I've got one husband, we have ten kids together, there is always time for intimacy. Intimacy is truly essential for a long term healthy marriage. It does not mean you will not have difficulties or problems, you will come to understand both of your needs. Always remember marriage is not just a piece of paper, it is a blessing given by the Lord, and the Lord always wants to fulfil his blessing on you.
10 kids ??? You have a farm or business where you need all those hands ? We have 3 grown children. I think for us 3 was good. It gives us time to have good quality time with each one as they were growing up. My closest cousin to me was the youngest of 6, and she felt invisible to her parents growing up. And she grew up in a Christ centered home. Lots of love in that household. But they were SO busy all the time. She got married and decided only 1 child was enough for her. And I grew up with 1 sibling. That was just right too. But to each their own. I just hope your older ones are not raising your younger ones. I’ve seen that a lot in huge families. And it’s not the older siblings’ job to raise their little sisters and brothers. That’s the parents job 😊
@@cjhoward409 No we don’t have a farm or business. When we got married we never planned how many children we would have, we only knew that at some point the children would arrive and they are all naturally spaced over twenty years. I never felt afraid or anxious about being open to life, I have always felt that my life was an adventure and I never knew what doors would open and close. Five of our kids are married now with their own kids and we have five still at home, one of which is engaged. I don’t expect my children to have the same life as I have had, I only encourage them not to be afraid of living. I know what you mean when you say that the older siblings can become the babysitter for the younger ones, that has never happened in our case, but they have and do help around the house just as any parent would expect them to clean up their room. True that some children can seem invisible but that can also happen in small families. When I reflect on my life I am amazed on myself as to why I had ten children and why wasn’t I like other people who only have two children? The only explanation I have is that the blessings I have received has been abundant and that somehow through this blessing the Lord has allowed me to have a minuscule seed of faith.
I dealt with this my whole life and my second marriage isn't any better than my first marriage maybe a little bit no sex I don't understand it I have spent my whole life alone and tired of it even had that talk a few days back I feel like if I was just alone I would do better in life not having to deal with a wife and it's bad to feel alone when there's somebody with you
None of that will heal without Christ. That's a sad situation I am familiar with. Jesus healed our marriage. We didn't have it in us to heal ourselves. Only Christ has that power. God designed marriage, so He can definitely heal it. I really hope your relationship with your wife heals bro...... sincerely....
While being in a caring relationship is very nice, what's worse than being alone is being in a miserable relationship. I don't think JP has been in the dating market recently. Mgtow for now!
Jurjen-I think striving for a relationship is a bit much. It’s okay to not be in one; if a girls comes by that’s worth it, then it’s fine, if not that’s also okay. I personally think that it’s important not to be alone too much.
@@jurjendeboer4009 i don't mean avoid women, i mean draw clear and meaningful lines/criteria and accept being alone if the other party doesn't measure up. Men must do their part of being responsible and desirable but many modern women are so unreasonable that men should say "no, thank you" with time women will change or a vast portion of the society is gonna be alone and IMO it is better than the one sided system we live in now.
NB: it's for existing relationships. I've also heard (from Esther Perrel) that becoming adventurous together or apart then sharing that experience is an option to develop intimacy away from sex. Meanwhile any couple who have successfully revived/renewed their dying sexual intimacy to raise their hands here please! Need evidence that this works 😅
Get in physical shape, lose weight, take care or your appearance and make your partner feel they are important and special to you. Also use p*rn together it helps in those moments when either of you lose "attraction".
@@bigduke2140 For a duration after pregnancy, couples naturally do not have sex. This is both due to the demands of the infant, but also because the womb is susceptible to infection. Based on research into Africa and premodern societies, couples resume sex about 3 weeks afterward. In developed nations, this can result in the end of sex due to multiple (and unnecessary) stressors.
It's called marriage, not an intimate relationship. I've seen intimate partners come & go from my friends relationships, often with children shared. Marriage, between a man & a woman, is different. It's healthier for the kids (most of the time), it creates more commitment since divorce can be difficult, & you become each other's witness to life.
It's called marriage, not an intimate relationship. you just described a sexless marriage... divorce is not difficult( unless you are a father), its very easy now,and unfortunately too many people take that as the easy way out instead of dealing with their issues and denying why they destroyed their marriage over the years( as JP explained)
When you date you tend to be a bit pretentious. When you’re married there’s no more pretending. Better rethink what a date really is when it comes to married people.
I totally agree with this but I am too much of a perfectionist and a coward when it comes to women. I don’t know what I’m looking for because I never grew up alongside women. I’m good at some of the “impossible” men’s stuff, but there it ends. I do need to show some vulnerability if I can do.
Better and healthier to be content and GRATEFUL to live in peaceful solitude BY CHOICE. Who would EVER want to get tangled up in someone else's drama, baggage and debris. NOT ME, NOT EVER !!!
Men are all for the physical intimacy twice a week because they “need” it but they can’t be bothered with emotional intimacy at all even though their partner “needs” it. Suddenly it’s optional. Ironically, the health of the relationship dictates the health of the sex, not the other way around. If a man wants his sex life to thrive he needs to pursue his wife for relationship first and the sex will come automatically. Neglect the relationship and the sex will die as a result of the relationship dying.
You are expecting the man to know exactly what you need and to provide that to you whilst you have never specified it. The man on the other hand specified what he needs (sex) and you're wilfully not providing his needs because you're bitter that he is'nt meeting your needs. Way to go girl.
@@touchofgrace3217 '' but they can’t be bothered with emotional intimacy at all'', with that generalizing and negative attitude towards men, it's no wonder they don't want to be emotionally intimate with you.
@@touchofgrace3217 maybe the lack of sex causes the lack of emotional intimacy. A man who feels unattractive and rejected isn't going to be massively motivated towards other forms of intimacy. Also, as another commenter mentioned, men often don't even know what their partner wants from them and what they need to do to make their partner happy. But women know precisely what their man wants and how unhappy they make them when they make them feel undesirable and rejected. Women expect men to be mind readers and then punish them for failing to get it right. Women know exactly what their man wants and needs and withholding sex is an intentional punishmentthat reveals a massive imbalance of desire between the man and a woman. Pleasing a woman is far more mysterious and complicated and women often won't tell me what they need, they just punish them in a way that just further damages the relationship and creates a cycle of resentment.
Utterly disagreed. You dont need to have a partner. If you have one, that is supporting you and strengthening you, then yes, it will definitely improve your life. But people are unpredictable, the chances of you finding someone who will actually support you in your objectives is extremely low, especially in today's messed up, woke, toxic feminism climate. You are more likely to end up with massive drama, separation, divorce, unwanted children who now have to be raised by several fathers and mothers (since you both separated and are seeing someone else..etc) Instead of wasting your time with all this bullshit, dating, trying to find the right partner..etc, get laser focused on your objectives and work on that instead.
Both SSRIs and oral contraceptives have an inhibitory effect on the brain. This is good for managing anxiety, but sexual arousal requires arousal of the central nervous system. This is why people fantasise about about tense sexual situations involving loss of control. This is not adequately discussed and psychologists are not equipped with the requisite knowledge. Also rarely discussed is weight, which very quickly becomes unattractive. Because there is a fertility crisis, first use of SRIs may need to be contraindicated for young couples in relationships. There are better alternatives out there, such as tranylcypromine.
Once is ALOT more than zero. He is 100% correct. My wife says she is too tired for sex 6 yrs nothing so I raised it now maybe 7 times last year. Where do you go from here if she is not really making an effort to change you jave to start to question her attraction and then people wonder why people cheat.
@@kevincarbone6831 "You'll have to know how to attract a healthy woman". _If_ there are any available (not already in a relationship) in your area. There are too many factors to consider, that must line up. For such a woman to be available (single), is infact a matter of luck. So that there proves my point. But not only that - if such a healthy woman is single, she must find you attractive. Not only physically attractive, but she must like your character and behavior, and see your beliefs, habits, hobbies, interests (the kinds of music, art, comedy, movies you like, etc) as acceptable in someone she'd want to be with and be seen with. For these things to be compatible or acceptable, is a matter of luck. She must prefer your height, hair color, style... You might lift and have big muscles, but she prefers leaner guys, but you love lifting... There's just way too many things you're not taking into consideration. It really does come down to luck. I'm not saying people shouldn't try... But we also shouldn't be ashamed of not being able to find someone. What if the best match for you simply isn't ever going to cross paths with you ever? She might not be online dating sites looking because she just isn't interested in the internet, beyond using it for studying. And none of her friends met anyone they liked, etc. None of your friends know such a woman. You never cross paths in real life... Or you did but she was in a car with her parents, driving them somewhere because their car broke down... And you were driving in the opposite direction, and you didn't even notice each other... But just because it comes down to luck, doesn't mean it can't happen... Clearly it happens a lot... It's been happening for a long time in human history. Seeing that things are a matter of luck isn't really that big of a deal... But at the same time, it's important to see it because you don't beat yourself up for not getting the things you want. You learn to accept that not everything is in your control. It's a matter of luck that you and I were born in the places we were to the families we were... There were people born to parents that locked them in the basement or neglected them as little kids until they died. Such things may be rare, but you're still lucky that you weren't one of those kids... They were not...
Then you have way too high standards. And your probably not capable of meeting the standards that are required for a partner like that to be interested in you.
@@kevincarbone6831 all of that energy could be used to make art, write a song, develop an innovative idea, write a novel, build something incredible, the list goes on. I am so baffled as to how people have enough free time and energy for things like this
Based on the assessment here, I won't be here very long, but fierce awneryness might play a factor in that. Aside from a little dating, I've more or less always been single (46 now); and honestly a little late on to be starting something now, especially as far as possibly having an actual family might go, not to mention the insanely rising cost of doing so (much less attracting some maiden out there). I'll admit, it's probably better in the long run, assuming one doesn't get themselves involved in a brutal/poisonous type of relationship, and find something that's caring and compassionate. It just seems as though its not an option for everyone when life is what it is. Good going with the 🐉 socks and tie, that was pretty cool - not as though I'm biased in any fashion in that regard.
This is a brilliant and uncomfortable conversation. My wife and I used to have sex 2-4 times a day and now with our 3 year old we barely have it once a week!!!! 😂
When I do not have a partner, I tend to help more people. A partner kind of monopolizes my attention and it comes to a time when one works and lives only for that partner, while everyone else we either ignore or consider them as mere means to the end of satisfying the needs such partner. I feel I can give my love and empathy to a lot more people when I am alone. I am alone now after a ten year relationship and was alone before for 13 years. I know both sides of the coin. Well, I am not really alone. My partners are two dogs. If we widen the definition of partnership to include pets, then I agree with the post.
Another critical issue is that sexual activity in front of children is a serious crime. This places enormous restrictions on when and where it may take place, and abolishes spontaneity.
Thanks JP, where were you 18 years ago when my marriage disintegrated and the psychologists we saw offered no advice of any merit? I still live with the fall out nearly every day. Young people, LISTEN TO JP about on this subject. and in particular his writings on intimate relationships. You have been given a path to some happiness here. All I have are answers for many of the whys. And too many good but not great long term relationships since.
know anyone who's smart, moral (yes, including THAT; maybe even primarily THAT), good-looking, and sane? oh and on the same exact page as me regarding values/beliefs? oh and no tats please. or astrology
There's room for negotiation about that as wel. What can your partner do to make you more interested in him/her again. And vice versa. It's also something both can work on.
didn't stop JP popping benzos for years, nearly dying getting off the benzos, then breaking down in tears every five minutes and at the eleventh hour finding Jeezus tho, did it.... pfff.
Then number one you prolly aren’t into your partner. Or take the time to really explore and be present. Why do I say this. Because your partner knows how to please you… Number two your prolly a cluster B. It’s already been tested. High degree of narcissism for people who are in a relationship and want it elsewhere. Number three. You have a bad marriage and need to clean it up. I mean intimacy is tied to the health of a relationship I don’t know man. Blaming the Coolidge effect on why you wanna sleep with other woman seems just shady. What if there was a study saying you want tons of sex with your partner. I’m sure then you’d be citing that and be all into your partner. Only u can know. Sit in silence and figure out why this could be the case
@@ssing7113 "Sit in silence and figure out why this could be the case". WOW:) yeah while i'm at it, i'll go shave my g*ddam eyebrows too - BECAUSE SOME PATHETIC SIMP THINKS WANTING SEX WITH MORE THAN ONE WOMAN, is a mental disorder. ok lemme play this game too. is the fact that men want sex with women they HAVEN'T already had sex with bothersome to you, because you're an obsequious beta? [btw i didn't bother looking up b cluster. not gonna either.] and it makes you resentful, that others aren't as well? or is that you can only GET one woman, and it's one whom nobody else wants anyway? sit in silence and ponder why it offends you so much, than men are like just about EVERY OTHER G*DDAM MAMMAL SPECIES MALE. oh, and "your partner knows how to please you". first of all, i'm not in it for the pleasure. it could feel like a root canal, and i'd still want to do it. if you don't understand this, then you're not a man anyway. but also, saying a man's partner knows how to please him. ya mean, other women DON'T??? pleasing a man, is pretty f*cking simple, stupid. it's not a big mystery. lemme know how the sitting in silence goes.
Let's face it, most women are the ones wanting divorce, yet men are told the relationship is your responsibility. So most women are breaking the bond not men. Wedding - the woman is the main priority, anniversary - the woman is the priority, mothers day - the woman is the priority. Are you noticing a theme? Yet men are told it is their fault if it doesn't work out. No shaming allowed for women.
My Pat women want the divorce because men are ok having their cake and eating it too. My ex was happy cheating on me and coming home to me where he was greeted with a home cooked meal and the kids were clean and well adjusted, house was clean, bills were paid. But he was content with cheating because he didn’t want a permanent relationship with whatever bimbo he picked up in some sleazy bar. After a few years of this, I wanted the divorce. Yes, because I had some self respect and wasn’t going to let him live a double life. 😁
@@cjhoward409 Always remember IT IS ALWAYS ABOUT YOU. Never forget this fact and when people don't ask about your life or history it is because they are jealous of you. Not that you are some American with an exceptionalism complex.
What nonsense is he talking about? You can have a perfectly healthy life without submitting to a boring unproductive non-intellectual life. He quotes so much nietzsche that forgets what he said about that life as well as Schopenhauer. You can't have a self-productive life during a relationship. Is either one or the other, attempting to have both just brings problems in the long run. Either she demands attention (which she's not wrong since she's your partner) or your hunger for knowledge and self growth declines.
While I normally agree with JP on the thiings he talks about, I can't agree on this one. Why? Because having an intimate relationship is an option for an ever decreasing number of people in North America. 80% of women are going after 5% of men. So I may "improve" my health, my wealth, my mental outlook, etc. and STILL get my head bashed in by female rejection. I'm not playing that silly game.
you are watching too many bitter men on youtube tell you things that arent true, plenty of ugly, dorky and poor guys (not saying you are any of these things) get women and keep them.
You watch too much incel YT nonsense. I used to buy into that. The statistics around Tinder and apps is nonsense. If you meet a chick off Tinder or in a bar or club she's already in the 20% most promiscuous women. It's just very easy to meet the personality disordered and promiscuous. You need to take responsibility and stop getting stuck on terrible women, start appreciating boring, decent qualities and hard next red flags.
I've got one husband, we have ten kids together, there is always time for intimacy. Intimacy is truly essential for a long term healthy marriage. It does not mean you will not have difficulties or problems, you will come to understand both of your needs. Always remember marriage is not just a piece of paper, it is a blessing given by the Lord, and the Lord always wants to fulfil his blessing on you.
10 oO
10 kids ??? You have a farm or business where you need all those hands ?
We have 3 grown children. I think for us 3 was good. It gives us time to have good quality time with each one as they were growing up. My closest cousin to me was the youngest of 6, and she felt invisible to her parents growing up. And she grew up in a Christ centered home. Lots of love in that household. But they were SO busy all the time. She got married and decided only 1 child was enough for her. And I grew up with 1 sibling. That was just right too. But to each their own. I just hope your older ones are not raising your younger ones. I’ve seen that a lot in huge families. And it’s not the older siblings’ job to raise their little sisters and brothers. That’s the parents job 😊
@@cjhoward409 No we don’t have a farm or business. When we got married we never planned how many children we would have, we only knew that at some point the children would arrive and they are all naturally spaced over twenty years. I never felt afraid or anxious about being open to life, I have always felt that my life was an adventure and I never knew what doors would open and close. Five of our kids are married now with their own kids and we have five still at home, one of which is engaged. I don’t expect my children to have the same life as I have had, I only encourage them not to be afraid of living. I know what you mean when you say that the older siblings can become the babysitter for the younger ones, that has never happened in our case, but they have and do help around the house just as any parent would expect them to clean up their room. True that some children can seem invisible but that can also happen in small families. When I reflect on my life I am amazed on myself as to why I had ten children and why wasn’t I like other people who only have two children? The only explanation I have is that the blessings I have received has been abundant and that somehow through this blessing the Lord has allowed me to have a minuscule seed of faith.
@@monicatomelty751 please be mindful when talking about "blessings" not to make others feel not worthy of blessings in whatever form.
@maralfniqle5092 I have only given my experience and what I have seen. I have in no way suggested that anyone else is not blessed!
Remember it supposed to be your fun space.
I dealt with this my whole life and my second marriage isn't any better than my first marriage maybe a little bit no sex I don't understand it I have spent my whole life alone and tired of it even had that talk a few days back I feel like if I was just alone I would do better in life not having to deal with a wife and it's bad to feel alone when there's somebody with you
None of that will heal without Christ. That's a sad situation I am familiar with. Jesus healed our marriage. We didn't have it in us to heal ourselves. Only Christ has that power. God designed marriage, so He can definitely heal it.
I really hope your relationship with your wife heals bro...... sincerely....
another one thing men in marriage should stop doing is jerking off with porn, it for sure kills sexual life in the family
I love the 1989 Joker suit
IM TRYING MAN OKAY
YOU DONT HAVE TO TELL ME EVERYDAY
While being in a caring relationship is very nice, what's worse than being alone is being in a miserable relationship. I don't think JP has been in the dating market recently. Mgtow for now!
That's an unhealthy thing to think. Keep looking and be real to yourself.
@@jurjendeboer4009 No, it's what my therapist said. No relationship is better than an unhealthy one.
@@Hartley_Hare that is true but that doesn't mean mgtow is a good decision. You should still be striving towards attaining a caring relationship
Jurjen-I think striving for a relationship is a bit much. It’s okay to not be in one; if a girls comes by that’s worth it, then it’s fine, if not that’s also okay. I personally think that it’s important not to be alone too much.
@@jurjendeboer4009 i don't mean avoid women, i mean draw clear and meaningful lines/criteria and accept being alone if the other party doesn't measure up. Men must do their part of being responsible and desirable but many modern women are so unreasonable that men should say "no, thank you" with time women will change or a vast portion of the society is gonna be alone and IMO it is better than the one sided system we live in now.
It made me the alcoholic that I am today.....
NB: it's for existing relationships.
I've also heard (from Esther Perrel) that becoming adventurous together or apart then sharing that experience is an option to develop intimacy away from sex.
Meanwhile any couple who have successfully revived/renewed their dying sexual intimacy to raise their hands here please! Need evidence that this works 😅
Get in physical shape, lose weight, take care or your appearance and make your partner feel they are important and special to you. Also use p*rn together it helps in those moments when either of you lose "attraction".
@@bigduke2140 For a duration after pregnancy, couples naturally do not have sex. This is both due to the demands of the infant, but also because the womb is susceptible to infection. Based on research into Africa and premodern societies, couples resume sex about 3 weeks afterward. In developed nations, this can result in the end of sex due to multiple (and unnecessary) stressors.
Fast! If you don't want to marry then fast. Fasting will free you. I love fasting, I fast every Monday and Thursday.
yep, it feels great to give body time to repair.
It's called marriage, not an intimate relationship. I've seen intimate partners come & go from my friends relationships, often with children shared.
Marriage, between a man & a woman, is different. It's healthier for the kids (most of the time), it creates more commitment since divorce can be difficult, & you become each other's witness to life.
It's called marriage, not an intimate relationship.
you just described a sexless marriage...
divorce is not difficult( unless you are a father), its very easy now,and unfortunately too many people take that as the easy way out instead of dealing with their issues and denying why they destroyed their marriage over the years( as JP explained)
Am I seeing things....or does his tie match his socks?
When you date you tend to be a bit pretentious. When you’re married there’s no more pretending. Better rethink what a date really is when it comes to married people.
A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.-H. L. Mencken
We are taught to always put other people first, that's why we are uncomfortable with asking for our needs.
I don't think anyone can have sex on a schedule and find it satisfying. I think sex has to happen spontaneously.
I totally agree with this but I am too much of a perfectionist and a coward when it comes to women. I don’t know what I’m looking for because I never grew up alongside women. I’m good at some of the “impossible” men’s stuff, but there it ends. I do need to show some vulnerability if I can do.
Most of the women want rich men.....
Better and healthier to be content and GRATEFUL to live in peaceful solitude BY CHOICE. Who would EVER want to get tangled up in someone else's drama, baggage and debris. NOT ME, NOT EVER !!!
I get it…
Do not give up hope like that.
@@jurjendeboer4009 Give up hope? You completely misread/misinterpreted my comment, PREFERENCE, CHOICE, and contentment.
Nobody wants me.
Oh no don’t you say that. You are just fine. ❤
No he's right, if you are too different from the norms in body or mind then you will have an extraordinarily difficult time in finding love.
Go watch "the undateables". And what else do you want to do? Give up?
Not if you're a jerk for sure nobody wants you! Just be kind
@@roxy4158 lol.
Let JP finish his thoughts!!!
happy thanksgiving! nice insight. have learnt a lot from you.
Men are all for the physical intimacy twice a week because they “need” it but they can’t be bothered with emotional intimacy at all even though their partner “needs” it. Suddenly it’s optional.
Ironically, the health of the relationship dictates the health of the sex, not the other way around. If a man wants his sex life to thrive he needs to pursue his wife for relationship first and the sex will come automatically. Neglect the relationship and the sex will die as a result of the relationship dying.
No. Sex will not come automatically if men does x, y and z. The only thing that's automatic is this flipping the blame over at men.
You are expecting the man to know exactly what you need and to provide that to you whilst you have never specified it.
The man on the other hand specified what he needs (sex) and you're wilfully not providing his needs because you're bitter that he is'nt meeting your needs. Way to go girl.
@@jurjendeboer4009 no, you just made that assumption.
@@touchofgrace3217 '' but they can’t be bothered with emotional intimacy at all'', with that generalizing and negative attitude towards men, it's no wonder they don't want to be emotionally intimate with you.
@@touchofgrace3217 maybe the lack of sex causes the lack of emotional intimacy. A man who feels unattractive and rejected isn't going to be massively motivated towards other forms of intimacy. Also, as another commenter mentioned, men often don't even know what their partner wants from them and what they need to do to make their partner happy. But women know precisely what their man wants and how unhappy they make them when they make them feel undesirable and rejected.
Women expect men to be mind readers and then punish them for failing to get it right. Women know exactly what their man wants and needs and withholding sex is an intentional punishmentthat reveals a massive imbalance of desire between the man and a woman. Pleasing a woman is far more mysterious and complicated and women often won't tell me what they need, they just punish them in a way that just further damages the relationship and creates a cycle of resentment.
Happy thanksgiving Dr. Xo I truly love you xo
Utterly disagreed. You dont need to have a partner. If you have one, that is supporting you and strengthening you, then yes, it will definitely improve your life. But people are unpredictable, the chances of you finding someone who will actually support you in your objectives is extremely low, especially in today's messed up, woke, toxic feminism climate. You are more likely to end up with massive drama, separation, divorce, unwanted children who now have to be raised by several fathers and mothers (since you both separated and are seeing someone else..etc)
Instead of wasting your time with all this bullshit, dating, trying to find the right partner..etc, get laser focused on your objectives and work on that instead.
I bet you are fun at parties
It's hard to find someone I'm compatible with 😞
If not now, you may another time, or as you change. We aren't static. Meantime, keep being authentic. ❤️
I’m annoyed by the host interruptions. It’s clear he feels uncomfortable with the reality of the conversation.
The number of men willing to committ and create a relationship is ZERO!
Both SSRIs and oral contraceptives have an inhibitory effect on the brain. This is good for managing anxiety, but sexual arousal requires arousal of the central nervous system. This is why people fantasise about about tense sexual situations involving loss of control. This is not adequately discussed and psychologists are not equipped with the requisite knowledge. Also rarely discussed is weight, which very quickly becomes unattractive.
Because there is a fertility crisis, first use of SRIs may need to be contraindicated for young couples in relationships. There are better alternatives out there, such as tranylcypromine.
Once is ALOT more than zero. He is 100% correct. My wife says she is too tired for sex 6 yrs nothing so I raised it now maybe 7 times last year. Where do you go from here if she is not really making an effort to change you jave to start to question her attraction and then people wonder why people cheat.
It's not a choice, Jordan. Finding someone (worth being with) comes down to luck.
...and willingness to search of course. Just be sure to search in the right pool.
@@kevincarbone6831 "You'll have to know how to attract a healthy woman". _If_ there are any available (not already in a relationship) in your area. There are too many factors to consider, that must line up. For such a woman to be available (single), is infact a matter of luck. So that there proves my point. But not only that - if such a healthy woman is single, she must find you attractive. Not only physically attractive, but she must like your character and behavior, and see your beliefs, habits, hobbies, interests (the kinds of music, art, comedy, movies you like, etc) as acceptable in someone she'd want to be with and be seen with. For these things to be compatible or acceptable, is a matter of luck. She must prefer your height, hair color, style... You might lift and have big muscles, but she prefers leaner guys, but you love lifting... There's just way too many things you're not taking into consideration. It really does come down to luck.
I'm not saying people shouldn't try... But we also shouldn't be ashamed of not being able to find someone. What if the best match for you simply isn't ever going to cross paths with you ever? She might not be online dating sites looking because she just isn't interested in the internet, beyond using it for studying. And none of her friends met anyone they liked, etc. None of your friends know such a woman. You never cross paths in real life... Or you did but she was in a car with her parents, driving them somewhere because their car broke down... And you were driving in the opposite direction, and you didn't even notice each other... But just because it comes down to luck, doesn't mean it can't happen... Clearly it happens a lot... It's been happening for a long time in human history. Seeing that things are a matter of luck isn't really that big of a deal... But at the same time, it's important to see it because you don't beat yourself up for not getting the things you want. You learn to accept that not everything is in your control. It's a matter of luck that you and I were born in the places we were to the families we were... There were people born to parents that locked them in the basement or neglected them as little kids until they died. Such things may be rare, but you're still lucky that you weren't one of those kids... They were not...
Then you have way too high standards. And your probably not capable of meeting the standards that are required for a partner like that to be interested in you.
@@kevincarbone6831 all of that energy could be used to make art, write a song, develop an innovative idea, write a novel, build something incredible, the list goes on. I am so baffled as to how people have enough free time and energy for things like this
That is you are a naturalist ?😂
Based on the assessment here, I won't be here very long, but fierce awneryness might play a factor in that. Aside from a little dating, I've more or less always been single (46 now); and honestly a little late on to be starting something now, especially as far as possibly having an actual family might go, not to mention the insanely rising cost of doing so (much less attracting some maiden out there). I'll admit, it's probably better in the long run, assuming one doesn't get themselves involved in a brutal/poisonous type of relationship, and find something that's caring and compassionate. It just seems as though its not an option for everyone when life is what it is.
Good going with the 🐉 socks and tie, that was pretty cool - not as though I'm biased in any fashion in that regard.
Sorry but I don't have a symmetrical face. Not everyone is beautiful like you or your family.
This is a brilliant and uncomfortable conversation. My wife and I used to have sex 2-4 times a day and now with our 3 year old we barely have it once a week!!!! 😂
Who would marry a transphobic man ironically named Ashley?
Change your name to Gabriella. It’s much more masculine, just like your unstable sobbing hero with the Kermit the frog voice.....
@@Kriegtime101 A woman that knows Ashley is a unisex name. You really do have issues don’t you. Bless you Sir.
@@ashleybryant305 the transphobe Ashley telling me i have issues...
When I do not have a partner, I tend to help more people. A partner kind of monopolizes my attention and it comes to a time when one works and lives only for that partner, while everyone else we either ignore or consider them as mere means to the end of satisfying the needs such partner. I feel I can give my love and empathy to a lot more people when I am alone. I am alone now after a ten year relationship and was alone before for 13 years. I know both sides of the coin.
Well, I am not really alone. My partners are two dogs. If we widen the definition of partnership to include pets, then I agree with the post.
My husband and I help others TOGETHER. I feel I can help others more with his help and we do that together. So there’s that 👍🏻😊
Do you mean you experience a reduction in empathy, or are you speaking mainly in terms of willingness to physically help others?
Another critical issue is that sexual activity in front of children is a serious crime. This places enormous restrictions on when and where it may take place, and abolishes spontaneity.
I have no issues saying what I need physically. Is the rest of the world really that stunted?
Interesting!
If you can you should. There are people that cannot.
This bloke doesn't miss much.
That's what happens when you're hyper focused on one field for 30+ years.
He misses a lot less since he stopped focussing on trans people and women.
3 to 4 times a day
Nice bro
different hen each time?
I'm going to have to agree to disagree!
Thanks JP, where were you 18 years ago when my marriage disintegrated and the psychologists we saw offered no advice of any merit? I still live with the fall out nearly every day. Young people, LISTEN TO JP about on this subject. and in particular his writings on intimate relationships. You have been given a path to some happiness here. All I have are answers for many of the whys. And too many good but not great long term relationships since.
Nope.
This could/would be true for some people, but not all.
A typical colonial mentality
Yeah, I feel ya, JP.
know anyone who's smart, moral (yes, including THAT; maybe even primarily THAT), good-looking, and sane? oh and on the same exact page as me regarding values/beliefs?
oh and no tats please. or astrology
you just commented that you want to cheat on your partner, i dont think you should be talking about morals
@@mcchickenmuhchicken so morals means not wanting to do what's wrong. got it. think much?
@@mcchickenmuhchicken btw - did your horoscope tell you to get that tramp stamp?
JP is heading for trouble, his thumbnail has a male and a female kissing.
Warning⚠️
DO NOT WATCH UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF MARIJUANA!
You have some problems...
So once per week is good
Maybe you are just not interested in your partner any more..
There's room for negotiation about that as wel. What can your partner do to make you more interested in him/her again. And vice versa.
It's also something both can work on.
Then maybe you shouldn't be together anymore
Some say that’s why prostitution is good. No ties.
No, it is not.
didn't stop JP popping benzos for years, nearly dying getting off the benzos, then breaking down in tears every five minutes and at the eleventh hour finding Jeezus tho, did it.... pfff.
Never had a girlfriend. Not had sex in 5 years and I’m a pretty good looking guy. But I just can’t be arsed with it all. The small talk all of that.
Well if you trying to marry your daughter off jordan, I thought you would more subtle than this. But hey if she's looking :-)
lol she’s already married
Islam solved all of this.
what if you want sex twice a day, but just not with your partner? coolidge effect
Then number one you prolly aren’t into your partner. Or take the time to really explore and be present. Why do I say this. Because your partner knows how to please you…
Number two your prolly a cluster B. It’s already been tested. High degree of narcissism for people who are in a relationship and want it elsewhere.
Number three. You have a bad marriage and need to clean it up. I mean intimacy is tied to the health of a relationship
I don’t know man. Blaming the Coolidge effect on why you wanna sleep with other woman seems just shady. What if there was a study saying you want tons of sex with your partner. I’m sure then you’d be citing that and be all into your partner.
Only u can know. Sit in silence and figure out why this could be the case
@@ssing7113 "Sit in silence and figure out why this could be the case". WOW:) yeah while i'm at it, i'll go shave my g*ddam eyebrows too - BECAUSE SOME PATHETIC SIMP THINKS WANTING SEX WITH MORE THAN ONE WOMAN, is a mental disorder.
ok lemme play this game too.
is the fact that men want sex with women they HAVEN'T already had sex with bothersome to you, because you're an obsequious beta? [btw i didn't bother looking up b cluster. not gonna either.] and it makes you resentful, that others aren't as well? or is that you can only GET one woman, and it's one whom nobody else wants anyway? sit in silence and ponder why it offends you so much, than men are like just about EVERY OTHER G*DDAM MAMMAL SPECIES MALE.
oh, and "your partner knows how to please you". first of all, i'm not in it for the pleasure. it could feel like a root canal, and i'd still want to do it. if you don't understand this, then you're not a man anyway. but also, saying a man's partner knows how to please him. ya mean, other women DON'T??? pleasing a man, is pretty f*cking simple, stupid. it's not a big mystery.
lemme know how the sitting in silence goes.
you are just insecure and weak
@@mcchickenmuhchicken lemme know when i'm supposed to care what you think of me. and why.
LMAOOOOO
Let's face it, most women are the ones wanting divorce, yet men are told the relationship is your responsibility. So most women are breaking the bond not men. Wedding - the woman is the main priority, anniversary - the woman is the priority, mothers day - the woman is the priority.
Are you noticing a theme? Yet men are told it is their fault if it doesn't work out. No shaming allowed for women.
My Pat women want the divorce because men are ok having their cake and eating it too. My ex was happy cheating on me and coming home to me where he was greeted with a home cooked meal and the kids were clean and well adjusted, house was clean, bills were paid. But he was content with cheating because he didn’t want a permanent relationship with whatever bimbo he picked up in some sleazy bar. After a few years of this, I wanted the divorce. Yes, because I had some self respect and wasn’t going to let him live a double life. 😁
@@cjhoward409 Always remember IT IS ALWAYS ABOUT YOU. Never forget this fact and when people don't ask about your life or history it is because they are jealous of you. Not that you are some American with an exceptionalism complex.
What nonsense is he talking about? You can have a perfectly healthy life without submitting to a boring unproductive non-intellectual life. He quotes so much nietzsche that forgets what he said about that life as well as Schopenhauer. You can't have a self-productive life during a relationship. Is either one or the other, attempting to have both just brings problems in the long run. Either she demands attention (which she's not wrong since she's your partner) or your hunger for knowledge and self growth declines.
Yes, so what happens if you've ruined that chance
challenge accepted, dr!
Dont care anymore
While I normally agree with JP on the thiings he talks about, I can't agree on this one. Why? Because having an intimate relationship is an option for an ever decreasing number of people in North America. 80% of women are going after 5% of men. So I may "improve" my health, my wealth, my mental outlook, etc. and STILL get my head bashed in by female rejection. I'm not playing that silly game.
you are watching too many bitter men on youtube tell you things that arent true, plenty of ugly, dorky and poor guys (not saying you are any of these things) get women and keep them.
also stop going on dating sites, most people are on them for an ego boost anyway and not looking for anything serious.
Yes he’s lost me on this one. I think it’s so difficult when this is perpetually shoved under your nose as the only option. It ain’t for everyone
You watch too much incel YT nonsense. I used to buy into that. The statistics around Tinder and apps is nonsense. If you meet a chick off Tinder or in a bar or club she's already in the 20% most promiscuous women. It's just very easy to meet the personality disordered and promiscuous.
You need to take responsibility and stop getting stuck on terrible women, start appreciating boring, decent qualities and hard next red flags.
Stop listening to the stupid red pilled manosphere fools. Your comment is like a copy and paste from those tools