I think the main problem with social avoidance is not allowing yourself to be vulnerable,the way you really are.Instead a person puts on a mask,trying hard not to expose his true self and that creates immense pressure resulting in pain and avoidance.Maybe real rejection from other people causes less suffering than this constant acting.Not saying it's easy,but maybe the ultimate path to healing is allowing yourself to be more vulnerable. So you've already done a big step towards that goal by creating your channel. Be proud of yourself! No need to hurry yourself up,heal at your own pace.Greetings from Russia.
hi jake, i read your book a few months ago and it gave words and context to previously unexpressed thoughts i had and helped me see myself in a more forgiving light. i think part of the reason you despair is that the institutions that exist to instruct and "care" for us are so devoid of meaning. your response to your experience is human and finding these "solutions" you've encountered to your problems to be unsatisfactory does not speak ill of you. don't stop reaching out. it's okay to rest when you're overwhelmed, but no matter what you do, don't quit. the more you talk the more people who are inclined to will hear you and you can find people your age who feel disillusioned by the same things as you and who see the world the same way you do; this will not cure avpd but your soul will rejoice. we say "wishing you the best" often and lightly enough but i am really wishing the best for you, intently. you deserve to commiserate and cry and laugh and fall in love. many people have bad vibes, but you aren't one of them. your vibes are good, and they will attract the right things and people to you (in your own time). for right now though, just be as kind to yourself as you possibly can in your grief.
A thing that really scares me whenever there is a pauze in my recovery, whenever I fall back on my old habits is the Idea that I reached my limit of improving. That it won't be better. I had to carve it in myself that there is always room to change. Even when I start feeling like there is no hope, I can't let that linger. I don't care if all the signs would point to it never getting better. I'll believe in healing as if it was a religious dogma. What else can I do. What would be the alternative. Nothing that I see worth pondering. I think there are some breakthroughs we can achive in this journey, that at the start may destabilise us, but in the end, they open up topics and aspects of ourselves that we can firther work on. Maybe soon you'll find one such breakthrough and instead of not knowing what to do, you'll start worrying that there are things you should be doing but are afraid of. Still best wishes on finding approach that works for you
Good to see you again Jake, I've missed your uploads while you were away- I know you think it doesn't matter, that you don't matter, but you do. The fact that you "stepped out on the stage..." and share your "life, under lights and judging eyes" wonderering if there's "anybody listening ?" is an example of courage for the rest of us. Give yourself cred, dude, I'm still trying to steel myself to get in front of a camera for a guest appearance, I can't imagine at this point doing it repeatedly, without support- it's difficult enough behind a keyboard and an avatar. Your example helps inspire though, and I've been laying the groundwork for a Crusade against the very shortcomings in the psychology, mental health, and cultural systems that you recently (and chronically) experienced, in hopes of FINALLY getting a conversation started that will be heard over the echo chamber noise. Maybe soon. So sorry you're finding good help so hard to find, I hear the same stories of futility and deaf ears and misconceptions everywhere, the same over-reliance and dogmatic adherence to rote learning, scripts, CBT, DBT, unapplicable advice, and poor understanding (and lack of interest) of the individual seeking help- it's as if they don't know what the f*ck they're doing 😱., and only "check boxes" beside the DSM line items for their one-dimensional "diagnosis". I've coined a new term for this dismally deficient model, "cluster-f*ck", the horse I'm riding in on to help promote a more realistic and helpful psychoanalytic approach to assessment and treatment. (See Psychoanalytic Diagnostic Manual) We all deserve and should be able to expect and access better than what's commonly available, and frankly it pisses me off to hear YET ANOTHER story proving my point. 🤬 Another commenter here suggested psychodynamic therapy, and I hope you'll consider giving it a try, as it seems you've been failed by the "first world" approaches, like so many others. Crying: now THERE'S a double-edged topic, for sure- it could indicate progress through a grieving process and could be helpful, or it can be the despair erupting. Crying is difficult for me, always has been, and when it happens it's usually as a result of some catastrophe or a bout of deep existential depression. But SOMETIMES I can use it to access deeply buried and dissociated feelings/memories that can lead to progress. A REAL therapist (or a trusted friend) should be able to help make tears a useful part of healing, try not to shame yourself about it- if you ARE, ask yourself WHY, that's an open door to deeper levels of awareness. Hope some of this helps Jake, and again, I'm truly sorry you've had such a bad experience lately, and I hope things get better for you soon. Keep your chin up buddy.
Thanks for updating us. Have you looked into ketamine infusion therapy? It apparently helps with treatment-resistant depression. You may be able to find a clinic easier than those less traditional methods (not shaming them, of course). I wish you well. Truly. ❤ As for me, I've been crying a lot too. I'm being laid off (seems to be a 2024 trend), and as you can imagine, finding work isn't easy for me. Hard-knock life.
Thank you Eam ❤️ I have considered ketamine therapy, though I had a couple hangups. I'll probably give it a shot eventually. I'm so sorry you are having to go through that :( It's really frustrating that employers can just remove positions on a whim, especially when it's so hard for us to find and adapt to new things. Best wishes, my friend, and hugs 🫂
I'm sorry the therapists haven't been giving you what you need. Your videos are so insightful. Have you shown these to your therapist? There's so much valuable information in your channel, even the points about the way therapy is failing you, that your therapist should really want to see these. Competent therapists want feedback. They won't get hurt feelings. They want the client to tell them where they are missing things, using the wrong techniques or going in a wrong direction.
I probably should. I think my current therapist would be open to feedback. I have to admit I have an extremely hard time with giving feedback, because I hate to feel like I'm criticizing someone. That I am not super comfortable with him makes that even harder.
Generic therapy is not what you needed. I am sorry to hear that they were not really diligent in creating a day program which was truly geared toward helping each of you. I am frustrated for you. You worked really hard to accomplish this. They owed you a better treatment program!! You didn't do anything wrong. They don't have a developed program. I think it was a good try. Don't give up. I would hope you could find something better. It's good that you have been crying. It shows that some pain is being released. Keep working on this. I think the crying is really good. You are mourning when you cry. You seem more relaxed in this video. You actually look better and like you are doing better.
what really matter is that you're trying to improve things.don't judge yourself.hope is always there,even if you don't see it. It's my personal experience,not some random positive words.maybe in the past you wouldn't even think of yt channel and now you have it. there's ACT therapy also,maybe it can help.
I was on partial outpatient about the same time. I thought it was going good but once it’s over you’re done at least where I’m at so I’m right back where I started.
I'm struggling with self-harm and my mental health my mom therapist and psychiatric don't think I need to go to the hospital for treatment and I have been Inpatient since I was 15 years old and now I am 21 years old but I am a special needs adult so my mom is over my medical distinction
hi that sounds so annoying that they weren't there to facilitate the group. I am so sorry that you are struggling so much there. If you can, maybe you can try another place with another group session.? Anyways I feel like they definitely didn't do the right thing for you all. And maybe they were understaffed, but it still makes it really hard on you and the other people there. I get what you mean about the advice therapists give sometimes not really feeling helpful, more like they are just reading what to do out of a book or something. and that yeah if you could just do the right things then you would. but then you wouldn't have these particular issues. i have never been in group therapy, but i am in therapy right now and am also dealing with something irritating. where the therapist like just talks most of the time and i just listen. it's not that i want that, i don't think, that just happens sometimes. And I don't like to complain to therapists now, and I definitely don't like having to change them. So I just go there more or with that expectation now that i will listen to them. And not really talk much there myself. But it may change. Anyways it does sound really annoying what you went through there. And like they didn't do the right thing there. And I felt a bit angry on your behalf and the patients on how they acted there. That's just not right. I'm so sorry.
Thanks Sandra :) It is really hard because I think therapists that talk way too much see that as a way to make us more comfortable if we start out quiet. In reality it feels overwhelming for us when they talk that much, like we'd be interrupting if we decided to speak up. I think therapists who are a better fit for us trust that we'll open up if they're patient with us. I started with a new therapist yet again like a month ago, and she's the best fit I've found by far. It is really hard to start over, but I hope you are able to find a better fit for yourself too :)
Jake! I think you used the word 'try' over once a minute. That's not good enough. Remember, you learn much more from failure than you do from success. It's true! You are perfect just the way you are, but..., if you ever start to feel down, then DBT is a great start, just stop trying, and start doing. (1) Changing the inner dialect you use with yourself is important. (2) Starting with baby steps and doing easy things, it's very easy to take for granted what easy feels like. Everything MUST be hard for it to matter/have importance? (3) Take R.E.S.T. to heart and start every day with gratitude. On a scale from 1 to 100, how bad was it really? I hope nobody died. That would be a bad day. (4) I cry sometimes, feel lonely sometimes, but am I ever really alone in the 21st century? I feel for you. (5) Meditate. Find what brings you peace and keep it around. (6) Would you like to talk sometime? 🙂
Thanks man. I guess that would depend on what kind of talking you mean, haha. I'm still pretty uncomfortable with voice chats, but you can always email me at jakeavpd@gmail.com :)
I think the main problem with social avoidance is not allowing yourself to be vulnerable,the way you really are.Instead a person puts on a mask,trying hard not to expose his true self and that creates immense pressure resulting in pain and avoidance.Maybe real rejection from other people causes less suffering than this constant acting.Not saying it's easy,but maybe the ultimate path to healing is allowing yourself to be more vulnerable. So you've already done a big step towards that goal by creating your channel. Be proud of yourself! No need to hurry yourself up,heal at your own pace.Greetings from Russia.
🙂
hi jake, i read your book a few months ago and it gave words and context to previously unexpressed thoughts i had and helped me see myself in a more forgiving light.
i think part of the reason you despair is that the institutions that exist to instruct and "care" for us are so devoid of meaning. your response to your experience is human and finding these "solutions" you've encountered to your problems to be unsatisfactory does not speak ill of you.
don't stop reaching out. it's okay to rest when you're overwhelmed, but no matter what you do, don't quit. the more you talk the more people who are inclined to will hear you and you can find people your age who feel disillusioned by the same things as you and who see the world the same way you do; this will not cure avpd but your soul will rejoice.
we say "wishing you the best" often and lightly enough but i am really wishing the best for you, intently. you deserve to commiserate and cry and laugh and fall in love. many people have bad vibes, but you aren't one of them. your vibes are good, and they will attract the right things and people to you (in your own time).
for right now though, just be as kind to yourself as you possibly can in your grief.
Your message means so much to me ❤️ You're so sweet, heartfelt, and well-spoken. Thank you 😊
I'm crying in the club rn
@@JakeAvPD ty for the response! take heart, you're gonna make it ❤️
@@allyson-- ❤️❤️
A thing that really scares me whenever there is a pauze in my recovery, whenever I fall back on my old habits is the Idea that I reached my limit of improving. That it won't be better. I had to carve it in myself that there is always room to change. Even when I start feeling like there is no hope, I can't let that linger. I don't care if all the signs would point to it never getting better. I'll believe in healing as if it was a religious dogma. What else can I do. What would be the alternative. Nothing that I see worth pondering.
I think there are some breakthroughs we can achive in this journey, that at the start may destabilise us, but in the end, they open up topics and aspects of ourselves that we can firther work on. Maybe soon you'll find one such breakthrough and instead of not knowing what to do, you'll start worrying that there are things you should be doing but are afraid of. Still best wishes on finding approach that works for you
really appreciate your videos my man it helps to know we arent alone
🙂
Good to see you again Jake, I've missed your uploads while you were away- I know you think it doesn't matter, that you don't matter, but you do. The fact that you "stepped out on the stage..." and share your "life, under lights and judging eyes" wonderering if there's "anybody listening ?" is an example of courage for the rest of us. Give yourself cred, dude, I'm still trying to steel myself to get in front of a camera for a guest appearance, I can't imagine at this point doing it repeatedly, without support- it's difficult enough behind a keyboard and an avatar.
Your example helps inspire though, and I've been laying the groundwork for a Crusade against the very shortcomings in the psychology, mental health, and cultural systems that you recently (and chronically) experienced, in hopes of FINALLY getting a conversation started that will be heard over the echo chamber noise. Maybe soon.
So sorry you're finding good help so hard to find, I hear the same stories of futility and deaf ears and misconceptions everywhere, the same over-reliance and dogmatic adherence to rote learning, scripts, CBT, DBT, unapplicable advice, and poor understanding (and lack of interest) of the individual seeking help- it's as if they don't know what the f*ck they're doing 😱., and only "check boxes" beside the DSM line items for their one-dimensional "diagnosis". I've coined a new term for this dismally deficient model, "cluster-f*ck", the horse I'm riding in on to help promote a more realistic and helpful psychoanalytic approach to assessment and treatment. (See Psychoanalytic Diagnostic Manual) We all deserve and should be able to expect and access better than what's commonly available, and frankly it pisses me off to hear YET ANOTHER story proving my point. 🤬 Another commenter here suggested psychodynamic therapy, and I hope you'll consider giving it a try, as it seems you've been failed by the "first world" approaches, like so many others.
Crying: now THERE'S a double-edged topic, for sure- it could indicate progress through a grieving process and could be helpful, or it can be the despair erupting. Crying is difficult for me, always has been, and when it happens it's usually as a result of some catastrophe or a bout of deep existential depression. But SOMETIMES I can use it to access deeply buried and dissociated feelings/memories that can lead to progress. A REAL therapist (or a trusted friend) should be able to help make tears a useful part of healing, try not to shame yourself about it- if you ARE, ask yourself WHY, that's an open door to deeper levels of awareness.
Hope some of this helps Jake, and again, I'm truly sorry you've had such a bad experience lately, and I hope things get better for you soon. Keep your chin up buddy.
Thanks man 🙂
Thanks for updating us. Have you looked into ketamine infusion therapy? It apparently helps with treatment-resistant depression. You may be able to find a clinic easier than those less traditional methods (not shaming them, of course). I wish you well. Truly. ❤
As for me, I've been crying a lot too. I'm being laid off (seems to be a 2024 trend), and as you can imagine, finding work isn't easy for me. Hard-knock life.
Thank you Eam ❤️ I have considered ketamine therapy, though I had a couple hangups. I'll probably give it a shot eventually.
I'm so sorry you are having to go through that :( It's really frustrating that employers can just remove positions on a whim, especially when it's so hard for us to find and adapt to new things. Best wishes, my friend, and hugs 🫂
I'm sorry the therapists haven't been giving you what you need. Your videos are so insightful. Have you shown these to your therapist? There's so much valuable information in your channel, even the points about the way therapy is failing you, that your therapist should really want to see these. Competent therapists want feedback. They won't get hurt feelings. They want the client to tell them where they are missing things, using the wrong techniques or going in a wrong direction.
I probably should. I think my current therapist would be open to feedback. I have to admit I have an extremely hard time with giving feedback, because I hate to feel like I'm criticizing someone. That I am not super comfortable with him makes that even harder.
Generic therapy is not what you needed. I am sorry to hear that they were not really diligent in creating a day program which was truly geared toward helping each of you. I am frustrated for you. You worked really hard to accomplish this. They owed you a better treatment program!!
You didn't do anything wrong. They don't have a developed program. I think it was a good try. Don't give up. I would hope you could find something better.
It's good that you have been crying. It shows that some pain is being released.
Keep working on this. I think the crying is really good. You are mourning when you cry. You seem more relaxed in this video. You actually look better and like you are doing better.
Thank you for all your kind words, it really means a lot 😊
I relate to a lot of this. Thanks for sharing! 🫂
🫂
what really matter is that you're trying to improve things.don't judge yourself.hope is always there,even if you don't see it.
It's my personal experience,not some random positive words.maybe in the past you wouldn't even think of yt channel and now you have it.
there's ACT therapy also,maybe it can help.
🙂
I was on partial outpatient about the same time. I thought it was going good but once it’s over you’re done at least where I’m at so I’m right back where I started.
I'm struggling with self-harm and my mental health my mom therapist and psychiatric don't think I need to go to the hospital for treatment and I have been Inpatient since I was 15 years old and now I am 21 years old but I am a special needs adult so my mom is over my medical distinction
I'm so sorry :( Hugs and best wishes
hi that sounds so annoying that they weren't there to facilitate the group. I am so sorry that you are struggling so much there. If you can, maybe you can try another place with another group session.? Anyways I feel like they definitely didn't do the right thing for you all. And maybe they were understaffed, but it still makes it really hard on you and the other people there.
I get what you mean about the advice therapists give sometimes not really feeling helpful, more like they are just reading what to do out of a book or something. and that yeah if you could just do the right things then you would. but then you wouldn't have these particular issues.
i have never been in group therapy, but i am in therapy right now and am also dealing with something irritating. where the therapist like just talks most of the time and i just listen. it's not that i want that, i don't think, that just happens sometimes. And I don't like to complain to therapists now, and I definitely don't like having to change them. So I just go there more or with that expectation now that i will listen to them. And not really talk much there myself. But it may change.
Anyways it does sound really annoying what you went through there. And like they didn't do the right thing there. And I felt a bit angry on your behalf and the patients on how they acted there. That's just not right. I'm so sorry.
Thanks Sandra :) It is really hard because I think therapists that talk way too much see that as a way to make us more comfortable if we start out quiet. In reality it feels overwhelming for us when they talk that much, like we'd be interrupting if we decided to speak up. I think therapists who are a better fit for us trust that we'll open up if they're patient with us. I started with a new therapist yet again like a month ago, and she's the best fit I've found by far. It is really hard to start over, but I hope you are able to find a better fit for yourself too :)
Thank you, that is it exactly! @@JakeAvPD
Jake! I think you used the word 'try' over once a minute. That's not good enough. Remember, you learn much more from failure than you do from success. It's true!
You are perfect just the way you are, but..., if you ever start to feel down, then DBT is a great start, just stop trying, and start doing.
(1) Changing the inner dialect you use with yourself is important.
(2) Starting with baby steps and doing easy things, it's very easy to take for granted what easy feels like. Everything MUST be hard for it to matter/have importance?
(3) Take R.E.S.T. to heart and start every day with gratitude. On a scale from 1 to 100, how bad was it really? I hope nobody died. That would be a bad day.
(4) I cry sometimes, feel lonely sometimes, but am I ever really alone in the 21st century? I feel for you.
(5) Meditate. Find what brings you peace and keep it around.
(6) Would you like to talk sometime? 🙂
Thanks man. I guess that would depend on what kind of talking you mean, haha. I'm still pretty uncomfortable with voice chats, but you can always email me at jakeavpd@gmail.com :)