My throwed off self had to learn almost everything the hard way! I didn't want anyone telling me anything. Now.....Child please....give me the cheat codes. 😂
I've learned the power of moving in silence. I don't need to share all my life goals with people. Some won't see your vision, others may flat out discourage you. I just make a plan and go for it. It's been amazing!!!
@@apara2005 I don’t give people the benefit of the doubt anymore. Too many hard lessons learned. I don’t even start people on neutral anymore. I look at them sideways from the jump.
This right here. It’s so hard for me to cheer on BS, toxicity, manipulation, etc. maybe I just need to tell them to find someone else to talk to about it
@@thinkingoutloud3358 Yup. I had someone tell me, you're supposed to be my friend and support my decisions. I was like even the stupid, toxic ones? Never heard from her again
Learned that one early. Cut those members off at 23...I’m 23. Now all of a sudden they miss me, love me and are worried. Oh but you didn’t love me when I was local (in my eminem voice). Just made me miserable nah bye
This right here! I learnt the hardest way. My best kept "work" secret is that I live opposite my work place. People just be dropping by randomly on your day off on their lunch break or worse, expecting for you to go open up or close up!
Yup! Co-workers too. I learned the hard way that if you help someone too often they will hate you the day you refuse to help them.. they will feel entitled to your time. Help someone once then show them how to do it themselves.
Experience & knowledge can be your worst enemy, I know. I took on so many responsibilities I didn't get paid for. That's one of the reasons I retired early and took undocumented knowledge with me. 🥰
@@sugadip1 I did allot of jobs for my CS dept. This one time I was really busy and couldn't this time. Her: I bake you goodies all the time. Me: I didn't ask you to do that, you did that on your own. That just let me know were she coming from. They contracted it out after that. 🤣🤣
I had to learn the hard way not to dim my light to make others feel better about themselves. If a person doesn't like you they won't like you no matter how dim or bright your light shines.
GIRL!!! I learned the hard way that just because I have integrity, loyalty, & trustworthiness does NOT mean other folk do!! I keeps to myself cuz people out here lying & trashy.
I had to learn: 1. To be my FIRST choice and that's NOT being selfish! 2. People really CAN steal your joy! 3. To be intentional about being with people like me in close intimate relationships. 4. DON'T tell people all the moves you're making to better yourself UNLESS they've shown they're on the same journey with you. 5. People WILL pray for your demise. 6. Absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder and sometimes knowing someone a long time doesn't mean they're meant to stay there any longer. An every last one of these lessons hurt me deeply to learn...
Never ever tell anyone when you come into money, you think family is your support system but they are either jealous dragons or dangerous vultures. Write yourself a letter read it and burn it. That’s all the telling you need.
Yeeeeessssss!!!! Preach!!!! I told my family members I was saving money to buy a house and now everytime their bank acct is empty and they need rescur they wanna come to me for rescue! 😠 in my hardships I can never count on anyone but myself. So everything you said here is spot on! 👏
Some of the things (tenet)learned/learning: 1. Don't expect the same attitude, gratitude, generosity from anyone. 2. Charity starts at home and so should your business. 3. Stay True to yourself (if you do this most people won't like the authencity so they cancel themselves out). 4. Do not overshare, overthink, over-compensate. 5. Suppression and Avoidance = Depression 6. Inclusion and diversity differ from work standards (everyone is not welcome, nor do they share your beliefs, they can't ride with you nor will they grow with you). Some things are just for you and you alone. Unfortunately, I am just now applying all of these items 😕.
I had to learn the hard way that when you put others first, folks start jumping in line in front of you. They will see it, and the word spreads. "Ask her. She'll do it for you. She will give it to you. She'll drop everything to get it done." Then, they feel entitled to put you last. Real talk.
@@blackbutterfly8338 *They* are not the only bullet if you are trying to FORCE something. Other people are not always the problem. It is [also] about what *you* could do better was the whole point of the video.
GUILTY as charged!!! Being from the country AND the Midwest, I am an chronic OVERSHARER. When the conversation is over, I realize they know everything about me but I still don't know a thing about them.
I think it *is* a Midwesterner thing. I had to unlearn that behavior. And a woman thing. As women, I feel like we are taught to answer everything basked if us and then it's in our nature to share details
I've never had a problem with talking too much or telling my personal business but these are the things I've learned the hard way: 1) No good deed goes unpunished. 2) I cannot live under the same roof with my mother. 3) I am not cut out for kids. 4) There is no such thing as a real friend. 5) To stop crossing oceans for people who won't cross puddles for me. 6) Anyone can be jealous of you. 7) Listen to what people DO rather than what they SAY.
Number 5 I definitely learned the hard way it was an eye opener but it taught me a hell of alot not solely about others but myself and thats key for sure
For me, it was that my pride in my "work ethic" is not worth more than my time with my family. I was so into being dependable at work, being the one they could count on in a pinch, that I missed out on some precious time that I'm never going to get now. You can bet I got my priorities straight now, though
I have learned to not even give sensitive information to that so-called “bestie” . Sometimes they use that information and throw it back in your face when they are upset with you.
Big Ole facts. My last so-called "bestie", completely unprovoked, spread some very sensitive info about me to our friends and co-workers. It came back to me from two different sources and I was humiliated and devastated. NEVER. AGAIN.
I learned that even your friends are not your friends, and you can't call everyone your friend. Give people their proper titles: coworker, aquaintance, cousin, sister, brother etc. I learned not to expect me from people. People are built different and grew up different.
I had to learn the hard way that it aint always about me! My feelings would get so easily hurt when people would "act funny" with me when I know I didn't do anything to them. Everybody is struggling with something. So in freeing them I freed myself from trying to be oh so nice/happy go lucky to everyone even when I was in the midst of deep depression. I allow myself to be and I allow others to be as well.
24 years old here and at my second job. I’ve learned that even if you are genuinely kind and helpful, you need to WHEN to be kind and helpful or that job WILL take advantage of you.
I learned the hard way that EVERYBODY won't be happy about your good news. It don't care if its a new car or someone gifting you something small or big. DON'T LET IT BE MONEY. I don't care if its $2 for the vending machine. Sidenote: COME ON THRU STIFF ARM BOUNCE!!
By 22/23 (I'm 26 now), I made peace with the fact that I'm not going to be the reach-out friend or family member. If they wanted me in their life, they'd have reached out to me at least once. It's perfectly okay to outgrow relationships. Also, I completely stop interacting with someone trying to gaslight me even if they're not understanding that that's what they're doing. I'm not about to sit here and let you think you can manipulate me into believing I'm crazy and guilty. Aht Aht!
I was brand new in an office when the 4 ladies there seemed to all get along, work well together, all that. Chile, let one of them get up and go to the bathroom or the copier...they talked about the other one like a dog. As a young person, I was left with a HORRIBLE example of women in the work force. But it taught me how to shut my mouth and mind my own business!
I learned the hard way that don’t nobody owe you nothing so stop expecting them to help. If they do cool if not keep pushing and growing. I learned and now have less headache.
Learned the hard way to stop pouring more into others than I do myself. Hardly ever is appreciated anyway. Most things discussed in this video I've learned the hard way too.
@@telesamorrison2238 sadly this is so true. In my case I have a bad habit of overextending myself to certain "friends" but learning the hard way to grow out of such habits.
The biggest lesson that I have learned (in my 50 years) is to pick and choose my battles. Learning when to use my voice and similarly to you EJ, just learning to shut up is valuable. Letting stuff go has been a hard one but gets easier the more I do it.
👏🏾👏🏾 come on sis, this the one. I'm learning to choose when to be quiet as well and sometimes it doesn't go as planned but in those moments when it does 🙂. Just smile and wave
Don’t let everybody come to your house. People be going back telling what all you got or don’t got. And baby I just said yesterday on my job that you don’t know everything I know how to do because you don’t pay me for my skills.
I learned the hard way to stop being so accommodating. I've bent over backwards for blood relatives, significant others, and "best friends," but the moment I needed somebody, it was ghost town. It's the people you least expect that show up and support. I also learned that it's OKAY to be sought after and taken care of every once in a while.
I completely agree with keeping things about your relationship private. I grew up watching my mom and her sisters complain about their husbands to my grandmother, and my grandmother hated all of her sons in law. Then my aunts and mom would be upset that my grandmother wasn't nicer to them. She didn't love them the way that they did and she wasn't as quick to forgive every little thing. So from the very start I decided that I would not discuss any marital issues with my family.
Yes! I totally agree. I don't tell my family except my younger sister anything about my relationship. I know too much about my siblings' relationships.
Completely Agree. If I told my mama everything, she'd tell my daddy and he goin be ready to fight. I'ma get over it, maybe I was just hungry at the time, but my daddy ain't getting over shit 😂😂😂😂😂
Everyone kept telling me I was lonely; I wasn't. I rushed into a relationship that, had I believed myself instead of others, likely would not have happened and saved me a couple thousand dollars... 🙄 so yea, I worry ‘bout myself now. I am alone, not lonely.
People really don’t understand there is a difference between “I’m alone” and “I’m lonely.” Not everyone needs a million people around them at every second of every day. I’m good on my own. I like myself 😂
For me alone time is not only something I look forward to, but also completely necessary for my sanity and to those who are around me. I’m not very pleasant to be around if I don’t get quiet time to myself. People get on my nerves simply because they’re in my presence. I get annoyed... it could be the menopausal hormones but if I can’t be quiet and have time to decompress I get very irritable....at that point I can barely stand to be around myself at times. I get on my own nerves... lol....for real tho...there’s so many other things that’s worse than being alone.
Recently quit my job with coworkers I never hung out with. Shortly after, I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism. I didn't tell anyone I worked with but they all were texting me to "check up on me" since they heard I quit. I made the mistake of telling my business to one coworker to I used to travel to work with. She claims she was going to knock on my door cuz she didn't know what happened. I opened up to her and haven't heard from her since. The other coworkers also stopped texting right after I spoke with her. I should've just told her I found a new job and kept it moving. Lesson learned.
I don’t reveal anything to people other than my daughter because my father always told me to keep my personal business to myself. I’ve seen people have to leave jobs and relationships because of a conversation with the wrong person.
Learned the hard way: -Don't rush up behind a car that _should_ be going through a yellow light because you also want to get through the light. Because some people like to _stop_ on yellow. -Don't permanently injure your jaw eating Butter Toffee Peanuts. -Don't be holding a cat when there is a little toddler nearby and a metal fence that can be rattled. -Don't forget to either bring or wear shoes when leaving for a camping trip. -Don't sew over pins, even though you really want to. -Don't buy clothes just because "it's marked down 90% - how can I NOT buy it??"
A lot of people don't care about you the way that you think they do. I used to try to get along with people, only to have them be cool with me one day then act like they didn't know me the next day.
One thing I learned the hard way : people won’t show up for you the way you show up for them. I’m Johnny on the spot for everybody. I’m learning to sit down somewhere!
For me, it’s forgiveness. Learning to truly forgive either myself for certain choices I made or someone else for something negative towards my well being. To let go and forgive is not easy. No ma’am.
The 1st thing that comes to mind is that Not all your Friends will remain your Friends, no matter if you grew up together, went through good and bad things together etc. I've always kept a small circle anyway but as I have gotten older, that circle ⭕ turned into more of a dash - 😂😂 Sad but true!
@@PrettyINCs I was too broke to live on campus and experience the roommate situation. Once I leave my parent’s house, no way in hell I’m gonna get a roommate…might as well stay home until I save enough to stand on my own too feet.
Things I learned the hard way: 1) Potential is just that. Doesn’t mean that person is going to actually do anything with it. 2) Some conversations only require an “is that right”. 3) Don’t always expect people to give the same energy you have. It is what it is. Don’t like it, then leave it alone. 4) Honesty is just an opinion, the truth isn’t always absolute. Folks can really bend some things. Keep your face out of people’s affairs especially if the deal backwards. 5) Don’t let folks who didn’t wake you up that morning ruin your day. I got a whole lot more but ain’t nobody got time for that.
@@dianamitchell2888 There’s already a book for it. I happened to not read it with understanding until I became grown and had to admit to myself I could’ve done things better. Wisdom is something ain’t it.
It's ok to be by yourself. Need to vent - tell it to God. He already knows the issue, has the answer and you know for sure it won't be repeated. Family or not people are gonna be people and God's gonna be God.
Learning to love myself authentically and giving myself structure or else i will procrastinate and be lazy and then fall into a sad puddle of emotions because i know i could be be doing better
When she said "folks will kill you"... I felt that! EJ spoke NO LIES!!!!!!! DEFINITELY keep that mouth shut pertaining to your marriage! There is a reason that God says to guard your heart. I, LITERALLY, encountered the repercussions of opening my big mouth today. Told a coworker that I was going to let my boss know that I was resigning today when she gets in. WHYYYYYYYYY did she tell her before I could?! Oh, baby... I didn't see it coming and I most certainly learned with a solid lesson today that not everybody (no matter how "sweet") should be privy to all of my information. #LessonLearned
That it is ok to put distance between yourself and family. Taking care of yourself and your sanity should priority and if being around family is a trigger....it is ok to not come around.
I learned the hard way that no matter how well you think you know someone, how long you've known them, how deep your conversations have been, etc... it does not mean they are your friend. I've learned to not throw the term "friend" around so loosely.
I don’t even use the term friend anymore. I have people I’m cool with, people I hang out with, and people I speak too. I don’t let the different groups mingle together either. That way when I stop talking to one, I’m still good with the others with no issues and no one trying to “mediate.”
A big one for me is: Everybody will not be happy for you when you share how God has blessed you...sooooo, I've learned, if I say anything, to hold back all the particulars about my blessings. And I find that so sad you can't just be happy for someone else🙄😳🙏🏽
Something I learned the hard way: If I am here, there, and everywhere for everyone else, then I have no energy or time left for myself. Saying ‘No’ is healthy.
My personal circle is small. During a weak moment,I told someone something extremely personal. To this day everytime she calls me,she wants to hear about the personal stuff,the mess. Sometimes I test her and chatter about everything except that topic so much so that she can't stand it and she will interrupt me & ask about it. My next step is to apologize to her for bothering her with my problem and inform her that I won't be discussing it again with her. That way I can ensure that she stops calling me 😂
1. Credit cards are NOT free money. 2. Don’t tag your friend who’s in a relationship but is hanging out with you at the club. 3. Don’t get smart with the micromanaging manager who later got promoted to Director of the company’s Retirement Program 4. Never volunteer to do the dishes as part of paying reduced rent. 5. Pay your bills BEFORE going on your international trip.
I had to learn that everyone acting like they’re concerned for you are not really concerned. They are watching your life like it’s a sitcom, for entertainment purposes! My best friend from high school just got different when we became fully grown. First, when I got married, whenever she heard my husband’s voice, she’d suddenly say, “ well, Iet me go before he gets mad”. I didn’t know where that was coming from, but I didn’t make it no better. I’d say, okay talk to you later. That was the beginning of a lot of nonsense. Ten years ago I realized that we had not been friends for real since high school and my kids are out of high school now, enough of this.
Those first four sentences are God's word fore in 2021.i thought people cared and were calling me coz I was unemployed to see how I was doing. Turns out they were calling to see if I'm still in misery. They got high off knowing I was at a stage in my life where I was a bit stuck.i come from a well to do family. And God showed me real quick. These people have being waiting for the day me and my family would go through problems.. Now that they're up and family is struggling a bit.. They start calling in the name of "caring". But GOD!!! Made sure I was in the right place and I eavesdropped on a Convo that showed me the people i told my problems to were not my confidants..they liked that I had problems . people want to see you do good but never better than them.i cut them all off after that and God began to bless life and bring favors into my life
@@jujubean9598 You are telling my Story! My parents did well and I found out that some people were really happy to see me go through stuff as a adult. Everything from health issues to the end of my first marriage. That “Misery Loves Company” is one of the truest things ever said.
I learned this one too, that friend that ain't never around, or excited for good news. But, checking in everyday and needing to talk when your life is in shambles. Y'all calling cause you love hearing that I hate my job, got dumped, dog run away, and car not working.
I don't get what you said. Why would it bother you that she would say "better if I go so your husband don't get mad"??? Are you saying that they were having an affair or what? If not, i don't see how what she said was bad.
-What I learned the hard way is always cutting people off for simple petty issues because as I got older, I saw how hard it is to make friends and how much loneliness sucks. -It pays to learn how to manage your money and avoid over spending. -Never laugh at sickness at any point in time. -If something seem too good to be true, then it isn't true.
It depends on what you mean by “simple Perry issues” . People treat us how we let them. Give them an inch they’ll take a mile. If they show u who they are then believe them .
I learned the same lesson in college. Cut everybody off and sat in the house lonely for 9 months because they went to ruby Tuesday without me one time! How silly, I would much rather see the people I loved sometimes than not at all.
Two things-Don’t tell the world about major things in the works. New jobs, new houses, new cars,pregnancy (for a few months) etc.Wait until everything has passed and set in stone. Second, keep your relationships as private as possible in the beginning. Give it a while before telling the world.
I have learned not to offer any opinions when people are venting about their toxic friends, partners, loved ones, etc. When they choose to get back tight with the ones they were complaining about, I don’t want anything negative that I said to come up in those reconciliation conversations. 🙅🏾♀️🤐
life issues... but I try not to say.. girl if I were you, I would have done this...type of stuff. I try to comfort not judge the person. But.. sometimes stuff still gets mis interpreted!!!
@@michellec.4994 yup! I’m not responsible for the interpretation or misinterpretation. But at least my silence won’t ever be misquoted even if it’s misunderstood. 🤐
@@noirnrougenuit9188 Thank you! I try my best to learn from my mistakes (like talking to much as a youth lol)! I’d rather be the person that listens when someone tells me there’s a brick wall up ahead than hitting it head on because I just had to see for myself! 😩
I learned several things over time: *People are not going to always going to treat you the way you treat them *You do not have to be friends with your co-workers *Do not let single women hang out with your married husband (now ex) *No exercise+daily intake of butter rich everything= me times 3 *If you don’t check your oil in your car you will eventually blow your engine *That paying your bills and getting to work on time is very beneficial
You better preach!! I learned that everyone is not rooting for me neither does everyone wants me to succeed. I share very little with people including family. If you are not in my tight circle, you get nothing!!!
I second all this. I had to come to the realization that if I tell someone something I might hear it again and am I ok with that, if not I need to keep my mouth shut.
My sister died a few years ago and we had to switch off her life support which was the hardest thing our family ever had to do. We prayed hard for her recovery but there wasn’t anything the doctors could do and we let her go to stop her suffering 😭. At her funeral, another family member was comforting me and they shared their experience where their sibling was to be taken off life support and they prayed hard and their loved one actually survived…. Now I appreciate the attempt to comfort me BUT…..sharing with me their similar experience that had a different outcome was so insensitive and tone deaf, quite frankly I wanted to punch his lights out!! I know what he was trying to do but it fell flat with me and I will never forget that conversation!
That you can't make a grown man do anything. My child's father was raised in a single parent home and I never thought he would put his own child through that. I was wrong. I stand corrected.
Yup. Learn this the hard way in my teens. People will use your story against you. I don't tell anyone anything 🤫. If your past is causing you distress, go to a therapist, it would lead to a more healthy outcome ❤.
I've Learned the hard way that I need to remain a "vault." I hate to be misquoted, and I hate to have my words misconstrued 😒. I learned that when you shut your trap, the less drama you have to deal with-✌🏾️
This hit so close to home. I experienced two different instances with two different friends about keeping my mouth shut around them. I truly thought they were my best and closest friends. During some chronic health issues one just turned on me and said you talk too much about your illness and I’m sick of hearing about it. I’ve never discussed my illness around her or anything else since then. I’ve always kept it light & cute and she’s come back to me several times telling me she regrets what she said etc. Naw, you said the truth when you said it and I believe you. The other one I was talking about my relationship with her and she burned me in the same way. I stopped talking to her for a little bit, but we started talking again. Now she asks about this and asking about that. I’ll just tell her I’d rather discuss something else. She pulls this sad face and sounds so disappointed, but baby, this is what you wanted. This is what you asked for.
I learned just because someone is telling you their personal situations, I don’t need to tell them mine. A lot of times people “share” to get you open. That’s a nosy people strategy!
I learned the very hard way that I shouldn't sacrifice important things for a boyfriend (or any significant other), especially when my gut feeling is that I should do the thing. Mine was a very cool and big internship, in an institution where I could have had a beautiful opportunities. I refused it after days of whining, screams and emotional blackmail from my then boyfriend, who didn't want me to keep living 2 hours away from him. He dumped me three months after that, when I had moved in with him. Yeah, I learned my lesson.
Complaining about work to a new co-worker. Did this and lost my job position. This person ending up snitching on so many people to move up. Saw several people exit in just a short time frame.
I think the problem is that most of us don't know when someone is talking to vent, or to get help. People have a hard time reading the room & may say to much trying to be helpful.
I'm just the opposite. People tell me their stories but I NEVER tell people my business or my life journey. I've always had the mindset that you have to earn my journey or story. I'm not just going to volunteer that information. I'm a VERY PRIVATE person.
I had to learn not to be soo helpful to everyone. I wanna see ppl win, but I've noticed ppl have taken advantage and I would put myself on the back burner.
Yes, Ma’am! I had to learn it!Everybody don’t want to be taught how to fish…they just want you to catch it for them. It’s okay to need help, as long as you’re doing all that you can to help yourself. Until then, I can’t help you. I can only pray for you.
I had to learn the hard way that I was fireable and it motivated me to think more deeply about where I work and what I do, and that being buddy buddy with my co-workers was not necessarily what is good for me and my career vs making sure I know how to do good work & impress the people who matter (rather than just being known for being sociable)
Learned - Other people BS is fu.... draining. Stop talking to me about the same ol job, man, kids, etc. Now, protecting my mental health by any means necessary and the word NO is my bestfriend PERIOD💯💯💯
I got accused of being inauthentic because I was guarded. I had a "friend" that always wanted to know my life which made me guarded. Long story short we got close and became "friends" but I always felt funny about her. Anyways, I decided it was just in my head. After getting close to her, she was in my business and hid everything about herself from me and then eventually stopped talking to me. I have learned a lot of stuff and I am just learning to be ok with me having my own back and being my own best friend.
Growing up I felt like I never really had anyone hear me out when I wanted to vent so when it finally started happening, to say I would over share would be an understatement. Now? I keep my mouth shut. Learnt the hard way.
I learned sometimes you have to love folk from across the street. I also learned some folks belong in the balcony not the front row. God bless you ABUNDANTLY!
I also learned that just because we say we love each other some people have not read the meaning of that word from Webster they wrote their own. So I give them surface nothing that could cost me.
Ive learned in the last year the power of silence and picking your battles. Everyone doesn't need to know my goals or every thing i have been doing. Silence is peace and i believe it prevents unnecessary spirits from lathcing on. I keep my goals, money, and relationships in the vault.
My throwed off self had to learn almost everything the hard way! I didn't want anyone telling me anything. Now.....Child please....give me the cheat codes. 😂
🤣🤣🤣 I know that’s right!
Nawl. Blueprints. I hear ya though. I'm still learning, Just Ask Me.
Same here dwl
😂😂😂
Okay me 2 girl... Most High said his knowledge comes the hard way...Im guessing that's why I'm 37 and feel like I'm talking to robots amongst my peers
I had to learn that my "response" was NOT required on EVERY conversation I listened to. #ShutMyMouf
This one at work, if they didn't speak directly to me. I'll be nice and quiet.
That’s Absolute 💯
This!
This is the one!!!!!
PREACHHHHHHHHHHHH! 💯
I've learned the power of moving in silence. I don't need to share all my life goals with people. Some won't see your vision, others may flat out discourage you. I just make a plan and go for it. It's been amazing!!!
Yes!!! This is my current practice especially when it involves my career and coworkers
This! Every one doesn't need to know. Only God & Pinky and the Brain know my plans.
@@marieshane125 "What we gonna do today, Brain? Same thing we do every day, Pinky... try to take over the world!" 🐭🐁
Never reveal your hand to those who don't mean you well...👏🏾
@@themaggattack Lololol Exactly!!!
If a person shows you who they are, believe them - Maya Angelo. I don’t know why I thought she was lying but I learned the hard way.
This is a lesson I struggle with. I give people the benefit of the doubt too much. It ALWAYS back fires. One day I'll learn!
I no that feeling I try to treat people like I want to be treated but 8 times out of 10 it backfires on me .an people lie
My favorite go to saying, factsssss 👏🏾👏🏾
@@ritasmallwood4193 no lies was told here, we have got to stop doing that, never ends in our favor sadly 😔
@@apara2005 I don’t give people the benefit of the doubt anymore. Too many hard lessons learned. I don’t even start people on neutral anymore. I look at them sideways from the jump.
Not everyone who asks for advice wants to hear it. They want a cheerleader not advice.
Yes! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
This right here. It’s so hard for me to cheer on BS, toxicity, manipulation, etc. maybe I just need to tell them to find someone else to talk to about it
@@thinkingoutloud3358 Yup. I had someone tell me, you're supposed to be my friend and support my decisions. I was like even the stupid, toxic ones? Never heard from her again
@@greent16 😂😝
I call those "Ask-holes" lol
Breaking the cycle of accepting toxic and dysfunctional behavior from your “family” 🙅🏽♀️
Relate so hard sis😵💫finally cementing boundaries so I don’t feel so drained interacting with them anymore
Girl yes 👏🏾 And when you challenge them on that behavior they act stuck. We're too old for the foolishness and they know they be in the wrong.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾💯
Learned that one early. Cut those members off at 23...I’m 23. Now all of a sudden they miss me, love me and are worried. Oh but you didn’t love me when I was local (in my eminem voice). Just made me miserable nah bye
Ooweee yes, family will run you into the ground quicker than you can get some sense and realize it
You are so right: your boss doesn’t need to know ALL of your skills unless you are getting paid to use those skills!
This right here! I learnt the hardest way. My best kept "work" secret is that I live opposite my work place. People just be dropping by randomly on your day off on their lunch break or worse, expecting for you to go open up or close up!
Yup! Co-workers too. I learned the hard way that if you help someone too often they will hate you the day you refuse to help them.. they will feel entitled to your time. Help someone once then show them how to do it themselves.
Experience & knowledge can be your worst enemy, I know. I took on so many responsibilities I didn't get paid for. That's one of the reasons I retired early and took undocumented knowledge with me. 🥰
@@sugadip1 I did allot of jobs for my CS dept. This one time I was really busy and couldn't this time. Her: I bake you goodies all the time. Me: I didn't ask you to do that, you did that on your own. That just let me know were she coming from. They contracted it out after that. 🤣🤣
@@sugadip1 oh my gosh, YES ‼️‼️‼️
I learned that a “friend” who always has negative comments and gossip to tell me about other “friends” is telling others negative stuff about me.
Better believe it!
My Caribbean mom says, what you talk for others, you talk for yourself.
This!!! Trust and believe you will never be the exception.
I had to learn the hard way not to dim my light to make others feel better about themselves. If a person doesn't like you they won't like you no matter how dim or bright your light shines.
This is so overlooked. You hit the nail on the head!
Learned the hard way that what you allow is what will continue. Period.
Truth
Oh wow... this really hit me in a receptive part of my spirit!! 💚💚
This was the shortest sermon ever. Let the church say amen.
Yes so true
For me but just learning
It!!
EJ ... PLEASE pin this comment *above* the top!
GIRL!!! I learned the hard way that just because I have integrity, loyalty, & trustworthiness does NOT mean other folk do!! I keeps to myself cuz people out here lying & trashy.
Yesssss!
THIS is the ONE!
Don"t forget messy!!!!
Exactly
I had to learn:
1. To be my FIRST choice and that's NOT being selfish!
2. People really CAN steal your joy!
3. To be intentional about being with people like me in close intimate relationships.
4. DON'T tell people all the moves you're making to better yourself UNLESS they've shown they're on the same journey with you.
5. People WILL pray for your demise.
6. Absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder and sometimes knowing someone a long time doesn't mean they're meant to stay there any longer.
An every last one of these lessons hurt me deeply to learn...
Never ever tell anyone when you come into money, you think family is your support system but they are either jealous dragons or dangerous vultures. Write yourself a letter read it and burn it. That’s all the telling you need.
Agree 💯
Amen!!!!
Yeeeeessssss!!!! Preach!!!! I told my family members I was saving money to buy a house and now everytime their bank acct is empty and they need rescur they wanna come to me for rescue! 😠 in my hardships I can never count on anyone but myself. So everything you said here is spot on! 👏
EJ, your comment section is a whole "University of EJ's Comments." People be getting educated up in hur. 🤓
She got me thinking of the scripture, don’t be throwing pearls to swine. So accurate, great video 💙💜
Hmmm ☕
Matthew 7:6
AMEN!
Amen, especially if they have a narcissistic personality. They will drain your spirit.
My bff just hit me with this scripture yesterday and I was like "whew chile...I wasn't READY!"
Some of the things (tenet)learned/learning:
1. Don't expect the same attitude, gratitude, generosity from anyone.
2. Charity starts at home and so should your business.
3. Stay True to yourself (if you do this most people won't like the authencity so they cancel themselves out).
4. Do not overshare, overthink, over-compensate.
5. Suppression and Avoidance = Depression
6. Inclusion and diversity differ from work standards (everyone is not welcome, nor do they share your beliefs, they can't ride with you nor will they grow with you). Some things are just for you and you alone.
Unfortunately, I am just now applying all of these items 😕.
Omg #4 REALLY spoke to me!
@@lagaylamcgahee3556 I'm still learning. It's hard.
Gdaftern. @@gdubs1693
Same here. Still Learn'n.
I didn't learn soon enuf.
😶🤫🤐🙁😕🥺😳😬
So true
I'm still learning as well. Getting better everyday.
You can't tell everybody everything. Period
I had to learn the hard way that family ain’t down with me like I was for them.
You speaking nothing but facts
Dazam skippy
Yes 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾. Not even the ones who birth you either!
Awww, same. I learned this as a teenager though. Better early than late lol
I had to learn the hard way that when you put others first, folks start jumping in line in front of you. They will see it, and the word spreads. "Ask her. She'll do it for you. She will give it to you. She'll drop everything to get it done." Then, they feel entitled to put you last. Real talk.
You are telling the God honest truth.
I’ve had to learn that.
Don't force friendship. If they aren't participating, they are not too busy, they are too busy FOR YOU!
….and count yourself, blessed, ‘cause you may have dodged a bullet.
@@blackbutterfly8338 *They* are not the only bullet if you are trying to FORCE something. Other people are not always the problem. It is [also] about what *you* could do better was the whole point of the video.
GUILTY as charged!!! Being from the country AND the Midwest, I am an chronic OVERSHARER. When the conversation is over, I realize they know everything about me but I still don't know a thing about them.
Whew chillllleeee
I think it *is* a Midwesterner thing. I had to unlearn that behavior. And a woman thing. As women, I feel like we are taught to answer everything basked if us and then it's in our nature to share details
I've never had a problem with talking too much or telling my personal business but these are the things I've learned the hard way:
1) No good deed goes unpunished.
2) I cannot live under the same roof with my mother.
3) I am not cut out for kids.
4) There is no such thing as a real friend.
5) To stop crossing oceans for people who won't cross puddles for me.
6) Anyone can be jealous of you.
7) Listen to what people DO rather than what they SAY.
Number 7 is sooooo true. I use to think but why would they be jealous of lil ol me??
I can definitely relate to #5 and #7
#nothingbutthetruth
Number 5 I definitely learned the hard way it was an eye opener but it taught me a hell of alot not solely about others but myself and thats key for sure
Number 7 is the most important!
I think we’re twins, separated from birth. Every last one applies to me.
For me, it was that my pride in my "work ethic" is not worth more than my time with my family. I was so into being dependable at work, being the one they could count on in a pinch, that I missed out on some precious time that I'm never going to get now. You can bet I got my priorities straight now, though
👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
Facts
Yesss!!!
I'm curious. Did the pandemic lockdown make you realize this?
Amen!!!
I have learned to not even give sensitive information to that so-called “bestie” . Sometimes they use that information and throw it back in your face when they are upset with you.
👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾
@Pearlie Harris You got that right!!!
Big Ole facts. My last so-called "bestie", completely unprovoked, spread some very sensitive info about me to our friends and co-workers. It came back to me from two different sources and I was humiliated and devastated.
NEVER. AGAIN.
I learned that even your friends are not your friends, and you can't call everyone your friend. Give people their proper titles: coworker, aquaintance, cousin, sister, brother etc.
I learned not to expect me from people. People are built different and grew up different.
I had to learn the hard way that it aint always about me! My feelings would get so easily hurt when people would "act funny" with me when I know I didn't do anything to them. Everybody is struggling with something. So in freeing them I freed myself from trying to be oh so nice/happy go lucky to everyone even when I was in the midst of deep depression. I allow myself to be and I allow others to be as well.
Girl I’m trying to be there. I just expected people to act a certain way but it just would hurt me!
So true!! 💯😔
This the winner sib!
Wow! This is my goal right now!
Yall it took practice and a lot of tears lol. Good luck to you all ❤
Knowing which friends to tell what to. . GOLDEN!
yessss!! cuz we may be friends, but I for sure know which I can share with and which one I can't!
Yes!
@@kedra001 that part!!
24 years old here and at my second job. I’ve learned that even if you are genuinely kind and helpful, you need to WHEN to be kind and helpful or that job WILL take advantage of you.
I learned the hard way that EVERYBODY won't be happy about your good news. It don't care if its a new car or someone gifting you something small or big. DON'T LET IT BE MONEY. I don't care if its $2 for the vending machine.
Sidenote: COME ON THRU STIFF ARM BOUNCE!!
I learned the hard way that: Monsters are not in the closet, there called family.
Deep
And I Do Not LIKE Monsters!
*they’re
By 22/23 (I'm 26 now), I made peace with the fact that I'm not going to be the reach-out friend or family member. If they wanted me in their life, they'd have reached out to me at least once. It's perfectly okay to outgrow relationships. Also, I completely stop interacting with someone trying to gaslight me even if they're not understanding that that's what they're doing. I'm not about to sit here and let you think you can manipulate me into believing I'm crazy and guilty. Aht Aht!
I was brand new in an office when the 4 ladies there seemed to all get along, work well together, all that. Chile, let one of them get up and go to the bathroom or the copier...they talked about the other one like a dog. As a young person, I was left with a HORRIBLE example of women in the work force. But it taught me how to shut my mouth and mind my own business!
I'm going through this right now!!!!! I learned to keep quiet with a quickness!🤫🤫
@@myahb1065 👍🏿
👍🏿
I learned the hard way that don’t nobody owe you nothing so stop expecting them to help. If they do cool if not keep pushing and growing. I learned and now have less headache.
Learned the hard way to stop pouring more into others than I do myself. Hardly ever is appreciated anyway. Most things discussed in this video I've learned the hard way too.
Yes that was me also especially if they can't pour back.
@@telesamorrison2238 Exactly. Things HAVE to be equal on both sides in terms of giving.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
@@CAPRIskyI18 including family because it leaves you dry
@@telesamorrison2238 sadly this is so true. In my case I have a bad habit of overextending myself to certain "friends" but learning the hard way to grow out of such habits.
The biggest lesson that I have learned (in my 50 years) is to pick and choose my battles. Learning when to use my voice and similarly to you EJ, just learning to shut up is valuable. Letting stuff go has been a hard one but gets easier the more I do it.
Come on you ain’t no more than 23 🧐
@@phiakate You are kind! ☺
👏🏾👏🏾 come on sis, this the one. I'm learning to choose when to be quiet as well and sometimes it doesn't go as planned but in those moments when it does 🙂. Just smile and wave
@@courtneybrown9406 Yessss...I had that talk with myself before work yesterday. It started off good but you already know what happened!
Christie, same for me!
Don’t let everybody come to your house. People be going back telling what all you got or don’t got. And baby I just said yesterday on my job that you don’t know everything I know how to do because you don’t pay me for my skills.
YES!! Some folks be telling it all. I do NOT let everyone into my home. I will leave you standing outside 😂
I make it a habit not to visit them that way they won't come my way!
#ThatPart
My house is my sanctuary above all. Not only can you not come and look at what I got, you can't leave your funky energy here either.
I learned the hard way to stop being so accommodating. I've bent over backwards for blood relatives, significant others, and "best friends," but the moment I needed somebody, it was ghost town. It's the people you least expect that show up and support. I also learned that it's OKAY to be sought after and taken care of every once in a while.
Amen! My middle name is: “I’ll get back to you but probably no” 😂
Amen 🙏 sooooooo true! I’m still learning and it hurts so bad !
This! When the tables turn, it's usually just you and Jesus.
Its gotten so bad I don't even give folks the chance to let me down. Hell no, I'll walk. 😭🤣😂
Lord have mercy yes!
I completely agree with keeping things about your relationship private. I grew up watching my mom and her sisters complain about their husbands to my grandmother, and my grandmother hated all of her sons in law. Then my aunts and mom would be upset that my grandmother wasn't nicer to them. She didn't love them the way that they did and she wasn't as quick to forgive every little thing. So from the very start I decided that I would not discuss any marital issues with my family.
Yes! I totally agree. I don't tell my family except my younger sister anything about my relationship. I know too much about my siblings' relationships.
Testimony.
U're right girl ..keep it to yourself ..✝️🍎
When the family gets mad at someone it's hard for them to re welcome them back in because what you told them they don't forget 😂
Completely Agree. If I told my mama everything, she'd tell my daddy and he goin be ready to fight. I'ma get over it, maybe I was just hungry at the time, but my daddy ain't getting over shit 😂😂😂😂😂
Everyone kept telling me I was lonely; I wasn't. I rushed into a relationship that, had I believed myself instead of others, likely would not have happened and saved me a couple thousand dollars... 🙄 so yea, I worry ‘bout myself now. I am alone, not lonely.
People really don’t understand there is a difference between “I’m alone” and “I’m lonely.” Not everyone needs a million people around them at every second of every day. I’m good on my own. I like myself 😂
For me alone time is not only something I look forward to, but also completely necessary for my sanity and to those who are around me. I’m not very pleasant to be around if I don’t get quiet time to myself. People get on my nerves simply because they’re in my presence. I get annoyed... it could be the menopausal hormones but if I can’t be quiet and have time to decompress I get very irritable....at that point I can barely stand to be around myself at times. I get on my own nerves... lol....for real tho...there’s so many other things that’s worse than being alone.
Don't say things you can't repeat or don't want repeated!
Oh yeah and keep my two cents to myself!
My grandmother always told me A Dog that will bring a bone will CARRY a bone! Nuff said!!
Recently quit my job with coworkers I never hung out with. Shortly after, I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism. I didn't tell anyone I worked with but they all were texting me to "check up on me" since they heard I quit. I made the mistake of telling my business to one coworker to I used to travel to work with. She claims she was going to knock on my door cuz she didn't know what happened. I opened up to her and haven't heard from her since. The other coworkers also stopped texting right after I spoke with her. I should've just told her I found a new job and kept it moving. Lesson learned.
I don’t reveal anything to people other than my daughter because my father always told me to keep my personal business to myself. I’ve seen people have to leave jobs and relationships because of a conversation with the wrong person.
I learned the hard way that folks aren't loyal to you just because you are loyal to them.
Learned the hard way:
-Don't rush up behind a car that _should_ be going through a yellow light because you also want to get through the light. Because some people like to _stop_ on yellow.
-Don't permanently injure your jaw eating Butter Toffee Peanuts.
-Don't be holding a cat when there is a little toddler nearby and a metal fence that can be rattled.
-Don't forget to either bring or wear shoes when leaving for a camping trip.
-Don't sew over pins, even though you really want to.
-Don't buy clothes just because "it's marked down 90% - how can I NOT buy it??"
I had to pause the video just to read your list...it is hilarious 🤣
OMG this list has me crrryyyyyyyyyying!!!! 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂☠️☠️☠️☠️
This is quite a list of specific life experiences you never learn from your parents or in school. 😂😂
I had to work on not buying clearance item just because
😂😂what you said
A lot of people don't care about you the way that you think they do. I used to try to get along with people, only to have them be cool with me one day then act like they didn't know me the next day.
One thing I learned the hard way : people won’t show up for you the way you show up for them. I’m Johnny on the spot for everybody. I’m learning to sit down somewhere!
I’m definitely learning this now‼️
#FACTS
SAME
^^This!
Yes, and they will use you if you allow them to.
For me, it’s forgiveness. Learning to truly forgive either myself for certain choices I made or someone else for something negative towards my well being. To let go and forgive is not easy. No ma’am.
I had to learn the hardway that I view new people as potential friends and they view me as competition. Lessons learned!
Are you trying to compete with people?
The 1st thing that comes to mind is that Not all your Friends will remain your Friends, no matter if you grew up together, went through good and bad things together etc. I've always kept a small circle anyway but as I have gotten older, that circle ⭕ turned into more of a dash - 😂😂 Sad but true!
Lmaoo not a dash!! It’s so true tho🥲😂
Yes this is so true.
so true!
If this ain't the truth!!
Words of wisdom!
Whew chile! I had to learn the hard way that all friends don’t make good roommates. Learned real quick that everyone wasn’t as clean as I am.
Even in high school my senior year I was canceling out friends I'd never live with because we're not built the same to hold a mop or sponge 😂
@@Lill2895 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I learned that roommates weren’t for me as a child. I don’t know how people do it.
@@PrettyINCs that was the one and only time. I refuse to ever do that again 🙅🏾♀️
@@PrettyINCs I was too broke to live on campus and experience the roommate situation. Once I leave my parent’s house, no way in hell I’m gonna get a roommate…might as well stay home until I save enough to stand on my own too feet.
*Ive learned to stop putting these unrealistic expectations on others. By doing so it always set me up for hurt and disappointments.*
This RIGHT here!!!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 I am still working on this aspect of expectations but it gets better each year.
Things I learned the hard way:
1) Potential is just that. Doesn’t mean that person is going to actually do anything with it.
2) Some conversations only require an “is that right”.
3) Don’t always expect people to give the same energy you have. It is what it is. Don’t like it, then leave it alone.
4) Honesty is just an opinion, the truth isn’t always absolute. Folks can really bend some things. Keep your face out of people’s affairs especially if the deal backwards.
5) Don’t let folks who didn’t wake you up that morning ruin your day.
I got a whole lot more but ain’t nobody got time for that.
I disagree sis. Between you, E.J. and a bunch of other commenters here, I can easily see a book being written. Thanks for your list!
@@dianamitchell2888 There’s already a book for it. I happened to not read it with understanding until I became grown and had to admit to myself I could’ve done things better. Wisdom is something ain’t it.
Girl! I love a good, "is that right" 😫😅
@@ebonyjk I’m so glad I learned to use it more often..LOL!!
@@kristinamitchell5274 add in a "whaaat" and a "wow" with an occasional "that's crazy" and you'll be set! 😅😅😅
I learned to speak up for myself the hard way.. got tired of being stepped on 🙂
Something I’ve been learning to do is not correct people, letting them think whatever whenever.
People will tell on themselves if you let them talk long enough.
I had to learn and I mean learn, Opposites may Attract but they don’t always make the best relationships!
It's ok to be by yourself. Need to vent - tell it to God. He already knows the issue, has the answer and you know for sure it won't be repeated. Family or not people are gonna be people and God's gonna be God.
Learning to love myself authentically and giving myself structure or else i will procrastinate and be lazy and then fall into a sad puddle of emotions because i know i could be be doing better
When she said "folks will kill you"... I felt that! EJ spoke NO LIES!!!!!!! DEFINITELY keep that mouth shut pertaining to your marriage! There is a reason that God says to guard your heart. I, LITERALLY, encountered the repercussions of opening my big mouth today. Told a coworker that I was going to let my boss know that I was resigning today when she gets in. WHYYYYYYYYY did she tell her before I could?! Oh, baby... I didn't see it coming and I most certainly learned with a solid lesson today that not everybody (no matter how "sweet") should be privy to all of my information. #LessonLearned
That it is ok to put distance between yourself and family. Taking care of yourself and your sanity should priority and if being around family is a trigger....it is ok to not come around.
Yes Lawd!
LIKE LIKE LIKE! I wanted to like your comment more than once! All of this!
I learned the hard way that no matter how well you think you know someone, how long you've known them, how deep your conversations have been, etc... it does not mean they are your friend. I've learned to not throw the term "friend" around so loosely.
I found that out last year when dealing with ex-friends.
I don’t even use the term friend anymore. I have people I’m cool with, people I hang out with, and people I speak too. I don’t let the different groups mingle together either. That way when I stop talking to one, I’m still good with the others with no issues and no one trying to “mediate.”
Amen
Same. I haven't considered anyone or called anyone a "friend" in a longggg time. Years in fact.
Wise.
A big one for me is: Everybody will not be happy for you when you share how God has blessed you...sooooo, I've learned, if I say anything, to hold back all the particulars about my blessings. And I find that so sad you can't just be happy for someone else🙄😳🙏🏽
Something I learned the hard way: If I am here, there, and everywhere for everyone else, then I have no energy or time left for myself. Saying ‘No’ is healthy.
My personal circle is small. During a weak moment,I told someone something extremely personal. To this day everytime she calls me,she wants to hear about the personal stuff,the mess. Sometimes I test her and chatter about everything except that topic so much so that she can't stand it and she will interrupt me & ask about it. My next step is to apologize to her for bothering her with my problem and inform her that I won't be discussing it again with her. That way I can ensure that she stops calling me 😂
Them: Dear friend I only call you to make sure you're still not doing well.
@@Andrea.P. Exactly
1. Credit cards are NOT free money.
2. Don’t tag your friend who’s in a relationship but is hanging out with you at the club.
3. Don’t get smart with the micromanaging manager who later got promoted to Director of the company’s Retirement Program
4. Never volunteer to do the dishes as part of paying reduced rent.
5. Pay your bills BEFORE going on your international trip.
😄👌🏾
I had to learn that everyone acting like they’re concerned for you are not really concerned. They are watching your life like it’s a sitcom, for entertainment purposes! My best friend from high school just got different when we became fully grown. First, when I got married, whenever she heard my husband’s voice, she’d suddenly say, “ well, Iet me go before he gets mad”. I didn’t know where that was coming from, but I didn’t make it no better. I’d say, okay talk to you later. That was the beginning of a lot of nonsense. Ten years ago I realized that we had not been friends for real since high school and my kids are out of high school now, enough of this.
Those first four sentences are God's word fore in 2021.i thought people cared and were calling me coz I was unemployed to see how I was doing. Turns out they were calling to see if I'm still in misery. They got high off knowing I was at a stage in my life where I was a bit stuck.i come from a well to do family. And God showed me real quick. These people have being waiting for the day me and my family would go through problems.. Now that they're up and family is struggling a bit.. They start calling in the name of "caring". But GOD!!! Made sure I was in the right place and I eavesdropped on a Convo that showed me the people i told my problems to were not my confidants..they liked that I had problems
. people want to see you do good but never better than them.i cut them all off after that and God began to bless life and bring favors into my life
@@jujubean9598 You are telling my Story! My parents did well and I found out that some people were really happy to see me go through stuff as a adult. Everything from health issues to the end of my first marriage. That “Misery Loves Company” is one of the truest things ever said.
I learned this one too, that friend that ain't never around, or excited for good news. But, checking in everyday and needing to talk when your life is in shambles. Y'all calling cause you love hearing that I hate my job, got dumped, dog run away, and car not working.
@@Andrea.P. THATS THEM!!! You hit it on the head!
I don't get what you said. Why would it bother you that she would say "better if I go so your husband don't get mad"??? Are you saying that they were having an affair or what? If not, i don't see how what she said was bad.
-What I learned the hard way is always cutting people off for simple petty issues because as I got older, I saw how hard it is to make friends and how much loneliness sucks.
-It pays to learn how to manage your money and avoid over spending.
-Never laugh at sickness at any point in time.
-If something seem too good to be true, then it isn't true.
It depends on what you mean by “simple
Perry issues” . People treat us how we let them. Give them an inch they’ll take a mile. If they show u who they are then believe them .
I learned the same lesson in college. Cut everybody off and sat in the house lonely for 9 months because they went to ruby Tuesday without me one time! How silly, I would much rather see the people I loved sometimes than not at all.
Loved all of these.
These are PLATINUM!!!
Let people heal from their last situation before you get with them.
Thank you. My pastor said, let God make a man out of him before you make a husband out of him.
Two things-Don’t tell the world about major things in the works. New jobs, new houses, new cars,pregnancy (for a few months) etc.Wait until everything has passed and set in stone. Second, keep your relationships as private as possible in the beginning. Give it a while before telling the world.
I have learned not to offer any opinions when people are venting about their toxic friends, partners, loved ones, etc. When they choose to get back tight with the ones they were complaining about, I don’t want anything negative that I said to come up in those reconciliation conversations. 🙅🏾♀️🤐
life issues... but I try not to say.. girl if I were you, I would have done this...type of stuff. I try to comfort not judge the person. But.. sometimes stuff still gets mis interpreted!!!
@@michellec.4994 yup! I’m not responsible for the interpretation or misinterpretation. But at least my silence won’t ever be misquoted even if it’s misunderstood. 🤐
My dear you look too young to be so wise!
@@noirnrougenuit9188 Thank you! I try my best to learn from my mistakes (like talking to much as a youth lol)! I’d rather be the person that listens when someone tells me there’s a brick wall up ahead than hitting it head on because I just had to see for myself! 😩
I learned several things over time:
*People are not going to always going to treat you the way you treat them
*You do not have to be friends with your co-workers
*Do not let single women hang out with your married husband (now ex)
*No exercise+daily intake of butter rich everything= me times 3
*If you don’t check your oil in your car you will eventually blow your engine
*That paying your bills and getting to work on time is very beneficial
Life has taught me that 1. not all friendships are forever and 2. family and relatives are two different things!
"Family and Relatives"
Thank you ! I needing to read that 😞🖤
I'm telling you relatives share the same blood but family shares the same heart!
The thing I had to learn the hard way is friends are not always your friend .You mite be their friend but they are not always your friend .
You better preach!! I learned that everyone is not rooting for me neither does everyone wants me to succeed. I share very little with people including family. If you are not in my tight circle, you get nothing!!!
I second all this. I had to come to the realization that if I tell someone something I might hear it again and am I ok with that, if not I need to keep my mouth shut.
My sister died a few years ago and we had to switch off her life support which was the hardest thing our family ever had to do. We prayed hard for her recovery but there wasn’t anything the doctors could do and we let her go to stop her suffering 😭. At her funeral, another family member was comforting me and they shared their experience where their sibling was to be taken off life support and they prayed hard and their loved one actually survived….
Now I appreciate the attempt to comfort me BUT…..sharing with me their similar experience that had a different outcome was so insensitive and tone deaf, quite frankly I wanted to punch his lights out!! I know what he was trying to do but it fell flat with me and I will never forget that conversation!
Sigh...that's what I call a Job's comforter. They come to comfort but they end up hurting instead.
That you can't make a grown man do anything. My child's father was raised in a single parent home and I never thought he would put his own child through that. I was wrong. I stand corrected.
Yup. Learn this the hard way in my teens. People will use your story against you. I don't tell anyone anything 🤫. If your past is causing you distress, go to a therapist, it would lead to a more healthy outcome ❤.
Amen to discernment !!!!! People have to earn your stories!
I've Learned the hard way that I need to remain a "vault." I hate to be misquoted, and I hate to have my words misconstrued 😒. I learned that when you shut your trap, the less drama you have to deal with-✌🏾️
ALL of THIS!!!!!!!!
I learned that every one is not in your corner like they say they are.
This hit so close to home. I experienced two different instances with two different friends about keeping my mouth shut around them. I truly thought they were my best and closest friends. During some chronic health issues one just turned on me and said you talk too much about your illness and I’m sick of hearing about it. I’ve never discussed my illness around her or anything else since then. I’ve always kept it light & cute and she’s come back to me several times telling me she regrets what she said etc. Naw, you said the truth when you said it and I believe you. The other one I was talking about my relationship with her and she burned me in the same way. I stopped talking to her for a little bit, but we started talking again. Now she asks about this and asking about that. I’ll just tell her I’d rather discuss something else. She pulls this sad face and sounds so disappointed, but baby, this is what you wanted. This is what you asked for.
Learned that you do not have to have everyone like you. When you shape yourself for others, you lose yourself.
I learned just because someone is telling you their personal situations, I don’t need to tell them mine. A lot of times people “share” to get you open. That’s a nosy people strategy!
I learned the very hard way that I shouldn't sacrifice important things for a boyfriend (or any significant other), especially when my gut feeling is that I should do the thing. Mine was a very cool and big internship, in an institution where I could have had a beautiful opportunities. I refused it after days of whining, screams and emotional blackmail from my then boyfriend, who didn't want me to keep living 2 hours away from him. He dumped me three months after that, when I had moved in with him.
Yeah, I learned my lesson.
Complaining about work to a new co-worker. Did this and lost my job position. This person ending up snitching on so many people to move up. Saw several people exit in just a short time frame.
I think the problem is that most of us don't know when someone is talking to vent, or to get help. People have a hard time reading the room & may say to much trying to be helpful.
I had to learn the hard way, that I’m not as strong as I thought I was and need help.
I'm just the opposite. People tell me their stories but I NEVER tell people my business or my life journey. I've always had the mindset that you have to earn my journey or story. I'm not just going to volunteer that information. I'm a VERY PRIVATE person.
I'm striving to be like you. I talk too damn much. Trying to change though
I had to learn not to be soo helpful to everyone. I wanna see ppl win, but I've noticed ppl have taken advantage and I would put myself on the back burner.
Look up caretaker role in psychology. You're probably playing it. I know I have been and it's been an eyeopener!
Yes, Ma’am! I had to learn it!Everybody don’t want to be taught how to fish…they just want you to catch it for them. It’s okay to need help, as long as you’re doing all that you can to help yourself. Until then, I can’t help you. I can only pray for you.
I agree. I had to learn this also. I’m now led by Holy Spirit so God gets the glory.
I had to learn the hard way that I was fireable and it motivated me to think more deeply about where I work and what I do, and that being buddy buddy with my co-workers was not necessarily what is good for me and my career vs making sure I know how to do good work & impress the people who matter (rather than just being known for being sociable)
I got so convicted from this...I feel exposed...lol. I slip up from time to time and get mad that I told my business.
Learned - Other people BS is fu.... draining. Stop talking to me about the same ol job, man, kids, etc. Now, protecting my mental health by any means necessary and the word NO is my bestfriend PERIOD💯💯💯
I got accused of being inauthentic because I was guarded. I had a "friend" that always wanted to know my life which made me guarded.
Long story short we got close and became "friends" but I always felt funny about her. Anyways, I decided it was just in my head. After getting close to her, she was in my business and hid everything about herself from me and then eventually stopped talking to me. I have learned a lot of stuff and I am just learning to be ok with me having my own back and being my own best friend.
Sometimes it's hard to keep 🤫. I'm slowly going back to my old ways. Some folks don't even know i can talk!
Growing up I felt like I never really had anyone hear me out when I wanted to vent so when it finally started happening, to say I would over share would be an understatement. Now? I keep my mouth shut. Learnt the hard way.
I learned sometimes you have to love folk from across the street. I also learned some folks belong in the balcony not the front row. God bless you ABUNDANTLY!
I also learned that just because we say we love each other some people have not read the meaning of that word from Webster they wrote their own. So I give them surface nothing that could cost me.
Yes, surface only … no depth.
Ive learned in the last year the power of silence and picking your battles. Everyone doesn't need to know my goals or every thing i have been doing. Silence is peace and i believe it prevents unnecessary spirits from lathcing on. I keep my goals, money, and relationships in the vault.