I agree with the main assumption, the source of stress is definitely within your own brain. The form of information that induces stress cannot travel from the boss to your brain, but the boss is affecting you specifically. There is no implied intrinsic value for the boss as a stress inducer, because he is treating you in a unique way and vice versa. To come to the conclusion by saying 'Other people should also be stressed' isn't taking into account the individualism of every encounter.
Everything in life is a matter of perception. things can influence our perception but if we are aware of this influence it allows us to deal with it better
Here's a question and another view point: What if the boss classically conditions you into this nervousness when he is around? or what if society classically conditions you into viewing your boss as a "scary" guy. Look at all movies or most of the boss's society shows in movies. It shows "this boss" as a ruthless, black, and scary person. This causes nervousness, therefore we might view all bosses that way as a "stereotype", but this is only ONE WAY TO LOOK AT IT. There are other ways!
This is actually really an important thing to know. As for the common sense thing, Albert Einstein says "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen." Just because it's common sense for you doesn't mean it is for everyone else, especially in today's world where everyone is exposed to such a vastly different set of circumstances from an extremely early age. This is an amazing thing to know for most American's because they don't actually realize they are the problem.
He's right. It's the same with people who get offended about stuff. If you're stressed or offended it is probably just your problem. Especially when hardly anyone else is stressed or offended by the same thing.
@sukarestu He's not suggesting that you should "blame yourself" for your stress or the situation. It's simply about realizing that stress or anxiety do not occur without the mind's creation of such feelings. Plus, once you've overcome those negative emotions, you can deal with them with a clear head, which will improve the final outcome. Or you can shift your perspective and look at a struggle or source of stress as an opportunity for growth and a challenge to become better.
It's like that saying "God give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference," except replace "God" with "meditation." Which, I admit, is an improvement. I was going to make fun of his statement that you should cultivate stillness in your "heart," but then I remembered that the heart does actually control your stress levels with a hormone called atriopeptin.
I was intrigued in the beginning if the video. Then I realized, I'm not the one who denied my raise after I out performed all my coworkers. I'm not the one that disciplined myself differently than others in the exact same scenario. Not really sure using a boss was the best example for a lot of that resentment is your own at the same time it comes from an outside uncontrolled source.
@sukarestu Refusing to allow yourself to become stressed is not equivalent to allowing someone to walk all over you. Stress generally makes people less capable of making rational decisions. So, by reducing the natural reaction of stress in a situation, we can make more coherent and appropriate decisions. The word "blame" implies that there is some fault or wrong-doing. However, I meant recognizing the physiological process of becoming stressed through inward reflection.
when thinking about, well, using your example "my boss" as in "my boss is stressing me out", it is HIM, using HIS ABILITIES, to stress ME specifically into doing my job. if the boss is a rational person, which who isn't?, he is doing it to make money and if it didnt he wouldnt be stressing me out because i didnt need to be stressed out in order to make more money.
You can have all the meditation in the world, but get into the right state of mind (anger, love) and you are a mere playing ball. You can't detach, you can't control. You can be attentive, but it helps you nothing. There are limits to it. Compare it to swimming in an ocean, you can only go so deep, after that you are helpless.
It's not obvious that the stress is coming only from you. For example, bosses do not treat everyone equally nor do they act consistently. Also, perhaps they ARE stressing everyone else out. Sure, it is possible an apathetic attitude would reduce the stress level, but the real solution is to leave or get the boss removed.
I worked in a small office where the boss did stress EVERYONE out. She was a micro-managing, racist, condescending dictator. But then I meditated... I meditated on getting the fuck out of there! I changed jobs and now I'm fine because I don't have to imagine bashing her head in with the phone receiver anymore.
EHEM! Worst boss I ever had used all her energy telling me how much I sucked and kept me alert just shouting me at random times "What are you doing!?". I didn't meditated I did something, found a new job.
@tmcthree I removed it and reposted it immediately simply because I'd made a typo. I had written 'like' where I'd intended to say 'life'. It's there, in it's entirety, for you perusal. But how will that make a difference? Your suggestion that I, "watch the video again", was obviously based on an inference, so what was it?
@195ashes If you think about it, a lot of the time perceptions are obvious. So easily noticed when notified of them, yet we fail to act upon when without notification. Additionally, we often regard things we don't understand as gibberish. I'm no buddhist, but listening to these kind of outlooks on life/ the mind every now and then is quite enlightening.
The question is: Is your boss stressing oyu out USEFUL? I mean - do you stress around your boss because you always make mistakes and your boss reminds oyu of the last reprimend? Because in that case hightend senses through adrenalin might come in handy. In that case relaxing yourself may invite error. This is only good advice if your boss unfairly treats you in a way that makes you stress (aka bullying) or if stress causes you to commit errors. Obvious statement is obvious.
I think the reason he mentions the heart is because it reacts to your emotions... it is the thing that pumps out the hormones that create feeling and my logic sais that it has to be affected if it is exposed so much to these hormones...
@NTtheLion We do not change how a person behave, when it comes to a situation where we really can't do anything about any other people, we simply take the negative responds and acts of them and change it into something that is neutral to us such as a breeze of wind, nothing else. It's more of a inner changes for a more happier life
for example, to not have a job is naturally stressful. sure, some can be free from stress in relation to not having a job but having a job is a necessity. even buddha taught this in his path, that is, having a livelihood
My older brother once said to me.... He was about 14 and I about 8... He did something and I started crying and told our Mom that he made me mad. I quickly confronted him with vengeance in mind. He spoke these words, "I don't make you mad. YOU make you mad." He doesn't remember any of it. I do. That phrase has stuck with me. It taught me that I am in control of my reactions and emotions. So I try not to "get mad" because I'd just be doing it to myself. I think I'm fairly cool headed. B)
Not true, the monks that are at my temple actually go to work. There are different types of donations. They cannot personally spend money that people donate to the temple, unless stated that the money is a gift for them personally.
life experiences are more than just perceptions of mind - they are rooted in our bodies & our hormones,our constitutions, characteristics - life is physical not just a mental perception - our whole bodies are in this with us- we are not just brains- & different people react differently to others based on many factors, someone may justifiably feel stress & tension around one person & another may justifiably not- depending on the people's different traits and temperaments & how they interact.
Pain is all in the mind also... So if someone comes and hits you in the head each day with a baseball bat you CAN control the pain, you will relate to yourself that, it FUCKING HURT!
Everyone does get stressed by the boss, because he has real power. Of course individuals have some (limited) choice in how they receive/perceive their boss, but bosses have power over our lives and often exercise this power capriciously and in service of their own egos, without regard for others. You can see the same stress reactions in dogs of owners who treat their dogs unfairly. Don't tell me the dog should change it's attitude. What a goddamned apologist for the feudalist paradigm
BTW action also has it's place, but it is necessary to find a good mindset before acting from a thinking in "lack". Examples; "I cannot...", "I don't know how....", "If things were different I would feel different." Positive mindsets in inherently stressful situations can be very difficult to achieve indeed, yet recovering into a clear and positive mindset after that situation is a must in order to transcend (mentally) and then relocate (through an Action Plan) into a more pleasing spot.
@enlighteneveryone no. this is a very simple idea in response to a very specific scenario (the extent of the specificity of which the speaker doesn't even realize), both of which are the opposite ends of the right side of the spectrum for direction in regards to facing life
i get stressed out by my boss, but others don't, so i must have created him in my mind. great logic, yea, his behaviour and him reacting differently to different people couldn't have had anything to do with it. i can create a world in my mind in which i'm jesus and be happy, but that's just saying goodbye to reality
When I see my boss, I don't get stressed or have anger. He goes out of his way, comes up to me and stresses me out. So it's not me who has created a Stressor in my life, it is my boss who uses his power to stress me out. Literally.
For the love of god... the stress is from the gun of joblessness being pointed at your head every day you walk in the door. You'r wondering "is this the last paycheck?" "an I going to do something wrong and get fired?" the current job market is far far to fickle.
basically he is saying that we have control of our own feelings. if you are upset about your boss ... its you whos upset. you can control your own feelings in that moment.
I think many people discount this idea due to the "new age" vocabulary. Generally I hate new age mumbo jumbo, but the underlying message here is solid. Most accept meaning as concrete and unyielding. However, in reality nothing possesses innate value. The meaning we mostly perceive is that which is attributed to society, but once we realize that meaning is in fact subjective we can substitute more efficient and helpful ideas. This isn't magic, just the power of perception.
KM @ 0:47: "If that were the case, if the boss was actually a stress inducer, then you would see everyone around the boss getting stressed out." Wrong. Bullies in workplaces stress out ALL their workers. See Robert Sutton's "The A****** Rule" and Michael Albert's ZNet article "Violence Begets Defeat..." KM is old-school, blaming everything on "victimhood." Recent studies show that bullies degrade workers' self-esteem, decrease their efficiency, and cause physical and psychological damage.
but if your mind relates your boss with stress, that means that your boss did something to be a stressing fact in your life. Even with meditation your boss is still going to try to stress you out if he hates you or if he has something against you. But I still agree in some aspects, the world we are living in is just that stressful because we made it that wey. I'll give you my like cause you made me think a little bit.
@Tatchko No he isn't. He's giving victims a tool to help them. If I provide pain killers to a victim of assault I'm not blaming them for anything. It doesn't take away any of the responsibility from the attacker when I help the victim. That's not logical.
@raramstad "Cultivate a sense of inner stillness in your heart" That kind of stuff, and the general attachment of the idea to Buddhism and meditation. It sort of ties in with the concept of the video. Some have interwoven negative ideas with any mention of "new age" concepts so they automatically doubt and/or insult the concept. I am very much this way towards the new age pseudo-sciences, but the ideas here could easily be translated into more approachable psychological terms.
@kusalaviro Dogma does not have to be religious. It can be any authority. Buddhism is an established authority and fits the description. Dogma can be political, social, religious, and probably some I am forgetting.
Im a very Zen person. Whats my secret? I don't give a fuck. Giving a fuck is one of the most common inducers of stress. I do not worry about what could happen, what has happened and what would happen if, worrying about something you do not have control over is pointless, worrying about something you have control of is unnecessary. I am well educated, well trained and i can find myself a job anywhere and i would work anything if it comes to it. Have a nice day. I will.
Well another thing is if the boss is perceived like this by everybody in the office and also how do you inner deal with bullying (which is a kind of stress too)?
Whether you like, or agree with this video, an intelligent mind can listen to anyone or anything and learn something from it. Even if you already knew it, simply hearing it put in the way he said it can build to your understanding of it.
I said "Ew, who let dogma into bigthink." There was no religious context. Also, Buddhism being a religion or not is a point of contention I will not get into.
Nonsense. Interactions between individuals are also individual. A boss can stress just a single employee by giving them too much workload compared with the rest. Since a boss can stress a single person, "everyone would also be stressed out" is not a valid argument.
@TheLaughingOut Well what they did to stress you out hasn't changed. It's just that over time you've changed your reaction to those specifics things about the boss that stressed you out. But they're still the same person and if you're not careful they can still stress you out. It takes a lot of time to be patient.
I understood everything in this video just fine, except for the mediation part. So you have a boss whom you dislike. However, it is your own perspective of your boss causing you to dislike him or her. So you change your perspective from one of anger to one of patience and understanding. Simple enough. So what is meditation for? I have always understood this concept naturally, without being taught it directly from anyone and I try to always keep it in mind. So again, what is meditation for?
@GorgonDrageil Yes, the situation remains the same. And if I were the one making the video I might recommend trying to change the situation first and then working on yourself if that doesn't work. But the stress is always within you and you have power over it if you want it.
@Tatchko "Tell that to a rape victim." Tell them what? That they can overcome their attack? That they have the ability to move past it? That they can live a happy life in spite of what happened? Yes, I do believe I will tell that to a rape victim. What are you going to tell them? That they shouldn't try to heal because it wasn't their fault?
Very wise way to deal with difficult people. The problems are on our mind not outside, it works just try. We can transform our problem into an opportunity. You can choose, in this way we can get real internal freedom from suffering.
@naragala01 the heart also secretes atriopeptin which controls your stress by regulating the water, sodium, and fat in your blood, and expanding your blood vessels. it's a muscle but a very weird one.
@tmcthree That may be true, but it isn't necesarily true. The implication of 'regardless' within this context essentially ignores the causal relationship between stressors and stress.
@DorakoftheHillPeople I'm sorry I can't find it. But what he is saying as I understand him, is that the stress of any given situation is not ultimately the cause of the stress you feel. You may be in a stressful situation but the subjective stress you feel is separable from objective stress inducer. Only this can explain why some people feel more stress than others in identical situations. And once we understand this we can exploit this.
@195ashes I use to think 'changing your perception' was gibberish...but it's not. I don't know why, but growing up I was scared shitless of heights - a totally irrational fear I thought I'd be stuck with for life. About 10 years ago a girl I was dating 'surprised' me with a skydive. It took everything I had not to chicken out. Now, I get an adrenaline rush out of heights - I love them. Heights didn't change...so what else could have changed, if it wasn't merely my perception of heights?
A vague/bad explanation of a good concept. The way he puts it makes it sound like escapism and denying reality. But, it is that by developing a strong emotional core, changing ones perspective, and developing patience, a person will be able to not be stressed out by their stressful boss. But the stressful boss will always be stressful. It would have been you the employee who has changed.
Exactly! Now imagine how broadly applicable is this idea. If you happen to encounter angry bear for instance. You could think of him as furious and dangerous to you, but that's just your point of view. And not very positive, might I add. So instead you could think of him as just challenge, difficulty in your life. Of course he would tear you to shreds, but thinking that being dead is bad is just your negative point of view. On other hand you could GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!!!
Controlling my automatic response to annoying people is one of my big goals in self improvement, but my big problem is situations where the other person's behaviour is so objectionable that it takes me straight to defcon 1 without any intermediate stages. It's fine to talk about what the other person reveals about you, but sometimes, they are are an asshole through and through, and a strong negative response to them is natural. Also they may have a unique relationship with you and not others...
@StickyTank buddhism as a whole really is't needed but if you think about it, even life itself isn't needed. there are many things we don't need but we get them anyways because they are helpful. buddhism has many wisdoms, which are very helpful and logical.
For me its my work that is the major stress generator. My boss is actually a point of calmness for me. After a quick chat im back at normal and more focused.
wait some people are Disliking this video because it has the word "Buddhist" in the title? damn...and i thought Bigthink was a place where smart people could share smart opinions.
Does it really take a Buddhist to tell you that you'll be less stressed if you let go of your anger and try to understand the sources of your problems?
@GAVRANOX If you do a little research, you'll find that scientific studies have shown that meditation and prayer can both produce beneficial effects in the brain and reduce stress. The difference is that with prayer people think a magical being is listening and/or acting based on the prayer. Therapists often recommend meditation as a treatment for people with anxiety disorders. It isn't about religion. It's about learning to give your brain time to rest.
@11889music If he mentions you induce stress on yourself, this means YOU are doing it Blaming yourself, therefore means you are aware that you induce stress on yourself And I said there should be a limit which we strip ourselves of stress or we'd end up following all orders blinding ourselves from unfair treatment Shifting your perspective to using stress to change is just giving in to your bosses wants. A lot of businessmen become corporate zombies this way
His teachings should be obvious to most, but sadly they are not. I guess people aren't ready yet to accept that the way they perceive the world around them has to do with the way they choose to think about it. I guess the dislikes are coming from people who can't accept the truth, because they think it's harsh, whereas it's actually beautiful. Because, let's face it, it's not very hopeful when you're passive to the things around you, but it is hopeful when you have the power to change things.
@DorakoftheHillPeople con't... ... He isn't saying that we should necessarily put up with "stressful" situations he's just saying that regardless of the objective circumstance, ultimately, stress comes from within,
@tmcthree Hence my opening remark that meditation can be a useful coping strategy. The suggestion I'd made is that the insinuation that environmental factors can be transcended through altering our perception is not responsible. This approach is avoidance oriented rather than solution oriented. As for locating users' posts in a heavily populated thread, click 'see all', then 'Ctrl+F', then type in the the username of who you're looking for.
@Ligermorph No one said this was a video about buddhism. the title says "Ask a buddhist: my boss is stressing me out!" ergo, this is a video about how a buddhist would deal with a stress-inducing boss. And if you think cultivating a still and peaceful mind is as easy as "chilling the F out" i'd have to think you've never tried. If you study buddhism, what he says here is nothing special. It's seeing things clearly and responding.
I agree with the Buddist. Our perceptions create our reality, our perceptions are not the same as anyone elses and therefore we each exist in our own reality, in the version we have chosen to manefest. If you look in the mirror and see asad face do you reach out and manipulate the mirror or do you change from within?
ok so my boss yells at me because he is in a foul mood from something that happened at home and suddenly it is my perception that causes the stress? get real man
I like the sound of it but imo the whole problem starts when one person is given way too much authority over another. The fact that one individual has the ability to prevent you from making a living ie. cut your hours at work or fire you, completely ruins this argument. You perceive your job going bye-bye, it goes away. Not many people when given that power use it justly. That's been proven throughout history.
Should remove the name "Buddhist" from the title so people won't dislike without watching the damn video. This video was just about how meditation helps your thought process.
You are arguing that I implied religion but that Buddhism is not a religion? I said nothing of religion. From dictionary com : "2. a specific fundamental set of beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects: the Christian religion; the Buddhist religion." Now that I have looked up your word, look up mine. Dogma does not mean religion. Ultimately I don't care if Buddhism is a religion. That was not even what I was talking about. Enjoy your red herrings.
I am not sure the argument through analogy sticks, but I see the point you are trying to make. It may be more helpful to find this stillness and then decide what psychological and holistic health issues you are having, working from there. Also, the possibility of being in an environment that is beyond your current capacity for "peace" is present. That said, meditation is an essential practice for well-being In Conjunction With self-knowledge, metaphysical awareness, and grateful indifference.
@TheHigherVoltage I hada similarexperience. But I did'nt think being in a small aircraft even with the "big gap"equated to being atop the Empire State Building, because I had two parachutes on. I am nowover50 and can say I am wary of heights - no longer afraid.
"When your husband or wife screams at you or beats you, you can look at this as him or her 'training' your mind and body to withstand stressful situations. You can also look at it from their point of view and realize that they must have unhappy states of mind. You can then develop compassion for them." See how when I switch out "Boss" for "husband or wife", the advice he's giving sounds like total lunacy? That's because it is.
@tmcthree I am 'the boss', so I don't think I'll leaving my job any time soon. As for the notion that we disagree, I don't think we do. You seem to be describing a coping strategy, as was I, so we don't disagree on that point. Also, I agree that he is not addressing the objective reality. But that is at the crux of my contention. Coping effectively is not a solution. To suggest that is, or is enough, is not only irresponsible, it invariably renders the exercise futile.
Excellent talk! It is so true
I agree with the main assumption, the source of stress is definitely within your own brain. The form of information that induces stress cannot travel from the boss to your brain, but the boss is affecting you specifically. There is no implied intrinsic value for the boss as a stress inducer, because he is treating you in a unique way and vice versa. To come to the conclusion by saying 'Other people should also be stressed' isn't taking into account the individualism of every encounter.
Everything in life is a matter of perception. things can influence our perception but if we are aware of this influence it allows us to deal with it better
Here's a question and another view point: What if the boss classically conditions you into this nervousness when he is around? or what if society classically conditions you into viewing your boss as a "scary" guy. Look at all movies or most of the boss's society shows in movies. It shows "this boss" as a ruthless, black, and scary person. This causes nervousness, therefore we might view all bosses that way as a "stereotype", but this is only ONE WAY TO LOOK AT IT. There are other ways!
This is actually really an important thing to know. As for the common sense thing, Albert Einstein says "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen." Just because it's common sense for you doesn't mean it is for everyone else, especially in today's world where everyone is exposed to such a vastly different set of circumstances from an extremely early age. This is an amazing thing to know for most American's because they don't actually realize they are the problem.
He's right. It's the same with people who get offended about stuff. If you're stressed or offended it is probably just your problem. Especially when hardly anyone else is stressed or offended by the same thing.
@sukarestu
He's not suggesting that you should "blame yourself" for your stress or the situation. It's simply about realizing that stress or anxiety do not occur without the mind's creation of such feelings. Plus, once you've overcome those negative emotions, you can deal with them with a clear head, which will improve the final outcome.
Or you can shift your perspective and look at a struggle or source of stress as an opportunity for growth and a challenge to become better.
It's like that saying "God give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference," except replace "God" with "meditation." Which, I admit, is an improvement.
I was going to make fun of his statement that you should cultivate stillness in your "heart," but then I remembered that the heart does actually control your stress levels with a hormone called atriopeptin.
I was intrigued in the beginning if the video. Then I realized, I'm not the one who denied my raise after I out performed all my coworkers. I'm not the one that disciplined myself differently than others in the exact same scenario. Not really sure using a boss was the best example for a lot of that resentment is your own at the same time it comes from an outside uncontrolled source.
@sukarestu
Refusing to allow yourself to become stressed is not equivalent to allowing someone to walk all over you.
Stress generally makes people less capable of making rational decisions. So, by reducing the natural reaction of stress in a situation, we can make more coherent and appropriate decisions.
The word "blame" implies that there is some fault or wrong-doing. However, I meant recognizing the physiological process of becoming stressed through inward reflection.
the point of this video/meditation is not to make you stop thinking your boss is a prick. it's to get you to stop caring that he is.
when thinking about, well, using your example "my boss" as in "my boss is stressing me out", it is HIM, using HIS ABILITIES, to stress ME specifically into doing my job. if the boss is a rational person, which who isn't?, he is doing it to make money and if it didnt he wouldnt be stressing me out because i didnt need to be stressed out in order to make more money.
You can have all the meditation in the world, but get into the right state of mind (anger, love) and you are a mere playing ball. You can't detach, you can't control. You can be attentive, but it helps you nothing. There are limits to it. Compare it to swimming in an ocean, you can only go so deep, after that you are helpless.
It's not obvious that the stress is coming only from you. For example, bosses do not treat everyone equally nor do they act consistently. Also, perhaps they ARE stressing everyone else out. Sure, it is possible an apathetic attitude would reduce the stress level, but the real solution is to leave or get the boss removed.
I worked in a small office where the boss did stress EVERYONE out.
She was a micro-managing, racist, condescending dictator.
But then I meditated...
I meditated on getting the fuck out of there!
I changed jobs and now I'm fine because I don't have to imagine bashing her head in with the phone receiver anymore.
EHEM! Worst boss I ever had used all her energy telling me how much I sucked and kept me alert just shouting me at random times "What are you doing!?". I didn't meditated I did something, found a new job.
@tmcthree I removed it and reposted it immediately simply because I'd made a typo. I had written 'like' where I'd intended to say 'life'. It's there, in it's entirety, for you perusal. But how will that make a difference? Your suggestion that I, "watch the video again", was obviously based on an inference, so what was it?
@195ashes If you think about it, a lot of the time perceptions are obvious. So easily noticed when notified of them, yet we fail to act upon when without notification.
Additionally, we often regard things we don't understand as gibberish.
I'm no buddhist, but listening to these kind of outlooks on life/ the mind every now and then is quite enlightening.
That's right, getting upset with your boss being incompetent/dickish/etc... is not their fault, it's yours.
The question is:
Is your boss stressing oyu out USEFUL?
I mean - do you stress around your boss because you always make mistakes and your boss reminds oyu of the last reprimend? Because in that case hightend senses through adrenalin might come in handy.
In that case relaxing yourself may invite error.
This is only good advice if your boss unfairly treats you in a way that makes you stress (aka bullying) or if stress causes you to commit errors.
Obvious statement is obvious.
I think the reason he mentions the heart is because it reacts to your emotions... it is the thing that pumps out the hormones that create feeling and my logic sais that it has to be affected if it is exposed so much to these hormones...
@NTtheLion We do not change how a person behave, when it comes to a situation where we really can't do anything about any other people, we simply take the negative responds and acts of them and change it into something that is neutral to us such as a breeze of wind, nothing else. It's more of a inner changes for a more happier life
for example, to not have a job is naturally stressful. sure, some can be free from stress in relation to not having a job but having a job is a necessity. even buddha taught this in his path, that is, having a livelihood
My older brother once said to me.... He was about 14 and I about 8...
He did something and I started crying and told our Mom that he made me mad. I quickly confronted him with vengeance in mind. He spoke these words, "I don't make you mad. YOU make you mad."
He doesn't remember any of it. I do. That phrase has stuck with me. It taught me that I am in control of my reactions and emotions. So I try not to "get mad" because I'd just be doing it to myself. I think I'm fairly cool headed. B)
Not true, the monks that are at my temple actually go to work. There are different types of donations. They cannot personally spend money that people donate to the temple, unless stated that the money is a gift for them personally.
We don't think during meditation, we are ONE with the mind during meditation... -.-
life experiences are more than just perceptions of mind - they are rooted in our bodies & our hormones,our constitutions, characteristics - life is physical not just a mental perception - our whole bodies are in this with us- we are not just brains- & different people react differently to others based on many factors, someone may justifiably feel stress & tension around one person & another may justifiably not- depending on the people's different traits and temperaments & how they interact.
@Avaryes
im not being angry. im merely pointing out that buddism is not needed.
Pain is all in the mind also... So if someone comes and hits you in the head each day with a baseball bat you CAN control the pain, you will relate to yourself that, it FUCKING HURT!
sure, but the boss has a lot of power. this is why individuals create internal stress about the external boss
Everyone does get stressed by the boss, because he has real power. Of course individuals have some (limited) choice in how they receive/perceive their boss, but bosses have power over our lives and often exercise this power capriciously and in service of their own egos, without regard for others.
You can see the same stress reactions in dogs of owners who treat their dogs unfairly. Don't tell me the dog should change it's attitude. What a goddamned apologist for the feudalist paradigm
BTW action also has it's place, but it is necessary to find a good mindset before acting from a thinking in "lack". Examples; "I cannot...", "I don't know how....", "If things were different I would feel different."
Positive mindsets in inherently stressful situations can be very difficult to achieve indeed, yet recovering into a clear and positive mindset after that situation is a must in order to transcend (mentally) and then relocate (through an Action Plan) into a more pleasing spot.
@enlighteneveryone no. this is a very simple idea in response to a very specific scenario (the extent of the specificity of which the speaker doesn't even realize), both of which are the opposite ends of the right side of the spectrum for direction in regards to facing life
i get stressed out by my boss, but others don't, so i must have created him in my mind. great logic, yea, his behaviour and him reacting differently to different people couldn't have had anything to do with it. i can create a world in my mind in which i'm jesus and be happy, but that's just saying goodbye to reality
When I see my boss, I don't get stressed or have anger. He goes out of his way, comes up to me and stresses me out. So it's not me who has created a Stressor in my life, it is my boss who uses his power to stress me out. Literally.
I'm an atheist and I find Buddhism incredibly profound as a philosophy.
For the love of god... the stress is from the gun of joblessness being pointed at your head every day you walk in the door. You'r wondering "is this the last paycheck?" "an I going to do something wrong and get fired?" the current job market is far far to fickle.
basically he is saying that we have control of our own feelings. if you are upset about your boss ... its you whos upset. you can control your own feelings in that moment.
I think many people discount this idea due to the "new age" vocabulary. Generally I hate new age mumbo jumbo, but the underlying message here is solid.
Most accept meaning as concrete and unyielding. However, in reality nothing possesses innate value. The meaning we mostly perceive is that which is attributed to society, but once we realize that meaning is in fact subjective we can substitute more efficient and helpful ideas. This isn't magic, just the power of perception.
KM @ 0:47: "If that were the case, if the boss was actually a stress inducer, then you would see everyone around the boss getting stressed out."
Wrong. Bullies in workplaces stress out ALL their workers. See Robert Sutton's "The A****** Rule" and Michael Albert's ZNet article "Violence Begets Defeat..."
KM is old-school, blaming everything on "victimhood." Recent studies show that bullies degrade workers' self-esteem, decrease their efficiency, and cause physical and psychological damage.
Exactly like Nietzsche. We are the only responsible for what we felling. What define our feelings is the way that we interpret reality.
but if your mind relates your boss with stress, that means that your boss did something to be a stressing fact in your life. Even with meditation your boss is still going to try to stress you out if he hates you or if he has something against you. But I still agree in some aspects, the world we are living in is just that stressful because we made it that wey. I'll give you my like cause you made me think a little bit.
@Tatchko No he isn't. He's giving victims a tool to help them. If I provide pain killers to a victim of assault I'm not blaming them for anything. It doesn't take away any of the responsibility from the attacker when I help the victim. That's not logical.
@raramstad "Cultivate a sense of inner stillness in your heart"
That kind of stuff, and the general attachment of the idea to Buddhism and meditation.
It sort of ties in with the concept of the video. Some have interwoven negative ideas with any mention of "new age" concepts so they automatically doubt and/or insult the concept. I am very much this way towards the new age pseudo-sciences, but the ideas here could easily be translated into more approachable psychological terms.
@kusalaviro Dogma does not have to be religious. It can be any authority. Buddhism is an established authority and fits the description.
Dogma can be political, social, religious, and probably some I am forgetting.
@BadGroundBand what kind of anger are you talking about? this is about being stressed out, not about being angry at your boss
Im a very Zen person. Whats my secret? I don't give a fuck. Giving a fuck is one of the most common inducers of stress. I do not worry about what could happen, what has happened and what would happen if, worrying about something you do not have control over is pointless, worrying about something you have control of is unnecessary. I am well educated, well trained and i can find myself a job anywhere and i would work anything if it comes to it.
Have a nice day. I will.
And what if everyone DOES cringe and get stressed when the boss is near?
Well another thing is if the boss is perceived like this by everybody in the office and also how do you inner deal with bullying (which is a kind of stress too)?
Whether you like, or agree with this video, an intelligent mind can listen to anyone or anything and learn something from it. Even if you already knew it, simply hearing it put in the way he said it can build to your understanding of it.
You choose how you react to stimuli, it just happens really quick and most people don't watch for it.
I said "Ew, who let dogma into bigthink." There was no religious context.
Also, Buddhism being a religion or not is a point of contention I will not get into.
Nonsense. Interactions between individuals are also individual.
A boss can stress just a single employee by giving them too much workload compared with the rest.
Since a boss can stress a single person, "everyone would also be stressed out" is not a valid argument.
@TheLaughingOut Well what they did to stress you out hasn't changed. It's just that over time you've changed your reaction to those specifics things about the boss that stressed you out. But they're still the same person and if you're not careful they can still stress you out. It takes a lot of time to be patient.
I understood everything in this video just fine, except for the mediation part. So you have a boss whom you dislike. However, it is your own perspective of your boss causing you to dislike him or her. So you change your perspective from one of anger to one of patience and understanding. Simple enough. So what is meditation for? I have always understood this concept naturally, without being taught it directly from anyone and I try to always keep it in mind. So again, what is meditation for?
@GorgonDrageil Yes, the situation remains the same. And if I were the one making the video I might recommend trying to change the situation first and then working on yourself if that doesn't work. But the stress is always within you and you have power over it if you want it.
@Tatchko "Tell that to a rape victim."
Tell them what? That they can overcome their attack? That they have the ability to move past it? That they can live a happy life in spite of what happened? Yes, I do believe I will tell that to a rape victim. What are you going to tell them? That they shouldn't try to heal because it wasn't their fault?
Very wise way to deal with difficult people. The problems are on our mind not outside, it works just try. We can transform our problem into an opportunity. You can choose, in this way we can get real internal freedom from suffering.
@naragala01 the heart also secretes atriopeptin which controls your stress by regulating the water, sodium, and fat in your blood, and expanding your blood vessels. it's a muscle but a very weird one.
@tmcthree That may be true, but it isn't necesarily true. The implication of 'regardless' within this context essentially ignores the causal relationship between stressors and stress.
@Deizelcore but how can you think logically if you are distracted by your own feelings? the video has a very true point.
@DorakoftheHillPeople I'm sorry I can't find it. But what he is saying as I understand him, is that the stress of any given situation is not ultimately the cause of the stress you feel. You may be in a stressful situation but the subjective stress you feel is separable from objective stress inducer.
Only this can explain why some people feel more stress than others in identical situations. And once we understand this we can exploit this.
@195ashes I use to think 'changing your perception' was gibberish...but it's not.
I don't know why, but growing up I was scared shitless of heights - a totally irrational fear I thought I'd be stuck with for life. About 10 years ago a girl I was dating 'surprised' me with a skydive. It took everything I had not to chicken out. Now, I get an adrenaline rush out of heights - I love them.
Heights didn't change...so what else could have changed, if it wasn't merely my perception of heights?
A vague/bad explanation of a good concept. The way he puts it makes it sound like escapism and denying reality.
But, it is that by developing a strong emotional core, changing ones perspective, and developing patience, a person will be able to not be stressed out by their stressful boss.
But the stressful boss will always be stressful. It would have been you the employee who has changed.
Exactly! Now imagine how broadly applicable is this idea. If you happen to encounter angry bear for instance. You could think of him as furious and dangerous to you, but that's just your point of view. And not very positive, might I add. So instead you could think of him as just challenge, difficulty in your life. Of course he would tear you to shreds, but thinking that being dead is bad is just your negative point of view. On other hand you could GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!!!
Controlling my automatic response to annoying people is one of my big goals in self improvement, but my big problem is situations where the other person's behaviour is so objectionable that it takes me straight to defcon 1 without any intermediate stages. It's fine to talk about what the other person reveals about you, but sometimes, they are are an asshole through and through, and a strong negative response to them is natural. Also they may have a unique relationship with you and not others...
@StickyTank buddhism as a whole really is't needed but if you think about it, even life itself isn't needed. there are many things we don't need but we get them anyways because they are helpful. buddhism has many wisdoms, which are very helpful and logical.
For me its my work that is the major stress generator. My boss is actually a point of calmness for me. After a quick chat im back at normal and more focused.
wait some people are Disliking this video because it has the word "Buddhist" in the title? damn...and i thought Bigthink was a place where smart people could share smart opinions.
Does it really take a Buddhist to tell you that you'll be less stressed if you let go of your anger and try to understand the sources of your problems?
@GAVRANOX If you do a little research, you'll find that scientific studies have shown that meditation and prayer can both produce beneficial effects in the brain and reduce stress. The difference is that with prayer people think a magical being is listening and/or acting based on the prayer. Therapists often recommend meditation as a treatment for people with anxiety disorders. It isn't about religion. It's about learning to give your brain time to rest.
But everyone around my boss DOES get stressed out..he is stress inducing!
@11889music
If he mentions you induce stress on yourself, this means YOU are doing it
Blaming yourself, therefore means you are aware that you induce stress on yourself
And I said there should be a limit which we strip ourselves of stress or we'd end up following all orders blinding ourselves from unfair treatment
Shifting your perspective to using stress to change is just giving in to your bosses wants.
A lot of businessmen become corporate zombies this way
His teachings should be obvious to most, but sadly they are not. I guess people aren't ready yet to accept that the way they perceive the world around them has to do with the way they choose to think about it. I guess the dislikes are coming from people who can't accept the truth, because they think it's harsh, whereas it's actually beautiful. Because, let's face it, it's not very hopeful when you're passive to the things around you, but it is hopeful when you have the power to change things.
@DorakoftheHillPeople con't...
... He isn't saying that we should necessarily put up with "stressful" situations he's just saying that regardless of the objective circumstance, ultimately, stress comes from within,
Really random comments. There's a place slider for a reason guys, if you don't get it, rewind.
@Majoofi Very true, you are also able to analyse your perceptions objectively.
167 people still think they're being trolled by their bosses
@tmcthree Hence my opening remark that meditation can be a useful coping strategy. The suggestion I'd made is that the insinuation that environmental factors can be transcended through altering our perception is not responsible. This approach is avoidance oriented rather than solution oriented. As for locating users' posts in a heavily populated thread, click 'see all', then 'Ctrl+F', then type in the the username of who you're looking for.
I can respect many of the teaching of meditation and self reflection within Buddhism, and I will gladly ignore the mysticism and mythology as I do so.
@Ligermorph No one said this was a video about buddhism. the title says "Ask a buddhist: my boss is stressing me out!" ergo, this is a video about how a buddhist would deal with a stress-inducing boss. And if you think cultivating a still and peaceful mind is as easy as "chilling the F out" i'd have to think you've never tried.
If you study buddhism, what he says here is nothing special. It's seeing things clearly and responding.
They should really put his other two up here, they are so awesome as well!
I agree with the Buddist. Our perceptions create our reality, our perceptions are not the same as anyone elses and therefore we each exist in our own reality, in the version we have chosen to manefest. If you look in the mirror and see asad face do you reach out and manipulate the mirror or do you change from within?
My alarm clock stresses me out.. But I bet its just had a rough life and takes it out on me. I feel better :)
@Ligermorph Yes this is obvious, but it's a obvious thing that many people forget in their everyday life. That is why it's good to be reminded.
ok so my boss yells at me because he is in a foul mood from something that happened at home and suddenly it is my perception that causes the stress? get real man
I like the sound of it but imo the whole problem starts when one person is given way too much authority over another. The fact that one individual has the ability to prevent you from making a living ie. cut your hours at work or fire you, completely ruins this argument. You perceive your job going bye-bye, it goes away. Not many people when given that power use it justly. That's been proven throughout history.
Should remove the name "Buddhist" from the title so people won't dislike without watching the damn video. This video was just about how meditation helps your thought process.
Most valuable thing in us is our mind. But we have great ignorance about it. So learn abhidhamma to understand the mind. Greetings from sri Lanka.
This guy doesn't know what he's talking about. I had a boss that stressed everyone out. He's now in prison for sexual harrassment.
You are arguing that I implied religion but that Buddhism is not a religion?
I said nothing of religion.
From dictionary com : "2. a specific fundamental set of beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects: the Christian religion; the Buddhist religion."
Now that I have looked up your word, look up mine. Dogma does not mean religion.
Ultimately I don't care if Buddhism is a religion. That was not even what I was talking about. Enjoy your red herrings.
I am not sure the argument through analogy sticks, but I see the point you are trying to make. It may be more helpful to find this stillness and then decide what psychological and holistic health issues you are having, working from there. Also, the possibility of being in an environment that is beyond your current capacity for "peace" is present. That said, meditation is an essential practice for well-being In Conjunction With self-knowledge, metaphysical awareness, and grateful indifference.
@einLesenderArbeiter When you mouse over the "phantom box", it clearly says "subscribe" at the top. Assuming you can read, how is this a sneaky trick?
@TheHigherVoltage I hada similarexperience. But I did'nt think being in a small aircraft even with the "big gap"equated to being atop the Empire State Building, because I had two parachutes on. I am nowover50 and can say I am wary of heights - no longer afraid.
I thought this was from the Onion at first but now Sesame Street.
💖💖💖Thank you so much💖💖💖
"When your husband or wife screams at you or beats you, you can look at this as him or her 'training' your mind and body to withstand stressful situations. You can also look at it from their point of view and realize that they must have unhappy states of mind. You can then develop compassion for them."
See how when I switch out "Boss" for "husband or wife", the advice he's giving sounds like total lunacy? That's because it is.
Buddhists have an intrinsic quality known as talking...very...slowly.
@tmcthree I am 'the boss', so I don't think I'll leaving my job any time soon. As for the notion that we disagree, I don't think we do. You seem to be describing a coping strategy, as was I, so we don't disagree on that point. Also, I agree that he is not addressing the objective reality. But that is at the crux of my contention. Coping effectively is not a solution. To suggest that is, or is enough, is not only irresponsible, it invariably renders the exercise futile.
I know Buddhists just talk cliches nowdays, but I should probably atleast try and do this before hating