yeah from selfish vvomen and also all those children that have been failed considering vvomen raised the majority of criminals and the fact 30% don't know their actual dad... failures
@@WilingtonProductions He is the type of guy women call a catch, because he is all whiny and emotional. That's what they say they want, but in reality, that's a huge turn off for them.
right. because no one plays victim when they are on the phone. Keep in mind, none of this information is verified. he couldve made up 100% of this story.
My ex cheated on me. I was devastated and lost all trust in people & true love in general. Horrible way to live. The best advise I was given is that ‘It’s not so much about being able to trust others. We can’t control others. It’s more about being able to trust ourselves. To trust that we have cultivated the strength to get through it should someone else hurts us this way.” Seems this is done by cultivating self-love and setting clear boundaries about what you’ll accept from others. 🍀
My ex cheated on me. Best decision he ever made. I ended up meeting my soulmate, he's my best friend and the most honest respectful man. Your ex is her loss. Let it go and honestly appreciate it because it brought you to someone better.
*Folk, cheating is never a mistake.* Cheating is a series of planned conscious decisions, the cheater justifies it, they determine that it’s worth risking their current relationship to do so, then after further consideration- *they move forward with the act of infidelity.* A man or a woman with no self control is a liability. I can’t think of anything more degrading, humiliating and pathetic than getting emotional over or fighting to remain in a relationship with a known cheater.* There is no benefit, let the other person have them and don’t allow a cheater to control or dictate how you move forward in life!
lol I get what you’re saying, but that sh*t was mad corny. **look I’m a big, strong, stoic man who has no emotional response to my girlfriend cheating on me and breaking up with her. Just take her stuff, throw it in a bunch of garbage bags, put it on the curb outside, and call a lock smith to have the locks changed. I’m such a badass, bro!**
@@Westernkoala A mistake can mean a decision you made that you later regret because of a change of heart or because it doesn't work out how you expected. You are thinking of an accident. Cheating isn't an accident but it often is a mistake.
I don't remember how old the caller is(20's?), but he seems very mature and self aware. Kudos to him for recognizing the issues and the curiosity to get help to resolve them.
Thats like deciding not to drive a car because you were involved in a car accident. Life moves on with or without you. You are letting life pass you by and missing out.
When you do meet someone that makes you feel special I hope you can love once more, and love like no one has ever hurt you before. Maybe not today.. but surely one day ❤
That’s great news. There may be some really awesome person out there that might have wanted a long-term relationship with you, but now that person will be available for someone else. Keep up to good work and spread the word.
Your story is close to mine. Know that you’re not alone. I lost my dad in 2002 and years later while my mom was fighting pancreatic cancer, my ex-bf cheats on me. He lied about having work and couldn’t be there for me at the hospital but I find out he was f*ucking her. She had the audacity to pm me from his phone to let me know he’s hers. I found out he did the same thing to her and wanted to get back to me. My mom died and I since then went on a spiritual journey. I put myself first and push ALL men away because of my trust issues thanks to him. Somehow I’ve found my peace again. And I hope you find yours too. Best of luck ✌🏻.
I'm so glad you've found peace again. Sending you many hugs from Africa. May many blessing come your way. May you find a trustworthy man and live a good long life. And don't feel bad when people gaslight you saying you've got trust issues, it's hard to trust again when you've been betrayed. Use this line on them:" It's always good to be insecure if you're driving an unreliable car on a high way. Being insecure means your senses are working"
So sorry for the loss of your parents. I lost mine young as well. I was betrayed by an ex as well. Narcissists especially do not like to deal with tragedies. I mean how dare I have another problem.
Gary story broke my heart. My son is fixing to be 22 and I couldn’t imagine leaving him but Gary’s mother would be so proud of how he handled it. It’s always easier to come back from taking a break than to do something that could’ve ended his life and affected so many people.😢
John’s explained my life EXACTLY. The love of my life abandoned me without a reason, without a word and without giving me closure two days after my Dad died. (He had huge debts so may have either had to return to his estranged wife OR to his parents if they offered to bail him out financially). Then my family sued me for my Dad’s estate. All this trauma sent me into ‘hermit mode’ ie deep depression, an early menopause at 42 and I lost 2/3’s of my hair. That was 22 years ago. My ex destroyed my faith in relationships, my trust in men and my belief in love: I will now go through life alone. I hope he’s proud of himself.
John really has a gift for connecting to people and being empathetic and understanding what they need. Wow… you can have two or three degrees but his heart is just gold and that's what makes him so good. ❤ I hope Gary gets the healing and the life connections that he's searching for. He seems like a top notch guy.
No what he faced wasn’t just about the girlfriend he lost his mother ….. like he channeled it to a way to move forward and the truly didn’t truly wasn’t able to grieve he had to survive mode I appreciate that he had to grew up
This guy will be fine. He got a horrible introduction to adult life, and he’s dealing with two of the most painful things a human being can experience in a healthy, productive way. He’s also very mature and perceptive for his age. Not sure if dating is the healthiest thing for him to be doing right now. Plenty of time for that later after he grieves and heals.
13:57 tears in my eyes, 2 weeks ago I just lost a woman who loved me to death to another man because I let my previous relationship insecurities get in the way.i wish I watched this episode & confessed my heart out to her that it’s not her fault & I’m working on it. I’m so afraid it’s too late 💔
Americans have a great phrase once a cheater always a cheater. In my country we have similar phrase which says it is in that person’s blood which means if you are born that way no one can change it. Sad for loyal partners who get cheaters in their live’s. One thing I was always clear on I would never forgive betrayal not in relationship or friendship.
Hey Gary, I’m a surgical burn trauma icu nurse. Been doing this 9 years. You did not kill your mother. I see it very often where family members have that burden and they feel like they killed their loved one. Idk the circumstances of your mother’s health, but often letting the ones we love go is better than subjecting them to years of torture where they could never get back to a life they had before. You made a courageous decision that no doubt is hard. But you didn’t kill your mother. I pray for Gods peace and comfort over that decision and how you are feeling.
This guy sounds like me when my wife cheated on me 6 years ago. I struggled to trust anyone and always felt like everyone was out to get me and just stomp all over me. You do get out of it but it sometimes can take a while. I'm sorry for what happened to the caller.
@@k-mart7475 I shouldn't have said "you do get out of it", i still feel a little and it can cause issues with friends as I think they are hiding something or just telling me what I want to hear. My brain is my own worst enemy and can make up things or fill in the blanks for scenarios. I guess what I do when I do have these thoughts is walk away from it and after time my logical part comes back and realises how stupid it is. The taking a breather part can be hard at times as if you jump straight into it and say what your insecure part is thinking it can ruin relationships.
@@pt4387I hope you divorced her and she didn't get a single penny from you I wish you the best....She must be from a broken, single or divorced parent family all of them are
@@pt4387I hope she didn't get a single penny from you I wish you the best...She must be from a broken, single or divorced parent household all of them are
@@pt4387I hope she didn't get a single penny from you I wish you the best...She must be from a broken, single or divorced parent household all of them are
This episode has healed my heart too and got me in tears because i relate to this guy. This is why i love psychology so much! Dr. John is literally saving relationships and lives, and this guy sounds mature beyond his age.
2004 my husband left my son and I for another woman. Since i had to be the primary parent i didn't have time to really process the hurt. Getting cheated on isn't just about what the other person did away from you but how you participated in the relationship yourself. Take this lesson and grow. Youre young. There will be many people in your life. Experience all you can now before you get stuck in a dead-end life. Also use birth control.
For me it's obvious that in all relationships where on person cheats, the other person is almost every time a beautiful human being. Always people who are totally lovely and still will be mistreated. Why? Because deep down they think they can change them. Or if they love them extremely they will change. And the cheaters are always running away somehow from these beautiful people and hurt them. Really sad to see that. Wish him all the best ❤
I love how much help and support there is available today, and how much easier it is to access. It’s such a benefit and will make this world a better place for everyone.
I love this call. Thanks Gary. I lost my dad to cancer, and have been in survival mode since then, people always perceive me as strong as I constantly fight to survive, but the truth is im broken and need to face myself. I need to strengthen myself to swim instead keep sinking then coming up gasping for air. My core is weak. I don't trust others or myself and I feel caged in my own existence. I need to give that little girl inside permission to be free, vulnerable, to thrive. Only we have the keys to our own prisons.
Two big parts of your soul died. Your mom and the love you had (girlfriend). Mourning, grieving is a process. Give yourself enough time to recreate your capacity to love and be vulnerable. Digest/ process the good things and painful moments. You are 25, still a baby for a man/ maturity standards. There is bright light ahead. You will be fine.
This man is quite hard on himself, so he’s definitely better most guys. That was the biggest understatement John said. Most guy would just start sleeping around if a chick cheated on them because two wrongs apparently make a right. I hope he finds peace so that he may feel whole again. I bet his whole world came crashing down when he was in a dark place and she was nowhere to be found. It takes a genuine & kind hearted person to take that pain, & turn it into something beautiful. And become someone they can be proud of. I do know the feeling he’s going through. Much love & respect to him.
Hey caller in the event you see this.. you are an amazing young man and I’m 1000% positive your mom is unbelievably proud of you! You are so far ahead of the game. Your EQ is one to mirror.
When i was a little bit younger than him i was engaged, turned out she lied about everything, it messed me up sooo bad i fled the city for a couple weeks, i was worried i had stds etc Took several years to collect myself, i eventually got a new gal and we got married after dating 4yrs, now we getting divorced 2.5yrs later, im 29 almost 30 and i have to start all over again, its very depressing but things get better bro
This poor gem of a man. His dad should've never had him make the decision to let his mom go, and his ex was cruel enough to cheat on him at the same time
Very emotionally healing call tonight......Dr. D has a great way with people in pain....he'd be a great therapist one on one, but I understand TH-cam gives him a greater audience to help.
You just have to tell yourself the relationship may or may not work and promise to give it your best and enjoy it while it lasts. All this struggle comes from attempting to control the outcome. You can’t control how a relationship progresses or ends but you can certainly enjoy it while it last and if lucky it will last forever if you pour into it and the other person does too. As you have seen sometimes it ends in people cheating, sometimes in people dying but the question is or should be was it the best relationship ever or can you honestly say you gave it your all. If yes you will be just fine. Plenty are looking for a person like you who gets all in.
Every human being you cherish will let you down. They will betray your trust. You will do it to someone too. You have done it to others and it will be done to you. This doesn’t mean cheating. This is life. There are mistakes and hurt feelings along the way. You can only isolate yourself to be fully away from that, but one day you will want more. Treat others the best you can and hope they will as well.
The problem is, when his girlfriend cheated on him, he realized things were not right, and he needed to make a change. He did exactly that, and now the change has become a permanent state. Now, he is in a similar situation where he understands, the situation is not tenable, and he needs to change things. Much like the first time he changed things it was probably not easy the first couple of weeks and months and years, but eventually it’ll become routine as the behavior. He’s complaining about now.
The only way to knoe if you can trust somebody, is to trust them. There is no other way. That is the risk. It's just your mindset/response/reaction/hurt/potential gain etc you need to consider if you decide to take the risk and it ends up a certain way. Sometimes the best thing you can do is "never trust again". Sometimes the best thing you can do it "to trust again". Only one way to find out. (I haven't watched the video yet so could be way off the mark on relevance with my comment).
Cheating in romantic relationships is fairly common nowadays. You have to grow a thick skin when it comes to this stuff unfortunately. As much it sucks this happened to you (I’m not condoning what happened to you is okay) but you have to brush it aside and just move on.
This guys story is kinda like what i went through. Mom died in 2020 and a few months later, my fiance of nearly 4 years cheated on me. On top of that, i was starting a new career with an extremely demanding schedule and learning curve. That span of time was the worst of my life. Im nearly 30 now and doing the best I've ever done in life. I miss my mom everyday, but she would want me to go on and make the best life i can. As for the ex, i barely remember her name or face anymore lmao. Things can get better, but its alot of work and time.
i told my bf these things.. calmly said i keed somtime to talk and connect and I'm working on my anxiety; and he responded by telling me im acting bored and needy and he has more imp things in his life to deal w than my needs and he left me, again.
He did you a favor. Thank him for removing himself from the situation and allowing you to focus your energies on finding someone who can match your needs and desires. I'm sorry he rejected you and I hope you give yourself a chance to grieve the loss fully.
She cheated on that famous quarterback. The problem is your ego. Let it go. If she wants someone else its best to let her go. Do you really want more suffering with someone who doesn't want you?
Divorce is never the way out, My husband and I have been having issues before I sort out help from a spiritual adviser, I wasn't going to let my marriage of 9years crash
Relationships are hard, but I've learned that there's always a way to fix things. Five years ago, my wife and I were facing divorce because of problems in our marriage, but we managed to resolve them. It was challenging, but we survived.
People that cheat or monkey branch are selfish and evil it’s ok too feel hurt but understand if it was gf it’s better to have them out of your life, the person you marry you must be 100 percent sold on them.
First: Never let a woman be your all and end all regardless how long you`ve been in a relationship. Second: Never let a woman turn you into a victim. Third: Never let people believe that you need them more than they need you, because for them it`s a power trip. The best revenge against those who do us harm is success.
He threatened to leave, he threatened to stay. Everything is a threat, unless he pays. Roses are red and love is fake, a wedding is just a funeral with cake
You are right but unfortunately a lot of men in this generation feel they NEED a girlfriend or else they are a loser. I’ve learned to love life without needing anyone. -Mindset -Habits -Diet -Training (gym)
This insight comes with age and life experience, especially after starting a family. I really wish I had that knowledge in my teens and 20s, it would have saved me a whole lotta energy.
Easy to say but reality is very difficult. This is why women can move on much easier than men. We are all products of our environment, and this is a young guy and she probably was his first love..for her to cheat? Damn, that really will shape how you approach other women.
Definitely not fresh and fit. Did you not listen to this guy's story at all? He literally did every single thing those guya would tell you to do, heck, theyd probably bash him for wanting the things he actually wants now lile a family and meaningful relationships. he isnt fulfilled because hes done the physical work, its the psycological and emotional stuff he needs a push in and fresh and fit are NOT those people whatsoever
What do you mean rarely there are a lot of good guys out there and some bad guy out there. Just like there are some bad women out there and lots of good women out there to
Thank god this was a phone call. If someone talked to me like Dr John in real life. I would've punched him and told him to shut up. This isn't because I want to hurt John, it's just..certain things, you can't talk to someone face to face. The pain being unearthed is too much, and hopefully this call helped this young man. He is trying so hard to stay strong even during this call, you can feel him breaking
Pretty sure Dr John would tell you to get a grip of your aggression and that it's not other peoples responsibility to tip-toe in conversation around you because you cannot handle yourself. I'm fairly certain he's said that quite a few times, actually, to guys that called in saying they'd get mad and smash a chair or yell at someone....maybe work on that before you hurt somebody. I'm not being rude, I'm being serious. Too many men excuse their violence as "Beyond their control" when it really isn't and it lands them in horrible places like jail, or dead.
@@okaycola2 You know what, I don't know. It's just the way things are. I'm very similar to this guy, never let anything face me, just have to move on. I don't like passing my burden to others either so I find it difficult to express my worries my partner..if I do, she will worry and I don't want her to. And I don't like it when people tell me "It's going to be alright or are you worried? Are you upset?". But ofcourse, it is never good as things blow up when you don't expect them to...but I like this approach of phone calls, not having to face someone face to face. I can see it helping a lot of people. It's like arguments, I can argue better over the phone, but face to face..it isn't the best.
@@rudra7615 yeah phone calls are cool i agree, but you know whenever you feel something trigger you it's a chance to grow and mature, when i accepted this i was humbled and stopped taking things personally.
Cheating on someone is already a shitty thing to do, but to do it within months of your partners parents death is actually evil. Just leave them, I promise that would’ve hurt much less
from personal experience, if i had to be honest, the most happiest days i have had over these past 2 years have been because i removed myself from those who are.. toxic whiney egotistical liberal..😂 desperate untrustworthy... lets face it "misery loves misery" and i uninvited myself to THAT party
don’t my friend. focus only on these things in life health, wealth, power in that order. women come and go, they are just accessories in life.. earlier you realize this, easier life gets for you.. keep this in you, don’t tell it out loud.. avoid marrying, have seen married men go bankrupt
Nobody on their death bed will say "I wish I had spent more time getting money and power"... They all say they wish they spent more time with family and loved ones.
@@Ryan-wx1bi not true.. most humans will regret no matter what they have.. it is only human to want more. at death bed you have to be content with what you got.. no guarantees, make rational choices in life.
You lack giving sympathy. Not empathy. I have this problem to. It's not a bad thing. You understand that reacting emotionally over logically is almost NEVER the answer to any problem in a world where they teach the opposite and we end up with mass shooters as the result because men are not able to operate like women do, but the world is teaching us to react emotionally like women.
The hard truth is that if your woman cheated on you she probably lost respect for you, as a man, somewhere during the relationship. It doesn’t make her evil act right. But you also have to check yourself, as a man, if you are living up to your potential.
@@murdahmammiez There’s a difference between assigned blame, and the lesson that can be learned from the experience. For example, a lot of old people are getting scammed out of money on the internet because a lot of them aren’t tech savvy. The blame of the crime is on the scammers, but old people can also be educated to recognize scams on the internet to prevent future harm
Referring to all incomplete or misapplied solutions as a drug is one of the most irresponsible and moronic rhetorical devices John relies on. Weights isn’t a drug but a partial solution whereas drugs are never a solution. You would never give a pat on the back for turning to weed. Telling this guy that his girl cheated because of too much gym time is utter nonsense. If this was a female caller he’d call the cheater a scumbag. But doing more would require an understanding of female nature which John lacks entirely. His strategy with women is to appease and placate so that their fragile feelings and happiness are disturbed as little as possible, then grovel and over-invest when the inevitable disturbance occurs. What he means by “hard conversations” is listen to women and thank them for being told you’re wrong”.
@@flashthecorgi2053 he told him the gym and professional life is taking time away from his relationships, inferring that she'd have stayed faithful if only he'd been more attentive during his grief. Called him a coward and an addict., comparing his pursuit of fitness and success to alcoholism. Atrocious and harmful.
Why praise this young man for acting like an emotional woman? His mindset is all wrong. He needs advice from a man, not a fake doctor trying to sell books to unhappy housewives.
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This show makes me realize just how many people are HURTING 😢out there!
Check out my comment.
It's real and it sucks man
It's real and it's sad
yeah from selfish vvomen and also all those children that have been failed considering vvomen raised the majority of criminals and the fact 30% don't know their actual dad... failures
I watch realize I've actually got it made. Grounds and humbles me. Very grateful. Bc ouch....
Whoever cheated on this gem of a man really messed up badly. What a catch he is.
Lol... k.
@@stephengallagher2209 what is so funny
@@WilingtonProductions He is the type of guy women call a catch, because he is all whiny and emotional. That's what they say they want, but in reality, that's a huge turn off for them.
@@WilingtonProductions In short, he'll get cheated on... a lot... by unscrupulous broads.
right. because no one plays victim when they are on the phone. Keep in mind, none of this information is verified. he couldve made up 100% of this story.
My ex cheated on me. I was devastated and lost all trust in people & true love in general. Horrible way to live. The best advise I was given is that ‘It’s not so much about being able to trust others. We can’t control others. It’s more about being able to trust ourselves. To trust that we have cultivated the strength to get through it should someone else hurts us this way.” Seems this is done by cultivating self-love and setting clear boundaries about what you’ll accept from others. 🍀
That’s good advice.
No wonder ypur ex cheated. Damn.
@@stephengallagher2209 exactly what i was thinking
@@stephengallagher2209you can’t make someone cheat. A holes cheat.
❤
My ex cheated on me. Best decision he ever made. I ended up meeting my soulmate, he's my best friend and the most honest respectful man. Your ex is her loss. Let it go and honestly appreciate it because it brought you to someone better.
*Folk, cheating is never a mistake.* Cheating is a series of planned conscious decisions, the cheater justifies it, they determine that it’s worth risking their current relationship to do so, then after further consideration- *they move forward with the act of infidelity.* A man or a woman with no self control is a liability. I can’t think of anything more degrading, humiliating and pathetic than getting emotional over or fighting to remain in a relationship with a known cheater.*
There is no benefit, let the other person have them and don’t allow a cheater to control or dictate how you move forward in life!
Perfectly said 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽!
Yeah they confuse mistake with regret and guilt.
Yes. its a pathology. an incline towards compulsive behavior with a general lack of regard for others.
lol I get what you’re saying, but that sh*t was mad corny. **look I’m a big, strong, stoic man who has no emotional response to my girlfriend cheating on me and breaking up with her. Just take her stuff, throw it in a bunch of garbage bags, put it on the curb outside, and call a lock smith to have the locks changed. I’m such a badass, bro!**
@@Westernkoala A mistake can mean a decision you made that you later regret because of a change of heart or because it doesn't work out how you expected. You are thinking of an accident. Cheating isn't an accident but it often is a mistake.
I don't remember how old the caller is(20's?), but he seems very mature and self aware. Kudos to him for recognizing the issues and the curiosity to get help to resolve them.
He said 25
You must be a woman.
I needed this. I trust NO ONE and don't date because of it.
That's good 👍🏾
Thats like deciding not to drive a car because you were involved in a car accident. Life moves on with or without you. You are letting life pass you by and missing out.
When you do meet someone that makes you feel special I hope you can love once more, and love like no one has ever hurt you before. Maybe not today.. but surely one day ❤
smart man
That’s great news. There may be some really awesome person out there that might have wanted a long-term relationship with you, but now that person will be available for someone else. Keep up to good work and spread the word.
Your story is close to mine. Know that you’re not alone. I lost my dad in 2002 and years later while my mom was fighting pancreatic cancer, my ex-bf cheats on me. He lied about having work and couldn’t be there for me at the hospital but I find out he was f*ucking her. She had the audacity to pm me from his phone to let me know he’s hers. I found out he did the same thing to her and wanted to get back to me. My mom died and I since then went on a spiritual journey. I put myself first and push ALL men away because of my trust issues thanks to him. Somehow I’ve found my peace again. And I hope you find yours too. Best of luck ✌🏻.
I'm so glad you've found peace again. Sending you many hugs from Africa. May many blessing come your way. May you find a trustworthy man and live a good long life. And don't feel bad when people gaslight you saying you've got trust issues, it's hard to trust again when you've been betrayed. Use this line on them:" It's always good to be insecure if you're driving an unreliable car on a high way. Being insecure means your senses are working"
Man some people only care about themselves
@@georgemubanga1878🙏🏻 thx. I send blessings and prayers your way. And warm hugs from your neighbor. I’m from 🇲🇺 😁.
So sorry for the loss of your parents. I lost mine young as well. I was betrayed by an ex as well. Narcissists especially do not like to deal with tragedies. I mean how dare I have another problem.
Gary story broke my heart. My son is fixing to be 22 and I couldn’t imagine leaving him but Gary’s mother would be so proud of how he handled it. It’s always easier to come back from taking a break than to do something that could’ve ended his life and affected so many people.😢
😮
Uhhhhh
John’s explained my life EXACTLY. The love of my life abandoned me without a reason, without a word and without giving me closure two days after my Dad died. (He had huge debts so may have either had to return to his estranged wife OR to his parents if they offered to bail him out financially). Then my family sued me for my Dad’s estate. All this trauma sent me into ‘hermit mode’ ie deep depression, an early menopause at 42 and I lost 2/3’s of my hair. That was 22 years ago. My ex destroyed my faith in relationships, my trust in men and my belief in love: I will now go through life alone. I hope he’s proud of himself.
John really has a gift for connecting to people and being empathetic and understanding what they need. Wow… you can have two or three degrees but his heart is just gold and that's what makes him so good. ❤
I hope Gary gets the healing and the life connections that he's searching for. He seems like a top notch guy.
No what he faced wasn’t just about the girlfriend he lost his mother ….. like he channeled it to a way to move forward and the truly didn’t truly wasn’t able to grieve he had to survive mode I appreciate that he had to grew up
Getting cheated on really hurts. I hate that he had to go thru this right after his mom's passing 🥺
This guy will be fine. He got a horrible introduction to adult life, and he’s dealing with two of the most painful things a human being can experience in a healthy, productive way. He’s also very mature and perceptive for his age. Not sure if dating is the healthiest thing for him to be doing right now. Plenty of time for that later after he grieves and heals.
13:57 tears in my eyes, 2 weeks ago I just lost a woman who loved me to death to another man because I let my previous relationship insecurities get in the way.i wish I watched this episode & confessed my heart out to her that it’s not her fault & I’m working on it. I’m so afraid it’s too late 💔
Americans have a great phrase once a cheater always a cheater. In my country we have similar phrase which says it is in that person’s blood which means if you are born that way no one can change it. Sad for loyal partners who get cheaters in their live’s. One thing I was always clear on I would never forgive betrayal not in relationship or friendship.
Hey Gary, I’m a surgical burn trauma icu nurse. Been doing this 9 years. You did not kill your mother. I see it very often where family members have that burden and they feel like they killed their loved one. Idk the circumstances of your mother’s health, but often letting the ones we love go is better than subjecting them to years of torture where they could never get back to a life they had before. You made a courageous decision that no doubt is hard. But you didn’t kill your mother. I pray for Gods peace and comfort over that decision and how you are feeling.
This guy sounds like me when my wife cheated on me 6 years ago. I struggled to trust anyone and always felt like everyone was out to get me and just stomp all over me. You do get out of it but it sometimes can take a while. I'm sorry for what happened to the caller.
I’m sorry for what happened to you too. And to reiterate what Dr. John said, it wasn’t your fault.
@@k-mart7475 I shouldn't have said "you do get out of it", i still feel a little and it can cause issues with friends as I think they are hiding something or just telling me what I want to hear. My brain is my own worst enemy and can make up things or fill in the blanks for scenarios. I guess what I do when I do have these thoughts is walk away from it and after time my logical part comes back and realises how stupid it is. The taking a breather part can be hard at times as if you jump straight into it and say what your insecure part is thinking it can ruin relationships.
@@pt4387I hope you divorced her and she didn't get a single penny from you I wish you the best....She must be from a broken, single or divorced parent family all of them are
@@pt4387I hope she didn't get a single penny from you I wish you the best...She must be from a broken, single or divorced parent household all of them are
@@pt4387I hope she didn't get a single penny from you I wish you the best...She must be from a broken, single or divorced parent household all of them are
Gary you sound like a great dude.. everything is gonna be fine.. God Speed bro
Push on never waste your time with someone who doesn’t want you
The fact that this man is self reflective and humble enough to realize he needs to change is a testament to how well his mom raised him.
This episode has healed my heart too and got me in tears because i relate to this guy.
This is why i love psychology so much! Dr. John is literally saving relationships and lives, and this guy sounds mature beyond his age.
2004 my husband left my son and I for another woman. Since i had to be the primary parent i didn't have time to really process the hurt. Getting cheated on isn't just about what the other person did away from you but how you participated in the relationship yourself. Take this lesson and grow. Youre young. There will be many people in your life. Experience all you can now before you get stuck in a dead-end life. Also use birth control.
For me it's obvious that in all relationships where on person cheats, the other person is almost every time a beautiful human being. Always people who are totally lovely and still will be mistreated. Why? Because deep down they think they can change them. Or if they love them extremely they will change. And the cheaters are always running away somehow from these beautiful people and hurt them. Really sad to see that. Wish him all the best ❤
No person is trustworthy; including parents, grandparents, and spouses. He learned the truth late.
I love how much help and support there is available today, and how much easier it is to access. It’s such a benefit and will make this world a better place for everyone.
I love this call. Thanks Gary. I lost my dad to cancer, and have been in survival mode since then, people always perceive me as strong as I constantly fight to survive, but the truth is im broken and need to face myself. I need to strengthen myself to swim instead keep sinking then coming up gasping for air. My core is weak. I don't trust others or myself and I feel caged in my own existence. I need to give that little girl inside permission to be free, vulnerable, to thrive. Only we have the keys to our own prisons.
Woah gary. I find myself listening to this like I’m listening to myself talk! I feel a lot of the same things your feeling! You are not alone!
Balance is definitely a thing…
I was gonna say this.
Two big parts of your soul died. Your mom and the love you had (girlfriend). Mourning, grieving is a process. Give yourself enough time to recreate your capacity to love and be vulnerable. Digest/ process the good things and painful moments. You are 25, still a baby for a man/ maturity standards. There is bright light ahead. You will be fine.
It’s a constant goal but never actually achieved sustainably. I believe that’s what John means, his rhetoric is just terrible.
Only if you don't think about it
This man is quite hard on himself, so he’s definitely better most guys. That was the biggest understatement John said. Most guy would just start sleeping around if a chick cheated on them because two wrongs apparently make a right. I hope he finds peace so that he may feel whole again. I bet his whole world came crashing down when he was in a dark place and she was nowhere to be found. It takes a genuine & kind hearted person to take that pain, & turn it into something beautiful. And become someone they can be proud of. I do know the feeling he’s going through. Much love & respect to him.
This is a lesson in gratitude
Hey caller in the event you see this.. you are an amazing young man and I’m 1000% positive your mom is unbelievably proud of you! You are so far ahead of the game. Your EQ is one to mirror.
And your mama is proud of the man you've become. You are going to make the woman you choose, the luckiest gal in the world. ❤
When i was a little bit younger than him i was engaged, turned out she lied about everything, it messed me up sooo bad i fled the city for a couple weeks, i was worried i had stds etc
Took several years to collect myself, i eventually got a new gal and we got married after dating 4yrs, now we getting divorced 2.5yrs later, im 29 almost 30 and i have to start all over again, its very depressing but things get better bro
This poor gem of a man. His dad should've never had him make the decision to let his mom go, and his ex was cruel enough to cheat on him at the same time
Thank you! That's exactly what I needed today.
Very emotionally healing call tonight......Dr. D has a great way with people in pain....he'd be a great therapist one on one, but I understand TH-cam gives him a greater audience to help.
45 y/o Nurse from Iowa! Dr. JD is so great!
Geeez this one was heavy! Goodluck brother
You just have to tell yourself the relationship may or may not work and promise to give it your best and enjoy it while it lasts. All this struggle comes from attempting to control the outcome. You can’t control how a relationship progresses or ends but you can certainly enjoy it while it last and if lucky it will last forever if you pour into it and the other person does too. As you have seen sometimes it ends in people cheating, sometimes in people dying but the question is or should be was it the best relationship ever or can you honestly say you gave it your all. If yes you will be just fine. Plenty are looking for a person like you who gets all in.
I love when John says "Balance is A Myth Dude. Don't Seek That. Its not Real." Cuz that is sooo true.
Trust is ignorance. Just gotta fake it and know that stuff can happen and be aware of what you will do when things go south.
Every human being you cherish will let you down. They will betray your trust. You will do it to someone too. You have done it to others and it will be done to you. This doesn’t mean cheating. This is life. There are mistakes and hurt feelings along the way. You can only isolate yourself to be fully away from that, but one day you will want more. Treat others the best you can and hope they will as well.
It's only started man, after awhile it will roll off your back like water. Just draw the boundaries and stick to them.
The problem is, when his girlfriend cheated on him, he realized things were not right, and he needed to make a change. He did exactly that, and now the change has become a permanent state. Now, he is in a similar situation where he understands, the situation is not tenable, and he needs to change things. Much like the first time he changed things it was probably not easy the first couple of weeks and months and years, but eventually it’ll become routine as the behavior. He’s complaining about now.
The only way to knoe if you can trust somebody, is to trust them. There is no other way. That is the risk.
It's just your mindset/response/reaction/hurt/potential gain etc you need to consider if you decide to take the risk and it ends up a certain way. Sometimes the best thing you can do is "never trust again". Sometimes the best thing you can do it "to trust again". Only one way to find out.
(I haven't watched the video yet so could be way off the mark on relevance with my comment).
Yes, that level of introspection is rare for many people unfortunately.
Cheating in romantic relationships is fairly common nowadays. You have to grow a thick skin when it comes to this stuff unfortunately. As much it sucks this happened to you (I’m not condoning what happened to you is okay) but you have to brush it aside and just move on.
I good quote I once heard was; "It's easier to climb a mountain with strong legs than walk on flat land with weak legs"
@@georgemubanga1878what does this mean in regards to cheating? Just didn't quite understand
This guys story is kinda like what i went through. Mom died in 2020 and a few months later, my fiance of nearly 4 years cheated on me. On top of that, i was starting a new career with an extremely demanding schedule and learning curve. That span of time was the worst of my life. Im nearly 30 now and doing the best I've ever done in life. I miss my mom everyday, but she would want me to go on and make the best life i can. As for the ex, i barely remember her name or face anymore lmao. Things can get better, but its alot of work and time.
This was one of the phew episodes that made me tear
i told my bf these things.. calmly said i keed somtime to talk and connect and I'm working on my anxiety; and he responded by telling me im acting bored and needy and he has more imp things in his life to deal w than my needs and he left me, again.
You deserve better. 🙏
He did you a favor. Thank him for removing himself from the situation and allowing you to focus your energies on finding someone who can match your needs and desires. I'm sorry he rejected you and I hope you give yourself a chance to grieve the loss fully.
Heartbreaking. Love the letter home work.
Dude, Gary…at 25 you are the man. You need to know that and I can tell by the way you talk.
She cheated on that famous quarterback. The problem is your ego. Let it go. If she wants someone else its best to let her go. Do you really want more suffering with someone who doesn't want you?
😂 people don't believe in healing before jumping into something new
I'm thinking he probably didn't realize he needed healing until the relationship started. Love has a way of opening your eyes to things
I'm mostly here for the Social D tees. :-) The content is pretty good too
So his mom "leaves" him, brutally.. (RIP🕯️) and then his ex leaves him brutally as well. Double whammy.
Divorce is never the way out, My husband and I have been having issues before I sort out help from a spiritual adviser, I wasn't going to let my marriage of 9years crash
Relationships are hard, but I've learned that there's always a way to fix things. Five years ago, my wife and I were facing divorce because of problems in our marriage, but we managed to resolve them. It was challenging, but we survived.
Amazing, I am kind of in a similar situation, how did you handle it?
well not the orthodox way but I was referred by a friend to a spiritual adviser and healer
please how can I get in touch with the spiritual adviser?
Her name is Quelani Eileen Freja, and she is a great spiritual adviser as well as caster
I'm so scared of the same thing.
People that cheat or monkey branch are selfish and evil it’s ok too feel hurt but understand if it was gf it’s better to have them out of your life, the person you marry you must be 100 percent sold on them.
Explain about BALANCE IS A MYTH, just because I say that a lot.
First: Never let a woman be your all and end all regardless how long you`ve been in a relationship.
Second: Never let a woman turn you into a victim.
Third: Never let people believe that you need them more than they need you, because for them it`s a power trip.
The best revenge against those who do us harm is success.
He should've chosen better.
Tried to “David Goggins”it! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
He told him he tried to David Goggins it lol
He threatened to leave, he threatened to stay. Everything is a threat, unless he pays. Roses are red and love is fake, a wedding is just a funeral with cake
This caller is doing a weird dance.
This is me!!
Stop overthinking a girlfriend that didn't work out from your early 20's. You don't "need" a serious girlfriend. Relax.
You are right but unfortunately a lot of men in this generation feel they NEED a girlfriend or else they are a loser.
I’ve learned to love life without needing anyone.
-Mindset
-Habits
-Diet
-Training (gym)
Amen. Wish I recognized that when I was younger
This insight comes with age and life experience, especially after starting a family. I really wish I had that knowledge in my teens and 20s, it would have saved me a whole lotta energy.
Easy to say but reality is very difficult. This is why women can move on much easier than men. We are all products of our environment, and this is a young guy and she probably was his first love..for her to cheat? Damn, that really will shape how you approach other women.
the whole point of life is finding love and reproducing so i mean he kinda needs it yeah
Watch the Fresh and Fit podcast, or Donovan Sharpe
Definitely not fresh and fit. Did you not listen to this guy's story at all? He literally did every single thing those guya would tell you to do, heck, theyd probably bash him for wanting the things he actually wants now lile a family and meaningful relationships. he isnt fulfilled because hes done the physical work, its the psycological and emotional stuff he needs a push in and fresh and fit are NOT those people whatsoever
NEVER EVER recommend fresh and fit on this podcast again! They have hurt somebody I care about deeply. Don’t ever do it! 🤬
I CAN SAY THE SAME ABOUT MY HUSBAND. WILL NEVER EVER TRUST ANY MAN ON THIS PLANET EARTH . 🤷🏻♀️
Are you still with him though?
@@SaystheTruth3 …NO
Ex-hubby?!😮
Man are rarely this good and they get cheated 😭😭
What do you mean rarely there are a lot of good guys out there and some bad guy out there. Just like there are some bad women out there and lots of good women out there to
Thank god this was a phone call. If someone talked to me like Dr John in real life. I would've punched him and told him to shut up. This isn't because I want to hurt John, it's just..certain things, you can't talk to someone face to face. The pain being unearthed is too much, and hopefully this call helped this young man. He is trying so hard to stay strong even during this call, you can feel him breaking
Pretty sure Dr John would tell you to get a grip of your aggression and that it's not other peoples responsibility to tip-toe in conversation around you because you cannot handle yourself. I'm fairly certain he's said that quite a few times, actually, to guys that called in saying they'd get mad and smash a chair or yell at someone....maybe work on that before you hurt somebody. I'm not being rude, I'm being serious. Too many men excuse their violence as "Beyond their control" when it really isn't and it lands them in horrible places like jail, or dead.
@@Cuntspiracy2.0thanks for saying something
Why not? If you can positively influence society while it is negatively influencing you then why not say something? Men are so uptight sometimes
@@okaycola2 You know what, I don't know. It's just the way things are. I'm very similar to this guy, never let anything face me, just have to move on. I don't like passing my burden to others either so I find it difficult to express my worries my partner..if I do, she will worry and I don't want her to. And I don't like it when people tell me "It's going to be alright or are you worried? Are you upset?".
But ofcourse, it is never good as things blow up when you don't expect them to...but I like this approach of phone calls, not having to face someone face to face. I can see it helping a lot of people. It's like arguments, I can argue better over the phone, but face to face..it isn't the best.
@@rudra7615 yeah phone calls are cool i agree, but you know whenever you feel something trigger you it's a chance to grow and mature, when i accepted this i was humbled and stopped taking things personally.
Cheating on someone is already a shitty thing to do, but to do it within months of your partners parents death is actually evil.
Just leave them, I promise that would’ve hurt much less
I really liked that guy until he said that he worked out to N&N.
from personal experience, if i had to be honest, the most happiest days i have had over these past 2 years have been because i removed myself from those who are..
toxic
whiney
egotistical
liberal..😂
desperate
untrustworthy...
lets face it "misery loves misery" and i uninvited myself to THAT party
dating is always a mistake. Every-time no exeptions
He doesn't need to be empathetic
He needs to be red pill 💊 aware
I have the social distortion tee, minus the hair, height, PhD s, I am Dr John, nobody believes me, any ideas?
15:31 don’t do this. Ick activator.
don’t my friend. focus only on these things in life health, wealth, power in that order. women come and go, they are just accessories in life.. earlier you realize this, easier life gets for you.. keep this in you, don’t tell it out loud.. avoid marrying, have seen married men go bankrupt
Nobody on their death bed will say "I wish I had spent more time getting money and power"... They all say they wish they spent more time with family and loved ones.
@@Ryan-wx1bi not true.. most humans will regret no matter what they have.. it is only human to want more. at death bed you have to be content with what you got.. no guarantees, make rational choices in life.
@@Ryan-wx1biplenty will say Theo wish they pursued their dreams, not all families are great
@@unknowncomment85 not true? They've don't studies on it where they talked to hundreds of people on their death bed.
Just accept that a woman is never yours. It's just your turn. When you do that, you'll never be disappointed.
This mentality is gross
Facts bro female love attention a lot of guys are blind to female nature. You are never the only one.
@@marcusareliussimp.
Let me guess... porn addiction? 😅
You lack giving sympathy. Not empathy. I have this problem to. It's not a bad thing.
You understand that reacting emotionally over logically is almost NEVER the answer to any problem in a world where they teach the opposite and we end up with mass shooters as the result because men are not able to operate like women do, but the world is teaching us to react emotionally like women.
The hard truth is that if your woman cheated on you she probably lost respect for you, as a man, somewhere during the relationship. It doesn’t make her evil act right. But you also have to check yourself, as a man, if you are living up to your potential.
Only person to blâme for cheating is the cheater
Or, she is an awful person. Women are fully capable of making awful decisions completely on their own.
She’s pretty awful. I think cheating while your BF’s mom is dying from cancer is just another level of evil!
@@murdahmammiez There’s a difference between assigned blame, and the lesson that can be learned from the experience. For example, a lot of old people are getting scammed out of money on the internet because a lot of them aren’t tech savvy. The blame of the crime is on the scammers, but old people can also be educated to recognize scams on the internet to prevent future harm
I don't think so.... there's other reasons why people cheat. Self sabotage, anxiety, lack of self respect, lack of moral compass... etc
Referring to all incomplete or misapplied solutions as a drug is one of the most irresponsible and moronic rhetorical devices John relies on. Weights isn’t a drug but a partial solution whereas drugs are never a solution.
You would never give a pat on the back for turning to weed.
Telling this guy that his girl cheated because of too much gym time is utter nonsense. If this was a female caller he’d call the cheater a scumbag.
But doing more would require an understanding of female nature which John lacks entirely. His strategy with women is to appease and placate so that their fragile feelings and happiness are disturbed as little as possible, then grovel and over-invest when the inevitable disturbance occurs. What he means by “hard conversations” is listen to women and thank them for being told you’re wrong”.
I’m sorry sir did you miss 18:28 of the conversation. Pretty sure John didn’t blame the guy at all for his GF cheating. Try watching again!
@@flashthecorgi2053 he told him the gym and professional life is taking time away from his relationships, inferring that she'd have stayed faithful if only he'd been more attentive during his grief. Called him a coward and an addict., comparing his pursuit of fitness and success to alcoholism. Atrocious and harmful.
At least herb makes people introspective which may be the only time they’ve seen themselves. Seems healthier to me
@@okaycola2 if that's seemed a solution to you then you live in hell.
Why praise this young man for acting like an emotional woman? His mindset is all wrong. He needs advice from a man, not a fake doctor trying to sell books to unhappy housewives.
Nobody loves me. Everybody hates me. Guess I'll go eat some worms. Boo hoo
Trauma.? Grow a pair my friend. Life gets way harder. Buy a box of tissues and get over it
Someone's never been in a relationship
@@omotayosatuyi252 Funny, I wonder who this woman and children are in my home?
@@jaqueitch your home? whatever anyways his ex cheated on him have some sympathy / empathy
@@omotayosatuyi252 If she's cheating, you're giving her a reason to. If you've got it, she won't want to be with anyone else
He believed the lie he had to share his emotions with the girl, she smelled MORE weakness and plowed the broke mechanic that mistreated her in bed.