How Logical Thinking Actually Leads to Irrationality
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 พ.ย. 2024
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"rationalization is your emotional brain hijacking your logic to come up with selective arguments that others cannot defend against" man this guy is awesome.
But once you can identify these biases, actions within your own behavior you can work on improving it to be less emotional, less biased.
@@codesuzakugeass true
Every person: lol yeah other people need to realize this
@@codesuzakugeass I kinda view my brain as a separate connected system hardwired to push its own agenda down to it orchestrating epiphanies. Like, you think you've figured out something big about your motivations about something, and you feel like you've cracked your own psychological code, but nope, your brain was ahead of you and threw you a bone to keep you content.
oddly, it's like I've started seeing my own brain as a manipulative mastermind deity 🤦♀️
@@paisleesheppard5629 Fair, not everyone's minds work the same, but there would be some variance when it comes to the capability of acting in a stoic manner.
I used to be very emotionally repressed as a teenager. I found I couldn't really get excited for much, or hold much genuine interest for other people's stuff. Deep down, I was very emotional, and anxious all the time. I find that I am much more emotionally available now, and it's kind of a relief, honestly. I feel more deeply connected with people.
Did you do anything to go from emotionally repressed to how you are currently? I also find myself repressing my emotions
I definitely was like that. I never cried, for example. But now if something even lightly tugs at my heartstrings I’ll be sobbing my eyes out and I’m okay with that :]
Thank you so much
@@duek4041 I relate so hard!! Lool I used to cry a lot as kid but then as a teenager no matter what happened I don't cry but I also don't get excited to do anything even going to the park! Or the beach! Nothing seems worth the trouble! Now I think I'm available emotionally and it's a relief but it was such a hard change cause it happened suddenly when something happened and it was my breaking point
@@drmopster7053 I think it can happen gradually as you understand the things around u clearly but for me I had a breaking point not very fun but I'm thankful now
"Trust me bro, I'm rational because I can't comprehend my own emotions."
lmfao
"Oh, you aren't expressing your argument in a disinterested droning monotone? You just lost the debate, bro"
Nobody can. We attribute false inner states to other people just as we attribute them to ourselves. We are not knowable for ourselves. Which opens up a possibility for psychologists to interpret your behaviors as they want, for their own benefit.
My father in a nutshell
@@zachdauman5464 quite the pessimistic view on psychologists
"If I can convince someone or if I can outmaneuver someone using my skill of argument, then I must be correct. But that's not actually the case because the skill of argument is just a skill of argument, it doesn't actually mean that you're logically correct, it's just mean that you're better at outmaneuvering another person."
Damn, I've never seen it that way, this is so interesting...
It’s why I’ve always had a problem with some rich dude with a microphone ‘DESTROYING’ some timid, stuttering high schooler.
Especially because I’ve been the high schooler in that arrangement, and the other person was my abusive ex lol
True. Just because you win in argument, doesn't mean your opinion is right. Maybe both you and your opponent got wrong opinions on a problem, you guys fight words over each other and you won, meanwhile me who was watching you guys just laugh cuz your answer is far from the truth. *It, felt, like, THAT.*
@@divusartemis2045 as who has always been on the right, I can still say Ben Shapiro is annoying as absolute hell
That's why I recommend doing the "iron man." Basically the opposite of strawman. Try to understand what the other person is saying. Rephrase it back to them to their satisfaction, make it sound profound. Do your best to derive the profundity out of it. Then make yourself argue against that. If you fundamentally cannot understand what they are saying, it is on you to try and help make it understandable. They are coming from a place of experiences you haven't had, so don't be quick to dismiss it.
It goes a long way towards simultaneously building rapport, and also ensuring that you are getting at the truth not just confirming what you want while someone else doing the exact same thing is suffering because you do a better job. It's a bit like fighting over a scrap of meat instead of hunting for it. You might get the scrap that is left, but you hurt the other party and there still isn't enough food anyway.
That said, don't get the impression I follow this as much as I would like, I rarely follow this advice, working on it.
There is an artist that I used to love, but after some scandals I wrote a comment on instagram that he wasn't a good artist anymore. He invited me to a lifestream to debate in front of his almost entirely male audience and my 18 year old self agreed. I was nervous af, because I stutter, tend to argue aggressively (and emotionally), never talked in front of an online audience before, have no experience in art whatsoever and am really bad at arguing and talking overall, he tried to "destroy" me with his "art expertise" and "rational" attacks, but I reminded him that he was very much emotional and biased. I didn't try to win, because I knew that his audience was loyal towards him, I had no chance convincing everybody that I was right, I just explained honestly why I didn't like him as an artist anymore, why he gets more hate comments and why it's okay for him to feel pissed about my comment, but also that he won't be suddenly liked again when he argues well enough. He tried so hard to embarrass me somehow, but he kinda failed at trying to come off as logical with his attacks. I talked about his emotions, my philosophy and gave him good-hearted advice instead... Nobody won, but apart from a few people who hated my voice I have received only postive reactions and support which was a big surprise to me, since I really suck at talking, was a lot younger and not an artist of any kind who went on a lifestream about art. Basically it were the worst conditions and I expected a wave of hate. People, however, wrote me dm's that they liked what I said on that lifestream. Pretty interesting experience.
“You thought it is was rational logic. But it was ME! Emotions!” This is wild. But very interesting.
IT WAS ME, DIO
@@emy8555 is this a-
is this-
is-... this a-
@@Ur_N0.1_fan *evil laugh*
@@Ur_N0.1_fan no, no it's not XD
@@Ur_N0.1_fan JOJO REFERENCE
I have to add that it can be dangerous to think "it's all my fault" per default. Because there are things like childhood trauma where you should not be like "If I would have done better, my parents wouldn't have hit me". In these cases it's better to not blame either side and understand that your parents weren't able to take responsibility and handle their own trauma and that's why they put it onto you. But your are still accepting to take all of that responsibility now, and do what you can to make your life better for yourself.
This made me think thanks
Yeah its a hard line to tow I literally come from that exact situation.
I think the easiest way to be self critical without losing your self esteem is to not shame yourself and punish yourself. You can say, that was wrong, I need to do better, I can do better. But crossing the line is when you start thinking I was so wrong, I'm stupid, I'm worthless, I can't do anything. Does what I'm saying make sense?
This, I understand you should take responsibility and improve yourself, but when your peers and society in general practically forces you to drink to be socially acceptable, and not drink water because it is uncool (true story), sometimes, at least to some extend, society is wrong.
Not every bad parent was traumatized. Adults should reflect their own actions, and they also have a lot more means to get help than a child. But it's probably no use for the grown up child to dwell on it
Proper rational thinking puts the responsibility in the right place. Children don’t have as much power but it’s important to learn you DO have it when you are an adult. It’s also fair to blame your parents for choosing to rationalise their abuse instead of healing themselves.
As a woman I was afraid of being stereotyped as being "irrational" or having poor logic, it ended up with me being emotionally repressed in my teenage years and mostly suffering alone because I didn't want people to see how lonely and miserable I felt.
Nobody cares
@@joeh858 You cared enought to make a comment trying to deny her. Or maybe ridicule? That is already two persons comenting on her post that do care. You and me.
@@onemoregodrejected9369 That's not what I meant
@@joeh858 idk, came out pretty wrong
@@bulletsizednuke1100 Nobody cares
It's like I always thought: an argument isnt about being right, it's about convincing the other person.
It depends what the argument is for. Most of the time your absolutely correct.
Sometimes people just want to hear the steps to check whether they made a mistake along the way. :)
Its about convincing the people listening. 90% of the time its impossible to convince the other person unless you`ve led them to believe they came to your conclusions themselves.
@@grapenut6094 That's because reality isn't a series of logical puzzles. People frequently make decisions based on what is convenient for them rather than what is right. Also, their perspective on the world differs from yours. It's possible that what suits them won't suit you and vice versa. Political opinions are shaped by personality, and many personalities see the world in different ways. Arguing, in my opinion, reduces the mental strain that one person would experience alone by at least half. Humans are inherently biased; they constantly need heuristics, mental leaps, and jumps to help them make snap judgments. Collectively, long-term decisions are made. The majority of people frequently only have faith in the groups they belong to, such as religion. So, when an opinion differs from the group cognitive dissonance arises. Thus causing people to not change beliefs very easily.
@@mephistopheles9644 Objectivity can exist if a goal is set first and just because there are grey areas doesn't mean accommodations cant be made. Philosophy divides by zero and usually comes up with 2+2=5 its just not convincing to someone whos got something to fight for. And I wont be told my life is meaningless in the face of a mob of people who`ve got no clue whats best for them on account of their refusal to adopt the tools necessary to figure it out for themselves.
It's a lot easier for me to argue if I'm just trolling than if it's something I actually care about
Thats weirdly relatable.
Not as emotional
That’s why I just don’t care about anything
I've always found it fun to play devil's advocate. If I can argue something I don't believe it helps me understand the topic as whole if that makes sense.
@@themothman3726 i do that all the time lol
The part about alexithymia was striking for me. People ask me how I feel, and I genuinely don't notice emotional cues the vast majority of the time, so it's almost always just "fine". (I do sometimes feel them, when it's particularly irrepressible, but it's usually more like a background I never look at.) Even when it's clear to my husband that I'm angry or sad, I just don't realize it. I didn't know there was a word for it and it puzzles me to imagine having constant awareness of emotion. The part about toning down emotional response also makes sense, because when I was a kid, my mother would yell at me about something, and if I cried, she'd berate me for it, occasionally accusing me of trying to manipulate her. A couple times, I tried going to my bedroom or the basement to get away from the badgering, only to have her follow me. Whenever I cried, she'd admonish me by saying that big girls don't cry, don't be a baby. There were lots of other things that probably conditioned me to ignore my emotions. That concept explains a lot for me. Thank you.
„Reason is a slave of the passions.“ - David Hume
More people ought to read David Hume.
Didn't he say it ought to be and not that it is
@@lordnatu he said "an ought cannot be derived from an is"
anyone reading this comment should read “The Righteous Mind” and read the first couple of chapters. this quote will make even more sense
"We don't work on the people you were dating, we work on you."
I love this quote. After so many toxic relationships, I finally stopped for a second and looked at myself. I found a lot wrong with what I did and things that I needed to change. This is very important for people who cannot find a healthy relationship. It isn't always the fact that you are just in a toxic relationship, it is the fact that you have qualities or bad habits that bring these people to you. Nobody is perfect and relationships aren't perfect- but the blame is never clear cut. The best thing to do is focus on what went wrong on your end and where you want to be after the fact.
It can be hard to make a relationship work, but part of the battle is first making it work with yourself. Can't have a healthy relationship if you can't live comfortably with yourself. How can you love and relate to someone else if you cannot love and accept yourself?
Well, the quality might be just that you accept those types rather than exercising discernment & self-respect.
At 20:36 I realized I was 'those people.' My mind automatically went to considering other groups of people that were using this technique to deal with internal shame, but I never considered myself until Dr. K pointed it out. Definitely something I need to work on going forward.
You can heal! You don't have to live with internal shame forever.
I'm really glad he did that so people can introspect instead of just using this as ammo to try and undermine the arguments of people they disagree with. We've all done this to some degree.
The meme of ‘it always has been’ came to my mind at that moment.
That's great that your being conscience of yourself and finding that too, that's really good of you so keep that up :)
always ask yourself if you do those things first. then study other people.
If you have a train of thought that starts with premises that are detached from reality, then logical thinking can actually end up becoming a detriment, because your logic will lead you to extrapolate from the faulty initial premises in a direction further and further away from reality.
My brain: smooth and prettyy✅ no thinky= no sad✅
Your brain: ugly gross wrinkles🤢🤮❌ can thinky = big sad❌
"To think without thinking. To feel without feeling" - Sun Tzu if he was a psychologist
Edit: also dharma
how to stop emotional pain?
just stop thinking :)
(unless you have severe anxiety and not thinking makes your inner demon grow rampant)
@@theBetterManda inner demons are tight
@@theBetterManda ...and that's why I was thinking 300% of time and now I'm practically not thinking at all-_-
@@theBetterManda cant stop thinking tho, even if you silence the voice the thoughts continue via imagery and idea
Logic professor here (see channel for details) people who practice formal logic are typically aware of this. Sometimes (not always) you can see this in formal vs informal logic professors. The first logic professor I had was for an informal and he was hardcore anti-emotions and then one day he came in crying because his wife cheated on him and left him because he was "too robotic". This was weirdly my first lesson of the importance of emotions then in second year when I took formal logic (specifically decision theory) the first thing the professor taught was being aware of emotions and that emotions and thinking must be balanced to make good decisions. Having this view in philosophy (very thinking based field) is controversial depending on the branch of philosophy. When I did my degree in Buddhism and Mental Health is really where I learned how to respect my emotions (shout-out to my mentor lmao). I run a private practice as a philosophical counsellor and this is typically what I have to help people balance as this imbalance is negatively affecting their life typically personal relationships. My theory is because informal logic is based in words there's a lot of interpretation that allows emotions to be apart but in formal logic it's super abstract and is a lot harder to insert into. Could be wrong but that's my theory.
Yo im super curious about the degree that u did! recently I got into Buddhism (tho it would be better to say that I started "studying" it) and would like to know if there is some reference material that u can recommend (either concerning Buddhism or mental health in general), any suggestion is appreciated :)
so how do i stop this or become more aware?
I think you might find John Vervaekes lectures really interesting, maybe you're already familiar with him. Logic and rationality, and how they're different, is expounded in episode 40, 41 and 42 in his series "Awakening from The Meaning Crisis". It's available here on youtube.
@@oleghh I went to UofT haha. I had Jordan Peterson and John Vervaeke as professors. I actually did a publication under him. The OG logic professor was Franz though. His mind is scary haha. The person I learned the most from was Tony Toneatto. He was (technically still is) my mentor. He created the Buddhism, Psychology and Mental Health program at UofT. He doesn't teach online or anything but he's by far wisest man I've ever had the honor of meeting/working with.
@@philosopherlogic Thumbs up for philosophical counselling! I found it to be a welcome change from traditional therapy.
Next time you're arguing with someone that's uber rational, try something called "Socratic questioning". Socratic questioning is something that CBT therapists do. It's when you approach a belief that someone holds from a genuinely curious place. You ask them all kinds of questions about whatever it is that they are claiming. Ask them to define the terms that they are using, ask where they got these beliefs from, why they think that, what evidence they have for it and against it, how confident they feel in the evidence for it, do they always feel confident in that type of evidence, and if not, why do they feel so confident in this particular type of evidence, etc etc. Often times, their logic falls apart. Look up some videos of people doing this. It's an effortless way of disassembling someone's beliefs. Just keep asking questions lol.
Yeah... I did that and my ex said I was interrogating him and got pissed off at me lol
@@boredpandacafe lol
@@boredpandacafe LMAO
@@boredpandacafe that's a sign of him trying to hide something~
Huh. I do this naturally, but it's from genuine curiosity.
I just want to know how and why a person thinks and behaves a certain way so I can at least understand where they are coming from, so I can frame my argument or opinion in a way that they can understand. And vice versa.
It's very hard to even talk or debate with anyone if neither of you understand the other. It's so frustrating trying to even talk with someone who refuses to even understand my pov. And 90% of that debate is me just trying to explain why I think the way I do and them telling me why I'm just wrong from a binary pov without trying to even see the nuances or the details.
If being right is subjective, nobody can ever win a argument. Truth is creation, lies are destruction, clever way to keep it straight.
"This is home field advantage" had me cracking up. Been there, done that. I appreciate the in depth discussion on how rationalization works. I've been reading about it for years but hearing it and seeing it in real time makes it far easier to learn from.
In my teens I believed that I am not in need of social exchange nor in need of having close friends. Now with 30 years I realised through therapy that all this time my logical thinking was hijacked by unresolved social anxiety that grew stronger over time and ended in more "emotionlessnes", isolation => loneliness and depression. I wish there existed platforms like this. Awesome how You share your expertise for free, which is in my opinion cruciul to reach the younger population. Thank you very very much for doing such a great work from which the sociaty can benefit!
I have the opposite problem. I automatically start considering how I am wrong/being illogical/at fault for every interaction. I beat myself up/take responsibility for other people's problems and start overthinking from the other side.
Have you also worked on noticing how others are wrong, especially out of principles if you've discovered any (after being aware of any kind of injustice driven by ignorance)? From some perspectives you're really be wrong if you considered others to be right despite them merely following default unconscious programs that are trivial to disprove if you aren't emotional. In any case, if you start judging what's right, you can intend to dominate the unity perspective by claiming generalizations of how everyone should think; which becomes easier over time, and then you'll have the opposite problem of conquering your biases rather than lacking the confidence :) But yes, otherwise your thinking may be correct in general, because it's way better to start by being doubtful than it is to have an unstable closed mind. Sadly, there is no way to recommend a most efficient mindset growth transition for you, because our society still hasn't developed a decentralized framework for mindset programming and pointing out all errors while confirming tested transitions.
Debate isnt about proving youre right its about convincing others that you are
The more you push your emotions down, the closer in distance they get to the base roots of your thought processes
It's funny how *AFTER* Dr. K points out that all the people in chat using his words as "evidence" against whatever group of people they personally dislike/disagree with; even after pointing out that these people in chat were projecting, a bunch of them continued projecting even after acknowledging they were projecting.
They're literally doing the thing Dr. K is talking about (making rationalizations in order to defend their ego from the reality that THEY might be the problem/source of their own misery, not their "perceived enemy")... and that lack of self-awareness is absolutely hilarious!!!
Thank you for putting all this into words. A lot of this I was "unconsciously" aware of, but it's incredibly helpful to hear it all spelled out in the simplest terms.
you're doing the same
and im doing the same
@@abigailrodriguez1573 How do you figure?
@@TheLegendofphantom I mean it could be seen that way because you're pointing out the flaws with this particular group, saying that they're falling into the same trap that they're talking about, which can be a trap you're falling into. Of course it may not be that way; I don't know how you think.
I think at least some of them may have just been joking
This feels rather relatable to me. I don't necessarily think of myself as this almighty rational person, but it often feels like the emotions just aren't there so I often describe myself as running on instinct. I'll have to listen to this a few times.
SAME
Does that make you feel very confident in your actions
@@faikerdogan2802 Not necessarily. If anything, I experience doubt if I can’t act on it right away. Other than that, it’s more just doing it without thinking.
@@KumaOso16 then i don't think this is talking about you. But 🤷
@@KumaOso16 nice, as i see it emotions and thinking are produced from the same factor which is thought.if you see clearly apart from the experience of instant feeling every other feeling is triggered by past memories which thought uses to produce the chemical reaction to body (remembrance of a certain experience). but if you think clearly you will see that your self(personality) also is no more than a bundle of memories or else ideas (conscious or unconscious). so yea acting without thinking is always more logical than illogical as weird as that sounds.
I guess it all goes back to humility. We try to use rationality to justify our arrogance, to hide from the pain.
But when we learn to let go, and submit to what we have been running from, that's when we can take the first real step forward.
About your comment on responsibility and problems, I think what messes up the concept of responsibility is the belief that anyone who causes a problem is responsible for fixing it, so they wait for the other person to do what's expected. The problem doesn't get fixed until later, if at all, because it's not their responsibility, even if it's their problem. For most people, taking responsibility means that they're at fault. I had to learn to clean up other people's messes, and it's a hard pill to swallow.
"People cling to toxic relationships because it confirms what you believe about yourself"
And that's why nobody who's ever left a toxic relationship did so without finding some kind of self-worth. They were the symptom, not the cause.
This is such a great analysis. Emotions are so stigmatized and tied to sexism and false/reductive binaries. They're part of being human. My therapist says, "name it (emotions) to tame it, feel it heal it".
It's not about gender or sexism.
The thing is, it's a problem of language and definitions, abstractions and descriptions
The same as a logic problem
Human minds are something problematic because the mind have to many problems studying itself
Biases, subjectivity
The construction of the reality
We can't build and objective image of reality from a subjetive and partial sample of it. Even when that objective world depends of the sensitivity and emotional construction.
That's the mind interfering with itself.
Even thinking that this is a problem of the culture, sexism
Or me telling you that the problem is bigger
It's a problem by itself
Because it's a matter of perspectives
the construction or assimilation of the reality. It's a bias and partiality of differences and experiences that can be similar, opposite, in-between.
The funniest thing ever is that conservatives think that being aggressive is not being emotional.
The second funniest thing is that they think biology is so simple that it can be explained in one sentence and those who see that it's more complicated are the ones who are wrong.
@First Last testosterone doesn't make humans aggressive, only in animals it happens
Oh my god, I'm going to try that. Thank you.
o.o
Values come from emotions. We wouldn't value anything at all unless an emotion would had made it relevant for us. We'd be practically lobotomy patients if we had no emotions, doing absolutely nothing, just sitting around drooling. Thus, to do something rationally, it would require us to have values based on some emotion to begin with. This equals to: there is no rationality without emotions as the basis.
And if you can out-argue someone by being a master debater, it might be simply that you didn't account for *their* values properly, and simply projected your own values onto them: I feel *this* is important/not important, so so must they too.
I figured this out with rational thinking 😎
This is wrong. Values do not come from emotions. Emotions come from values.
For example, if you value your life then you will feel the emotion of fear if something threatens it. Someone who is suicidal may not feel fear in this same situation.
@@jacovichstabs841 Yes, as the two phenomena (emotions and values) are so thoroughly linked, it might seem also that the causation is reversed. This interplay does get confusing because we learn values (residing on cortical regions) which then suppress the original emotions (residing in the midbrain). I think this topic was discussed in the video on a rudimentary level.
But as can be seen from affect theory's standpoint (studies emotions), the emotions first "keep you going", so that from childhood you can *learn* what to value in life and what not. And then, as we learn the values, we also learn to suppress the emotions, as now we have a better "idea" of what to do in a given situation.
So yes, as we might not value life and survival so much in certain situations, these values can suppress the fear of suicide. But emotions were the original source of "motivation", and thus values, back in our childhood (and sure, they do keep us going throughout our lives too).
@@jacovichstabs841 so in a way, emotions are the basis and precursor to values.
@@sassort Ah, sorry. I think I understand your point better now. Yes, having an emotional mechanism is a necessary condition of being able to value anything. It's definitely a much more primitive biological system, evolutionarily speaking, than rationality.
Animals, for example, have only emotions to motivate them towards their values. They feel the emotion hunger which causes them to search for food.
Humans have emotions too but our values are not given to us by default like with animals. We must choose them or at least recognise them. This is what the rational side of our brain helps with. And our emotions follow from there.
The example of children developing is really useful to see the interplay you're talking about. Thanks.
One of the biggest changes I’ve made in my relationship with my wife was learning why I was so adamant about being right when we argued. I had to confront my need to be right and understand that the feeling of being wrong, or being at fault, or guilt, is part of life and is a chance for learning and growth. I’m much more aware now of my own need to be right, and I’m usually able to take a step back and understand where that need comes from, then combat it and say ‘yes, I did something I shouldn’t have, and I’d like to do my best to make it right now.’
I have a hard time with blind spots in my relationship because I’m a much better arguer than my wife is. Yet there have been many times where I’ve learned, sometimes too late, that she was right. If I had just stopped and tried to understand her and put my bias aside. But it’s hard because I like being right. Often I get to have my way if I’m right. She’s sometimes too willing to let me be right because she (erroneously) thinks I’m smart lol. But this video gave me a great tool to deal with this problem. And it’s to not discount emotions and to try to identify my emotions and how they’re driving my logic.
🥺🥺
This is what I have realized a while ago. I am terrified to get a "normal" job and work with strangers. I rationalized by saying things like "it is predatory, they'll overwork me and toss me aside like some replaceable cog", "the supervisor will scold me for my incompetence and will fire me", "wage labor is a scam", etc. But I know in essence, and my mom has told me, that everything seems to originate from fear of rejection, of confirming that I am incompetent, and of socially fail/making mistakes.
Similarly with social interaction. I rationalize my way out of it, but I simultaneous want friends. Very contradicting.
Years ago I made a career choice *not* to go into engineering. "I don't want to spend the rest of my life working on some tiny bolt in the wing of some airplane, it's too insignificant". I now realize this was coming from an emotional fear of failure (fear of success?)
To be fair, there is a lot to be concerned about in getting a normal job. Many will do or will take advantage, but it’s important to remember that all the power is not in their court. You may get a bad deal, especially at the start, but use it to learn your competencies. Overtime, your goal should be to become indispensable which will get you bargaining power. Most successful business owners worked for years or decades in a field in order to figure out their own nitch. It’s a difficult and frustrating grind, but with the appropriate attitude it can be meaningful and even fun. Also, learn to care about the people you work with, find anything you can to do it. It will make your life and their lives better, a few will push back and mock you will pay the price in time.
Good point but also a difficult point to concretely make a statement about. I think whilst initially you should scout for any fears and dismantle them when necessary, there will always remain a number of valid reasons as to why not work a standard job.
It varies so much on a case to case, and a person to person basis that you can really only hope to consider the different possibilities, and try to be open to the prospect of emotions misleading you.
The answer is still in the end mostly emotional, question being is which kind of job fulfills you and your needs
@Leche I can relate to feeling hesitation with social interaction. Sometimes I will sign up for a new event or try to meet new people. Then right before the event, I suddenly feel anxiety and a part of me doesn’t want to go anymore.
I talked to my therapist about this and he says it’s natural for some people to feel this, especially introverts. It helps to to tell yourself that you’re not obligated to stay at the event or continue talking to the people there if you feel uncomfortable after checking it out.
This happened to me in university when I joined a club that taught people how to salsa dance. When I actually got to the event, it turned out to be a lot of fun and I met cool people. Even after that experience, I still feel nervous before going to new invents. So I just remind myself of the past good experiences to push through the fear.
@@zishiwu7757 That's a great advice! Thank you. It feels much more genuine when it comes from experiences from a fellow introvert. I will try my best to do the same thing as well.
Winning an argument is boring, I’m not even arguing I just want to discuss ideas
people can make perfectly valid arguments whilst bawling their eyes out if you factor in how might that persons emotional state might affect their argument and see nothing wrong, and the argument itself is sound then it's sound.
I read this somewhere: "if you tell me your emotions don't control you, you're telling me you aren't aware of how your emotions are controlling you"
Whenever i am debating someone i always try to destroy my own arguments first then try to understand theirs and most of the time i just say I don't know, even when my arguments might actually be true. Simply put i don't want to be right, i want the truth, I don't care about which party won the argument. Tho I'm probably traumatized from being gaslighted, i mean debating someone is scary! 😂
Ok Plato
Well at least you got to the emotion which is affecting you.
@@porkerpete7722 bruh i ain't no plato 😂
I kinda feel so, idc who's right/wrong most of the time as long as finding the right solution/conclusion. Been also structuring my words to hopefully correctly implies that thing I say is an opinion, or using I think/probably most of times, so not really feeling emotionally embarrassed or anything cause I mainly feel "less" and there're always things to learn... but I feel and afraid rationalization might likely occur beneath it somewhere when I don't realize it (as I consider myself not "training" much my emotional side I feel like)
@@gytzero yea man i feel ya, alexithymia is such a weird thing. I never knew i was nervous whenever i play the keys in the studio with my homeboys, all i know is that my hands are all suddenly cold and stiff and it made me play awfully, i always blame the air conditioner for this 😂. Turns out i was just nervous. I'm now trying slowly and patiently to notice more somatic responses of the body.
i'm disconnected from humanity and haven't felt an emotion in over ten years and it's made me exceptionally logical. now, i am still emotional. i cry all the time, but i cant feel any sadness, thats happening elsewhere in my brain. i have a lower degree of consciousness than before. because of my condition i naturally deconstruct everything into smaller parts, and i try to think through everything from the ground up instead of making a flawed cob-web of ideas like most humans do. something that immediately became obvious is that we cant build from the ground up. humans, pure and simply, have no access to any objective reality. everything is built on intuition, with the disclaimer that it might not be, that it might be and not be at the same time, that it might be one amidst an infinity of other possibilites that we dont even comprehend.
we can demonstrate this quite easily using two steps
1. you might only be conscious in one place, whether it be the brain or soul
2. a system's capabilities in doing something can't be assessed by itself, without first knowing it's capability in assessing itself
this is where truth starts, and where it dies. as in, you cant start from anywhere. trying to start from a logical assumption, means you end up in an absurd loop where everything is possible. or is it x? or is it y? etc. theres as much objective proof towards an atheistic death as there is for an eternity in hell when we die. theyre both equally valid beliefs with the same percentage chance of being reality (that same chance being an unknown one). in the objective sense science is playing pretend, religion is playing pretend, rational people are playing pretend, irrational people are playing pretend. being a logical person means there's an asterisk after everything you say, that you could be wrong, and knowledge is impossible, and everything is nonsense, or it might not be, or it might be, or the moon is cheese, or whatever∞
its a great way to get existential depression and not much else
Brains want to feel good. The things it does to feel good aren't always good for us, tho.
According to my brain, huffing copium has no negative side effects. 🙂
'If it's all your fault then you can change it..... are you willing to carry that burden?' My honest knee-jerk response? No. I am not willing.
"This person routinely makes you feel bad" huh, so im toxic to myself. Well shit.
Good job, that is a realization worth it's weight in gold my man. GGs
"If you had a friend that talked to you the way you talk to yourself, how long would you keep that friend around?"
Rationalizing is Narcissists main asset in justifying their behavioural addiction.
This was definitely me during college. Working with an academic counselor and a therapist at the same time helped with working through my more avoidant coping behaviors.
Yeah I feel you
The problem with "emotional reasoning" is that it often relies on things like peer pressure to convince someone they should switch sides instead of proving anything correct, on the other hand logic doesnt do anything until its applied to a goal and if you dont know how you set that goal you are likely to make mistakes. Thats why its useful to understand your emotions and then apply reasoning until you reach a result that feels correct or acceptable
"If you accept responsibility for you situation, you also have the power to control it." Damn this is this something everyone needs to hear, including me.
"if you accept your guilt that means you can fix everything" - unless it is PAST, and you have zero experience in type of action that need be done to *fix*(not truly) things...
This explains so many arguments i had with past friends over my life. I'm very emotional and suck at arguing so they would always deem me the less rational, and less intelligent one. It was so infuriating because I know I'm not.
The part about toxic relationships yep. Those aforementioned "friendships" were all toxic and seemed to make me feel less capable of accomplishing what I wanted to do or made me feel less confident in myself. I don't think my father is solely responsible for me feeling that way on a subconscious level but the way he spoke to me a lot in my younger years certainly had a hand in it.
The way I've taken responsibility is by eliminating ties to those people and watching out for signs of that behavior from others in the future as well as accepting that my past mistakes and pain is what shaped me into who I am now. And to remember that I know who I am and what I am capable of and give myself confidence and validation rather than always looking for it in others.
One thing that helps with that negative self-talk at the end is realizing that It's sort of arrogant to go "hey person that is saying they love meb you're actually wrong you don't love me and I am a burden on you even though you are telling me that I'm not because I know your reality better than yourself."
If somebody tells you that they love you and that you have value to them they probably mean it. If multiple people are telling you this they definitely mean it. You might not feel like you have value to them but trust that they would not be telling you that you did if you didn't. Trust that they would not want you in their life if you actually had no value to them. Basically, If you trust that person with other things in your life then trust their words when they tell you that you have value *Even if you don't see that value at least see it as "I don't see my value but they do and maybe if someone I trust and respect sees value in me, maybe there is value there I just can't see.*
By letting go of the arrogance that you are a pure unbiased judge of your own value you can start to open yourself up to the idea that value is subjective and if other people see value in you maybe there's something to that.
how does this man spit so many facts in literally every video? Figured he'd run out by now.
I let my emotions guide and structure my arguments, and emotions are really the only reason i care enough to argue something anyway. But then my “buttons get pushed” (by a parent for instance) and i sense my rationale is lost in the need to KEEP ARGUING and be victorious. it’s hard to balance. Also, parents who have raised you to think whenever you display emotions that you are “out of control”
Personally when someone points my logic is wrong my reaction is usually: "Oh, explain please" Though I admit it requires effort and you can't really separate from you emotions. I usually try to be concious of my emotions and biases, whether it works i can't really know. And honestly, logic helps me fend off some of my insecurities, which I apreciate.
EDIT: I also think that accepting responsibility for your life can be a dangerous thing, because many things ARE beyond our control. If we assume that everything in our lives is the result of our decisions it can lead to undeserved feelings of shame. If you start thinking "X was a milionare when they were 20, and I'm not, therefore it must mean i don't work hard enough" that's an almost straight way towards depression. I think recognizing what you are responsible/can change and what you can't if preferable than just going "everything in my life is the result of my decisions".
I think the mentality of 'life is malleable' started out as an empowerment movement and an epiphany for people who view other people's expectations of them as a limit set in stone.
If the first part of what you say is true, that means you are very emotionally mature. We are all entitled to our emotions (you can't control what emotions you feel when), however, where the responsibility comes in is that you ARE responsible for (that is to say, you have a choice in) how you react to those emotions.
If I stub my toe on the door frame, I am immediately filled with anger, understandably. I have no choice in what emotion (or how much of it) comes forth, but now that I'm here and angry I now have the choice of taking some deep breaths, maybe swearing, until the anger & pain pass... OR I could put my fist through the wall while screaming.
But that choice is mine to make.
Also, if you are making an effort to be aware of your emotions, biases and how you react to them with others, then it is probably working. This is one of those things that is hard to fail at if you're actually trying & putting effort into it.
As far as your edit paragraph:
Accepting responsibility for your position in life is simple, and if practiced correctly, shouldn't lead to any negative mental places, on it's own.
Let's take your example (I've been guilty of this one for a decade): your example is literally *comparing yourself to others* (also known as Envy, which is poison to your mental health)... and that's a surefire way to get to depression town. Don't ever compare yourself to others in that way. You are YOU. You are not THEM. You will never be them. End of discussion. (It's like the big boned girl looking at photoshopped swimsuit models, beating herself up bc she doesn't look like them... she'll never look like them, so she'll always be unhappy, unless she learns to stop comparing herself to others...).
Just bc that person became a millionaire at 20, doesn't mean you are under any obligation or pressure to also do so. In fact, no reasonable person, who is in their right mind, would EVER expect that of you or anyone else. That's an absurd standard that doesn't even make sense once you start trying to apply it to others. Do you think every human being should be a millionaire by the time they're 24?
No. Bc that's an asinine & impossible standard to set. Almost nobody would ever achieve it.
And if you're not willing to hold a large percent of your civilization to a standard, then it can't really be called "standard." And it's not fair to beat yourself up about not achieving something that was nearly impossible to begin with.
See how quickly that thinking devolves into nonsense?
What taking responsibility allows YOU to do, is say:
"I am where I am bc of me."
"I am not ~~a millionaire~~ financially stable bc I'm not frugal enough with my money"
"The reason I'm not as far along in life as I'd like to be is bc I always give up half way through."
"There are different choices/decisions I could've made in order to be closer to achieving my goals"
"I usually handle this situation this way, and that always leads to me failing, so I'm going to handle this situation differently this time"
"I can do better"
Whatever it is, taking responsibility allows you to take control back.
It allows you to OBJECTIVELY look at your life and identify what the problems are, where you went wrong, and how you can fix/avoid those same problems & pitfalls in the future.
There are obviously things that ARE entirely out of our control. For example: traumatic events (childhood abuse) or if you have an undiagnosed mental disorder (like ADHD), that's something that can cause serious problems, especially if you aren't aware of it... but even though you aren't aware of it, by taking responsibility, you allow yourself the opportunity to overcome whatever challenge or obstacle is in your way (it opens the door to finding *SOLUTIONS* to your problems). Finding out later there was an undiagnosed issue perpetuating your problems can be relieving, but there is nothing more empowering in this world than taking control of your own life, despite the circumstances.
TL;DR
Taking responsibility is just you making the choice to be in charge of your own destiny... it is scary to be in control, but that scariness is *heavily* outweighed by the freedom you feel from no longer *choosing* to be at the mercy of the universe.
Sorry for being so long winded...
I hope this helped in some way, and if you actually read all of it, I really appreciate it and I hope you have a great rest of your day!!
You have to be able to understand that both ultimately you are completely responsible for your life, and at the same time you are limited by the world. once you can put those things together, which is really the project of a lifetime, you have the possibility of true wisdom.
I also feel a lot shame if I am emotional and wrong, like the other person’s right, but I am super emotional and suppressed their voice, that feels really guilty. So I try not to be so emotional, so the other won’t get hurt.
Great video, it really made me understand that I am not without emotions but rather that I burry them deep not to deal with them. Now all I got to do is deal with the crippling anxiety of feeling like I am not achieving any of my goals in life because as a child I never learned to push myself mentally and always found a way out of doing hard work which is the reason I burry my emotions to begin with. Should be easy
A lot of people think that logic comes before emotion, but the truth is that feelings and emotions ultimately lead to logical (Sequential) ideas.
How to get from point A to point C without inflicting any kind of suffering upon oneself (or others).
Some people believe that they live purely logically, but that is nonsense, because interactions lead to unpredictable results which require somewhat immediate adaptation before you even reach point C.
When it comes to speaking to people who use their mask of coolheaded rationality as a point, they tend not to have clarity of thought, which can lead to passionate outburst from the other party involved. Not because they're wrong, but because of the frustration of speaking to a wall who hasn't actually digested their side of the pseudo discussion.
Taking their faked unaffected facade as a win, because they have to escape, but are only willing to if they feel like they were in control the whole time, even though you've rattled them to their core, because they know you're right and they know they're generally assholes on purpose, because they have nothing of substance to offer to said discussion.
The real loss, comes from wasting time engaging this way with people who want to appear as "Intellectuals," but can't even visualize a backflip in their minds.
I hope Dr. K realizes how much he helps the people he has never met. I have struggled with acceptance and suicidal tendencies all my life and he is one of the only people on youtube that i have found that genuinely just wants to help people understand what's happening to them.
1:50 Close, but no. The emotion comes out when I ask “how so?” And I get an entirely dismissive response.
“I am not displaying emotion, therefore my argument is more correct”
First off, this is already illogical. Using emotion as a gauge of logic is already illogical. Anyone who considers themselves logical would double take at that, for the same reason someone fervently claiming 2 + 2 is 4 doesn’t change whether the argument is correct or incorrect.
The real irrationality occurs when someone you’re conversing with throws logic out the window. And, as mentioned person once said to me, “If I want to be contradictory in my beliefs, why can’t I? You aren’t god so me being contradictory is right”. I was baffled.
Absence, or the erroneous use of logic, is what concludes irrationality
"Toxic relationships make you feel the way you feel about yourself" is just casually the hugest bomb I've ever had dropped on me
Thanks for talking about this Dr. K! I have a very analytical mind and I am always analyzing every situation whether I'm asked to or not. My family calls me "the engineer" even though I don't work as an engineer or have a degree in engineering because I seem to always be engineering every situation. I've been this way my whole life.
People (including my parents) always discounted my emotions and nobody has ever seemed to understand that my emotions are important. I think it is because my mind is like this and people think of the stereotype of the cold unemotional scientist and assume that I don't feel emotions very much or I'm not affected by them. But I'm affected by my emotions just as much as every other human being.
Thank you for bringing awareness to this!
thank you. took me 4 hours to finally identify what was the problem, and see different perspectives of the issue. time to exercise the power to change.
I needed to hear this, I am struggling with my past for so long because I have a hard time accepting my responsibility for past mistakes & failures and losing people that I loved. I have always been good at talking my way out of shit or winning arguments that I had no right to win or giving people the wrong impression that I'm doing great when I am actually down, now I see more clearly that I am fooling myself and want to take responsibility for my own past and not give myself excuses. I can't change the past but hopefully I will get better at acknowledging what the real problem is instead of fooling myself into doing something else to think & feel that I am solving my problems.
Defense mechanism against big scary emotions when you don't know what to do with them.
Wow. I never realized how mindblowing the implications of 'If you can't handle me at my worst, do don't deserve me at my best.' really are. It's quite self destructive and manipulative!
Thanks bro, you make it harder for me to lie to myself, and knowing how easy it is to bullshit one's self, I really appreciate that.
My fiance used to tell me I get way too emotional when we have been arguing, and it doesnt help me get my point across, because yeah, In my humble opinion, I get dumb as a rock when I get emotional lol.
She had to secretly record me when i got emotional to show me how i acted. Holy shit I allways thought I was way calmer and composed. After she showed me the video, I have been practicing so hard to stay calm during arguments, and now we solve everything with good communication from both sides.
What I'm allso trying to say; emotions WILL haze your perception of yourself. please if someone says that you get a bit emotional when you deny it, just try to take a step back and really take a deep breath and calm your heart rate.
You can even, if you remember, record yourself when you know you are about to get into an argument, but please dont record other without permission lol.
And no, I wasnt angry at all that she recorded me, because she was litteraly at her breaking point when it came to over 7+ years of me getting emotional.
Take care
My logical thinking, like ice, gives great pain before numbing the pain.
With great power comes great responsibility, and with great responsibility comes great power.
With great responsibility comes great power, and with great power comes great electricity bill.
@@reapecs1245 and with great electricity bill comes great responsibility
"Blaming the universe is an awesome way to give a pass to yourself"
OUCH
also
THANKS I NEEDED THAT
Ok... Now what do I do?
@@angeldude101 "blame" yourself, assume it's your fault and think what can you change
@@ukasz-nietwojinteres I am definitely responsible for many of my own problems, but there are even more problems that affect me while predating me.
Unfairly blaming the universe gives a pass to yourself, but unfairly blaming yourself gives a pass to the universe as well. I don't think it's reasonable to assume either is completely innocent. Trying to find the right balance though is nearly impossible. Should you try to change yourself until you can no longer recognize who you are? How much should you worry about that which you gave no control over?
@@angeldude101 It's not really about whose blame it is, it's just that you can only change yourself, thats the only "knob" you can tune. So when you "blame" yourself you can do stuff about it. Thats how I understood the video.
@@angeldude101 If you change yourself in a way that relates to the video then you're not changing core parts of your being, you're learning and growing. You say changing which implies neutral, or sideways movement, not getting better or worse, but if you found this video helpful then that is GROWTH. It's building off of your mind and making something beautiful.
Wtf I literally NEEDED this RIGHT NOW
Thank you so much holy shit
no hablo espanol
SAMEEEE dude, this is so spot on best DR. K vid i have seen, which says a lot bc theyr all amazing
You’re all so low IQ I feel so bad.
@@frogery I have to let the peepo know they’re very far behind on emotional development :( if they’re this excited over a basic life insight.
@@notionSlave Sounds like a rationalisation lol
Over rationalizing is running away from your problems and feelings you have deep down. This idea hits like a fucking truck but it makes a lot of sense. I gotta take responsibility for what I feel and the things I’ve done rather than rationalizing the mistakes I’ve made.
I am 26 and this is the very first time I have heard about the alexithymia. It is like discovering a missing piece of puzzle of my life and the ~rationality which I identify with.
Thank you so much for spreading the awareness!
Recap:
- Outwardly skills of argument and outmaneuvering your opponent =/= Internal Logic ability. Outmaneurvering in an argument is not justification
- Emotions exist regardless of outward expression
- Emotional denial can spawn all kinds of arguments to "rationalise away" a behaviour
- Rationalisations and excuses come from an emotional pain u wish to dodge --> Defense mechanism
- When your emotions make ur logic come up with excuses/rationalisation, they will never sound wrong to u. It's all selective cope, and ur mind selects one of infinite possible coping rationalisations that sounds best to u and cannot be tackled by others.
- Emotion can drive logic and vice verse ("Logically" suppressing emotions, "Emotionally" worrying of unlikely scenarios of partner cheating, and these emotions shut off opponent's logical points). The key is to be aware of them, tolerate them, let them co-exist, but not influence each other
- Trying to forcibly regulate emotions can lead to defense mechanisms that are logically biased (e.g. Denial, Ego)
- Emotion co-exist with logic under emotional awareness (e.g. Emotionally I feel embarrased going to the party, but I'm aware and so I go have fun in spite of it; instead of saying "I won't gom it's not fun" to hide embarrassment)
- Without emotional awareness & tolerance, your emotions' effect of warping logic gets ignored; it starts endless rationalisations/excuses, and secretly puppeteer your mind and logic.
- Rationalisation supports whatever u want to feel, and it commonly happens in every area of possible denial or ego-damaging failure -- Job interviews, friend groups rejection, relationship rejections, substance abuse, recognizing a toxic friend (denial/failure to recognize u've let toxicity into ur life). But it's okay to feel ashamed, it's a our strongest signpost to improving.
E.g. [THOUGHT-VALIDATE / INTERNAL -- NEGATIVE SELF-IMAGE] A depressed person at the core feel low self-worth. They will then rationalise a million reasons why they feel this way; saying they suck despite loved ones' encouragements. The stronger the emotion, the stronger the rationalisation --> Can reinforce both narcissitic or negative self-image
E.g. [ACTION-VALIDATE / EXTERNAL -- NEGATIVE SELF-IMAGINE] People ending up in strings of toxic relationship, the toxic person makes u feel the way u feel about yourself. They confirm what u feel about yourself --> Confirmation, validating familiarity > Pain of humbling, ego-dismantling change
- By accepting shame, we can leverage truly free logic-backed rational thinking on it --> Maybe I do deserve to be rejected by that girl --> Maybe I do need to groom myself (or that they're toxic or other unfairness, but u won't know that until u authentically look at it)
- Achieve emotional awareness & tolerance by sitting down, opening the can of worms "Yes, this IS my fault", and then accepting, picking up and dealing with the implications.
E.g. "It's not the video games that's the problem, it's the fact I'm not disciplined enough"
"Weed isn't the problem, the problem is society compelling me to smoke weed bc of capitalism and world going to hell"
--> Accept simply that video games & weed IS the problem.
- Excuses and blaming external factors is an easy way to give yourself a pass. You are dodging your faults.
--> I dont want to feel shame for a certain aspect of myself. Therefore I will demonize society and enabling factors instead of taking care of myself
--> I don't have to feel shame if "there's nothing wrong with me"
Conclusion: ACCEPT SIMPLE TRUTHS, ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY IN LIFE. Are you willing to carry that burden?
"Are you willing to carry that burden?" Um... no?
I do think of myself as a rational thinker and I do experience a lot of emotion, but now that I heard this I can't help but be afraid that my emotions are hijacking my logical thinking and making me think I'm rational, it's very weird
Yea that is also why he said i know it may sound kind of weird. Emotion can be like color filters, filtering out the specific color tones logics for the specific color tones reasons. I guess to self check whether emotions are hijacking, as what he mention, check in with your emotion state at that moment. The other idea im thinking is perhaps dont be so sure of a single trajectory line of thoughts or argument. Could come up with opposing possibilities of truths to challenge the initial thoughts. Idk if that is even good or bad but im thinking it kind of balance it out to be relatively neutral weighted argument. That way the emotions are well balance and non bias.
Bro it's likely that you're not seeing it from the right angle. At the end of the day, the reason you do anything at all is because some emotion got you to think "Yeah that's ok".
Even accepting rational, logical reasoning comes after a feeling giving you the go ahead.
So you might be a rational thinker but you gotta understand the human body has limitations. You wouldn't even desire anything without emotions. Rather than setting the two apart, you can let your emotions flow in a direction you want them to. You're gonna feel conflicted until the two align.
Doc you're incredible man. I'm super glad those monks told you to become a doctor before becoming a monk. That monk or monk's that told you to walk this path actually had an effect in changing the world into a better place, isn't that interesting? So many synchronicities lately has me thinking differently about how fluid and intertwined this reality actually is. Every action we take has an effect on reality. But anyways thanks for what you do, you're a good dude!
Bro i don't know what you're smoking but give me some
@@razumikhim Was my comment really that complicated? You need to smoke you something to think deeply? If there is something specific you didn't understand id be happy to clarify. And I aint giving you anything you didn't pay for. Pay for your drugs like the rest of us!
Are you greek?
@@myrtila Yep.
@@ChristopherSideris1117 of course I was going to pay,that's why I asked to give me some
Also,no you don't have to smoke smth to think deeply but you have to smoke something to do it in a comments section.
I believe emotions are actually tied into your decision-making processes in the brain which is why emotions never entirely go away. I remember hearing a case study of someone with brain damage that significantly destroyed his ability to feel or experience emotions, they came to find that he had little ability to govern what actions he should take in any given situation or how to navigate relationships with other people. Seems logical to me but could be anecdotal evidence.
Man Dr. K is the best. He has helped me so much being stuck in this damn room. It has made a situation that could have sent me into the deep end something healing.
"if you're saying to yourself it's all you fault that also means that it's within your power to change it" thanks doc
Really like the take on external locus of control and how that can cast a safety net for us to maintain comfort at the sake of temporary relief from our own guilt and avoidance of blame. In my opinion, separating things in life into two categories, things you can control and things you cant, is a big step to focusing on what you actually can control and how you balance things in life.
Yes, thank you! We live in a society that supports toxicity unknowingly; people encourage people to just be themselves and while it is good to express your personality toxic behaviors are not a personality, but it's hard for some people to understand this and will continue denying that there's a problem that lies within themselves.
I'm happy that I was able to realize my own faults and am taking steps forward to being a better and more understanding person. While I do make mistakes, I take the time to try and understand why the other party was upset with what I did and clear up whoever is truly at fault. Sometimes it's myself, but sometimes it's the other individual. Admitting to your own faults is a hard pill to swallow, but it's truly rejuvenating when you fix your issues.
its hard to not be biased and make excuses. it is way easier to make excuses because then i don’t have to be hurt. i’m glad i have a s/o to vent and talk to about my problems, i try to use healthy conversation tactics with them and its very helpful with bettering myself by accepting my behavior and also realizing that its okay to feel an emotion
I had my own personal journey figuring this out (that the emotions are still there steering your 'logic')... and let me tell you, trying to "back-calc" what your underlying emotional state PROBABLY IS because of how your current thoughts compare to "your typical stream of consciousness" is fucking *exhausting* in real-time.
I found what I needed though (emotions are still low volume, sometimes I have to "look for them", but there THERE experientially in a way that was a struggle at best before), though it's very validating to have this all laid out like this =P
Incredible video. Totally called me out and I didn’t even realize he was calling me out until he double reverse called me out....
I had a coworker who would brag about his ability to argue. One day, we got I to an argument and I actually gasped when I realize how many logical fallacies he used. He was terrible at logical arguing, but could maneuver quickly as you describe here.
I realized this a few years ago when I was on acid. From then on I ventured to be more accepting of my emotions, with much success.
The beauty of this channel is that Dr. K points out and explains unpleasant behaviors in a very accepting and objective way. I’m sitting here thinking “Damn, I suck” but not in a bad way. More like in a “Damn, did I choose to suck?” kind of way
This is why one of my favorite sayings is "Temper emotion with logic."
You need both to navigate life and to usually look at larger pictures. Empathy as well as well thought out logic needs to work in tandem, rather than one extreme or the other that people usually lean into or promote.
A quote I found recently that describes why using logic as the main source of argument and decision makes us more divided goes like this: "The analytical mind is a great servant but a terrible master. Intellect is the power tool to our separateness. The intuitive compassionate heart is the doorway to our unity" -Ram Dass. Our society has a big problem of what you describe in this video and honest self reflection is definitely needed for us not to destroy ourselves.
I think I’ve definitely done the ‘hijacking my logical brain to come up with arguments rationalising my bad habits’ before. I fixed it by correcting my logical thinking so that it’s actually true and forces me to face the results of my actions
You are such a gift. We are all so lucky that you do this for the public. Keep at it my man, your mission is inspiring.
I cry easily in arguments I needed this video lol bc every single time I feel like my thoughts are invalidated just bc I show emotions easily and can't form words properly when I am pressed about something
With great RESPONSIBILITY, comes great POWER.
Taking extreme ownership (Jocko) felt scary at first, but ultimately, it has been liberating and a powerful tool to grow and achieve.
Alok “I know it sounds weird” Kanojia
The ability to have a calm debate without overly flared emotions is a skill of someone with both confidence and acceptance of people and their various views. Winning is not the point for them, developing a better understanding of truth is. Even if truth is both subjective and realistic.
Awesome episode, thank you! The part about toxic relationships and the common variable (me) really helps although it’s an uncomfortable truth. Am working on it^^ Cheers Dr. K and I can’t wait for the 18th to finally begin with your guide❤️
Nice profile pic my dude.
@@Kolapsoid thank you kind sir, yours is also pretty cool
That powerful ending tho: “if you tell yourself that it’s all your fault, it also means that it’s within your power to change it”. I had never seen it like that. It’s such an empowering phrase and it gives me a lot of hope ❤
I agree with that quote to an reasonable extent, it’s also important to recognize when something is out of your control and power. Blaming yourself for single problem is just as unhealthy as blaming the universe.
I took a practical logic in college. Most people are unable to reason if the results of that class are any indicator. Assumptions have two use, to prove a contradtiction exists or introduce a conditional.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH YOU HAVE HELPED ME Dr. K.
I am personally struggling with recovery from addiction that has destroyed big parts of my life. And your videos help me sleep at night while trying to stay sober.
I never really understood what my issue was though, you just perfectly described what I have been experiencing, but not understanding, for over half my life now (27).
When one rationalizes, they are convincing themselves to believe the ‘rational lies’ created in the mind…
As someone with alexithymia, it took me a long time to accept that I not only experience emotions but am HIGHLY emotional. I lack emotional regulation from ADHD and autism. So, I am unaware of when emotion is being triggered by the circumstances or when it is affecting my thoughts and actions (making me believe I was more rational than offers) until the intensity is so much that I meltdown, unable to catch myself before I am overwhelmed, crying, and incapable of calming down and thinking clearly.
I either cannot tell when I'm experiencing emotions (lack of awareness) or cannot identify what I am feeling when I can physically sense I am experiencing something (unable to name). I'm learning how to pick up the physiological sensations of emotions and deducing what I may be feeling based on the sensations and circumstances, so that I can make informed and beneficial actions.
Great video Dr.K! I’ve been procrastinating on studying for an exam and this video made me recognize my fear if failure. Thank you!