I have years of my life that I was so depressed and I look back and they seemed so lonely. So empty, I felt like everyone was against me. And then I know people who were around me during those years and have a COMPLETELY difference experience even tho we were live g such similar lives with the same friends and experiences. I've always felt so much shame i couldn't be happy seeing that time. But now I understand better. Thank you❤
This is giving me a completely new perspective of why I'm more overwhelmed than other people with ADHD that I know. Finding out about ADHD was a huge relief of its own, but a lot of the overwhelm was still too intense to be explained purely by ADHD. I feel like my puzzle looks like a comprehensible picture for the first time in my life!! It also explains why I'm not late much or tend to cover up a lot of the characteristics quite well. As I become more relaxed in my relationship my ADHD becomes more pronounced but I welcome it lol!
Aside from issues in relationships, I've dealt with various forms of anxiety in my life, and in the past few days, listening to your videos about this topic in this video (along with your other video about "why you are afraid to be happy") has done absolute wonders for my life. My anxiety has been reduced since I'm allowing myself to feel happy and not be "on" all of the time. I am so thankful for you. 😊 And God loves you too, Paulien. ♡
My mind is legit blown by this!!! I was just saying to my mom how I feel like a terrible mom because I get so overwhelmed all the time and how I don't like having my kids friends spend the night either because it's overwhelming 🤯
The sense if control is so big for me. I never thought it might be connected, I also have intense fear I may sleep through my alarm ⏰️ when I need to yo somewhere. Thankfully I work from home so it doesn't happen as often!
I literally couldn’t even finish one episode of my favorite tv series today because of how tired I felt. Now, I understand there’s a reason for that, thank you!
Stimuli is entirely correct. The word stimulus is from Latin. The -us ending is one of the singular forms and it gets replaced with -i for it's plural form. You might recognize "critici" as a plural of "criticus". I guess the Latin -um/-a is more familiar. Think museum and musea. Not an FA myself, I found that exercise helps with relaxation and restoration. Especially stretching helped against tensing up.
100%! Learning about fearful avoidant attachment style has made so many things fall into place. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but everything you say is exactly what I struggle with. I am constantly overwhelmed with life, I never can relax, because there is always something I should be doing, or something I should be checking on- in my case it’s animals rather than people.. I have been hurt so many times that I have completely shut people out of my life because I feel safe without them. I’m always tired and find it so hard to get up in the morning. I need a lot of help. I want to love and be loved, but I somehow scare people off without meaning to. I also have trouble liking people. Thank you for the video.
Thank you for another great video! I think I'm going to go on a 30 day social media detox. I watched your other video about deactivating during the holidays. Social media can be very triggering for me around the holidays. I will feel bad for not being closer with my family, or having the best time ever or the perfect relationship, etc. Maybe taking a break will be like a Christmas present to myself.
I really needed this today. Thanks so much Paulien, your work helps me so much in understanding myself better. I'm so glad to have come across you videos here. It means a lot, thank you. God bless:)
I am FA and just got out of a 21 year abusive relationship. I'm 39 now and I feel people/ friends and men aren't interested in me because I'm defective because of all my experience in life. I feel life is only for really secure and happy people with good family bonds. They seem to he able to enjoy life and in turn attracts great people, partners e.t.c. I don't have family or friends and live in a new city in a terrible living situation. I feel that at my age, financial and living situation I don't stand a chance for change anymore. Wish it was all just finally over. I've always wished, visualise and prayed for friends, family, husband and a job but nothing of the sort has come my way...I personally think people get lucky in life or not....that is all that it boils down to...I'm the latter...
I really relate to what you said: "I feel life is only for really secure and happy people with good family bonds. They seem to he able to enjoy life and in turn attracts great people, partners e.t.c.". I feel that too, and i feel like i had to act like i was normal, mimic how normal people would act in life, and that means i could never be authentic, never let people know me, i was always lonely inside, i was never really able to safely develop a way to be in life that was align with myself, because i was not on the same page of people around, and needed to fill that gap.
Hi Paulien, thanks so much for your videos. I am with my girlfriend for over 3.5 years, and as we move forward, more commitment are expected from my end - always been reluctant due to doubt and messy gut feeling, but I know she’s perfect for me. But it’s been hard committing to anything even holidays. I feel constantly anxious while being with my partner (not when alone), as well as when we hug (which should calm me…). We had our lows also around sex/attraction but worked on it. Do you feel it’s normal? Not understanding why I am acting like this (I am a FA) led me to depression and the risk to lose her. So trying to understand how to heal and enjoy life a bit more.
Are you Dutch? Are you a psych? I'm pretty sure you're Dutch and I've been trying to find therapy for my attachment issues. Do you have any recommendations? I live in Amsterdam..
I think I’m dealing with this for the 3rd time with my FA. He has broken up with me 2x out of the blue when overwhelmed with work stress. Came back 18 days later the 1st time, started to do so 30 days later for a month when I believe he panicked over shame and guilt the 2nd time and pulled back, ended up in an 11 month rebound. I let him initiate all contact throughout that time and treated him with kindness, compassion and empathy. It ended and he reengaged with me and told me he knew he had to make changes with himself. Got very vulnerable, we’ve been seeing each other for nearly 5 months, he said we really get each other and he’s never found anyone like me before. I’ve let him lead and not pressured. Work got insanely busy again and for the past 3 weeks, he has barely initiated contact and been distant but responds very quickly (and thin 2 mins) everyone I reach out. I’m trying to be consistent while also giving him space. I allow 3-4 days of space before doing check in that don’t pressure but show I care. I am SA healed AP but he can trigger my AP internally. I keep my emotions in check externally. He told me before that he’s “blessed” with my patience. Am I wrong to check in? Is that intrusive or continuing to show compassion and consistency?
Do you surfer from procrastination as well? Anything that helps?❤️i have really hard time to do anything. Actually I ony do things lady minute byť think about them All the time and feel stressed and overwhelmed All the time.
Timmer is really the only person that has ever made me feel seen about my attachment, I'm really glad she's here to help!
I have years of my life that I was so depressed and I look back and they seemed so lonely. So empty, I felt like everyone was against me. And then I know people who were around me during those years and have a COMPLETELY difference experience even tho we were live g such similar lives with the same friends and experiences. I've always felt so much shame i couldn't be happy seeing that time. But now I understand better. Thank you❤
I had no idea that my attachment style influenced me to feel overwhelmed! Gosh! It makes so much sense now! Thank you for this video 🙏🏻
This is giving me a completely new perspective of why I'm more overwhelmed than other people with ADHD that I know. Finding out about ADHD was a huge relief of its own, but a lot of the overwhelm was still too intense to be explained purely by ADHD. I feel like my puzzle looks like a comprehensible picture for the first time in my life!! It also explains why I'm not late much or tend to cover up a lot of the characteristics quite well. As I become more relaxed in my relationship my ADHD becomes more pronounced but I welcome it lol!
Thank you for your insights 🙏.
I never realised that this was one of the reasons I am like this 😅.
Now, it's even more urgent to deal with this.
Aside from issues in relationships, I've dealt with various forms of anxiety in my life, and in the past few days, listening to your videos about this topic in this video (along with your other video about "why you are afraid to be happy") has done absolute wonders for my life. My anxiety has been reduced since I'm allowing myself to feel happy and not be "on" all of the time. I am so thankful for you. 😊 And God loves you too, Paulien. ♡
My mind is legit blown by this!!! I was just saying to my mom how I feel like a terrible mom because I get so overwhelmed all the time and how I don't like having my kids friends spend the night either because it's overwhelming 🤯
The sense if control is so big for me. I never thought it might be connected, I also have intense fear I may sleep through my alarm ⏰️ when I need to yo somewhere. Thankfully I work from home so it doesn't happen as often!
You channel is going to blow up, this information is huge. Thanks Paulein
I literally couldn’t even finish one episode of my favorite tv series today because of how tired I felt. Now, I understand there’s a reason for that, thank you!
Stimuli is entirely correct. The word stimulus is from Latin. The -us ending is one of the singular forms and it gets replaced with -i for it's plural form. You might recognize "critici" as a plural of "criticus". I guess the Latin -um/-a is more familiar. Think museum and musea.
Not an FA myself, I found that exercise helps with relaxation and restoration. Especially stretching helped against tensing up.
100%! Learning about fearful avoidant attachment style has made so many things fall into place. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but everything you say is exactly what I struggle with. I am constantly overwhelmed with life, I never can relax, because there is always something I should be doing, or something I should be checking on- in my case it’s animals rather than people.. I have been hurt so many times that I have completely shut people out of my life because I feel safe without them. I’m always tired and find it so hard to get up in the morning. I need a lot of help. I want to love and be loved, but I somehow scare people off without meaning to. I also have trouble liking people. Thank you for the video.
A young lifetime of overactive stress response is what I think directly led to my Addison's disease diagnosis at the age of 26.
Ah man, just had my first panic attack in a while, and it was while I was in my more... self aware state. That felt WILD. This... helps a lot. Thanks.
Thanks for being here. This explains a lot about why I feel stressed much of the time.
Grateful for all that you share here! So much needed!!
Thank you for being here❤
Amazing video,help me alot to understand my FA partner.many thanks ❤❤
This all makes so much sense. Thank you Paulien. Your videos are incredibly helpful and comforting.
Thank you for another great video! I think I'm going to go on a 30 day social media detox. I watched your other video about deactivating during the holidays. Social media can be very triggering for me around the holidays. I will feel bad for not being closer with my family, or having the best time ever or the perfect relationship, etc. Maybe taking a break will be like a Christmas present to myself.
I love this idea!
I really needed this today. Thanks so much Paulien, your work helps me so much in understanding myself better. I'm so glad to have come across you videos here. It means a lot, thank you. God bless:)
This is incredibly incredibly helpful. 😍
Ah I'm crying! Love your videos 💜
I am FA and just got out of a 21 year abusive relationship. I'm 39 now and I feel people/ friends and men aren't interested in me because I'm defective because of all my experience in life. I feel life is only for really secure and happy people with good family bonds. They seem to he able to enjoy life and in turn attracts great people, partners e.t.c. I don't have family or friends and live in a new city in a terrible living situation. I feel that at my age, financial and living situation I don't stand a chance for change anymore. Wish it was all just finally over. I've always wished, visualise and prayed for friends, family, husband and a job but nothing of the sort has come my way...I personally think people get lucky in life or not....that is all that it boils down to...I'm the latter...
i wish you a lot of luck !!!
I really relate to what you said: "I feel life is only for really secure and happy people with good family bonds. They seem to he able to enjoy life and in turn attracts great people, partners e.t.c.".
I feel that too, and i feel like i had to act like i was normal, mimic how normal people would act in life, and that means i could never be authentic, never let people know me, i was always lonely inside, i was never really able to safely develop a way to be in life that was align with myself, because i was not on the same page of people around, and needed to fill that gap.
Very helpful video
Thank you
Thank you so much!
Thank you❤. You are beautiful 🤩
Thanks really. 💗
Deleted social media
Hi Paulien, thanks so much for your videos. I am with my girlfriend for over 3.5 years, and as we move forward, more commitment are expected from my end - always been reluctant due to doubt and messy gut feeling, but I know she’s perfect for me. But it’s been hard committing to anything even holidays. I feel constantly anxious while being with my partner (not when alone), as well as when we hug (which should calm me…). We had our lows also around sex/attraction but worked on it. Do you feel it’s normal? Not understanding why I am acting like this (I am a FA) led me to depression and the risk to lose her. So trying to understand how to heal and enjoy life a bit more.
Are you Dutch? Are you a psych? I'm pretty sure you're Dutch and I've been trying to find therapy for my attachment issues. Do you have any recommendations? I live in Amsterdam..
Can being overwhelmed trigger a deactivation?
Absolutely!
I think I’m dealing with this for the 3rd time with my FA. He has broken up with me 2x out of the blue when overwhelmed with work stress. Came back 18 days later the 1st time, started to do so 30 days later for a month when I believe he panicked over shame and guilt the 2nd time and pulled back, ended up in an 11 month rebound. I let him initiate all contact throughout that time and treated him with kindness, compassion and empathy. It ended and he reengaged with me and told me he knew he had to make changes with himself. Got very vulnerable, we’ve been seeing each other for nearly 5 months, he said we really get each other and he’s never found anyone like me before. I’ve let him lead and not pressured. Work got insanely busy again and for the past 3 weeks, he has barely initiated contact and been distant but responds very quickly (and thin 2 mins) everyone I reach out. I’m trying to be consistent while also giving him space. I allow 3-4 days of space before doing check in that don’t pressure but show I care. I am SA healed AP but he can trigger my AP internally. I keep my emotions in check externally. He told me before that he’s “blessed” with my patience. Am I wrong to check in? Is that intrusive or continuing to show compassion and consistency?
Do you surfer from procrastination as well? Anything that helps?❤️i have really hard time to do anything. Actually I ony do things lady minute byť think about them All the time and feel stressed and overwhelmed All the time.