thank you yoram, filling the net with your beautiful smile, loving heart, compassion and joy! I get a big smile on my face having this online! To see and experience you teaching NVC, for everybody available! brings use joy to me. And this wonderful theme of requests, no's rejectionstories.... Soo much contributing to Life! Thank you Thank you Thank you.
Thanks to Yoram and to all the participants who engaged so much in this precious learning and allowed us to learn from their own learning experience, with their real concrete examples and life stories 🙏
Thank you, Yoram for posting to youtube. I am celebrating my connection with NVC and myself especially. I too feel an intense aliveness to connection with what is inside human beings. For me, your presence has connected to and given more meaning to all of life.
Wow, thank you for talking about fears. I always think I have massive web of fears inside me and when I don't do something I really want to do because of fears I am angry to myself. It is the first time I viewed fears in such a positive way.
This part, when you explain her, why you not want to go to her and her husband touches me, because you handle it, to explain something really strong and something, that also can be misunderstood. Also her reaction to that is strong, much stronger, than I thought, she would be. I celebrate you both and- as a matter of fact, this is really nourishing me too. Thanks for that!
Bu dili azimle ve şevkle öğrenme ihtiyacında olanlara, bunu gerçekten isteyenlere katkı sunma isteğim var:) Zamanlama: 1.10.15 Bağlantı Ricalarına Örnekler: -Bununla ilgili ne düşünüyorsun? -Bununla ilgili ne hissediyorsun? -Bu senin işine yarar mı? -Bu senin için uygun mu? -Bunu sevdin mi / bundan hoşlandın mı? -Ne yapabileceğime dair bir fikrin var mı? -Söylediğim şeyi talep olarak mı duyuyorsun? -Söylediğim şeyde sana yönelik bir suçlama olduğunu mu duyuyorsun? -Bugün ne yapmak istersin?
Thank you for sharing! It helps me understanding and experiencing how NVC works. I am getting so excited to start a course in October and really dive into it.
im happy to work if i get told a day in advance and im thankful to them for letting me delay it instead of resentful or stressed because i didnt mentally prepare myself for the task.
Yoram, I really appreciate you and your way of relating it to all. Therefore I think I will be one of the first timers who translated this video in their own language. I feel regret to miss your workshop in Turkey, and many thanks to facebook for bring it to me at the end. Congratulations brother.
Great, I am happy if you'd like to help translating it into Turkish. There is already a woman who is wanting to translate, and I am sure she will enjoy your help. You can contact me directly and I will put you 2 in contact: info@connecting2life.net
Regarding hearing NO as a story of rejection. I imagine this is the same for when someone is SILENT. They do not answer the question, message, email etc. I wonder if social media and technology and messaging apps are adding more and more to stories of rejection. I think this is true for me.
Hello Nayeem: You can click and visit my youtube channel. There are few other videos I created such as my 'TED talk', the 'Chinese Minister', workshop I offered in Turkey and more. Let me know if you din't find it.
@@yoramNVC yes, thanks so much. It's very helpful! with real examples, participation, relevant questions and comments. Very effective! Live like that, is best for us to digest and practice NVC🙏.
Yoram! I love the idea of really allowing others in my life to be free. The parallel lines are really helpful to me but I have so much difficulty listening to other peoples judgement of me and anger towards me, I move automatically into expression and I am hoping for an example video of listening to someones anger and judgement, especially if it takes them a long time and they say things like "why should I have to tell you what I want for support, whats the point of co existing with someone if you have to tell them what you want." Would you be able to make a video like this???
I enjoy reading the video is helpful to you, and I like your suggestion/wish for a video about 'listening to Anger/judgment, especially when one that continues for a while...' I will keep it in mind. Greetings,
@@yoramNVC I look forward as I really enjoy the flow of your style :) and I've gotten many helpful moments from your videos that I have drawn upon in difficult moments. Yay! Celebration!
So I have a demand: Make more video like this one. Because I enjoy it, get inspired, get a reminder and learn. I am warning you...I don't take No for an answer....(half joke)
I would really love if someone would add English captions (not the automatic ones) via Amara. That would be so so helpful for anyone wanting to translate to other languages, as I have begun to do in Hebrew. If you need help on how to do that let me know.
1:31:15 what about a situation that I need to interrupt someone in the middle of them saying something or else we would waste time because they need to be corrected? or when someone has a pattern that they just will never ever stop talking, making it a monologue that they can just talk and talk for 30 minutes straight?
By "end of words" he doesn't mean listen to whatever the person has to say. He means to continue empathizing with the person until they feel relaxed and have been fully heard. Empathy isn't understanding someone's story, it's connecting to their present moment feelings and needs. Very frequently I interrupt people because they don't know how to express their feelings and needs, so I interrupt them to help them connect to themselves. Regarding correcting people, I leave that till after the person has been heard. Most people aren't open to being corrected until they've been heard and if you stop them to correct them, they will likely resist you. But even more important, empathy doesn't require agreement. You can still understand what is important to someone, even if they have incorrect information or if they have misunderstood your intention. Hope that helps
It is very situation dependent, but I have found that I repeat myself when I don't feel that what I'm saying 'lands'. I have been using that 'model' to help when I find myself with someone who seems to be 'caught in a loop'. Reflective Listening (like NVC) is a complex process that isn't so much about 'saying words back the right way' but (sometimes) to find a way to reflect what is under the words. I think Yoram even indicates that there are times when the person repeating themselves is caught in a kind of pain of the repeating (they are not enjoying their repeating/looping). Finding a way to help them feel seen/heard/held on the level they're looking for (and may not even be able to explicitly ask for) is a kind of art and takes practice (and as swiskowksi indicates) can have 'false starts' and 'mis-takes' as you work on reflecting in a way that helps the speaker release/relax.
What if your partner "demands"something and after your empathic listening, you kindly express your no, explaining the reasons and from being intimidated, he starts to intimidate you threatning with unpleasant words. I m still learning how to avoid following this reaction and witness his need, instead of being attacked by his unpleasant intimidation.
Could you please explain what is meant by a person cannot reject a person in nature? That is does not exist. A mother can leave a child for death in nature is that not rejection? Please illuminate
I think Yoram is pointing to the "Yes" behind the "No". In your example: The mother is not rejecting the baby, but shes choosing that tragic strategy to meet a very strong need in her. (It could be that the child is not from her husband and her community will kill her and the baby if she keeps the child. So then it would be the need for safty that can lead her to choose this tragic strategy. Its not that she does it because of rejection towards the baby.)
These videos I am creating are available for free via youtube, no need to buy. Do you wish to buy it for a specific audience? Or is it that you wish to have a LIVE workshop? or...?
In this example I would try to switch to empathy and listen to your partner. Because I assume he's in pain if he has the judgment "you're needy". E.g. with an empathic guess: "Ah, you feel pushed by my request?" and than listen further what his pain is.
I just realized that you are speaking about how the request needs to be doable but the title of this workshop is "Ask for the Moon" which is not doable or concrete. Hahahahah
I lost respect for you when you said "f*** you". There are many ways to convey the same sentiments in a kinder and less crass way. The way you handled that situation was a revelation of your true personality to me. Unfortunately many people hide behind "being honest" as the reason for being mean.
@Yoga Man That was very personal for him. Those were the emotions he really felt. He even justifies the swearing several times afterwards. Not what I would teach my students. Why not teach them to choose non violent words in a workshop about non violent communication?
I think he was impersonating, in a playful way, her feeling... Many times we don't say fuck you but maybe we think it, even if we don't want it... I feel like to express it is to exorcise it. Do you feel attacked by it?
Hi Hennie, It was hard for me to read your comment, it triggered aversion and anger in me. It took me a couple of minutes to refind myself and remember to focus on your unmet needs. So, when you see Yoram talking like that, you have some needs which are not being met. I'm guessing: respect, care, kindness. I wonder if any of these resonate with you.
Hello Horia. All the responses to my comment have been negative so it may well be that I am in the wrong here. But that doesn't change how I feel. I honestly felt shocked and truly sorry for the student he was speaking to (unfortunately I can't recall her name). I felt embarrassed for Yoram. I love when people speak to each other in a respectful way and I do encourage people to speak to me in a respectful way. I do swear, and even use the F word from time to time. But I would never dream of using it in this context. So perhaps there are some needs of mine not being met, though I honestly cannot think of anything that would make me feel this way. And if everyone that has replied to my comment above is trying to make me feel that it is okay to swear at a kind and loving, soft-spoken friend who is inviting you to visit her and her family, then I'm sorry, but that is not who I am. It is not who I want to be and I could never feel respect for that kind of behaviour. If I am wrong (and I don't think I am), then I am happy to be wrong. You are welcome to regard this person as your personal guru and overlook his flaws. I have the benefit of being impartial and objective and over 50 years of life experience so I can tell you that I will not look up to this kind of behaviour and try and justify it.
thank you yoram, filling the net with your beautiful smile, loving heart, compassion and joy! I get a big smile on my face having this online! To see and experience you teaching NVC, for everybody available! brings use joy to me. And this wonderful theme of requests, no's rejectionstories.... Soo much contributing to Life! Thank you Thank you Thank you.
This speaker smiles so easily and warmly. It's so rare and really beautiful to see a man smile like that.
Very enjoyable to watch this movie and also it touched my heart on a deep level. Thanks so much for sharing this lessons.
Thanks to Yoram and to all the participants who engaged so much in this precious learning and allowed us to learn from their own learning experience, with their real concrete examples and life stories 🙏
Such valuable video with life helping tools, I feel hope for my future relationships, deeply thankful ❤️
I can't express how much I enjoyed watching this ❤ Many thanks and love 🙏🏻
Thank you, Yoram for posting to youtube. I am celebrating my connection with NVC and myself especially. I too feel an intense aliveness to connection with what is inside human beings. For me, your presence has connected to and given more meaning to all of life.
Wow, thank you for talking about fears. I always think I have massive web of fears inside me and when I don't do something I really want to do because of fears I am angry to myself. It is the first time I viewed fears in such a positive way.
Thanks for sharing this Yoram! It is such a support to be connected with things that are alive inside myself. Greetings from Paraguay
This part, when you explain her, why you not want to go to her and her husband touches me, because you handle it, to explain something really strong and something, that also can be misunderstood. Also her reaction to that is strong, much stronger, than I thought, she would be. I celebrate you both and- as a matter of fact, this is really nourishing me too. Thanks for that!
Loved the dialogue with Selene at 1 hr 22 min. It was honest and open and beautiful
I love this content so much! It's kind of an audio book, escorting you through your life path.
Bu dili azimle ve şevkle öğrenme ihtiyacında olanlara, bunu gerçekten isteyenlere katkı sunma isteğim var:)
Zamanlama: 1.10.15 Bağlantı Ricalarına Örnekler:
-Bununla ilgili ne düşünüyorsun?
-Bununla ilgili ne hissediyorsun?
-Bu senin işine yarar mı?
-Bu senin için uygun mu?
-Bunu sevdin mi / bundan hoşlandın mı?
-Ne yapabileceğime dair bir fikrin var mı?
-Söylediğim şeyi talep olarak mı duyuyorsun?
-Söylediğim şeyde sana yönelik bir suçlama olduğunu mu duyuyorsun?
-Bugün ne yapmak istersin?
22:14 "NO is a cry for inclusion (of another need of mine)"
32:05 compromise....
33:10 "half yes"
So many insights, super valuable, thank you!
Thank you for sharing! It helps me understanding and experiencing how NVC works. I am getting so excited to start a course in October and really dive into it.
these are so helpful thank you for sharing !!!
youre sooo awesome. thank you for sharing for us all to benefit
I wish I could kit like repeatedly and flag up the moments in this video that brought me the most joy
thank you, great appreciation for this sharing
im happy to work if i get told a day in advance and im thankful to them for letting me delay it instead of resentful or stressed because i didnt mentally prepare myself for the task.
Yoram, I really appreciate you and your way of relating it to all. Therefore I think I will be one of the first timers who translated this video in their own language. I feel regret to miss your workshop in Turkey, and many thanks to facebook for bring it to me at the end. Congratulations brother.
Great, I am happy if you'd like to help translating it into Turkish. There is already a woman who is wanting to translate, and I am sure she will enjoy your help. You can contact me directly and I will put you 2 in contact: info@connecting2life.net
I honestly don't know if I've got the strength to be this open. After a while, I'm feeling torn open and exposed just listening to people being real.
Thank you ❤️
Beautiful. Many Thanks for sharing 🎉
It's really amazing, I will like to execute it in my life style
Regarding hearing NO as a story of rejection. I imagine this is the same for when someone is SILENT. They do not answer the question, message, email etc. I wonder if social media and technology and messaging apps are adding more and more to stories of rejection. I think this is true for me.
wow at 7:26 I felt moved at end of the request. I sens of belonging and peace fulfilled, thank you
32:07 Can't stop laughing. I love these workshops so much.
I can’t tell you how powerful it is for me to hear that anger can be beautiful..
Its like talking over walkie talkie. You have to listen when the other talk and wait for the signal to talk.
great workshop....Could be please help us to see you other workshop thru links of any reference.....It's worth watching
Hello Nayeem: You can click and visit my youtube channel. There are few other videos I created such as my 'TED talk', the 'Chinese Minister', workshop I offered in Turkey and more.
Let me know if you din't find it.
@@yoramNVC yes, thanks so much. It's very helpful! with real examples, participation, relevant questions and comments. Very effective! Live like that, is best for us to digest and practice NVC🙏.
Yoram! I love the idea of really allowing others in my life to be free. The parallel lines are really helpful to me but I have so much difficulty listening to other peoples judgement of me and anger towards me, I move automatically into expression and I am hoping for an example video of listening to someones anger and judgement, especially if it takes them a long time and they say things like "why should I have to tell you what I want for support, whats the point of co existing with someone if you have to tell them what you want." Would you be able to make a video like this???
I enjoy reading the video is helpful to you, and I like your suggestion/wish for a video about 'listening to Anger/judgment, especially when one that continues for a while...' I will keep it in mind. Greetings,
@@yoramNVC I look forward as I really enjoy the flow of your style :) and I've gotten many helpful moments from your videos that I have drawn upon in difficult moments. Yay! Celebration!
Scary.
So I have a demand: Make more video like this one. Because I enjoy it, get inspired, get a reminder and learn. I am warning you...I don't take No for an answer....(half joke)
the most important subject the internal work after a no . I am a fan and i subscribe😀
I would really love if someone would add English captions (not the automatic ones) via Amara. That would be so so helpful for anyone wanting to translate to other languages, as I have begun to do in Hebrew. If you need help on how to do that let me know.
Where can we get the Hebrew translation? Kol Hakavod
Hi Elisa, I am happy to say that the English subtitles are now on :-)
@@debbie5019 Yes, I would love there to be Hebrew Subtitles. Would you enjoy creating it (I can post a request to find more people to help you)
1:31:15 what about a situation that I need to interrupt someone in the middle of them saying something or else we would waste time because they need to be corrected? or when someone has a pattern that they just will never ever stop talking, making it a monologue that they can just talk and talk for 30 minutes straight?
By "end of words" he doesn't mean listen to whatever the person has to say. He means to continue empathizing with the person until they feel relaxed and have been fully heard. Empathy isn't understanding someone's story, it's connecting to their present moment feelings and needs. Very frequently I interrupt people because they don't know how to express their feelings and needs, so I interrupt them to help them connect to themselves. Regarding correcting people, I leave that till after the person has been heard. Most people aren't open to being corrected until they've been heard and if you stop them to correct them, they will likely resist you. But even more important, empathy doesn't require agreement. You can still understand what is important to someone, even if they have incorrect information or if they have misunderstood your intention. Hope that helps
It is very situation dependent, but I have found that I repeat myself when I don't feel that what I'm saying 'lands'. I have been using that 'model' to help when I find myself with someone who seems to be 'caught in a loop'. Reflective Listening (like NVC) is a complex process that isn't so much about 'saying words back the right way' but (sometimes) to find a way to reflect what is under the words. I think Yoram even indicates that there are times when the person repeating themselves is caught in a kind of pain of the repeating (they are not enjoying their repeating/looping). Finding a way to help them feel seen/heard/held on the level they're looking for (and may not even be able to explicitly ask for) is a kind of art and takes practice (and as swiskowksi indicates) can have 'false starts' and 'mis-takes' as you work on reflecting in a way that helps the speaker release/relax.
What if your partner "demands"something and after your empathic listening, you kindly express your no, explaining the reasons and from being intimidated, he starts to intimidate you threatning with unpleasant words. I m still learning how to avoid following this reaction and witness his need, instead of being attacked by his unpleasant intimidation.
"I would like to meet your need for safety, officer, but getting on my knees with my hands behind my back doesn't meet my need for autonomy."
Could you please explain what is meant by a person cannot reject a person in nature? That is does not exist. A mother can leave a child for death in nature is that not rejection? Please illuminate
I think Yoram is pointing to the "Yes" behind the "No". In your example: The mother is not rejecting the baby, but shes choosing that tragic strategy to meet a very strong need in her. (It could be that the child is not from her husband and her community will kill her and the baby if she keeps the child. So then it would be the need for safty that can lead her to choose this tragic strategy. Its not that she does it because of rejection towards the baby.)
is there any platform we can buy ur workshop's video
These videos I am creating are available for free via youtube, no need to buy. Do you wish to buy it for a specific audience? Or is it that you wish to have a LIVE workshop? or...?
@@yoramNVC i want to learn it from you in depth as i am in a process to design a Meditation retreat so ur course of NVC will be very helpful to me
@@MeditationCode You can contact us directly via: info@connecting2life.net
34:00 Conflicting needs
The party example where you state the 1st need...hold my hand amd introduce me.
What if the person respondes with, ugh you're so needy?!
In this example I would try to switch to empathy and listen to your partner. Because I assume he's in pain if he has the judgment "you're needy". E.g. with an empathic guess: "Ah, you feel pushed by my request?" and than listen further what his pain is.
@@Yomadorr Thank you kindly for your response
54:30 Requests
💙🙏💙
He said f you and you feel cared for?
I just realized that you are speaking about how the request needs to be doable but the title of this workshop is "Ask for the Moon" which is not doable or concrete. Hahahahah
Lewis Jeffrey Lopez George Johnson Thomas
The tyranny of words
I lost respect for you when you said "f*** you". There are many ways to convey the same sentiments in a kinder and less crass way. The way you handled that situation was a revelation of your true personality to me. Unfortunately many people hide behind "being honest" as the reason for being mean.
@@michaelhurin 1:41:30
@Yoga Man That was very personal for him. Those were the emotions he really felt. He even justifies the swearing several times afterwards. Not what I would teach my students. Why not teach them to choose non violent words in a workshop about non violent communication?
I think he was impersonating, in a playful way, her feeling... Many times we don't say fuck you but maybe we think it, even if we don't want it... I feel like to express it is to exorcise it. Do you feel attacked by it?
Hi Hennie, It was hard for me to read your comment, it triggered aversion and anger in me. It took me a couple of minutes to refind myself and remember to focus on your unmet needs. So, when you see Yoram talking like that, you have some needs which are not being met. I'm guessing: respect, care, kindness. I wonder if any of these resonate with you.
Hello Horia. All the responses to my comment have been negative so it may well be that I am in the wrong here. But that doesn't change how I feel. I honestly felt shocked and truly sorry for the student he was speaking to (unfortunately I can't recall her name). I felt embarrassed for Yoram. I love when people speak to each other in a respectful way and I do encourage people to speak to me in a respectful way. I do swear, and even use the F word from time to time. But I would never dream of using it in this context. So perhaps there are some needs of mine not being met, though I honestly cannot think of anything that would make me feel this way. And if everyone that has replied to my comment above is trying to make me feel that it is okay to swear at a kind and loving, soft-spoken friend who is inviting you to visit her and her family, then I'm sorry, but that is not who I am. It is not who I want to be and I could never feel respect for that kind of behaviour. If I am wrong (and I don't think I am), then I am happy to be wrong. You are welcome to regard this person as your personal guru and overlook his flaws. I have the benefit of being impartial and objective and over 50 years of life experience so I can tell you that I will not look up to this kind of behaviour and try and justify it.