“Treat Yourself” is me buying a favorite computer game because it’s been a hard week at work. “Self-care” is prying my ass out of bed to go see my Dentist before work.
Not to mention, there's a billion-dollar "self care industry" that really needs us to believe that self care is all about luxury items you need to purchase from them :-/
Brittany S you can do whatever you want. But if you follow the quote you plan everything. You don’t impulse do things. If you plan to do something that feels good like buying shoes, it should be budgeted for and planned for.
@Brittany S well if you want to do both you have to take the adult path, for example you take care od yourself by going to dinner then the movies (my version), taking the child approach means you go to whatever restaurant you feel like and not caring about the cost, then splurging in the snack counter in the theatre and charging everything to a credit card if you don't have enough money, but taking the adult path means that you would have budgeted for the whole thing, have enough cash, forgoe the snacks if you can't afford them, stuff like that.
@Brittany S you can absokitely do both. The point is tho not do the "instagram self care" too much or to often. Because whn you do it does more harm than good. And thr key is to do the real self care regularly/continuous.
Actual self care list (not so expensive) long and detailed: -Have nutritious food for breakfast (some fiber pls) -Workout 2-3 times a week (or more) -Learn cooking techniques (so you can have better food at home) -Play videogames (not expensive in the longrun) -Don't go out to eat (this affects your finances and sets higher standards) -Invite your friends over to play boardgames -Go see a therapist or psychistrist if you are not ok (don't let your mental health deteriorate) -Take your medicine -Brush your teeth and floss -Shower (everyday pls) with a nice shampoo and conditioner (nice is not necessarily expensive) -Go take a walk when you are bored -Replace sugar with some sweetner (at least here these are inexpensive) -Identify the things that are bothering you of your body (for example, my neck hurts sometimes or I have backpain, or my hands are dry, or I have a weird fungus or whatever) and do something about it. -Meal prep for the week (I am unable to eat healthy otherwise, I just eat cheese sandwiches everyday xd) -Understand that you are not going to be perfect in everyway and that you are doing the best you can. -Wash your clothes, sheets and towels regularly -Buy a reusable water bottle and have it next to you in case you get thirsty -Buy ONE pair of sunglasses and use them when you need (buy one or else it will be expensive). -Wear sunscreen or at least have it on your backpack (maybe eventually you'll use it) -check your finances everyday, just watch your balance (5min of your day), you'll start to save a lot more money if you are aware of how much you are spending. -Have "sobremesa" whenever you can (sobremesa is a chilean term to just talking while having dessert or coffee after eating) this will help you bond. -Find an "analog" hobby if you have time. Now I am making a teddy bear, super random, but it's entertaining and let's me focus on something else for a while. -clean your place regularly, also once a year do a marie kondo style cleaning and donate everything. -Buy some plants, these have made a huge difference in my life. -Have a cup of coffe out once every two weeks. If you made it this far, I hope this helps a bit
Replacing sugar with a sweetener is actually worse for you. Artificial sweeteners have been linked to a lot of health problems. It's better to replace highly processed sugary food with more natural sources of sugar like fruits.
Same!! My first self care habit to start again. Regular bed time and wake time. At least 7.50 hours sleep. Maybe that will start the healthier habits to a healthier weight.
I think there's also a lot of people conflating "comfort" and "feeling good". For instance, when you're suffering from winter depression, it's most _comfortable_ to lie in bed all day, and even though it doesn't feel good, it's still what you will prefer and call "self-care". Going on walks and keeping yourself clean is not what you'll want to do, but it _is_ what will make you feel better.
@@therasheck I've always found that interesting! I used to own a pitbull that gave the most depressing and miserable stares as she was being bathed. She was good with holding still though you had to watch her as she'd try to hop out if you sat back to rest a moment. Instant she was out the bathroom though, it was like she was a different dog. She'd run all over, flop on my bed if I didn't take caution and shut the door, and then lick herself extra clean for twenty minutes, all while giving the helicopter tail and the horse prance dance as the family praised her cleanliness. Considering she'd been going through this routine for years, you'd expect her to not mind baths after a while but no, never did she look pleased about them, always that "you're killing me softly" mopey look, XD.
so true! Not to mention that your spirits are immediately lifted as you feel a little proud of yourself for doing something good for yourself even if you really, reaaally didn't want to. Ultimately, you know that lying in bed all day isn't good for you, even though it feels really good. Plus the tiny shame for giving in adds unnecessary stress to an already difficult mental state
I started realizing how much having a messy house effects my mental health, and how much better I feel once the house is clean, so I learned to define house cleaning as giving a gift to myself. I get so depressed and anxious when the house is messy that it is worth the work to clean it every day. I would totally call it self-care.
I once heard something along the lines of "chaotic house causes a chaotic mind". I've recently come to the same conclusion. When my space is messy, even at work, I feel less capable and more overwhelmed. I am building the habit to keep one room of the house clean on the daily, the kitchen. I put away dishes in the dishwasher immediately and give a quick wipe on the surfaces when I see something. Not even a full cleaning at any one time. Once I have the kitchen down habitually I'll add on another room.
Good points. As you get older and/or have children, self-care is more about quiet time, eating right, exercising, healing after an injury, etc. In other words, it's about taking care of yourself--mentally, physically, and spiritually--so you can be more productive and helpful in other areas.
Very true, having children changes everything. It’s always much easier to not focus on ourselves and become martyrs to the needs of the home, but it backfires!
@ Martina B omg pulling the plug on social media really changed my life. I was so busy focused on what everyone else was doing/had. I cut that negativity and landed my dream job. Now I make 6 figures a year. I was living paycheck to paycheck before I quit social media. It’s the best feeling in the world to know I motivated myself to become successful. I quit wasting so much time focused on appearances and started focusing on my own actions
As a person who's too anxious person and as some people called me "cares too much", deleting facebook and not read stupid political posts is one of the best decision I made for my mental health.
I’m unemployed & dependent on my parents rn, but I never look at what people post, just private messages. & it honestly does help me not feel like as much of a failure
I think a lot of the "self care" talk is meant to be a temporary thing that people take too far. The whole self care day idea where you cancel your plans and skip your classes and just lie around watching netflix isn't supposed to be a continuous thing, it's meant for when you're so overstressed and close to burnout that you just need a moment to take a breath. But yea, true self care is going to therapy and remembering to take your vitamins
The problem is that when you start doing it, it can quickly become a habit. It's very hard to actually skip class and watch Netflix only once or twice a year. The people who do it tend to do it regularly, and the people who don't do it regularly are generally disciplined, organised, and motivated enough to not even want to do it at all.
Self care means choosing healthy foods, getting quality time with loved ones, getting exercise, getting enough sleep, paying attention to your mental health, grooming, getting a yearly physical, regular visits to the dentist, etc. But I’m not remotely surprised that people use a vital concept as an excuse to be idiots.
this is especially true in light of the pandemic. Many people saw the self care tips on social media and took it way WAY too far. It was just straight up hedonism. I knew it was getting bad when 'goblin mode' became a thing where you just act like a slovenly pig 24/7 justifying it the whole way because they heard someone on tiktok say 'your mental health comes first!'.
The "instagram self-care" I've seen a lot of is definitely more like "self-indulge". I used to follow an instagram acc that did have self-care tips such as create a morning routine, dance to your favourite song before an interview, make your bed every morning etc. But then it slowly became a "self-indugle" acc so I had to unfollow even though they used to have great tips. Someone also pointed out the idea "self-parenting" and I find that a more interesting way of putting it. I parent myself by making healthy breakfast and setting a proper bedtime while also doing my best to balance my much needed alone time and also necessary social time.
i feel like indulgence is important to any healthy person whether they're aware of it or not and self care is just on the total opposite of the spectrum it's largely responsible to managing indulgence and keeping them balanced and in check prevents too much tug and pull on our mental states really moody people maybe sometimes have it the hardest themselves confusing them then obviously would make both become problems but most of the time caring for something is more difficult than being cared for in more ways than one as well probably a very useful video for any citizen in the land of social media
Search for the tag #boringselfcare is more focused on real situations such as taking a shower, paying your bills, etc. Being adult is a priviledge and a chore, imagine for people who struggle mentally or financially.. everybody deserves yo feel good and not be intimidated by the self indulgance version of loving youeself.
Yeah, it's like with life hacks - once it became trendy, accounts had to keep making new content, so the tips get weirder, more indulgent and less useful
Mel that’s actually so cute. I need to use this too. I used to have the app Plant Nanny so I could drink enough water in a day, anytime you drink, you feed a virtual plant and watch it grow. But it became too much and there weren’t apps like this for other things like studying and eating. But it’s much better to make it a part of your brain than find another reason to be glued to our phones via gamified habit or to do list apps.
I don’t know about this Insta “self-care” but when your deeply depressed even a tiny gesture of care towards yourself is super important. And that might be doing things that aren’t good if you keep it up long term but keep you alive in the short term.
Totally agree with this! Even if it's looks like doing yoga or a face mask, these little things do wonders when I'm struggling with depression/anxiety on a certain day.
I disagree. You become reliant on those bad choices to feel good and that hurts you long term. Skipping class and laying in bed watching netflix and doing skin masks and other expensive pampering only worked to extend my depression, not help it. Usually the decisions you want to make while depressed hurt you and thinking only about the short term is not good. How can your depression get any better if you're only living day by day? It won't.
Hard disagree. Some things might be good, but a lot of it is just dependencies. People often engage in destructive behavior when depressed, and that just feeds the cycle of depression and lethargy. You might think binge eating a whole tube of Pringles or a delivery pizza is good to make you feel better in the moment, but it's not really making you feel better, you'll still feel like shit immediately after, and you would break out of your rut faster by eating a proper meal. Same with other stuff like cancelling plans because you want to stay home and do nothing, or even more destructive behaviours like turning to drugs or alcohol. These kinds of things are not short term fixes while you work on a long term plan, they're bad habits that keep you trapped in a bad place.
@@pippetandpossum I will say, I both agree and disagree- there is a balance. You must do what keeps yourself afloat and surviving rn, but also what will truly benefit your future self to crawl out of the deep dark hole of despair of mental illness, especially with something like depression. One thing for sure- I am definitely ALL FOR skipping work if you have to bc the U.S. employment system and expectations and PTO and vacation policies are usually fucking garbage and tbh, I feel is extremely unhealthy even for mentally healthy people. I took days off sometimes back when I worked for other ppl, and let me tell you, sometimes, it's what my body and mind truly needed.
Self care should be more focused on the care part. It meant quitting smoking and lots of bad kind of food. And cooking at home and not going to places that I don't want to go to like clubs.
I needed to hear this so badly, thank you. Been putting off finishing my master's thesis because 'I need a break', which consists of mostly watching TH-cam videos to cope with the growing anxiety about the deadline, and never allowing myself true fun or vacation, because I spend my days procrastinating, and then feel guilty about it. It's a vicious cycle. The thought of long-term self-care is really helpful here.
Genuine Self Care List - Sleep - Exercise - Meditation - Boundaries - Social media detox - Quiet time - Fresh air - Creative activities - Reading - Tidying up space - Plan your day, week, month or more - Journal
My self-care consists of Having a good sleeping pattern- regular going to bed and waking up time cooking and eating well Exercising And planning big tasks ahead in way that it will cause as little stress as possible This is what makes me feel good
When I need to really clean, I put on a cute apron, listen to a favorite podcast or music, have a glass of wine, and light a candle. I think people put off unpleasant things because they are trying to escape the unpleasant feelings. Sometimes it is easier to just make unpleasant things pleasant. Also, thanks for recognizing that some of us really DO need to be told it is ok to have the pretty thing you want, or forgo plans with people.
Tracking my budget in a notebook and writing down my daily/weekly tasks lists are key parts of self-care for me. Oh, and dishes. I hate doing them, but future me almost always feels less stressed the next morning when my kitchen is clean.
The intro disclaimer to this video made me think of a conversation I recently had with my cousin. She was telling me about her busy schedule and I told her to make sure she was taking time for self care. She had the “Instagram” definition of self care and said…I literally can’t afford to do that….and I was so baffled because my definition of self care is eating healthy meals, cleaning yourself properly, exercising, getting enough sleep etc. We sorted it out, but it’s kinda crazy how many incredibly different definitions of the same concept are out there.
Yes! I figured out I'm more of a small-theater person. Where you get sucked in the experience instead of getting energy sucked out of you. And I am usually the youngest person there, but those 2 or 3 times a year I go, I have a lot of fun :)
I quit going to concerts, malls and bars a while ago when I realized that I hate shopping and prefer to consume my music and alcohol in the comfort of my own home and not around a bunch of sweaty strangers
I tend to think of these kinds of self-care as "emotional milkshakes." There was a time when I was very physically sick and malnourished. The only reason I didn't starve to death was because I constantly drank calorie-dense milkshakes. Even though my body wasted many of the calories by vomiting / pooping them out without processing them, milkshakes had enough calories and protein in little enough space that I could process enough to survive. This doesn't mean that milkshakes are nutrient rich and great meals if you are well. But they saved my life when I was in a very bad place physically. If someone is in a very bad place emotionally, it's better to reach for an emotional milkshakes than let yourself metaphorically starve to death (meaning, collapse into panic, despair, or dissociation-- an emotional breakdown). This needs to be a placeholder until you can get real help and medical treatment for your mental health, just like I got real medical treatment for my physical health. But it's okay if it takes a long time. It's also okay if you're never "healthy" by other people's standards. I still have to supplement normal food with Ensure and ice cream; I'm still underweight, just not in danger. It's okay if someone who struggles with lifelong anxiety and depression needs to incorporate emotional milkshakes into their diet also. It's okay if you're only well enough to work 20 or 30 hours a week instead of 40, or if you have to work from home and take baths during the day. It's okay if you need to live on SSDI or your country's equivalent. My point is, know yourself. Don't compare yourself to other people. Figure out what self care is for you, and don't let yourself get anxious or ashamed if it's different from other people-- even people you admire, like Chelsea.
I’ve found that repetitive self-indulgence under the umbrella of self-care generally signifies that something in my day-to-day routine isn’t authentically sustainable.
My mental health is severe enough to consider me disabled. So self care for me is getting out of bed & getting ready for the day. It’s actually a huge accomplishment to me. Treating myself is spending some time on a hobby if I can manage it. But honestly, it’s a struggle to do that too much of the time
My self care includes: - being truthful with my partner when I find him annoying or repulsive - exercising regularely - drinking nice tea - Having a healthy sleep schedule - taking breaks between study and other skill practices so i can recharge - cleaning up my room - yoga - talking to friends and my indulgence is buying useless shit on online stores lmao
Back when this self-care trend was starting, this is exactly what I was thinking. It's just a justification for being selfish and irresponsible. I hope more and more people start redefining this self-care trend in a more mature and healthy way.
My daily self care routine: shower, wash & dry my hair, brush my teeth, taking care of my skin. That would be 1 hour a day. It’s a luxury to have the time and health to do that.
Preach, sister. Self-care isn’t consumerism nor is it not holding yourself accountable or indulging in pleasures just because life is hard sometimes. I’m sick of this.
I bought a rowing machine 2 years ago when it was on a sale on amazon, spend around 40 minutes on it in the evening while watching a netflix episode or something, relaxation and exercise at the same time.
Yes! My husband and I bought a treadmill for the garage back in May and I’ve been doing the same. That 30-60 minutes I spend out there every day has become such a centering time for me...and the fact I can “shop” in my stored “skinny” clothes stash again helps too! ☺️
When I started seeing videos about "self-care" routines. I had this idea that self-care was just face masks, and mostly aesthetic things - like you mentioned something like binge watching Netflix and eating on the couch. Which I just didn't do especially since I became a new mom. After I was diagnosed with PPD 5 months after my daughter was born, I realize a few months later how IMPERATIVE that REAL self-care was. Like self-care is taking care of yourself mentally, physically and spiritually.. So glad you talked about this.
So many of my “treat yoself” impulses led to greater stresses later (hello credit card debt and weight gain). Self-care for me has been going to therapy, laughing more, organizing my finances and life planning. The pampering and beauty upkeep helps me to enjoy my alone time and practicing actual self-care keeps it all balanced.
Lol same, but at the same time, I still feel like for some people taking a hella extra bubble bath with rose petals is self-care :/. Sure self-care doesn't have to always be face masks and bubble baths, it can be going to therapy, taking personal finance classes, going to the gym, but sticking to the simple things is also nice to, almost anything can be self-care for anyone, so I kind of don't see the point of judging other people for their version of self-care.
My self-care started with actually making an appointment with my psychotherapist. Then learning about kinesiofitness and letting it become my way of exercising
Honestly, this video is such a hard punch to my fundamental understanding of self-care, that it almost feels like a personal attack. And yet it's something I've probably needed to hear for years now. But that doesn't make it easy to swallow.
"Do something your future self will thank you for" is my mantra. Any time I find myself picking between options I have to ask myself which one will be more useful, make life easier to future J. It's not always picking term papers over pizza, but picking term papers *first*
"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked". Thank you so much for addressing this topic! It provided some much needed reflection.
I've spend the last three days tidying up my room (I moved last month and jumped straight into a phase of stressfull exam phase). Folding socks, washing the bed coverings, collecting all the deposit bottles really sucks and but I consider it self care because afterwards I will be able to work in a tidy appartment and actually find my stuff.
This really made want to change my idea of what self care is. Personally I've been putting off the gym and doing more ',self care' things that are just not helpful for future me and just letting myself fall in to a bad routine. Thanks for the pep talk 👌
Right! By solely focusing on tending to present happiness (or laziness, which is your mind lying to you about what will actually make you happy), you are not maximizing your happiness. Every time I drag myself to workout against my immediate will, I come out feeling dopamine loaded, toned, and sleep really well that night. That kind of self care (aka, healthiness), leaves me feeling good for the rest of the day and the next day!
I feel this so hard. As someone with high cholesterol and obesity at 29. I'm also someone with mental health issues that are environmentally based. All of the "self care" turned into avoidance of what I, as a normal human, NEEDS and instead turning to what I *want.* Now I want to fulfill my needs, which is including getting in touch with a physical trainer to get back to a normal and satisfying life in a safe way.
Thank you for a wonderful, honest, well-thought out and well-articulated video. It's so important to differentiate between these ideas. Often our "rewards" are counter-productive to our actions (ie. If I work out I get this cupcake or if I save my money, I can buy this purse etc.). Finding ways to be satisfied with the action in and of itself is super important. It TAKES TIME and practice and patience like most things, but we are capable of changing our mindsets. For instance now after a long day of work, I get to "reward" myself with a workout (because I love the feeling I get afterwards). And believe me. That mindset shift took a while!! Wishing good vibes to everyone out there working on themselves xo
I think the "you should indulge yourself more" model of self care is useful advice for like twenty percent of people. There definitely are people out there who really have their lives together on a career/finances/health/ect. front, but are less happy because they either don't allow themselves any indulgences or (more often) feel super guilty every time they do. But for a lot of other people, it's terrible advice. Or it's good advice in regards to some things , and terrible in regards to others (I'm stingier with money than I need to be, because I've kept a lot of habits from when my income was much lower than it is now, but really don't need to be told to eat more hot Cheetos). I think the short version is that any advice that has been distilled down to a one-sentence meme should, at minimum, be taken with a grain of salt.
Kevin Baker I agree the times of low income can make you better off for the rest of your life. That's where I'm at and I can't envision myself going back to my old ways. I'm grateful for this, but want to get myself in a better position overall, But for now I am learning and changing for the better.
Kevin Baker Thank you. Exactly this. People are different and every one of us is already a complex system so the point is, all advice can be useful for someone but not any one of them will be universally useful for everyone. Nuance is the most important ingredient missing from a lot of discussions, when in reality, one-size-fit-all solutions are really rare for anything. I grew up in constant deprivation and existential anxiety because of poverty and it literally took seeing "Treat yo'self" day in Parks and Rec in my early 30s for the concept of just giving yourself something because it feels good to even register on my brain. It was an incredibly liberating realisation and something I still consciously cultivate in myself every day. Simply knowing that choosing to treat myself to something that looks, feels, tastes etc. good in that moment is an option has helped me enormously with my constant irrational fears, guilt, anxiety and even self-hatred. If anything, it does help me take better care of myself in the long run. It's like an act of kindness to myself that doesn't have to be justifiable by any objective metric.
I think it's much less than twenty percent, and places that give out broad advice to the general population of "you should indulge a little more" are way off track. It would be like giving out advice of "you need to eat more often" because a slim minority of people are underweight, while the vast majority have the exact opposite problem.
@@krombopulos_michael Except eating more often can actually serve to improve eating habits overall. When people skip meals and go all day hungry until dinner time, they’re often more likely to make poorer choices on what to have for dinner, or just grab whatever is available because they’re starving even if it’s not very good food, or eat more than they actually need because, again, they’re super hungry and feel like they need to eat a lot or need more calorie dense stuff. In addition, that extended period of going hungry can trigger the body to slow down the metabolism and preferentially store fat because your body thinks there’s actually some kind of famine. So remembering to do things like have breakfast or take a snack to work can very much be actual proper self-care.
@@girlwhomustnotbenamed4139 Yeah, I feel like I always need to be taking care of other people first, so “treat yo’ self” and “self-care” stuff actually reminds me it is okay and good to take “me” time.
"self care??" more like self sabotage. I could self care myself out of a job and through all my savings if I bought into this nonsense marketing scheme.
Everytime I hear the phrase self care, I also have this critism in mind. Like you said in the beginning, it really depends on your understanding of self care. Like, laying in the bath tub with a face mask on, eating ice cream and watching your favorite series can be self care, if it helps your mental health for instance trough reducing stress. You literally take care of yourself. But its also salfcare to do some unpleasant tasks (homeworks, some phonecalls, etc) today even if you don't want to, so you're not completely stressed out tomorrow. It means pondering about your problems, bad habits, toxic people in your life and so on, and shouldn't be reduced to some capitalistic face masks and bubble baths... So, nice video :)
@Anne-Lou Well, you're right there. That shows probably the best how self care can be really hard and sometimes just mean to find out what actually can help :)
As an "older" millennial, I love your channel. You're willing to call out some of the bs behavior that our generation has adopted and co-opted without many of ya putting a ton of thought into short- and long-term ramifications.
Dang, shots fired! 💥 I am guilty of this risk-aversion in my career as well: "In fact, most of the things in my life today, that are most VALUABLE and most MEANINGFUL to me, only happened because I risked a little bit of discomfort for a while in order to get them."
Love this! My phone addiction was killing me and so now I stop using my phone at 9 (difficult as it is) and read instead. It ended up being a ban from all screens after 9pm (unless it's work) and I've been forced to sleep earlier and it's actually been amazing.
I love this, Chelsea! And I couldn't agree more, self-care and indulging oneself are 2 totally different things. Now, indulging is not inherently a bad thing, if it's only once in a while. But when it becomes a way of life, and a justification for skipping out on responsible behavior, this is when it is not a good thing. Thank you for this! I enjoy your videos very much, and I am so glad I came across your channel a couple of months ago and subscribed!
Yessssss!! Just like *"minimalism"* (the version you talked about) is very much so like the superficial "self care". Although, I do like my bubble baths haha❤
This is interesting there is a big push for self care these days and there is some merit to that. We do need to treat ourselves with compassion especially when the world does not and is not obligated to.
I agree. My self care these days are saving up for an international trip next year and working towards my career goals. Also attempting to eat better one day at a time.
This cracks me up. We've had some difgicult times lately, including loss of family members and moving. I have a friend who is a therapist who constantly tells me I need self-care, i.e. pedicures, vacations, etc. My idea of self-care is dealing with the issues and getting stuff done so i can move forward instead of escaping.
@@michelleolivas6811 sounds like a pretty bad therapist if he/she tells you to go on vacation for self care... If anyone, he/she should know that is not the way!
@@mcwmulkens Some time off is sometimes necessary in an overworked society. Relaxation too in a high stress society. Some people never take a break, some people can never afford to take a break.
"Setting yourself up for a better tomorrow..." Thank you for that....reminds me of something Will Smith said and it echoes everything you're saying, self-care is self-discipline, basically discipline yourself to do what you have to do at the time you must do it, to protect yourself from stressing, worrying and panicking about it...something in those lines. So, thank you for the reminder.
Admittedly I sometimes label painting my nails and doing my weekly face mask “self care”, but I do like the term self parenting for the real self care you described in this video!
This is a really awesome video and eloquently puts into words all the things we get wrong about self care and intuitive eating. I’ve always separated self care into two things-basic and indulgent. When I’m feeling depressed, unproductive, lazy, and unclean, I know that the type of self self care I need to do is get up, drink water, take a shower, clean my room and get my work done. But I also know that when I’ve had a busy week and I’m feeling stressed on a Friday, then self care for me is smoking a bowl in the bathtub. Self care is about asking yourself what you need, not what you feel like doing. And being honest with yourself.
Thank you, I think I have lost friendships because of “self care”. I thought what I was doing was right for me but it was only in the short term and thanks to this video I can change that.
I love this video! I took off work today for my 37th bday and the message is so timely for me as I start a new year of life. Too long I've been equated self-indulgence with self-care (and I have the 20 extra lbs to prove it). Thank you, Chelsea, for the inspiration to make choices that are actually good for me long term, not just in the moment.
Thank you. As a therapist I find myself discussing self-care with clients all the time, and it isn’t just “eat whatever you want and never call people back ever”.
LOVE this message!!! We live in a society centered around immediate gratification and label it as “self care”, but it’s an excuse....and a socially accepted excuse. We miss out on those things that our future selves will thank us for. Thank you for saying to the masses what I say every day!
I really love this video and what you’re saying here. Similarly to you, I’ve started looking at “self care” as what’s going to make me feel better long term. For instance, I was in a terrible cycle of buying lunch out every day I worked. So now I set aside a little extra time every day to pack a lunch I really look forward to eating. The positive outcome snowballs into even more positive feelings down the line: I didn’t waste money on lunch and I ate a good meal, so on the weekend when I want to enjoy a nice date with my husband, I don’t feel guilty about the money we’re spending (within reason) because we’ve planned for it and had some restraint during the week! As a side note; I swear you’re reading my mind with the content you release! Every new video touches on something that’s been on my mind!
Or physical health too! I'm chronically ill and self-care is taking my meds on time, or doing my stretches, or preparing meals that help my overall health. It's all connected isn't it.
As someone who has had a lot of anxiety around the food I eat, learning it's ok to eat what I want has been really valuable to me. And I've found that these days I genuinely crave the things that are good for me. I rarely eat sugar, apart from fruit.
So true! Finally someone is talking about the real meaning of self-care, that means caring about your present and future self. Being healthy and financially secure is the best gift you can give yourself.
Part of self-care, from my quick research into it, is that there’s an emotional component and a problem-solving component. And from what I see, we don’t focus on the problem solving enough.
I couldn't agree more. What many people see as caring for themselves is keeping themselves comfortable, but those things are not the same. Love to see videos like this and people questioning widely-held assumptions. Great video!
Thank you for this video! I just had a realization the other day about this. I told myself I deserved a McDonald’s breakfast (because I love me a McMuffin) but then thought, “actually, I deserve a healthy breakfast!” That is actual “self-care”. I think people are getting self-care confused with instant gratification. 💕
Yes!!! I totally get it and self care is different for everyone. Although I do have to speak about the food aspect. People recovering from eating disorders and that are trying to eat and enjoy something indulgent is a huge step for them. So I can see the self care act of eating whatever you want and enjoying it is beneficial for eating disorder “recoverees” but not for someone who hasn’t.
I’m an advocate of real self care I even have a monthly group on self care. Self care is layered. I agree with this video so many levels. Self care isn’t always pretty or fun It can be doctors appointments, creating a budget, moving our body , planning our week Caring for our present and future selfs.
I'm glad you acknowledged there is some room for the pampering yourself self care. As you say, it's about expanding the definition to encourage more focus on the care. And care can include doing something genuinely nice for yourself too, especially if it builds a self relationship of kindness. Self care for me is scheduled time each week to look at sentimental things like letters from friends and family. I need it to counter my irrational thinking pattern which likes to tell me everyone hates me. I keep them in a self care box, along with a blanket, scented candle, and the stuff to make my favourite drink. This box is my brain a and e in some ways. I can't think through overwhelm and panic, so I use this box to Distract and Soothe until I'm able to Cope with the stressor.
My self care was starting something I was afraid of doing in the past: Learning a partner dance. I was afraid of being physically close to males and dancing that close to someone. Then I started doing Tango. No, I don't always feel like going. But hell, has it done me good! I learned a new skill, no pressure, just nice people, soft excercise and pure joy!
This video helped me label something I do that is definitely Self Care but I never thought of it that way. Those moments when I feel shitty and have an hour so free, I sit at my desk and tackle that stack of mail (including bills) that just piles up when we don't have time. However, this stack causes me stress and panic every time I walk past it or think of it no matter where I am. That is so damaging. So when I finally get it sorted, I really do take a huge weight off of my shoulders and feel freer and happier. Thanks for the video!
A phrase I heard a youtuber use that really helped me better conceptualize self-care, is "doing the work of self-care." Choosing to do the things that will make us overall better off is typically not the easiest thing to do, but it's work that's worthwhile
This really hits home in a extremely painful way. I have been very neglectful of my future self. I spend an immense amount of time and energy trying to 'in the moment' self soothe, and have not taken steps to further my future self and future opportunities. This was an excellent topic, and very well explained.
I really needed to hear this. I can feel myself slipping into a routine that I hate just because it feels too hard to fight the “good” in the moment. This is a wake up call. Thank you.
For me, the best self-care sessions I've ever had involved confronting my issues head-on. They were painful and extremely uncomfortable, but ultimately led me to concrete solutions to some of my significantly destructive behavior that needed addressing. Arriving at answers that place you in complete control of your own actions feels really good.
To me "self care" means... taking care of myself. Simple. Indulging in fastfood and procrastination isn't taking care of myself. Sometimes, yes, I eat a pizza/burger and I do postpone a meeting or a task because I am exhausted and instead I rest, but at the end of the day that rest or that lovely burger/pizza then was more important: I took care of myself.
As someone with social anxiety, I've never wanted to go out and hang out with friends in the moment. Before every outing I always resent it. But often it is after I go out that I appreciate having company and venturing out to make friends and experience life. And when I stay in I just get nausitated watching my screen all day.
Well said, Chelsea. Delay gratification and the grind, and self-care as good choices that reap long term rewards. And not just immediate feel good things we do as the only self-care we do.
I wish I had seen this two years ago because this applies super heavily to my depression and how I was taught to deal with it. I left high school cause I was bed-ridden depressed and I was sold this brand of selfcare by my therapists and mentors. 'if its too hard take a break and do something to make yourself feel better' so I followed the path of least resistance and did almost nothing for about two years and am trying to dig myself out now.
I rarely comment on TH-cam videos but Chelsea...you're a gem and so insightful. This is such an articulate take and is the same philosophy I have for my personal self care and try to follow 80-95% of the time. I am so worried by the turn that the self care movement has taken: extreme self indulgence (food, drink, money and interpersonal relationships, etc..) skewed logic about what's actually "good" for us vs what feels good and lack of interrogative work into our impulses. This video is both affirming and grounding. Can't wait to share with folks.
My self care consists of cleaning/organizing even when I’m tired so I can be calm and at peace in my home. Also exercising even when I don’t feel like it (after a day of cleaning and chasing my toddler around). I never want to in the moment but I know how good I feel when I’m done.
Examining what self care means in the context of mental health is really important, because some types of self care (having a shower when you haven't for three days, or taking a break when you're overloaded with stress) can recharge you to take life on. But others are really just avoidance and don't make you feel any better, slipping into bad habits that can actually set you back in the long term. Videos like this, even if it doesn't 100% reflect my experience, are really good because they make us examine why we are doing the self care, and if it is actually helping us, or just helping us avoid doing the necessary things to move our life forward.
“Treat Yourself” is me buying a favorite computer game because it’s been a hard week at work.
“Self-care” is prying my ass out of bed to go see my Dentist before work.
I could never. You’re a rock star.
Matthew Strenger I’ve been putting off a doctor’s visit for almost 4 months now. Chapeau to you sir!
GOD SO TRUE!!!!!!!
Matthew Strenger I thought about needing to see the dentist too
literally me rn
My favorite self-care quote from a friend is "sometimes self-care is eating the cookie, sometimes self-care is not eating the cookie"
You have a wise friend
This hit hard
Sometimes self care is trowing away the now frost bit cookies I made months ago.
I love this
@@Dan-vr7zs 😂😂😂
Not to mention, there's a billion-dollar "self care industry" that really needs us to believe that self care is all about luxury items you need to purchase from them :-/
90% of instagram is affiliate links for it too
Chrysilla Fisher ain’t that the truth
Just like the "wellness" industry
I think you hit the nail on the head there.
Always read the fine print !
you still have to balance "me right now" with "me in 5 years" and care for both of them
Robin Mcclain love this 🙏🏻
Agreed
Totally! I've wasted sooo much time doing things that were supposed to lead to a better life, but I hated the process.
This.
Good comment.
“Adults follow a plan. Children do what feels good.” I love that quote every time I fall back into my old bad habits of following impulses.
I first heard it from Dave Ramsey and I love it
@@Night_Owlette_30 stealing this.
Brittany S you can do whatever you want.
But if you follow the quote you plan everything. You don’t impulse do things.
If you plan to do something that feels good like buying shoes, it should be budgeted for and planned for.
@Brittany S well if you want to do both you have to take the adult path, for example you take care od yourself by going to dinner then the movies (my version), taking the child approach means you go to whatever restaurant you feel like and not caring about the cost, then splurging in the snack counter in the theatre and charging everything to a credit card if you don't have enough money, but taking the adult path means that you would have budgeted for the whole thing, have enough cash, forgoe the snacks if you can't afford them, stuff like that.
@Brittany S you can absokitely do both. The point is tho not do the "instagram self care" too much or to often. Because whn you do it does more harm than good. And thr key is to do the real self care regularly/continuous.
Actual self care list (not so expensive) long and detailed:
-Have nutritious food for breakfast (some fiber pls)
-Workout 2-3 times a week (or more)
-Learn cooking techniques (so you can have better food at home)
-Play videogames (not expensive in the longrun)
-Don't go out to eat (this affects your finances and sets higher standards)
-Invite your friends over to play boardgames
-Go see a therapist or psychistrist if you are not ok (don't let your mental health deteriorate)
-Take your medicine
-Brush your teeth and floss
-Shower (everyday pls) with a nice shampoo and conditioner (nice is not necessarily expensive)
-Go take a walk when you are bored
-Replace sugar with some sweetner (at least here these are inexpensive)
-Identify the things that are bothering you of your body (for example, my neck hurts sometimes or I have backpain, or my hands are dry, or I have a weird fungus or whatever) and do something about it.
-Meal prep for the week (I am unable to eat healthy otherwise, I just eat cheese sandwiches everyday xd)
-Understand that you are not going to be perfect in everyway and that you are doing the best you can.
-Wash your clothes, sheets and towels regularly
-Buy a reusable water bottle and have it next to you in case you get thirsty
-Buy ONE pair of sunglasses and use them when you need (buy one or else it will be expensive).
-Wear sunscreen or at least have it on your backpack (maybe eventually you'll use it)
-check your finances everyday, just watch your balance (5min of your day), you'll start to save a lot more money if you are aware of how much you are spending.
-Have "sobremesa" whenever you can (sobremesa is a chilean term to just talking while having dessert or coffee after eating) this will help you bond.
-Find an "analog" hobby if you have time. Now I am making a teddy bear, super random, but it's entertaining and let's me focus on something else for a while.
-clean your place regularly, also once a year do a marie kondo style cleaning and donate everything.
-Buy some plants, these have made a huge difference in my life.
-Have a cup of coffe out once every two weeks.
If you made it this far, I hope this helps a bit
Love these ideas, thanks for sharing them!
This was lovely!! Saludos de Chile!!!
Replacing sugar with a sweetener is actually worse for you. Artificial sweeteners have been linked to a lot of health problems. It's better to replace highly processed sugary food with more natural sources of sugar like fruits.
Commenting so I can see this later. Thanks for sharing!!
Hyena Edits really just depends, i use stevia which doesnt have any bad side effects and is entirely natural!!
I self cared myself into gaining 50 lbs... Now dealing with that.
110 here. smh.
Same...
80 pounds gained through "selfcare" down 30 of those thanks to actual selfcare. It is the worst.
@@danabryant92 keep up the good work :)
Same!! My first self care habit to start again. Regular bed time and wake time. At least 7.50 hours sleep. Maybe that will start the healthier habits to a healthier weight.
Internet “selfcare” is more like self indulgence
I think there's also a lot of people conflating "comfort" and "feeling good".
For instance, when you're suffering from winter depression, it's most _comfortable_ to lie in bed all day, and even though it doesn't feel good, it's still what you will prefer and call "self-care". Going on walks and keeping yourself clean is not what you'll want to do, but it _is_ what will make you feel better.
AcenPhina well put and a good reminder!
Like when you give your dog a bath. They hate it, but when it's done you get zoomies of thanks because they feel better.
@@therasheck I've always found that interesting! I used to own a pitbull that gave the most depressing and miserable stares as she was being bathed. She was good with holding still though you had to watch her as she'd try to hop out if you sat back to rest a moment.
Instant she was out the bathroom though, it was like she was a different dog. She'd run all over, flop on my bed if I didn't take caution and shut the door, and then lick herself extra clean for twenty minutes, all while giving the helicopter tail and the horse prance dance as the family praised her cleanliness.
Considering she'd been going through this routine for years, you'd expect her to not mind baths after a while but no, never did she look pleased about them, always that "you're killing me softly" mopey look, XD.
so true! Not to mention that your spirits are immediately lifted as you feel a little proud of yourself for doing something good for yourself even if you really, reaaally didn't want to. Ultimately, you know that lying in bed all day isn't good for you, even though it feels really good. Plus the tiny shame for giving in adds unnecessary stress to an already difficult mental state
Perfect example! 👏 👏 👏
I started realizing how much having a messy house effects my mental health, and how much better I feel once the house is clean, so I learned to define house cleaning as giving a gift to myself. I get so depressed and anxious when the house is messy that it is worth the work to clean it every day. I would totally call it self-care.
YES. Cleaning your space is totally a form of self care.
I once heard something along the lines of "chaotic house causes a chaotic mind". I've recently come to the same conclusion. When my space is messy, even at work, I feel less capable and more overwhelmed. I am building the habit to keep one room of the house clean on the daily, the kitchen. I put away dishes in the dishwasher immediately and give a quick wipe on the surfaces when I see something. Not even a full cleaning at any one time. Once I have the kitchen down habitually I'll add on another room.
Yes!! It is a gift to ourselves!! 😃🥰👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 awesome mindset!!
Good points. As you get older and/or have children, self-care is more about quiet time, eating right, exercising, healing after an injury, etc. In other words, it's about taking care of yourself--mentally, physically, and spiritually--so you can be more productive and helpful in other areas.
@Jill_ius Same here. I am single and have no children, and I still love my quiet time.
That's a very nice way to put it.
Very true, having children changes everything. It’s always much easier to not focus on ourselves and become martyrs to the needs of the home, but it backfires!
@@hellcat3586 having a dog changes everything its not only restricted to having a child.
Chelsea: *calmly lays out facts and observations*
Me: Is this a callout
It's an intervention in disguise.
As a person with ADHD, the best self care and money saving move I've ever done is when I deleted the majority of my social media accounts.
@ Martina B omg pulling the plug on social media really changed my life. I was so busy focused on what everyone else was doing/had. I cut that negativity and landed my dream job. Now I make 6 figures a year. I was living paycheck to paycheck before I quit social media. It’s the best feeling in the world to know I motivated myself to become successful. I quit wasting so much time focused on appearances and started focusing on my own actions
As a person who's too anxious person and as some people called me "cares too much", deleting facebook and not read stupid political posts is one of the best decision I made for my mental health.
I wish there was a world wide social media deactivation link...
Agree!!
I’m unemployed & dependent on my parents rn, but I never look at what people post, just private messages. & it honestly does help me not feel like as much of a failure
I think a lot of the "self care" talk is meant to be a temporary thing that people take too far. The whole self care day idea where you cancel your plans and skip your classes and just lie around watching netflix isn't supposed to be a continuous thing, it's meant for when you're so overstressed and close to burnout that you just need a moment to take a breath. But yea, true self care is going to therapy and remembering to take your vitamins
The problem is that when you start doing it, it can quickly become a habit. It's very hard to actually skip class and watch Netflix only once or twice a year. The people who do it tend to do it regularly, and the people who don't do it regularly are generally disciplined, organised, and motivated enough to not even want to do it at all.
Self care means choosing healthy foods, getting quality time with loved ones, getting exercise, getting enough sleep, paying attention to your mental health, grooming, getting a yearly physical, regular visits to the dentist, etc. But I’m not remotely surprised that people use a vital concept as an excuse to be idiots.
this is especially true in light of the pandemic. Many people saw the self care tips on social media and took it way WAY too far. It was just straight up hedonism. I knew it was getting bad when 'goblin mode' became a thing where you just act like a slovenly pig 24/7 justifying it the whole way because they heard someone on tiktok say 'your mental health comes first!'.
The "instagram self-care" I've seen a lot of is definitely more like "self-indulge". I used to follow an instagram acc that did have self-care tips such as create a morning routine, dance to your favourite song before an interview, make your bed every morning etc. But then it slowly became a "self-indugle" acc so I had to unfollow even though they used to have great tips.
Someone also pointed out the idea "self-parenting" and I find that a more interesting way of putting it. I parent myself by making healthy breakfast and setting a proper bedtime while also doing my best to balance my much needed alone time and also necessary social time.
The self-parenting idea is cute
i feel like indulgence is important to any healthy person whether they're aware of it or not
and self care is just on the total opposite of the spectrum
it's largely responsible to managing indulgence
and keeping them balanced and in check prevents too much tug and pull on our mental states
really moody people maybe sometimes have it the hardest themselves
confusing them then obviously would make both become problems
but most of the time caring for something is more difficult than being cared for
in more ways than one as well
probably a very useful video for any citizen in the land of social media
Search for the tag #boringselfcare is more focused on real situations such as taking a shower, paying your bills, etc. Being adult is a priviledge and a chore, imagine for people who struggle mentally or financially.. everybody deserves yo feel good and not be intimidated by the self indulgance version of loving youeself.
Yeah, it's like with life hacks - once it became trendy, accounts had to keep making new content, so the tips get weirder, more indulgent and less useful
Mel that’s actually so cute. I need to use this too. I used to have the app Plant Nanny so I could drink enough water in a day, anytime you drink, you feed a virtual plant and watch it grow. But it became too much and there weren’t apps like this for other things like studying and eating. But it’s much better to make it a part of your brain than find another reason to be glued to our phones via gamified habit or to do list apps.
I don’t know about this Insta “self-care” but when your deeply depressed even a tiny gesture of care towards yourself is super important. And that might be doing things that aren’t good if you keep it up long term but keep you alive in the short term.
Totally agree with this! Even if it's looks like doing yoga or a face mask, these little things do wonders when I'm struggling with depression/anxiety on a certain day.
Somebody gets it
I disagree. You become reliant on those bad choices to feel good and that hurts you long term. Skipping class and laying in bed watching netflix and doing skin masks and other expensive pampering only worked to extend my depression, not help it. Usually the decisions you want to make while depressed hurt you and thinking only about the short term is not good. How can your depression get any better if you're only living day by day? It won't.
Hard disagree. Some things might be good, but a lot of it is just dependencies. People often engage in destructive behavior when depressed, and that just feeds the cycle of depression and lethargy. You might think binge eating a whole tube of Pringles or a delivery pizza is good to make you feel better in the moment, but it's not really making you feel better, you'll still feel like shit immediately after, and you would break out of your rut faster by eating a proper meal. Same with other stuff like cancelling plans because you want to stay home and do nothing, or even more destructive behaviours like turning to drugs or alcohol. These kinds of things are not short term fixes while you work on a long term plan, they're bad habits that keep you trapped in a bad place.
@@pippetandpossum I will say, I both agree and disagree- there is a balance. You must do what keeps yourself afloat and surviving rn, but also what will truly benefit your future self to crawl out of the deep dark hole of despair of mental illness, especially with something like depression. One thing for sure- I am definitely ALL FOR skipping work if you have to bc the U.S. employment system and expectations and PTO and vacation policies are usually fucking garbage and tbh, I feel is extremely unhealthy even for mentally healthy people. I took days off sometimes back when I worked for other ppl, and let me tell you, sometimes, it's what my body and mind truly needed.
Self care should be more focused on the care part. It meant quitting smoking and lots of bad kind of food. And cooking at home and not going to places that I don't want to go to like clubs.
I needed to hear this so badly, thank you. Been putting off finishing my master's thesis because 'I need a break', which consists of mostly watching TH-cam videos to cope with the growing anxiety about the deadline, and never allowing myself true fun or vacation, because I spend my days procrastinating, and then feel guilty about it. It's a vicious cycle. The thought of long-term self-care is really helpful here.
me prepping my veggies on a sunday afternoon: self care ~
GoodMorningButch I call it adullting🤣
Sarah Forster adulting is hard
Same here.
Me - prepping vegetables - while listening to my favourite music.... Self care...
I just did that today on a Sunday afternoon. Prepped potato wedges for the week to go in my salads and curry.
Genuine Self Care List
- Sleep
- Exercise
- Meditation
- Boundaries
- Social media detox
- Quiet time
- Fresh air
- Creative activities
- Reading
- Tidying up space
- Plan your day, week, month or more
- Journal
This list is perfect.
My self-care consists of
Having a good sleeping pattern- regular going to bed and waking up time
cooking and eating well
Exercising
And planning big tasks ahead in way that it will cause as little stress as possible
This is what makes me feel good
are you prone to depression?
because this iswhat i do, when depression is creeping up.
You go girl!
I get overwhelmed easily so these are 3 most important things for me too. Thanks for highlighting these here.
When I need to really clean, I put on a cute apron, listen to a favorite podcast or music, have a glass of wine, and light a candle. I think people put off unpleasant things because they are trying to escape the unpleasant feelings. Sometimes it is easier to just make unpleasant things pleasant.
Also, thanks for recognizing that some of us really DO need to be told it is ok to have the pretty thing you want, or forgo plans with people.
Tracking my budget in a notebook and writing down my daily/weekly tasks lists are key parts of self-care for me. Oh, and dishes. I hate doing them, but future me almost always feels less stressed the next morning when my kitchen is clean.
The intro disclaimer to this video made me think of a conversation I recently had with my cousin. She was telling me about her busy schedule and I told her to make sure she was taking time for self care. She had the “Instagram” definition of self care and said…I literally can’t afford to do that….and I was so baffled because my definition of self care is eating healthy meals, cleaning yourself properly, exercising, getting enough sleep etc. We sorted it out, but it’s kinda crazy how many incredibly different definitions of the same concept are out there.
I’ve stopped pretending I like going to concerts and spending lots of money going to places that are loud and fill me with dread.
Yes! I figured out I'm more of a small-theater person. Where you get sucked in the experience instead of getting energy sucked out of you. And I am usually the youngest person there, but those 2 or 3 times a year I go, I have a lot of fun :)
@@haleyerin2451 depends on the 'energie' - backstreet boys was great, hozier drained me. but when it's good it is the best!
I refuse to go to clubs anymore. I just hate it. Too loud, too crowded, too dark and flashing lights, too... Impossible for me to enjoy.
I quit going to concerts, malls and bars a while ago when I realized that I hate shopping and prefer to consume my music and alcohol in the comfort of my own home and not around a bunch of sweaty strangers
I tend to think of these kinds of self-care as "emotional milkshakes." There was a time when I was very physically sick and malnourished. The only reason I didn't starve to death was because I constantly drank calorie-dense milkshakes. Even though my body wasted many of the calories by vomiting / pooping them out without processing them, milkshakes had enough calories and protein in little enough space that I could process enough to survive.
This doesn't mean that milkshakes are nutrient rich and great meals if you are well. But they saved my life when I was in a very bad place physically.
If someone is in a very bad place emotionally, it's better to reach for an emotional milkshakes than let yourself metaphorically starve to death (meaning, collapse into panic, despair, or dissociation-- an emotional breakdown).
This needs to be a placeholder until you can get real help and medical treatment for your mental health, just like I got real medical treatment for my physical health.
But it's okay if it takes a long time. It's also okay if you're never "healthy" by other people's standards. I still have to supplement normal food with Ensure and ice cream; I'm still underweight, just not in danger. It's okay if someone who struggles with lifelong anxiety and depression needs to incorporate emotional milkshakes into their diet also.
It's okay if you're only well enough to work 20 or 30 hours a week instead of 40, or if you have to work from home and take baths during the day. It's okay if you need to live on SSDI or your country's equivalent.
My point is, know yourself. Don't compare yourself to other people. Figure out what self care is for you, and don't let yourself get anxious or ashamed if it's different from other people-- even people you admire, like Chelsea.
this comment is critically under liked
I’ve found that repetitive self-indulgence under the umbrella of self-care generally signifies that something in my day-to-day routine isn’t authentically sustainable.
My mental health is severe enough to consider me disabled. So self care for me is getting out of bed & getting ready for the day. It’s actually a huge accomplishment to me.
Treating myself is spending some time on a hobby if I can manage it. But honestly, it’s a struggle to do that too much of the time
"Vegetables, Chelsea, vegetables.... No B!#* Ice Coffee!!!" I died laughing, that is totally me!!!
You are hilarious, we love you.
My self care includes:
- being truthful with my partner when I find him annoying or repulsive
- exercising regularely
- drinking nice tea
- Having a healthy sleep schedule
- taking breaks between study and other skill practices so i can recharge
- cleaning up my room
- yoga
- talking to friends
and my indulgence is buying useless shit on online stores lmao
Back when this self-care trend was starting, this is exactly what I was thinking. It's just a justification for being selfish and irresponsible. I hope more and more people start redefining this self-care trend in a more mature and healthy way.
My daily self care routine: shower, wash & dry my hair, brush my teeth, taking care of my skin. That would be 1 hour a day. It’s a luxury to have the time and health to do that.
Preach, sister. Self-care isn’t consumerism nor is it not holding yourself accountable or indulging in pleasures just because life is hard sometimes. I’m sick of this.
The title of this video could easily be "Self Soothing is not Self Care"
I bought a rowing machine 2 years ago when it was on a sale on amazon, spend around 40 minutes on it in the evening while watching a netflix episode or something, relaxation and exercise at the same time.
Jasta85 That's great, I do the same, only wish I was more regular!
That’s great. Have you ever tried rowing on water? It’s amazing! Rowing is my “self
Care”
Bought a small, cheap $85 treadmill that stays up, open and regularly used in my living room year around. Excellent purchase.
How do you hear over the fan?
Yes! My husband and I bought a treadmill for the garage back in May and I’ve been doing the same. That 30-60 minutes I spend out there every day has become such a centering time for me...and the fact I can “shop” in my stored “skinny” clothes stash again helps too! ☺️
My version of"self-care" is getting some reading done from books I bought .
Same! You get the chance to sit and relax and hopefully, cancel everything out and get lost in another world.
Yes! I’m currently working on Great Expectations. I highly recommend it
Yeap!! I love to sit on my balcony with my vape and a glass of wine or espresso and chill out with a book
When I started seeing videos about "self-care" routines. I had this idea that self-care was just face masks, and mostly aesthetic things - like you mentioned something like binge watching Netflix and eating on the couch. Which I just didn't do especially since I became a new mom. After I was diagnosed with PPD 5 months after my daughter was born, I realize a few months later how IMPERATIVE that REAL self-care was. Like self-care is taking care of yourself mentally, physically and spiritually.. So glad you talked about this.
So many of my “treat yoself” impulses led to greater stresses later (hello credit card debt and weight gain). Self-care for me has been going to therapy, laughing more, organizing my finances and life planning. The pampering and beauty upkeep helps me to enjoy my alone time and practicing actual self-care keeps it all balanced.
Listen, I did not sign up to be attacked like this.
Jennifer Decker 🤣🤣🤣
If anyone's gonna attack me, I want it to be Chelsea
I have been corrupted. For sure. Bring me ice cream and expensive shoes.
Get your shit together sis. You will not be proud looking back at an entire week of netflix, pizza, alcohol, lack of responsability and laziness
Lol same, but at the same time, I still feel like for some people taking a hella extra bubble bath with rose petals is self-care :/. Sure self-care doesn't have to always be face masks and bubble baths, it can be going to therapy, taking personal finance classes, going to the gym, but sticking to the simple things is also nice to, almost anything can be self-care for anyone, so I kind of don't see the point of judging other people for their version of self-care.
My self-care started with actually making an appointment with my psychotherapist. Then learning about kinesiofitness and letting it become my way of exercising
Honestly, this video is such a hard punch to my fundamental understanding of self-care, that it almost feels like a personal attack. And yet it's something I've probably needed to hear for years now. But that doesn't make it easy to swallow.
"Do something your future self will thank you for" is my mantra. Any time I find myself picking between options I have to ask myself which one will be more useful, make life easier to future J. It's not always picking term papers over pizza, but picking term papers *first*
"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked". Thank you so much for addressing this topic! It provided some much needed reflection.
I've spend the last three days tidying up my room (I moved last month and jumped straight into a phase of stressfull exam phase). Folding socks, washing the bed coverings, collecting all the deposit bottles really sucks and but I consider it self care because afterwards I will be able to work in a tidy appartment and actually find my stuff.
This really made want to change my idea of what self care is. Personally I've been putting off the gym and doing more ',self care' things that are just not helpful for future me and just letting myself fall in to a bad routine. Thanks for the pep talk 👌
Same! Esp. Re: exercise. Good luck and power to you getting back on it!
“what our instincts tell us can be corrupted by the world around us” 👏👏👏
She's awesome!
“Of course the answer is sheet cake”
Right! By solely focusing on tending to present happiness (or laziness, which is your mind lying to you about what will actually make you happy), you are not maximizing your happiness. Every time I drag myself to workout against my immediate will, I come out feeling dopamine loaded, toned, and sleep really well that night. That kind of self care (aka, healthiness), leaves me feeling good for the rest of the day and the next day!
I feel this so hard. As someone with high cholesterol and obesity at 29. I'm also someone with mental health issues that are environmentally based. All of the "self care" turned into avoidance of what I, as a normal human, NEEDS and instead turning to what I *want.* Now I want to fulfill my needs, which is including getting in touch with a physical trainer to get back to a normal and satisfying life in a safe way.
Thank you for a wonderful, honest, well-thought out and well-articulated video. It's so important to differentiate between these ideas. Often our "rewards" are counter-productive to our actions (ie. If I work out I get this cupcake or if I save my money, I can buy this purse etc.). Finding ways to be satisfied with the action in and of itself is super important. It TAKES TIME and practice and patience like most things, but we are capable of changing our mindsets. For instance now after a long day of work, I get to "reward" myself with a workout (because I love the feeling I get afterwards). And believe me. That mindset shift took a while!! Wishing good vibes to everyone out there working on themselves xo
I think the "you should indulge yourself more" model of self care is useful advice for like twenty percent of people. There definitely are people out there who really have their lives together on a career/finances/health/ect. front, but are less happy because they either don't allow themselves any indulgences or (more often) feel super guilty every time they do.
But for a lot of other people, it's terrible advice. Or it's good advice in regards to some things , and terrible in regards to others (I'm stingier with money than I need to be, because I've kept a lot of habits from when my income was much lower than it is now, but really don't need to be told to eat more hot Cheetos). I think the short version is that any advice that has been distilled down to a one-sentence meme should, at minimum, be taken with a grain of salt.
Kevin Baker I agree the times of low income can make you better off for the rest of your life. That's where I'm at and I can't envision myself going back to my old ways. I'm grateful for this, but want to get myself in a better position overall, But for now I am learning and changing for the better.
Kevin Baker
Thank you. Exactly this. People are different and every one of us is already a complex system so the point is, all advice can be useful for someone but not any one of them will be universally useful for everyone. Nuance is the most important ingredient missing from a lot of discussions, when in reality, one-size-fit-all solutions are really rare for anything.
I grew up in constant deprivation and existential anxiety because of poverty and it literally took seeing "Treat yo'self" day in Parks and Rec in my early 30s for the concept of just giving yourself something because it feels good to even register on my brain. It was an incredibly liberating realisation and something I still consciously cultivate in myself every day. Simply knowing that choosing to treat myself to something that looks, feels, tastes etc. good in that moment is an option has helped me enormously with my constant irrational fears, guilt, anxiety and even self-hatred. If anything, it does help me take better care of myself in the long run. It's like an act of kindness to myself that doesn't have to be justifiable by any objective metric.
I think it's much less than twenty percent, and places that give out broad advice to the general population of "you should indulge a little more" are way off track. It would be like giving out advice of "you need to eat more often" because a slim minority of people are underweight, while the vast majority have the exact opposite problem.
@@krombopulos_michael Except eating more often can actually serve to improve eating habits overall. When people skip meals and go all day hungry until dinner time, they’re often more likely to make poorer choices on what to have for dinner, or just grab whatever is available because they’re starving even if it’s not very good food, or eat more than they actually need because, again, they’re super hungry and feel like they need to eat a lot or need more calorie dense stuff. In addition, that extended period of going hungry can trigger the body to slow down the metabolism and preferentially store fat because your body thinks there’s actually some kind of famine. So remembering to do things like have breakfast or take a snack to work can very much be actual proper self-care.
@@girlwhomustnotbenamed4139 Yeah, I feel like I always need to be taking care of other people first, so “treat yo’ self” and “self-care” stuff actually reminds me it is okay and good to take “me” time.
"self care??" more like self sabotage. I could self care myself out of a job and through all my savings if I bought into this nonsense marketing scheme.
Everytime I hear the phrase self care, I also have this critism in mind. Like you said in the beginning, it really depends on your understanding of self care. Like, laying in the bath tub with a face mask on, eating ice cream and watching your favorite series can be self care, if it helps your mental health for instance trough reducing stress. You literally take care of yourself. But its also salfcare to do some unpleasant tasks (homeworks, some phonecalls, etc) today even if you don't want to, so you're not completely stressed out tomorrow. It means pondering about your problems, bad habits, toxic people in your life and so on, and shouldn't be reduced to some capitalistic face masks and bubble baths... So, nice video :)
@Anne-Lou Well, you're right there. That shows probably the best how self care can be really hard and sometimes just mean to find out what actually can help :)
Self care for me is taking a ride on my bike. I love it, it brings me joy, and really helps my depression.
This talk should be something every parent should have with their kids at the threshold of adulthood.
It's gotta be throughout life
Yeah. When I have kids I wanna get them on the habit of being kind to their future self.
As an "older" millennial, I love your channel. You're willing to call out some of the bs behavior that our generation has adopted and co-opted without many of ya putting a ton of thought into short- and long-term ramifications.
Dang, shots fired! 💥 I am guilty of this risk-aversion in my career as well:
"In fact, most of the things in my life today, that are most VALUABLE and most MEANINGFUL to me, only happened because I risked a little bit of discomfort for a while in order to get them."
Love this! My phone addiction was killing me and so now I stop using my phone at 9 (difficult as it is) and read instead. It ended up being a ban from all screens after 9pm (unless it's work) and I've been forced to sleep earlier and it's actually been amazing.
I love this, Chelsea! And I couldn't agree more, self-care and indulging oneself are 2 totally different things. Now, indulging is not inherently a bad thing, if it's only once in a while. But when it becomes a way of life, and a justification for skipping out on responsible behavior, this is when it is not a good thing.
Thank you for this! I enjoy your videos very much, and I am so glad I came across your channel a couple of months ago and subscribed!
Thank you Christine. We have to remember about building our futures long-term. Even when it doesn't feel like the most comfortable thing to do.
Yessssss!!
Just like *"minimalism"* (the version you talked about) is very much so like the superficial "self care".
Although, I do like my bubble baths haha❤
Me, lying on the sofa being fed grapes and taking opium: "Ah self care, a full time job if there ever was one."
🙊🙌
Ive bren clean for 5 years worst 5 years of my life. I hate drug ban
My kind of self care: Exercising, eating right, going for a nice walk or watching TH-cam. Society's self care: Overspending and overindulging
This is interesting there is a big push for self care these days and there is some merit to that. We do need to treat ourselves with compassion especially when the world does not and is not obligated to.
I agree. My self care these days are saving up for an international trip next year and working towards my career goals. Also attempting to eat better one day at a time.
Finally, glad someone noticed how damaging this trend can be to yourself. How ironic.
This cracks me up. We've had some difgicult times lately, including loss of family members and moving. I have a friend who is a therapist who constantly tells me I need self-care, i.e. pedicures, vacations, etc. My idea of self-care is dealing with the issues and getting stuff done so i can move forward instead of escaping.
@@michelleolivas6811 sounds like a pretty bad therapist if he/she tells you to go on vacation for self care... If anyone, he/she should know that is not the way!
@@mcwmulkens Some time off is sometimes necessary in an overworked society. Relaxation too in a high stress society. Some people never take a break, some people can never afford to take a break.
"Setting yourself up for a better tomorrow..." Thank you for that....reminds me of something Will Smith said and it echoes everything you're saying, self-care is self-discipline, basically discipline yourself to do what you have to do at the time you must do it, to protect yourself from stressing, worrying and panicking about it...something in those lines. So, thank you for the reminder.
I was legit having this exact conversation with someone today. Desires aren’t the same as what is a good idea
Admittedly I sometimes label painting my nails and doing my weekly face mask “self care”, but I do like the term self parenting for the real self care you described in this video!
This video is SO well timed. I’m ready to carve out time for investing in my future self rather than indulging in the moment!
This is a really awesome video and eloquently puts into words all the things we get wrong about self care and intuitive eating.
I’ve always separated self care into two things-basic and indulgent.
When I’m feeling depressed, unproductive, lazy, and unclean, I know that the type of self self care I need to do is get up, drink water, take a shower, clean my room and get my work done.
But I also know that when I’ve had a busy week and I’m feeling stressed on a Friday, then self care for me is smoking a bowl in the bathtub.
Self care is about asking yourself what you need, not what you feel like doing. And being honest with yourself.
Thank you, I think I have lost friendships because of “self care”. I thought what I was doing was right for me but it was only in the short term and thanks to this video I can change that.
I love this video! I took off work today for my 37th bday and the message is so timely for me as I start a new year of life. Too long I've been equated self-indulgence with self-care (and I have the 20 extra lbs to prove it). Thank you, Chelsea, for the inspiration to make choices that are actually good for me long term, not just in the moment.
Thank you. As a therapist I find myself discussing self-care with clients all the time, and it isn’t just “eat whatever you want and never call people back ever”.
LOVE this message!!! We live in a society centered around immediate gratification and label it as “self care”, but it’s an excuse....and a socially accepted excuse. We miss out on those things that our future selves will thank us for. Thank you for saying to the masses what I say every day!
I really love this video and what you’re saying here. Similarly to you, I’ve started looking at “self care” as what’s going to make me feel better long term. For instance, I was in a terrible cycle of buying lunch out every day I worked. So now I set aside a little extra time every day to pack a lunch I really look forward to eating. The positive outcome snowballs into even more positive feelings down the line:
I didn’t waste money on lunch and I ate a good meal, so on the weekend when I want to enjoy a nice date with my husband, I don’t feel guilty about the money we’re spending (within reason) because we’ve planned for it and had some restraint during the week!
As a side note; I swear you’re reading my mind with the content you release! Every new video touches on something that’s been on my mind!
Chelsea is the only person who really knows how to rant properly. You are the best!
Self-care should be about mental health, not physical satisfaction or indulgement.
🙌
Or physical health too! I'm chronically ill and self-care is taking my meds on time, or doing my stretches, or preparing meals that help my overall health. It's all connected isn't it.
Sadly, mental health is often overlooked.
Yep, the term has definitely been co-oped from healthcare professionals and phycologists.
It should be about health. Just health. Any kind of health, mental, physical, and all else.
As someone who has had a lot of anxiety around the food I eat, learning it's ok to eat what I want has been really valuable to me. And I've found that these days I genuinely crave the things that are good for me. I rarely eat sugar, apart from fruit.
So true! Finally someone is talking about the real meaning of self-care, that means caring about your present and future self. Being healthy and financially secure is the best gift you can give yourself.
Thank you for doing this! I also get irritated by people who fail to recognize the distinction between "self-care" and "treat yourself"!
Part of self-care, from my quick research into it, is that there’s an emotional component and a problem-solving component. And from what I see, we don’t focus on the problem solving enough.
I couldn't agree more. What many people see as caring for themselves is keeping themselves comfortable, but those things are not the same. Love to see videos like this and people questioning widely-held assumptions. Great video!
Thank you for this video! I just had a realization the other day about this. I told myself I deserved a McDonald’s breakfast (because I love me a McMuffin) but then thought, “actually, I deserve a healthy breakfast!” That is actual “self-care”. I think people are getting self-care confused with instant gratification. 💕
Yes!!! I totally get it and self care is different for everyone. Although I do have to speak about the food aspect. People recovering from eating disorders and that are trying to eat and enjoy something indulgent is a huge step for them. So I can see the self care act of eating whatever you want and enjoying it is beneficial for eating disorder “recoverees” but not for someone who hasn’t.
I’m an advocate of real self care I even have a monthly group on self care. Self care is layered. I agree with this video so many levels. Self care isn’t always pretty or fun
It can be doctors appointments, creating a budget, moving our body , planning our week
Caring for our present and future selfs.
I'm glad you acknowledged there is some room for the pampering yourself self care. As you say, it's about expanding the definition to encourage more focus on the care. And care can include doing something genuinely nice for yourself too, especially if it builds a self relationship of kindness.
Self care for me is scheduled time each week to look at sentimental things like letters from friends and family. I need it to counter my irrational thinking pattern which likes to tell me everyone hates me. I keep them in a self care box, along with a blanket, scented candle, and the stuff to make my favourite drink. This box is my brain a and e in some ways. I can't think through overwhelm and panic, so I use this box to Distract and Soothe until I'm able to Cope with the stressor.
My self care was starting something I was afraid of doing in the past: Learning a partner dance. I was afraid of being physically close to males and dancing that close to someone. Then I started doing Tango. No, I don't always feel like going. But hell, has it done me good! I learned a new skill, no pressure, just nice people, soft excercise and pure joy!
This video helped me label something I do that is definitely Self Care but I never thought of it that way. Those moments when I feel shitty and have an hour so free, I sit at my desk and tackle that stack of mail (including bills) that just piles up when we don't have time. However, this stack causes me stress and panic every time I walk past it or think of it no matter where I am. That is so damaging. So when I finally get it sorted, I really do take a huge weight off of my shoulders and feel freer and happier. Thanks for the video!
A phrase I heard a youtuber use that really helped me better conceptualize self-care, is "doing the work of self-care." Choosing to do the things that will make us overall better off is typically not the easiest thing to do, but it's work that's worthwhile
self care is a daily practice -- kelly-ann maddox
This really hits home in a extremely painful way. I have been very neglectful of my future self. I spend an immense amount of time and energy trying to 'in the moment' self soothe, and have not taken steps to further my future self and future opportunities. This was an excellent topic, and very well explained.
I really needed to hear this. I can feel myself slipping into a routine that I hate just because it feels too hard to fight the “good” in the moment. This is a wake up call. Thank you.
For me, the best self-care sessions I've ever had involved confronting my issues head-on. They were painful and extremely uncomfortable, but ultimately led me to concrete solutions to some of my significantly destructive behavior that needed addressing. Arriving at answers that place you in complete control of your own actions feels really good.
To me "self care" means... taking care of myself. Simple. Indulging in fastfood and procrastination isn't taking care of myself. Sometimes, yes, I eat a pizza/burger and I do postpone a meeting or a task because I am exhausted and instead I rest, but at the end of the day that rest or that lovely burger/pizza then was more important: I took care of myself.
As someone with social anxiety, I've never wanted to go out and hang out with friends in the moment. Before every outing I always resent it. But often it is after I go out that I appreciate having company and venturing out to make friends and experience life. And when I stay in I just get nausitated watching my screen all day.
Thank you for sharing Ranty Chelsea™ with us.
Also love that you painted the window frame behind you. (I know it was done a few videos ago.)
Well said, Chelsea. Delay gratification and the grind, and self-care as good choices that reap long term rewards. And not just immediate feel good things we do as the only self-care we do.
I wish I had seen this two years ago because this applies super heavily to my depression and how I was taught to deal with it. I left high school cause I was bed-ridden depressed and I was sold this brand of selfcare by my therapists and mentors. 'if its too hard take a break and do something to make yourself feel better' so I followed the path of least resistance and did almost nothing for about two years and am trying to dig myself out now.
I rarely comment on TH-cam videos but Chelsea...you're a gem and so insightful. This is such an articulate take and is the same philosophy I have for my personal self care and try to follow 80-95% of the time.
I am so worried by the turn that the self care movement has taken: extreme self indulgence (food, drink, money and interpersonal relationships, etc..) skewed logic about what's actually "good" for us vs what feels good and lack of interrogative work into our impulses. This video is both affirming and grounding. Can't wait to share with folks.
My self care consists of cleaning/organizing even when I’m tired so I can be calm and at peace in my home. Also exercising even when I don’t feel like it (after a day of cleaning and chasing my toddler around). I never want to in the moment but I know how good I feel when I’m done.
Examining what self care means in the context of mental health is really important, because some types of self care (having a shower when you haven't for three days, or taking a break when you're overloaded with stress) can recharge you to take life on. But others are really just avoidance and don't make you feel any better, slipping into bad habits that can actually set you back in the long term.
Videos like this, even if it doesn't 100% reflect my experience, are really good because they make us examine why we are doing the self care, and if it is actually helping us, or just helping us avoid doing the necessary things to move our life forward.