After my 18 yr. old son graduated high school he decided to hold off on college because he didn't know what career path to take. This was fine with us but we told him he would need to get a full-time job and start paying us rent (at a discount) and paying his own way including gas, insurance, cell phone, eating out, etc. After a couple of months of not finding a job, he actually sat us down and asked us to set a deadline for him because he felt as if he was not very motivated to find a job. The moral of the story is kids need measurable goals and deadlines. Luckily for us, he was smart enough to recognize and ask for it. After we set a deadline of 2 months, we are proud to say he has found a good job and is now towing his own weight financially.
Thank you this makes me open my eyes and exactly my son doesn't seem too interested in school. But would love it if he can do something on his own. I thought I was the only one going through this. I'm glad I read yur response here
Nice, but for any kids who are reading this, YOU can set your own goals and then tell mom and dad and ask for their support. Don't always wait for someone else to set you a goal. You can do it! Make your own goals and go for them! It will feel great!
I'm 32 next month and I feel like her son. I needed to hear this. I love my dad but he has been enabling me by allowing me to keep coming back home, I've never paid rent and I've quit most jobs I've had. I'm gonna set some dates and deadlines for myself. Enough of me sitting around lost, heck I'm getting sick of myself lol Thanks guys!
Hello... can you please email me? I would like to pick your brain, I'm having an issue with my son and based on your post you might be able to help... thanks
me too, im 30 and i left the university because social ansiety ten years ago, i have avoidant personality disorder, what have i done this ten years? Well in colombia you cant even get a job doing cleaning, for that you have to have experiense, i have lived as a hikikomori, dealing with my mind , just suffering and wanting not to wake up, my family Is living in precariety and i dont know how to help, i cant even get a job in call Center, they have always rejected me. Since the pandemia Situation i have been back to collage, but guesss what, im studying fine art, and even virtually my ansiety Is playing very hard for me, i never want to talk or show my face, my rithym Is very slow, the theory part Is very complex for me, so i had to cancel that part and im doing the práctic stuff only, drawing and painting, but its hard living daily with fear, being poor, feeling stupid and judged for studying art
I’m 24 and I’m having a hard time also dealing with health issues but I eventually would like to be ready financially and mentally and physically healthy to be on my own
It's good that you are realizing that continuing to be enabled is not helping you at all. Hope you were able to get on the right financial independence track .
I'm turning 24 in a couple of months :'( I wanted to move out since I was like 14; I never imagined my life would turn out like this. I do think my parents cuddled me too much; they never pushed me or taught me life's essentials so-to-say. I feel like as an adult, I'm learning all the things I should of learned when I was 13-14. I was very timid as a teenager; I was depressed at the time. I didn't snap out of it until right before I turned 21. So I spent the last 3 years trying to improve myself, physically, mentally, spiritually; I have gotten stronger, but I still have to face this reality. I think I'm about ready to move forward, but still I wish I wouldn't have to do this as an adult; I wish this would of happened 10 years ago.
just having a job will help teach you so much. the more you do the more you will learn. use the 20s to learn and grow. also it's a great age to start investing.
+JY L well mutual funds. a 401k if you have a full time job. it's a good way to force yourself to save and invest if you do it regularly, like every paycheck.
Some things you just learn as you go. No matter what your parents taught you it is up to you improve yourself. I had to move out when I was 18. At 18 no one knows how to do a lot of those things. I wanted to move out so I did what I had to do to do so. I don't blame my parents. They did the best they knew to do at the time and for that I am grateful. If you want to know how to do something you actually have it better than your parents did. You can Google or use resources they never dreamed of having. So, quit focusing on your parents short comings and continue focusing on your improvements. Move out and enjoy the freedom, pride, and growth that comes with it. Remember your 20's are supposed to be full of ignorant mistakes. Just have goals and make mistakes going forward and don't do the obvious stupid ones like drugs, gangs, etc. You'll be fine.
I know the feeling, my parents did the same, I left home at 18 for university but my parents kept paying for everything for me and handling everything, the depression kept spreading. I didn't snap out of it until about 22/23 (I am 25). I have spent the past 2-3 years trying to get to a self sufficient state and am almost there. I am now looking to try and make something of myself. Like you I wish i had started this many, many years ago.
CHRISTIANNWO are you describing me right nw? This’s exactly what I went through.....I turned 25 last December . N college degree, no skills. The only gd thing happens to m it’s to marry the love of my life I have a kid. I really need help to improve myself and raise my baby to be better than m
Parents be so overzealous to kick their child out the monent they become 18, 20 years old, but they send them out here in a world in a world they know nothing about and did not ask to be in very ill informed and ill prepared. I understand that eventually, the chicks have to leave the nest, but a little bit of prep would help. Whatever happened to college funds being saved up? Perhaps life savings up to that point they turn 18, 20 so they could afford their own place? Whatever happened to teaching etiquette? Parents of today are apart of the problem. Stop sending kids to school expecting teachers to do YOUR jobs. Teach them at home as well. Parents are not expected to baby sit forever, but be accommodating. This all to avert the whole 24 year old elephant in the room. Take responsibility for your part in the problem, parents.
George Canty when I was 14 I thought bringing a joint home from school, well my mother found it. The next day I was handed 20 bucks and shown the door. Let me say this, it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I got hungry really fast , found a job at a bowling alley at the YMCA and worked my tail off. From then on I learned to be self sufficient.
I agree. Parents can teach their kids so much stuff like keeping a budget, doing their own taxes, how to choose a health insurance plan, saving for retirement, how to have a weekly plan to clean the house, etiquette like you said, and so much more. The truth is that several parents don't know how to do these things themselves.
I think one of the problems is many kids come from single parent homes and parent does not have college $$ for their kids. Then another issue is not everyone is college material. People forget scholarships n grants.
I think it's ok to be at home if your a productive individual! Going to school, developing career, networking and being respectful with the household keeping it clean. If your developing your career it makes financial sense to stay home to pay debt
Grand Champ I agree! the more money your kid can save the better, if they can get a job that pays more than 25k a year. ( That is sorta difficult depending on where you live.) In 5 ish years if they save every penny, and invest it as they go, until they get 100k, by then they would be 23, that would give them an extra 5-10k a year on interest of their money. By 30, they would actually have enough to retire on if they are frugal. This is how it should be done, this is how kids become successful. It also is what is done in other cultures. ( Of course I only think it should be done for kids that do deserve it.)
her daughter knows what she is saying is bull on her part. she didn’t struggle or have Real world problems. she worked hard knowing that her dad could hire her (she had something to grasp onto, and knowing the outcome). most people don’t have a safety net, they study hard in school knowing that there is a possibility they won’t get into the field they are striving towards. The daughter probably took a few media production courses. Connections are important, even at my workplace work, the kids get a free ride up the ladder in the business if mommy works there and is a boss. it’s no different with David and his kids.
I remember when I was 25 and I was living away from home and it was an emergency situation. I asked if I could come back home and my parents told me that I needed 3 months of finances to cover my bills and to get a job immediately and I could only move temporarily in but only I had my 3 months of finances and I had to find a new place, they said they’d provide me with food and a roof. Once I moved back in with my savings of 3 months I purchased a broken down $200 car and spend 100 to get it running, I found a job the first week I was there, within a month and a half I had found a new place and moved in. I kept that 200 dollar car until the transmission went and I sold it to the junkyard for $400. I had enough at that time to purchase a $5,000 Car that was used,so no car payment. This was 5 years ago, I still have that same car, though it’s on it’s last leg and I’m still on my own. I was always grateful they didn’t allow to me to just skate by.
Why is there such a stigma on living at home while trying to get your life in order? I'd rather live at home while attending school and even 1 - 2 years after while saving as opposed to struggling financially. People can be just as mature even though they are living at home if they aren't just sitting around wasting time. People in other countries (especially Asia) do it all the time. I think it will become more prevalent in America as the cost of living and tuition continues to skyrocket while salaries stay stagnant.
K Henderson ok as long as they are contributing to the household. Helping make meals, cleaning, being joyful and kind to those in the house. Being a blessing!
I think your arguement falls on deaf ears. Children have been delaying growing into adulthood, more and more, for the past 70 years. Some of them have now made it to 60-70 years old!
I understand this is a sensitive issue for a lot of people, but as an older millennial, I tend to agree with Dave. I moved out of my parents house when I was 20 (most of my friends had done this by 18, summer after high school graduation), so I already felt like a loser living at home for two extra years. To live outside my parents home (I'm a New Yorker btw), I had to rent a place with 5 strangers. Not ideal but it worked out. I now live with my boyfriend, but not for financial reasons-just because that's where our relationship is at. I spent years living completely solo and getting those five roommates (who turned out to be-more or less- pretty cool) was the first step. "Adulting" isn't easy and a lot of times we have to deal with not being in ideal situations for awhile, but that's sort of the point of what David Ramsey stands for. You accept being uncomfortable for the greater good, so one day you will be very comfortable. My parents are great but they were like the caller in many ways. They enabled me by not forcing me to get a move on. I didn't fully appreciate all they had done for me until I had to pay for my own education, groceries, gas, etc. and no I don't owe student loans because I decided to go to community college and then transfer to a state university. One good thing they did was to instill in me the important of making my own money. By the time I was 14 and could get my working papers, I was strongly encouraged to have a job and I was generally glad to because I liked having my own money. Summer breaks, winter breaks I worked. Yes, the economy isn't what it was and the job market isn't what it was and I fully understand how most of us didn't go to school all those years to work construction or deliver pizza. But if that's the case, we have to accept becoming more creative with our income and living situations, such as having roommates or creating side hustles, etc.
I'd also like to add this isn't necessarily a millennial problem. I know gen-x people who are struggling with this issue, while lots of the younger millennials have entrepreneurship attitudes and are excelling. This is not about an age group but a mindset.
I'd say this is a mix of our generation getting coddled, society putting too much faith in college, and a "follow your passion" mentality. I know more than a few people my age (younger end of millennials ~23-26) who's parents told them to concentrate on school, and not worry about working. They lived at home or at Uni, and never once got a job until they were done, or dropped out. It's very hard to even get an entry level position with no work experience, and a degree that's not worth as much as it used to be. And even if you can get a job, unless that degree is in STEM, you aren't likely to make a whole lot. I've met more than a few English and sociology majors working at McDonald's years after graduating...
You're so right! If I could go back, I'd tell my younger self to work and/or intern at places in my desired field a lot of earlier than I did (I actually just made a vid on this topic). Many of the kids I grew up with had jobs by the time they were in high school, but most of them were retail which didn't really help our resumes because people want experience in the industry you're applying for. I'd tell this new generation to stick to babysitting or mall jobs until they are 17 and then search out opportunities in fields they want to be in long term. I was blessed to gain office experience early but I wanted to enter the publishing/magazine field which is BIG on who you know and networking. I didn't intern until I was almost finished with my degree and no longer could afford to work for free indefinitely. If I could go back, I would have started interning right away and transitioned to part-time work by the time I was 20. Honestly, schools also need to start pushing kids to think about their careers early and help them to see what potential opportunities there are for their interest. I went to an excellent high school and yet had no idea that there were positions like "creative director" or anything until I was almost finished in college. I didn't know a copywriter or technical writer could make more than a journalist and so many other things that would have been helpful to know out of the gate.
Holly J I sorta disagree, the more money your kid can save the better, if they can get a job that pays more than 25k a year. ( That is sorta difficult depending on where you live.) In 5 ish years if they save every penny, and invest it as they go, until they get 100k, by then they would be 23, that would give them an extra 5-10k a year on interest of their money. By 30, they would actually have enough to retire on if they are frugal. This is how it should be done, this is how kids become successful. It also is what is done in other cultures. ( Of course I only think it should be done for kids that do deserve it.) I started a bit late, went to community college first before getting my job, and I did not even know investing was a thing until recently at 22, but I still have a decent nest egg to start. These are just things that are not taught like they should be.
Michael Post a lot of white peoples work under their family’s business . Nothing wrong with that . As a business owner I’d rather pay family than a stranger wouldn’t you ?
Dave usually you are spot on but on this topic you seem to get derailed. Have you ever considered that the parents have failed through their actions to prepare the child for leaving the nest.
Parents need to put their children in leadership roles. What parents fail to do is help them build skills for adult life when they're still young. You can't just raise a child and expect the child to pick up these skills on their own, especially when children only look up to authority for guidance. We've created a generation where mommy and daddy lets the TV and smartphone raise their child.
@@PimpMatt0 Don't forget glorifying single mothers like it's an accomplishment. It isn't. Federal government is now the father figure and single mothers let public education and daycare facilities be the new mommy. It's no wonder people are growing up with all kinds of developmental issues.
I never got this stuff. I was 26 when this came out. When I graduated high school I couldnt wait to get out into the world with my own place doing my own thing.
As a 24 year old myself, this is hard to keep listening to. A job stands for JUST OVER BROKE. Dreams and goals could change. I had to leave my previous job because my spirit was long gone from there. Instead of being told to do what I love every day I was told to do something else. I LISTENED convinced that was right. And people wonder why I'm so passive, or where I am.
There can be value in doing something you don't love, for a time, to enable you to later do something you do love. A lot of us out here with jobs are doing way better than "just over broke."
eventually even doing the job you dislike might be too much and then you get "burnout" and just want to go before you lose more than just your mental health.
ok u were convinced it wuz the right thing to do but now that u know its not what are u gona do about it?? just sit there & whine about it? or u gona actually find some inspiration & get it started all starts with the first step u seem like a smart indivisual find out the block & handle it
There is not enough work for the youth. Living with parent in one's 20s is very common in Europe and the rest of the world. The education system is not preparing kids for the job market rather just taking advantage of them.
+T. Thomas Yep, staying at home while attending school and even a year or so after while getting your finances in order is SO helpful. It doesn't help our generation that the older generations are retiring later and later. How are all of us supposed to get jobs when people are holding on to their jobs to the grave.
When my son was in his early 20s he came to live with me and my husband because after 6 years of living on his own he needed help. So the rule I made was that he had to start paying rent within 1 month. I charged him only $100 per month to rent a bedroom. He did get a job at Radio Shack before the month ended. (This was quite a while ago!) Then I put that rent money into the bank to save up his first and last or a deposit on his own apartment plus some money for living essentials. Also for Christmas I gave him "Total Money Makeover". It worked! He moved out after 7 months to his own studio apartment and got a better paying job at a grocery store. He launched! Then he was married within a year and my first granddaughter was born soon after. 😅
I'm 30 still at home,but I have 100k saved I'm looking to buying a house this year.Yea I took advantage of my parents and was kind of lazy,but I also have the opportunity to buy my first house off cash.If my parents had kick me out I right a way I might have become in debt living paycheck to paycheck like some of my friends to this day.
Hubris don't really understand white culture. My dad paid for my dentistry degree. And supported me to start my own place. Like his dad did for him. And I will do for my son.
@@zeez9650 yea but your dad had it duh most americans are living check to check or worked hard idk what your dad does but your just a lucky one & yes that happens here too kids get spoiled with allowences & mercedes but it doesnt teach them hard work only reason u knw is u went to a good school congrats
I hate that he was sure to give advice, but didn't know jack diddly about the 24yr old. "what's his major? does he have any useful skills for oddjobs? does he have a hard-time finding other work?". this was too cut & paste.
rewatched it: a. she never should have called Dave Ramsey for motherhood advice. b. if the guy has mental problems, or anything else worth addressing, it would be worse to take this umbrella advice. c. this is comparing different family attitudes. some families are hands-on. some aren't. this call was on bad stance to begin with.
Most of Dave's advice drops in value any time it goes away from paying off debt. The second he has to comment on social issues he becomes an entitled old man that can't imagine life outside the way it was when he grew up. He thinks pizza delivery jobs pay something like 12 grand a year. He lives in a fantasy world. That being said, this stuff is enjoyable, like watching the jerry springer of financial advisors.
Parents wants to help their children but your parents earnings are not your earnings, if you are 18+ you are an adult. As parents there is a really thin line between helping your adult children and supporting bad habits and bad behaviors. Mother are really bad at dividing the two, they just can't cut the apron strings which does more harm than good.
Mr. M J I would hardly call 18 an adult if all they have known is school... that really is not fair at all to say. School does not teach you to be an adult.
@@Lisa-my5sy Sometimes it does… some people have turned down bad paths as well. Independence is good, and there are levels to it. Some parents though kick kids out at 18 with no support, almost like they couldnt wait to no longer have a kid. I had a lot of support after 18 and it helped a lot, I’m in a much better place in my life than I ever would have been if I was on my own. If a kid can stay with parents past 18, that is literally thousands of dollars that they get to save to go towards a house, instead of paying for rent. If I am honest I think parents that kick kids out actually dont want the best for them. The best thing to do is to help them get a job, save so they can be secure financially, and then buy a house or get a downpayment. Of course if the kid is doping up, drinking, wasting money and not working, I agree kick them out and little or no support. If they choose to leave of course that is also fine, I would say the kid is foolish unless where they are moving too has some benefit. But I’d rather my kids be successful, faster, than pointlessly struggle to success, and throw out thousands of dollars a month to some stranger for rent. It literally makes zero sense.
I moved out at 17, working full time at mcds. You make it work and then you build off of that. Anyone saying otherwise either lives somewhere unaffordable and needs to move or is making excuses.
@@entadus I disagree with that. What is the point of making it personal by adding how much better YOUR son is doing, that is redundant information designed to make the listener feel even more like a failure. He could've just said "this isn't typical" and left it at that.
@@colin1818 Yeah, she really should have known not to call Dave Ramsey. He's a complete shill and gives a lot of horrible advice on financial decisions and life advice like he did in this one.
Jobs really do not make you feel accomplished. If you want to feel accomplished then figure out how you can become your own boss and build the life for yourself that you have always wanted.
It seems to me that a lot of these parents aren't encouraging their kids to move out. At least, not in the right way. When I left, my parents were very encouraging emotionally and physically. They bought me my first week of groceries and helped me bring up my stuff. I think it helps to say. "hey, we're all going to support you as a family in your endeavor to move out." You don't necessarily have to do all of that, but it's important to guide someone along because throwing them to the wolves doesn't teach anyone anything except resentment. Send them websites for apartments, give them advice on which neighborhoods might be good or which stores have good deals.
When I left the house, my parents didn't pay for anything. They got me a keurig, they went apartment hunting with me, showed me how to do a budget but aside of that, they did not contribute a red cent. It was for the better.
I know that feeling. I moved out because parents were upset all the time. Dad came in one day and kicked a fan across the room. I knew my time had come at that time.
packergeek10 Awesome, independence is great for the soul... -How old were u when u got the HINT that you had overstayed your welcome? -Also, had your parents provided you with the cues before the fan incident that your time had come? -Were the arguments and ur parents being upset because of hour presence?
I was 19 at the time. My stepmom has a wooisme complex. She would come home from working 10 hours and then clean an already clean kitchen. She was never one to say sorry. Blame everyone else. She is still like that today. Some of it was me though. I hated doing chores but I was paying rent so I didn't think see why I should be doing chores if I was paying and my siblings weren't. Granted it wasn't much but 400 dollars a month is still 400 dollars a month. I found out I could pay that somewhere else and get a roommate situation.
My daughter has no school loans, I myself made sure she could pay her bills from her income before she moved out, but she is trying to live above her means and got herself into financial trouble. Maybe not you but some kids do need tough love. My daughter does and I don't understand. She was taught better.
I'm not a part of the 1 percent and I went to college without student loans. There are other avenues to pay for school without taking out student loans.
@@belovedqueen4572 students are told a thing about money. Go to college. Okay. Take out loans. Okay. Graduate. Okay. See ya! Me: Wait . . . what? I got a bunch of debt now and no employer wants me since I don't have work experience. Not my problem, I'm just a college.
My wife and I paid for her education with her money from Blockbuster and my money from the US Army. We went to the movies or went out to eat with money we earned by selling plasma. We were far from the 1%. It can be done.
If the parents have enabled him, then they can’t take the hardline this quick. They actually need to follow through with small steps before they require a big step like kicking him out. But there should be progress toward a goal. This will probably be a 1 to 2 year project.
I moved out at 19 with a fiance, married at 20, baby at 22, I'm 23 now and looking to buy a house with my wife. We're a single income home with a family of three with no college education. We're not living off the government but off of our own income. I hear and see my generation so much living with their parents for years after they should. Not supporting themselves, just existing! I wish people could understand how doable self-sufficiency is if they simply be smart about it. It's so freeing and fulfilling.
so sorry you married so young ,, i did same and now divorced, thank god no kids, other of my friends who marry so young same divorce too and kids , making things worse, hope things work out but just prepare yourself,
I can't imagine being that age and not wanting to move out. That's the prime of your 20s and you should be out experiencing the world. Sure you might be struggling but there's no shame in the struggle. I want that struggle.
Problem is that experiencing the world costs money. I'm going to be staying with my parents till I'm 21-22 and done with college, but until then, I'll take any advantage I can get. It helps cause I can put the money I earn from works towards a vehicle rather than rent and food, but I get where you're coming from.
Well, it's easy for me to say this stuff until I actually have to move out, lol. I still have two more years to go so I've got a while left. It helps cause I was raised that way, so I've always anticipated it. Going to college does help in other ways aside from education. It helped me to learn how to speak and interact with adults who aren't my parents and generally be outside of my house. It did wonders when it came to interviews and other adult-ish things which would have been more intimidating.
At 24, I had custody of my 13 year old sister and was supporting her on my own with my own apartment, ensuring she went to school every morning, attended her open houses and parent-teacher conferences, attended counseling sessions weekly with her, and feeding both of us every night. If I can do that, surely my Millenial brothers and sisters can do better. - Millenial from Los Angeles
So what if Rachel works for her dad? She's WORKING! She's EARNING her way in life, not expecting Daddy to give her everything while she sits around doing nothing. Her statements were not pointless at all, but rather coming from the voice of experience.
@@helenhilton2158 yes but she got handed an amazing job. Most people have to fight to get to where she is. She didn’t have to work for the opportunity.
When he's out on the street with no where to go because rent is high, i doubt he's going to continue loving his parents. i wouldn't. they would be dead to me. without roommates or a girlfriend, it's impossible to live on your own on minimum wage. dave ramsey is living in a boomer fantasy world a 18 year old with no connections or friends is not going to have a high paying job. he or she is most likely going to be a minimum wage worker. if you kick your child out of the house expect him or her to live under a bridge because that is what is most likely going to happen. apartments/ houses and high paying jobs don't grow on trees
Boomer here. Got pushed out of nest at 18. University, lived in roommate situations with shared bedrooms, tents, and even rented a screen back porch once. Couldn't afford an apartment of my own until I was 28 and advanced in my career to have that wage. These kids expect to have an apartment at 18
MA minimum wage $12.75. 40 Hours a Week, 52 weeks a year = $26,520. Take home on that is $1787 a month. A quick search on zillow and I found prob 50 places renting for $800 or less a month right now.
I'm 23, working (nearly) full time, full load of classes, I'm paying for my tuition out of pocket, and I want to move out. But my parents tell me that I shouldn't move out till I'm married. How can I explain to them that I need this? To stand on my own two feet?
I told my parents I was planning to move out something like 6 months before I did. I prepared myself financially and emotionally and my parents. Left with a good car and lots of money in my pocket and wow, it was time to get out.
My son, we have no idea how the world works today, we have no idea how difficult it is to keep up with a world that pays zero to young people but demands a higher education by default, but we love you, so you have to leave, get 3 jobs, pay rent and graduate
Yeah, like dignity, honor, and the kind of confidence and rest that comes after a fulfilling day’s effort. The money is just the icing on the cake and something that makes it possible to live fully. Dave knows that money is a huge roadblock and focuses on it to help others get through the road block. Have you struggled with money?
My parents raised us three kids to be independent and self sufficient. My three children were raised the same way and after high school, and college there was no way they wanted to move back home after being on their own for 4 years. They’ve all been successful in their own way god bless them. Being on their own early was a great teach.
heck, I didn't move out of my parents house until I was 27... but I went to college until I was 24, and moved back in with them and worked and paid rent until I moved out... the only reason I did move out was because I started dating my wife and she wanted a place of our own... if I hadn't met her I'd probably still be living with them and on the verge of owning their house (it's huge and for sale)
Ryan Cook I have a good loving son at 18 his father died if it wasn't for my Sun I don't know what I would do still living at home this family we pull together
I live back home. I'm 36. But I live in the apartment over the shop. I pay rent. I feed myself. I am a tenant, not just a lazy failed to launch. Did 7 years in the military, did 8 years out in the world post military. My aunt has mobility issues and my uncle spends about half the year on the road. So it is a great balance for us. I can drive the tractors, keep firewood on the porch for my aunt, keep an eye on the outbuildings. Rent is cheap, I am in BS1, my commute to work is 14 miles round trip, I have more than enough space for gardening, and it is home. Nothing wrong with landing back home, as long as you aren't being a leach. There was a time when I needed help and they said no, and I fumbled through sorting stuff out. I think it was good, I needed some hard knocks to get a dose of reality. That reality sucked, so now I am aiming for a different version of reality. I hope her kid sorts out his stuff, and that the parents stay strong on the terms of the agreement. It will be a turning point in their relationship.
Where the young generation has issues is where there's all this putting in our heads to get a college degree but also do the journey but also don't get debt or loans we freeze up too many things conflicting
+lea rodriguez yes I did when I was in college. I decided on an engineering degree because i was told the job market would be good. luckily I've been working ever since then, but I still don't know if i want to do this the rest of my life.
If hes one class away offer him an option- "we pay for the class and you go and pass, then you have 60 days to move out, or you have 30 days to get out from today." Very simple.
Disagree. You should allow your child back into you house to save up money to be our on their own. Finding a full-time job out of college is not easy. In the meantime, as long as you child is working and contributing to the household, then allow them to stay until they get settled. You parents who are whining that your child is not motivated need to acknowledge that you failed at rising a adult. Take this opportunity to try again.
Lady at work had a son in college who didn't enroll one semester, not mentioning it to mom and dad. She said 30 days to start paying rent and working or you're out, he joined the Air Force a couple weeks after their conversation. He's doing well, finished college, courtesy of the Air Force and enjoying being an adult.
My son is 21, a major alcoholic, I have been a single mom of four children. The other three are doing phenomenal. My youngest son feels entitled and doesn't think he has no problem. His father does not offer help. I'm an RN and work long days. I have quilt because I feel i can't help him but he's really emotionally killing me. He has no self motivation and when I tell him to pack and leave he laughs and says no. I am going to evict him if it won't change
Though I see the benefits of being independent as soon as possible,I financially lean on the side of staying with parents. In my culture, kids usually stay with their parents for a few years after the graduate, and with the savings, they are able to buy a home, build a family, and get savings together much faster than someone who has to worry about expensive loving costs.
Currently in this situation. Started working a month ago and I feel better than ever. Wish I had finished school when I was there but working 60hrs a week to save and be out my parents house soon. As a man you should want your own space.
I am about 50 years old, worked a full time job, started a small business of my own worked both for 15 years, built a life instead of chasing women and the women chased me! Get your life together and other things will follow.
I couldn’t wait to move out. The only time I moved back was not really by choice, but I was working part-time, studying full time and working Admin for my Dad. Paid board and more than pulled my weight around home. I left for a job and never ever returned.
I am going to lay down the truth, and everyone who reads it will know it is word. Family is family, it is the most important thing in life. So don't worry about what Dave Ramsey or anyone else says. If you want to let your kids stay at home, let them. 200 years ago multiple generations of family in the same home was normal. No reason you can't do it today, if you want. They are the ones you can rely on the most. And if you DON'T want to do it that way, if you want to push your kids to get out, well that's your parenting style and if it is what you want don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
It's fine to live at home what I see is parents are ready to kick kids out at 18 because the parents don't get free stuff like child tax credit and food stamps after kids turn 18
I moved out at 17 and my parent were great they helped support me through rough patches but I think it's so unnecessary to live at home when you're an adult. Get a job and some roommates and move on.
The daughter is wise and compassionate to point them to a future in two years where the woman's son is successful. I am ready to talk to my 19 year old, so he's not 24 when we talk. It helps me to think positively about where he will be in a couple of years if I'm brave and my husband and I set more realistic and specific terms. Right now, I feel afraid he will run away again. I'm grateful he's alive, not in jail, etc. Defiance is a nasty liar. It says you're free, but it really disables a young person in a life that gets smaller and smaller by the day. I want the defiance to go, and for a sense of his life having value, and being worthy of being worked on. Little things and big things each day. Pray for me!
My 19 year-old daughter was in trouble with several tickets and is now facing being uninsurable for her car. I was blind and slow to react which only deepened her problems. If only I reacted sooner. I told my daughter that she wasn't acting like an adult and was in trouble and if things don't change she has to leave. I stopped paying for her insurance and she cleaned up her act, she has 2 jobs and is looking to enroll in school which she will pay for. Since this wake up call she has turned around. It was tough, but hang in there because the human spirit is strong for survival especially when done in love. The confidence she's built from this experience is expodential.
I'll admit that during 2008-2010, it was extremely difficult to even find a part time job. Nowadays, it is much easier to find a couple of part time jobs. Sometimes it's difficult having them all sync up, but there is no excuse for not trying. These kids become conditioned to work as little as possible.
Freak outta here with that. McDonald's, retail, etc. are pretty much always hiring. Wake up call the market has rebounded and it's a bulling market with average returns of 20% for the past couple of years. Quit making excuses. I had to do it during the ACTUAL recession period and got two jobs working 65-80 hours a week. He already has a job, but CHOOSES to only work part time. He won't even go the extra mile with the job he does have.
My heart hurts for you both.. I could understand only if you were on drugs, stealing etc..and they tried to get you help. Otherwise it’s just heartbreaking. Huuugggsss to you both.
There was something that I couldn't figure out. What is the true value of life ?? To follow the main stream value ? To get a job, getting married, having kids,or more money you make the better the more successful you will be ? Think about it , everyone s playing their different roles in this world. if there are riches, there s gotta be the poor, there are independent kids, then there must be home staying kids, and for them , the value ,or lets say the meaning of success might be so much different from the main streams ,, I will be 24 years old in one week , i had the experience of importing Australian beef and stuff, made some money bought myself a nice Car, but now I QUIT!!! Me and my boss had some serious personal problems, I've been staying home for almost one year and all I figured out through these days, is that for me I don't like being put in this society, I never want to force myself to become the person I never liked again, I know ppl would say I'm just looking for excuses, But I don't even need one , That is me , I'm playing my own role.And I am quite happy .
I hope he gets on his own and does well. I still believe that we need to teach life skills so they don't boomerang back home. The only exception is an I'll parent or grandparent that needs help. Other than that, get young people to become independent.
I do not understand this generation these days I couldn't wait to get out of the house when I turned 18. That's because I was already finished with school and I had to wait.
Deadline is the key. An actual firm date on the calendar. (One month.) Our 24 year old cried and said, "I know you're doing this because you love me, but it still hurts. I feel like such a loser." (We didn't know that he was clinically depressed,) It was SO HARD! We helped him move. Twice actually, because the room he had found to rent wasn't ready by the deadline, so he moved in with a cousin. Five years later, he's self sufficient, worked through the depression, is off anti depressants. He still has hard days, but is making it and stays debt free. He listens to great podcasts. Loves Jordan Peterson. And is now cleaning on the weekends for a lady from his church for extra money. Things aren't perfect. But he knows that we love him and he's making progress. Hope this encourages someone. 😅
As a 24 year old with a job state away from my parents house, I still find this toxic. A parents role is to HELP your children succeed. That’s why you had children in the first place. Push them to find a job (which is extremely hard to find these days) and support them through this process. That is what will get him out of the house. You don’t have to hold his hand…but be supportive in a way that isn’t shoving him out the door. Finding a job takes time.
definitely! This situations can get toxic, don't let it be, love your children no matter how old they are but yes support them and help them in a smart way don't do everything for them, although some might need a little more help as everyone's different. Pray, pray first and pray fervently, never stop.
My daughter went to college, graduated in 4 years. Moved back home for a few months because she could not find a job (in her words) I think she's too picky about a job. I had to do just as Dave advised. She has not managed her finances well, makes a decent wage but no matter what she can't get it together. She asked for more money and I said No! Told her she could come back home but with these rules Dave gave above and she has not returned, is there anything else I can do to help her without enabling her in her disfunction. Her mother and I have handed out too much money already. She has no school loans and her financial situation is of her own doing. I thought I taught her to be better with money but somewhere the ball got dropped. Now all I am giving is tough love and prayer.
I mean I live at home with my grandparents, I may do this for some time, until I am 25-30. But I manage my money, I do not go out to eat, I pay my car insurance, gas, phone. And I can actually “retire” at 30. XD Living at home can save so much money, a couple hundred thousand potentially. But a job is needed to get there, no debt, and a support system. If she is not willing to put in the effort to change, and be responsible with money. Then there is nothing you can do, its either your rules, or let her figure it out on her own.
Thats all I heard when I was still living at "home" was my mother pushing me to move out, be independent, etc. I was going to college, working part time, paying rent to my parents. I moved out when I was 22 to another state then all I heard was when are you coming home. Lol Years later my mother told me she regrets pushing my brother and I so hard. Too late now. Its strange I am almost 40 and know people still living at home that are my age. They don't mind nor do their parents. One thing I can say is I dont have to depend on anybody for anything. I'm also married but have absolutely no problem living or being by myself. I know its how I was raised. I'm too independent if that makes any sense. The funny part of it all was she was never independent. Always depending on dad. Still does.
40?! I mean.... I am honestly fine with staying home until 30, but that is because I am saving every dollar I can! I do not go out to eat, I drive a 3500$ car, I pay my car insurance, phone, gas. But... there is a reason to it, I’m hoping to have about 100-150k by then, enough to sort of have money, to do things with. But staying at home until 40? I mean... thats a bit late. 35 could be reasonable if they are going to college for 10 years to be a doctor or Lawyer. XD
2018 and I feel I must have 2 more jobs to catch up!! My teenage daughter has a part time job, her father does not allow her to spend her money on nonsence. Her only responsibility is to pay for her cell phone with all of parental supervision. Works with an organization volunteering her time to talk to other teens about the repercussions of using alcohol and tabaco. Participate in the major's summer work program (Louisville). Her father makes her listen to the Dave Ramsey show on TH-cam because we did not have someone to guide us in that path, so we want her to be a better version of us...I did not inted to brag. I'm just a very proud mother😁🎉
That lady's situation is symptomatic of a father who isnt fathering his son and hasnt fathered him throughout the entirety of his life. My understanding of the cause of this is that the parents did not take the time to become masters of their own tempers in order to broach these topics without losing it, so they either explode or they shy away, especially the father. The father probaly thinks "I should not have to admit that the results of my parenting ARE at fault, and they ARE the reason that I have a lazy, do-nothing, self-depricated son," So what the dad needs to do, in order to be a real man, is 1. Recognize he is the reason his son failed 2. recognize his own emotions and grow in his understanding of why he has them, which are out of control and which ones he hadn't actually allowed himself to have (disappointment early on, rage, a fear of raging, etc, and taking those to God, genuinely asking the Holy Spirit to guide him in how to mature) 3. Seek the Lord for self-control in his emotional life so that he can recognize the actual person within his son, not just the sons failures and wins 4. Repent of his own bitterness toward his son and forgive his son for even what evil he does right now, so that the dad may be forgiven by the Lord (notice, I did not say continue to enable the son, I said forgive him, which is a heart issue between you and God, not you and your son) 5. Recognize that the dad in this situation has not equipped his son to be a fighter for his own household so he can build one without relying on his dad to do it for him 6. Recognizing that the way the dad has raised this son has ACTUALLY only equipped the son to be a "take orders and like it, do nothing of your own volution, you do it because I say so," slave to others' will 7. Learn how to give this man-child opportunities to choose, on his own, with his own consequences (part of that wil be kicking him out) what he does with his days (ex: you choose to be lazy, that means i will physically spank you like the tiny child you are acting like, after i have taken control of my own emotuons to where I perform the task out of self-discipline, not bitterness, hatred for your actions, or anger at your "stupid little self") 8. Understand that the dad only has a little more time with the son, so raging at him is only going to push him away and yelling is not *true* discipline 90% of the time.
I'm not writing this for any reason other than to demonstrate there is another side to this scenario. As a 9 year old, I knew what work and career path I wanted to do in life. As an adult, I went out and did precisely that. Childhood and learning in public education were painfully slow. I was out the door at 16 yrs and 364 days and in the Navy the next day. I was in a hurry to grow up. This story is the flip-side of "can't get them out of the nest"! Even birds and animals push their offspring out at some point, if they don't go on their own.
easier said than done and it sounds good on paper, but compounded laziness and lying creates a "spineless jellyfish" that doesnt see the problems he creates by their irresponsibility. Going through it now! oh and by the way, I instilled a 12 month move out date but got no support from his mama. Its time for me to go.
If you do this, don’t be surprised if your children cut you off. I finished school at 18, started work 2 months later as my parents hounded me daily. I was so sick of my parents pressuring me I moved out. That was 6 years ago and we haven’t had a relationship since. The last sentence my parents said to me before I moved out, at 18 with my own money was “you’re on your own now, deal with it” I’m 26 now still independent, and still hate them every day for it. I wasn’t ready and they set me up to fail.
As parents it’s difficult to set boundaries. I felt mean, but we started with conversations about expectations and then began removing the extras such as eating out with us unless you can pay for yourself. The next step we are demanding rent and portion of the utilities. Things are moving along...and the kids are learning and so are we. My children will earn their way!
I sorta disagree with rent to parents unless its a small amount 50$ a month or something, the more money your kid can save the better, if they can get a job that pays more than 25k a year. ( That is sorta difficult depending on where you live.) In 5 ish years if they save every penny, and invest it as they go, until they get 100k, by then they would be 23, that would give them an extra 5-10k a year on interest of their money. By 30, they would actually have enough to retire on if they are frugal. This is how it should be done, this is how kids become successful. It also is what is done in other cultures. ( Of course I only think it should be done for kids that do deserve it.)
most people are in the same boat as you, I couldn't wait to get the heck out, but I needed to finish school first. Now I have two degrees and money to live on my own!! I don't understand why some of these young adults have zero motivation to get out of their parents house and away from rules.
@@alia7750Not even a white-American problem but their problem themselves. I don’t see an issue with moving out but at 17, they’re still a minor. Like come on, how are you gonna be that ready to be in the real world when you still need some more parental guidance? Systemical oppression and institutionalized racism has caused Black-Americans to feel the urge to feel racially victimized. It is fair to have the sense pf insecurity however blaming one’s race to be the root cause of the behaviour is a colonizer mindset.
After my 18 yr. old son graduated high school he decided to hold off on college because he didn't know what career path to take. This was fine with us but we told him he would need to get a full-time job and start paying us rent (at a discount) and paying his own way including gas, insurance, cell phone, eating out, etc. After a couple of months of not finding a job, he actually sat us down and asked us to set a deadline for him because he felt as if he was not very motivated to find a job. The moral of the story is kids need measurable goals and deadlines. Luckily for us, he was smart enough to recognize and ask for it. After we set a deadline of 2 months, we are proud to say he has found a good job and is now towing his own weight financially.
Thank you this makes me open my eyes and exactly my son doesn't seem too interested in school. But would love it if he can do something on his own. I thought I was the only one going through this. I'm glad I read yur response here
Nice, but for any kids who are reading this, YOU can set your own goals and then tell mom and dad and ask for their support. Don't always wait for someone else to set you a goal. You can do it! Make your own goals and go for them! It will feel great!
Punkydoodle how is he now if youre still on utuve
That’s horrible.
Good Job, Mom & Dad!
I'm 32 next month and I feel like her son. I needed to hear this. I love my dad but he has been enabling me by allowing me to keep coming back home, I've never paid rent and I've quit most jobs I've had. I'm gonna set some dates and deadlines for myself. Enough of me sitting around lost, heck I'm getting sick of myself lol Thanks guys!
Hello... can you please email me? I would like to pick your brain, I'm having an issue with my son and based on your post you might be able to help... thanks
me too, im 30 and i left the university because social ansiety ten years ago, i have avoidant personality disorder, what have i done this ten years? Well in colombia you cant even get a job doing cleaning, for that you have to have experiense, i have lived as a hikikomori, dealing with my mind , just suffering and wanting not to wake up, my family Is living in precariety and i dont know how to help, i cant even get a job in call Center, they have always rejected me. Since the pandemia Situation i have been back to collage, but guesss what, im studying fine art, and even virtually my ansiety Is playing very hard for me, i never want to talk or show my face, my rithym Is very slow, the theory part Is very complex for me, so i had to cancel that part and im doing the práctic stuff only, drawing and painting, but its hard living daily with fear, being poor, feeling stupid and judged for studying art
I’m 24 and I’m having a hard time also dealing with health issues but I eventually would like to be ready financially and mentally and physically healthy to be on my own
It's good that you are realizing that continuing to be enabled is not helping you at all. Hope you were able to get on the right financial independence track .
@@batzeth What happened to your spelling skills.
I'm turning 24 in a couple of months :'(
I wanted to move out since I was like 14; I never imagined my life would turn out like this. I do think my parents cuddled me too much; they never pushed me or taught me life's essentials so-to-say. I feel like as an adult, I'm learning all the things I should of learned when I was 13-14.
I was very timid as a teenager; I was depressed at the time. I didn't snap out of it until right before I turned 21. So I spent the last 3 years trying to improve myself, physically, mentally, spiritually; I have gotten stronger, but I still have to face this reality.
I think I'm about ready to move forward, but still I wish I wouldn't have to do this as an adult; I wish this would of happened 10 years ago.
just having a job will help teach you so much. the more you do the more you will learn. use the 20s to learn and grow. also it's a great age to start investing.
+JY L well mutual funds. a 401k if you have a full time job. it's a good way to force yourself to save and invest if you do it regularly, like every paycheck.
Some things you just learn as you go. No matter what your parents taught you it is up to you improve yourself. I had to move out when I was 18. At 18 no one knows how to do a lot of those things. I wanted to move out so I did what I had to do to do so. I don't blame my parents. They did the best they knew to do at the time and for that I am grateful. If you want to know how to do something you actually have it better than your parents did. You can Google or use resources they never dreamed of having. So, quit focusing on your parents short comings and continue focusing on your improvements.
Move out and enjoy the freedom, pride, and growth that comes with it. Remember your 20's are supposed to be full of ignorant mistakes. Just have goals and make mistakes going forward and don't do the obvious stupid ones like drugs, gangs, etc. You'll be fine.
I know the feeling, my parents did the same, I left home at 18 for university but my parents kept paying for everything for me and handling everything, the depression kept spreading. I didn't snap out of it until about 22/23 (I am 25). I have spent the past 2-3 years trying to get to a self sufficient state and am almost there. I am now looking to try and make something of myself. Like you I wish i had started this many, many years ago.
CHRISTIANNWO are you describing me right nw? This’s exactly what I went through.....I turned 25 last December . N college degree, no skills. The only gd thing happens to m it’s to marry the love of my life I have a kid. I really need help to improve myself and raise my baby to be better than m
Parents be so overzealous to kick their child out the monent they become 18, 20 years old, but they send them out here in a world in a world they know nothing about and did not ask to be in very ill informed and ill prepared. I understand that eventually, the chicks have to leave the nest, but a little bit of prep would help. Whatever happened to college funds being saved up? Perhaps life savings up to that point they turn 18, 20 so they could afford their own place? Whatever happened to teaching etiquette? Parents of today are apart of the problem. Stop sending kids to school expecting teachers to do YOUR jobs. Teach them at home as well. Parents are not expected to baby sit forever, but be accommodating. This all to avert the whole 24 year old elephant in the room. Take responsibility for your part in the problem, parents.
George Canty when I was 14 I thought bringing a joint home from school, well my mother found it. The next day I was handed 20 bucks and shown the door. Let me say this, it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I got hungry really fast , found a job at a bowling alley at the YMCA and worked my tail off. From then on I learned to be self sufficient.
I agree. Parents can teach their kids so much stuff like keeping a budget, doing their own taxes, how to choose a health insurance plan, saving for retirement, how to have a weekly plan to clean the house, etiquette like you said, and so much more. The truth is that several parents don't know how to do these things themselves.
I think one of the problems is many kids come from single parent homes and parent does not have college $$ for their kids. Then another issue is not everyone is college material. People forget scholarships n grants.
good luck doing that from the year 2000+
@wrestler: you sound like a bitter 24-year-old living at home, still with his hand out.
I think it's ok to be at home if your a productive individual! Going to school, developing career, networking and being respectful with the household keeping it clean. If your developing your career it makes financial sense to stay home to pay debt
I think that could work for me...but it's just sometimes you do need privacy...
100% This is how immigrants moved ahead of native born Americans - multi generations living under one roof. This does require respect!
Living at home doesn't make you a loser, it makes you broke though...
@@nathan_2780 Not necessarily.
Grand Champ
I agree! the more money your kid can save the better, if they can get a job that pays more than 25k a year.
( That is sorta difficult depending on where you live.)
In 5 ish years if they save every penny, and invest it as they go, until they get 100k, by then they would be 23, that would give them an extra 5-10k a year on interest of their money.
By 30, they would actually have enough to retire on if they are frugal.
This is how it should be done, this is how kids become successful.
It also is what is done in other cultures.
( Of course I only think it should be done for kids that do deserve it.)
daves kids have something that I would rather have then my useless college degree... connections.
Great - baby step #1 make connections!
her daughter knows what she is saying is bull on her part. she didn’t struggle or have Real world problems. she worked hard knowing that her dad could hire her (she had something to grasp onto, and knowing the outcome). most people don’t have a safety net, they study hard in school knowing that there is a possibility they won’t get into the field they are striving towards.
The daughter probably took a few media production courses.
Connections are important, even at my workplace work, the kids get a free ride up the ladder in the business if mommy works there and is a boss. it’s no different with David and his kids.
Parents don’t send their kids to Ivey league schools for the education…
Too bad you got your degree in basketweaving
Space Bunny and Tavari you guys are right and have a point. That doesn't change that this is good advice.
I remember when I was 25 and I was living away from home and it was an emergency situation. I asked if I could come back home and my parents told me that I needed 3 months of finances to cover my bills and to get a job immediately and I could only move temporarily in but only I had my 3 months of finances and I had to find a new place, they said they’d provide me with food and a roof. Once I moved back in with my savings of 3 months I purchased a broken down $200 car and spend 100 to get it running, I found a job the first week I was there, within a month and a half I had found a new place and moved in. I kept that 200 dollar car until the transmission went and I sold it to the junkyard for $400. I had enough at that time to purchase a $5,000 Car that was used,so no car payment. This was 5 years ago, I still have that same car, though it’s on it’s last leg and I’m still on my own. I was always grateful they didn’t allow to me to just skate by.
Why is there such a stigma on living at home while trying to get your life in order? I'd rather live at home while attending school and even 1 - 2 years after while saving as opposed to struggling financially. People can be just as mature even though they are living at home if they aren't just sitting around wasting time. People in other countries (especially Asia) do it all the time. I think it will become more prevalent in America as the cost of living and tuition continues to skyrocket while salaries stay stagnant.
K Henderson ok as long as they are contributing to the household. Helping make meals, cleaning, being joyful and kind to those in the house. Being a blessing!
Nancy Wilcocks 🙏 amen!
Exactly my thought. I dont understand
I think your arguement falls on deaf ears. Children have been delaying growing into adulthood, more and more, for the past 70 years. Some of them have now made it to 60-70 years old!
@@1redrubberball what? Where are yoi even getting this from
I understand this is a sensitive issue for a lot of people, but as an older millennial, I tend to agree with Dave. I moved out of my parents house when I was 20 (most of my friends had done this by 18, summer after high school graduation), so I already felt like a loser living at home for two extra years. To live outside my parents home (I'm a New Yorker btw), I had to rent a place with 5 strangers. Not ideal but it worked out. I now live with my boyfriend, but not for financial reasons-just because that's where our relationship is at. I spent years living completely solo and getting those five roommates (who turned out to be-more or less- pretty cool) was the first step.
"Adulting" isn't easy and a lot of times we have to deal with not being in ideal situations for awhile, but that's sort of the point of what David Ramsey stands for. You accept being uncomfortable for the greater good, so one day you will be very comfortable. My parents are great but they were like the caller in many ways. They enabled me by not forcing me to get a move on. I didn't fully appreciate all they had done for me until I had to pay for my own education, groceries, gas, etc. and no I don't owe student loans because I decided to go to community college and then transfer to a state university. One good thing they did was to instill in me the important of making my own money. By the time I was 14 and could get my working papers, I was strongly encouraged to have a job and I was generally glad to because I liked having my own money. Summer breaks, winter breaks I worked.
Yes, the economy isn't what it was and the job market isn't what it was and I fully understand how most of us didn't go to school all those years to work construction or deliver pizza. But if that's the case, we have to accept becoming more creative with our income and living situations, such as having roommates or creating side hustles, etc.
I'd also like to add this isn't necessarily a millennial problem. I know gen-x people who are struggling with this issue, while lots of the younger millennials have entrepreneurship attitudes and are excelling. This is not about an age group but a mindset.
I'd say this is a mix of our generation getting coddled, society putting too much faith in college, and a "follow your passion" mentality.
I know more than a few people my age (younger end of millennials ~23-26) who's parents told them to concentrate on school, and not worry about working. They lived at home or at Uni, and never once got a job until they were done, or dropped out. It's very hard to even get an entry level position with no work experience, and a degree that's not worth as much as it used to be. And even if you can get a job, unless that degree is in STEM, you aren't likely to make a whole lot. I've met more than a few English and sociology majors working at McDonald's years after graduating...
You're so right! If I could go back, I'd tell my younger self to work and/or intern at places in my desired field a lot of earlier than I did (I actually just made a vid on this topic). Many of the kids I grew up with had jobs by the time they were in high school, but most of them were retail which didn't really help our resumes because people want experience in the industry you're applying for. I'd tell this new generation to stick to babysitting or mall jobs until they are 17 and then search out opportunities in fields they want to be in long term. I was blessed to gain office experience early but I wanted to enter the publishing/magazine field which is BIG on who you know and networking. I didn't intern until I was almost finished with my degree and no longer could afford to work for free indefinitely. If I could go back, I would have started interning right away and transitioned to part-time work by the time I was 20. Honestly, schools also need to start pushing kids to think about their careers early and help them to see what potential opportunities there are for their interest. I went to an excellent high school and yet had no idea that there were positions like "creative director" or anything until I was almost finished in college. I didn't know a copywriter or technical writer could make more than a journalist and so many other things that would have been helpful to know out of the gate.
Holly J
I sorta disagree, the more money your kid can save the better, if they can get a job that pays more than 25k a year.
( That is sorta difficult depending on where you live.)
In 5 ish years if they save every penny, and invest it as they go, until they get 100k, by then they would be 23, that would give them an extra 5-10k a year on interest of their money.
By 30, they would actually have enough to retire on if they are frugal.
This is how it should be done, this is how kids become successful.
It also is what is done in other cultures.
( Of course I only think it should be done for kids that do deserve it.)
I started a bit late, went to community college first before getting my job, and I did not even know investing was a thing until recently at 22, but I still have a decent nest egg to start.
These are just things that are not taught like they should be.
If your friends didnt ask you to move in with them and be a part of the "crew" renting a house/apartment together, they probably werent your friends.
Dave Ramsey (and his wife) did an excellent job of raising Rachel. It is showing by the way she presents herself on the show. To God be the Glory!
I wonder how he’s doing today. The 24 yr old they’re talking about would be 28 now
he's either dead or in jail
Drugs got to him
He became a socialist
Roy Luna what 😂
@@Minibike817 a homeless socialist that hates Walmart
"Up to us to survive." *Gets job working for dad*
David String Too easy to criticize that. She sounds very bright and has great communication skill. Could probably get any job she wants.
@@majordudette then why does she work for her dad?
mirandalad What’s wrong with it?
She is WORKING and doing very well. Dad's come in handy, especially successful dads.
David String its almost like something a foster kid would say like why have parents at all?
Rachel.. you had a million connections.. connections are huge.. and y'all don't even cover that..
Ryan Sack of course they won’t she’s never going to admit how daddy is the one writing her paycheck. She’s a joke
The biggest understatement of this whole comment section!
Ryan Sack true but the Ramsey brand deny privilege with amounts of insistence and enthusiasm
Michael Post a lot of white peoples work under their family’s business . Nothing wrong with that . As a business owner I’d rather pay family than a stranger wouldn’t you ?
Wow.. All the jealousy and envy going on here 😯
Dave usually you are spot on but on this topic you seem to get derailed. Have you ever considered that the parents have failed through their actions to prepare the child for leaving the nest.
The problem with the statement you posted is that he is not a child at 24. He hasn't been a child in more than half a decade.
Parents need to put their children in leadership roles. What parents fail to do is help them build skills for adult life when they're still young. You can't just raise a child and expect the child to pick up these skills on their own, especially when children only look up to authority for guidance.
We've created a generation where mommy and daddy lets the TV and smartphone raise their child.
@@PimpMatt0 Don't forget glorifying single mothers like it's an accomplishment. It isn't. Federal government is now the father figure and single mothers let public education and daycare facilities be the new mommy. It's no wonder people are growing up with all kinds of developmental issues.
SeanFromPVD exactly
@@sbrazenor2 Anyone under 35 is a child in my mind.
I never got this stuff. I was 26 when this came out. When I graduated high school I couldnt wait to get out into the world with my own place doing my own thing.
As a 24 year old myself, this is hard to keep listening to. A job stands for JUST OVER BROKE. Dreams and goals could change. I had to leave my previous job because my spirit was long gone from there. Instead of being told to do what I love every day I was told to do something else. I LISTENED convinced that was right. And people wonder why I'm so passive, or where I am.
There can be value in doing something you don't love, for a time, to enable you to later do something you do love. A lot of us out here with jobs are doing way better than "just over broke."
It depends on the job. My job is about $2,000 per month 'over broke', so I guess you just need to pick a better vocation.
RT Spacer hang in there.
eventually even doing the job you dislike might be too much and then you get "burnout" and just want to go before you lose more than just your mental health.
ok u were convinced it wuz the right thing to do but now that u know its not what are u gona do about it?? just sit there & whine about it? or u gona actually find some inspiration & get it started all starts with the first step u seem like a smart indivisual find out the block & handle it
Why are they treating this kid like the devil? He works part time and he's almost done school. Not like he's unemployed and doing nothing.
Exactly!
I know that's already doing something not like sitting around at home doing nothing.
He's 24. That's gross to prospective partners.
@@hadenanderson563well woman do wait at the finish line.
There is not enough work for the youth. Living with parent in one's 20s is very common in Europe and the rest of the world.
The education system is not preparing kids for the job market rather just taking advantage of them.
+T. Thomas Yep, staying at home while attending school and even a year or so after while getting your finances in order is SO helpful. It doesn't help our generation that the older generations are retiring later and later. How are all of us supposed to get jobs when people are holding on to their jobs to the grave.
T. Thomas Bahahahaha!
When my son was in his early 20s he came to live with me and my husband because after 6 years of living on his own he needed help. So the rule I made was that he had to start paying rent within 1 month. I charged him only $100 per month to rent a bedroom. He did get a job at Radio Shack before the month ended. (This was quite a while ago!) Then I put that rent money into the bank to save up his first and last or a deposit on his own apartment plus some money for living essentials. Also for Christmas I gave him "Total Money Makeover". It worked! He moved out after 7 months to his own studio apartment and got a better paying job at a grocery store. He launched! Then he was married within a year and my first granddaughter was born soon after. 😅
I'm 30 still at home,but I have 100k saved I'm looking to buying a house this year.Yea I took advantage of my parents and was kind of lazy,but I also have the opportunity to buy my first house off cash.If my parents had kick me out I right a way I might have become in debt living paycheck to paycheck like some of my friends to this day.
Yeah, let your kids try that, hahaha
Hubris don't really understand white culture. My dad paid for my dentistry degree. And supported me to start my own place. Like his dad did for him. And I will do for my son.
@@zeez9650 yea but your dad had it duh most americans are living check to check or worked hard idk what your dad does but your just a lucky one & yes that happens here too kids get spoiled with allowences & mercedes but it doesnt teach them hard work only reason u knw is u went to a good school congrats
ze ez what you are saying was white culture literally 5 decades ago
Economy has changed sometimes the whole family needs to pull together
'Economy has changed, words hold true in 2020 indeed'
absolutely !
if your goal when you have kids is for them to move out at 18 or pay you rent or whatever dont have kids.
I hate that he was sure to give advice, but didn't know jack diddly about the 24yr old. "what's his major? does he have any useful skills for oddjobs? does he have a hard-time finding other work?". this was too cut & paste.
rewatched it:
a. she never should have called Dave Ramsey for motherhood advice.
b. if the guy has mental problems, or anything else worth addressing, it would be worse to take this umbrella advice.
c. this is comparing different family attitudes. some families are hands-on. some aren't.
this call was on bad stance to begin with.
Most of Dave's advice drops in value any time it goes away from paying off debt. The second he has to comment on social issues he becomes an entitled old man that can't imagine life outside the way it was when he grew up. He thinks pizza delivery jobs pay something like 12 grand a year. He lives in a fantasy world.
That being said, this stuff is enjoyable, like watching the jerry springer of financial advisors.
@@Excalibur2 Couldn't have said it better myself
Dave is a multi millionaire. He is also from a much older generation. Times have changed since Dave's days. Comparing apples to pairs is no comparison
Parents wants to help their children but your parents earnings are not your earnings, if you are 18+ you are an adult. As parents there is a really thin line between helping your adult children and supporting bad habits and bad behaviors. Mother are really bad at dividing the two, they just can't cut the apron strings which does more harm than good.
Mr. M J
I would hardly call 18 an adult if all they have known is school... that really is not fair at all to say.
School does not teach you to be an adult.
@@XFizzlepop-Berrytwist Truth 💯
@@XFizzlepop-Berrytwistno it doesn’t. But being on your own living as an independent adult does.
@@Lisa-my5sy
Sometimes it does… some people have turned down bad paths as well.
Independence is good, and there are levels to it.
Some parents though kick kids out at 18 with no support, almost like they couldnt wait to no longer have a kid.
I had a lot of support after 18 and it helped a lot, I’m in a much better place in my life than I ever would have been if I was on my own. If a kid can stay with parents past 18, that is literally thousands of dollars that they get to save to go towards a house, instead of paying for rent.
If I am honest I think parents that kick kids out actually dont want the best for them. The best thing to do is to help them get a job, save so they can be secure financially, and then buy a house or get a downpayment.
Of course if the kid is doping up, drinking, wasting money and not working, I agree kick them out and little or no support.
If they choose to leave of course that is also fine, I would say the kid is foolish unless where they are moving too has some benefit.
But I’d rather my kids be successful, faster, than pointlessly struggle to success, and throw out thousands of dollars a month to some stranger for rent. It literally makes zero sense.
Im 33. Had to move back home after almost 10 years. Its definitely time to pack my bags and get out again. I need to hear this
So how’s it going?
I moved out at 17, working full time at mcds. You make it work and then you build off of that. Anyone saying otherwise either lives somewhere unaffordable and needs to move or is making excuses.
Extremely rude the way he basically told the mother "oh i'm not experiencing that with MY son, not even close".
chownful I disagree. He is simply reminding her that her son's situation is not normal (or at least not desirable). Something better is possible.
Her son's situation is normal, though. 1/3 of young adults still live at home
@@entadus I disagree with that. What is the point of making it personal by adding how much better YOUR son is doing, that is redundant information designed to make the listener feel even more like a failure. He could've just said "this isn't typical" and left it at that.
She called and asked his opinion. If she didn't want to hear the hard truth then why call at all?
@@colin1818 Yeah, she really should have known not to call Dave Ramsey. He's a complete shill and gives a lot of horrible advice on financial decisions and life advice like he did in this one.
Jobs really do not make you feel accomplished. If you want to feel accomplished then figure out how you can become your own boss and build the life for yourself that you have always wanted.
Money
Imagine a world full of bosses and no employees?
Of course a son needs to fly but the problem many times is that the parents cut their son's wings and then say "come on, fly!"
It seems to me that a lot of these parents aren't encouraging their kids to move out. At least, not in the right way. When I left, my parents were very encouraging emotionally and physically. They bought me my first week of groceries and helped me bring up my stuff. I think it helps to say. "hey, we're all going to support you as a family in your endeavor to move out."
You don't necessarily have to do all of that, but it's important to guide someone along because throwing them to the wolves doesn't teach anyone anything except resentment. Send them websites for apartments, give them advice on which neighborhoods might be good or which stores have good deals.
When I left the house, my parents didn't pay for anything. They got me a keurig, they went apartment hunting with me, showed me how to do a budget but aside of that, they did not contribute a red cent. It was for the better.
I know that feeling. I moved out because parents were upset all the time. Dad came in one day and kicked a fan across the room. I knew my time had come at that time.
packergeek10
Awesome, independence is great for the soul...
-How old were u when u got the HINT that you had overstayed your welcome?
-Also, had your parents provided you with the cues before the fan incident that your time had come? -Were the arguments and ur parents being upset because of hour presence?
I was 19 at the time.
My stepmom has a wooisme complex. She would come home from working 10 hours and then clean an already clean kitchen. She was never one to say sorry. Blame everyone else. She is still like that today. Some of it was me though. I hated doing chores but I was paying rent so I didn't think see why I should be doing chores if I was paying and my siblings weren't. Granted it wasn't much but 400 dollars a month is still 400 dollars a month. I found out I could pay that somewhere else and get a roommate situation.
maybe he's depressed?
No. That's a ridiculous excuse and enabling bad behavior.
Motivation happens in action
Worse, he’s comfortable
2:17 'It was up to us to survive' (by my dad giving me a gig)
Moved out since 2016. Unfortunately Covid 19 came. Lost my Apartment. Job. Had to move back home. Coronavirus basically stole all our freedom
It's easy to never come back when your family is part of the 1% and you have no school loans.
Exactly
My daughter has no school loans, I myself made sure she could pay her bills from her income before she moved out, but she is trying to live above her means and got herself into financial trouble. Maybe not you but some kids do need tough love. My daughter does and I don't understand. She was taught better.
I'm not a part of the 1 percent and I went to college without student loans. There are other avenues to pay for school without taking out student loans.
@@belovedqueen4572 students are told a thing about money.
Go to college. Okay.
Take out loans. Okay.
Graduate. Okay.
See ya!
Me: Wait . . . what? I got a bunch of debt now and no employer wants me since I don't have work experience.
Not my problem, I'm just a college.
My wife and I paid for her education with her money from Blockbuster and my money from the US Army. We went to the movies or went out to eat with money we earned by selling plasma. We were far from the 1%. It can be done.
If the parents have enabled him, then they can’t take the hardline this quick. They actually need to follow through with small steps before they require a big step like kicking him out. But there should be progress toward a goal. This will probably be a 1 to 2 year project.
I agree!
they don't care they want there son dead and were asking Dave for advise
Yes, totally agree, parents are aweful these days and don’t listen to people online, lot of bs and not real, person they won’t do the same
I moved out at 19 with a fiance, married at 20, baby at 22, I'm 23 now and looking to buy a house with my wife. We're a single income home with a family of three with no college education. We're not living off the government but off of our own income. I hear and see my generation so much living with their parents for years after they should. Not supporting themselves, just existing!
I wish people could understand how doable self-sufficiency is if they simply be smart about it. It's so freeing and fulfilling.
+Patrick Fobian god bless u, I understand I'm 24 and wish our generation will get up and achieve
Patrick Fobian
Please tell me how you did it.
so sorry you married so young ,, i did same and now divorced, thank god no kids, other of my friends who marry so young same divorce too and kids , making things worse, hope things work out but just prepare yourself,
Patrick Fobian please update this in a few years when you’re getting divorced.
Patrick Fobian update?
I can't imagine being that age and not wanting to move out. That's the prime of your 20s and you should be out experiencing the world. Sure you might be struggling but there's no shame in the struggle. I want that struggle.
I wish I could say the same thing for myself...I'm 24 and scared of overwhelming new stuff that could just add in my head...
Problem is that experiencing the world costs money. I'm going to be staying with my parents till I'm 21-22 and done with college, but until then, I'll take any advantage I can get. It helps cause I can put the money I earn from works towards a vehicle rather than rent and food, but I get where you're coming from.
Tyler Syme i wish i had youre mindset..
Well, it's easy for me to say this stuff until I actually have to move out, lol. I still have two more years to go so I've got a while left. It helps cause I was raised that way, so I've always anticipated it.
Going to college does help in other ways aside from education. It helped me to learn how to speak and interact with adults who aren't my parents and generally be outside of my house. It did wonders when it came to interviews and other adult-ish things which would have been more intimidating.
su by all means have my stuggles 20 k worth of struggles
and 300 a week rental by all means take my "strugles
At 24, I had custody of my 13 year old sister and was supporting her on my own with my own apartment, ensuring she went to school every morning, attended her open houses and parent-teacher conferences, attended counseling sessions weekly with her, and feeding both of us every night. If I can do that, surely my Millenial brothers and sisters can do better.
- Millenial from Los Angeles
Karl Hernandez what did you do for work?
👍
Good job.
Really pointless coming from someone who works for their dad.
EXACTLY lol
Works. Not mooches. There is a difference.
So what if Rachel works for her dad? She's WORKING! She's EARNING her way in life, not expecting Daddy to give her everything while she sits around doing nothing.
Her statements were not pointless at all, but rather coming from the voice of experience.
@@helenhilton2158 yes but she got handed an amazing job. Most people have to fight to get to where she is. She didn’t have to work for the opportunity.
Cosmic kitty still lives at their parents
Honestly he’s right at the finish line of completing his degree. His parents should be so proud of him.
"You'll have the dignity of living on your own and making your own decisions."
I don't know I live on my own I don't think dignity comes in to play going broke dose
When he's out on the street with no where to go because rent is high, i doubt he's going to continue loving his parents. i wouldn't. they would be dead to me.
without roommates or a girlfriend, it's impossible to live on your own on minimum wage.
dave ramsey is living in a boomer fantasy world
a 18 year old with no connections or friends is not going to have a high paying job. he or she is most likely going to be a minimum wage worker.
if you kick your child out of the house expect him or her to live under a bridge because that is what is most likely going to happen. apartments/ houses and high paying jobs don't grow on trees
mirandalad
Exactly!
Dave Ramsey would say to work 6 jobs and go to school full time and go to church on the weekend. It’s definitely hard to fit it all in.
Boomer here. Got pushed out of nest at 18. University, lived in roommate situations with shared bedrooms, tents, and even rented a screen back porch once. Couldn't afford an apartment of my own until I was 28 and advanced in my career to have that wage. These kids expect to have an apartment at 18
mirandalad find a roommate. 3-6 months is more than enough time to make arrangements. You sound like one of these entitled brats
You can work 70 hours a week in MA and not afford a place.
MA minimum wage $12.75. 40 Hours a Week, 52 weeks a year = $26,520. Take home on that is $1787 a month. A quick search on zillow and I found prob 50 places renting for $800 or less a month right now.
Then you got an income problem
I'm 23, working (nearly) full time, full load of classes, I'm paying for my tuition out of pocket, and I want to move out. But my parents tell me that I shouldn't move out till I'm married. How can I explain to them that I need this? To stand on my own two feet?
Caleb Fail you find your own place and leave.
Just save a deposit and leave
Opposite
You’re an adult bruh
Imagine how many people Dave has motivated and given wisdom what a blessing!!😂
How come people who need therapy keep calling Dave for advice?
I told my parents I was planning to move out something like 6 months before I did. I prepared myself financially and emotionally and my parents. Left with a good car and lots of money in my pocket and wow, it was time to get out.
My son, we have no idea how the world works today, we have no idea how difficult it is to keep up with a world that pays zero to young people but demands a higher education by default, but we love you, so you have to leave, get 3 jobs, pay rent and graduate
Exactly
There is more to life than working 3 jobs and money. Dave seems to be lacking compassion
True, It's very important to have compassion that to be right or having $ and success.
All he cares about his money duh
1 full time job
All Dave likes is money, he doesn’t care about anything else much, if at all.
Yeah, like dignity, honor, and the kind of confidence and rest that comes after a fulfilling day’s effort. The money is just the icing on the cake and something that makes it possible to live fully. Dave knows that money is a huge roadblock and focuses on it to help others get through the road block. Have you struggled with money?
My parents raised us three kids to be independent and self sufficient. My three children were raised the same way and after high school, and college there was no way they wanted to move back home after being on their own for 4 years. They’ve all been successful in their own way god bless them. Being on their own early was a great teach.
heck, I didn't move out of my parents house until I was 27... but I went to college until I was 24, and moved back in with them and worked and paid rent until I moved out... the only reason I did move out was because I started dating my wife and she wanted a place of our own... if I hadn't met her I'd probably still be living with them and on the verge of owning their house (it's huge and for sale)
Ryan Cook I have a good loving son at 18 his father died if it wasn't for my Sun I don't know what I would do still living at home this family we pull together
I live back home. I'm 36. But I live in the apartment over the shop. I pay rent. I feed myself. I am a tenant, not just a lazy failed to launch. Did 7 years in the military, did 8 years out in the world post military. My aunt has mobility issues and my uncle spends about half the year on the road. So it is a great balance for us. I can drive the tractors, keep firewood on the porch for my aunt, keep an eye on the outbuildings. Rent is cheap, I am in BS1, my commute to work is 14 miles round trip, I have more than enough space for gardening, and it is home. Nothing wrong with landing back home, as long as you aren't being a leach. There was a time when I needed help and they said no, and I fumbled through sorting stuff out. I think it was good, I needed some hard knocks to get a dose of reality. That reality sucked, so now I am aiming for a different version of reality. I hope her kid sorts out his stuff, and that the parents stay strong on the terms of the agreement. It will be a turning point in their relationship.
Where the young generation has issues is where there's all this putting in our heads to get a college degree but also do the journey but also don't get debt or loans we freeze up too many things conflicting
there is nothing wrong with getting a worthwhile degree. technical degrees can definitely be worth it when used.
+mac1bc well according to this guys priorities it's about having a big ego and movin out your parents house and getting a job at McDonalds
+lea rodriguez that didn't make much sense to me, but if you try to continuously better yourself you can do ok later in life.
+mac1bc do you ever catch yourself thinking of what your life is going to be..
+lea rodriguez yes I did when I was in college. I decided on an engineering degree because i was told the job market would be good. luckily I've been working ever since then, but I still don't know if i want to do this the rest of my life.
If hes one class away offer him an option- "we pay for the class and you go and pass, then you have 60 days to move out, or you have 30 days to get out from today." Very simple.
Disagree. You should allow your child back into you house to save up money to be our on their own. Finding a full-time job out of college is not easy. In the meantime, as long as you child is working and contributing to the household, then allow them to stay until they get settled. You parents who are whining that your child is not motivated need to acknowledge that you failed at rising a adult. Take this opportunity to try again.
Amen!
This is just an excuse for Dave to talk about how good and tough of a parent he is.
@TheLifeBidder Yep - i have to agree. People are so quick to say what they think "we" should have done, it is not always that easy.
linda salfen 😭😭🤣🤣🤣
This was so well said, I sent this video to my 29 year old. I hope he gets it in Jesus name
Lady at work had a son in college who didn't enroll one semester, not mentioning it to mom and dad. She said 30 days to start paying rent and working or you're out, he joined the Air Force a couple weeks after their conversation. He's doing well, finished college, courtesy of the Air Force and enjoying being an adult.
My son is 21, a major alcoholic, I have been a single mom of four children. The other three are doing phenomenal. My youngest son feels entitled and doesn't think he has no problem. His father does not offer help. I'm an RN and work long days. I have quilt because I feel i can't help him but he's really emotionally killing me. He has no self motivation and when I tell him to pack and leave he laughs and says no. I am going to evict him if it won't change
+Paula Conlon how'd things work out since it's been a year?
Is your son better?? What happened with your situation?
Evict. If he doesn't leave, call the cops: he's trespassing.
Thats cause your useless and dont even think that maybe he has deeper issues and needs therapy
that sounds very horrible, I will pray for your son and all the young adults that need guidance to move on and start their own lives.
Though I see the benefits of being independent as soon as possible,I financially lean on the side of staying with parents. In my culture, kids usually stay with their parents for a few years after the graduate, and with the savings, they are able to buy a home, build a family, and get savings together much faster than someone who has to worry about expensive loving costs.
AvocadoOnPC i agree
What she said: "We just want him to move forward."
What she meant: "We just want this free-loader gone."
Currently in this situation. Started working a month ago and I feel better than ever. Wish I had finished school when I was there but working 60hrs a week to save and be out my parents house soon. As a man you should want your own space.
I wonder if dave could make it in todays world as a young man with the wages and the way women are today
I am about 50 years old, worked a full time job, started a small business of my own worked both for 15 years, built a life instead of chasing women and the women chased me! Get your life together and other things will follow.
Mr. M J you’re 100% correct with pursuing excellence and other things will follow👌🏼goes both ways for men and women, excellent advice.
Incel alert
I couldn’t wait to move out. The only time I moved back was not really by choice, but I was working part-time, studying full time and working Admin for my Dad. Paid board and more than pulled my weight around home. I left for a job and never ever returned.
I am going to lay down the truth, and everyone who reads it will know it is word. Family is family, it is the most important thing in life. So don't worry about what Dave Ramsey or anyone else says. If you want to let your kids stay at home, let them. 200 years ago multiple generations of family in the same home was normal. No reason you can't do it today, if you want. They are the ones you can rely on the most. And if you DON'T want to do it that way, if you want to push your kids to get out, well that's your parenting style and if it is what you want don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Exactly and don't all 3 of Dave's kids work for him anyway?
This topic is highly debatable. Especially with the way the economy works nowadays.
true, you always need $ to start but that's why you try to get a job. Help around the house too maybe? Whatever it is but helping with something!
It's fine to live at home what I see is parents are ready to kick kids out at 18 because the parents don't get free stuff like child tax credit and food stamps after kids turn 18
that's horrible, like who would do that? but it's possible, although it almost sound like you might be that young kid?
I moved out at 17 and my parent were great they helped support me through rough patches but I think it's so unnecessary to live at home when you're an adult. Get a job and some roommates and move on.
The daughter is wise and compassionate to point them to a future in two years where the woman's son is successful. I am ready to talk to my 19 year old, so he's not 24 when we talk. It helps me to think positively about where he will be in a couple of years if I'm brave and my husband and I set more realistic and specific terms. Right now, I feel afraid he will run away again. I'm grateful he's alive, not in jail, etc.
Defiance is a nasty liar. It says you're free, but it really disables a young person in a life that gets smaller and smaller by the day. I want the defiance to go, and for a sense of his life having value, and being worthy of being worked on. Little things and big things each day. Pray for me!
May be he is seriously depressed. Be careful, you could loose him.
He sounds like hes depressed and needs help. Sometimes people need mental health help and tough love. Not just one or the other.
My 19 year-old daughter was in trouble with several tickets and is now facing being uninsurable for her car. I was blind and slow to react which only deepened her problems. If only I reacted sooner. I told my daughter that she wasn't acting like an adult and was in trouble and if things don't change she has to leave. I stopped paying for her insurance and she cleaned up her act, she has 2 jobs and is looking to enroll in school which she will pay for. Since this wake up call she has turned around. It was tough, but hang in there because the human spirit is strong for survival especially when done in love. The confidence she's built from this experience is expodential.
Get 3 jobs in this economy, what a joke.
Uber, lyft and Ubereats?
I'll admit that during 2008-2010, it was extremely difficult to even find a part time job. Nowadays, it is much easier to find a couple of part time jobs. Sometimes it's difficult having them all sync up, but there is no excuse for not trying. These kids become conditioned to work as little as possible.
Freak outta here with that. McDonald's, retail, etc. are pretty much always hiring. Wake up call the market has rebounded and it's a bulling market with average returns of 20% for the past couple of years. Quit making excuses. I had to do it during the ACTUAL recession period and got two jobs working 65-80 hours a week. He already has a job, but CHOOSES to only work part time. He won't even go the extra mile with the job he does have.
blahh blah why are Ph.D's being rejected for low wage jobs? Retail is cyclic, seasonal. After Christmas, your fired.
blahh blah
What did you do with your excess money?
I was out at 19. Be an adult. Figure it out.
did you do college. If so, can i ask what degree did you do and where are you now
With enabling parents?
that guy is egotistical and annoying
benjamin pittman this guy is so cliche and a buffoon.
yeah he probly thinks hes going to heaven
Dr. Phil
My mom put me out at 17 and I'm 30 now. Been homeless number of time and even when i was homeless my mom didn't let me come back
Sounds like my mom.. really horrible parents, the least you can say now is that you've lived through it.
My heart hurts for you both.. I could understand only if you were on drugs, stealing etc..and they tried to get you help. Otherwise it’s just heartbreaking. Huuugggsss to you both.
So he's 29 years old now, would love the see what happened to him.
There was something that I couldn't figure out. What is the true value of life ?? To follow the main stream value ? To get a job, getting married, having kids,or more money you make the better the more successful you will be ? Think about it , everyone s playing their different roles in this world. if there are riches, there s gotta be the poor, there are independent kids, then there must be home staying kids, and for them , the value ,or lets say the meaning of success might be so much different from the main streams ,, I will be 24 years old in one week , i had the experience of importing Australian beef and stuff, made some money bought myself a nice Car, but now I QUIT!!! Me and my boss had some serious personal problems, I've been staying home for almost one year and all I figured out through these days, is that for me I don't like being put in this society, I never want to force myself to become the person I never liked again, I know ppl would say I'm just looking for excuses, But I don't even need one , That is me , I'm playing my own role.And I am quite happy .
I hope he gets on his own and does well. I still believe that we need to teach life skills so they don't boomerang back home. The only exception is an I'll parent or grandparent that needs help. Other than that, get young people to become independent.
I do not understand this generation these days I couldn't wait to get out of the house when I turned 18. That's because I was already finished with school and I had to wait.
Deadline is the key. An actual firm date on the calendar. (One month.)
Our 24 year old cried and said, "I know you're doing this because you love me, but it still hurts. I feel like such a loser." (We didn't know that he was clinically depressed,)
It was SO HARD!
We helped him move. Twice actually, because the room he had found to rent wasn't ready by the deadline, so he moved in with a cousin.
Five years later, he's self sufficient, worked through the depression, is off anti depressants.
He still has hard days, but is making it and stays debt free.
He listens to great podcasts. Loves Jordan Peterson. And is now cleaning on the weekends for a lady from his church for extra money.
Things aren't perfect. But he knows that we love him and he's making progress.
Hope this encourages someone. 😅
As a 24 year old with a job state away from my parents house, I still find this toxic. A parents role is to HELP your children succeed. That’s why you had children in the first place. Push them to find a job (which is extremely hard to find these days) and support them through this process. That is what will get him out of the house. You don’t have to hold his hand…but be supportive in a way that isn’t shoving him out the door. Finding a job takes time.
definitely! This situations can get toxic, don't let it be, love your children no matter how old they are but yes support them and help them in a smart way don't do everything for them, although some might need a little more help as everyone's different. Pray, pray first and pray fervently, never stop.
My daughter went to college, graduated in 4 years. Moved back home for a few months because she could not find a job (in her words) I think she's too picky about a job. I had to do just as Dave advised. She has not managed her finances well, makes a decent wage but no matter what she can't get it together. She asked for more money and I said No! Told her she could come back home but with these rules Dave gave above and she has not returned, is there anything else I can do to help her without enabling her in her disfunction. Her mother and I have handed out too much money already. She has no school loans and her financial situation is of her own doing. I thought I taught her to be better with money but somewhere the ball got dropped. Now all I am giving is tough love and prayer.
I mean I live at home with my grandparents, I may do this for some time, until I am 25-30.
But I manage my money, I do not go out to eat, I pay my car insurance, gas, phone.
And I can actually “retire” at 30.
XD
Living at home can save so much money, a couple hundred thousand potentially.
But a job is needed to get there, no debt, and a support system.
If she is not willing to put in the effort to change, and be responsible with money.
Then there is nothing you can do, its either your rules, or let her figure it out on her own.
It can be tough indeed.
Thats all I heard when I was still living at "home" was my mother pushing me to move out, be independent, etc. I was going to college, working part time, paying rent to my parents. I moved out when I was 22 to another state then all I heard was when are you coming home. Lol Years later my mother told me she regrets pushing my brother and I so hard. Too late now. Its strange I am almost 40 and know people still living at home that are my age. They don't mind nor do their parents. One thing I can say is I dont have to depend on anybody for anything. I'm also married but have absolutely no problem living or being by myself. I know its how I was raised. I'm too independent if that makes any sense. The funny part of it all was she was never independent. Always depending on dad. Still does.
40?!
I mean.... I am honestly fine with staying home until 30, but that is because I am saving every dollar I can! I do not go out to eat, I drive a 3500$ car, I pay my car insurance, phone, gas.
But... there is a reason to it, I’m hoping to have about 100-150k by then, enough to sort of have money, to do things with.
But staying at home until 40? I mean... thats a bit late.
35 could be reasonable if they are going to college for 10 years to be a doctor or Lawyer.
XD
This 24 year old is almost done his masters degree so it’s not like he’s just lazy. I’m irritated because I feel like this guy is arrogant.
He is. And anyone calling the kid a loser is the same.
Don't be afraid to do this. My son matured a great deal having to handle the responsibility of taking care of himself. He thanked me a year later.
2018 and I feel I must have 2 more jobs to catch up!! My teenage daughter has a part time job, her father does not allow her to spend her money on nonsence. Her only responsibility is to pay for her cell phone with all of parental supervision. Works with an organization volunteering her time to talk to other teens about the repercussions of using alcohol and tabaco. Participate in the major's summer work program (Louisville). Her father makes her listen to the Dave Ramsey show on TH-cam because we did not have someone to guide us in that path, so we want her to be a better version of us...I did not inted to brag. I'm just a very proud mother😁🎉
That lady's situation is symptomatic of a father who isnt fathering his son and hasnt fathered him throughout the entirety of his life. My understanding of the cause of this is that the parents did not take the time to become masters of their own tempers in order to broach these topics without losing it, so they either explode or they shy away, especially the father. The father probaly thinks "I should not have to admit that the results of my parenting ARE at fault, and they ARE the reason that I have a lazy, do-nothing, self-depricated son,"
So what the dad needs to do, in order to be a real man, is
1. Recognize he is the reason his son failed
2. recognize his own emotions and grow in his understanding of why he has them, which are out of control and which ones he hadn't actually allowed himself to have (disappointment early on, rage, a fear of raging, etc, and taking those to God, genuinely asking the Holy Spirit to guide him in how to mature)
3. Seek the Lord for self-control in his emotional life so that he can recognize the actual person within his son, not just the sons failures and wins
4. Repent of his own bitterness toward his son and forgive his son for even what evil he does right now, so that the dad may be forgiven by the Lord (notice, I did not say continue to enable the son, I said forgive him, which is a heart issue between you and God, not you and your son)
5. Recognize that the dad in this situation has not equipped his son to be a fighter for his own household so he can build one without relying on his dad to do it for him
6. Recognizing that the way the dad has raised this son has ACTUALLY only equipped the son to be a "take orders and like it, do nothing of your own volution, you do it because I say so," slave to others' will
7. Learn how to give this man-child opportunities to choose, on his own, with his own consequences (part of that wil be kicking him out) what he does with his days (ex: you choose to be lazy, that means i will physically spank you like the tiny child you are acting like, after i have taken control of my own emotuons to where I perform the task out of self-discipline, not bitterness, hatred for your actions, or anger at your "stupid little self")
8. Understand that the dad only has a little more time with the son, so raging at him is only going to push him away and yelling is not *true* discipline 90% of the time.
Atleast he has a degree. I am clueless as to what I want to do and I'm 27 and I have 1 child... I am on my own though with my fiancé.
Are you defending him though your own cluelessness? That would be an enaber.
I'm not writing this for any reason other than to demonstrate there is another side to this scenario. As a 9 year old, I knew what work and career path I wanted to do in life. As an adult, I went out and did precisely that. Childhood and learning in public education were painfully slow. I was out the door at 16 yrs and 364 days and in the Navy the next day. I was in a hurry to grow up. This story is the flip-side of "can't get them out of the nest"! Even birds and animals push their offspring out at some point, if they don't go on their own.
I think so many parents these days don’t prepare their kids for life on their own. Stop coddling your kids and being afraid to let them go!
easier said than done and it sounds good on paper, but compounded laziness and lying creates a "spineless jellyfish" that doesnt see the problems he creates by their irresponsibility. Going through it now! oh and by the way, I instilled a 12 month move out date but got no support from his mama. Its time for me to go.
If you do this, don’t be surprised if your children cut you off. I finished school at 18, started work 2 months later as my parents hounded me daily. I was so sick of my parents pressuring me I moved out. That was 6 years ago and we haven’t had a relationship since. The last sentence my parents said to me before I moved out, at 18 with my own money was “you’re on your own now, deal with it” I’m 26 now still independent, and still hate them every day for it. I wasn’t ready and they set me up to fail.
As parents it’s difficult to set boundaries. I felt mean, but we started with conversations about expectations and then began removing the extras such as eating out with us unless you can pay for yourself. The next step we are demanding rent and portion of the utilities. Things are moving along...and the kids are learning and so are we. My children will earn their way!
I sorta disagree with rent to parents unless its a small amount 50$ a month or something, the more money your kid can save the better, if they can get a job that pays more than 25k a year.
( That is sorta difficult depending on where you live.)
In 5 ish years if they save every penny, and invest it as they go, until they get 100k, by then they would be 23, that would give them an extra 5-10k a year on interest of their money.
By 30, they would actually have enough to retire on if they are frugal.
This is how it should be done, this is how kids become successful.
It also is what is done in other cultures.
( Of course I only think it should be done for kids that do deserve it.)
thank u!!! i was in need of this for 33 years
At 3:41, magic happens. Thank you., Dave.
Don't raise your kids to be forever children.
A 9 to 5 IS just as depressing as sitting at home.
At least the 9 to 5 pays.
XD
cry about it kid
But at least a 9 to 5 gets you bank
Did you hear what she said.... "once we left the nest it was up to US to survive." AMAZING! wise ... SO much respect for her! YES>
Very amazing indeed, she survived on her own all it took was daddy getting her a good paying job.
What do you think of parents who kick them out of the nest only to pay for 100% of the new nest they made them move into? Kid still never flys
I was 17yr when I moved out, I couldn't wait to leave
most people are in the same boat as you, I couldn't wait to get the heck out, but I needed to finish school first. Now I have two degrees and money to live on my own!! I don't understand why some of these young adults have zero motivation to get out of their parents house and away from rules.
Betty Smith your mentality is actually in the minority in the world. Must be a white American problem.
@@alia7750Not even a white-American problem but their problem themselves. I don’t see an issue with moving out but at 17, they’re still a minor. Like come on, how are you gonna be that ready to be in the real world when you still need some more parental guidance? Systemical oppression and institutionalized racism has caused Black-Americans to feel the urge to feel racially victimized. It is fair to have the sense pf insecurity however blaming one’s race to be the root cause of the behaviour is a colonizer mindset.