Grieving My Autism Diagnosis and Finding New Hope
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ส.ค. 2021
- In response to your comments, today I'm sharing some of the ups and downs I experienced after receiving my autism diagnosis at the age of 31. It was a tough video to shoot! Tougher than I planned... but I 'm glad I did. I can feel the heartache in some of your stories and I want you to know you're not alone. I hope you'll stick with me until the end of the video. I've got some encouragement I want to share.
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Please let me hear from you in the comments. What has your experience been like? We are in this together.
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Resources
Autism DX at 31: How Did I get Here? • How did I not know I w...
Adult Autism and Therapy: • Therapy for Autistic A...
Balancing Empathy and Burnout: • Autistic Burnout, Peop...
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I'm Tay, a married mom of 2 who was diagnosed with Autism at 31 years old. This was after YEARS of therapy (and all of the self tests in the world!). My diagnosis has brought up questions, frustration, doubt, but most importantly, a new level of self compassion and understanding.
I'm here to share knowledge, resources, and products that empower other neurodivergents (and their loved ones) to live freely and creatively. I'm not a doctor so please speak with your healthcare providers before implementing any recommendations I make on my channel.
Females are under-diagnosed due to lack of research. Please share any videos that are helpful to you so we can spread awareness and acceptance.
Music by Milky Wayvers ("Mountain")
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#autism #autistic #aspergers
I just found you yesterday I think I may have autism. Right now I’m writing a list for my therapist of traits I have. Going down memory lane has put me in a rough place this week. I’ve just started watching. This and already I’m finding comfort in your words.Some of things you are saying are me. I wish you were right here for me to talk to. I feel so lonely in thinking I have autism. I’ve talked to some close people in my life. They don’t see it and my excitement of my research and fact finding has made me feel defeated and alone. Thank you for this video .
You are welcome and I’m sorry to hear you are feeling alone. There is a great community here to connect with and I’m glad you’re a part of the channel now!
@@MomontheSpectrum thank you Taylor. I look forward to being apart of this community.💗
Get used to the fact that you won't be able to share the wonderful things you've discovered, and will discover....it will fall on deaf ears...but keep on doing your research (it's probably a strength)... fascination in the things you'll find, never fail...
Big hugs. I just found out as well. Keep learning. That's been really validating to me. I've felt so wrong all my life that it's so awesome to hear others like me and know km not so "wrong".
@@TanyaDee thank you so much!! I really appreciate your reply.
My daughter was diagnosed with level one autism a couple of months ago at age 25. So much makes sense now, and it was a huge relief to have an explanation for so many of the difficulties she has experienced. She, too, was a flute major in college, and found that the rigors and demands (practicing so many hours, a day, auditioning, competing for solos, etc. ) we’re too stressful for her. She finished her flute performance degree, gave a beautiful recital, and never touched the instrument again. She has experienced a lot of cruelty, not only from her peers, but from trusted adults in her life. I think she, and her entire family, her sister, father, and I) suffer from PTSD because of this. I have a lot of guilt that I did not do more to recognize this and help her sooner, but she is brave and resilient, and is seeking the proper help now.
Thank you for your lovely and affirming videos!
Hi I'm at the "Oh shit everything makes sense now" stage and I want to thank you for sharing your testimonial. Your channel has changed my life. I am also astounded at the sheer amount of material here for a channel started in 2021, the content you've already created is valuable beyond measure.
I second all that 😉
I got my diagnosis at 26 on Monday! My sister was diagnosed as a kid, but I was already in high school. I’m pretty sure my dad is autistic too but never knew.
Grief is a great word to describe how I’m feeling. It feels like there’s a HUGE weight and pressure lifted off of my shoulders because I too was a high achiever, and I even took jobs like working in a middle school in order to train myself to be more social because I knew something was off about me. I always felt pressure to change myself.
This January I got a tech job, and I’ve been unwinding ever since. I’m more accepting of my limits and needs now, but yeah also sad. After the evaluation my partner asked me about it and I just started crying about how much sense it made and for all of the really challenging situations I got myself into because I was unaware of how my brain worked.
I wouldn’t change anything about my past, but it is blowing my mind to realize that other people don’t live like I do- constantly studying psychology, putting themselves in anxiety provoking situations just to try to make friends, and having to know lots of coping mechanisms to just live life. What would life be like without that? I don’t even know because it’s been so all consuming for me for so long. I think I get to explore that now.
Thank you for your videos, they’ve really been helping me navigate this and realize I’m not crazy and I can be just me now more than ever. ❤️☺️
I live the male version of your life. I feel like I have pushed myself beyond my limits and am now out of bounds. I found out last month at age 41. I honestly don't know who I am anymore. It is like I am stuck on succeed because that is all I know to do. From my point of view I have no social value beyond my next of kin and autistic child. Thanks for sharing. I have learned a lot from you so far. Peace
I didn’t get my autism diagnosis until in my 50s! So thankful for the clarity it has brought me. 💗
I spent 13 years in therapy, hopping from one therapist to another, being put on so many medications, receiving different diagnoses of depression, OCD, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety and ADHD because I presented differently with each therapist at various points of meltdown and burn out.
One rude male psychiatrist spent one hour with me and told me I needed to ‘socialise more’. Nothing felt right and I was still struggling so after beginning my 4th year of psychology studies it clicked and I diagnosed myself.
I found my third psychiatrist (the first female) who immediately diagnosed me with autism (ADHD and anxiety) at the age of 30. Part of me still can't believe it and feels like an imposter and part of me mourns for the accommodations and self acceptance I could have had when I was younger but I finally feel like I know who I am and can stop searching for answers!
Have you heard of Longevity
Psychiatrists really need to get better at noticing undiagnosed developmental disorders. It’s horrible how many stories I’ve like this one. And it seems a lot of them diagnose bipolar at the drop of a hat, without clear evidence of a manic episode!
It's so strange to actually feel like my experiences have been had by other people. I'm older than you, AFAB, but never presented as a "behavior problem." I was smart, verbal, and vulnerable throughout my childhood and adolescence in a way I've never understood... until the last couple of weeks, when YT out of the blue recommended one of your videos. And then suddenly there was someone on my screen that actually made sense to me. I'm not sure where I'll end up going from here, and I don't have good insurance anyway, but yes: relief, grief for my younger self, and some compassion for my adult and current self. Thank you.
you're welcome. thank you for your comment!
The grief is real and it hits you harder than you think, and the whole process of figuring out 'who am I' is pretty rough too. I got assessed for learning disabilities, autism and had my adhd re-evaluated in the fall of 2020. It turns out that my adhd is actually pretty severe and I do in fact have learning disabilities, with impairments in reading fluency and comprehension , working memory and processing speed. I was told that even though I show signs of autism that she couldn't give me a diagnosis until I ruled out Avoidant Personality Disorder, and since she wasn't an expert on that, that I would need to go somewhere else. When I tried to question her about it she gave me the 'you give good eye contact' BS and got kind of defensive when I questioned it, and I kind of felt like she just wanted to pass the buck, and sadly I'm just not very good at advocating for myself and I get confused easily. It was hard to hear because I've read so many stories from women who were misdiagnosed with personality disorders. And like, maybe I do I have a personality disorder but I want someone I trust who has an understanding of both disorders to tell me this. I also asked her about auditory and visual processing problems such as Irlens Syndrom, and she had no idea what I was talking about. Like, if you're a learning disabilities expert, shouldn't you be aware of all things that impact learning??
I had to look into those things on my own separately. 3 weeks ago I got at visual skills assessment and it turns out I have functioning impairments in my eyes that distort my vision. It's different from vision loss, which I have too, and has to do more with how my brain processes visual info. I got prescribed prism lenses with clip on colour lenses and I'm anxiously waiting for them. I didn't even consider that I might go through a grief process afterwards but I did and it hit hard. I think it's hard not to look back at your entire life and think about all the stress you lived with locked up inside, and never really understanding where it came from. I'm 37 and that's a lot to unpack. I'm realizing now that I need to go back to therapy to talk about the trauma I endured, also realizing that what I endured is traumatic.
I just discovered your channel btw and it has really helped lift my spirit! I've never related to someone so much before. There is not much info out there on ADHD and Autism combined, and I know the pull and tug you speak of so well! Thanks for sharing your stories:)
thank you for sharing your experience here! sending love and acceptance. welcome to the channel
I relate to your experience completely. I’m undergoing the process of being diagnosed with autism at 31. Thank you for sharing your comment, it made me emotional as I have been processing through many of the same things health wise, especially the vision issues you mentioned. The most important thing I’ve learned during the grief process is to have immense compassion for myself and to continue researching & becoming knowledgeable so that I can be my own advocate.
Lately, I’ve arrived at a new stage in my spiritual path, the stage where paradox sets you free, where co-existing with contradictory emotions feels more & more like home. I can be grateful and I can be grieving. I can be sad and still be happy. I’m not seeking to resolve the heartbreak or fix my grief, I’ve been allowing myself the space to sit in my confusion & giving myself the space & rest to feel every emotion.
Advocating for yourself is empowering, especially to health professionals that are unaware of all the nuances. You are the only person who knows you best, be your own best friend. Healing is not linear, just take it day by day. Sorry for the long response, your comment just really resonated with me. Wishing you love, light & healing from Chicago ❤️🩹
I am sobbing reading everyone’s comments because I can relate so much. The grief that comes with learning you’re autistic is the most painful thing I’ve ever had to experience. And I’m still paralyzed with grief almost a full year later. It’s so hard. I cry so much about the grief.
Thank you for sharing. I know this part of the process can be so painful and intense. I'm glad you're feeling connected to others in the comments here. I hope you will continue plugging into this community as I have found it to be one of the best tools for moving through grief into a new chapter! You can check out all of my community events here: www.momonthespectrum.life/connect
I am 60. I discovered five or six years ago that I was ADHD. A good friend of mine has an autistic son and discovered recently that she, too, is autistic. She shared a site with some free diagnostic tests that showed that I am also on the spectrum. I'm not surprised. But I agree with you on the point that I don't like the distinction between "neurotypical" and "neurodivergent," because it makes the first seem superior to the second. Who decided this? And I think 'neurotypical" must also be part of the spectrum. We are all people and we are all different, and there really isn't a right and a wrong on that. IMHO. You are fortunate to have figured this out in your 30s. :)
BTW, in terms of grief, I cried for two days after the tests I took showed that I am, indeed, on the spectrum. I don't know why. I guess I never wanted to think that I WAS really the *weird* kid. But, I was. I know that my lack of filters has hurt feelings of others, but what hurts is that I may have hurt their feelings, and that's never been my mission. I know what it's like to hurt, and the last thing I want to do is hurt someone else. But, I have to accept the fact that I have probably said hurtful things to people I love. ...
Allistic is the term I've come across recently that has a more useful and precise meaning in the context of discussion: it means non-autistic while also encompassing all other variations where autistic neurology isn't involved.
You're either allistic or autistic: those are key neurology architectures and aren't where one is on a spectrum of the other.
Thank you Tay. i'm a new subscriber and live in London UK. A friend recommended your channel. I'm in my early 70s and was diagnosed only 5 years ago after I had been through a difficult time. I can identify with the grief but I went on a retreat shortly after my diagnosis and 3 words came to me - to choose to live this out with courage, dignity and humility. Like you, I have a passion for using my diagnosis for good and I'm doing that by leading workshops for those involved in pastoral care in the church - on how to support people with autism. I'm looking forward to watching your videos!
Such an incredibly story Suzy! Thank you for sharing this with me. You are a gem! 💎
Thank you for this video, 14 days ago I got my autism diagnosis (I'm a 55 years old female) and it has truly been like a rollercoaster. Your video's help me a lot. Thanks!
You’re welcome! Thanks so much for your comment. Sending you love and light on your new journey.
I'm 48, got mine last year ☺️🌿
Have you heard of Longevity
All the rationalizations and contortions required to piecemeal a bunch of “not quite right” explanations requires so much energy. The process of realizing there is something that describes everything as a collected whole is liberating.
I have an elaborate set of constructs to manage my day to day. My “routines” are complex ven diagrams within these constructs. These have all started to fray, which has made meltdowns more frequent…almost daily. It is this “falling apart” of my matrix that convinced me to pursue the official diagnosis. At first, I was really anxious that a psychologist might not be able to see all the various traits. Now, I think someone would have to be a village idiot to miss it. I tick all the boxes in multiple layers. The diagnosis becomes important to get the correctly directed therapy, which I’ve never had and why therapy has been so frustrating in the past.
Thank you for sharing your process!
FYI, I did my first round of college at Austin College. Not too far from Denton. Even played TCU in basketball one year…long before your time.
Oh wow! Yep that's my neck of the woods. Thanks so much for sharing your experience. You put everything into words really nicely in a way I can really relate to.
First, thank you for this video, and all the ones you've given us!
Listening to you describe childhood experiences (about a year ago now, in spring 2023) was my "Aha!" moment. Most of the intervening year has been thinking about my life (I'm 76; there's a lotta life to think about!) and realizing how much my life experiences actually fit into the overarching reality of having autism. It's been about seeing what I thought were disparate experiences as actually being related within a pattern.
For example, I've always had difficulty with social cues, recognizing them, responding to them in the ways that most people do. I eventually recognized that I was just different from most of the people around me; a more introverted person than most others. It wasn't until I started consuming your videos that I began to recognize, that aspect of me is related to the aspect of me that seeks data/information and thrives on analyzing it, in ways that most of the people I know just can't relate to; and is related to that aspect of me that has a lot of trouble handling noise, to the point that I get almost instantly overloaded if someone tries to have a conversation while I'm analyzing said data.
I also had strep throat over and over again in childhood. I missed most of my third grade because I was just too stressed/anxious, and I didn't know why. I think the thing I grieve the most is the fact that my parents weren't very involved with my childhood... so I feel as though I didn't have much of a chance to discover my autism until I took it upon myself in adulthood.
Exactly same here. I’ve opened up to a friend and I didn’t get understood. I thought I finally found the answer to who I am. But I felt defeated. Collapsed into tears as it really hit me hard. I thought I’d never share my findings with non autistic people ever again. Taylor’s videos are so comforting, thank you for all of your efforts!
Rewatched this video today because I just got my official diagnosis. Experiencing the processing journey myself and learning to accept my autistic brain ❤ (oh and my adhd brain too! That was a surprise)
congrats on the diagnosis! So glad you're a part of the community here
Hello, I am "neuro-typical" Man who had a son diagnosed at 18, which led to his mother being diagnosed in her 50s. I thoroughly enjoyed this video. So many experiences were familiar for my son, my wife, or both. I love hearing you celebrate your successes. I hope to sit down and watch this with my son, if he wants to. He is coming to a place of acceptance and still has moments of intense grief, as do I. We all wish we had known earlier, for many of the reasons you mentioned. But we know now and are very grateful. Thanks again for a wonderful video.
At 36 I finally got my dual diagnosis ASD and ADHD.
Your video were a great help in this journey.
When I received this confirmation it was like like everything finally clicked and I knew why I was struggling basically my entire life.
Now I’m in a phase when I’m questioning myself about what to do now.
There is indeed a new hope that I can improve my life.
But in the same time it’s scary to have to face all the changes that are needed.
Especially when you’re not entirely sure about what changes would be best for you and your health.
What you said about not feeling connected with the rest of the band resonated so strongly with me. I played clarinet through junior high and high school. We had a combined band with another local school. My closest friends were also in band. I would watch them interacting with and getting to know the students from the other school and wonder, how are they able to do that? I wasn't able to do the same, I didn't know how. It made me feel lonely while I was surrounded by people. I'm in the middle of the assessment process now, at times feeling grief, other times feeling relief.
Thank you so much! I needed this video today. I'm 40 and just realized I'm autistic a few weeks ago. I've watched so many of your videos, and related so much to almost everything you say. It's been so healing to start to understand myself so much better. Overall, I feel like I've been happier than I've been in years, but today has been a bit rough. Watching this helped me realize I think what I need to do is process the grief now for what this had cost me through my life. I was thinking about college just a couple days ago, and about how much my autism shaped my whole experience. For example, I dropped out of the honors program because the thought of asking one of my professors to mentor me in an honors thesis, and having to work one on one with a professor terrified me. There have been so many things like that throughout my life, and now I'm feeling the loss of all the times I haven't reached my full potential, but I hadn't recognized what I'm feeling as grief until I watched this.
Remembering that Autism is a made up word is really comforting as someone who is undiagnosed. I know I have a lot of traits and your videos are helpful to my life experiences.
Have you heard of Longevity?
I LOVE researching ALL the things
Yep. Same! I get so distracted by researching super random stuff all the time.
Thank you so much for this video. You are truly so eloquent in talking about the complexity of emotions around this. I needed these words today. I just began to realize in the last two weeks that I have been autistic my whole life (at age 42!) and it's been really affirming and freeing in some ways, but also overwhelming in other ways. Your videos are helping me so much ❤
Thank you so much ! I love you and I;m so happy you exist
You’re welcome! I love you too.
Take ginger with a banana milkshake (30 to 40 grams of ginger). Ginger is good for contextual comprehension. Ginger has an appearance that makes a wise person think about extension. Extension indicates that ginger is a blessing for the person who eats it. Blessing is about increase and growth. Ginger's appearance indicates that it's good for fluency and longevity. Fruits and vegetables have meanings. Metals too. A banana looks like a smile and it has been proven that it's good for happiness. Cinnamon looks like a scroll, so it's good for focus and wisdom.
Thank you for all you do. I've been waiting till i felt ready to watch this particular video.
I'm 2 weeks post official diagnosis. Finally really self diagnosed about a year ago. I've been working with autistic children in schools for 14 years and questioned if I was on and off for a long time. But as many of us do we mask and i had friends who knew me well and teach autistic people go "nah you're not autistic" so i went into denial again.
I got my adhd diagnosis a bit over a year ago and meds helped a lot but masks started dropping at that point, enough for me to go "it's not just ADHD"
This last fortnight has been a wild ride of grief, processing trauma and self acceptance and i think I've now watched most of your videos and they've helped a bunch so thank you, Tay from the bottom of my heart.
you're very welcome! So glad you're here. sorry for the delayed response to this comment. Somehow it slipped under my radar! 💓
I'm 28, and after 5 years or more of therapy and psychiatric attention, my doctor noticed some traits that finally made sense... And just got my diagnosis as autistic 2 weeks ago. It's still a lot to process for me. Thank you for your video.
You're welcome. Sending good vibes for this part of your journey! Receiving a diagnosis is a big step that comes with a lot of big realizations!
Separately, my 20yr old son and best friend told me they self diagnosed themselves. I thought no, they're weirdly normal - like me...like me. I self diagnosed and this has flipped my world in the best way. I am 45 and I thought my past abuse caused my brain to be this way, and if I can just heal from it, I'll be better. To know I am ok and I just need to learn myself. So happy to have found your channel, you are amazing!
aww yay i'm glad you're here! Thanks so much for your comment.
01:02 - This is a very familiar story to me. I haven't been clinically diagnosed yet, but I am working with a psychiatrist to explore it. After watching a youtube video of a woman who had a late-life AuDHD diagnosis, I started realizing that oh wow, that sounds familiar.
Then, like you, i researched, watched many videos (which is how i found this channel) and realized more and more that everything was there in my past. I don't have the same tendencies as everyone but I do share that general feeling of "why don't people just say what they mean" or "I know what i'm supposed to do in this situation, but it's based off of analyzing the situation and reacting as the process dictated.
I was fortunate that i grew up at a time without social media, and my mother was really good at giving me coping tools and being patient with me (most of the time, lol)
I think alot of the markers were there, but because i was a very early reader and got good grades in elementary school, and I learned how i was supposed to act, i was just a weird kid that other kids made fun of, and i just figured i needed to do things differently.
Thank you for telling this story.
Thank you for this ❤Everything you have said I relate to from constant strep throat from a young age to now, especially when I am doing too much or when in overload. Also I am learning self care and how to relax. Everything you have said, I have experienced and can relate to. I am 58, have recognised my autistic traits and now being referred for diagnosis which is allowing me to be more gentle with myself. I'm just surprised I never recognised my autism but a new life begins now for me. ❤
Same, I don't/didn't feel I needed an ASD evaluation, I KNOW I have it, but I paid to get it done, mainly for my oldest daughter (almost 12). COVID (I got Feb 2023) changed my personality a bit, and amplified certain things I was already very sensitive to, mainly sounds. Having the vocabulary has made such a big difference in my life. To finally have answers as to why I felt so very different and misunderstood by almost everyone. I am very happy to have come across ASD information, including your channel. It's explained so much of why life was so very hard and confusing for me. I still have to wait about 3-4 more weeks before I get my results, but I know I have it. I also have really bad alexithymia. Emotions blend together or I just don't know what sensation I am experiencing. Most of the time it's like a tingle or I can only identify it as "good/Bad". I think what would be worse for me, is to know I have it and have the professional evaluation tell me I'm not. I'd feel so much more lost than I do now. Thanks for sharing and creating this channel.
It’s such a hard place to be after diagnosis. I completely accept it for myself, and my family all know. It’s really not even a thing with them. I just am who I am and for the most part it doesn’t even come up.
But the hard part for me is telling the rest of the world. Fearing the response from other people that don’t know me well. Fearing judgment from employers. Fearing they possibly of it affecting my custody of my child even though he’s always been well taken care of. Fearing being told I’m not really autistic or I don’t look autistic, even though I have a diagnosis.
I want to be open and outspoken about it. I want people to know that autism can look like me too, not just little boys, or severely disabled people.
But I can’t get past that fear of not knowing how it will be received, or being judged unfairly for it, or being infantilized or incapable.
You put in words what I struggle to share. I wish everybody that worked with kids (and adults ideally) would see this to better understand. Thank you
My dear, your words have touched my heart right to the core. :) Especially your final message. I always remember this remarkable Churchill's quote and actually one of my favourites ones " We Shall Never Surrender" ( During The Battle of Britain) just keep calm and carry on. :)
Hi Juan. Thank you for your comment. Sending love and peace your way!
Omg we are so similar! I’m 44, married, mom of 2 and just sent in my ASD assessment. I can relate to EVERYTHING you said about your experiences! We’re so lucky to have understanding husbands cuz of all the alone time we need…and yep, bring on the screen time 😜 (ref to another video). Thank you so much for sharing! 💕
glad it was helpful! Thanks for your comment
Yes, so much grief rn. Lots of tears & mental processing.
Thank you for all of the hard work you've put into this video and all of your videos. It helps me feel more understood and helps me except myself more.
Thank you very much. Yes, you're very brave for sure. I've been resting at home today and I was a bit sad. I needed to be understood. I feel much better after listen to you. Besos desde España🇪🇸. God bless you,💕💕💕
I am so grateful for your videos 💞
Your channel has helped me so much. Thank you.
I'm only about a month in after self diagnosis, with the help of my psychologist aunty. I can't afford official diagnosis atm but I would like one at some point. Partly that feeling of validation but I feel a big part is for those in my life that doubt. They know the me that has been masking my entire adult life (I'm 45 years old) It's been like a roller coaster of emotions. I have made an an appointment to talk to a psychologist to walk me through this time as I feel to sensitive to talk to people in my life for fear of being misunderstood or doubted. On my up days I am so excited as I feel a piece of the puzzle I've been searching for has been found. I'm recognising things about myself I hadn't even considered to look at through a lense of being neurodivergent. So many light bulb moments.
I love your perspective. You are amazing! Thank you!
Very supportive, and empowering. Thanks.
I was denied education in my teens, a long massive story one day I hope to get into. I now work as a web developer and SEO specialist, which might sound great in the US, but I'm on a quarter of the same wage offered there. Anyway I digress, the biggest grief for me is I loved science it was my obsession, maths and science I excelled in at school. But due to ignorance, the sort that believes you can beat behaviour out of people, I never followed my dream. I'd never be Einstein, but sometimes you don't have to be that smart to make the world better. I struggle keeping the family well cared for, I can't afford not to be when I have a meltdown, that's when I have to dig so deep. I think on all the possibilities and the fate cliches, I no longer care about my dreams, unlike my father my children's dreams are my number one priority now. I think they should teach everyone considering having children is don't have them unless you're willing to give up your goals and make theirs your priority. Sorry, rambling again. But there are so many things, so many little dots, so many, if onlys, I feel the neurotypical world just puts obstacles in the way of us for pure greed. Sorry, I'm just tired of everything right now. I'm also sorry for my grammar and UK spellings You've not only started helping me find a voice, but also not to trivialise what I've been through. My wife and friends on hearing my truth said I was a living miracle, of course, I don't believe what they said and felt they were just being nice. Sometimes I just want to let go, but I have to keep moving forward, I'm not done yet, I just need to find the words. Everything really hurts right now.
I was diagnosed last month at 32. Even my mother doesn’t understand what it implies and what is all about. Therefore I still don’t feel comfortable to be open about my diagnosis. Professionally I’m currently feeling ashamed to ask for accommodations especially in part time jobs. I have the impression that if I ask to have more time for certain tasks or ask for more break, it would sounds like an excuse and I'm also not confortable to share the diagnosis with new employers. That’s a lot to cope with so I can’t thank you enough for your channel it really brings me comfort knowing I’m not alone.
You’re very welcome. You’re definitely not alone. Glad you’re here and thanks for your comment!
I relate to so much. That is a gorgeous piano. I love playing piano.
You are so encouraging, it is sweet of you to put so much thought into this video and your words. I appreciate it ❤.
Wow, you inspire me. ❤ The way you explained everything in this video was exceptional. I am 41 and have just started the journey of trying to get a diagnosis of autism. Just like you, I know deep down in my heart that it is the final missing puzzle piece. Thanks so much for all the information and for putting yourself out there.
Yeah same here with marching band. I went to war with those kids 3 summers and falls and experienced so much, even made friends I enjoyed talking to on trips and in class. But I wasnt really connected, didnt really make real friends even though many people tried to reach out. I just didnt click with them. I quit my senior year and never talked to any of them again
This is such a powerful video! My entire life has been lived as your college experience, even recreation was just another way to check boxes. I stumbled upon one of Yosamdysam's TH-cam video's a year and a half ago and just knew I finally had my "why am I so different" answer. Thank you for your time, effort, and amazing videos normalizing being on the spectrum. I truly appreciate you and all that you do.
Mom on the Spectrum, I'm grateful for your chanel. Please 😊keep advocati g for autism.
I'm so glad you mentioned college. I'm in college rn and I would love to hear more about that
I’m just so happy to know you and call you friend. ❤️
You're so sweet! It was seriously such a God thing that we met! Your family is so special to us. We need to get another dinner on the books. :) And I owe Keira a capo!! I haven't forgotten.
Autism is not as rare as everyone believes it to be. Obviously we know that is a wide range of Autism that affects everyone differently. Thanks for sharing your story
Thank you so much for sharing. I Truly appreciate you! I am in my research stage. And I have been watching your content and it has been so helpful in connecting the dots. I have started putting things in writing to help connect more dots. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for helping me feel seen. ❤️
Its impressive the amount of symptoms that can come from stress. I had the same experience as you when i was younger. I even got a huge ulcer on my duodenal bulb >.
The heart really is at the center of it all.
You made me cry at the end xxx
Thank you 🙌🏻🫶🏻🤗
This was a really powerful story about what you went through growing up and I can definitely identify with the stress compounding through not understanding why you saw and felt the world differently than others did.
I would love to hear more about how you give yourself grace and the space you need to recharge.
Lately I’ve been in a fog and it has been difficult to clear my mind for productivity. Basically left in a fugue state.
Great job on the channel your subscribers are growing and you’re getting views consistently! Momentum is the only currency of success on TH-cam and you’ve got it!! Major kudos and keep going!
Thanks Jared! Sorry to hear you're having a difficult time lately. Have you read or heard much about Eckhart Tolle? Deepak Chopra? Not sure if that's your jam, but lately I've been studying their works and it is helping me find calm. Eckhart was sharing an old monk teaching in a youtube video I saw. Someone asked the monk, how do I find peace? The monk says, you're not going to like my answer. He says tell me I'll do anything. And the monk says, one thing at at time. And he asked again, please give me more. And the monk says, pay attention, to one thing at a time.
It is a frustrating answer for sure. But I'm learning to quiet my mind little by little, by paying attention to the one thing in front of me.
I'm planning on sharing more about my thoughts on this. In the meantime I hope you give yourself lots of space to "get it wrong" and take things one step at a time.
@@MomontheSpectrum this was wonderful. I’ve only now gotten ahold of myself and into recovery from prolonged meltdowns / shutdowns. Some interpersonal issues came to the fore - lost a friend who ended up taking $500 from me. Wild as I supported him even when he was near homeless.
Elkhart Tolle and Deepak are totally my jam, I’ll one up you with Wayne Dyer’s work but you may already be familiar.
That story definitely resonated and I need to apply it as a daily practice. Focusing on one thing at a time will keep me where I need to be.
I can’t wait for your channel to explode, once you’ve launched your Patreon or paid content I know so many will want to join in.
I know I’d even buy a T-shirt or fidget toy in solidarity!
You’re crushing it Tay - keep up the momentum and I know you will build a life changing channel.
@@TRXST.ISSUES Thanks so much, Jared.
I'm sorry to hear about your prolonged meltdowns. That's a tough spot to be in. Just realized yesterday that's what's been going on with me too. I haven't been processing the many changes my family has been going through and it hit me so hard yesterday. Felt like I was drowning and floating at the same time, like I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I had some videos lined up to shoot but I just haven't had it in me. I'll probably shoot one today just kind of deconstructing my meltdown this week because it's really interesting to me to study why and how they happen.
I'm also sorry to hear about your friend. That really sucks. You seem like a really supportive and loyal person and I'm sure you've felt a lot of pain over this situation.
I hadn't heard of Dyer! I just added him to my list of works to read. So cool that you're also into Tolle and Chopra! I've been on this kick lately connecting autism and consciousness. I think people on the spectrum almost have a leg up in accessing some of the elements of present moment awareness. Still working through how to put this into words but I think autism and present moment awareness/higher consciousness actually have a lot in common.
Always good to hear from you. Keep taking care of yourself and do more recovery than you think you need! Sending positive vibes your way.
I got sick and got migraines and missed days is school…also had to wear a heart monitor!
Me too!
Thanks for this great video. I’ve been diagnosed for 6 months and def gone from the total elation of everything making sense to seriously grieving my past & imagined future….it has all felt so limiting. But just starting to shift into seeing that having (wanting) to give up old patterns /goals etc is scary - but could/will also open up new, and much more authentic possibilities. Trying to breathe into that, so this video is perfect ❤
Good I’m so glad to hear it. 💓
@MomontheSpectrum Hi Tay! I had no idea that hair loss is something that is connected. A friend recommended your videos and I love your channel! Thank you so much for sharing your experiences! Hair loss/thinning is something that I started experiencing a few years ago. Do you have any tips or advice for what helped you or was it a matter of waiting for life to be less stressful? Thank you so much! ❤
Thanks!
I loved this video. Going through the diagnosis process does bring a lot of grief but it’s also like (finally) get a set of instructions for yourself in terms of self care. It would be great if you could make a video about the gifts your autism can with (like ability to hear music in the way neurotypicals don’t? Just guessing here). Sending love ❤️
Awesome idea! Thanks for the suggestion. I do have a video on top autistic strengths but not one that pertains to my specific strengths. Something to think about!
Sometimes I feel a little sad too, I identify with everything you have said. All I can say is here is some innocent love from me, and an innocent hug (if thats ok). Thankfully I have someone who loves me for me, and that has made all the difference. Warm Regards, Joss
Sending an innocent hug back! Thank you Joseph. :)
Just going back to college and I'm going through the process of diagnosis, my therapist alredy said it autism, but she needs to do all the tests because here we need a psychological aval to be officially autistic...... but I'm grieving all the things I had to go through as a kid... literally trauma! I'm not ashamed of being autistic but I just go from my therapist and I'm crying because I feel so alone and stuck
I relate to that college experience . . .Except I preferred smaller classes insteqd of large lecture. How well I did always depended on the professor and how they taught.
I ❤your videos
I’m just so sad of all the time I’ve missed and all the damage I’ve had do to through because of my late diagnosis. I just wish I had got it so much earlier.
I haven't been diagnosed (my therapist says, "for what it's worth, I dont see it in you") but once I explained the way I see the world & how my anxiety & mood swings seem symptoms of it, she was nodding by the end of the session saying, I would definitely not take that diagnosis off the table. But her approach (&my own) is more on: what now? What's my end goal- instead of just wanting to be diagnosed- what is the end goal once you know "why" you feel this way? So we are there now.
but I feel like even knowing it for yourself is like this:
Example of how I'm trying to live life in a "normal" world being nuerodiverse-
I'm cooking Pancakes and someone keeps telling me just use a tool, so I grab one but it's a soup ladle & it just doesn't work. So I grab a grill tool & attempt that, but it seems too large & bulky for pancake flipping. After multiple tries at different utensils I finally realize they actually sell pancake flippers, and it works well.
Having a diagnosis (or even someone on your side saying, yes, that seems like it'd fit, what course of therapy would u like to do with this is mind?) feels like it provides u with the right tool & even a seasoned chef to be like, oh that doesn't work, try this instead- vs just fumbling around attempting to use trial & error for literally EVERY aspect of life. Such a relief.
Thank you
You’re welcome 💓
I totally get all the cuts in the beginning of the show. I really want to start a channel but I'm terrible with speech. You make it so fluent! I need to figure out how to cut out all my rehearsals and repeating sentences to myself and make it sound good like you. Is that editing or do you strategically pause the recording?
Editing!!
thanks for sharing
I’m 34 and I’m hoping to start pursuing a diagnosis this year, as well as one for ADHD-I thought I just had autism but now I’m suspecting I may have both. Dr. Tracey Marks made a video about falling asleep when people with ADHD fall asleep when they’re under stimulated or bored-that is what hit home with me. I knew about being autistic since I was 18-my behaviors as a child we’re definitely autistic (I lined up toys all the time). I’m hoping to talk to my PCP and see how she can help me out and find a therapist who can diagnose me.
🙏🙏🙏🙏🔥🔥🔥🔥!
Hi! I’m curious what happens AFTER you receive a diagnosis? It’s all a bit intimidating and I’m wondering if you can help demystify what to expect. As a fellow mom, I strongly believe it’s been missed for years and I’m contemplating going to receive a diagnosis (or maybe not). Do you just get your diagnosis and go on your way or do they suggest you seek the help of a therapist? Do they test your kids or suggest family therapy or is it pretty hands off and you’re left to decide what’s best for you?
Biggest reason for me considering diagnosis is so I can advocate for and empower others - I am happy to have found your channel. Having representation and someone I can relate to means the world.
Will you consider obtaining and providing an email address in your description box for the comments that cannot be shared publicly? Thank you.
Hi Catherine - absolutely. If you click my "about" section, under details it says "view email address." You can find it there.
Just who am I. Am i the same person, knowing I have autism? Its heart breaking to be 49, and almost 50. Seems the boat I missed never was there to begin with
👍💕
Thanks for watching and for the comment!
For me, it’s parenting…how much better I would have handled that.
Oh my goodness! The alopecia is connected?
I self-identify as on ASD spectrum as ND
Alopecia people on the spectrum unite. 😂
Last summer, I found out I had alopecia at 41. Stuck 2000 miles from home in Canada, (I live in Washington state,) at my sisters wedding, my mom's 65th birthday, starving because of eating issues and unable to eat, dealing with a bustling bridal party and professional hair and makeup telling me my hair seemed thin in a spot...
I had to leave the reception for my meltdown. I was demonized because I left the wedding. I got back to the air bnb and my hair fell out.
Meltdown.
Have you heard of Longevity
In what context?
@@MomontheSpectrum it’s a wellness product that helps people on the spectrum
I don't want to accept my ASD. I'm a loser. We're not people; we're scientific subjects to observe and study.
I was also sickly all through school. I tried to be invisible - so I understand your comments very well. Thank you for making these videos. I was newly diagnosed at 55 - so my grief hit hard. Thanks for explanations Tay! 🩷
Exactly same here. I’ve opened up to a friend and I didn’t get understood. I thought I finally found the answer to who I am. But I felt defeated. Collapsed into tears as it really hit me hard. I thought I’d never share my findings with non autistic people ever again. Taylor’s videos are so comforting, thank you for all of your efforts!