How to Write a Gripping Hook for Your Story

[@Jed_Herne]

Read the opening pages of Michael's story here: docs.google.com/document/d/1-r1qj2OtZasl17SDv43fZAwlnJb7uvfd/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=105089298016551385572&rtpof=true&sd=true

[@ChasePhifer-hj3wl]

Question: what if the opening being breakfast or going to work is establishing the character (eg interactions with parents, siblings, co-workers, and/or treatment of technology [hitting vending machine showing impatience and irritation or sighing and walking away from vending machine showing defeatism], etc)?

[@Valdrr]

​@@ChasePhifer-hj3wlprobably would be a very poor opening unless we are given a reason why we want to read the story (a question) then shown the characters life/feelings

[@missdragon5892]

Honestly, implementing this advice is quite daunting.

[@WolfWriterL.P]

YESS IKR

[@StarlasAiko]

9:46 I love how the very next sentence is "This time it definitely wasn't.", giving the impression that all the previous times, it may very well kinda sorta definitely have been her fault.

[@Jed_Herne]

Yeah, it's a great hint at backstory

[@tearstoneactual9773]

I love the opening line to one of The Dresden Files series books. "The building was on fire and it wasn't my fault." Which arouses so many questions, especially given Harry Dresden's propensity for fire via his blasting rod. :D

[@BKPrice]

The way I make my books hard to put down is by applying glue to the covers.

[@godblessamerica99]

Follow up with some tasty wing sauce slathered on the pages so they have something to lick. Maybe some ranch...

[@user-sj3bk2gr4j]

9:35 Dresden Files starts very similar. "The building was on fire, and it wasn't my fault."

[@CitruKori]

Even though I’m writing a graphic novel, a lot of the principles stated in here carry over and feel like they can work in nearly every form of storytelling media. Great video!

[@BriefHistoryofWorld]

I actually preferred Michael's opening. It showed character and a path toward development.

[@JakeBennett-xq1bn]

I absolutely agree!

[@AndrewLiVecchi]

Great content, Jed! The point about making the opening chapter a kind of microcosm for the story as a whole is really neat.

[@Jed_Herne]

Cheers Andrew!

[@Rolando_Jay]

Jed… you’re killing it bro! So much value in this video and your editing has improved immensely. I would love to pay you to run my short film script by you in order to get some feedback before I film it this summer. Cheers!

[@Jed_Herne]

Cheers Rolando! Send me an email with full details and we can discuss :) - jed.herne1 (at) gmail.com

[@nicksturgeonbooks]

Thanks Jed. This was super helpful. I have already started re-crafting my opening scene based on having just watched the video. Much appreciated.

[@Jed_Herne]

Glad it was helpful!

[@schmeat6414]

Aspiring writer here! Wanted to say I love listening to you and the boys. Great, real advice. I listen to every word!

[@Jed_Herne]

Thanks!

[@user-db6ny9ss5g]

The topgun movies do the same opening trick for the first step.

[@Jed_Herne]

They truly have the need for speed

[@hypatia4754]

Your thumbnails keep getting better. 👍

[@Jed_Herne]

Ha, thanks! Was a boiling hot day when I took this photo - just about gave myself heatstroke from having all the lights under the sheets

[@eugenemurphy6037]

If I am not focused on my protagonist being active, I tend to let the world around them do all the movement. Thanks for the advice Jed.

[@Jed_Herne]

My pleasure!

[@mikevoss4894]

Lots of great advice here, Jed. Well done!

[@luisdall5575]

Great advice Jed. Alot to think about. In the middle of editing draft one and htis video has me reconsidering my first chapter. Thanks!

[@Jed_Herne]

Always happy to make you reconsider, Luis :D Hope it helps!

[@thelittlebean8734]

This was really helpful. Thank you😁☺

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Great suggestions! I've actually suggested to number of clients of mine that if you try to write the story (or a chapter) first as a flash-fiction piece (say, under 100 words), then as a short story (expanding to maybe 500,-2000 words), growing bigger and bigger, you can achieve a similar "focused-ness" . Similarly, I've found this helps with outlining, and knowing what the essence is of each scene, chapter, and plot point.
Also, interesting enough, I just launched my own YT channel, and my first video is covering something very similar (What Keeps Readers Reading)! Thanks for the great videos.

[@Jed_Herne]

That's a great idea.
Good luck with your channel!

[@Painsjustice]

Hello Jed, just found your channel and really like some of your videos and appreciating many of your suggestions :) One thing is bothering me with this one. What if you are writing a prologue to a story? How would you change or adjust these points to it?

[@lizzzz9231]

9:48 NOOO, pls don't take the 'young' out of his first paragraph, I absolutely loved 'young flames'. I think it really adds to the imagery and situation! Pls pls pls put it back🙌🏼

[@destroyerinazuma96]

In addition to this video, I recommend a book I read on the subject: "Hooked" by Les Hedgerton. It costs pennies and it gives many angles of approach, complete with examples.

[@emmanuellaeledu]

BRILLIANT VIDEO AS ALWAYS!!!

[@smashdriven1640]

These tips are really helpful thanks!

[@GabeAustin-ru2ou]

I hope the new book goes well Jed. Cheers mate

[@tagg1080]

I feel like my submission did those 6 things pretty well, maybe you can get to some other ones at a later date? Thanks for doing this!

[@Jed_Herne]

Might do! Which story was yours?

[@tagg1080]

​@@Jed_Herne It was called 'iron will', I am sure there are better ones submitted though, would be cool to see you go through more of them! Thanks.

[@calypso_lazuli]

What would you recommend with multiple main POV characters who aren’t connected to one another in the beginning of the story?

[@shlemmon24]

I have the same question

[@abrandon123z]

Underrated video

[@_furydance8890]

that random Tom Cruise run😂

[@arzabael]

Question Loops

[@Cheezy_UNI]

Do you have any recommendations on writing/story books on questions loops that you brought up in your vid? I'd like to read more about their structure

[@WolfWriterL.P]

"The cool, fall wind brisked rapidly through her long hair as a figure ran through the brightly lit streets of Sablestone, unnoticed by the rest of the world. The darkness of early morning set shadows on everything, and one could easily go unnoticed. Pace after pace, she sprinted to her safe place. It was hers, and hers alone. No one knew where it was. No one would ever know."

[@Yuuppppp]

Nice!!!

[@Yuuppppp]

Hooked me

[@orbathealien8868]

That last tip alone is about to change how my first chapter is written entirely.

[@happychimp1077]

Hey Jed, firstly, great content mate. Iv been following your progression for a fair while now.. keep it up
My question related to this video is... my story follows the life of a fox (foxes) in the British countryside, and is meant to be read at a lolloping pace (I want it to be a beautiful journey were the reader is invited along). The opening is slow paced and describes the countryside before we are introduced to the main character (similar to the novel Watership Down). Is this something readers would want to immerse themselves in these days??
Thanks Jed

[@Jed_Herne]

Sure, there are readers who are looking for that type of thing. Just comes down to how you market it. Also, I'd say that while you can have an opening with minimal action (which is what most people think of as 'fast paced') ... you want to avoid having an opening where nothing meaningful happens.

[@happychimp1077]

Appreciate that Jed.. great advice 👍

[@Gurgachevmanuver]

Is this effective for Manga?

[@kikibyde]

Is there a way that i can sign up for your writing class jed.

[@arnoldfossman1701]

I wish I had been where I am on my current story when this video was newly uploaded. I have a question about the opening of my current WIP. Anyone, please, how does the following work in your mind:
I live in an apartment on the top floor of a building in Florida which I share with my cat.
My cat loves to cuddle up to me while I sleep, and he also spends time there when I’m awake but
not ready to get up.
It s for a fantasy story where my POV character learns that there is another dimension that has dragons.

[@HaroZylrun-zc7iz]

Hey Jed! I've wanted to become an author for as long as I can remember, but I've had trouble with starting off. I have a lot of ideas, but haven't really been able to put them down on paper. I was wondering, could you maybe help me with starting a first draft? I always write my first draft like it's the finished product, and I've never gotten farther than the first chapter. Do you have any advice on how to stop doing that?

[@weesamexpress6730]

I am on the fence with my opening statements on my story, and I need help with deciding between the two options:
Option one:
"You're just a useless and fatherless prick! No wonder why your mother lost her will to live!"
Those haunting words echo within Bryan Splinter's mind as he makes his way home from school. He had just been caught in the crossfire when he defended an innocent bookworm from being harassed by a bully.
Option 2:
Haunting words echo within Bryan Splinter's mind as he makes his way home from school. His mask of nonchalance started to crack, yet he managed to hold it together until he was out of the bully's sight. He had been caught in the crossfire when he went out of his way to prevent the bully from harassing a bookworm.

[@zuzuthe]

this is just my opinion, but I like option one better. because it explicitly says what his thoughts are and gives us some of the character’s history. but you don’t need to say “haunting” words, because when we read the thoughts, we can already tell that they’re serious accusations that haunt him

[@bicuramachu]

Chapter 1:
Flames follow her
Nine held her breath as a rush of black, billowing clouds descended. She stooped low, holding her breath, gripping on to the carpet, her mouth clenched shut. Swallowing the poisonous air would mean suffocation.
Fresh air. Why can’t I just enjoy some nice fresh air? Nyne pondrered in her peril.
Breath held. Check.
Thoughts a mess. Check.
Brother nowhere to be seen. Check.
Why is it so warm…?
Where are the…?
She felt the flames festering behind, she flung herself to the fire door. She plunged her right hand into her denims and pulled out a thick woolly sock. Thrusting her hand into the multicoloured sock she opened the old doorknob and managed to escape before the flames licked the back of her neck.
Why does every building I enter illegally seem to burn?
That makes me sound like an arsonist.
Am I an arsonist?
Maybe?
I don’t burn them all.
Do I?
I didn’t do this fire.
So no.
She purveyed her new surroundings.
More smoke. Just great.
She placed the sock over her face and exhaled into it.
3 minutes was average. She gazed down at her sundial wristwatch before holding her breath again.
She crouched low and began to feel her way along the ground, the soot and smoke forcing her to wince.
‘Twelve, eleven, ten, nine… where are you? !. ‘ Datch enunciated in perfect English, his oxygen tube somewhat more practical than a sock. .

[@Toshella]

But did she hold her breath?

[@HaroZylrun-zc7iz]

I think you might mean "arsonist," instead of "anarchist." Otherwise, I think that sounds like a really good book! I'd like to read the whole thing when it's finished!

[@bicuramachu]

@@HaroZylrun-zc7iz I think you're absolutely right, that word would make so much more sense.
I just rewrote the guys intro in the video the way I'd like to read it...
Alas, it is not my work and hopefully the guy will finish it for you to read in the future :) thanks

[@lunarzaveta]

geniunely very intruiging makes me wanna know what’s going on

[@bicuramachu]

​​​​@@lunarzaveta
Continued... From above...
"How very old - skool of you... An old, thick, multicoloured sock...possibly smelly... Nostalgia is so... blasé, don't you think?"
Datch hands moved at a lighting pace and he had plugged Nyne back into the living world with a spare oxygen tube, and grabbed the sock.
Sniff... Sniff...
"It could be smellier..."
He looked down at his sister hunched on the floor, taking a moment to recover from her exertions.
"Probably too soon for wit in this inferno?".
"H...h...h...ho...ho...how...did ye.. Kn.." Nyne tried to splurt out, her lungs adjusting to the the rubbery, synthetic taste of the apparently "odourless smell."
"Ahh... How did I know to bring two oxygen masks... Simple my dear Watson, Plot Armour... We're the main characters we can't die... Right?!
She glared at him.
"I see someone woke up on the wrong side of the sun." He cried followed by a curt smile and a silence filled in by Nyne recovering her breath.
"Eh...I'm organised, what can I say... A good start is half the battle... And besides, you're a Lava Lord, and I don't know if you paid attention at Knogdents but... Lava Causes things that aren't lava to go on fire! Then again you were expelled! ... Mind you, I didn't think you'd go all cave woman again... We're three floors up in a floating cloud, not exactly a good time for campfire and smores."
She fixed him a stare." I didn't set this cloud on fire you idiot."
"Really, Arsonist Annie... didn't do this?"
"I told you, never to call me that."
He gazed at her, her facial reactions,her contempt for him, the look of honesty radiating from her, he knew she hadn't set this place alight. He knew when she lied.
She was now face to face with him, after heaving herself up.
" OK... I believe you... But it's going be hard to defend this inferno in a court of law, well, that's if we get caught."
Their eyes met, her red eyes glinted and she motioned her head towards doubledoors leading to what appeared to be a hallway.
Datch used the multi coloured sock to pry open the left door and peered out into a maroon hall littered with gilded golden framed pictures.
"We really should upgrade our kit, a sock for fire and fingerprints... Really?!."
Sand slid down from the sock and onto the marble tiled floor.
"You're leaking, turn off the Réalt (star). Turn off the draíocht (magic) we'll need it, yknow to make a sand castle whilst we burn to death."
"See, there's that wit that is both unnecessary and needed at a time of imminent doom, it cuts the tension."
The hall seemed removed from the fire, it seemed like they stepped into another world. No flames or smoke could be smelt or felt. No other life seemed to move in this room. It was silent except for their footsteps that echoed.
The floating mansion appeared to be a colossal labyrinth.
Paintings littered the wall, they were mostly abstract, obscure designs of shapes and colours merging and meandering together, except one, the one they ran towards at the bottom of the hall.
It overshadowed a crimson door with a green and white illuminated sign just above the door and below the painting announcing - Slí Amach (Way out)
It was a portrait of C.H.I.E.F Hallameen - Chief, head of International Engineering and Foreign expeditions, the man who owned the floating mansion on fire.
His rotund red cheeks and dull grey eyes leered down at them as they approached coupled with a malicious grin that unsettled Nyne.
The man who made masses float and saved the world from extinction - read the caption engraved into the gold frame.
"Perfectly normal, modest portrait to have in your house..." Datch murmured.
"One more thing did you get the thing." Datch queried again placing the sock around his Réalt hand.
Something written on my lunch 😂 so perhaps it's not so good!!

[@AndrewFishman]

Ironically, one of the greater characters of modern fantasy, Rand Al'Thor, had little in the way of agency. Jordan relied on momentum and a feeling of being totally out of control and a complete lack of agency to build Rand, Matt and, to a lesser extent, Perrin into the characters he wanted them to fulfil. It was not until the last book that Mat actually takes control of his talents rather than trying to run from things that keep thrusting him into situations where he is forced to rely on other dead men's memories to assist him. He has no control, and the more he tried to assert control, the more it slips away from him, encapsulated in his relationship with Tu'an. It was through overcoming this lack of agency that Rand and Matt grew into the capable people they became at the conclusion.

[@xChikyx]

tbh, as reader I don't really care at all about the first line...

[@SpeedwayRon]

2 things are what I look for when I'm trying to find a book to read. First, cover art. The cover is the first thing I notice, so it needs to capture my attention. Second, I need a great intro. A great first line is a nice start, but I need a solid couple pages to get me invested. It's the same for screenplays.

[@srinivastatachar4951]

Readers these days seem to be too impatient to take their time to savor their fine literature, the way one would swirl, sniff and sip a great wine before relishing its after-taste as it washes down one's gullet... No, sir! These days, it's all swig-swig-swig, gulp-gulp-gulp... wolf down your food and drink with nary a taste bud spared to registering the faintest nuance of taste! Highly disappointing, and a thorough damper on any verve one might muster up for the craft! A motivation-killer, if you ask me! What's the hurry?
==============================================================================================================================================================

[@newjerusalem7197]

You just copied Abbie emmons video

[@valentinaegorova-vg7tb]

Great! Very useful, truly ispiring? really motivating! MANY THANKS! BRAVO!!!

[@kray_lin_void]

I wish I could send my first chapter of my story
But I don't speech English 😅