I was that kid too, I saved Easter and Halloween candy for months on end. When I get gifts I often save them for ???? I have let gift cards expire because I keep thinking I might want something more later. As for the ease of falling back into old habits my brother is in AA. There is a saying I have heard, "While your butt is sitting in a chair in an AA meeting your alcoholism is in the parking lot doing push-ups." I think the same could be said of eating disorders. While I am doing the right things my ed is gearing up for the next battle. However, the more my brain is rewired the better I am able to battle the lies.
Wow yes totally, sometimes I can’t believe how easily an old behaviour kicks back. I can spend a month practicing a new one & the old one can kick back in in a day. I guess it goes to show how hard wired these behaviours are & how much we have to keep practicing new behaviours before they become habit & the new norm
I was so so close to going back to my ED, after I saw my body for the first time in awhile in the mirror this morning. Weight gain is my trigger, but I'm in the Extreme Hunger stage where I can't get enough quick carbs (cereal, ice cream) and I'm having 2-3 bowls of ice cream and cereal, and this morning my ED voice "see....you should stop all that extra eating and calories at night even if you are starving for it...look where it's gotten you!". It's SO deceiving, that ED voice! I was SO close to restricting and start a new eating plan, but, I LOVED your statements, and these kept me to just keep going with recovery today! "I can be OK in a bigger body", "what did skinny ever get me??", "restriction keeps me in the ED cycle", and "break the cycle AT restriction". Those will be my mantras to just....keep.....going....don't....give......up! Thank you for your inspiration this morning!
I think for anyone who has struggled with restrictive eating, it's worth looking into the biologically based / evolutionary biology theory of anorexia. It outlines how animals (including humans) evolved a tendency to save resources in times of scarcity/famine. So it makes perfect sense that if your body is undernourished, there isn't enough food coming in, then of course your primal brain will push you to save up food because you don't know when you'll have it again. And that ends up extending to other resources as well. Of course anorexia can make anyone "stingy" and really possessive of their belongings, because as an animal trying to survive a famine, why the hell would you share limited resources with anyone?! Looking at it from that standpoint, a lot of "weird" restrictive ED behaviors make sense. And YES - thank you for this video, I connect to so many things in it - I also hoarded candy and nice toys when I was a child, and I still have lots of unopened cosmetics and some clothes I never used because they were "too good" and needed to be saved up. Trying to get myself out of this mindset now in recovery and seeing some progress, although it's slow. Sometimes you do just have to force yourself through it!
Could you comment on dealing with sizing out of your "disorder clothes?" How do you deal with accepting not only a bigger body, but the blatant reminder that you need bigger clothes with greater numbers on the tags? Trying on clothes is triggering for me. Even when things that are my "true size" fit correctly again as I become healthy, I feel anxious that they are no longer hanging off me.
I did not...I gained lean muscle that said some of the tiniest one I did size out of. Would have died. People are not as large as they think I became a seamstress. That's not for everyone though.
Totally relate oh my gosh! Used to even do this as a kid before I even developed anorexia, like I wouldn’t use any of my toys bc I didn’t want to ‘waste the batteries’.. my parents used to joke about it but I can so see now how little traits in us are often present as children. But definitely YOLO! We need to enjoy our lives and we deserve to do so! Keep going lovely xx
😲😲😲 Another mid-week Megsy video??? Does anyone else feel spoiled? 🤗 And as usual, on another aspect of ED that I think can trick so many people - that “just this one time/just for today because I’m feeling bad” thought... “I’ll get back on track tomorrow”... But before you know it, it’s every day, then weeks, months, years of your life. Away to watch, so exciiiited. 😘💜
Weight gain is definitely my trigger. I accepted that I had to see the number go up on the scale but it was only last night when I looked in the mirror and noticed how visible it is where as it hadn't been- immediately I get trapped!My poor dietician has already received an email this morning of me freaking out and its only just gone 9am here!!!!! I hate getting weighed, its the sad step when it goes in the opposite direction of what you've known for so long! X
alyshalauren yeh, I agree it’s the sad step. I get why it’s needed to track your weight gain through recovery, but I really can’t wait for the day where I no longer weigh myself & my weight just IS. It’s not controlled 🙏
Oh my god I always save up all my stuff and I had no idea that it could be linked to my ED but what you’re saying makes so much sense! I thought I was the only one who my favorite things ahaha
OMG! I never thought hoarding stuff was maybe part of my Anorexia but Yes! I have bath products, make up, etc that are 10+years old! It's like I don't allow myself to use it. I even have a hard time taking/using a napkin or paper towel because my brain is telling me not to "waste it" or "someone else might need that". Ugh! Seriously! It's like I don't deserve anything :(
I thought I learned it from my father, but I tend to hoard napkins and when the time comes to use one, I tear it in half so I don't use the whole thing and waste it! I have some bath products that are 10+ years old too. Slowly I allow myself to throw them away. Let's break the cycle together!
I am exactly like that, regarding in saving “special things” because I am afraid they will run out. I keep thinking “I won’t buy it again if I run out because it’s too expensive”, or “I’ll ruin out if I use it”, and stuff sit there, and eventually, are never used, or they expire (creams, serums, food, etc.) Like, I bought hand cream many years ago because I liked the smell. It was on clearance for a mere $2.00, but actually never used it because I kept saying “oh, what’s the point, I am going to wash my hands again”, or “I am always cooking for the family”, or “I want o use it for a special occasion” (which I never even went to because I was so socially isolated). Eventually, it went bad, hence, it seems this pattern of refusing to use up “special things” is a form of refusing to do good for ourselves. I’d like to add a big thank you for touching on “avoiding mini relapses” because I have been in one these past two weeks. I have reached a specific number in how much I weigh and I am now really terrified in continuing to gain more, hence I catch myself restricting. I am constantly trying to correct myself, but it’s like a yoyo effect. Essentially, sometimes we need to hear what we’re doing is actually wrong, rather than tell ourselves, because (in my mind) whatever I tell myself is constantly clustered with whether it is worth to keep pushing. You are so amazing, and I hope you’re doing okay
Barbara Madimenos agh the yo-yo!! I just think how many times do you want to go back & forth to realise you’re trapped. Break the cycle!!!! Push through you’re fear of this number & go past it, keep gaining weight & freedom 😘😘😘
I thought it was just me! Everything you describe regarding hoarding is so relatable. I'm actually relieved to learn this behavior is common in Anorexia. It becomes another control high, how long can I make something last?, a few pea-sized drops of moisturizer after a shower (classic depriving of self-love and care) A square of chocolate a day! Freewheeling the car down hills ( yep I had a petrol saving period! haha) Even writing these down seem unbelievable but the truth of the matter is it's a reality for many of us. Wow, I've been so aware of this pattern in myself but hearing you speak about it out load has really helped me open my heart to seeing it with more compassion. Commitment to recovery is the antidote, the healing force to break these destructive habits. Thank you Meg x
You’ve really made me think. When you were talking about saving things. In my family, everyone knows when they give me something, I won’t use it for ages. I had ugg boots in my cupboard for 3 years. Only recently have I started using things straight away. I NEVER thought it had anything to do with my illness nor did my family, I used to just say I didn’t want to ruin it, I don’t need it yet. This is a massive wake up call. I love you!
Love this so much! I had pairs of shoes stored unworn because no occasion felt special enough for the right first occasion to wear them, even the casual ones. Starting my recovery I realised it was like telling myself I was never worthy enough to wear them. So I challenged that as well as other things I was leaving unopened. It was inspired by you mentioning saving things up in a video before so you definitely helped me to realise it was a behaviour associated with my anorexia ☺️☺️ thank you!
I like what you said about not feeling worthy enough! I have felt that way pretty much as far back as I can remember!! I don’t deserve this or that and if I have it, I beat myself up so bad!!
Oh MEG❤️SY you are so precious, keep Pushing forward.... We adore you 🤗 OMG everything you say all the above spot on.. Yes WHAT? WHO? & WHY? am I saving my “special” things for, CANT TAKE THEM WITH US TO THE AFTER LIFE..... Learnt behaviours we must unlearn! I do this 🤦🏻♀️ all the time... Hoard Hoard Hoard 😮 All my favourites WOW... MMMMM Not good. Tomorrow old in the bin & out with the New. Spray our best perfume everyday.. Thanks meg for another uplifting & very inspiring chat.. 😘😘 We must enjoy & life for today, this moment we have & we must always do something new TODAY for a better TOMORROW! Hugs your way... 🌈
rita conte So true. I wonder if there is a link between hoarding and eating disorders. I definitely feel it's a control issue because it's so hard to control mental health issues and anorexia. So you get stuck in a rut and try and control everything. Not a fun way to live
elblondie69 falconer OMG we gotta get out of this rut! I feel with ED Comes along yes other issues. Hoarding may be not letting go, or just saving everything to we feel good about ourselves 🤷🏻♀️ Having control, perfectionism there’s so much. I just don’t want to be 80 & go give me that Kitchener Bun I so longed for, go get me those favourite pjs & bed socks hidden away for years & my beanies & scarfs 🤦🏻♀️& spray me with my favourite bottle of Chanel Coco Mademoiselle 😊 that I’ve stored away only for “special Occasions “ WELL TODAY IS SPECIAL ENOUGH, TODAY IS A START to start breaking those habits one by one! MEGSY just awesome she really opens the door for us! Makes us open our eyes & to see the light on so many things! Bless Her 🙏🏻 Thankyou for your comment... 😘
Love this blackstreet remix and love this video. No diggity! Thanks for posting! This link is new to me. I've had these obsessive thoughts since my college/university daysl. So crazy! I too, don't like to use my favorite lotions and perfumes because I'm afraid they'll run out. I stock up when it's on sale and I don't end up using all of them. When i do spring cleaning, I end up throwing a lot of it out because it has expired. One other thing was I bought a winter coat and Id dn't want to wear it for fear I'd get it dirty. I like to slowly break it in in a clean enviroment before wearing it outside.
Thanks for the amazing vlog Meg! I love how educated you are about all of this. I often find educated people are a bit 'I'm better than you because I know everything'. You're literally the first person I found who does not give me that feeling. You have so much self knowledge. Recovery is still hard, of course, but you're doing a great job. Keep it up.
Oh myyyy I do the petrol one all the time . It's literally like food restriction and money restriction are two sides of the same coin . Keep going beautiful ❤️
Great video, Meg! I developed hoarding behaviours in anorexia but only regarding food. I'm sure it'll pass, when I'll be fully recovered :) I loved the part of your video about mini relapses. They are so sneaky. It's important to spot them and immediately act with opposite actions (to prevent full blown relapse). As you said - sometimes we fell into old neuropathways so easily. That's because they are so strongly formed. Forming new paths requires time and constant repetition. And our brains are lazy and don't like creating new connections. That's why it's so difficult to create new strong behaviours. But it's 100% possible. And with time it gets easier and easier. Waiting for the next part of your video! Sending hugs :*
OMG literally my mindset is exactly like this it’s so weird hearing you talk about it, I buy new clothes coz I hate my old ones but then don’t wear them because I don’t want to ruin them !! How ridiculous is that !! I’m going to try and change this habit thank you speaking about thus 👍❤️😃
I have a cupboard of my own with "my" food. It felt like a great idea, that I could always have access to my "own" food, but I just had the epiphany that it's also just a part of my ED. It's very isolating because I eat differently than the rest of my roommates, and actually it's a way of having "control" over my ED (e.g. having access to 'healthy' foods when I want to eat 'healthily' again but also having access to 'unhealthy' foods when I want to binge, and I am always scared that I won't have that access to that when I eat what my other roommates eat because then the food might be gone/eaten). Mind=blown! Great video, thanks!!!!
Oh my god! I thought I would be the only person in the world that safes everything for sometime in the future! Had to laugh so much, wenn you told about your conditioner! Me - absolutely the same!!! I found lot of expensive cosmetics that I bought 10 years ago(!!!) in my bath-shelf. I always safed it for "special moments" so that it's worth... But that special moments never came. Ok they CAME but even birhtdays oder weddings weren't never special enough to use it. So now, the expensive cosmetic is sticky and dry - I think I can throw it away :-(. It's just crazy to save everything for time in the future. Maybe the moments we wait for never come - so why not to use them right now? Have to wire my brain new but it's so hard because it's trained for over 30 years now... I also complety relate to your obsession to all numbers: When will these cheese in the fridge ran out? Ohhh: I have to eat it quickly (even if it's 1 more weeks before it rans out...)! Or: Oh, it's 19.30 pm, so I have to have my dinner imediatley or the world will go down! Or: Oh, just 6 more yoghurts left. I have to eat it every day so I have to buy new yoghurts to have enough hoarded for the weekend (just in case I maybe want to eat some more - whats probably never the case...) This thoughts drive me crazy because it uses all my headspace to overthing every number, time and stuff like that just to avoid a panic attack. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and give some tipps. I feel less alone now and will try to work on it!
Oh and: Maybe someone else knows this... Leaving receipts on the new clothes you bought? Just in case you want to give it back to the shop and get the money back (because you don't know if its the money worth)? Found a lot NEW clothes in my shelf. I never wore them and of course never gave it back to the shop. So the new clothes waited in my shelf to be worn for years... Now they don't fit anymore or I don't like them anymore... Hmmmpf, why do I do this? Always the thought: I have to safe it for.... And: Anxiety to make a "wrong" decision - so just decide it halfway and have the option to cancel if I want to...
Thanks for your answer! It's so bad that you know this behaviours but it's good not to be the only person in the world. Oh and yes, I probably meant "tags" not "receipes" (didn't know the right word). Let's stay strong an break the cycle also with this "not-food-rules" that seem to stick in our brains. The only thing that's not worth is to spend so much lifetime with this unnesscary thoughts and selfmade problems!
Gluecksgewitterwolke I do the exact same thing with leaving tags on things!! Once I do start wearing something I still find it difficult to take tags off. Wow thought I was the only one.
Love the reminder of the brain science rewiring bits that you talk about because I find this a really good source of motivation, ammo and logic in recovery. It helps me to perservere and perserverance and consistency is soooo key in recovery. Xoxoxoxo
Oh my gosh Meg!! Or journeys and mindset are so so similar. I have the same hoarding mentality and number OCD thing too even since childhood even unrelated to food. Thank you for bringing light to this. Ahh I too do the “coasting” thing when driving approaching a ref light so as not to use unnecessary gas.
I do the exact same with fuel/petrol and I have always thought maybe it was just me! I have this issue where I just need to 'save money in case I need it in the future' but that started 10 years ago and now I am in the 'future' of 12 year old me yet I still cannot spend it! It drives me nuts but my therapist said I need to work on it even more so now that I have been a healthy weight for almost 2 years. At the moment, I am working on allowing myself to go out for coffee's whenever I want and not just limiting myself because ultimately, my money that I save is really there for me to enjoy so I might as well enjoy it now as £2 a day on a coffee won't leave me broke! Great video again Meg xx
Oh my word! I am the SAME way with hoarding things! I got a Michael Kors purse for my graduation 2 years ago (it's my only purse) and I've only used it twice but it sits perfectly on my dresser! I always feel so good when I go to the mall and don't spend anything. I love "saving" my calories for another day by eating less one day than my goal so I can eat more the next day (which I never do). I had to save my new flats until I wore a hole in my old ones. UHHH...it's so tiring because my list goes on and on... I relate to the same calories one day as the next too. I really did think this was certainly just me doing all this craziness.
Love this! I totally do the same thing with money, cosmetics, gas, etc!! Glad to know it is a normal thing! And needs to get better along with the physical part!
Oh my god I relate to this SO MUCH!! I always save products that I try out and don't end up liking so that I can have a backup when something runs out and I save face masks FOREVER. And I do the saving gas thing all the time too! My biggest thing is like not wanting to dirty things, like trying to chop something up without a cutting board because I'll wear it down or something?? So weird. And only using corners of napkins or paper towels
Does anorexia spill into these areas, or does it feed from personality traits you just have regardless of anorexia? It's a bit of a chicken-egg thing for me, but all of this is SO familiar. And it gets better now that I am finally closer to being weight restored. I watch older and newer videos of yours everyday and they are so good! Thank you
Your videos weirdly always apply to my life and what's happening with my ED. I really really needed this Meg thank you. Past few days I have been skipping meals, I skipped breakfast a few days ago because I was in a rush but then the day after I slept in and I woke up late and was like... ahhh may aswell skip breakfast. Then I realised my ED had been a sneaky shit and crept back In. It's like fuck off you sneaky shit 😂 it's so subtle though. With each relapse I have learnt it's ways, and I think it's harder for it to creep back In. But it sure doesn't stop it trying. My partner asked me if I was okay and out of nowhere I burst into tears and was like... holy crap guess I'm not. You are so right, you have to be aware of the signs. Love you Megs thank you so much 😘
It's incredible how many people here relate with hoarding thing! Myself included.. I've actually started throwing things away that i've been hoarding for god know how long. So liberating! Still do it with food, though :( I can get real mad if anyone touches food that i've saving up! Like, for real, it's just f*cking food! 😂
Oh my ... The hoarding. At this point I still have easter eggs. I have a whole box full of shower gel and perfume that's 'too nice to use'. It took me a so long to be able to use them without feeling guilty. I still have an eraser from my first day of school because I didn't wanted to use it because it was so pretty. While I'm already 25 :') Even the pertrol thing sounds familiar to me. Saving the best bite of food for last, restricting before going on vacation or Christmas. So I can enjoy later. Anyway, enough about myself. Sometimes it's just good to hear that you're not alone with that weird, twisted part of your brain. Despite the fact I don't wish anyone to struggle with this.
Also got an Easter egg hoard haha. The fear of running out is so real. My mum uses all of her posh bath stuff straight away after she's gifted it and I don't understand how!! Thank you for talking about this, and not wanting to spend money,as not many people do and its not a nice quality so I often feel ashamed. Amygetsbetter on insta x x
omg I save everything I buy, leave tags on, hoard on foods I can eat, work hard save all the $$... WHY? Eating Disorder has completely changed my character. I don't know how to even be happy anymore.
I hate the waste mindset. I always wear unironed baggy clothes when I don't have to go anywhere, because I feel like it's wasteful to iron and wear decent clothes! But then if a spontaneous situation comes up I can't go because I'd have to waste clothes by only wearing them half a day!!
Crazy how this happens to me like every day!!! I'm on holiday right now and already couldn't even eat an icecream that I really wanted yesterday 😢 and then binged later on.. none of it was a good idea
'... and it's not like I'll go to my grave taking my special hair serum' OMG Meg so funny! and YES! I totally get this (you have a fabulous way with words) #ROFLMAO x
Great video!!! Thanks a lot❤️I would like to know if you love yourself and your body. How did you start accepting yourself? I just feel so ugly most of the time. Thanks for your help and advices. They are so motivating.!!!!!
I was so happy to see your vlog pop up today! Your pancakes looked so delicious! I’ve been meaning to make myself pancakes for a while now but just haven’t. I can relate to what you were saying about eating the apple one morning and then feeling like you must eat only an apple the next day! I had a snack bar for breakfast yesterday (because I was feeling guilty for gaining a pound and a half) so I felt like I absolutely couldn’t eat more than that today! So, what do I do? I ate a snack bar again!! UGH!!
I totally have done this my whole life, not even really putting thought into it. I found something today and thought why am I holding on to this? Please link any research you may have on he topic, never related the two, but makes such sense!, just found you and am so excited, absolutely love your perspective and insight. What do you do? Where do you live, is it in the US? Thanks,,,,
Angel Mills live in Dubai, work in HR. Glad you found the vids, hope they help 💛 (don’t have any research I’m afraid, but I’ve heard it called scarcity mindset)
People asking if food is nice is a trigger for me i will not eat and just exercise off the calories. Im one kilo off hospital and colllapsing on amd off. People arent smart i begged them not to.
This hoarding thing is our malnourished brain reacting to scarcity - and not just of food , but many resources. At least, that's how it's described here: tabithafarrar.com/2018/05/brain-malnutrition-scarcity-mode/ . Makes sense to me. I react to scarcity by reducing my need for everything, and trying to get rid of basically everything I can so that I travel 'light' and am not burdened by anything 'unnecessary'. Make-up, hair-dye, moisturiser, hair itself (i chop hunks off at random), even sitting on chair seems excessive (i prefer the floor) 😅
Hi Megsy :) firstly I want to say how much I love your videos and that they've really helped me! I was wondering why you use the low calorie beverage at breakfast rather than juice. I'm trying to stay away from all diet-y type foods per the recommendation of my treatment team so I'm curious about your viewpoint Thanks for all you do
Emily Jones hiya, I don’t think this is a diet drink is it? I would normally have a tea but I was too hot here. I’ve always drink squash, I don’t personally see it or do it as a restriction 😘
Just like drinking a diet drink because it's "diet", I don't think it's a good idea to drink a full sugar option just because it's higher calorie. The point is to make a choice based on what you actually want to have instead of what you think you should have because of a restrictive/ED mentality.
Ive two questions for your next Q&A! (You’ve prob said this in another video but I forgot haha) what did you study in college? And do you drink coffee like black coffee or cappachios I always see tea or frappachinos
I think it's weird that this kind of breakfast would be considered really unhealthy for anyone else, but since you *had* an "eating disorder" you get to eat unhealthy shit all day and people applaud you online! Wish I could be congratulated for eating like this!
Eliza Jane Cooper hi hun; I think the thing to remember is I have spent years of restriction & starvation & my poor body is in such a deficit of all foods really. So “normal” doesn’t really apply when you’re recovering from starvation, because let’s face it that’s not a normal situation, & so yes I applaud anyone recovering their poor battered bodies who eats lots & lots of food & calories things that will heal them. having said that I also think anyone can have pancakes for breakfast. They’re delicious & good soul food. Doesn’t mean you need to eat them every day. Thanks for watching 😘
I was that kid too, I saved Easter and Halloween candy for months on end. When I get gifts I often save them for ???? I have let gift cards expire because I keep thinking I might want something more later. As for the ease of falling back into old habits my brother is in AA. There is a saying I have heard, "While your butt is sitting in a chair in an AA meeting your alcoholism is in the parking lot doing push-ups." I think the same could be said of eating disorders. While I am doing the right things my ed is gearing up for the next battle. However, the more my brain is rewired the better I am able to battle the lies.
Wow yes totally, sometimes I can’t believe how easily an old behaviour kicks back. I can spend a month practicing a new one & the old one can kick back in in a day. I guess it goes to show how hard wired these behaviours are & how much we have to keep practicing new behaviours before they become habit & the new norm
I was so so close to going back to my ED, after I saw my body for the first time in awhile in the mirror this morning. Weight gain is my trigger, but I'm in the Extreme Hunger stage where I can't get enough quick carbs (cereal, ice cream) and I'm having 2-3 bowls of ice cream and cereal, and this morning my ED voice "see....you should stop all that extra eating and calories at night even if you are starving for it...look where it's gotten you!". It's SO deceiving, that ED voice! I was SO close to restricting and start a new eating plan, but, I LOVED your statements, and these kept me to just keep going with recovery today! "I can be OK in a bigger body", "what did skinny ever get me??", "restriction keeps me in the ED cycle", and "break the cycle AT restriction". Those will be my mantras to just....keep.....going....don't....give......up! Thank you for your inspiration this morning!
I think for anyone who has struggled with restrictive eating, it's worth looking into the biologically based / evolutionary biology theory of anorexia. It outlines how animals (including humans) evolved a tendency to save resources in times of scarcity/famine. So it makes perfect sense that if your body is undernourished, there isn't enough food coming in, then of course your primal brain will push you to save up food because you don't know when you'll have it again. And that ends up extending to other resources as well. Of course anorexia can make anyone "stingy" and really possessive of their belongings, because as an animal trying to survive a famine, why the hell would you share limited resources with anyone?! Looking at it from that standpoint, a lot of "weird" restrictive ED behaviors make sense.
And YES - thank you for this video, I connect to so many things in it - I also hoarded candy and nice toys when I was a child, and I still have lots of unopened cosmetics and some clothes I never used because they were "too good" and needed to be saved up. Trying to get myself out of this mindset now in recovery and seeing some progress, although it's slow. Sometimes you do just have to force yourself through it!
Could you comment on dealing with sizing out of your "disorder clothes?" How do you deal with accepting not only a bigger body, but the blatant reminder that you need bigger clothes with greater numbers on the tags? Trying on clothes is triggering for me. Even when things that are my "true size" fit correctly again as I become healthy, I feel anxious that they are no longer hanging off me.
I did not...I gained lean muscle that said some of the tiniest one I did size out of. Would have died. People are not as large as they think I became a seamstress. That's not for everyone though.
Totally relate oh my gosh! Used to even do this as a kid before I even developed anorexia, like I wouldn’t use any of my toys bc I didn’t want to ‘waste the batteries’.. my parents used to joke about it but I can so see now how little traits in us are often present as children. But definitely YOLO! We need to enjoy our lives and we deserve to do so! Keep going lovely xx
Charlie I’m 48 and have no idea what YOLO means hahaha!! Can you fill me in?
Kimberly Early you only live once 😅☺️
😲😲😲 Another mid-week Megsy video??? Does anyone else feel spoiled? 🤗 And as usual, on another aspect of ED that I think can trick so many people - that “just this one time/just for today because I’m feeling bad” thought... “I’ll get back on track tomorrow”... But before you know it, it’s every day, then weeks, months, years of your life.
Away to watch, so exciiiited. 😘💜
Weight gain is definitely my trigger. I accepted that I had to see the number go up on the scale but it was only last night when I looked in the mirror and noticed how visible it is where as it hadn't been- immediately I get trapped!My poor dietician has already received an email this morning of me freaking out and its only just gone 9am here!!!!! I hate getting weighed, its the sad step when it goes in the opposite direction of what you've known for so long! X
alyshalauren yeh, I agree it’s the sad step. I get why it’s needed to track your weight gain through recovery, but I really can’t wait for the day where I no longer weigh myself & my weight just IS. It’s not controlled 🙏
Same !!!
ah i feel you girly.. totally the same here!
Oh my god I always save up all my stuff and I had no idea that it could be linked to my ED but what you’re saying makes so much sense! I thought I was the only one who my favorite things ahaha
OMG! I never thought hoarding stuff was maybe part of my Anorexia but Yes! I have bath products, make up, etc that are 10+years old! It's like I don't allow myself to use it. I even have a hard time taking/using a napkin or paper towel because my brain is telling me not to "waste it" or "someone else might need that". Ugh! Seriously! It's like I don't deserve anything :(
I thought I learned it from my father, but I tend to hoard napkins and when the time comes to use one, I tear it in half so I don't use the whole thing and waste it! I have some bath products that are 10+ years old too. Slowly I allow myself to throw them away. Let's break the cycle together!
Yes!!!! Time for changes!
I am exactly like that, regarding in saving “special things” because I am afraid they will run out. I keep thinking “I won’t buy it again if I run out because it’s too expensive”, or “I’ll ruin out if I use it”, and stuff sit there, and eventually, are never used, or they expire (creams, serums, food, etc.) Like, I bought hand cream many years ago because I liked the smell. It was on clearance for a mere $2.00, but actually never used it because I kept saying “oh, what’s the point, I am going to wash my hands again”, or “I am always cooking for the family”, or “I want o use it for a special occasion” (which I never even went to because I was so socially isolated). Eventually, it went bad, hence, it seems this pattern of refusing to use up “special things” is a form of refusing to do good for ourselves.
I’d like to add a big thank you for touching on “avoiding mini relapses” because I have been in one these past two weeks. I have reached a specific number in how much I weigh and I am now really terrified in continuing to gain more, hence I catch myself restricting. I am constantly trying to correct myself, but it’s like a yoyo effect. Essentially, sometimes we need to hear what we’re doing is actually wrong, rather than tell ourselves, because (in my mind) whatever I tell myself is constantly clustered with whether it is worth to keep pushing.
You are so amazing, and I hope you’re doing okay
Barbara Madimenos agh the yo-yo!! I just think how many times do you want to go back & forth to realise you’re trapped. Break the cycle!!!! Push through you’re fear of this number & go past it, keep gaining weight & freedom 😘😘😘
I thought it was just me! Everything you describe regarding hoarding is so relatable. I'm actually relieved to learn this behavior is common in Anorexia. It becomes another control high, how long can I make something last?, a few pea-sized drops of moisturizer after a shower (classic depriving of self-love and care) A square of chocolate a day! Freewheeling the car down hills ( yep I had a petrol saving period! haha) Even writing these down seem unbelievable but the truth of the matter is it's a reality for many of us. Wow, I've been so aware of this pattern in myself but hearing you speak about it out load has really helped me open my heart to seeing it with more compassion. Commitment to recovery is the antidote, the healing force to break these destructive habits. Thank you Meg x
Caroline O Keeffe so sad isn’t it! Life’s for living, not saving up 💃
You’ve really made me think. When you were talking about saving things. In my family, everyone knows when they give me something, I won’t use it for ages. I had ugg boots in my cupboard for 3 years. Only recently have I started using things straight away. I NEVER thought it had anything to do with my illness nor did my family, I used to just say I didn’t want to ruin it, I don’t need it yet.
This is a massive wake up call. I love you!
Love this so much! I had pairs of shoes stored unworn because no occasion felt special enough for the right first occasion to wear them, even the casual ones. Starting my recovery I realised it was like telling myself I was never worthy enough to wear them. So I challenged that as well as other things I was leaving unopened. It was inspired by you mentioning saving things up in a video before so you definitely helped me to realise it was a behaviour associated with my anorexia ☺️☺️ thank you!
Oh I just got to the part of the video where you specifically mentioned pairs of shoes! 😂
Hahahaha do you save your petrol up as well? 😂😂 so bad isn’t it!!!
I like what you said about not feeling worthy enough! I have felt that way pretty much as far back as I can remember!! I don’t deserve this or that and if I have it, I beat myself up so bad!!
Thank you Megan, I love the way you talk about recovery, motivation and all the stuff many of us are going trough 🙏💜
Oh MEG❤️SY you are so precious, keep Pushing forward.... We adore you 🤗 OMG everything you say all the above spot on.. Yes WHAT? WHO? & WHY? am I saving my “special” things for, CANT TAKE THEM WITH US TO THE AFTER LIFE..... Learnt behaviours we must unlearn! I do this 🤦🏻♀️ all the time... Hoard Hoard Hoard 😮 All my favourites WOW... MMMMM Not good. Tomorrow old in the bin & out with the New. Spray our best perfume everyday.. Thanks meg for another uplifting & very inspiring chat.. 😘😘 We must enjoy & life for today, this moment we have & we must always do something new TODAY for a better TOMORROW! Hugs your way... 🌈
rita conte yes perfume is another one!! It’s all there to be enjoyed, just like life. We just have to DO IT!!!
rita conte So true.
I wonder if there is a link between hoarding and eating disorders.
I definitely feel it's a control issue because it's so hard to control mental health issues and anorexia.
So you get stuck in a rut and try and control everything.
Not a fun way to live
elblondie69 falconer OMG we gotta get out of this rut! I feel with ED Comes along yes other issues. Hoarding may be not letting go, or just saving everything to we feel good about ourselves 🤷🏻♀️ Having control, perfectionism there’s so much. I just don’t want to be 80 & go give me that Kitchener Bun I so longed for, go get me those favourite pjs & bed socks hidden away for years & my beanies & scarfs 🤦🏻♀️& spray me with my favourite bottle of Chanel Coco Mademoiselle 😊 that I’ve stored away only for “special Occasions “ WELL TODAY IS SPECIAL ENOUGH, TODAY IS A START to start breaking those habits one by one! MEGSY just awesome she really opens the door for us! Makes us open our eyes & to see the light on so many things! Bless Her 🙏🏻 Thankyou for your comment... 😘
Love this blackstreet remix and love this video. No diggity! Thanks for posting! This link is new to me. I've had these obsessive thoughts since my college/university daysl. So crazy! I too, don't like to use my favorite lotions and perfumes because I'm afraid they'll run out. I stock up when it's on sale and I don't end up using all of them. When i do spring cleaning, I end up throwing a lot of it out because it has expired. One other thing was I bought a winter coat and Id dn't want to wear it for fear I'd get it dirty. I like to slowly break it in in a clean enviroment before wearing it outside.
Thanks for the amazing vlog Meg! I love how educated you are about all of this. I often find educated people are a bit 'I'm better than you because I know everything'. You're literally the first person I found who does not give me that feeling. You have so much self knowledge. Recovery is still hard, of course, but you're doing a great job. Keep it up.
I am in a major relapse sadly, but watching your videos again really helps! Thanks so much for making them!!
Oh myyyy I do the petrol one all the time . It's literally like food restriction and money restriction are two sides of the same coin . Keep going beautiful ❤️
Great video, Meg! I developed hoarding behaviours in anorexia but only regarding food. I'm sure it'll pass, when I'll be fully recovered :) I loved the part of your video about mini relapses. They are so sneaky. It's important to spot them and immediately act with opposite actions (to prevent full blown relapse). As you said - sometimes we fell into old neuropathways so easily. That's because they are so strongly formed. Forming new paths requires time and constant repetition. And our brains are lazy and don't like creating new connections. That's why it's so difficult to create new strong behaviours. But it's 100% possible. And with time it gets easier and easier.
Waiting for the next part of your video! Sending hugs :*
OMG literally my mindset is exactly like this it’s so weird hearing you talk about it, I buy new clothes coz I hate my old ones but then don’t wear them because I don’t want to ruin them !! How ridiculous is that !! I’m going to try and change this habit thank you speaking about thus 👍❤️😃
vegan Chambers yes!!! I worry about over wearing my favourite jumper in case I wear it to death....
I have a cupboard of my own with "my" food. It felt like a great idea, that I could always have access to my "own" food, but I just had the epiphany that it's also just a part of my ED.
It's very isolating because I eat differently than the rest of my roommates, and actually it's a way of having "control" over my ED (e.g. having access to 'healthy' foods when I want to eat 'healthily' again but also having access to 'unhealthy' foods when I want to binge, and I am always scared that I won't have that access to that when I eat what my other roommates eat because then the food might be gone/eaten). Mind=blown!
Great video, thanks!!!!
Oh my god! I thought I would be the only person in the world that safes everything for sometime in the future! Had to laugh so much, wenn you told about your conditioner! Me - absolutely the same!!!
I found lot of expensive cosmetics that I bought 10 years ago(!!!) in my bath-shelf. I always safed it for "special moments" so that it's worth... But that special moments never came. Ok they CAME but even birhtdays oder weddings weren't never special enough to use it. So now, the expensive cosmetic is sticky and dry - I think I can throw it away :-(. It's just crazy to save everything for time in the future. Maybe the moments we wait for never come - so why not to use them right now? Have to wire my brain new but it's so hard because it's trained for over 30 years now...
I also complety relate to your obsession to all numbers: When will these cheese in the fridge ran out? Ohhh: I have to eat it quickly (even if it's 1 more weeks before it rans out...)! Or: Oh, it's 19.30 pm, so I have to have my dinner imediatley or the world will go down! Or: Oh, just 6 more yoghurts left. I have to eat it every day so I have to buy new yoghurts to have enough hoarded for the weekend (just in case I maybe want to eat some more - whats probably never the case...)
This thoughts drive me crazy because it uses all my headspace to overthing every number, time and stuff like that just to avoid a panic attack.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and give some tipps. I feel less alone now and will try to work on it!
Oh and: Maybe someone else knows this... Leaving receipts on the new clothes you bought? Just in case you want to give it back to the shop and get the money back (because you don't know if its the money worth)? Found a lot NEW clothes in my shelf. I never wore them and of course never gave it back to the shop. So the new clothes waited in my shelf to be worn for years... Now they don't fit anymore or I don't like them anymore... Hmmmpf, why do I do this?
Always the thought: I have to safe it for.... And: Anxiety to make a "wrong" decision - so just decide it halfway and have the option to cancel if I want to...
Sturmwolke 3 yes totally, can relate to everything you’ve said here & ive definitely left tags in clothes too!
Thanks for your answer! It's so bad that you know this behaviours but it's good not to be the only person in the world. Oh and yes, I probably meant "tags" not "receipes" (didn't know the right word).
Let's stay strong an break the cycle also with this "not-food-rules" that seem to stick in our brains. The only thing that's not worth is to spend so much lifetime with this unnesscary thoughts and selfmade problems!
Gluecksgewitterwolke I do the exact same thing with leaving tags on things!! Once I do start wearing something I still find it difficult to take tags off. Wow thought I was the only one.
Love the reminder of the brain science rewiring bits that you talk about because I find this a really good source of motivation, ammo and logic in recovery. It helps me to perservere and perserverance and consistency is soooo key in recovery. Xoxoxoxo
Oh my gosh Meg!! Or journeys and mindset are so so similar. I have the same hoarding mentality and number OCD thing too even since childhood even unrelated to food. Thank you for bringing light to this. Ahh I too do the “coasting” thing when driving approaching a ref light so as not to use unnecessary gas.
I do the exact same with fuel/petrol and I have always thought maybe it was just me! I have this issue where I just need to 'save money in case I need it in the future' but that started 10 years ago and now I am in the 'future' of 12 year old me yet I still cannot spend it! It drives me nuts but my therapist said I need to work on it even more so now that I have been a healthy weight for almost 2 years. At the moment, I am working on allowing myself to go out for coffee's whenever I want and not just limiting myself because ultimately, my money that I save is really there for me to enjoy so I might as well enjoy it now as £2 a day on a coffee won't leave me broke! Great video again Meg xx
Megan Simpson the old “I’ll be happy when” or I’ll spend money when, but that day never comes!! You have to force it 😘
So relatable! "It's just hot water and a tea bag you can make a tea at home for pennies" but need to start thinking Yolo x
Oh my word! I am the SAME way with hoarding things! I got a Michael Kors purse for my graduation 2 years ago (it's my only purse) and I've only used it twice but it sits perfectly on my dresser! I always feel so good when I go to the mall and don't spend anything. I love "saving" my calories for another day by eating less one day than my goal so I can eat more the next day (which I never do). I had to save my new flats until I wore a hole in my old ones. UHHH...it's so tiring because my list goes on and on...
I relate to the same calories one day as the next too.
I really did think this was certainly just me doing all this craziness.
Love this! I totally do the same thing with money, cosmetics, gas, etc!! Glad to know it is a normal thing! And needs to get better along with the physical part!
Ramona Sinclair well “normal” haha in an ED sense. Yeh it does get better but I’ve also had to force it a bit & remind myself life’s too short
Oh my god I relate to this SO MUCH!! I always save products that I try out and don't end up liking so that I can have a backup when something runs out and I save face masks FOREVER. And I do the saving gas thing all the time too! My biggest thing is like not wanting to dirty things, like trying to chop something up without a cutting board because I'll wear it down or something?? So weird. And only using corners of napkins or paper towels
Does anorexia spill into these areas, or does it feed from personality traits you just have regardless of anorexia? It's a bit of a chicken-egg thing for me, but all of this is SO familiar. And it gets better now that I am finally closer to being weight restored. I watch older and newer videos of yours everyday and they are so good! Thank you
Your videos weirdly always apply to my life and what's happening with my ED. I really really needed this Meg thank you. Past few days I have been skipping meals, I skipped breakfast a few days ago because I was in a rush but then the day after I slept in and I woke up late and was like... ahhh may aswell skip breakfast. Then I realised my ED had been a sneaky shit and crept back In. It's like fuck off you sneaky shit 😂 it's so subtle though. With each relapse I have learnt it's ways, and I think it's harder for it to creep back In. But it sure doesn't stop it trying. My partner asked me if I was okay and out of nowhere I burst into tears and was like... holy crap guess I'm not. You are so right, you have to be aware of the signs. Love you Megs thank you so much 😘
You give some of the best ED recovery advice out there! Carry on, warrior!
Life is definitely too short so let's make ENJOYMENT the goal! As always, I can just relate to everything, it's like you're in my brain!☺️💜
It's incredible how many people here relate with hoarding thing! Myself included.. I've actually started throwing things away that i've been hoarding for god know how long. So liberating! Still do it with food, though :( I can get real mad if anyone touches food that i've saving up! Like, for real, it's just f*cking food! 😂
Oh my ... The hoarding. At this point I still have easter eggs. I have a whole box full of shower gel and perfume that's 'too nice to use'. It took me a so long to be able to use them without feeling guilty. I still have an eraser from my first day of school because I didn't wanted to use it because it was so pretty. While I'm already 25 :') Even the pertrol thing sounds familiar to me. Saving the best bite of food for last, restricting before going on vacation or Christmas. So I can enjoy later. Anyway, enough about myself. Sometimes it's just good to hear that you're not alone with that weird, twisted part of your brain. Despite the fact I don't wish anyone to struggle with this.
I can relate to hoarding and been like that since I was young. I am working on it.
Always so incredibly helpful for me. So spot on thanks Meg x
Also got an Easter egg hoard haha. The fear of running out is so real. My mum uses all of her posh bath stuff straight away after she's gifted it and I don't understand how!! Thank you for talking about this, and not wanting to spend money,as not many people do and its not a nice quality so I often feel ashamed. Amygetsbetter on insta x x
You’re my favourite recovery channel 😭😭 you are so loved💝
sara zacharias 🙏😘
sara zacharias what a nice comment 😘😘😘 you’re so sweet!
Ty you videos our encouragement to me. I hoarded bad still do
omg I save everything I buy, leave tags on, hoard on foods I can eat, work hard save all the $$... WHY? Eating Disorder has completely changed my character. I don't know how to even be happy anymore.
I hate the waste mindset. I always wear unironed baggy clothes when I don't have to go anywhere, because I feel like it's wasteful to iron and wear decent clothes! But then if a spontaneous situation comes up I can't go because I'd have to waste clothes by only wearing them half a day!!
Crazy how this happens to me like every day!!! I'm on holiday right now and already couldn't even eat an icecream that I really wanted yesterday 😢 and then binged later on.. none of it was a good idea
'... and it's not like I'll go to my grave taking my special hair serum' OMG Meg so funny! and YES! I totally get this (you have a fabulous way with words) #ROFLMAO x
This is exactly what I needed. Thank you!!!
Those pancakes though! 😍😍 So proud of you girly xx
Great video!!! Thanks a lot❤️I would like to know if you love yourself and your body. How did you start accepting yourself? I just feel so ugly most of the time. Thanks for your help and advices. They are so motivating.!!!!!
Hey! My OCD destroys my life and so does my ED! I completely understand the thing with the serum haha
Oh my goodness this is so me as well saving and organizing! Yikes 😳
haha I love the way you say yolo with your accent :p
Lissa Caputo Hahahaha why where are you from?
OMG no way I did the same thing with easter eggs as a kid!
I was so happy to see your vlog pop up today! Your pancakes looked so delicious! I’ve been meaning to make myself pancakes for a while now but just haven’t. I can relate to what you were saying about eating the apple one morning and then feeling like you must eat only an apple the next day! I had a snack bar for breakfast yesterday (because I was feeling guilty for gaining a pound and a half) so I felt like I absolutely couldn’t eat more than that today! So, what do I do? I ate a snack bar again!! UGH!!
Kimberly Early go & have pancakes!!! Life’s too short 😘
Omg yes ive hoarded a chanel perfume for years...really should use that ahhh!!
maybe it's that serum but can I just say your hair is so luscious and shiny in this video?
Allybeetulk hahahahaha thank god ive started using the serum again 😂😂😂
Thanks ALLOT again!! ❤
Thank you for this video. I really needed this.
Like the music in your vids! Where do you get them?
I totally have done this my whole life, not even really putting thought into it. I found something today and thought why am I holding on to this? Please link any research you may have on he topic, never related the two, but makes such sense!, just found you and am so excited, absolutely love your perspective and insight. What do you do? Where do you live, is it in the US? Thanks,,,,
Angel Mills live in Dubai, work in HR. Glad you found the vids, hope they help 💛 (don’t have any research I’m afraid, but I’ve heard it called scarcity mindset)
People asking if food is nice is a trigger for me i will not eat and just exercise off the calories. Im one kilo off hospital and colllapsing on amd off. People arent smart i begged them not to.
This hoarding thing is our malnourished brain reacting to scarcity - and not just of food , but many resources. At least, that's how it's described here: tabithafarrar.com/2018/05/brain-malnutrition-scarcity-mode/ . Makes sense to me. I react to scarcity by reducing my need for everything, and trying to get rid of basically everything I can so that I travel 'light' and am not burdened by anything 'unnecessary'. Make-up, hair-dye, moisturiser, hair itself (i chop hunks off at random), even sitting on chair seems excessive (i prefer the floor) 😅
Stephanie Junovich yeh I watched this. Literally love that lady. So funny we posted on the same topic in the same day
Great video! I used to put my food in a safe to hide it from my siblings! 😂
Maddie davies oh my god 🙈 the things we do!! Yeh I used to get so angry if my brother or sister took my favourite flavour of whatever food. So bad
I do this constantly
Hi Megsy :)
firstly I want to say how much I love your videos and that they've really helped me!
I was wondering why you use the low calorie beverage at breakfast rather than juice. I'm trying to stay away from all diet-y type foods per the recommendation of my treatment team so I'm curious about your viewpoint
Thanks for all you do
Emily Jones hiya, I don’t think this is a diet drink is it? I would normally have a tea but I was too hot here. I’ve always drink squash, I don’t personally see it or do it as a restriction 😘
from what i know it's just is really low calorie and artificially sweetened, maybe they changed the recipe..
Just like drinking a diet drink because it's "diet", I don't think it's a good idea to drink a full sugar option just because it's higher calorie. The point is to make a choice based on what you actually want to have instead of what you think you should have because of a restrictive/ED mentality.
wow, you're so pretty~
How are you doing lovely!
♡♡♡
I do that saving things
Ive two questions for your next Q&A! (You’ve prob said this in another video but I forgot haha) what did you study in college? And do you drink coffee like black coffee or cappachios I always see tea or frappachinos
Sally Otoole oooohhh no I hate black coffee. Sometimes I have a sweet milky coffee but usually just tea or fraps. I studied psychology at uni
I think it's weird that this kind of breakfast would be considered really unhealthy for anyone else, but since you *had* an "eating disorder" you get to eat unhealthy shit all day and people applaud you online! Wish I could be congratulated for eating like this!
Eliza Jane Cooper hi hun; I think the thing to remember is I have spent years of restriction & starvation & my poor body is in such a deficit of all foods really. So “normal” doesn’t really apply when you’re recovering from starvation, because let’s face it that’s not a normal situation, & so yes I applaud anyone recovering their poor battered bodies who eats lots & lots of food & calories things that will heal them. having said that I also think anyone can have pancakes for breakfast. They’re delicious & good soul food. Doesn’t mean you need to eat them every day. Thanks for watching 😘