STOP Being Exploited - How to Deal with Disagreeable People | Jordan Peterson Motivation
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 ส.ค. 2021
- What are disagreeable people like?
They're tough-minded, they're competitive, and they won't do a damn thing they don't want to do. They're also likely in a predatory aggression state (dominance behavior).
So, beware! Learn to stand up for yourself, speak the truth, and engage in conflict, even if it's the only way.
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This is his best book, in my opinion: geni.us/DrJP
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- Jordan Peterson Motivation
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This is his best book, in my opinion: geni.us/DrJP
*HINT: You can get for FREE the audio version narrated by Dr. Peterson himself if you sign up for an Audible Trial.*
Hi, where can one sign up for an audible trial please? Your link does not work and gives some strante amazon stuff.
Could you fakes & attention phishers with your lesser cases get out of the way, please? Rude means a shit, when the real cases at best result in brawls, knife-stabbings, or the originally intended crime hidden behind the posturing. Idiot-Self-Pity-Folks!
i've read it, he is a genius. his explanation of how the world is structured (uroboros, chaos, order, perceiver) is just on point.
People who are Low Agreeableness are usually shitty to be around, rude to others, and don't care about offending people just to have a different opinion. While some situations may be well suited for that temporarily, the people who are Low Agreeableness are Shitty people who are not respectful of others. Stop sugar coating things. Why do you content creators try your best to only focus on people's redeeming qualities? we have prisons/jails/bad people for a reason. NOT EVEYRONE IS A GOOD PERSON on this planet and this video SEVERELY downplays how Low Agreeable personalities play a factor in empathy and decision making leading to crime/offending others/rudeness.
Full video of this podcast
My favorite Jordan Peterson quote:
“Don’t be afraid of what you’re going to say, be afraid of what you’re not going to say”
@I z if there’s something that you genuinely want to say and feel that you need to say, then prepare for people to get hurt.
Never, EVER hold back your truth, because you’re worried about how it may hurt someone’s feelings. That is the absolutely WORST thing a person can do for their own self dignity.
I have to downvote this video because such egghead Nerds are always trying to say that they "accomplished" something by attacking others who are tired after a long days work. They scheme and try to steal credit for things. Such a person is a predatory promotor and seeks only attention.
This hits the nail !
From my life's experience thus far, i can say it can both really do a lot of harm.
I always say what I think,always have. All my life!
One can be polite and very blunt. That is called diplomacy: the art of stating the truth, while keepi g the peace.
You can say things in a polite tone but the words of blunt messages aren't polite. Blunt messages effectively deliver meaning with very little care for other peoples feelings.
Diplomacy is often used in a political context and politicians are notorious for NOT being blunt. They're "polite" but fake, manipulative, deceptive, use weasel words etc.
Blunt = not afraid to keep it real / alpha. Polite = afraid to cause a stir at the cost of your own self-expression / beta.
Definitely more examples of this are needed
I’m not sure about the diplomacy bit. If you’re experientially familiar with the Brits, they excel at telling you to fuck off in a very diplomatic way. I don’t mean using ‘f*ck’ or ‘fck’, but the use of very polite verbal/ written and non- verbal language whilst the message is clearly that. It’s quite fascinating, actually.
@chrishayes5755 Agreeableness is sometimes people pleasing, also known as fawning which is known as a trauma response. You have to acquire the skills of letting people know who you are. Don't allow anyone else to define who you are.
@@libertybabe6086 I am who I am.
No, I am not your ‘god’ 😄
… which brings me to one of the biggest (if not THE biggest) problem of all- the confusion between WHO one is and WHAT one is. Almost invariably, when I make acquaintance with someone the WHAT he/she is is either stated ‘I am Dr Soandso’ or screams out from the all status indicating apparel they wear or use (clothes - be them religious or not, electronic devices, fake/ forced accents, work badges, etc).
Nobody has ever been interested in WHO I am, almost all stopped being constructively curious and open after the answer to their stated or not question ‘ what do you do for a living?’ Some have been curious but only to figure out how ‘useful’ I may be to them. People love only those whom they can use. I understand why but I loathe it, so I tell them to fuck off- both verbally and non- verbally, both politely and rudely. I’m not making excuses for myself because I don’t give a fuck anymore about what anyone thinks, but I can’t help wondering whether this is (also?) the result of social trauma. Social… ah, the social aspect.
I do understand that an individual must mature through individuation, but then…what? All cultural models of individuation are adversarial and there’s no healthy resolution to allow social functioning; after slaying whatever monster, the bloody Hero must remain a Hero and starts to see the others as monsters (the Adversary) whom he must slay or at least dominate. Needless to say, this leads to all abominations. The narratives are crap, they lack the social integration element, the supra- ordinate structure that should accommodate all individual narratives; all narratives have one Hero- the King, the Head but what are the others? Adversaries? Disposable extras? That’s why we have Heroes in their one narrative fighting others who are Heroes in their respective narrative. IT DOES NOT WORK.
You don’t see it, do you? 😔 OK, whatever, think what you can, but leave me the fuck alone. I am not any Hero or Adversary, and sure as hell I refuse to be part of any idiotic and damaging narrative. What options do I have as an alternative to telling you to fuck off to leave me alone? And no, I will NEVER charm anybody with my story/narrative because it is utterly disrespectful.
I’m highly agreeable and conscientious but I think it’s important to have boundaries in order to avoid exploitation as I have been exploited. It feels like going against my nature but after so long of being taken advantage of you just need to start standing up for yourself no matter how hard it is.
We should stand up for ourselves from the very beginning!
Ive grown up around disagreeable agressive ppl. I'm not naturally like that. But from my experience if you keep trying to fight with disagreeable confrontational people its a never ending stress that will put you in a early grave and give u a miserable life..you will never win with people like that unless u basically kill them...my advice avoid people like that as much as possible.
@@dl5014 agree, coming at these people with Jordan's advice about humility and good faith is ultimately unproductive to say the least. I have been doing it for years, utterly futile. You need string boundaries and focus on containing the damage and chaos they can cause.
@@PursuitofMeaning Growing up in an environment where your boundaries aren't allowed just sets one up for a dismal future. Having a narcissistic mother, one that sees your accomplishments as a personal rivalry to her, is the most difficult foundation to overcome.
@@dl5014 hey i agree with this guy. Yes that kind of people never admit they mistakes and they never change unless you kill them
Despite being male, I’m a highly agreeable and conscientious person. This video has come at just the right time, because I’m starting to realize that I am in a steep dilemma when it comes to my work and social life. I keep postponing addressing it, because I’m afraid of conflict, but more and more I realize I have to face that conflict.
As Jordan would say, it’s better to face the dragon now than to hide from it and let it grow bigger.
We've all been through that. Don't delay the conflict. You'll just make it worse.
Just think very well beforehand how you are going to go about it. I used to be a pushover and let people take advantage of me. Then I started to stand up for myself and I liked the respect I've got. But over time I myself became a bit too aggressive and made people afraid of me. I think there needs to be a good balance between understanding other people and still pushing them in a certain direction, so they don't hurt you, themselves, or others.
@@lukiso5734 that's the difficulty, finding the balance...
There's nothing wrong with being a highly agreeable and meek person. What Jordan Peterson's like us to understand is we can't get what we want in life if we stay that way. In order for us to get our own successes in life is that we need to have a certain kind of aggression, or dominance to make room to our ability to make things possible according to our will or lead and do things w/ less or to no oppositions at all. If you watched the movie Fight Club, you'll get the philosophy of Jordan Peterson. You can't get what you want in life by being timid and generally accepting everything that comes to your life without disputing it.
I just had argument with my sister, she never turned up for a appointment.
Didn’t even ring to say she wasn’t turning up.
She does this constantly to my family, I told it was extremely rude.
She just left, didn’t even engage with me.
I’m glad I told her the truth.
I had an ex like this, who was VERY disagreeable. She was impossible to live with. Stubborn, and constantly trying to dominate the relationship, would never admit to being wrong. Always looking for drama or stirr up shit at any given time. Was like walking on eggshells around her 24/7. Thank God it's over.
I actually feel sorry for her in a weird way. She's gonna have a hard time finding someone that will accept that behaviour. And if someone doesn't accept it, they will just argue constantly anyway. Can't imagine living like that ever.
Her career was great though, so they obviously thrive in certain conditions work wise. But it's devastating on a close relationship. Work/money won't matter much if you push everyone away from you.
This is the realest spot on shit EVER!!!
Thank you for sharing, Fred.
Sounds like my mother... LOL
Was she a perfect partner until you started living under one roof? Not a trick question because you perfectly described mine, now very recently, ex partner.
Bro, it’s 2021.. if u get in a serious relationship, it’s on you! Like, there is so much content online, u got no excuse..
As a person who grew up enmeshed, gaslit, and scapegoated, I am utterly fascinated by personalities, boundaries, and the lengths to which people will go to avoid conflict.
It seems like one permutation of my "healing" from past trauma is that I've become much more disagreeable...or perhaps it is simply a matter of having boundaries and being more authentic.
If you're feeling that you're heading to your own authenticity, then keep going. But, just don't hurt the people around you :))
@@PursuitofMeaning And therein lies the key! As someone who is finding their way on the path from doormat to someone with boundaries, I find i let it boil and finally letting it out can be me being a bit rude, which I'm always ashamed of. Learning as i go. Thank you for this.
@@shasa8223 thank you for being here!
I'm also finding that setting boundaries can be challenging. When you go from being everyone's crutch and scapegoat, to someone with their own needs, all the sudden you're the problem.
The tendency to exhibit boldness, with or without aggressiveness, is so real! It's unsettling for myself to experience this "freedom" of thought and action, however well-deserved, when the anger and frustrations of the past overwhelm you. Self-regulation will be my goal now!
@@SteeleMagnolia yes but it gets easier over time and the ones who kick off were not for you. It was what you did for them.
With boundaries and saying no, remember;
“Those who matter do not mind, and those that mind do not matter.”
Conflict is fine. Beware of those who start Conflict for their own amusement, validation, or quest for a gotcha moment
One of the best things that JP said which helped me a lot is...'Don't talk to people who don't want to listen'.
This has always been my issue - too agreeable. Been told by so many that I was too nice. It blatantly explains why I've had such a difficult time in life, keeping the waters smooth to avoid conflict with an ex narcissist husband, coworkers, and employers.
Jordan's comment on being a middle-aged female with high agreeableness was spot-on, an being a mother to five adult children I see so clearly now why I am like this. An employer once told me that I needed to grow devil horns, lol. He was right.
Treat the blunt people blunt, and observe the reaction.
They are the ones who scream the highest.
100%.
I disagree, I hate when a person is vague. Tell me exactly what it is so I know how to strategize and deal with it.
If you are agreeable and nice, I never truly know whats in your mind.This do not sit well with me
Treat the blunt people with patience and humor and the good ones who are unaware of their asshattery might just become your best friend. The bad ones need more specialized care lol.
If your blunt comment is wrong...then yes, they will let you have it. If you're right , a blunt person will acknowledge that.
Looking back life ( over 80 years) makes a lot more sense. I used to fire 3 people before lunch because firing was the right thing for them. They needed to do something that they could become successful at because they weren’t going to be successful with my firm. The problem I had was that my superiors liked what I produced, and I was very successful, but didn’t particularly like me. I did not like and was not good at politics. I found that I was best at owning my own business, even though I went broke 3 times before I became successful. Thanks so much
Thank you for sharing this! Take care!
Just because you are not good at politics makes you unlikable? What happened to being kind and humble as likeable?
I have seen politics at all levels ultimately ruin situations,opportunities and people. I don't play politics. I am honest with people and have a good work ethic to get things done. Many people cannot cope with that. Oh well.
It’s enlightening to hear from you as it gives hope that things would be alright.
This hit hard because I'm going through this right now. I got a new job and I'm very much a agreeable person to an extent. Where the girl training me is none agreeable and she is the worst.
She degrades me every change she gets. I'm new and only been here for 2 weeks and if I get one tiny thing wrong she treats me like a child and says things over and over again and is like “Do you see the difference yes or no?”She warned me that she is a blunt person but it's affecting me emotionally. I only been here for two weeks. Then when I bring it up that will try my best she is like “ it's not a big deal “ the way she talks to me is horrible. Since I'm new I Don't want to cause issues. Horrible situation to be in. There are more examples of what she does but it will to long.
Stand up for yourself if you do not like it. People will not treat you right just because you are nice, they treat you right because you enforce your boundaries.
she sounds like someone i work with. to a T. are we coworkers? 😂
“Kindness is a weakness to be exploited.”
-the World
Mindblowing. Really.
The Power of God is love, so kindness could not be a weakness. The beastly Satanic spirit of aggressiveness, jealousy, racism, and envy all weakness.
Galatians 5:19-21
[19]Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
[20]Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
[21]Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
The spirit of Christ, the spirit of Power.
Galatians 5:22-23,25-26
[22]But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
[23]Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
[25]If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
[26]Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.
Repent, walk away from your wicked ways, seek Christ, and live by the fruit of the spirit. Gal. 5:22-23
Exploited by the fake ones only
it's good to be kind cause you can easily find out who's real and who's fake
Is it kind to stay silent while someone is abusing you verbaly? Is it kindness to not ask for the things you need? Is it kindness to not say what you think and wait until it either dissapears or gets unbearable? I don't see a single kind act that makes agreable acts blow up in your face, nor anything intrinsicly unkind in disagreable ones. Agreeablenes is about control and predictability. Disagreabalnes is about resolution and change
@@sibanbgd100 you talk like a man that Satan is beaming his spirit into. Let's take you first gainsaying point is it kind to remain silent while someone is abusing you.
Our lord and savior took abuse in words, abuse to his body, and mockery but he refused to revile back. He did all this to forgive man's sins, while we were still in sin.
When abuse, envy, slander, and unkind acts come your way, the antidote is the fruit of the spirit. This is man's test as this generation hopefully comes to an end, can we change our behavior and conduct and put on the spirit of Christ.
Galatians 5:22-23
[22]But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
[23]Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
This Satanic behavior and conduct that Satan has been beaming to men since the fall of Adam, is responsible for the fall of all empires. The 4th kingdom spoken in the book of Daniel, stands now as the habit of devil's, the end is imminent.
Revelation 18:2,4,7-9
[2]And he cried mightily with a strong voice, saying, Babylon the great is fallen, is fallen, and is become the habitation of devils, and the hold of every foul spirit, and a cage of every unclean and hateful bird.
[4]And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues.
[7]How much she hath glorified herself, and lived deliciously, so much torment and sorrow give her: for she saith in her heart, I sit a queen, and am no widow, and shall see no sorrow.
[8]Therefore shall her plagues come in one day, death, and mourning, and famine; and she shall be utterly burned with fire: for strong is the Lord God who judgeth her.
[9]And the kings of the earth, who have committed fornication and lived deliciously with her, shall bewail her, and lament for her, when they shall see the smoke of her burning,
Matthew 5:44
[44]But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.
Repent, walk away from your wicked ways, seek Christ, and live by the fruit of the spirit.
You know, in a way, Jordan, I agree with your basic message. At school, people always used to call me 'nice' and 'a good listener'. It's when you don't stand up for yourself that you make enemies, not when you confront people. Every time you walk out of your house you will be confronted with a new situation, and you have to read it appropriately, and act in the right way, which doesn't necessarily mean a moderate way.
I dated someone who was completely disagreeable with me with everything. It made me think I was nuts and a bad person until I realized that it wasn’t just me that was the problem.
This hit so close to home that I'm pretty sad about it. Hearing it explained this way has given me a lot to think about and reconsider as I am a agreeable person.
Think them through and take care of yourself.
In the last few years I finally learned to defend my boundaries ,the problem I have now is that I just don't care who attacks me, I'll comfront them fearlessly, sometimes to fearlessly
I’m agreeable and I am working on moderating it. I win at being more assertive and disagreeable at times, and then there are times I’m caught off guard and revert. My boss even told me he knew I was a people pleaser and I need to get past it. Hurt like hell being seen as one so clearly. I need to stand up for my needs so will be going into conflict tomorrow.
The sad part is that if you don't stand up for yourself, you'll regret it, and trust me...those regrets are the worst a human being can have!
That was put well. I have grown to understand this postition, and need to put myself into uncomfortable positions more often to do what's right for me.
@@garrettgosse3887 it is better that linger...because after decades i realize i have to start ALL over and i am still avoid conflict regarding my new position..hard patterns. I either despise myself to staying small or i jump in the unkown and shine... It is scary and Exciting at the same time
"will be going into conflict tomorrow" made me smile 😊 I, and many others, are on the same path. Fixing everyone elses problems will now be their own problem.
@@PursuitofMeaningI agree
Man story of my life... Being agreeable and got exploited so much that now I am just afraid of everyone
Become the villain 😉
most of the times these "agreeable" people actually come from abusive families - where the conflict was always so high, and everyone's expectations of them was always so high without any emotional investments -that they actually grew up believing their opinion never matters and no matter what, they will be targeted and bashed for disagreeing. They never really grew up to be a free independent person who can decide on their own about things. I myself am one, and currently still living w my family after a failed abusive marriage. All i know is i tried my best - but i never really Mattered to anyone. Everyone got upset the moment i dont agree. Being agreeable and avoiding conflict is not a bad thing- just dont be a doormat. Speaking up for yourself sometimes is necessary. If you're out of words then just grunt and leave- that's the least amount of response any disagreeable asshole deserves.
I'm was a single child, and my parents never fought, but look at me, I'm still a super-agreeable person (working to change that).
@@PursuitofMeaning probably you are just too polite
Yes I think this will definitely be a big reason behind a lot of people scoring highly on agreeableness. If you weren't allowed to disagree/express yourself fully/ever criticise your parents or older siblings due to fear of ridicule, anger and aggression, you're likely to grow up a people pleaser who goes into freeze mode when confronted with disagreeable people. I'm sorry to hear about your marriage, don't give up. You can move out again and become free and independent.
Britain suffers from a pandemic of passive aggression, which is the shadow side of agreeableness. It's a society that is two faced, hypocrisy, cloak and dagger and all things covert, all because of maintaining an image a facade of politeness. By contrast Americans are more direct. Perhaps the only advantage they have.
That's an interesting perspective :)
@razerburst Depression doesn't equal passive aggressiveness. That's a trait due to a rigid class system, and a country of mostly employees. Or people who want to be paid to do as little as possible. There are a lot of problems with Britian and its veener of Greatness is cracking.
You're right, there is a lot of thinly veiled aggression in many workplaces here in the UK. I've found workplaces much more difficult to navigate than school, there seems to be at least one highly unpleasant, narcissistic, disagreeable and/or manipulative person in every workplace.
@@katec9893 Depending on size of company, often more than one, but one is enough to create a toxic environment.
Jordan Peterson is a blessing to our generation. I have learnt soooo much from you Sir 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥..Thank you👌❤️🔥💕💕
He will have his place along the greatest.
Wow.. I find those words really true.. I am an agreeable person, in general, and I find really stressful to cope with disagreeable people, especially in my workplace. The last years I try to become more honest always with a diplomatic way and what I ve noticed is that when I am telling the truth, sometimes even the disagreeble people might get shocked.
Nothing can withstand the truth.
Let them be shocked! Maybe that's their wakeup call
It’s pretty hard for me to not laugh at things I don’t find funny. Or to stare back at someone who’s staring at me. Simple things to do but tough, you get better at it though.
Staring back, that's a good one!
I'm highly conscientious, you give me a task and I get it done, my brain is wired to find the most effective way to accomplish things. At work, I find myself being blunt but professional, disagreeable if necessary to get things done and competitive. What I struggle with is that I don't think I'm necessarily this way in my natural state, in my social life I tend to want to please people and seek harmony, I love and truly care for people and often come back from work feeling a little sad that I have to be this other person at work to get things done.
I'm in a highly competitive, numbers driven job and feel often I have to put people aside to honor the responsibility I was hired for and wonder if anyone else feels this clash of personality within themselves and the mask we have to put on at work vs how we are in our personal lives.
Embrace the Mask. DON'T HATE THE GAME, PLAY THE GAME bcoz you're in it mate. Also, you should never pity the weak, it just multiplies the suffering of both the one who pities and the one who is pitied. Fredrich Nietsczhe said that.
If you are fortunate enough to shop around for different work that meets your values, talents, and personality style while including your interests - that would solve your discomfort. It took me 15 years and lots of positions that I didn't enjoy to clue me into what is truly a good satisfying fit that can pay the bills. Then it felt "authentic". Like a version of me at work instead of the masked actor.
Omggg I can relate with you!!
Sometimes when you engage in calm conflict they keep going with their argument, or in my case, insults just because something has gotten up their nose. I was always a person that stayed away from conflict, and in some cases you need to. Great content here and very good advice, Jordan Peterson is a very wise person and he has helped me realize a lot of things in my life. Thanks for the upload. 🙂
Wow! I'm a disagreeable woman, conscientious, raised by Dad (who was most disagreeable), and Dr Peterson has described me to a T! Most women can't handle my blunt honesty, but men appreciate me! Went into male-dominated fields all my life, my friends have mostly been men!
Thanks for your brilliance!
Are you single?
Men respect you for business goals
But do they like you behind closed doors?
I doubt many do
How's your love life?
Really? I feel like men dont like me being blunt :( woman in finance here 🙋♀️
Just don't use your disagreeable skills in a road rage situation. Or you will regret for what you're proud of.
Conflict cannot be avoided! You must win sometimes! Very inlighting! Many Thanks Doctor!🎈🎈
It's good to see I'm not the only one who's dealing with this. I'm a highly agreeable and conscientious male. Which means I love to be competitive, but at the same time I don't want to bother anyone around me. But I'm sure I can figure out a way to stand up for myself better.
What helped me become more assertive is by changing my paradigms.
I'm only agreeable most of the time because conflict usually isn't necessary and just makes you look like an ass. When I need to be, and it's actually worth it, I can cause a shit storm of conflict and put you in the dirt. I don't see why you have to be one or the other. You can be both depending on the situation
Of course you can be both! you don't have to be one or the other. I see it as being able to tap into the 2 different states depending on what the situation requires. Its better to be a warrior in a garden then a gardener in a war meaning when the situation presents itself where you have to show your teeth and stand your ground then do it! Being respectful and humble is fine but if somone disrespects you show them that isn't ok
Totally agree, but you could engage even in the first situation you described. You just engage smart and politely.
@@PursuitofMeaning Why would you need to be smart and polite I can see the benefit of being smart but if I've decided I'm going to do as much damage as I can to you verbally aren't you handing me the advantage by deciding I'm going to be polite?
Isn’t it probably kind of a scale
@@PeteS_1994 I'm not sure if you're talking to me specifically. There is a scale but not much of one because conflict tends to escalate.
"The truth will set you free"
I worked briefly for a semiconductor firm in Silicon Valley. The CEO liked his VPs to compete with one another. His thinking was that competition improved overall performance. Eventually, this kind of cut throat, take no prisoners behavior filtered down to everyone. The place was like a war zone on a daily basis.
It's so sad to hear this. Of course, competition is necessary, but not like this.
Every vid of his I watch speaks directly to me.its either about me specifically or about my relationships n interactions with others.im a very conscientious, agreeable person who avoids conflict n rarely know what I want cuz I'm I'm so accustomd to "living for others" n doing what THEY want.i also happen to know many highly dissagreeable/aggressive individuals.some of whom I'm forced to interact with on a regular basis.its NOT a great recipe for success n happiness on behalf of myself.when I DO eventually assert myself Its often an explosion that comes from years of bottling up all my frustrations with the world n others.so I usually overeact n go mental-insane at the wrong time n place
The trouble with being agreeable and trying to speak the truth is that you get shouted down by the disagreeable.
I can never get a complete sentence out without being overwhelmed by a barrage of objection.
Sometimes I just want to tie the person to a chair and put tape over their mouth so they HAVE to listen.
And that sort of makes me a tyrant, doesn’t it? 🤷🏼
Patience is key. Keep your calm, and make the person you're talking to understand that interrupting you doesn't mean he wins :)...but you don't have to give up! So, keep your calm, breathe, don't raise your voice, and even if you're interrupted, continue "as I was saying..."
Haha, i know that feeling, i hate it as well. Like op said, you can keep your cool and talk it smoothly. More finesse like OR you can go balistic/agressive just like them, if you do, just brace yourself for the onslaught, but you might surprise them with it cause is different from your usual behaviour. Just make sure you don't swear, unless they do it first. Or you can do a combination of both.
After years of being taken advantage of, i'm leaning towards balistic, fuc that shit, im tired of being agreeable.
Certain people bring out the tyrant in you unfortunately 😏
I going to therapy for this very reason right now. I’m making slow but steady progress at the moment. Things are currently being rocked due to me being agreeable and enabling with friends and family for so long. It’s painful, but it’s necessary pain. It’s growing pains
Patience, and you shall be ready. Trust me.
A personal advice - Learn to breath (control your breath) when engaging in conflict. This helped me the most.
@@PursuitofMeaning yeah.. when you stay calm, you win
I had the same issue. I low myself and agree to these people. I figured out recently my solar plexus chakra was weak. Especially if u are around narcissist people their heart chakra is blocked and they suck the power of your solar plexus chakra which is the third chakra. Do solar plexus chakra meditation, breathing exercises like pranayama etc. Also you can try yellow color stones, sunstone etc. You are lacking that firey sun masculine energy. Once you back in full power you rule. Good luck.
@@eagleseye6576 my father is a Narcissist
Just started meditation recently,Feeling a little better
Btw how to do solar plexus chakra meditation?
As an agreeable person I can only thank you for this explicit video
Lots of information in just a few words. Thank you for sharing this.
At 63..
I am still learning..
Thank you sir!!
I'm very agreeable and one of my best friends is disagreeable. I really love and appreciate these traits in her, and although I suffer from them if we have a conflict, I know it comes from a good place because the love and support is always there and never ever falters.
Boundaries: Ultimately, we all decide who we will associate with. I decided to refuse to associate with disagreeable people and will not work with them, for them or socialize with them and frankly, I think that life is much less stressful that way.
Exploiting middle-aged consciencious and agreeable people is very nasty. We must engage in conflict. And know what we want, we must become less agreeable.
I believe we shouldn't stop being agreeable, but we should engage in conflict whenever our soul and peace are threatened.
@@PursuitofMeaning yes I agree
True but try this disagreeable attitude in academic context and people will just throw you out. Even though you're bringing up helpful points everyone will just say that you are some infantile radical while they themselves are actually the infantile lazy minded. And if there is something I really hate on this planet then it's people who never change anything, who never speak up and who are lazy minded and slow.
@@PursuitofMeaning Get replaced by immigrants. You think corporate masterminds have no solution for that?
I disagree
I was called out for being the type of person that would "Avoid confrontation, to the point of conflict". Absorbing that comment has greatly improved my confidence in being able to confront and discuss a topic vs holding onto that grudge. Communication has become much easier for me.
Voice of reason. Its like music to my ears man, God bless Jordan Peterson
Thank you very much Dr. Peterson for simplifying some very difficult relationship concepts. But i have found some folks (especially close relatives) are agreeable on some level and on some particular issues. But at the same time they are also disagreeable on some of the same issues. Though thay can suppress, postpone, or hide their disagreeableness to some degree. And at some future time they let their disagreeableness (which was temporarily deferred) be expressed much more fully. It's sneaky and tricky.
You'll always have that gut instinct about a person, even if it's family. Trust it.
I understand what you're saying, even though its articulated poorly. It's closer to the mark than the confused and simplistic account given by Peterson.
This is the next barrier I need to cross
So well described! Now it is about coming out of it, the agreeable behavior, to be assertive always....
You do not have to fire an underperforming employee. They fire themselves.
Never "Pigeon Hole" people! We are all very complex. Hopefully his audience realizes that issues are most often very deep. Seek first to understand then be understood!
Covey?
I really enjoy your vids🙂 Great advice & knowledgeable in many awesome ways. Think your def doing what your meant to do.
Pick your battles_ Most are a "case by case" basis/situations_ Knw the/your boundaries & set good/sensible ones_ Respectfully tell the truth of the matter_ & always work to find a good balance in all.
I am actually learning to say what I want more often. More and more I've realized that I am not used to being asked what I want rather than being told what I _should_ want. I was raised with a sibling with behavioral issues and a father with depression who would both have silent rage and outbursts, which has manifested in me being very uncomfortable with a lack of communication, so I can appreciate some blunt people if they are consistently communicating, but I am still afraid to speak up most times because I'm used to even the most minimal behaviors resulting in a possible outburst. I had an outburst at my anger issues sibling once, and I'll admit while it felt bad in the moment, looking back it felt nice to be able to make her scared to talk to _me_ for a change. Now, I still don't want to frighten anyone, so I'm in touch with my emotions and step back when needed instead of seething like an unpleasant blob the way she does, and I actually seek help and solutions far sooner than her. Her being both disagreeable and angry _and_ anxious has really damaged my perception of our sibling relationship to the point that I'm fucking sick of her and needed to stay over with friends from time to time just to escape her rancid vibes. Every time I stay around her too long, my mental health declines and that is sad as hell because she's not a bad person but she's a terrible personality.
I am lucky to have a second sibling who is going through the same learning lourney, albeit a bit later than I and having been mistreated by more people for longer than I, but I'm very proud of him for getting more assertive and learning his value in a way that isn't destructive.
I'm also lucky I have a boyfriend who is communicative and patient who also shares the low maintenance I have, which makes the relationship feel very secure and cozy. None of my usual fears and anxieties can get through there, because I can just trust him and know silence isn't a death sentence.
I know you hate people like me and having to be accommodating to others, but I just wanted to share something, because we _are_ people and we have the same struggles.
Shook me by the shoulders HARD. THank you.
I'm trying to avoid conflict but conflict is addicted to me
My friend this is not true and not the right mindset. Conflicts it self is not bad or dangerous its just an experience where u need to experience and understand
Thank you, I have never heard anyone express wisdom in the manner you have.
2 seconds in and I realize I'm a disagreeable person....and I like it ❤
I think his point is the same as in the book "Good to Great" chapter about "getting right people on the bus and wrong people off the bus"...worth a read
What you say about women and being agrreable is so true. What companies do is nasty.
LOL. Where I work it's nothing but conflict. Incompetence is of top priority in management and that's where the conflict begins and always spills over onto the non-management workforce. I'll be glad when I'm retired in a short while.
Congratulations on your retirement!
Am retired, noticed people who have passed before reaching this milestone.keep taking care of your health, best wishes.
Thank you!
"They look at the world as a place in which they can compete and win". That's a great line and stands it's own ground until one day you lose everything and it becomes not such a good idea. You make your bed and you lie in it.!
I was exploited all's my life and eventually I lost my reality and was alighting with dark thoughts
I am not usually a fan of Jordan Peterson but this is interesting insight to think about.
You don't have to be a fanatic to find wisdom in his words and apply it to your own life.
Aww, his views offend you. Cry somewhere else. He speaks 95% truth.
@@Spartan-Of-Truth Ironically, this comment offended you in a way too!
I dont think its a problem with his ideas its more because of the people who twist and manipulate them to fuel legitimately hateful rhetoric peterson himself is fine for the most part
Okay, now it’s twice I’ve been in alignment with what Peterson is talking about. Shocking, I know.
Conflict is abundant today we know this. I tell myself things like “if I fought with everyone I’d turn blue” “maybe it’s the way I am that everyone behaves a certain way” “they are someone who has power to impact my circumstances” so what’s the truth engage in as much healthy conflict as you can? The problem I feel is so many people can’t take harsh truth in nice way and they almost instantly become “disagreeable” and shut down. It’s hard to form a solution when sometimes there’s more at stake for you.
Some serious words of wisdom
People love Peterson not because of his psychology but because of his ability to see the world and people without any blinders on!!!!
That's very true!
He is not the only person who's able to do that.
@@abdulazizhawsah9884 No, but he's been the most vocal as of late. And he's popular enough to actually be effective.
He is talking to me. Am lately beginning to hate the person I am. It's almost like I have to consider everyone's feelings before I do anything and the worst is you still never satisfy everyone no matter what I do and I end up being exhausted and unhappy.
You can’t always stop people from exploiting you, but you can stick up yourself and others in conversation
This was a great presentation by Jordan Peterson. Job performance is essential to maintain a productive business setting.
His blue collar approach is the crux of his ability to relate and communicate. also an excellent story teller.
That disagreeable guy you just defined is me 100% 😂😂😂😂
And, ironically, I also work with distressed businesses and pointing out what the problem is and what must be done to solve it is a huge part of my job!
Agreeable folks need to be careful cause they tread their authentic self for a made up image of what their environment asks for! Most times, these people end up suffering a lot from high blood pressure and the risks this carries cause, most of the times, they are putting out an image that is far from what is really going on inside them!
Being rude is not a character virtue. It's just an easy way out for people who don't want to put the work into the actual challenge of forming healthy boundaries with another person.
Remarkable handling of the topic codified , enlightening and inspiring
I’m a Hgv driver and I get this. I turn up to work 1 hour early everyday, pull 2 or three extra trailers every night and then do my actual run. First in one of the last out and then there are the people who turn up and do nothing all shift and sleep..😂
This is exactly why so many people are on anti depressants right now. It's the culture to have everyone compete and be the same. To force things and tell you you're not enough. We don't need to force people to do something or tell them who they are. Instead of your friend telling people who they are in his eyes, ask them, what do you want? What is your passion? What makes you get up in the morning. No judging, just asking and finding out their qualities. People need to know how good they are. They need to know they are not broken and have the power to improve. They need to be taught about their power. They need to find their way and to be taught how. Everyone has this power, no exceptions.
You start out neutral and tailor your behavior in proportion as you get to know people - be ready to be a hard case, but also meet good behavior with good.
I try to be agreeable and understanding, but I have a point where the switch is flipped and if I stay, I know I'll cross a line I shouldn't.
You have to become a self-controlled dangerous person.
I'm pretty sure 90% of the people at my place of work would all be fired if that was their boss.
That's an interesting fact! :))
I would only fire someone in my world if they were a bully or arrogant and rude. Unless they could improve.
We need people like you, and people like me in the world…..this is what I always say to men I dare who say I’m way too nice and accepting.
Thank you for being brave enough.
What did I get from this. Mainly, that I am glad I work for myself and will never work for a corporation or Government. I find I personally don't like many people and I don't care for people telling me what to do especially if I don't like them. When it comes to disagreeable people I generally will go to work removing their influence, power and presence from my existence one step at a time until they are no concern to me.
That's a good conclusion.
@@PursuitofMeaning As always excellent video. Prof Peterson is brilliant IMO. I'm the INTP Myers brig type and have battled with many of the issues associated with this type. I have a very wild mind. Disorganised but very thoughtful as well. The Prof seems to me to be a similar type who has organised his mind, set firm goals and achieved with excellence. Just the person for me to listen to and observe in action.
We are much alike.
I really don't enjoy conflict, but I do like honesty. Being disagreeable doesn't make you an asshole. Disagreeable people are often the best negotiators, if they are also reasonable.
Completely agree.
You can be agreeable and a good negotiator. In fact, if you are agreeable and kind, you can make an excellent negotiator. We also have to take into account many factors into a personality, intelligence is highly prized and sweetness. Intelligence or creativity can come with being introverted and agreeable.
Somebody actually worked on the video sync narration..I was howling at that omg that's it. That's MFn it!
That's the spirit!!!
I am to prone to avoid necessary conflict. Thanks for helping me recognize this fact.
Is it possible to be both agreeable and disagreeable? Because I'm seeing both of these traits in myself 🧐
Yes;
in fact, almost everyone is both agreeable and disagreeable to various degrees.
And the extremes actually aren't particularly flattering:
an overly agreeable person is a doormat who always prioritises other people above him-/herself to an excessive degree (and probably often feels used by other people and as a result becomes bitter), whereas an overly disagreeable person is basically a selfish bully.
Personally I am about 80% agreeable, which is probably just barely below being a doormat;
I find conflicts very tiring and unpleasant, and I sympathise with people very easily.
I was wired to be agreeable, but then discovered that arguing with the ignorant fools who tear J P to pieces for no good reason, has honed my inner monster and made me quite gloriously assertive!
Haha, good job!
It’s not that easy
@@turolretar Nothing is easy! But remember, 'A journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step'. (Lao-Tze)
I need to learn this I don't like conflict 😭 and I can't stand up for myself and .... Everything you say that is so hard for me
the images that go along with this remind me of the commercials for medication
I am quite disagreeable. But your friend is what schadenfreude was designed. The joy people will have around him. Kid you not everyone gets dealt with in this world.
Things agreeable people should deliberately practice and observe daily:
1- confrontation
2 - getting into fights with people
3 - negotiating a good deal rather than having to agree to a sh*t deal
4 - telling off the a$h*l3s around them to go eat $h*t
5 - deliberately making an angry person even more angry (just for the fun of it).
6 - letting go the idea of having to please everyone.
Haha, that's a great conclusion! Thank you for doing this!
I really needed this, thank you, need to be stronger.
Remeber your happiness matters not others. If you feel happy by helping as many as you can then no matter what other says at the end of day the simple you put on will worth all the discomfort you faced.
agreeable people line up to be used by their friends and say nothing when they give and give to much...on top of that they are not respected and just ignored like an old dish rag...
Just what every corporation wants. Listen to Peterson? They got millions of agreeable migrants lined up to replace you. Or robots.
We need to find balance.
Fuc*ing ouch
I am an agreeable person I guess. I've been told that I am a people pleaser. And when I have been told that, I sensed a bit of disdain from the people that made the statement . I never understood their lack of respect over it. All my life it didn't take much for people to show me a lack of respect, or just was overlooked, or bullied. Hard to make friends that didn't betray me in one way or another, so I tended to feel like I had to try harder than most to be accepted. We moved around a lot. My Dad was in the service. So I grew up always feeling like an outsider. I made up for it by, I guess, being agreeable. It's taken me to the age I am now to see that I handled it all wrong and that created resentment and a kind of a cynical attitude in me. I ran from bullies as a kid. I should have stood up, shoulders back and not shown fear. At least I wouldn't have developed this life time fear of confrontation and anxiety and awkwardness around others...Thank you for your lectures, it has been a great help to me. Kudos for your much needed contribution!
Maybe you are just a gentle person. This is not a bad thing, how the Lord looks at it.
I've always thought "agreeableness" is a sign of low self-esteem.
I am high in agreeableness and consciousness. So, like his friend, I like to call loafers out. How I frame it is that it is kind to those who are working and helping the loafer to either do better or move on to work that motivates them to succeed. I open with a compliment and end with encouragement for their future endeavors
I am constantly exploited and I have always been exploited. I think part of the reason this happens is because I am extremely capable and highly intelligent. So. I have to do other people's jobs. There are a lot of people who just want to veg. They just don't do their job. And their boss just tells me to do it for them. And I don't want to be fired... so I do it. And I work and work and work and work and end up holding up half the building at least because then other people just stop doing their job and I have to work and work and work and work to do their job too. And eventually the supervisor who does this loses their job. And things get better for a while when the new supervisor is hired. But then the new supervisor starts doing that too when the people who don't want to do their job just sit there and argue and scream instead of doing their job. I don't know how to break this cycle. It's misery. What do you do? I don't really like just not doing my job. I really don't have the attitude that I don't care if you fire me or not, I'm just not going to do anything. And most of those people do lose their jobs. I've been at this job a lot longer than almost everyone who is there now. I like keeping my job. But I don't want to be the supervisor. A good supervisor would fire them quickly and hire someone else and keep doing that until they find someone who is going to do their job. But that's not a pleasant job, and most supervisors just want their better salary, they don't care about doing their work either and they stick around long, because one person can't do everybody's job for them. Yeah. If everybody was smart and capable, I guess... they wouldn't do this. I don't know why people do this. How in the world do you keep this from happening, especially when you're not the boss? I don't think I really know. That's why I'm starting a business so that I can leave that circus behind.
I really feel you... Thank you for sharing this.
@@PursuitofMeaning Since problems like this are what you study and are an expert in understanding better than most people, maybe you could come up with a better conclusion than I have. I love your videos and I will continue to be watching them for better insight.
The people best suited for a position of power are those that don't want it in the first place. I think you'd do well in the supervisor role; you may not be happy with parts of the job, but I feel as though you would be content in it by knowing/making the right decisions. Food for thought.
How about: Be as wise as a serpent, and as harmless as a dove? Something about the strategy is appealing to me.
That's the shadow of Carl Jung. Check it out (if you haven't already).
I took it from Jesus and the "Good Book".
Yes, but how many ppl actually live by that? "Few", Jesus said, and I believe he meant, extremely few! You can speak the scriptures, but when most ppl don't abide by them, what good is it, unless they put it into practice!
Harmlessness is not a good trait. A good man is capable of great violence but voluntarily does not conduct himself in that way in pursuit of virtue.
Virtue is only present when a choice is being made, if something is being sacrificed. An incredibly selfish, evil person is capable of performing minor deeds of good to manipulate others so long as it doesn't cost them anything or cost them much. A truly good person if put in a situation that absolutely requires immediate brutality to avoid some great evil being thrust upon the weak or those in their care is absolutely capable of wickedness.
Joshua did not conquer Jericho and defeat the Amorites with kind words. He did it with fire and sword.
How this doctor puts himself outside of the scope of his very profound relevances astounds me.
So often executed in an amazing timing of choriographic significance, or is that just timeless relevance?
He just blasts through the mix of what so many remain trapped in.
So the visionary is free in mind, body and spirit. Setting freedom in its pace. 🙏
Always awed.
He really thought them through. All of what he's speaking.