In this video, I mentioned a First Chapter Critique Workshop - I ran this on June 30th, 2024, with 46 amazing fantasy writers. You can get the full recording inside my First Chapter Mastery course (which also includes several more hours of in-depth lessons on writing a compelling first chapter). This course also includes the option to get my personal feedback on your writing. Check it out here: firstchaptermastery.com/
All you have to do is put a fake coffee stain on the first page and you wouldn't have to even bother with writing one in the first place. Let the readers figure out what happened themselves for.. uhh... mystery
Write from another part of the story I had almost the same problem one day when I was watching the news I got an idea about one of the later chapters and I wrote that chapter and after that I easily wrote the opening
I'm not telling you to let chatGPT write your story But it can be a good inspiration to get past writers block In the best case, it gives you great idea. In the worst case, you'll know what you 100% don't want, and that's a start already
He stared at the blank page in front of him, hoping a well worn hope this would be the day he created a new world. The feeling would soon pass, as it always did, and he opened TH-cam to watch yet another Jed Herne video.
Great first line 😅 Yet even as Jed's calm wisdom soothed his grey matter, a niggling anxiety struggled to fight its way through into the forefront of his focus. A story idea was emerging, as a new star explodes forth with light and violence and beauty. He paused the video and threw half the contents of his desk upon the floor as he scrambled for pen and paper. The story was here, and it would not be contained.
You have no idea who I am and I have no idea who you are; However, I felt the need to tell you this: YOU CAN DO IT! DON'T GIVE UP! KEEP TRYING UNTIL IT STICKS!!
I once wrote a short story where the first line was "the king is dead" because I wanted to hook the audience immediately. But they don't know who this king is and I've just spoiled his fate, so why do they care what happens next? After rewrites, i opened the page with a line of dialogue “No traces of poison were found, high magistrate” and focused on the other council members discussing succession with a young distraught prince; this pushed the king line further and further down until it was removed entirely. I used subtext and context clues instead to make the reader wonder who was poisoned and who was investigating. Their interactions tell us who the king is to them and why the reader should care. So I absolutely agree that pushing the revelation further back makes the first page more exciting.
Starting with such a line can work I think, but rather than focusing on a character that the reader wouldn't know at all it would be better to focus on the consequences of his death. Like political implications on to how the other countries might react to that, or about how they have to find a successor.
The dialogue is better than the original line, but I still don't buy writing advice channels dubbing things as "mistakes" and creating rules. Sanderson opened the way of kings prologue with, "Szeth Son Son Vallano wore white on the day he was to kill the king." No one knows who szeth or the king is, and the white clothing isn't an interesting detail. The prologue nonetheless goes on to be the most banger prologue ever
I think the most memorable first sentence I have read was something along the lines of "It was monday morning 10 AM when Jonathan realized he was dead". I can't remember where I read it or what the story was about, but that sentence always stuck with me, because it really makes you ask questions and keep reading.
I think that is kind of the point. You don’t need to hook your readers in the very first sentence, as long as you do it in the first 2 pages or so. So don’t try too hard. If you can open with a killer intriguing line, great. If not, don’t force it.
Hey, as someone who doesn't understand math could you break this down to me like im 5 years old? 😅 sorry, it seems interesting but its like a different language to me.
@@GleamDrawz10^60 is 1 followed by 60 zeroes, or 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000, While 8*10^67 is 8 followed by 67 zeroes, or 80000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 It's worth noting that while these look near identical if you just glance over them, 10^67 is significantly larger than 10^60, a million times larger to be exact. 52! Is read as 52 factorial. 52! = 52 * 51 * 50 * 49..... * 3 * 2 * 1. The reason why there are 52! Possible arrangements of a deck of cards is that there are 52 total cards. If you imagine having a full deck in front of you, and individually choosing each card to fit in a slot, there are 52 choices for the first slot, (52 total) 51 choices for the second, as one has been chosen already (52 * 51 total) and so on until you reach the last slot, where you can only choose 1 card
@@vedantthapar3666 if you don't mind me asking, how did you get from 52 to 8*10^67? And what do the asterisks mean? TYSMMMM somehow i feel like I've learned more math from your 4 paragraphs than my entire school year 😭
@@GleamDrawz asterisks are multiplication. 3*3=9. They're there because it's common in programming, since most old keyboards didn't have the × symbol, so the first computer programs improvised. ^ means exponentiation. So, 2^3=8, or if you aren't familiar with exponentiation, it's repeated multiplication. 2^3 is 2*2*2, so 8. ! is factorial. As they explained, you take the number behind the symbol and multiply it by every number smaller than it. 3! is 3*2*1, so 6. 52! gives the result 8*10^67. In other words, 52*51*50*49... all the way to 1 is equal to 10^67, so 10*10*10*10... 67 times, all multiplied by 8, so we have an 8 followed by 67 zeroes.
I got a prologue that starts like scifi battle. It becomes a precipitating incident in the fantasy kingdom. The king was deciding what to do about the decline of the kingdom. It basically becomes the reason to increase forces in the kingdom. Allowing commoners to be trained in magic. There are three factions one of magic, another of alchemy, and of science. Each will have books following them and over time will come into conflict with one another.
Sounds interesting, but instead of starting with the king mulling over the state of affairs you could start with one of the commenors being trained. That would thrust the reader directly into the conflict, give us a character to latch on to, and you could gradually introduce the conflict facing the kingdom down the line.
@@HungryEyes-sl3mu He already confronted the villain and has a reason not to want to be there. Cut that out and I am going straight to a whiney character.
While I generally agree with moving the action along, the edited version removed most of the setting completely for me. It doesn't read as night time to me anymore, making it sound as if someone is on a roof staring inside a window during daytime. Making me double back to check what's actually going on. I think the writer intended there to be a contemplating pauze as the assassin considers his options, safely cloaked by the dead of night. So I wouldn't cut that description entirely, but phrase it differently and just stick to one image. Then move into action.
@@CitizenMio you could also "reveal" that it's night earlier in the passage (previous page, etc.), so you don't need it here. that still helps the "rate" of revelation. Maybe don't try to pack all the details into one sentence/paragraph.
The first sentence of chapter 2 of “six of crows” tells us so much about the characters both Laz and Inej and creates intrigue I recently read “fourth wing” at it started with the main character Violet Sorrengail who’s getting ready to cross the parapet and enter the war of Basgiath as well as the stakes and why she’s there. It honestly makes sense to start the story that way because that’s how the blurb starts and anything else would have felt dull boring and unnecessary. I think that this knowledge can be used in any novel to grip the reader with a great hook. I love watching these videos because they always teach me something new about writing!! Thank you so much for making this video❤
A good example of the world building opening is in the first book of the Wingfeather Saga, we are given the general history of the world as well as the setting in an introduction info dump. But it has such a whimisical and interesting way of going about it that it pulls you into the story.
This is the opening line to book I’m writing: Will sprints across the forest hearing the flap of wings in the distance. He dares to take a peek behind, but the second he turns away from the ground, he knows he has made a mistake. He trips on a root, somersaults, and bonks into a tree. A figure flies down to the ground. “Will, WILL, our councilor is coming!” Will’s head snaps back from his mobile game as he acknowledges what Dash has said. Will shoves his phone deep under his matres knowing that if he’s seen with it, he will be punished. Anthony, cabin C’s counselor knocks on the cabin door.
Thank you for this great and concise video and channel, Jed! Your work helps the writing community in big ways. For the past two years, I’ve been diligently working on a sci fi fantasy novel and have a solid seventy page word doc outline to work from. Where I keep getting stuck, however, is the first chapter! I just finished my third iteration, felt good about it, and then realized soon after that I was asking too much of it. I feel strongly about the book beginning with the main character’s dream, because it reveals the truth of who she is and the spiritual foundation of the story. However, when she is pulled out of the dream by her commander, I’ve had hard time establishing their world and situation. After watching this video, I have decided to start the story closer to the inciting incident where the main character makes a self sacrificing deal with the enemy queen to save the commander’s life (akin to Little Mermaid). Then in the subsequent chapter, establish her life at the main headquarters, revealing the trie story arc- kill the enemy civilization and save the commander (this, of course, gets turned on its head). I was also thinking that maybe a brief prologue from one of the side characters (hype man) would be a good place to ground the reader so they can jump into the mission , avoiding info dumping or backtracking. All of my friends say the story works as a whole, but kicking it off has been a wild ride haha.
It can be hard to choose an opening point. I have a story that begins with this big, dramatic event, but I find that the event feels less impactful without proper build-up. On the other hand, starting my story slow and gradually building up tension seems too boring; I'm failing to come up with a meaningful plot line that would give purpose to my characters throughout such a beginning. This video was very helpful though; perhaps with some experimenting I will find just the right opening ;)
Hey Jed, what did you do before your first book, like to learn and practice and stuff? Did you have a career at the time, working on your book on the side?
My first chapter starts with the pov of a "victim" the MC kills. Since the MC knows pretty much nothing of the world, it gives readers more context to work with which the MC isn't aware of. Was kinda fun idea.
On your "Low Rate of Revelation" part, I have to disagree; I preferred the "bad" example as it set the scene in a moody and colorfully descriptive way. The revised version was annoying as I had no picture of the setting to use as a reference point and no context for what was going on. I get what you're saying, but this particular example wasn't the best one to use, IMHO. Plus, if a reader decides to abandon a story just seven sentences in, I think the problem is with him, not the story.
I tend to agree. Take the opening lines of Titus Groan and the Gormenghast trilogy: “Gormenghast, that is, the main massing of the original stone, taken by itself would have displayed a certain ponderous architectural quality were it possible to have ignored that circumfusion of mean dwellings that swarmed like an epidemic around its outer walls. They sprawled over the sloping earth, each one half way over its neighbour until, held back by the castle ramparts, the innermost of these hovels laid hold on the great walls, clamping hold thereto like limpets on a rock”. It goes on for another page or so. Although it seems slow, it is introducing a major character (Gormenghast itself), and important themes (Titus breaking free of the confines of the ancient and stifling world of the castle and discovering the outside world). And it is beautifully written (especially, a few sentences later, “This tower, patched unevenly with black ivy, arose like a mutilated finger from among a fist of knuckled masonry, and pointed blasphemously at heaven”).
@@StoicTheGeekthe inventive and evocative phrasing really makes your example work! If the prose weren't so vivid, I doubt it'd be nearly as gripping. I agree with your overall point, though: some people prefer to have a solid image of what's going on, and some people prefer to know what's happening. While he was reading the original, I couldn't help thinking, "Okay, but why is he watching this place? What's his goal?" I think a blending of the two would work well, interspersing objectives and descriptions, making those visual details relevant to the plot whenever possible.
Agreed, the example used for the "Low Rate of Revelation" was an example of "Moodpainting". This can be very effective and a great hook for readers into this particular flavor of writing. The revised version in contrast sounded very basic and generic to me - more like a paint the numbers of quickly getting as much stuff set up as possible. Certainly not the 'balance' of revelation Jed was talking about.
You want a real slow Rate of Revelation, I once read a book that spent multiple pages describing the terrain of the area before finally getting around to about a paragraph or 2 of actual things happening, then on to more terrain descriptions for what i can only hope was someplace else All of that could've been summed up in a few sentences to a paragraph. We didn't need a huge degree of what essentially were superfluous details. It's a *story* not a tabletop RPG campaign setting guidebook
@@mighty_spirit8532 If you think being bombarded with page upon page of repetitive text primarily describing the more irrelevant aspects of terrain as "fast" sure Seriously, there more than 5 pages of that in a row.
@@mighty_spirit8532 Ok? The video talks about how slow rates of revelation was bad and cited an example. Then, I cited one of the worst examples of it I've ever seen
@@jamesmars9767” Guys, chill. You”re saying the same thing. jamesmars9767, you simply needed to change the comma in your original comment to a question mark to make it clearer, “You want a real slow Rate of Revelation?” That says you are about to give an example vs. the way you phrased it which is, “What you want is a slow RoR”.
The problem with the "strange worldbuilding" opening, is that it's harder to write, and it tends to age poorly. Because what might be strange worldbuilding now, likely won't be in years to come. So I'd generally stick with not doing this, unless you have something very specific and unique, or if you are a more experienced writer.
I read a lot and I'm picky. I love going on Amazon and reading the first chapter or so of a book. It keeps me from wasting so much money. I read one recently where there was a huge error to my way of thinking in lack of contrast. A horrific torture and death in the prologue followed by a main character with no known connection. The main character seemed to be feeling sorry for herself about the death of a younger brother which seems trivial compared to the events of the prologue. Also the mood needs to lift a bit. Stories that are relentlessly horrific lose impact.
My idea might be viewed as insane but i will open my first chapter without a single dialouge or narration I'll just show the world,bacground and shoecase my art to hook the audience the narration starts when the character reaches the destination until then its just beautiful pictures and s man walking through a forest.idk i just felt like doing it no one cares anyway
Would love to get feedback from an experienced editor, but I'm not sure if I would even be able to get a spare $50 to get a ticket. The situation over the years since covid has been extreme, which is unfortunate as that's when I started picking up writing for my hobby of worldbuilding, but we're finally getting in the positive and this seems like a great chance to get more than a family member or friend's opinion... Even if it's only a review of the first chapter.
Jed is one of the few who uses bestsellers as "do not" examples, while also presenting "do that" examples from the same book. And it's so encouraging because we get to feel that authorship is a mixed bag even for the great names
Yes-- I tend to see published authors, particularly those in genres like fantasy, as having some kind of secret that I've been left out of when it comes to writing- when the reality is it's a struggle for everyone and it's never perfect.
One of my favorite opening lines in a book is probably from Well of Ascension: “I write these words in steel, for anything not set in metal cannot be trusted.” Is it a good opening? A bad opening? Does it even count as an opening? Not sure but it sounds pretty cool.
It’s just okay to me. I mean right off the batt I disagree with the character saying that line-there’s lots of things that have been engraved in metal that were both lies and just plain evil (for example: Work Shall Set You Free was engraved on metal gates for people entering concentration camps)-but besides that all it tells me is that the character wants to preserve something. And that the character is possibly immature and naive. (Because metal can be torn down and destroyed, etc. Anything material doesn’t last forever. So it’s actually not the material it’s made out of but the idea itself that matters most. What really lasts is immaterial.) If that’s the case-showing a character wanting to preserve something but is immature and naive-then it’s a good opening.
@@narnia1233 I think it sets the stage for the book itself to be a lie and untrustworthy with the only words we can trust are the ones written in the little excerpts (implied to be written in steel) before each chapter actually starts. Maybe it’s not a perfect opening but it is decent foreshadowing.
@@nathanbrownlee9276 I haven’t read the book at all. Could you clarify more? Are you saying that the words in metal are definitely trustworthy? Is that what the intention was? For the reader to see the words in metal as truth? Because if that was the intention-honestly that opening line did not reveal that. And I would say it was unsuccessful if that was the intention.
@@narnia1233 Well of Ascension is part of Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn trilogy. And in all of the books before each chapter, there is a short quote, a paragraph, or excerpt. In the first book, the excerpts are from a logbook that the characters find later in the story. In the second book, Well of Ascension, the excerpts are written on a large steel wall someone finds earlier in the story. Mistborn also has a magic system based around metal so metal itself is really important in that world regardless. I’d say more but that would be a pretty big spoiler, there’s this huge twist surrounding the opening line and I feel like someone in the comments won’t be too happy if I say anymore, but that in the story that you should trust the words that were written in metal.
I have been attempting to write for the past 2 months and it is exceptionally more difficult than I ever imagined. I changed projects 5 times, never able to find the story I wanted to commit to. Then, I sent my first chapter to a public critique site where I found I had many bad habits that needed to be broken. Too descriptive, slow pacing, broken sentencing. I just re-wrote 1.5k words in my first chapter today and I don't even know if it'll see the light of day. Thankfully the writing community is incredibly supportive and these videos are a massive help.
That's awesome!! The more you write, the more you learn how to write and discover your own voice. Keep going and keep getting feedback, and you'll improve! 😊 And keep your first drafts; it's really neat to look back on what you started with and see how much you've refined and polished it. As an example, my first novel started with literally nothing happening while I described the interior of a run-of-the-mill café for at least a paragraph 😂💀 It now starts with the main character expressing his frustration at being trapped in limbo away from everyone he loves, with one of my favorite opening lines I've written: "If I could die of dehydration or starve, I'd have done it decades ago, just to escape the anesthetic monotony of this place." I hope ur writing journey is fun and fulfilling!!
One thing I like to do, when I'm unsure how I want my story to progress, is to just write a scene. It doesn't have to fit in your currently completed story, just be in the world. If you're happy with it, you can figure out how to write TO that scene, and if you're not, there's a decent chance a better idea will have come to you as you write it out. (In my experience, obviously, results may vary.)
The only problem I've found with cutting out scenes is the parts left out "just for me" as you said. For example it seemed to be a problem in the latest Star Wars trilogy that characters were introduced with missing context, and while the actors playing them got what might be considered need to know information by the director/lore writers the audience was left in the dark. Of course a lot of that information was probably destined for spin offs, endless endless spin offs. So when I edit I need to make sure that there's enough character context and reasons for them to be doing what they're doing or feeling a certain way.
Yes! It's important to check cut material for any important info about characters/plot/etc, as having written it can make us think that the reader thus knows that info when in fact we've cut it out. (Of course, this has never, ever, _ever_ happened to me… 😅)
Extremely useful. I love the way you base your approach on using examples. I love how, on top of giving an example of what you would suggest to avoid - you then offer an improved version, that shows how to do it better, rather than just describing in abstract terms what to improve. I am not sure I agree with your first example, I have to admit I find the moustache and the moon opening endearing. Plus A Song of Ice and Fire starts with throwaway characters, too. (Who get killed, okay.) But this is to be expected, different people are bound to have different preferences. I found your second example with the assassin preparing his attack very illuminating, it is something I was not aware of that clearly. I found it especially helpful that you said "a lesser rate of revelation can be okay elsewhere in your book, but not on your first page". And I found the whole idea of the "Unique storytelling proposition" very suggestive. In spite of having watched a few videos on this subject, I found lots of things I hadn't heard befor in your take.
My guess is that it’s only advertised as much because of how often writers fail at this point. I agree the advice is over stated to the point of losing its value.
the opening to the first hunger games book is a masterclass of characterization and world building: “When I wake up, the other side of the bed is cold. My fingers stretch out, seeking Prim’s warmth but finding only the rough canvas cover of the mattress. She must have had bad dreams and climbed in with our mother. Of course, she did. This is the day of the reaping.” In just five very simple sentences we learn of Katniss’s financial situation, her family unit’s predicament, and the main threat towards them: 1. We understand that this main character shares an uncomfortable bed in a cold room with someone who is likely her younger sister, so she is probably poor. 2. Her mother has her own bed, so there is likely only one parent left in this house. 3. Something is scary enough about this “reaping” day that it prompts little girls to climb into their parents’ beds, though that act is usually demeaning for young children past a certain age, as they often want to seem more adult. The prose around her bed being cold and stretching her fingers to seek warmth is also interesting; it sets up Katniss’s obsession with the bare necessities of human comfort. Throughout the rest of the book, it’s well established that Katniss has trouble thinking about interpersonal relationships and being considerate of others because her entire existence revolves around ensuring that her immediate family unit has direct access to sufficient food, water, and shelter. She is highly attuned to just the right amount of food that will sustain one day of hunting, the level of dehydration that will prevent her from getting back up if she collapses, the degree of exposure to the elements that will kill her in one night. The opening paragraph flawlessly establishes the premise of the book right from the jump, you wouldn’t even have to read the blurb to orient yourself in the story.
Out of all of these, I defiantly think Overwhelming Readers is the worst option. For a great example of this, check out Final Fantasy 13's opening hour. In the span of an hour, you have, on memory, about 10 different proper nouns all used interchangeably without any context or meaning behind what they mean. Cocoon Pulse l'Cie Fal Cie PSICOM Guardian Corps NORA Cieth That's just off the top of my head including introducing 6 or so main characters: Lightning, Serah, Hope, Sazh, Vanille, and Snow along with a smattering of other NPC who come and go and a few villains as well. It is completely overwhelming and many of these terms don't get explained until much later in the story.
Not to mention Hope’s mother’s name is Nora, so in the first hour there are two unrelated Nora’s being mentioned in the same scene with little explanation. It’s kind of funny that someone on the development team must have known it was overwhelming because there’s like a whole glossary to explain things that the game hasn’t. It’s also a good sign that you need an audience insert character that can ask questions if you have a weird scifi setting. Everyone in FFXIII just knows what all these terms mean so nothing is ever properly relayed!
Jack Vance was a master of coming up with words; even if he did so sparingly, you would have no trouble telling whatever meant from context. And it instantly painted a picture in your head.
The l’Cie are people enchanted with powers from the fal’Cie. Furthermore, l’Cie are enchanted with powers to fulfill a certain task. Upon succeeding, they become crystals. Upon failing, they become the monstrous Cie’th.
@@iantaakalla8180Thank you, but you misunderstood me. This game came out 15 years ago. It was so badly written and directed, explaining almost nothing to the player and forcing me to check the plot *of the game I’m playing* on the wikis, I stopped caring and still don’t.
For the 1st tip the reader doesn't even have to realize they were baited. They will just eventually(depending on how far from expectations it is) start to think that it isn't as good as they thought it'd be.
I've been thinking that my Trilogy would begin with an introduction by the "author/compiler." Memoirs, written by and for 8 historically important characters are brought together perhaps a century later and "novelized" to tell a more "approachable, concise and entertaining" version of important historical events. These characters will therefore each have 1st person narratives. There's a "main" character, one of 3 "central" characters around which most of the action will take place. The 5 other characters each get a few chapters of their own which I am treating as short stories. Does this intro count as a "1st page? If so, any tips? If not, I'm still working on the Main character's 1st page.
05:30 there are different paces. You don't need to fix anything. Tempo has to be in sync with the audience, wtf are you teaching? Watch the anime "Frieren: Beyond Journey's End" - it's gorgeous. It is beautiful because it is slow! The audience love it! You suggested tricking the audience, and giving them a fast plot to hold attention, regardless of the narrative. Literally, a click bate. I am off. This is not a good video!
I never considered myself a writer, even in writing classes I just really struggled to flesh anything out. However I've always loved reading. Now years later I find myself with a story idea I feel absolutely compelled to write. I've learned a lot in those years. One thing I've definitely struggled with is perfectionism, and I'm now starting to see how silly it is to expect to get it perfect, or even at all, on the rough draft. It seems so funny now, to think that I imagined stories were written in the same order they are read. So now I'm just starting. Going with my emotions, and interests. It may not be beautiful. It may not never be published. But it will be mine.
20:40- I HATE stories that start with the present and then most of the story is in the past. I spend nearly the entire book barely absorbing anything because I'm too desperate to get back to the present. I personally consider it an exTREAMLY lazy story telling technique and I'm shocked you're promoting it. They do it a LOT with tv shows as well. I get a really gripping scene then it fades to black and up pops "24 hours earlier". It makes me want to scream every time. To me that says the writer isn't talented enough to hook you with the beginning of a story so they toss a little FOMO at you to keep you reading. UGH!
I agree, but if the present scene and the step back to the past is only one thousand words apart or 20 minutes apart, it's fine because I wouldn't have to go through too many misc.
me, a comic up-and-coming author, translating every tip to see if it actually applies to me lol. (not a criticism, you're a novelist so you of course would be giving tip for novelists, it's just kinda funny to me that the lack of comic writer resources causes this to be the best method.) like, I ponder how to apply the "rate of revelation" rule to chapter 1 of a comic, of course it still applies, but in a different manner. it's rather interesting how what usually applies to one page instead applies to trying to reveal atleast one bit of new info per page on chapter 1, while still trying not to linger too much and to get your audience to understand the setting and why they should care about the protagonist when the inciting incident happens around halfway through or even three forths into chapter one, lol.
Adapting these techniques for a different medium sounds like a great way to more deeply understand what they're trying to accomplish! You've probably already read it, but *Understanding Comics* by Scott McCloud is a great resource for specifically comic techniques.
My favourite opening line of all time is from the Gunslinger by Stephen king. "the man in black fled across the desert and the gunslinger followed". It raises so many quesions yet it's so concise. Love it.
Re: Point #1. Mark Lawrence's Red Sister. It begins with a hell of a click-bait sentence.. but the book delivers on it, or rather the trilogy does. The framing story that is glimpsed at the beginning of books one and two is really paid off in book three. But, there was plenty of indications that it was going to be, so it never felt like a bait and switch. You shouldn't be discouraged to open with a bomb like this, as long as you light the fuse and it isn't a big dud.
It is important, when killing a nun, to ensure that you bring an army of sufficient size. For Sister Thorn of the Sweet Mercy Convent Lano Tacsis brought two hundred men. Great intro sentence, great trilogy. Some didn't like the flashforward/flashback battle scenes, but I loved the trilogy. And yeah it was a case of promises made, promises delivered which is a point Sanderson makes in his writing teaching too.
I finally decided to have a go at writing a story, and your first piece of advice about the first line is a relief to hear. My story jumps straight into creating an intriguing scene and I've been agonising about a rewrite where the first line is catchy. This was a bit of a confidence boost. Thank you.
Catchy is a bonus, but relevant is a requirement. In most cases, your first line should connect directly with the rest of the page and chapter. If guy promise a deep dive, you'd better not link to a listicle 😉 For now, don't stress too much over the actual wording. Keep developing your intriguing scene, and when you've got it fleshed out, go back and work on that first like again. Good luck, fellow writer!
Try the greatest opening paragraph ever, from We Have Always Lived in the Castle, by Shirley Jackson. You can't not keep reading: My name is Mary Katherine Blackwood. I am eighteen years old, and I live with my sister Constance. I have often thought that with any luck at all I could have been born a werewolf, because the two middle fingers on both my hands are the same length, but I have had to be content with what I had. I dislike washing myself, and dogs, and noise. I like my sister Constance, and Richard Plantagenet, and Amanita phalloides, the death-cup mushroom. Everyone else in my family is dead.
Your channel has been so helpful. I'm really starting to get encouraged about taking the story I'm writing seriously. Watching you I'm not only gathering a ton of useful information on things to look out for and how to improve. I'm also finding that there is a good handful of mistakes I'm not actually making. That's a start! I can probably actually do this
One thing that frustrates me as a reader is when the story stops to just give way to copias amounts of description. My imagination will paint aenough of a picture if you give me descriptuve hooks; i.e. crumbling walls, dew sparkling in sunlight, spiderwebs that catch more dust than flies. If you're going to put in a LOT of detail, then the description itself should tell a story, which is why Tolkien and Martin are so successful in their prose. I'm not against descrption, but too much interrupts the flow.
The opening to Animorphs 1 is strong (though it gets weakened as every following book uses the same style of opening, thanks monthly scholastic book fairs!): "My name is Jake. That's my first name, obviously. I can't tell you my last name. It would be too dangerous. The Controllers are everywhere. Everywhere. And if they knew my full name, they could find me and my friends, and then... well, let's just say I don't want them to find me. What they do to people who resist them is too horrible to think about." it then goes on to talk about not mentioning the town he lives in, mentioning why he's writing and mentioning two important things "Maybe then, somehow, the human race can survive until the Andalites return and rescue us, as they promised they would." From here the book smoothly transitions into it's main plot.
Moment you began talking about the opening with lore, I was absolutely certain you were gonna bring up color of magic, it's one of the best openings of all time, imo.
I just want to say these videos are super helpful. I have yet to actually write anything publishable and am still new when it comes to writing but having you brake it down like this helps me to wrap my head around the monumental task that is writing a book. I do not know if your actually read these comments but gonna say it anyway thanks Jed!! hopefully I can become half the author/teacher you are!!
I love hearing that you've rewritten or added a completely new first chapter after your first draft. I got my first draft done, and then wasn't really satisfied, so that's exactly what I ended up doing, rewriting the entire first chapter from scratch and adding new chapters. It is so much better now! I took Brandon Sanderson's advice to heart. He said he didn't sell his first 15 novels because once written, he never went back and tried to improve on them or redraft them. Check - lesson learned. I avidly watch his videos, your videos, and a few other authors. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge!
Very positive: most things goes, but 1. come to the point in a proper time, don't repeat yourself and bore the reader, 2. don't overwhelm the reader with too much detail, 3. please keep to the topic!
I love Je Herne's advice, but I really wish channels like this would avoid like the plague using examples from LOR and Star Wars (and to a lesser extent GOT). Not sure if I'm the only wannabe writer who can't shake the themes and tropes made popular in these wonderful books and movies. Please please please, use examples from other works.
1. Drama hook first line. In other words, don’t set too high of a bar in your first sentence. 2. Slow burn. Don’t set too detailed of a scene. I’m going to take exception to this and I think there’s a whole lot of highly regarded authors who do this well. Coughing that sounds like Tolstoy and Rand. Sorry, I loved the first version. I love getting immersed into a scene especially if the intent is to create tension. Slow burn is popular and something I love. 3. USP. Hum, maybe. Then again maybe just let the artist learn from experience? 4. Opening options. Okay, yes. It’s good to have, know and appreciate different options. 5. Information Dump. 6. Doing it perfectly. I’m left unsure, was this a waste of my time? Well, maybe not, won’t be using your services as an editor. Our styles are different.
Your tips are so useful, absolutely love them all, can you make a video about writing plot scenes, like scenes where some big info is revealed or some other conflicts builds up.
I used a different opening option for my story which may (or may not) get published. As a broader idea, I guess it would be called "The Day Everything Changed" or "The Turning Point". You start on an event or day that changes everything about your protagonist or antagonist, and sends them into the story of growth and development you are making. Mine starts by describing a feast among nobles, and then my protagonist walks in and gets disowned by his father. Overall, great video Jed! It was very thorough and encouraged me to look back and reread my openings for the book and chapters.
I'm already intrigued by the premise! During that first feast part, can you introduce tension into the scene? Maybe the guests know something is up from the disowning parent's behavior, but they're not sure about the specifics and worry that whatever it is will affect them. (Not sure if your POV is 3rd omniscient; if not, you can give your MC that anxiety, or make them happily oblivious with perhaps a few hints they don't pick up on that something is rotten in the state of Denmark.)
Low Rate of Revelation: I kind of liked the original better myself. It was slow and somewhat meticulous, but it did a good job of setting a mood. The other one was super fast, almost like a script from a 30-minute TV show. I half expected to hear the conclusion of the story. Of course, at the end of the day, it is all up to preference.
Fade in. Exterior. Night. A dark desolate prairie. A lone cowboy sits on a sturdy horse gazing up at the moon. Suddenly a flash of light appears in the sky and a burning meteor plummets to the earth. IFYKYK
Jed, I saw just the preview picture for this video and immediately thought: "War and Peace". I read like crazy when I was a child. Everything from Gardening tips to high literature. The only book I ever gave up on was "War and Peace": Because there were soo many characters! AND: Many of them had the exact same name and title! (Father and son). Super confusing and annoying!
What the HECK was point 2? First of all, you could have just said "cut most of the descriptions from your first page" which is... an opinion you can have, sure, but then you need to explain why. Not just "oh you're not progressing the plot or the characters or the worldbuilding", because there is such a thing as setting the scene and making the reader picture it in their heads. If you skip all descriptions then you may end up with a reader picturing something that is very different from what you're picturing, which would be jarring when they later realised the setting was very different from what they imagined. Then you show us a different first page and your argument for it being better is that it's more fast paced. Which you seem to believe means it's more interesting. Which are two entirely different things. And you go on to say "this sentence poses a question" multiple times but the question isn't a reason to get interested if you answer it in the very next line.
I had a first line I thought was cool but I’m beginning to doubt it: “In my defense, I thought it’d be funny… I should’ve known the judge didn’t have a sense of humor”
Must say that I wrote a story (never finished, sadly) that started with "The horses screamed." and followed immediately with a description of the carriage, horses and all, sliding off an icy cliff. I was told by others reading it, that it was the perfect beginning to this particular story. I don't think I've ever been able to recapture the "feeling" with a first sentence quite like that one. Sigh.
I've never understood the fuss around first sentences or first pages. I'd prefer writers focus on the first couple of chapters as that is generally how long it takes for readers to really make up their mind on whether they'll continue reading or just dnf. As a reader I love great character development, witty banter and creative world building and thats what keeps me engaged. Writing is hard I know, Ive tried lol. Would you recommend writing fast and getting the story down, and then going back to fix and fuss over the writing later on.
Personally I HATE when books starts with a flash forward (if that was it's called). It starts with a random dramatic scene and then ends with something like "two weeks prior" for the next chapter. So bad. I guess it's an attempt to "hook" the reader but for me it just makes me wanting to stop reading
Yeah, writing a compelling first paragraph with a strong hook is a long tradition of writing that goes back centuries. If it works definitely use a "clickbaity" (yuck btw) first sentence.
This is the current working opening line for my book, although i dont know if it counts as an opening line, meant to set up the theme of rebellion, the elites being too confident, and that the antagonist, who the next three chapters are dedicated to, falls into the pattern of how all rebellions go and succeed "“Revolutions are born in the muck where the oppressors are too disgusted to even acknowledge them as a threat. Too dignified in their high towers and citadels to credit the dirt beneath them. But without the dirt, all foundations fall” - Excerpt of “Fall of King’s Watch” By Heida of the Amber Court " Does this sound like a good intro? Set up the core theme early on that the story is about rebellion, just to later pull the twist that its a rebellion that needs to be stopped. It sortof falls into the story in miniature
I am quite late, but the story I am now writing has it this way: A guy is talking to the girl the readers are to falsely assume is his love interest about the amazing thing he and his friends are planning to do and about their ongoing preparation to do it. Then a girl calls her aside and tells her about the even more amazing thing she and her friends had already done. Is that a good beginning? Then we follow the guy working on doing the thing with his friends and how he and the girl who did something even greater fall in love without the girl telling him what she has been up to for years. Then there is a "why didn't you tell me?" moment in the story. Then they break up after she also does something weird. He does his thing and the results are greater than he hoped for, but in the wrong way. Then the girl saves the day by repeating the weird thing she did that turned him up against her. She is now free to explain her reason for not telling him and they are back together because every story should end with the couple together. 😂 Can you, the reader of this comment tell me if "Here is our plan:" is a good idea to be the start of the book? Yes, you fine stranger reading the comment! I want your critique. Do you also think it is a good idea to foul the reader into thinking they were the kids from our world in the first half of the first chapter when they were explaining what they want to do/ did do, just to surprise them with a fact that they were in fact the adults in the fantasy world in the second half? Could it be a good foreshadowing of the fact that the thing the guy is into doing with his friends being childishly stupid thing to do when watched in the retrospect? Or would it just get the audience who would have been into this kind of story falsely convinced that it is a story about and for kids? I have already written it this way. I just want to know should I change it? Is his explanation to foul the readers into thinking he is a kid and then her explanation of what she has done to make them realise that they are both the adults in the fantasy world instead? Or should I just change it to the story being clearly in the fantasy genre from the beginning? I really want to get the advice. Please...
In this video, I mentioned a First Chapter Critique Workshop - I ran this on June 30th, 2024, with 46 amazing fantasy writers. You can get the full recording inside my First Chapter Mastery course (which also includes several more hours of in-depth lessons on writing a compelling first chapter). This course also includes the option to get my personal feedback on your writing. Check it out here: firstchaptermastery.com/
Could you please make a video explaining, in detail, the differences between first person, third person and limited third person narrative?
My first page mistake:
Staring at it and waiting for it to write itself.
Too real
😂 facts
All you have to do is put a fake coffee stain on the first page and you wouldn't have to even bother with writing one in the first place. Let the readers figure out what happened themselves for.. uhh... mystery
Write from another part of the story I had almost the same problem one day when I was watching the news I got an idea about one of the later chapters and I wrote that chapter and after that I easily wrote the opening
I'm not telling you to let chatGPT write your story
But it can be a good inspiration to get past writers block
In the best case, it gives you great idea.
In the worst case, you'll know what you 100% don't want, and that's a start already
He stared at the blank page in front of him, hoping a well worn hope this would be the day he created a new world. The feeling would soon pass, as it always did, and he opened TH-cam to watch yet another Jed Herne video.
Great first line 😅
Yet even as Jed's calm wisdom soothed his grey matter, a niggling anxiety struggled to fight its way through into the forefront of his focus. A story idea was emerging, as a new star explodes forth with light and violence and beauty. He paused the video and threw half the contents of his desk upon the floor as he scrambled for pen and paper.
The story was here, and it would not be contained.
Why you gotta call me out like that? 🤣
You have no idea who I am and I have no idea who you are; However, I felt the need to tell you this:
YOU CAN DO IT! DON'T GIVE UP! KEEP TRYING UNTIL IT STICKS!!
I feel so seen 😂💀💀
@@JhadeSagrav Ngl that last line reads like a pregnancy 😭 I love it
I once wrote a short story where the first line was "the king is dead" because I wanted to hook the audience immediately. But they don't know who this king is and I've just spoiled his fate, so why do they care what happens next? After rewrites, i opened the page with a line of dialogue “No traces of poison were found, high magistrate” and focused on the other council members discussing succession with a young distraught prince; this pushed the king line further and further down until it was removed entirely. I used subtext and context clues instead to make the reader wonder who was poisoned and who was investigating. Their interactions tell us who the king is to them and why the reader should care. So I absolutely agree that pushing the revelation further back makes the first page more exciting.
Starting with such a line can work I think, but rather than focusing on a character that the reader wouldn't know at all it would be better to focus on the consequences of his death. Like political implications on to how the other countries might react to that, or about how they have to find a successor.
"The king is dead" would work for a story about some sort of revolution where the identity of the king is not entirely important
But you did have revelation. You showed us he was poisoned and made us curious. You just did it without revealing the whole thing.
The dialogue is better than the original line, but I still don't buy writing advice channels dubbing things as "mistakes" and creating rules. Sanderson opened the way of kings prologue with, "Szeth Son Son Vallano wore white on the day he was to kill the king." No one knows who szeth or the king is, and the white clothing isn't an interesting detail. The prologue nonetheless goes on to be the most banger prologue ever
@@alexiosblake9804 Yes that particular short story opened with a scene about his succession being discussed.
I think the most memorable first sentence I have read was something along the lines of "It was monday morning 10 AM when Jonathan realized he was dead". I can't remember where I read it or what the story was about, but that sentence always stuck with me, because it really makes you ask questions and keep reading.
Johnny and the Dead" by Terry Pratchett I think 👍🏼
I think that is kind of the point. You don’t need to hook your readers in the very first sentence, as long as you do it in the first 2 pages or so. So don’t try too hard. If you can open with a killer intriguing line, great. If not, don’t force it.
Very similar to dirk gently’s detective agency - the horoscope failed to mention he would be dead by the end of the day.
The opposite of fate by Amy Tan
@@kaasmeester5903the first sentence should be easy to write if you've got an interesting concept and story
11:16 Yeah, just a nerd here: atoms on earth approx 10^60 and combinations of a 52 card deck would be a faculty 52! which is around 8*10^67
Hey, as someone who doesn't understand math could you break this down to me like im 5 years old? 😅 sorry, it seems interesting but its like a different language to me.
@@GleamDrawz10^60 is 1 followed by 60 zeroes, or
1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000,
While 8*10^67 is 8 followed by 67 zeroes, or
80000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
It's worth noting that while these look near identical if you just glance over them, 10^67 is significantly larger than 10^60, a million times larger to be exact.
52! Is read as 52 factorial. 52! = 52 * 51 * 50 * 49..... * 3 * 2 * 1.
The reason why there are 52! Possible arrangements of a deck of cards is that there are 52 total cards. If you imagine having a full deck in front of you, and individually choosing each card to fit in a slot, there are 52 choices for the first slot, (52 total) 51 choices for the second, as one has been chosen already (52 * 51 total) and so on until you reach the last slot, where you can only choose 1 card
@@vedantthapar3666 if you don't mind me asking, how did you get from 52 to 8*10^67? And what do the asterisks mean? TYSMMMM somehow i feel like I've learned more math from your 4 paragraphs than my entire school year 😭
@@GleamDrawz asterisks are multiplication. 3*3=9.
They're there because it's common in programming, since most old keyboards didn't have the × symbol, so the first computer programs improvised.
^ means exponentiation. So, 2^3=8, or if you aren't familiar with exponentiation, it's repeated multiplication. 2^3 is 2*2*2, so 8.
! is factorial. As they explained, you take the number behind the symbol and multiply it by every number smaller than it. 3! is 3*2*1, so 6.
52! gives the result 8*10^67. In other words, 52*51*50*49... all the way to 1 is equal to 10^67, so 10*10*10*10... 67 times, all multiplied by 8, so we have an 8 followed by 67 zeroes.
@@gaopinghu7332well, 52! Is not exactly 8*10^67, only approximately.
Your videos are still small gold mines for writers, I truly love your videos
I got a prologue that starts like scifi battle. It becomes a precipitating incident in the fantasy kingdom. The king was deciding what to do about the decline of the kingdom.
It basically becomes the reason to increase forces in the kingdom. Allowing commoners to be trained in magic.
There are three factions one of magic, another of alchemy, and of science. Each will have books following them and over time will come into conflict with one another.
Sounds interesting, but instead of starting with the king mulling over the state of affairs you could start with one of the commenors being trained. That would thrust the reader directly into the conflict, give us a character to latch on to, and you could gradually introduce the conflict facing the kingdom down the line.
@@HungryEyes-sl3mu
He already confronted the villain and has a reason not to want to be there. Cut that out and I am going straight to a whiney character.
The rate of revelation is a new concept to me. Thanks for the vid!
While I generally agree with moving the action along, the edited version removed most of the setting completely for me.
It doesn't read as night time to me anymore, making it sound as if someone is on a roof staring inside a window during daytime. Making me double back to check what's actually going on.
I think the writer intended there to be a contemplating pauze as the assassin considers his options, safely cloaked by the dead of night.
So I wouldn't cut that description entirely, but phrase it differently and just stick to one image.
Then move into action.
@@CitizenMio you could also "reveal" that it's night earlier in the passage (previous page, etc.), so you don't need it here. that still helps the "rate" of revelation. Maybe don't try to pack all the details into one sentence/paragraph.
@ethandowler4669
True, but this example is supposed to be the first page of your story, if not the very first line. Not much before that ;)
@@CitizenMio oh i must have missed that part of the context. my original comment is from a month ago, so I don't remember everything.
27:00 I always hold up Wheel of Time's opening for how to juggle a LARGE cast, from the get-go
Your 'speed of revelation' idea is a really interesting pacing tool. Cheers.
17:20 agreed, There are some great essays on YT defending exposition... so long as it's good
Fr you can get away with anything as long as it's good 😂
@@emilyrln absolutely! for every "never do X in writing" """"rule""""", there's an exception! 🤣
The first sentence of chapter 2 of “six of crows” tells us so much about the characters both Laz and Inej and creates intrigue
I recently read “fourth wing” at it started with the main character Violet Sorrengail who’s getting ready to cross the parapet and enter the war of Basgiath as well as the stakes and why she’s there. It honestly makes sense to start the story that way because that’s how the blurb starts and anything else would have felt dull boring and unnecessary.
I think that this knowledge can be used in any novel to grip the reader with a great hook. I love watching these videos because they always teach me something new about writing!!
Thank you so much for making this video❤
I'm not a fantasy writer. My passion is detective fiction. But I did still find a lot of this advice useful, so thank you.
A good example of the world building opening is in the first book of the Wingfeather Saga, we are given the general history of the world as well as the setting in an introduction info dump. But it has such a whimisical and interesting way of going about it that it pulls you into the story.
"Lisa is pregnant" is one opening sentence that has stuck with me since 2013 🤣. Life as we knew it. Such a good book
This is the opening line to book I’m writing:
Will sprints across the forest hearing the flap of wings in the distance. He dares to take a peek behind, but the second he turns away from the ground, he knows he has made a mistake. He trips on a root, somersaults, and bonks into a tree. A figure flies down to the ground.
“Will, WILL, our councilor is coming!” Will’s head snaps back from his mobile game as he acknowledges what Dash has said. Will shoves his phone deep under his matres knowing that if he’s seen with it, he will be punished. Anthony, cabin C’s counselor knocks on the cabin door.
Thank you for this great and concise video and channel, Jed! Your work helps the writing community in big ways. For the past two years, I’ve been diligently working on a sci fi fantasy novel and have a solid seventy page word doc outline to work from. Where I keep getting stuck, however, is the first chapter! I just finished my third iteration, felt good about it, and then realized soon after that I was asking too much of it. I feel strongly about the book beginning with the main character’s dream, because it reveals the truth of who she is and the spiritual foundation of the story. However, when she is pulled out of the dream by her commander, I’ve had hard time establishing their world and situation. After watching this video, I have decided to start the story closer to the inciting incident where the main character makes a self sacrificing deal with the enemy queen to save the commander’s life (akin to Little Mermaid). Then in the subsequent chapter, establish her life at the main headquarters, revealing the trie story arc- kill the enemy civilization and save the commander (this, of course, gets turned on its head). I was also thinking that maybe a brief prologue from one of the side characters (hype man) would be a good place to ground the reader so they can jump into the mission , avoiding info dumping or backtracking. All of my friends say the story works as a whole, but kicking it off has been a wild ride haha.
Dream sequence openings are big new writer traps. I’d avoid it - it’s an easy way to get a potential agent/editor/publisher to insta-deny.
It can be hard to choose an opening point. I have a story that begins with this big, dramatic event, but I find that the event feels less impactful without proper build-up. On the other hand, starting my story slow and gradually building up tension seems too boring; I'm failing to come up with a meaningful plot line that would give purpose to my characters throughout such a beginning. This video was very helpful though; perhaps with some experimenting I will find just the right opening ;)
Hey Jed, what did you do before your first book, like to learn and practice and stuff? Did you have a career at the time, working on your book on the side?
Me: ChatGPT, write me a first page for my novel.
ChatGPT: It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times--
*shuts off computer*
My first chapter starts with the pov of a "victim" the MC kills. Since the MC knows pretty much nothing of the world, it gives readers more context to work with which the MC isn't aware of. Was kinda fun idea.
On your "Low Rate of Revelation" part, I have to disagree; I preferred the "bad" example as it set the scene in a moody and colorfully descriptive way. The revised version was annoying as I had no picture of the setting to use as a reference point and no context for what was going on. I get what you're saying, but this particular example wasn't the best one to use, IMHO. Plus, if a reader decides to abandon a story just seven sentences in, I think the problem is with him, not the story.
I tend to agree. Take the opening lines of Titus Groan and the Gormenghast trilogy: “Gormenghast, that is, the main massing of the original stone, taken by itself would have displayed a certain ponderous architectural quality were it possible to have ignored that circumfusion of mean dwellings that swarmed like an epidemic around its outer walls. They sprawled over the sloping earth, each one half way over its neighbour until, held back by the castle ramparts, the innermost of these hovels laid hold on the great walls, clamping hold thereto like limpets on a rock”.
It goes on for another page or so. Although it seems slow, it is introducing a major character (Gormenghast itself), and important themes (Titus breaking free of the confines of the ancient and stifling world of the castle and discovering the outside world). And it is beautifully written (especially, a few sentences later, “This tower, patched unevenly with black ivy, arose like a mutilated finger from among a fist of knuckled masonry, and pointed blasphemously at heaven”).
@@StoicTheGeekthe inventive and evocative phrasing really makes your example work! If the prose weren't so vivid, I doubt it'd be nearly as gripping. I agree with your overall point, though: some people prefer to have a solid image of what's going on, and some people prefer to know what's happening. While he was reading the original, I couldn't help thinking, "Okay, but why is he watching this place? What's his goal?" I think a blending of the two would work well, interspersing objectives and descriptions, making those visual details relevant to the plot whenever possible.
Agreed, the example used for the "Low Rate of Revelation" was an example of "Moodpainting". This can be very effective and a great hook for readers into this particular flavor of writing. The revised version in contrast sounded very basic and generic to me - more like a paint the numbers of quickly getting as much stuff set up as possible. Certainly not the 'balance' of revelation Jed was talking about.
I love the name of the wing opening
You want a real slow Rate of Revelation, I once read a book that spent multiple pages describing the terrain of the area before finally getting around to about a paragraph or 2 of actual things happening, then on to more terrain descriptions for what i can only hope was someplace else
All of that could've been summed up in a few sentences to a paragraph. We didn't need a huge degree of what essentially were superfluous details. It's a *story* not a tabletop RPG campaign setting guidebook
So you mean a fast rate of revelation then?
@@mighty_spirit8532 If you think being bombarded with page upon page of repetitive text primarily describing the more irrelevant aspects of terrain as "fast" sure
Seriously, there more than 5 pages of that in a row.
@@jamesmars9767 I was referring to your first line "You want a real slow rate of revelation"
@@mighty_spirit8532 Ok? The video talks about how slow rates of revelation was bad and cited an example. Then, I cited one of the worst examples of it I've ever seen
@@jamesmars9767” Guys, chill. You”re saying the same thing. jamesmars9767, you simply needed to change the comma in your original comment to a question mark to make it clearer, “You want a real slow Rate of Revelation?” That says you are about to give an example vs. the way you phrased it which is, “What you want is a slow RoR”.
The problem with the "strange worldbuilding" opening, is that it's harder to write, and it tends to age poorly. Because what might be strange worldbuilding now, likely won't be in years to come.
So I'd generally stick with not doing this, unless you have something very specific and unique, or if you are a more experienced writer.
😂u seem serious about human writing.
In gratitude I subscribed.😊
19:28 😂
Now I have to read this book!
I read a lot and I'm picky. I love going on Amazon and reading the first chapter or so of a book. It keeps me from wasting so much money. I read one recently where there was a huge error to my way of thinking in lack of contrast. A horrific torture and death in the prologue followed by a main character with no known connection. The main character seemed to be feeling sorry for herself about the death of a younger brother which seems trivial compared to the events of the prologue. Also the mood needs to lift a bit. Stories that are relentlessly horrific lose impact.
Does first page refer to first page of the book, like prologue, or first page of the first chapter.
Both, in my opinion.
Does the first chapter critique include prologues? I feel I have a pretty strong prologue but would love extra critique.
I've finished a book I started forty years ago and I still can't get the first chapter. Frustrated.
Great advice ❤
I love 6 of crows
Hey Jed, are you European? The way you signaled 3 with your fingers made me wonder! Great info btw, thanks!
He is Ozzie
I finished the damn book.
>intro (timestamp around 0:25)
You published 12 novels? It was 4, wasn't it?
My idea might be viewed as insane but i will open my first chapter without a single dialouge or narration I'll just show the world,bacground and shoecase my art to hook the audience the narration starts when the character reaches the destination until then its just beautiful pictures and s man walking through a forest.idk i just felt like doing it no one cares anyway
Would love to get feedback from an experienced editor, but I'm not sure if I would even be able to get a spare $50 to get a ticket. The situation over the years since covid has been extreme, which is unfortunate as that's when I started picking up writing for my hobby of worldbuilding, but we're finally getting in the positive and this seems like a great chance to get more than a family member or friend's opinion... Even if it's only a review of the first chapter.
Jed is one of the few who uses bestsellers as "do not" examples, while also presenting "do that" examples from the same book.
And it's so encouraging because we get to feel that authorship is a mixed bag even for the great names
Yes-- I tend to see published authors, particularly those in genres like fantasy, as having some kind of secret that I've been left out of when it comes to writing- when the reality is it's a struggle for everyone and it's never perfect.
He makes his money from clickbait youtube videos, not writing lol.
@@chickenmadness1732 clickbait or not, his advice and examples are solid
@@chickenmadness1732 it's not clickbait if he delivers
@@chickenmadness1732 alas, someone's career is not one specific thing, but rather teaching people about that specific thing? what a fucking tragedy!
There's 2 kinds of audiences in this world; those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
10 - those who understand binary and the rest.
Nice
Lol
Thank you for the irrelevant and unoriginal comment
@@jamesloder8652 ah yes someone who is irrationally annoyed at a random youtube comment
One of my favorite opening lines in a book is probably from Well of Ascension: “I write these words in steel, for anything not set in metal cannot be trusted.”
Is it a good opening? A bad opening? Does it even count as an opening? Not sure but it sounds pretty cool.
Mistborn.
It’s just okay to me.
I mean right off the batt I disagree with the character saying that line-there’s lots of things that have been engraved in metal that were both lies and just plain evil (for example: Work Shall Set You Free was engraved on metal gates for people entering concentration camps)-but besides that all it tells me is that the character wants to preserve something.
And that the character is possibly immature and naive. (Because metal can be torn down and destroyed, etc. Anything material doesn’t last forever. So it’s actually not the material it’s made out of but the idea itself that matters most. What really lasts is immaterial.)
If that’s the case-showing a character wanting to preserve something but is immature and naive-then it’s a good opening.
@@narnia1233 I think it sets the stage for the book itself to be a lie and untrustworthy with the only words we can trust are the ones written in the little excerpts (implied to be written in steel) before each chapter actually starts.
Maybe it’s not a perfect opening but it is decent foreshadowing.
@@nathanbrownlee9276 I haven’t read the book at all. Could you clarify more? Are you saying that the words in metal are definitely trustworthy? Is that what the intention was? For the reader to see the words in metal as truth?
Because if that was the intention-honestly that opening line did not reveal that. And I would say it was unsuccessful if that was the intention.
@@narnia1233 Well of Ascension is part of Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn trilogy. And in all of the books before each chapter, there is a short quote, a paragraph, or excerpt.
In the first book, the excerpts are from a logbook that the characters find later in the story. In the second book, Well of Ascension, the excerpts are written on a large steel wall someone finds earlier in the story.
Mistborn also has a magic system based around metal so metal itself is really important in that world regardless.
I’d say more but that would be a pretty big spoiler, there’s this huge twist surrounding the opening line and I feel like someone in the comments won’t be too happy if I say anymore, but that in the story that you should trust the words that were written in metal.
I have been attempting to write for the past 2 months and it is exceptionally more difficult than I ever imagined. I changed projects 5 times, never able to find the story I wanted to commit to. Then, I sent my first chapter to a public critique site where I found I had many bad habits that needed to be broken. Too descriptive, slow pacing, broken sentencing. I just re-wrote 1.5k words in my first chapter today and I don't even know if it'll see the light of day.
Thankfully the writing community is incredibly supportive and these videos are a massive help.
That's awesome!! The more you write, the more you learn how to write and discover your own voice. Keep going and keep getting feedback, and you'll improve! 😊 And keep your first drafts; it's really neat to look back on what you started with and see how much you've refined and polished it.
As an example, my first novel started with literally nothing happening while I described the interior of a run-of-the-mill café for at least a paragraph 😂💀 It now starts with the main character expressing his frustration at being trapped in limbo away from everyone he loves, with one of my favorite opening lines I've written: "If I could die of dehydration or starve, I'd have done it decades ago, just to escape the anesthetic monotony of this place."
I hope ur writing journey is fun and fulfilling!!
One thing I like to do, when I'm unsure how I want my story to progress, is to just write a scene. It doesn't have to fit in your currently completed story, just be in the world. If you're happy with it, you can figure out how to write TO that scene, and if you're not, there's a decent chance a better idea will have come to you as you write it out. (In my experience, obviously, results may vary.)
What if you build a story for 5 years? I’ve been doing that and I haven’t written a single page. Lol.
What public critique did you send it to? I need to do that 😭😂
@@giygas9305 Then you haven't been building a story, you've been daydreaming. I say this as someone who also barely has a paragraph to my name, lol
The only problem I've found with cutting out scenes is the parts left out "just for me" as you said. For example it seemed to be a problem in the latest Star Wars trilogy that characters were introduced with missing context, and while the actors playing them got what might be considered need to know information by the director/lore writers the audience was left in the dark. Of course a lot of that information was probably destined for spin offs, endless endless spin offs. So when I edit I need to make sure that there's enough character context and reasons for them to be doing what they're doing or feeling a certain way.
Yes! It's important to check cut material for any important info about characters/plot/etc, as having written it can make us think that the reader thus knows that info when in fact we've cut it out. (Of course, this has never, ever, _ever_ happened to me… 😅)
Extremely useful.
I love the way you base your approach on using examples.
I love how, on top of giving an example of what you would suggest to avoid - you then offer an improved version, that shows how to do it better, rather than just describing in abstract terms what to improve.
I am not sure I agree with your first example, I have to admit I find the moustache and the moon opening endearing. Plus A Song of Ice and Fire starts with throwaway characters, too. (Who get killed, okay.) But this is to be expected, different people are bound to have different preferences.
I found your second example with the assassin preparing his attack very illuminating, it is something I was not aware of that clearly.
I found it especially helpful that you said "a lesser rate of revelation can be okay elsewhere in your book, but not on your first page".
And I found the whole idea of the "Unique storytelling proposition" very suggestive.
In spite of having watched a few videos on this subject, I found lots of things I hadn't heard befor in your take.
So sick of people advising you must have a hook in the first sentence.
My guess is that it’s only advertised as much because of how often writers fail at this point. I agree the advice is over stated to the point of losing its value.
the opening to the first hunger games book is a masterclass of characterization and world building:
“When I wake up, the other side of the bed is cold. My fingers stretch out, seeking Prim’s warmth but finding only the rough canvas cover of the mattress. She must have had bad dreams and climbed in with our mother. Of course, she did. This is the day of the reaping.”
In just five very simple sentences we learn of Katniss’s financial situation, her family unit’s predicament, and the main threat towards them:
1. We understand that this main character shares an uncomfortable bed in a cold room with someone who is likely her younger sister, so she is probably poor.
2. Her mother has her own bed, so there is likely only one parent left in this house.
3. Something is scary enough about this “reaping” day that it prompts little girls to climb into their parents’ beds, though that act is usually demeaning for young children past a certain age, as they often want to seem more adult.
The prose around her bed being cold and stretching her fingers to seek warmth is also interesting; it sets up Katniss’s obsession with the bare necessities of human comfort. Throughout the rest of the book, it’s well established that Katniss has trouble thinking about interpersonal relationships and being considerate of others because her entire existence revolves around ensuring that her immediate family unit has direct access to sufficient food, water, and shelter. She is highly attuned to just the right amount of food that will sustain one day of hunting, the level of dehydration that will prevent her from getting back up if she collapses, the degree of exposure to the elements that will kill her in one night. The opening paragraph flawlessly establishes the premise of the book right from the jump, you wouldn’t even have to read the blurb to orient yourself in the story.
Out of all of these, I defiantly think Overwhelming Readers is the worst option. For a great example of this, check out Final Fantasy 13's opening hour. In the span of an hour, you have, on memory, about 10 different proper nouns all used interchangeably without any context or meaning behind what they mean.
Cocoon
Pulse
l'Cie
Fal Cie
PSICOM
Guardian Corps
NORA
Cieth
That's just off the top of my head including introducing 6 or so main characters: Lightning, Serah, Hope, Sazh, Vanille, and Snow along with a smattering of other NPC who come and go and a few villains as well.
It is completely overwhelming and many of these terms don't get explained until much later in the story.
Not to mention Hope’s mother’s name is Nora, so in the first hour there are two unrelated Nora’s being mentioned in the same scene with little explanation. It’s kind of funny that someone on the development team must have known it was overwhelming because there’s like a whole glossary to explain things that the game hasn’t. It’s also a good sign that you need an audience insert character that can ask questions if you have a weird scifi setting. Everyone in FFXIII just knows what all these terms mean so nothing is ever properly relayed!
Jack Vance was a master of coming up with words; even if he did so sparingly, you would have no trouble telling whatever meant from context. And it instantly painted a picture in your head.
I played through twenty hours of FFXIII and I don’t know what l’Cie is to this day.
The l’Cie are people enchanted with powers from the fal’Cie. Furthermore, l’Cie are enchanted with powers to fulfill a certain task. Upon succeeding, they become crystals. Upon failing, they become the monstrous Cie’th.
@@iantaakalla8180Thank you, but you misunderstood me. This game came out 15 years ago. It was so badly written and directed, explaining almost nothing to the player and forcing me to check the plot *of the game I’m playing* on the wikis, I stopped caring and still don’t.
For the 1st tip the reader doesn't even have to realize they were baited. They will just eventually(depending on how far from expectations it is) start to think that it isn't as good as they thought it'd be.
Want me to give you feedback on your opening chapter? Get your ticket to my live First Chapter Critique Workshop: jedherne.com/first-chapter-workshop/
I've been thinking that my Trilogy would begin with an introduction by the "author/compiler."
Memoirs, written by and for 8 historically important characters are brought together perhaps a century later and "novelized" to tell a more "approachable, concise and entertaining" version of important historical events.
These characters will therefore each have 1st person narratives. There's a "main" character, one of 3 "central" characters around which most of the action will take place. The 5 other characters each get a few chapters of their own which I am treating as short stories.
Does this intro count as a "1st page? If so, any tips?
If not, I'm still working on the Main character's 1st page.
21:35
Lightsabers detected.
Disney: copyright lawyers dispatched 😂
I hope my chapter gets picked! I'm very excited
I missed it. Will you be doing something like this again? 🥺
Surely book-based clickbait would be Flickbait.
Turnbait?
Flipbait?
05:30 there are different paces. You don't need to fix anything. Tempo has to be in sync with the audience, wtf are you teaching? Watch the anime "Frieren: Beyond Journey's End" - it's gorgeous. It is beautiful because it is slow! The audience love it!
You suggested tricking the audience, and giving them a fast plot to hold attention, regardless of the narrative. Literally, a click bate. I am off. This is not a good video!
I never considered myself a writer, even in writing classes I just really struggled to flesh anything out.
However I've always loved reading.
Now years later I find myself with a story idea I feel absolutely compelled to write.
I've learned a lot in those years.
One thing I've definitely struggled with is perfectionism, and I'm now starting to see how silly it is to expect to get it perfect, or even at all, on the rough draft.
It seems so funny now, to think that I imagined stories were written in the same order they are read.
So now I'm just starting.
Going with my emotions, and interests.
It may not be beautiful.
It may not never be published.
But it will be mine.
20:40- I HATE stories that start with the present and then most of the story is in the past. I spend nearly the entire book barely absorbing anything because I'm too desperate to get back to the present. I personally consider it an exTREAMLY lazy story telling technique and I'm shocked you're promoting it. They do it a LOT with tv shows as well. I get a really gripping scene then it fades to black and up pops "24 hours earlier". It makes me want to scream every time. To me that says the writer isn't talented enough to hook you with the beginning of a story so they toss a little FOMO at you to keep you reading. UGH!
I agree, but if the present scene and the step back to the past is only one thousand words apart or 20 minutes apart, it's fine because I wouldn't have to go through too many misc.
Sounds like a personal problem
0:20 why does this instantly make me think of the first Percy Jackson book: The Lightning Theif?
I vaporized my algebra teacher isn't click bate it's iconic.
me, a comic up-and-coming author, translating every tip to see if it actually applies to me lol.
(not a criticism, you're a novelist so you of course would be giving tip for novelists, it's just kinda funny to me that the lack of comic writer resources causes this to be the best method.)
like, I ponder how to apply the "rate of revelation" rule to chapter 1 of a comic, of course it still applies, but in a different manner. it's rather interesting how what usually applies to one page instead applies to trying to reveal atleast one bit of new info per page on chapter 1, while still trying not to linger too much and to get your audience to understand the setting and why they should care about the protagonist when the inciting incident happens around halfway through or even three forths into chapter one, lol.
Adapting these techniques for a different medium sounds like a great way to more deeply understand what they're trying to accomplish! You've probably already read it, but *Understanding Comics* by Scott McCloud is a great resource for specifically comic techniques.
@@emilyrln thanks for your kind words!! I actually haven't! I'll give it a look :)
@@Green-3c34y65vrbu Yay! I'm so glad I mentioned it :D I hope it's helpful ♥
My favourite opening line of all time is from the Gunslinger by Stephen king. "the man in black fled across the desert and the gunslinger followed". It raises so many quesions yet it's so concise. Love it.
I think he uses that in the video but I thought he said it was from Dark Tower
@@JerrBaybEe the Gunslinger is the first book in the Dark Tower series.
He tells us the whole story in the first sentence, it's incredible. A masterclass in opening a novel.
Re: Point #1. Mark Lawrence's Red Sister. It begins with a hell of a click-bait sentence.. but the book delivers on it, or rather the trilogy does. The framing story that is glimpsed at the beginning of books one and two is really paid off in book three. But, there was plenty of indications that it was going to be, so it never felt like a bait and switch. You shouldn't be discouraged to open with a bomb like this, as long as you light the fuse and it isn't a big dud.
It is important, when killing a nun, to ensure that you bring an army of sufficient size. For Sister Thorn of the Sweet Mercy Convent Lano Tacsis brought two hundred men.
Great intro sentence, great trilogy. Some didn't like the flashforward/flashback battle scenes, but I loved the trilogy. And yeah it was a case of promises made, promises delivered which is a point Sanderson makes in his writing teaching too.
yep, loved the interlude scenes as well!
I finally decided to have a go at writing a story, and your first piece of advice about the first line is a relief to hear. My story jumps straight into creating an intriguing scene and I've been agonising about a rewrite where the first line is catchy. This was a bit of a confidence boost. Thank you.
Catchy is a bonus, but relevant is a requirement. In most cases, your first line should connect directly with the rest of the page and chapter. If guy promise a deep dive, you'd better not link to a listicle 😉 For now, don't stress too much over the actual wording. Keep developing your intriguing scene, and when you've got it fleshed out, go back and work on that first like again. Good luck, fellow writer!
Jed: I promise the final thing does have words in it 29:04
Viewers: NO SHIT!
What novels did you edit? I want to know how well they sold before I bother listening to your advice.
Try the greatest opening paragraph ever, from We Have Always Lived in the Castle, by Shirley Jackson. You can't not keep reading: My name is Mary Katherine Blackwood. I am eighteen years old, and I live with my sister Constance. I have often thought that with any luck at all I could have been born a werewolf, because the two middle fingers on both my hands are the same length, but I have had to be content with what I had. I dislike washing myself, and dogs, and noise. I like my sister Constance, and Richard Plantagenet, and Amanita phalloides, the death-cup mushroom. Everyone else in my family is dead.
my least favourite thing in writing is when an author doesn't know what a semicolon is
How about, "Marley was dead to begin with".... Worked for Dickens.
But it's got to be done right
Hey Jed! I'm a high schooler and I've just started writing my first novel, do you think you could take a look at my first page?
"Banging barmaids was always fun, but main character had no time for fun this night"
It took me 100k+ words for my protag to leave his home city
Anyway Jed, let's just say I need help with overwriting...
Your channel has been so helpful. I'm really starting to get encouraged about taking the story I'm writing seriously. Watching you I'm not only gathering a ton of useful information on things to look out for and how to improve. I'm also finding that there is a good handful of mistakes I'm not actually making. That's a start! I can probably actually do this
One thing that frustrates me as a reader is when the story stops to just give way to copias amounts of description. My imagination will paint aenough of a picture if you give me descriptuve hooks; i.e. crumbling walls, dew sparkling in sunlight, spiderwebs that catch more dust than flies.
If you're going to put in a LOT of detail, then the description itself should tell a story, which is why Tolkien and Martin are so successful in their prose.
I'm not against descrption, but too much interrupts the flow.
The opening to Animorphs 1 is strong (though it gets weakened as every following book uses the same style of opening, thanks monthly scholastic book fairs!): "My name is Jake. That's my first name, obviously. I can't tell you my last name. It would be too dangerous. The Controllers are everywhere. Everywhere. And if they knew my full name, they could find me and my friends, and then... well, let's just say I don't want them to find me. What they do to people who resist them is too horrible to think about." it then goes on to talk about not mentioning the town he lives in, mentioning why he's writing and mentioning two important things "Maybe then, somehow, the human race can survive until the Andalites return and rescue us, as they promised they would."
From here the book smoothly transitions into it's main plot.
I really appreciated that “6 ways to open” section! I really helped me improve my vision and objectives for the first chapter I already have planned
Moment you began talking about the opening with lore, I was absolutely certain you were gonna bring up color of magic, it's one of the best openings of all time, imo.
I just want to say these videos are super helpful. I have yet to actually write anything publishable and am still new when it comes to writing but having you brake it down like this helps me to wrap my head around the monumental task that is writing a book. I do not know if your actually read these comments but gonna say it anyway thanks Jed!! hopefully I can become half the author/teacher you are!!
“Something becomes perfect, not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to subtract.”
I love hearing that you've rewritten or added a completely new first chapter after your first draft. I got my first draft done, and then wasn't really satisfied, so that's exactly what I ended up doing, rewriting the entire first chapter from scratch and adding new chapters. It is so much better now! I took Brandon Sanderson's advice to heart. He said he didn't sell his first 15 novels because once written, he never went back and tried to improve on them or redraft them. Check - lesson learned. I avidly watch his videos, your videos, and a few other authors. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge!
Very positive: most things goes, but 1. come to the point in a proper time, don't repeat yourself and bore the reader, 2. don't overwhelm the reader with too much detail, 3. please keep to the topic!
shame about the moustache, I got mine at 12
I love Je Herne's advice, but I really wish channels like this would avoid like the plague using examples from LOR and Star Wars (and to a lesser extent GOT). Not sure if I'm the only wannabe writer who can't shake the themes and tropes made popular in these wonderful books and movies. Please please please, use examples from other works.
When he said "strange worldbuilding" I immediately thought of Mistborn's opening line--"Ash fell from the sky." :3
Thx for the tips. I'm writing a groundbreaking sci-fi .I have some great ideas, concepts, and overall story, but my execution requires more practice.
4:18 that sold me now I want to read the book.
You want an example of bad world-building? Get Metro 2033. First chapter. That is all.
1. Drama hook first line. In other words, don’t set too high of a bar in your first sentence.
2. Slow burn. Don’t set too detailed of a scene.
I’m going to take exception to this and I think there’s a whole lot of highly regarded authors who do this well. Coughing that sounds like Tolstoy and Rand. Sorry, I loved the first version. I love getting immersed into a scene especially if the intent is to create tension. Slow burn is popular and something I love.
3. USP. Hum, maybe. Then again maybe just let the artist learn from experience?
4. Opening options. Okay, yes. It’s good to have, know and appreciate different options.
5. Information Dump.
6. Doing it perfectly.
I’m left unsure, was this a waste of my time? Well, maybe not, won’t be using your services as an editor. Our styles are different.
I just remove the introduction entirely 😂
Your tips are so useful, absolutely love them all, can you make a video about writing plot scenes, like scenes where some big info is revealed or some other conflicts builds up.
I used a different opening option for my story which may (or may not) get published. As a broader idea, I guess it would be called "The Day Everything Changed" or "The Turning Point". You start on an event or day that changes everything about your protagonist or antagonist, and sends them into the story of growth and development you are making. Mine starts by describing a feast among nobles, and then my protagonist walks in and gets disowned by his father.
Overall, great video Jed! It was very thorough and encouraged me to look back and reread my openings for the book and chapters.
I'm already intrigued by the premise! During that first feast part, can you introduce tension into the scene? Maybe the guests know something is up from the disowning parent's behavior, but they're not sure about the specifics and worry that whatever it is will affect them. (Not sure if your POV is 3rd omniscient; if not, you can give your MC that anxiety, or make them happily oblivious with perhaps a few hints they don't pick up on that something is rotten in the state of Denmark.)
Low Rate of Revelation: I kind of liked the original better myself. It was slow and somewhat meticulous, but it did a good job of setting a mood. The other one was super fast, almost like a script from a 30-minute TV show. I half expected to hear the conclusion of the story. Of course, at the end of the day, it is all up to preference.
Fade in. Exterior. Night. A dark desolate prairie. A lone cowboy sits on a sturdy horse gazing up at the moon. Suddenly a flash of light appears in the sky and a burning meteor plummets to the earth.
IFYKYK
Jed, I saw just the preview picture for this video and immediately thought: "War and Peace". I read like crazy when I was a child. Everything from Gardening tips to high literature. The only book I ever gave up on was "War and Peace": Because there were soo many characters! AND: Many of them had the exact same name and title! (Father and son). Super confusing and annoying!
What the HECK was point 2? First of all, you could have just said "cut most of the descriptions from your first page" which is... an opinion you can have, sure, but then you need to explain why. Not just "oh you're not progressing the plot or the characters or the worldbuilding", because there is such a thing as setting the scene and making the reader picture it in their heads. If you skip all descriptions then you may end up with a reader picturing something that is very different from what you're picturing, which would be jarring when they later realised the setting was very different from what they imagined.
Then you show us a different first page and your argument for it being better is that it's more fast paced. Which you seem to believe means it's more interesting. Which are two entirely different things. And you go on to say "this sentence poses a question" multiple times but the question isn't a reason to get interested if you answer it in the very next line.
You should do a discord server. Best option for channels like yours.
Love from argentina ❤
I had a first line I thought was cool but I’m beginning to doubt it:
“In my defense, I thought it’d be funny… I should’ve known the judge didn’t have a sense of humor”
Must say that I wrote a story (never finished, sadly) that started with "The horses screamed." and followed immediately with a description of the carriage, horses and all, sliding off an icy cliff. I was told by others reading it, that it was the perfect beginning to this particular story. I don't think I've ever been able to recapture the "feeling" with a first sentence quite like that one. Sigh.
I'm a slow writer. Not only do I sweet time, but I'm trying to make the reader feel the time. I funnily call it "Boring, everyday writing".
I've never understood the fuss around first sentences or first pages. I'd prefer writers focus on the first couple of chapters as that is generally how long it takes for readers to really make up their mind on whether they'll continue reading or just dnf.
As a reader I love great character development, witty banter and creative world building and thats what keeps me engaged. Writing is hard I know, Ive tried lol. Would you recommend writing fast and getting the story down, and then going back to fix and fuss over the writing later on.
Personally I HATE when books starts with a flash forward (if that was it's called). It starts with a random dramatic scene and then ends with something like "two weeks prior" for the next chapter.
So bad. I guess it's an attempt to "hook" the reader but for me it just makes me wanting to stop reading
Yeah, writing a compelling first paragraph with a strong hook is a long tradition of writing that goes back centuries. If it works definitely use a "clickbaity" (yuck btw) first sentence.
This is the current working opening line for my book, although i dont know if it counts as an opening line, meant to set up the theme of rebellion, the elites being too confident, and that the antagonist, who the next three chapters are dedicated to, falls into the pattern of how all rebellions go and succeed
"“Revolutions are born in the muck where the oppressors are too disgusted to even acknowledge them as a threat. Too dignified in their high towers and citadels to credit the dirt beneath them. But without the dirt, all foundations fall”
- Excerpt of “Fall of King’s Watch”
By Heida of the Amber Court "
Does this sound like a good intro? Set up the core theme early on that the story is about rebellion, just to later pull the twist that its a rebellion that needs to be stopped. It sortof falls into the story in miniature
I am quite late, but the story I am now writing has it this way: A guy is talking to the girl the readers are to falsely assume is his love interest about the amazing thing he and his friends are planning to do and about their ongoing preparation to do it. Then a girl calls her aside and tells her about the even more amazing thing she and her friends had already done. Is that a good beginning?
Then we follow the guy working on doing the thing with his friends and how he and the girl who did something even greater fall in love without the girl telling him what she has been up to for years. Then there is a "why didn't you tell me?" moment in the story. Then they break up after she also does something weird. He does his thing and the results are greater than he hoped for, but in the wrong way. Then the girl saves the day by repeating the weird thing she did that turned him up against her. She is now free to explain her reason for not telling him and they are back together because every story should end with the couple together. 😂
Can you, the reader of this comment tell me if "Here is our plan:" is a good idea to be the start of the book? Yes, you fine stranger reading the comment! I want your critique.
Do you also think it is a good idea to foul the reader into thinking they were the kids from our world in the first half of the first chapter when they were explaining what they want to do/ did do, just to surprise them with a fact that they were in fact the adults in the fantasy world in the second half? Could it be a good foreshadowing of the fact that the thing the guy is into doing with his friends being childishly stupid thing to do when watched in the retrospect? Or would it just get the audience who would have been into this kind of story falsely convinced that it is a story about and for kids?
I have already written it this way. I just want to know should I change it? Is his explanation to foul the readers into thinking he is a kid and then her explanation of what she has done to make them realise that they are both the adults in the fantasy world instead? Or should I just change it to the story being clearly in the fantasy genre from the beginning?
I really want to get the advice. Please...
Wow I rewrote the first paragraph of my story now I gotta rewrite the rewrite 😅