For Harriet :))))) 👍👩🏽🎓 Your very much a multi layered and inwardly complex woman, thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings. The reason you didn’t feel sad’ when you failed Harvard was? In life when people are under tremendous stress, it’s sometimes a relief to end that situation, a-bit like being fired from a job that you actually hate, the tension eases.
I got pregnant my senior year and flunked out of college...three years later I’m still trying to finish school as a single mom w/a three year old. It’s hard...but I’m getting it done. Life is crazy! Just have to make the best out of it.
I became pregnant at 18 yo. I went back to college at 33 yo graduated from Nursing school at 38 yo than I followed my original career dream of becoming a FA ✈️ at 49 yo, so don’t give up on school and in achieving your dreams even if, it takes year’s! I am cheering you on!!!
I had a breakdown age 16 and was asked to leave high school lol. I spent years doing nothing living with my parents. Working shit minimum wage jobs that never worked out for long. This year I went back to school and did a high school equivalent course. Now I'm going to a pretty good university this October. Hope it goes well.
@@h.b.1315 I'm 30yrs old & look into the workforce development center. If u'r on any government programs they offer work shop where u can get certificates & maybe even move away to join JobCore & other free college opportunities
Wow. I nowhere near went to Harvard......but my dad passed my sophomore year as well. It wrecked my college experience. He was my best friend. I had never failed or even made an F on anything and failed a class that semester. I never went to class, had no motivation to do anything. I was depressed for a long time, graduated in a major I didn’t care about but pulled my grades up to a 3.5. I tried to go back to school after and dropped out after a few months. It’s 8 years later now and I’m happier than I’ve ever been :) I just finished my masters degree last week!
Holly, I really needed to see this. Went through almost the same thing. Lost my day during my freshman year of college, 18 yrs old and totally lost all hope. I'm now 31 and desperately wanting to complete my bachelors degree. This gives me hope and confidence
I went to an all girls private university and i was struggling. It was very clear and very visible. I was dressed like a slob, looked like i rolled out of bed, i was nodding off falling asleep in class, i was crying everyday barely eating. I looked seriously ill. This one professor never gave up on me. Ive never had anyone in my life care that much about me that wasnt my family. She let me turn in work laaaaaate like end of semester late and never said anything about it. She just kept telling me she saw something in me and she believed in me. I was going through a severe depression because there was some crazy shit going on in my life. Im not going to mention it because i am taking it to my grave, i dont want anyone to stumble acros this account and find out but trust me when i say i actually needed a serious intervention and to be checked in to a mental institution. I was putting my life at risk with the shit i was doing and not a single soul ever found out. When i got my first job after college which im actually still at i emailed her thanking her. If it wasnt for her i would have never graduated, i would have just stopper showing up.
It is your right not to mention it here. It's no one's business, but maybe you can mention it to someone objective and non-judgemental like a counselor. Secrets have a way of eating us alive. Be well ✌
Wow, this isn’t talked about nearly enough. That validation us “smart” kids got during middle/high school is definitely damaging to our futures. Life isn’t full of the constant success, awards, and validation we got in our early years. It definitely damaged my self-concept and left me depressed from my sophomore year until now (one year post graduation) but I’ve been working on finding other ways to validate qualities other than achievement, s/o to therapy.
I was politely let go from the first college I attended (academic dismissal). Now I’m a teacher. It’s really funny how shit turns out Kim. Glad it ended well. You turned out great. 😀
Thank you for this. I had been dismissed from school during sophomore year, and i was homeless at the time. I had been anxious and depressed about my situation. I had to sit out a semester . I then went to a community college to get my grades up , and now I’m back into my school! Yes, it will take me another 2 years to get my B.A. but your story helped me . I am now, not ashamed !
I just LOVE listening to you speak. I am a young lady, who just graduated from middle school being valedictorian of her class with a 96.4 average. I’ve been told by many adults that I am very educated and mature for my age, specially because of my political views and high vocabulary that is often spoken from a senior. Harvard is my future college, as well. I am a very independent female with goals I set out to reach everyday, also being a perfectionist and a workaholic myself. However, I do suffer from anxiety, a little bit of depression and a few panic attacks from time to time. My mother and I also haven’t had that talk yet either, so it is a little hard a times. Additionally, when I bring up my future goals, such as Harvard for instance, being one of my future schools, family would usually laugh, brush me off, and not take me seriously. I always question myself saying, “am I not smart enough?”, “Am I dreaming to big?”, this gives me very unhealthy anxiety. Making me push myself way to much. I sometimes feel so unmotivated all together that i would cry myself to sleep, not depending on someone most of the time. But, after listening to your story, it made me feel a sorta comfortability I haven’t felt in a long time. So thank you, I’m never really the one to comment, I prefer supporting an influencer from a distance, but I just want to tell you to keep doing what your doing! LOVED THE VIDEO OVER ALL
Go beyond that middle school average freshman year and beyond try to make sure you have a 97+ in all your classes. Each year give your self some slack 94+ Junior Year on. You are capable but you can prepare yourself for college and life if you learn how to study throughout. Highschool = challenge yourself don’t just take classes that will lead you to valedictorian again. Learn to love learning and the grades will come with it. At the end of the day those numbers don’t measure yourself worth. Pride yourself in your extracurricular achievements in your growth in your ability to speak publicly , etc.
Why am I listening to this and it mirrors my own experience being a overachieving student & losing a parent at the same time without being able to process my emotions? I'm grateful we can openly discuss emotional health as women of color and how our culture does not always permit this type of dialogue. Thank you for your transparency!
I am beyond shocked you didn't go to a HBCU!! I really regret not going myself because I was a kid of the "system". I was an orphan by the time I was 8 yrs. old. Your story sounds like mine though. I was obsessed with high achievements in academics, sports, clubs, etc. I literally felt like a failure because I got a 1280 on my SAT exam. Even after I got a full ride to a university and started dating a football player, I still felt like an underachiever. No one was there to praise me, I became overly amazing at self-praise. I was constantly called a conceited bitch because I didn't associate myself with people who had no goals, intellect, dreams, or ambition. Sophomore year of college my drinking became heavy and I started blacking out. I checked myself into a treatment center and that's when I found out I suffered from depression. That was 30 years ago and to this day I mentor young people about my story and I advocate for getting help for mental health issues. Unfortunately I'm dying now but I'm leaving behind a great legacy in my children and my husband.
My dad passed away my freshman year and I nearly flunked out, but this one professor kept giving me so much grace and I owe them so much for helping in that dark time. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thanks for sharing, Kimberly. I admit I cringed at the “not a weirdo” with no friends part because that was me in high school, and to a much lesser extent, college. Nonetheless, I loved this video b/c it’s going to help so many young Black woman going through life challenges, including academic setbacks. ❤️
I just got to that part of the video and cringed thinking someone watching may not have friends. So sorry that you struggling with feeling like that. I work with many youth who have social anxieties and don’t have friends. They really struggle and say people call them “a weirdo”. Anxieties manifest in different ways. Hang in there and know you are amazing!
I went to Harvard too for a Master’s degree and I completely agree... I had serious mental health issues and they were so supportive and understanding. I have many critiques of that institution but the way they support students dealing with mental health issues is something I truly am forever grateful for and in awe of honestly. Thanks for telling your story. Takes incredible bravery. I really identify with many aspects of this... high achieving as a manifestation of anxiety and depression.... gosh I’ve never heard anyone tell it that way.
I can definitely relate to this video. I just recently graduated from Cornell University. I almost failed out my freshman year, but I was able to eventually graduate.
YES!!! I've been diagnosed with OCD since my 20s (I'm 50). People don't understand how unhealthy OCD really is. People do celebrate obsessive behavior.
You need to know that even being excepted into such a pestigious institution is an accomplishment. I understand why you would be depressed.Persons who are drawn to the Berkley experience are the some of the greatest humanly people in the western hemesphire. Not all may have attended due to geography and finances
KittyEars&Headbands With all due respect, one doesn’t just “snap out” of clinical depression and anxiety. Such beliefs and rhetoric are quite dismissive and thus harmful to those truly challenged by and suffering with these disorders. Being depressed or anxious for a brief while, or having an episode of such based on an event or a particular circumstance is profoundly different from a serious mental health diagnosis.
Wow! I can totally relate to your childhood depression experience and the school obsession. School was the only thing that made me feel good about myself. I felt acknowledged by education, awards and being seen as smart because I was invisible at home. I lived with my mother and two oldest sisters' that are 10 plus years older than me and everyone either worked or had their own lives to tend too. On the other side of it, when I really think about it, being good at school work only added to my invisibility. People around me knew that I'd do well and the "good jobs" started to feel forced and there was no positive reinforcement to keep me going. I motivated myself throughout my school years and it makes me sad sometimes. With that said, anxiety vividly came into my life while I was in high school, but I didn't recognize it until years later. During my sophomore year of college, my anxiety became social and the depression overwhelmed me so much that I left college during fall quarter and was looking into to dropping out. The thought of not finishing something I started hurt, but I was exhausted. Somehow I went back during spring; changed my major to something that made me a little more happy and graduated a year later than expected, but I did it. I got my degree. Unfortunately, I am still battling my depression and anxiety, but I take it day by day. We often feel like certain experiences are ours and no one else's, but it's refreshing to know that someone had a similar experience and came out on top. I appreciate your transparency.
"The only thing you can't come back from is death" that really resonated with me. I just started following your channel. You are not only smart, you are gaining wisdom which I've learned more recently are not the same thing. I went through the worst year of my life in 2018. I'm 40 years old, I've always had it together. However, I had an event happen that changed everything for me. It made me have to deal with things I really hadn't in the past. Thank you so much for you honesty. I look forward to watching more. God Bless :)
You are a success story. The greatest success is falling down, getting back up and working to achieve your goals. What you did in returning to school took great courage and perseverance. Additionally, your honesty about the entire situation is refreshing and inspiring. Congratulations!
I just came across this video. Apparently our paths crossed but we never met. I enrolled at Harvard in 2005, was a resident tutor for 4 years and completed my doctorate in 2013 (it was great having Oprah as our commencement speaker!). The burden and stress of grad school led me to vlog (sunshower143) and guest blog (BGLH). I can relate to your story both personally and as a tutor who spoke with undergrads facing difficult life circumstances. Great video!
Yes!!!!! I was in the same place while I was in college. I had a 4.0 GPA, honors, worked as a TA, did extracurriculars, and became a finalist for the Rhodes Scholarship. Unfortunately, I was overworked and depressed while all this was happening. I ballooned up by nearly 100 pounds and My health was not doing well at all. I dropped out of my final semester, but I still graduated with a 3.9, honors, and a minor. I have not returned to school since then. It was just too much. I too needed the praise and achievement and I was willing to do anything to get it. I also cared about what I was doing because none of it made since if it was just for me and my needs.
I'm honestly going through this around now, attending a top school. I'd just rather move countries at this point, but I'm broke. I saw another comment about receiving "praise" versus problem-solving and it makes a lot of sense. I never realized how results-driven I was as a kid. I hardly got praised for the creative things I did, and when I tried my best, but it wasn't up to caliber, I was told it was bad. On one hand, I was praised for being better than others, making results, high scores, but on the other I was told not to get ahead of myself and that I wouldn't be shit. And I'd always want to learn things for fun, but the only things I was praised were for math. I just accepted it, and would do what I needed to get those results and grades. Others around would praise me and want me to teach them, but I couldn't even explain how I did well. I just did it for the results because all of the creative things didn't matter. I ended up finding a balance of smarts and creativity in high school, and despite having separate issues, I functioned well enough to get into good colleges. But once I reached college, I was doing okay for a while and then literally began failing at things. I don't know who I'm really speaking too with this message. .. but its hard. Advisors tell me "Just pull it together" and "do this" but it took me a year to realize that for the first time in my life, I didn't actually care about anything because it didn't produce results. I made friends, I have activities, my family has issues but I don't really care. It's a mystery to adults why I've become bad on paper. Honestly. I feel like once I turned adult I started making horrible decisions and I know people say, "You're so young, whole life ahead of you" -- that feels minimizing and it doesn't really help me to climb out of the shit grades I've already gotten myself into. It's hard to complain because in urban communities complaining is like being weak. Crying gets you more hits, ya know? I'm doing better than my relatives did since I'm not running around with men, having kids, or doing substances. But mentally, I can't focus. I felt myself burning out fast, but I know I want a degree, even if for my pride, I want that stupid piece of paper to prove I am something. So, thanks, stranger for reading this. I hope no other kid has to experience not knowing how to fail. 💖 And yeah, the booklets are still sent around, girl, 2019 nope they don't care about the environment.
Girl, we twins! Fellow black womyn Ivy Leaguer with debilitating depression and anxiety since childhood!!! Still watching, so I’ll be back to expand comment. TY for sharing and helping others of us ascend from shame 💕
Your story reminds me of mine. I was "the one" coming up but I burnt out in hs (Endometriosis kicked my ass as did my depo provera) and had to work hard to get through community college and get into the university I'm at now. And my first year there, my dad died because of sickle cell. I think I am capable of taking it on anyway... my first semester wasn't the best but my second was better and I'm gonna keep going no matter what.
Sometimes people are asked to leave college by the school. But they will allow you to come back. I am glad you got yourself together, went back and finished. While I was in dental school, I got sick and had to go on medical leave for six months. I went back and this certain asshole tried to expel me. I finished anyway. I learned to put my health first and m y life improved.
I’m a college drop out and doing fine in life, it bothers me I haven’t finished yet but will eventually, Its just not the right time right now. I was in an extremely abusive and controlling relationship when I was in college that started in high school. I ended it my junior year and he started stalking me on campus and at my job. Jumped me on my way to class. I had gotten a restraining order against him and wasn’t allowed to attend class until they found him. He ended up going to jail for 3 years bc of it. I had severe trauma and PTSD. I had to drop out. I was in no mental place to be a college student, i kept trying to go back but just kept failing and avoiding class bc of my mental health problems...I finally gave it up and took the time I needed to heal. I would love to finish someday and hope I do, but shit happens during college sometimes and it’s ok.
Amber FFTFOMSICHTS while I really relate to your story! You'll get through it eventually try therapy or online schoo that's what I'm doing and it's working for me
I REALLY like how Kim thinks AND feels through MULTILAYERED social and personal insights. ITS SO COMPLEX thank you! I can definitely relate! IM SO BLESSED YOU SPOKE ON THIS!
My mom passed 5 years ago. We weren't close either. I totally feel you. I failed out of a master's program due to life change pressures too. Glad you found community at Harvard! Depression and anxiety and giftedness strikes home as well. I got a lot from your talk about anxiety. Thank you SO much
I can relate to this. I was academically excluded from the best university in South Africa. This was such a blow as the first of my immediate family to go to university. I did go on to obtain the degree at a different university and the stress and pressure this second time around had lessened.
I appreciate you so much for telling your story. Back in January of 2016 my mother unexpectedly died 3 weeks before the start of my final semester in college. When I tell you that final semester was the most difficult task/undertaking of my life. Not only did I have to manage my studies, but I had to manage "adulting" for the very first time in my life AS WELL AS my mental health. It is only by the grace of God that I even made it out alive. Of course my hardships did not end after I graduated and I have had other challenges since then but I have overcome many of them as well. You have further inspired me by telling your story. And your closing statement of "The only thing you can't come back from is death." Don't I know it!!! Continue to do what you're doing. God bless!
I relate to SO much of this except for not having a death in the family, and I had friends in school but I felt very lonely. I spent three years at Spelman. My first year was great but something snapped after that and my depression and anxiety ramped up. I stopped attending classes, doing assignments, I switched majors SO many times much more than normal, and damn near lost my scholarship by my junior year. I wish the administration would’ve reached out to me more about my grades declining, but at this point my parents stepped in and told me I needed to leave Spelman. I moved back home and transferred to a much less prestigious state school. I felt and still kinda feel embarrassed. Telling my peers I wasn’t returning was so embarrassing and hard. I had to see everyone graduate and it sucked. But now I have so much more clarity in my studies and health. I was diagnosed with adhd, depression, and anxiety which explained a lot, started meds and therapy. I realized I want to study art history and go to grad school. It still sucks a lot lol, but I feel much less aimless. And I’m privileged to have a family that supports me financially during this time. Ohh and that school email anxiety!! It’s still hard for me to check emails. Thank you sharing your story.
I hate that we are constantly, continuously socialized into believing that our inherent worth as human beings is inextricably linked to how "smart" and "successful" we are, and I hate that most people internalize the notion of "success" being defined as getting a degree (and not just any degree, but a degree on any of the 'respected,' 'prestigious' professions) and making a lot of money and getting a big place yada yada yada. We are also taught that anything but a 4-year college is "lesser" and that working class jobs or crafts are not "living up to your potential" or that people who work in working class jobs are "wasting their lives"... HATE IT. There are so many social narratives that we stick to without even questioning them, and many of those narratives put too much pressure on ourselves.
I had a similar breakdown in grad school. College is hard enough and to add a severe trauma such as yours is too much for anyone to deal with. I'm so glad you stuck it out and succeeded in the end! This was very uplifting.
I am only 5 mins into this video and girl....you are narrating my life! Like you, I was always told from the time I was 4, how smart I was and how I'd be the one to make it. And on the one hand I appreciated it. It was the one thing I KNEW I could excel in was school. Its where I found my confidence. But that type of perfectionist attitude I am almost sure, drove a great deal of my depression/anxiety that I'm just now figuring out, I've had since I was in elementary school. Thank you for this vid. This story of black girl excellence almost never gets told.
What a powerful and personal story. Thank you for sharing! As some one who was NOT a model student, its always mindblowing to think we share the same hopes, fears, and anxietys regardless of achievements
Ooo this was gut punch. I have both of my parents still (for now that I am older) but when you mentioned how professors would try accommodate and try to pull through for you. “Give me anything, just anything you have” I remember those same words being said in my second/third year by my instructors. I was never a self driven student. I got into a similarily established and esteemed university just on my grades which I just coasted on and my depression got the the worst of me in that age. My young adulthood was a wreck. My mother’s cancer diagnosis gave me in. My best friend had lost her mom recently to a different cancer and my mom also has depression and wanted to refuse treatment, an on going battle. It put me off finishing. Even though it would make my mom so happy and proud as she was denied this opportunity as a child. Part of that developing nation narrative you know...
I think this is my fav video of yours. So personal and honest. Can I just say I think it's amazing how so many black kids from lower middle or middle class families have such similar stories. Being the smart kid/ "chosen one", feeling alone because of it and the depression and anxiety that accompanied that, the pressure to achieve and almost being addicted to the praise of it, soooooooo relatable, like seriously. I realize this video is old; I've just started following some months back and still trecking through your content. I just needed to express how much I appreciated it. Love and light! 🖤🖤
I'm only 6 minutes in and we had very similar childhoods feelings wise. (Personally i had) Severe anxiety and depression from like age 5, amazing student all my life, countless awards and I hated myself. The entire time. Thank you for sharing your story.
I needed this. My dad passed this year, and I needed to remember that I'm struggling "not because I'm not trying hard enough", but because there's just too much going on now.
Thank you for sharing your story, it was so helpful for me to watch this. For a chronic overachiever, it's kind of liberating to fall down. For me, it was an important way to separate my personal value from my achievements and discover who I was in the rubble. You are exactly where you are supposed to be and I am so grateful to have crossed your path.
Thank you for this. This is a great parenting tool for me. I am raising 3 very nice, intelligent young people. Depression and anxiety are mental health issues that are not addressed in schools and some parents are embarrassed of. This is now a discussion starter for my children as they show signs of depression/anxiety and are of an appropriate age. I have one who will be assigned this video over the weekend.
I'm only 13 but damn everything Kim is saying is scaring the living shit out of me in how similar it is. I already feel like I have a static breakdown every month in school from anxiety. Just nice to hear someone voice these real issues.
I feel this on so many levels. Especially with being extremely disconnected from parents. I feel like a lack of communication, transparency and openness between black parents and children is far too common. I feel like my parents barely know the real me. My constantly deteriorating mental health, anxiety, depression is all unknown to them. I struggled a lot in college, and although my father is still with us today he was honestly dead to me for a while during my college years because of what he did to my mom 😅 (I still love him dearly but that’s the truth) and I’m barely (possibly not) graduating this spring and I feel like all of this lack of comfortability in communicating and expressing my feelings and experiences is exacerbating an already terrifying time. This is an extremely precarious time in my life and I just wish I had more parental support or could even fathom the idea of calling on them for help.
I know this is kind of a late comment for this video, but I identified with this story so much. I had a really similar experience at my university and I’m just now graduating this semester, almost 7 years after the start of my college career. I also had an experience of failing 2 classes one semester (I literally turned nothing in) after previously maintaining a 3.9 GPA. I fell into really bad depression and anxiety (the culmination of years of burnout, stress, and unresolved family issues), but I tried to maintain a mental disconnect from my failure. I took a year and a half off and got a coffee shop job, but unfortunately I never found a great therapist. I’m feeling so much better though, and I feel even more aware of my privileges and in touch with what I want to do with my life. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You’re amazing, and so is everyone reading this.
I am middle-aged. Your video just touched my life and my soul. You have no idea how much this has helped me. Unbelievable how similar your story is to mine. ...and how much I needed to hear this right now. ...so inspiring. ...so helpful. You are a gem. Thank you.
This is a really good video. Thank you for your transparency. I lost my grandfather while in my sophomore year of undergrad, and I should have taken some time off... but I tried to keep pushing and my grades plummeted. That was a hard time, so I relate to this story. We try to ignore the pain, but eventually it will have to be addressed because it affects our lives tremendously. Thank you for sharing!
in rewatching this I can't help but notice the subtle ways in which adhd might have played a role too alongside the anxiety you talk about. I also just got my diagnosis from a history of anxiety so your story means a lot to me Kim 💖
Hearing about the way you tamed your anxiety to get through that Lost Year and witnessing the good that you do for your community through your amazing content gives me some kind of hope that I can stick around and eventually, I'll be able to contribute to society in a way that makes me and others happy. Thank you for sharing your story, and for injecting so much of your trademark focus into your craft.
I relate to a lot of this (I lost my mother during an internship and left the internship and was homeless for the first time shortly after), but I was also a weirdo in school. I know mental health hits both the social and unsocial. I flunked out of school (college) once. I went back and got my degree at 33. In my late 30s I'm still struggling with having and maintaining friendships. Which is why I'm trying to find some mental health assistance. Even in college where I meant other nerdy kids and more importantly, other black nerdy kids I still had a hard time making and maintaining friendships. And I just can't maintain. This story is a love letter to the value of support and hopefully I'll find mine.
Currently dealing with depression right now, I also started college, had excellent grades and everyone knows me as the smart one, I left school for almost 3 years, and went back to school last semester, failed 2 classes and now that I’m in my spring semester I feel like I need to prove to myself that I can do this. I hate feeling like I failed my family...
I just found your channel today and have been binge watching all day. Much love to you and your content. I would love to just have conversations with you about all of these issues. I hope that didn't sound creepy. I just live in the deep South surrounded by my racist family, and I don't get to have many rational conversations.
My mom told me the same thing in uni... said she was sick and that’s when my entire life changed. I miss her a lot, cancer sucks ❤️ I struggle with depression as well.
I so appreciate you and your candor and for being a black girl (like me) who feels, thinks, laughs, love and does things. I am still struggling and you have opened a window for me. Thank you
I was a workaholic back then too but my problem was not taking up the advice on the best learning style and failing to build relationships with friends. My focus was on praise approval as you as well. But I'm gradually learning to recover from it.
School is mentally taxing enough. My father passed away while I was in middle school and all of us kids changed. I couldn't imagine going through what I did then while in college. Unfortunately to this day my family holds me to the same expectations. I'm sure you know in poor families "the one" is also "the savior". The way they turned on me when I "failed"- finished grad school but not earning to my potential- doesn't help the anxiety, depression, guilt and self blame and isolation that this identify (high achiever) comes with. Although I'm a few months late, I so appreciate and understand this video.
My family acted the EXACT same way when my father passed away unexpectedly. I was suppose to act like an adult at 18 and my family was acting like children and they were trying to start drama with me. I also didn't go to therapy more because it's expensive but I totally feel you especially when you said you lost focus but tried to avoid it.
Thank you for sharing your story! I "dropped out" (aka failed out) of college in my freshman year due to a combo of untreated anxiety and depression and unresolved/unprocessed trauma related to an assault in high school. I also felt very disconnected by the time I dropped out, too. It took me 7 years to even attempt going back to college.
You don't know how much has it mean to me. I'm a peruvian 19 year old girl who has to left university because of coronavirus issues that are affecting my family economy. Your childhood memories are so alike mines, I was the smart girl too and many people were (and I still are) waiting a lot of me. I've also struggle with anxiety my whole life, or at least I suppose so because I haven't had the chance to go to a therapist. Anyway, I was trying to avoid this feeling of lose because leaving college and your video help me a lot to recognize my emotions and figure out that I will get over this situation soon. Thanks for the hope and comprehension I've experienced.
Great video. Real honesty says a lot about you. I know how you feel. I have been through a lot, and I still go through a lot. I am dealing with multiple loss of family and a close friend. It has been difficult, but I take one day at a time. I still struggle with the relization of my family and friend loss. I also deal with a lot of stress with some changes in my life , because of the family death's. It is not easy. I too have goal's, and I am obsessed with acheiving a few thing's I am working on. I will not stop until I reach those goals. I really enjoy this commentary , because it is very similar to what I have recently dealt with. Crying about the death part in which I can most definitely relate to all of this. However, I continue to work towards my goal's. I plan on doing some big thing's at least for me that is. I worked retail before , it is bad standing on your feet long periods of time, the customer's that are negative, and making a little bit of money. LOL!!
My story parallels your so much it is scary! I actually hadn’t realized my feelings as a child were depression and anxiety until you pointed out your own so thank you for talking about it. I still do the avoidance thing on a ridiculous level and haven’t really talked through all the trauma I went through that caused me to have to have a break down & leave school. I truly am so grateful for you discussing this because I don’t know anyone who has experienced anything close to what I have and it’s nice to know I’m not alone. I’m glad you went back and finished. I haven’t been able to do that, but hearing your story gives me hope that I can one day get back on the horse. ❤️-Stay Blessed
first of all, your hair is EVERYTHING. also I'll never forget in high school we were having a meeting about homework when our top student started to complain that we were getting too much homework (on the IB program) and how difficult it was, and our guidance counselor said "but haven't you seen your grades and how well you're doing???" and he immediately replied "yeah but have you seen how much I sleep??? this is ridiculous"
Omg, I wondered why I was so drawn to your channel! I went through a very similar experience in college (I dropped out but haven't been back) and I've recently been diagnosed with Dysthymia/Persistent Depressive Disorder. I'm just now getting back on my feet and making strides to get my life back on track, but having this diagnosis really opened my eyes to seeing how it influenced my childhood and college years. Thank you for sharing your story 💕
Thank you for sharing this part of your life and experience with us. It shows real humanity and the connectedness we all have. I see myself in so much of your story. I'm the smart one, the Ivy league daughter, so much pressure always. Almost not allowed to even be a human, so much expectations to pull through, be strong, for everyone else. This resonated with me so much. If I can't fall back on my smarts, & my humanity isn't recognized, then what else are we to do. How do we thrive? So many of us have these stories.
ToyosiFawehinmi easier said than applied. But I get it, Absolutely. Still for some groups, that ability to bank on our brilliance is sold as the way out. So we capitalize on the thing that we are given positive reinforcements for. Its often a trap, a well meaning trap
Your story about mental health reminds me so much of when my depression forced me to drop out of high school and then later, college. I'm going back now but it's really one step at a time. Thank you for sharing 💚
I don't have time to finish your video right this second, but I just wanna say how much I appreciate you opening up about your experiences with depression at a young age. I was also someone who was probably depressed starting around age 6 or 7: I would hide from my family, crawl under a bed or into a playhouse, and not make a sound, even if I knew family members were looking for me, because I needed to be alone and would feel these unexplainable waves of sadness or apathy, and sometimes cried myself to sleep, too. I didn't know this wasn't normal until one of my friends was diagnosed with depression around middle school, and in high school I was recognizing that I was depressed, too, after I realized how a certain family trauma was affecting me. I tried to explain this to my pediatrician and to my mom, but I always received support with "quick fix" type solutions that I didn't have motivation to do, as the result of one of the symptoms of my disorder, and these concerns were never seriously followed up by my doctor, and various things she and my mother said to me over the years only made the situation worse. Now, I can recognize that I should have gone to therapy starting in middle school, but that didn't happen for me until graduate school, and I barely survived the mental health crisis I had during my last semester. I'm half-convinced the only reason I even graduated on time was because one of my professors reached out to me when he sensed something wasn't right. But anyway, I'm looking forward to hearing the rest of your story, and I hope you opening up about your experience reaches someone and helps them if they're going through something similar.
you probably won't see this but i came from your college admissions rant video, and i'm in a very similar situation right now, i've been dealing with depression since i was maybe ten, and although i haven't lost a parent, i know what it's like to deal (or not deal) with a parent being sick, right now im enrolled in my dream school but i can feel myself losing my grip and i've basically stopped going to class, i've isolate myself from my friends who are like a second family to me your video has made me realise how lucky i am to have gotten everything i ever wanted, and how close i am to losing it all, i think i'm going to ask for help, thank you 💖
Thank you for making this, as someone who dropped out of Oxford because of depression and PTSD so much of this resonates with me. Especially the self pressure of needing to be the smartest and best. Ive transfered (because unfortunately Oxford is suuuuper bad on mental health) and am really enjoying my studies at SOAS
I'm glad I watched this. I too have been depressed since a very young age; I started self-injury at age 7 to cope and yet didn't get help of any sort until my 20s, so I definitely feel this. Glad you had such an self-informative journey
I just want to say thank you for this video. Everything you were feeling and going through at University after your father passed on is how I'm feeling right now. I thought that I was losing my mind or being too emotional but you've shown me that what I'm feeling is normal and I guess I have to figure out how to get through it.
I did not fail but I developed a severe imposter syndrome that made me completely dissociated and I couldnt even read or study or sleep. Got my degree but a shit gpa and it affects my self esteem still 8 years later
Non sequitur thoughts: Woooow! Just, how is your experience my experience? We oftentimes feel so alone and isolated with our trauma(s), anxieties, depression, etc. and this gradually or instantly collides with our daily lives. I studied abroad in New Zealand during my undergraduate studies and came back a few months later with (unknowingly) culture shock. It seriously affected my sleep pattern, my zeal for my classes/future career was affected, and overall the United States was so muted or loud in comparison to the Pacific. Once you go there and come back here you’ll have the same experience. I eventually changed my major and graduated a few years later than expected but I finished and went onto a Graduate program. I did great my first year, but towards the latter half of my second year the weight of both of my Grandparents being terminally ill, the escalation of Black death/trauma on every media platform, the escalation of LGBTQ+ trauma/death on every media platform, fear on college campuses mine included, and just the gamut of it all (plus a technical error on my final exam) led to me not graduating in my last semester of Graduate School. That was 2016. In the two years since, my Father had major surgery and I was his caretaker...my sister had a baby and I was their caretaker, my Grandparents had passed away during school and their house was left to my Mother, my sister and I...home renovations needed to be done so I rolled up my sleeves and got to work helping her...odd jobs here and there and then one day I started writing and recording video essays and that jump started the lull that I’d fallen into. Now, I’m applying to a different Graduate School this year in a new major of Media and Journalism Studies. Compiling my application materials and stepping out on faith now. 😅😅 And when you talked about the praise and validation from others...gosh, that hit me in the stomach with its accuracy. The loneliness, the utter loneliness! You went there! The loneliness! The stigma about taking time off and failing, wham! The disconnect is sooo real! Yes, my parents are middle class (a byproduct partially to military service that put them in a new income tax bracket) as well so like you I had a safety net, had insurance, a place to live, a place to sleep, a place to eat, and a place to collect/reflect/and gather myself to start anew. Whew, the privilege indeed! Your story was amazing! The parallels to my own have blown my mind. I don’t feel so alone now and that’s so empowering/motivating to stay the course and emerge from the ashes like the proverbial Phoenix. For Harriet is the most amazing space and I cherish all of its work and hope to work with, near, or around you someday. Smooches and hugs ad infinitum! 😘😘
YES!!! Culture shock is really underestimated I feel like. I don't think people talk about it enough...but, I've experienced culture shock several times in my life, and let me tell you it has the potential to be SUPER DISORIENTING (on a physical, mental, emotional, AND spiritual level)...as well as debilitating! It's like you lose complete sense of who you are & your purpose. Which easily can lead to depression and despair. IT'S AWFUL... But, after I've been through it a few times...I find that it gets a little easier to rebound from it with every new occurrence. Maybe it's making me into a tougher person.
I feel so seen by this video. My OCD was actively praised and supported, until I ended up in the psychiatric ward on suicide watch. It’s a very dangerous mindset. To anyone in that position now, there’s hope for an escape. Life will get better 🙌🏻
I love you more and more with each video I watch of yours. It is blowing my mind how much I can relate to your feelings and experiences growing up. Wow... Your authenticity and vulnerability is so heart warming and inspiring. It's assuring me that I'm getting closer and closer to being able to share my story one day. And not feel ashamed about it. I celebrate you Kim! 🙏💖 thank you for being boldly and authentically you!
I'm borrowing that last remark about death...that's exactly what I learned, among many things, when I overcame congestive heart failure. And, too, you just rekindled that going back to school and finishing flame in me... :-)
Kim, your story touched me to the very marrow of my bones! Our stories are very similar. I hope to meet you and compare notes one day, sis! Thank you for sharing this!
wowowow amazing video! def mirrors my own experience. I too lost a parent, never cried about it. Family never talked about it. I can recognize now I never dealt with it. And also I was the smart one, expected to go on to college and make great grades. Everything was going good until junior year and I pretty much lost it. My school had this loophole where you could withdraw from the university(up until like the last day of the semester) and you just wouldn't get credit for any classes but nothing would count against your GPA. I did this two semesters in a row because I just stop doing assignments. I, too was in taking like crazy Advanced/Graduate level Chemistry classes, etc. Finally I left after the second semester of doing this and was out of school for 3 years working and volunteering. Went back and got my degree. It wouldn't be until years later when I had a complete complete breakdown, having to quit my job and I was diagnosed with Moderate Depression and Anxiety. Therapy was a godsend and still dealing with it now but much much more manageable. Thank you for this video!
I REALLY needed this, my freshman year at college was HORRIBLE. I barely made it into the next semester and I knew that coming into this new decade I was NOT gonna let that happen again. To watch this video and read these comments I’m glad to see that I’m not alone when it comes to issues like these God bless you all ♥️🙏🏽
My story to a tee, my dear! Being the “chosen one” and failing by society’s standards added to the depression and anxiety! It took me a long time to overcome that! Thank you for sharing.
Its crazy how much I can relate to your story although I was at a very religious institution and stayed despite my newly opened trauma. Now I am trying to get a Master's degree and although it was super hard working past my self deprication after graduating with very low grades I am proud of myself for not letting this keep me away from pursuing school once more now. I do wish people around me and my institution would have realized how badly I was dealing to step in and ask me to pause school. Years of counseling later though that was started while I was there, I am in a much better place.
I hear your story and remember being on "auto pilot" in my own life in grad school. Going through the motions until you get that wake up call as your life is spiriling. The disconnect is real. I am too embarrassed to return to grad school so I just moved on. Not really regretting not finishing school. I regret more not meeting my goal. I couldn't check this off my list.
I was enrolled in full IB when my father figure of an uncle died and your entire life story about your family and self perception really hits home somehow. Thank you for your honesty and your hard work! You radiate cleverness and no-nonsense, and your channel is really solid! Keep up the good work.
I have learned From you .So young and so wise. I’m considering how I treat my teenagers. I’m a 50 year old Conservative non Trump voting Married Black man. You are amazing I have watched several of your videos
Omg yes your experience with anxiety & perfectionism is exactly what I’ve been going through in my life. I was always “the one” too and the pressure of it can be extremely overwhelming. It has also led me to be over perfectionist in my life in every aspect. I wanted to control my life how I could control excelling in school. I still feel like I’m a failure if I don’t become this highly educated, financially successful person. Definitely depression and anxiety problems through out my life. I went to college 13 hrs away from my hometown to escape somewhat as well
I had the same experience, to the letter. I could have written this comment myself! There's got to be some kind of measured and intentional community or social response, because it feels like experiences like ours are becoming more prevalent than should be acceptable. That bothers me.
Thanks for your continued support! If you love this kind of content, help me make more of it patreon.com/forharriet
For Harriet :))))) 👍👩🏽🎓
Your very much a multi layered and inwardly complex woman, thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings. The reason you didn’t feel sad’ when you failed Harvard was? In life when people are under tremendous stress, it’s sometimes a relief to end that situation, a-bit like being fired from a job that you actually hate, the tension eases.
Kim, you are the best human being. I hope you keep "For Harriet" alive forever. You give US all hope!
Thank you
You didn't explain why you had bad grades at Harvard prior to getting that phone call in December. Like why were your freshman grades so bad?
You don't know how important this is coming from a black girl. Thank you for your story
I got pregnant my senior year and flunked out of college...three years later I’m still trying to finish school as a single mom w/a three year old. It’s hard...but I’m getting it done. Life is crazy! Just have to make the best out of it.
I became pregnant at 18 yo. I went back to college at 33 yo graduated from Nursing school at 38 yo than I followed my original career dream of becoming a FA ✈️ at 49 yo, so don’t give up on school and in achieving your dreams even if, it takes year’s! I am cheering you on!!!
I had a breakdown age 16 and was asked to leave high school lol. I spent years doing nothing living with my parents. Working shit minimum wage jobs that never worked out for long.
This year I went back to school and did a high school equivalent course. Now I'm going to a pretty good university this October. Hope it goes well.
orange pulp You will do well.
Hope you're doing well
@@AD-cy4vj thanks but I’ve been in a mental hospital since November 2019 it sadly didn’t go well
@@orangepulp392 omg :( i’m praying for ur healing
@@orangepulp392 When you are better, you will go back!
I needed this, 27 and still trying to get back on track.
Me too!!
You are not alone.
Same but 25 😞
Same but 28
@@h.b.1315 I'm 30yrs old & look into the workforce development center. If u'r on any government programs they offer work shop where u can get certificates & maybe even move away to join JobCore & other free college opportunities
Wow. I nowhere near went to Harvard......but my dad passed my sophomore year as well. It wrecked my college experience. He was my best friend. I had never failed or even made an F on anything and failed a class that semester. I never went to class, had no motivation to do anything.
I was depressed for a long time, graduated in a major I didn’t care about but pulled my grades up to a 3.5. I tried to go back to school after and dropped out after a few months.
It’s 8 years later now and I’m happier than I’ve ever been :) I just finished my masters degree last week!
YAY!
Yay first comment lol
Congrats!!!!
Holly, I really needed to see this. Went through almost the same thing. Lost my day during my freshman year of college, 18 yrs old and totally lost all hope. I'm now 31 and desperately wanting to complete my bachelors degree. This gives me hope and confidence
Sorry for the loss of your father. You have some beautiful memories that will never leave. Congratulations on your achievements.
I went to an all girls private university and i was struggling. It was very clear and very visible. I was dressed like a slob, looked like i rolled out of bed, i was nodding off falling asleep in class, i was crying everyday barely eating. I looked seriously ill. This one professor never gave up on me. Ive never had anyone in my life care that much about me that wasnt my family. She let me turn in work laaaaaate like end of semester late and never said anything about it. She just kept telling me she saw something in me and she believed in me. I was going through a severe depression because there was some crazy shit going on in my life. Im not going to mention it because i am taking it to my grave, i dont want anyone to stumble acros this account and find out but trust me when i say i actually needed a serious intervention and to be checked in to a mental institution. I was putting my life at risk with the shit i was doing and not a single soul ever found out.
When i got my first job after college which im actually still at i emailed her thanking her. If it wasnt for her i would have never graduated, i would have just stopper showing up.
It is your right not to mention it here. It's no one's business, but maybe you can mention it to someone objective and non-judgemental like a counselor. Secrets have a way of eating us alive. Be well ✌
Thank God for that professor and Congratulations to you too, for sticking it out.
That professor had your back, fo' real!. 👍
Hope all is well with you. ❤
where did you go?
Wow, this isn’t talked about nearly enough. That validation us “smart” kids got during middle/high school is definitely damaging to our futures. Life isn’t full of the constant success, awards, and validation we got in our early years. It definitely damaged my self-concept and left me depressed from my sophomore year until now (one year post graduation) but I’ve been working on finding other ways to validate qualities other than achievement, s/o to therapy.
This 👆🏿
WOW! I am a white gay man who grew up in rural Ohio. Your story paralleled my story SO MUCH! Thank you for sharing!
I was politely let go from the first college I attended (academic dismissal). Now I’m a teacher. It’s really funny how shit turns out Kim. Glad it ended well. You turned out great. 😀
Me too! I ended up getting two masters degrees and I’m about to get my PhD.
Stone Ghana I needed to hear this because I was just let go from my job and am trying to figure out what’s next.
@@SecretConceit I know it's a set up for something greater in your life.
Thank you for this. I had been dismissed from school during sophomore year, and i was homeless at the time. I had been anxious and depressed about my situation. I had to sit out a semester . I then went to a community college to get my grades up , and now I’m back into my school! Yes, it will take me another 2 years to get my B.A. but your story helped me .
I am now, not ashamed !
So proud of you 😍
🥳
Did you attend Harvard, too?
I just LOVE listening to you speak. I am a young lady, who just graduated from middle school being valedictorian of her class with a 96.4 average. I’ve been told by many adults that I am very educated and mature for my age, specially because of my political views and high vocabulary that is often spoken from a senior. Harvard is my future college, as well. I am a very independent female with goals I set out to reach everyday, also being a perfectionist and a workaholic myself. However, I do suffer from anxiety, a little bit of depression and a few panic attacks from time to time. My mother and I also haven’t had that talk yet either, so it is a little hard a times. Additionally, when I bring up my future goals, such as Harvard for instance, being one of my future schools, family would usually laugh, brush me off, and not take me seriously. I always question myself saying, “am I not smart enough?”, “Am I dreaming to big?”, this gives me very unhealthy anxiety. Making me push myself way to much. I sometimes feel so unmotivated all together that i would cry myself to sleep, not depending on someone most of the time. But, after listening to your story, it made me feel a sorta comfortability I haven’t felt in a long time. So thank you, I’m never really the one to comment, I prefer supporting an influencer from a distance, but I just want to tell you to keep doing what your doing! LOVED THE VIDEO OVER ALL
Listening to Abraham Hicks and Louise Hayes helped me deal with aniexty
D. Making connections, and growing. Have a great time.
Lovely lady are a young lady rather than a female.
Im sorry about your family's attitude. Thats rough. I know how little things like that stack up.
Go beyond that middle school average freshman year and beyond try to make sure you have a 97+ in all your classes. Each year give your self some slack 94+ Junior Year on. You are capable but you can prepare yourself for college and life if you learn how to study throughout. Highschool = challenge yourself don’t just take classes that will lead you to valedictorian again. Learn to love learning and the grades will come with it. At the end of the day those numbers don’t measure yourself worth. Pride yourself in your extracurricular achievements in your growth in your ability to speak publicly , etc.
Thank you for your testimony. This is an example of how to “fail up”. Taking lemons and making lemonade. Thank you for sharing.
And thank you for coming back.
Why am I listening to this and it mirrors my own experience being a overachieving student & losing a parent at the same time without being able to process my emotions? I'm grateful we can openly discuss emotional health as women of color and how our culture does not always permit this type of dialogue. Thank you for your transparency!
I am beyond shocked you didn't go to a HBCU!! I really regret not going myself because I was a kid of the "system". I was an orphan by the time I was 8 yrs. old. Your story sounds like mine though. I was obsessed with high achievements in academics, sports, clubs, etc. I literally felt like a failure because I got a 1280 on my SAT exam. Even after I got a full ride to a university and started dating a football player, I still felt like an underachiever. No one was there to praise me, I became overly amazing at self-praise. I was constantly called a conceited bitch because I didn't associate myself with people who had no goals, intellect, dreams, or ambition. Sophomore year of college my drinking became heavy and I started blacking out. I checked myself into a treatment center and that's when I found out I suffered from depression. That was 30 years ago and to this day I mentor young people about my story and I advocate for getting help for mental health issues. Unfortunately I'm dying now but I'm leaving behind a great legacy in my children and my husband.
Deidra Leitner 💗💗
Wtf
What a legacy to leave to behind! People who love and appreciate you and continue to live your purpose. Many blessings to you on your transition
How are you doing? Pls let us know.
Thank you for this. God bless you
My dad passed away my freshman year and I nearly flunked out, but this one professor kept giving me so much grace and I owe them so much for helping in that dark time. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thanks for sharing, Kimberly. I admit I cringed at the “not a weirdo” with no friends part because that was me in high school, and to a much lesser extent, college. Nonetheless, I loved this video b/c it’s going to help so many young Black woman going through life challenges, including academic setbacks. ❤️
Sorry! I shouldn't have said that.
@@ForHarriet619 hi, I'm new to your channel. Your name is Kimberly and not Harriet?
michelleatdawn Yes I cringed as well because that was me too
@@chelecovers6893 "Harriet" is for Harriet Tubman (I think). If I'm wrong, I stand corrected. Thanks
I just got to that part of the video and cringed thinking someone watching may not have friends. So sorry that you struggling with feeling like that. I work with many youth who have social anxieties and don’t have friends. They really struggle and say people call them “a weirdo”. Anxieties manifest in different ways. Hang in there and know you are amazing!
I went to Harvard too for a Master’s degree and I completely agree... I had serious mental health issues and they were so supportive and understanding. I have many critiques of that institution but the way they support students dealing with mental health issues is something I truly am forever grateful for and in awe of honestly. Thanks for telling your story. Takes incredible bravery. I really identify with many aspects of this... high achieving as a manifestation of anxiety and depression.... gosh I’ve never heard anyone tell it that way.
I can definitely relate to this video. I just recently graduated from Cornell University. I almost failed out my freshman year, but I was able to eventually graduate.
Black women like soccer? Maybe you weren't born in america.
YES!!! I've been diagnosed with OCD since my 20s (I'm 50). People don't understand how unhealthy OCD really is. People do celebrate obsessive behavior.
Yes. Very serious problem
I dropped out of UC Berkeley and never graduated. I suffered from anxiety and depression too.
Greg Willie I almost dropped out but I snapped out of it and finished
You need to know that even being excepted into such a pestigious institution is an accomplishment. I understand why you would be depressed.Persons who are drawn to the Berkley experience are the some of the greatest humanly people in the western hemesphire. Not all may have attended due to geography and finances
KittyEars&Headbands With all due respect, one doesn’t just “snap out” of clinical depression and anxiety. Such beliefs and rhetoric are quite dismissive and thus harmful to those truly challenged by and suffering with these disorders. Being depressed or anxious for a brief while, or having an episode of such based on an event or a particular circumstance is profoundly different from a serious mental health diagnosis.
Wow! I can totally relate to your childhood depression experience and the school obsession. School was the only thing that made me feel good about myself. I felt acknowledged by education, awards and being seen as smart because I was invisible at home. I lived with my mother and two oldest sisters' that are 10 plus years older than me and everyone either worked or had their own lives to tend too. On the other side of it, when I really think about it, being good at school work only added to my invisibility. People around me knew that I'd do well and the "good jobs" started to feel forced and there was no positive reinforcement to keep me going. I motivated myself throughout my school years and it makes me sad sometimes. With that said, anxiety vividly came into my life while I was in high school, but I didn't recognize it until years later. During my sophomore year of college, my anxiety became social and the depression overwhelmed me so much that I left college during fall quarter and was looking into to dropping out. The thought of not finishing something I started hurt, but I was exhausted. Somehow I went back during spring; changed my major to something that made me a little more happy and graduated a year later than expected, but I did it. I got my degree. Unfortunately, I am still battling my depression and anxiety, but I take it day by day. We often feel like certain experiences are ours and no one else's, but it's refreshing to know that someone had a similar experience and came out on top. I appreciate your transparency.
"The only thing you can't come back from is death" that really resonated with me. I just started following your channel. You are not only smart, you are gaining wisdom which I've learned more recently are not the same thing. I went through the worst year of my life in 2018. I'm 40 years old, I've always had it together. However, I had an event happen that changed everything for me. It made me have to deal with things I really hadn't in the past. Thank you so much for you honesty. I look forward to watching more. God Bless :)
You are a success story. The greatest success is falling down, getting back up and working to achieve your goals. What you did in returning to school took great courage and perseverance. Additionally, your honesty about the entire situation is refreshing and inspiring. Congratulations!
I just came across this video. Apparently our paths crossed but we never met. I enrolled at Harvard in 2005, was a resident tutor for 4 years and completed my doctorate in 2013 (it was great having Oprah as our commencement speaker!). The burden and stress of grad school led me to vlog (sunshower143) and guest blog (BGLH). I can relate to your story both personally and as a tutor who spoke with undergrads facing difficult life circumstances. Great video!
Yes!!!!! I was in the same place while I was in college. I had a 4.0 GPA, honors, worked as a TA, did extracurriculars, and became a finalist for the Rhodes Scholarship. Unfortunately, I was overworked and depressed while all this was happening. I ballooned up by nearly 100 pounds and My health was not doing well at all. I dropped out of my final semester, but I still graduated with a 3.9, honors, and a minor. I have not returned to school since then. It was just too much. I too needed the praise and achievement and I was willing to do anything to get it. I also cared about what I was doing because none of it made since if it was just for me and my needs.
Your story is so similar to my own, even up to the 100-pound weight gain. I hope you are taking care of yourself now.
I'm honestly going through this around now, attending a top school. I'd just rather move countries at this point, but I'm broke. I saw another comment about receiving "praise" versus problem-solving and it makes a lot of sense. I never realized how results-driven I was as a kid. I hardly got praised for the creative things I did, and when I tried my best, but it wasn't up to caliber, I was told it was bad. On one hand, I was praised for being better than others, making results, high scores, but on the other I was told not to get ahead of myself and that I wouldn't be shit. And I'd always want to learn things for fun, but the only things I was praised were for math. I just accepted it, and would do what I needed to get those results and grades. Others around would praise me and want me to teach them, but I couldn't even explain how I did well. I just did it for the results because all of the creative things didn't matter. I ended up finding a balance of smarts and creativity in high school, and despite having separate issues, I functioned well enough to get into good colleges. But once I reached college, I was doing okay for a while and then literally began failing at things. I don't know who I'm really speaking too with this message. .. but its hard. Advisors tell me "Just pull it together" and "do this" but it took me a year to realize that for the first time in my life, I didn't actually care about anything because it didn't produce results. I made friends, I have activities, my family has issues but I don't really care. It's a mystery to adults why I've become bad on paper. Honestly. I feel like once I turned adult I started making horrible decisions and I know people say, "You're so young, whole life ahead of you" -- that feels minimizing and it doesn't really help me to climb out of the shit grades I've already gotten myself into. It's hard to complain because in urban communities complaining is like being weak. Crying gets you more hits, ya know? I'm doing better than my relatives did since I'm not running around with men, having kids, or doing substances. But mentally, I can't focus. I felt myself burning out fast, but I know I want a degree, even if for my pride, I want that stupid piece of paper to prove I am something. So, thanks, stranger for reading this. I hope no other kid has to experience not knowing how to fail. 💖 And yeah, the booklets are still sent around, girl, 2019 nope they don't care about the environment.
Girl, we twins! Fellow black womyn Ivy Leaguer with debilitating depression and anxiety since childhood!!! Still watching, so I’ll be back to expand comment. TY for sharing and helping others of us ascend from shame 💕
I kid you not my father also had a brain tumor! At younger age in my life though. Also hundreds of miles away. God.
So sad. However these stories allow us to see that Mental illness is more common than we think .
Your story reminds me of mine. I was "the one" coming up but I burnt out in hs (Endometriosis kicked my ass as did my depo provera) and had to work hard to get through community college and get into the university I'm at now. And my first year there, my dad died because of sickle cell. I think I am capable of taking it on anyway... my first semester wasn't the best but my second was better and I'm gonna keep going no matter what.
Can we talk about your HAIR, PLEASE! It looks great!
Thank you so much for posting this video! I went through severe depression and anxiety and still struggle with it. It's good to know I'm not alone.
Sometimes people are asked to leave college by the school. But they will allow you to come back. I am glad you got yourself together, went back and finished.
While I was in dental school, I got sick and had to go on medical leave for six months. I went back and this certain asshole tried to expel me. I finished anyway. I learned to put my health first and m y life improved.
I’m a college drop out and doing fine in life, it bothers me I haven’t finished yet but will eventually, Its just not the right time right now. I was in an extremely abusive and controlling relationship when I was in college that started in high school. I ended it my junior year and he started stalking me on campus and at my job. Jumped me on my way to class. I had gotten a restraining order against him and wasn’t allowed to attend class until they found him. He ended up going to jail for 3 years bc of it. I had severe trauma and PTSD. I had to drop out. I was in no mental place to be a college student, i kept trying to go back but just kept failing and avoiding class bc of my mental health problems...I finally gave it up and took the time I needed to heal. I would love to finish someday and hope I do, but shit happens during college sometimes and it’s ok.
Amber FFTFOMSICHTS while I really relate to your story! You'll get through it eventually try therapy or online schoo that's what I'm doing and it's working for me
I REALLY like how Kim thinks AND feels through MULTILAYERED social and personal insights. ITS SO COMPLEX thank you! I can definitely relate! IM SO BLESSED YOU SPOKE ON THIS!
My mom passed 5 years ago. We weren't close either. I totally feel you. I failed out of a master's program due to life change pressures too. Glad you found community at Harvard! Depression and anxiety and giftedness strikes home as well. I got a lot from your talk about anxiety. Thank you SO much
I can relate to this. I was academically excluded from the best university in South Africa. This was such a blow as the first of my immediate family to go to university. I did go on to obtain the degree at a different university and the stress and pressure this second time around had lessened.
I appreciate you so much for telling your story. Back in January of 2016 my mother unexpectedly died 3 weeks before the start of my final semester in college. When I tell you that final semester was the most difficult task/undertaking of my life. Not only did I have to manage my studies, but I had to manage "adulting" for the very first time in my life AS WELL AS my mental health. It is only by the grace of God that I even made it out alive. Of course my hardships did not end after I graduated and I have had other challenges since then but I have overcome many of them as well. You have further inspired me by telling your story. And your closing statement of "The only thing you can't come back from is death." Don't I know it!!! Continue to do what you're doing. God bless!
Praise be!
You are an excellent storyteller. Thank you, so inspiring.
I relate to SO much of this except for not having a death in the family, and I had friends in school but I felt very lonely. I spent three years at Spelman. My first year was great but something snapped after that and my depression and anxiety ramped up. I stopped attending classes, doing assignments, I switched majors SO many times much more than normal, and damn near lost my scholarship by my junior year. I wish the administration would’ve reached out to me more about my grades declining, but at this point my parents stepped in and told me I needed to leave Spelman. I moved back home and transferred to a much less prestigious state school. I felt and still kinda feel embarrassed. Telling my peers I wasn’t returning was so embarrassing and hard. I had to see everyone graduate and it sucked. But now I have so much more clarity in my studies and health. I was diagnosed with adhd, depression, and anxiety which explained a lot, started meds and therapy. I realized I want to study art history and go to grad school. It still sucks a lot lol, but I feel much less aimless. And I’m privileged to have a family that supports me financially during this time. Ohh and that school email anxiety!! It’s still hard for me to check emails. Thank you sharing your story.
My heart goes out to you, my friend. I was also an anxious child. Thank you for sharing. Sending love your way!
I hate that we are constantly, continuously socialized into believing that our inherent worth as human beings is inextricably linked to how "smart" and "successful" we are, and I hate that most people internalize the notion of "success" being defined as getting a degree (and not just any degree, but a degree on any of the 'respected,' 'prestigious' professions) and making a lot of money and getting a big place yada yada yada. We are also taught that anything but a 4-year college is "lesser" and that working class jobs or crafts are not "living up to your potential" or that people who work in working class jobs are "wasting their lives"... HATE IT. There are so many social narratives that we stick to without even questioning them, and many of those narratives put too much pressure on ourselves.
I had a similar breakdown in grad school. College is hard enough and to add a severe trauma such as yours is too much for anyone to deal with. I'm so glad you stuck it out and succeeded in the end! This was very uplifting.
I am only 5 mins into this video and girl....you are narrating my life! Like you, I was always told from the time I was 4, how smart I was and how I'd be the one to make it. And on the one hand I appreciated it. It was the one thing I KNEW I could excel in was school. Its where I found my confidence. But that type of perfectionist attitude I am almost sure, drove a great deal of my depression/anxiety that I'm just now figuring out, I've had since I was in elementary school. Thank you for this vid. This story of black girl excellence almost never gets told.
What a powerful and personal story. Thank you for sharing! As some one who was NOT a model student, its always mindblowing to think we share the same hopes, fears, and anxietys regardless of achievements
Ooo this was gut punch. I have both of my parents still (for now that I am older) but when you mentioned how professors would try accommodate and try to pull through for you. “Give me anything, just anything you have” I remember those same words being said in my second/third year by my instructors. I was never a self driven student. I got into a similarily established and esteemed university just on my grades which I just coasted on and my depression got the the worst of me in that age. My young adulthood was a wreck. My mother’s cancer diagnosis gave me in. My best friend had lost her mom recently to a different cancer and my mom also has depression and wanted to refuse treatment, an on going battle. It put me off finishing. Even though it would make my mom so happy and proud as she was denied this opportunity as a child. Part of that developing nation narrative you know...
I felt the “obsession with being the best” so much. For most of my schooling, I was constantly anxious because of it. Great video!
I think this is my fav video of yours. So personal and honest. Can I just say I think it's amazing how so many black kids from lower middle or middle class families have such similar stories. Being the smart kid/ "chosen one", feeling alone because of it and the depression and anxiety that accompanied that, the pressure to achieve and almost being addicted to the praise of it, soooooooo relatable, like seriously. I realize this video is old; I've just started following some months back and still trecking through your content. I just needed to express how much I appreciated it. Love and light! 🖤🖤
I'm only 6 minutes in and we had very similar childhoods feelings wise. (Personally i had) Severe anxiety and depression from like age 5, amazing student all my life, countless awards and I hated myself. The entire time. Thank you for sharing your story.
I needed this. My dad passed this year, and I needed to remember that I'm struggling "not because I'm not trying hard enough", but because there's just too much going on now.
Thank you for sharing your story, it was so helpful for me to watch this. For a chronic overachiever, it's kind of liberating to fall down. For me, it was an important way to separate my personal value from my achievements and discover who I was in the rubble. You are exactly where you are supposed to be and I am so grateful to have crossed your path.
Thank you for this. This is a great parenting tool for me. I am raising 3 very nice, intelligent young people. Depression and anxiety are mental health issues that are not addressed in schools and some parents are embarrassed of. This is now a discussion starter for my children as they show signs of depression/anxiety and are of an appropriate age. I have one who will be assigned this video over the weekend.
I'm only 13 but damn everything Kim is saying is scaring the living shit out of me in how similar it is. I already feel like I have a static breakdown every month in school from anxiety. Just nice to hear someone voice these real issues.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You’re not alone. ❤️
And stop all that cussing! 😁
Kim, I think you are the best human being. Keep "For Harriet" alive forever. You give us all hope!
I feel this on so many levels. Especially with being extremely disconnected from parents. I feel like a lack of communication, transparency and openness between black parents and children is far too common. I feel like my parents barely know the real me. My constantly deteriorating mental health, anxiety, depression is all unknown to them. I struggled a lot in college, and although my father is still with us today he was honestly dead to me for a while during my college years because of what he did to my mom 😅 (I still love him dearly but that’s the truth) and I’m barely (possibly not) graduating this spring and I feel like all of this lack of comfortability in communicating and expressing my feelings and experiences is exacerbating an already terrifying time. This is an extremely precarious time in my life and I just wish I had more parental support or could even fathom the idea of calling on them for help.
Wow! This describes my academic childhood. It’s amazing how a lot of us have shared experiences while feeling isolated at the same time.
I know this is kind of a late comment for this video, but I identified with this story so much. I had a really similar experience at my university and I’m just now graduating this semester, almost 7 years after the start of my college career. I also had an experience of failing 2 classes one semester (I literally turned nothing in) after previously maintaining a 3.9 GPA. I fell into really bad depression and anxiety (the culmination of years of burnout, stress, and unresolved family issues), but I tried to maintain a mental disconnect from my failure. I took a year and a half off and got a coffee shop job, but unfortunately I never found a great therapist. I’m feeling so much better though, and I feel even more aware of my privileges and in touch with what I want to do with my life. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You’re amazing, and so is everyone reading this.
I am middle-aged. Your video just touched my life and my soul. You have no idea how much this has helped me. Unbelievable how similar your story is to mine. ...and how much I needed to hear this right now. ...so inspiring. ...so helpful. You are a gem. Thank you.
This is a really good video. Thank you for your transparency. I lost my grandfather while in my sophomore year of undergrad, and I should have taken some time off... but I tried to keep pushing and my grades plummeted. That was a hard time, so I relate to this story. We try to ignore the pain, but eventually it will have to be addressed because it affects our lives tremendously. Thank you for sharing!
in rewatching this I can't help but notice the subtle ways in which adhd might have played a role too alongside the anxiety you talk about. I also just got my diagnosis from a history of anxiety so your story means a lot to me Kim 💖
Hearing about the way you tamed your anxiety to get through that Lost Year and witnessing the good that you do for your community through your amazing content gives me some kind of hope that I can stick around and eventually, I'll be able to contribute to society in a way that makes me and others happy. Thank you for sharing your story, and for injecting so much of your trademark focus into your craft.
Girl I simply adore your videos. I sighed up for a Merriam Webster’s word a day to expand my vocabulary! Thank you
I relate to a lot of this (I lost my mother during an internship and left the internship and was homeless for the first time shortly after), but I was also a weirdo in school. I know mental health hits both the social and unsocial. I flunked out of school (college) once. I went back and got my degree at 33. In my late 30s I'm still struggling with having and maintaining friendships. Which is why I'm trying to find some mental health assistance. Even in college where I meant other nerdy kids and more importantly, other black nerdy kids I still had a hard time making and maintaining friendships. And I just can't maintain. This story is a love letter to the value of support and hopefully I'll find mine.
Currently dealing with depression right now, I also started college, had excellent grades and everyone knows me as the smart one, I left school for almost 3 years, and went back to school last semester, failed 2 classes and now that I’m in my spring semester I feel like I need to prove to myself that I can do this. I hate feeling like I failed my family...
I just found your channel today
and have been binge watching all day. Much love to you and your content. I would love to just have conversations with you about all of these issues. I hope that didn't sound creepy. I just live in the deep South surrounded by my racist family, and I don't get to have many rational conversations.
My mom told me the same thing in uni... said she was sick and that’s when my entire life changed. I miss her a lot, cancer sucks ❤️ I struggle with depression as well.
I so appreciate you and your candor and for being a black girl (like me) who feels, thinks, laughs, love and does things. I am still struggling and you have opened a window for me. Thank you
I was a workaholic back then too but my problem was not taking up the advice on the best learning style and failing to build relationships with friends.
My focus was on praise approval as you as well. But I'm gradually learning to recover from it.
Wow. I never realized how much we had in common. My story is like a non-Ivy version of yours. You inspire me to finish my degree. Really powerful
School is mentally taxing enough. My father passed away while I was in middle school and all of us kids changed. I couldn't imagine going through what I did then while in college. Unfortunately to this day my family holds me to the same expectations. I'm sure you know in poor families "the one" is also "the savior". The way they turned on me when I "failed"- finished grad school but not earning to my potential- doesn't help the anxiety, depression, guilt and self blame and isolation that this identify (high achiever) comes with. Although I'm a few months late, I so appreciate and understand this video.
My family acted the EXACT same way when my father passed away unexpectedly. I was suppose to act like an adult at 18 and my family was acting like children and they were trying to start drama with me. I also didn't go to therapy more because it's expensive but I totally feel you especially when you said you lost focus but tried to avoid it.
Thank you for sharing your story! I "dropped out" (aka failed out) of college in my freshman year due to a combo of untreated anxiety and depression and unresolved/unprocessed trauma related to an assault in high school. I also felt very disconnected by the time I dropped out, too. It took me 7 years to even attempt going back to college.
You don't know how much has it mean to me. I'm a peruvian 19 year old girl who has to left university because of coronavirus issues that are affecting my family economy. Your childhood memories are so alike mines, I was the smart girl too and many people were (and I still are) waiting a lot of me. I've also struggle with anxiety my whole life, or at least I suppose so because I haven't had the chance to go to a therapist. Anyway, I was trying to avoid this feeling of lose because leaving college and your video help me a lot to recognize my emotions and figure out that I will get over this situation soon. Thanks for the hope and comprehension I've experienced.
Great video. Real honesty says a lot about you. I know how you feel. I have been through a lot, and I still go through a lot. I am dealing with multiple loss of family and a close friend. It has been difficult, but I take one day at a time. I still struggle with the relization of my family and friend loss. I also deal with a lot of stress with some changes in my life , because of the family death's. It is not easy. I too have goal's, and I am obsessed with acheiving a few thing's I am working on. I will not stop until I reach those goals. I really enjoy this commentary , because it is very similar to what I have recently dealt with. Crying about the death part in which I can most definitely relate to all of this. However, I continue to work towards my goal's. I plan on doing some big thing's at least for me that is. I worked retail before , it is bad standing on your feet long periods of time, the customer's that are negative, and making a little bit of money. LOL!!
My story parallels your so much it is scary! I actually hadn’t realized my feelings as a child were depression and anxiety until you pointed out your own so thank you for talking about it. I still do the avoidance thing on a ridiculous level and haven’t really talked through all the trauma I went through that caused me to have to have a break down & leave school. I truly am so grateful for you discussing this because I don’t know anyone who has experienced anything close to what I have and it’s nice to know I’m not alone. I’m glad you went back and finished. I haven’t been able to do that, but hearing your story gives me hope that I can one day get back on the horse. ❤️-Stay Blessed
first of all, your hair is EVERYTHING.
also I'll never forget in high school we were having a meeting about homework when our top student started to complain that we were getting too much homework (on the IB program) and how difficult it was, and our guidance counselor said "but haven't you seen your grades and how well you're doing???" and he immediately replied "yeah but have you seen how much I sleep??? this is ridiculous"
Omg, I wondered why I was so drawn to your channel! I went through a very similar experience in college (I dropped out but haven't been back) and I've recently been diagnosed with Dysthymia/Persistent Depressive Disorder.
I'm just now getting back on my feet and making strides to get my life back on track, but having this diagnosis really opened my eyes to seeing how it influenced my childhood and college years.
Thank you for sharing your story 💕
Thank you for sharing this part of your life and experience with us. It shows real humanity and the connectedness we all have. I see myself in so much of your story. I'm the smart one, the Ivy league daughter, so much pressure always. Almost not allowed to even be a human, so much expectations to pull through, be strong, for everyone else. This resonated with me so much. If I can't fall back on my smarts, & my humanity isn't recognized, then what else are we to do. How do we thrive? So many of us have these stories.
ToyosiFawehinmi easier said than applied. But I get it, Absolutely. Still for some groups, that ability to bank on our brilliance is sold as the way out. So we capitalize on the thing that we are given positive reinforcements for. Its often a trap, a well meaning trap
ToyosiFawehinmi agreed. And the crazy high emphasis on performance alone is creating a lot of headache for folks.
Your story about mental health reminds me so much of when my depression forced me to drop out of high school and then later, college. I'm going back now but it's really one step at a time. Thank you for sharing 💚
I don't have time to finish your video right this second, but I just wanna say how much I appreciate you opening up about your experiences with depression at a young age. I was also someone who was probably depressed starting around age 6 or 7: I would hide from my family, crawl under a bed or into a playhouse, and not make a sound, even if I knew family members were looking for me, because I needed to be alone and would feel these unexplainable waves of sadness or apathy, and sometimes cried myself to sleep, too. I didn't know this wasn't normal until one of my friends was diagnosed with depression around middle school, and in high school I was recognizing that I was depressed, too, after I realized how a certain family trauma was affecting me. I tried to explain this to my pediatrician and to my mom, but I always received support with "quick fix" type solutions that I didn't have motivation to do, as the result of one of the symptoms of my disorder, and these concerns were never seriously followed up by my doctor, and various things she and my mother said to me over the years only made the situation worse. Now, I can recognize that I should have gone to therapy starting in middle school, but that didn't happen for me until graduate school, and I barely survived the mental health crisis I had during my last semester. I'm half-convinced the only reason I even graduated on time was because one of my professors reached out to me when he sensed something wasn't right. But anyway, I'm looking forward to hearing the rest of your story, and I hope you opening up about your experience reaches someone and helps them if they're going through something similar.
you probably won't see this but i came from your college admissions rant video, and i'm in a very similar situation right now, i've been dealing with depression since i was maybe ten, and although i haven't lost a parent, i know what it's like to deal (or not deal) with a parent being sick, right now im enrolled in my dream school but i can feel myself losing my grip and i've basically stopped going to class, i've isolate myself from my friends who are like a second family to me your video has made me realise how lucky i am to have gotten everything i ever wanted, and how close i am to losing it all, i think i'm going to ask for help, thank you 💖
This was beautiful. I appreciate you even more as someone with a rich soul and amazing insight!
Thank you for making this, as someone who dropped out of Oxford because of depression and PTSD so much of this resonates with me. Especially the self pressure of needing to be the smartest and best. Ive transfered (because unfortunately Oxford is suuuuper bad on mental health) and am really enjoying my studies at SOAS
I'm glad I watched this. I too have been depressed since a very young age; I started self-injury at age 7 to cope and yet didn't get help of any sort until my 20s, so I definitely feel this. Glad you had such an self-informative journey
I just want to say thank you for this video. Everything you were feeling and going through at University after your father passed on is how I'm feeling right now. I thought that I was losing my mind or being too emotional but you've shown me that what I'm feeling is normal and I guess I have to figure out how to get through it.
I did not fail but I developed a severe imposter syndrome that made me completely dissociated and I couldnt even read or study or sleep. Got my degree but a shit gpa and it affects my self esteem still 8 years later
Non sequitur thoughts:
Woooow! Just, how is your experience my experience? We oftentimes feel so alone and isolated with our trauma(s), anxieties, depression, etc. and this gradually or instantly collides with our daily lives.
I studied abroad in New Zealand during my undergraduate studies and came back a few months later with (unknowingly) culture shock. It seriously affected my sleep pattern, my zeal for my classes/future career was affected, and overall the United States was so muted or loud in comparison to the Pacific. Once you go there and come back here you’ll have the same experience. I eventually changed my major and graduated a few years later than expected but I finished and went onto a Graduate program. I did great my first year, but towards the latter half of my second year the weight of both of my Grandparents being terminally ill, the escalation of Black death/trauma on every media platform, the escalation of LGBTQ+ trauma/death on every media platform, fear on college campuses mine included, and just the gamut of it all (plus a technical error on my final exam) led to me not graduating in my last semester of Graduate School. That was 2016.
In the two years since, my Father had major surgery and I was his caretaker...my sister had a baby and I was their caretaker, my Grandparents had passed away during school and their house was left to my Mother, my sister and I...home renovations needed to be done so I rolled up my sleeves and got to work helping her...odd jobs here and there and then one day I started writing and recording video essays and that jump started the lull that I’d fallen into. Now, I’m applying to a different Graduate School this year in a new major of Media and Journalism Studies. Compiling my application materials and stepping out on faith now. 😅😅
And when you talked about the praise and validation from others...gosh, that hit me in the stomach with its accuracy. The loneliness, the utter loneliness! You went there! The loneliness! The stigma about taking time off and failing, wham! The disconnect is sooo real! Yes, my parents are middle class (a byproduct partially to military service that put them in a new income tax bracket) as well so like you I had a safety net, had insurance, a place to live, a place to sleep, a place to eat, and a place to collect/reflect/and gather myself to start anew. Whew, the privilege indeed!
Your story was amazing! The parallels to my own have blown my mind. I don’t feel so alone now and that’s so empowering/motivating to stay the course and emerge from the ashes like the proverbial Phoenix. For Harriet is the most amazing space and I cherish all of its work and hope to work with, near, or around you someday. Smooches and hugs ad infinitum! 😘😘
YES!!! Culture shock is really underestimated I feel like. I don't think people talk about it enough...but, I've experienced culture shock several times in my life, and let me tell you it has the potential to be SUPER DISORIENTING (on a physical, mental, emotional, AND spiritual level)...as well as debilitating! It's like you lose complete sense of who you are & your purpose. Which easily can lead to depression and despair. IT'S AWFUL... But, after I've been through it a few times...I find that it gets a little easier to rebound from it with every new occurrence. Maybe it's making me into a tougher person.
Are we all the same person?
I feel so seen by this video. My OCD was actively praised and supported, until I ended up in the psychiatric ward on suicide watch. It’s a very dangerous mindset. To anyone in that position now, there’s hope for an escape. Life will get better 🙌🏻
I love you more and more with each video I watch of yours. It is blowing my mind how much I can relate to your feelings and experiences growing up. Wow... Your authenticity and vulnerability is so heart warming and inspiring. It's assuring me that I'm getting closer and closer to being able to share my story one day. And not feel ashamed about it. I celebrate you Kim! 🙏💖 thank you for being boldly and authentically you!
I usually don’t care to watch storytime videos but yours was riveting. Thank you for sharing.
I'm borrowing that last remark about death...that's exactly what I learned, among many things, when I overcame congestive heart failure. And, too, you just rekindled that going back to school and finishing flame in me... :-)
Kim, your story touched me to the very marrow of my bones! Our stories are very similar. I hope to meet you and compare notes one day, sis! Thank you for sharing this!
wowowow amazing video! def mirrors my own experience. I too lost a parent, never cried about it. Family never talked about it. I can recognize now I never dealt with it. And also I was the smart one, expected to go on to college and make great grades. Everything was going good until junior year and I pretty much lost it. My school had this loophole where you could withdraw from the university(up until like the last day of the semester) and you just wouldn't get credit for any classes but nothing would count against your GPA. I did this two semesters in a row because I just stop doing assignments. I, too was in taking like crazy Advanced/Graduate level Chemistry classes, etc. Finally I left after the second semester of doing this and was out of school for 3 years working and volunteering. Went back and got my degree. It wouldn't be until years later when I had a complete complete breakdown, having to quit my job and I was diagnosed with Moderate Depression and Anxiety. Therapy was a godsend and still dealing with it now but much much more manageable. Thank you for this video!
I REALLY needed this, my freshman year at college was HORRIBLE. I barely made it into the next semester and I knew that coming into this new decade I was NOT gonna let that happen again. To watch this video and read these comments I’m glad to see that I’m not alone when it comes to issues like these God bless you all ♥️🙏🏽
My story to a tee, my dear! Being the “chosen one” and failing by society’s standards added to the depression and anxiety! It took me a long time to overcome that! Thank you for sharing.
Its crazy how much I can relate to your story although I was at a very religious institution and stayed despite my newly opened trauma. Now I am trying to get a Master's degree and although it was super hard working past my self deprication after graduating with very low grades I am proud of myself for not letting this keep me away from pursuing school once more now. I do wish people around me and my institution would have realized how badly I was dealing to step in and ask me to pause school. Years of counseling later though that was started while I was there, I am in a much better place.
I hear your story and remember being on "auto pilot" in my own life in grad school. Going through the motions until you get that wake up call as your life is spiriling. The disconnect is real. I am too embarrassed to return to grad school so I just moved on. Not really regretting not finishing school. I regret more not meeting my goal. I couldn't check this off my list.
I was enrolled in full IB when my father figure of an uncle died and your entire life story about your family and self perception really hits home somehow. Thank you for your honesty and your hard work! You radiate cleverness and no-nonsense, and your channel is really solid! Keep up the good work.
I have learned From you .So young and so wise. I’m considering how I treat my teenagers.
I’m a 50 year old Conservative non Trump voting Married Black man. You are amazing I have watched several of your videos
Your description of your emotions are such a mirror image of my late high school / university experience.
I loved this. Please give us a video about the good times at Harvard.
Omg yes your experience with anxiety & perfectionism is exactly what I’ve been going through in my life. I was always “the one” too and the pressure of it can be extremely overwhelming. It has also led me to be over perfectionist in my life in every aspect. I wanted to control my life how I could control excelling in school. I still feel like I’m a failure if I don’t become this highly educated, financially successful person. Definitely depression and anxiety problems through out my life. I went to college 13 hrs away from my hometown to escape somewhat as well
I had the same experience, to the letter. I could have written this comment myself! There's got to be some kind of measured and intentional community or social response, because it feels like experiences like ours are becoming more prevalent than should be acceptable. That bothers me.