Frank Yeomans: Understanding the BPD Mind

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 ธ.ค. 2024

ความคิดเห็น • 64

  • @mtnscubagirl1
    @mtnscubagirl1 14 ปีที่แล้ว +87

    As someone who has lived with and is recovering from BPD I find this information to be extremely truthful. I do set very high standards for myself and others around me. It's taken me years to allow myself to not be perfect to accept myself when I am having a bad day or struggling with depression or trouble regulation my emotions. The term I've heard over and over again is "Be gentle to yourself."

    • @chaostheory16
      @chaostheory16 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      mtnscubagirl1 this also sounds like vulnerable narcissism, with which some bpd have comorbidity.

    • @nietzschesmuse
      @nietzschesmuse 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Thank you for this I have the exact same issues.

    • @barcodekilla1138
      @barcodekilla1138 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      You cant recover from bpd you just get used to live with it

    • @Lyrehc-Soul-Healing
      @Lyrehc-Soul-Healing 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      ​@barcodekilla1138 I don't think that's true. People once believed certain things were impossible and then they proved that was not correct after

  • @teddmented
    @teddmented ปีที่แล้ว +19

    A loving parent will gently address a child’s mistakes and continue to love them. A disordered parent will punish for mistakes and withhold affection. It makes perfect sense that the child will internalize that in their psyche.

  • @bryanw9840
    @bryanw9840 5 ปีที่แล้ว +17

    Love this guy. Wish he was my therapist.

  • @farangisehsani592
    @farangisehsani592 2 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    I have such a crush in this man due to his intelligence, gentleness and dedication.

    • @mag.larobis
      @mag.larobis 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      true but he is like eighty and probably married 😹

  • @JoanneCamp1
    @JoanneCamp1 9 ปีที่แล้ว +33

    I wish my mum would watch these videos, she's in denial about my disorder and it frustrates me so much.

  • @airdutemps8363
    @airdutemps8363 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    10 years of seeking for help here and getting told there was something wrong with my brain hormones, that I couldn't feel happyness and all that jazz... that's what I needed to hear TYSM 🙏

  • @GentleJungle
    @GentleJungle 13 ปีที่แล้ว +15

    Amazing. What an extremely perceptive and well spoken man.
    I think nearly all humans go through these emotions on varying degrees in their lifetimes. Some worse than others.
    Our bodies are linked with our mental and physical environments. Like the Hebbian theory, "Cells that fire together, wire together." I really like how Yeoman explains how to help yourself to think outside your unhappy box, in such a safe and controlled way. :)

  • @katkatkatkat463
    @katkatkatkat463 4 ปีที่แล้ว +17

    “[the internal standard is] nice to aspire to, but you don’t have to be it all the time to feel like your deserve to exist”... omg I need to hear that. Fact is most people with BPD had a childhood where they routinely received the message “you do not deserve to exist,” and we just want so badly to feel like we do.

  • @thefletchlife7837
    @thefletchlife7837 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I was married to a woman who was diognosed with BPD/ADHD post divorce following 14 years of marriage. This is a profound interview.

  • @JenniferAhmed
    @JenniferAhmed 10 ปีที่แล้ว +13

    Very accurate description when trying to explain a part of BPD. Great video.

  • @user-wz4xe8xc3n
    @user-wz4xe8xc3n 6 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    It's so so important to hear the excellent profesional help confronting the hipersensible person emotional point of view of her feelings. It help a lot of us.

  • @martinlocante
    @martinlocante 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Wonderful, thank you

  • @elv9216
    @elv9216 8 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Very insightful. Thank you for posting this video!

  • @RasheedahNizam
    @RasheedahNizam 2 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    People who deal with BPD need to be aware of the all-or-nothing mindset that Dr talks about here because it prevents them and the people in their life from finding happiness. For example, a lot of BPD people love the film Under the Tuscan Sun. No shade on that film, but it is a common fantasy for BPD folks to fantasize about a vacation and think that everything will go perfectly and that they will meet the love of their life and have that perfect kiss with the backdrop of a Mediterranean sunset or a night city skyline filled with fireworks. This just doesn't happen in real life. In real life you will go on that cruise, do the limbo, drink some colourful drinks, *maybe* make one or two friends who you stay on contact with after the cruise, and you'll return home with a tan and some cute tacky souvenirs. Enjoy things for what they are. Once you know that you have this tendency to build up stuff in your head, you can have a trusted friend or therapist to keep those fantasies in check. And my advice is to not make plans for fun things too far in advance. It's ok to set aside vacation time but don't start to plan the destination until right before. And day/weekend trips tend to be much more enjoyable for those with BPD for this reason. They don't have time to build scenarios in their heads. Just hit the road and whatever happens happens. Once, when we were leaving for a vacation, a family member told me that they told their boss to not expect them to return to work since they might meet the love of their life on this trip and not return. That was one of the many fantasies that did not materialize, so while everyone else had a good time due to proper expectation setting, this person ended the trip in despair. Not exactly the way you want to feel when it's time to return to the grind of 9-5.

  • @tonoornottono
    @tonoornottono 2 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    does the camera operator for this video usually get gigs on helicopter rigs?

  • @123-g8z8c
    @123-g8z8c หลายเดือนก่อน

    who tf thought this would be a good way to film this... respect this man lol

  • @Star-dj1kw
    @Star-dj1kw 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Terrific video

  • @eppie7788
    @eppie7788 13 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Audible for both~ Explanation is professional~ Listenable~

  • @edgreen8140
    @edgreen8140 3 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    Sometimes I think that all or nothing ; this split comes from having an extremely narcissistic parent which was internalized.

  • @suryaananda108
    @suryaananda108 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I was partially diagnosed with BPD by one doctor; but with my ADD I just now found it hard to follow this lol. Did just tho. Good points

  • @AM-cf6fx
    @AM-cf6fx 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    One of the best.

  • @charlesbromberick4247
    @charlesbromberick4247 4 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    The perfect is the enemy of the good.

  • @SuperAnimalDrummer
    @SuperAnimalDrummer 13 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    @ChicagoFusion There is a treatment, and that "Brilliant therapist" is Marsha Linehan. It's called DBT, or dialectical behavioral therapy, and has been shown to be quite effective for those suffering from BPD and acute suicidal ideation. You obviously have your own personal issues with borderlines in general, which is completely ridiculous, but for those suffering, there is hope.

  • @nancywysemen7196
    @nancywysemen7196 ปีที่แล้ว

    makes sense. not pleasant to remember tough rules. wonderful to live loose. amazing to step on average ladder,a round,well lite life plane.

  • @Quadster19
    @Quadster19 หลายเดือนก่อน

    It's theorized this is the case with ADHD as well. That it's not necessarily a dysfunction but more related to times of hunter gatherer societies.

  • @sapiens7m.s.p857
    @sapiens7m.s.p857 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    When I was 18 I tried to take a path of sanctity and I hated myself so deeply because I couldn´t meet the standard. Deep down, I think, I´ve demanded myself to be god, I´ve fantasized it many times, sometimes because of the power, but most of the time because of perfection, cognitive, moral, and aesthetic. Instead, as hurtful as it is, I´m pathetic. Even now, at 26 years old, it hurts me to find out I have been wrong, that everyone else has been living in a fulfilling way, people I have dismissed as stupid prove me wrong every time. It just hurts me so much, as if I have wasted my life. Nonetheless, despite I know some of this, I resist change, I don´t believe, or I don't want to. It's hard to accept that I've learned something from Dr. Yeomans because that implies he knows something I don´t. Rather my emotional self considers death. At least writing this comment helped me a bit.

    • @gab31282
      @gab31282 ปีที่แล้ว

      Sounds more like you have symptoms of NPD.

  • @brandylaukaitis5920
    @brandylaukaitis5920 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I completely & totally disagree with the good Doctor as both a person who has been challenged by untreated & often misdiagnosed BPD for nearly 40 years now & as a future Social Worker (with a focus on addictions). I will admit that I am fairly new to getting 'official' treatment, I have been on a path of self-discovery/attempted recovery for the last 30 years. At one point I may have considered myself a 'perfectionist' (sort of.... in messed up ways), but since I got sober a decade ago, I've let go of the 'I should'ves" & the 'if onlys" a long time ago.....

  • @rmcd823
    @rmcd823 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I am so glad I dont need to know more about this disorder. It’s already thought without it.

  • @lookingjust987654321
    @lookingjust987654321 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    explain how this doesnt result in video game watching weed smoking? We want to achieve something, why do therapists ignore goal orientation? Keeps ya coming back tho huh? (after all what did they achieve except getting you to come back with no metrics of results?)

  • @ightwoman
    @ightwoman 12 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Hi Karen, I made a desultory search for you on FB but find there are many many, Karen Bowmans... I do in fact have a diagnosis of BPD and am open to email or chat.
    Sydney Evans (also on FB)

  • @pauldaniels2179
    @pauldaniels2179 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    At the beginning she is trying to explain two thaughts at the same time.

    • @bigtombowski
      @bigtombowski 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      You (& Debbie) could make one of them disappear

    • @pauldaniels2179
      @pauldaniels2179 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@bigtombowski
      What are you talking about lol ?

    • @bigtombowski
      @bigtombowski 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@pauldaniels2179 you not aware of Paul Daniels?

    • @bigtombowski
      @bigtombowski 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@pauldaniels2179 you'd like him. Notalot

  • @claudiakayla7097
    @claudiakayla7097 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    to all people reading this comment i have borderline personality disorder and i feel like im always being judged and everone is the enemy throughout my perceptions i just want everyone who suffers from this condition to always believe in yourself self esteem, and pride :-), my neighbour screamed at me next door once but we moved now he said she is the problem she needs to leave and it made me so angry,

  • @christophermcneela4493
    @christophermcneela4493 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    pwBPD have very high ego ideals. Eg, you only have value in this area if you are extremely exceptional at it. This hides the opposite: insecurity. If you perform exceptionally in one area, there is likely an equal and opposite somewhere else in your psychology. You must be superb here the top the best because you feel awful in some other area. So the first is a defense against feeling the feelings of the second. Greatness or extreme strength or competence in one domain conceals a sense of weakness, inadequacy, or insecurity in a different area. The latter is your shadow.

  • @RubyTheCloser
    @RubyTheCloser 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    😭

  • @unowhatireallysaid
    @unowhatireallysaid 13 ปีที่แล้ว

    Who hacked my youtube? I shared this video with no one. Nor would I.

  • @bellakrinkle9381
    @bellakrinkle9381 7 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Those with BPD have chosen to put themselves into a tiny box and then thrown away the key. Now what is in the box...self glorified perfection or self proclaimed self loathing?

    • @youceffarag-alla7926
      @youceffarag-alla7926 6 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      chosen? like, take responsibility for the actions? or like chosen to become borderline? i am a bit confused my english is not so good sorry

    • @drina4706
      @drina4706 6 ปีที่แล้ว +23

      Ummm, no. People with BPD didn't choose BPD; it was "forced" on them through childhood trauma of some kind. BPD people have family members who put them in this box you talk of. And until they open their eyes through therapy they don't know anything else.

    • @carlosandres7006
      @carlosandres7006 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Yeah sure you chose being a regular person? No you didn't buy you like to think so because you can take pride in your privilege

  • @FordMuztang
    @FordMuztang 12 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    ACT for borderlines

  • @antiochiaadtaurum3786
    @antiochiaadtaurum3786 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    He misses the point of the emotions he speaks of.

  • @mentalitydesignvideo
    @mentalitydesignvideo 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    "how to become a mediocrity and live a life indistinguishable from that of a potted plant"

  • @Painnnnful
    @Painnnnful 14 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    She is not acting well.

  • @natatattful
    @natatattful 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    This guy is problematic af