Your answer about helping mothers is so bold 😮 I was not expecting it!!!! Boooom. Enabling, masking, stunting the growth of the mother… so true. You’re beautiful Katie, so much wisdom in your answer. I am a Mama of 3 under 4, with no help, my hubby works long days and I recently felt myself becoming drained & depressed so I deleted allll social media and removed technology and I have NEVER felt better. Praise God, your encouragement in this answer really confirmed it for me. It’s so true that when you pour into your children they pour into you, and when you take care of your home and have systems in place to be organised and take care of everything - with a heart posture of working for the lord… and removing distractions like the phone, there is so much more joy in motherhood! Even on the hard days.
My husband had a great argument for our kids being around other kids. It's not our job to parent the other kids. It's our job to parent our kids. If we come home with our kids behaving a certain way that we don't agree with, it's our job to correct it right away. If it continues to be an issue, you limit the time spent around those certain kids or cut off being around them depending on the severity of the issue. Obviously, that's assuming your kids aren't being physically abused in a bad way. In that case, we just wouldn't be around those kids anymore. Something else to consider is that each kid at each age has different issues. So don't judge others too harshly because you also might experience the same issue in a couple years
"The greatest danger to our children is not the evil outside them; it's the sin inside them that's the greatest of all threats to their well being." - Paul David Tripp Parenting
Loved what Katie said about the overwhelmed mother. It was spot on. One other thing I would add is helping her daughter take care of herself physically. Taking a walk daily with the kids, and making sure she's eating and possibly looking into supplements ext. Oftentimes I look back on my overwhelmed days and I simply wasn't nourishing myself. You get depleted so fast 4 babies in a row. 💓
Good advice to that Mom asking how to help her daughter with 4 littles. I definitely did not have that when my kids were little, & we figured it out. My Mom passed away when my oldest was one & the best way she helped me was setting a beautiful example when she raised me. ❤️
Ive got 4, barely 4 and under and i definitely don't have any help... maybe 3-4 times a YEAR, not 3 time a week. I get overwhelmed and burned out like im sure even Katy has at times and i think she's spot on with her advice. You'll go crazy trying to escape your kids... you have to bring them in and engage/teach them... then they naturally go play independently eventually.
I’ve had some things happen recently where a friend of 8 years has decided to end our friendship…and it’s over issues regarding the children. My heart is so broken and I’m praying that the Lord will restore this friendship. She’s been my sister in Christ for the last 8 years and my heart is shattered 😢
I agree about the overwhelmed mom. Especially the part of how is the mom teaching the daughter be a better mom to her littles. My mother “helped” me a ton. Until I realized that she was controlling my home more than helping. And I had no boundaries, I was just allowing her to do whatever she wanted for help with the kids. Until I embraced motherhood and started making decisions in my home, that’s when I woke up!! Grandmas are amazing! But 4x a week is too much 🙂 The daughter needs more independence instead of more help.
I hope the mother who asked about helping her daughter sees this. Please be careful not to back off in an extreme way. Having 4 under 4 is NO JOKE. She will be overwhelmed for a while and DOES need help. Yes she obviously needs to flesh out what works for her. But you guys need to get on the same page of what are the goals and what can be done so that eventually she doesn't need you so much or at all. Obviously that's the goal. BUT she needs you right now. Just don't go to extremes out of fear of enabling her, because like I said... 4 under 4 is INSANE. I had 3, 2 and under and there's no way I could do it alone, even though I did a lot of it alone. That kind of responsibility is overwhelming, period. She very likely isn't avoiding motherhood, she's swimming in it. So I pray you guys can figure out a way where you're genuinely helping and with the goal in mind that you eventually help less and less. Don't just go down to once a week right now please.
I can't tell you how much I needed to hear your response of the kids hitting stuff because lately I have had several situations where people (adults) have come to me to "tattle" on my kids over things that aren't that big of a deal and it really has been so disheartening. I am not someone to tattle on another kid to their parent, I just tell the kid don't do that ect. I honestly didn't want to listen to this episode when I saw the title because I didn't think I could handle the response, but it was what I needed to hear and offer the encouragement I needed this last week. Thanks. Now on a side how would you handle the parents that constantly tattle on your kids (everyones kids)? I don't mind having to correct my children but its to the point the moment I see this parent walking towards me with one of her kids to "tell me what one of my kids just did to her kid" just wears on me, I don't want to be unkind, and I want to show grace but it gets to be to much, especially when her kids instigate a lot of the issues to begin with.
Absolutely love your response to the “child influence” question. My husband and I have a similar approach to you two on this. We have definitely been approached by another parent calling out behaviors of one of our children. It’s never been for a terribly disobedient or dangerous behavior. But we don’t typically approach other parents to call out their kids’ behaviors. We usually just approach the whole group of kids and let them know “said behavior is not the best choice” and redirect. The “church stage” example was a great one. Then debrief with our own child later on if it warrants. Having multiple boys who feed off of each other, we have learned quickly just how fast things can escalate with kids 😅 We have also observed that the children of those parents will themselves lean more on the “tattling” side. It’s just how their home is run so that is what they mimic. Whereas our children are very much “anti-tattling” unless it’s something very concerning. I know both can have pros and cons. If we are observing patterns in the family as a whole that go against our value system, we simply put correct boundaries in place with that family. It has happened where we have just ceased hanging out with another family. But no big conversation has ever been needed.
Ya’ll are such a precious couple ! Found you guys .. when you had Ben and Jessa Seewald on. Almost 20 years married the end of this month. One things you can’t OVER-DO in marriage and life is over communicate:) :) Always be excellent with communication with one another and parent as a team which you already seem to be excellent at this. God has an exceptional life with you raising wonderful little ones . My husband has only one social media. And he’s never .. ever on it. He only created one initially to watch out then middle schooler .. who is now in high school. I trust my husband , always have and always will. I know the passcodes of things I need to know :)
Katie, yes, I think you two are where you are because your mom taught you how to fish!! For example, I had no idea I didn’t have to hold my son (carry him around all day) and constantly talk to him until I saw my mom had him in the highchair so she could do the dishes at her house. It sounds obvious, but I really didn’t know because she didn’t teach me any skills. I always waited until my son was napping to get Any type of chore done which is why I was so overwhelmed and behind. I didn’t realize I could leave him next to me like that until he was already 8+ months old and that simple productivity tip would’ve helped sooo much! However, if you have the 3 days/week available to help your daughter and she is okay with it, I would recommend helping with ‘traveling chores’ like picking up her groceries, grabbing cash from her bank, taking her car in for the oil change, etc. short errands that would take over an hour because of having to get 4 kids in & out of the car (in the hot weather like you said) is suuppperrr helpful!
I love this conversation about boundaries with social media in marriage and think it applies so much with children too! Things are always changing and if our children have access in any way we need to be involved and informed and discussing social media boundaries as it changes.
I totally agree with the baby sitter thing! I love knowing that our sitter can fully focus on our kids and not maneuver through a mess, have to cook a meal and have to deal with difficult to put to bed children. That way when I’m out of the house doing what I’m doing, I can be present without the worry that of if my children are being fed. The sitters we’ve had have especially appreciated that about our family.
I really enjoyed this!! I turn to your TH-cam when i want some sound and intelligent and mature stuff to listen to, some of the cotents on TH-cam can drain you more than help you 🙈..and I just want to say, I wasnt a fan of yours at first, I even unsubscribed at a point in the beginning, coz i thought "ach, not other parents thinking they're perfect and showing everyone how perfectly well their world is" but I kept getting recommendations often enough for me to come back and realise how wrong I was. You guys are great and also show your flaws (really appreciated)I love your conversations and your love for family/parenting and just the love of God and pouring it into the next generation. Keep it up guys ,🙌🏿 lots of love and God bless! 🫶🏿
Sleeping early is the biggest mom struggle for me and I even try no tech and laying there. Last night I couldn’t fall asleep so I just got food and clothes ready and that helped me feel less chaotic in the morning.
Love the memories you shared about being adventurous! I was so adventurous growing up but I have lost a lot of it. It definitely inspired me to be more adventurous as a now wife and new Mom! ❤
My struggle is my kids are not perfect but my kids are so wholesome and really empathetic towards others. They are sensitive and smart and even love hanging out with grandmas and younger kids than them. It’s such a challenge to find like minded family since not many kids are raised with discipline and tons of attention from their parents. I believe that’s the key that having your kids more loving to others. The part that bothers me is in the church this culture of having this entitlement mentality to let their kids “be kids” without being involved and love their kids in having a relationship with them. I thank God that my kids are actually friends and enjoy one another. I grew up in a non Christian home so the relationship I have with Jesus is what truly inspires me to be a mom to my kids. I also was adopted in a broken home, so i truly value what I wish I had as a child. They need us as guides, loving, forgiving parents who listens to them and corrects them in truth.
Just want to say I really miss your old style vlog/family/day in the life videos, although I do understand why you wouldn’t want to do them anymore. I felt like you taught so much in that area of your life too, just wanted to let you know 😊
My mom did not teach me how to fish but a wonderful women at my church (after we moved across the country where we had no friends or family) did. It changed my life trajectory. I am sooooo thankful for her. I unfortunately see many moms fall into the same pit once their kids are going to public school. It’s their bail out because they never figured out how to manage their kids at home. :(
So true and love the advice given but 4 under 4 is a lot on your hormones especially if you’re not properly nourishing your body, her hormones could be to a point where she needs professional help if she’s not willing to balance it on her own with proper diet or maybe even just unable. So I would also make sure she’s on proper supplements along with everything Katie said!
I love their relationship dynamic so much they are meek & gentle towards each other, as galations 5 says to be if you want to enter the kingdom of heaven ❤️
2 red flags with computers: 1. Computers not in common area and desk tops in isolated office facing the door so you can not see the screen when entering the room. 2. Not wanting your computer hard drive revovered. Friend lost her hard drive with all her baby pics. Husband made multiple excuses to not allow the wife to have the pics recovered. Parenting differences are challenging. One child threw sand in my sons eyes and the mother did not discipline her daughter and declared it is her responsibility to defend her child no matter what even if they're wrong. Another boy pushed my child off the trampoline, and he was not disciplined, but these same parents would mock and scold my children for whining. Last one. We are at Thansgiving. My cousin was about 4 or 5. My son was about 2. She (the daughter) literally barred my 2 yo from playing with *anything*. Every time he tried to play with something she freaked out. My aunt just empathized with her about how hard it is to share. After hours of this nonsense, we cut the evening short and went home.
Im a sahm he keeps all the income to himself, i have to ask for $5, i have no access to logins or passwords, my name is not on the house we bought for our growing family. Yes it sucks but at this point all i can do is pray 🙏
Flags of an abusive relationship. I would seek trained counsel immediately for you and your child's sake. Don't go along with/put up with your husbands sin against you and your kid(s). You should have access and full transparency to his income even as a sahm.
Your answer about helping mothers is so bold 😮 I was not expecting it!!!! Boooom. Enabling, masking, stunting the growth of the mother… so true. You’re beautiful Katie, so much wisdom in your answer.
I am a Mama of 3 under 4, with no help, my hubby works long days and I recently felt myself becoming drained & depressed so I deleted allll social media and removed technology and I have NEVER felt better. Praise God, your encouragement in this answer really confirmed it for me.
It’s so true that when you pour into your children they pour into you, and when you take care of your home and have systems in place to be organised and take care of everything - with a heart posture of working for the lord… and removing distractions like the phone, there is so much more joy in motherhood! Even on the hard days.
Encouraging! Love this!
My husband had a great argument for our kids being around other kids. It's not our job to parent the other kids. It's our job to parent our kids. If we come home with our kids behaving a certain way that we don't agree with, it's our job to correct it right away. If it continues to be an issue, you limit the time spent around those certain kids or cut off being around them depending on the severity of the issue. Obviously, that's assuming your kids aren't being physically abused in a bad way. In that case, we just wouldn't be around those kids anymore. Something else to consider is that each kid at each age has different issues. So don't judge others too harshly because you also might experience the same issue in a couple years
Greatly said
Very true.
"The greatest danger to our children is not the evil outside them; it's the sin inside them that's the greatest of all threats to their well being." - Paul David Tripp Parenting
Your comments on drowning motherhood were so convicting! Thank you so much!
Loved what Katie said about the overwhelmed mother. It was spot on. One other thing I would add is helping her daughter take care of herself physically. Taking a walk daily with the kids, and making sure she's eating and possibly looking into supplements ext. Oftentimes I look back on my overwhelmed days and I simply wasn't nourishing myself. You get depleted so fast 4 babies in a row. 💓
Good advice to that Mom asking how to help her daughter with 4 littles. I definitely did not have that when my kids were little, & we figured it out. My Mom passed away when my oldest was one & the best way she helped me was setting a beautiful example when she raised me. ❤️
Ive got 4, barely 4 and under and i definitely don't have any help... maybe 3-4 times a YEAR, not 3 time a week. I get overwhelmed and burned out like im sure even Katy has at times and i think she's spot on with her advice. You'll go crazy trying to escape your kids... you have to bring them in and engage/teach them... then they naturally go play independently eventually.
I’ve had some things happen recently where a friend of 8 years has decided to end our friendship…and it’s over issues regarding the children. My heart is so broken and I’m praying that the Lord will restore this friendship. She’s been my sister in Christ for the last 8 years and my heart is shattered 😢
I agree about the overwhelmed mom.
Especially the part of how is the mom teaching the daughter be a better mom to her littles. My mother “helped” me a ton. Until I realized that she was controlling my home more than helping. And I had no boundaries, I was just allowing her to do whatever she wanted for help with the kids. Until I embraced motherhood and started making decisions in my home, that’s when I woke up!!
Grandmas are amazing! But 4x a week is too much 🙂
The daughter needs more independence instead of more help.
I hope the mother who asked about helping her daughter sees this. Please be careful not to back off in an extreme way. Having 4 under 4 is NO JOKE. She will be overwhelmed for a while and DOES need help. Yes she obviously needs to flesh out what works for her. But you guys need to get on the same page of what are the goals and what can be done so that eventually she doesn't need you so much or at all. Obviously that's the goal. BUT she needs you right now. Just don't go to extremes out of fear of enabling her, because like I said... 4 under 4 is INSANE. I had 3, 2 and under and there's no way I could do it alone, even though I did a lot of it alone. That kind of responsibility is overwhelming, period. She very likely isn't avoiding motherhood, she's swimming in it.
So I pray you guys can figure out a way where you're genuinely helping and with the goal in mind that you eventually help less and less.
Don't just go down to once a week right now please.
Wow, Katie shares so much wisdom in parenting. It’s such an inspiration and so encouraging for moms with full hands. ❤
I can't tell you how much I needed to hear your response of the kids hitting stuff because lately I have had several situations where people (adults) have come to me to "tattle" on my kids over things that aren't that big of a deal and it really has been so disheartening. I am not someone to tattle on another kid to their parent, I just tell the kid don't do that ect. I honestly didn't want to listen to this episode when I saw the title because I didn't think I could handle the response, but it was what I needed to hear and offer the encouragement I needed this last week. Thanks. Now on a side how would you handle the parents that constantly tattle on your kids (everyones kids)? I don't mind having to correct my children but its to the point the moment I see this parent walking towards me with one of her kids to "tell me what one of my kids just did to her kid" just wears on me, I don't want to be unkind, and I want to show grace but it gets to be to much, especially when her kids instigate a lot of the issues to begin with.
Absolutely love your response to the “child influence” question. My husband and I have a similar approach to you two on this. We have definitely been approached by another parent calling out behaviors of one of our children. It’s never been for a terribly disobedient or dangerous behavior. But we don’t typically approach other parents to call out their kids’ behaviors. We usually just approach the whole group of kids and let them know “said behavior is not the best choice” and redirect. The “church stage” example was a great one. Then debrief with our own child later on if it warrants.
Having multiple boys who feed off of each other, we have learned quickly just how fast things can escalate with kids 😅
We have also observed that the children of those parents will themselves lean more on the “tattling” side. It’s just how their home is run so that is what they mimic. Whereas our children are very much “anti-tattling” unless it’s something very concerning. I know both can have pros and cons.
If we are observing patterns in the family as a whole that go against our value system, we simply put correct boundaries in place with that family. It has happened where we have just ceased hanging out with another family. But no big conversation has ever been needed.
Ya’ll are such a precious couple ! Found you guys .. when you had Ben and Jessa Seewald on. Almost 20 years married the end of this month. One things you can’t OVER-DO in marriage and life is over communicate:) :) Always be excellent with communication with one another and parent as a team which you already seem to be excellent at this. God has an exceptional life with you raising wonderful little ones . My husband has only one social media. And he’s never .. ever on it. He only created one initially to watch out then middle schooler .. who is now in high school. I trust my husband , always have and always will. I know the passcodes of things I need to know :)
Katie, yes, I think you two are where you are because your mom taught you how to fish!! For example, I had no idea I didn’t have to hold my son (carry him around all day) and constantly talk to him until I saw my mom had him in the highchair so she could do the dishes at her house. It sounds obvious, but I really didn’t know because she didn’t teach me any skills. I always waited until my son was napping to get Any type of chore done which is why I was so overwhelmed and behind. I didn’t realize I could leave him next to me like that until he was already 8+ months old and that simple productivity tip would’ve helped sooo much! However, if you have the 3 days/week available to help your daughter and she is okay with it, I would recommend helping with ‘traveling chores’ like picking up her groceries, grabbing cash from her bank, taking her car in for the oil change, etc. short errands that would take over an hour because of having to get 4 kids in & out of the car (in the hot weather like you said) is suuppperrr helpful!
I love this conversation about boundaries with social media in marriage and think it applies so much with children too! Things are always changing and if our children have access in any way we need to be involved and informed and discussing social media boundaries as it changes.
I totally agree with the baby sitter thing! I love knowing that our sitter can fully focus on our kids and not maneuver through a mess, have to cook a meal and have to deal with difficult to put to bed children. That way when I’m out of the house doing what I’m doing, I can be present without the worry that of if my children are being fed. The sitters we’ve had have especially appreciated that about our family.
I really enjoyed this!! I turn to your TH-cam when i want some sound and intelligent and mature stuff to listen to, some of the cotents on TH-cam can drain you more than help you 🙈..and I just want to say, I wasnt a fan of yours at first, I even unsubscribed at a point in the beginning, coz i thought "ach, not other parents thinking they're perfect and showing everyone how perfectly well their world is" but I kept getting recommendations often enough for me to come back and realise how wrong I was. You guys are great and also show your flaws (really appreciated)I love your conversations and your love for family/parenting and just the love of God and pouring it into the next generation. Keep it up guys ,🙌🏿 lots of love and God bless! 🫶🏿
The 27:00 minute mark is life changing for motherhood!!! Wow!! Pure wisdom thank you , Katie!!
Sleeping early is the biggest mom struggle for me and I even try no tech and laying there. Last night I couldn’t fall asleep so I just got food and clothes ready and that helped me feel less chaotic in the morning.
Love the memories you shared about being adventurous! I was so adventurous growing up but I have lost a lot of it. It definitely inspired me to be more adventurous as a now wife and new Mom! ❤
My struggle is my kids are not perfect but my kids are so wholesome and really empathetic towards others. They are sensitive and smart and even love hanging out with grandmas and younger kids than them. It’s such a challenge to find like minded family since not many kids are raised with discipline and tons of attention from their parents. I believe that’s the key that having your kids more loving to others. The part that bothers me is in the church this culture of having this entitlement mentality to let their kids “be kids” without being involved and love their kids in having a relationship with them. I thank God that my kids are actually friends and enjoy one another.
I grew up in a non Christian home so the relationship I have with Jesus is what truly inspires me to be a mom to my kids. I also was adopted in a broken home, so i truly value what I wish I had as a child. They need us as guides, loving, forgiving parents who listens to them and corrects them in truth.
This is my favorite part of my daughter’s nap time- listening to you guys! I look forward to it every week thank you both💕
Just want to say I really miss your old style vlog/family/day in the life videos, although I do understand why you wouldn’t want to do them anymore. I felt like you taught so much in that area of your life too, just wanted to let you know 😊
My mom did not teach me how to fish but a wonderful women at my church (after we moved across the country where we had no friends or family) did. It changed my life trajectory. I am sooooo thankful for her.
I unfortunately see many moms fall into the same pit once their kids are going to public school. It’s their bail out because they never figured out how to manage their kids at home. :(
This is one of my fav hairstyles on you Katie
If you dont need social media, it doesn't need you. Lol so good!!
So true and love the advice given but 4 under 4 is a lot on your hormones especially if you’re not properly nourishing your body, her hormones could be to a point where she needs professional help if she’s not willing to balance it on her own with proper diet or maybe even just unable. So I would also make sure she’s on proper supplements along with everything Katie said!
This is an excellent conversation. Thank you!
I love their relationship dynamic so much they are meek & gentle towards each other, as galations 5 says to be if you want to enter the kingdom of heaven ❤️
The baby sitter is there to watch and keep your kids safe….she is not there to be a cleaning lady or a chef lol, I agree with him 100%.
Does anybody have any suggestions on where I can buy tea towels so that I can teach my family to embroider? Sounds like such a good idea.
Greeeeaaaaat episode
Love listening to you guys. Thank you
Thanks so much 😊
2 red flags with computers: 1. Computers not in common area and desk tops in isolated office facing the door so you can not see the screen when entering the room. 2. Not wanting your computer hard drive revovered. Friend lost her hard drive with all her baby pics. Husband made multiple excuses to not allow the wife to have the pics recovered.
Parenting differences are challenging. One child threw sand in my sons eyes and the mother did not discipline her daughter and declared it is her responsibility to defend her child no matter what even if they're wrong. Another boy pushed my child off the trampoline, and he was not disciplined, but these same parents would mock and scold my children for whining. Last one. We are at Thansgiving. My cousin was about 4 or 5. My son was about 2. She (the daughter) literally barred my 2 yo from playing with *anything*. Every time he tried to play with something she freaked out. My aunt just empathized with her about how hard it is to share. After hours of this nonsense, we cut the evening short and went home.
I’d love it if my mom or MIL would give me a few hours 3-4 days a week so I could workout
❤❤
If i just so happen to think about using my husbands phone or laptop he will call me insecure and slam the door in my face. 😩🤧
Im a sahm he keeps all the income to himself, i have to ask for $5, i have no access to logins or passwords, my name is not on the house we bought for our growing family. Yes it sucks but at this point all i can do is pray 🙏
Flags of an abusive relationship. I would seek trained counsel immediately for you and your child's sake. Don't go along with/put up with your husbands sin against you and your kid(s). You should have access and full transparency to his income even as a sahm.
@@mooneyflyeryes I second this
@@saintamerican6105sounds very controlling. Hope you are doing ok
Yes, this sounds really abusive, please seek some outside help