I tell my partner everything 🤷🏾♀️ I feel like the key to having relationships that are actually open & honest is timing + delivery. You gotta be just as thoughtful about WHEN you say something as you are about HOW you say it. If you’re not thoughtful about either then... good luck Charlie
It makes me feel good that I’ve shared deep anxieties with my husband- fears that he’ll leave me or won’t think I’m good enough to have a child with. I challenge people that if you’re with the right person they will hear you out and work these things out with you, comfort you
Wow. I get it now. This is why I can't relationship. I share almost everything (in the most loving way possible) and expect the same. 😂 I don't even know what to filter out. Haha, I'm doomed.
You're not doomed! Just work on your timing and delivery. A lot of people are afraid to be vulnerable and if they are worth your time you both will make a way
I tell my boyfriend EVERYTHING about myself and my past. And he adores me and accepts me and you are so not doomed. Nobody in this world is alone or is doomed because they are not average. There are are so many amazing men out there that will embrace all of you, as you will with them.
They were all good but I’m feeling #5. What I like to do is ask what he likes. The end game is for your partner to feel good. So when you share what you like, what you don’t like, it makes the experience better.
i will never tell a romantic partner that I don't like sex. they tend to think it's specific to them and it's not. Also, I tend to have feelings of dislike/hate toward ppl immediately after sex. It's something no one else I know experiences.
Damn I came too early I wanna see people's responses. 😂😂 My boyfriend is outstanding at sex but there are a few areas for improvement that I wouldn't mention to him. And he gets better at those constantly so I'm happy the way things are.
@@DetroitsReaper it can be a slippery slope. Most men do not take well to any sort of criticism...no matter how well it is worded or how much they may need to know/hear it
I think that if you really love the other person and want he/she to grow it’s not beneficial to keep some secrets from them. It then depends on the case and the relationship but usually, how I see it, is that you should be comfortable telling them (almost) everything🤷🏻♀️
Hi Shan! I ordered your book through my local library so now everyone can enjoy it !! I’m thinking of purchasing a copy for myself to use as reference. There were so many gems of really helpful information! I’m working though some of the online material right now! I feel a little more confident in this next round of dating ❤️ I really couldn’t put it down!! Thank you so much!!
I don't think I can agree with that last one. Even if it might hurt one's partner's feelings, I think it's just better to give it to them straight. Granted, there are nice ways to do it, but dropping hints won't work. It makes sense to solve problems by facing them head-on.
As a man, I would think you'd under show fragile most men's egos are. No matter how well.yoi word something, men tend to not take criticism or helpful ideas well in the bedroom. They usually want to think they are the best lover you've had!
@@jeniwatkins3297True, but if they can't take a bit of direction, then they're not worth the trouble. It isn't right that women (or anyone for that matter) should put up with a lousy sex life with someone who doesn't know what they're doing and keep that person believing they're good in bed when they're not. It's not fair to anyone. For me, I know I very likely suck in bed, so I want to be told what I can do to improve. At least I would if I was able to get laid to begin with.
Shaaaannnn I ADORE YOU 💛💛💛 best sex tips and advice I’ve ever gotten was from YOU. Talking about it was “taboo” in my family growing up and, I craved the knowledge so THANK YOU 🙏🏾
I'm really guilty of #4. I'm not in any exclusive relationship but it still applies. I just don't want to hurt your feelings so I would rather take a step back. And in the past when I have tried to bring it up they get a little passive agressive or even agressive about it. But being honest is better than leaving them hanging. In spite of the shitstorm that comes after.
I've dated a guys brothers and friends before; but the circles i hang in are more like... just because it didnt work for us-- doesn't mean it won't work for your homeboy. Everyones mature enough to understand that sometimes the relationship is mismatched.
My spouse and I only started being truly open about our fears, needs, and desires after an (incredibly brief) affair almost shattered us. Years of therapy later and we still struggle using Immago Techniques and I language. I will never tell them that I still regularly consider revenge cheating on them. I will never do it, but the fantasy is there.
I really would love to be able to share everything (timing and delivery are obviously very important). But in my last relationship I did share some really deep fears and desires with my partner about myself and our relationship. But instead of being open to the conversation he (later) told me it was ''breech in trust'' (because he didn't feel like anything was wrong). We obviously are broken up now, but I find it very hard to open up like that again to another person because its freakin terrifying.
Yeah I dont think that's a good thing. It's so true. Me and my boyfriend have broken up twice and I feel like we have had 3 separate relationships, the third and current one being the most honest and mature of the 3. Both breakups were because of things got scary and rough and we didnt communicate for fear of hurting the other and trying to stay loved and not revealing the whole truth to the other. This spiraled until it crashed. We have an amazing relationship now after 7 years and still act like we are in the honeymoon phase when we are together. At least for my relationships, honestly about everything is best.
Yeah I completely get that but not seeing the other person as human or being able to do bodily functions in front of each other sounds more extreme than that
I tell my boyfriend like 95-99% of stuff, so aaalmost everything. Some things I just can't bring myself to say because idk how he'd feel about it. Or I know he'd feel hurt by it and there's really no creative way around it. But basically from the very start of our relationship (1-3 months in), he's always put emphasis on marriage and kids and growing old together (all things regarding "our future" basically). Which is super sweet but like we're both still in college. I'm just finishing up grad school and he's still in college (I'm 22 he's 24 btw). He's my first boyfriend but he's had other girlfriends in the past. We started dating almost 2 years ago. So my thing is, I've mentioned how I'm cautious with him because he's my first boyfriend and also how I don't want to get married or have kids young (my ideal age for that is like early-mid 30s). But what I haven't told him is that honestly I'd prefer to date around before settling down, but he's basically made the decision for us that we're going to be together forever. I know with his last girlfriend 3-4 years ago he wanted it to work out but was devastated that it didn't, and now he's trying super hard "not to mess this one up" but like he's putting so much pressure on me and our relationship to make this work and I'm not comfortable with all this pressure. At most I've hinted at not wanting to settle down early and being like "we'll see what happens" in this relationship (whereas he's like "let's just do whatever we can to make this work"). At the same time I love him sooo much. Like I'm in love with him and can't imagine my life without him, but if I ever mentioned breaking up/taking a break to see other people, I just know it would crush him 😔 So idk part of me feels so terrible for not telling him this and that it would blindside him if I finally told him, but also I feel like he's setting himself up for disappointment with such high hopes in this relationship. Like I came into this with an open mind of this working out or not working out but he came into this like, if the first 3 dates work out and I ask her to be my girlfriend, this has to work out and we're gonna get married. *sigh* I feel horrible but I'm not the only one to blame for this. If anyone read this lengthy comment lol, what are your thoughts on this?
That is super tough. I'm sorry you're going through this. It can be hard when expectations of the future are brought out early in a relationship, though I know its because he wants to let you know what his future goals are so that you're aware. You can tell him that right now you feel a lot of pressure from him and want to focus on building the foundation for your relationship in the present. I mean, even if you decide to go have kids and get married, you might be infertile or there might be complications. Its good to talk about the possibility of anything happening and if he wants to be with you for you no matter what or just to achieve a lifestyle hes always wanted. Theres nothing wrong with wanting that lifestyle (married with kids) but too much pressure can destroy the security you feel. Another thing that can help is going to couple's therapy at some point to resolve your concerns. If you want to date around, it could possibly mean losing him so maybe reflect on what you love about him and why you love him and why you want to fight to keep it or move on.
I think I'm pretty open with my partner. and I'm trying to ask questions about stuff that has to do with our relationship. sexual and other stuff. if he is satisfies. if we need to improve anything, if I need to improve anything. both him and I think honesty is important so we tell eatch other about importent stuff. it might have helped that we were friends a year before we started dating. so we already knew about previous heartbreak, crushes and fetishes.
What if you openly talk about all of this? The only secrets we keep from each other are ones that don't change anything, but would create friction. To me, the openness and ability to talk is the reason that we can be in an open relationship and haven't had a single argument in the year and a half we've been together. The key to any healthy relationship in my opinion is just talking. Simply talking.
At 10:59 I’m glad Shan called y’all out for lying bc if over 70% of ya were honest with ya partners, there wouldn’t be so many women complaining bout their sex life...if there was more communication it can potentially result to less complaints
I’ve actually shared all of the details you discussed with my partner, I don’t want there to be secrets plus for some of those topics it’s hard for me to hold back or “hide” it due to a lack of a poker face
My husband and I can share everything too. Yet, there are some thing best left unsaid at times. He doesn't need to know that he's not the biggest I've been with or that so and so was better at oral because he loved doing it. Hubby doesn't get into it so rare and fast if he bothers at all. Telling him those things would accomplish nothing but hurt. No point! I can offer suggestions of what I want during sex but, as long as I am satisfied in the end...I see no reason to hurt his ego
My romantic partner is the only person in the whole world I trust 100% I share it all mostly because I have no choice lol it just spills right outta me
I agree with what I see some others saying, I don't mention everything I could nitpick on, because I see them working on other things and want to wait and see if they make those improvments themselves or at least wait so I'm not overloading them since it's better to do things one step and one section at a time. I wouldn't ever show or explain all of the porn I watch/read. Partners always know that I do, and I tell them some, but most of it they're not interested in anyway so I stick to telling them the relevant and equally interesting bits only.
I would lick my bfs snot if he asked me to hahaha I guess I dont see it as gross like that. I mean cum in the eye a few times made me desensitized I guess 😂
Robin Rose the thing is she found it disgusting and opted to wipe it on his pillow instead of her own. Plus why not just keep some napkins by the bed for those things?! Then also add that it was her buggers which means it doesn’t matter what you personally feel is ok, when it’s regarding someone else. It’s bacteria filled too so don’t smear it around and wash the hands. It’s a behavior you see in small children that someone for whatever reason didn’t talk to her about so she stuck with it even as an adult. But she is old enough to know it’s rude considering she is avoiding it herself and gives it to him instead. Toxic behavior due to the mindset. Had she asked him she would have gotten a ”no” which is why she keeps it to herself. It’s disgusting!
You should think about doing this for a living. LOL Wise as always Shan. As far as the lovemaking goes my girl and I are very honest about that. With that said we have nights where we will actively say to the other one. Tonight is your night. It's all about pleasing you in any way possible. We both have our nights for that. Then unless that is said it a night for both of us in every way possible. I think everyone has a fantasy about a night where a partner simply says "I will do anything and everything for you to have a sexually satisfying night."
To me, one of the absolute thrills with meeting someone new is the eventual discussion of what sexual kinks, anatomical features, etc., that they possess. And it doesn't take me very long to get into it. It greatly heightens the anticipation factor before you even go to bed with the person. And over the years I've known established couples who explored amazing kinks later in their relationships, such as interracial swinging and Fist Fucking. That #5 is a "Bombshell", LOL. I am not really into giving oral sex and have had women tell me that I'm not very good at it! No problem, because I know I suck at it, so to say... Just as long as they don't complain about my F*cking skills or my endowment, I'm good! Keep up the great work. Despite my silly comments, I think you do an excellent job with your presentations.
Is it just me...or is this song by Jared fiya????? I just downloaded it. @shanboody I love how you two support each other!👌🏾💕 This video was great insight as well. Keep bringing us this content. Also downloaded your book on audible!
My partner and I have been totally honest with each other from very close to the beginning. I have never been more glad I shared my sexual fantasies with my partner because we share a lot of them and it has led to suuuch a good sex life between us. We are also aware of each other's fears surrounding the other, and I know which of my friends they have a crush on 😅.
I don't have a partner now so I only have an ex to draw from. He often created the image that women can't be sexual with more than 1 person or they're a hoe so I definitely lied about that. However I told him a very close number and he seemed cool. But he definitely argued with me about having penetrative sex with anyone before (and after him)which made it even more uncomfortable to share any sexual fantasies with him. He definitely thought I had been with someone else because I did a lil somethin too well one time. Now I REALLY don't want to do it again because of that. He often told me what I was doing wrong (for him) which has caused me to work on things but it makes me question whether he was just gaslighting me. I shared my fears about not being loved by parents and he took advantage of that by trying to call my mother a drug addict in court (for him trying to choke me, play according to him, in front of our daughter and never leaving my house when asked. Yes we have a child.) Then having his sisters and cousin call and insult my mother with pure lies because I didn't want him around our child for the time being.
For example if its something like you only have one testicle i wouldn't recommend it being a fun fact ice breaker only bring it up when you feel safe to do so. Work on being comfortable with it (as if you could make it obvious) and your thoughts of adequate. If you are about to have sex and it comes up it may be a mood killer but it may be the right time to talk about it...
I wish i could sit with u and just talk. I am in a relationship and i cant talk with him about sexual things. Weve been on and off for 27 years, now finally in a relationship, which started because i wanted to move on from another man who has my heart. We were friends with benefits. What i wanted, but i fell for him...that wasnt supposed to happen, and hes a love from high school as well.... We've begun sleeping together again after not speaking for 10 months. I cut ties and sewed them back....idk why i can't get him out my head and heart.....i dont want ti hurt my boyfriend because he truly loves me and shows me, despite the hell i put him through with not trusting him with evidence. Course u find what u look for....i really need your insight.
Ok I have this fear. Can someone help? (I just want to clarify that I’m 16 and definitely shouldn’t be worrying about stuff like this but I can’t stop) I’ve never been in a relationship, but when I do, and I get into my 20s or whatever, I know for a fact that I don’t want kids. My fear is what if my man will? Do you have to break up? What if I find the love of my life but we disagree on this and he wants kids? Any ideas or tips to help me worry less? Thanks
That's a tough one love. And unfortunately, the best thing I can say is that " you have to decide within yourself if this is going to be okay for you and they have to decide are they willing to live a life without children. If you don't break up then one of you will have to compromise and let's just hope that there is no resentment there afterward ( not saying that there will be, it just depends) Be very clear with them and always communicate." I too am solid in my decision to not have children, though sometimes I feel torn. And in some ways, I feel like "if it happens, it happens". There are some episodes on the Skin Deep channel that may be helpful for you to see. But I would start at determining if having kids is a deal-breaker for you or not. I would say the best thing you can do for yourself is to get very clear on who you are and what you want. Step 1: If you haven't already get Shan Boody's Game of Desire and do the workbook. It is long, but it is worth it. Take notes while you read the book, and complete the other quizzes on the cite as well. Step 2: Determine if "no kids" is a part of your Frozen 5, Do Not Applies, or an Area of Flexibility Remember to take these things seriously, you can redo them if you feel like they aren't concrete enough. Okay, that's all for now, I hope that this advice will be helpful and that you will end up with someone who honors, respects, loves, and appreciates everything about who you are. I also hope that they will be someone you can grow with and depend on.
Yes, my tip is what is for you will be for you. If the love of your life wants kids and you don't mind that's the only way he will be happy consider other options like him being a stay at home dad, fostering and adoption, or having a surrogate. If you know you don't want any kids and kids are mandatory for him, you should break up with him. Someone out there feels the same way as you. They will not give you excessive worry. Kids are something that should be mentioned whenever in a serious relationship. Kids are important or deal breakers for a lot of people. If you don't want kids, Be very clear that you don't want them at all vs not wanting any currently. You don't have to compromise or feel forced to having kids just because you are a woman or trying to keep a man. Just be honest about how you feel. The temporary way I use is Implanon/nexplanon. Its a 3 year birth control that goes in your arm. You can change your mind and get it removed or stay on it till a more permanent form of being sterilized is able to be performed. I don't want kids and stay on birth control when I am not sexually active. I won't get my tubes tied or have a hysterectomy (remove the uterus) because I may still give birth someday. I have a child by marriage and I prefer adoption. My husband jokes about getting me pregnant but still constantly lets me make whatever choice I see fit regarding carrying a child. The right person will find ways to make you both happy in the relationship.
Imani Mclaughlin oh my gosh thanks so much for all the advice I can’t even explain how much I appreciate this. And the kind words at the end hoping me to have a good relationship just made my day. Thank you. I really do want to get Shan’s book but I live with my parents and it would be really awkward for them to see that I’m purchasing books and stuff to help me with my future relationships and sex life. But I will in the future! Again, thank you so much for spreading such positivity and taking the time to respond!
diannalovesfood thank you so much for replying! I definitely feel 80% more at ease after reading your advice and really taking it in. I need to stick to myself because I’m all I’ve got, but at the same time of course not be completely selfish with the idea. Thanks so much for the different ideas of birth control. Thank you :)
@@maya-hx7xf absolutely, I feel honored to have been a part of the process. Also, Shan's book is on Audible which might be a little more discrete (just a thought). I am happy that you want to read it in the future though. Also, I want to commend you for being here receiving all this amazing info from Shan. Fun fact, I first subscribed to her channel when I was 16. It has been an amazing and positive decision, 4 years later and I couldn't be more proud. Shan's content is always getting better. And the fact that we have been able to see so much of her life, her glow up (mental, emotional, physical, a little of spiritual, even environmental) has been astronomical. She is such a transcendent inspiration.
Ok my response to the 1st secret is......MONOGAMY HAS TO GO, PERIOD !!!!!!!! Debate me if you want but if you have these type of urges then you have no business engaging in that commitment style.
Showing two men in proximity was a nono and turn off, since when men start feeling attractions from each other for spending time together, only reprobate and pervert men will have such feelings
![ตีสิบเดย์ [FULL] | นางเอกหมอลำเงินล้าน "อุ๋งอิ๋ง เพชรบ้านแพง" & ไฮโซสาวสุดฮอต "ลิลลี่ เหงียน"](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/jPxQS_EgrJ4/mqdefault.jpg)
"Exaggerate the highs and find creative ways to work on the lows" Love it.
So we not gonna talk about the girl that got a crush on her boyfriends friend?😭🤣
Right? How can you be in a relationship when you have feelings for your guy’s friend? She needs to check herself, quick.
Right!!!!
Danielle Haigler That’s female
privilege, they can get away with some real bullshit.
@@nillahoney5010 How do you stop yourself from getting crushes?
@@samuel2pac72 Yep, because this never happens to men.
I tell my partner everything 🤷🏾♀️ I feel like the key to having relationships that are actually open & honest is timing + delivery. You gotta be just as thoughtful about WHEN you say something as you are about HOW you say it.
If you’re not thoughtful about either then... good luck Charlie
Chablise Davis I cackled at the good luck charlie
@@jojoirish8523 great way to see it! Cuz we all.have off days in anything we do.
My husband and I share everything too. I can tell him anything.
Love your tip about responding with “that’s fascinating”! Definitely gonna use that one 👍🏽
It makes me feel good that I’ve shared deep anxieties with my husband- fears that he’ll leave me or won’t think I’m good enough to have a child with. I challenge people that if you’re with the right person they will hear you out and work these things out with you, comfort you
Wow. I get it now. This is why I can't relationship. I share almost everything (in the most loving way possible) and expect the same. 😂 I don't even know what to filter out. Haha, I'm doomed.
You're not doomed! Just work on your timing and delivery. A lot of people are afraid to be vulnerable and if they are worth your time you both will make a way
I tell my boyfriend EVERYTHING about myself and my past. And he adores me and accepts me and you are so not doomed. Nobody in this world is alone or is doomed because they are not average. There are are so many amazing men out there that will embrace all of you, as you will with them.
No that’s so awesome!!! You will find your person! I know other people who share everything. They are out there!
Funny! I just thought the opposite. I don't share anything. But I am also not trying to build a relationship.
The knowledge you have is ridiculousss.... This was so helpful Shan! 👏🏽
Makayla thank you for these sweet words
This makes me think i overshare..
That I'm jealous about how extroverted he is.
They were all good but I’m feeling #5. What I like to do is ask what he likes. The end game is for your partner to feel good. So when you share what you like, what you don’t like, it makes the experience better.
🥴 watching this just made me wonder what my boyfriend keeps from me and what he really thinks about me.
*anxiously wonder
Samess
Honestly I was expecting one of them to be basically the most traumatic moment of your life. Like something that you've never told anyone.
i will never tell a romantic partner that I don't like sex. they tend to think it's specific to them and it's not. Also, I tend to have feelings of dislike/hate toward ppl immediately after sex. It's something no one else I know experiences.
have you looked into the asexual umbrella of identities?
Have you ever tried to find someone else who doesnt like sex? 2 billion people out there so its gotta be some people who feel the same as u
Damn I came too early I wanna see people's responses. 😂😂 My boyfriend is outstanding at sex but there are a few areas for improvement that I wouldn't mention to him. And he gets better at those constantly so I'm happy the way things are.
When I read "I came too early" I thought that was your secret😂😂😂😂
Y wouldnt u tell him? I wish my wife would give me feedback to make things better so i know what she wants and likes.
@@DetroitsReaper I tell him when I think it will be beneficial and received well and otherwise I keep it to myself. But I do make comments during.
@@jojoirish8523 as long as you make it too the promise land then aye thats all that matters lol
@@DetroitsReaper it can be a slippery slope. Most men do not take well to any sort of criticism...no matter how well it is worded or how much they may need to know/hear it
I think that if you really love the other person and want he/she to grow it’s not beneficial to keep some secrets from them.
It then depends on the case and the relationship but usually, how I see it, is that you should be comfortable telling them (almost) everything🤷🏻♀️
Shan is always out here educating and I appreciate it!
Hi Shan! I ordered your book through my local library so now everyone can enjoy it !!
I’m thinking of purchasing a copy for myself to use as reference. There were so many gems of really helpful information! I’m working though some of the online material right now! I feel a little more confident in this next round of dating ❤️
I really couldn’t put it down!! Thank you so much!!
I don't even know how to say how grateful I am to live in a world where these are the kinds of comments I read. WOW thank you C Hayes
I don't think I can agree with that last one. Even if it might hurt one's partner's feelings, I think it's just better to give it to them straight. Granted, there are nice ways to do it, but dropping hints won't work. It makes sense to solve problems by facing them head-on.
As a man, I would think you'd under show fragile most men's egos are. No matter how well.yoi word something, men tend to not take criticism or helpful ideas well in the bedroom. They usually want to think they are the best lover you've had!
@@jeniwatkins3297True, but if they can't take a bit of direction, then they're not worth the trouble. It isn't right that women (or anyone for that matter) should put up with a lousy sex life with someone who doesn't know what they're doing and keep that person believing they're good in bed when they're not. It's not fair to anyone. For me, I know I very likely suck in bed, so I want to be told what I can do to improve. At least I would if I was able to get laid to begin with.
Wow, Shannon I wish you could make videos everyday. I literally love listening to all you have to say.
Gosh!! I wish you could just hear my relationship stuff and tell me if I’m right! And not just wearing rose colored glasses
I know right!!
Shaaaannnn I ADORE YOU 💛💛💛 best sex tips and advice I’ve ever gotten was from YOU. Talking about it was “taboo” in my family growing up and, I craved the knowledge so THANK YOU 🙏🏾
I 100% agree with “Exaggerate the highs and find creative ways to work on the Lows.”
that they cheated in the past
I'm really guilty of #4. I'm not in any exclusive relationship but it still applies. I just don't want to hurt your feelings so I would rather take a step back. And in the past when I have tried to bring it up they get a little passive agressive or even agressive about it. But being honest is better than leaving them hanging. In spite of the shitstorm that comes after.
I've dated a guys brothers and friends before; but the circles i hang in are more like... just because it didnt work for us-- doesn't mean it won't work for your homeboy. Everyones mature enough to understand that sometimes the relationship is mismatched.
An STD. Your lover probably won’t be honest when you meet them about having an STD.
My spouse and I only started being truly open about our fears, needs, and desires after an (incredibly brief) affair almost shattered us. Years of therapy later and we still struggle using Immago Techniques and I language. I will never tell them that I still regularly consider revenge cheating on them. I will never do it, but the fantasy is there.
I loved your energy in the video. Was positive and palpable.
I really would love to be able to share everything (timing and delivery are obviously very important). But in my last relationship I did share some really deep fears and desires with my partner about myself and our relationship. But instead of being open to the conversation he (later) told me it was ''breech in trust'' (because he didn't feel like anything was wrong). We obviously are broken up now, but I find it very hard to open up like that again to another person because its freakin terrifying.
Eaaaarrrlyy 😊 here for ALL of it..
I think we keep these things from our partners because we want to keep being loved.
Yeah I dont think that's a good thing. It's so true. Me and my boyfriend have broken up twice and I feel like we have had 3 separate relationships, the third and current one being the most honest and mature of the 3. Both breakups were because of things got scary and rough and we didnt communicate for fear of hurting the other and trying to stay loved and not revealing the whole truth to the other. This spiraled until it crashed. We have an amazing relationship now after 7 years and still act like we are in the honeymoon phase when we are together. At least for my relationships, honestly about everything is best.
@@RCrystal34 some people cant handle that.. and some guys don't want to see their gf as humans.. so they dont even want to think she farts lol
@@aneshalove226 isnt that unhealthy?
@@RCrystal34 not secrets like u were born a man
Secrets like his jokes aren't funny
Yeah I completely get that but not seeing the other person as human or being able to do bodily functions in front of each other sounds more extreme than that
I actually feel comfortable talking with my partner about most of these. We did before we became a couple and just never stopped
I tell my boyfriend like 95-99% of stuff, so aaalmost everything. Some things I just can't bring myself to say because idk how he'd feel about it. Or I know he'd feel hurt by it and there's really no creative way around it. But basically from the very start of our relationship (1-3 months in), he's always put emphasis on marriage and kids and growing old together (all things regarding "our future" basically). Which is super sweet but like we're both still in college. I'm just finishing up grad school and he's still in college (I'm 22 he's 24 btw). He's my first boyfriend but he's had other girlfriends in the past. We started dating almost 2 years ago. So my thing is, I've mentioned how I'm cautious with him because he's my first boyfriend and also how I don't want to get married or have kids young (my ideal age for that is like early-mid 30s). But what I haven't told him is that honestly I'd prefer to date around before settling down, but he's basically made the decision for us that we're going to be together forever. I know with his last girlfriend 3-4 years ago he wanted it to work out but was devastated that it didn't, and now he's trying super hard "not to mess this one up" but like he's putting so much pressure on me and our relationship to make this work and I'm not comfortable with all this pressure. At most I've hinted at not wanting to settle down early and being like "we'll see what happens" in this relationship (whereas he's like "let's just do whatever we can to make this work"). At the same time I love him sooo much. Like I'm in love with him and can't imagine my life without him, but if I ever mentioned breaking up/taking a break to see other people, I just know it would crush him 😔 So idk part of me feels so terrible for not telling him this and that it would blindside him if I finally told him, but also I feel like he's setting himself up for disappointment with such high hopes in this relationship. Like I came into this with an open mind of this working out or not working out but he came into this like, if the first 3 dates work out and I ask her to be my girlfriend, this has to work out and we're gonna get married. *sigh* I feel horrible but I'm not the only one to blame for this. If anyone read this lengthy comment lol, what are your thoughts on this?
That is super tough. I'm sorry you're going through this. It can be hard when expectations of the future are brought out early in a relationship, though I know its because he wants to let you know what his future goals are so that you're aware. You can tell him that right now you feel a lot of pressure from him and want to focus on building the foundation for your relationship in the present. I mean, even if you decide to go have kids and get married, you might be infertile or there might be complications. Its good to talk about the possibility of anything happening and if he wants to be with you for you no matter what or just to achieve a lifestyle hes always wanted. Theres nothing wrong with wanting that lifestyle (married with kids) but too much pressure can destroy the security you feel. Another thing that can help is going to couple's therapy at some point to resolve your concerns. If you want to date around, it could possibly mean losing him so maybe reflect on what you love about him and why you love him and why you want to fight to keep it or move on.
i never want your videos to end
The quality of your videos just keep getting better. Thank your for the informative video 💕
yessss thank you we really strive!
I think I'm pretty open with my partner. and I'm trying to ask questions about stuff that has to do with our relationship. sexual and other stuff. if he is satisfies. if we need to improve anything, if I need to improve anything. both him and I think honesty is important so we tell eatch other about importent stuff. it might have helped that we were friends a year before we started dating. so we already knew about previous heartbreak, crushes and fetishes.
I’ve been trying to get your book for awhile and all my local book stores don’t have them I’m stock whenever I go 🤣🤣🤣🤦🏿♂️
Get it on Audibleeeee oxo
This was so spot on good job young lady
If you feel that you’re a pervert or a freak....beloved, you most likely are. The prior adjective are normal to feel.
What if you openly talk about all of this? The only secrets we keep from each other are ones that don't change anything, but would create friction. To me, the openness and ability to talk is the reason that we can be in an open relationship and haven't had a single argument in the year and a half we've been together. The key to any healthy relationship in my opinion is just talking. Simply talking.
Shanboody I like you!! You informative
Love your makeup 💗💗💗💗 awesome vid thumbs up!
At 10:59 I’m glad Shan called y’all out for lying bc if over 70% of ya were honest with ya partners, there wouldn’t be so many women complaining bout their sex life...if there was more communication it can potentially result to less complaints
Yaaaaaasss I’ve been waiting for this video!
Forever loving the insights you share with us👌🏾✨
I’ve actually shared all of the details you discussed with my partner, I don’t want there to be secrets plus for some of those topics it’s hard for me to hold back or “hide” it due to a lack of a poker face
My husband and I can share everything too. Yet, there are some thing best left unsaid at times. He doesn't need to know that he's not the biggest I've been with or that so and so was better at oral because he loved doing it. Hubby doesn't get into it so rare and fast if he bothers at all. Telling him those things would accomplish nothing but hurt. No point! I can offer suggestions of what I want during sex but, as long as I am satisfied in the end...I see no reason to hurt his ego
💛💛💛 I needed to watch this -thank you Shannon, you’re amazing 🤗
11:39 I see what you did there and I love it 🏳️🌈👌🏻
My romantic partner is the only person in the whole world I trust 100% I share it all mostly because I have no choice lol it just spills right outta me
Your gonna be devastated when they leave you
Will you be allowed to reupload your video WB took down?
I was looking forward to seeing it, but couldn't.
Same! They blocked it SO quick, less that 5 minutes
@@symonroe8095 Less than 1 minute actually, like straight. It was pretty strange.
What is wb?
ThePeacefulbutterfly the company that produces and owns The Real
I agree with what I see some others saying, I don't mention everything I could nitpick on, because I see them working on other things and want to wait and see if they make those improvments themselves or at least wait so I'm not overloading them since it's better to do things one step and one section at a time.
I wouldn't ever show or explain all of the porn I watch/read. Partners always know that I do, and I tell them some, but most of it they're not interested in anyway so I stick to telling them the relevant and equally interesting bits only.
Lol that Murray clip 🤣🤣😩
Great video! Very well out together
Shanboody I love you 😘💕❤️
Watching this video as an autistic asexual like "???? is this really what goes on in NTs' heads???? Sounds exhausting!"
Great video as always ❣️Are you ok 😶, hope so love ya 🤩
0:19 😮 That is just mean, because they make sure to not wipe it on their own pillow for a reason. Yuck🙈
soilgrasswaterair I agree. She’s disgusting!
I would lick my bfs snot if he asked me to hahaha I guess I dont see it as gross like that. I mean cum in the eye a few times made me desensitized I guess 😂
Robin Rose the thing is she found it disgusting and opted to wipe it on his pillow instead of her own. Plus why not just keep some napkins by the bed for those things?! Then also add that it was her buggers which means it doesn’t matter what you personally feel is ok, when it’s regarding someone else. It’s bacteria filled too so don’t smear it around and wash the hands. It’s a behavior you see in small children that someone for whatever reason didn’t talk to her about so she stuck with it even as an adult. But she is old enough to know it’s rude considering she is avoiding it herself and gives it to him instead. Toxic behavior due to the mindset. Had she asked him she would have gotten a ”no” which is why she keeps it to herself. It’s disgusting!
You should think about doing this for a living. LOL Wise as always Shan. As far as the lovemaking goes my girl and I are very honest about that. With that said we have nights where we will actively say to the other one. Tonight is your night. It's all about pleasing you in any way possible. We both have our nights for that. Then unless that is said it a night for both of us in every way possible. I think everyone has a fantasy about a night where a partner simply says "I will do anything and everything for you to have a sexually satisfying night."
Great video!
To me, one of the absolute thrills with meeting someone new is the eventual discussion of what sexual kinks, anatomical features, etc., that they possess. And it doesn't take me very long to get into it. It greatly heightens the anticipation factor before you even go to bed with the person. And over the years I've known established couples who explored amazing kinks later in their relationships, such as interracial swinging and Fist Fucking. That #5 is a "Bombshell", LOL. I am not really into giving oral sex and have had women tell me that I'm not very good at it! No problem, because I know I suck at it, so to say... Just as long as they don't complain about my F*cking skills or my endowment, I'm good! Keep up the great work. Despite my silly comments, I think you do an excellent job with your presentations.
I always look forward to your perspective! ThanQ for showing up for me
Is it just me...or is this song by Jared fiya????? I just downloaded it. @shanboody I love how you two support each other!👌🏾💕
This video was great insight as well. Keep bringing us this content. Also downloaded your book on audible!
My partner and I have been totally honest with each other from very close to the beginning. I have never been more glad I shared my sexual fantasies with my partner because we share a lot of them and it has led to suuuch a good sex life between us. We are also aware of each other's fears surrounding the other, and I know which of my friends they have a crush on 😅.
It's cool to learn .
Hmm you seem emotionally charged
I don't have a partner now so I only have an ex to draw from. He often created the image that women can't be sexual with more than 1 person or they're a hoe so I definitely lied about that. However I told him a very close number and he seemed cool. But he definitely argued with me about having penetrative sex with anyone before (and after him)which made it even more uncomfortable to share any sexual fantasies with him. He definitely thought I had been with someone else because I did a lil somethin too well one time. Now I REALLY don't want to do it again because of that. He often told me what I was doing wrong (for him) which has caused me to work on things but it makes me question whether he was just gaslighting me.
I shared my fears about not being loved by parents and he took advantage of that by trying to call my mother a drug addict in court (for him trying to choke me, play according to him, in front of our daughter and never leaving my house when asked. Yes we have a child.) Then having his sisters and cousin call and insult my mother with pure lies because I didn't want him around our child for the time being.
how would would share not so obvious physical abnormalities? I'm scared to do so
For example if its something like you only have one testicle i wouldn't recommend it being a fun fact ice breaker only bring it up when you feel safe to do so. Work on being comfortable with it (as if you could make it obvious) and your thoughts of adequate. If you are about to have sex and it comes up it may be a mood killer but it may be the right time to talk about it...
I would never tell my partner that I think about my ex
Same. I have an ex I will love till the day I die and will think about everyday and idc if im married. I'll still think about himm.
@@danielleashkettle5932 your gonna cheat on him. plain and simple
@@johneta7665 How can I cheat if he's an ex?
Your so pritty. Yeah really really pritty. Shan BOODY.
Love your videos, but just a heads up, "opinion" was spelled incorrectly on the 5th secret
Interest
Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ❤️
I must be a terrible sex partner because I say everything. I once told my partner his sex talk sounded like a 1970 pimp.
I wish i could sit with u and just talk. I am in a relationship and i cant talk with him about sexual things. Weve been on and off for 27 years, now finally in a relationship, which started because i wanted to move on from another man who has my heart. We were friends with benefits. What i wanted, but i fell for him...that wasnt supposed to happen, and hes a love from high school as well.... We've begun sleeping together again after not speaking for 10 months. I cut ties and sewed them back....idk why i can't get him out my head and heart.....i dont want ti hurt my boyfriend because he truly loves me and shows me, despite the hell i put him through with not trusting him with evidence. Course u find what u look for....i really need your insight.
You should make up your mind and stop seeing the one you don't want to be with
Audible is $15 a month ... I can't.
who noticed the background music?
Ok I have this fear. Can someone help? (I just want to clarify that I’m 16 and definitely shouldn’t be worrying about stuff like this but I can’t stop)
I’ve never been in a relationship, but when I do, and I get into my 20s or whatever, I know for a fact that I don’t want kids. My fear is what if my man will? Do you have to break up? What if I find the love of my life but we disagree on this and he wants kids? Any ideas or tips to help me worry less? Thanks
That's a tough one love.
And unfortunately, the best thing I can say is that " you have to decide within yourself if this is going to be okay for you and they have to decide are they willing to live a life without children. If you don't break up then one of you will have to compromise and let's just hope that there is no resentment there afterward ( not saying that there will be, it just depends) Be very clear with them and always communicate."
I too am solid in my decision to not have children, though sometimes I feel torn.
And in some ways, I feel like "if it happens, it happens".
There are some episodes on the Skin Deep channel that may be helpful for you to see. But I would start at determining if having kids is a deal-breaker for you or not.
I would say the best thing you can do for yourself is to get very clear on who you are and what you want.
Step 1: If you haven't already get Shan Boody's Game of Desire and do the workbook. It is long, but it is worth it. Take notes while you read the book, and complete the other quizzes on the cite as well.
Step 2: Determine if "no kids" is a part of your Frozen 5, Do Not Applies, or an Area of Flexibility
Remember to take these things seriously, you can redo them if you feel like they aren't concrete enough.
Okay, that's all for now, I hope that this advice will be helpful and that you will end up with someone who honors, respects, loves, and appreciates everything about who you are. I also hope that they will be someone you can grow with and depend on.
Yes, my tip is what is for you will be for you. If the love of your life wants kids and you don't mind that's the only way he will be happy consider other options like him being a stay at home dad, fostering and adoption, or having a surrogate. If you know you don't want any kids and kids are mandatory for him, you should break up with him. Someone out there feels the same way as you. They will not give you excessive worry. Kids are something that should be mentioned whenever in a serious relationship. Kids are important or deal breakers for a lot of people. If you don't want kids, Be very clear that you don't want them at all vs not wanting any currently. You don't have to compromise or feel forced to having kids just because you are a woman or trying to keep a man. Just be honest about how you feel.
The temporary way I use is Implanon/nexplanon. Its a 3 year birth control that goes in your arm. You can change your mind and get it removed or stay on it till a more permanent form of being sterilized is able to be performed. I don't want kids and stay on birth control when I am not sexually active. I won't get my tubes tied or have a hysterectomy (remove the uterus) because I may still give birth someday. I have a child by marriage and I prefer adoption. My husband jokes about getting me pregnant but still constantly lets me make whatever choice I see fit regarding carrying a child.
The right person will find ways to make you both happy in the relationship.
Imani Mclaughlin oh my gosh thanks so much for all the advice I can’t even explain how much I appreciate this. And the kind words at the end hoping me to have a good relationship just made my day. Thank you. I really do want to get Shan’s book but I live with my parents and it would be really awkward for them to see that I’m purchasing books and stuff to help me with my future relationships and sex life. But I will in the future! Again, thank you so much for spreading such positivity and taking the time to respond!
diannalovesfood thank you so much for replying! I definitely feel 80% more at ease after reading your advice and really taking it in. I need to stick to myself because I’m all I’ve got, but at the same time of course not be completely selfish with the idea. Thanks so much for the different ideas of birth control. Thank you :)
@@maya-hx7xf absolutely, I feel honored to have been a part of the process.
Also, Shan's book is on Audible which might be a little more discrete (just a thought).
I am happy that you want to read it in the future though.
Also, I want to commend you for being here receiving all this amazing info from Shan.
Fun fact, I first subscribed to her channel when I was 16.
It has been an amazing and positive decision, 4 years later and I couldn't be more proud. Shan's content is always getting better. And the fact that we have been able to see so much of her life, her glow up (mental, emotional, physical, a little of spiritual, even environmental) has been astronomical.
She is such a transcendent inspiration.
Heyyy
First girl said she had a sIZeAbLe crush on one of her partner’s friends? 🤨
how do i tell my bf his thing is small or do i not say anything at all ?
Dont say anything. Just find creative positions that work for you guys!
Ok my response to the 1st secret is......MONOGAMY HAS TO GO, PERIOD !!!!!!!! Debate me if you want but if you have these type of urges then you have no business engaging in that commitment style.
I definitely shared my sexual fantasies with my partner. It made our sex life bomb
Gorrila what!?!
Ok love you but ---- 30 Day Trail? Really? Lol.
Showing two men in proximity was a nono and turn off, since when men start feeling attractions from each other for spending time together, only reprobate and pervert men will have such feelings
I mean there are men who like men so I'm sure it happens often