The first morning with a new child in your foster home - baby, young child, older child/teen/tween
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 ต.ค. 2024
- Today's POV video is showcasing the first morning with a new foster child - I walk through a few considerations for fostering babies, young children, and older youth.
Of course, every morning is different and every kid is different :) What is the first morning like for you? Let me know in the comments below!
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The last time I was in foster care I forgot their names and was too scared to ask them. I eventually figured it out but it freaked me out so I will remind the kiddos the next morning and tell them my story to break the ice a little. We usually take in teenagers.
This is a great tip, thanks for adding it in!
I think having a handbook with names or your name/picture on bedroom door could be helpful for that too! For the older reading kiddos. I have to see someone’s name to remember it and having stuff like that relieves so much anxiety.
Maybe a name plate of the family member names so they can look and read it if they read. Maybe a wall of photos of the family with names to match the faces and a mirror to show they are apart of the family on the wall for however long that is
My mom made a family and friends book when I was a baby with names and pics of everyone.
That’s a great idea! I hope it went well.
For the older kids with the potential bed-wetting situation you could leave out a whole new set of fresh bedding folded and say along the lines of “I don’t know when you like your bedding to be changed but you can change it whenever you want. If you want me to change it for you you can put your old bedding in the washing machine if you want to and let me know and il put your fresh set on for you”
No awkward conversations needed. Just clean bedding ❤️
I’m a kid, but I’m hoping to adopt an older child some day so thanks for your videos! I love your content :)
Wonderful ❤
I wish you the best in life.
You're really good at acting natural when you're just talking to nobody there.
I can't even act with that much skill in EMT or Physician Associate school when we "practice" on nobody.
That’s so kind thank you. I feel so embarrassed and silly when I do it! I won’t film in front of Chris 🫣😅
Honestly this is a real strength of what you do on here - thank you for going through the feeling silly part!
Agreed!
This changes my mind about some foster familes. My cousins were not this lucky, all 8 seperated, all went to awful fosters who were clearly in for money and didnt care about the kids and they all moved constantly. Thank you for showing us its possible to have a good foster who actually cares.
No direct experience myself (thank goodness), but from everything I've seen and heard, one of the *many* problems with the foster system is that it's a complete lottery. There are great foster parents who are fostering for all the right reasons and awful parents fostering for all the wrong ones. One constant seems to be that even good foster parents are so often hamstrung by the lack of support from the rest of the system. So they get overwhelmed, can't help their fosters, even if they are genuinely trying to, and often burn out and stop fostering altogether. And because the foster system is so often overloaded and can be so awful, children end up staying with unfit parents or are put in unsuitable kinship care because the alternative is even worse.
I'm not American, but this also often seems to be the case in other Western countries who, like the US, really should have the resources to do better. Our children deserve better.
@@PonderingStudentCome to understand that foster system that originated in the us was and still often is a part of colonialism.
It’s like this was and it is awful for a reason. Not a good one at all.
Not corny! Informative and respectful. ❤
What does it look like if the kid is in crisis as soon as they arrive, and can't calm down for a while? What do you do? You have made videos where you're acting out greeting the kid, but I've noticed that you're usually only covering stratagies you'd use if the kid is still in control of themselves.
I'm also curious about what you'd do if your foster child is experiencing night terrors or consuming PTSD flashbacks.
Thank you for making these videos. Even though I don't know if I'll ever be able to foster or adopt, watching these helps me in some way.
I'm a former foster youth, but from my experience, there's far more often least older kids just wanting to be left alone. There can be emergency placements, but a lot of the time foster youth are moved between homes and a new placement isn't coming from being removed from their bioparent(s) but from another foster home. I was in 6 different foster homes for example. In terms of when kids enter foster care - a lot of kids are really in shock or have a lot of questions foster parents can't answer. That was the big thing with me - it was absolutely a family crisis and no one would answer if my mom was ok or even alive (she was in the hospital after a drug overdose). I was pacing and absolutely panicked about what was going on with my mom and all I remember was a baby crying all the time and my foster mom wanting me to play Monopoly and making me go to bed ridiculously early. I don't think there's a lot of training on what to do in terms of a crisis like that - it's all telling kids to contact their caseworker and requesting therapy. I couldn't even get anyone to take me to the hospital to see my mom. It's all - you have this place to stay and a bed to sleep in and food so you're good and that's supposed to be enough.
@@KatTheo431 Good heavens, that sounds awful! I'm so sorry you went through that.
@@KatTheo431 hope ur mom is good Now
KatTheo, I'm so sorry that you were treated like that in an already scary time.
Laura is trauma-informed, and emotional "first aid" definitely comes first. I would also love to see a video on how best to react to a triggered child.
What would you do if the child wasn't really getting out of bed after waking up, didn't seem ready to take on the day? Would you eventually go/look in and offer something to eat or try talking to them?
It's good to follow their lead! If they are an older youth, you can have a welcome kit with snacks in their room. That can be helpful. Eggo makes a waffle that is in a package. Fruit can also be an easy thing to put into a welcome kit. They may not know what they are supposed to do in the morning, so it's ok to guide and prompt (especially because there could be appointments) but this is a getting to know you period and so consider taking your cues from them on how they want to interact.
@@foster.parenting Yeah, as an introverted enneagram 9w1, I would've wanted to come out but been scared to do "the wrong thing" or "interrupt the foster parent's morning," so I appreciate this kind of thinking and prompting. I experienced this when staying over at friend's houses growing up. I was usually the first one up, or I may have needed to use the restroom but didn't want to disturb anyone. Even at 34, I am still so careful of everyone else's time and thoughts.
I've been watching for a year now, and find each video to be helpful. I'm retired now and have lots of time to care for an older child or teen(even infants). I've been considering getting approved as a foster parent in Texas. Thanks for taking the time to give us practical insight into caring for foster kiddos!❤
Wow, thank you for watching for so long! And thank you for considering supporting foster youth in the future. There are often so many programs that you can plug into - from respite care to emergency shelter programs. Thank you for your care!
I’m really wondering about number of appointments and driving for visits. It probably will be different in my small city in Canada! But my special needs son already has several therapy appointments we need to get to and my other 2 do sports. We’re ready to start our foster training in the fall (all my kids want to help babies and toddlers in need, we will increase the ages we take as my kids get older). The extra driving to things is holding me back a bit 3:35 right now (we’re on a farm). Thank you so much Laura for your content! It’s invaluable for foster parents and ANY parents!❤❤❤1
Hi laura! How might you support an older child who doesnt come out of their room the whole first day? Would love to hear some tips on how to support while respecting privacy
I'm not a foster parent, but I'd try talking through the door - not yelling, though! Just calling their name and saying "I made breakfast/lunch/dinner, you can come out if you want some", or ask if they want to watch a specific movie with me. Invitations that show "you are allowed to come out and you are welcome here", not forcing them out.
Thanks for your videos! Very informative and I appreciate you not including any children. We just got our foster license a couple weeks ago and we got our first respite teen yesterday that will be staying with us for a week. I have a two year old and 3 month old bio kids so we were only going to take kids 0-5 years but after getting info on this teen I couldn’t say no lol!
Ty for saying yes!
Bless you !
Hey, how did it go? ❤
I like that when checking on the younger kid you said “it’s Laura” as one of the first things. I imagine the first night in a new place, especially if they just left their parents’ house, they could mistake you for their mom and then get upset. Reminding them immediately who’s there with them is a good way to head that off and also reassure them that you’re there for them. (And as someone else said, in case they’ve forgotten your name)
this is healing to watch
I’ve been following along for almost a year now without any intention of starting foster parenting 🤣 Your videos are very informative and calming to watch and I find it really interesting to learn about such a special responsibility that I previously knew nothing about, thank you for sharing Laura!
Are there any restrictions for single individuals with disabilities to become foster parents?
It really depends on the disability and the ages of the children you have I would think. For example, it would be extremely hard to be a wheelchair user parenting a toddler alone but might not be a problem with older children and teens.
Thanks for the videos! Part of me would really like to do this but where I live, you can't have a job at the same time. Still helpful though for thinking about the future and for the work I do in education now.
That really sucks that you cant foster maybe one day
Rooting for you!! Working in education is tough.
As in, neither foster parent can have a job, or as in one of them has to be a stay-at-home parent?
In a couple, one person could work. If you're single, you can foster but would usually have to treat it as your job and not have other employment.
I like your videos and have watched a lot of them. Can you make a video about having a home with multiple foster children? How would that make a difference when taking in a new child if you already have a few others? I assume you take in more than one at a time.
This was so informative thank you!
Thank you for watching :)
I’m literally 25 but can you be my mom lol 😂❤ this wasn’t corny, it was great!!
This is AMAZING. Thank you so much. My question is this - do foster parents or the agency get to "make the call" that a kiddo can miss school on that first day in placement? It seems like such a compassionate option, and we want to be able to advocate for that to be part of our "toolbox" for helping kids to acclimate on the first day.
Some youth want to be at school with their friends and teachers, and some need to sleep in and rest and have a moment to breathe. Talk to the worker. The workers I've worked with have all been compassionate - but I know I am lucky and that is not the case everywhere. If you are unsure of something, always ask. Also, they may want the youth to visit the medical center depending on the reason for their removal. It really all varies by kid, case, and worker!
would love to see content about emergency foster care :) love your videos so much!
Thank you so much for this! U literally take on so many of our requests!! Respect girlllll!
I appreciate the requests! :)
Many young kids (and even teens) are overwhelmed by lots of options, especially in times when they are more dysregulated.
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My husband & I will be licensed in a few weeks and have already been asked about a placement that same week. How do you introduce your foster children to other children and adults? I want to be respectful of the children, not single them out, but also not confuse people.
Anyone they meet should already know you are foster parents. “This is Ashley!” Is all that’s needed. For acquaintances, you can ask the child how they want to be introduced. “They are staying with us for a little while” is usually sufficient but check with the youth and see how they want to be introduced. It’s usually different depending on situation - eg at a community event vs at school
❤
You are so amazing! I really like you!!
Do you only foster kids whose parents had the issue, or do you take in troubled/at risk kids as well?
Thanks, great timing.
What about a teen with autism
This was really helpful. thank you
Ty for watching!
I’m not a foster parent, or a foster child ( although i wish i was back in the day), but my questions are; are you currently fostering? And what do your foster children do when you’re filming your videos?
If she's fostering babies she can simply move out of the room the baby is in and film. Most other age groups will have some form of activity outside of the home where she will have time to film (school or therapy etc)
I think she must not have seen this question, but my guess is that she does the videos either when little ones are napping or older kids are at school. Also possibly during times between placements when there's no foster child in the home.
@@tejaswoman thank you. Much appreciated
Thank you so much for sharing this video Latino community
Mom
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Brother is God
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What if they want caffeinated soda pop and chips?
Hmm would depend on age honestly for the caffeine. I probably would grab caffeine free pop. For chips, I’m fine with that! Chips are a safe food for many. There is a lot I can build on into their diet when you stop with chips! :)
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What if the kid doesn’t want to eat and they just say they aren’t hungry
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I think they have done a vid abt this
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So are you married? do you have other kids? how may some things go differently if you are a foster with a family of your own??
She is married, I'm not sure if they have other kids. But things will always be different because children are not a monolith. Fostering a baby is not the same as fostering a 14 year old. All kids are there for different reasons and for different lengths of time.
Occasionally her husband joins her for a video. My impression over months of watching is that they don't have any kids of their own, biological or adoptive.
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Stop spamming
@@MaggieFox45 yeah I'm getting weird vibes from this comment.