I detoxed in jail four times and the last time I made the choice to flush the H I brought in and that was the time it stuck. Almost six years later I have three incredible kids and an amazing life!! People might see us awful addicts, I know we’re warriors!! I love your videos and honesty!! 💕
M Gray No, I flushed it because I realized how crazy it was that I was sitting in jail getting high and just felt like I wanted to get clean on my terms by making the decision to flush it.
Even though you talk a lot about addiction and becoming sober ( and in a way sort of reach out to that audience ) here I am a 16 year old who has never tried drugs just showing support! You inspire me to never let a drug consume my life.
The thing that'll always get you is thinking you're different. Being like, "oh I can try some hydrocodone/heroin/morphine/etc and not get addicted. I'm not like everyone else, I'm not as bad as them" I lived like that for 3 years. Thinking I could "succesfully" and "responsibly" use drugs. And for that time I somewhat did. I'd get fucked up every other weekend and that would become more and more often. I would be able to stop anytime and quit for however long I wanted, then one day it happened. I got hooked on it. I started integrating it into my social life and work, having to use before I do something. And before I knew it I was shooting up heroin 3 times or more a day and taking Xanax and klonopin with it. Getting clean was the hardest, toughest, most painful thing I've ever done I life. But the best thing I've ever done as well. It's a lot better to just avoid it entirely. Something people forget is that alcohol is literally just as bad, and actually even worse. At least withdrawal wise. So I would just avoid everything all around. That's what I do now
Don't ever even "try" them. Sometimes, that's all it takes.... Jess knows what she is talking about. Keep watching and thank you for showing support! Addicts are people. Addiction is a disease. It is not a choice, BUT it can start with just one bad decision.
Good for you young lady. Stay not doing that stuff. Heres the kicker. Anybody that tries to offer you that stuff, are you ready for this? These people are not yr friends!! People that care about you will want you to stay away from all that shit. Keep being a sober, stable and smart girl. Pretty too. Just sayin. No disrespect meant.
Detox needs to be damn controlled every time a patient walks through that door! We need to get them mental health, detox safely and teach how to stop and actually save and rebuild lives! We are sabotaging our addicted. We need to find a better path!
It truly makes me so angry and disappointed in how we have the most cruel and evil so called justice system. People die nearly every week from detoxing in jails in amarica. The lack of any basic humanity in jails is in my opinion there the criminals letting people suffer.
@@kathlynkelly I've done both. Have always had a much easier time doing it in a home setting. Just more access to meds and things of that nature that help with detox. Plus, there were some sleezy people in rehab, people that i didn't really care to be around. Thing is i've always had a really good support system, not everyone has that. I wouldn't have been able to home detox(like 20 times now) without the help of my family.
kathlynkelly your paychecks have to be a certain amount.. my friend applied and she was making to much.. lol that’s what I meant. You can’t just apply and get it
I cannot even imagine detoxing in jail. I’ve detoxed from opiates so many times and could never make it past like 2 days unless I was in a detox unit. Methadone saved my life! You’re such a strong one!!
Just came across your channel. Your story is very encouraging. It shows me people who have been to jail and prison can turn out good. My father is a drug addict and your channel helped me accept him as a person and not as his addiction. Love from South Arkansas!
Your comment definitely hit me hard as a father in active addiction you don't understand how much your comment hit me my children are not to the age to know but just me knowing you are so brave to share about your father you have opened my eyes and I know we don't know each other or never met but you have just changed my life because of your comment thank you so much for sharing and saving me from myself.
"my addiction controlled my life and it didn't give my the luxury of making good choices...." that hit home. 2 years sober from 3/4 a bottle of vodka a day.
My brother was just about as bad as you. He aslo smoked weed and binged on coke. He is 32 years clean and sober. It can be done and YOU are doing it! God Bless!
That is awesome! I hope you're still working at it. I have a best friend and roommate who is trying to kick the same issue, just trade the vodka for whiskey. Is there anything that would have helped you for the people around you to do?
I apologize that all my messages are on old posts. I don’t know if you will see this, but you have inspired me to work towards changing the way we handle addiction in jail/prison!!
Detoxing is literally the worst feeling in the world. I became incredibly suicidal every time I detoxed so by the grace of God I eventually got on Methadone, and it saved my life. I’m so so grateful for the life I have today! Thank you for sharing Jess
I’ve really taken your chase sobriety like I chased drugs to heart. I’m about to celebrate 12/9 years (meth/heroin.) It’s been pretty hard the last few years. I really needed to hear that! Also a reminder that detoxing totally blows
I always thought there should be a special unit for detoxing in jail. I mean if the goal is to rehabilitate the inmates for society why not start with helping inmates get clean the right way. I’ve detoxed in jail 3 times. It was hell to say the least. Locked in a cell on a cardboard bed. Not one single person gives a damn. I know of people who literally died in jail from withdrawal.
@@codyowings9895 You can't physically die just from opiate withdrawal itself, but they can cause complications leading to death. One of the top reasons for death associated with opiate withdrawal is from suicide.
They do in some jails while you're still in the holding cells. They give you librium or something like that. Basically just makes you sleep for a cpl hours but the downfall is ALL the ppl detoxing are in 1 holding cell for 3-4 days. Most of them being homeless drunks. Everybody puking & shitting trying to share 1 toilet. Every time I detoxed in jail after that I just kept my mouth shut lol
Well you don't know anyone that died from opioid withdrawal because you can't die from it. The only two drugs that you can die from withdrawing from are alcohol or benzodiazepines.
“I have a disease that tells me I don’t have a disease” - I think that’s the best way I’ve heard addiction described. Getting sober isn’t something that can be achieved until the person that’s using is completely ready. I’m glad you got to that point and are sober!
The shittin and puking at the same time it the worst feeling in the world , it’s like your body is giving up on you completely. It’s like your dying , I don’t think anyone can understand the pain until they’ve felt it themselves.
Girl. The way they treat you in jail detoxing is DEPLORABLE. I'm currently working so hard to be clean. I'm never going to give up. Ever. I love your videos SO MUCH!!! 😘😘😘
Been through Opiate withdrawal over 100 times. I'd go through it a year straight before i'd ever go through benzo withdrawal again. That's a good 6 months of not eating, not sleeping, legs numb from the knee down, panic attacks occur about once an hour. It's not like with opiates where after a week or so you're ok. Benzo withdrawal literally lasts months. Not to mention the 24/7 vertigo.
recovery is possible i now have 2 years clean and sober, a baby and i work in a treatment center! I love how open you are with your struggles and showing the struggling addict that there is hope!
I wish that could happen for me, but now I'm hooked on fetynal and I don't know what to do. I'm so so scared. I have no idea what detox is like in a treatment center
I love how passionate you are about your messages to fellow addicts. It really shows that you’ve been through hell and know that it takes a lot of strength, love (self), and suffering to make it out- but that it’s totally worth it. You’re an inspiration girl.
Thank you for making me realize there’s nothing to be ashamed about. I messaged you on Instagram and this video along with what you messaged me back has made me feel so much better. I also think it’s amazing you do your best to reply to people and be there for people who have no one else. You should be so incredibly proud of yourself. 💜
I feel for you... That fixation/tunnel vision is REAL when u are detoxing and in active addiction! Love your stories about addiction Jessica they help me as a reminder of my own recovery, and the horrible side of addiction that people so often forget about when they get tunnel vision to relapse. Like you, my baby boy was my “why” to get clean. I’m so relieved and happy that your daughter is healthy and thriving with you. Love ya!
I'm from Poland 🇵🇱 One of your videos popped out on my reccommended list. Now I keep watching all your videos. I think you're so strong, I respect you for giving up on drugs for your daughter (and for yourself) and for having been clean since pregnancy. I have nothing to do with drugs and people who mess with law, actually I'm a teacher, and I find your channel valuable and I think you are such a wonderful, beautiful person. I keep my fingers crossed for you. Lots of love all the way from Europe ❤️🇵🇱
Thank you for sharing. I’m terrified of detoxing but I know my time is running out and I just try to pretend it’s not true and that I’ll be ok for just one more day, week, month, almost ten years now...idk what I’m trying to say other than hearing someone else talk about it like this helps to open my eyes. And it fucking gives me hope, something that’s been so scarce and unfamiliar for the past however long. I’m grateful for that.
4 1/2 yrs clean from a 10 yr heroin addiction. Wouldn't wish that detox on my worst enemy. And I can totally relate when you were taking about the girl who was going "try" and get you something. In those 10 yrs, if you didn't have something the benefited me in some way, BYE. What a horrible way to live. God bless you ✌
AngieM 420 I know that feeling I’m in a 10 year addiction myself, and when I’m out and looking for stuff if anyone texts me besides anyone who can help me, I get pissed.
I really love how you having the courage to tell your story can both help those who are in similar situations feel less alone AND educate people who don't struggle with addiction to learn what it's like in a realistic, earnest, and raw way. As someone who hasn't struggled with addiction (and I'm lucky to not have any close friends or family struggle, either), your experience is incredibly insightful. I can easily empathize with what you've gone through, and now if I'm faced with a similar situation at some point in my life, I can understand the person struggling and have a clearer idea how to support them. Thank you so much!
@@dejanpapic1431 she was a dealer, not the cook. Two completely different jobs. Cooks are crazy! Most don’t care at all and all those fumes go up their nose. It’s wild. Haha
your videos honestly resonate with me a lot. even though i’ve never struggled with addiction, i struggle with an eating disorder and i feel so ashamed of all the times i’ve tried to just find a normal relationship with food and just stop. even though we’ve been through very different things, you really inspire me
The sweat I can handle, the goosebumps having cold and hot at the same time I can handle, throwing up , having diarrhea all good... But please please the RLS that's the worst thing I've ever felt in my life!!!! You can't explain the feeling when you never went through that... You can only imagine a little... ♥
Yes the worst symptom of all. Do they give you anything for that at a detox center? I'm afraid it's the only way I can get out of this hell I have created for myself, but I'm scared to go because I don't know what to expect or if they will really make sure that I am okay...
Girl, your channel has been so eye-opening. I dont know why people think its okay to deny people, even "felons", basic human rights. And the fact that they dont even focus on rehabilitation makes it even more frustrating. It also makes me realize how poorly mental illness is treated in the US. Addiction, anxiety, and depression are the only types of disorders that are commonly blamed on the person. But people suffer from these things just like they would suffer for any other organ disease. Thanks for being so real!
Jessica. I’m SO thankful you’re sharing your story & the struggle that comes along with addiction. I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to detox in jail/prison. It’s awful enough when you’re in a comfortable place doing it after deciding consciously that’s what you want. Withdrawal symptoms are literally hell on earth. I would not wish that physical & emotional distress on anyone. You’re so very strong. I’m proud of how far you’ve come. I pray this message reaches exactly who it is supposed to today. 💜
I am 2.5 years clean and just want to say thank you! I love your videos. I was addicted to pain pills for 30 years on and off. Never went to jail and never did H thank god. Your videos help me everyday. Again thank you for telling your story!
After a near fatal car accident in 2009 left me with 22 broken bones and a fractured C2 and both heels crushed I was on every Opiod imanagable from Fentanyl all the way down to Vicodin. After the DEA basically screwed every Chronic Pain patient with new guidelines, Ive detoxed many times in trying to keep a legit Dr. who would maintain my need for Rx Opiods. I detoxed many times in the comfort of my home and bed. I cannot imagine having to do it in jail. I'd just literally go beserk for sure. WD is something you never want to experience, in or out of jail. But especially in jail. Omg. No..... Glad you made it to sobriety.
also every time I see you have more subs I get so so excited for u and Christina too you girls deserve this soo much and I know u r going to keep growing and growing!
And yet the world of youtube preffers to watch clothes hauls and gaming videos other than this content. I'm hands on blown away by your channel and your whole life story. Haven't seen such a warrior in my life. Keep it up, you're doing an amazing and inspiring job for thousands of people. Sending some love from Czech republic (central Europe)!!!!
Thanks Jess. I detoxed in a UK rehab from alcohol dependency and that was hard enough! Very nearly 1 year sober now. Your videos are very inspirational and interesting. Keep the positive messages coming!
You’re such an inspiration to addicts who have been in jail. You show us that there is a life after addiction and jail. I couldn’t imagine detoxing in jail. The one time I went for 3 days I was so scared. Went in on Friday and didn’t get out until Monday. The sad part is I went straight to my aunts to get some roxys. Luckily I got on the right path with MMT and the 2 felonies were dropped to two class A misdemeanors. It saved my life! Keep spreading the good word with your amazing videos! It helps us addicts and former inmates. Peace, much love!
I can't get enough of your stories. You're so inspirational to me! I have not struggled with drug addiction, but I have lived with severe depression/anxiety (cyclical) since my early teens. Come to find out, at age 33, that my primary diagnosis really straddled the moderate to severe criteria for ADHD. The reason your story resonates with me is because I am finally getting my life together, at almost 35. Now that I am taking the right medication, I have not met the criteria for depression in over a year. I always felt lesser than everyone else, so i just stopped caring. I made terrible choices, in hindsight, but when I look at my progress, I know I am finally on my way up. Thanks for sharing your stories!! 💕
This was very touching. I went through a very similar experience. It has now been 3 years since my incarceration in prison and it made me a much stronger woman and I am still clean and sober today. Thank you for this video and your inspiration.
I got to detox in my bedroom but it was hell. And the person I was with at the time was just finding out about my extracurricular activities. He yelled at me and threatened me for two days and nights. I vividly remember every symptom you described.
Oh yeah, it's definitely something that you don't ever forget. No matter how long I have/had been clean (I've relapsed several times before finally getting it right this last time), I can still very clearly remember EVERY tiny little detail about how I felt while detoxing. Even the littlest things, like that disgusting very specific taste that you get in your mouth and the back of your throat during those first few days. If you've ever detoxed from opiates you know exactly what taste I'm talking about lol
@@indieme7633 Yes! I almost even said that too, about the way your skin smells! It's like between the constant hot flashes and cold sweats, and all of the toxins evacuating your body, this weird smell starts to seep out of your pores. It kind of reminds me of how if you've ever been to the tanning bed, when you get out your skin has a weird scent. And yes, your pee also smells super gross too, you're so right about that lol. But damn girl, that's a rough way to go. Good for you for toughing it out though and making it out on the other side! That's a horrible thing to have to deal with on top of already being at your absolute lowest and feeling quite literally like you're dying. But I get that it's so hard on our loved ones to deal with us while we're going through these things, and I think a lot of times they just get so frustrated and dont know what else to do at a certain point and start giving ultimatums like that. I think a lot of them view it as like a 'tough love' kinda thing. Like, "look, I've done all that I can to help you, and I've got nothing left to give.. so either get your shit together or get out of my life". And maybe sometimes some of us actually need to hear those things. But regardless, it still doesn't make it any easier to go thru at the time.
@@indieme7633 Also.. if anyone were to ever try to touch me in that way or try to get me to participate in anything at all sexual while I was in full on detox.. I likely would've used whatever little strength that I had left in me to murder them right then and there 😂 noooo fucking way, that was probably the LAST thing that I would've wanted to do at that time lol
Kristin Jo oh I wanted to. Pure hatred grew in me at that point. I wouldn’t want to do the nasty with someone that had a nasty cold. What kind of dirt bag is like oh you’re so hot detoxing looking like you’re on the verge of death and flopping around like a fish out of water from the restless legs and arms. My restless legs and arms were so bad my body kinda flopped around and I accidentally kicked my cat at one point. I felt so bad. She didn’t get hurt or anything.
@@indieme7633 That's actually assault T.T I would look into healing that trauma if you haven't, coercing you into sex is a form of assault and there's so much pain to that, I'm sorry it happened
I’m SO glad u shared! As someone who struggled for three years, I’ve been thru tho withdrawals SO many times! But all that matters is the last time! THANK YOU for sharing!! 💕❤️
3.43 Jess & you had me in tears. I recently went through something so horrible - I too, almost died. Thank you for sharing your stories, you are super brave. I have some terrible stories but they are what make me who I am today & finally, for the first time in a very long time - well. Scratch that - since FOREVER lol... I am actually better than OK with being me. I am GOOD with being me. And no matter what happens in life to my family and I, I will never forget where I came from. And I admire that from you.
I don’t know for sure, because I’ve never been in trouble in my life, but I’m sure in the U.K. the doctors will give you methadone or something to stop you withdrawing. 24 hours in police custody, a tv show that shows what happens when people are arrested, and every time the police asked if they were addicted to anything and if they needed something for it. The U.K. tends to be more humane though.
No way do that here🇨🇦 It must be hard stateside All it takes here Go to hospital Be honest U admitted Then take it from there You pay your tax You get it covered Not this Insurance payed TIL your out
I just found this girls youtube channel recently and have been checking out some of her videos and they've all been good. This one really hit home for me though. Being an ex opiate addict, just hearing her describe the withdrawals seriously gave me flashbacks. Worst feeling in the world. I AM SO GLAD I dont have to go through that anymore. It literally gives me anxiety just thinking back to that feeling. I still to this day have a fear that overcomes me every time I hear about opiate withdrawls, just as I did when I still used and would know they were coming and would be so afraid of the feeling I knew I'd have to deal with soon when I would run low on drugs. That's how bad withdrawls are. Just hearing her story makes me reflect on my own story and makes me so grateful for my sobriety. Sometimes you kind of miss the high, but I do not miss everything that came with it, especially the withdrawls. Not worth it at all. Thanks for this video, because hearing stories like this really can help you appreciate your sobriety and how far you've come in life. Sometimes I think we can kind of forget and take it for granted how far we've come after you're sober long enough. Hearing this is a huge reminder of how bad I once was and so happy that's not my lifestyle anymore!
I just came across your channel. I am so amazed at your life story. You are a beautiful, strong young woman. Thanks for sharing your story. You are so brave. Sending you lots of love from Seattle Washington. XO
Detoxing from Mdone atm after in program for a decade. I wish I knew then what I know now. Though subjective for me I would take 3-7 days of symptoms from H then this. Day 13 and it’s these videos that are making it a little easier to deal with while doing this alone. To anyone who has gone through addiction you matter you are worthy and I hope you not only see but believe that too♥️
Opioid withdrawal is truly horrifying. To everyone watching this, she's SO not exaggerating. Not even a little bit. If anything she's understating, because the words to explain it are hard to find. Imagine you were starving, how much you would need food. That's how strong the need for opioids/opiates is.
Totally have been there and since jails are so overcrowded you usually end up detoxing on a jail floor. I am so happy I found your channel you are doing big things!
I've done the jail thing as well.. Fortunately our jail/prison, has SUBUXONE( MAT):Medicated Assistant Treatment Program: you have the option to take the entire duration of your stay... But I can totally relate, been to jails where they didn't offer anything for detoxing. Words can't explain how horrible my detox was.. 😫😞
Girl you are my soul sister!!! I love you for being so real, fake is the new norm and addiction and the stigma surrounding it is the worst f'ing thing ever. This is such a huge problem and it effects so many of us!!! It is shunned and swept under the rug when addicts are people who have already been unsuccessful at getting the help they so desperately need whether they realized it or not!! They are thrown away by society when really Underlying issues, mental health, Trauma, being exposed to drugs or being exposed without being uninformed about them, peer pressure and drugs are seen as trendy cool party favors or weekend warrior etc is a perfect recipe which creates an addict in the first place ! And trust me nobody chooses this life, if you had any clue you would never ever touch the shit.. Any of it and all drugs are a gateway like going up the ladder to harder things or really going down into hell like it is a living hell and hell is a bottomless pit.. It never ends you just keep falling it always gets worse and it seems we must hit rockbottom an infinite amount of times before we realize hmmm I think I got a problem here. Worse disease ever!!! The damage done has changed your life for the worst, ways unimaginable, you thought you were fine, fixing your issues, self medicating, numbing and erasing and escaping the pain of reality but really your soul has been sucked dry and honestly you are breathing but not alive you are walking dead if you havent died yet. This life leads to so many other negative habits and shapes a lifestyle that people who haven't personally experienced could never even come close to comprehension. Homelessness, crimes, hunger, depression, anxiety, burning bridges with loved ones, neglecting and losing children to name a few like shit just basic human functions are diminished like you cant even move, remember to drink some water, give af about any thing but the dope. you becomd incapable and completely dependent, your entire life 24/7 revolves around the drug like getting the money up, finding the shit, doing the shit and freaking out cause Its gone and tick tock withdrawal is coming death is near got to repeat the cycle and it never f'ing ends. The things you would could never imagine, said you would never do have manifested changing all that makes you ,you. And the fun is over relaxing is over. If You aren't high you want to get high, you get high and you think about how f'ed up life is and you want to quit then there comes a point real quick that you arent getting high you are only doing this to feel normal to not become sick and go into WD. But wow Its crazy I can't imagine detoxing in jail, people joke that it is the only way to get clean, Im starting to believe it because what are the options here gosh the struggle is for real!! Detoxing is an addicts worst nightmare, if anyone could go through it there would be no addicts! H is a living demon a beast from the pits of hell and is not comparable to any other drug. This thing is one of the hardest things a human can live through, literally high jacking your body and brain !! People say just quit if they only knew, by the time you realize you got a problem it is to late. You have to make a plan while you are well or you are f'ed!!You have lost all you ever owned and give zero fs about anything including yourself. Not to mention its so hard to get the immediate help addicts desperately need thanks to our system and drug treatment options here in the good ole USA. Like detoxing cold turkey is not even a humane option I find it to be cruel and unusual punishment.. How the f did you make it girly you are one tough cookie, but shit there was no other option. Rambling but like It shouldn't even be as accessible as it is but the "War on Drugs" is a whole different topic or should I say scheme, business, a incredibly lucritive system designed this way! There in no money in prevention or curing people. Man even with declaring the national opioid crisis what did they give you, they give you safe injection sites like God Bless America !!! Sick world we live in we God more than ever because this beast is the devil itself!!! Its so hard to imagine being on the other side and your living proof it can be done and doing a damn good job its beauitful inspiring and creates hope so thanks for sharing Jess this is the work of angels for real much love
I can’t imagine that hell girl, I use to legit fear having that happen to me. I remember thinking about it. I get it that you still didn’t feel good after 90 days, the PAWS are no joke either. I think that’s why it took a lot of me still dabbling in different drugs before I actually could stay clean. I pray for all those still suffering. 😞
I'm back-watching these, so, I think you were both lucky and very strong. I'm very happy you've made it out the other side of this chapter of your life, and that you now have further chapters to your life to speak about.
oh fuck y'all, benzo withdrawal is one of the very few withdrawals you can actually DIE FROM. PLEASE BE CAREFUL😩😩😩 i hope you two are okay and potentially have doctors assisting you because ive seen HORROR stories of benzo withdrawal..............seizures, shitting the bed, etc. scary stuff i wouldnt ever wish on an enemy 😿😿😿
Subscribed! As a social worker,who has worked with substance use disorder, it makes me happy to see success stories. Can you do a video on how social workers or any other professionals supported you or had an impact in your life?
One of the easiest detoxes I ever did was in jail. It wasn’t like glorious, but the ability to get a fix was impossible. So I didn’t have the internal war with myself to not go get dope.
5 years is incredible! Good for you, girl!! I can't wait to be able to say that for myself. I've got a while to go, but I'm proud of the 30 days that I'll have on Thursday. But 5 years, wow, you should be so proud! 💙
@@kristinjo2110 thank you, i so proud of you I started there also goes from 30 days then months then years! you are doing incredible, strong & you have a meaning in life don't forget that!
@@heather2021 Thank you so much! I try not to focus so much on the total amount of time that I've got so far since it's still so new, I'm just happy and thankful to have made it thru even just one more day! Thank you for the kind words 💙
Thank you so much Jess you motivate me like no other. I am a chronic relapser. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to live like this anymore I feel like death is just around the corner. I try and try and keep trying and I can’t get it. My heart is so heavy. My family doesn’t understand my son calls me a junker like it was my birth name. I’m sitting here binging on your stories. I want to stop and I can’t do it alone. My insurance covers 7 days at max in my state which is Massachusetts. Tomorrow I’m going to try again at home and I’m sooooo scared I can’t stop crying out of fear I’m terrified to do this. What’s the best way to do this at home. I need help. It sounds so scary. I believe in God and I just pray and pray and write to him. I can’t do this alone just the thought of feeling like crap for so long scares the living crappy out of me. On top of all of this I have to hide this the best that I can lie and say o have the flu. I’m losing my mind. I’m scared to lose my kids. Thank you for letting me vent Do you accept emails?
I can totally relate. I have never had a hardcore drug addiction, but I’ve been on heavy duty prescription meds for yrs now. Occasionally I’ve run out of my heavy duty meds and even after missing one dose I can feel detox kicking in. I felt like I woz dying. I have mega medical issues, and this added to all that. I have tried to explain it to my parents but they really don’t get it.
Thank you so much for sharing your stories. I’m two years clean and sometimes you just need a reminder of how addiction controls you and changes you into someone you don’t want to be ❤️
I detoxed off heroin in jail too, except I wasn't in there for super long. I understand the struggle though. You're so strong and inspiring, I love watching your videos. Sending you love and light from Seattle, WA. 💕
Here I am, 21 year old facing a first dui charge, scared sh*tless, having never even gotten a speeding ticket or committed any offense. Some ppl laugh at my misdemeanor charge, others shame me. Yet you help me realize that we’re all human and have problems, some are caught and get punished, others don’t.
I just paused this video at 9:00 because you said you were evil and that struck me some type of way, so I scroll down to add a comment and see that you posted this 4 days after my 6 year anniversary of being clean off mainly heroin but everything else too, so I really feel like I was meant to see this if not for any other reason than just to remind you that you are not and never were evil you were sick from an illness that we will never be completely cured from but we wake up everyday and make the conscience decision that this day will not be the day we lose to our disease. If nobody told you today let me be the one to say I'm proud of you!
I struggled with addiction and I have been sober for almost 5 years . You encouraged me to share my story on here. !! So I'm def gonna go ahead and make a vid about my struggle ! Thank you for your inspiration love you 🤩🤩
this only reiterated that every life has a purpose. Despite what you’ve been through or what you’re going through. You’re entire story has inspired me, & helped me. Thank you.
What ever your problem drugs and alcohol are never the way ever. Having an addiction doesn't make you a bad person .never to late to get it right. Start now. Good luck
Thank you for being groovy enough to share and be consistent. Your Mum & Dad must be so proud and relieved.. You really do give hope for survival stories xox
Jessica, you are my inspiration. Me and my boyfriend look forward to your videos every single day! Please never give up. You are the reason I do what I do every day!!! I love you JESS ❤️❤️
Been clean for 1 year and 4 months. But I've detoxed in jail before, and used as soon as I got out. My dealer/pimp was waiting for me with everything I needed. So happy that I dont have to live like that ever again!!! Thank you so much for your videos! I have so many stories too, just wish I could remember every detail to tell them all. (But maybe it's better that I dont remember every thing that I've been through)
I’m currently on my second day without methadone after tapering off after a year and I’m feeling pretty miserable but I’m bingeing all your of videos and I just wanted to thank you because you remind me that recovery might be something I have to fight for everyday but it’s so much better than the life I led and person I was during active addiction.I’m so grateful for your strength and courage to share so honestly with us because the amount your videos help me is immeasurable and I look up to you as an example of good sobriety so much. Our stories share a lot of similarities and I know it’s cheesy but I really do think to myself that if Jessica can do it, I can do it too.
What milligram were you own and did you taper to nothing eventually I’m on 70 mg for like 3 4 months on the program all together I’m good at 70 don’t need to go up been off dope for 3 mothns do Xanax here and there I have bad aniexty I’ll throw up sometimes idk why . And some weed I always make sure to not have benzo for my pee tests
Great video Jess!!! Thank you for putting such personal stories out there and bringing awareness to the prison system. Our prisons desperately need reformed.... I just watched a documentary the other day about the Chain Gang in AZ and I remember you talking about it. That looked hard AF out there in the blistering heat. Girl you are Gangsta AF!!!!!!! Whole new respect after watching that chain gang.
Today was my free day so I came accross your channel about 3 hours ago & I have been watching your videos nonstop. You are so inspirational. I love the fact that you're open & brave. Thank you. ❤🌟❤🌟
I've been thru both benzo and opiate withdrawal, and I've gotta say.. opiate withdrawal was 100× worse! I'm sure it's not the same for everyone, I'm just speaking on my personal experience. Even just the thought of having to go thru that again is enough to keep me sober. I'm getting too old to be putting my body thru that shit anymore lol
Serious benzo withdrawls can kill u and give u brain damage as it could takes yrs for your brain to rewire. I've kicked 150mg of Methadone in a cell after 5 yrs straight. That's was a 3 month nightmare..... I'm telling u if it wasn't for drugs and all the ppl it affected, this WORLD would b Amazing 💯💯💯
@@iykyk1503 Oh, absolutely. I'm definitely not trying to downplay or take anything away from how devastating benzo withdrawal can be. Benzo and alcohol withdrawal are the only types of withdrawal that can actually kill you, just the withdrawal themselves. That's actually terrifying. Luckily for myself, my addiction to benzos wasn't so severe for that to be the case with me. Man I'm just so glad I don't have to live like that anymore, and deal with the constant anxiety of worrying about feeling like I'm gonna die when my pills ran out. It's seriously no way to live.
@@Southerncomfort420 No doubt. It's just as much a mental battle as it is a physical one. It's just a never ending cycle, and so crazy to think about the damage you're doing to your body by putting these drugs in your system, and knowing what they're doing to not only your body physically, but also to your mental state.. yet still spending every waking moment obsessing over trying to get your hands on more of the shit that's causing you to feel soooo awful in the end. But, I guess that's just what addiction is huh.
Your honesty is so refreshing. I now am addicted to your channel like Christine Randall 💜🎉🎉. You’ve come a long way. Good for you. An inspiration and never give up Attitude 💯⚡️💪
Im in recovery from h too. I havent been to prison but did jail time which is bad also but i struggled with addiction starting at 15 and im now about to turn 27 in july ans ive been clean for a few years now. Sobriety is most definitely possible. Through hard work for sure. I just startex watching your videos and i already relate SOOOOOO MUCH. To getting pregnant during addiction to just the shame and detox everything girl. Im your #1 fan for sure. Absolutely love the realness and truth you tell in your stories💞👍
I detoxed from 120 mg of methadone (on it for 2 years) after breaking my collarbone and rotator cuff in a motorcycle accident; in jail. I nearly succeeded in killing myself and spent almost 5 months in medical 23 hour lockdown, sick the entire time... now I am 18 days clean from H in the free world and I am actually doing this recovery for real
I'm so proud of you. I'm also a recovering addict (opiates&benzos) I lost EVEEYTHING during my addiction. I struggled for almost 10yrs. I'm proud to say I'm almost 1yr 6mnths clean today. On 6/03 it will be exactly that⬆️ To all who are still struggling, YOU CAN DO IT.
Omg you brought me back to when my father locked my sister and I in the house thinking we should detox without anything. One of the worst two weeks of my life. I ended up jumping out of a two story window to have my dealer come and see me and I fractured my ankle. But it was so worth it to use again. It was like having an extreme flu and taking instant medication. This way never works, and non addicts think you can just sweat it out. Wonder why no one gets better this way?!
Last night when I was up I came across one of ur videos I have watched a few of them. God is so good I know you have to be so proud for your hard work.
I detoxed in jail four times and the last time I made the choice to flush the H I brought in and that was the time it stuck. Almost six years later I have three incredible kids and an amazing life!! People might see us awful addicts, I know we’re warriors!! I love your videos and honesty!! 💕
Did you flush it because you didnt want to prolong the w/d?
So happy for you💛
Nice!!
M Gray No, I flushed it because I realized how crazy it was that I was sitting in jail getting high and just felt like I wanted to get clean on my terms by making the decision to flush it.
Congrats on your sobriety! Glad your doing great. 👍
Even though you talk a lot about addiction and becoming sober ( and in a way sort of reach out to that audience ) here I am a 16 year old who has never tried drugs just showing support! You inspire me to never let a drug consume my life.
LifeAsEmily J good girl 👧👍🏼
The thing that'll always get you is thinking you're different. Being like, "oh I can try some hydrocodone/heroin/morphine/etc and not get addicted. I'm not like everyone else, I'm not as bad as them"
I lived like that for 3 years. Thinking I could "succesfully" and "responsibly" use drugs. And for that time I somewhat did. I'd get fucked up every other weekend and that would become more and more often. I would be able to stop anytime and quit for however long I wanted, then one day it happened. I got hooked on it. I started integrating it into my social life and work, having to use before I do something. And before I knew it I was shooting up heroin 3 times or more a day and taking Xanax and klonopin with it. Getting clean was the hardest, toughest, most painful thing I've ever done I life. But the best thing I've ever done as well. It's a lot better to just avoid it entirely. Something people forget is that alcohol is literally just as bad, and actually even worse. At least withdrawal wise. So I would just avoid everything all around. That's what I do now
Please NEVER DO DRUGS !!!
Don't ever even "try" them. Sometimes, that's all it takes.... Jess knows what she is talking about. Keep watching and thank you for showing support! Addicts are people. Addiction is a disease. It is not a choice, BUT it can start with just one bad decision.
Good for you young lady. Stay not doing that stuff. Heres the kicker. Anybody that tries to offer you that stuff, are you ready for this? These people are not yr friends!! People that care about you will want you to stay away from all that shit. Keep being a sober, stable and smart girl. Pretty too. Just sayin. No disrespect meant.
Detox needs to be damn controlled every time a patient walks through that door! We need to get them mental health, detox safely and teach how to stop and actually save and rebuild lives! We are sabotaging our addicted. We need to find a better path!
100 percent agree with you
It truly makes me so angry and disappointed in how we have the most cruel and evil so called justice system. People die nearly every week from detoxing in jails in amarica. The lack of any basic humanity in jails is in my opinion there the criminals letting people suffer.
What a typical liberal solution. As if prisons have unlimited resources to deal with every addict like that.
detoxing from opiates at home is one of the most painful, horrid experiences someone can go through. i couldn’t imagine doing that in jail.
@@kathlynkelly I've done both. Have always had a much easier time doing it in a home setting. Just more access to meds and things of that nature that help with detox. Plus, there were some sleezy people in rehab, people that i didn't really care to be around. Thing is i've always had a really good support system, not everyone has that. I wouldn't have been able to home detox(like 20 times now) without the help of my family.
kathlynkelly not everyone can afford it.
Lindsay Tucker exactly. I’m SO
LUCKY to not have gone to jail. Detoxing in jail was my worst fear EVER. Thankful to have almost 3 years sober!
kathlynkelly well I’m not addicted to drugs. But everyone can’t get accepted. Not everyone addicted to drugs is jobless or homeless.
kathlynkelly your paychecks have to be a certain amount.. my friend applied and she was making to much.. lol that’s what I meant. You can’t just apply and get it
I cannot even imagine detoxing in jail. I’ve detoxed from opiates so many times and could never make it past like 2 days unless I was in a detox unit. Methadone saved my life! You’re such a strong one!!
💕💕💕💕💕💕
Was Jess on your channel? Watched to the end, she was. Thank you both.
Thanks 🙏🏼 for showing us jess love 💕 your baby
Christina Randall mama Christina! I love you and Jessica so much! Y’all are helping me out more then you’ll ever know
Christina, you know a Girl named Jill Pennoyer?
Found Christina from Jessica and heard about her from Peter Monn he watches both of you
Girl you weren’t evil, your addiction had you. You became the person you needed to be to fuel that fire.
Just came across your channel. Your story is very encouraging. It shows me people who have been to jail and prison can turn out good. My father is a drug addict and your channel helped me accept him as a person and not as his addiction. Love from South Arkansas!
Your comment definitely hit me hard as a father in active addiction you don't understand how much your comment hit me my children are not to the age to know but just me knowing you are so brave to share about your father you have opened my eyes and I know we don't know each other or never met but you have just changed my life because of your comment thank you so much for sharing and saving me from myself.
"my addiction controlled my life and it didn't give my the luxury of making good choices...." that hit home. 2 years sober from 3/4 a bottle of vodka a day.
That's awesome, well done! Just out of curiosity, how long had your vodka habit been going on for before you decided to call it quits?
It couldn’t have been that bad if u didn’t even finish the bottle... jk
I'm super proud of you
My brother was just about as bad as you. He aslo smoked weed and binged on coke. He is 32 years clean and sober. It can be done and YOU are doing it! God Bless!
That is awesome! I hope you're still working at it. I have a best friend and roommate who is trying to kick the same issue, just trade the vodka for whiskey. Is there anything that would have helped you for the people around you to do?
I apologize that all my messages are on old posts. I don’t know if you will see this, but you have inspired me to work towards changing the way we handle addiction in jail/prison!!
Detoxing is literally the worst feeling in the world. I became incredibly suicidal every time I detoxed so by the grace of God I eventually got on Methadone, and it saved my life. I’m so so grateful for the life I have today! Thank you for sharing Jess
I’ve really taken your chase sobriety like I chased drugs to heart. I’m about to celebrate 12/9 years (meth/heroin.) It’s been pretty hard the last few years. I really needed to hear that! Also a reminder that detoxing totally blows
We love a consistent, new TH-camr 😜♥️
April Bee 💯
April Bee yes!! I’ve been loving her videos so much ❤️❤️🥰
Yasssss
I always thought there should be a special unit for detoxing in jail. I mean if the goal is to rehabilitate the inmates for society why not start with helping inmates get clean the right way. I’ve detoxed in jail 3 times. It was hell to say the least. Locked in a cell on a cardboard bed. Not one single person gives a damn. I know of people who literally died in jail from withdrawal.
@Brittany FFF You can only die from Xanax & alcohol withdrawal even tho opiate withdrawal will make you wish you were dead lol
@@codyowings9895 You can't physically die just from opiate withdrawal itself, but they can cause complications leading to death. One of the top reasons for death associated with opiate withdrawal is from suicide.
They do in some jails while you're still in the holding cells. They give you librium or something like that. Basically just makes you sleep for a cpl hours but the downfall is ALL the ppl detoxing are in 1 holding cell for 3-4 days. Most of them being homeless drunks. Everybody puking & shitting trying to share 1 toilet. Every time I detoxed in jail after that I just kept my mouth shut lol
@@Sare9669 Hence the make you wish you were dead part lol Not funny tho.
Well you don't know anyone that died from opioid withdrawal because you can't die from it. The only two drugs that you can die from withdrawing from are alcohol or benzodiazepines.
“I have a disease that tells me I don’t have a disease” - I think that’s the best way I’ve heard addiction described. Getting sober isn’t something that can be achieved until the person that’s using is completely ready. I’m glad you got to that point and are sober!
The shittin and puking at the same time it the worst feeling in the world , it’s like your body is giving up on you completely. It’s like your dying , I don’t think anyone can understand the pain until they’ve felt it themselves.
Girl. The way they treat you in jail detoxing is DEPLORABLE. I'm currently working so hard to be clean. I'm never going to give up. Ever. I love your videos SO MUCH!!! 😘😘😘
I hope all is still well with you and your sobriety, let is know!!
Hope you’re doing great!!
Keep fighting,don’t listen to anyone who’s doubting you,never give up,best of luck to you!
I promise it gets better! It gets different before it gets better and then you get your feelings back and you start to see your life clearly. Hugs! 💙
I hope you're doing well, never give up. If you're clean, congratulations! If you're still struggling, don't give up! I believe in you!! 💙💜
Opiate withdrawal was by far the worst thing iv experienced
Cam Eisenberg nah heroin withdrawal and even suboxone withdrawal, cold turkey, is a complete walk in the park compared to Xanax and benzos in general
Devin Bauer alcohol withdrawal was pretty bad for me as well. i havent experienced benzo withdrawal so
Been through Opiate withdrawal over 100 times. I'd go through it a year straight before i'd ever go through benzo withdrawal again. That's a good 6 months of not eating, not sleeping, legs numb from the knee down, panic attacks occur about once an hour. It's not like with opiates where after a week or so you're ok. Benzo withdrawal literally lasts months. Not to mention the 24/7 vertigo.
I'm happy i'm able to casually use it every month or two
Same here
recovery is possible i now have 2 years clean and sober, a baby and i work in a treatment center! I love how open you are with your struggles and showing the struggling addict that there is hope!
I wish that could happen for me, but now I'm hooked on fetynal and I don't know what to do. I'm so so scared. I have no idea what detox is like in a treatment center
I love how passionate you are about your messages to fellow addicts. It really shows that you’ve been through hell and know that it takes a lot of strength, love (self), and suffering to make it out- but that it’s totally worth it. You’re an inspiration girl.
Thank you for making me realize there’s nothing to be ashamed about. I messaged you on Instagram and this video along with what you messaged me back has made me feel so much better. I also think it’s amazing you do your best to reply to people and be there for people who have no one else. You should be so incredibly proud of yourself. 💜
Why is your story my life
I feel for you... That fixation/tunnel vision is REAL when u are detoxing and in active addiction! Love your stories about addiction Jessica they help me as a reminder of my own recovery, and the horrible side of addiction that people so often forget about when they get tunnel vision to relapse. Like you, my baby boy was my “why” to get clean. I’m so relieved and happy that your daughter is healthy and thriving with you. Love ya!
I'm from Poland 🇵🇱 One of your videos popped out on my reccommended list. Now I keep watching all your videos. I think you're so strong, I respect you for giving up on drugs for your daughter (and for yourself) and for having been clean since pregnancy. I have nothing to do with drugs and people who mess with law, actually I'm a teacher, and I find your channel valuable and I think you are such a wonderful, beautiful person. I keep my fingers crossed for you. Lots of love all the way from Europe ❤️🇵🇱
Thank you for sharing. I’m terrified of detoxing but I know my time is running out and I just try to pretend it’s not true and that I’ll be ok for just one more day, week, month, almost ten years now...idk what I’m trying to say other than hearing someone else talk about it like this helps to open my eyes. And it fucking gives me hope, something that’s been so scarce and unfamiliar for the past however long. I’m grateful for that.
*drops everything to watch Jessica*
Melis Yeniceler me too
SAME
Literally my life.
Fax i watch this in history daily
Don't worry I still have an A
I'm 5 years heroin free and girllll I felt this story to my core!!!!!! Love how real you keep it.
Congratulations ❤
4 1/2 yrs clean from a 10 yr heroin addiction. Wouldn't wish that detox on my worst enemy. And I can totally relate when you were taking about the girl who was going "try" and get you something. In those 10 yrs, if you didn't have something the benefited me in some way, BYE. What a horrible way to live. God bless you ✌
AngieM 420 I know that feeling
I’m in a 10 year addiction myself, and when I’m out and looking for stuff if anyone texts me besides anyone who can help me, I get pissed.
I really love how you having the courage to tell your story can both help those who are in similar situations feel less alone AND educate people who don't struggle with addiction to learn what it's like in a realistic, earnest, and raw way. As someone who hasn't struggled with addiction (and I'm lucky to not have any close friends or family struggle, either), your experience is incredibly insightful. I can easily empathize with what you've gone through, and now if I'm faced with a similar situation at some point in my life, I can understand the person struggling and have a clearer idea how to support them. Thank you so much!
The fact that she was a meth dealer and wears a Heisenberg shirt😂❤️🤘🏼
Kritty Kratt lol I was just laughing at that!
"Jess,we have to cook"😂
Yea soo cool 😎
I got dope bags with that stamp on it before the same thing that’s on her shirt and it said heisenberg on it in blue
@@dejanpapic1431 she was a dealer, not the cook. Two completely different jobs. Cooks are crazy! Most don’t care at all and all those fumes go up their nose. It’s wild. Haha
You describe this so well, I can feel it. Opiate withdrawal is hell. Clean nine years, but I still remember the pain. Glad you made it out alive
your videos honestly resonate with me a lot. even though i’ve never struggled with addiction, i struggle with an eating disorder and i feel so ashamed of all the times i’ve tried to just find a normal relationship with food and just stop. even though we’ve been through very different things, you really inspire me
The sweat I can handle, the goosebumps having cold and hot at the same time I can handle, throwing up , having diarrhea all good... But please please the RLS that's the worst thing I've ever felt in my life!!!! You can't explain the feeling when you never went through that... You can only imagine a little... ♥
Yes the worst symptom of all. Do they give you anything for that at a detox center? I'm afraid it's the only way I can get out of this hell I have created for myself, but I'm scared to go because I don't know what to expect or if they will really make sure that I am okay...
@@palestar828 gabapentin
Girl, your channel has been so eye-opening. I dont know why people think its okay to deny people, even "felons", basic human rights. And the fact that they dont even focus on rehabilitation makes it even more frustrating.
It also makes me realize how poorly mental illness is treated in the US. Addiction, anxiety, and depression are the only types of disorders that are commonly blamed on the person. But people suffer from these things just like they would suffer for any other organ disease. Thanks for being so real!
Jessica. I’m SO thankful you’re sharing your story & the struggle that comes along with addiction. I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to detox in jail/prison. It’s awful enough when you’re in a comfortable place doing it after deciding consciously that’s what you want. Withdrawal symptoms are literally hell on earth. I would not wish that physical & emotional distress on anyone. You’re so very strong. I’m proud of how far you’ve come. I pray this message reaches exactly who it is supposed to today. 💜
I am 2.5 years clean and just want to say thank you! I love your videos. I was addicted to pain pills for 30 years on and off. Never went to jail and never did H thank god. Your videos help me everyday. Again thank you for telling your story!
After a near fatal car accident in 2009 left me with 22 broken bones and a fractured C2 and both heels crushed I was on every Opiod imanagable from Fentanyl all the way down to Vicodin. After the DEA basically screwed every Chronic Pain patient with new guidelines, Ive detoxed many times in trying to keep a legit Dr. who would maintain my need for Rx Opiods. I detoxed many times in the comfort of my home and bed. I cannot imagine having to do it in jail. I'd just literally go beserk for sure. WD is something you never want to experience, in or out of jail. But especially in jail. Omg. No..... Glad you made it to sobriety.
also every time I see you have more subs I get so so excited for u and Christina too you girls deserve this soo much and I know u r going to keep growing and growing!
And yet the world of youtube preffers to watch clothes hauls and gaming videos other than this content. I'm hands on blown away by your channel and your whole life story. Haven't seen such a warrior in my life. Keep it up, you're doing an amazing and inspiring job for thousands of people. Sending some love from Czech republic (central Europe)!!!!
Thanks Jess. I detoxed in a UK rehab from alcohol dependency and that was hard enough! Very nearly 1 year sober now. Your videos are very inspirational and interesting. Keep the positive messages coming!
Those of us who have been through this and made it to the other side are freaking warriors. Good for you for sharing your experience on this platform.
I just want you to know I'm going through the roughest time in my life rn, and your stories get me out of my own head. Thank you and reese so much♡
You’re such an inspiration to addicts who have been in jail. You show us that there is a life after addiction and jail. I couldn’t imagine detoxing in jail. The one time I went for 3 days I was so scared. Went in on Friday and didn’t get out until Monday. The sad part is I went straight to my aunts to get some roxys. Luckily I got on the right path with MMT and the 2 felonies were dropped to two class A misdemeanors. It saved my life! Keep spreading the good word with your amazing videos! It helps us addicts and former inmates. Peace, much love!
So glad you have this channel! It's amazing to hear these stories coming from such a normal over-the-top empath. You were addicted - NOT evil.
I can't get enough of your stories. You're so inspirational to me! I have not struggled with drug addiction, but I have lived with severe depression/anxiety (cyclical) since my early teens. Come to find out, at age 33, that my primary diagnosis really straddled the moderate to severe criteria for ADHD.
The reason your story resonates with me is because I am finally getting my life together, at almost 35. Now that I am taking the right medication, I have not met the criteria for depression in over a year.
I always felt lesser than everyone else, so i just stopped caring. I made terrible choices, in hindsight, but when I look at my progress, I know I am finally on my way up.
Thanks for sharing your stories!! 💕
I detoxed in jail quite a few times. I am now one year sober and I love ur videos girl! Ur awesome!
This was very touching. I went through a very similar experience. It has now been 3 years since my incarceration in prison and it made me a much stronger woman and I am still clean and sober today. Thank you for this video and your inspiration.
I got to detox in my bedroom but it was hell. And the person I was with at the time was just finding out about my extracurricular activities. He yelled at me and threatened me for two days and nights. I vividly remember every symptom you described.
Oh yeah, it's definitely something that you don't ever forget. No matter how long I have/had been clean (I've relapsed several times before finally getting it right this last time), I can still very clearly remember EVERY tiny little detail about how I felt while detoxing. Even the littlest things, like that disgusting very specific taste that you get in your mouth and the back of your throat during those first few days. If you've ever detoxed from opiates you know exactly what taste I'm talking about lol
@@indieme7633 Yes! I almost even said that too, about the way your skin smells! It's like between the constant hot flashes and cold sweats, and all of the toxins evacuating your body, this weird smell starts to seep out of your pores. It kind of reminds me of how if you've ever been to the tanning bed, when you get out your skin has a weird scent. And yes, your pee also smells super gross too, you're so right about that lol. But damn girl, that's a rough way to go. Good for you for toughing it out though and making it out on the other side! That's a horrible thing to have to deal with on top of already being at your absolute lowest and feeling quite literally like you're dying. But I get that it's so hard on our loved ones to deal with us while we're going through these things, and I think a lot of times they just get so frustrated and dont know what else to do at a certain point and start giving ultimatums like that. I think a lot of them view it as like a 'tough love' kinda thing. Like, "look, I've done all that I can to help you, and I've got nothing left to give.. so either get your shit together or get out of my life". And maybe sometimes some of us actually need to hear those things. But regardless, it still doesn't make it any easier to go thru at the time.
@@indieme7633 Also.. if anyone were to ever try to touch me in that way or try to get me to participate in anything at all sexual while I was in full on detox.. I likely would've used whatever little strength that I had left in me to murder them right then and there 😂 noooo fucking way, that was probably the LAST thing that I would've wanted to do at that time lol
Kristin Jo oh I wanted to. Pure hatred grew in me at that point. I wouldn’t want to do the nasty with someone that had a nasty cold. What kind of dirt bag is like oh you’re so hot detoxing looking like you’re on the verge of death and flopping around like a fish out of water from the restless legs and arms.
My restless legs and arms were so bad my body kinda flopped around and I accidentally kicked my cat at one point. I felt so bad. She didn’t get hurt or anything.
@@indieme7633 That's actually assault T.T I would look into healing that trauma if you haven't, coercing you into sex is a form of assault and there's so much pain to that, I'm sorry it happened
Just started watching Jessica about a month ago, and can’t stop...love her.
I’m SO glad u shared! As someone who struggled for three years, I’ve been thru tho withdrawals SO many times! But all that matters is the last time! THANK YOU for sharing!! 💕❤️
3.43 Jess & you had me in tears. I recently went through something so horrible - I too, almost died. Thank you for sharing your stories, you are super brave. I have some terrible stories but they are what make me who I am today & finally, for the first time in a very long time - well. Scratch that - since FOREVER lol... I am actually better than OK with being me. I am GOOD with being me. And no matter what happens in life to my family and I, I will never forget where I came from. And I admire that from you.
And she’s not exaggerating!!! In my jail they throw you in a detox cell for a week 23 hours a day I was TERRIBLE !! Dope sickness is the WORST !!!!!
Jessica Kairis in the jail I went to in Rhode Island they actually give you suboxone and methadone
James Peach thank u lol
In Germany you not even go to jail when you have to detox mostly, they first put you in a rehabilitation center and when you are better you go to jail
I don’t know for sure, because I’ve never been in trouble in my life, but I’m sure in the U.K. the doctors will give you methadone or something to stop you withdrawing. 24 hours in police custody, a tv show that shows what happens when people are arrested, and every time the police asked if they were addicted to anything and if they needed something for it. The U.K. tends to be more humane though.
No way do that here🇨🇦
It must be hard stateside
All it takes here
Go to hospital
Be honest
U admitted
Then take it from there
You pay your tax
You get it covered
Not this Insurance payed TIL your out
I just found this girls youtube channel recently and have been checking out some of her videos and they've all been good. This one really hit home for me though. Being an ex opiate addict, just hearing her describe the withdrawals seriously gave me flashbacks. Worst feeling in the world. I AM SO GLAD I dont have to go through that anymore. It literally gives me anxiety just thinking back to that feeling. I still to this day have a fear that overcomes me every time I hear about opiate withdrawls, just as I did when I still used and would know they were coming and would be so afraid of the feeling I knew I'd have to deal with soon when I would run low on drugs. That's how bad withdrawls are. Just hearing her story makes me reflect on my own story and makes me so grateful for my sobriety. Sometimes you kind of miss the high, but I do not miss everything that came with it, especially the withdrawls. Not worth it at all. Thanks for this video, because hearing stories like this really can help you appreciate your sobriety and how far you've come in life. Sometimes I think we can kind of forget and take it for granted how far we've come after you're sober long enough. Hearing this is a huge reminder of how bad I once was and so happy that's not my lifestyle anymore!
I just came across your channel. I am so amazed at your life story. You are a beautiful, strong young woman. Thanks for sharing your story. You are so brave. Sending you lots of love from Seattle Washington. XO
Detoxing from Mdone atm after in program for a decade. I wish I knew then what I know now. Though subjective for me I would take 3-7 days of symptoms from H then this. Day 13 and it’s these videos that are making it a little easier to deal with while doing this alone.
To anyone who has gone through addiction you matter you are worthy and I hope you not only see but believe that too♥️
I can't get over two things: that your body bounced back and you're still here, and how brave you are. Carry on, cookie. ❤️
Opioid withdrawal is truly horrifying. To everyone watching this, she's SO not exaggerating. Not even a little bit. If anything she's understating, because the words to explain it are hard to find. Imagine you were starving, how much you would need food. That's how strong the need for opioids/opiates is.
Totally have been there and since jails are so overcrowded you usually end up detoxing on a jail floor.
I am so happy I found your channel you are doing big things!
I've done the jail thing as well.. Fortunately our jail/prison, has SUBUXONE( MAT):Medicated Assistant Treatment Program: you have the option to take the entire duration of your stay... But I can totally relate, been to jails where they didn't offer anything for detoxing. Words can't explain how horrible my detox was.. 😫😞
Girl you are my soul sister!!! I love you for being so real, fake is the new norm and addiction and the stigma surrounding it is the worst f'ing thing ever. This is such a huge problem and it effects so many of us!!! It is shunned and swept under the rug when addicts are people who have already been unsuccessful at getting the help they so desperately need whether they realized it or not!! They are thrown away by society when really Underlying issues, mental health, Trauma, being exposed to drugs or being exposed without being uninformed about them, peer pressure and drugs are seen as trendy cool party favors or weekend warrior etc is a perfect recipe which creates an addict in the first place ! And trust me nobody chooses this life, if you had any clue you would never ever touch the shit.. Any of it and all drugs are a gateway like going up the ladder to harder things or really going down into hell like it is a living hell and hell is a bottomless pit.. It never ends you just keep falling it always gets worse and it seems we must hit rockbottom an infinite amount of times before we realize hmmm I think I got a problem here. Worse disease ever!!! The damage done has changed your life for the worst, ways unimaginable, you thought you were fine, fixing your issues, self medicating, numbing and erasing and escaping the pain of reality but really your soul has been sucked dry and honestly you are breathing but not alive you are walking dead if you havent died yet. This life leads to so many other negative habits and shapes a lifestyle that people who haven't personally experienced could never even come close to comprehension. Homelessness, crimes, hunger, depression, anxiety, burning bridges with loved ones, neglecting and losing children to name a few like shit just basic human functions are diminished like you cant even move, remember to drink some water, give af about any thing but the dope. you becomd incapable and completely dependent, your entire life 24/7 revolves around the drug like getting the money up, finding the shit, doing the shit and freaking out cause Its gone and tick tock withdrawal is coming death is near got to repeat the cycle and it never f'ing ends. The things you would could never imagine, said you would never do have manifested changing all that makes you ,you. And the fun is over relaxing is over. If You aren't high you want to get high, you get high and you think about how f'ed up life is and you want to quit then there comes a point real quick that you arent getting high you are only doing this to feel normal to not become sick and go into WD. But wow Its crazy I can't imagine detoxing in jail, people joke that it is the only way to get clean, Im starting to believe it because what are the options here gosh the struggle is for real!! Detoxing is an addicts worst nightmare, if anyone could go through it there would be no addicts! H is a living demon a beast from the pits of hell and is not comparable to any other drug. This thing is one of the hardest things a human can live through, literally high jacking your body and brain !! People say just quit if they only knew, by the time you realize you got a problem it is to late. You have to make a plan while you are well or you are f'ed!!You have lost all you ever owned and give zero fs about anything including yourself. Not to mention its so hard to get the immediate help addicts desperately need thanks to our system and drug treatment options here in the good ole USA. Like detoxing cold turkey is not even a humane option I find it to be cruel and unusual punishment.. How the f did you make it girly you are one tough cookie, but shit there was no other option. Rambling but like It shouldn't even be as accessible as it is but the "War on Drugs" is a whole different topic or should I say scheme, business, a incredibly lucritive system designed this way! There in no money in prevention or curing people. Man even with declaring the national opioid crisis what did they give you, they give you safe injection sites like God Bless America !!! Sick world we live in we God more than ever because this beast is the devil itself!!! Its so hard to imagine being on the other side and your living proof it can be done and doing a damn good job its beauitful inspiring and creates hope so thanks for sharing Jess this is the work of angels for real much love
I can’t imagine that hell girl, I use to legit fear having that happen to me. I remember thinking about it. I get it that you still didn’t feel good after 90 days, the PAWS are no joke either. I think that’s why it took a lot of me still dabbling in different drugs before I actually could stay clean. I pray for all those still suffering. 😞
I'm back-watching these, so, I think you were both lucky and very strong. I'm very happy you've made it out the other side of this chapter of your life, and that you now have further chapters to your life to speak about.
I'm tapering from prescribed (never abused) Xanax and it is HELL!! And I'm in the comfort of my home! You are so strong mama💕
Same here! Completely prescribed for years. Tapering too and it’s legit Hell and so scary.
oh fuck y'all, benzo withdrawal is one of the very few withdrawals you can actually DIE FROM. PLEASE BE CAREFUL😩😩😩
i hope you two are okay and potentially have doctors assisting you because ive seen HORROR stories of benzo withdrawal..............seizures, shitting the bed, etc. scary stuff i wouldnt ever wish on an enemy
😿😿😿
Detoxed xans cold turkey had 2 seizure worst shit ever
I witnessed my boyfriend go through it, PLEASE BE SAFE
How are u feeling now
Subscribed! As a social worker,who has worked with substance use disorder, it makes me happy to see success stories. Can you do a video on how social workers or any other professionals supported you or had an impact in your life?
One of the easiest detoxes I ever did was in jail. It wasn’t like glorious, but the ability to get a fix was impossible. So I didn’t have the internal war with myself to not go get dope.
For real though, keeping a strong will for the first few days is one of the toughest parts.
Easy? No. Hell no. But yeah all routes are cut off I felt like a caged animal.
The one thing about us going through a addiction is once we overcome it were the most compassionate people !
You’re such a positive person and an inspiration for many people 💞
“Do you like my body😚” 😂
Hi I just found your channel you look so darn good!!!! I'm proudly sober 5 years now!!!
5 years is incredible! Good for you, girl!! I can't wait to be able to say that for myself. I've got a while to go, but I'm proud of the 30 days that I'll have on Thursday. But 5 years, wow, you should be so proud! 💙
@@kristinjo2110 thank you, i so proud of you I started there also goes from 30 days then months then years! you are doing incredible, strong & you have a meaning in life don't forget that!
Kristin Jo - Congratulations on 30 days - keep fighting!! You got this!!
@@heather2021 Thank you so much! I try not to focus so much on the total amount of time that I've got so far since it's still so new, I'm just happy and thankful to have made it thru even just one more day! Thank you for the kind words 💙
@@dsalas0124 Thank you! It's definitely been a struggle some days, but the worst is over at this point so it's only up from here!
Thank you so much Jess you motivate me like no other. I am a chronic relapser. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to live like this anymore I feel like death is just around the corner. I try and try and keep trying and I can’t get it. My heart is so heavy. My family doesn’t understand my son calls me a junker like it was my birth name. I’m sitting here binging on your stories. I want to stop and I can’t do it alone. My insurance covers 7 days at max in my state which is Massachusetts. Tomorrow I’m going to try again at home and I’m sooooo scared I can’t stop crying out of fear I’m terrified to do this. What’s the best way to do this at home. I need help. It sounds so scary. I believe in God and I just pray and pray and write to him. I can’t do this alone just the thought of feeling like crap for so long scares the living crappy out of me. On top of all of this I have to hide this the best that I can lie and say o have the flu. I’m losing my mind. I’m scared to lose my kids. Thank you for letting me vent
Do you accept emails?
Kratom helps withdrawal so much.
I can totally relate. I have never had a hardcore drug addiction, but I’ve been on heavy duty prescription meds for yrs now. Occasionally I’ve run out of my heavy duty meds and even after missing one dose I can feel detox kicking in. I felt like I woz dying. I have mega medical issues, and this added to all that. I have tried to explain it to my parents but they really don’t get it.
Thank you so much for sharing your stories. I’m two years clean and sometimes you just need a reminder of how addiction controls you and changes you into someone you don’t want to be ❤️
girl, I have been binge watching you for about a week and I love your videos so much. you're such a strong woman and such an inspiration
Naomi Grant so am I! I’m so happy I found her channel.
I detoxed off heroin in jail too, except I wasn't in there for super long. I understand the struggle though. You're so strong and inspiring, I love watching your videos. Sending you love and light from Seattle, WA. 💕
OMG we’re friends on FB! Lol! (Sophie Denisova)
Here I am, 21 year old facing a first dui charge, scared sh*tless, having never even gotten a speeding ticket or committed any offense. Some ppl laugh at my misdemeanor charge, others shame me. Yet you help me realize that we’re all human and have problems, some are caught and get punished, others don’t.
I love how you cutely saying "pooping", you mean projectile diarrhea right?
Lol literally pissing out of your butt ugh been there.. next January will be 2 years clean from h and meth and everything else! Lifes so much better ❤
I'll take that over giving birth to a half my weight and mass H induced once a month turd baby. 🤨🧐😕😟😦😧😯😮😳😲😩😫😖😖😖😖😖😖😭😵🤪💩😮🤬😐😔😌🤕😪😴
DøøM Slay3R have the same with oxy and hydromorph lol
@@dmslay3r399 feel like you're gonna split in 2. I dont miss those days😰
Being lucky enough to shit twice a month if you're lucky 😅 clogging every damn toilet every single time.
I just paused this video at 9:00 because you said you were evil and that struck me some type of way, so I scroll down to add a comment and see that you posted this 4 days after my 6 year anniversary of being clean off mainly heroin but everything else too, so I really feel like I was meant to see this if not for any other reason than just to remind you that you are not and never were evil you were sick from an illness that we will never be completely cured from but we wake up everyday and make the conscience decision that this day will not be the day we lose to our disease. If nobody told you today let me be the one to say I'm proud of you!
I struggled with addiction and I have been sober for almost 5 years . You encouraged me to share my story on here. !! So I'm def gonna go ahead and make a vid about my struggle ! Thank you for your inspiration love you 🤩🤩
Ashley N Sylvester congratulations!!!
@@AngelicasRecovery thank you sm
this only reiterated that every life has a purpose. Despite what you’ve been through or what you’re going through. You’re entire story has inspired me, & helped me. Thank you.
Congrats on your sobriety! I like your channel you explain things calmly.
What ever your problem drugs and alcohol are never the way ever. Having an addiction doesn't make you a bad person .never to late to get it right. Start now. Good luck
Jess, I love your story. You revealing such intimate parts of your life will help people. God bless you, sweetheart.
Thank you for being groovy enough to share and be consistent. Your Mum & Dad must be so proud and relieved.. You really do give hope for survival stories xox
Great post! Motivating me through my sobriety...which I STILL AM! 🎉
Good for you! Keep it up!!!
Congrats! Keep it up
Go go go!! 👍👍
Gman 😎👍
Thats awesome Gman!
Jessica, you are my inspiration. Me and my boyfriend look forward to your videos every single day! Please never give up. You are the reason I do what I do every day!!! I love you JESS ❤️❤️
Been clean for 1 year and 4 months. But I've detoxed in jail before, and used as soon as I got out. My dealer/pimp was waiting for me with everything I needed. So happy that I dont have to live like that ever again!!! Thank you so much for your videos! I have so many stories too, just wish I could remember every detail to tell them all. (But maybe it's better that I dont remember every thing that I've been through)
I'm so happy for you! It's a good feeling when you look back and then know you don't have to live that way any more 💕 good luck to you 💕
No worries.. girl you did what you had to do. Much love and blessings 🙏 ❤
I’m currently on my second day without methadone after tapering off after a year and I’m feeling pretty miserable but I’m bingeing all your of videos and I just wanted to thank you because you remind me that recovery might be something I have to fight for everyday but it’s so much better than the life I led and person I was during active addiction.I’m so grateful for your strength and courage to share so honestly with us because the amount your videos help me is immeasurable and I look up to you as an example of good sobriety so much. Our stories share a lot of similarities and I know it’s cheesy but I really do think to myself that if Jessica can do it, I can do it too.
you can and will do it if you want it enough. I done it. 8 years clean. sending you positive thoughts. best wishes xx
Keep going so you never have to feel like this again. Proud for you.
O K im going down off methadone too
Good for your man
If u need shows to watch lost is a good one
You can do this!!! Congrats on your day 2
What milligram were you own and did you taper to nothing eventually I’m on 70 mg for like 3 4 months on the program all together I’m good at 70 don’t need to go up been off dope for 3 mothns do Xanax here and there I have bad aniexty I’ll throw up sometimes idk why . And some weed I always make sure to not have benzo for my pee tests
How are you doing now?
Great video Jess!!! Thank you for putting such personal stories out there and bringing awareness to the prison system. Our prisons desperately need reformed.... I just watched a documentary the other day about the Chain Gang in AZ and I remember you talking about it. That looked hard AF out there in the blistering heat. Girl you are Gangsta AF!!!!!!! Whole new respect after watching that chain gang.
Today was my free day so I came accross your channel about 3 hours ago & I have been watching your videos nonstop. You are so inspirational. I love the fact that you're open & brave. Thank you. ❤🌟❤🌟
Opiate withdrawal is the worst thing I’ve ever seen
Benzo withdrawls r on ANOTHER LEVEL..., FML
I've been thru both benzo and opiate withdrawal, and I've gotta say.. opiate withdrawal was 100× worse! I'm sure it's not the same for everyone, I'm just speaking on my personal experience. Even just the thought of having to go thru that again is enough to keep me sober. I'm getting too old to be putting my body thru that shit anymore lol
Serious benzo withdrawls can kill u and give u brain damage as it could takes yrs for your brain to rewire. I've kicked 150mg of Methadone in a cell after 5 yrs straight. That's was a 3 month nightmare.....
I'm telling u if it wasn't for drugs and all the ppl it affected, this WORLD would b Amazing 💯💯💯
@@iykyk1503 Oh, absolutely. I'm definitely not trying to downplay or take anything away from how devastating benzo withdrawal can be. Benzo and alcohol withdrawal are the only types of withdrawal that can actually kill you, just the withdrawal themselves. That's actually terrifying. Luckily for myself, my addiction to benzos wasn't so severe for that to be the case with me. Man I'm just so glad I don't have to live like that anymore, and deal with the constant anxiety of worrying about feeling like I'm gonna die when my pills ran out. It's seriously no way to live.
@@Southerncomfort420 No doubt. It's just as much a mental battle as it is a physical one. It's just a never ending cycle, and so crazy to think about the damage you're doing to your body by putting these drugs in your system, and knowing what they're doing to not only your body physically, but also to your mental state.. yet still spending every waking moment obsessing over trying to get your hands on more of the shit that's causing you to feel soooo awful in the end. But, I guess that's just what addiction is huh.
Addicts should never feel ashamed. It’s a disease that has to be fought. Thanks for your story. 😊💜
Good morning! So glad your video popped up this morning... Really needed to hear this message ♥️
Your honesty is so refreshing. I now am addicted to your channel like Christine Randall 💜🎉🎉. You’ve come a long way. Good for you. An inspiration and never give up Attitude 💯⚡️💪
I love that shirt! Doing great Jess! 💖
Amazon $12! 🙂
Link the shirt. I love it too lol
Im in recovery from h too. I havent been to prison but did jail time which is bad also but i struggled with addiction starting at 15 and im now about to turn 27 in july ans ive been clean for a few years now. Sobriety is most definitely possible. Through hard work for sure. I just startex watching your videos and i already relate SOOOOOO MUCH. To getting pregnant during addiction to just the shame and detox everything girl. Im your #1 fan for sure. Absolutely love the realness and truth you tell in your stories💞👍
I detoxed from 120 mg of methadone (on it for 2 years) after breaking my collarbone and rotator cuff in a motorcycle accident; in jail. I nearly succeeded in killing myself and spent almost 5 months in medical 23 hour lockdown, sick the entire time... now I am 18 days clean from H in the free world and I am actually doing this recovery for real
rae L. Aww, I’m so proud of you! 💜💜 you’ve got this beautiful!
You rock!!!
I'm so proud of you. I'm also a recovering addict (opiates&benzos) I lost EVEEYTHING during my addiction. I struggled for almost 10yrs. I'm proud to say I'm almost 1yr 6mnths clean today. On 6/03 it will be exactly that⬆️
To all who are still struggling, YOU CAN DO IT.
Omg you brought me back to when my father locked my sister and I in the house thinking we should detox without anything. One of the worst two weeks of my life. I ended up jumping out of a two story window to have my dealer come and see me and I fractured my ankle. But it was so worth it to use again. It was like having an extreme flu and taking instant medication. This way never works, and non addicts think you can just sweat it out. Wonder why no one gets better this way?!
I just discovered your channel and I loooove it!! I love that you tell your story, it's so inspiring and so much fun to watch❤️❤️
“I can’t get a sig on my beeper!” 🤣🤣
Last night when I was up I came across one of ur videos I have watched a few of them.
God is so good I know you have to be so proud for your hard work.