Amen! A friend of mine from choir passed away earlier this week at the age of 59, due to a sudden, unexpected heart attack while driving. I found out the news yesterday. I am sad, of course, but I’m also OK, as in, I am hanging in there and doing what I need to do to heal and move forward, while mourning his loss at the same time.
"i did eventually stop discriminating against happy people" *story of my life* "the absence of the ability to just get over it is depression" *the truth*
im sorry but i have only one diet... bodovou diety, zbodnu všechno co vidím [=that's a czech pun that uses a specific dialogue words so i am not bothering translating it]
well for some, a change in diet might really help, since there are hundreds of different reasons to get depression. But if it is not caused by the diet, it doesn't help. And as far as I know, the diet is just the reason for very few.
studmalexy really? So someone who is depressed because they're grieving a loss should just change their diet in order to feel better? Answers and responses to depression aren't simple, because the causes aren't simple. And sometimes a little sadness is necessary in life in order for us to gain a proper perspective.
I find these tips very helpful. I was messaging a friend last night who had been considering ending her own life for the past few days and the only thing holding her back was her pride. I wasn't exactly sure how to talk to her about it and many times I just froze midconversation. It's nervewracking wanting to help but feeling like you can't. I understand that depression isn't something that changes overnight. I felt like we both wanted to avoid that topic, but at the same time it was tugging at the back of my mind. I really just wanted to say "You are loved, you are an inspiration, and you can fight on."
"she allowed to be deeply depressed AND have a genuine connection to another person simultaneously" yes! The second you stop pretending and show your depression everyone is suddenly a therapist! Like chill I'm not asking for the cure, just to hang out.
The reason I tend to avoid depressed people is not because of the silly reasons like "depression is contagious" but because of the "negative response" (at the 9:20). When someone is attacking me personally (or just my ideas and the stuff I like) I get the impression that they are annoyed by me and probably do not want me to bother them anymore.
On point in so many ways. What I would say to my friend.. if you don't like talking to me when I'm upset about my job, don't ask me about my job literally everytime you see me. Change the subject. I feel currently like my very good friend built a rift between us rather than a bridge. She was the last person I trusted.
This TED Talk was really insightful. As a depressed person, it has vocalized why I feel and react the way I do very accurately and I've learned a lot to approach new connections differently. I've found the TED Talks about depression to be the most interesting ones since I struggle to explain to others how and why I feel the way I do. Thanks for this!
I myself took this advice for granted before, but sometimes all people really want is to be listened, to be heard, to be acknowledged and know that what they are saying matters.
I have a depressed friend. I've found the greatest trouble is not interaction but getting him to receive treatment. He still clearly believes that the depression is somehow his fault and that he can overcome it through willpower alone. I've tried to communicate that its nothing to be ashamed about and that he should treat it like any other medical condition. He continues to bring up his depression, though I have ran out things to really say about it. I act as a listening ear, but I've stopped suggesting treatment because it seems utterly unwanted. Maybe he just needs to talk about it, but its hard to shake the feeling that he wants me to say or do something that he thinks will help him.
i dont know any of your friends circumstances, so its hard to help, but i still feel connected to that problem. so i would like to know anything about his familycircumstances (like, did he had/has a father at home) or did he has siblings/or not? did you know if he has some big moneyproblem or anything, which could attack his existence? like unpayed bills or so? whats about his job, if he has one? well, you obviously dont have to answer, if you dont want :) good luck helping him
It sounds like you're talking about me lol. Speaking objectively, my reason for not getting treatment so far is worry that anti depressants will start me down a path of different meds, chasing my tail for happiness for years on end when there's still that small hope i might just start feeling better on my own without treatment. It might be just be pride saying that, but I also think if i already knew what kind of difference treatment would make ii would be more eager to start treatment
I completely agree with you. The pride is definetly a huge thing in this problem. I guess it comes from the society. Cause you see all that working and functioning people everywhere, who did it all on their own. So we just want to prove ourselves (even if its not succesfull or good), that we are not completely failures. It could have smth to do with the recognition we dont like, which we get from the outside, or with the recognition we didnt even get, but wanted. The problem is, your last sentence. Not rly THE problem, more like a problem we all have. Its about the will, to start with just anything. For me, its like: i dont know which job i rly want to do, if i dont try them. But till now, i'm to scared (and lazy), to do a step in an unknown direction, without help or lifeline. But i also know, nothing will change and i will keep on slideing more and more into the sad paths of life. Good Luck and everything
Thank you, Bill. I'm listening both as a person who grapples with severe clinical depression, but has had a lot of help to treat it; and as a person who often finds myself in a position to help other people suffering from a similar disorder. So, I guess I could say that I also "live on both sides of the chasm." And I just have to say, I relate to all of this so strongly. I try to treat depressed people the way I wish that others would have treated me when I was suffering, and so many things in this talk are exactly what I would have liked to have received. It's also good to hear some validation for how I try to help other people going through similar struggles. Anyway, just wanted to say thank you.
Great talk .. know their boundaries, give them control/ask their consent, do not feel you own their depression, be you, and make them feel valuable, contributing, and equal.
Absolutely essential listening for all. I'm a paramedic with a history of mental health problems, both work and non-working related. Mental health problems are fairly common in any cohort in society, but more so in emergency workers, and this video gives me some guidelines on the conversations I should and shouldn't have with workmates that are struggling. Thank you.
Caitlin is a Kitty Cat How does it work? I thought it was a mental/spiritual thing. It's about guarding your heart and mind from certain voices we all have in our head. If I indulged all the mean voices in my head I would get depressed..been there.
Heather J'nel - It's a chemical imbalance in the brain. It has nothing to do with "someone said something mean to me when I was five." It, like cancer & diabetes & hyperthyroidism, is an actual disease with physiological causes.
Very good speech. I don't contact or approach anybody because of the depression. But I feel relieved when somebody try to contact me or even just say 'hi!'. It breaks a bit the sad long years of isolation.
I am laughing and crying at the same time. I have spent my whole life around depressed people and had a few episode's myself. I learnt a few new tricks here, for both sides of the fence. The rest I can verify as very good advice. So thank you very much Bill , I rather needed both the laugh and the cry.
Seriously insightful. I’m experiencing a lot of relief because of how accurate this message is. This will help me reach out when I’m in need. And to be there when others need me.
I love this talk and had my parents watch it. Not a light switch being flicked, but certainly a platform to address the subject. Pass this forward; and mental illnesses must be spoken of.
What do you say when someone does talk and vent about their depression? Listening is good, but how do I comfort them without saying something they already know or thought about? They know I'm there for them, and they share a lot, but most of the time I just stare half smiling and at a loss of words?
A little late but I'm gonna respond anyways. (sorry for my bad english) Just be honest. Tell them that you don't know what you can do to help them and ask them how you can help. Don't try to come up with a solution or anything similar because they most likely don't want it. Being there and listen is just the best you could ever do to a depressed person at least it was for me. Show them that you love them, hug them etc. There's a typical phenomenon, I've read about and experienced myself, when depressed people talk with "happy" people. Non-depressed people often approach these conversations with an interest to help the depressed person. So what they often do is trying to find solutions, make suggestions on what to do better, etc.. Now this often leads to failed communication because depressed people approach these conversations with an interest to vent, to let it all out. They probably already know tons of tips and suggestions on how to deal with their problems. So both parties have a different objective and try to get to that which leads to miscommunication. So I would recommend to offer your help but your first priority should be showing love and being understanding. I hope this helped
What Bill said near the end resonates with me. I'm not afraid of people knowing I am depressed. But I really am disgusted when they feel they have to tiptoe around me or try to 'help' me. I wear glasses but am treated normally. I am short, but am treated normally. I have crazy short hair, but am treated normally. I have kids and am treated as a mother; guess what? That's normal! So most people aren't aware of my depression simply so THEY will treat me normally. Notice I didn't say 'with respect'; that's because, if my behaviour hasn't earned someone's respect - then that is normal as well. Some days are very foggy-minded for me and I simply don't notice people on the street - I am mindful of that fogginess and focusing so hard on my shopping that everything not directly concerned with my physical safety goes unnoticed. I couldn't otherwise get out and get things done. I haven't given up trying, anyway.
i think this message is applicable to building any kind of human connection... basically focus on connecting with the person and not their issues, habits or talents... focus on why are they doing what they're doing and not what it is they are doing, because they might stop doing it and start doing something new but their motivation to do that thing will be connected to who they are
that is a nice sentiment, but i think it is not applicable to this situation... there is a lot of ways how to focus on a problem, negative and positive/possible and impossible to overcome/real or made up/relevant or irrelevant... there is also an issue with telling people to focus on what works because when depressed or going through anxiety, the reason why people are in that state is because they don't know/want to accept/understand what works... and thus telling them what to focus on is not enough im afraid
Jade Eye I didn't intend my comment to be in the context of actually grappling with depression oneself, but in the context of building connections, both for the depressed and those who might want to help. Because one of the main points he focuses on is that people have 'stock approaches' that they feel obligated to use whether or not they even might help.
HuntingTarg i understand what you mean and i agree to some extent, i just think that it is important to note that even if a person wants to focus on the things that work, those might not be there to begin with, i that sense focusing on getting to know the person as you would with anyone else is the best thing you can do
Jade Eye I think what I mean to say is 'focus on the positive' (not sunshine&rainbows&plastic-smiles positive). 'Focusing on the "things that work" ' I think is where we misunderstand. The ability to relate exists (unless one is demented or psychopathic), whether the impulse to reach out and connect does or not. We seem to fundamentally agree with the speaker; I don't mean 'what works' in terms of actively doing anything, but rather 'what is functioning'. The basis of his advice comes from asserting that a depressed person can enjoy constructive interaction even when they have no impulse to engage another person. Summation: 'Just hanging around and wanting to connect' can help, not by 'fixing' anything, but by introducing positive interaction.
"your depressed friend could be a good source of free labor". when I was depressed, if ppl would ask me for a small favor, I began to think that I'm a useless person who got no goals in life that's why ppl are taking me to do their chores. So it's not a good idea to invite them for real help.
Great presentation -- I relate to Mr. Bernat. I suffered from depression but have also progressed to the point where I enjoy life from day to day. I agree that one of the worst aspects of depression is the isolation. It is incredibly hard to reach out when one is depressed, and sometimes it is even hard to connect when someone does reach out. Perhaps there should be an awareness initiative so that people can recognize depression and respond more how Mr. Bernat has outlined. At the very least, empathy and understanding would go a long way toward the healing process.
Brent Hovan I agree so much. Same here...empathy and understanding go miles and miles towards helping. Depression does a great job of isolating us and telling us we are alone and empathy and understanding break that down. I’m glad your depression has gotten better, too. 💜
I was in the hospital for a three day stay. Present were people in for suicidal ideation and illicit drug addiction. I met two guys who used heroin and I wanted to know more about how they used it --- I wasn't in for drug use myself (not that sugar, caffeine, and prescribed antipsychotics were helping me...). I'd seen heroin use demonstrated in films, but I didn't understand --- what's the use of the spoon? Why the cotton ball? What's with the itching, does that come before or during the high? And these two were happy to answer my questions. In fact, they became engaged and relaxed, they talked with me like we were all normal. They also explained just what the high feels like. Meanwhile, a lady who was in for alcohol addiction became very irritated, it was hard for her not to overhear our conversation and she was quite upset by all the talk. She and all of us are trained to fake normal and it's definitely NOT normal to talk casually about how to use heroin; moreover we are taught to just drink up (like at a party) and to relax, but she didn't have any booze to allow her to loosen up.
I have a best friend who has depression and for the past two years I’ve been trying to help her through it but I’m at that point where it’s just getting worse and her constant negativity gets to me and it’s draining me. I want to enjoy my senior year but every time I invite her out and talk to her in band or at school, she either doesn’t talk and has the moodiest look ever or replied with one word answers like she doesn’t care. I’m not the happiest person all the time but I count on her to be my friend and try to make an effort to be there for me too or at least smile and try to have fun. I’ve done about everything I can to help her but she is shutting everyone out and I don’t know how much I can take of it.
Sometimes I have tried, and found out that the connection isn’t working. Like he said, it’s OK to not connect. Just take pride in knowing that you are trying.
What if the depressed person turns you into their therapist and doesn't listen to your boundaries? Great TedTalk btw. I had to learn all that the hard way over the past 5 years.
Then, unfortunately, I suggest getting them out of your life. I’ve had to do that with people before. If the respect between you is not mutual, then, the friendship is not meant to be, as hard as that has been for me to grasp.
I don't think I'm responsible for my girlfriend's wellbeing. I have never once thought that i can or should have to save her from her own mind. She's brilliant and has done everything in her own rational ability to help herself. I've learned to understand that it's not her talking all the time, but it might be her depression. But then what can i say? I'm worried that I'll pressure her by making her feel like I'm disappointed that i can't fix her. I'm worried that she'll worry about me. I don't want to drag her around, and yet i don't want her to stay home all day. I know she's thought of everything that can help her, so there's nothing i can say that's new to her. Yes, in the end all i can do is just be with her, but the truth is that i can't always do that and only so much can happen over text. Contrary to what depressed people may think, happy people aren't unable to connecy with the depressed. Every day, I feel like I'm in a checkmate where every move seems to be a bad idea, except for the one that's physically impossible at the moment. Perhaps it may sound selfish, but we need help too. Unlike depressed people, we're the ones who are voluntarily staring into the abyss that's depression, even almost falling into it ourselves at times. I'm not happy, I'm always worried an unsure. I've harmed myself with the hope that it'll drown out my dilemmas. I just don't know what to do.
I'm feeling so lost too. My partner is depressed as well and he is attributing it to disagreements between us. It is inevitable that couples have disagreements / arguments and these are things that couples have to work on and find a middle ground. But because of my partner's depression, I feel pressured and worried that if I don't just do as he asks, he will continue to be or become more depressed. I totally get you, there is this pressure to be extra cautious with whatever you do, as anything you do (or don't do) can be a bad move. But I also wish that my needs can be met, that we can agree to a compromise / find middle ground instead. I understand that the wellbeing of those with depression should not be our responsibility, but at the same time i feel that it is? I don't know what to do either... He is feeling detached and numb because his ideals and expectations can't be met. How can I help my partner? How can I approach the subject better? Is doing as he wishes the only way to help him? Is sacrificing my own views/needs/wants the only way for him to feel better? I'll appreciate any advice, regardless of whether you are suffering from depression or have someone close suffering from it...
I have not experienced this in a relationship, but I have experienced this with a friend who I felt very close to for years, so here’s what I can say. If you both truly love each other, make sure you both keep the communication open and honest and flowing between you. Make sure you both speak about your own feelings, needs, and desires, and don’t forget to listen to the other. Tell each other how you feel, and try to work it out. If they feel they have to leave, realize that if you were both the communicator and listener I am suggesting, you probably didn’t do anything wrong. be your kind, loving, loyal self, no matter what.
My best friend has depression and I never had a big problem with that because all I want in life for her is to get healthy again. But 3 months ago she ended our friendship. We had like a real break up talk where we both cried but she said stuff like its to much for her... I don't know maybe I tried to hard to help her!? It breaks my heart and I really feel like I've lost my soulmate but at the same time I am to hurt to reconnect with her because that's obviously nothing she wants :(
I have gone through this same feeling, and I would like to think you didn’t do anything wrong. I bet you were a fabulous friend to her and she just needs some space.
@@alika207 that's incredible nice of you, thank you very much. In fact we reconnected after 3 years of no contact. We don't have the same intense friendship like before but we talk every few weeks and I'm happy with that
would have loved to hear you talk about my problem with connecting to *some* depressed people which are those who constantly broadcast their depression to manipulate others into giving them special treatment, attention, care. some use their depression in a very passive aggressive way. without those - other people would have much less problems connecting to them. it's one thing to connect with a depressed person, it's another to connect with someone who uses one's depression for playing mind-games with those connecting. if one can't get rid of a depression completely, maybe there's at least a way to avoid the 'dark side' of depression.
I have a friend living in New York. He went through a divorce and a few days before it was finalized his wife accused him of molesting his daughter. He had an alibi(his sister and myself were with and talking to him at the time he was accused) but he’s gotten probation and put on a list. He got a job but he is getting tossed around and told to do multiple interviews. Also that they are now interviewing other people(after he was told he got the job). The irs is auditing him again and he is about to lose his car. And his family won’t offer him a place to stay. Over the past 2 years I’ve loaned him $1,200. He’s between a rock and hard place with no money and no car. No family willing to help. And if he gets the job he won’t have a way to get there without the car and he doesn’t have a place to stay. He needs $1,000 just to keep his car. What do I do for him, what can I do for him?
Im sorry for your friend its good that you are there to help him and listen but sometimes we can’t always handle other peoples problems or involve yourself in them, its good to help but not to get yourself wrapped up in the same situation. Always remember Hearing him out and just being a good friend is already enough, But once you start giving money that person is gonna look at you a beacon of light, Once it gets to you that you can’t solve others problems when you have your own, they will become angered or betrayed, its nice that you asked “What do I do for him, what can I” Just letting him know he’s not alone in that situation is good, make good memories with him let him know theres still a good side to life besides the Bullshit, thats one of the greatest gifts you can show to a friend, just remember it’s not your problem I personally have gone thru that trying to help someone everyday then getting sad over their situation and my other friends told me this same thing
"A cheerful facade is appropriate for casual interactions. A depressed person can ask for extra syrup in their pumpkin spice latte without explaining they need it because they're trapped in the infinite darkness of their soul and they've lost all hope of escape...again."
Cant help it, but I just want to tell my story. And Im doing fine, this is no call for help. Iv been struggeling with social anxiaty almost my whole life. I can relate to alot of what he says on how you think when you are depressed, you dont want to ruin everyone elses happyness or exitment. But we still want to connect with others. When my anxiaty was at its worst place I didnt leave my house for 3 years if its wasnt for a really good reason. I was lonly lost contact with alot of "my friends" because of my anxiaty. Today Iv been going to therpy for 6 month. And I keep fighting everyday to win over my anxiaty and will of course do it as long as I liv, I dont wont to fall down that 3 year hole again and be isolated like that. But the greatest cure was when and old friend messeged me and wonder how I did. I played my act and didnt explain how bad it was, cause I didnt want to apper like a downer. I also rememeber him saying to me, you are strong, and shortly after asked me if I wanned to hang out. He also invited me to join him in some airsoft games. Im still very scared of groups of people. And at the start a "really bad conversation" could make me get almost suicidal thouts. But over time Iv come to understand that Its only my destructiv thouhts that make me feel so bad after a "bad day". But I would never have been able to do it this fast or even do it if it wasnt for that messege. So on a bad day, I let the pain ride out, the next day I get up and do it again. And to just be part of something, be allowed to hangout with people with out judging me, that has done ALOT to cure me. And latly Iv been starting to date a girl, something I thought was impossible a year ago :D. Im still unable to work, and studie. But Im at the moment able to take my driver licens. And my goals for the future is to studie computer science, hopefully within 2 years from now :). So ye build a brige, I got a new best friend thanks to that :D.
Thank you so much for sharing your incredible story! Congratulations to you, and thank the Lord for your friend! We need more people like your friend in the world now! Have you been able to start studying computer science? Are you in any particular relationships right now? How is everything going?
@@alika207 Been working as software engineer now for 2 years. Got to kids and life is good :). Glad u asked, and reading my comment now seems like another life.
What if your depressed friend makes it clear that she doesn’t like, or is jealous of the fact that you are happy and your life is going well? I feel like I can’t share my happiness with her. She tells me how terrible she feels all of the time, and I respond I assure her that I am here for her whenever she needs me. And I am. ...but I can’t tell her how I feel? Example: I can’t tell her I was laughing with my granddaughter this morning because she can’t see her grandson. So I keep it to myself. Like I do everything!! Sometimes friendships with depressed people can be very one sided. Don’t get me wrong. I have a heart. I’m an empath... but, because if that, I also take on the feelings of those around me and sometimes that isn’t good. What good is a friend if you can’t talk about your feelings?? Suggestions?
If they can’t share in the joy going on in your life, while at the same time, feeling comfortable talking with you about what is going on in their own life, then maybe they are not the friend for you.
I have a question and would welcome any answer! I have a depressed friend who I would hang out with now and then and everytime we hang out, he would ask my opinion on options to "get better". He was already seeing a therapist, so I just suggested starting exercise, writing a journal, etc...and asked him what he think would work. In the end, he did not do any, which was frustrating for both of us. If we hang out, he would ask how I was doing, and at that time I was doing school, work, and traveling here and there. He would cut off any time I mention traveling as it made him feel like he was missing out. No prob. I did not talk about it. I work night shift and was juggling school so I would tell him to text me anytime he needs to talk, but if I am working, I might not text him till a lot later. When texting, its frustrating because of tone and stuff, so we would try to meet. He would always ask about what he should do to get better and it's like an endless circle all over again. If we hang out, I try to do other stuff with him like movies or just a normal dinner, and in the end he would say it felt like I didn't care that much when we didn't talk about his depression, but if do, like I said, endless circle. I have not talked to him in 1 year or so and would like to reconnect and help, but how should I go about it and what should I do differently?
jenny72089 That is a really difficult cycle and one I know really well. It’s so hard to see your friend hurt and you were suggesting great things - but then when you see them not doing them and still asking for suggestions and still sinking, it gets so hard. You probably know this, but depression makes doing anything insanely difficult (I know this from personal experience). You may have every intention of doing something, but depression chokes you and drags you down and keeps you standing still so often...the problem is it seems like he is asking you to “fix it”...you can’t. You can listen, you can be present, but you cannot fix what he is going through. I think an honest conversation would be good. Tell him what you are feeling - tell him you care deeply about his depression and have even been educating yourself by watching videos like this, but that it feels like you’re going in circles. Tell him you want to be there, but don’t know a productive way to do so. Tell him you want to be a source of support but that you cannot play counselor - you can only be a friend. Having boundaries in place is really important, because it is so easy to get honestly burnt out without them....that all would be my two cents. 💜 All the best to you and to him, it’s clear you deeply care about him and what he is going through and I hope you are able to find a good answer.
It depends on what the source of his depression is. Maybe you should know first what the source of his depression first? Mostly (in my experience) people are depressed because they dont feel appreciated and accepted, so the thing that I can do is to make sure that i appreciate them and bless to have them. Saying that they are important and needed, I need to make sure that they understand they will have their own happiness someday. They need to keep waiting and believing. The point is, make sure you both understand his source of depression. Hope it helps!
He sounds like a narcissist. Not wanting to know about your traveling? Selfish. No wonder he feels down on himself. It is impossible to maintain a healthy relationship with someone who demands so much and gives so little. It is not your job to counsel him, he is already paying a therapist to do that. All you can do is keep healthy boundaries in place and be your authentic self.
eh.. i liked a few points but found it overly directive at times.. instead of giving directive advice like "do's and dont's", i prefer just educating /informing people to better understand sickness.. for example, how the spectrum of health also includes psychological health, how the parameters /criteria to classify something as a "disorder" are often arbitrary (like if you have certain depressive symptoms for a certain amount of weeks then it can be technically classified as depression, otherwise it technically isn't yet), which brings us to the point of various forms of psychological sickness often being on a continuum, rather than being black and white.. so, once we broaden our understanding on these concepts, we can imagine most if not all people relating to psychological sickness (not just 7% of people being depressed, as mentioned in the video, which sounds way too low to me; that 7% must be only based on "officially diagnosed cases of depression", meeting the official criteria and also being reported). once we better understand sickness, we will also tend to relate to people going through it in a more sort of neutral /understanding way
I sympathize with him but I must disagree with him in so many things.... for instance: when I’m depressed I don’t wanna go to the movies or help my friends moving, I actually cannot stand watching tv or a movie in the cinema, or getting engaged in an activity like that- I wish I could! When I’m really depressed I don’t even pick up the phone to talk to anyone.
how exactly do you identify depression in a person if he \ she is trying to hide it? what if you confuse it for some other affection or you are just afraid to make the assumption that he \she is depressed?
Is there some reason for the introduction music to be so ridiculously LOUD!!? That is not necessary! I look here for some advice to help my friend and I get a shattered ear drum in the process!!! Sheesh!
Acknowledge that feeling and be cool with it. If they ever feel like doing things, they will likely let you know, if you both care deeply for each other.
Mix up bipolar condition with depression caused by physical problem, for which there is not solution or cure for and you have no way of getting out of the depression loop other than doing the one thing which can put an end to it. If you are perfectly healthy and nothing bad happened to you since you were born, then I imagine it is easy to get out of depression.
"Depression doesn't diminish a person's desire to connect with other people,just their ability"
Beautiful. SPOT ON.
"It's possible to be sad and ok at the same time" so trueee
I've found this to be true and this saved me at a hard point in my life.
Amen! A friend of mine from choir passed away earlier this week at the age of 59, due to a sudden, unexpected heart attack while driving. I found out the news yesterday. I am sad, of course, but I’m also OK, as in, I am hanging in there and doing what I need to do to heal and move forward, while mourning his loss at the same time.
"i did eventually stop discriminating against happy people" *story of my life*
"the absence of the ability to just get over it is depression" *the truth*
depression is simply a lack of serotonin...........sort out your serotonin levels(through diet) and depression is cured
im sorry but i have only one diet... bodovou diety, zbodnu všechno co vidím [=that's a czech pun that uses a specific dialogue words so i am not bothering translating it]
studmalexy You've never been depressed, have you ?
well for some, a change in diet might really help, since there are hundreds of different reasons to get depression. But if it is not caused by the diet, it doesn't help. And as far as I know, the diet is just the reason for very few.
studmalexy really?
So someone who is depressed because they're grieving a loss should just change their diet in order to feel better?
Answers and responses to depression aren't simple, because the causes aren't simple. And sometimes a little sadness is necessary in life in order for us to gain a proper perspective.
I find these tips very helpful. I was messaging a friend last night who had been considering ending her own life for the past few days and the only thing holding her back was her pride. I wasn't exactly sure how to talk to her about it and many times I just froze midconversation. It's nervewracking wanting to help but feeling like you can't. I understand that depression isn't something that changes overnight. I felt like we both wanted to avoid that topic, but at the same time it was tugging at the back of my mind. I really just wanted to say "You are loved, you are an inspiration, and you can fight on."
I experienced that depressed friends are sometimes the most loyal friends you can have.
"she allowed to be deeply depressed AND have a genuine connection to another person simultaneously" yes! The second you stop pretending and show your depression everyone is suddenly a therapist! Like chill I'm not asking for the cure, just to hang out.
Glittrry .Witch
And sometimes that itself is part of the Cure; just being allowed to be where they're at.
So true everyone becomes a therapist
that is so true and boy have I been tired of that one, thanks
The reason I tend to avoid depressed people is not because of the silly reasons like "depression is contagious" but because of the "negative response" (at the 9:20). When someone is attacking me personally (or just my ideas and the stuff I like) I get the impression that they are annoyed by me and probably do not want me to bother them anymore.
That’s the depression talking.
On point in so many ways. What I would say to my friend.. if you don't like talking to me when I'm upset about my job, don't ask me about my job literally everytime you see me. Change the subject. I feel currently like my very good friend built a rift between us rather than a bridge. She was the last person I trusted.
This TED Talk was really insightful. As a depressed person, it has vocalized why I feel and react the way I do very accurately and I've learned a lot to approach new connections differently. I've found the TED Talks about depression to be the most interesting ones since I struggle to explain to others how and why I feel the way I do. Thanks for this!
depression is simply a lack of serotonin...........sort out your serotonin levels(through diet) and depression is cured
Nice copy/paste skills you got there. :P
Sure chemical imbalance is one factor, but it is by no means the only or most important one.
I myself took this advice for granted before, but sometimes all people really want is to be listened, to be heard, to be acknowledged and know that what they are saying matters.
I have a depressed friend. I've found the greatest trouble is not interaction but getting him to receive treatment. He still clearly believes that the depression is somehow his fault and that he can overcome it through willpower alone. I've tried to communicate that its nothing to be ashamed about and that he should treat it like any other medical condition. He continues to bring up his depression, though I have ran out things to really say about it. I act as a listening ear, but I've stopped suggesting treatment because it seems utterly unwanted. Maybe he just needs to talk about it, but its hard to shake the feeling that he wants me to say or do something that he thinks will help him.
Imperiused I believe you already are helping by making him feel that he can talk about it.
i dont know any of your friends circumstances, so its hard to help, but i still feel connected to that problem.
so i would like to know anything about his familycircumstances (like, did he had/has a father at home) or did he has siblings/or not?
did you know if he has some big moneyproblem or anything, which could attack his existence?
like unpayed bills or so?
whats about his job, if he has one?
well, you obviously dont have to answer, if you dont want :)
good luck helping him
but he obviously cant talk with him, so there is still another thing, bothering him :/
It sounds like you're talking about me lol. Speaking objectively, my reason for not getting treatment so far is worry that anti depressants will start me down a path of different meds, chasing my tail for happiness for years on end when there's still that small hope i might just start feeling better on my own without treatment. It might be just be pride saying that, but I also think if i already knew what kind of difference treatment would make ii would be more eager to start treatment
I completely agree with you.
The pride is definetly a huge thing in this problem.
I guess it comes from the society. Cause you see all that working and functioning people everywhere, who did it all on their own.
So we just want to prove ourselves (even if its not succesfull or good), that we are not completely failures.
It could have smth to do with the recognition we dont like, which we get from the outside, or with the recognition we didnt even get, but wanted.
The problem is, your last sentence. Not rly THE problem, more like a problem we all have.
Its about the will, to start with just anything.
For me, its like: i dont know which job i rly want to do, if i dont try them.
But till now, i'm to scared (and lazy), to do a step in an unknown direction, without help or lifeline.
But i also know, nothing will change and i will keep on slideing more and more into the sad paths of life.
Good Luck and everything
Thank you, Bill.
I'm listening both as a person who grapples with severe clinical depression, but has had a lot of help to treat it; and as a person who often finds myself in a position to help other people suffering from a similar disorder. So, I guess I could say that I also "live on both sides of the chasm."
And I just have to say, I relate to all of this so strongly. I try to treat depressed people the way I wish that others would have treated me when I was suffering, and so many things in this talk are exactly what I would have liked to have received. It's also good to hear some validation for how I try to help other people going through similar struggles.
Anyway, just wanted to say thank you.
Great talk .. know their boundaries, give them control/ask their consent, do not feel you own their depression, be you, and make them feel valuable, contributing, and equal.
Absolutely essential listening for all. I'm a paramedic with a history of mental health problems, both work and non-working related. Mental health problems are fairly common in any cohort in society, but more so in emergency workers, and this video gives me some guidelines on the conversations I should and shouldn't have with workmates that are struggling. Thank you.
As someone who's been dealing with severe depression since age 7...
I love this.
Jonathan Mendoza
Assuming depression equals guilt/regret/shame what happened when you were seven?
Heather J'nel - That's ... literally not how depression works.
Caitlin is a Kitty Cat
How does it work? I thought it was a mental/spiritual thing. It's about guarding your heart and mind from certain voices we all have in our head. If I indulged all the mean voices in my head I would get depressed..been there.
Heather J'nel - It's a chemical imbalance in the brain. It has nothing to do with "someone said something mean to me when I was five." It, like cancer & diabetes & hyperthyroidism, is an actual disease with physiological causes.
Caitlin is a Kitty Cat
I hear you. But, I don't see how that causes thoughts to be uncontrollable in a sad way.
Very good speech. I don't contact or approach anybody because of the depression. But I feel relieved when somebody try to contact me or even just say 'hi!'. It breaks a bit the sad long years of isolation.
I am laughing and crying at the same time. I have spent my whole life around depressed people and had a few episode's myself. I learnt a few new tricks here, for both sides of the fence. The rest I can verify as very good advice. So thank you very much Bill , I rather needed both the laugh and the cry.
Seriously insightful. I’m experiencing a lot of relief because of how accurate this message is. This will help me reach out when I’m in need. And to be there when others need me.
It feels nice to see somebody that understands
I love this talk and had my parents watch it. Not a light switch being flicked, but certainly a platform to address the subject.
Pass this forward; and mental illnesses must be spoken of.
What a smart, funny, compassionate man. I really appreciated this talk.
I can tell from his face that he is nervous,but his body language and the content of the speech is great!
What do you say when someone does talk and vent about their depression? Listening is good, but how do I comfort them without saying something they already know or thought about? They know I'm there for them, and they share a lot, but most of the time I just stare half smiling and at a loss of words?
A little late but I'm gonna respond anyways. (sorry for my bad english)
Just be honest. Tell them that you don't know what you can do to help them and ask them how you can help. Don't try to come up with a solution or anything similar because they most likely don't want it. Being there and listen is just the best you could ever do to a depressed person at least it was for me. Show them that you love them, hug them etc.
There's a typical phenomenon, I've read about and experienced myself, when depressed people talk with "happy" people.
Non-depressed people often approach these conversations with an interest to help the depressed person. So what they often do is trying to find solutions, make suggestions on what to do better, etc..
Now this often leads to failed communication because depressed people approach these conversations with an interest to vent, to let it all out. They probably already know tons of tips and suggestions on how to deal with their problems.
So both parties have a different objective and try to get to that which leads to miscommunication. So I would recommend to offer your help but your first priority should be showing love and being understanding.
I hope this helped
Obamos good
@@obamos7870 I couldn’t have said this any better!
'It's possible to be sad and ok at the same time' SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK
maureenxjoey riiiiiight!? I couldn’t agree more!
What Bill said near the end resonates with me. I'm not afraid of people knowing I am depressed. But I really am disgusted when they feel they have to tiptoe around me or try to 'help' me. I wear glasses but am treated normally. I am short, but am treated normally. I have crazy short hair, but am treated normally. I have kids and am treated as a mother; guess what? That's normal! So most people aren't aware of my depression simply so THEY will treat me normally. Notice I didn't say 'with respect'; that's because, if my behaviour hasn't earned someone's respect - then that is normal as well. Some days are very foggy-minded for me and I simply don't notice people on the street - I am mindful of that fogginess and focusing so hard on my shopping that everything not directly concerned with my physical safety goes unnoticed. I couldn't otherwise get out and get things done. I haven't given up trying, anyway.
i think this message is applicable to building any kind of human connection... basically focus on connecting with the person and not their issues, habits or talents... focus on why are they doing what they're doing and not what it is they are doing, because they might stop doing it and start doing something new but their motivation to do that thing will be connected to who they are
Jade Eye
'You will get more of what you focus on.'
Focus on the problems, get more problems.
Focus on what works, more things start to work.
that is a nice sentiment, but i think it is not applicable to this situation... there is a lot of ways how to focus on a problem, negative and positive/possible and impossible to overcome/real or made up/relevant or irrelevant... there is also an issue with telling people to focus on what works because when depressed or going through anxiety, the reason why people are in that state is because they don't know/want to accept/understand what works... and thus telling them what to focus on is not enough im afraid
Jade Eye
I didn't intend my comment to be in the context of actually grappling with depression oneself, but in the context of building connections, both for the depressed and those who might want to help.
Because one of the main points he focuses on is that people have 'stock approaches' that they feel obligated to use whether or not they even might help.
HuntingTarg
i understand what you mean and i agree to some extent, i just think that it is important to note that even if a person wants to focus on the things that work, those might not be there to begin with, i that sense focusing on getting to know the person as you would with anyone else is the best thing you can do
Jade Eye
I think what I mean to say is 'focus on the positive' (not sunshine&rainbows&plastic-smiles positive).
'Focusing on the "things that work" ' I think is where we misunderstand. The ability to relate exists (unless one is demented or psychopathic), whether the impulse to reach out and connect does or not. We seem to fundamentally agree with the speaker; I don't mean 'what works' in terms of actively doing anything, but rather 'what is functioning'. The basis of his advice comes from asserting that a depressed person can enjoy constructive interaction even when they have no impulse to engage another person.
Summation: 'Just hanging around and wanting to connect' can help, not by 'fixing' anything, but by introducing positive interaction.
One of the best talks I've heard about dealing with depression both as a depressed person and as a friend
"your depressed friend could be a good source of free labor". when I was depressed, if ppl would ask me for a small favor, I began to think that I'm a useless person who got no goals in life that's why ppl are taking me to do their chores.
So it's not a good idea to invite them for real help.
Very interesting perspective.
Great presentation -- I relate to Mr. Bernat. I suffered from depression but have also progressed to the point where I enjoy life from day to day. I agree that one of the worst aspects of depression is the isolation. It is incredibly hard to reach out when one is depressed, and sometimes it is even hard to connect when someone does reach out. Perhaps there should be an awareness initiative so that people can recognize depression and respond more how Mr. Bernat has outlined. At the very least, empathy and understanding would go a long way toward the healing process.
Brent Hovan I agree so much. Same here...empathy and understanding go miles and miles towards helping. Depression does a great job of isolating us and telling us we are alone and empathy and understanding break that down. I’m glad your depression has gotten better, too. 💜
This talk really did help me realize that it's okay to depressed. That thought is surprisingly reassuring :)
I was in the hospital for a three day stay. Present were people in for suicidal ideation and illicit drug addiction. I met two guys who used heroin and I wanted to know more about how they used it --- I wasn't in for drug use myself (not that sugar, caffeine, and prescribed antipsychotics were helping me...).
I'd seen heroin use demonstrated in films, but I didn't understand --- what's the use of the spoon? Why the cotton ball? What's with the itching, does that come before or during the high?
And these two were happy to answer my questions. In fact, they became engaged and relaxed, they talked with me like we were all normal. They also explained just what the high feels like.
Meanwhile, a lady who was in for alcohol addiction became very irritated, it was hard for her not to overhear our conversation and she was quite upset by all the talk.
She and all of us are trained to fake normal and it's definitely NOT normal to talk casually about how to use heroin; moreover we are taught to just drink up (like at a party) and to relax, but she didn't have any booze to allow her to loosen up.
11:40 was good advice. Being asked for someone to contribute and help you out.
I'm crying. This talk was everything. ❤
90% of my friends are depressed lmao I needed this
I have a best friend who has depression and for the past two years I’ve been trying to help her through it but I’m at that point where it’s just getting worse and her constant negativity gets to me and it’s draining me. I want to enjoy my senior year but every time I invite her out and talk to her in band or at school, she either doesn’t talk and has the moodiest look ever or replied with one word answers like she doesn’t care. I’m not the happiest person all the time but I count on her to be my friend and try to make an effort to be there for me too or at least smile and try to have fun. I’ve done about everything I can to help her but she is shutting everyone out and I don’t know how much I can take of it.
Sometimes I have tried, and found out that the connection isn’t working. Like he said, it’s OK to not connect. Just take pride in knowing that you are trying.
I usually don't mind happy people, just the ones who think they have any idea what depression is like without ever having it.
*TIPS* *HE* *SHARES* *ARE* *PRICELESS* . if you were ever depressed you know what i mean
Beautiful, true and wise
What if the depressed person turns you into their therapist and doesn't listen to your boundaries?
Great TedTalk btw. I had to learn all that the hard way over the past 5 years.
Then, unfortunately, I suggest getting them out of your life. I’ve had to do that with people before. If the respect between you is not mutual, then, the friendship is not meant to be, as hard as that has been for me to grasp.
I don't think I'm responsible for my girlfriend's wellbeing. I have never once thought that i can or should have to save her from her own mind. She's brilliant and has done everything in her own rational ability to help herself. I've learned to understand that it's not her talking all the time, but it might be her depression.
But then what can i say? I'm worried that I'll pressure her by making her feel like I'm disappointed that i can't fix her. I'm worried that she'll worry about me. I don't want to drag her around, and yet i don't want her to stay home all day. I know she's thought of everything that can help her, so there's nothing i can say that's new to her. Yes, in the end all i can do is just be with her, but the truth is that i can't always do that and only so much can happen over text.
Contrary to what depressed people may think, happy people aren't unable to connecy with the depressed. Every day, I feel like I'm in a checkmate where every move seems to be a bad idea, except for the one that's physically impossible at the moment.
Perhaps it may sound selfish, but we need help too. Unlike depressed people, we're the ones who are voluntarily staring into the abyss that's depression, even almost falling into it ourselves at times. I'm not happy, I'm always worried an unsure. I've harmed myself with the hope that it'll drown out my dilemmas.
I just don't know what to do.
I'm feeling so lost too. My partner is depressed as well and he is attributing it to disagreements between us. It is inevitable that couples have disagreements / arguments and these are things that couples have to work on and find a middle ground. But because of my partner's depression, I feel pressured and worried that if I don't just do as he asks, he will continue to be or become more depressed. I totally get you, there is this pressure to be extra cautious with whatever you do, as anything you do (or don't do) can be a bad move. But I also wish that my needs can be met, that we can agree to a compromise / find middle ground instead.
I understand that the wellbeing of those with depression should not be our responsibility, but at the same time i feel that it is? I don't know what to do either... He is feeling detached and numb because his ideals and expectations can't be met. How can I help my partner? How can I approach the subject better? Is doing as he wishes the only way to help him? Is sacrificing my own views/needs/wants the only way for him to feel better?
I'll appreciate any advice, regardless of whether you are suffering from depression or have someone close suffering from it...
I have not experienced this in a relationship, but I have experienced this with a friend who I felt very close to for years, so here’s what I can say. If you both truly love each other, make sure you both keep the communication open and honest and flowing between you. Make sure you both speak about your own feelings, needs, and desires, and don’t forget to listen to the other. Tell each other how you feel, and try to work it out. If they feel they have to leave, realize that if you were both the communicator and listener I am suggesting, you probably didn’t do anything wrong. be your kind, loving, loyal self, no matter what.
This video is extremely useful and important, but the sad thing is that most people would have to be already comprehensive to get its wisdom
He is so hilarious and brilliant
this is so helpful.. thank you soo much
This made me feel so good. I love him
I think many of us do not want to die, we just want out, out of the pain of depression
Brilliant and inspirational! 👍 Thank you!
Learn a lot, thank you
Couldn't think of what he was talking about while he was outside the red spot. The only thought in my mind was - please return in the circle!
My best friend has depression and I never had a big problem with that because all I want in life for her is to get healthy again. But 3 months ago she ended our friendship. We had like a real break up talk where we both cried but she said stuff like its to much for her... I don't know maybe I tried to hard to help her!? It breaks my heart and I really feel like I've lost my soulmate but at the same time I am to hurt to reconnect with her because that's obviously nothing she wants :(
I have gone through this same feeling, and I would like to think you didn’t do anything wrong. I bet you were a fabulous friend to her and she just needs some space.
@@alika207 that's incredible nice of you, thank you very much.
In fact we reconnected after 3 years of no contact. We don't have the same intense friendship like before but we talk every few weeks and I'm happy with that
@@galigali01 that’s exactly the kind of relationship I have with my own friend.
Lol your depressed friends can be a source of free labor. Very true! 😂
thank you for your words of wisdom
absolutely extraordinary
Thank you Bill Bernat
This guy is great I wish I knew other depressed people 😂
would have loved to hear you talk about my problem with connecting to *some* depressed people which are those who constantly broadcast their depression to manipulate others into giving them special treatment, attention, care. some use their depression in a very passive aggressive way. without those - other people would have much less problems connecting to them. it's one thing to connect with a depressed person, it's another to connect with someone who uses one's depression for playing mind-games with those connecting. if one can't get rid of a depression completely, maybe there's at least a way to avoid the 'dark side' of depression.
I have a friend living in New York. He went through a divorce and a few days before it was finalized his wife accused him of molesting his daughter. He had an alibi(his sister and myself were with and talking to him at the time he was accused) but he’s gotten probation and put on a list.
He got a job but he is getting tossed around and told to do multiple interviews. Also that they are now interviewing other people(after he was told he got the job). The irs is auditing him again and he is about to lose his car. And his family won’t offer him a place to stay.
Over the past 2 years I’ve loaned him $1,200. He’s between a rock and hard place with no money and no car. No family willing to help. And if he gets the job he won’t have a way to get there without the car and he doesn’t have a place to stay. He needs $1,000 just to keep his car.
What do I do for him, what can I do for him?
Im sorry for your friend its good that you are there to help him and listen but sometimes we can’t always handle other peoples problems or involve yourself in them, its good to help but not to get yourself wrapped up in the same situation. Always remember Hearing him out and just being a good friend is already enough, But once you start giving money that person is gonna look at you a beacon of light, Once it gets to you that you can’t solve others problems when you have your own, they will become angered or betrayed, its nice that you asked “What do I do for him, what can I” Just letting him know he’s not alone in that situation is good, make good memories with him let him know theres still a good side to life besides the Bullshit, thats one of the greatest gifts you can show to a friend, just remember it’s not your problem I personally have gone thru that trying to help someone everyday then getting sad over their situation and my other friends told me this same thing
Bruh
"A cheerful facade is appropriate for casual interactions. A depressed person can ask for extra syrup in their pumpkin spice latte without explaining they need it because they're trapped in the infinite darkness of their soul and they've lost all hope of escape...again."
so dark, so deep, so true.
👏👏👏loved this.
THE ABSENCE OF THE ABILITY TO GET OVER IT IS DEPRESSION
This is beautiful. Thank you.
Amazingly said!
This was well said, much respect.
I'm depressed.
I found it interesting.
Amazing delivery! Loved the vid.
Yeah... I'm doing it wrong, thank you
thank you!!
I’ve got some people to share this with
Cant help it, but I just want to tell my story. And Im doing fine, this is no call for help. Iv been struggeling with social anxiaty almost my whole life. I can relate to alot of what he says on how you think when you are depressed, you dont want to ruin everyone elses happyness or exitment. But we still want to connect with others. When my anxiaty was at its worst place I didnt leave my house for 3 years if its wasnt for a really good reason. I was lonly lost contact with alot of "my friends" because of my anxiaty. Today Iv been going to therpy for 6 month. And I keep fighting everyday to win over my anxiaty and will of course do it as long as I liv, I dont wont to fall down that 3 year hole again and be isolated like that. But the greatest cure was when and old friend messeged me and wonder how I did. I played my act and didnt explain how bad it was, cause I didnt want to apper like a downer. I also rememeber him saying to me, you are strong, and shortly after asked me if I wanned to hang out. He also invited me to join him in some airsoft games. Im still very scared of groups of people. And at the start a "really bad conversation" could make me get almost suicidal thouts. But over time Iv come to understand that Its only my destructiv thouhts that make me feel so bad after a "bad day". But I would never have been able to do it this fast or even do it if it wasnt for that messege. So on a bad day, I let the pain ride out, the next day I get up and do it again. And to just be part of something, be allowed to hangout with people with out judging me, that has done ALOT to cure me. And latly Iv been starting to date a girl, something I thought was impossible a year ago :D. Im still unable to work, and studie. But Im at the moment able to take my driver licens. And my goals for the future is to studie computer science, hopefully within 2 years from now :). So ye build a brige, I got a new best friend thanks to that :D.
Thank you so much for sharing your incredible story! Congratulations to you, and thank the Lord for your friend! We need more people like your friend in the world now! Have you been able to start studying computer science? Are you in any particular relationships right now? How is everything going?
@@alika207 Been working as software engineer now for 2 years. Got to kids and life is good :). Glad u asked, and reading my comment now seems like another life.
@@niclast7600 congratulations! I am so happy for you! And again, thank you so much for sharing with all of us! Best of luck to you!
12:31-12:44 👍🏻
What if your depressed friend makes it clear that she doesn’t like, or is jealous of the fact that you are happy and your life is going well? I feel like I can’t share my happiness with her. She tells me how terrible she feels all of the time, and I respond I assure her that I am here for her whenever she needs me. And I am. ...but I can’t tell her how I feel? Example: I can’t tell her I was laughing with my granddaughter this morning because she can’t see her grandson. So I keep it to myself. Like I do everything!! Sometimes friendships with depressed people can be very one sided. Don’t get me wrong. I have a heart. I’m an empath... but, because if that, I also take on the feelings of those around me and sometimes that isn’t good. What good is a friend if you can’t talk about your feelings?? Suggestions?
If they can’t share in the joy going on in your life, while at the same time, feeling comfortable talking with you about what is going on in their own life, then maybe they are not the friend for you.
You heard depression was contagious so bring some hand sanitizer😂😂
Thanks Sir
you are awesome dude!
Very informative
thank you
spot on ! good speach
11:27 good source of free labor 😂
Im Here To Help You Jeri :)
interesting topic
Great video
Thank you for this amazing speech! :)
I have a question and would welcome any answer!
I have a depressed friend who I would hang out with now and then and everytime we hang out, he would ask my opinion on options to "get better". He was already seeing a therapist, so I just suggested starting exercise, writing a journal, etc...and asked him what he think would work. In the end, he did not do any, which was frustrating for both of us. If we hang out, he would ask how I was doing, and at that time I was doing school, work, and traveling here and there. He would cut off any time I mention traveling as it made him feel like he was missing out. No prob. I did not talk about it. I work night shift and was juggling school so I would tell him to text me anytime he needs to talk, but if I am working, I might not text him till a lot later. When texting, its frustrating because of tone and stuff, so we would try to meet. He would always ask about what he should do to get better and it's like an endless circle all over again. If we hang out, I try to do other stuff with him like movies or just a normal dinner, and in the end he would say it felt like I didn't care that much when we didn't talk about his depression, but if do, like I said, endless circle.
I have not talked to him in 1 year or so and would like to reconnect and help, but how should I go about it and what should I do differently?
jenny72089 That is a really difficult cycle and one I know really well. It’s so hard to see your friend hurt and you were suggesting great things - but then when you see them not doing them and still asking for suggestions and still sinking, it gets so hard. You probably know this, but depression makes doing anything insanely difficult (I know this from personal experience). You may have every intention of doing something, but depression chokes you and drags you down and keeps you standing still so often...the problem is it seems like he is asking you to “fix it”...you can’t. You can listen, you can be present, but you cannot fix what he is going through. I think an honest conversation would be good. Tell him what you are feeling - tell him you care deeply about his depression and have even been educating yourself by watching videos like this, but that it feels like you’re going in circles. Tell him you want to be there, but don’t know a productive way to do so. Tell him you want to be a source of support but that you cannot play counselor - you can only be a friend. Having boundaries in place is really important, because it is so easy to get honestly burnt out without them....that all would be my two cents. 💜 All the best to you and to him, it’s clear you deeply care about him and what he is going through and I hope you are able to find a good answer.
It depends on what the source of his depression is. Maybe you should know first what the source of his depression first? Mostly (in my experience) people are depressed because they dont feel appreciated and accepted, so the thing that I can do is to make sure that i appreciate them and bless to have them. Saying that they are important and needed, I need to make sure that they understand they will have their own happiness someday. They need to keep waiting and believing.
The point is, make sure you both understand his source of depression. Hope it helps!
He sounds like a narcissist. Not wanting to know about your traveling? Selfish. No wonder he feels down on himself. It is impossible to maintain a healthy relationship with someone who demands so much and gives so little. It is not your job to counsel him, he is already paying a therapist to do that. All you can do is keep healthy boundaries in place and be your authentic self.
with the pandemic i felt for too long too alone and it made me sick nobody cared :(
his accent sounds like a south park character to me
i usually cuss them out. its better to b pissed off than scared
eh.. i liked a few points but found it overly directive at times.. instead of giving directive advice like "do's and dont's", i prefer just educating /informing people to better understand sickness.. for example, how the spectrum of health also includes psychological health, how the parameters /criteria to classify something as a "disorder" are often arbitrary (like if you have certain depressive symptoms for a certain amount of weeks then it can be technically classified as depression, otherwise it technically isn't yet), which brings us to the point of various forms of psychological sickness often being on a continuum, rather than being black and white.. so, once we broaden our understanding on these concepts, we can imagine most if not all people relating to psychological sickness (not just 7% of people being depressed, as mentioned in the video, which sounds way too low to me; that 7% must be only based on "officially diagnosed cases of depression", meeting the official criteria and also being reported). once we better understand sickness, we will also tend to relate to people going through it in a more sort of neutral /understanding way
🦋
I sympathize with him but I must disagree with him in so many things.... for instance: when I’m depressed I don’t wanna go to the movies or help my friends moving, I actually cannot stand watching tv or a movie in the cinema, or getting engaged in an activity like that- I wish I could! When I’m really depressed I don’t even pick up the phone to talk to anyone.
I totally understand. It can be very difficult. Like he said, take what works for you. Different strokes for different folks.
how exactly do you identify depression in a person if he \ she is trying to hide it? what if you confuse it for some other affection or you are just afraid to make the assumption that he \she is depressed?
a bit too couchy towards the end but great talk; as a depressed person I approve
Is there some reason for the introduction music to be so ridiculously LOUD!!? That is not necessary! I look here for some advice to help my friend and I get a shattered ear drum in the process!!! Sheesh!
New meaning for DA=DepressedAnonymous
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how do you help a friend who literally doesnt want to do anything?
Acknowledge that feeling and be cool with it. If they ever feel like doing things, they will likely let you know, if you both care deeply for each other.
@@alika207 he got a new job and is doing much better.
@@Soviless99 i’m so glad!
@@alika207 yea still mentally recovering still from that last job in retail grocery
Persian subtitle pleasese🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙁🙁
Serious question here.
How do weak people help the progress of humanity?
As a friends . What's the question lol ?
Any one else having trouble with this _Snolsle_ word?
Mix up bipolar condition with depression caused by physical problem, for which there is not solution or cure for and you have no way of getting out of the depression loop other than doing the one thing which can put an end to it.
If you are perfectly healthy and nothing bad happened to you since you were born, then I imagine it is easy to get out of depression.
billie eilish intensifies
Cognitive dissonance and depression aren’t the same thing @whoever the guy in this TED talk is. Stop victimizing yourself