Reacting to “Coming Out to My Mormon Parents"
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 มิ.ย. 2024
- Reacting to the video I made about coming out as gay to my religious mormon parents.
Original video “Coming Out to My Mormon Parents.”
Message me on Instagram @josephgarner94
Time for another Q&A! DM me your questions on Instagram @josephgarner94, or comment them below👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻
😉❤
If you have a day off, what do you usually do?
Have you picked up any hobbies over lockdown? If not is there anything you would like to learn that you don't have time for now?
I’m glad you mentioned the topic of religious acceptance at the end. I really wish my church and others would speak to it more. I was basically ignored by my church which hurt me a lot. I’m curious if you felt like you didn’t connect well with your father or the male gender growing up. A book that I’m currently reading is quoting science and saying that a lack of male connection early in childhood can lead to sexualizing the male gender. As a Christian, I’m trying to figure out why I’m gay. This whole journey is really difficult for me.
@@sillychess7744 I respect that maybe there might be a psychosocial answer like the one you mentioned but as a science major, I think it's much more likely that behaviors like that are a response to genes, and that sexualilty stems from a series of genes that cause attraction to certain genders and that a few specific chromosomal combos between mom and dad through natural processes can cause attractions to change from parent to offspring.
In that vein, cisgender straight parents can have LGBTQ+ kids but it's all up to chance. And conversely, there's a potential that LGBTQ+ parents can have cisgender straight kids.
It would also explain why non-straight people are the minority, if it takes a few factors to align right.
Unfortunately, there aren't a lot of unbiased people interested in researching any possible genetic triggers that could cause this, and even less who have the resources and education to, so that will most likely remain a hunch for a while until I can get to that level of schooling and find a good school who'd be willing to fund this.
And I'm sorry, you didn't ask for a novel but I've been thinking a lot about this and I just wanted to write it all down. I'm also a Christian and feel a little isolated at church sometimes. For a while, I've been satisfied with the idea that I can't change who I am but I digress. Have a good day. :)
N Stewart Thanks for taking the time to write such a detailed response! This is a topic that I’m very interested in so I enjoyed reading what you had to say. I grew up being taught that there isn’t a “gay gene” but no one gave me any other solutions. I never considered that it could be multiple genes. Hopefully one day someone can research how these combos occur and what specific ingredients are needed. As for the church, no one wanted to help me so I’ve had to walk this journey of discovery alone. How have you become content with who you are and not questioned it? You may not want to “fix” it, but I am somewhat trying to because I still believe in God.
I don't dislike religious people just because they're religious. I only lose my respect for them when they disrespect others.
Garrett Kolling me too ✌🏻well said.
About homosexuality: homoeroticpoems.blogspot.com/2014/04/to-community.html
If you could use a few more arguments, or if you have problems for religious/cultural reasons, this can help you: “On Human Suffering and the Concept of God” - the psychological origin of religious beliefs.
neomodernistpoetry.blogspot.com/2018/11/on-human-suffering-and-concept-of-god.html
or homoeroticpoems.blogspot.com/2018/06/on-human-suffering-and-concept-of-god.html
@!Garrett Kolling
I agree! I too lose my respect for religious people when that starts using it as a means to disrespect others.
Religion is the root of all evil. Filled with foolish man-made mumbo jumbo to extract money and cult behavior from otherwise good and loving people turning them into bigoted, hateful people, UNLESS, of course, you behave exactly like them and believe in their cult fantasy of what a bigoted, angry God is who hates all other religions but theirs. Such weak, desperate fools. Going on a mission and all of the nonsensical rules is a perfect example of the kind of mumbo jumbo foolishness I find appalling. Raised Catholic, as a child, I literally thought for a long long time that all others were destined for the fires of hell. I used to cry about their unfortunate ultimate destiny.
You shouldn't regret the way you felt comfortable telling your story at the time. Everyone grows, and the fact that you perceive the same story as being less "doom and gloom" than you did last year is an amazing positive thing to focus on!
Coming out as gay to my Catholic and Baptist family was the hardest thing I've ever done. I dated guys growing up thinking it would go away (I had a lot of religiously-fueled own internalized homophobia). After an intensely personal improvisation and creative process class, I realized it wouldn't go away. I didn't sleep for two nights, knowing I had to tell someone. Two days later, came out at age 21 (third year of music school) in the office of the music prof who taught that class. My Catholic priest was the second person I told, and he was (luckily) very supportive. I still don't know if I will stay in the Church yet. I think I'm still Catholic in dogma, but not in a lot of social doctrine. I'm now openly out in my school of music, but I only recently came out to my family at a family gathering last week. It happened when Trump supporters were going off about racism and hate. I blew up and said "I'm gay! Do you realize that his administration values my life less for that? Some of them think I should be dead!" Then I removed myself from the situation and had an anxiety attack. So now, I'm nearly 22, and finally out to my family. My family is full of conservative, Christian, Trump supporters (depsite the fact that we're Canadian). My mom thinks I'm confused because I dated guys growing up. After she said that, we don't really talk about it much as I shut it down when she brings it up. I have yet to have a serious girlfriend just because of how messy it all is.
This is a little all over the place but I hope that sharing a small bit of my story helps remind you how messy coming out can be, especially in conservative Christian families and environments. You're not alone. ❤️
I'm in the same boat. I live with my super religious, conservative mother and have tried to come out to her twice. Both times she immediately rejected me and said how could I do this. All the typical reasons. I just now dont bring it up with her and hope to just one day move out and find a boyfriend. Ive come out to my brother and he said he doesn't care. Ive not told my dad but he has now moved out because my parents just got divorced. I just turned 20 and am going into my third year of college. Am hoping to become a medical laboratory technician. I do not post anything LGBTQ on my social media because my mom follows all of my accounts except this. Living in a small town sucks for finding relationships as Ive never been in one. I enjoy hearing other stories like yours Kaitlyn because it reminds me that I am not alone. I hope you are one day able to find a wonderful girlfriend and be happy. Sorry for rambling but thank you for sharing your story.
It can be very messy, and in many ways I got lucky. I’m so sorry to hear about your guys struggles. Something that made the coming out transition easier for me was moving out shortly after. It helped my relationship with my parents in many ways. We still struggle sometimes but I feel like it keeps getting better. It’s important to be understanding and sympathetic to their views and values but it also critical that we stand up for ourselves. Sending good vibes your way!
I have a philosophy in my life and that is if I am around someone who does not care for me, i leave. There are better people out there to be involved with. I would never let someone belittle me or refuse to believe in who I was and I would never waste my time in trying to change their opinions or views. Be careful out there.
@@Logan-lz5gu I'm turning 20 soon and I'm going into chemistry, good luck with everything and I hope you have a wonderful life and find a great boyfriend!
@@nstewart1623 Thank you
I have difficulty putting this into words but I am overwhelmed with emotion given the fact that we live in a time and place that allows you to be the person you are. I am so proud you are using your talents to bring comfort to others and perhaps God made you gay for that reason. Certainly being gay has made you a stronger person. I am of a different generation… times and circumstances were different when I was your age so I understand how difficult it can be at times. Keep up your good work. People, gay and straight, need to hear from you.
I’m happy to see how things have turned out for you. Best wishes always.
I just wanted you to know how important this video was for me, it came to me in a time i hated who i was and to be honest i got close to ending it all, but you showed me light, it made me keep on going, and thanks to you i found the braveness in me to come out so thank you ❤️
You have painted a very clear picture of what it's like being Gay in a Mormon family. Many of your feelings, thoughts, hopes and prayers are very much like mine. I did marry. I married a girl with whom I allowed myself to fall in love, Our eventual separation hurt both of us and the children very much. Relationships are difficult enough, but now I consider myself lucky to have survived the deep depression of divorce. You have done the right thing. It sounds like things are good and I'm glad
You can see some of the rewatch is really hard on you. I am so happy for you and that you feel free to be you now.
1. You looked so sad in the beginning of your reveal video. 2. What happened to the crazy guy with the gun. 3. I am Amazed how may Mormon's are gay. I watch these other TH-camrs ( Linc and Canyon) who are Mormon and living together in Utah. And of course the Chef that you did the video with. Solid, honest, wholesome individuals. 4. Your videos are well done and the content is very good. 5. Do you still follow your religion? 5. Thanks for sharing your stories.
I remember watching your first video and thinking then what a good person you are, also a very attractive person. I have followed you since then, only on TH-cam, and I am so happy for you that you have found someone to share your love and life with. Your subsequent videos are full of happiness and laughter I look forward to you posting them to brighten up my day.
Hugs from the UK
John xx
♥️♥️♥️
So happy that you have grown into your own person!!!! Pleased that you have found a boyfriend who you are happy with, not scared around, and who brings out the good aspects of yourself around!!!!
As a former member of the LDS church I applaud you for having the strength to be who you are. I was only with the church for 8 years before I left on my terms. I think I actually told the Branch President that I was tired of living what I refered to as a lie or a double life.
Hey, those pauses in your first video makes it feel more real and authentic. I could sense your emotions.
Yes you are improving in your editing skills, your videos are smoother and will continue to improve.
I had a homophobic, racist father who use to say 'the only thing worse than a divinely condemned black person is an oral-penial stimulating homosexual.' I modified the exact words, but I'm sure you can figure it out. I didn't come out to my family until I was 40. Our relationship was strained until my mom and dad passed away in the last decade. I'm glad you have understanding parents.
I’m so sorry, I know a lot of people did not have it as easy as I did:(
@@josephgarner94 what does not kill us, makes us stronger. I'm glad you had an easier time. Your talk about the church being somewhat understanding would have been nice for me as well. At 17, I talked with my pastor about being raped when I was 12. He gave the "you'll burn in eternal damnation for recieving the Holy Sacrament (communion) and not pleading for forgiveness for being gay." I am now a Wiccan. I could not follow a religion for condemning a victim of rape for being a victim. He was the first person I told, and I didn't talk about again until I was 55. At first I had a lousy therapist, but I found a good one now that helps. I'm 61, and so pleased that the young people of today have it so much better (and a bit jealous).
Keep smiling, stay healthy, and find your true love.
You were so honest and genuine in your coming out video. It was very inspiring and it made me want to know how things developed for you as your life played on.
Thanks Joseph, I appreciate your honesty and for continuing to share your journey.
Great video Joseph!!! I loved ur original video and i love this video that captures you reaction to it (a year later). The reason this video has done so well is because of ur honesty. Keep up the great work!!!😘
We haven't seen the original video so it was cool to see this updated version.
Great to see how the video helped you and how far you've come since then! 🤗
I came out to my mum today!! it went well.
I remember watching your coming out video and was moved by it. I really think that this going back over it and commenting on it was fantastic. I liked that you did not talk over it. I always hate it when that is done personally. You did a fantastic job on the initial video and now with this one, it is wonderful to see that you are happy and appear to be very grounded. May you and your partner have many blessings and a wonderful life together.
What a beautiful complicated inspiring journey it has been. You look so comfortable in your true self. Your light is shinning..
NOTIFICATION CREW!!
Coming out videos should be about the struggle, and you accomplished that.
I enjoyed this. It’s awesome to hear how great the past year has been since the video.
This was a great reaction to your video, I haven't seen for a while. When we are growing up gay, we do feel like we are alone. I grew up in the Catholic church and am empathic to your struggle. What we don't realize when we come out is that the power of family is strong...good or bad. If it's bad, your are able choose your family. I thank God, mine was a good. Good luck to you an Hayden. Also, keep your hair curly.
You make an point that’s SO true. Family has a huge impact and in my case I got very lucky. And thank you, I think the curly hair is growing on me too:)
Yes!! Curly is terrific.
While this did have a little "doom and gloom," when I watched it, I found that so, so important and critical to its message. More than any other coming out video I've ever watched, this video made me feel. The pain, the sadness, the eventual acceptance. And understanding that sadness is crucial to those of us who come out to families we know aren't accepting. The gay community frequently glorifies coming out, which is extremely important, but I think that shouldn't come at the expense of acknowledging the hardship of it.
Thinking even beyond America, in other cultures in the world, it can be less common for parents to accept that a child knows what works best for them, and to love that child and want the best for them even if they don't agree with their choices. And this video was so critical to seeing a beautifully imperfect coming out story that had a few hiccups in it. Thank you again for making it.
About homosexuality: homoeroticpoems.blogspot.com/2014/04/to-community.html
If you could use a few more arguments, or if you have problems for religious/cultural reasons, this can help you: “On Human Suffering and the Concept of God” - the psychological origin of religious beliefs.
neomodernistpoetry.blogspot.com/2018/11/on-human-suffering-and-concept-of-god.html
or homoeroticpoems.blogspot.com/2018/06/on-human-suffering-and-concept-of-god.html
I just found this second, reaction to your coming out video. I just watched your coming out video and left a comment, and now I found this video. It is very nice to see how you have done a year after that first video - frankly, I was a little worried about you. I'm a psychologist and tend to think about people in terms of what needs they might have and how I might be able to help. Anyway, I'm happy you have been doing better and that you feel happy in many ways. Much love -
I remember watching this which gave me the courage to come out in May, and its been insane the journey that has lead me on!! thanks for the encouragement!!!!
Love that you said your goal is to build bridges of understanding. That is what we need as a society. Love is love and we need to support each other.
Your coming out video came up in my recommended list, so I watched it (the TH-cam algorithm clearly knew I was gay AF before I did).
It was really helpful for me, so - thank you Joseph. I watched a few others and I finally came out in April - it went brilliantly. None of my family are religious, so that was never a worry - but you never know how it will go. I’ve realised that you never stop coming out to people, but the reactions have been really positive so far. It’s great not to have to question everything I do in case it ‘looks gay’ 🤣
Thanks again and I love the videos!
Thank you for this video it is so amazing I had really hard time coming out ❤
I think watching the reactions in your face as you watched the video was even more interesting than when you were speaking
So proud of you Joseph!
I like how you're watching yourself as if it's someone else. Very analytical and contemplative... shows how much thought you put into the topic, and its capacity to benefit others. Pretty cool.
Joseph this was a great look back and gave great context to everything. Think you so much for sharing. I really hope to meet the both of you someday. If your ever going though the Reno Nevada area hit me up would love to buy the two of you a cup of coffee. Very inspirational...
God bless you! This was a very good video and so was the original. I’m sure you’ve helped and will continue to help a lot of folks.
For some reason this was hard to watch, but in a good way. I tried to watch it at least 4 times and I finally got through it tonight. A few moments really hit me hard (similar experiences.) Glad you made this :) Keep the vids coming!
Love you Joseph! You are an inspiration!!🥰 Thank you for being so real with us!!❤
You’re the best Lauren, love reading your comments 💕
@@josephgarner94 Awww your so sweet!!🥰 Hey now your only one State away from me!😂 Im in New Mexico!!!
Lauren Thompson oh hey we are close! We drove through some of New Mexico on our way here. They were pretty small towns though 😅
@@josephgarner94 Yay!! Lol!! did you drive through Las Cruces!!😂😂
I would have come out but I think everyone else already knew I was gay before I did.
😂
Same here.
Have you went out with somebody female from a different race?
@@My_Secret_ArtSketchbook , Me? No. I did date girls when I was in my denial/confused stage but they were white. I have dated a black man, a Mexican man and currently been with my Filipino Asian bf for over 5 years!
Re awkward pauses: In this video you need them. Because then your struggle comes across as real. Like when you watch a play there are moments when the actors aren't right on the spot with the next line, because part of it is letting the audience know how hard that line is for the character to say. Your original video had many of those kind of moments, where if you'd have cut those pauses, what you were saying would have been robbed of power.
Your coming out video is one of the best I've seen and I know it helped people needing to do the same. Thanks for the following reaction to it. Also, didn't want to forget- how is your Mom doing? Thanks Joseph
You come from a great family. There's a lot of respect all around and you are very thoughtful and articulate. You'll do well, in any way, no doubt.
Literally the wisest person I know❤️ I love this guy
And this guy loves you 🙂
You are a great guy...so many relatable themes...but will just shut up about it...cheers to your health and good souled nature
I get such a Connor Franta vibe when I watch your videos. This was fun.
Hey, I still go back and watch your vid sometimes b/c I'm at home and in a Mormon family and not out and it makes me feel like it might happen someday. And then I look at your more recent stuff and see how happy you are and it gives me a little bit of hope.
But question: do you have any family who doesn't talk to you anymore/acts uncomfortable around you? If so, how do you deal with family events?
Hey sorry I know I’m three years late to this comment but I thought I’d answer it in case you’re still curious lol. I do have a few family members that act a bit less comfortable around me. I’ve even had debates with family members about lgbtq topics that didn’t go great. It can be really tough to balance respecting others opinions while also standing up for yourself but for me it’s worth the effort for the sake of saving the relationship. That totally might not be the case for others though. It’s completely acceptable and sometimes necessary to distance yourself from people who can have a debilitating effect on your mental and emotional health, even if it’s family.
You are so positive, i think your doing really well. Awesome 🙂🌈
I’m glad that you want to build bridges between the LGBTQ community, a person’s own spirituality and religions. I think it is important for the LGBTQ community to realize that they can have a spiritual life and be gay, bi, lesbian or transgender. I attend churches that are fully accepting of the LGBTQ community, so I have time understanding those who continue to attend anti-LGBTQ churches. I think we should be inclusive when it comes to all religions as well. Your sincerity, integrity, understanding of others and spirituality appeal to me and others.
About homosexuality: homoeroticpoems.blogspot.com/2014/04/to-community.html
If you could use a few more arguments, or if you have problems for religious/cultural reasons, this can help you: “On Human Suffering and the Concept of God” - the psychological origin of religious beliefs.
neomodernistpoetry.blogspot.com/2018/11/on-human-suffering-and-concept-of-god.html
or homoeroticpoems.blogspot.com/2018/06/on-human-suffering-and-concept-of-god.html
Great video iam so happy for you and you told your story straight from your heart a tear fell from my eyes listening and so happy your family love you god bless love you xx
I wrote a previous comment but somehow it got deleted. I want to apologize to you both being away so long for the last 7 to 8 weeks but my main computer's hard drive crashed and then the next day my backup computer crashed so I was with out a computer. What luck !!!I I have a service contract with a unnamed company to get both computers fixed, but with the Pandemic all of their computer shops were so closed I had no choice to ship both computers to Brooks Kentucky. I finally got both computers back 2 weeks ago and had to reload all of my programs and data files to get them both up and running again and then I had to read a couple of hundred e-mails. The first time I did watch your coming out video was very powerful and the second time I watched it was even more powerful. A job well done on this video and living your truth. This is going to be a very long comment so I want to apologize for the length of it in advance. The opinion that I am going to express in this comment is going to make a lot of people angry and very upset and I want to apologize in advance to all who will be offended and I want to emphasize that is is only my opinion and comment and not anybody elses but my own. I also want to firmly state that I do have the highest respect for other people's opinions of churches and religion. I would like to give you my opinion on organized religion and churches. For the last 2000 to 3000 years, all of the churches and all of the religions throughout that period of history has vilified, hated, crucified, denounced, and defamed our LGBTQ community for being morally corrupt and immoral because our lifestyle did not comply to their teachings and their rule of standards of behavior to which the religions of the adamant belief that marriage and relations should be only between a man and a woman only. It is also through religion that the churches have (and sometimes succeeded ) tried to control the actions, behavior, and morals of all the people of this world we live in for that last 2000 to 3000 years. . I was baptized and raised as a Catholic and I am now a Catholic in name only. I am adamantly opposed to the teachings of the Catholic (and all of the other churches) Church and most of what that church stands for. But I have to admit that I like Pope Francis who is the best Pope since Pope John Paul II. These are my beliefs on organized religion (remember that is only my opinion) and on churches : I believe that a person does not need a to belong to any religion or church to be called into heaven by our Lord God and Jesus when the end comes for that person unless that person commits a murder or any other disgusting crimes against humanity that warrants that person to go to hell. I believe that a person only has to believe in God, believe that Jesus is the Son of God and is our savior, have faith, and pray. A person does not need organized church and religion to be called to heaven. I have developed this philosophy over the last 30 years and I was going through my 50 plus year (I turned 59 years old recently) struggle to accept my sexuality and to a place to where I can say that I am proud to be gay. My question is to you both for your Q and A on your next video on how the both of you feel about organized religion and what role religion has it played in effecting our LGBTQ community over the last 2000 or 3000 years ???? And do you need to belong to a church to be called into heaven???? I want to end this by saying congratulations on your move to Austin Texas for I wish the both you of nothing but love, happiness, and contentment as you start a new life in your new home. Stay healthy, well and safe and we go through this Pandemic. The both of you did a outstanding a outstanding job on the videos that I got caught up on and watched. Cheers to the both of you, your friend Bryan from San Lorenzo California.
I had a distant friend when I was in my teens. his parents were friends with my parents and he and his parents lived in Salt Lake. They were not extremely devout but they were known. I realized later in life that he had a crush on me. He eventually got married and had a kid. I had not spoken to him in many years. A few years before I came out in my mid 20s my dad came over and informed me that this friend died in a car accident. After I came out I put 2 and 2 together and realized that he killed himself. Back in the days that was probably his only option. Glad things have changed. Having a gay son is probably a lot better than having a dead son. And this friend was by no means the only guy who I know that killed themselves over their sexual orientation. Some religious people will say that the suicide rate in the LGBT community is only mad up. I can say first hand that it is not. Thanks for posting this.
So sad, but we're changing history to overcome that shadowness that we've been struggling with for so long. Only love and comprehension wins, and thats A FACT. God bless you and gives you tons of love for years to come... Kisses and a big hug bro!!!!🤗😊☺️
I am so glad that things are so different now for you! Thirty - forty years ago it so much different in the Mormon Church, love in my family was to call me to repent, including my Mom. Over time, years, my family has grown to love me again for me and sees me for me. I never thought all those years ago, that I would marry the Man I love in Salt Lake City, but my Brothers would be there along with other family members all who are Mormon and accept my Husband as a part or the family.
Yeah I definitely had some similar experiences. I’m glad things got better with time, I feel like that’s a common trend that gives a lot of people hope:)
Wow! Thank you for your truth and honesty. I hope that you do a reacting to your Moho video. That was how I first discovered you on TH-cam. 👏👍😘
Oh no! 😒 Did you remove your Moho video? It's not on the webpage anymore.....
Sorry which video is this? I don’t remember a moho video 🤔 you might be thinking of the wrong guy. 😅
@@josephgarner94 I guess that TH-cam suggested you after I was watching Moho videos then....it's been a while. 😏😘
You are amazing!
thanks for sharing, I know it was hard, especially after the mission, I even got engaged after mission but backed out because I could not put a family through that process. Today my mother still very active, I help take care of her now and we have missionaries over for dinner once every couple months, yes the return is very emotional, when I was going through this there was no internet to reach others
Joe is this a sign that you'll be posting more regularly ;D ;D??
And also doesn't it feel so weird to watch yourself? lol I've done it a few times like on snapchat and I felt so funny.
Haha YES, so weird.
Causally flexes muscles you open video 😂
💪😏😉
Joseph Garner 👍 strong
Joseph, I remember sending you a message after I initially saw that video. I think that I tried to reassure you that God still loved you. Then I saw the hiking video you did with Hayden in it and you said something like 'I know God loves me and I know He loves Hayden more.' Hope I got that somewhat close! I think it's amazing how much you have been able to grow and change without losing your faith. It really doesn't matter what denomination you choose or don't choose, it's the fact that you have faith. As a Christian woman with two sons, I am equally proud and blessed with both of them. One is married to a wonderful young lady and one has been in a 4+year relationship with an outstanding young man. One of the most important things I prayed for was for them to meet someone who would love them and treat them as much as they deserved. That prayer has been answered beyond what I dreamed. I think that you may have found that with Hayden and he with you. Please be well and please continue with your videos because you are helping and inspiring people. I wish you and Hayden nothing but the very best.🙂💞💖💕
the saddest part about this to me is what it took for them to get there. the fact it took them to personally know someone from a part of the community to become accepting. it’s deeply saddening. it’s saddening to me that it took YOU for them to make a change for them, and if it were someone not a part of your family the same ideals would have persisted. I commend you because I know it was hard, and maybe you can realize that more! it’s often you mention how you can see how hard it was for your parents, but it was just as tough if not tougher for you. great video, hoping you and your family the very best.
Congrats on your own self-acceptance. .... You look so much more comfortable now
So glad the bishop you came out to was helpful. As you experienced, that can have a lasting impact. As someone old enough to be your grandfather, here's a little of my coming out experience. Many years ago, when I came out to my Bishop at BYU he arranged counseling with a church therapist and - disfellowshipped me. All this while I was engaged to a very sweet girl. After a few sessions with the counselor, he wanted me to undergo shock therapy. Fortunately, I told him no, that wasn't going to happen. At this point and after long talks with my best friend from high school that getting married (to a woman) wasn't a good idea, I broke off the engagement (she returned the engagement ring that I still have today). Though we didn't remain in contact, she was very sweet. Several years later I formally left the church by requesting my name be removed from their records. Though it was the right thing to do, it still wasn't an easy decision as my family has a long, long history in/with the church. Fortunately, I have warm and loving relationships with my family members. As with you, I've come to love and accept myself for who I am and, next March I'll have the honor of marrying my partner, Steve. Be well and may your life journey be filled with love and happiness.
I have been following you for years now. I was brought up in the Universalist-Unitarian tradition, and I too have a strong relationship with God. I was innocently but brutally outed, and totally ostracized in the 7th-9th grade (till I went to a different high school). My heart has never healed, but as you suggested, these challenges can and are, growing points. Just want to say thanks, because you as a gay man are my "poster child." (Trying to be funny) But you forever amaze me, I thank you for being such a beautiful soul.
I'm really sorry to hear that you had such a bad experience trying to break up with that one crazy guy. I have seen the original video before, but as you said; you didn't go into too much detail about that whole thing there. But for him to show up with a gun and everything? That must have been really frightening. I can't even really imagine what that's like, since I've fortunately never had to deal with anything like that myself, but I can empathize.
Also, as far as acceptance even from the deeply religious goes... My best friend back when I came out was a Jehova's Witness. As far as strict religious affiliations go, they tend to be viewed as only one step less rigorous than the Amish, so I was definitely worried that he wouldn't be accepting of my sexuality. Turned out he didn't care about it at all. As he put it, if I was gay before and he was my friend before, why would he stop being my friend now, when nothing really changed, except for the fact that I had just extended him a great deal of trust. Which just proved that he was my friend.
“Love does no harm to its neighbor, therefore love is the fulfillment of the law” Romans 13:10
Also if you’re using the Bible to hurt other people, you’re using it wrong.
About homosexuality: homoeroticpoems.blogspot.com/2014/04/to-community.html If you could use a few more arguments, or if you have problems for religious/cultural reasons, this can help you: “On Human Suffering and the Concept of God” - the psychological origin of religious beliefs.
neomodernistpoetry.blogspot.com/2018/11/on-human-suffering-and-concept-of-god.html
or homoeroticpoems.blogspot.com/2018/06/on-human-suffering-and-concept-of-god.html
Sadly, your journey is all too common. Thank you for being you.
excellent video. but also an excellent haircut. I want the same once hairdressers reopen.
Joseph, I gather from viewing your videos that church was important to you but after coming out you no longer feel the same. If you want to make organized religion a part of your life again, I recommend that you look closely at the United Methodist Church. It is, in general, inclusive and LGBT friendly. As a matter of fact, the church recently announced it is splitting and the largest portion of the church will support same sex marriage and LGBT clergy.
Also, I’m enjoying viewing your growth in video production skills. I had my own video business for 15 years and dipped back into those skills to edit my Daughter’s wedding video this month. Creative opportunities in video production are so much fun.
Im a mormon too still didnt come out to my relatives but talked about it with my bishop, he said there is only boys and girls created by our heavenly father, it really breaks my knowing in a way that you don't belong to this circle, I also came out to my friends in the church and all of them says that just read the Mormon, ask for guidance from heavenly father and to continue dating girls,, and these things happening to me the same what happens to you, can I ask an advice to you as a member of the church and a RM, how to do things forward? Or maybe how to be happy??
Thanks for sharing! You seem like such an amazing person. I wish people would stop using the word “choice” when it comes to someone’s sexuality.
About homosexuality: homoeroticpoems.blogspot.com/2014/04/to-community.html If you could use a few more arguments, or if you have problems for religious/cultural reasons, this can help you: “On Human Suffering and the Concept of God” - the psychological origin of religious beliefs.
neomodernistpoetry.blogspot.com/2018/11/on-human-suffering-and-concept-of-god.html
or homoeroticpoems.blogspot.com/2018/06/on-human-suffering-and-concept-of-god.html
Totally agree. Definitely not a choice any more than someone straight making that as a choice. When I ask someone straight if they chose to like the opposite sex, their response is "No, of course not". I then ask them why if they didn't choose, do they think a gay person chooses. They are usually either at a loss for an answer or seem to see the light.
Living and doing what makes you happy should be the take away here. You will never be happy dating females if you know you are gay. I tried that too and it wasn’t fair to them and it wasn’t fair to me. Thanks for a great video you are an inspiration to many I am sure.
You’re awesome.
1. For your Q&A: since you moved to Austin what is something that you like the most about were you live besides that you can walk everywhere?
2 . What is something about Texas that you didn’t know about Texas before moving there?
Thanks for the questions, I’ll be sure to answer these ones 🤗
Funny how there was a trump ad before this video and it called me a socialist
Have you seen recordings or gone to the LoveLoud Concerts that Imagine Dragons and Electric Trees put on annually in Salt Lake City? Both lead singers are LDS and one's gay. Look it up om TH-cam. Thanks for you videos! I was raised RLDS, but decades ago. So glad that some of the modern day Saints have grown in their world view. RLDS group changed their name to Community of Christ and accept gay into the priesthood! Loving you unconditionally is not the same as loving you in spite of. Love, Michael
About homosexuality: homoeroticpoems.blogspot.com/2014/04/to-community.html
If you could use a few more arguments, or if you have problems for religious/cultural reasons, this can help you: “On Human Suffering and the Concept of God” - the psychological origin of religious beliefs.
neomodernistpoetry.blogspot.com/2018/11/on-human-suffering-and-concept-of-god.html
or homoeroticpoems.blogspot.com/2018/06/on-human-suffering-and-concept-of-god.html
Q&A- Hayden and Joseph- do you like to be called by a nick name? You and Hayden look really tall, are you?
It's outstanding that you've gained so much in self-acceptance, and that you and your boyfriend are embraced by your family! I'm also glad you escaped gun guy! There are plenty of affirming churches like ELCA Lutheran, Episcopalian, UCC, Disciples of Christ, Presbyterian USA, and others. For me, God is love -- and if you share affection and sexuality with someone of the same gender, that is totally cool. BTW, Mormons must have a great gene pool -- lots of cute guys, and some of them gay!
BTW, “I was an Eagle Scout.” No, no, no: you are an Eagle Scout. At least for folks of my age, one always remains an Eagle Scout and is judged as special-as a hard working and trustworthy person-automatically. I know this comment has little to do with the focus of this video. Still wanted to make the comment. You're a great guy!
Good rap. That stalker, though. 😦
19:30 to 19:40 THANK YOU!!!! And may I say AMEN!
I understand all u said. It was great to see your eyes open after San Francisco! I hated how ur folks kept directing u to re-date girls, even after you came out & admitted u were more interested in dating guys. It shows they weren't listening to u. I'd add that churches claim they accept gay folks just not their lifestyles. Well that's NOT true love or acceptance. Lifestyle IS Life! They don't have a looking glass into your mind or DNA's predisposed urges/interests but even if they did, they're not practicing what they preach. True love of parishioners & family members means to love a (gay) person's lawful & loving interests, including their boyfriends & places, activities, clubs that bring you joy, where you're most comfortable being among other interesting people like yourself - since we all belong to the same LGBT tribe & generally accept all LGBT people regardless of their ethnicity, race or religion. That sums up our lifestyle (w/o mentioning the clothing-optional Palm Springs pool parties, or Chicago's iconic Boystown on Halstead when you once stumbled into SteamWorks Bathhouse to view & experience different thrilling aspects of new people/places. We can omit those details depending on who our audience is) but u get the point. Yes I agree we can accept others' religions, but conversely they should understand our faith & "lifestyle", that makes it an equal 2-way street. Both straight & gay folk have some wild places, actions, stories that like to be told, but we don't always include those fun juicy details w/straight religious folks if they don't want to hear them. I'd cringe hearing how someone wasted 2 key years of a male's sexual prime, freezing without an attractive partner near the arctic circle for 2 yrs. It's biologically not natural, nor specifically what God expects. So each side has parts they may omit to accommodate the other. If we listen to all this religous stuff a person wants to tell us about, then they should hear what we've discovered on our journey for comfort around other gay men like ourselves. SO, when a church member claims they accept us, but not our lifestyle, they truly don't accept us (it's quite obvious, by the intent & definitions of love & acceptance). I loved how sincerely candid your video was, with details, good & the bad. More overly religious parents should view it. Scary about the boy w/the GUN. You coulda been killed!
About homosexuality: homoeroticpoems.blogspot.com/2014/04/to-community.html
If you could use a few more arguments, or if you have problems for religious/cultural reasons, this can help you: “On Human Suffering and the Concept of God” - the psychological origin of religious beliefs.
neomodernistpoetry.blogspot.com/2018/11/on-human-suffering-and-concept-of-god.html
or homoeroticpoems.blogspot.com/2018/06/on-human-suffering-and-concept-of-god.html
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I feel like the majority of the LGBT community doesn't just hate the religious community because they don't believe in the Christian god, but rather because they've suffered trauma at the hands of these groups, and for a lot of people a part of the self love that is essential to coming out, requires a total separation from the toxic ideologies that taught us that who we are will never be enough and that living authentically will always be a sin for us. So i think that's a really difficult grudge to let go of and honestly the best I've been able to do so far is along the same lines of "love the sinner, hate the sin" but rather, "love the follower, hate the teachings." But at the same time you see this person supporting something that actively harms you, and others like you, and it's really hard to say "I don't hold that against you".
I totally understand where you’re coming from. My experience was so different from so many other queer people that came from religious backgrounds. Their experiences are just as valid as my own. It’s such a difficult balance trying to respect people’s beliefs while also standing up for yourself. Distancing myself from situations or people has become a necessity for me at times.
When you say 2 way street it seems like both are equally at fault or wrong. Many LGBTQ+ people have felt terribly rejected by their religion but even if they were never religious all LGBTQ+ people have had their rights, freedom and even existence under attack by most organized religion. While generally some have gotten better there’s still much room for improvement overall. Organize religion had & continue to have tremendous power in society & has promoted the status quo & helped fight change. So I know that it wasn’t your intention but it seems like you are equating those who have been oppressed with their oppressors. I really like that you are helping to bridge people & communities. Thank you!
Joseph, I think you are the greatest in the whole world and I wish I could get to know you better. I mean this In a good way. I don't know a lot of gay guys so it's really hard for me to meet them. If you have any suggestions on how I can meet them please let me know. Thanks alot Joseph.
Joseph I think you are very good looking and I really think you are a nice person and I really do wish I could be alot like you because I really do love the way you talk and I just wish I could be more like you ❤.
You said " i thought i just hadnt met the right girl. So i dated lots of girls" . thats exactly what i thought and did. And like you i thought god could change me. I was a jehovahs witness. I finally left the church and lived my happy gay life. Different religions but so much in common
This was a great video, may I ask do your family allow you and Hayden show PDA (holding hands to kissing) while in their home. I do hope so,as if you were with a girl I suspect they would be ok with PDA. Im guessing you are not allowed to share a bedroom when you stay, as I suspect due to their beliefs that would be the same with a girl (you not a married couple).
The test on their total acceptance will be, when you and Hayden are married (if you decide), will then they allow bed sharing at holiday season stays, not just bedroom sharing.
The 'clash' with many LGBTQ+ Vs the 'church', is so well documented - from so long ago, Prayers for Bobby, is the obvious book/movie - a horrific true story... yet so many thousands of young men see no option, each year, to take their own lives, after family rejection, being thrown to the street, ending up selling themselves to survive... due to family religious dictate. A few churches are slowly being more accepting.... but from my research/experience... the church has a long way to go... and dont get me on the countries that still stone gay men to death. I so admire your wish for your channel to help and push this issue into the open, and hope to see you and Hayden together, on a lot more videos... hugs mate, from the UK
"It needs to be talked about more." Absolutely. The mistake so many make is to buy into the cultural meme that (falsely) tells a human being that if he or she has any gay feelings at all, then that means they're gay. It doesn't, necessarily, mean that.
Wish I could find a guy like you in real life lol
Trust me there are PLENTY better than me. You guys only see the best of me on here. I’m confident you can find the good ones to surround yourself with, whether that’s friendships or romantic relationships.
♥️
I fell like my parents will accept me, but at the same time I don't fell comfortable telling them, idk
Ive watched several of your videos, and have one suggestion. The sound quality is very tinny (proverbial tin can) and you sound distant. This makes listening very difficult.
Have never had this problem. Could it be your system?
It is so hard to come out to your folks even if the signs are that it should be easy. I was sooo in the closet I didn't come out until I was 35 except for a brief affair when I was in the Army. I have a brother, 6 years younger than I. He came out in high school and has always been out, loud, and proud. One time I was visiting my folks and Dad and I were watching the news and the Portland gay pride parade was on. Dad asked me if I knew my brother was gay. I asked how could anyone miss that event. I told him I had even seen pictures of him in drag. Well, I decided I had better come out to them since I now lived in the Portland area and who knows, I might even have a boyfriend someday. well, not so soon and not so easily .Their response was, "We wondered when you were going to tell us." The fact I was 35 and not married, had no dating history with women, and had more interest in the volunteer fire department than just about anything else pretty much convinced them there would be no grandchildren in their future. We were quite close and now they have been gone for almost 20 years. I miss them every day. Joseph, spend as much time as you can with your family.
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...at 60 now and wanting to live the balance of my life honestly (just once ). I have been so successful at appearing straight my family (have no real friends to tell) won't even entertain the idea of me being Gay...Sucks...never married...no kids...don't date... My 83 year old loving mother explains to me ...I just haven't met the right one yet !...I do not trust or like 85% of the girls I have met in my long and lonely lifetime....Guess I waited too long...what's a fella to do...A.C.Feuerhelm
2:22 have you dated from a different race or much older women?
Ok Benjamin Button how is it possible you look even younger now than you did then 🤔😲😉lol must be that Austin humidity hair cute btw 😍 glad you dodged a bullet on crazy dude 😉think you have a good one now though 😚❤💛💚💙💜 you guys are so cute together proud of and for you guys 😘🕊PEACE 💜LOVE AND UNITY 🌎🇺🇸WILLPOWER 🔱☮
I’ve picked up witchcraft, it does wonders for your skin 👀 jk no, I was thinking the same thing. I think I might have lost some of the baby fat in my face since that video was shot.
@@josephgarner94 I'm not doing witch craft but I do watch a lot of Harry potter though& my roommate calls me childish I just assumed he meant I looked young lol 😉🤔😙❤💛💚💙💜😉😎 😁 all kidding aside am proud of the growth have seen in you the past year wishing you the best Joseph 😉🕊PEACE💜 LOVE 🌎AND UNITY🔱 WILLPOWER ☮
@@josephgarner94 Yes! I was going to say you looked like a younger brother. You're slimmer and the curly hair is a real plus. Oh, yes, I know there's so much more to a person than good looks. You've already proven you're more than good looks. Your affect is younger. Probably because you're your true self now. Have a wonderful, fulfilling life. You are admired.
Being gay and not coming out, even to myself, damn near killed me. I woke up one day in the ICU, looked down and went, how did they get that tube up my dic......and I was out again. Things eventually got better.
Gay ex Mormon squad what’s uuup
Every bartender in Denver is a gay and Mormon
And you are a lovely looking handsome man too boot