Yes it’s in their genomes to hunt, gather and literally spread their seed. Women do not naturally have that. They literally want the best they can get in a very superficial way:
I detached and THEN he didn't want to let me go. But when I detach, I'm done. I don't care anymore if he's attracted to me or not. I don't know how to remain interested if I can't attach with mutuality. The dance was exhausting. Alone is better. Ah yes, freedom from frustration.
Omg same! Once I’m detached I’m fully done and there is no going back. It’s almost impossible to detach and remain hopeful the relationship will improve. It’s all or nothing for me. Not sure if that’s good or bad.
Yesssss!! If I have to detach than peace out loser...I'm not here to play games and then men who can't commit or not play games usually are emotionally unavailable. Save everyone and either heal yourself or enjoy your hand forever bc women don't want that bullsh#!
@@joyadams1904- I’m pretty sure I read that quote in a book called “why men love bitches”. And it is true. It’s not playing games or jostling for power. It is simply what most men respond to. Blame them! Ha ha 😉.
Detachment is so important. Especially when that person has clearly shown signs that they are unable to provide what is it you need in a partnership. It’s important to detach from any outcome.
It is also a good filter! Men who aren’t attracted to detached women, instead they like the “needy” ones, usually wants a puppet not a partner for life.
Exactly 💯 Recent ex of 4 years ghosted me For I didn’t choose him over my son, job, etc. He wanted me to be dependent on him and practically LIVE for him.
I detached , miss him. But i felt very relieved when i let him know, i actually felt the anxiety leave in an instant. He would make contact then disappear had me always on a string , then one day i said, no more.
Your example of detachment is not what this message is about. This message is about being detached whilst still in a healthy relationship. You sound like you may have escaped from a narcissistic partner.
This describes me. Crazy thing is tho it’s hard to find a mate being like this. To find someone who wants a woman who’s like this, or at least that’s been my experience. It helped me find self worth after a divorce.
In this talk, I get the feeling that Mr. Peterson is speaking with the presumption that all men are equally self aware, empathetic, accomplished, confident, emotionally intelligent beings, much as he portrays himself to be. If Only.
Detachment is a spiritual principle. It’s much deeper than the superficial meaning. It speaking directly to energy and how it is reciprocated. Detachment vibrates on a high frequency. It simply means not being attached to outcomes. Especially where manifestation is concerned.
Yeap. Implies self-suffieciency and self-contentment. And that implies no need for other. And that leaves other longing. Creates a sort of a vicious circle. 🙃
And also: I may love someone to death, but when he doesn't treat me well and plays games, love will eventually diminish. When I detach, he may suddenly or finallY realize what he's lost, but that may also be the moment when it's too late for me to come back. Why men function like that is beyond me. In my opinion: 1. When you love, these games are not necessary, 2. When you're mature and you love , you know and are aware in that moment that this is the case and you don't need all this mess to understand. Yes, a bit of uncertainty is exciting, but: thinking that just because I love them, I am not going anywhere or I will let them do anything they want, is simply wrong.
Yes this really resonates! I was in a relationship for 21 (married 16) years and I gave away EVERYTHING to him (I was young, I didn't know any better and was innately a people pleaser) and over time he took what I gave, eventually leading to me giving up my career, my business, my religion, my friends, my strength and my body for children. Unsatisfied he rendered me useless and an empty shell of the vibrant young woman I once was. Sadly, when I finally decided to assert and detach myself to have something of my own, I was met with bitterness and anger that lead to our divorce. I had a wonderful support system of family and friends to see me through. Now I have learned to NEVER give that much power to anyone. I'm not playing a game for attraction, I truly believe in people being independent and having their own lives/interests/friends/etc.
@@movingsaudade6028 Thank you so much for your kindness and understanding. I definitely want to share my story with as many as possible and am writing a lot and trying to figure out how best to tell my story!
He's talking about me! I'm detached for...17 years! I attracted jealous men being upset with my "strange" , "suspect" need for calm, time alone, studies. Always had to be their nurse, which I'm not, their mother, (I already have a son, thanks). It's exausting to give all your energy to someone who does nothing with it ! Life is to short to waste time and energy for a sterile relation...I'm not a monster at all, but I old and will die by myself, and it's not a fear anymore for me. I feel like life is better alone than with a ball. I never met someone like me.
When I detach, it's not to get the man's attention... it's because I am done! I'm done giving my all, being emotionally invested... everything. You might as well move on because I have. My mental state has left the building. Once I'm gone, I'm gone!
This resonates with me. I have perfected detachment & my man has made unimaginable life changes that I didn’t even ask or push for. He has pursued me continuously & more intensely over the last 6 years. Every day he loves & appreciates me more & more. How do I know? He shows me by his actions. He also tells me. Additionally, the life changes he’s made motivated by his deep admiration & gratefulness for me have opened the door to immense financial success & business comes to him like a magnet. You had my full attention as I was listening. It’s as if you had profiled my relationship & was giving a detailed assessment. Unbelievable.
Ladies and gentlemen THIS is today called “grey rocking”. It works in EVERY SINGLE relationship you have. If you don’t “need”’ them to the point they know you can survive without them, they…will…come. It’s unreal how well this works. I’ve been doing this since I was a kid. A dance as old as time. I just “got it” early.
Um. A woman should expect security and if a man can't give it she has no self worth . Sorry love. Ure wrong. Men who get scared when u ask for dating to be future oriented or intentional will likely die alone 💋
@FreeDom-fv8wy it's not needy to want to date seriously and not act like casual dating or hookup culture is okay. I don't get newage dating ure all nuts
Detachment works in all areas of your life. Relationships yes, but other areas as well. I'm just naturally a detached person now and things usually just flows to me because of it.
Detachment means setting boundaries and prioritizing your peace. If you detach from a man, it’s because his presence disrupts your comfort or well being. The worst part? When he ignores your boundaries and keeps chasing it’s a clear sign he’s disregarding your need for space. True detachment is about reclaiming your energy and putting yourself first!
Personally not intimmidated, but out of place. Woman do sanely prefer a man of her status (or higher). So it feels like, "i have nothing to do here". Mostly, if a man likes you it's futile to change it. Otherwise it was a lie. Mostly if a man doesn't like you it's futile to change it. Otherwise it was a lie.
I experience this in my marriage and I can say it's true, even though It's makes zero sense to me. I was ready to walk away that's why I detached. When I did he became more of what I wanted thoughtful, considerate, intimate, intellectual, listening, and I could go on. Only thing is this isn't what I thought being married would be like and it's kind of unforefeeling for me because I have to hold back how I want to share my love.
I think it is a bit of a game…..having to play roles is not, to me, an honest relationship. Yes, woman have figured out men……some women just aren’t into changing their true self to get, keep, or attract a man. I guess it boils down to if you feel the need to sell your soul. It’s about mystery….not dependency.
Totally agree. I've been self reliant since a teenager, I'm educated, bought my own house in my 20s, I'm 56 and lived alone my entire life. Men get obsessed with me. I'm a loner.
I find men like the to test women like this. My current ex tested me, and found my ice was colder than his. I let him go, peacefully with no animosity, we may have a friendship but we may not. The world is full of adventure, i released him back to find a new one and slept well that night. I need only myself
7:00 “Love is not about Possession it’s about Freedom! 🙌🏼 It’s about two people coming together not out of necessity but out of choice 💕. It’s about finding strength in oneself and sharing that strength with another”
This comment is the ONLY comment on this video that makes real sense to me. I understand you must let go of expectations -- BUT I believe a healthy marriage takes TWO whole independent individuals. Plus, you CANNOT have TRUST (and Trust is the foundation of a solid relationship) IF one has NOT or IS honest w/u or him or herself.
This is SO true! It is about learning to walk alongside someone, versus being " enveloped" and " controlled" by someone. Most people become " attached" versus being independent and self assured. There is a HUGE difference. Attachment is not love. Love is freedom!
It goes both ways. People want what they cant have. Its simple. When you remove yourself the other person has to think about their actions. Thats any relationship.
This is me but men struggle with it and most have sought to make me dependent or attempted to ‘break me down’. Initially attracted to me they then despise me for my detachment or independence. My detachment makes them feel ‘weak’ or highlights their inadequacies. They have all gone on to a woman they can control, possess or who needs or is dependent on them. Many men are still seeking to enforce the ‘stereotypical’ role of what a man is.
I am very independent and detached in my relationships with both men and women. My detachment does not imply indifference or a lack of love and care but more acceptance of the others as they are. Women don't seem to have a problem accepting this, unlike the men- those who don't know me - who seem to have a problem with it, especially as I am also totally self reliant and self sufficient: I'll attempt any tasks men deem women are incapable of, before I will admit defeat. My intention isn't to disempower men, but because I believe in being self reliance and that its often more expedient. The only man who understood this passed away, We were together for 27 years. He was unique, precious and probably one in a million. I did not want us to marry, preferring that we were in a committed relationship out of a desire to be with each other, than from a sense of obligation.
When i was emotional, he pulled back, sending me inna tizzy. Now that I am detached, because of his " games" he is all over sending hints , clues, always of service, very attentive. And there is no going back. Now, I have no feelings for him other than friendship.I do not get men.
Exhausting. I’m typically a more “detached” woman who just got out of a relationship with a man who thought seeing each other once a week after dating for 6 mos and knowing each other for 3 years was clingy. No amount of space I gave him made him pursue much and I was tired of ignoring my needs (which were reasonable and NOT clingy). We shouldn’t have to worry that showing vulnerability and authenticity will make our partners disinterested. If that’s the case, let them go.
After a most recent break up from a narcissist, I feel I definitely need to find myself again and to who I need to be . Thank you for this video Jordan, a great inspiration in my moving forward.
My favorite movie, "North and South" by Elizabeth Gaskell illustrates this perfectly, and the protagonist wasn't even detatching intentionally. She just wasn't interested and it drove him crazy. Highly recommended and you're welcome.
In the book (not sure about the movie), she became attracted to him in time. Our first impressions are often faulty. I saw the movie a long time ago and found it did not do the work justice (not unusual).
@ladycactus110 I've also read the book. The movie and book have differences for sure, but that is common. I was referring to the movie in my comment. The story teaches an immense amount of lessons, mainly to take care of the log in your own eye before inspecting the speck in another's. Also, karma abounds in unexpected ways. I wish there were a discussion group for this masterpiece. I'd never leave the house though. 🥰
This was so good. I learned a lot about myself and how I was in my marriage with my LH. We didn't need each other, we 'wanted' each other and I had immense respect for him and our union in marriage and family. He was so unselfish and I loved that about him. I've learned to be even more untethered (detached) as I move forward and date again. I'm much more aware of my own strengths, weaknesses and boundaries.
I feel like there are levels of detachment. I’m very independent, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want a relationship. This is where COMMUNICATION comes in. I think each person in the relationship has to find their balance of independence and attachment. Just my personal opinion.
I walk away from men. I fear rejection. I reject them first. To keep me from looking foolish for being interested in him. I walk away. At the same time, I appreciate just about every man. I feel a mutual attraction to. There are times. I make a man feel uncomfortable by my presence. I then distance myself from him.
Have a co worker that lured in and rejected every guy at work....interesting the different reactions....but she does this it seems purely to protect herself. Not like others on here who seem to simply retain their value with detachment.
I agree with all of thos and I am exactly like the woman you describe. The only men drawn to this kind of woman is a mature man who doesn't play games & can appreciate the inner work the woman has gone through. It literally weeds out the men from the boys 😅
There are many reasons for a woman to detach from the one she loved, it's either she knows that he already admitted he has feelings and loves the other woman more. So in the end is best to walk away from such complicated relationships.
@ If he has feelings and loved the other woman in his heart, will it not be proper to leave and let go of my own feelings, so that l can feel peaceful and respectful.
@@valdiviana1 Yes, it's best to detach from the man you so loved, no matter how deeply, in respect for his choice of another woman he admired and truly loved. It's the best option to let go and walked away peacefully.
He is beyond loved. I have kept such a standard in this home. We are laughing 95 percent of the time and we are constantly in each others arms, every single time he has gone out with friends the only thing I’ve repeated over the years, is “Don’t do anything you wouldn’t like me doing”. THATS IT, and “have fun hun”. I hate that he hurts me with what he knows can hurt me. Sometimes it seems like he doesn’t care, because how can I hurt him??? What can I do?? I’m 15 years in with him, and at this point he has smoked, knowing when we met that for me, that’s a deal breaker, he lied about it for a year, and then sweared he wouldn’t again and then did it again as soon as his friend influenced him. I should leave, but I”M THE real idiot, I decided to stay at home and take care of the kids, I’m the fool. I’ve got no hope in him. Today he was talking about his job, a job we moved to Australia for, and he was talking about his co workers, which I know, and have told him he needs to stay professional with. He accidentally shared his “nickname” for his female co worker. Then tried to gaslight me into making me think I heard wrong. He’s been lying for YEARS and BEEN STAYING CAUGHT. He flirted with my cousin at MY families 15 party, got drunk and acted like a fool. I thought he was keeping his family company, NOPE. ITS MY DAMN OWN FAULT, but I’m fucking stuck. AND YOU KNOW what I’ve done?? I’ve taken care of this man. I’m so tired. I’m in the other room just sitting on the floor now. He wanted to “talk” but I really don’t care to talk anymore. I don’t even want to look at him in the face, the amount of times I’ve explained how he NEEDS TO PROVE by his ACTIONS that I can trust him. I’VE MADE SUCH A TERRIBLE CHOICE. He makes great money, and he’s a great dad, and A FANTASTIC HUMAN! He is, he’s not the typical asshole, but these choices, I can’t do this anymore. How come I know what NOT to do to not hurt him?
He means having a standoffish nature. Smothering anyone pushes them away. Ladies know when to get close. Know when to leave. Mindfulness is what is needed to keep a man chasing and investing. Understand once the man shows effort reward him . Smothering anyone is what insecure people do . Insecure is associated with trauma.
You can love a person and want a normal relationship without smothering them..If you thing my love for you is smothering the we are not a match..we should go find our matches..unless I am being clingy you have no reason to feel smothered 😊
Thank you for this simple explanation. I was thinking, if I actually like him and interested, but start detaching (which some guys will take it as nonchalant and that we’re not interested), he might then lose interest. What you stated about “rewarding” him for his efforts (positive reinforcement) made it seem very inspiring. Step back, let him be driven by his natural instincts to come to you, and reward and appreciate his efforts and so he’ll do more of what you actually need him too and he’ll know you’re still very interested. Also show random appreciation because men like to be acknowledged. Also, I’m learning to treat each interaction as your last, since humans are ever changing and unpredictable. That way you appreciate each instance, as you never know when it would be your last. Also ladies the man has to feel needed…let him do things for us even if we can do for ourselves. Last thing, respect and love yourself and be willing to walk away when someone or something is not in alignment with your life.❤
I have found occasional detachment, providing space & time, to be healing; stepping away from all distraction and stressors; a centering; an internal reset, a survival mechanism, so to speak. The analogy I have made, that applies somewhat, would be “one would not approach a wounded creature without caution or care, as the creature may instinctively defend its peace and boundary at any cost, to heal, live and thrive”. This may sound severe, but that explanation pretty much sums it up. I do need space and time alone occasionally, away from everything, good, bad & indifferent, occasionally….not always…..a discerning opening of self reflection, making way for clarity in the heart… to accept the fruitfulness of learning unconditional love, Woman of the heart.
I think majority of people dont understand: detachment is an attitude to life and oneself which also reflects in the way you relate to your loved ones. To make it brief: a really mature and grown up person experiences this tipe of detachment as the happiness of such a person doesnt depend on other people but only on oneself , the power is within not with out. And this inner strenth and self dependance also projects in your intimate relationships. It is not deliberate , you dont pretend in order to inspire more interest in your loved one, it is just your nature and the way you relate with people and oneself, realizing clearly that the only thing you really need to be in peace is self determination, self love and self respect, the rest though nice is not essential
Detachment in relationships is the beautiful trust and belief in one’s self when you are so happy & peace within yourself , detachment can be displayed in the comfort & acceptance of allowing another to be their true self also
As a woman, I have to say that detachment (a chronic feature of my life) is almost invariably due to a complete lack of interest in the man in question. Having listened to the interesting assumptions in this video, it confirms my view that most men find it impossible to believe they are resistible.
As Jordan speaks of detachment, it lines up perfectly with what our relationship with Christ should be. We don’t need anyone but Christ. We need His validation, His love, HIs acceptance, and anyone who supply’s more of this to us, is just a bonus. But perusing validation from another person, is like expecting a fish every time you throw your line in. It is usually a surprise and when it happens we are excited and grateful. But like many relationships outside that of Christ, they can be and often times are fleeting and come to an end. Some relationships last because of similar growth as individuals. But as I say, this is what we need to understand. If we expect things out of people we will be disappointed, but when we rely on God, He always surprises us and is just like a steady meal. It is always there. So, as Jordon explains the detachment theory, I have to say, it is what Christ thinks of us. He loves us unconditionally, shows us the way, if we ask, and never says, I told you so. He is there to forgive and move on.
This is spot on. A skill that developes thru life in all its stages and ages thru marriage , thru children, thru resilience thru novelty , thru growing and learning thru spaces giving your man independence with standards of behavior that shows you respect yourself. Stay fit, stay sexy for yourself, stay engaged, learn earn empower , lift heavy *** build your body & your mind - don’t efff around makin yourself easy peasy. Men will take it over a cup of coffee. Just cuz your married doesn’t meet they don’t stop looking. Plenty of married men & women seek others for excitement. It never ends even past age 65, 70 +
Thank you sir, Jordan, this is very educational. I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing by detaching. I was hurt, but held my head up high and showed no emotion. My ex told me he just wants to be friends but still wants me around. I detached and said okay let’s be friends, I live my live, my freedom and not always available. I don’t call him and ignore him. He keeps coming back.
I grew up with a single mom my dad left my mother when she was pregnant with my sister. My brother was a newborn and I was two years old. She raised us by herself. She was completely deaf, but she did her best and we always had what we needed. We actually always had the best she could afford, and she sacrificed her own. She never really cared for stuff for herself And she never men. She never was one of these women that wanted a man in her life if she had a boyfriend occasionally they were all very users and liars and cheaters and abusers so obviously they never lasted, but she was always friends with them. She stayed friends with them. I’m exactly like that. I don’t want them in my Life, they’re going to be that way, but I forgive them if they turn out to be that way because I consider their loss not my loss.
Detachment is the evidence of I don't need you. Rather I want you. It is the absence of a transaction. When you "need" someone, it is at a 'cost'. It is a dependency. When you want someone, you already have what you need, and the transaction is removed. I greatly appreciated this video.
@twistedstich I appreciate your response and I disagree with hetero men not respecting non transactional affection. I can see how and why you would say think this way. A woman who decides to give without an expectation of a return and turns down a return on what she has given, is valuable to a man. It speaks to her character, and a man will have much respect for her giving as long as she is wise in her giving. A woman who continues to give without regard...then I would agree with you. The best way to devalue something is to offer it too much and too often. I am of course speaking of things of a nonsexual nature, and if the man views it in any other light, he is not ready for this woman. He is probably immature and has little value himself.
This is one of the benefits of living life that I have lived. My testimony, probably should be put out there, but I’d rather focus on problem-solving then going over the horrors we all went through to create the beautiful awareness of the being we are to respect ourselves more than we ever thought, we could this dynamic is essential in the clarity of a woman’s walk to be unhampered so we can fly. I am flying swimming in the stars with the whales I am.
I woud rather say "not attached". Not attached is not same as detached. Detached is kind of distant and caring very little. Not attached is being close and caring without suffocating need and strangulating embrace.
When your partner loves their partner they let their partner open up for who they are and learn to let go of their pain to their partner who cares for them ❤️🫂 so that they can cry together and heal together ❤️❤️❤️and as they heal together they can become better and happier in life 🥰💕♥️ and respect for each other ❤️
Unfortunately, there are many men not being taught that they have to earn a woman's attention and love. My daughters (dating men in two separate decades) have been finding that in general, men have a very "I am man, I am your everything, you are woman, you are nothing" attitude. It seems that the evolution of young people today in regard to dating has been sliding backwards. Unfortunately, dating becomes marriage and attitudes just get worse once that commitment is made.
Yep, I don’t rely on anyone, I own everything I have, worked self employed for many yrs now, own my business, my house, everything. Being alone by choice in many circumstances, like travelling the world, living by myself, building and making furniture, learning plumbing and electrical for household upkeep, learned car mechanics so I can fix my car quite often, change tires, I sewed every curtain and cushion, built a porch and a garden myself. I’m a great cook and baker. I look very ‘feminine’ but I’m strong and fit. I’m happy about doing all that, and all (some) men can reply with is ‘you’ll die alone with cats’, they have no real argument to reply with. 😂
I was told as a child, “ no man will ever want you because you don’t listen and do what you are told.” I responded with, “well if he is a man like you, l am ok with that”! My mom was trying to hide her proud smile when her early teenage daughter delivered this blow to a malignant narcissistic father. I’ve enjoyed living and learning as a detached woman. Highly recommended!
I love this. I want a man, I need a partner. I can do without if it isn't 💯 reciprocated. I deserve a true connection and nothing less. I'm so grateful I had therapy growing up at a young age. My therapist really did aid in helping me break dysfunctional codependency. ❤❤❤
I think that way too. In fact, more and more people feel exactly that, deserving true connection, especially for women..but why is it so hard to find that deep authentic connection...... one that is reciprocal and loving. What a journey we are on =p
Detachment doesn't mean we don't like the person we have a relationship with , it means that when we're separate with each we're still okay and we're still whole . That we will never break because we separate because nothing is permanent . Sounds negative but its necessary . Usually when we are attach to people they take advantage that attachment to them.
Without listening to this segment, I can sum it up based on six decades of experience: Most men want what they can't have.
Most humans
💯
It’s immature
Men AND women
Yes it’s in their genomes to hunt, gather and literally spread their seed. Women do not naturally have that.
They literally want the best they can get in a very superficial way:
I'm so detached I don't even feel the need to listen to this 🤣😜
😂
😂😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂
You're missing out on a brilliant explanation of how to detach, when, and why. I'm detached, too, but this def worthwhile!
I detached and THEN he didn't want to let me go. But when I detach, I'm done. I don't care anymore if he's attracted to me or not. I don't know how to remain interested if I can't attach with mutuality. The dance was exhausting. Alone is better. Ah yes, freedom from frustration.
So true. If we’re in a relationship where I stay detached I am seriously not enjoying it, I don’t feel any fuzzies and I feel unfulfilled.
Omg same! Once I’m detached I’m fully done and there is no going back. It’s almost impossible to detach and remain hopeful the relationship will improve. It’s all or nothing for me. Not sure if that’s good or bad.
Yesssss!! If I have to detach than peace out loser...I'm not here to play games and then men who can't commit or not play games usually are emotionally unavailable. Save everyone and either heal yourself or enjoy your hand forever bc women don't want that bullsh#!
You're misunderstanding what he means by " detach "
Amen.
To be clear, only high quality men will be able to appreciate women like this.
Exactly this will not work if a man is detached or classic avoidant or emotionally unavailable..they won’t care they will just move on to a new supply
Agreed 100% and more. Most of the men are afraid of this kind of woman. But still.. we deserve to find and have those men.
Indeed. Men in their masculine.
Yes, and they are RARE
Right won’t work with the narcissist. Not a cutthroat one anyways.
He who cares less, wins.
Always.
😂😂😂😂😂
Sad, but true
Detachment is not lack of care, in fact, it's the opposite. See Buddhism for more info. :)
Detachment is not "caring less", it is caring most about truth & authenticity. When 2 such people come together, the bond is unbreakable.
He plays the least games wins!
Also, it depends on what the woman wants. Some men "child" hate a woman who can do life without a man.
I detached. He pursued me for a friendship only connection. I let him know he brings no value to my life. My Peace is priceless. 💕🕊️
🎉🎉🎉
Me too, good luck in your future Relationship
Bravo, you ladies 👏
❤❤❤love the last sentence❤❤❤
Sounds like a man .. women don’t really bring anything especially these days just drama and chaos. A man’s peace is worth much more
“Men don’t respond to words. They respond to no contact“.
When you act like this you make relationships more transactional and less fulfilling
@@joyadams1904- I’m pretty sure I read that quote in a book called “why men love bitches”. And it is true. It’s not playing games or jostling for power. It is simply what most men respond to. Blame them! Ha ha 😉.
This is not no contact, I can't believe how many don't get what he's saying
You think, if he's a narcissist he would love that...
@@michd5507 - I get what he’s saying. It’s just a related thought, that’s all.
Detachment to me,is realizing You are truly free from drama and loving Yourself for how God made You🕊️
Detachment is so important. Especially when that person has clearly shown signs that they are unable to provide what is it you need in a partnership. It’s important to detach from any outcome.
Exactly 👍
Absolutely ❤
Hate to agree with this but I do😔
Umm.. Why the Hell get into/stay in a relationship where the other is unable to meet your needs? That's just dysfunctional!
They totally trick you 😢
It is also a good filter! Men who aren’t attracted to detached women, instead they like the “needy” ones, usually wants a puppet not a partner for life.
That sums it up for me. Thank you.
Exactly 💯
Recent ex of 4 years ghosted me
For I didn’t choose him over my son, job, etc. He wanted me to be dependent on him and practically LIVE for him.
@@Missybella92227 man like that doesn’t worth your time. He ghosting you, was like a trash can taking itself out
Wow
A narcissist is attached to a codependent woman. One who is emotional wounded a empath. It’s just the opposite.
Detachment is not "caring less", it is caring most about truth & authenticity. When 2 such people come together, the bond is unbreakable.
I detached , miss him. But i felt very relieved when i let him know, i actually felt the anxiety leave in an instant. He would make contact then disappear had me always on a string , then one day i said, no more.
Well done for taking your power back !! Stay strong ❤
He sounds like a narcissist. I’m happy for you that you are free ❤
Ditto😢
Your example of detachment is not what this message is about. This message is about being detached whilst still in a healthy relationship. You sound like you may have escaped from a narcissistic partner.
Yeah, drop the immature fence-sitters!
Detachment means you don’t need anyone to feel fulfilled. You can be happy and love a person with no expectations. That’s detachment 🙏🏽
I love this “love a person with no expectations. That’s detachment!” I need that on a tshirt 👌🏾
@@susanmill4178 Exactly! Well put.
Finally! LOL. I saw many posts that used the wrong definition for detachment regarding the video! 😊
This is unnatural
This describes me. Crazy thing is tho it’s hard to find a mate being like this. To find someone who wants a woman who’s like this, or at least that’s been my experience. It helped me find self worth after a divorce.
Detaching is a long road but not bending your own principles makes a woman honest with herself to the core.
This!!
Detached means high-value. He must continue to earn her.
Bingo 😊
Very well put and it's what he wants if he is of high value he wants to earn her.
It's seems in my country, men are willing to do that. Consequently I'm happily on my own.
I shiver with disgust whenever I read about human beings being referred to as “high value”. It makes you of low value to me automatically.
Were all high value. It’s about compatibility and mutual intetest
In this talk, I get the feeling that Mr. Peterson is speaking with the presumption that all men are equally self aware, empathetic, accomplished, confident, emotionally intelligent beings, much as he portrays himself to be. If Only.
Is this really Dr Peterson?
haha
No all women are aware, intelligent either. I agreed he coming from that point.
I think it works just based on experience.
Yeah it’s not the Male Narc!
Detachment is a spiritual principle. It’s much deeper than the superficial meaning. It speaking directly to energy and how it is reciprocated. Detachment vibrates on a high frequency. It simply means not being attached to outcomes. Especially where manifestation is concerned.
this is the PERFECT explanation!!! the truest one!
Thx! This helps. Do u have more on this??
@@user-zx5xw4yw2e Do you have to be spoon fed? Do your own research.
Yeap. Implies self-suffieciency and self-contentment. And that implies no need for other. And that leaves other longing. Creates a sort of a vicious circle. 🙃
@NinjaBooKitty Did not you momma teach you to nind your own business.
When I detach from a man, I am not attracted to the person.
And also: I may love someone to death, but when he doesn't treat me well and plays games, love will eventually diminish. When I detach, he may suddenly or finallY realize what he's lost, but that may also be the moment when it's too late for me to come back.
Why men function like that is beyond me. In my opinion: 1. When you love, these games are not necessary, 2. When you're mature and you love , you know and are aware in that moment that this is the case and you don't need all this mess to understand.
Yes, a bit of uncertainty is exciting, but: thinking that just because I love them, I am not going anywhere or I will let them do anything they want, is simply wrong.
@@avgonyma1very wise words
True
Exactly!
sameeeeeee😔😔😔😔😔😔
Find a man that loves Jesus more than he loves you and your off to a good start. A Christian man of integrity is the man you are seeking
Amen!
I'm an atheist.
Most christian men are the worst! Men that go to church claim they believe in god & still abuse women.
Absolutely!
Yes this really resonates! I was in a relationship for 21 (married 16) years and I gave away EVERYTHING to him (I was young, I didn't know any better and was innately a people pleaser) and over time he took what I gave, eventually leading to me giving up my career, my business, my religion, my friends, my strength and my body for children. Unsatisfied he rendered me useless and an empty shell of the vibrant young woman I once was. Sadly, when I finally decided to assert and detach myself to have something of my own, I was met with bitterness and anger that lead to our divorce. I had a wonderful support system of family and friends to see me through. Now I have learned to NEVER give that much power to anyone. I'm not playing a game for attraction, I truly believe in people being independent and having their own lives/interests/friends/etc.
This is a story of a typical man...or worse typical toxic man.Your story needs to be heard by many.Sorry for what you have gone through.
@@movingsaudade6028 Thank you so much for your kindness and understanding. I definitely want to share my story with as many as possible and am writing a lot and trying to figure out how best to tell my story!
Wow. Same experience.
You are very brave and in spite all the wounds that you are healing you are wiser than before
@@Omoro192 Thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate that so much 💖 Hope to share my story with more people in 2025 to help others.
He's talking about me! I'm detached for...17 years! I attracted jealous men being upset with my "strange" , "suspect" need for calm, time alone, studies. Always had to be their nurse, which I'm not, their mother, (I already have a son, thanks). It's exausting to give all your energy to someone who does nothing with it ! Life is to short to waste time and energy for a sterile relation...I'm not a monster at all, but I old and will die by myself, and it's not a fear anymore for me. I feel like life is better alone than with a ball. I never met someone like me.
I have been in a few very bad & criminally abusive relationships and I’m on a similar path as you, with kids! You’re not alone.
When I detach, it's not to get the man's attention... it's because I am done! I'm done giving my all, being emotionally invested... everything. You might as well move on because I have. My mental state has left the building. Once I'm gone, I'm gone!
This resonates with me. I have perfected detachment & my man has made unimaginable life changes that I didn’t even ask or push for. He has pursued me continuously & more intensely over the last 6 years. Every day he loves & appreciates me more & more. How do I know? He shows me by his actions. He also tells me.
Additionally, the life changes he’s made motivated by his deep admiration & gratefulness for me have opened the door to immense financial success & business comes to him like a magnet.
You had my full attention as I was listening. It’s as if you had profiled my relationship & was giving a detailed assessment. Unbelievable.
But do you love him?
Ladies and gentlemen THIS is today called “grey rocking”. It works in EVERY SINGLE relationship you have. If you don’t “need”’ them to the point they know you can survive without them, they…will…come. It’s unreal how well this works. I’ve been doing this since I was a kid. A dance as old as time. I just “got it” early.
Neediness is not loving or appealing. But it can take a long time to work thru and get to that point.
I hate this because when i say no, i really mean it. But some dont get it
Um. A woman should expect security and if a man can't give it she has no self worth . Sorry love. Ure wrong. Men who get scared when u ask for dating to be future oriented or intentional will likely die alone 💋
@FreeDom-fv8wy it's not needy to want to date seriously and not act like casual dating or hookup culture is okay. I don't get newage dating ure all nuts
A male friend said of his ex wife, that he chased her until she caught him.
The marriage didn't last long though.
Detachment works in all areas of your life. Relationships yes, but other areas as well. I'm just naturally a detached person now and things usually just flows to me because of it.
What you chase will run away.
Detachment is a game changer. Wish I'd known this in my twenties.
Detachment means setting boundaries and prioritizing your peace. If you detach from a man, it’s because his presence disrupts your comfort or well being. The worst part? When he ignores your boundaries and keeps chasing it’s a clear sign he’s disregarding your need for space. True detachment is about reclaiming your energy and putting yourself first!
Thank youuuuu 💯💯💯
I am here now. ❤
I resonate with all you mentioned in your comment. It took me 16 years 🥹❤️🩹
This should be taught to girls before we can walk. im 53. could have used this info much sooner!!
FACTS. The world teaches us women at a young age to seek validation outside of our own selves. We spend a lifetime getting our own approval back.
100% (and I’m also 53)
Unfortunately, most women won't understand this until later in life. When estrogen levels decrease (menopause).
I am also 53 and nobody taught me and every man I loved left me
I agree 👍
I'm one of those woman. Man are usually feel intimidated by independent self-sufficient woman. In 99% of the time.
Personally not intimmidated, but out of place. Woman do sanely prefer a man of her status (or higher). So it feels like, "i have nothing to do here".
Mostly, if a man likes you it's futile to change it. Otherwise it was a lie.
Mostly if a man doesn't like you it's futile to change it. Otherwise it was a lie.
And 99% of them… we don’t want.
Exactly
True
I don’t intimidate my man. He knows his worth too. We have an even flow between us. Almost perfect. There is no real connection with intimidation.
I experience this in my marriage and I can say it's true, even though It's makes zero sense to me. I was ready to walk away that's why I detached. When I did he became more of what I wanted thoughtful, considerate, intimate, intellectual, listening, and I could go on. Only thing is this isn't what I thought being married would be like and it's kind of unforefeeling for me because I have to hold back how I want to share my love.
Sane here. It is so frustrating for me to see that this is, sometimes, necessary. Too bad that there is no other way.
@@lourdescruz9516no other way?!? Screw that. I’d rather be alone.
I think it is a bit of a game…..having to play roles is not, to me, an honest relationship. Yes, woman have figured out men……some women just aren’t into changing their true self to get, keep, or attract a man. I guess it boils down to if you feel the need to sell your soul. It’s about mystery….not dependency.
Because men like to conquer
you are not with your equal and it sounds exhausting 😢
Totally agree. I've been self reliant since a teenager, I'm educated, bought my own house in my 20s, I'm 56 and lived alone my entire life. Men get obsessed with me. I'm a loner.
When I was young this behavior was called "playing hard to get"
I find men like the to test women like this. My current ex tested me, and found my ice was colder than his. I let him go, peacefully with no animosity, we may have a friendship but we may not. The world is full of adventure, i released him back to find a new one and slept well that night. I need only myself
My ice colder than his... love that... I'm gonna have to steal it..❤
A man has to desire a woman or this isn't effective behavior.
@@honeybee2919 I get it
7:00 “Love is not about Possession it’s about Freedom! 🙌🏼 It’s about two people coming together not out of necessity but out of choice 💕. It’s about finding strength in oneself and sharing that strength with another”
This comment is the ONLY comment on this video that makes real sense to me.
I understand you must let go of expectations -- BUT I believe a healthy marriage takes TWO whole independent individuals.
Plus, you CANNOT have TRUST (and Trust is the foundation of a solid relationship) IF one has NOT or IS honest w/u or him or herself.
This is SO true! It is about learning to walk alongside someone, versus being " enveloped" and " controlled" by someone. Most people become " attached" versus being independent and self assured. There is a HUGE difference. Attachment is not love. Love is freedom!
Self sufficient... Confident, unbreakable...
✨✨✨✨✨ (and) Beautiful , if we have all four, we by no means, need beg.
It goes both ways. People want what they cant have. Its simple. When you remove yourself the other person has to think about their actions. Thats any relationship.
This is me but men struggle with it and most have sought to make me dependent or attempted to ‘break me down’. Initially attracted to me they then despise me for my detachment or independence. My detachment makes them feel ‘weak’ or highlights their inadequacies. They have all gone on to a woman they can control, possess or who needs or is dependent on them. Many men are still seeking to enforce the ‘stereotypical’ role of what a man is.
Mmm. This! This! This! This!
I am very independent and detached in my relationships with both men and women. My detachment does not imply indifference or a lack of love and care but more acceptance of the others as they are. Women don't seem to have a problem accepting this, unlike the men- those who don't know me - who seem to have a problem with it, especially as I am also totally self reliant and self sufficient: I'll attempt any tasks men deem women are incapable of, before I will admit defeat. My intention isn't to disempower men, but because I believe in being self reliance and that its often more expedient. The only man who understood this passed away, We were together for 27 years. He was unique, precious and probably one in a million. I did not want us to marry, preferring that we were in a committed relationship out of a desire to be with each other, than from a sense of obligation.
Or, you're just a narcissist
And you are oh so kind and happy.... clearly....@@shrodingerscat4191
Melanie Trump personifies these qualities for me, as does her relationship with her husband
When i was emotional, he pulled back, sending me inna tizzy. Now that I am detached, because of his " games" he is all over sending hints , clues, always of service, very attentive. And there is no going back. Now, I have no feelings for him other than friendship.I do not get men.
Exhausting. I’m typically a more “detached” woman who just got out of a relationship with a man who thought seeing each other once a week after dating for 6 mos and knowing each other for 3 years was clingy. No amount of space I gave him made him pursue much and I was tired of ignoring my needs (which were reasonable and NOT clingy). We shouldn’t have to worry that showing vulnerability and authenticity will make our partners disinterested. If that’s the case, let them go.
Right and yet we do have to worry
💯 If you need to make yourself less you or restrain yourself from being authentic.. just fuckin leave cos someone out there does want you
@@stacyyoustI don’t have to worry anymore because I left.
You were probably dealing with a narcissist 😢
Detachment usually takes place when peace is constantly disturbed I approve this message
Thank you.I have always been self-sufficient. Let me tell you this works...fighting them off. Only have the kindest as real boyfriends ❤
After a most recent break up from a narcissist, I feel I definitely need to find myself again and to who I need to be .
Thank you for this video Jordan, a great inspiration in my moving forward.
My favorite movie, "North and South" by Elizabeth Gaskell illustrates this perfectly, and the protagonist wasn't even detatching intentionally. She just wasn't interested and it drove him crazy. Highly recommended and you're welcome.
But why would you want to attract someone you’re not interested in?
@sarahs2291 I guess better than the opposite
@sarahs2291 She didn't. I meant that her independent nature was attractive to him.
In the book (not sure about the movie), she became attracted to him in time. Our first impressions are often faulty. I saw the movie a long time ago and found it did not do the work justice (not unusual).
@ladycactus110 I've also read the book. The movie and book have differences for sure, but that is common. I was referring to the movie in my comment. The story teaches an immense amount of lessons, mainly to take care of the log in your own eye before inspecting the speck in another's. Also, karma abounds in unexpected ways. I wish there were a discussion group for this masterpiece. I'd never leave the house though. 🥰
My love for Jesus satisfies me completely.
that is interesting
Repressive
Jesus is more real than you n me
To know Him is to love Him.
@@DL_2019 Yes, to KNOW Him is to LOVE Him. Well said by YOU.
@@somutfaydalarpesinde3289 Thank you, I agree.
This was so good. I learned a lot about myself and how I was in my marriage with my LH. We didn't need each other, we 'wanted' each other and I had immense respect for him and our union in marriage and family. He was so unselfish and I loved that about him. I've learned to be even more untethered (detached) as I move forward and date again. I'm much more aware of my own strengths, weaknesses and boundaries.
Why did you divorce?
@@lisaward8024 I'm a widow, 7 years now. LH - Late husband
@@lisaward8024LH means ‘late husband’, meaning he passed away and she is now widowed (and not divorced).
Detachment is self-preservation and liberating.
I feel like there are levels of detachment. I’m very independent, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want a relationship. This is where COMMUNICATION comes in. I think each person in the relationship has to find their balance of independence and attachment. Just my personal opinion.
I walk away from men. I fear rejection. I reject them first.
To keep me from looking foolish for being interested in him.
I walk away. At the same time, I appreciate just about every man. I feel a mutual attraction to.
There are times. I make a man feel uncomfortable by my presence. I then distance myself from him.
Have a co worker that lured in and rejected every guy at work....interesting the different reactions....but she does this it seems purely to protect herself. Not like others on here who seem to simply retain their value with detachment.
I agree with all of thos and I am exactly like the woman you describe. The only men drawn to this kind of woman is a mature man who doesn't play games & can appreciate the inner work the woman has gone through. It literally weeds out the men from the boys 😅
This is brilliant. Must be listened to from beginning to end. Do not deduce just from the title. It's about every aspect of a high-value woman.
Be yourself dont change who you are ❤
I figured that out and my husband and i have been roommates for 10 years. Yay men, y'all win!
There are many reasons for a woman to detach from the one she loved, it's either she knows that he already admitted he has feelings and loves the other woman more. So in the end is best to walk away from such complicated relationships.
The other woman??
@
If he has feelings and loved the other woman in his heart, will it not be proper to leave and let go of my own feelings, so that l can feel peaceful and respectful.
@@valdiviana1
Yes, it's best to detach from the man you so loved, no matter how deeply, in respect for his choice of another woman he admired and truly loved. It's the best option to let go and walked away peacefully.
@judytansungmooi5313 Of course, we all have choice, and no one owns anyone, we r free to go anytime.
That's not the kind of detachment he's referring to. ❤️
He is beyond loved. I have kept such a standard in this home. We are laughing 95 percent of the time and we are constantly in each others arms, every single time he has gone out with friends the only thing I’ve repeated over the years, is “Don’t do anything you wouldn’t like me doing”. THATS IT, and “have fun hun”. I hate that he hurts me with what he knows can hurt me. Sometimes it seems like he doesn’t care, because how can I hurt him??? What can I do?? I’m 15 years in with him, and at this point he has smoked, knowing when we met that for me, that’s a deal breaker, he lied about it for a year, and then sweared he wouldn’t again and then did it again as soon as his friend influenced him. I should leave, but I”M THE real idiot, I decided to stay at home and take care of the kids, I’m the fool. I’ve got no hope in him. Today he was talking about his job, a job we moved to Australia for, and he was talking about his co workers, which I know, and have told him he needs to stay professional with. He accidentally shared his “nickname” for his female co worker. Then tried to gaslight me into making me think I heard wrong. He’s been lying for YEARS and BEEN STAYING CAUGHT. He flirted with my cousin at MY families 15 party, got drunk and acted like a fool. I thought he was keeping his family company, NOPE. ITS MY DAMN OWN FAULT, but I’m fucking stuck. AND YOU KNOW what I’ve done?? I’ve taken care of this man. I’m so tired. I’m in the other room just sitting on the floor now. He wanted to “talk” but I really don’t care to talk anymore. I don’t even want to look at him in the face, the amount of times I’ve explained how he NEEDS TO PROVE by his ACTIONS that I can trust him. I’VE MADE SUCH A TERRIBLE CHOICE. He makes great money, and he’s a great dad, and A FANTASTIC HUMAN! He is, he’s not the typical asshole, but these choices, I can’t do this anymore. How come I know what NOT to do to not hurt him?
He means having a standoffish nature. Smothering anyone pushes them away. Ladies know when to get close. Know when to leave.
Mindfulness is what is needed to keep a man chasing and investing. Understand once the man shows effort reward him . Smothering anyone is what insecure people do . Insecure is associated with trauma.
You can love a person and want a normal relationship without smothering them..If you thing my love for you is smothering the we are not a match..we should go find our matches..unless I am being clingy you have no reason to feel smothered 😊
Thank you for this simple explanation. I was thinking, if I actually like him and interested, but start detaching (which some guys will take it as nonchalant and that we’re not interested), he might then lose interest. What you stated about “rewarding” him for his efforts (positive reinforcement) made it seem very inspiring.
Step back, let him be driven by his natural instincts to come to you, and reward and appreciate his efforts and so he’ll do more of what you actually need him too and he’ll know you’re still very interested. Also show random appreciation because men like to be acknowledged. Also, I’m learning to treat each interaction as your last, since humans are ever changing and unpredictable. That way you appreciate each instance, as you never know when it would be your last. Also ladies the man has to feel needed…let him do things for us even if we can do for ourselves. Last thing, respect and love yourself and be willing to walk away when someone or something is not in alignment with your life.❤
A very picky man with substance, only appreciates this type of woman. To detach you have to be completely secure with yourself.
Excellent assessment!!!
I learned this at 21 and it changed my life.
This is beautiful!!
Thank you for creating this 💖
If a woman is detached from you, means she doesn’t want you and it’s time to leave her alone.
Or you messed up and you should make amends
When he says detached, I think he means "not tethered" to a man.
@abart2056 100% I feel like people aren't actually listening to this at all.
This! He needs to make amends!!!
Facts move on don't stalk her
I’m detached for a reason pls leave me alone 😅
Thank you
💯
You're the best Jordan ❤❤❤❤❤
I have found occasional detachment, providing space & time, to be healing; stepping away from all distraction and stressors; a centering; an internal reset, a survival mechanism, so to speak.
The analogy I have made, that applies somewhat, would be “one would not approach a wounded creature without caution or care, as the creature may instinctively defend its peace and boundary at any cost, to heal, live and thrive”. This may sound severe, but that explanation pretty much sums it up.
I do need space and time alone occasionally, away from everything, good, bad & indifferent, occasionally….not always…..a discerning opening of self reflection, making way for clarity in the heart… to accept the fruitfulness of learning unconditional love, Woman of the heart.
I think majority of people dont understand: detachment is an attitude to life and oneself which also reflects in the way you relate to your loved ones. To make it brief: a really mature and grown up person experiences this tipe of detachment as the happiness of such a person doesnt depend on other people but only on oneself , the power is within not with out. And this inner strenth and self dependance also projects in your intimate relationships. It is not deliberate , you dont pretend in order to inspire more interest in your loved one, it is just your nature and the way you relate with people and oneself, realizing clearly that the only thing you really need to be in peace is self determination, self love and self respect, the rest though nice is not essential
Some men dont appreciate ANYTHING a woman does.
Someone had to say it
Starting @ 5:23
💯 agree ❤
Not sure if this applies in modem society.
This is incredable video about detachment , thank you for a big learning Lesson 🌹♥️
Above all else honesty is important to me.
A woman who is happy and not afraid to be alone is the most powerful and most attractive
Provided a lot of answers. Makes sense! Thank you
Love to hear a video like this about what woman are extremely attracted to…
The modern woman of valor! Excellent insight!
Detachment in relationships is the beautiful trust and belief in one’s self when you are so happy & peace within yourself , detachment can be displayed in the comfort & acceptance of allowing another to be their true self also
Interesting insights, and a master class in how to develop a whole theme despite incorrectly using a transitive verb as an intransitive one.
As a woman, I have to say that detachment (a chronic feature of my life) is almost invariably due to a complete lack of interest in the man in question. Having listened to the interesting assumptions in this video, it confirms my view that most men find it impossible to believe they are resistible.
As Jordan speaks of detachment, it lines up perfectly with what our relationship with Christ should be. We don’t need anyone but Christ. We need His validation, His love, HIs acceptance, and anyone who supply’s more of this to us, is just a bonus. But perusing validation from another person, is like expecting a fish every time you throw your line in. It is usually a surprise and when it happens we are excited and grateful. But like many relationships outside that of Christ, they can be and often times are fleeting and come to an end. Some relationships last because of similar growth as individuals. But as I say, this is what we need to understand. If we expect things out of people we will be disappointed, but when we rely on God, He always surprises us and is just like a steady meal. It is always there. So, as Jordon explains the detachment theory, I have to say, it is what Christ thinks of us. He loves us unconditionally, shows us the way, if we ask, and never says, I told you so. He is there to forgive and move on.
Thank you Jordan! Very true.
I was born this way.
This is spot on. A skill that developes thru life in all its stages and ages thru marriage , thru children, thru resilience thru novelty , thru growing and learning thru spaces giving your man independence with standards of behavior that shows you respect yourself. Stay fit, stay sexy for yourself, stay engaged, learn earn empower , lift heavy *** build your body & your mind - don’t efff around makin yourself easy peasy. Men will take it over a cup of coffee. Just cuz your married doesn’t meet they don’t stop looking. Plenty of married men & women seek others for excitement. It never ends even past age 65, 70 +
I absolutely adore my independence
Thank you sir, Jordan, this is very educational. I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing by detaching.
I was hurt, but held my head up high and showed no emotion.
My ex told me he just wants to be friends but still wants me around.
I detached and said okay let’s be friends, I live my live, my freedom and not always available. I don’t call him and ignore him. He keeps coming back.
I thank you deeply and so much for the effort you made to tell us something what is so true and often ignored and not made visible. My deep Respect.
I grew up with a single mom my dad left my mother when she was pregnant with my sister. My brother was a newborn and I was two years old. She raised us by herself. She was completely deaf, but she did her best and we always had what we needed. We actually always had the best she could afford, and she sacrificed her own. She never really cared for stuff for herself And she never men. She never was one of these women that wanted a man in her life if she had a boyfriend occasionally they were all very users and liars and cheaters and abusers so obviously they never lasted, but she was always friends with them. She stayed friends with them. I’m exactly like that. I don’t want them in my Life, they’re going to be that way, but I forgive them if they turn out to be that way because I consider their loss not my loss.
Detachment is the evidence of I don't need you. Rather I want you. It is the absence of a transaction. When you "need" someone, it is at a 'cost'. It is a dependency. When you want someone, you already have what you need, and the transaction is removed.
I greatly appreciated this video.
There is a level of transaction in most relationships. The less transactional you make it, the less men respect it, at least in hetero relationships.
@twistedstich I appreciate your response and I disagree with hetero men not respecting non transactional affection. I can see how and why you would say think this way. A woman who decides to give without an expectation of a return and turns down a return on what she has given, is valuable to a man. It speaks to her character, and a man will have much respect for her giving as long as she is wise in her giving. A woman who continues to give without regard...then I would agree with you. The best way to devalue something is to offer it too much and too often. I am of course speaking of things of a nonsexual nature, and if the man views it in any other light, he is not ready for this woman. He is probably immature and has little value himself.
This is one of the benefits of living life that I have lived. My testimony, probably should be put out there, but I’d rather focus on problem-solving then going over the horrors we all went through to create the beautiful awareness of the being we are to respect ourselves more than we ever thought, we could this dynamic is essential in the clarity of a woman’s walk to be unhampered so we can fly. I am flying swimming in the stars with the whales I am.
I woud rather say "not attached". Not attached is not same as detached. Detached is kind of distant and caring very little. Not attached is being close and caring without suffocating need and strangulating embrace.
I am working on emotional stability.😊🙏
When your partner loves their partner they let their partner open up for who they are and learn to let go of their pain to their partner who cares for them ❤️🫂 so that they can cry together and heal together ❤️❤️❤️and as they heal together they can become better and happier in life 🥰💕♥️ and respect for each other ❤️
❤️
Unless she's the type that her beaver dried as his eyes water with tears.
Unfortunately, there are many men not being taught that they have to earn a woman's attention and love. My daughters (dating men in two separate decades) have been finding that in general, men have a very "I am man, I am your everything, you are woman, you are nothing" attitude. It seems that the evolution of young people today in regard to dating has been sliding backwards. Unfortunately, dating becomes marriage and attitudes just get worse once that commitment is made.
♥️
@@LaurieMaitiq Well spoken. I feel the love.
Yep, I don’t rely on anyone, I own everything I have, worked self employed for many yrs now, own my business, my house, everything. Being alone by choice in many circumstances, like travelling the world, living by myself, building and making furniture, learning plumbing and electrical for household upkeep, learned car mechanics so I can fix my car quite often, change tires, I sewed every curtain and cushion, built a porch and a garden myself. I’m a great cook and baker. I look very ‘feminine’ but I’m strong and fit. I’m happy about doing all that, and all (some) men can reply with is ‘you’ll die alone with cats’, they have no real argument to reply with. 😂
Is this really JPB’s voice? Is it from one of his audiobooks?
I was told as a child, “ no man will ever want you because you don’t listen and do what you are told.”
I responded with, “well if he is a man like you, l am ok with that”!
My mom was trying to hide her proud smile when her early teenage daughter delivered this blow to a malignant narcissistic father.
I’ve enjoyed living and learning as a detached woman. Highly recommended!
I love this genius!
Where is this clip from?
How detached should one be though?
I love this. I want a man, I need a partner. I can do without if it isn't 💯 reciprocated. I deserve a true connection and nothing less.
I'm so grateful I had therapy growing up at a young age. My therapist really did aid in helping me break dysfunctional codependency. ❤❤❤
I think that way too. In fact, more and more people feel exactly that, deserving true connection, especially for women..but why is it so hard to find that deep authentic connection...... one that is reciprocal and loving. What a journey we are on =p
Detachment doesn't mean we don't like the person we have a relationship with , it means that when we're separate with each we're still okay and we're still whole . That we will never break because we separate because nothing is permanent . Sounds negative but its necessary . Usually when we are attach to people they take advantage that attachment to them.