@@_QueenDaizwho would be more impartial than a licensed therapist? She’s an impartial mediator for the couples she counsels, I bet it would go similar. I’m sure she wouldn’t drag or nitpick things like Vanessa does though. Some people do wanna see blood when it comes to certain ppl in lib
Having a therapist who understands fundamental parts of your identity without explanation is a GAME CHANGER. It's been an amazing experience having a Jewish therapist as a Jewish person.
I had never thought about that 🤔 Another therapist, Kirk Honda also explained that black people, from when there was slavery had the trauma of being separated from their parents as babies, so that type of trauma possibly reflected in there lack of attachment like Clay and his dad, which is more likely to have passed from generation to generation repeating the pattern. It doesn't justify it, but maybe clay had a point about having few referents, even in celebrities, of black men being faithful.
@nm2064 Love Dr.Honda!! ❤️ But in this sense he can only do his best to speak from a POC point of view. Only a POC can truly speak on and understand. I think as a POC that's extremely important 🙌🏽
I completely agree, they were so tender and loving to each other it, and when they saw each other for the first time it seriously looked like two previously lost soulmates being reconnected, it was so nice to watch.
The reveal that was really heartwarming for me was Lauren-Cameron and Brett-Tiff. They were actually excited to meet their soulmate. Like you said, they wanted to put a face to their soulmate❤
I take it as you haven't watched this season cause Amy and Johnny hello?! Nothing beats his face when he laid eyes on her,Bro was mesmerised I hadn't felt butterflies from a reveal like that since Lauren and Cameron
This just reiterates me how important it is to be selective with who you have kids with. Not only does it affect you but it affects your kids and possible future generations. I hope Clay can break the cycle.
Pick me women like AD are too scared about men not wanting them that they will eat anything up. Notice she didn't eat Sarah Ann's words up and interrogated her properly as she's not trying to get validation from Sarah Ann. I think she has low self esteem after seeing the pick me during and after the show
@@fisf.2148 Same with Amber from season 1 ATA episode. She justified Mark's actions with LC and all the while belittled LC's feelings of being strung around by Mark.
Yes, loved her. I was honestly pleasantly surprised with her openness and honesty, and I feel like she was teaching the whole audience by doing so! “Reality tv” is usually so far from anything real, but Clays mom really made sense and made me feel like I was learning from her.
Totally agree! But you were very generous with AD’s mom. I think she’s likely the reason AD learned how to accept red flags, prioritizing being chosen over quality relationships. I hope they watch this and learn. I was heartbroken for her but she could do a lot of self reflection and therapy. I agree with your take on Clay as well.
@brittneym8200 yes, same for me. She did not have any real information about Clay to affirm to her daughter that “that’s a MAN!” Her reaction to him was very superficial and that seem to be the basis of her conclusions about him. She likely used the same criteria for relationships she’s had with men and never learned from those failures and then is now passing on that method to her daughter. She reminded me of a mom who encourages her daughter to stay in abusive relationships for the benefits SHE receives, similar to the mom in the movie What’s Love Got To Do With It. She loved her daughter but in a toxic way. Really sad
Agreed. Many Black women have been trained from childhood to over function for men who are not equal partners. We saw this with both of AD’s partners who both showed signs of being inadequate partners. Folks like AD don’t ignore red flags. That is missing the point. They NEED red flags to feel “in love”, to feel “passion”. There is a reason she is with guys like this. She’s seeking them out. I don’t think Steph understands the concept of over functioners and under functioners. I’ve noticed that through several seasons.
@andedom right? I was surprised she didn't bring up the very obvious overfunctioning/underfunctioning dynamics of AD and Clay which is so typical in the Black communities
Brett and Tiffany's reveal was by far the absolute BEST one! 🥰😍 They were both dressed immaculately, you could tell they were attracted to each other from the second the doors opened, they embraced + kissed (sweetly but passionately), they affirmed each other... just wonderful ✨️😩
I’m glad you addressed how AD’s mom framed clay…. That was something that was a loud alarm for me when I saw it, but haven’t heard many others mention it.
Same! That's what made me confused when people praising her mom like they wished they had a mom like hers,like heck NO! She pushed her daughter in the wrong direction
This is what happens when a couple knows they're not good for each other but they look good together, so putting values on those instagram couple pictures looking cute,overrides the relationship itself
AD talking about the "fix a H*" thing reminded me of once hearing a woman say she straight up wants a man she can fix. Like she straight up said that and felt that way. Whew, girl, NO.
Well, at least she recognizes that about herself, I guess. Lol! A lot of women have been socialized to take care of men and help them grow to become better. Most women who do this just don't say it out loud. Cause yeah...NO.
Their reveal was so cringe, I couldn’t watch her twirl for him. It just affirmed that she lacked firm boundaries with the “not wanting to rely on physical beauty” angle. My favorite reveal was Lauren and Cameron 🫶🏽
@@lynninfiniteI think she is so used to that being the first thing people notice about her, that even if it's something she wants to de-emphasize, she fell into old habits under the stress of meeting her fiance face to face, especially knowing he did emphasize looks a lot
At that point it's the reveal and they do want to see what their partner looks like. They're literally going to get married, that's why in the pods you're not supposed to but once ur our that's fair
I think Clay really yearned for a true love/marriage in his life and to be a good husband, maybe to break stereotypes he had seen or a curse he felt he had, but I think as the process went along, he realized he wasn’t ready for marriage. Around his friends, he often joked about how he was a player and got lots of girls and even said he was “hanging up his jersey” when they went suit shopping, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he had never been in a real relationship before. I think he needs to experience that before jumping into marriage.
I agree. I see a lot of people being extremely hard on Clay or even acting like he wasn't actually affected by what he went through with his dad, but I think that he was being honest about the internal struggles he was having throughout the experience. He *absolutely* should have treated AD better but I don't think he's a terrible guy or that he didn't actually have feelings for her. I just hope that he really works on himself and keeps going to therapy so that he can do better in the future and be the man he wants to be.
Yep he also claimed : he's never cheated on someone he's was in a relationship with" frankly I don't think he's been in many relationships just like using women
As much as Clay said he is not ready for marriage... i dont think we noticed that neither is AD... she wants marriage but is also not equipped to deal with what comes with marriage... her thoughts of not being enough for someone and not deserving of love is not going to be solved with tying the knot.. she has some inner work to do as well. I think even though Clay admitted he is not ready, j think he discovered he was not ready for marriage while on the show and its commendable to not fake it until he made it after the wedding and was completely honest throughout the experience. AD showed that she was willing to make it work, regardless of what faced her which is delusional.
Saying one is 'not ready for marriage' is dodging accountability for the here and now by dangling false hope for when they are someday 'ready'. We don't let women use the "not ready" excuse as a defense if they are a negligent parent, bad partner or endless cheater. Also notice how men who just aren't 'ready' for marriage sure as heck are always ready for marriage BENEFITS; sex, a committed woman, someone who cooks and cleans for him, etc. Unfortunately, the issue is the self centered careless behavior, and most men who are like that, and use the 'I just wasn't ready' excuse to brush off all their terrible treatment of partners, stay just that selfish, or worse, in a marriage. All Clay and men like him are not ready for, and never will be ready for, is accountability for their behavior.
I liked that this was a fair and balanced review and both were critiqued. I feel others project themselves into this couple villainizing Clay and seeing AD as a victim. I think Clay was honest and transparent all through the process and he truly was not ready for the purpose of this show. I feel AD ignored what he kept telling her and was committed to going all the way through the experiment. I think they could have worked out if they gave it more time and work with therapy.
I think though Clay was transparent, if he knew he wasn't ready for marriage-he should've never been on the show. AD gets me upset because she is codependent and had no boundaries. It didn't matter what Clay did, she was always gonna say yes to him. With Matthew, she was going forward with him regardless of him telling Amber the exact same thing. Matthew had to remove HIMSELF for AD to not pursue him again. But then after the experiment, she explored dating Matthew again! WHYY? He is a liar, a possible cheater, and he used her dead dad to manipulate her. And she STILL gave him another chance! Zero Boundaries.
@@ArethaRenee if you watch closely, she was still trying to. She didn’t stop dating him because of that. In fact she found out through a conversation with the other Amber ( and never once did she say, omg girl he told me the sammme thing). She kept it quiet for a while then confronted Matthew, and he talked his way out of it. She was still “rocking” with him. Lol White Amber left the show when she learned of Matthew being a fuck boy, and HE left to chase her. Matthew broke up with AD, and said he “had to find Amber and that America will be on his side.” She should’ve been the one to reject him first when she learned that he was not genuine. And she didn’t… that’s the problem.
The absolute audacity of getting paid to go on a marriage show and spend all your screen time whining about not being ready for marriage. It's like signing up for the Marines and then spending all your time in bootcamp saying you don't believe violence is ever the answer. SIR, do you know where you are???! We are all giving this man way too much grace. Being entirely transparent is not a defense if what you're transparently saying is you're going to intentionally hurt someone.
The only reveal, even in regards to all the other LIB installments, that has stayed with me is still Lauren and Cameron. The way they looked at one another and then the way Cameron told Lauren “I’m gonna take care of you” just melted me!!!! Stays with me still! They were meant to find one another and you could just tell. They’re still married and just thriving together and it’s a beautiful thing to see. I’m also happy to see Brett and Tiffany still loving on one another. Those are my favorite two couples.
Omg you just reminded me of Cameron saying that to Lauren!!! Now I gotta go watch it again😩 But did you not watch this season and saw Johnny and Amy's reveal?? Cause it gave me the feels I felt when I does watched Lauren and Cameron...or you're being bias? 👀
Amy and Johnny's reveal this season had me BLUSHING 🥰 Nothing beats his face when he laid eyes on her,Bro was mesmerised...and they were giving each other genuine compliments and couldn't stop kissing I hadn't felt butterflies from a reveal like that since Lauren and Cameron ,who have been my favourite reveal since Season ONE.
The more I see Clay, the more I realize that I need therapy. He is so likes me. Growing up without the appearance of a father, witnessed all types of cheats, even what I idolized as an ideal marriage had broken up because of cheating. I don't believe myself, let alone others to be faithful in a relationship. I'm always looking for the worst scenario to be prepared if something ever happens, that had brought me to where I'm scared to step into a relationship, friendship, romantic, anything, because I'm scared that the worst thing will happen and I will loose them. But that way of thinking were and is continuing to put me away from people I love. I should really looking for helps.
I think many of us have these experiences of "self-realization" when watching these shows, because seeing real couples go through their issues makes us notice how WE tend to act in relationships - whether it's avoidant or insecure or anxious or controlling or mistrusting, etc. Remember that we ALL have our issues, and I'm glad you were able to draw some connections in your own life and are starting to have some insight into why you might feel or behave the way you have been. I genuinely hope you can find a counselor or therapist to help you explore these things and work through them. :) All the best to you!!!
how great of you to realize it though. that's the first step to stepping out of the pattern. and get help for sure... it's so much better than trying to struggle through it alone.
Clay and AD’s moms being so loving and instructive for their kids probably healed a lot of our inner children ❤ I have a fab mom and I felt loved and supported by those two ladies
The objectification of AD was so disturbing and sickening. The freedom with which the objectifiers sexualized her was such a gross display of racism, and sad of all was the betrayal of AD’s “friend” Laura. That’s not a friend. Also, Those moms are everything. 🙌 I’d watch a spin off show entirely centered on Clay’s mother.
@@olugboyeopeyemi2428 I was saying it was a big part of the show that was focused on even if it wasn’t that many comments I didn’t see an issue until I seen just how many instances and honestly I have a really nice body and enjoy it being commented on and don’t say otherwise and it’s not projecting when she legit pointed out how she wanted people to like her for her and not her body 🤷🏾♀️ honestly I like my body and have no issue showing it. It’s her contradictions for me… I seen nothing wrong with Laura’s comment but I do see that AD struggles with balancing wanting her body to be seen and wanting people to see past it 🤷🏾♀️ in my opinion it’s sad that your partner has nothing nice to say about you other than you have a nice body but if she likes it, I love it whatever
It's nice to hear a commentator interpret Clay's father's story about Clay beating him in a race as perhaps a clumsy way of trying to compliment Clay, and express some sort of pride in his son's attempts to continue to go further than him. Not trying to give Clay's father any points, and I don't know how the anecdote hit Clay's ears, but I appreciate the generous way you tried to look at their interaction.
I had no idea why AD was so shocked when Clay said no. I honestly thought she was expecting it but just hoping for the best. 🤷🏽♀️ I’m glad he did tho because his fear of cheating and not being a good husband would’ve been a self fulfilling prophecy.
I felt so sad when one of the men apologized to AD for commenting on her body and she said, "I'm used to it". Thank you for bringing attention to how much she was objectified.
AD just wants to be chosen. Doesnt care if a bad man chooses her. Really said "Nothing clay could have said or done would have made me say no at the altar." She SHOULD say no. Girl have some standards!!
Clay that was too upset about AD being disappointed about Matt, for a man who clearly has commitment and cheating issues. He's the the type of man to cheat, but get mad that you even LOOK at another man. Insecurity at its finest.
When someone shows/tells you who they are, believe them! I like AD but I did also get that same sense of a “pick me” desperation. I also thought it was very strange she went on a date with Matt after everything. As she was speaking about it in the reunion, she kept on looking over to clay like she wanted to see that upset jealous reaction from him to make her feel better.
I feel like there was a big thing missed about Clay here. Clay explicitly states in the pods that what everyone sees is a persona he’s worked hard to create for years, that is based on his father. Then he says that he’s a “nerd for real.” He literally says in the pods that what everyone sees is not his authentic self and that he tries to emulate his father. This combined with the constant mentioning of his father’s infidelity is really troubling. He says that his entire persona is based on his father and then he acts like his own possible infidelity is inevitable because of his life experiences. Also if you know about track, the conversation with his dad was kinda bs. Yes, he seems to have been an elite level athlete (in either high school or college, maybe professional), but the meets he mentioned like the Milrose Games are just meets. If you meet the time standards, you can enter. That doesn’t mean you’re on track to get on a national team. I only mention this because if you know this, you know that even Clay’s dad is embodying a persona too. Clay really should have and could have explicitly stated that he did not want to marry AD. Instead, he decided to passively try to give her an out and drag it on. AD was very clear that she was not interested in dating if he said no at the altar. She also gave him a chance to be clear with where he was, he decided not to. You gave him a lot of grace, but that l part I mentioned at the top was not a red flag. It was a signal flare.
I forgot that he said that - you’re right - I remember dismissing him in my mind once he said that, I’m like oh he’s a player - no one’s gonna pick him.
@@LindaQueLeendaYes-and always repeating the same thing. Like he’s creating a narrative for himself and then also for his relationship w AD. Which is bullshit
To be fair AD did say on camera that she was fine with a no at the altar if there isn’t a long engagement. Dr Steph mentioned the convo with the dad falling short. There were definitely ALOT of holes in Clay’s convos and honestly saying no at the altar was the right thing. (I would’ve been glad if she said no the proposal). I do think that a hyperfixation on a certain in your life can be seen as creating a narrative. I can relate to that. Certain traumas I’ve experienced I talked about a lot. (I’m trying to stop that tho) That is his life tho and I think he was processing some deep issues out on camera and that there isn’t always a right way to do that. I hate AD was hurt in the process because she’s awesome and I wish the best for both of them.
@@FaithWalks in the conversation in the kitchen, AD explicitly told Clay that if he said no at the altar, she had no interest in continuing a relationship with him. She also reiterated it after the wedding. I don’t think Clay was actually processing his traumas. I personally think that he’s one of those people that weaponizes “self-awareness” and uses it as an excuse for his actions. The way he talked about possibly cheating as if it was encoded into his DNA is telling. If he were just talking about the trauma (his dad bringing him) that would be one thing. He kept reiterating that he felt like he could not be faithful. Clay saying that all anyone ever sees is a persona that he worked to build for YEARS is troubling in and of itself. That persona being based on his father, given what we know, is worse. lol even when he said he liked cats because you don’t really have to give them love was a red flag.
“We cant always be focused on being chosen by someone else.” You have no idea how much this resonated and hit me. I got dumped yesterday for being “too mentally unstable” and it felt like I wasn’t good enough, but this is some really good advice
Clay called AD “beautiful” on the reunion after reading thousands of comment sections with people making the same observation you did! That man never did so on the show of his own volition. Her face isn’t Clay’s preference and that’s why he focused on her body so intently.
this has been one of the best, most nuanced takes on Clay i’ve seen!! I’ve seen a lot of people dismiss him as a f-boy cheater but he’s not that. he’s trying so hard not to be and needs a lot of therapy, but i think it’s commendable how he’s trying. the moment i respected him most was when he said no. he’s someone who is trying to be better and we have to praise that.
The most heart warming reveal on LIB occurred during Season 1, with everyone’s favourite couple Lauren Speed- Hamilton, and her husband Cameron Hamilton. You could actually see the reverence and awe in both of their faces when they first laid eyes on each other. Another one was a couple on Season 4. Tiffany and Brett Brown. Again true reverence and love between those two as well, and an even more mature display of love between them. Those couples are my favourite couples
My favourite LIB reveal is one from Love is blind Brazil season 3.. Bianca and Jarbas. Idk if you guys watched it but i was nervous on her behalf(coz she had a hand disability).. but her confidence was so beautiful and Jarbas didnt care.. that was his person.. i loved it for them❤ From our Love is blind i love Camron and Lauren's reveal.. everything about them really.
@@atreju305 no way!!!! Why??? 😮 Did you understand anything they said?? I was just gonna comment that I forget about them ,He was so great to her on the show Aww...A good amount of Brazil couples have actually separated or gotten divorced,even more than the US ,they only gave TWO divorces Brazil has like 5😂,Lissio and Luana,Tamara and Alisso or whatever his name is(that cheated with a white woman),Nanda and Tiamo,now this guys!
4:33 hit the nail on the head!!! I hope AD recognizes that she has a lot of love to give and it’s ok to wait for the right person that can reciprocate so that she can experience that love herself
You are so right about parents not realizing that what they are saying is translating that this is the guy/girl and they need to hold on to him/her. Our parents don't know who our spouses are behind closed doors and we don't know who someone is to our child(ren) behind closed doors. I have really liked two men my daughters have dated and when I found out why they were breaking up with them, I was blown away and felt like they should have done it so much sooner. They knew I liked them though. They thought my judgment was better than theirs. Had I known what was happening behind the scenes, I would have been readily available to assist in escorting them out if they needed backup. But, then I felt everything you said was spot-on.
I love that you’re being kind and gentle. I think my biggest problem with Clay was that Brett was so clear throughout his season that he was not a perfect husband and he had to work really hard to show up for Tiffany in a way that was best for HER. Instead of listening and taking away what he actually needed to hear, he excused it by just saying, “ well that’s how husbands move.” No, that’s how men that choose to not use their past to excuse how they act in a relationship and take how their actions affect their woman into account move. Lastly, I think Clay is avoidant and she’s just become the phantom ex. He needed the time and space to realize that he loved her, when it was too late. I’m not fully convinced he’d actually do right by her since he knew he could drag it on as long as he wanted, despite knowing what she was about.
Clay was so hard to watch the whole season, he is clearly struggling so hard the entire time. I hadn’t noticed his body language as much until you pointed it out, he is always sooo rigid!! I get being nervous or anxious about getting married, but it’s like he’s barely holding it together at all times like he just wants to break down and cry.
I was glad to finally hear a fair assessment...... Thank you! ❤ I believe Clay approached this experiment to test if "love could be blind", but not marriage. AD wanted "blind marriage" regardless of love. AD was not interested in Clay until Matthew's blunder, but was completely hooked once she saw Clay was her type. However, if you watch Clay's body language, every time AD compliments his attractiveness, he seems triggered. As someone who's had a master class in cheating, he seems to recognize behaviors which will make cheating easy. 1. Blinded by looks. 2. Willingness to carry partner. 3. Needing a relationship for validation. I would love to hear if AD is receiving counseling/therapy so she can soothe her anxiety and focus on building a healthy union. (Her pursuing Matthew spoke volumes!) 😮
Ugh AD... I loved when she told Clay she doesn't want to talk about looks, but at the reveal she goes out and is posing for him and shaking her butt... It was so cringe. Also very funny that she was so intent on calling Sarah Ann a pick me when she was the most desperate to get the attention of literally any man. Even when Clay rejects her, she says "when will it be my turn, when will someone want me!". She just wants a man, doesn't seem to matter who. And when she told her mom she'd "follow" and "submit" to Clay. Gross. He so obviously wasn't ready for marriage, didn't want AD, and was giving so many signs it was going to be a no. Can't believe she missed all of that and only paid attention to the select moments of validation.
I know everyone is Team Lauren & Cam, and yes they’re 😍😍😍😍 But let’s not forget about Matt & Amber, they also had a magical reveal, they had each others back since day 1, they proved their love to everyone who was saying Amber wasn’t good enough for May for her financial issues etc, they proved their love to each other, Matt sold his house to fix Amber’s debt and move on and they just worked hard as a team and always respected each other. They’re still together like L&C and them seem soo so happy♥️
Steph, I really appreciate you calling out those generational cycles. It’s hard to break them because from a young age it’s been normalized. It’s hard work and DEF a process but so worth it.
I immediately knew this was doomed when Clay said "my father cheated on my mother, and... you see, I don't wanna be in the position to be cheating myself" BRO CHEATING IS AN ACTIVE CHOICE 🤣🤣 What an a$$wipe of a man
I wanted him to say she was beautiful or gorgeous during the reveal. He kind of didn’t say anything. I love when they cry or hug or stare in amazement.
And he didn’t say “will you marry me?” He just put the ring on her lol. So annoying when he’s like “I did thattttt” like you didn’t even buy the ring!!
I think part of the reason AD was confused at the altar is because of the seesaw nature of Clay’s journey. I felt the same way watching him - it was always, “Oh hell naw…well…awww, okay.” I think she thought they’d agreed to continue working through it because she was all in on giving him the space to grow. We really didn’t know which Clay was gonna show up that day.
Great analysis. I related to both Clay & AD so much. I think AD made me realise that a feeling and want of being chosen is strong in me, and I'm going to be aware of that the next time I have a chance at a relationship, to remember to think of myself and what I need and weigh that against that wonderful feeling of being wanted. Clay made me think about all the fears stemming from my childhood that have definitely affected my relationships - and like Clay, I've always known, but as you said, acknowledging it is not the same as having healed! It was sad, because I thought they had a genuine connection but as a couple, both of them weren't completely ready and that's fine, that's life. Bittersweet.
My favorite reveal is still Lauren and Cameron - not only because they seemed to genuinely be into each other but also the bravery it took to be one of the first couples to embrace the experience and I felt it really showed. Btw loving your reviews and recaps- even the editing is great 😊
Thank you for this analysis! The whole season I was like, why does Clay think he'll repeat his father's horrible behavior? My husband's father cheated on his mother multiple times. He told me about his father's awful history very early while we were dating and then it happened again just weeks before our wedding! My husband saw a really bad example and saw how his mother was hurt badly. He saw behavior he hated, and he does not, and will not, repeat that behavior. So, in my own limited personal experience, seeing awful behavior can lead you to do the opposite if you recognize the behavior and have the confidence and respect for your wife to do better.
Amy and Johnny reveal is my very favourite. I've even replayed it because I just love seeing how absolutely stunned Johnny was discovering how beautiful Amy is💖 warmed my heart so much
The comment I was looking for omg! The way it took this long to find someone mention them! I take it as Steph's audience haven't watched this season at all cause Amy and Johnny are like top 3 if not top 2 reveals ❤
I know you don’t only make videos for the black community, but I feel like SOOOOO many of us need to see THIS commentary specifically. Thank you for this.
I am so glad to finally hear someone talk about how disturbing it was to see everyone constantly displaying such dehumanization and ownership over AD’s body. That was so weird and annoying.
After wedding he said that he wasn't in love with her... Before he said he was love of his life...please...he just didn't like her appearance and he was just hiding behind problems just to avoid wedding
I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on Clay’s body language during his interaction with Brett. I was confused by his response to Brett, thought it made the ending to a very beautiful moment quite anticlimactic.
Your accent on the word "woman" i love it! I think I laughed at all the "i'm afraid I'm gonna cheat" jokes but I do think your breakdown of Clay's fear and the secrets shaping his insecurity does shed ALOT of insight that I didn't initially get from watching the show. It so easy for me sit here and go "then just DON'T CHEAT" but truthfully, if it's all you seen, then how can you believe your exempt to follow in the footsteps of those around you. Yeah, this was a damn good video. All your videos are great actually!
Although AD and Clay didn't work out in terms of the show, they had such a beautiful love story- not only because of their bond but the genuine support and love they received from their moms. Thank you for continuing to make such useful content that's both entertaining and enlightening.
I could I empathize with Clay and really do believe he is a good guy who still has a lot of work to do, but also felt like AD was giving him too much grace with all of the red flags. What bothered me most, was how she explicitly told him a no is a no, and she would not be cool with continuing to date or be engaged if they did not get married (which I was proud of her for setting clear boundaries and sticking to them), and then him preaching about how amazing and understanding she is and how he’s knows she’ll have his back and stay by his side while turning her down. Like, excuse me? She told you in no uncertain terms that a no would mean a breakup. It would be a NO, and that’s cool, that’s your choice, but don’t expect her to cave in and give you everything you want for YOUR happy ending, when she gave you so much grace throughout the process and this was her one clear boundary.
Absolutely love this breakdown. I love that you didn't pile on Clay @ AD but explained what may have caused their behaviors throughout this season. I really hope this video somehow makes it to him as I think it would provide a lot of insight and possible reflection as he continues to heal. whether or not he acknowledges it as trauma I think his father taking him along and then him having to hold that secret for so long has impacted him in ways he is now able to appreciate as an adult. As much as I used to like these shows for the drama I realize I'm really missing the successful couples making it out of the experiment. I hope casting realizes that many of us want to see couples on a journey that ends with love and not heartache.
It was kind of creepy how AD felt like she had to parade her body around at the reveal, like “look at this and this and that”. No, it wasn’t heart-warming at all. Clay was judging her like a piece of meat
I find it interesting that you pointed out that Clay's response to Brett was like he was accepting an apology. My interpretation when watching the interaction was that Clay was hoping for more from Brett. Like he would him the magic solution for how he could become like him. I felt like Clay was getting irritated every time Brett said "I'm humbled' as he felt like he was just accepting the compliment rather that helping him out. I feel like that's why Clay responded like Brett did something wrong in that moment
I really really pray clay and a.d watch this video. U point out so many things thay can grow from in a really kind and understanding way that dosnt feel very overwhelming or judgmental. Top tear therapy ❤️
As someone considering going back to school to become a counselor, your videos are so informative and fun to watch! I love the way you look at the cast as complex people with pasts and how that manifests as dysfunction on screen. Thank you for all you do, Stephanie!
Lauren and Cam, Brennan and Alexa, and Brett and Tiffany were the best reveals and are my favorite couples to date. Clay never told AD that her face was beautiful, it was always about her body and I think people forget that when there’s so much of a focus on your body, you can still end up feeling ugly because you’re best card in the eyes of others is something to be used sexually. I really hate that for AD.
I never understood the craze around analysis channels before and I’m so glad I found yours! Always tuned in now. I love the way you explain things it does help me understand life more in general and personally. I’m mind blown sometimes 🤯. Lol anyways thank you!
Honestly, I feel like a lot of what Clay says is either for the camera or to prop up an image of himself as a “good” man. But at the end of the day he struggles with actually being a good man. So a lot of the “love of my life” talk came after he got flack for saying no at the alter even though that was what was best for him and AD. He used the reunion to try and redeem his public persona.
Steph! You did this review and the other two! My husband and I watch them together and discuss. It helps us see how we sometimes show up. You are gifted with wisdom and insight. Thanks for putting these videos out there. They are helping the people. I agree that AD and Clays story was a gift to the black community in sooo many ways. How parents' choice impacts the children, how core beliefs show up, and so much more.
Honestly i dont even remember AD and Clays reveal ( which shows how unremarkable it was) 😅. I really loved Amy and Johnny's reveal, it was so genuine and light hearted. I think Amy looked exceptionally beautiful ❤
Steph Anya, I absolutely LOVE watching your LIB videos. Im so happy I stumbled across your reviews in S2 of the show. Now when I’m watching a season, I often ask myself “I wonder how Steph Anya might respond to the behaviors they’re demonstrating at the moment”. Do you think you’d be open to an analysis on Bridgerton? I think the Daphne/Simon and Anthony/Kate story arcs would be interesting to discuss. You’re absolutely awesome 🥳
Being chosen is an interesting thing with women specifically black women. I’m dark skinned and when I was younger I was told I was pretty for a dark skinned girl. Then as I got older my body became more the stand out like I couldn’t be beautiful because I was dark skinned but my body could be sexy. It really affected my image of self and my self esteem.
This is a really insightful comment. I love to hear other people's takes, especially when they've experienced things I haven't experienced. I am very pale but I think women with deeper skin tones are stunning. I wish skin color didn't enter into the equation as much as it does. We all have preferences for people we date, but at the end of the day it's how the person acts and treats other people that matters. I'm really sorry you were told things like how you were pretty (for a darker skinned person). That kind of backhanded compliment always sits so uncomfortably and it's hard to forget those kinds of statements. No one skin color can claim a monopoly on beauty.
I can relate to this. As I got older, and loved myself beyond my physical appearance, I found that others called me beautiful more and more...but not for a black girl or dark skin girl. I believe that finding love of self helped my inner beauty shine brighter.
I'm not black but that really hits home. It was never a compliment to me when people thought I was sexy, but thinking I was pretty or beautiful? That's rare. It's messed up, we have so much more to offer but the most basic things about us are what are noticed
Same for me, I learned early on that as a darkskinned Black woman with 4c hair I could not be considered beautiful but sexy was within reach so during my teens/20s I really identified with it until realizing that beauty resides in Blackness
Going on a show where the end goal is getting married when you're not ready for marriage is crazy
Extremely crazy
He just wanted the limelight
It’s even crazier that they didn’t ask him about it at the reunion!
Literallyyyyyyyy
It's crazy to go on the show in general😂
Can we all agree that Steph needs to be the reunion host or the show therapist
HARD AGREE!!!!!
This is my dream. I would actually watch the show if she was! For now I just watch her recaps.
Actually, I’d rather they had someone who was more impartial.
@@_QueenDaizwho would be more impartial than a licensed therapist? She’s an impartial mediator for the couples she counsels, I bet it would go similar. I’m sure she wouldn’t drag or nitpick things like Vanessa does though. Some people do wanna see blood when it comes to certain ppl in lib
Nahhhh it wouldn’t be as toxic and dramatic (entertaining) if they had a therapist 😂
“You always had my back”
HOWWW
“You make me a better man”
HOWWWWW WHENNN??? 😂
Word salad!!
lol I was dying at the way she said that! 😂😂
😂
😂😂😂😂
I loved that reaction so much hahaha ❤😂🎉
This is why I love black therapists. They can discuss racial aspects of an issue without expecting you to explain.
Steph is always able to expand upon the racial aspects that don’t stand out to me nor do we understand fully.
It’s so important.
Having a therapist who understands fundamental parts of your identity without explanation is a GAME CHANGER. It's been an amazing experience having a Jewish therapist as a Jewish person.
I had never thought about that 🤔
Another therapist, Kirk Honda also explained that black people, from when there was slavery had the trauma of being separated from their parents as babies, so that type of trauma possibly reflected in there lack of attachment like Clay and his dad, which is more likely to have passed from generation to generation repeating the pattern. It doesn't justify it, but maybe clay had a point about having few referents, even in celebrities, of black men being faithful.
💯🙌🏽
@nm2064 Love Dr.Honda!! ❤️
But in this sense he can only do his best to speak from a POC point of view. Only a POC can truly speak on and understand. I think as a POC that's extremely important 🙌🏽
Nothing tops Lauren and Cameron's reveal from season one. It felt like sincerely seeing two people find their person in real time.
They were THE only genuine couple, imo. Them not showing at the reunion said it all. I’m so glad they didn’t go
Amber and Barnett didn't show up either
I completely agree, they were so tender and loving to each other it, and when they saw each other for the first time it seriously looked like two previously lost soulmates being reconnected, it was so nice to watch.
Yes! When steph asked about what was in our opinion the most heartwarming reveal, immediately thought about then ❤
I didn't like the reveal
The part where Clay said “i wont let you get out of shape” was the absolute dealbreaker for me, this man needs so much therapy!
He said, “I’ll tell you AD get in that mothafckin gym” huh?????
@@beckjeezy right?!?! That would have been our last conversation would that have been me!
You’re the first person to talk about Clay having to keep that secret as a child and the trauma that caused. That was so huge for me.
Yes. So many people gilded past that and just wanted to punch down on Clay not being ready to marry AD. This is what unresolved trauma looks like.
💯
I was so shocked when I heard that ☹️ I can’t believe a father would put his child through that
idek what the secret is yet cuz i haven’t gotten to that point but i can guess. smh on grown people expecting children to take on their bullshit.
The reveal that was really heartwarming for me was Lauren-Cameron and Brett-Tiff. They were actually excited to meet their soulmate. Like you said, they wanted to put a face to their soulmate❤
Amber and Barnett and Amy and Johnny were so cute tooooo. Those are my top 4❤
I agree Lauren-Cameron
Brett and Tiff a big yeeeessssssss
I take it as you haven't watched this season cause Amy and Johnny hello?!
Nothing beats his face when he laid eyes on her,Bro was mesmerised
I hadn't felt butterflies from a reveal like that since Lauren and Cameron
This just reiterates me how important it is to be selective with who you have kids with. Not only does it affect you but it affects your kids and possible future generations. I hope Clay can break the cycle.
I agree about AD eating everyone’s word up with little vetting process. Like girl interrogate these people!!!
Even give it a day, see if they show anything consistent with those words!
Pick me women like AD are too scared about men not wanting them that they will eat anything up. Notice she didn't eat Sarah Ann's words up and interrogated her properly as she's not trying to get validation from Sarah Ann. I think she has low self esteem after seeing the pick me during and after the show
@@fisf.2148 Same with Amber from season 1 ATA episode. She justified Mark's actions with LC and all the while belittled LC's feelings of being strung around by Mark.
Just gotta say, I LOVED Clay’s mom. She was the truth ❤
Yes, loved her. I was honestly pleasantly surprised with her openness and honesty, and I feel like she was teaching the whole audience by doing so! “Reality tv” is usually so far from anything real, but Clays mom really made sense and made me feel like I was learning from her.
What a wise woman!
Her being salty about AD comment? She should be embarrassed. Nobody wants to be her. Married to a cheater for that long. She admitted it on Camara
I love how you analyze without dehumanizing these couples. There is so much to learn from all of these couples, and you are an amazing teacher.
Totally agree! But you were very generous with AD’s mom. I think she’s likely the reason AD learned how to accept red flags, prioritizing being chosen over quality relationships. I hope they watch this and learn. I was heartbroken for her but she could do a lot of self reflection and therapy. I agree with your take on Clay as well.
@brittneym8200 yes, same for me. She did not have any real information about Clay to affirm to her daughter that “that’s a MAN!” Her reaction to him was very superficial and that seem to be the basis of her conclusions about him. She likely used the same criteria for relationships she’s had with men and never learned from those failures and then is now passing on that method to her daughter. She reminded me of a mom who encourages her daughter to stay in abusive relationships for the benefits SHE receives, similar to the mom in the movie What’s Love Got To Do With It. She loved her daughter but in a toxic way. Really sad
Agreed. Many Black women have been trained from childhood to over function for men who are not equal partners. We saw this with both of AD’s partners who both showed signs of being inadequate partners.
Folks like AD don’t ignore red flags. That is missing the point. They NEED red flags to feel “in love”, to feel “passion”.
There is a reason she is with guys like this. She’s seeking them out.
I don’t think Steph understands the concept of over functioners and under functioners. I’ve noticed that through several seasons.
@andedom right? I was surprised she didn't bring up the very obvious overfunctioning/underfunctioning dynamics of AD and Clay which is so typical in the Black communities
Him calling AD his best friend was really eye opening, I didn’t recognize it or make that connection to his parents.
的ff
“Are you not feeling me, or are you are?” … gets me every time.
Is you is or is you isnt't? That's how it sounded in my head 😅
@@trafficcontrol2420 lmaooo literally
Brett and Tiffany's reveal was by far the absolute BEST one! 🥰😍 They were both dressed immaculately, you could tell they were attracted to each other from the second the doors opened, they embraced + kissed (sweetly but passionately), they affirmed each other... just wonderful ✨️😩
💯❤️❤️ no lies detected
💯❤️🙌🏽
I agree but Amy and Johnny too!
Even though she said he wasn't her usual type,it didn't even look like it because they were all over each other 😍
I’m glad you addressed how AD’s mom framed clay…. That was something that was a loud alarm for me when I saw it, but haven’t heard many others mention it.
Same!
That's what made me confused when people praising her mom like they wished they had a mom like hers,like heck NO! She pushed her daughter in the wrong direction
This is what happens when a couple knows they're not good for each other but they look good together, so putting values on those instagram couple pictures looking cute,overrides the relationship itself
This is facts 😂💯
AD talking about the "fix a H*" thing reminded me of once hearing a woman say she straight up wants a man she can fix. Like she straight up said that and felt that way. Whew, girl, NO.
Well, at least she recognizes that about herself, I guess. Lol! A lot of women have been socialized to take care of men and help them grow to become better. Most women who do this just don't say it out loud. Cause yeah...NO.
It's codependency which she has been socialized into
Their reveal was so cringe, I couldn’t watch her twirl for him. It just affirmed that she lacked firm boundaries with the “not wanting to rely on physical beauty” angle. My favorite reveal was Lauren and Cameron 🫶🏽
Her showing off her body was confusing 😅 like wasn’t she upset at him for being superficial??
@@lynninfiniteI think she is so used to that being the first thing people notice about her, that even if it's something she wants to de-emphasize, she fell into old habits under the stress of meeting her fiance face to face, especially knowing he did emphasize looks a lot
@@st0rmyseait’s so weird that someone would make their body look like that to gain that type of attention.
@@knowvilleknows1075 it's not that weird that people want to look attractive. It's not like she had plastic surgery.
At that point it's the reveal and they do want to see what their partner looks like. They're literally going to get married, that's why in the pods you're not supposed to but once ur our that's fair
I think Clay really yearned for a true love/marriage in his life and to be a good husband, maybe to break stereotypes he had seen or a curse he felt he had, but I think as the process went along, he realized he wasn’t ready for marriage. Around his friends, he often joked about how he was a player and got lots of girls and even said he was “hanging up his jersey” when they went suit shopping, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he had never been in a real relationship before. I think he needs to experience that before jumping into marriage.
Couldn't agree more
So good!!🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
I agree. I see a lot of people being extremely hard on Clay or even acting like he wasn't actually affected by what he went through with his dad, but I think that he was being honest about the internal struggles he was having throughout the experience. He *absolutely* should have treated AD better but I don't think he's a terrible guy or that he didn't actually have feelings for her. I just hope that he really works on himself and keeps going to therapy so that he can do better in the future and be the man he wants to be.
Yep he also claimed : he's never cheated on someone he's was in a relationship with" frankly I don't think he's been in many relationships just like using women
Does anyone else not watch the series but learn everything through Steph Anya’s videos 😭
Yes! 😆
I haven’t watched season 6, Steph is telling me everything I need to know and some. We need her as part of the show.
“i know this was a long one-“ ma’am. i would watch a feature film length video from you.
As much as Clay said he is not ready for marriage... i dont think we noticed that neither is AD... she wants marriage but is also not equipped to deal with what comes with marriage... her thoughts of not being enough for someone and not deserving of love is not going to be solved with tying the knot.. she has some inner work to do as well. I think even though Clay admitted he is not ready, j think he discovered he was not ready for marriage while on the show and its commendable to not fake it until he made it after the wedding and was completely honest throughout the experience. AD showed that she was willing to make it work, regardless of what faced her which is delusional.
i agree.. she still needs to learn to love herself and she ignores red flags. it sucks but we all start somewhere
Saying one is 'not ready for marriage' is dodging accountability for the here and now by dangling false hope for when they are someday 'ready'. We don't let women use the "not ready" excuse as a defense if they are a negligent parent, bad partner or endless cheater. Also notice how men who just aren't 'ready' for marriage sure as heck are always ready for marriage BENEFITS; sex, a committed woman, someone who cooks and cleans for him, etc. Unfortunately, the issue is the self centered careless behavior, and most men who are like that, and use the 'I just wasn't ready' excuse to brush off all their terrible treatment of partners, stay just that selfish, or worse, in a marriage. All Clay and men like him are not ready for, and never will be ready for, is accountability for their behavior.
That part !!!
this!
I liked that this was a fair and balanced review and both were critiqued. I feel others project themselves into this couple villainizing Clay and seeing AD as a victim. I think Clay was honest and transparent all through the process and he truly was not ready for the purpose of this show. I feel AD ignored what he kept telling her and was committed to going all the way through the experiment. I think they could have worked out if they gave it more time and work with therapy.
I think though Clay was transparent, if he knew he wasn't ready for marriage-he should've never been on the show. AD gets me upset because she is codependent and had no boundaries. It didn't matter what Clay did, she was always gonna say yes to him. With Matthew, she was going forward with him regardless of him telling Amber the exact same thing. Matthew had to remove HIMSELF for AD to not pursue him again. But then after the experiment, she explored dating Matthew again! WHYY? He is a liar, a possible cheater, and he used her dead dad to manipulate her. And she STILL gave him another chance! Zero Boundaries.
@@anonmon8550 If she had not found out Matt told the other Amber the same things, she would have chosen Matthew, which is scary.
@@ArethaRenee if you watch closely, she was still trying to. She didn’t stop dating him because of that. In fact she found out through a conversation with the other Amber ( and never once did she say, omg girl he told me the sammme thing). She kept it quiet for a while then confronted Matthew, and he talked his way out of it. She was still “rocking” with him. Lol
White Amber left the show when she learned of Matthew being a fuck boy, and HE left to chase her. Matthew broke up with AD, and said he “had to find Amber and that America will be on his side.” She should’ve been the one to reject him first when she learned that he was not genuine. And she didn’t… that’s the problem.
The absolute audacity of getting paid to go on a marriage show and spend all your screen time whining about not being ready for marriage. It's like signing up for the Marines and then spending all your time in bootcamp saying you don't believe violence is ever the answer. SIR, do you know where you are???! We are all giving this man way too much grace. Being entirely transparent is not a defense if what you're transparently saying is you're going to intentionally hurt someone.
I love that about encouraging folks to follow their intuition. “ you know what you can handle and what you have seen behind closed doors”
Facts of your anxious all the time that’s your body telling you that person isn’t for you
The only reveal, even in regards to all the other LIB installments, that has stayed with me is still Lauren and Cameron. The way they looked at one another and then the way Cameron told Lauren “I’m gonna take care of you” just melted me!!!! Stays with me still! They were meant to find one another and you could just tell. They’re still married and just thriving together and it’s a beautiful thing to see. I’m also happy to see Brett and Tiffany still loving on one another. Those are my favorite two couples.
Omg you just reminded me of Cameron saying that to Lauren!!! Now I gotta go watch it again😩
But did you not watch this season and saw Johnny and Amy's reveal?? Cause it gave me the feels I felt when I does watched Lauren and Cameron...or you're being bias? 👀
Amy and Johnny's reveal this season had me BLUSHING 🥰
Nothing beats his face when he laid eyes on her,Bro was mesmerised...and they were giving each other genuine compliments and couldn't stop kissing
I hadn't felt butterflies from a reveal like that since Lauren and Cameron ,who have been my favourite reveal since Season ONE.
The more I see Clay, the more I realize that I need therapy. He is so likes me. Growing up without the appearance of a father, witnessed all types of cheats, even what I idolized as an ideal marriage had broken up because of cheating. I don't believe myself, let alone others to be faithful in a relationship. I'm always looking for the worst scenario to be prepared if something ever happens, that had brought me to where I'm scared to step into a relationship, friendship, romantic, anything, because I'm scared that the worst thing will happen and I will loose them. But that way of thinking were and is continuing to put me away from people I love. I should really looking for helps.
Good luck🙏🏼
If you want to find some resources you can use on your own, try looking for therapy worksheets on challenging cognitive distortions online.
I think many of us have these experiences of "self-realization" when watching these shows, because seeing real couples go through their issues makes us notice how WE tend to act in relationships - whether it's avoidant or insecure or anxious or controlling or mistrusting, etc. Remember that we ALL have our issues, and I'm glad you were able to draw some connections in your own life and are starting to have some insight into why you might feel or behave the way you have been. I genuinely hope you can find a counselor or therapist to help you explore these things and work through them. :) All the best to you!!!
how great of you to realize it though. that's the first step to stepping out of the pattern. and get help for sure... it's so much better than trying to struggle through it alone.
Having that level of self-awareness is key to being able to get a lot out of therapy. It could really help you! Wish you all the best!
Clay and AD’s moms being so loving and instructive for their kids probably healed a lot of our inner children ❤ I have a fab mom and I felt loved and supported by those two ladies
I'm not even watching love is blind. I see a Stheph Anya video i click it. Simple
I haven’t watched LIB because I haven’t paid the Netflix bill 💀 but I’m still here for these videos 😅
Yup using this as my TL;DR 🤣
First and last season I'm watching 😂 I binged it within like 3 days. Yeah I'm good
The objectification of AD was so disturbing and sickening. The freedom with which the objectifiers sexualized her was such a gross display of racism, and sad of all was the betrayal of AD’s “friend” Laura. That’s not a friend.
Also, Those moms are everything. 🙌 I’d watch a spin off show entirely centered on Clay’s mother.
Yall Americans sound so goofy everything in yours minds is bc of racism lmao
What’s sad is I just watched an interview where she said she didn’t mind it and that people were weird for pointing it out
@@stsworld4669 and what if that's just the truth and y'all are the ones projecting and reaching??
Thank you for mentioning Laura and that bean dip thing. That was super gross and is not what a “friend” should do
@@olugboyeopeyemi2428 I was saying it was a big part of the show that was focused on even if it wasn’t that many comments I didn’t see an issue until I seen just how many instances and honestly I have a really nice body and enjoy it being commented on and don’t say otherwise and it’s not projecting when she legit pointed out how she wanted people to like her for her and not her body 🤷🏾♀️ honestly I like my body and have no issue showing it. It’s her contradictions for me… I seen nothing wrong with Laura’s comment but I do see that AD struggles with balancing wanting her body to be seen and wanting people to see past it 🤷🏾♀️ in my opinion it’s sad that your partner has nothing nice to say about you other than you have a nice body but if she likes it, I love it whatever
It's nice to hear a commentator interpret Clay's father's story about Clay beating him in a race as perhaps a clumsy way of trying to compliment Clay, and express some sort of pride in his son's attempts to continue to go further than him. Not trying to give Clay's father any points, and I don't know how the anecdote hit Clay's ears, but I appreciate the generous way you tried to look at their interaction.
That’s how I saw it too. As him saying he’s a better man and has surpassed him
I had no idea why AD was so shocked when Clay said no. I honestly thought she was expecting it but just hoping for the best. 🤷🏽♀️ I’m glad he did tho because his fear of cheating and not being a good husband would’ve been a self fulfilling prophecy.
I felt so sad when one of the men apologized to AD for commenting on her body and she said, "I'm used to it". Thank you for bringing attention to how much she was objectified.
AD just wants to be chosen. Doesnt care if a bad man chooses her. Really said "Nothing clay could have said or done would have made me say no at the altar." She SHOULD say no. Girl have some standards!!
Clay that was too upset about AD being disappointed about Matt, for a man who clearly has commitment and cheating issues. He's the the type of man to cheat, but get mad that you even LOOK at another man. Insecurity at its finest.
When someone shows/tells you who they are, believe them! I like AD but I did also get that same sense of a “pick me” desperation. I also thought it was very strange she went on a date with Matt after everything. As she was speaking about it in the reunion, she kept on looking over to clay like she wanted to see that upset jealous reaction from him to make her feel better.
When it comes to reveals I loved Cameron and Lauren and Brett and Tiffany
I feel like there was a big thing missed about Clay here. Clay explicitly states in the pods that what everyone sees is a persona he’s worked hard to create for years, that is based on his father. Then he says that he’s a “nerd for real.” He literally says in the pods that what everyone sees is not his authentic self and that he tries to emulate his father.
This combined with the constant mentioning of his father’s infidelity is really troubling. He says that his entire persona is based on his father and then he acts like his own possible infidelity is inevitable because of his life experiences.
Also if you know about track, the conversation with his dad was kinda bs. Yes, he seems to have been an elite level athlete (in either high school or college, maybe professional), but the meets he mentioned like the Milrose Games are just meets. If you meet the time standards, you can enter. That doesn’t mean you’re on track to get on a national team. I only mention this because if you know this, you know that even Clay’s dad is embodying a persona too.
Clay really should have and could have explicitly stated that he did not want to marry AD. Instead, he decided to passively try to give her an out and drag it on. AD was very clear that she was not interested in dating if he said no at the altar. She also gave him a chance to be clear with where he was, he decided not to.
You gave him a lot of grace, but that l part I mentioned at the top was not a red flag. It was a signal flare.
I forgot that he said that - you’re right - I remember dismissing him in my mind once he said that, I’m like oh he’s a player - no one’s gonna pick him.
He’s gay we been knew
@@LindaQueLeendaYes-and always repeating the same thing. Like he’s creating a narrative for himself and then also for his relationship w AD. Which is bullshit
To be fair AD did say on camera that she was fine with a no at the altar if there isn’t a long engagement. Dr Steph mentioned the convo with the dad falling short. There were definitely ALOT of holes in Clay’s convos and honestly saying no at the altar was the right thing. (I would’ve been glad if she said no the proposal). I do think that a hyperfixation on a certain in your life can be seen as creating a narrative. I can relate to that. Certain traumas I’ve experienced I talked about a lot. (I’m trying to stop that tho) That is his life tho and I think he was processing some deep issues out on camera and that there isn’t always a right way to do that. I hate AD was hurt in the process because she’s awesome and I wish the best for both of them.
@@FaithWalks in the conversation in the kitchen, AD explicitly told Clay that if he said no at the altar, she had no interest in continuing a relationship with him. She also reiterated it after the wedding.
I don’t think Clay was actually processing his traumas. I personally think that he’s one of those people that weaponizes “self-awareness” and uses it as an excuse for his actions. The way he talked about possibly cheating as if it was encoded into his DNA is telling. If he were just talking about the trauma (his dad bringing him) that would be one thing. He kept reiterating that he felt like he could not be faithful.
Clay saying that all anyone ever sees is a persona that he worked to build for YEARS is troubling in and of itself. That persona being based on his father, given what we know, is worse. lol even when he said he liked cats because you don’t really have to give them love was a red flag.
“We cant always be focused on being chosen by someone else.”
You have no idea how much this resonated and hit me. I got dumped yesterday for being “too mentally unstable” and it felt like I wasn’t good enough, but this is some really good advice
Clay called AD “beautiful” on the reunion after reading thousands of comment sections with people making the same observation you did! That man never did so on the show of his own volition. Her face isn’t Clay’s preference and that’s why he focused on her body so intently.
100% agree. He didn’t think she was attractive in the face. If he did, he would have married her PERIOD.
this has been one of the best, most nuanced takes on Clay i’ve seen!! I’ve seen a lot of people dismiss him as a f-boy cheater but he’s not that. he’s trying so hard not to be and needs a lot of therapy, but i think it’s commendable how he’s trying. the moment i respected him most was when he said no. he’s someone who is trying to be better and we have to praise that.
Cameron & Lauren will forever be the best reveal, period. They were so genuine and to this day give me faith in the LIB experiment!
The most heart warming reveal on LIB occurred during Season 1, with everyone’s favourite couple Lauren Speed- Hamilton, and her husband Cameron Hamilton. You could actually see the reverence and awe in both of their faces when they first laid eyes on each other. Another one was a couple on Season 4. Tiffany and Brett Brown. Again true reverence and love between those two as well, and an even more mature display of love between them. Those couples are my favourite couples
My favourite LIB reveal is one from Love is blind Brazil season 3.. Bianca and Jarbas. Idk if you guys watched it but i was nervous on her behalf(coz she had a hand disability).. but her confidence was so beautiful and Jarbas didnt care.. that was his person.. i loved it for them❤
From our Love is blind i love Camron and Lauren's reveal.. everything about them really.
I agree!! Unforgettable! Bianca and Jarbas were really so, so cute!!! ❤️❤️❤️
Oh no! I just quickly checked: They separated in January 2024! 😢
But: Agata and Renan as well as Maria and Menandro are still together!! Loved all of them, too! 💕
That was a beautiful reveal. Bianca was like this is me and Jarbas loved it. And I loved Agata and Renan.
@@atreju305 no way!!!!
Why??? 😮 Did you understand anything they said??
I was just gonna comment that I forget about them ,He was so great to her on the show
Aww...A good amount of Brazil couples have actually separated or gotten divorced,even more than the US ,they only gave TWO divorces
Brazil has like 5😂,Lissio and Luana,Tamara and Alisso or whatever his name is(that cheated with a white woman),Nanda and Tiamo,now this guys!
4:33 hit the nail on the head!!! I hope AD recognizes that she has a lot of love to give and it’s ok to wait for the right person that can reciprocate so that she can experience that love herself
You are so right about parents not realizing that what they are saying is translating that this is the guy/girl and they need to hold on to him/her. Our parents don't know who our spouses are behind closed doors and we don't know who someone is to our child(ren) behind closed doors. I have really liked two men my daughters have dated and when I found out why they were breaking up with them, I was blown away and felt like they should have done it so much sooner. They knew I liked them though. They thought my judgment was better than theirs. Had I known what was happening behind the scenes, I would have been readily available to assist in escorting them out if they needed backup.
But, then I felt everything you said was spot-on.
Agree this was great advice to parents ❤
I love that you’re being kind and gentle. I think my biggest problem with Clay was that Brett was so clear throughout his season that he was not a perfect husband and he had to work really hard to show up for Tiffany in a way that was best for HER. Instead of listening and taking away what he actually needed to hear, he excused it by just saying, “ well that’s how husbands move.” No, that’s how men that choose to not use their past to excuse how they act in a relationship and take how their actions affect their woman into account move.
Lastly, I think Clay is avoidant and she’s just become the phantom ex. He needed the time and space to realize that he loved her, when it was too late. I’m not fully convinced he’d actually do right by her since he knew he could drag it on as long as he wanted, despite knowing what she was about.
Brett and Tiff had my favorite reveal, my favorite everything, honestly.
Great video!
Clay was so hard to watch the whole season, he is clearly struggling so hard the entire time. I hadn’t noticed his body language as much until you pointed it out, he is always sooo rigid!! I get being nervous or anxious about getting married, but it’s like he’s barely holding it together at all times like he just wants to break down and cry.
Yes! I’m glad someone is talking about the parents. The two mums were just incredible. So wise. So emotionally present.
How was ADs mom wise? She didn't vet Clay either.
@@jdmmg4904 Her mom was ridiculous. She only liked him because he was a "looker"
I was glad to finally hear a fair assessment...... Thank you! ❤
I believe Clay approached this experiment to test if "love could be blind", but not marriage. AD wanted "blind marriage" regardless of love. AD was not interested in Clay until Matthew's blunder, but was completely hooked once she saw Clay was her type.
However, if you watch Clay's body language, every time AD compliments his attractiveness, he seems triggered. As someone who's had a master class in cheating, he seems to recognize behaviors which will make cheating easy. 1. Blinded by looks. 2. Willingness to carry partner. 3. Needing a relationship for validation.
I would love to hear if AD is receiving counseling/therapy so she can soothe her anxiety and focus on building a healthy union. (Her pursuing Matthew spoke volumes!) 😮
Ugh AD... I loved when she told Clay she doesn't want to talk about looks, but at the reveal she goes out and is posing for him and shaking her butt... It was so cringe. Also very funny that she was so intent on calling Sarah Ann a pick me when she was the most desperate to get the attention of literally any man. Even when Clay rejects her, she says "when will it be my turn, when will someone want me!". She just wants a man, doesn't seem to matter who. And when she told her mom she'd "follow" and "submit" to Clay. Gross. He so obviously wasn't ready for marriage, didn't want AD, and was giving so many signs it was going to be a no. Can't believe she missed all of that and only paid attention to the select moments of validation.
Facts!!!
I know everyone is Team Lauren & Cam, and yes they’re 😍😍😍😍
But let’s not forget about Matt & Amber, they also had a magical reveal, they had each others back since day 1, they proved their love to everyone who was saying Amber wasn’t good enough for May for her financial issues etc, they proved their love to each other, Matt sold his house to fix Amber’s debt and move on and they just worked hard as a team and always respected each other. They’re still together like L&C and them seem soo so happy♥️
Yes!! And I love they did NOT become influencers
😊
Brett and Tiffany take it for me . Both were so attracted to each other. No doubts there. Real love for one another. Best reveal
Steph, I really appreciate you calling out those generational cycles. It’s hard to break them because from a young age it’s been normalized. It’s hard work and DEF a process but so worth it.
I immediately knew this was doomed when Clay said "my father cheated on my mother, and... you see, I don't wanna be in the position to be cheating myself" BRO CHEATING IS AN ACTIVE CHOICE 🤣🤣 What an a$$wipe of a man
I wanted him to say she was beautiful or gorgeous during the reveal. He kind of didn’t say anything. I love when they cry or hug or stare in amazement.
And he didn’t say “will you marry me?” He just put the ring on her lol. So annoying when he’s like “I did thattttt” like you didn’t even buy the ring!!
Like Johnny's face when he saw Amy and the way he carried her🤭
YES AD and Clay's communication was top notch ✨️👌
Can't wait for the Jeramey/Laura video! Love this!
I think part of the reason AD was confused at the altar is because of the seesaw nature of Clay’s journey. I felt the same way watching him - it was always, “Oh hell naw…well…awww, okay.” I think she thought they’d agreed to continue working through it because she was all in on giving him the space to grow. We really didn’t know which Clay was gonna show up that day.
Great analysis. I related to both Clay & AD so much. I think AD made me realise that a feeling and want of being chosen is strong in me, and I'm going to be aware of that the next time I have a chance at a relationship, to remember to think of myself and what I need and weigh that against that wonderful feeling of being wanted. Clay made me think about all the fears stemming from my childhood that have definitely affected my relationships - and like Clay, I've always known, but as you said, acknowledging it is not the same as having healed! It was sad, because I thought they had a genuine connection but as a couple, both of them weren't completely ready and that's fine, that's life. Bittersweet.
My favorite reveal is still Lauren and Cameron - not only because they seemed to genuinely be into each other but also the bravery it took to be one of the first couples to embrace the experience and I felt it really showed.
Btw loving your reviews and recaps- even the editing is great 😊
Thank you for this analysis! The whole season I was like, why does Clay think he'll repeat his father's horrible behavior? My husband's father cheated on his mother multiple times. He told me about his father's awful history very early while we were dating and then it happened again just weeks before our wedding! My husband saw a really bad example and saw how his mother was hurt badly. He saw behavior he hated, and he does not, and will not, repeat that behavior. So, in my own limited personal experience, seeing awful behavior can lead you to do the opposite if you recognize the behavior and have the confidence and respect for your wife to do better.
"I don't share about my relationship on social media every day, but if I had the time, I would!" So cute!!
Amy and Johnny reveal is my very favourite. I've even replayed it because I just love seeing how absolutely stunned Johnny was discovering how beautiful Amy is💖 warmed my heart so much
The comment I was looking for omg!
The way it took this long to find someone mention them! I take it as Steph's audience haven't watched this season at all cause Amy and Johnny are like top 3 if not top 2 reveals ❤
I know you don’t only make videos for the black community, but I feel like SOOOOO many of us need to see THIS commentary specifically. Thank you for this.
I am so glad to finally hear someone talk about how disturbing it was to see everyone constantly displaying such dehumanization and ownership over AD’s body. That was so weird and annoying.
First comment before the video drops!! Long awaited break down!
Hi!! 👋🏽
After wedding he said that he wasn't in love with her... Before he said he was love of his life...please...he just didn't like her appearance and he was just hiding behind problems just to avoid wedding
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I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on Clay’s body language during his interaction with Brett. I was confused by his response to Brett, thought it made the ending to a very beautiful moment quite anticlimactic.
Your accent on the word "woman" i love it! I think I laughed at all the "i'm afraid I'm gonna cheat" jokes but I do think your breakdown of Clay's fear and the secrets shaping his insecurity does shed ALOT of insight that I didn't initially get from watching the show. It so easy for me sit here and go "then just DON'T CHEAT" but truthfully, if it's all you seen, then how can you believe your exempt to follow in the footsteps of those around you. Yeah, this was a damn good video. All your videos are great actually!
Although AD and Clay didn't work out in terms of the show, they had such a beautiful love story- not only because of their bond but the genuine support and love they received from their moms. Thank you for continuing to make such useful content that's both entertaining and enlightening.
Lauren and Cameron was my favorite reveal followed by Brent and Tiffany. Alexis and her husband, their reveal was cute .
I could I empathize with Clay and really do believe he is a good guy who still has a lot of work to do, but also felt like AD was giving him too much grace with all of the red flags.
What bothered me most, was how she explicitly told him a no is a no, and she would not be cool with continuing to date or be engaged if they did not get married (which I was proud of her for setting clear boundaries and sticking to them), and then him preaching about how amazing and understanding she is and how he’s knows she’ll have his back and stay by his side while turning her down. Like, excuse me? She told you in no uncertain terms that a no would mean a breakup. It would be a NO, and that’s cool, that’s your choice, but don’t expect her to cave in and give you everything you want for YOUR happy ending, when she gave you so much grace throughout the process and this was her one clear boundary.
Absolutely love this breakdown. I love that you didn't pile on Clay @ AD but explained what may have caused their behaviors throughout this season. I really hope this video somehow makes it to him as I think it would provide a lot of insight and possible reflection as he continues to heal. whether or not he acknowledges it as trauma I think his father taking him along and then him having to hold that secret for so long has impacted him in ways he is now able to appreciate as an adult. As much as I used to like these shows for the drama I realize I'm really missing the successful couples making it out of the experiment. I hope casting realizes that many of us want to see couples on a journey that ends with love and not heartache.
It was kind of creepy how AD felt like she had to parade her body around at the reveal, like “look at this and this and that”. No, it wasn’t heart-warming at all. Clay was judging her like a piece of meat
Agreed!!
I find it interesting that you pointed out that Clay's response to Brett was like he was accepting an apology. My interpretation when watching the interaction was that Clay was hoping for more from Brett. Like he would him the magic solution for how he could become like him. I felt like Clay was getting irritated every time Brett said "I'm humbled' as he felt like he was just accepting the compliment rather that helping him out. I feel like that's why Clay responded like Brett did something wrong in that moment
Gigi’s reveal from season 1 is hands down my most favorite reveal of all!!! It was genuine & I love how she ran & jumped into his arms! 🙌
I really really pray clay and a.d watch this video. U point out so many things thay can grow from in a really kind and understanding way that dosnt feel very overwhelming or judgmental. Top tear therapy ❤️
The Tiffany and Brett reveal was my absolute favorite of all time!!!
I feel really dumb that I never connected "what's Anya mind" until I saw it in the description. Also that's super clever and you're amazing
As someone considering going back to school to become a counselor, your videos are so informative and fun to watch! I love the way you look at the cast as complex people with pasts and how that manifests as dysfunction on screen. Thank you for all you do, Stephanie!
I really wonder if Clay's therapist is taking a secret glimpse at this analysis and takes that enlightenment back to their therapy sessions. 😅
Lauren and Cam, Brennan and Alexa, and Brett and Tiffany were the best reveals and are my favorite couples to date. Clay never told AD that her face was beautiful, it was always about her body and I think people forget that when there’s so much of a focus on your body, you can still end up feeling ugly because you’re best card in the eyes of others is something to be used sexually. I really hate that for AD.
Still waiting on Sarah Ann and Jeramey’s clip, if it’s a 2 hour video, you bet I will watch the entire thing 😂
The most heartwarming reveal was Cam and Lauren when he told her he was going to take care of her 🥹🥹
the entire show rushes the entire timeline of bffs and marriage
Yeah that’s what the show is about
@@aliciaaa6021and as contestants say, “this is my real life” - so how healthily realistic is it to rush these important timelines?
I never understood the craze around analysis channels before and I’m so glad I found yours! Always tuned in now. I love the way you explain things it does help me understand life more in general and personally. I’m mind blown sometimes 🤯. Lol anyways thank you!
I'm in school rn to become a therapist and your channel gives me so much knowledge and insight I haven't learned yet (still in undergrad).
Honestly, I feel like a lot of what Clay says is either for the camera or to prop up an image of himself as a “good” man. But at the end of the day he struggles with actually being a good man. So a lot of the “love of my life” talk came after he got flack for saying no at the alter even though that was what was best for him and AD. He used the reunion to try and redeem his public persona.
*in my Coming to America voice* "that girl's good!"
Fantastic, well thought out review!! 💗
Steph! You did this review and the other two! My husband and I watch them together and discuss. It helps us see how we sometimes show up. You are gifted with wisdom and insight. Thanks for putting these videos out there. They are helping the people.
I agree that AD and Clays story was a gift to the black community in sooo many ways. How parents' choice impacts the children, how core beliefs show up, and so much more.
Honestly i dont even remember AD and Clays reveal ( which shows how unremarkable it was) 😅. I really loved Amy and Johnny's reveal, it was so genuine and light hearted. I think Amy looked exceptionally beautiful ❤
Shout out to Milton lol!
Okay back to watching cuz I still am in the beginning 😂😂
Lmao, same girl 😂
AD also leads with her body and sensuality and presented herself that way to Clay, which didn’t help.
Steph Anya,
I absolutely LOVE watching your LIB videos. Im so happy I stumbled across your reviews in S2 of the show. Now when I’m watching a season, I often ask myself “I wonder how Steph Anya might respond to the behaviors they’re demonstrating at the moment”.
Do you think you’d be open to an analysis on Bridgerton? I think the Daphne/Simon and Anthony/Kate story arcs would be interesting to discuss.
You’re absolutely awesome 🥳
Yes! I would love for her to talk about Bridgerton👍
Being chosen is an interesting thing with women specifically black women. I’m dark skinned and when I was younger I was told I was pretty for a dark skinned girl. Then as I got older my body became more the stand out like I couldn’t be beautiful because I was dark skinned but my body could be sexy. It really affected my image of self and my self esteem.
This is a really insightful comment. I love to hear other people's takes, especially when they've experienced things I haven't experienced. I am very pale but I think women with deeper skin tones are stunning. I wish skin color didn't enter into the equation as much as it does. We all have preferences for people we date, but at the end of the day it's how the person acts and treats other people that matters. I'm really sorry you were told things like how you were pretty (for a darker skinned person). That kind of backhanded compliment always sits so uncomfortably and it's hard to forget those kinds of statements. No one skin color can claim a monopoly on beauty.
I can relate to this. As I got older, and loved myself beyond my physical appearance, I found that others called me beautiful more and more...but not for a black girl or dark skin girl. I believe that finding love of self helped my inner beauty shine brighter.
I'm not black but that really hits home. It was never a compliment to me when people thought I was sexy, but thinking I was pretty or beautiful? That's rare. It's messed up, we have so much more to offer but the most basic things about us are what are noticed
That is so sad... I am so sorry 🫂
Same for me, I learned early on that as a darkskinned Black woman with 4c hair I could not be considered beautiful but sexy was within reach so during my teens/20s I really identified with it until realizing that beauty resides in Blackness