I’ll say! 5 yrs of covert narcissitic abuse but it was self-education from videos like this (shout out to Dr Ramani, too!) that helped me dig myself out of that hole. That and going through some intense therapy. I’m much more discerning of people now but every now and again, the sting from being with a covert narcissist still haunts me.
Recovering BPD and it is hell to live with, especially when you begin to heal and realize the damage you did to yourself and others. My heart goes out to everyone who deals with personality disorders and don’t have the means to heal or seek help.
Yup! I only recently realized that my problems are a good possibility for bpd only because a counselor at my out patient gave me the name of a book she recommended i read and it was called understanding the borderline…I was stunned at how my life has been one constant struggle after another and just thinking that I’m different and something us wrong with me because the abusive narcissists that told me that! I can’t afford a decent dbt therapist I’ve tried looking for one…. People just think I’m crazy and a stalker! It’s humiliating because of my abandonment issues and emotional impulsivity
Good for you for being able to recognize this!! The borderline person in my life seems to have absolutely zero ability to see any wrongs she has done to anyone (which is so much) and sees herself as the victim in everything. I once cared to try, but I do not anymore. I really sympathize for anyone in pain, and I understand this disorder causes a lot of pain, and for that I feel sorry for anyone dealing with it! I just wish some could see though. So it’s very refreshing to hear when one does. Please do not beat yourself up though 🙏🙏 just taking accountability is everything.
I have borderline and I want to say, I’ve been going to therapy and psychiatry for years now. I take medicine and I do weekly therapy. Both of my mental health clinicians say that I have a great prognosis. My therapist said I’m the most positively progressed of all of her patients! If clinicians believe in us, we can make it in life! We don’t want to suffer and when clinicians reject us, it feeds the disorder. Fellow borderlines, we can get better in life. Put in the work and find a clinician who will help you.
I work almost solely with people who have BPD. Progression happens very differently for different people, but it is WONDERFUL for the person, for me, AND for their friends and family when a client does make progress. THey work so hard, and over time, it really shows.
DBT was the first therapy that made sense to me. When I was shown it , it was a relief. That's how my brain works. I've done intensive group therapy and it has helped greatly over the years to manage it.
Yes! I have actually been discouraged from therapy for years because either people don't call me back when I try to get an appointment or they end up not contacting me for other appointments and then I just kind of give up
@@ms16648 People with BPD actually do best in stable, validating relationships. I have seen it work. Usually, though, it is necessary for the person with BPD to be in therapy (not basic talk-therapy, but DBT or another highly structured therapy), and the partner ALSO needs to be intensely educated on how to do well in a relationship with someone who has high emotional reactivity and other symptoms. Again, DBT can help with the Friends and Family course.
One thing is for sure: You are not a fake. Your explanations are grounded in sound academic education and clinical experience. Your presentation is well-organized and clearly presented. It is a pleasure to watch someone who is providing this information for those who want to learn about the subject. May God bless you for your service to humanity.
Psych Corp couldn’t agree more- He explained ocpd better than my 225.00 an hour psychologist. He makes being diagnosed w a disorder not the end of the world- he gives hope
In my experience, a parent with covert narcissistic personality disorder can wreak havoc in a family. The children in a family controlled by a person with covert narcissistic personality disorder end up with many personality problems of their own. For example: I have never trusted my own judgement, have issues with self care, always think that others and the opinions of others are more important than my own. I have wrenched myself free of some of that, but I am still a nervous and anxious person with an extreme startle reflex and guilt if I set boundaries. Thank you.
Mary Riley Hi Mary I myself am a black sheep of the family and I was always a no good and a looser in my family. I was also a parent’s parent, a pleaser, a caregiver and reliable doormat, slut, a muse and entertainer in my narcissistic family unit. I am now a happy person yet every so often I feel a little insecure and can be overly responsible. As a child my family would tip toe and cater to the narcissist. It did not matter what I did my family always sees me as inferior.
I understand so well. My father has covert narcissism with a very violent outburst followed by a victim mode. He is so controlling, it is terrifying. All three of us kids decided to move to other countries to get away from him. I live in Spain, my sister in the UK and my brother in Taiwan. None of us speak to each other because the only thing we have in common is the traumatic memories of our childhood. I am terrified of everything, I even jump if someone addresses me before I can see them. He has turned my life into a horror from which I desperately try to escape every day. And then I feel guilty about it! I so get what you are saying. It is like living with a monster in the closet of your mind.
For the victim of the abuse, malignant narcissist personality disorder has gotta be one of the worst for collateral damage served up by the unhealthy demented soul.
I have experienced both malignant narcissist and borderline, and borderline is by far worse than narcissist. Here is the best description: They love without measure those they will soon hate without reason. The discard with the borderline was cruel and vindictive, the discard with the narcissist paled in comparison. Both were very charismatic, both at times you felt you were in the presence of real evil, and both when crossed were demonic, I would add that a serial killer would be the only thing that would compare, but have not dated one of those yet, everything else but. My therapist described it as "emotional violence" I concur.
My partner has BPD. I have always regarded myself as an empathetic person but the stress I get with him is beyond I can deal with. To others he would seem as a very helpful, simple, innocent man who cannot say ' no'. That is what attracted me towards him too. He often shed tears and talks sympathetic about everything but down the core he is a different person. Very immature, very impulsive, insecure and aggressive. We quarrel at least three times a week. I understood his real self only after 1 year of living with him. By that time we had a son and he can't even control his aggression towards him. He has poor parental skills and is spoiling my child. I understand that he has this constant fear of loosing me and my son and that freaks him out. I want to help him but this is driving me nuts and I am loosing myself having to go through all of this for the last four years
It’s crucial that he 1) recognises that he has a problem 2) gets a therapist. 3) believes that he can do it. It’s almost universal for people who suffer from BPD to seek help only from their partner or close relatives/friends. And I’m telling you right now, you can’t help him. You are way too emotionally involved plus you don’t have skills of a therapist. You can support him, get educated about BPD in depth, go to therapy yourself to help you learn coping strategies and maybe have a couples therapy together with him as well. But you can’t be his therapist. I’m telling you this from a long experience with my own BPD , my marriage of 20 years ( plus previous relationships) and having a child. I’m 46 now and have it under control for 90%. It can be done, it can be helped. He can have a great life, but it takes serious desire to stop suffering and to stop causing the loved ones utter misery. ( especially now that there’s yours and his child involved). My mom had untreated BPD and it’s so bloody scary it can and probably will scar you for life. Anger management is the most important first step in my opinion. Because that’s really really scary. I wish you all 3 of you the best. But just remember, you’re not responsible for him. You’re not his mother. You’re your childs mother. Big hug 🤗
How is he spoiling your son? Wouldn't the statement be he's spoiling our son? Have you ever considered the fact that maybe just maybe he's experiencing these people pleasing behaviors because you give the impression you want him out? Just a thought.
My father is a classic Narcissistic. Like he has all the text book symptoms. And he literally ruined the lives of my brother and myself. He ruined any chance we ever had for productive lives due to his verbal, psychological, and physical abuse. He is still the same person at the age of 66 and hasn't changed at all. I had to remove him from my life over a decade ago.
My mother was the same. She was just as narcissistic and controlling the day she died as she was 30 years earlier. Everything revolved around keeping her happy. Everything.
@@HeadStronger-HS Me too. I worry I am too self-absorbed sometimes and people close to me may feel their needs are being ignored. The difficult part is I have cancer and so I am trying to practice self-care without neglecting others. It's difficult. I''m seeking therapy though. I figure if I can deal with this now. I have a better chance of surviving. I think my abusive and 'horrific' (as my doctor described it) childhood has a lot to do with my developing cancer. The mind and the body are much more connected than initially believed.
I have a family member with BPD and I am finding it hard to have a relationship with her as she not only triggers my PTSD but also takes me back to my childhood as I believe my mum has the same. Being brought up with parents with issues really hinders the ability to cope with and manage others with similar disorders. She takes me right back to that meek little girl that I've worked so hard to not be anymore.
It’s been a while and I’m not a clinician but I just want to say there was nothing wrong with that meek little girl and nothing wrong with you now for having a hard time dealing with your family member. Anyone would have a hard time with this.
Set healthy boundaries for yourself. My BFF has it. I don't tell her but I make sure phone conversation only last ten minutes. Otherwise she starts drama. Yes, I timed her, with out fall she will even make up crap to upset me. Once she said her brother died. I was so upset with her, crying together. Than after 20 minutes I asked what happened to cause his death. She answered i don't know just won't answer his phone. Then she stopped crying and laughed. Wtf
I was diagnosed with Borderline a couple years ago. When I was active in my alcoholism, the bouts of rage would be uncontrollable. My drinking catapulted my BPD into full effect. Today I go to the gym regularly, recognize my emotions when I can and try to deal with them appropriately (being honest with myself and others is paramount). Now a days, opposed to the anger and rage, I usually feel relief after a good cry. Grateful to learn about myself slowly, everyday and not be so destructive. Thank you Dr. Grande.
Borderline Personality Disorder was extremely difficult to help in a clinical setting, very frustrating, taxing to caregivers to help. However, in the real world, Narcissistic Personality Disorder I see all the time and is very destructive to fellow co-workers, highly stressful to deal with, toxic indivuduals.
I've seen many professionals want to hide under their desks from new BPD's in treatment settings. They are difficult... Consistency, consistency, consistency. It's hard not to get sucked in with their abandonment issues.
@@ameliadavis1979 Really? Therapists and doctors are human too, and it can't be easy dealing with complicated people. I don't think it is unprofessional to feel exasperated by a patient. Now, if they are LITERALLY hiding under the desk, that's different, haha.
nope. it's extremely unprofessional. and they aren't THAT difficult. Iggy's an exaggeration. the problem is that the professionals dont really seem to want to try to help a lot of the time - go back and read that comment again. There are also many articles about this, and how it happens. most would rather give up on these worthless "professionals" a lot of these people even cause emotional harm@@snu3877
Oh God... BPD, that is what I have in addition to the comorbidity factors which I'm not even going to get into but I feel like I'm dying. I've listened to the explanations and the insights and yes, I think it's effecting and penetrating all realms of my life and sucking every atom out of my entire being.
Recovering Schizotypal, here! Really, I still love magical thinking and am stubbornly proud of my unusual perceptions even though they are useless half of the time. But what I'm happy to be mostly rid of is the repeated thought, "They're all AGAINST ME!" which was the hallmark of my adolescence and half of my childhood.
YES! Fellow schizotypal and I also love the way I see the world. My perspective, my beliefs, and the strange bordering delusional hope that I have is actually what keeps me going. I’m scared to even imagine what life would be like without it. However never being able to trust anyone and always being on guard does have its downsides..... lol
@@elizabethgrey6040 Meditation might help. Actually, I think the magical thinking is part of an openness of attention to both imaginative and sensorial capacities. As I learn meditation with the Headspace app, I found myself quickly cognizant of trippy stuff going on under the surface of my mind, and I think enlightenment experiences might be more within reach for us to find than the average person because of our openness to experience. At the same time, meditation can help me step back from anxious situations and learn to evaluate what is in and in front of and around me with more time and space and calm.
@@Yamikaiba123 I find structured meditation doesn’t work for me personally but I’m glad it does for you! I get my mindfulness through art, crafts, peaceful walks, petting my pets etc. I definitely relate to the whole “more open to enlightenment” thing. I’m an eclectic Gnostic and I believe I can communicate with gods and know the secrets of the universe lol. Obviously I’m no genius, but I think schizotypals are able to become in touch with the esoteric and supernatural a lot better than many others. You’re totally right about that.
@@elizabethgrey6040 Andy is a good teacher. Most of learning meditation is starting from a point of not thinking that we are good at it, and learning the many ways we have unnecessary expectations of ourselves or preconceived notions that act as obstacles, and to be easier on ourselves. Most of the issues that turn people off from meditation, we've all experienced. So experienced teachers have as well, and have instructed plenty of students in how to easily or patiently overcome them.
@@elizabethgrey6040 Sorry if my answer sounds condescending. I'd like to be encouraging. I'm glad you have many activities that you're able to approach mindfully. Most people I know only have one favourite activity that they can be entirely immersed in or present for!
I have BPD. I feel like my life has been stolen from me. When I look back to my 45 years of life, I couldn’t understand what is wrong with me. Why am I impulsive? Why am the most overweight person in my huge family from both sides? Why do I give money to men so they can like me. Why do I depend so much on peoples validation? Why do I talk too much even to strangers about things that are private? Why when someone close to me hurts me I can’t ever let it go? I remember at school I was a a star student because I was so scared of my mother and my teachers so I always did my best over the top to please them. I lived for compliments. Then when I was a teenager I started to do strange thing in class. Like I would lay my head on the table for no reason and no matter how much the teacher told me off or tried to get me to sit up I would fully ignore her. Even my class mates used to find it strange. I used to also sit at the back of the classroom myself and I would force myself to find something funny and I would laugh so hard for no reason just like the “joker” and my teacher used to say “just ignore her she wants attention” I really didn’t want attention. I don’t know why I behaved like that. Then coming toward my 40s I started withdrawing. I also developed really hard anger rages. It’s become worse. When I go out and come back home I would have at least had 2/3 arguments filled with rage weather I’m at the doctor, supermarket and even in my dreams. The angry rages are the worst. I started documenting them and I was more upset . Why do I get sooooo angry and personal if the receptionist ignores me?
I have traits of that disorder and yes it makes simple things feel like climbing mt Everest. I’ve made so many poor decisions based on avoiding the shame I feel at times. 12 years of catholic education didn’t help. Best defences for me is having a sense of humour and being outside. An understanding friend is also great, but as you know, part of the disorder is to not put yourself in a situation where you could be embarrassed. It’s tough but I’m sending understanding your way. It’s way better than love.
I have a friend with AvPD and he makes it really hard not to give up on him. But I know he doesn't mean it personally when he falls from the radar now and again or can't bring himself to express his inner world. Social stuff is just really really hard for him, close to impossible. At the same time he's an amazing human being and I couldn't stop caring if I wanted. Life's not always simple and this is a good hill to die on, if I get to pick my battles.
@@anxious_and_avoidant Well, I have ADHD and struggled with depression and an onset of agoraphobia in the past as well. Maybe that makes me somewhat more empathetic haha All I wanted to say is just, that there are people out there, that will love you the way you are. And I'm not perfect either. I plan to kidnap him to go to a festival with me. Not purely selfish reasons, but selfish enough xD He knows and didn't say he doesn't want to, so I will proceed.
Yes. People rarely discuss it because it doesn’t effect anyone outside of your immediate family. We don’t act out, we just pull away to avoid being hurt by others. We have in common with BPD the feed of abandonment, but instead of acting out to keep people in our lives we just isolate.
BPD is the worst because it is C-PTSD, ADD, depression, bipolar, anxiety, a lifetime of bad relationships with covert narcissists, thousands of impulsive decisions and regrets, constant suicidal thoughts all wrapped into one hellish nightmare of a life...all the while precariously walking on the borderline of what thoughts are true and which ones are just imagined. Thank you Dr. Grande for this channel and for helping me better understand myself, my family and all of my relationships.
Ugh I've made sooooooo many absolutely stupid life changing decisions in the spur of the moment. I had everything but add alcohol to BPD and watch everything fall to peices. Guilt guilt guilt is what I have all night and anxiety all day. Ups and downs of course. The ups are great but the downs... obviously not so much.
Narcisisstic is the worst. Being a victim to someone who is never wrong, will never admit they were wrong, will never apologize, will act one way around certain people and around you, but differently when you're all together, will gaslight, be verbally abusive and emotionally abusive, and sometimes physically abusive and there's nothing you can do about it except stay away, which is rather quite difficult emotionally when you previously had a connection with them until something changed. It's tough knowing there is someone in your life who is supposed to be supportive and loving, and quite probably at some point in time was, but now no longer is.
@@TH-camWatcher9000 THIS. 'Victims' of Narcs only become victims once they are discarded. When they are not, they are the biggest flying monkey around that allows the Narc they are propping up to wreck havoc. I'd be this person is either an ex partner/lover/spouse by and large. Most of us can smell these azzes a mile off and stay AWAY from them, so you ask yourself why you find it attractive to be close to a person that is clearly egotistical and lacks empathy.
As someone who can't feel either I strongly disagree. We are intelligent enough to judge that our actions might be harmful and to be capable of changing our behavior - emotions such as guilt and empathy are mere means to guide that realization. Besides, it makes us capable of reasoning logically without the interference of emotions, and since your emotions have guided you to the unreasonable conclusion that we are "the worst" simply because our brains are wired differently, that is an obvious advantage.
Maybe Dr Grande could do a video on what a healthy personality looks like. That would enlightening. In the meantime, perhaps he could do personality studies of all Presidents since Bush Sr. up to the current President.
This was so long ago, I barely remember the context of the video. Typically, I like this PhD doc and was surprised at his interpretation on this particular vid. What's the beef? You all Trumpees? And what does divorce have to do with anything; it's so common.
Work is a nightmare for me in particular, trying to manage it with BPD. One of my triggers though, since childhood, has been the ridiculously high standards my mother (probably BPD, with N traits) held for me, so while my performance isn’t so terrible, I am SO sensitive to criticism and disapproval that the anxiety is cloaking me daily. Conveniently, the anxiety is what will affect my performance, which of course spikes the anxiety further.. then fear of rejection kicks in high, and Im completely self-sabotaging before I realize it’s happening. Haven’t held a job longer than 1.5 yrs or so since I was a teenager. I’m now 32. Funny enough, I’ve never been fired from one. I just eventually no call no show, under the weight of the pressure, when the fear of that termination grows big enough. Yeah, as an adult who is expected to operate as one... this part really weathers away my defenses faster than anything else I think.
You don't sound like a disordered person, more likely you were abused by a disordered who projected onto you there evil..consider maybe you only have PTSD
I say so cause it took me 40 years to learn that I wasn't the sick one, my father was, most of my life I believed I had BPD...nope! Narc daddy and the extreme damage he did to me for so long caused feelings, beliefs and behaviors that mimic bdp
Sarah Kitz I’m not sure how you can come to the conclusion on my status as disordered or not, by one comment about my work life. Stick to making assumptions about things you have reasonable information on, in a real life in person setting-and that’s only if you’re a licensed clinician. Otherwise, don’t make the assumption at all. You’re judging me based on 1% of my life-and only part of that 1% because I only wrote what I wanted you to know. You have no fucking idea, so please fuck the hell off.
Very clear presentation, which isn't easy! I absolutely agree that the borderline personality is the most difficult, especially when it is combined with antisocial and/or narssistic traits. Thanks for sharing your extensive experience with us.
They are all quite damaging when experienced as a child dealing with a personality disordered mother or father ( or both) I'm over 40 and still trying to heal from my experience
Not me, I wrote them off ages ago! I feel much better for it. I can't explain how good it was to be able to take full breaths and relax when my mom died! A huge weight/pressure but those words don't describe it correctly, was instantly gone! I hope you find peace.
As someone with BPD, I can easily say the biggest danger for me is when my inability to regulate environmental stressors. Have had multiple points in my life in which more than one major stressor comes into play (although it has always seemed to involve a romantic relationship stressor) and my brain automatically goes to suicide mode and pretty quickly. When I was in the service, the mental health professional I worked with claimed that, a lot of the time, the stressors of day to day life there would dig up old memories in some way shape or form that are extremely sensitive, and mixed with the relationship stressors, I would become suicidal and extremely depressed (although I am also diagnosed persistent depressive). It's honestly exhausting. Now that I look back, however, this makes sense. Can easily say the service is not a healthy environment with someone who has BPD, nor is any other very high stress job in which things can go sideways real fast.
Learning to sit down and set healthy boundaries is key to deal relationship stressors. Taking time to understand triggers and coming back to your calm state as soon as possible after an episode with a mindful attitude, talking about how you did that? Using the strategy or looking for a strategies to come back to good mood. All the best brother. A high counsellor from Nepal. We are all supposed to die one day. Why rush?.
I have Borderline, and it is hell to live with. Everyone thinks we lack empathy. I have so much empathy it hurts, it causes me a lot of hurt. The hurt then has me lash out. HOWEVER, I have been in treatment, gone to therapy, etc and it does get better. Please, for anyone with any personality disorder, do not give up. I have PTSD too, which amplified everything, but it does all get better. Keep going. EDIT: Ya'll are spreading the stigma, and it is sad. Some of your comments are lame. I am not longer classified as Borderline, and this can be anyone if you put in hard work and work on it every day. My PTSD is better, too. It really does get better.
I have firsthand experience with two borderlines. My question is #1 why do you hurt people to get a reaction out of them to reinforce feelings that you are loved and cared for and to ask #2 why you can't see that process happening and break the cycle via cognitive behavioral therapy. My intention is to learn from your pov not to insult. Both borderlines i have interacted with have comorbid disorders so it is unnecessary to feel offended since its hard to nail down what is the borderline versus comprbid disorders vs the individuals life experiences and personality.
That’s exactly it ...”without sensationalizing”! Almost everything here in the tube is so clickbaity it’s so refreshing to watch someone who just relays facts and data straight up.
@@SarahAnnBellham Psychiatrists are absolutely medical doctors. They are required to complete medical school and an additional four year residency in their chosen speciality just like any other physician (& there are different specialties within psychiatry as well). That doesn't mean you would want a psychiatrist preforming open heart surgery, just as you probably wouldn't want a neurologist in charge of your rectal exam. That being said, due to their medical training, it would definitely be preferable to have either around in an emergency situation than not. On the other hand, psychologists go through extensive schooling & training but are not medical doctors. They typically work in conjunction with psychiatrists, who can prescribe medications, to help with diagnoses, therapies, & other forms of treatment. (Sorry for the super long response 🙂)
@Lemarkus Mywords this is what makes it so depressing in my opinion. behind so many awful, manipulative, just plain evil people, theres a child that has experienced trauma to make them this way. this doesnt excuse their horrible actions in any shape or form, only explains them, which - personally - makes it rather hard not to have at least some empathy towards them. they arent the one to blame for how they end up.
@@billizeneli912 id never think you are! i was mainly talking about people whove done awful crimes... i tend to sympathize with them a lot, even when theyre objectively speaking horrible people u know? im also very certain i have bpd as well so yea i dont think ur a bad person at all and im sorry if what i said came off that way!
@@clem6485 ahhh sorry lol, theres alot of people that think people with this are just plain horrible and do bad or impulsive things alot with no self control after all there is 'disorder' and 'personality' in the name to some it sounds really bad and even scary
I was avoidant/ dependent as a child! Life was like hell for me & my parents BUT I became normal without therapy and the only thing I am really afraid of nowadays is to do phone calls with people I don't know! Other than that I am normal... I would say paranoid must be the worst to have !
Dear Dr. Grande, I've watched roughly a dozen or so of your videos. I'd like to compliment you on your professionalism. your adherence to fact...but also, the sense of "humanity" that we have to mix into the equation. I think you're a very genuine, compassionate, caring person. Thank you!
In reading many of the comments, one gets the distinct feeling that some therapeutic relief is being felt by listeners! There seems to me to be little danger and much benefit in this. Imagine TH-cam actually helping people rather than being a vacuous, useless format! Nice work Dr. Grande!💎
I recently spoke to a therapist and learned that what I thought was regular shyness and anxiety was actually AVPD. I've been having trouble trying to come to terms with that and not feel like I'm just broken.
You are not broken, you might be shy, but if you avoid most that you really wants in life, you will have to fokus on challenge some of your avoidant traits. And or accept some, depends on what makes you thrive I guess.
I also have AVPD and I know is a really hard struggle against the fear of shame and low SELF-ESTEEM. I lasted many years to realiza I had this but in the last year and I have done significant progress and I have become less avoidant. So if you want someone to talk and who can advise and support you, you can count with me. I know is extremely difficult to think that we can't handle this (in fact is one of the symptoms of AVPD) but I am really sure you will be capable to get through this.
Aye also avpd here. It sucks. But ya just gotta try anyway. It's hard AF. Pushing through but this is gonna be a practice thing. I still struggle with it especially when trying to date. I always feel awful dating. It's never really a pleasurable experience 😅 it's always challenging
Dr. Grande’s presentations are listener-friendly, and offer content useful to professionals and lay people alike. I’ve been in practice over three decades and have witnessed many changes in the field, one of which concerns avoiding rigid boundaries between disorders, and looking at tendencies, and behaviors, vs rigid, boxed-in classifications, and avoiding trying to over-generalize, especially celebrities and those in the news from superficially acquired info. Blurring of distinctions and shadow syndromes need to be appreciated as well.
Narcissism is the worst. Recently I had one steal money from me and my other colleague at work - and guess what, she still managed to manipulate her way to keeping the job and two of us are no longer working. The only thing that comforts me is that she'll show her true colors eventually and they'll realize their mistake. I do find it dishartening that most people today are not ok, we've all turned into mere survivalists and competitors and humanity is almost completely gone out of most people. Before, it was rare to encounter a selfish and extreme manipulator, most people were average types with minor human flaws, but today you encounter them on every corner and if you don't have good skills to deal with them you're scre*ed. EDIT: I went to collect my payment and found out she was fired because she continued stealing right after I left (this time from the receptionist). I was offered to come back to work, but no way - broken trust can never be retained. I knew she would show her true colors eventually, but I didn't expect she would do it so soon - she wasn't even smart enough to wait for dust to settle but just continued to steal. I guess I overestimated her - she was such a good actor and manipulator that I thought she had above average IQ. But seriously, I met all kinds of people, but never this type before. She is completely callous, not just the theft, but her overall behavior. Just the thought of her psycho appearance gives me the chills, ugh. I hope I never meet her again. Anyway, sorry everyone, I had to vent somewhere, this was such an awful experience, lol.
This sounds more like ASPD with psychopathic features (though NPD is a common comorbidity to this); you met some kind of psychopath. The combination of manipulation, callousness and criminality is a dead giveaway; these are traits on the PCL-R.
My thought before viewing the video was that BPD is probably worst for the sufferer, but ASPD causes the most distress for others. The most severe BPD problems include high suicide rate, eating disorders, self-harm, and other indicators of stress and apparent self-loathing. That's so very sad.
This is why Dialectal Behavior Therapy is so important. BPD is one of the most maligned and misunderstood of all of the disorders. 75% of sufferers have attempted or will attempt suicide at least three times in their lifetime, 60% report having issues with self harming behaviours and 1 in 10 will die as a result of taking their own life. Male borderlines are particularly at risk because they are more likely to be misdiagnosed as a result of the outdated belief that only women can get it - much like with autistic females. Unfortunately, this toxic stigma in society towards it, typically categorized by the "my crazy BPD ex" stories (highly stereotypical!), is making the issue worse and adding to the vicious cycle of receiving abuse in childhood which leads to a feeling of being inherently evil and unloveable, and then everyone in society tells them the same thing and warns people to stay away from them.
"Borderline Personality Disorder's name doesn't fit either" when you said that, it reminded me of when I was first diagnosed with BPD 2 years ago. I got home and told my husband that I was diagnosed with BPD, he mistook it for MPD and asked me, "Which Ashley are you today?" And I laughed and explained that BPD is different than having multiple personalities and that I was the same Ashley lol
I was married to someone with BPD. If her name had been Ashley the better question would be "Which Ashley are you today? The one who loves me or the one who hates my guts?" The "hates my guts" version didn't show up until our wedding day; then after that a soul-destroying roller coaster.
The majority of these categories did not exist 10-20 years ago. In fact, most of this behavior is ordinary in humans (i.e. avoidant personality disorder). These categories were created to expand the patient list of psychiatrists and the reach of pharmaceutical companies. This "Dr" is a fraud practicing pseudoscience.
I'd just like to share my personal experience as a person with BPD. I have found that the area I am suffering the most is my workplace. Due to my emotional instability, and the intense way I experience emotions, I need more time than non BPD people to adjust to changes and last minute things. Work for me is like a torture chamber, where I bounce back and forth between being calm, anxious, angry, depressed and allover again within 5 minutes. Then after work, I cannot cope with humans anymore, I need a break from people's voices and prefer to isolate. Which makes me antisocial. I have a selected group of favourite people I like to be around. The rest of them are seen as enemies, as they are potential sources of exhaustion.
You’re so knowledgeable in your field and a great teacher as well, who is able to relay complex constructs in a relatable, easy to understand manner to the layperson. Thank you so much for your awesome videos and work, Dr. Grande!
Dr. Todd, I have major depressive disorder w/ borderline. It is quite difficult to manage, and associations with others is quite difficult. I've learned good coping skills and my treatment plan began in 1994. Currently I'm not on meds, and haven't been for a year. Mostly what I've noticed with myself in an interpersonal level is that I tend to be more of a hermit when I'm not out ministering. But I do go through those times where I'm "in a hole" and struggle to get out if it. I'd say that the comordidity if these two is quite debilitating at times, and a struggle more often than not. Just thought I'd share, God bless
My parent's just moved to a new house, and in doing so, I discovered all of my childhood medical records. Imagine my surprise when I discover no less than five doctors that diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder, as far back as age 10. I'm 48 now, and just learning about this. I'm infuriated my parent's didn't tell me, and I'm infuriated that doctor's and teachers documented how odd my behavior was, especially how immature I acted with other children, but not one single adult could pull me aside and talk to me about it? I see my son displaying annoying behaviors, and I'm all over it! When he starts being repetitive on online games, I shut him down quick, and tell him he is probably annoying the other people, that's why they're not responding. But did anyone bother to pull me aside? Every doctor I've seen, wants to put me on medication, specifically SSRIs, and I FINALLY have paperwork diagnosing me with a disorder that SPECIFICALLY states that medication is ineffective in treating! I hope therapy helps me with the rage I feel at the wasted 38 years I could've done something about, had I known!
@@edwardcheves9106 I was curious if it was possible to be diagnosed in childhood/adolescence without ever disclosing the diagnosis to a patient. Sorry that happened to you. Bad parenting and no help isn’t rare.
After working in the mental health field for 7 years, borderline, in my experience, is the hardest to work with and the least understood amongst my colleagues
Yet Amy working with clients with BPD was very rewarding to me as long as they had some potential for personal enlightenment and had the capacity to assume responsibility when required.
I have bpd and you nailed it. It comes out most at work and in my relationship too. The rage and irritation are or can be horriblw. I'm in therapy and I'm also alcoholic and addict in AA and the programs principles and steps have helped alot. I listen to worship music too anytime I'm going to the store or busy times at work because it helps to focus on it and not the people around me and trying to relate to things they do which usually sets me off even if it isn't actually affecting me personally. I rage totally out of proportion to what is going on almost every time if I don't find a focus like God and the music to keep my headspace even. I'm loving your channel
The majority of these categories did not exist 10-20 years ago. In fact, most of this behavior is ordinary in humans (i.e. avoidant personality disorder). These categories were created to expand the patient list of psychiatrists and the reach of pharmaceutical companies. What people need is moral instruction that comes from religion.
Is it my imagination or are disorders with more consistent symptoms less damaging than those with high levels of changeability? Stability might make it possible to find some place in the world even if it's doesn't fit anyone's ideal
James, I think your comment is amazing. Yes, I think people with symptoms that are consistent have a better chance of developing "coping" skills than say, someone with more erratic, unpredictable behavior. Very insightful and may I say compassionate observation. Thanks for your comment.
The other thing about avpd, its not just the beginnings that are hard. Thats maybe common with social anxiety, but often with avpd the beginnings are the easiest and the closer we get, the more we pull away/vanish. Intimacy is impossible. Or if you are like me meeting people is difficult/confusing, getting to know someone is a lot easier, but the next stage is difficult again - a lot of disappearing/reappearing, pushing and pulling. At some point it becomes just hilarious how out of control you are, and no amount of knowing it stops it.
I myself don't have avpd, but my best friend does and I've noticed that pattern. I definitely worry that she'll be like that forever and never be able to feel like she is really close to anyone. It makes me sad, because I love her a lot.
@@Aster_Risk Yeah, unfortunately I don't know what the solution for it is. I've tried multiple types of therapy for extended periods of time, I've been in relationships, and that pattern is quite stuck. I think it is due to the attachment trauma. There are a few facets to AvPD that kind of make up the disorder, and one of them is having a disorganized attachment pattern (also known as fearful avoidant). It's like yes/no'ing into infinity, there is never stability really.
I have bpd but i do this alot. I disappear from peoples life. I can make friends easily but the next step is always very difficult. I can't bear them anymore. I'll try my best to avoid them. I'll hate them. Is it a symptoms of avpd?
I’m a 29 year old male. I feel like I have avoidant personality disorder. Extreme anxiety in social situations and wanting to avoid people in general. I have a tremendous amount of stress and anxiety on a daily basis just thinking of the idea of talking to someone or having to talk to people. It’s way way more than just social anxiety. Probably AVPD but I don’t know, but it really REALLY effects my life on a daily basis. 😔
I used to have this b/c of low self esteem caused by abuse. I have underlying cognitive disabilities. It was very uncomfortable. I was dx as avpd once but people said I didn't have it. I was too outgoing me being extroverted.
i disagree, most studies have clearly shown that there ARE qualitative differences between individual personality disorders and common sense and logic support this too, so again, we aren't factoring in commorbid things. it is simply comparing them individually. you're generalized comment that it depends on the individual doesn't really hold much value, maybe you should explain more than giving a lazy and generalized response. i'm sure you haven't actually looked at research studies, because all of them point to schizotypal PD and borderline PD as being the most distressing and impairing and rightfully so! with that being said, yes, although i disagree with your point partly, i can comment that most of the people i know online ( never met a true schizotypal in person ), but online, who also had the same diagnosis of schizotypal PD as me were nowhere near as impaired as i am. the only people i related to whom i considered as being more impaired were a few people with borderline personality disorder ( all of them were women ) in person, and i'm a male. these people were the ones were really suffered from qualitative and complex issues. the rest of the people i met, who may have had a different personality disorder, we nowhere near the impairments that i have. also to make matters worse, the conditions i also relate to aren't even in the DSM, this is a unique subtype of passive aggressive personality disorder, NOT the original one, because the original one isn't me, also i relate to sluggish cognitive tempo which is a research term for a unique group of people with unique types of problems. also i relate to vulnerable narcissim, but most sources have failed to replicate a proper understanding and definition of it, always lumping it up with grandiose narcissism and clearly just saying the same thing, ( the majority of youtube videos in particular ) and sorry ass people who got "Abused" by "narcissist" relationships.
@@idin03 I have borderline and I'm aware it's considered the most distressing pd, and I agree it is very distressing for me. However, the reason it still depends on the individual is because everyone experiences their pd differently. Being a quiet and somewhat "high functioning" borderline, I experience bpd differently than many other borderlines do. That's why we can't quite be generalized by our pd alone.
@@idin03 firm disagree. You can't measure these disorders against each other at all. It's more on the person easily. Some people, regardless of disorder are much more emotionally capable of dealing with them and some much less
@@idin03 extreme disagree. What Nicolette said is really smart as it is all individual. One disorder will look completely different in the next person. My boyfriend has BPD and one of my friends have bpd yet they couldn't be further from each other. One is explosive and scary, the other is more directed at themselves and internal so it's really down to the individual and will vary.
Finding the right position for a person with ocpd can make all the difference in the work place setting. They can really thrive in some positions. I have also seem a person with bpd do very well if they have supportive understanding coworkers. Open honest communication seems to be very helpful in defusing emotional situations.
So true! If others spoke to me in such a calming voice as you dr G. With no JUDGEMENT. I would probably "stay calm & carry on". Its a learning process! Blessings. ❤
The tendency for people with AvPD to stick like glue in relationships can actually be incredibly negative. They stay sometimes despite massive amounts of abuse because they don't feel worthy of anything better. In fact, being abused by the people they care about is used as proof that no one will treat them better, and that they deserve their ill treatment.
The abusers also exploit their victims financially, waste money, dont pay bills so it all falls on the victim. The narcissist attempts to burn all of your options by isolating you from friends, family and coworkers. Ideally this needs to be taught to young people before they get into any type of relationship. Education is important, especially about boundaries, personal interaction. Teach your kids early what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior and you must model the behavior as well.
@Lisa Rowe Narcissist does get thrown around a lot. Abuser, narcissist. Unfaithful, narcissist. Only a tiny fraction of abusers and cheaters are actual narcissists. People treat narcissist as a synonym for asshole. There are assholes everywhere and most of the don't have personality disorders. They are simply assholes.
@ck2d this is very true. I suffer from AvPD and my first relationship was incredibly negative and emotional abusive. Stayed for way too long with her and I can still feel the effects of it almost 5 years after I broke up with her.
I feel this at my core. AvPD is kind of lost/forgotten in the.shuffle, I think, particularly since it’s virtually indistinguishable from Social Anxiety Disorder.
i have BPD, and it's just fucking constant hell. i'm completely unable to function, at least at this moment in my life. i really hope my brain gets worn out when i get middle-aged so i can start living, if i even stay alive for another 20 years, which seems pretty unlikely to me tbh
I knew someone who had been diagnosed with BPD, and she had a lot of difficulty just navigating life and was miserable. My heart goes out to you. I hope you are getting help.
Narcissistic personality disorder in my husband wrecked my life as in severe, complicated, unpredictable violence in so many ways. I now suffer from complex PTSD and am lucky to be alive, but am changed forever.
Thank you for sharing so much valuable knowledge on personality disorders and how they can impact a person's life, this is very helpful and hoping for healing for people who are affected by these disorders
Really excellent analysis. Concise, well orated, and comprehensive. I survived a relationship with someone I think has NPD/ASPD and I had to laugh when you mentioned the partner doesn't feel the relationship is going as well as the PD person. That is definitely spot on. Great share. Thanks, and subscribed.
Paranoia, anxiety and depression have ruined me! Like an OCD suffering I can't control. My shrink diagnosed me with aspergers! I don't believe it! But I'm praying for peace ! Constant doom! I'm so worn down I can't explain! I used to rely on physical strength but all gone. I force myself ( work you bastard) take a teaspoon of cement and harden up!!! I need a concrete truck! Why do I tear up and feel like crying? My father and brother always said: real men don't cry? Now at 48 I struggle to relate to people, relax, constant fear! I'm an emotional wreck! I have contemplated suicide a number of times! My youngest autistic son is literally the only reason I'm here! I have been to so many counsellors! I'm going crazy with guilt. Constant guilt! Maybe a .44 magnum? I'm over this whole world and I'm praying constantly but I sin and the guilt???? Any reply appreciated! Cheers from Australia! I feel like I have PTSD? But I don't.
I love your videos Dr. Grande, I have APD and BPD but feel like (luckily) my symptoms are mild. I told my therapist about your TH-cam channel, its so good for me, I absolutely love the rational way you think and express. Super inspiring 😊👍 thanks for your videos, they really add some rational thought and understanding to my day 🙂
@@redstaplerguyforlifepastpr5763 i think my psychiatrist has narcissistic personality disorder 😂😂😂😂 He think of his words and opinion as universal rules. He just like my narcissistic father. He only listened to my opinion after i attempted suicide second time. He is worse😂 It's so bad that i find it funny. I mean something so many crazy things happen in your life that when you think about it you yourself can't believe it😂. Omg The world is funny and miserable
Borderline for sure, its so devastating and raw and those rage attacks are very scary 😦 everyone who dealt with an aggressive BPD knows what pain they can inflict on themselves and against their loved ones
I have been dealing with this from my fiancé for the last 2 years. He was diagnosed first with bipolar but in all actuality he has BPD. Scary isn’t the word to describe how he gets. I’ve tried to walk away so many times but when you love someone, something makes you stay.
@@Ashley-vq9xeif he is like this now qnd you're not married it might be the time to go and save your health. Can't tell you what to do. But when someone may harm you it may be time to love them but also leave.
Depends. My fiance has it and has episodes where he gets super angry to the point he may start a fight with the next person to look at him funny. There are different levels of severity and symptoms ^^ y'all gonna be different
I don't understand why I'm being put in the same cluster as NPD, I was diagnosed with BPD but I don't do anything to hurt others, I stick to myself so that they don't have to deal with my issues it's my problem and no one else's. My kids tell everyone how great a mum I am they tell me multiple times daily and they're teens & adults. My mum NPD is the most evil person imaginable there's no way we belong in the same cluster. It's so unfair the things people say about people with BPD they say we're evil and worse than narcs it really hurts. It needs to be fixed it's causing a lot of people a lot of distress
@@unusedrock308 But that's your mother's traits, you can't expect or think that everyone who has BPD is horrible. I know some for years that all they did was self harm and retract from social settings. Not once did any of them hurt others. Maybe your mom has severe narcissistic disorder rather than BPD?
@@erikai1817 diagnosed BPD. Couldn't I say the same thing about narcs? That it's not the disorder but the traits and people should be much more compassionate towards them?
Because people with BPD do hurt others, and are often in complete denial about it and refuse help. A woman in a group of friends I have has BPD and every single fucking time we meet, it's about her. She lives off of her identity, she IS BPD, so she will never get better because she doesn't want to.
Just a little insight. I have ocpd I've been struggling with it for all my life. Only recently have I found a counselor willing to actually treat it through cognitive behavioral therapy. The level of emotional distress that I feel normally is extremely high due to the inability to ascertain that what I do may hurt others even though I see it as helping. I have a strong emotional and moral connection with those that I love and 90% of the time I feel emotionally broken due to not understanding how they're feeling.
You articulate so well in all the videos I’ve seen from you. Anytime I needed a refresher, I always utilize your video as a tool. You’re amazing at what you do!
It is a personal choice. Everyone has suffered from mental stress and anxiety. Because we are bound to our personal experiences our personal experiences seems worse than others. I believe everyone's experiences are equal. I have suffered from mental health problems and went to groups and everyone say the same thing, their suffering is worse than others. It's because they lack knowledge of others suffering. That's why we have group counseling, to teach awareness and support each other. It's my favourite part of mental health services. I love people so I want to be social so I can be aware of my environment. It helps me to not be selfish and deal with my own difficulties. I am mindful because of the group counseling I engaged in. I am very grateful for mental health. They helped me build my future and ability to live on my own with assistance of course. 👍☺️❣️
This is excellent. You have provided a blueprint or map organizing the different classifications for enhanced study. Thank you for taking the time and effort to put this together for us. Sincerely appreciated.
I was wrongfully diagnosed with BPD! I really have PTSD! Spent years with that awful diagnosis! Was discriminated against and wasn't taken seriously. Glad I was diagnosed right in the 90s. People think your a killer with at diagnosis. I also think they freely diagnose people too often.
I vote for AVPD as the worst disorder to have. The mental and emotional distress of deeply desiring to have a normal life and relationships while being completely unable to do so, and not understanding why and blaming yourself for it, is something that I would not wish upon my worst enemy. I think Narcissism is the worst disorder in terms of the harm that they cause others.
Dr. Grande is by far the absolute best!!!! I love how he gets straight to the point and states straight facts. It’s so frustrating when someone rambles on and on before they get to the point. I have learned so much from him. Thank you Dr. Grande!! We need more professionals like you in this field. You have an impact on so many. Thank you!
I agree. My x is borderline and yes, it's the "worst". I feel sorry for him, he really can't manage his feelings and relationships 😖 And he sometimes feel "unreal" and always want praise and attention. He's very unsecure among other things, very difficult to live with. As always a good video Dr Grande 💙
Hey Doc, would you be willing to discuss Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and the ways in which a long term childhood traumatizing environment manifests personality disorders? Are there any kinds of treatment methodologies, or personal strategies, that have shown to be effective in mitigating some of the lasting damage to the individual, and the effects to the people around the individual, that endured that kind of experience?
I am not a doctor but I am a person with diagnosed PDs and C-PTSD and a psych student- Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT) can be used to stabilize a wide variety of mental or developmental illnesses including personality disorders and PTSD/trauma as well. After a certain point in treatment it’s possible to “ test out “ of the range of symptoms and improve but it’s a huge challenge as it requires literally retraining your brain’a neural pathways and responses through talk based therapy (which also varies in quality widely based on the therapist’s personal judgements on your personality disorder or mental illness) so it’s sort of an understandable problem.
I know this comment is a year old but here's my answer anyway: the book 'The Body Keeps the Score' by Bessel van der Kolk was instrumental in my finding a pathway to my own healing from C-PTSD. I've been in Internal Family Systems therapy for a year now and have made *huge* progress. There are also books by Pete Walker, a therapist who himself has healed from C-PTSD. Good luck.
I have avoidant personality disorder and I have kind of given up trying to find my "tribe" or the people I belong with. As a kid, I used to want to get married and have kids. But I no longer believe that's going to happen in my life. I feel lonely all the time. I have trouble in the career area. It sucks. It can be very painful. Combine this with depression and it can just feel impossible.
Dr Grande, thank you. As you described each of the 10 personality disorders I kept filtering against my own self diagnosis, and time and time again you would help me answer my own question. I have a lot of mental health issues, so much I cannot work, but I don’t believe I have been accurately or definitively diagnosed (to my knowledge). I believe that only with brain imaging can we really know what’s going on with our mental health. One day, one day, I will be able to afford that FMRI. And for it to be analyzed by many of your peers (in confidence) and that the “true” diagnosis of my mental health deterioration will finally see the light. No wonder you guys are still called shrinks. You are a brilliant human and I admire your recall and tone and seeming objectivity. But hey, who knows, you could also be the guy who gets subpoenaed in 3 years time for having an arsenal of guns and kilddie porn in your house.
Please don’t remove this comment, it is here to prove that literally no one is innocent: me, Dr Grande, Dr Curry, Dr Bruce Leuchter of 59th street Psychiatric Weill Cornell Institute or beyond. I DO NOT TRUST YOU. and I am praying this changes. FIONA
Appreciated this very much. I’m still confused about BPD. I’ve read such a wide range of symptoms from various sources. I’ve also seen BPD broken down into types. Very confusing. Even so, I truly appreciate the breakdown of the classes and 10 personality disorders. Thank you so much!
When it comes to types, in Europe there’s 2. ( also they are not normally called Borderline, and often there’s no mention of “disorder”. ) It’s called emotionally unstable personality type 1 and type 2. Type 1 is Emotionally Unstable Personality - impulse type Type 2 is Emotionally Unstable Personality - Borderline type ( that term might have changed in recent years) Type 2 is more difficult and serious one. That’s where you get suicidal thoughts, self harm and generally deep anger towards self and severe loathing of self as a person ON TOP of impulsively, strong emotions, anger towards others because of black and white thinking, also called idealisation and devaluation, and because you’re emotionally extremely vulnerable and the slightest wrong towards you (even unintentional) hurts so much that it’s an instant justification for a “ I will hurt you back the same “, although it often IS tenfold to others on the receiving end … precisely because the person with BPD hurts so much, it feels to them that they’re just hurting back “appropriately”… followed by genuine remorse and regret, fear, utter terror of abandonment and frantic “ Please, don’t leave me.” ( this was a brief description of the type 1). While the type one suffers tremendously, type 2 is, on top of that, taking a huge step further towards ultimate destruction of self as well. I’m not talking about the immense hurt and damage people with this personality type do to others right now. That’s a different topic altogether.
I am starting to think there might not be any "normal" people on this planet...so that clearly includes me.🤦♀️ Agreed...the disorder we have to deal with/suffering from is the WORST! The one thing I really appreciate is that you don't dramatize anything. Zero judgment and you create a sense that all this crap can be managed if that's the route chosen. Thank you 🙏and bless you
YES. MUST BE A FACT. IT IS THE ADJUSTMENTS ACQUIRED AND REQUIRED TO PARTICIPATE WITHIN HUMANITY. WITH SORROW AND REALITY, THERE IS MUCH AND SUCH SEVERE DAMAGES FROM ENTERTAINMENT AND THE MULTITUDES OF DECLINING ATTEMPTS OF GOODNESS DROWNING IN THE BRUTALITY OF THE DESTRUCTIVE AND BIZARRE DEMAND UPON SOCIETY TO ACCEPT ABSURDLY, DEVASTATING "FREEDOMS" OF HISTORIC. CULTURES THAT ROTTED AWAY. SADLY, SO WHAT'S NEW???
I appreciate the way you said “not Worse” because people who are affected/effected could delay treatment if they thought they were the worst. Thank you!
Such a perspective would be necessarily incomplete, though surely a number of disorders are more likely among a modern incel population. I suspect the "phenomenon" is experienced as such because men are now able to discuss sexual matters with each other online as never before, coupled with rapid intersexual societal changes that make inceldom more likely than it has been in the recent past, and perhaps since civilization first enforced monogamy in its effort to employ the male masses.
If we take "Inceldom" broadly, as an involuntary celibacy situation, it is absurd to try to establish an associated mental condition or assume a "psychopathological perspective". Because the situation of involuntary celibacy is neither a mental condition nor a personal choice, but a structural and statistical output of the current sexual dynamics. In a dynamics in which men are always active and women are always passive, in which men approach or orbit multiple women while women wait and choose at pleasure, it is inevitable that women live swimming in male attention, while men must compete and try harder and harder to access a scarce resource (the women's approval). It is against the background of this dynamics where involuntary celibacy emerges as an exclusively male phenomenon. And it is not about any disorder or syndrome. Any man can be in that situation. Obviously vulnerable groups (unemployed, physically or mentally disordered men) will have more risk. But I have friends, with jobs, good people and hard workers, who are de facto celibate despite multiple efforts to stop being so, although surely none of them know the term incel. Another thing is what we would call "incels" in a militant sense, that is, people like Elliot Rodger or those who admire that insane profile of people. It is irrelevant to know if they have a disorder or not: they must be judged by their actions. And Elliot Rodger is a criminal, period. The possibility of finding a mental disorder in him is no excuse.
I have avoidant, dependent and schizoid. Out of the three I'd actually say the one that causes me the most distress is dependent personality disorder. I want nothing more than a quiet, independent life, and that disorder has robbed me of that. As for schizoid, I hardly feel that it's a disorder... actually I love it.
I love how you're very open-minded about how you address this topic as it is very sensitive and can easily come across as very opinionated. Very good explanation.
Narcissistic personality disorder is the worst by far. It's the main disorder where the one who has it doesn't suffer, but his or her envoirnment is being destroyed!
AsPD don't really suffer because the part of them that is supposed to suffer is muted and the competitive part is amplified. NPD secretly hate themselves and are very sensitive to criticism, which is part of why they are known for their temper tantrums.
Love this video! I agree that with narcissism it is the OTHER person who suffers a lot! Yeah, that is weird they give it that OCD name, just adding typical in there!
Wow. What a balanced view of these issues. That is so rare in the social sciences. Dr. Grande is amazing. Highly recommended watch. This video is worth your time.
What i've learned is that people with Borderline are the ones who suffer the most within the personality disorders, due to a constant feeling of abandonment. If this is not true, I'd love to be corrected!
It’s the intense raw emotion. Like being on fire with having skin. It’s also like a light switch. I can be stable for awhile then the switch happens and I can’t work, eat, sleep. I isolate. Bpd is very insidious.
By FAR the most chronically painful and mentally agonising illness anyone could have. Just imagine beinG suicidal almost every waking moment. That is what it feels like to have BPD.
...the one that you are dealing with.
cluster b's >
Now that's funny!!
Thanks for saving me 25 minutes.
smart
Oh my god. Im all of the above with a few i invented.
As far as the patient goes, narcisstic may be low on the list but to the victims of a narcisstic person, they would rate it much much higher.
Yes. The worst! I speak from experience. 🙂
Cute pup 💗💗💗
I’ll say!
5 yrs of covert narcissitic abuse but it was self-education from videos like this (shout out to Dr Ramani, too!) that helped me dig myself out of that hole. That and going through some intense therapy. I’m much more discerning of people now but every now and again, the sting from being with a covert narcissist still haunts me.
Especially when they are your parent...
@@pleaseenteranamelol711 My mother was one. Every man wants to love his mother. In the end a narcissistic mother will take that too away.
4:09 Paranoid PD
5:30 Schizoid PD
7:24 Schizotypal PD
8:42 Antisocial PD
10:29 Narcissistic PD
13:02 Borderline PD
14:59 Histrionic PD
16:23 Avoidant PD
17:57 Dependent PD
19:42 Obsessive-compulsive PD
Thanks :)
Which one is the worst
Thank you! 😁
@@JA-eq5um im guessing OCD cuz howie mandel is pretty distressed lol
God's work!
Recovering BPD and it is hell to live with, especially when you begin to heal and realize the damage you did to yourself and others. My heart goes out to everyone who deals with personality disorders and don’t have the means to heal or seek help.
Yup! I only recently realized that my problems are a good possibility for bpd only because a counselor at my out patient gave me the name of a book she recommended i read and it was called understanding the borderline…I was stunned at how my life has been one constant struggle after another and just thinking that I’m different and something us wrong with me because the abusive narcissists that told me that! I can’t afford a decent dbt therapist I’ve tried looking for one…. People just think I’m crazy and a stalker! It’s humiliating because of my abandonment issues and emotional impulsivity
Keep working hard at it. We are here to support you
@@Not-the-usual-BS Oh I feel for you Tracy. I bought the BPD workbook it helps. Keep trying.
It's good awful like a life sentence
Good for you for being able to recognize this!! The borderline person in my life seems to have absolutely zero ability to see any wrongs she has done to anyone (which is so much) and sees herself as the victim in everything. I once cared to try, but I do not anymore. I really sympathize for anyone in pain, and I understand this disorder causes a lot of pain, and for that I feel sorry for anyone dealing with it! I just wish some could see though. So it’s very refreshing to hear when one does. Please do not beat yourself up though 🙏🙏 just taking accountability is everything.
I have borderline and I want to say, I’ve been going to therapy and psychiatry for years now. I take medicine and I do weekly therapy. Both of my mental health clinicians say that I have a great prognosis. My therapist said I’m the most positively progressed of all of her patients! If clinicians believe in us, we can make it in life! We don’t want to suffer and when clinicians reject us, it feeds the disorder. Fellow borderlines, we can get better in life. Put in the work and find a clinician who will help you.
I work almost solely with people who have BPD. Progression happens very differently for different people, but it is WONDERFUL for the person, for me, AND for their friends and family when a client does make progress. THey work so hard, and over time, it really shows.
DBT was the first therapy that made sense to me. When I was shown it , it was a relief. That's how my brain works. I've done intensive group therapy and it has helped greatly over the years to manage it.
Yes! I have actually been discouraged from therapy for years because either people don't call me back when I try to get an appointment or they end up not contacting me for other appointments and then I just kind of give up
@@twistedalicemcgee that's so frustrating! What state are you in? (don't give more specific info)
@@ms16648 People with BPD actually do best in stable, validating relationships. I have seen it work. Usually, though, it is necessary for the person with BPD to be in therapy (not basic talk-therapy, but DBT or another highly structured therapy), and the partner ALSO needs to be intensely educated on how to do well in a relationship with someone who has high emotional reactivity and other symptoms. Again, DBT can help with the Friends and Family course.
One thing is for sure: You are not a fake. Your explanations are grounded in sound academic education and clinical experience. Your presentation is well-organized and clearly presented. It is a pleasure to watch someone who is providing this information for those who want to learn about the subject. May God bless you for your service to humanity.
👍💫 @psych Corp
@XWriter100 LOL
Yes, he is! I'm in private practice as a family therapist for 10 years and Dr. grande is my go to guy for making complex to simple.
Psych Corp couldn’t agree more- He explained ocpd better than my 225.00 an hour psychologist. He makes being diagnosed w a disorder not the end of the world- he gives hope
@@annemarson4144 I'm doubting you got the joke now.
In my experience, a parent with covert narcissistic personality disorder can wreak havoc in a family. The children in a family controlled by a person with covert narcissistic personality disorder end up with many personality problems of their own. For example: I have never trusted my own judgement, have issues with self care, always think that others and the opinions of others are more important than my own. I have wrenched myself free of some of that, but I am still a nervous and anxious person with an extreme startle reflex and guilt if I set boundaries. Thank you.
Your speaking my language
Mary Riley Hi Mary I myself am a black sheep of the family and I was always a no good and a looser in my family. I was also a parent’s parent, a pleaser, a caregiver and reliable doormat, slut, a muse and entertainer in my narcissistic family unit. I am now a happy person yet every so often I feel a little insecure and can be overly responsible. As a child my family would tip toe and cater to the narcissist. It did not matter what I did my family always sees me as inferior.
I understand so well. My father has covert narcissism with a very violent outburst followed by a victim mode. He is so controlling, it is terrifying. All three of us kids decided to move to other countries to get away from him. I live in Spain, my sister in the UK and my brother in Taiwan. None of us speak to each other because the only thing we have in common is the traumatic memories of our childhood. I am terrified of everything, I even jump if someone addresses me before I can see them. He has turned my life into a horror from which I desperately try to escape every day. And then I feel guilty about it! I so get what you are saying. It is like living with a monster in the closet of your mind.
I agree with you,
Me tooooo.
If I had a long lost twin sister... peace to you fellow human!
Love the professionalism and the fact you didn't demonize any of them.
If everyone spoke to me in this calm and reasoned manner I probably wouldn't be so anxious.
Exactly how I feel.
He has a calming nature. The world could certainly use more of that!
Exactly 😢 we all need a therapist in a world full of crazies who don’t even know it
But where is his sense of humor? I can’t imagine him even smiling.
I wouldn’t date such a dour man, but I would hire him and pay him well.
@@lisaschuster9187 He makes occasional dry little quips. Most of his videos are on pretty serious topics though.
For the victim of the abuse, malignant narcissist personality disorder has gotta be one of the worst for collateral damage served up by the unhealthy demented soul.
I have experienced both malignant narcissist and borderline, and borderline is by far worse than narcissist. Here is the best description: They love without measure those they will soon hate without reason. The discard with the borderline was cruel and vindictive, the discard with the narcissist paled in comparison. Both were very charismatic, both at times you felt you were in the presence of real evil, and both when crossed were demonic, I would add that a serial killer would be the only thing that would compare, but have not dated one of those yet, everything else but. My therapist described it as "emotional violence" I concur.
@@charmee4045 what?
@@charmee4045 Okay? Please don't generally describe people like that unless they're very specific people in your life.
@@charmee4045 BPD is not worse than a malignant narcissist
@@charmee4045 a sociopath a psychopath and am malignant narcissists is 10xs worse than a BPD
Definitive Answer: The worst personality disorder is the one you have to deal with. ❤️ Love Your work! 🙏 🍎
It can be brutal, depending on the situation.
Very fair point.
I always wanted to have schizoid personality disorder. It has the perks of being a psychopath but without malicious intent lol
You definitely have a great sense of humor. and your answer wins hands down.
The answers are too good, I enjoy commenting
My partner has BPD. I have always regarded myself as an empathetic person but the stress I get with him is beyond I can deal with. To others he would seem as a very helpful, simple, innocent man who cannot say ' no'. That is what attracted me towards him too. He often shed tears and talks sympathetic about everything but down the core he is a different person.
Very immature, very impulsive, insecure and aggressive. We quarrel at least three times a week. I understood his real self only after 1 year of living with him. By that time we had a son and he can't even control his aggression towards him. He has poor parental skills and is spoiling my child. I understand that he has this constant fear of loosing me and my son and that freaks him out. I want to help him but this is driving me nuts and I am loosing myself having to go through all of this for the last four years
My wife put up with it for 20 years. Her and the kids are happy to be free of me.
It’s crucial that he
1) recognises that he has a problem
2) gets a therapist.
3) believes that he can do it.
It’s almost universal for people who suffer from BPD to seek help only from their partner or close relatives/friends. And I’m telling you right now, you can’t help him. You are way too emotionally involved plus you don’t have skills of a therapist. You can support him, get educated about BPD in depth, go to therapy yourself to help you learn coping strategies and maybe have a couples therapy together with him as well.
But you can’t be his therapist.
I’m telling you this from a long experience with my own BPD , my marriage of 20 years ( plus previous relationships) and having a child.
I’m 46 now and have it under control for 90%.
It can be done, it can be helped. He can have a great life, but it takes serious desire to stop suffering and to stop causing the loved ones utter misery. ( especially now that there’s yours and his child involved).
My mom had untreated BPD and it’s so bloody scary it can and probably will scar you for life.
Anger management is the most important first step in my opinion. Because that’s really really scary.
I wish you all 3 of you the best.
But just remember, you’re not responsible for him. You’re not his mother. You’re your childs mother.
Big hug 🤗
Walk away, your life and sanity depend on it.
@@jamezbrian4135 Thank God she left for her own sanity.
How is he spoiling your son? Wouldn't the statement be he's spoiling our son? Have you ever considered the fact that maybe just maybe he's experiencing these people pleasing behaviors because you give the impression you want him out? Just a thought.
My father is a classic Narcissistic. Like he has all the text book symptoms. And he literally ruined the lives of my brother and myself. He ruined any chance we ever had for productive lives due to his verbal, psychological, and physical abuse. He is still the same person at the age of 66 and hasn't changed at all. I had to remove him from my life over a decade ago.
You are not alone. God bless
I’ve just had to remove my mother after 53 years.
Went through this as well. Better off however I feel some of those traits rubbed off on me.
My mother was the same. She was just as narcissistic and controlling the day she died as she was 30 years earlier. Everything revolved around keeping her happy. Everything.
@@HeadStronger-HS Me too. I worry I am too self-absorbed sometimes and people close to me may feel their needs are being ignored. The difficult part is I have cancer and so I am trying to practice self-care without neglecting others. It's difficult. I''m seeking therapy though. I figure if I can deal with this now. I have a better chance of surviving. I think my abusive and 'horrific' (as my doctor described it) childhood has a lot to do with my developing cancer. The mind and the body are much more connected than initially believed.
The “worst” PD is the one you (or your loved one) have.
(Damn it, you made me laugh! I'm trying to be serious here!! :-D )
@@lizatanzawa7910 you mean my other comment?
I was about to say that schizotypal was the worst because I have it, but I guess you beat me to the punch.
That’s exactly what I think too!
Quite true and makes perfect sense, given that each person's life is centered around himself
I have a family member with BPD and I am finding it hard to have a relationship with her as she not only triggers my PTSD but also takes me back to my childhood as I believe my mum has the same. Being brought up with parents with issues really hinders the ability to cope with and manage others with similar disorders. She takes me right back to that meek little girl that I've worked so hard to not be anymore.
It’s been a while and I’m not a clinician but I just want to say there was nothing wrong with that meek little girl and nothing wrong with you now for having a hard time dealing with your family member. Anyone would have a hard time with this.
A "blamer" is a type of personality disorder.
@@taralamppa6529 What type?
Set healthy boundaries for yourself. My BFF has it. I don't tell her but I make sure phone conversation only last ten minutes. Otherwise she starts drama. Yes, I timed her, with out fall she will even make up crap to upset me. Once she said her brother died. I was so upset with her, crying together. Than after 20 minutes I asked what happened to cause his death. She answered i don't know just won't answer his phone. Then she stopped crying and laughed. Wtf
Sure it's not you? Good luck
I was diagnosed with Borderline a couple years ago. When I was active in my alcoholism, the bouts of rage would be uncontrollable. My drinking catapulted my BPD into full effect. Today I go to the gym regularly, recognize my emotions when I can and try to deal with them appropriately (being honest with myself and others is paramount). Now a days, opposed to the anger and rage, I usually feel relief after a good cry. Grateful to learn about myself slowly, everyday and not be so destructive. Thank you Dr. Grande.
Borderline Personality Disorder was extremely difficult to help in a clinical setting, very frustrating, taxing to caregivers to help. However, in the real world, Narcissistic Personality Disorder I see all the time and is very destructive to fellow co-workers, highly stressful to deal with, toxic indivuduals.
I've seen many professionals want to hide under their desks from new BPD's in treatment settings. They are difficult... Consistency, consistency, consistency. It's hard not to get sucked in with their abandonment issues.
@@jeffwylie5899 And that unwillingness to help only adds to the reluctance for people with BPD have to seek help.
@@jeffwylie5899 Sounds Not Very Professional!
@@ameliadavis1979 Really? Therapists and doctors are human too, and it can't be easy dealing with complicated people. I don't think it is unprofessional to feel exasperated by a patient. Now, if they are LITERALLY hiding under the desk, that's different, haha.
nope. it's extremely unprofessional. and they aren't THAT difficult. Iggy's an exaggeration. the problem is that the professionals dont really seem to want to try to help a lot of the time - go back and read that comment again. There are also many articles about this, and how it happens. most would rather give up on these worthless "professionals" a lot of these people even cause emotional harm@@snu3877
I would agree that BPD is arguably one of the most complicated and difficult disorders affecting all areas of life.
It’s kind of a kitchen sink...
Oh God... BPD, that is what I have in addition to the comorbidity factors which I'm not even going to get into but I feel like I'm dying. I've listened to the explanations and the insights and yes, I think it's effecting and penetrating all realms of my life and sucking every atom out of my entire being.
BPD is like antisocial for women, and like in the rest of life Women get sympathy while destroying others while men get hatred
Sure is
God is it....I struggle basically almost everyday.....I will make it though....I will conquer this.
Recovering Schizotypal, here! Really, I still love magical thinking and am stubbornly proud of my unusual perceptions even though they are useless half of the time. But what I'm happy to be mostly rid of is the repeated thought, "They're all AGAINST ME!" which was the hallmark of my adolescence and half of my childhood.
YES! Fellow schizotypal and I also love the way I see the world. My perspective, my beliefs, and the strange bordering delusional hope that I have is actually what keeps me going. I’m scared to even imagine what life would be like without it. However never being able to trust anyone and always being on guard does have its downsides..... lol
@@elizabethgrey6040 Meditation might help. Actually, I think the magical thinking is part of an openness of attention to both imaginative and sensorial capacities. As I learn meditation with the Headspace app, I found myself quickly cognizant of trippy stuff going on under the surface of my mind, and I think enlightenment experiences might be more within reach for us to find than the average person because of our openness to experience. At the same time, meditation can help me step back from anxious situations and learn to evaluate what is in and in front of and around me with more time and space and calm.
@@Yamikaiba123 I find structured meditation doesn’t work for me personally but I’m glad it does for you! I get my mindfulness through art, crafts, peaceful walks, petting my pets etc. I definitely relate to the whole “more open to enlightenment” thing. I’m an eclectic Gnostic and I believe I can communicate with gods and know the secrets of the universe lol. Obviously I’m no genius, but I think schizotypals are able to become in touch with the esoteric and supernatural a lot better than many others. You’re totally right about that.
@@elizabethgrey6040 Andy is a good teacher. Most of learning meditation is starting from a point of not thinking that we are good at it, and learning the many ways we have unnecessary expectations of ourselves or preconceived notions that act as obstacles, and to be easier on ourselves. Most of the issues that turn people off from meditation, we've all experienced. So experienced teachers have as well, and have instructed plenty of students in how to easily or patiently overcome them.
@@elizabethgrey6040 Sorry if my answer sounds condescending. I'd like to be encouraging.
I'm glad you have many activities that you're able to approach mindfully. Most people I know only have one favourite activity that they can be entirely immersed in or present for!
I have BPD. I feel like my life has been stolen from me. When I look back to my 45 years of life, I couldn’t understand what is wrong with me. Why am I impulsive? Why am the most overweight person in my huge family from both sides? Why do I give money to men so they can like me. Why do I depend so much on peoples validation? Why do I talk too much even to strangers about things that are private? Why when someone close to me hurts me I can’t ever let it go? I remember at school I was a a star student because I was so scared of my mother and my teachers so I always did my best over the top to please them. I lived for compliments. Then when I was a teenager I started to do strange thing in class. Like I would lay my head on the table for no reason and no matter how much the teacher told me off or tried to get me to sit up I would fully ignore her. Even my class mates used to find it strange. I used to also sit at the back of the classroom myself and I would force myself to find something funny and I would laugh so hard for no reason just like the “joker” and my teacher used to say “just ignore her she wants attention”
I really didn’t want attention. I don’t know why I behaved like that.
Then coming toward my 40s I started withdrawing. I also developed really hard anger rages. It’s become worse. When I go out and come back home I would have at least had 2/3 arguments filled with rage weather I’m at the doctor, supermarket and even in my dreams.
The angry rages are the worst. I started documenting them and I was more upset . Why do I get sooooo angry and personal if the receptionist ignores me?
I wish AVPD was taken more seriously for how crippling it can be. It has made almost all areas of my life so difficult and exhausting.
I have traits of that disorder and yes it makes simple things feel like climbing mt Everest. I’ve made so many poor decisions based on avoiding the shame I feel at times. 12 years of catholic education didn’t help. Best defences for me is having a sense of humour and being outside. An understanding friend is also great, but as you know, part of the disorder is to not put yourself in a situation where you could be embarrassed. It’s tough but I’m sending understanding your way. It’s way better than love.
I have a friend with AvPD and he makes it really hard not to give up on him. But I know he doesn't mean it personally when he falls from the radar now and again or can't bring himself to express his inner world. Social stuff is just really really hard for him, close to impossible. At the same time he's an amazing human being and I couldn't stop caring if I wanted. Life's not always simple and this is a good hill to die on, if I get to pick my battles.
@@julyol119 😭 I wish we all had friends as understanding as you
@@anxious_and_avoidant Well, I have ADHD and struggled with depression and an onset of agoraphobia in the past as well. Maybe that makes me somewhat more empathetic haha All I wanted to say is just, that there are people out there, that will love you the way you are.
And I'm not perfect either. I plan to kidnap him to go to a festival with me. Not purely selfish reasons, but selfish enough xD He knows and didn't say he doesn't want to, so I will proceed.
Yes. People rarely discuss it because it doesn’t effect anyone outside of your immediate family. We don’t act out, we just pull away to avoid being hurt by others. We have in common with BPD the feed of abandonment, but instead of acting out to keep people in our lives we just isolate.
I really appreciate how you explain how these personalities would look in the real world rather than just what the DSM explains.
BPD is the worst because it is C-PTSD, ADD, depression, bipolar, anxiety, a lifetime of bad relationships with covert narcissists, thousands of impulsive decisions and regrets, constant suicidal thoughts all wrapped into one hellish nightmare of a life...all the while precariously walking on the borderline of what thoughts are true and which ones are just imagined. Thank you Dr. Grande for this channel and for helping me better understand myself, my family and all of my relationships.
Nah its great. Just look at this like this: wtf I am doing the whole time and who cares when I dont even care🤷♂️😂
This is so true.
but imagine hearing voices and seeing things that are unreal
BPD is definitely the worst. It leads you to destroy all relationships while the person with it just longs to be loved. It’s the worst catch 22 ever.
Ugh I've made sooooooo many absolutely stupid life changing decisions in the spur of the moment. I had everything but add alcohol to BPD and watch everything
fall to peices. Guilt guilt guilt is what I have all night and anxiety all day. Ups and downs of course. The ups are great but the downs... obviously not so much.
Narcisisstic is the worst. Being a victim to someone who is never wrong, will never admit they were wrong, will never apologize, will act one way around certain people and around you, but differently when you're all together, will gaslight, be verbally abusive and emotionally abusive, and sometimes physically abusive and there's nothing you can do about it except stay away, which is rather quite difficult emotionally when you previously had a connection with them until something changed. It's tough knowing there is someone in your life who is supposed to be supportive and loving, and quite probably at some point in time was, but now no longer is.
What about Antisocial pd. The primary psychopath type mixed with secondary psychopath. When added to BPD you have a volatile mixture.
@@birdlover6842 there’s nothing wrong here 😼
Narcissist, ain’t the worst 😂😂 yous must be dumber
I think he was talking about which disorder is the worst for the person with the disorder, not for the people around them.
@@TH-camWatcher9000 THIS. 'Victims' of Narcs only become victims once they are discarded. When they are not, they are the biggest flying monkey around that allows the Narc they are propping up to wreck havoc.
I'd be this person is either an ex partner/lover/spouse by and large. Most of us can smell these azzes a mile off and stay AWAY from them, so you ask yourself why you find it attractive to be close to a person that is clearly egotistical and lacks empathy.
Anytime a lack of
Empathy and conscience is the problem- that is the worst!
Add no remorse
Well said!!!
@@Rose-ez2fm no remorse falls within no conscience.
As someone who can't feel either I strongly disagree. We are intelligent enough to judge that our actions might be harmful and to be capable of changing our behavior - emotions such as guilt and empathy are mere means to guide that realization. Besides, it makes us capable of reasoning logically without the interference of emotions, and since your emotions have guided you to the unreasonable conclusion that we are "the worst" simply because our brains are wired differently, that is an obvious advantage.
I’d agree
Maybe Dr Grande could do a video on what a healthy personality looks like. That would enlightening.
In the meantime, perhaps he could do personality studies of all Presidents since Bush Sr. up to the current President.
Yeah right, props to you for mentioning that !
Good idea.
@Sarah Nyb that's what I was thinking 😂
Kirstin Strand nobody is perfect....specially in this times...just look all the divorces....
This was so long ago, I barely remember the context of the video. Typically, I like this PhD doc and was surprised at his interpretation on this particular vid. What's the beef? You all Trumpees?
And what does divorce have to do with anything; it's so common.
Work is a nightmare for me in particular, trying to manage it with BPD. One of my triggers though, since childhood, has been the ridiculously high standards my mother (probably BPD, with N traits) held for me, so while my performance isn’t so terrible, I am SO sensitive to criticism and disapproval that the anxiety is cloaking me daily. Conveniently, the anxiety is what will affect my performance, which of course spikes the anxiety further.. then fear of rejection kicks in high, and Im completely self-sabotaging before I realize it’s happening. Haven’t held a job longer than 1.5 yrs or so since I was a teenager. I’m now 32.
Funny enough, I’ve never been fired from one. I just eventually no call no show, under the weight of the pressure, when the fear of that termination grows big enough.
Yeah, as an adult who is expected to operate as one... this part really weathers away my defenses faster than anything else I think.
You don't sound like a disordered person, more likely you were abused by a disordered who projected onto you there evil..consider maybe you only have PTSD
I say so cause it took me 40 years to learn that I wasn't the sick one, my father was, most of my life I believed I had BPD...nope! Narc daddy and the extreme damage he did to me for so long caused feelings, beliefs and behaviors that mimic bdp
Sarah Kitz I’m not sure how you can come to the conclusion on my status as disordered or not, by one comment about my work life.
Stick to making assumptions about things you have reasonable information on, in a real life in person setting-and that’s only if you’re a licensed clinician. Otherwise, don’t make the assumption at all. You’re judging me based on 1% of my life-and only part of that 1% because I only wrote what I wanted you to know.
You have no fucking idea, so please fuck the hell off.
Hi Noelle, my name is Noelle too. That name is rare in my town btw 😊
Thanks for sharing , I'm going through the same things
Very clear presentation, which isn't easy! I absolutely agree that the borderline personality is the most difficult, especially when it is combined with antisocial and/or narssistic traits. Thanks for sharing your extensive experience with us.
I believe that nobody chooses to have a personality disorder. A very sad life for them and damaging for those around them.
Isn't that an overly obvious observation?? It's like saying no one gets the flu on purpose. Goes without saying....
Did you, at one point think we did? Did you recently learn we don't choose? Why do you need to tell us something that should be common sense
When i was a kid i used to wonder about mental illness and thoughts of them as some inhuman or soul less people
Now i have it😐
Karma I guess
Agree. No one chooses to have a personality disorder. But they can choose to get help and work on themselves.
@@drapered7762 ⬆️ 🙌
They are all quite damaging when experienced as a child dealing with a personality disordered mother or father ( or both)
I'm over 40 and still trying to heal from my experience
I hear you !
Not me, I wrote them off ages ago! I feel much better for it. I can't explain how good it was to be able to take full breaths and relax when my mom died! A huge weight/pressure but those words don't describe it correctly, was instantly gone! I hope you find peace.
I hear you
As someone with BPD, I can easily say the biggest danger for me is when my inability to regulate environmental stressors. Have had multiple points in my life in which more than one major stressor comes into play (although it has always seemed to involve a romantic relationship stressor) and my brain automatically goes to suicide mode and pretty quickly. When I was in the service, the mental health professional I worked with claimed that, a lot of the time, the stressors of day to day life there would dig up old memories in some way shape or form that are extremely sensitive, and mixed with the relationship stressors, I would become suicidal and extremely depressed (although I am also diagnosed persistent depressive). It's honestly exhausting. Now that I look back, however, this makes sense. Can easily say the service is not a healthy environment with someone who has BPD, nor is any other very high stress job in which things can go sideways real fast.
I am former USMC. Is it military that causes this? Or do we have it when we go in and it gets turbochargeda?
Learning to sit down and set healthy boundaries is key to deal relationship stressors. Taking time to understand triggers and coming back to your calm state as soon as possible after an episode with a mindful attitude, talking about how you did that? Using the strategy or looking for a strategies to come back to good mood. All the best brother. A high counsellor from Nepal. We are all supposed to die one day. Why rush?.
I have Borderline, and it is hell to live with. Everyone thinks we lack empathy. I have so much empathy it hurts, it causes me a lot of hurt. The hurt then has me lash out. HOWEVER, I have been in treatment, gone to therapy, etc and it does get better. Please, for anyone with any personality disorder, do not give up. I have PTSD too, which amplified everything, but it does all get better. Keep going.
EDIT: Ya'll are spreading the stigma, and it is sad. Some of your comments are lame. I am not longer classified as Borderline, and this can be anyone if you put in hard work and work on it every day. My PTSD is better, too. It really does get better.
@@stephanielegg6210 Thank you.
Thank you
Praying 🙏🏽
Needed to hear this, thank you! I hope everything's still getting better for you
I have firsthand experience with two borderlines. My question is #1 why do you hurt people to get a reaction out of them to reinforce feelings that you are loved and cared for and to ask #2 why you can't see that process happening and break the cycle via cognitive behavioral therapy. My intention is to learn from your pov not to insult. Both borderlines i have interacted with have comorbid disorders so it is unnecessary to feel offended since its hard to nail down what is the borderline versus comprbid disorders vs the individuals life experiences and personality.
I really appreciate your approach- logical and trying to see all angles/sides without sensationalizing. Thank you for your channel!
Well since he’s a doctor - what else would you expect? This is Medical training your hearing, not “arm chair” diagnosis.
@@kgolem79 I didn't think he was a medical doctor.
That’s exactly it ...”without sensationalizing”! Almost everything here in the tube is so clickbaity it’s so refreshing to watch someone who just relays facts and data straight up.
@@SarahAnnBellham Psychiatrists are absolutely medical doctors. They are required to complete medical school and an additional four year residency in their chosen speciality just like any other physician (& there are different specialties within psychiatry as well). That doesn't mean you would want a psychiatrist preforming open heart surgery, just as you probably wouldn't want a neurologist in charge of your rectal exam. That being said, due to their medical training, it would definitely be preferable to have either around in an emergency situation than not.
On the other hand, psychologists go through extensive schooling & training but are not medical doctors. They typically work in conjunction with psychiatrists, who can prescribe medications, to help with diagnoses, therapies, & other forms of treatment. (Sorry for the super long response 🙂)
@@laynicarter I know psychiatrists are medical doctors. I work in a teaching hospital. I didn't realize he had a medical degree.
To have: Avoidant
To deal with: Antisocial
Both: Borderline
Dishonorable mentions: Narcissistic, Dependent
@Lemarkus Mywords this is what makes it so depressing in my opinion. behind so many awful, manipulative, just plain evil people, theres a child that has experienced trauma to make them this way. this doesnt excuse their horrible actions in any shape or form, only explains them, which - personally - makes it rather hard not to have at least some empathy towards them. they arent the one to blame for how they end up.
@@clem6485 I have a bordeline personality disorder and I'm not a bad person in the slightest
@@billizeneli912 id never think you are! i was mainly talking about people whove done awful crimes... i tend to sympathize with them a lot, even when theyre objectively speaking horrible people u know? im also very certain i have bpd as well so yea i dont think ur a bad person at all and im sorry if what i said came off that way!
@@clem6485 ahhh sorry lol, theres alot of people that think people with this are just plain horrible and do bad or impulsive things alot with no self control after all there is 'disorder' and 'personality' in the name to some it sounds really bad and even scary
I was avoidant/ dependent as a child! Life was like hell for me & my parents BUT I became normal without therapy and the only thing I am really afraid of nowadays is to do phone calls with people I don't know! Other than that I am normal...
I would say paranoid must be the worst to have !
Dear Dr. Grande, I've watched roughly a dozen or so of your videos. I'd like to compliment you on your professionalism. your adherence to fact...but also, the sense of "humanity" that we have to mix into the equation. I think you're a very genuine, compassionate, caring person. Thank you!
:)
In reading many of the comments, one gets the distinct feeling that some therapeutic relief is being felt by listeners! There seems to me to be little danger and much benefit in this. Imagine TH-cam actually helping people rather than being a vacuous, useless format! Nice work Dr. Grande!💎
I recently spoke to a therapist and learned that what I thought was regular shyness and anxiety was actually AVPD. I've been having trouble trying to come to terms with that and not feel like I'm just broken.
You are not broken, you might be shy, but if you avoid most that you really wants in life, you will have to fokus on challenge some of your avoidant traits. And or accept some, depends on what makes you thrive I guess.
I also have AVPD and I know is a really hard struggle against the fear of shame and low SELF-ESTEEM. I lasted many years to realiza I had this but in the last year and I have done significant progress and I have become less avoidant. So if you want someone to talk and who can advise and support you, you can count with me. I know is extremely difficult to think that we can't handle this (in fact is one of the symptoms of AVPD) but I am really sure you will be capable to get through this.
Aye also avpd here. It sucks. But ya just gotta try anyway. It's hard AF. Pushing through but this is gonna be a practice thing. I still struggle with it especially when trying to date. I always feel awful dating. It's never really a pleasurable experience 😅 it's always challenging
Dr. Grande’s presentations are listener-friendly, and offer content useful to professionals and lay people alike. I’ve been in practice over three decades and have witnessed many changes in the field, one of which concerns avoiding rigid boundaries between disorders, and looking at tendencies, and behaviors, vs rigid, boxed-in classifications, and avoiding trying to over-generalize, especially celebrities and those in the news from superficially acquired info. Blurring of distinctions and shadow syndromes need to be appreciated as well.
You're right. Something not appreciated by the general public is how much overlap there can be between PDs.
As someone who is beginning a Psychology career, I find your channel really helpful. Great info!🙋🏽♀️
I have a BS in psyc and half a MA, but I have learned more from Dr Grande than all those years of college
Narcissism is the worst. Recently I had one steal money from me and my other colleague at work - and guess what, she still managed to manipulate her way to keeping the job and two of us are no longer working. The only thing that comforts me is that she'll show her true colors eventually and they'll realize their mistake.
I do find it dishartening that most people today are not ok, we've all turned into mere survivalists and competitors and humanity is almost completely gone out of most people. Before, it was rare to encounter a selfish and extreme manipulator, most people were average types with minor human flaws, but today you encounter them on every corner and if you don't have good skills to deal with them you're scre*ed.
EDIT: I went to collect my payment and found out she was fired because she continued stealing right after I left (this time from the receptionist). I was offered to come back to work, but no way - broken trust can never be retained.
I knew she would show her true colors eventually, but I didn't expect she would do it so soon - she wasn't even smart enough to wait for dust to settle but just continued to steal. I guess I overestimated her - she was such a good actor and manipulator that I thought she had above average IQ.
But seriously, I met all kinds of people, but never this type before. She is completely callous, not just the theft, but her overall behavior. Just the thought of her psycho appearance gives me the chills, ugh. I hope I never meet her again.
Anyway, sorry everyone, I had to vent somewhere, this was such an awful experience, lol.
Narcissist are straight from the pits of hell🎯
This sounds more like ASPD with psychopathic features (though NPD is a common comorbidity to this); you met some kind of psychopath. The combination of manipulation, callousness and criminality is a dead giveaway; these are traits on the PCL-R.
all the best for you and never, we all hope, never you have to encounter this stealing person anymore. all the best for you
Blake the internet. It is feeding narcissists to the max.
My thought before viewing the video was that BPD is probably worst for the sufferer, but ASPD causes the most distress for others. The most severe BPD problems include high suicide rate, eating disorders, self-harm, and other indicators of stress and apparent self-loathing. That's so very sad.
Yeah, but I also have friends with aspd who really don't harm others. Granted they are in therapy though.
This is why Dialectal Behavior Therapy is so important. BPD is one of the most maligned and misunderstood of all of the disorders. 75% of sufferers have attempted or will attempt suicide at least three times in their lifetime, 60% report having issues with self harming behaviours and 1 in 10 will die as a result of taking their own life. Male borderlines are particularly at risk because they are more likely to be misdiagnosed as a result of the outdated belief that only women can get it - much like with autistic females. Unfortunately, this toxic stigma in society towards it, typically categorized by the "my crazy BPD ex" stories (highly stereotypical!), is making the issue worse and adding to the vicious cycle of receiving abuse in childhood which leads to a feeling of being inherently evil and unloveable, and then everyone in society tells them the same thing and warns people to stay away from them.
Check out Dr. Daniel Fox, on BPD, such good work. Very hopeful.
"Borderline Personality Disorder's name doesn't fit either" when you said that, it reminded me of when I was first diagnosed with BPD 2 years ago. I got home and told my husband that I was diagnosed with BPD, he mistook it for MPD and asked me, "Which Ashley are you today?" And I laughed and explained that BPD is different than having multiple personalities and that I was the same Ashley lol
I was married to someone with BPD. If her name had been Ashley the better question would be "Which Ashley are you today? The one who loves me or the one who hates my guts?" The "hates my guts" version didn't show up until our wedding day; then after that a soul-destroying roller coaster.
The majority of these categories did not exist 10-20 years ago. In fact, most of this behavior is ordinary in humans (i.e. avoidant personality disorder). These categories were created to expand the patient list of psychiatrists and the reach of pharmaceutical companies. This "Dr" is a fraud practicing pseudoscience.
@@trustedsource1273 dude that sucks, bpd is tough as nails, hope you found the way
Glad you both have a sense of humor. That will help you transverse the pitfalls of life.
@@trustedsource1273 man that sounds horrible. I wonder what my ex partner felt whilst we were still dating.
I'd just like to share my personal experience as a person with BPD. I have found that the area I am suffering the most is my workplace. Due to my emotional instability, and the intense way I experience emotions, I need more time than non BPD people to adjust to changes and last minute things. Work for me is like a torture chamber, where I bounce back and forth between being calm, anxious, angry, depressed and allover again within 5 minutes. Then after work, I cannot cope with humans anymore, I need a break from people's voices and prefer to isolate. Which makes me antisocial. I have a selected group of favourite people I like to be around. The rest of them are seen as enemies, as they are potential sources of exhaustion.
U sure the diagnosis is correct??
Damn work is just like that for me, too.
Work can be like that for also, but more so when I work in a bad environment.
Sounds more like adhd exhaustion vs. bpd. Wouldn’t hurt to get a second opinion
@@tara7206 My therapist said a lot of people with Borderline have ADHD.
You’re so knowledgeable in your field and a great teacher as well, who is able to relay complex constructs in a relatable, easy to understand manner to the layperson. Thank you so much for your awesome videos and work, Dr. Grande!
Dr. Todd, I have major depressive disorder w/ borderline. It is quite difficult to manage, and associations with others is quite difficult. I've learned good coping skills and my treatment plan began in 1994. Currently I'm not on meds, and haven't been for a year. Mostly what I've noticed with myself in an interpersonal level is that I tend to be more of a hermit when I'm not out ministering. But I do go through those times where I'm "in a hole" and struggle to get out if it. I'd say that the comordidity if these two is quite debilitating at times, and a struggle more often than not. Just thought I'd share, God bless
Keep going, you're doing really well! God bless
My parent's just moved to a new house, and in doing so, I discovered all of my childhood medical records. Imagine my surprise when I discover no less than five doctors that diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder, as far back as age 10. I'm 48 now, and just learning about this. I'm infuriated my parent's didn't tell me, and I'm infuriated that doctor's and teachers documented how odd my behavior was, especially how immature I acted with other children, but not one single adult could pull me aside and talk to me about it? I see my son displaying annoying behaviors, and I'm all over it! When he starts being repetitive on online games, I shut him down quick, and tell him he is probably annoying the other people, that's why they're not responding. But did anyone bother to pull me aside? Every doctor I've seen, wants to put me on medication, specifically SSRIs, and I FINALLY have paperwork diagnosing me with a disorder that SPECIFICALLY states that medication is ineffective in treating! I hope therapy helps me with the rage I feel at the wasted 38 years I could've done something about, had I known!
@@edwardcheves9106 I was curious if it was possible to be diagnosed in childhood/adolescence without ever disclosing the diagnosis to a patient. Sorry that happened to you. Bad parenting and no help isn’t rare.
After working in the mental health field for 7 years, borderline, in my experience, is the hardest to work with and the least understood amongst my colleagues
Yet Amy working with clients with BPD was very rewarding to me as long as they had some potential for personal enlightenment and had the capacity to assume responsibility when required.
@oh ok 🤣
Really? Damn... But borderlines want help? Other PDs don't. How does that work?
@@sapphirepokemonfan I found that really interesting too cos I assumed it would have been NPD's but maybe they're really charming !! 🤔
Thank you I am dealing with it
I worked for a forensic psychologist and adolescent psychiatrist for 13 years
I saw a lot and learned a lot. I really enjoy your videos Dr Grande
I have bpd and you nailed it. It comes out most at work and in my relationship too. The rage and irritation are or can be horriblw. I'm in therapy and I'm also alcoholic and addict in AA and the programs principles and steps have helped alot. I listen to worship music too anytime I'm going to the store or busy times at work because it helps to focus on it and not the people around me and trying to relate to things they do which usually sets me off even if it isn't actually affecting me personally. I rage totally out of proportion to what is going on almost every time if I don't find a focus like God and the music to keep my headspace even. I'm loving your channel
. Good work. Keep it going.
Best wishes to you.
I love how Dr Grande says "personality disorder" so frequently that it becomes "personadisorders" to save time -
LoL
The majority of these categories did not exist 10-20 years ago. In fact, most of this behavior is ordinary in humans (i.e. avoidant personality disorder).
These categories were created to expand the patient list of psychiatrists and the reach of pharmaceutical companies. What people need is moral instruction that comes from religion.
Is it my imagination or are disorders with more consistent symptoms less damaging than those with high levels of changeability? Stability might make it possible to find some place in the world even if it's doesn't fit anyone's ideal
insightful. 10/10
James, I think your comment is amazing. Yes, I think people with symptoms that are consistent have a better chance of developing "coping" skills than say, someone with more erratic, unpredictable behavior. Very insightful and may I say compassionate observation. Thanks for your comment.
Yes, I think so. Change can be upsetting.
That explains why bpd is widely considered the most painful personality Disorder.
Mood swings and splitting.
No stability.
The other thing about avpd, its not just the beginnings that are hard. Thats maybe common with social anxiety, but often with avpd the beginnings are the easiest and the closer we get, the more we pull away/vanish. Intimacy is impossible. Or if you are like me meeting people is difficult/confusing, getting to know someone is a lot easier, but the next stage is difficult again - a lot of disappearing/reappearing, pushing and pulling. At some point it becomes just hilarious how out of control you are, and no amount of knowing it stops it.
I myself don't have avpd, but my best friend does and I've noticed that pattern. I definitely worry that she'll be like that forever and never be able to feel like she is really close to anyone. It makes me sad, because I love her a lot.
@@Aster_Risk Yeah, unfortunately I don't know what the solution for it is. I've tried multiple types of therapy for extended periods of time, I've been in relationships, and that pattern is quite stuck. I think it is due to the attachment trauma. There are a few facets to AvPD that kind of make up the disorder, and one of them is having a disorganized attachment pattern (also known as fearful avoidant). It's like yes/no'ing into infinity, there is never stability really.
@@lifewithavpd I found that it correlates more with the insecure attachment style...
"expecually" lol
I have bpd but i do this alot.
I disappear from peoples life.
I can make friends easily but the next step is always very difficult.
I can't bear them anymore.
I'll try my best to avoid them.
I'll hate them.
Is it a symptoms of avpd?
WoW ,The most concise ,clear description of confusing concepts and misleading jarson.
Could have saved years of reading and discussions.
Thank you!
I’m a 29 year old male. I feel like I have avoidant personality disorder. Extreme anxiety in social situations and wanting to avoid people in general. I have a tremendous amount of stress and anxiety on a daily basis just thinking of the idea of talking to someone or having to talk to people. It’s way way more than just social anxiety. Probably AVPD but I don’t know, but it really REALLY effects my life on a daily basis. 😔
I used to have this b/c of low self esteem caused by abuse. I have underlying cognitive disabilities. It was very uncomfortable. I was dx as avpd once but people said I didn't have it. I was too outgoing me being extroverted.
It depends on the individual, not the disorder.
i disagree, most studies have clearly shown that there ARE qualitative differences between individual personality disorders and common sense and logic support this too, so again, we aren't factoring in commorbid things. it is simply comparing them individually. you're generalized comment that it depends on the individual doesn't really hold much value, maybe you should explain more than giving a lazy and generalized response. i'm sure you haven't actually looked at research studies, because all of them point to schizotypal PD and borderline PD as being the most distressing and impairing and rightfully so!
with that being said, yes, although i disagree with your point partly, i can comment that most of the people i know online ( never met a true schizotypal in person ), but online, who also had the same diagnosis of schizotypal PD as me were nowhere near as impaired as i am. the only people i related to whom i considered as being more impaired were a few people with borderline personality disorder ( all of them were women ) in person, and i'm a male. these people were the ones were really suffered from qualitative and complex issues. the rest of the people i met, who may have had a different personality disorder, we nowhere near the impairments that i have.
also to make matters worse, the conditions i also relate to aren't even in the DSM, this is a unique subtype of passive aggressive personality disorder, NOT the original one, because the original one isn't me, also i relate to sluggish cognitive tempo which is a research term for a unique group of people with unique types of problems. also i relate to vulnerable narcissim, but most sources have failed to replicate a proper understanding and definition of it, always lumping it up with grandiose narcissism and clearly just saying the same thing, ( the majority of youtube videos in particular ) and sorry ass people who got "Abused" by "narcissist" relationships.
@@idin03 I have borderline and I'm aware it's considered the most distressing pd, and I agree it is very distressing for me. However, the reason it still depends on the individual is because everyone experiences their pd differently. Being a quiet and somewhat "high functioning" borderline, I experience bpd differently than many other borderlines do. That's why we can't quite be generalized by our pd alone.
@@idin03 firm disagree. You can't measure these disorders against each other at all. It's more on the person easily. Some people, regardless of disorder are much more emotionally capable of dealing with them and some much less
@@idin03 extreme disagree. What Nicolette said is really smart as it is all individual. One disorder will look completely different in the next person. My boyfriend has BPD and one of my friends have bpd yet they couldn't be further from each other. One is explosive and scary, the other is more directed at themselves and internal so it's really down to the individual and will vary.
Finding the right position for a person with ocpd can make all the difference in the work place setting. They can really thrive in some positions. I have also seem a person with bpd do very well if they have supportive understanding coworkers. Open honest communication seems to be very helpful in defusing emotional situations.
So true! If others spoke to me in such a calming voice as you dr G. With no JUDGEMENT. I would probably "stay calm & carry on". Its a learning process! Blessings. ❤
The tendency for people with AvPD to stick like glue in relationships can actually be incredibly negative. They stay sometimes despite massive amounts of abuse because they don't feel worthy of anything better. In fact, being abused by the people they care about is used as proof that no one will treat them better, and that they deserve their ill treatment.
The abusers also exploit their victims financially, waste money, dont pay bills so it all falls on the victim. The narcissist attempts to burn all of your options by isolating you from friends, family and coworkers. Ideally this needs to be taught to young people before they get into any type of relationship. Education is important, especially about boundaries, personal interaction. Teach your kids early what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior and you must model the behavior as well.
@Lisa Rowe Narcissist does get thrown around a lot. Abuser, narcissist. Unfaithful, narcissist. Only a tiny fraction of abusers and cheaters are actual narcissists. People treat narcissist as a synonym for asshole. There are assholes everywhere and most of the don't have personality disorders. They are simply assholes.
@ck2d this is very true. I suffer from AvPD and my first relationship was incredibly negative and emotional abusive. Stayed for way too long with her and I can still feel the effects of it almost 5 years after I broke up with her.
I feel this at my core. AvPD is kind of lost/forgotten in the.shuffle, I think, particularly since it’s virtually indistinguishable from Social Anxiety Disorder.
@@paulvoorhies8821There's a very clear difference between SAD and AvPD.
Wow! You laid this out in an easy to understand manner. I wish videos like this one was around when I was going through Psychiatric Nursing.
As a 70 year old work in progress I dip my toe into your knowledge (thought bag) and come away favorably impressed and more knowledgeable. Thank you!
i have BPD, and it's just fucking constant hell. i'm completely unable to function, at least at this moment in my life. i really hope my brain gets worn out when i get middle-aged so i can start living, if i even stay alive for another 20 years, which seems pretty unlikely to me tbh
I knew someone who had been diagnosed with BPD, and she had a lot of difficulty just navigating life and was miserable. My heart goes out to you. I hope you are getting help.
Narcissistic personality disorder in my husband wrecked my life as in severe, complicated, unpredictable violence in so many ways. I now suffer from complex PTSD and am lucky to be alive, but am changed forever.
Thank you for sharing so much valuable knowledge on personality disorders and how they can impact a person's life, this is very helpful and hoping for healing for people who are affected by these disorders
Really excellent analysis. Concise, well orated, and comprehensive. I survived a relationship with someone I think has NPD/ASPD and I had to laugh when you mentioned the partner doesn't feel the relationship is going as well as the PD person. That is definitely spot on. Great share. Thanks, and subscribed.
Thank you so much!
Niagod glad you survived it,
Me too man, hope you are well!
Paranoia, anxiety and depression have ruined me! Like an OCD suffering I can't control. My shrink diagnosed me with aspergers! I don't believe it! But I'm praying for peace ! Constant doom! I'm so worn down I can't explain! I used to rely on physical strength but all gone. I force myself ( work you bastard) take a teaspoon of cement and harden up!!! I need a concrete truck! Why do I tear up and feel like crying? My father and brother always said: real men don't cry? Now at 48 I struggle to relate to people, relax, constant fear! I'm an emotional wreck! I have contemplated suicide a number of times! My youngest autistic son is literally the only reason I'm here! I have been to so many counsellors! I'm going crazy with guilt. Constant guilt! Maybe a .44 magnum? I'm over this whole world and I'm praying constantly but I sin and the guilt???? Any reply appreciated! Cheers from Australia! I feel like I have PTSD? But I don't.
You are so articulate and I love how much research you put into your videos, easily my favourite psychology TH-camr! Thanks for another great video :D
You're a very kind man, I can see it in your eyes. As always, thank you
I love your videos Dr. Grande, I have APD and BPD but feel like (luckily) my symptoms are mild. I told my therapist about your TH-cam channel, its so good for me, I absolutely love the rational way you think and express. Super inspiring 😊👍 thanks for your videos, they really add some rational thought and understanding to my day 🙂
Cool ,..... my therapy is Gaslighting.....lol!
@@redstaplerguyforlifepastpr5763 i think my psychiatrist has narcissistic personality disorder 😂😂😂😂
He think of his words and opinion as universal rules.
He just like my narcissistic father.
He only listened to my opinion after i attempted suicide second time.
He is worse😂
It's so bad that i find it funny.
I mean something so many crazy things happen in your life that when you think about it you yourself can't believe it😂.
Omg
The world is funny and miserable
Take care of yourself.
Things might get worse in early adulthood
Borderline for sure, its so devastating and raw and those rage attacks are very scary 😦 everyone who dealt with an aggressive BPD knows what pain they can inflict on themselves and against their loved ones
100 percent agree. They have enough emotion to keep sucking you back in/have hope. It's really sick.
I have been dealing with this from my fiancé for the last 2 years. He was diagnosed first with bipolar but in all actuality he has BPD. Scary isn’t the word to describe how he gets. I’ve tried to walk away so many times but when you love someone, something makes you stay.
@@Ashley-vq9xeyou’re not a professional so stop trying to diagnose people
@@Ashley-vq9xeif he is like this now qnd you're not married it might be the time to go and save your health. Can't tell you what to do. But when someone may harm you it may be time to love them but also leave.
I appreciate your in depth honesty, particularly on BPD. Very insightful, thank you🖖🏽
I am borderline personality disorder and I'm not constantly mad I can be triggered but I don't just walk around angry
Depends. My fiance has it and has episodes where he gets super angry to the point he may start a fight with the next person to look at him funny. There are different levels of severity and symptoms ^^ y'all gonna be different
@@felix0-014 "Episodes"
Lies.
I don't understand why I'm being put in the same cluster as NPD, I was diagnosed with BPD but I don't do anything to hurt others, I stick to myself so that they don't have to deal with my issues it's my problem and no one else's. My kids tell everyone how great a mum I am they tell me multiple times daily and they're teens & adults. My mum NPD is the most evil person imaginable there's no way we belong in the same cluster. It's so unfair the things people say about people with BPD they say we're evil and worse than narcs it really hurts. It needs to be fixed it's causing a lot of people a lot of distress
Anecdotal (but to be fair so was yours) but my mom had BPD and I think she is the most evil person I've ever met.
@@unusedrock308
But that's your mother's traits, you can't expect or think that everyone who has BPD is horrible. I know some for years that all they did was self harm and retract from social settings. Not once did any of them hurt others.
Maybe your mom has severe narcissistic disorder rather than BPD?
@@erikai1817 diagnosed BPD. Couldn't I say the same thing about narcs? That it's not the disorder but the traits and people should be much more compassionate towards them?
Because people with BPD do hurt others, and are often in complete denial about it and refuse help. A woman in a group of friends I have has BPD and every single fucking time we meet, it's about her. She lives off of her identity, she IS BPD, so she will never get better because she doesn't want to.
@@SkepticalTeacher she doesn’t need to unless her life is destructive
Thank you for your in-depth approach to difficult behavioral manifestations regarding BPD, HPD, NPD, ASPD, AVPD, and OCPD.
I was relieved to hear your clarification about the word ‘worst’ 🙏🌈🍀🌺
Your channel has taught me so much about the situation I grew up in, and how to work on myself to treat others better in the future.
i like reading the comments from other viewers...it is facinating to discover the ways different people interpret the same information.
Just a little insight. I have ocpd I've been struggling with it for all my life. Only recently have I found a counselor willing to actually treat it through cognitive behavioral therapy. The level of emotional distress that I feel normally is extremely high due to the inability to ascertain that what I do may hurt others even though I see it as helping. I have a strong emotional and moral connection with those that I love and 90% of the time I feel emotionally broken due to not understanding how they're feeling.
You articulate so well in all the videos I’ve seen from you. Anytime I needed a refresher, I always utilize your video as a tool. You’re amazing at what you do!
It is a personal choice. Everyone has suffered from mental stress and anxiety. Because we are bound to our personal experiences our personal experiences seems worse than others. I believe everyone's experiences are equal. I have suffered from mental health problems and went to groups and everyone say the same thing, their suffering is worse than others. It's because they lack knowledge of others suffering. That's why we have group counseling, to teach awareness and support each other. It's my favourite part of mental health services. I love people so I want to be social so I can be aware of my environment. It helps me to not be selfish and deal with my own difficulties. I am mindful because of the group counseling I engaged in. I am very grateful for mental health. They helped me build my future and ability to live on my own with assistance of course. 👍☺️❣️
As someone who suffers from BPD with OCD my life has been hellish.
This is excellent. You have provided a blueprint or map organizing the different classifications for enhanced study. Thank you for taking the time and effort to put this together for us. Sincerely appreciated.
I'd like to see a separate video on each of the personality disorders.
I was wrongfully diagnosed with BPD! I really have PTSD! Spent years with that awful diagnosis! Was discriminated against and wasn't taken seriously. Glad I was diagnosed right in the 90s. People think your a killer with at diagnosis. I also think they freely diagnose people too often.
Odd how amost every person who goes to Community Mental Health is bi polar.
I vote for AVPD as the worst disorder to have. The mental and emotional distress of deeply desiring to have a normal life and relationships while being completely unable to do so, and not understanding why and blaming yourself for it, is something that I would not wish upon my worst enemy. I think Narcissism is the worst disorder in terms of the harm that they cause others.
As an avoidant i can agree
It's important to note that AvPD is often comorbid to BPD which I believe is the most difficult PD to treat and deal with. (I have AvPD myself)
Dr. Grande is by far the absolute best!!!! I love how he gets straight to the point and states straight facts. It’s so frustrating when someone rambles on and on before they get to the point. I have learned so much from him. Thank you Dr. Grande!! We need more professionals like you in this field. You have an impact on so many. Thank you!
I agree. My x is borderline and yes, it's the "worst". I feel sorry for him, he really can't manage his feelings and relationships 😖 And he sometimes feel "unreal" and always want praise and attention. He's very unsecure among other things, very difficult to live with.
As always a good video Dr Grande 💙
Hey Doc, would you be willing to discuss Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and the ways in which a long term childhood traumatizing environment manifests personality disorders? Are there any kinds of treatment methodologies, or personal strategies, that have shown to be effective in mitigating some of the lasting damage to the individual, and the effects to the people around the individual, that endured that kind of experience?
I am not a doctor but I am a person with diagnosed PDs and C-PTSD and a psych student- Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT) can be used to stabilize a wide variety of mental or developmental illnesses including personality disorders and PTSD/trauma as well. After a certain point in treatment it’s possible to “ test out “ of the range of symptoms and improve but it’s a huge challenge as it requires literally retraining your brain’a neural pathways and responses through talk based therapy (which also varies in quality widely based on the therapist’s personal judgements on your personality disorder or mental illness) so it’s sort of an understandable problem.
I know this comment is a year old but here's my answer anyway: the book 'The Body Keeps the Score' by Bessel van der Kolk was instrumental in my finding a pathway to my own healing from C-PTSD. I've been in Internal Family Systems therapy for a year now and have made *huge* progress. There are also books by Pete Walker, a therapist who himself has healed from C-PTSD. Good luck.
@@JaneAustenAteMyCat Thank you. I've read The Body Keeps the Score, about 2 months ago.
I have avoidant personality disorder and I have kind of given up trying to find my "tribe" or the people I belong with. As a kid, I used to want to get married and have kids. But I no longer believe that's going to happen in my life. I feel lonely all the time. I have trouble in the career area. It sucks. It can be very painful. Combine this with depression and it can just feel impossible.
Dr Grande, thank you. As you described each of the 10 personality disorders I kept filtering against my own self diagnosis, and time and time again you would help me answer my own question. I have a lot of mental health issues, so much I cannot work, but I don’t believe I have been accurately or definitively diagnosed (to my knowledge). I believe that only with brain imaging can we really know what’s going on with our mental health. One day, one day, I will be able to afford that FMRI. And for it to be analyzed by many of your peers (in confidence) and that the “true” diagnosis of my mental health deterioration will finally see the light. No wonder you guys are still called shrinks. You are a brilliant human and I admire your recall and tone and seeming objectivity. But hey, who knows, you could also be the guy who gets subpoenaed in 3 years time for having an arsenal of guns and kilddie porn in your house.
Please don’t remove this comment, it is here to prove that literally no one is innocent: me, Dr Grande, Dr Curry, Dr Bruce Leuchter of 59th street Psychiatric Weill Cornell Institute or beyond. I DO NOT TRUST YOU. and I am praying this changes. FIONA
I like the amount of details and depth in this video... this is what I've looked for on YT about these topics
Thank you!
Appreciated this very much. I’m still confused about BPD. I’ve read such a wide range of symptoms from various sources. I’ve also seen BPD broken down into types. Very confusing.
Even so, I truly appreciate the breakdown of the classes and 10 personality disorders. Thank you so much!
When it comes to types, in Europe there’s 2. ( also they are not normally called Borderline, and often there’s no mention of “disorder”. )
It’s called emotionally unstable personality type 1 and type 2.
Type 1 is Emotionally Unstable Personality - impulse type
Type 2 is Emotionally Unstable Personality - Borderline type ( that term might have changed in recent years)
Type 2 is more difficult and serious one. That’s where you get suicidal thoughts, self harm and generally deep anger towards self and severe loathing of self as a person ON TOP of impulsively, strong emotions, anger towards others because of black and white thinking, also called idealisation and devaluation, and because you’re emotionally extremely vulnerable and the slightest wrong towards you (even unintentional) hurts so much that it’s an instant justification for a “ I will hurt you back the same “, although it often IS tenfold to others on the receiving end … precisely because the person with BPD hurts so much, it feels to them that they’re just hurting back “appropriately”… followed by genuine remorse and regret, fear, utter terror of abandonment and frantic “ Please, don’t leave me.”
( this was a brief description of the type 1).
While the type one suffers tremendously, type 2 is, on top of that, taking a huge step further towards ultimate destruction of self as well.
I’m not talking about the immense hurt and damage people with this personality type do to others right now. That’s a different topic altogether.
I am starting to think there might not be any "normal" people on this planet...so that clearly includes me.🤦♀️ Agreed...the disorder we have to deal with/suffering from is the WORST! The one thing I really appreciate is that you don't dramatize anything. Zero judgment and you create a sense that all this crap can be managed if that's the route chosen. Thank you 🙏and bless you
YES. MUST BE A FACT. IT IS THE ADJUSTMENTS ACQUIRED AND REQUIRED TO PARTICIPATE WITHIN HUMANITY. WITH SORROW AND REALITY, THERE IS MUCH AND SUCH SEVERE DAMAGES FROM ENTERTAINMENT AND THE MULTITUDES OF DECLINING ATTEMPTS OF GOODNESS DROWNING IN THE BRUTALITY OF THE DESTRUCTIVE AND BIZARRE DEMAND UPON SOCIETY TO ACCEPT ABSURDLY, DEVASTATING "FREEDOMS" OF HISTORIC. CULTURES THAT ROTTED AWAY. SADLY, SO WHAT'S NEW???
@@paulcritchfield9825 I agree. There is much sorrow & pain. I appreciate your reply
I appreciate the way you said “not Worse” because people who are affected/effected could delay treatment if they thought they were the worst. Thank you!
Can you do a video on the incel phenomenon from a psychopathological perspective?
Would love too watch it as well
Good idea actually
People usually become incels because they have autism. Their lack of social skills lead them to being outcast, which starts a vicious cycle.
Such a perspective would be necessarily incomplete, though surely a number of disorders are more likely among a modern incel population.
I suspect the "phenomenon" is experienced as such because men are now able to discuss sexual matters with each other online as never before, coupled with rapid intersexual societal changes that make inceldom more likely than it has been in the recent past, and perhaps since civilization first enforced monogamy in its effort to employ the male masses.
If we take "Inceldom" broadly, as an involuntary celibacy situation, it is absurd to try to establish an associated mental condition or assume a "psychopathological perspective". Because the situation of involuntary celibacy is neither a mental condition nor a personal choice, but a structural and statistical output of the current sexual dynamics. In a dynamics in which men are always active and women are always passive, in which men approach or orbit multiple women while women wait and choose at pleasure, it is inevitable that women live swimming in male attention, while men must compete and try harder and harder to access a scarce resource (the women's approval). It is against the background of this dynamics where involuntary celibacy emerges as an exclusively male phenomenon. And it is not about any disorder or syndrome. Any man can be in that situation. Obviously vulnerable groups (unemployed, physically or mentally disordered men) will have more risk. But I have friends, with jobs, good people and hard workers, who are de facto celibate despite multiple efforts to stop being so, although surely none of them know the term incel.
Another thing is what we would call "incels" in a militant sense, that is, people like Elliot Rodger or those who admire that insane profile of people. It is irrelevant to know if they have a disorder or not: they must be judged by their actions. And Elliot Rodger is a criminal, period. The possibility of finding a mental disorder in him is no excuse.
I have avoidant, dependent and schizoid. Out of the three I'd actually say the one that causes me the most distress is dependent personality disorder. I want nothing more than a quiet, independent life, and that disorder has robbed me of that. As for schizoid, I hardly feel that it's a disorder... actually I love it.
3:55 cluster A:
4:08 Paranoid PD
5:30 Schizoid PD
7:21 Schizotypal PD
8:36 cluster B:
8:42 Antisocial PD
10:28 Narcissistic PD
13:00 Borderline PD
14:57 Histrionic PD
16:20 cluster C:
16:22 Avoidant PD
17:56 Dependent PD
19:36 Obsessive compulsive PD
Thank you
I love how you're very open-minded about how you address this topic as it is very sensitive and can easily come across as very opinionated. Very good explanation.
Narcissistic personality disorder is the worst by far. It's the main disorder where the one who has it doesn't suffer, but his or her envoirnment is being destroyed!
They do suffer
@@khadijahajili8964 They don't suffer from their illness. The suffering they did prior is what made them ill.
Believe me, they are suffering behind that mask .
AsPD don't really suffer because the part of them that is supposed to suffer is muted and the competitive part is amplified. NPD secretly hate themselves and are very sensitive to criticism, which is part of why they are known for their temper tantrums.
@@fulaniyyah well put it
Love this video! I agree that with narcissism it is the OTHER person who suffers a lot! Yeah, that is weird they give it that OCD name, just adding typical in there!
Megan M
I made popcorn just for this vid!
I believe you really did! If it weren’t so late I would get to popping!
Lol
Thanks for sharing Alex. I'll remember that.
Lol
Wow. What a balanced view of these issues. That is so rare in the social sciences. Dr. Grande is amazing. Highly recommended watch. This video is worth your time.
What i've learned is that people with Borderline are the ones who suffer the most within the personality disorders, due to a constant feeling of abandonment. If this is not true, I'd love to be corrected!
It’s the intense raw emotion. Like being on fire with having skin. It’s also like a light switch. I can be stable for awhile then the switch happens and I can’t work, eat, sleep. I isolate. Bpd is very insidious.
By FAR the most chronically painful and mentally agonising illness anyone could have. Just imagine beinG suicidal almost every waking moment. That is what it feels like to have BPD.