@@lonnierashid6812 They remember the lies(Women have amazing memory), but they have a problem telling the truth. And when they start to lose an argument, then they just change the topic. This girl I was dating would lie about the most stupid things. Things that she really didn't need to lie about.
Exactly this. Therby is it not authentic to say that you might have misunderstood, because then you are lying and manipulating yourself. It also invites gaslighting because they will take that opportunity to make it your fault.
A person who lies waste your time because it is immature from a grown up perspective. What gets me is how natural it is for most people. I love your advice about calling them out by mirroring back to them their lies indirectly.
Liars bring a trail of drama everywhere they go. I'm learning to avoid the pathological/selfish ones as much as possible. I realized I did not want to spend my time being confused trying to sort out the lies.
have you ever had a liar that lies so boldly even if you seen and know the truth where you start to question your own damn sanity cuz there is no way that someone would ever lie like that...but they are and then it feels like your crazy or tripped out....
My mom. And I make sure I say BOLDLY: You are a LIAR. Everytime she tries to repeat the lie I simply state you are a LIAR. By the third go round she gets quiet as a church mouse. I hate a liar. Don't give a damn who they are...
Your talk on dealing with manipulate people in your life really helped me. I have dealt with severe emotional abuse for nearly all of my life, from my mother to personal relationships and in marriage (which is finally nearing its end and I feel free for the first time in my life but admittedly, I need a lot of counseling to prevent it in the future) and I just could never "flip the script" on these abusive people but u helped me recognize the role I was playing in it all. Thank u.
so insightful....Thank you...I'm dealing with a liar in my life right now who's stressing me out frequently. I'm at the point of I need to cut my losses & move on without this person in my life....thanks so much!
+Kimberly Callahan ... YES! This is Sheila's number two strategy. An excellent solution for not getting involved with liars in the first place. You're "pruning" away the deadwood in your circle of associates.The trouble with this solution is that sometimes one is involved in a person before you realise just how serious the lying problem really is (or it has developed later in your relationship) in which case her first and fourth strategies are the solution. IE: #1..."Is it me getting this wrong or did you say ...." OR # 4 "That is a lie and if you lie again I am out of here..." but consider this Kimberly, all three of those strategies involve ultimately losing the relationship, or accepting the unacceptable and if the liar has other wonderful qualities, then we miss out on an enriching relationship for the sake of their lies... For me, I have accidentally developed the happy solution of Sheila's number 3 strategy... my lying friend is so wonderful in other ways. She is generous and kind, smart and funny and the whoppers she tells do not do me any harm, so I simply ignore them. When they could have any impact on my life I simply do not accept any part of them and exclude them from any influence in my plans. That friend has some psychological problem that I cannot begin to understand, some need for respect or admiration or something but I make it quietly known that I do like and admire and respect her for the real things, and ignore the bullshit utterly!
Thank you for your putting it out there. It is so freeing to acknowledge my own feelings in response to the lies and helps me to be strong in my decision to move on.
Thank you for this information. I've struggled a bit with being truthful. This helped me realize how lying affects people you care about. Thanks again.
I have a person in my life who is constantly pushing me to make a promise or commitment, which I do not want to make, or cannot make. A flat "No" elicits a tirade. I try to be honest but I find myself having to offer up a number of excuses -- none of which are accepted. This person will find a counter-argument every time. The pressure is unrelenting! I've determined this person is a controlling type and will make scenes/high drama, calling me unreliable etc. and guilt trips. I HAD to walk away.
Thank you so much for this ma'am. My father is one of those people that lie themselves in and out of everything and then play victim. A very dangerous manipulator. I hate his guts and I'm no contact with him. Yet, I feel like it's important to know how to protect myself from people like that. Thank you 🌺 This is very challenging though. I'm cultivating the patience to NOT be confrontational.
@@SheilaRobinsonKiss Thank you so much for this. Perfect divine timing. Was just crying over him and in grief because he might never be able to be a healthy or supportive father for me.
Discovering the harsh reality that my husband of 20 yrs was lying directly to my face over and over was traumatizing- sleeping with the enemy became my life until I reached out for help to get away
I find the hardest is covert Gaslighting where it is so cleverly twisted around. ...& we wonder:"Did I imagine This." It Trully is the deal for me...on my OWN Inner deeper intuition and Such self esteem to say:"No more!" A man of the church told me..."well You said Sorry, therefore, YOU are cleared." They are in sin to not say sorry. To have allowed it for so so long- just allowed it to continue...till I no longer Trusted my own feelings and My truth. Maybe enough is:"Well it Hurt me!" If they never apologise- They have a real problem and NOT ME. Narcissists- Covert. I always felt it was my fault- as there was a dynamic of passive-aggression. And if I allow myself to join in That dance- I got angry. I like Ross Rosenburg talks about stepping back & just Observing. Not reacting....observing.
This is such excellent advice. It's draining accusing someone of lying all the time. I need to watch this video over and over again and practice my delivery. This person has a long (unfortunately inherited) history of lying. I think this person lies so much that it has become their truth - even when every one in the room is shaking their heads - because they know the truth. Thank you for putting this advice within our reach.
Dealing with people who.chronically maliciously lie is definitely exhausting and it is absolutely necessary sometimes for your own sanity and peace of mind to distance yourself from the drama that they create and try to surround you with. Those who seem unreliable I think should not be viewed as liars but rather as just that…unreliable. Sometimes it’s a character issue and they truly don’t value your efforts and your time. Other times you are deeply loved and valued and the lack of clear and direct communication is all it is. I know that I struggle with being late especially when I’m unclear about what I need to do and when to be ready and some basics of the plan. Sometimes people just want you to read their mind and commit yourself to a course that has never actually been discussed directly. No matter how much I love someone I need to know for sure that they are in it as well. but I never want to let anyone especially ones I love down so if I know that we have a solid plan I will work very hard to keep my word and my end of the deal.
Just wanted to say that you are great at talking with people. I am getting a divorce from a Gemini man who has been gaslighting me for 31 years. I never could quite put my finger on what was happening in my life with him but now I have my eyes wide open to how he has been manipulating me from the very beginning of our relationship. I never thought that I could be caught up in this crazy game of "cat and mouse"! Wow! I was so wrong. I made him leave 3 weeks ago and I am already feeling much calmer. I was having to take too much medication for pain and anxiety. Now I don't since I made him leave. Everyone who I have seen has told me that I look so happy! I didn't know that it was even showing up on the outside. I am NOT even close wanting to get involved with anyone else right now. I want to take time and figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life before jumping into another relationship. I have a rescue dog and he's been the best "little man" in my life for 6 years. He has been more loving and dependable than my husband ever was. If anyone is feeling lonely? Get a rescue animal and take your time before jumping into another relationship. I started laughing at the beginning of your video when you were offering 50.00 for free. Your eyes shifted to the left which is what someone does when they are lying. I was waiting for the "condition" for the free money. There's always a catch when money is involved. Read the "fine print" everyone. LOL! 😂 Thanks so much for your time! I am a new sub! I really needed to hear this. He has made me so miserable for 31 years but he's very good at lying. Enough is enough! What is sad is that I am a Registered Nurse and I didn't see it coming. I love psychology and have a degree I want to finish. I only lack 12 hours from having my BSN. I started with a 2 year Degree before I met him. He has sabotaged every attempt that I have made to finish my Degree. Now I have a great reason to complete it. I need to feel better about myself! Nothing like a Degree to help you get out and meet new people and finish a goal that I wanted since I was in my 20's! Thanks so much for making me feel better! May Our Heavenly Father guide you always! Much love!❤❤❤
I like your point about reframing the circumstances so that you can focus on what is in your control. I would like advice on how to deal with people who refuse to make promises/commitments and constantly play with words. They do so to leave a loophole so that they feel like they aren't lying but do everything near a promise, like saying "I said I could but I never said I would." or "I said I'd try but I never promised." It's sooo frustrating! It's like a whole other level of selfishness.
You have to start recording them (on your phone app) because my ex narcissist would tell me things clear as day , and then look me in the eye and say “I never said that . You’re putting words in my mouth “. I was being gas lit. It’s not worth keeping these people in your life . They will destroy your mental health
She has some great points and ideas how to deal with things. This is gold! Everyone seems to have theories and reasons for people lying but this gives help for others to deal with it. Mahalo!!!!
Thanks so much, I feel truth in all the words you have said. You have made it easier for my to think about how to deal positively with some people who lie to me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart
I really appreciate this advise. I have always detached from liars after a pattern is identified. Now I have someone in my life that is intimately involved. It now makes it almost impossible to cut this person off.
Finally! Someone who isn't afraid to be politically-incorrect.I've just listened to a video which claimed a liar mustn't be called "pathological" but rather "compulsive" apparently because "pathology" is no longer a medical term and has somehow become insulting to the poor little liar... ...and they only lie because "everyone does" and they were abused in some way as a child! AND we must have sympathy for the poor liar! NEVER BLOODY MIND that it's OUR lives that are affected by bullshit, that WE feel like twits for believing outlandish stories, that we are viewed as targets for con-artists and are somehow the ones at fault for being lied to!Good for you Sheila.. I'm happy someone has the balls to call a spade a spade. Thank you.
Blade56762: I watched that video too, and, although, fairly informative, left a bad taste in my mouth with the 'politically correct' term. I, actually, felt bad, and in my post above, used the 'compulsive' word. I have never Outright called anyone a liar to their face - I used one of the manners, Sheila suggested, 'acting' as though, I may have misunderstood. Well, those days are over, and I call my b/f out on it most every time. (I decided to choose my battles), I do believe that his alcoholism has fried his brain so much, that he REALLY doesn't even know, nor remembers ALL the stupid lies he tells. At first, I felt compassionate, for him, about it. Not anymore. Thank you for 'calling' that one out!!
I deal with a person like this in my job every single day of the week. This person will lie straight to my face even if they know I know the truth. This person takes any opportunity to make me or others look bad to my boss and sometimes I'm afraid my boss believes the lies. I used to help this person do their work and I just stopped be cause I got fed up of her making me look bad to my boss. I had caught her this last time trying to make me look bad and I did get this person to say they did it but then went back on it saying they didn't. Oh my goodness!!!!! People like this can be very very draining. I now stay as far away as possible although we work fairly close together but have our own responsibilities. Thanks for your video, it did help some. I just have very little faith this person will ever change even though they were caught several times doing aweful things. This person is so self centered as to talk bad about her own kids and her own family. Nothing surprises me anymore.
Thanks for showing me another side. Maybe thinking they aren’t lying to me, but everyone (especially themselves). I feel bad for them because many people laugh at the person.
dealing with this. today I plan to accept thing for what it is. u cant change ppl. and as long as u enable them they will become comfortable and take advantage. I can do bad by myself. thanks for this insight. :)
brilliant!!!!! I thank you for taking YOUR time for US! Thanks for sharing, far better to listen to this type of thing than reading it. Thanks a million for the other up loads as well.
This is a painful antidote to my healing process. I habe invested years on the father of my children and one time on the phone he thought hung up or maybe even did that on purpose but heard him speaking to a woman and he was saying that he was just with me.for our kids...i have full custody . And he has goven me reasons uon reasons of.why i heard wrong
Being lied to is painful even though I know it’s not true. They even use bible scripture against me. It’s devastating. I know I need to move on from this person and I will. Why does it still hurt so much. I don’t want anyone to know that it affects me at all.
@@thirdeye9106, God does hate, it is another side of God that people don't like to talk about. Here is the passage; Proverbs 6:16-19 16 There are six things which the Lord hates, Yes, seven which are an abomination [a]to Him: 17 Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, And hands that shed innocent blood, 18 A heart that devises wicked plans, Feet that run rapidly to evil, 19 A false witness who utters lies, And one who [b]spreads strife among brothers.
Gwendolyn Wehage ... My dear Little Sister, if you want to accept the Bible as the actual whole Truth and nothing but the Truth of the all knowing, all loving, never changing Creator of life and love then you are just another sorry part of the problem in this world. As for those of us who have broadened our search for understanding we have learned that the Bible is just a twisted mess. We have learnd through years of serious research that your favorite book is just a convoluted, conglomeration of crazy, primitive stories from broken, speculative tablets written by very ignorant ancient people thousands of years ago and dug up from ancient caves and eventually what was left of them were translated by old fashioned Scribes who were no more credible or enlightened than a load of sheep and goats in ancient times. The Bible messages that you so deeply and totally worship is a pathetic rambling mess. Yes, a bunch of fiction. Sure, SOME of it is obviously very inspired and does makes perfect sence, but most of it is just plain ancient, uninspired speculation and ramblings which have caused more problems in this world than any book has ever caused. Hundreds of millions of people have been tortured and murdered because they believed wonky stories and ugly, ignorant rules about the Father Creator of the Universe. I am so glad I live in the 21st Century where millions of people have left the insanity of the church (disguised as Godly wisdom) and ditched the blasphemous, lies about our Creator... stories of a nonsensical, made-up, so-called hateful, bloodthirsty, jealous God who acted more like Satan/Lucifer than the magnificent True Creator. I'm with the enlightened people who have read the hundreds of tablets and scrolls that the Catholics tossed out during Constantine's time because the tablets and scrolls didn't go along with the Roman rulers' agenda. I've embraced the wisdom of the Living Christ who lives fully and deeply within us. I hope you find Him soon. Spoken in devotion to wisdom of Christ.
@@thirdeye9106 I am so sorry to hear that you have rejected Christ to go your own way. The time is short, Christ will be here soon, once He comes for His church it will be too late for those left behind. Perhaps you could consider praying for truth rather than just believing what others in the world are telling you.
You should publicize more that you are a trained therapist so that your advice can be spread to help more people. I am going to start calling you the Life Doctor!
Yes. My husband is a compulsive liar with undiagnosed personality disorder. We've been together for 23 years. But now it's to a point that I can't handle his lies anymore. He is friendly, is Mr. Help to everyone and a people's pleaser. Looking back at his history, he's ok for awhile, then he starts lying again. Also, he was badly beaten every week from his stepmom, was abandoned by his birth mother, bullied by his step siblings, you name it, while his father did nothing to protect him and his 3 biological sisters. I understand his pain, BUT that's not an excuse to mistreat me and our 4 children. I'm now feel trapped. I'm thinking of ways of leaving him, but, I have major Heath issues and ask myself how I'm gonna take care of 4 children when I leave?
When someone lies to you, they disrespect you. It breaks down any serious and open communication and impairs your relationship. I'd just as soon not have a liar in my life. The relationship is just too damaged and l just as soon not have it.
My ex constantly lied to me, to the point that he lied about having cancer at one point, when I questioned him on why he would lie he said it was because he didn't think of the consequences and just came out with a lie. I always believed he could change and stop lying but it was too draining giving him chances and being let down. I came to the conclusion there was something mentally wrong with him if he could admit he was wrong but still lie.
Great video. I have a friend who tells *tall tales* -exaggerated stories about himself. On top of that? For every story he relates to me about himself, because of his bad memory- I get 3 different versions. I have no idea where the need to lie- exaggerate or brag comes from but I am at a crossroads here. Genuinely annoyed at this point because it all seems so childish. :-( Thx for the help you have given all of us watching this! :-)
I’ve been dealing like my husband and his lies. I believed he’d change but he just keeps lying to a point that he hurt my credit and affects our kids. Im exhausted and no longer believe that he’ll change ever. I threw away my life on a loser and am now depressed because im getting older. Very disappointed.
You are not alone... as hard as it can be the very best thing one can do us move on... pathological lying is an illness and these people become puppets of the devil!
I grew up with a lying mother 😕 she went as far as to make up a story about her having a twin sister that would kidnap her for days every so often. She was having an affair and was caught and it's when she made up this story blaming the "twin" for the affair. That's just one of the hudreds of lies I grew up 👂 hearing 😢
Wow this is crazy! I been dealing with my lying ass Gf for 5 yrs. I have tried all these approaches and I nothing has worked. She has cheated on me and lied and told my family she caught me in the bed with another woman. I feel like I'm in a damn lifetime movie. I'm convinced its not a lie she won't tell! She has told me her grandmother was rushed to the hospital and I found out she was with another man! Everybody I try and talk too just makes excuses for her. It has driven me crazy idk what to do! I try and leave she plays the suicide card and we have a 2 yr and I try my best to avoid the nonsense but nothing works!! She goes around and lies on me and turns around and tells me I'm wrong for telling the truth about her. I can go on for days but idk what to do! Thanks for the video and info because until I watched this video I was actually questioning myself that maybe I am wrong for telling the truth!
Good clip, I see it as a mental disorder. I tryed most all but befriending a friend over 40 + yrs he used to involve me in a few of his lies and I stopped him from that now he mentions other friends in his storys. Non stop dribbling. And find an excuse to end my visit. Oh and knowing his lies I confront a few friends he's mentioned . Just to make sure if its only me that I misunderstood. And the other's say why do I put up with him, And explain to me that's why he's no friend of mine and I should do the same as well.. Iam really considering that option. Or continuing to cut my visit very short. Lol he's a loser. Sign Need new friends,. Lol
We all tell lies yes but some people just take it to a whole new level that they believe their own lies! Seriously, is just crazy! Like ok who says oh yeah the price for an average tune up is $800. Really? You are not a mechanic, and if you paid that much you were taken!
My boyfriend lies about calling me he lies constantly it breaks my heart I cry 😭 they are frustrating to me hurting my relationship like he says baby I will call you back at this time I catch him I take things pretty personal
DEAR LOVELY SHEILA can you talk about cheating husband? what to with them? specially if you love them?need them in your life and if you confronted them but first deny then when you cought them they say sorry but still they will start over
Yes. Give me a few weeks or so and I will send out a video about this because it's happening a lot. I don't think cheaters realize the toll the behavior takes on their partner and family....it's devastating when it occurs..thanks for the suggestion. .
I know this was four years ago... I hope your marriage as improved and, if it hasn't, you are safe and away from this abuser. May the Most High richly Bless you.
My ex had a way of lying when you would question him about something he would say it's not of your concern. Or I'll deal with it. Just to avoid the lie. Or he would say I am having major surgery. Me oh what's going on? Him nothing you don't need to know. Then find out nothing was diagnosed. UGH I fell for it for years just to keep the peace.
I just got dismissed from a job I had only had for 3 weeks because a member of staff has blatantly lied about me . She has a medical problem that she decided to inflict on me . I did not ask her to tell me but she decided to anyway . I very softly asked if she knew there were other ways to treat her illness to which she jumped up , screaming, swearing and told me to get out, many times . I did not shout back . I got my stuff together and calmly left , as she had got on the phone to the boss , dramatically crying . I got asked to come in the next morning and tell my side of the story , which was the same as it happened as I had done nothing wrong and do not lie, not big ones , like this ever . I tell what we used to call white lies that would probably be to not hurt someone's feeling. They then told me that her story was very different . I said "what a liar " to which they acted in a defensive way saying we were not there but in other words , she has been with us longer . I was only , gently , trying to help her , being kind to her . She has lied, got me in trouble and sacked .
One thing I noticed about liars is that they cant keep track of all their lies. there are many other ways to tell such as body language but a common thing I noticed about liars is they tend to never look you square in the eye and always look left or right when trying to think up a lie for the response. its not always correct but pretty close.
you are wrong about not looking in the eye. there are people who will look straight in the eye and tell 100% lies. yet i know many many people they do not make eye contact but they are the most truthful people I know of.
is your last name really kiss? thank you for this video. dealing with fallout of a guy who lied to me 20 months ago. so glad tonight i searched youtube vids on word" dealing with pathological liar". its helping me so much. i needed validation. his lies made me feel like its my fault.
I am so conflicted with these people. I pity them because I think they can’t stop lying, and at the same time I feel like they know exactly what they are doing. If I clown them, then I’m the bad guy.
Being lied to is very painful even though I know it is not true. Why does it hurt so bad. It is devastating to say the least. They even use bible scripture against me.
Great advice, let me ask you this. When at work, and dealing with clients on a professional level, how do you deal with clients who lie? In my personal life, they get one warning, then they dont get the time of day from me. But at work, and they are the bosses clients, what are the rules?
In your example of the person who has the grandiose "lies" saying they are coming to visit, I have to wonder if they may also be bi-polar. This happens when some people who are bi-polar and going through a manic phase. Just wanted to ask this because I have a friend who does this, I really do not think she is lying when this happens. She is a very truthful person, sometimes to a fault, yet she does this when she becomes manic.
This liar has made me lose many friends in the past because I was unresponsive to their ways and they’d somehow weed their ways into my social setting by hanging out and talking to people in my life. They openly admitted they were sick and were jealous a lot of the time of me. But this is harassment. I wish I could make it stop, maybe I should move and start a new life.
My case manager told me since last winery 2017 i was supposed to have a couch being delivered to me but it's now 2018 ending of summer, September 7th still no couch, I bought my own couch myself. It's not the best couch but it's still a couch, I tried tell her supervisor and the director but they too had my calls go straight to voicemail.
Confronting these people about their lies is a waste of time because they will just answer with another lie!
Yes you’re so right ....because they don’t remember the other lie(s)
You cant have sincere communication with the insincere
@@lonnierashid6812 They remember the lies(Women have amazing memory), but they have a problem telling the truth. And when they start to lose an argument, then they just change the topic. This girl I was dating would lie about the most stupid things. Things that she really didn't need to lie about.
Exactly this. Therby is it not authentic to say that you might have misunderstood, because then you are lying and manipulating yourself. It also invites gaslighting because they will take that opportunity to make it your fault.
@@lonnierashid6812 It's not that they don't remember the other lies, it's that their lying is compulsive!
someone once said " when people show you who they truely are, believe them".
I love this. The one that I saw was, "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time!"
Obliv maya Angelou quote she told to Oprah
Maya
A person who lies waste your time because it is immature from a grown up perspective. What gets me is how natural it is for most people. I love your advice about calling them out by mirroring back to them their lies indirectly.
Liars bring a trail of drama everywhere they go. I'm learning to avoid the pathological/selfish ones as much as possible. I realized I did not want to spend my time being confused trying to sort out the lies.
Same
have you ever had a liar that lies so boldly even if you seen and know the truth where you start to question your own damn sanity cuz there is no way that someone would ever lie like that...but they are and then it feels like your crazy or tripped out....
That is a narcissist gaslighting you.
My mom. And I make sure I say BOLDLY: You are a LIAR. Everytime she tries to repeat the lie I simply state you are a LIAR. By the third go round she gets quiet as a church mouse. I hate a liar. Don't give a damn who they are...
Your talk on dealing with manipulate people in your life really helped me. I have dealt with severe emotional abuse for nearly all of my life, from my mother to personal relationships and in marriage (which is finally nearing its end and I feel free for the first time in my life but admittedly, I need a lot of counseling to prevent it in the future) and I just could never "flip the script" on these abusive people but u helped me recognize the role I was playing in it all. Thank u.
We must stay on our toes. .thanks for your support!
wendy braswell l enjoy this lessons thank you for your honesty and wisdom
Me too. Wonderful channel. Bless you xx
wendy braswell ,🙏🏼💜🥰🎀😢
l recognize my anger and l have made the necessary changes to improve my life but l have no room for liars in my life
so insightful....Thank you...I'm dealing with a liar in my life right now who's stressing me out frequently. I'm at the point of I need to cut my losses & move on without this person in my life....thanks so much!
I went through the same shit with my baby momma. Ended up leaving her!
Run!
The one way to get me to walk away from you is to be a liar. Works every time.
+Kimberly Callahan ... YES! This is Sheila's number two strategy. An excellent solution for not getting involved with liars in the first place. You're "pruning" away the deadwood in your circle of associates.The trouble with this solution is that sometimes one is involved in a person before you realise just how serious the lying problem really is (or it has developed later in your relationship) in which case her first and fourth strategies are the solution. IE: #1..."Is it me getting this wrong or did you say ...." OR # 4 "That is a lie and if you lie again I am out of here..." but consider this Kimberly, all three of those strategies involve ultimately losing the relationship, or accepting the unacceptable and if the liar has other wonderful qualities, then we miss out on an enriching relationship for the sake of their lies... For me, I have accidentally developed the happy solution of Sheila's number 3 strategy... my lying friend is so wonderful in other ways. She is generous and kind, smart and funny and the whoppers she tells do not do me any harm, so I simply ignore them. When they could have any impact on my life I simply do not accept any part of them and exclude them from any influence in my plans. That friend has some psychological problem that I cannot begin to understand, some need for respect or admiration or something but I make it quietly known that I do like and admire and respect her for the real things, and ignore the bullshit utterly!
I like this
"I don't know what you think you saw, it wasn't me"
GAS LIGHTING.
Lol! FACTS!
very beautiful! keep speaking up, your making a change in many lives and making honest people stand taller!!
Thank you for your putting it out there. It is so freeing to acknowledge my own feelings in response to the lies and helps me to be strong in my decision to move on.
Thank you for this information. I've struggled a bit with being truthful. This helped me realize how lying affects people you care about. Thanks again.
I have a person in my life who is constantly pushing me to make a promise or commitment, which I do not want to make, or cannot make. A flat "No" elicits a tirade. I try to be honest but I find myself having to offer up a number of excuses -- none of which are accepted. This person will find a counter-argument every time. The pressure is unrelenting! I've determined this person is a controlling type and will make scenes/high drama, calling me unreliable etc. and guilt trips. I HAD to walk away.
I am so glad God allowed me to find your blogs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They are such a blessing!!!!
Thank you so much for this ma'am. My father is one of those people that lie themselves in and out of everything and then play victim. A very dangerous manipulator. I hate his guts and I'm no contact with him. Yet, I feel like it's important to know how to protect myself from people like that. Thank you 🌺 This is very challenging though. I'm cultivating the patience to NOT be confrontational.
Nicole power on because you are here to do amazing things in life and NOT suffer because others can't get it together ..xo
@@SheilaRobinsonKiss Thank you so much for this. Perfect divine timing. Was just crying over him and in grief because he might never be able to be a healthy or supportive father for me.
Discovering the harsh reality that my husband of 20 yrs was lying directly to my face over and over was traumatizing- sleeping with the enemy became my life until I reached out for help to get away
I find the hardest is covert Gaslighting where it is so cleverly twisted around. ...& we wonder:"Did I imagine This."
It Trully is the deal for me...on my OWN Inner deeper intuition and Such self esteem to say:"No more!"
A man of the church told me..."well You said Sorry, therefore, YOU are cleared." They are in sin to not say sorry. To have allowed it for so so long- just allowed it to continue...till I no longer Trusted my own feelings and My truth.
Maybe enough is:"Well it Hurt me!"
If they never apologise- They have a real problem and NOT ME.
Narcissists- Covert.
I always felt it was my fault- as there was a dynamic of passive-aggression. And if I allow myself to join in That dance- I got angry. I like Ross Rosenburg talks about stepping back & just Observing. Not reacting....observing.
Yesterday after 15 years the LIES got to be tooooooo much. Thanks for sharing the love. 💘
This is great! "half truth" or "whole lie"!! Love it!!!
I love this lady! So beautiful , also!
This is such excellent advice. It's draining accusing someone of lying all the time. I need to watch this video over and over again and practice my delivery. This person has a long (unfortunately inherited) history of lying. I think this person lies so much that it has become their truth - even when every one in the room is shaking their heads - because they know the truth. Thank you for putting this advice within our reach.
Dealing with people who.chronically maliciously lie is definitely exhausting and it is absolutely necessary sometimes for your own sanity and peace of mind to distance yourself from the drama that they create and try to surround you with. Those who seem unreliable I think should not be viewed as liars but rather as just that…unreliable. Sometimes it’s a character issue and they truly don’t value your efforts and your time. Other times you are deeply loved and valued and the lack of clear and direct communication is all it is. I know that I struggle with being late especially when I’m unclear about what I need to do and when to be ready and some basics of the plan. Sometimes people just want you to read their mind and commit yourself to a course that has never actually been discussed directly. No matter how much I love someone I need to know for sure that they are in it as well. but I never want to let anyone especially ones I love down so if I know that we have a solid plan I will work very hard to keep my word and my end of the deal.
Just wanted to say that you are great at talking with people. I am getting a divorce from a Gemini man who has been gaslighting me for 31 years. I never could quite put my finger on what was happening in my life with him but now I have my eyes wide open to how he has been manipulating me from the very beginning of our relationship. I never thought that I could be caught up in this crazy game of "cat and mouse"! Wow! I was so wrong. I made him leave 3 weeks ago and I am already feeling much calmer. I was having to take too much medication for pain and anxiety. Now I don't since I made him leave. Everyone who I have seen has told me that I look so happy! I didn't know that it was even showing up on the outside. I am NOT even close wanting to get involved with anyone else right now. I want to take time and figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life before jumping into another relationship. I have a rescue dog and he's been the best "little man" in my life for 6 years. He has been more loving and dependable than my husband ever was. If anyone is feeling lonely? Get a rescue animal and take your time before jumping into another relationship. I started laughing at the beginning of your video when you were offering 50.00 for free. Your eyes shifted to the left which is what someone does when they are lying. I was waiting for the "condition" for the free money. There's always a catch when money is involved. Read the "fine print" everyone. LOL! 😂 Thanks so much for your time! I am a new sub! I really needed to hear this. He has made me so miserable for 31 years but he's very good at lying. Enough is enough! What is sad is that I am a Registered Nurse and I didn't see it coming. I love psychology and have a degree I want to finish. I only lack 12 hours from having my BSN. I started with a 2 year Degree before I met him. He has sabotaged every attempt that I have made to finish my Degree. Now I have a great reason to complete it. I need to feel better about myself! Nothing like a Degree to help you get out and meet new people and finish a goal that I wanted since I was in my 20's! Thanks so much for making me feel better! May Our Heavenly Father guide you always! Much love!❤❤❤
I like your point about reframing the circumstances so that you can focus on what is in your control. I would like advice on how to deal with people who refuse to make promises/commitments and constantly play with words. They do so to leave a loophole so that they feel like they aren't lying but do everything near a promise, like saying "I said I could but I never said I would." or "I said I'd try but I never promised." It's sooo frustrating! It's like a whole other level of selfishness.
You have to start recording them (on your phone app) because my ex narcissist would tell me things clear as day , and then look me in the eye and say “I never said that . You’re putting words in my mouth “. I was being gas lit. It’s not worth keeping these people in your life . They will destroy your mental health
She has some great points and ideas how to deal with things. This is gold! Everyone seems to have theories and reasons for people lying but this gives help for others to deal with it.
Mahalo!!!!
Thanks so much, I feel truth in all the words you have said. You have made it easier for my to think about how to deal positively with some people who lie to me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart
I really appreciate this advise. I have always detached from liars after a pattern is identified. Now I have someone in my life that is intimately involved. It now makes it almost impossible to cut this person off.
Your advise gave me peace, as I am now able to device a good strategy for handling these people.
Excellent and clear cut. Thank you!
Finally! Someone who isn't afraid to be politically-incorrect.I've just listened to a video which claimed a liar mustn't be called "pathological" but rather "compulsive" apparently because "pathology" is no longer a medical term and has somehow become insulting to the poor little liar... ...and they only lie because "everyone does" and they were abused in some way as a child! AND we must have sympathy for the poor liar! NEVER BLOODY MIND that it's OUR lives that are affected by bullshit, that WE feel like twits for believing outlandish stories, that we are viewed as targets for con-artists and are somehow the ones at fault for being lied to!Good for you Sheila.. I'm happy someone has the balls to call a spade a spade. Thank you.
Blade56762: I watched that video too, and, although, fairly informative, left a bad taste in my mouth with the 'politically correct' term. I, actually, felt bad, and in my post above, used the 'compulsive' word. I have never Outright called anyone a liar to their face - I used one of the manners, Sheila suggested,
'acting' as though, I may have misunderstood. Well, those days are over, and I call my b/f out on it most every time. (I decided to choose my battles), I do believe that his alcoholism has fried his brain so much, that he REALLY doesn't even know, nor remembers ALL the stupid lies he tells. At first, I felt compassionate, for him, about it. Not anymore. Thank you for 'calling' that one out!!
wow, great video!!..... the promises part is SO true.The whole video is of great value.
I deal with a person like this in my job every single day of the week. This person will lie straight to my face even if they know I know the truth. This person takes any opportunity to make me or others look bad to my boss and sometimes I'm afraid my boss believes the lies. I used to help this person do their work and I just stopped be cause I got fed up of her making me look bad to my boss. I had caught her this last time trying to make me look bad and I did get this person to say they did it but then went back on it saying they didn't. Oh my goodness!!!!! People like this can be very very draining. I now stay as far away as possible although we work fairly close together but have our own responsibilities. Thanks for your video, it did help some. I just have very little faith this person will ever change even though they were caught several times doing aweful things. This person is so self centered as to talk bad about her own kids and her own family. Nothing surprises me anymore.
thank u for your great help...I am blessed to come across your channel at the need of the hour...God bless your health and keep you happy ...
Absolutely fantastic, a priceless video. Thank you so much..
Thanks for showing me another side. Maybe thinking they aren’t lying to me, but everyone (especially themselves). I feel bad for them because many people laugh at the person.
so I said... I hate being lied to all the time! and BINGO there was your video!
What's sad is if you are dating someone and their mom backs them up in their lies
The best way to deal with liars is to not deal with them. Drop them like hot coals. Ain't got room for that toxicity.
dealing with this. today I plan to accept thing for what it is. u cant change ppl. and as long as u enable them they will become comfortable and take advantage. I can do bad by myself. thanks for this insight. :)
brilliant!!!!! I thank you for taking YOUR time for US! Thanks for sharing, far better to listen to this type of thing than reading it. Thanks a million for the other up loads as well.
+Jonathan Taff Thank you for supporting the channel! I appreciate it...
This is a painful antidote to my healing process. I habe invested years on the father of my children and one time on the phone he thought hung up or maybe even did that on purpose but heard him speaking to a woman and he was saying that he was just with me.for our kids...i have full custody . And he has goven me reasons uon reasons of.why i heard wrong
Thank you for creating this very insightful video!
I appreciate your support! xox
Great opening...lol. I even looked away for a second and rolled my eyes...lol.
I am extremely excited to hear your other videos. Thank you for sharing your insight.
Being lied to is painful even though I know it’s not true. They even use bible scripture against me. It’s devastating. I know I need to move on from this person and I will. Why does it still hurt so much. I don’t want anyone to know that it affects me at all.
This lady sure knows her stuff !
Thank you!
***** I think your AMAZING Thank you, you have made me feel good again :) THANK YOU 1000X :)
this helped me so much something I found out recently, thank you.
This is good advice! Thank you!
Be careful with these types! Thank you for supporting the channel ...xo
thank you Sistah..... love your channel... you are doing amazing works...
God hates all liars. Just get away from them... and stay away.
Brilliant loving solution. Thank you
5winder ... Hate? Which god are you involved with?
@@thirdeye9106, God does hate, it is another side of God that people don't like to talk about. Here is the passage;
Proverbs 6:16-19
16 There are six things which the Lord hates,
Yes, seven which are an abomination [a]to Him:
17 Haughty eyes, a lying tongue,
And hands that shed innocent blood,
18 A heart that devises wicked plans,
Feet that run rapidly to evil,
19 A false witness who utters lies,
And one who [b]spreads strife among brothers.
Gwendolyn Wehage ... My dear Little Sister, if you want to accept the Bible as the actual whole Truth and nothing but the Truth of the all knowing, all loving, never changing Creator of life and love then you are just another sorry part of the problem in this world.
As for those of us who have broadened our search for understanding we have learned that the Bible is just a twisted mess.
We have learnd through years of serious research that your favorite book is just a convoluted, conglomeration of crazy, primitive stories from broken, speculative tablets written by very ignorant ancient people thousands of years ago and dug up from ancient caves and eventually what was left of them were translated by old fashioned Scribes who were no more credible or enlightened than a load of sheep and goats in ancient times.
The Bible messages that you so deeply and totally worship is a pathetic rambling mess. Yes, a bunch of fiction. Sure, SOME of it is obviously very inspired and does makes perfect sence, but most of it is just plain ancient, uninspired speculation and ramblings which have caused more problems in this world than any book has ever caused.
Hundreds of millions of people have been tortured and murdered because they believed wonky stories and ugly, ignorant rules about the Father Creator of the Universe.
I am so glad I live in the 21st Century where millions of people have left the insanity of the church (disguised as Godly wisdom) and ditched the blasphemous, lies about our Creator... stories of a nonsensical, made-up, so-called hateful, bloodthirsty, jealous God who acted more like Satan/Lucifer than the magnificent True Creator.
I'm with the enlightened people who have read the hundreds of tablets and scrolls that the Catholics tossed out during Constantine's time because the tablets and scrolls didn't go along with the Roman rulers' agenda.
I've embraced the wisdom of the Living Christ who lives fully and deeply within us. I hope you find Him soon.
Spoken in devotion to wisdom of Christ.
@@thirdeye9106 I am so sorry to hear that you have rejected Christ to go your own way. The time is short, Christ will be here soon, once He comes for His church it will be too late for those left behind. Perhaps you could consider praying for truth rather than just believing what others in the world are telling you.
Thank you for this video. It's awesome. Glad to have come across your channel. I subscribed! :)
Almost lost my mental health to this liar friend I accepted as such , never again...
me too I felt like suckered punching jorge mazariegos
Friends are the worst and so are partners. They manipulate and want to control their envy is their drive
Great presentation well presented.
This is extremely powerful!!!
This is Awesome! Thank You so much,this really helps me.
You should publicize more that you are a trained therapist so that your advice can be spread to help more people. I am going to start calling you the Life Doctor!
Yes. My husband is a compulsive liar with undiagnosed personality disorder. We've been together for 23 years. But now it's to a point that I can't handle his lies anymore. He is friendly, is Mr. Help to everyone and a people's pleaser. Looking back at his history, he's ok for awhile, then he starts lying again. Also, he was badly beaten every week from his stepmom, was abandoned by his birth mother, bullied by his step siblings, you name it, while his father did nothing to protect him and his 3 biological sisters. I understand his pain, BUT that's not an excuse to mistreat me and our 4 children. I'm now feel trapped. I'm thinking of ways of leaving him, but, I have major Heath issues and ask myself how I'm gonna take care of 4 children when I leave?
When someone lies to you, they disrespect you. It breaks down any serious and open communication and impairs your relationship. I'd just as soon not have a liar in my life. The relationship is just too damaged and l just as soon not have it.
My ex constantly lied to me, to the point that he lied about having cancer at one point, when I questioned him on why he would lie he said it was because he didn't think of the consequences and just came out with a lie. I always believed he could change and stop lying but it was too draining giving him chances and being let down. I came to the conclusion there was something mentally wrong with him if he could admit he was wrong but still lie.
Great video. I have a friend who tells *tall tales* -exaggerated stories about himself. On top of that? For every story he relates to me about himself, because of his bad memory- I get 3 different versions. I have no idea where the need to lie- exaggerate or brag comes from but I am at a crossroads here. Genuinely annoyed at this point because it all seems so childish. :-( Thx for the help you have given all of us watching this! :-)
I’ve been dealing like my husband and his lies. I believed he’d change but he just keeps lying to a point that he hurt my credit and affects our kids. Im exhausted and no longer believe that he’ll change ever. I threw away my life on a loser and am now depressed because im getting older. Very disappointed.
I'm wishing you better days because you deserve more than dealing with someone who will not be truthful...xo
@@SheilaRobinsonKiss - Thank You.
you're welcome!@@pinkoceanflower3045
They’ve overlapped a lot of peoples lives full of these interruptions. Glad to know that... I’m not the only one who this happened to.
You are not alone... as hard as it can be the very best thing one can do us move on... pathological lying is an illness and these people become puppets of the devil!
Wow. This is an awesome video
These people just don't give a damn and will lie for sport!!
Subscribed..great videos that I need right now.thanks
Greeeeeat advice! I just had to subscribe. You are too smart.
I grew up with a lying mother 😕 she went as far as to make up a story about her having a twin sister that would kidnap her for days every so often. She was having an affair and was caught and it's when she made up this story blaming the "twin" for the affair. That's just one of the hudreds of lies I grew up 👂 hearing 😢
You don't depend on the next person to depend on yourself in the Lord to guide you boom!!!!
Thank you for such good advice -- I love your videos
Great video. Very informative.
loved your strategies. i like you. :)
Thank you ! Its very helpful and please don't worry about some of comments here. We, your subscribers love you. Be Blessed!
Wow this is crazy! I been dealing with my lying ass Gf for 5 yrs. I have tried all these approaches and I nothing has worked. She has cheated on me and lied and told my family she caught me in the bed with another woman. I feel like I'm in a damn lifetime movie. I'm convinced its not a lie she won't tell! She has told me her grandmother was rushed to the hospital and I found out she was with another man! Everybody I try and talk too just makes excuses for her. It has driven me crazy idk what to do! I try and leave she plays the suicide card and we have a 2 yr and I try my best to avoid the nonsense but nothing works!! She goes around and lies on me and turns around and tells me I'm wrong for telling the truth about her. I can go on for days but idk what to do! Thanks for the video and info because until I watched this video I was actually questioning myself that maybe I am wrong for telling the truth!
Good clip,
I see it as a mental disorder. I tryed most all but befriending a friend over 40 + yrs he used to involve me in a few of his lies and I stopped him from that now he mentions other friends in his storys. Non stop dribbling. And find an excuse to end my visit. Oh and knowing his lies I confront a few friends he's mentioned . Just to make sure if its only me that I misunderstood. And the other's say why do I put up with him, And explain to me that's why he's no friend of mine and I should do the same as well.. Iam really considering that option. Or continuing to cut my visit very short. Lol he's a loser.
Sign Need new friends,. Lol
Your really good with your words x
We all tell lies yes but some people just take it to a whole new level that they believe their own lies! Seriously, is just crazy! Like ok who says oh yeah the price for an average tune up is $800. Really? You are not a mechanic, and if you paid that much you were taken!
My boyfriend lies about calling me he lies constantly it breaks my heart I cry 😭 they are frustrating to me hurting my relationship like he says baby I will call you back at this time I catch him I take things pretty personal
DEAR LOVELY SHEILA can you talk about cheating husband? what to with them?
specially if you love them?need them in your life and if you confronted them but first deny then when you cought them they say sorry but still they will start over
Yes. Give me a few weeks or so and I will send out a video about this because it's happening a lot. I don't think cheaters realize the toll the behavior takes on their partner and family....it's devastating when it occurs..thanks for the suggestion. .
I know this was four years ago... I hope your marriage as improved and, if it hasn't, you are safe and away from this abuser. May the Most High richly Bless you.
Thank you!
Lol I’m glad I found your channel today
Welcome to the community! I look forward to inspiring you and do check out the playlists!!!@ xox
My ex had a way of lying when you would question him about something he would say it's not of your concern. Or I'll deal with it. Just to avoid the lie. Or he would say I am having major surgery. Me oh what's going on? Him nothing you don't need to know. Then find out nothing was diagnosed.
UGH I fell for it for years just to keep the peace.
I just got dismissed from a job I had only had for 3 weeks because a member of staff has blatantly lied about me . She has a medical problem that she decided to inflict on me . I did not ask her to tell me but she decided to anyway . I very softly asked if she knew there were other ways to treat her illness to which she jumped up , screaming, swearing and told me to get out, many times . I did not shout back . I got my stuff together and calmly left , as she had got on the phone to the boss , dramatically crying . I got asked to come in the next morning and tell my side of the story , which was the same as it happened as I had done nothing wrong and do not lie, not big ones , like this ever . I tell what we used to call white lies that would probably be to not hurt someone's feeling. They then told me that her story was very different . I said "what a liar " to which they acted in a defensive way saying we were not there but in other words , she has been with us longer . I was only , gently , trying to help her , being kind to her . She has lied, got me in trouble and sacked .
One thing I noticed about liars is that they cant keep track of all their lies. there are many other ways to tell such as body language but a common thing I noticed about liars is they tend to never look you square in the eye and always look left or right when trying to think up a lie for the response. its not always correct but pretty close.
you are wrong about not looking in the eye. there are people who will look straight in the eye and tell 100% lies. yet i know many many people they do not make eye contact but they are the most truthful people I know of.
that's why i mentioned its not always correct. I was quite aware of trained liars. Just as with everything practice makes perfect.
is your last name really kiss? thank you for this video. dealing with fallout of a guy who lied to me 20 months ago. so glad tonight i searched youtube vids on word" dealing with pathological liar". its helping me so much. i needed validation. his lies made me feel like its my fault.
This is interesting...I had a situation yesterday where I confronted someone and they accused me of picking on them..lol
That is a tactic to distract and gaslight!! Don't fall for it! Take care of yourself Michelle...
I love your intro.
Thank you so much... I wanted it to be soothing! Xo
Great suggestions BUT PLEASE NOTE; these WON’T work if you are dealing with a Narcissist, Sociopath or a Psychopath.
Linda
Especially true. True. Will not work at all.
So true dealing with a narcissist and he and his minions are established liars.
Love the way you started the vid. LOL!
I am so conflicted with these people. I pity them because I think they can’t stop lying, and at the same time I feel like they know exactly what they are doing. If I clown them, then I’m the bad guy.
😇thanks for your wise counseling! !keep up good work is there a way. To email you if it OK maybe for referral. Or advice
Everything u could name i been lied to about
A step above a clown. Lol. Perfect
Thank you
Being lied to is very painful even though I know it is not true. Why does it hurt so bad. It is devastating to say the least. They even use bible scripture against me.
Great advice, let me ask you this. When at work, and dealing with clients on a professional level, how do you deal with clients who lie? In my personal life, they get one warning, then they dont get the time of day from me. But at work, and they are the bosses clients, what are the rules?
In your example of the person who has the grandiose "lies" saying they are coming to visit, I have to wonder if they may also be bi-polar. This happens when some people who are bi-polar and going through a manic phase. Just wanted to ask this because I have a friend who does this, I really do not think she is lying when this happens. She is a very truthful person, sometimes to a fault, yet she does this when she becomes manic.
This liar has made me lose many friends in the past because I was unresponsive to their ways and they’d somehow weed their ways into my social setting by hanging out and talking to people in my life. They openly admitted they were sick and were jealous a lot of the time of me. But this is harassment. I wish I could make it stop, maybe I should move and start a new life.
She's knows her stuff!
They truly believe they're good liars!!
Hiello, Your advice is really helping me to understand things more your work is phenomenal. If you do not mind me asking what state do you work in?
Hello...I'm so glad it's helping. I work out of New York, illinois and New Jersey...
***** Good morning thanks for responding. Do you accept most major insurances? I Am based in NY.
Brandy Quick hello ma'am. ..please send a not offline to sunburst7000@gmail.com. ..
My case manager told me since last winery 2017 i was supposed to have a couch being delivered to me but it's now 2018 ending of summer, September 7th still no couch, I bought my own couch myself. It's not the best couch but it's still a couch, I tried tell her supervisor and the director but they too had my calls go straight to voicemail.