip.
Hey guys I am 16 years old, Can you guys tell me if this is a good idea. What if I borrow a loan of 1 million dollars from the bank. 4% interest rate for 30 year. So i will be paying around $5000 every month back. I use that 1 million dollar and buy 10 houses for $100,000. I rent it out for $1000 a month. So every month i will get $10,000-$5000= $5000.
So my profit will be $5000 every month passively without doing anything. Is this a good idea?
@@kingboji958 no bank is just gonna give you the money.
One of the best things I heard regarding a similar issue with something that dr. Laura said; which was "you cannot be a dependent child and an independent adult while living under my roof." If you want adult Independence then you have to go out and be an adult.
When I started dating, the rule was the boy had to meet one of my parents. They were terrified of my 6’6 but it helped keep stupid away. Thank you, Dad for creating a moral foundation.
I love the Anthony and Dave dynamic. They speak the truth. I’ve paid for all my bills since I got my first job at 16. The only expense I never had to pay for was the power/water bill and food at home. It was hard at first, but you learn quick that your only option is to WORK and SAVE.
Wish I could have gotten a job at 16. I had spine surgery knocked me out for a year. Honestly when I first got a job I wanted to spend because I wanted a computer. So I bought one then pretty much saved. I have 9.4K
My goodness, it sounds like the situation with my 19 yr old daughter. I had to ask her to leave, because she didn't want to follow the rules. It is very hard as a mother to make the decision, but it had to be done.
Wow! This is the definition of a failed parent. If after 19 years of raising somebody teaching them from right and wrong in the values of life you have to ask them to leave is pretty telling 😂
@@s246088She’s teaching them her boundaries, which the child already knew. And now mom is enforcing those boundaries. They’re pointless without follow through.
Mom just wasn't ready to let go. She sounds sweet.
I already told my little kids. This is daddy and mommy's house. It's important to stress to kids that when they are 18, they are adult WHEN they move out of the house and support themselves financially. The law expects kids to be adults at 18 after high school.
@Sir We Are About to Die The age is 18 both for the draft and for voting purposes. Not like that matters much anyways, seeing as 18-22 years old are one of the demographics that vote the least.
Why have kids if they’re not welcome in “your house”?
@Sir We Are About to Die Do you have a kid? For purely biological reasons? Yet?
Sir We Are About to Die Cavemen didn’t have condoms, you do. You’re an irresponsible person.
Going from "child/teen" to "responsible young adult" can be a hard transition... parents obviously love her and want to help her, but she is becoming an adult now and will be making adult personal decisions. One piece of advice from my own experiences is to not try to use money as complete control (even out of love). Sit down with her and tell her you're having a tough time with her becoming an adult but since she is then it's time to figure out a new plan. That may involve her moving out or just taking over all of her finances (cell phone, car expenses, personal spending money, all eating out/entertainment money, books, etc). I'm guessing all her job money is going towards fun and clothes and some gas right now... it also gives her money and time to spend with the boyfriend that she wouldn't have in the real world.
Live in anyone else’s house, especially your parents, then respect their rules. Don’t not like it? Get out.
doesn’t matter if it’s their house an adult should be able to have freedom in there own house
@@RedShirtMenace808 freedom has a cost! So, pay your own freedom costs!
this happened to me then you know what happened I paid my own freedom I got my own place and never spoke to them again
@9INE PLANETS this is the exact situation i’m in except for i’m stuck at home and not talking to my abusive mother
@9INE PLANETS funds aren’t enough right now but i’m soon to be able to move out honestly
This woman is too soft on her daughter. No way will she heed their advice
I was 19 Dad said as long as you live in my house..you obey my rules. I didn't agree with the rules and moved out on my own.
That was 44 years ago. Worked out real well. Debt -free lifestyle. Growing old is mandatory...growing up is optional.
My kid is free to make her own decisions after she turns 18. My financial support will only go to decisions I think are good. My love is forever.
You can't have it both ways. "I'm an adult, so I can do what I want!" If that's the case, then you need to either get your own place or start paying rent. And guess what? Even adult tenants still have rules and stipulations they must follow to live in a piece of property that doesn't belong to them.
Just as it wouldn't be fair for them to demand rent or have her move out and buy her own place but then still treat her as a minor child, it's unfair for her to expect to be taken care of financially and otherwise like a child, but then want to pull out the "adult" card so she doesn't have to follow rules.
@@MicheleNichols2 Yes because it really sucks if you can't control a kid who takes on adult responsibilities. Some parents just want to put their heads into the sand.
Actually, I did charge rent AND they still had to follow the rules. My children paid ALL of their car expenses and phone expenses. They were given one year after graduation to live rent free unless they were in college full time. If not in school full time they were charged rent. That rent went up each year. I wanted to encourage them to act like adults and move out. I did have to kick one out because he was drinking and driving and there is no drinking at my house.
Sandy Seibel Hager Great Job! I am 22 living in NYC with my mom and brother. We moved here 3yrs ago so obviously we don’t have a home of our own so we rent. The rent and utilities are split evenly between us three.. ideally. Unfortunately my brother has a drinking problem and financial problems where he can’t seem to keep money in his pocket. Well for this to happen for the 3rd time where he is jobless with no money, I said to my mother I will not be going half on his portion of the bills. It is not fair for him to take from my future, nor her future. So since it’s been like this since June, I sat on my word for the most part. I ended up paying the entire electricity bill and giving my mom some money to help out. I am an undergrad Bio major and plan to go to PA school. Which is not cheap! My emergency fund money can’t go down the drain for his irresponsibility and failure to be a man.
I don't understand 90% of the premise of this answer. Like, I get that a kid who isn't self-sufficient can't pull the "I'm an adult; I'll do what I want" card, but the rest of this makes no sense to me. Why is it "stupid" to go on a trip out of state with a boyfriend? Why do you think the daughter will thank mom?
When I was the daughter's age, I went on a long international trip with my then-girlfriend (our parents did not object). We'd been dating about the same amount of time. We got to experience several different cultures and visit iconic cultural sites. We grew extremely close and while we were too young to commit to each other for life back then, I strongly suspected we would. We got married in our 20s and had kids in our 30s and once Corona is gone, we'll go back to dragging our kids around the world with us. It breaks my heart to imagine what might have happened had our parents interfered.
That's what religion does to people. Fries their brains.
@@drunkrussianisgood Couldn't tell you what the answer is here. Neither can any of the other seemingly braindead commenters, apparently. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking a one-day trip with a boyfriend/girlfriend as an adult. To kick out your child because of such a little thing is terrible.
Everyone got different values so it’s not necessarily about the example but more about the parents turning on what they believe and letting their kid walk all over them cuz “they’re adults”. Instead, if the kid wants to do something outside of their values and don’t have respect for their parents opinions they got be independent. They can’t get it both ways lol
drunkrussianisgood - made my life much better.
It is wrong because they made a choice of a code of morality that you may not agree but they have a right to it. I happen to agree with this code because as a teenager I saw to many friends have their future derailed by teen pregnancy.
Remember those times when parents actually actually acted like like parents without calling a financial show.
@IvyOracle more like the current system is messed up. Student loans have made collage stupid expensive and expected. Medical, while better, has increased in price to crazy levels.
Right i still got some whopping at 20 😂
@@jakeraland5806 Why where you home at 20?
bindingcurve 🤦🏾♀️ yes and i came in after curfew
@Onion Head School would not be crazy expensive if it was not for those loans. I saw it starting up in the 90s. Now it's just silly. But with all of the online schooling we are going to see a reset.
Adults pay their own way. Apartment, food, etc...
Guess imma be a kid till 25 then
Plan to piggie back ride and invest most of my paychecks to build wealth
Absolutely! Step one-get a job..Step two-get a place to live. Nuff said.
If you pay your bills and rent theres no issue to me
why are parents so weak? I had a conversation with my kids a month before their 18th birthdays. I told them the first time they tell me they are an adult, will be the day I let them be an adult. That means, no more money from me ever. To stay in my house they will get a free college education and hopefully a degree with no student loan debt. To tell me they are an adult will mean, they can pay all their own bills as adults should. The rules for my house were, no smoking, no drugs, no shacking up, no tattoos, they could ask for a friend to spend the night, that person would stay in the guest room on another floor of the house. One of my kids told me to kiss off, the other graduated from college in 4 years and went to work and started a stress free life because he has NO student debt. The other child who was smarter than everybody, struggled for many years because she wanted to shack up with a loser.
@Sir We Are About to Die I hate that you are correct. We have an adulterous president. kids in cages, and parents who think it is OK for their kids to shack up. I am not religious because that is corrupt but I feel marriage is about commitment and true respect. I am the only person in my group of friends who has told their kids you better not shack up. My friends think it is a good idea to try it out first. Yuk is an understatement.
@Sir We Are About to Die wow, no. I wish young people would just treat themselves with respect and dignity.
@Sir We Are About to Die I hope your version of discipline does not include assault and battery. America is about choices and no fear. I gave my kids choices. One choose college with my rules and the other did not. We know who is having a better life. I told them many times, bad choices will equal a sad life.
Well i hope your "loser" hates you forever 😂 happend to me and i hate them forever
@@aquaticasmr184 what happened to you? You decided not to be sensible and follow sane rules to build a stable future? How are your bad decisions anybody else's fault. Sorry you are suffering but stupid is not an accident, it is a choice. I hope it is not too late for you to make a sensible life for yourself.
Nah I moved out at 18 while I was In high school I never moved back. I’m a nurse now and I’m glad I never came back me and my parents don’t have the best relationship.
If you think they are good parents and you love them find a way to fix that. Life is too short.
You moved out of their house and moved in with who?
@@Virgoindigo she dont think theyre good parents. Its not the childs responsibilty to fix the relationship if the parents ruined it.
@@saptab1344 I understand that but regret is the worst thing to live with in life so if its worth fixing and she dont mind being the bigger person why not.
"Adults" have their own households. Pay their own rent, insurance, food, school, EVERYTHING.
A.O. grew up under a terrible parent and doesn't even seem to be aware of it. Sad.
I dont agree with kicking kids out at 18-19, fresh out of high school.
However, that is if they are indeed following your rules.
I do agree if they want to act adult, and disrespect you, kick them out.
@@saulgoodman2018 Except sharing a hotel room with the boyfriend and all that implies is against the family's standards/values.
Shes 19. The real question is do you trust her? If so it shouldnt have been a problem. Yes there should be rules but sit her down & have a talk. Why should a 19yr old be forced out? Back in the day parents wanted their children regardless of age to be at home until marriage. In todays world its basically impossible for any 19 yr old to live on their own. Its so expensive in many states.
My perspective is that of being on my own by 15.
The main issue being everybody could be kicked out just fine if they weren't going to be so financially destitute because of expenses.
Only comment that makes sense!
@NurturingTalents lol that's actually false, it just happened less openly. Also note teen pregnancy and related issues are actually *down* compared to the past.
@NurturingTalents OK Boomer that's what you thought happened
Seems like this one comes down to a religious issue. They don’t want her spending the night in a hotel with this guy.
Pro tip: Adults don't have to tell their parents they're adults. If you do, you're just showing that you're still a child.
No there are definitely helicopter parents that continue to micromanage after their kid has moved out.
Why is this so lopsided and extreme? Adult children should be paying the majority of their expenses and the parents should be there as support, guidance, and things like shelter and health insurance as applicable. But also to have an adult relationship with your adult children, you cannot patrol your children’s relationships. If you want to say a partner isn’t allowed at the house over night then your house your rules, but your adult child’s decisions outside your property is not your business.
It's lopsided because parents don't want to see their children grow up to be different than them, that's why. You'd think after 19 years these parents would realize they'd be having the birds and bees talk and proper usage of protection, and to encourage healthy relationships and freedom..
@@Chris-sc5jg Not sure what that has to do with treating your adult child as an adult and not wanting to kick them out over a three day weekend. If you can’t trust your 19 year old kid to go on a vacation, or won’t let them, then you’ve probably failed as a parent, at least on some level.
@@Chris-sc5jg Incredibly intellectual critical analysis! Thank you for contributing to this discussion.
She can take a vacation but not pay for her car, food, cell phone, rent etc. See how that works? That mom was afraid to let go which is why they didn't want her dating. The daughter is an adult though and its time for her to go. The daughter got that part right. She's an adult so she needs to leave and live her life in her own house and pay her own expenses. It's not mean, its a natural thing.
The daughter is in school/college, she says it in the beginning. Her parents are paying many of her bills because they want her to stay focused and succeed in college. She's probably a freshman/softmore. If the daughter has decided she's an adult and shouldn't need to respect her parents rules. Then by being an "adult" she no longer needs to be dependent on her parents. She can figure out how to pay for college and her bills on her own. If she was just working and paying her parents rent or something, then sure she could argue that she's an independent adult. But she's expecting to do what she wants and have her parents foot the bill regardless.
She probably should get into the dorms or something so she can have a little more freedom. My bf (now husband) took me on bday trips and nothing happened at the hotel since I was saving myself. Lots of 19 years old get this freedom without being kicked out or abandoned financially. It is what it is though. This is more of a personal problem than a financial one though.
Yes. I agree. My family would not even let me travel with female friends.
Let's face facts, your story is 1 out of 10 million. You put two teens in a hotel room and you really believe nothing will happen? You're either a troll or extremely ignorant, don't reproduce please.
@@Thelegendl23 theres nothing they could do at the hotel that they cant already do in their home town/city. She could lie and say shes going to her friends for the day and see the boyfriend. They have cars etc.
@@smn5672 That's what I was thinking. Also if she is forced to move out, the first place she is gonna go is straight to her boyfriend.
@@smn5672 no, wrong. And if you have that thinking I pray you do not have a daughter, or you will end up a grandparent. Enjoy your bad parenting skills.
I'm only 2 minutes in but it seems pretty obvious... she is an adult, she can go and do whatever she wants, but if she has money to go out of state and stay in a hotel, then she has money to pay her own bills. Why do the parents find this complicated.
The daughter is doomed. Her mother will always be her enabler just like most (Not all) mothers are. The fact that she's calling into a talk show instead of handling business tells me she's weak.
Best thing my mom did was kick me out at 18, I learned so much and became a better person... kick her out, she'll be fine!
Honestly if my parents were threatening me financially for making my own life decisions, then I would know it's time to move on with life.
It’s called boundaries.
Awesome episode. I’m 29 and this is some great advice for the younger kids. Been listening to you for a few years now and your advice helps shape my life for sure. Thanks for all the good work you guys do, it really makes a difference
11/29/20.... I am retired but raised in the South....
Middle of 3 girls....parents had HOUSE RULES so we didn't date until 16....we double dated....
parents met ALL dates every time we went out....we had curfew....we had chores to do BEFORE we went out....we kept our rooms neat/our clothes clean/helped youngest sister with her homework & chores.
JUST SAYIN'.....
Sleeping with her boyfriend at 19 is not "stupidity"; that is her choice. However, the parents do need to decide if this is such a big deal as to actually kick their own adult daughter out of the house.
It doesn’t really matter what she is doing that they disagree with. The fact that she said, “i’m an adult now, and can do what i want” is the reason she has got to go. She is gunna be an adult and make adult decisions? Good, then go out into the world and be an adult.
I don't agree with you, but that's a great point!
@@raleigh2747 You're going to kick her out because she has a boyfriend? How will that impact the relationship with your daughter? What if they end up getting married, and don't invite you to the wedding? Is it worth the years of resentment?
@@alienwarex51i3 "You're going to kick her out because she has a boyfriend?"
No, that's not what i said.
@@raleigh2747 It's what Dave said. He and the other guy are encouraging the idea of kicking her out if she insists on going to spend a night with her boyfriend of 9 months.
I completely agree with the principle here; if the daughter wants to do her own thing (against her parents' wishes) then she should expect to take on the responsibilities that come with being adult. However, I think it's ridiculous that something so trivial would be the tipping point for the parents.
A strong dad in the family is greater than any financial help I could’ve ever had in my life. In our families life actually.
Lots of non financial calls these days on Ramsey’s show
9:10
It’s all related to money. Also, there’s more to life and things that indirectly impact money.
Well if you actually listened to the podcast or the actual radio you'll know that he literally says in the intro: a show about your life and your money.
I think he is the daddy that some did not have! level headed non political advice.
He even alluded to that in this segment too! It's his show! He can talk about underwater basket weaving for an hour if he wants to!
I mean. Everyone I know ran away from their home. So like. Just run. Run to college. Run to friends. Get outta those homes. Spread your wings. If you're not conservative like your parents, get outta your home and just express yourself. I agree with them. Don't live with your parents and let them pay your bills. Get out from their thumb and just live your life. It'll make your relationship with them so much better. My relationship with my parents is exponentially better now that they don't control any part of my life. We get along better. It can work out. I'm living with the love of my life. I'm still in college. We're gonna get married after I graduate. Everything is going well for me. Everything went well for my boyfriend too, same thing. He got out and he was able to be himself. Now we're together and we're working towards be true to ourselves. There's an unimaginable high everyday at just being able to go home and be your true self 100% of the time. There's no worrying about anyone finding anything. No pressure to keep things clean all the time. No one yelling at you to do your homework or give you looks when you wear a cute outfit. It's just you. And it's overwhelming and hard at first, but you can do it. So get outta there!
"I'm an adult" means you're capable of taking care of yourself completely!
It's called tough love!
I only lived in my car for a week before I apologized to be allowed back in my parents house....six months is a loooooong time
I'm 24 and still living at home. I told my dad that if he has adult children living at home, then we need to act more like adults than children (responsibility wise, not bad decision wise).
I'm 21 and still live with my parents HOWEVER IT'S NOT MY HOUSE SO I STILL FOLLOW THE HOUSE RULES.
Getting kicked out and having to survive was the best thing that happened to me when I was young and on a bad path.
It's sad that parents pay for the expenses of their adult children. Kind of embarrassing, really.
Im so glad my parents made me get a job and pay 100% of my responsibilities at 18yrs old.
I'm sooooooo happy that your parents are doing well and can see the fruits of their labor, Anthony!!!!! Same with mine. There's nothing quite like it. Thanks, gentlemen!!!!!🙋🏽♀️🙋🏽♀️🙋🏽♀️🙋🏽♀️🙋🏽♀️🙋🏽♀️🙋🏽♀️🙋🏽♀️🙋🏽♀️
All over going on a trip as adults? A trip that ruins everything?
Yeah, the parents are insane. Dave is also.
Right!!!???
She probably thought she was going to get kidnapped or something or sold off into some trafficking/experience a traumatic event.
@@danielvasquez3758 How much do you want to bet she let her daughter walk to school or go out with friends? Plus she's been dating the guy for almost a year...
This is such a valuable video. It is so incredibly draining to go through as the parent-
When did all this “I pay my adult offsprings bills for them” start?? Sure didn’t happen to me. I didn’t get to start driving till I had a job that I could pay my insurance and gas with. And as a 16 year old, that’s all I could pay for. Haha
Yes! I know people who still pay for their kids phones, car insurance etc. even though they have well paying jobs (they are in their late 20's 30's). When I say that, I mean 70-80K or more! I don't get it! Some of them still have their kids (under 26) on their medical so that the kids don't have to pay their own even though their own companies offer it. My parents let me live at the house rent free while I went to the local State University and for that I am grateful. As soon as I graduated, I started paying rent (I worked all through school so I did have money). I don't believe they are helping their kids by not allowing them to assume responsibility for themselves.
Same here! I couldn't sit for my driver's license exam until I could pay for the increase in my parents' insurance. I had to purchase my own car and insurance. I wanted a car, so I had a job. I only had time to study and drive to work and back. It was an elegant system. I will say that this scenario in the video would have resulted in my moving out of my parents' house. HOWEVER, I moved out when I started college and never came back; there just wasn't any kind of disagreement. My parents started me off with $500 on my first tuition bill, and they were kind enough to help me with rent one month during my senior year. I never expected them to cover any of my living expenses, and I always had a plan on how I would do so. I know my parents would have preferred me to move back home for summers, but I was an independent young person, and those skills have served me well throughout my life. They prepared me well, and then they trusted me to make my own life decisions.
I love this. I wasn't perfect. I was not one for authority when I was young at 15. I was making bad decisions. However, my parents told me if I didn't want to follow the rules under their roof then I could leave. Well, I grew up quick after leaving. I came back 2 different times at 17 and also at 21. Each time for about 3 months each time. I'm 40 now. I LOVE my parents for it. I'm good now. Love you, Mom & Dad!!
Looool what's 19 have to do with it, she needs to move out immediately. My rules, my house.
It had to do with it cause she’s at the legal age to move out.
@@kindnessandgracestaysmilin5990 no it had to do with it because the mother was trying to condone her behavior because of her age, grow up and realize the facts. The person could be from 16 to 40 and it still be the sammmeeeee scenario. Please hop off my post ;)
@Thelegendl23 gorl hUh? Obvi I agreed with what you said, my point was she can’t kick out her kid if they’re under the legal age. Also I think 16 is way too young, considering they’re still in school, and I think anywhere older than like 20 is way too old. And FoRtY....that’s just insane. Plus you have to be careful with just kicking out your kids. Like I would make sure they have a steady job and some sort of plan, they’re still your kids just cause they are older. So that’s my opinionnnnnn (;
@@kindnessandgracestaysmilin5990 a 16 year old can be kicked out of the house... what you believe and what can happen factually are very different things. I'm sorry I misunderstood what you said as disagreeing, fact is the child could be any age above 16 and the facts remain. Anyone left saying "you're stuck with me until I'm 18" is just plain confused. My rules or you join the military at 16 and enlist at 18. Enjoy.
@@Thelegendl23 do you have a kid?
At age 17 in high school, my parents offered to assist me buying a truck, and I’d make all of the payments. At age 18 I started paying my auto loan, insurance and rent. At age 19, I moved out, paid my own medical, Auto loan, auto insurance, rent, utilities and took 15 units in college. My parents assisted with books and tuition for community college.
Yup, my dad always said if you live in my house you live by my rules. And if we lived at home we had to be going to school &/or working. And if we moved out and found out what it was like paying da bills we could move back once. But it wasn't going to be a revolving door and da 2nd time we moved out we were on our own. 👍
Us moms get blinded with too much love and just too much emotions towards our kids, no matter the age. My son left at 18 because he wouldn't listen to house rules. My husband actually kicked him out which is his stepdad, everyone in the family was so upset with me and said I picked a man over my own son. I felt I had to back up my husband because my son was reckless and didnt respect us.
One love, you did what was right for your son. You should ask those people if you were a single mom would it have been ok? This is why in our mixed marriage, we each deal with our own child. You probably should have done the kicking out yourself. They always play that card on you if you dont.
Thank you for this. I am dealing with this as well. I don’t have a spouse to back me and it’s tough. This talk is exactly what I needed to hear.
Totally went through this with our 18.5 year old. Kid actually told people kicked her out because we said "you can live here as long as you want, but there are certain things you can't do in our home." Very painful to deal with.
I’m 19 and watching this on TH-cam and I don’t feel attacked. I actually enjoyed this because that’s how my parents raised me
I AM SO GRATEFUL MY PARENTS TAUGHT ME YOU WANT IT, YOU WORK FOR IT! 🙏🙏
Dave, I have those same old school beliefs! I love hearing you voice your opinion!
I left my mom's place when I was 17 and haven't been back since. I am 19 now and am doing great!
Dave Ramsey is right on this one bad parenting is the cause of most problems in society. That includes picking a life partner and child up bringing and financial problems.
Your 19 year old needs a new address for which she foots the bills. Then she can do what she wants. Until then she's still a child and should be treated as such.
Young trees can be formed into almost any shape. But once they're grown sufficiently, it's impossible to change their shape. In like manner, discipline and responsibility must be taught from early childhood. You can't suddenly "catch up" once they're in their teens.
I’m 22, living in Australia. I still live with my parents as I continue uni. I know that while I do, I follow her rules, I have to tell her if I’m staying out late, I have a job and I pay for everything myself other than food. I get cooked warm meals and very very very small rent in return.
@Sir We Are About to Die oh sorry, i live with my mum and dad, but its my mum who rules the house hahah
@Sir We Are About to Die i should mention that Im also asian where living with parents is fairly normal anyways
I kind of have the same problem but in reverse. I’m 18 and am wanting to work with my dad at his company (contracting plumbing company), my mother doesn’t want me to really leave and start a career until I’m in my 20s and I think it’s a bad idea to wait so long, it’s 4 years of trade school and apprenticeship with the possibility of good pay at worst and a chance to grow a thriving business at best. My parents have been separated for 9 years but are on decent terms she’s just worried I’ll make the same mistake she did and grow up faster then i have to. I also don’t feel comfortable completely disregarding her rules and losing my mom in the process but she pretty much shut me down every time I try to discuss it
Wait, did I miss something? All I heard is that she wants to go to another state with her boyfriend. They have to sleep somewhere. In the scheme of things, it’s not the end of the world. It’s not like they are Bonnie and Clyde committing robberies or she announced she’s pregnant, going to drop out of college and elope with him. Maybe I’m a bit more liberal than Dave.
I thought I missed something too. At 19 I was still living at home and I was always going on vacation out of state with my girlfriend at the time. I don't see what the problem is at all. Granted I paid for everything I did and had, but not letting her daughter take a trip becausssssse???? Maybe it's because im 24 and still considered young, but I see a helicopter parent that's trying to jump into the discipline game a bit too late.
Justis Cady haha...exactly. I also hear an undertone of sexism. I would feel differently if she was 16 or 17, but she’s 19. The horse already left the barn. Hopefully they’ve already discussed the birds and the bees with her.
Dave and the people in the comment sections are acting like she's dropping out of school and addicted to drugs and getting high all day or something. That's really extreme kicking her out just because they're going on a trip with her boyfriend. Sounds like she has her life together, has a job while probably keeping her grades up. It's great to be able to live at home while going to school and save money on dorms and food.
@@HazmatFatCat Boys are often treated differently compared to girls with things like this. I bet if the daughter in the video was a boy taking his girlfriend out on a trip neither the parents or the people in the comment section would have cared much. But because she's a girl she's a "out of control brat".
peekinghills Exactly! Sounds like she’s a young woman in love. Odds are that they’ll break up at some point, but this isn’t some extreme scenario that requires Dave’s intervention.
I would have loved Dave to be my dad. Listening to him has helped me so much🙏🏾
Anthony's stove story sounds just like my niece with my father in law. She kept trying to touch the flame of a candle & one day he let her. She didn't even cry, amazingly, but she learned instantly! Never did it again!
You trained her for 18yrs to be exactly the way she is. Accept that then apologize to her and move on.
Why would you care if your 19 year old daughter stays the night with her BF? Im glad my parents werent like that
Because it’s morally wrong
Because their religious and it needs to be forced on everyone around them.
@@happygirl7258 no.
@@jessa4596 If she can afford to live independently, she can do it. That's would be a mighty expensive sleepover.
As was your parents right. Others may choose differently. I personally agree because I don’t support abortion and believe that unplanned pregnancy happens. I saw too many friends derail their future because they choose short term pleasure. To be clear I support the right to choose but I don’t believe abortion is the moral choice. Still I respect each individual’s right to live their life based on their own moral compass.
The old school way of doing things still works. Tough love! You don't want to play by my rules, the streets do not REJECT anyone that lands there.
I’m 20 now and when I was 18 I decided I wasn’t going to follow the house rules so I kept my head down until I moved out 2 months after my 18th now we have a great relationship
Look you do you but I guess I don’t really see the issue with a 19-year old staying in a hotel with a boyfriend in a committed relationship of 9 months. Dave said she was “sleeping around” which is not what it sounds like. I understand having an issue with her being defiant but I don’t get why the parents have an issue with the idea in the first place
*cough* helicopter parents *cough*
How about respecting their morals and not imposing her own on her parents?
Dave doesn't believe in shacking up as he calls it before marriage. News flash for parents, most relationships are banging pretty early on.
There is no commitment. Marriage is the commitment.
Just bc it may be happening and all over our culture doesn't make it right, admirable or something the parents should condone. It has poor consequences financially, emotionally, spiritually and relationally. Go get the book Why Wait.
I wonder if rather than "my house, my rules", maybe wording along the line of: These are our household rules. It sounds like you'd like to have a different set of rules you want to live by. This means you are taking steps to be an independent adult and want to establish your own household rules. Let us help you set up your new household" would cause a conversation rather than fight?
If an adult child is too adult to follow the rules of your house stop paying for everything abruptly.
Don't let her live under your roof.
May God help these parents and work in this young girls heart!!🙏🙏❤️
Love this how Dave acts is how my dad acts with my sisters
Poor mom is an enabler against her own value system, is the reason daughter is acting up.
wut.
The daughter is literally planning a mini vacation (that she can afford). that's hardly "acting up".
I remember thinking like that when I was 19...but I also had my own house by then too