Let's Talk About This Differently
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 ก.พ. 2025
- Let's Talk About This Differently
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Yes. I recall being told by a guy who stood me up on a blind date that he was "...really sorry that you got stood up..." and the "by me" phrase never quite made the sentence....
Highly manipulated and / or entitled ppl speak like this so that they don't have to face the reality of their own actions
Yeah, that’s weird as hell. Sounds like you dodged a missile.
That's not very likely.
@@Khaleesi_Of_Kittenswhat do you mean?
This kind of thing happens all the time where people actively refuse to take accountability,
And they will take any and every opportunity to disassociate from the issues that they caused and their own relation to it.
But what's also weird is that yes, they will apologize for the thing that happened, but not apologize for their part of it.
A lot of people struggle to realize when they are having a negative effect on the people around them,
And it's partly because they don't want to admit that to themselves.
If you're in denial about it it's possible that you are guilty of it yourself,
But obviously I don't know enough to assume.
However it is worth everyone reflecting on whether or not that might be possible,
So we can all learn from it and grow.
Whaaaat? Wow, that is a really strange phrase to use....and I can't believe he didn't apologize to you.
Be present, not passive.
It is not about being present. He means the use of active language.. I/we do this, instead of this happened/has happened. People who are manipulative tend to use passive voice instead of active voice. Active voice needs a subject (Them) performing the action, whereas in the passive voice, there is no subject, but object. Things happen. "Your life/situation is being messed up instead of "I" am messing up with your life/this situation. Very convenient!
Also, manipulative people tend to apologize by making emphasis on the way we feel or what "happened" instead of what they did. "I'm sorry you feel that way or I'm sorry you got stood up" is not a real apology. They do NOT acknowledge what they did to make you feel a certain way or that THEY stood you up.
@greisyfernandez7353 *IT* is actually very much about being present and living within the moment. *I* said, be present not passive, and I would reiterate the same exact words if I watched this video for the first time today. I'm honestly unsure how you could make such a wholly incorrect assertion about my own opinion lol. As the wife of an avoidant, and as a fairly avoidant person myself, this is my suggestion and general opinion on how to approach relationships. Active language is an important approach. but I'm not talking about active language. I am referring to literally being actively present in your relationship, as opposed to checking out/using escapism, as avoidants tend to do.
Avoiding certain situations or topics can lead to frustration with the other person/outcome; which can yes, sometimes lead to passive-aggressive behavior, such as "testing" the other person, instead of simply asking for what you really need. "Try asking the woman what she means before making assumptions and explaining how she actually does or should feel" would be my second suggestion for you.
If you're present in the conversation, you can then use active communication. Life isn't a series of random events that happen to us, we have to be present as the first order of business.
Growth happens when we stop seeing accountability as an attack and start seeing it as an opportunity to improve-for ourselves and for those we care about. Thats why many parents resist therapy because it forces them to confront their role in the situation. It's not about blame; it's about acknowledging where change is needed and being part of the solution.
That's exactly what I'm going through right now! I've been doing plenty of 'self-development work and figuring out my own path' as an only child in my thirties, and both of my parents are now starting to sundown and getting very angry instead of ever delving into the stuff that I am (very clearly now) able to see happened as trauma in their childhoods. But they keep insisting I'm the one that needs to go to therapy!🪞🪞 I go to the therapist and they all me to send my parents back individually😂 reiki blessings to you on your journey🙌
I heard a therapist on TH-cam say that parents should go to therapy instead of their children. I wish my mum had agreed when she sent me there
I am learning to not say mean things about myself.
Taking ownership is key. We are each accountable for our behaviors. Positive Change can't happen if we don't acknowledge we all fail. We all make mistakes. Saying I screwed up, give us a chance.
Active: we ran on the road.
Passive: the road was run on.
Yep....wife living with a husband...WHO ACTIVE SAYS how bad I am..and takes ZERO DAILY RESPONSIBILITY for anything...AND YES... ITS DAILY CHAOS
Get some counceling, people often only see the other ones side when an outsider tells them to.
and what are YOU doing about it? Leaving him?
This is extremely helpful.
🤯🤯🤯 you are so spot on and the timing of the algorithm is pretty wild😮
sorry to hear that. all the best to both of you!
You guys have it made now days you have someone to listen to you. Without judgement. In my day I was in a domestic relationship and it was violent . I never called the police because I was scared to but after 10 years I left with someone else and that person saved my life I was married to him for 42 years. And had two sons. .
I mean.... Not really. I've been in a very abusive marriage, isolated and very alone. The internet only educated me on how to safely leave, and even then it was a dumpster fire.
Great advice and love how you present it in such logical down to earth ways. 👍 Some things happen for a reason, even though it’s hard to see when you are in the thick of things. Take ownership of your own faults and move on, up and forward. Thanks Dr. John.
Fan of The Doctor John Delony Show Team 👍👍
✌️👏👏✌️
👍
(and you might want to check the spelling of his name😊)
@@melissasibbald4617 Thanks very much. I corrected my error. ✌️
The most you can accept is 50% of any failure.
Love this
cheating and disrespecting each other is a choice
Please recommend study stuff to get used to active language voice. Im willing to try and stop feeling like a wuss.
It sounds like you just made a huge leap in a positive direction with your perspective. Keep going ❤❤
I agree 💯
Excellent
I am surprised the Dr took his time to explain things to the pompous caller
Hunk
That's not active voice vs passive voice.
Grammatically speaking, you’re correct.
🌺🧿
“What do you mean by that?” Did you not pay attention in English class?🤦🏼♂️🤦🏼♂️
Woe unto them that decree unrighteous decrees, and that write grievousness which they have prescribed;