H E L L O lovelies! Here's my FOLLOW UP video on childfree by choice. In the last video I asked you all WHY is it that childfree by choice people are shamed by others. After much contemplation, today we explore the topic of "regretful parenting" and the rising trend of it in 2024. Thanks in advance for tuning in. Remember to please just be kind to one another in the comments, regardless if you agree or not. This openhearted community holds space for learning, discussing, and sharing ALL perspectives. I LOVE that about our community. Love you all! EDIT: Unfortunately we've had to block many rude and cruel people on the channel today. If you're going to be rude, you will be blocked. :) Regretful Parents; subreddit: www.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/ ✨ get empowered in my authentic living video series: th-cam.com/play/PLO0f2LixQ5fmTN_kxl4JohWYV9oUeJZOy.html
Enaknya jadi manusia = 1. Ada makanan 2. Fisik sehat 3. Panjang umur 4. Punya keluarga 5. Ada tempat tinggal bagus 6. Manusia Jujur 7. Saling toleransi 8. Masuk surga 9. Dapat rezeki. 10. Damai dengan orang. 11. Mempunyai pemimpin yang mendukung rakyat. Dll Tidak enaknya jadi manusia = 1. Kelaparan 2. Kadang merasakan sakit , ada yang berkebutuhan khusus ( tidak bisa melihat, tidak bisa mendengar, tidak bisa berbicara ), ada yang sakit berat = stroke , kanker , dll , ada yang kehilangan anggota tubuh . 3. Suatu hari meninggal 4. Ada yang tidak punya keluarga 5. Ada yang tidak punya tempat tinggal atau tempat tinggal jelek 6. Ditipu orang 7. Rasis SARA ( suku , agama, ras dan budaya) , Rasis yang lain. 8. Masuk neraka 9. Harus bekerja kalau mau punya harta 10. Di hina orang 11. Mempunyai pemimpin Tidak mendukung rakyat Dll. Maka dari itu saya memutuskan tidak punya anak. Ada gak enaknya jadi manusia. Mungkin anak saya mengalami hal buruk tersebut . Ya walaupun ada enaknya jadi manusia, saya tetap tidak punya anak. ( Indonesia language)
When I was 12, I knew I didn’t want kids. I’m in my late 30s now. The child-free by choice shaming reminds me of the crabs in a bucket analogy. 🦀 Like they say, “Misery loves company.”
exactly what I think of the CF community. Was like you at 12. Was scared off motherhood by CF communities and actively engaged with them since I was 16. Most are still miserable. I'm now 25 having my 2nd and I want like 10 lmao :D
@@reb2229 You're right. Shaming definitely goes both ways. It's just unnecessary. I'm glad you're enjoying motherhood! Congrats on your new little bundle of joy!! 😍🍼
Even as a man, I’ve been shamed and called disrespectful names all my life for not wanting to have children. I like kids, but I never once wanted children… I always get told I’m going to be an old bitter miserable man for not having children. Society is like a broken record telling me I’m going to change my mind. And I still never once changed my mind. I hope in my lifetime the majority of people will stop shaming And belittling those who decide they don’t want children. Not everyone wants the same things in life.
The people with kids who belittle and demean the adults without kids are the same exact ones who will sit around endlessly bitching and moaning about their kids and the financial burden that comes with being a parent. It’s pretty simple… Misery loves company!
It's refreshing to hear that you've also heard such comments. I hate that we've all experienced this and I'm sorry to hear about the rude comments made towards you, but usually women make the news when we decide not to, and the men are forgotten.
I’m 39F and I think I questioned being childfree because everyone (most parents) say it’s soooo worth it, it’s different when they’re your own kids etc. I’m glad I stayed childfree and I think I won’t change my mind, I value my peace and quiet time. Life is hard enough taking care of myself and I don’t want to make it harder. I can’t imagine if I had a baby now and going through menopause with a teenager.
you are a weak person if you not can handle childern what people did for thousands of years all your ancestors did in much worse places. You are incredible weak maybe for the best you dont have children. Because your children will get be filled by your anxienty weakness and narcistic traits.
@@milliem8051 You're going through menopause at only 39? That is interesting. I would think your 40's but yes, everyone is different. Glad you have no regrets in regards to children (having it or not).
@@Goodwillwinoverevil1984 She didn't say she's going through menopause. She just gave an example. Women's menopause often coincide with their children being teenagers.
I feel like not having kids doesn't mean you have to prove your purpose with humanitarian work or volunteering. There is nothing wrong with just living a quiet, peaceful life without always thinking you have to achieve something BIG just because you didn't have kids.
totally! I agree. And I also do believe that contribution or giving back in some small way is important in life - whether that's in your loca community, neighborhood, friendship circle etc
@@helenawoods yes, not saying there is anything wrong with it. I am just saying it's not something that should be expected. The happiest child free couple I know travel all over in their spare time. All of their extra money and free time goes to enjoying their life together. They are such a joy to be around, because they are unapologetically living the life they want, not what others expect from them. I do like your point about how humans have a need to be accepted by the larger group. This is not something thay can be ignored. I think they get away with not being looked down on, or being seen as "selfish" because you can genuinely tell how happy they are, and they don't try to hide or downplay their lifestyle. It's completely authentic to them, and people are usually drawn to true authenticity. They have this electric energy that is palpable/contagious. I hope my husband and I can emulate them when we reach our fifties.
I truly appreciate what you had to say about this subject. I am 52, happily married, and child-free. For years, I have been the black sheep of my family....not to mention when I meet new women, the first question I am asked is if I have kids. Their response has been everything from "why didn't you have kids" to "what, you don't like kids or something?" UGH. It's wonderful to see young men and women making the decision that is best for them. Thanks for the video!
I'm 49 and have never regretted not having children. It's the most unselfish thing I have ever done. In my time, I have seen sooo many women having babies for the most selfish reasons that I knew I did not want to be that person. Trapping men, "saving a relationship/marriage", and just being plain irresponsible. Hard pass from me!
I have three children of my own and they have enriched my life greatly. I can’t imagine life without them. HOWEVER, parenting, especially in America, where the village has all but disintegrated, is extremely tough. The Surgeon General literally put out a warning this week about the stress levels of parents. There’s not enough support and many parents - even if they adore their children - are just drowning trying to parent in this particular time in history. I 💯 understand why people would choose not to have children, for a myriad of reasons.
It really is a shame all the pressure placed on people to have kids. And now, more than ever, we have governments trying to control women's bodies so that they will have wage slaves and tax payers birthed into this cruel society (US, of course). The fact is, here in the US, so much damned lip service is paid to how much we care about children and families, when wages are far too small to pay for a comfortable family life, a growing family. Parents have to work, sometimes multiple jobs, just to barely have a roof and food. That leaves no time to truly parent your kids, much less spend any time with outside family, friends, community. The safety nets that are few and far between take a whole lot of mental and emotional gymnastics to even try to get help - because those with disabilities are denied multiple times, over years and those on food assistance must earn money, but not very much at all.... the safety nets SUCK. Child care is expensive. So is every basic necessity. Companies do not care if their wages don't help their employees live well. They don't care that people need part-time work or frequent time off. They don't care at all.
I didnt think a wanted a child. Then all too young (age 19) I met a man that made me forget any plans I had. I was married at 20 and pregnant at 22. I was on pill but hadnt discovered copper IUD yet. I decided to have the baby. Husband wanted me to. He was cheating by the time I was 6 months pregnant. I didnt find out until 2 weeks after having our son. Our son seemed healthy but at 3 started showing string signs of autism. Hes 15 now. I doubt he ever holds a job, has a relationship, or drives a car. I fear he will have a lonely life and I fear how he will make it after I am gone even if I leave a house and money. We will do the best we can. I certainly would never have more kids. They are born like we all are to suffer struggle and die. No point.
I remember being in my mid 20's and making it very clear to my fiancé & his parents that I did not want to have children (or changing my last name). I'm pretty sure they were too shocked to say anything at the time, but I figured, better to be up front before they dared try the pressure tactics. I'm in my 60's now, child-free & I haven't looked back once!
As a woman who is involuntarily childfree I don't identify with either of those "camps". But I do have to say, that you are absolutely right about childfree-by-choice-people being definitely less judgemental, more open and fun to be with. I am happy you are living your best life... You are glowing 😊
@@humaboutique2 LOL! Have you not seen my previous video on childfree by choice and WHY women aren't having children? This is a different video topic on "regretful parenting" Read.
My Mother let her children know she didn't want us. Yep, she TOLD us she didn't want us. First time she told me was when I was 5yo. I know it means I would not be here, but I wish she had access to birth control. Maybe she would not have been so miserable and so determined to make her children miserable as revenge on us.
I love to answer calmly "I don't have kids" or "I just don't want kids" and then see their reaction. People are different and this is me. I don't have a problem with other people lifestyles but mothers seems to have. Not all but most in US. When I'm in Europe. There is plenty of childless women and no one cares how you live.
childfree Women in fiction: Marie Schrader - Breaking Bad Debra Morgan - Dexter Maria LaGuerta - Dexter Diane Nguyen - BoJack Horseman Keeley Jones - Ted Lasso Carrie Bradshaw - SATC Samantha Jones - SATC Robin Scherbatsky - How I Met Your Mother Eleanor Shellstrop - The Good Place Tahani Al-Jamil - The Good Place ........childfree Men in fiction: Hank Schrader - Breaking Bad Chidi Anagonye - The Good Place Jason Mendoza - The Good Place Mr Peanutbutter - BoJack Horseman Joey Tribbiani - Friends Roy Kent - Ted Lasso Coach W. Beard - Ted Lasso
This is one of the best videos ever on this subject and so spot on. I have always said and will continue saying: that motherhood is so overrated and I will stand by this and yes, I am a mother.
I think there are a lot more people making this choice than we think. I feel like I have reached the point where no one has an opinion on my choice any longer. I'm 45 and in academia, so I think people see me as eccentric. I also think more women in academia seem to be childfree because they have dedicated themselves to their research interests. And, as a person exploring my neurodivergent qualities for the first time in my 40s, I think I would have really struggled and been unhappy if I did have children. I need to live in my own little world.
I respect this so much. As a woman in her late 20s, I know that one day I'll probably want children, it's just not anytime soon, probably only well into my 30s. I've been single by choice for quite a few years, and these were some of the most healing & joyful years of my life. Since you talked about how having kids is a huge sacrifice - I've spent majority of my 20s self-sacrificing, giving up my own happiness for others, being in bad relationships, being deeply unhappy and feeling overly responsible for other people's problems (Pluto on the ASC here). All this while everyone else my age was enjoying life, developing their careers, making memories, falling in love, getting married etc. So funny enough- while most people my age are starting to settle down & start getting more responsible (like thinking of kids), I'm doing it exactly the opposite; finally learning for the first time- to have fun. To enjoy life, to not be scared to fall in love & not take life too seriously.. This is why I know I will marry & have children (if at all) late, it's such a huge responsibility and I'm honestly quite disgusted by people who have the audacity to pressure ppl into having kids or by a certain time/ age, remind them of their age/ biological clock or whatever. Hell, we're overpopulated, and also it's none of their business. EDIT: why it's not "selfish" to not have children - what IS selfish is having kids with an agenda (a sense of purpose, or for social acceptance from society/ family/ friends, or to "save the marriage", or to feel like you should cuz that's what adults are supposed to do, or bringing kids into your mess of substance addiction or dysfunctional life - THAT is selfish). The women that will judge you the harshest may also harbour internalised misogyny. You are not selfish for not having children, you're smart, responsible, a free-thinker, and you're a human with free will. Thank you for this Helena
Thank you for sharing this, Helena ❤ I have 4 kids and honestly, there are times where I regret becoming a parent. I love my family, of course, and wouldn’t change things, but I wish there were more resources or information out there that actually shares what it takes to be a parent. I’ve gone through some of the hardest struggles of my life with postpartum, toddler years, preschool years, and it’s just the beginning. It’s just not something everyone is aware of or talks about. I appreciate you sharing the other side 🙏🏼
The billionaires can do that. Or by then, they’ll be trillionaires and AI will have taken most of the jobs the mediocre (the 99%) classes would usually do. Surely in the future with income inequality at record levels, governments will ensure the trillionaires are paying for society. After all, it is us tax payers NOW who have subsidised them and allowed them to get so rich so it will be payback time. You need to think out of the box. Your kid’s future depends on it so make sure you and your kids hold those trillionaires accountable to society.
My mom's mother did not have access to abortion and did not want her pregnancy, but she had no choice but to give birth. When she was 10, her mom tried to kill her in a murder-suicide intentional car crash. She survived, and when she was 18 had her own pregnancy from a man who abandoned her. She was forced into a loveless relationship with my dad who was an abuser and SA'd her hundreds of times and pimped her out in the 80s because he didn't want to work. She had eight children and was stuck with him until she was almost 50. She attempted suicide this year, but thankfully she made it through and is finally able to live for herself. So glad that I have the choice to be child free!
@@junetaylor8396 Sometimes! If there is a healthy relationship, it can be rewarding and beautiful to have kids! But if men choose to use forced pregnancy to control women, that's really bad. Unfortunately, it's very common.
Most people follow the masses blindly. When they are in it they realize the responsibility and stress associated with raising children, but then it’s too late.
Yes, please make more videos about this! This 38 year old, married, childfree by choice lady would really appreciate it 💕 I love that our community is becoming more outspoken and especially love your content on the subject. Thank you, Helena! ✨💫
People always say it's selfish to not have children, I personally think it's selfish to not care or think about bringing a human into this dirty world, sure there is beauty in it as well but it's a tough place to be at times and people should be free to choose. Even with woman that choose to be stay at home wives that do plenty of work there always shamed by society that it's not enough when being a stay at home is far harder than going to work. Woman have always been scrutinized with being house wives or not choosing to have children. If it works for a couple than why do people care to judge so much is beyond me. Loved alot of key points made here! 👏
Most people are selfish and dont pay for their college education and spend on vacations and stuff and kick their kids out when they turn 18.... that is selfish.
@@Random-dndsdfaf They were told that it was only gonna be 18 years and after that you’re free so ofc people would kick their kids out at 18 bc that was what was fed to them when they had kids
@ perhaps they should not have been parents. Perhaps not having access to their children would make them feel better. Or better yet they kid should have passed at a early age as not to deal with them and their self absorbed egotistical God complex, ignorance
And tbh I would be such a parent as well. What do you mean I signed away my life and sacrificed basically everything that mattered to me, went through pregnancy and childbirth for my children to be disrespectful to me and others not to worship the ground I walk on for this amount of selflessness? And that’s exactly why I’ll never have children.
“When you’re happy and content, you don’t rain on other people’s parade.” -my Aunt May, 2020 You don’t see childfree treating parents like regretful parents treat the childfree. Nothing is a competition yet this choice calls for people to project their insecurities onto complete strangers. Y’all stay safe out there 😅❤
I am married and have 3 grown children, since I was a little girl I didn't want to get married or have kids....do I regret it? No wayyyy! I love my kids so much I couldn't think of a life without them, but it was HARD and still hard because you always worry about their well being. My brother didn't want kids since he was 9 , he has been married for 35 years with no kids, does he regret it? No wayyyy! They (him and his wife) love their mental and physical freedom. All I have to say is ..do what is good for YOU because it is YOUR life after all.✌️ ❤️
I think it’s wise to not just think about what YOU want but also what your child is going to be born into. If you feel that it’s still of value then go for it. The world is a messy place however and for me it’s a tough decision
As someone who works in child welfare, this hits the nail on the head. "Too many people are having kids that don't want to be parents, and the kids are the one's that are suffering from this." It's heartbreaking how many people have children and they are not capable of being a functional parent due to their own unresolved trauma 😢
My dad always says people who don't have kids are selfish. I don't get it. Like isn't a society guilting people into kids they don't want selfish? My daughters are 18 and 20. If they have kids it won't be for many years. I had mine at 23 and 25. I only regret having them young. I wasn't prepared and my life has been difficult.
No problem with anyone's choice to be childless. I had four. It wasn't easy, still isnt--and my youngest is 40. But will say I enjoy the richness of family, of grandchildren now. No regrets, at all. Liked it all including sacrifices, growing, selfless lifestyle. Note: try to make sure "the dream" whatever yours is will last your life. No going back.
You were just lucky. It doesn't turn out that way for all who have children. I almost died when my one child was born 45 years ago, and women are still dying from pre-eclampsia. Grandchildren? They are too busy with their friends. If I had to do it again, I would never go this route, especially in today's world.
Thank you Helen for these videos!. I moved out of my parents house 5 years ago .. don’t get me Wrong I love my parents, but they want to have a child … they want a “ Grandchild “ … she is Alwsys talking about me Fostering a child .. but I’m not .. I’ve been single for 10 years and I’m loving the single life I’ve never been happier .. so thank you for being there thank you for understating Child free life. I feel like your big sister I never had. Love ya 😊
Only halfway through this video and GIRL. I’m astounded🤣 just sitting here nodding and clapping along to every point you’re making. That first Reddit comment floored me👏🏼
Yep. Childless cat lady here and Shady Vance and his moronic take on women can F the hell right off. It's a daggum tough job to be a parent and I know my limitations--and I work with kids. Love my job to the moon and back but do not have it in me to be a proper parent so will leave that awesome job to someone else. The world is just way too crazy for me to think about bringing another human into it. For those who want to do so, best of luck and many blessings; I'll be here to support you and your decision. For those of us who choose to remain childless cat ladies, I'm here to support you, too!! Thank you for this incredibly important conversation, Helena.
My bf is a father of twins. He has a reasonable relationship with their mom but ultimately she wanted kids and he did not. They’re 9 and we’re halfway to 18. I’m 37 w/no kids (with future stepchildren) and I love not being a mom. If you desire kids, date someone with kids. That way you can have the best of both worlds. As a step parent you can STEP IN OR STEP OUT OF THE MF WAY!! I can travel, sleep in, work, leisure and if my man asks me to pick up the kids from school it’s just a request not mandatory. They have a mom and a dad who’s responsible for them and their daily life! And they still think you’re the coolest because you aren’t mom or dad. I feel like I found a cheat code!
Thanks for talking about this, the more it is out there the better. I never wanted kids even as a teen, and now in my 40’s have never changed my mind. Some of us just know it isn’t right for us. Raising a child is an incredible responsibility, and frankly I dont think enough parents take it seriously! Part of the problem is truly believing you have a choice, which is hard when much of society tells you having children is the only way. All I want for women is to truly think deeply about what they want for their life and know that whatever choice they make is valid. There are so many ways to live life, I just wish we wouldn’t cut each other down for making different choices.
I am 29 and I don't want to have kids. For a lot of reasons. One of them is for not seeing how he/she losts him/herself in the educational system for YEARS and years. It has done so much damage to me that I don't want that it hurt no one else.
Not all religious women want children. Some religious women are child-free by choice and are happy and satisfied Don't be so quick to assume, all religious women are all the same
I support you being Child Free. I never wanted children when young. At 35 and a half I chose to have my son with my husband. The marriage fell apart. We divorced. However, now at 52 I regret NOT having more children. My son is a such a blessing to me and a wise soul. I wouldn't change it--no regrets. But you are not far off from what a child can bring into one's life--it can be hard --not always easy. No one makes me cry like my son, but I love him. LOL It is like anything in life heartache and happiness. Much love. Thank you.
If I could start over, I wouldn’t even get married. Because once you get married, your in-laws will pressure you to have children to continue their last name. You may think it’s easy to ignore, but it’s not like I can ignore it for the rest of my life. They will keep shaming you for not having children. Every phone call (weekly), every holiday gathering, constant nagging, “WHERE are my grandchildren????” Especially if your in-laws are CHINESE, it’s game over for you. Having grandchildren in Chinese culture, besides making money, is their 2nd most important priority
Just TELL THEM NO KIDS FOR US and WE ARE NOT CHANGING OUR MINDS. THANK YOU VERY MUCH IN LAWS and change the subject and do not talk about your decision again with them. Walk away if they try to bring it up and do not invite them back to your home, if they cannot respect your BOUNDARIES.
I believe everyone should do what is best for themselves. As for me I love my childfree life because it’s what I always wanted, and simultaneously enjoy my nephews and friends kids. Let’s not pressure people either way, although education about the realities of parenthood should be taught in school. 400k Foster kids should tell us about how people are having kids they don’t want. And please, stop asking women why they don’t have children, some can’t, don’t be a moron.
I have a son and a baby on the way. Being a mother for me is one of the best things I’ve done to date. I’ve had careers, travelled, partied ALOT and waiting until I was in my 30’s to start a family. I feel that those that have children and are regretful haven’t realised or understood yet that you can’t be selfish, when you have a child the dynamics change. It’s not about you anymore, or your wants and desires for your life the child/children come first. If you are happy to let go of those things and realise you don’t come first anymore you will likely be a happy parent. Also, if you aren’t sure or on the fence if you want children then DONT have them. It’s not for the faint hearted because sometimes it is hard work and like I said you CANT be selfish anymore, you don’t come first anymore. For me this suits! Im really content with everything I’ve done in my life, I’ve competed athletically, won promotions, started my own business which I still successfully run. Out of all this nothing comes close to the love and happiness having children had given me. It’s hugely enhanced my life. Also having healthy children or those without additional needs is not a given! So understand that when making the choice to have children. You get what you’re given. If you enjoy a life with never really having to put anyone else first or someone else’s needs above your own and thinking about doing that makes you uncomfortable then don’t do it!! Plain and simple.
I wasn’t sure about being a mother. I felt like I would be good at it, my family always said they “believed I would get married and pregnant early. My older sister, was never expected to have kids because she didn’t date. Now I rarely see her, and when she helps with the kids she is extremely uninvolved. She practically raised me for five years growing up. She has expressed to me that after she saw what I go through on a regular basis that she no longer wants to have kids. My family is “okay” with this. I felt like it was never even an option for me.
I’ve tried asking my mom these things but she always maintained that she’s always wanted children, and that she doesn’t want to think about what her life would be like without us. I suppose.
The reason many parents won’t admit it is because we do still love our children as much as people who love parenthood. The problem is that people are so quick to judge and who wants to be told that they don’t love their child as much as other people do? For me, the hardest part of having children is the worry and feeling guilty if they’re not happy. I don’t understand the logic of people saying it’s selfish not to have children. We have children to pass on our own DNA, thereby adding to the problem of overpopulation. Surely it’s selfish to think that our DNA is so superior that we need our own child rather than adopting one of the many children in care?
There’s another reason why to not have kids which is something a lot of people don’t talk about and it’s genetic diseases. There’s a lot of diseases that are genetic and can run in families. Sickle cell disease, cystic fibrosis, hearing loss and deafness, metabolic disorders, muscular dystrophy, Tay-sach’s disease, diabetes, schizophrenia, autism, hemophilia, fragile X syndrome, god the list can go on and on. Some of these diseases also don’t have genetic testing available, so there’s not really anything you can do about it.
Husband’s perspective would be great!! I am 50/50 on wanting kids and am 33 and the decision is really difficult, my partner is 99% no to having them but I’m scared when he is older he will change his mind and then I will be too old to have them, if we are still together and then I’ve made a mistake staying for years in a childfree relationship. I need to hurry up a decide more definitively, it’s really hard.
Whoever shames ignore them, these people bring kids to life and have no money to support theirs kids. In this competitive life where there’s no guarantee of jobs and future it’s a crime to bring kids in life. This society never helps us but still wants us to keep having kids and then live in stress forever
I would love to hear your husband's take on it! It's rare to find a man talking about his thoughts on being childfree on YT. It's not even a conversation I've had with my male friends, even though most of them are childless!
Your videos are always spot on & encouraging people to follow their own paths! I'm planning to follow my heart & start traveling more full-time March of 2025. When I stop in France, I'd love to meet you! You seem like such a ball of fun & breath of fresh air!
I love being a mum but it is a big sacrifice. There’s also a high chance of having a child with very complex needs. I know so many parents that are stuck living in poverty caring for a child whose needs mean they can very rarely leave the house their whole lives are dealing with meltdowns and sensory issues their only companion being peppa pig
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Yeah I agree with this, I'm 38 and have a 10 month old. I already did everything I wanted in life before having her and I don't give a damn if someone doesn't want to have kids. I'm too happy with my life to care about what others want or dont want xD. This can be extrapolated to everything I think, if you are unhappy sometimes you are envious of others, talk about other etc, without even knowing what you really want for you...
Whether rejected or unaccepted being true to ourselves or willingly choosing to be child free by choice,it doesn't matter to us and we don't care cos we're happy not to share our peace of mind with parenting 😊.
I love being a mom. It is tough and I don’t shame anyone for not wanting kids. I couldn’t imagine my life without my little humans. It’s not for everyone and I respect those who don’t want to give that time to kids. I knew I wanted to live my life with kids. I wish this topic was such a topic and we just respect each other for what is best for those people. Also, letting a small peace of my soul into the world is the hardest part of having kids for me. I just want the world for them.
Thank you for posting this video! You covered so many excellent points about what a child-free woman has tolerate in social situations. I think it's hilarious how parents think that child-free people are selfish. Every problem human society has can be traced back to human overpopulation. Violence, pesticide-laden crops, factory farming, climate issues, a lack of affordable housing, environmental destruction and pollution are all rooted to human overpopulation. The breeders of this world are the selfish ones because they are contributing to the problem.
Leena Norms made a great video (IMO) about this, specifically talking about the environmental impact. She does not want to have children, but also makes the point that it is okay, and not selfish like you said, to have them. I think it is sad that that is your takeaway or your after watching this video. Can we stop shaming people for their life choices. It is not more or less selfish than not having children. And people having significantly less children now would also lead to multiple issues. I don't have any children btw)
It's funny how conservatives praised the selfishness of the Millionaires but not the selfishness of the childfree people. That's why I can't take them seriously no matter how I seriously listen to their side.
No, no, no. Childfree by choice is not the worst decision you could make. First, I'm being factitious when I say that "They" say that those who decided to have only ONE child are deemed as being even MORE selfish than those who decide to have no children. I know, because I've had several people approach me with that attitude in regards to my partner and I and our one-and-only.
Having KIDS is AWEFUL. They YELL, SCREAM, FIGHT, BREAK THINGS, Want EXPENSIVE TOYS and PHONES, use FOWL LANGUAGE, DISRESPECT their ELDERS, and KIDS ARE SO UNGRATEFUL. Do Yourself a Favor and DO NOT HAVE KIDS! Heed this Warning or Be Sorry, Regretful, and treated LIKE $HIT like 99.999% of Parents. You have been Warned.
The one (and only) guaranteed way to prevent all the suffering of children is not to bring them into this world of diseases, crimes, wars, accidents, natural disasters, old age, death, and all the unknown evils the future holds. ☮ At the same time, it's not a bad for them to not come into existence as those who don't exist can't suffer their own non-existence. Any of the "goods" this world has to offer, the non-existent don't need them to begin with. ✨
We could still build a successful society if only those who genuinely want children chose to have them. This way, everyone would be happier, and children would benefit from parents who truly want to raise them.
My gooood, misery loves all the company. Im 32, single and childfree AND i follow some family channels that i think is very wholesome. YET i never think "I want that" i just love watching a cute family now and then :)
@@Waterdiver3900Damn you’re really afraid of being alone, aren’t you? That’s pretty sad tbh, that you would create a whole human being just to try and ease your fear of being alone
Kinda' same here, only male. 38 y/o, childfree by choice since I were in my mother's uterus. I mean, I absolutely loathe the demons that brought me into this hellhole of a world and I will never ever forgive them for my existence. I'm not doing the same arrogant and selfish mistake they did.
I'm in my 50s and child-free. What's awful is the number of my friends who have teenage or adult children with drug problems, mental health issues, and/or have gone no-contact (often for the aforementioned reasons). I can't imagine spending all that money and sacrificing so much, only to have POS children. Obviously I have friends with fantastic children, but is having a child worth the risks? As I type this, I'm sipping a martini, have a secure retirement fund, and am thinking about my upcoming European river cruise.
People should not judge anyone, no matter their choice is. Mature people make their choice from the very beggining. Definatelly you are not selfish if you choose not having children and It's nobody's business after all. Perhaps those people you've mentioned regretted for not living their life more and now they are confused. Not having children is different than raising them. Raising is a very difficult process for any parent. Someone could have children somewhere in this planet by chance or intentionally (for important or ridiculous reasons) and yet not caring for them or raising. This is shelfishness, this is immaturity. Children are not objects to have, to own, to sell, to give or donnate them for any kind of reason. They are humans!!So if anyone have them in their life, then should be gratefull watcing them to thrive.
Can someone please explain to me why a voluntary decision by a man, woman, or couple not to have children is considered "selfish"? Please help me understand this. Isn't it selfish to have children for all the wrong reasons- including family or societal pressure? Very bad for the parents who never truly wanted children- but the real tragedy falls upon the children who were never truly wanted or loved. Suffer the children....
If I ever want kids I can adopt...there are a lot of kids that need help....why the f would I want my own. Bringing children to this misreable world. The difficulty is finding a woman who doesn't want kids lol My dad got married to my mom and had me and my brother b/c he felt lonely lol don't want to do what he did.
I love to hear that tbh. As a woman I’m usually told it will be so hard to find a man who doesn’t want children. I’m sure you will find someone. Women usually have to go through and sacrifice a lot to have biological children so there are quite a few of us who don’t want any of that.
Selfish: adjective (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others. I'm curious, when people say being childfree is selfish. Who am I being selfish to exactly? How does my NOT having kids negatively impact others? What am I taking away from others by not having kids? Who am I not showing consideration to by being childfree? This is the absolute stupidest thing a person can say about being childfree because it quite literally makes no sense. I think maybe these people saying this don't know what the word means.
Helena, I am just genuinely curious if the data taken was from parents who had children before they got to enjoy their youth and freedom and before they were financially stable? Most people I know who had kids too young and has always struggled financially are the ones who regret it. They don’t admit it out loud but they would say, “If I could go back in time, I would wait to have kids”. I’m a mom to two kids, been happily married for almost 17 yrs. We waited to have kids for 7 yrs, we got to enjoy our 20s, freedom to do whatever, travelled, saved, and bought a home before having them. No regrets at all and we feel so fulfilled. We’ve continued our lifestyle of travelling with them since they were babies and currently on our 4th vacation this year as I’m typing this. We truly love being parents. However, there is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting children. We also experienced judgement when we didn’t have kids for years. As someone who works at school where there are more and more grandparents having full custody bc the parents are unfit. Some people shouldn’t have kids. The poor innocent children always end up suffering and experience childhood trauma for the rest of their lives. But I do wonder sometimes if the data taken are from parents who didn’t get to enjoy their freedom and have been financially struggling the reason why they regret having kids.
Yes, the mothers I met with had children in their mid 30s-early 40s. edit: many of whom have traveled, had successful careers, married the love of their life, lived full lives before having kids.
@@helenawoods thank you for responding. All I can say is that there are myriad of reasons why people choose to not have children and why others chose to have them. But I admit, I hate seeing adults who are unfit to be parents have children and keep having them. But I also hope that those who regret them don’t tell their children that they regret having them bc that would be so hurtful and those children will never look at their parents the same way.
This is not uncommon especially among those couples who were pressured to have children. The truth to be told however is having children comes with trade-offs especially since it means giving an aspect of life, largely a social one. In fact I know of couples who used to get out a lot and travelled a lot however once they had children that life disappeared. Beyond that I can't blame those couples who choose not to have children because it's obvious to me that they have an idea of the trade-offs they would have to make.
Well, people would rather have you regret parenthood than to opt out of it entirely because then you'll also be part of their regretful parents group. This is easier to tolerate than exercising the freedom to choose otherwise. It is preferred that you perpetuate the species whether you like it or not .
9:46 yes I suffer- why did my dad have me? Both my parents actually but my dad was not a good father at all, he was abusive. I never want a child to feel how I felt, I’m still healing as an adult 39 years old
To be honest, I believe it’s because parents want people to live the same life as them. We can all agree to disagree but I definitely don’t agree with the naysayers concerning the decision to be child free. I just don’t care to explain myself anymore because the more I do it the more they’ll question it. Even if I did have children none of them are gonna be there to help pay my bills or support those children. Regardless I’m gonna keep living my best childfree life!
#hottake over here on the "DINK" acronym. It's both hilarious, and demeaning. On one end, I say, let's fn own it! And on another I'm hurt, because it seems to only be parents who reference their friends/family without children as the DINKs. And don't they just looooove to bring it up in conversation. "Oh such a nice dress! That's nice, if I didn't have kids I would wear that." (Body shaming comments.) "Oh, pilates! Fun! Wish I had the time for pilates, but I have to take my children to their activities." (Free time jealousy) "Another trip? Must be nice for you two to go wherever you wish!" (As they spend oodles of cash on trips to Disneyland and other resorts.) Honestly, I wouldn't find this as offensive if say, the comments following the DINK reference weren't always rude, shameful and hateful towards those who are childfree. Funny how, childfree people, never make rude, demeaning, demoralizing comments towards people with children. I could say some pretty rude shit about parents, but hold my tongue, because I don't need to diminish someone else to feel better than.
Absolutely agree about the DINK acronym’s connotations. I think there’s also many people who think all DINKS are living a dream life when in reality, it takes two incomes to just survive. Many of us aren’t having kids because we can barely care for ourselves, let alone children.
Either way , we should not judge. There are many nuonces that people dont talk about. Leave people be for those dont want kids and for people want kids, don't have the resources to have kids. Wether is fiances or help.
I saw a clear example of your kids not taking care of you in your old age. My half brother kicked his dad out of his house because he wasn't paying rent and being an ass. He apparently went ghost after
I like everything you're saying, but there are those of us who do have children who are also living a full life filled with other accomplishments, hobbies, careers, social gratifications, and community involvement. I love my life, and I took my child everywhere I went for work and all of my other interests. This is why I decided to have only one child. It's a good thing when our children see us active in the world. They see us happy and fulfilled.
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H E L L O lovelies! Here's my FOLLOW UP video on childfree by choice. In the last video I asked you all WHY is it that childfree by choice people are shamed by others. After much contemplation, today we explore the topic of "regretful parenting" and the rising trend of it in 2024. Thanks in advance for tuning in. Remember to please just be kind to one another in the comments, regardless if you agree or not. This openhearted community holds space for learning, discussing, and sharing ALL perspectives. I LOVE that about our community. Love you all!
EDIT: Unfortunately we've had to block many rude and cruel people on the channel today. If you're going to be rude, you will be blocked. :)
Regretful Parents; subreddit: www.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/
✨ get empowered in my authentic living video series: th-cam.com/play/PLO0f2LixQ5fmTN_kxl4JohWYV9oUeJZOy.html
Enaknya jadi manusia =
1. Ada makanan
2. Fisik sehat
3. Panjang umur
4. Punya keluarga
5. Ada tempat tinggal bagus
6. Manusia Jujur
7. Saling toleransi
8. Masuk surga
9. Dapat rezeki.
10. Damai dengan orang.
11. Mempunyai pemimpin yang mendukung rakyat.
Dll
Tidak enaknya jadi manusia =
1. Kelaparan
2. Kadang merasakan sakit , ada yang berkebutuhan khusus ( tidak bisa melihat, tidak bisa mendengar, tidak bisa berbicara ), ada yang sakit berat = stroke , kanker , dll , ada yang kehilangan anggota tubuh .
3. Suatu hari meninggal
4. Ada yang tidak punya keluarga
5. Ada yang tidak punya tempat tinggal atau tempat tinggal jelek
6. Ditipu orang
7. Rasis SARA ( suku , agama, ras dan budaya) , Rasis yang lain.
8. Masuk neraka
9. Harus bekerja kalau mau punya harta
10. Di hina orang
11. Mempunyai pemimpin Tidak mendukung rakyat
Dll.
Maka dari itu saya memutuskan tidak punya anak. Ada gak enaknya jadi manusia. Mungkin anak saya mengalami hal buruk tersebut . Ya walaupun ada enaknya jadi manusia, saya tetap tidak punya anak. ( Indonesia language)
When I was 12, I knew I didn’t want kids. I’m in my late 30s now.
The child-free by choice shaming reminds me of the crabs in a bucket analogy. 🦀 Like they say, “Misery loves company.”
exactly what I think of the CF community. Was like you at 12. Was scared off motherhood by CF communities and actively engaged with them since I was 16. Most are still miserable.
I'm now 25 having my 2nd and I want like 10 lmao :D
@@reb2229 You're right. Shaming definitely goes both ways. It's just unnecessary. I'm glad you're enjoying motherhood! Congrats on your new little bundle of joy!! 😍🍼
Even as a man, I’ve been shamed and called disrespectful names all my life for not wanting to have children. I like kids, but I never once wanted children… I always get told I’m going to be an old bitter miserable man for not having children. Society is like a broken record telling me I’m going to change my mind. And I still never once changed my mind. I hope in my lifetime the majority of people will stop shaming And belittling those who decide they don’t want children. Not everyone wants the same things in life.
finally a male with a working brain----glad to see that.
I wish my dad thought more about having kids, he was an absent father, all he did was pay child support once my parents divorced.
The people with kids who belittle and demean the adults without kids are the same exact ones who will sit around endlessly bitching and moaning about their kids and the financial burden that comes with being a parent. It’s pretty simple… Misery loves company!
It's refreshing to hear that you've also heard such comments. I hate that we've all experienced this and I'm sorry to hear about the rude comments made towards you, but usually women make the news when we decide not to, and the men are forgotten.
@@FamilyGuy770misery loves company. This is why they judge. They want you to be miserable like them too.
I am 45 and have never wanted children and I am so happy I never had any. Being a parent seems like endless stress and sacrifice to me.
I’m 39F and I think I questioned being childfree because everyone (most parents) say it’s soooo worth it, it’s different when they’re your own kids etc. I’m glad I stayed childfree and I think I won’t change my mind, I value my peace and quiet time. Life is hard enough taking care of myself and I don’t want to make it harder. I can’t imagine if I had a baby now and going through menopause with a teenager.
you are a weak person if you not can handle childern what people did for thousands of years all your ancestors did in much worse places. You are incredible weak maybe for the best you dont have children. Because your children will get be filled by your anxienty weakness and narcistic traits.
@@milliem8051 You're going through menopause at only 39? That is interesting. I would think your 40's but yes, everyone is different. Glad you have no regrets in regards to children (having it or not).
It absolutely is. But it can also bring a lot of joy.
@@Goodwillwinoverevil1984 She didn't say she's going through menopause. She just gave an example. Women's menopause often coincide with their children being teenagers.
I feel like not having kids doesn't mean you have to prove your purpose with humanitarian work or volunteering. There is nothing wrong with just living a quiet, peaceful life without always thinking you have to achieve something BIG just because you didn't have kids.
totally! I agree. And I also do believe that contribution or giving back in some small way is important in life - whether that's in your loca community, neighborhood, friendship circle etc
@@helenawoods yes, not saying there is anything wrong with it. I am just saying it's not something that should be expected. The happiest child free couple I know travel all over in their spare time. All of their extra money and free time goes to enjoying their life together. They are such a joy to be around, because they are unapologetically living the life they want, not what others expect from them. I do like your point about how humans have a need to be accepted by the larger group. This is not something thay can be ignored. I think they get away with not being looked down on, or being seen as "selfish" because you can genuinely tell how happy they are, and they don't try to hide or downplay their lifestyle. It's completely authentic to them, and people are usually drawn to true authenticity. They have this electric energy that is palpable/contagious. I hope my husband and I can emulate them when we reach our fifties.
💯
This!❤
I truly appreciate what you had to say about this subject. I am 52, happily married, and child-free. For years, I have been the black sheep of my family....not to mention when I meet new women, the first question I am asked is if I have kids. Their response has been everything from "why didn't you have kids" to "what, you don't like kids or something?" UGH. It's wonderful to see young men and women making the decision that is best for them. Thanks for the video!
I'm 49 and have never regretted not having children. It's the most unselfish thing I have ever done. In my time, I have seen sooo many women having babies for the most selfish reasons that I knew I did not want to be that person. Trapping men, "saving a relationship/marriage", and just being plain irresponsible. Hard pass from me!
I just got my tubes removed at 27 childfree and unmarried
I have three children of my own and they have enriched my life greatly. I can’t imagine life without them. HOWEVER, parenting, especially in America, where the village has all but disintegrated, is extremely tough. The Surgeon General literally put out a warning this week about the stress levels of parents. There’s not enough support and many parents - even if they adore their children - are just drowning trying to parent in this particular time in history.
I 💯 understand why people would choose not to have children, for a myriad of reasons.
And nothing is even said about the child as to what they have to go through....And they had no say in the matter. It's utterly immoral.
Have NEVER regretted having children at 74-- can't tell you how many women have confided that they envy me my freedom..
you started having children at 74????
@rac😅😂😅patrice
Yeh right
It really is a shame all the pressure placed on people to have kids. And now, more than ever, we have governments trying to control women's bodies so that they will have wage slaves and tax payers birthed into this cruel society (US, of course). The fact is, here in the US, so much damned lip service is paid to how much we care about children and families, when wages are far too small to pay for a comfortable family life, a growing family. Parents have to work, sometimes multiple jobs, just to barely have a roof and food. That leaves no time to truly parent your kids, much less spend any time with outside family, friends, community. The safety nets that are few and far between take a whole lot of mental and emotional gymnastics to even try to get help - because those with disabilities are denied multiple times, over years and those on food assistance must earn money, but not very much at all.... the safety nets SUCK. Child care is expensive. So is every basic necessity. Companies do not care if their wages don't help their employees live well. They don't care that people need part-time work or frequent time off. They don't care at all.
I didnt think a wanted a child. Then all too young (age 19) I met a man that made me forget any plans I had. I was married at 20 and pregnant at 22. I was on pill but hadnt discovered copper IUD yet. I decided to have the baby. Husband wanted me to. He was cheating by the time I was 6 months pregnant. I didnt find out until 2 weeks after having our son. Our son seemed healthy but at 3 started showing string signs of autism. Hes 15 now. I doubt he ever holds a job, has a relationship, or drives a car. I fear he will have a lonely life and I fear how he will make it after I am gone even if I leave a house and money. We will do the best we can. I certainly would never have more kids. They are born like we all are to suffer struggle and die. No point.
I remember being in my mid 20's and making it very clear to my fiancé & his parents that I did not want to have children (or changing my last name). I'm pretty sure they were too shocked to say anything at the time, but I figured, better to be up front before they dared try the pressure tactics. I'm in my 60's now, child-free & I haven't looked back once!
Not to be nosy but did your fiancé agree? Not that it matters lol
U made these choices 40 years ago. Wow😮 it must have taken so much courage on your part 👏
@@swatisaini6447 -Thank you. I think it all started when I was a young teen having to babysit...🙂
❤
May I ask how your fiancé reacted? Was he supportive?
As a woman who is involuntarily childfree I don't identify with either of those "camps". But I do have to say, that you are absolutely right about childfree-by-choice-people being definitely less judgemental, more open and fun to be with.
I am happy you are living your best life... You are glowing 😊
Awww thank you for the kind words!!! ❤❤ and seriously - the least judgmental!
@@humaboutique2 LOL! Have you not seen my previous video on childfree by choice and WHY women aren't having children? This is a different video topic on "regretful parenting" Read.
My Mother let her children know she didn't want us. Yep, she TOLD us she didn't want us. First time she told me was when I was 5yo. I know it means I would not be here, but I wish she had access to birth control. Maybe she would not have been so miserable and so determined to make her children miserable as revenge on us.
That was immature. It's not your fault you were born why take it out on your innocent children?! How mean.
I love to answer calmly "I don't have kids" or "I just don't want kids" and then see their reaction. People are different and this is me. I don't have a problem with other people lifestyles but mothers seems to have. Not all but most in US. When I'm in Europe. There is plenty of childless women and no one cares how you live.
childfree Women in fiction:
Marie Schrader - Breaking Bad
Debra Morgan - Dexter
Maria LaGuerta - Dexter
Diane Nguyen - BoJack Horseman
Keeley Jones - Ted Lasso
Carrie Bradshaw - SATC
Samantha Jones - SATC
Robin Scherbatsky - How I Met Your Mother
Eleanor Shellstrop - The Good Place
Tahani Al-Jamil - The Good Place
........childfree Men in fiction:
Hank Schrader - Breaking Bad
Chidi Anagonye - The Good Place
Jason Mendoza - The Good Place
Mr Peanutbutter - BoJack Horseman
Joey Tribbiani - Friends
Roy Kent - Ted Lasso
Coach W. Beard - Ted Lasso
This is one of the best videos ever on this subject and so spot on. I have always said and will continue saying: that motherhood is so overrated and I will stand by this and yes, I am a mother.
I think there are a lot more people making this choice than we think. I feel like I have reached the point where no one has an opinion on my choice any longer. I'm 45 and in academia, so I think people see me as eccentric. I also think more women in academia seem to be childfree because they have dedicated themselves to their research interests. And, as a person exploring my neurodivergent qualities for the first time in my 40s, I think I would have really struggled and been unhappy if I did have children. I need to live in my own little world.
I respect this so much. As a woman in her late 20s, I know that one day I'll probably want children, it's just not anytime soon, probably only well into my 30s. I've been single by choice for quite a few years, and these were some of the most healing & joyful years of my life. Since you talked about how having kids is a huge sacrifice - I've spent majority of my 20s self-sacrificing, giving up my own happiness for others, being in bad relationships, being deeply unhappy and feeling overly responsible for other people's problems (Pluto on the ASC here). All this while everyone else my age was enjoying life, developing their careers, making memories, falling in love, getting married etc. So funny enough- while most people my age are starting to settle down & start getting more responsible (like thinking of kids), I'm doing it exactly the opposite; finally learning for the first time- to have fun. To enjoy life, to not be scared to fall in love & not take life too seriously.. This is why I know I will marry & have children (if at all) late, it's such a huge responsibility and I'm honestly quite disgusted by people who have the audacity to pressure ppl into having kids or by a certain time/ age, remind them of their age/ biological clock or whatever. Hell, we're overpopulated, and also it's none of their business. EDIT: why it's not "selfish" to not have children - what IS selfish is having kids with an agenda (a sense of purpose, or for social acceptance from society/ family/ friends, or to "save the marriage", or to feel like you should cuz that's what adults are supposed to do, or bringing kids into your mess of substance addiction or dysfunctional life - THAT is selfish). The women that will judge you the harshest may also harbour internalised misogyny. You are not selfish for not having children, you're smart, responsible, a free-thinker, and you're a human with free will. Thank you for this Helena
Thank you for sharing this, Helena ❤ I have 4 kids and honestly, there are times where I regret becoming a parent. I love my family, of course, and wouldn’t change things, but I wish there were more resources or information out there that actually shares what it takes to be a parent. I’ve gone through some of the hardest struggles of my life with postpartum, toddler years, preschool years, and it’s just the beginning. It’s just not something everyone is aware of or talks about. I appreciate you sharing the other side 🙏🏼
Congrats to the people who don’t have kids and didn’t put another human on earth to suffer.
@@taniamartinez4492 so who is going to pay social security taxes for you my kids life is hard grow up
The billionaires can do that. Or by then, they’ll be trillionaires and AI will have taken most of the jobs the mediocre (the 99%) classes would usually do. Surely in the future with income inequality at record levels, governments will ensure the trillionaires are paying for society. After all, it is us tax payers NOW who have subsidised them and allowed them to get so rich so it will be payback time. You need to think out of the box. Your kid’s future depends on it so make sure you and your kids hold those trillionaires accountable to society.
My mom's mother did not have access to abortion and did not want her pregnancy, but she had no choice but to give birth. When she was 10, her mom tried to kill her in a murder-suicide intentional car crash. She survived, and when she was 18 had her own pregnancy from a man who abandoned her. She was forced into a loveless relationship with my dad who was an abuser and SA'd her hundreds of times and pimped her out in the 80s because he didn't want to work. She had eight children and was stuck with him until she was almost 50. She attempted suicide this year, but thankfully she made it through and is finally able to live for herself. So glad that I have the choice to be child free!
How old is she today? Is she living in a good place now?
@@Chad.Tyrone4UNowyes, I recently helped her get a good job and an apartment. Love her ❤
She’s 64
@@oliviatheoracle Pregnancy and motherhood have always been the trap that men set that women can't escape. So glad you set her free.
@@junetaylor8396 Sometimes! If there is a healthy relationship, it can be rewarding and beautiful to have kids! But if men choose to use forced pregnancy to control women, that's really bad. Unfortunately, it's very common.
Most people follow the masses blindly. When they are in it they realize the responsibility and stress associated with raising children, but then it’s too late.
Yes, please make more videos about this! This 38 year old, married, childfree by choice lady would really appreciate it 💕 I love that our community is becoming more outspoken and especially love your content on the subject. Thank you, Helena! ✨💫
aw thanks Natalie!! Your message is so kind! :) New video with Alex coming today!!
@@helenawoodscan’t wait!! 💕💕💕
The wolf are angry that the sheeps aren't reproducing.
We actually don’t care, I’m a mom whose been repeatedly shamed for being happy with kids 😂
People always say it's selfish to not have children, I personally think it's selfish to not care or think about bringing a human into this dirty world, sure there is beauty in it as well but it's a tough place to be at times and people should be free to choose.
Even with woman that choose to be stay at home wives that do plenty of work there always shamed by society that it's not enough when being a stay at home is far harder than going to work.
Woman have always been scrutinized with being house wives or not choosing to have children.
If it works for a couple than why do people care to judge so much is beyond me.
Loved alot of key points made here! 👏
Most people are selfish and dont pay for their college education and spend on vacations and stuff and kick their kids out when they turn 18.... that is selfish.
@@Random-dndsdfaf They were told that it was only gonna be 18 years and after that you’re free so ofc people would kick their kids out at 18 bc that was what was fed to them when they had kids
@@Dixie2945 It's advertised as an 18 year prison term that all must serve.
The amount of parents who feel entitled to gratitude just because they are parents is beyond me
@@Avocadocat-qo2tb well they did feed you maybe if they had not fed you you would be happier
@ your point is
@ perhaps they should not have been parents. Perhaps not having access to their children would make them feel better. Or better yet they kid should have passed at a early age as not to deal with them and their self absorbed egotistical God complex, ignorance
And tbh I would be such a parent as well. What do you mean I signed away my life and sacrificed basically everything that mattered to me, went through pregnancy and childbirth for my children to be disrespectful to me and others not to worship the ground I walk on for this amount of selflessness?
And that’s exactly why I’ll never have children.
I love this follow-up video! Let’s not forget about the parents who ONLY wanted sex. I wonder how many would actually admit that. 🤔
“When you’re happy and content, you don’t rain on other people’s parade.”
-my Aunt May, 2020
You don’t see childfree treating parents like regretful parents treat the childfree. Nothing is a competition yet this choice calls for people to project their insecurities onto complete strangers. Y’all stay safe out there 😅❤
I am married and have 3 grown children, since I was a little girl I didn't want to get married or have kids....do I regret it? No wayyyy! I love my kids so much I couldn't think of a life without them, but it was HARD and still hard because you always worry about their well being. My brother didn't want kids since he was 9 , he has been married for 35 years with no kids, does he regret it? No wayyyy! They (him and his wife) love their mental and physical freedom. All I have to say is ..do what is good for YOU because it is YOUR life after all.✌️ ❤️
I think it’s wise to not just think about what YOU want but also what your child is going to be born into. If you feel that it’s still of value then go for it. The world is a messy place however and for me it’s a tough decision
As someone who works in child welfare, this hits the nail on the head. "Too many people are having kids that don't want to be parents, and the kids are the one's that are suffering from this." It's heartbreaking how many people have children and they are not capable of being a functional parent due to their own unresolved trauma 😢
Your 2nd sentence is me 100% . You are so correct. So many people are regretting this choice.
only narcistic evil weak selfiss people.
My dad always says people who don't have kids are selfish. I don't get it. Like isn't a society guilting people into kids they don't want selfish? My daughters are 18 and 20. If they have kids it won't be for many years. I had mine at 23 and 25. I only regret having them young. I wasn't prepared and my life has been difficult.
My mom, grandma and entire countries are realizing this far too late.
No problem with anyone's choice to be childless. I had four. It wasn't easy, still isnt--and my youngest is 40. But will say I enjoy the richness of family, of grandchildren now. No regrets, at all. Liked it all including sacrifices, growing, selfless lifestyle. Note: try to make sure "the dream" whatever yours is will last your life. No going back.
You were just lucky. It doesn't turn out that way for all who have children. I almost died when my one child was born 45 years ago, and women are still dying from pre-eclampsia. Grandchildren? They are too busy with their friends. If I had to do it again, I would never go this route, especially in today's world.
Thank you Helen for these videos!. I moved out of my parents house 5 years ago .. don’t get me Wrong I love my parents, but they want to have a child … they want a “ Grandchild “ … she is Alwsys talking about me Fostering a child .. but I’m not .. I’ve been single for 10 years and I’m loving the single life I’ve never been happier .. so thank you for being there thank you for understating Child free life. I feel like your big sister I never had. Love ya 😊
Only halfway through this video and GIRL. I’m astounded🤣 just sitting here nodding and clapping along to every point you’re making. That first Reddit comment floored me👏🏼
My 9 year old granddaughter told her dad she doesn't want to have kids. Cool! I fully support all women who want kids and all who don't.
Yep. Childless cat lady here and Shady Vance and his moronic take on women can F the hell right off. It's a daggum tough job to be a parent and I know my limitations--and I work with kids. Love my job to the moon and back but do not have it in me to be a proper parent so will leave that awesome job to someone else. The world is just way too crazy for me to think about bringing another human into it. For those who want to do so, best of luck and many blessings; I'll be here to support you and your decision. For those of us who choose to remain childless cat ladies, I'm here to support you, too!! Thank you for this incredibly important conversation, Helena.
Thank you, Helena ❤ You are a great representative of the childfree community. I am 37 and childfree with no regrets. Take care 💜
Oh thank you!! Big hugs to you 💖
My bf is a father of twins. He has a reasonable relationship with their mom but ultimately she wanted kids and he did not. They’re 9 and we’re halfway to 18. I’m 37 w/no kids (with future stepchildren) and I love not being a mom. If you desire kids, date someone with kids. That way you can have the best of both worlds. As a step parent you can STEP IN OR STEP OUT OF THE MF WAY!! I can travel, sleep in, work, leisure and if my man asks me to pick up the kids from school it’s just a request not mandatory. They have a mom and a dad who’s responsible for them and their daily life! And they still think you’re the coolest because you aren’t mom or dad. I feel like I found a cheat code!
Do men get pushback when they are childfree by choice? The hostility seems one-sided, directed at women.
We should encourage people not to have kids
We should leave people alone with their life choices because I wouldn't want them to annoy me for not having kids either
Thanks for talking about this, the more it is out there the better. I never wanted kids even as a teen, and now in my 40’s have never changed my mind. Some of us just know it isn’t right for us. Raising a child is an incredible responsibility, and frankly I dont think enough parents take it seriously! Part of the problem is truly believing you have a choice, which is hard when much of society tells you having children is the only way. All I want for women is to truly think deeply about what they want for their life and know that whatever choice they make is valid. There are so many ways to live life, I just wish we wouldn’t cut each other down for making different choices.
Thank you
I am 29 and I don't want to have kids. For a lot of reasons. One of them is for not seeing how he/she losts him/herself in the educational system for YEARS and years. It has done so much damage to me that I don't want that it hurt no one else.
This lady is smart and brave. She dares to disagree with all the religious queen bee personalities that love to chastise and gaslight the rest of us.
Not all religious women want children.
Some religious women are child-free by choice and are happy and satisfied
Don't be so quick to assume, all religious women are all the same
I support you being Child Free. I never wanted children when young. At 35 and a half I chose to have my son with my husband. The marriage fell apart. We divorced. However, now at 52 I regret NOT having more children. My son is a such a blessing to me and a wise soul. I wouldn't change it--no regrets. But you are not far off from what a child can bring into one's life--it can be hard --not always easy. No one makes me cry like my son, but I love him. LOL It is like anything in life heartache and happiness. Much love. Thank you.
I hope you and Kimberley (no kids for me, thanks!) do a collab at some point, both of you are so funny!
I’d love to do a collab! I’ll reach out to her ❤
If I could start over, I wouldn’t even get married. Because once you get married, your in-laws will pressure you to have children to continue their last name. You may think it’s easy to ignore, but it’s not like I can ignore it for the rest of my life. They will keep shaming you for not having children. Every phone call (weekly), every holiday gathering, constant nagging, “WHERE are my grandchildren????” Especially if your in-laws are CHINESE, it’s game over for you. Having grandchildren in Chinese culture, besides making money, is their 2nd most important priority
Just TELL THEM NO KIDS FOR US and WE ARE NOT CHANGING OUR MINDS. THANK YOU VERY MUCH IN LAWS and change the subject and do not talk about your decision again with them. Walk away if they try to bring it up and do not invite them back to your home, if they cannot respect your BOUNDARIES.
I believe everyone should do what is best for themselves. As for me I love my childfree life because it’s what I always wanted, and simultaneously enjoy my nephews and friends kids. Let’s not pressure people either way, although education about the realities of parenthood should be taught in school. 400k Foster kids should tell us about how people are having kids they don’t want. And please, stop asking women why they don’t have children, some can’t, don’t be a moron.
I have a son and a baby on the way. Being a mother for me is one of the best things I’ve done to date. I’ve had careers, travelled, partied ALOT and waiting until I was in my 30’s to start a family. I feel that those that have children and are regretful haven’t realised or understood yet that you can’t be selfish, when you have a child the dynamics change. It’s not about you anymore, or your wants and desires for your life the child/children come first. If you are happy to let go of those things and realise you don’t come first anymore you will likely be a happy parent. Also, if you aren’t sure or on the fence if you want children then DONT have them. It’s not for the faint hearted because sometimes it is hard work and like I said you CANT be selfish anymore, you don’t come first anymore. For me this suits! Im really content with everything I’ve done in my life, I’ve competed athletically, won promotions, started my own business which I still successfully run. Out of all this nothing comes close to the love and happiness having children had given me. It’s hugely enhanced my life. Also having healthy children or those without additional needs is not a given! So understand that when making the choice to have children. You get what you’re given. If you enjoy a life with never really having to put anyone else first or someone else’s needs above your own and thinking about doing that makes you uncomfortable then don’t do it!! Plain and simple.
I'm an antinatalist and bringing another human here to wage slave, age and die is cruel.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I wasn’t sure about being a mother. I felt like I would be good at it, my family always said they “believed I would get married and pregnant early. My older sister, was never expected to have kids because she didn’t date. Now I rarely see her, and when she helps with the kids she is extremely uninvolved. She practically raised me for five years growing up. She has expressed to me that after she saw what I go through on a regular basis that she no longer wants to have kids. My family is “okay” with this. I felt like it was never even an option for me.
I’ve tried asking my mom these things but she always maintained that she’s always wanted children, and that she doesn’t want to think about what her life would be like without us. I suppose.
so many father stay at work longer to stay away from their kids.
Dang.
I work with alot of guys like this, they are going grey in their twenties and work 70+ hours a week to get away from the family lol.
Thank you!!! That's me! Child-free by choice❤
The reason many parents won’t admit it is because we do still love our children as much as people who love parenthood. The problem is that people are so quick to judge and who wants to be told that they don’t love their child as much as other people do? For me, the hardest part of having children is the worry and feeling guilty if they’re not happy. I don’t understand the logic of people saying it’s selfish not to have children. We have children to pass on our own DNA, thereby adding to the problem of overpopulation. Surely it’s selfish to think that our DNA is so superior that we need our own child rather than adopting one of the many children in care?
There’s another reason why to not have kids which is something a lot of people don’t talk about and it’s genetic diseases. There’s a lot of diseases that are genetic and can run in families. Sickle cell disease, cystic fibrosis, hearing loss and deafness, metabolic disorders, muscular dystrophy, Tay-sach’s disease, diabetes, schizophrenia, autism, hemophilia, fragile X syndrome, god the list can go on and on. Some of these diseases also don’t have genetic testing available, so there’s not really anything you can do about it.
I am 42, and I am ChildFree.
Husband’s perspective would be great!!
I am 50/50 on wanting kids and am 33 and the decision is really difficult, my partner is 99% no to having them but I’m scared when he is older he will change his mind and then I will be too old to have them, if we are still together and then I’ve made a mistake staying for years in a childfree relationship. I need to hurry up a decide more definitively, it’s really hard.
It's YOUR decision don't get influenced with what his is, decide what YOU want otherwise you're gonna blame him oneday
@@MM-qg5xh you’re right, 100% 🙏🏻
Why’d you get married if you weren’t even on the same page about having kids?
@@kruggyy we aren’t married but I see your point, I don’t know either way if I want them or not
Whoever shames ignore them, these people bring kids to life and have no money to support theirs kids. In this competitive life where there’s no guarantee of jobs and future it’s a crime to bring kids in life. This society never helps us but still wants us to keep having kids and then live in stress forever
I would love to hear your husband's take on it! It's rare to find a man talking about his thoughts on being childfree on YT. It's not even a conversation I've had with my male friends, even though most of them are childless!
Your videos are always spot on & encouraging people to follow their own paths! I'm planning to follow my heart & start traveling more full-time March of 2025. When I stop in France, I'd love to meet you! You seem like such a ball of fun & breath of fresh air!
I love being a mum but it is a big sacrifice. There’s also a high chance of having a child with very complex needs. I know so many parents that are stuck living in poverty caring for a child whose needs mean they can very rarely leave the house their whole lives are dealing with meltdowns and sensory issues their only companion being peppa pig
Yeah I agree with this, I'm 38 and have a 10 month old. I already did everything I wanted in life before having her and I don't give a damn if someone doesn't want to have kids. I'm too happy with my life to care about what others want or dont want xD. This can be extrapolated to everything I think, if you are unhappy sometimes you are envious of others, talk about other etc, without even knowing what you really want for you...
Whether rejected or unaccepted being true to ourselves or willingly choosing to be child free by choice,it doesn't matter to us and we don't care cos we're happy not to share our peace of mind with parenting 😊.
I'm a new sub! Great video :)
She got my bank account
She got my convertible car
She got my brand new house
She got my Bar B Q THANK YOU JUDGE.
I love being a mom. It is tough and I don’t shame anyone for not wanting kids. I couldn’t imagine my life without my little humans. It’s not for everyone and I respect those who don’t want to give that time to kids. I knew I wanted to live my life with kids. I wish this topic was such a topic and we just respect each other for what is best for those people. Also, letting a small peace of my soul into the world is the hardest part of having kids for me. I just want the world for them.
Thank you for posting this video! You covered so many excellent points about what a child-free woman has tolerate in social situations. I think it's hilarious how parents think that child-free people are selfish. Every problem human society has can be traced back to human overpopulation. Violence, pesticide-laden crops, factory farming, climate issues, a lack of affordable housing, environmental destruction and pollution are all rooted to human overpopulation. The breeders of this world are the selfish ones because they are contributing to the problem.
Leena Norms made a great video (IMO) about this, specifically talking about the environmental impact. She does not want to have children, but also makes the point that it is okay, and not selfish like you said, to have them. I think it is sad that that is your takeaway or your after watching this video. Can we stop shaming people for their life choices. It is not more or less selfish than not having children. And people having significantly less children now would also lead to multiple issues. I don't have any children btw)
It's funny how conservatives praised the selfishness of the Millionaires but not the selfishness of the childfree people.
That's why I can't take them seriously no matter how I seriously listen to their side.
I think we all can agree we have something in common… WE ALK LOVE LITERAL PEACE 😂❤
It resonates so much!! txs
No, no, no. Childfree by choice is not the worst decision you could make. First, I'm being factitious when I say that "They" say that those who decided to have only ONE child are deemed as being even MORE selfish than those who decide to have no children. I know, because I've had several people approach me with that attitude in regards to my partner and I and our one-and-only.
I got only one too. I can understand you
Having KIDS is AWEFUL. They YELL, SCREAM, FIGHT, BREAK THINGS, Want EXPENSIVE TOYS and PHONES, use FOWL LANGUAGE, DISRESPECT their ELDERS, and KIDS ARE SO UNGRATEFUL. Do Yourself a Favor and DO NOT HAVE KIDS! Heed this Warning or Be Sorry, Regretful, and treated LIKE $HIT like 99.999% of Parents. You have been Warned.
The one (and only) guaranteed way to prevent all the suffering of children is not to bring them into this world of diseases, crimes, wars, accidents, natural disasters, old age, death, and all the unknown evils the future holds. ☮
At the same time, it's not a bad for them to not come into existence as those who don't exist can't suffer their own non-existence. Any of the "goods" this world has to offer, the non-existent don't need them to begin with. ✨
We could still build a successful society if only those who genuinely want children chose to have them. This way, everyone would be happier, and children would benefit from parents who truly want to raise them.
My gooood, misery loves all the company. Im 32, single and childfree AND i follow some family channels that i think is very wholesome. YET i never think "I want that" i just love watching a cute family now and then :)
have fun being all alone when your old.
@@Waterdiver3900Damn you’re really afraid of being alone, aren’t you? That’s pretty sad tbh, that you would create a whole human being just to try and ease your fear of being alone
@@JustanotherTH-camr771 auch you are so bitter. Who Hurt you?
Kinda' same here, only male. 38 y/o, childfree by choice since I were in my mother's uterus. I mean, I absolutely loathe the demons that brought me into this hellhole of a world and I will never ever forgive them for my existence. I'm not doing the same arrogant and selfish mistake they did.
I'm in my 50s and child-free. What's awful is the number of my friends who have teenage or adult children with drug problems, mental health issues, and/or have gone no-contact (often for the aforementioned reasons). I can't imagine spending all that money and sacrificing so much, only to have POS children. Obviously I have friends with fantastic children, but is having a child worth the risks? As I type this, I'm sipping a martini, have a secure retirement fund, and am thinking about my upcoming European river cruise.
People should not judge anyone, no matter their choice is. Mature people make their choice from the very beggining. Definatelly you are not selfish if you choose not having children and It's nobody's business after all. Perhaps those people you've mentioned regretted for not living their life more and now they are confused. Not having children is different than raising them. Raising is a very difficult process for any parent. Someone could have children somewhere in this planet by chance or intentionally (for important or ridiculous reasons) and yet not caring for them or raising. This is shelfishness, this is immaturity. Children are not objects to have, to own, to sell, to give or donnate them for any kind of reason. They are humans!!So if anyone have them in their life, then should be gratefull watcing them to thrive.
Can someone please explain to me why a voluntary decision by a man, woman, or couple not to have children is considered "selfish"? Please help me understand this. Isn't it selfish to have children for all the wrong reasons- including family or societal pressure? Very bad for the parents who never truly wanted children- but the real tragedy falls upon the children who were never truly wanted or loved. Suffer the children....
If I ever want kids I can adopt...there are a lot of kids that need help....why the f would I want my own. Bringing children to this misreable world. The difficulty is finding a woman who doesn't want kids lol My dad got married to my mom and had me and my brother b/c he felt lonely lol don't want to do what he did.
I love to hear that tbh. As a woman I’m usually told it will be so hard to find a man who doesn’t want children. I’m sure you will find someone. Women usually have to go through and sacrifice a lot to have biological children so there are quite a few of us who don’t want any of that.
Selfish: adjective (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others. I'm curious, when people say being childfree is selfish. Who am I being selfish to exactly? How does my NOT having kids negatively impact others? What am I taking away from others by not having kids? Who am I not showing consideration to by being childfree? This is the absolute stupidest thing a person can say about being childfree because it quite literally makes no sense. I think maybe these people saying this don't know what the word means.
You are too smart for this world
Boy, that comment really does hit it out of the park.
I blame the Nuclear Family structure
Helena, I am just genuinely curious if the data taken was from parents who had children before they got to enjoy their youth and freedom and before they were financially stable? Most people I know who had kids too young and has always struggled financially are the ones who regret it. They don’t admit it out loud but they would say, “If I could go back in time, I would wait to have kids”. I’m a mom to two kids, been happily married for almost 17 yrs. We waited to have kids for 7 yrs, we got to enjoy our 20s, freedom to do whatever, travelled, saved, and bought a home before having them. No regrets at all and we feel so fulfilled. We’ve continued our lifestyle of travelling with them since they were babies and currently on our 4th vacation this year as I’m typing this. We truly love being parents. However, there is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting children. We also experienced judgement when we didn’t have kids for years. As someone who works at school where there are more and more grandparents having full custody bc the parents are unfit. Some people shouldn’t have kids. The poor innocent children always end up suffering and experience childhood trauma for the rest of their lives. But I do wonder sometimes if the data taken are from parents who didn’t get to enjoy their freedom and have been financially struggling the reason why they regret having kids.
Yes, the mothers I met with had children in their mid 30s-early 40s. edit: many of whom have traveled, had successful careers, married the love of their life, lived full lives before having kids.
@@helenawoods thank you for responding. All I can say is that there are myriad of reasons why people choose to not have children and why others chose to have them. But I admit, I hate seeing adults who are unfit to be parents have children and keep having them. But I also hope that those who regret them don’t tell their children that they regret having them bc that would be so hurtful and those children will never look at their parents the same way.
This is not uncommon especially among those couples who were pressured to have children. The truth to be told however is having children comes with trade-offs especially since it means giving an aspect of life, largely a social one. In fact I know of couples who used to get out a lot and travelled a lot however once they had children that life disappeared.
Beyond that I can't blame those couples who choose not to have children because it's obvious to me that they have an idea of the trade-offs they would have to make.
Well, people would rather have you regret parenthood than to opt out of it entirely because then you'll also be part of their regretful parents group. This is easier to tolerate than exercising the freedom to choose otherwise. It is preferred that you perpetuate the species whether you like it or not .
9:46 yes I suffer- why did my dad have me? Both my parents actually but my dad was not a good father at all, he was abusive. I never want a child to feel how I felt, I’m still healing as an adult 39 years old
To be honest, I believe it’s because parents want people to live the same life as them. We can all agree to disagree but I definitely don’t agree with the naysayers concerning the decision to be child free. I just don’t care to explain myself anymore because the more I do it the more they’ll question it. Even if I did have children none of them are gonna be there to help pay my bills or support those children. Regardless I’m gonna keep living my best childfree life!
They’re jealous and have a terrible marriage and her kids are driving her crazy and her husband doesn’t help
#hottake over here on the "DINK" acronym. It's both hilarious, and demeaning. On one end, I say, let's fn own it! And on another I'm hurt, because it seems to only be parents who reference their friends/family without children as the DINKs. And don't they just looooove to bring it up in conversation.
"Oh such a nice dress! That's nice, if I didn't have kids I would wear that." (Body shaming comments.)
"Oh, pilates! Fun! Wish I had the time for pilates, but I have to take my children to their activities." (Free time jealousy)
"Another trip? Must be nice for you two to go wherever you wish!" (As they spend oodles of cash on trips to Disneyland and other resorts.)
Honestly, I wouldn't find this as offensive if say, the comments following the DINK reference weren't always rude, shameful and hateful towards those who are childfree. Funny how, childfree people, never make rude, demeaning, demoralizing comments towards people with children.
I could say some pretty rude shit about parents, but hold my tongue, because I don't need to diminish someone else to feel better than.
Absolutely agree about the DINK acronym’s connotations. I think there’s also many people who think all DINKS are living a dream life when in reality, it takes two incomes to just survive. Many of us aren’t having kids because we can barely care for ourselves, let alone children.
Either way , we should not judge. There are many nuonces that people dont talk about. Leave people be for those dont want kids and for people want kids, don't have the resources to have kids. Wether is fiances or help.
I am ChildFree 😊
I saw a clear example of your kids not taking care of you in your old age. My half brother kicked his dad out of his house because he wasn't paying rent and being an ass. He apparently went ghost after
I like everything you're saying, but there are those of us who do have children who are also living a full life filled with other accomplishments, hobbies, careers, social gratifications, and community involvement. I love my life, and I took my child everywhere I went for work and all of my other interests. This is why I decided to have only one child. It's a good thing when our children see us active in the world. They see us happy and fulfilled.
totally!!
@@helenawoods You nurture us through your channel. Your insights are comforting and thought-provoking. You’re a good mother. 💕
Yes, it is not being talked about it