As women we work hard. We are able to take care of ourselves, and households. what we need are pious men to marry us. The money issue is not a big one, we are productive, so we can assist in this regard. Making a lot of money that can take care of more than one family is not easy to come by these days, so as women we are willing to chip in. All we need are pious husbands.
You shouldn’t claim that “we” are happy to chip in that money is not a big issue because it is serious . Allah mentions that men have a degree over women because they MAINTAIN and protect the women…so do not claim we all are happy to have our rights taken from us so a man can have more then one wife. You water down the deen and make it easy for men to abuse their position to suit themselves , by claiming we are happy to do so. Responsibility is important to do things justly, you have to allow men to be mature and responsible before taking on extra families. How will the woman remain in her home, educate her kids and work so she can chip in and remain content in the situation she finds herself in? That is not Islam.How will she respect the man when she is doing everything? Marriage is long term, this is why there is high divorce rates because it’s not done properly. There maybe some women who are content to do this but we shouldn’t give men the impression it’s fine when it’s not without serious discussion and consent of the women…who can change their mind at any time because maintenance is their RIGHT.
@@mishmash7776 Sounds like you have dogmatic views and perhaps insecurities. Deal with them, becasue insecure people are a danger to the Ummah. Read my message again : what we need are pious men. A pious man is a man who knows and understands himself, understands his role and is man enough to understand that income streams in a family may vary and is not threatened by it. If a person takes identity as a male becausue he can provide, then the day when his income is tested, he will crumble. As women, we are quite happy to take care of household finances. My aunt was a graduate, highly educated, her husband wasn't, she took care of ALL the bills for decades, and they had a WONDERFUL marriage. Why? He was pious.
@@mck5549 a pious man knows his role is to maintain his family and does so without expecting his wife to help. A pious man certainly wouldn’t get another wife expecting her or the first to provide for themselves while he adds to his family. A pious man knows his wife’s money is her own. If she wants to help in the family by her own free will then that is fine. A pious man does not take on extra wives and EXPECT the first to feed his kids and pay the bills. A pious man knows him providing for his family is what is legislated by Allah -Islam is for all time polygyny is permissible but men are still the providers even in times it’s hard . They are accountable and it is NOT an easy affair. I’m not dogmatic or insecure to follow what Allah has legislated. You are not helping a pious man by helping to put him in a situation he is not ready to deal with because he will be accountable. We don’t need fancy cars finest food or expensive clothes. But we do need housing, clothing , bills paid and food. If a woman is happy to pay for herself while her husband pays for another woman alhamdulillah , but will she still feel like that in 5,10,15 years? We are all only human insecurities and resentment would be totally normal in an unjust situation. That’s why I said serious discussions need to be held because divorce is way to common in our communities and second /third wives come and go way too easily. Children are affected. Children grow up hating their childhood which should have been beautiful. Women are affected and often become depressed which affects their deen. Men are only human, and while it may seem appealing from the outside once entered good pious men can also struggle mentally. I have seen this. Pious men are the ones that struggle when not done properly- other men may just walk away and start again. I am talking from experience. My issue was you saying WE women are happy to finance ourselves that is unfair and so wrong. We have to start teaching our boys responsibility. It’s not dogmatic to say enter things responsibly on both sides.
Why do you keep saying as women we are happy to take care of household finances? Allah has not legislated that for us. How can we be pious staying in the home , covered and still maintain our own finances whilst married and having kids?? Don’t you think that emasculates a man?
@@mishmash7776 if you want to be dependent on a man, then do so, the rest of us depend more on Allah. Prophets Muhammads first wife Khadija was a business woman she earned much more than him and she took care of finances and theyy had a good marriage. She was empowered and because the Prophet was secure and objective, they had a good marriage. Why do you want to be taken care of? Why cant you contribute to make a household better? I just come back earlier today from graduating my second degree, I will go up to PHD level InchAllah. Women who hold their own are much more respected by their husbands than needy women, they also carry themselves better as they are confident. If you want to be a glorified housekeeper with a ring, be our guest. We on the other hand, need pious husbands, who work hard and love family, and meantime, yes where its needed, we are happy to share the bills on a balanced way.
AS SALAAMU ALAIKUM Mufti, May ALLAH, SUPHANNA HU WA TA'ALA, allow you to continue to spread Elm. LA'HOWLAH LA QUWWATA ILLAH BILLAH AL ATHEEM, AMEEN!!!!
It's our right if we don't want to be in a polygamous marriage... isn't it ? it's not mandatory so there is no sin in not wanting it. Isn't it ? That's what I understand.
It is a good thing and is from the sunnah of our prophet as mufti emphasised. The woman also is not to ask for divorce if her husband gets another wife, this is something the scholars have generally spoken out against as this is what Allah has made permissible for the man. As for it being waajib then I don't know.
@will de Yes it is a right if a woman does not wish for her husband to be with another wife then she can write this condition in her marriage contract. This is a condition to be discussed prior to the marriage between the future spouses. If a wife believes that a polygynous relationship will cause her grievous harm and in fact it does cause her grievous harm to the point where she is no longer able to fulfil her obligations to her husband and is affecting her ability to look after her children then she has a right to leave the marriage. Islam is centered on fairness and justice not oppression. If she is distraught, cannot adjust to this situation then the oppression is on her. He may be a just and fair brother who does fulfil his obligations, however if she is still dissatisfied then she is able to seek a divorce. Islam came to liberate women not oppress them. Let's not fall into sexist attitudes imposing situations on all women. I know some women who have no qualms about polygyny and practice it freely. I know others who feel oppressed, lost their natural charm and beauty, became only vessels of themselves with tremendous pain. Their children see their mother deteriorate, hate their father and the family is ruined. Again, do not tell me she should just "adjust" and move on. Women do not function this way. If I said you just get over the fact that your wife will be with another man, then you would be enraged. I repeat it, some women can, most women cannot. Allah knows best.
@@ia1399 Asalamulaikum Brother, I have responded to a similar comment below. But essentially you are correct, divorcing straight away upon hearing of another wife may not be advisable. However, in the context where the wife feels a complete breach of trust, this new situation affects her ability to care for her husband and children, and despite the fact of her husband being fair and just, then she is allowed to seek a divorce. Islam does not encourage oppression. A woman being distraught, feeling traumatised and extremely sad in a marriage is oppressive and Islam does not encourage oppression including against ourselves. Also, it is sunnah not fadr. It is a good thing if all parties feel that it is a good thing. In a polygynous relationship you cannot have a husband being very happy having multiple wives and all the wives being sad and depressed all the time as a result of this relationship. This is clearly wrong on the face of it because it shows an immature, irresponsible and selfish husband who has made grave decisions. This is a sensitive topic and requires a level of maturity whilst addressing one of the dreaded fears of women. And Allah knows best.
@will de I am no feminist. Its polygyny not polygamy. Do not insult me. Your tone says more about you than it says about me. Ego and narcissism of women, what are you even on about here??? Islam liberated women. Nowhere in the world at the time women had rights. They were considered chattels and were exchanged either as a commodity or means of convenience. Islam elevated womens status, from mere things to paradise resting beneath women's feet. There us no equality in Islam, there us equity. I responded in an educated, respectful and informed manner. You responded in such a condescending and frankly ignorant tone, go educate myself, and quick label of feminism, really?? Whatever happened to good manners especially whilst addressing a woman. The fact of me being online makes no difference. Asalamulaikum Akhi, May the Almighty show you this conversation on day of judgment whilst he looks at the sincerity of our intentions.
@will de Again, read my reply carefully. You have decided to attack my reply based on your own assumptions and biases. Your question reveals your own naivety and lack of maturity. I have not said one word against polygyny. If I did it would be as if I have more hikmah 4han the Quran and Sunna, astaghfirullah. Never! Allah swt in His infinite wisdom knows why this us do explicitly addressed in the Quran. Now as to harm, some women chose to be in polygyny especially women who are divorced or widowed woth children, who have had the initial marriage experience and now look for companionship. It makes sense to not deprive those women. Others might be seriously harmed if the men oppress them. The overwhelming majority of these marriages unfortunately involve a husband who may not be just abd fair which are the conditions imposed by the Almighty. So now, stop labelling a highly educated woman and instead catch some manners along the way.
Oh shaykh we're not as fool as you depict us. Even when he doesn't show we know well who's the favourite wife. What's wrong with u muslim men is not that you want to practice polyginy, but that u want to force women into it, that you don't accept the women's right not to take part in this lifestyle. And you always talk about jelousy. It's not about that. In some women polyginy causes mental illness. Stop using Islam to oppress your sisters. This wasn't the Probhet (PBUH) way. You lie against the Quran and Sunnah to strip women of the rights that Islam granted them. Stop lying to your advantage, we know what Islam has granted us.
Sister, may Allah bless you and forgive you aameen, please learn more about your religion before you speak about what the Prophet Muhammad’s way was or what the Qur’an says. I don’t know what you’ve been through but I know what you’ve said is wrong.
This sheik is Wise Mashallah . And the words just flow out so smoothly Subhanallah. Allahuma barak . May Allah bless you
As women we work hard. We are able to take care of ourselves, and households. what we need are pious men to marry us. The money issue is not a big one, we are productive, so we can assist in this regard. Making a lot of money that can take care of more than one family is not easy to come by these days, so as women we are willing to chip in. All we need are pious husbands.
You shouldn’t claim that “we” are happy to chip in that money is not a big issue because it is serious . Allah mentions that men have a degree over women because they MAINTAIN and protect the women…so do not claim we all are happy to have our rights taken from us so a man can have more then one wife. You water down the deen and make it easy for men to abuse their position to suit themselves , by claiming we are happy to do so. Responsibility is important to do things justly, you have to allow men to be mature and responsible before taking on extra families. How will the woman remain in her home, educate her kids and work so she can chip in and remain content in the situation she finds herself in? That is not Islam.How will she respect the man when she is doing everything? Marriage is long term, this is why there is high divorce rates because it’s not done properly. There maybe some women who are content to do this but we shouldn’t give men the impression it’s fine when it’s not without serious discussion and consent of the women…who can change their mind at any time because maintenance is their RIGHT.
@@mishmash7776 Sounds like you have dogmatic views and perhaps insecurities. Deal with them, becasue insecure people are a danger to the Ummah. Read my message again : what we need are pious men. A pious man is a man who knows and understands himself, understands his role and is man enough to understand that income streams in a family may vary and is not threatened by it. If a person takes identity as a male becausue he can provide, then the day when his income is tested, he will crumble. As women, we are quite happy to take care of household finances. My aunt was a graduate, highly educated, her husband wasn't, she took care of ALL the bills for decades, and they had a WONDERFUL marriage. Why? He was pious.
@@mck5549 a pious man knows his role is to maintain his family and does so without expecting his wife to help. A pious man certainly wouldn’t get another wife expecting her or the first to provide for themselves while he adds to his family. A pious man knows his wife’s money is her own. If she wants to help in the family by her own free will then that is fine. A pious man does not take on extra wives and EXPECT the first to feed his kids and pay the bills. A pious man knows him providing for his family is what is legislated by Allah -Islam is for all time polygyny is permissible but men are still the providers even in times it’s hard . They are accountable and it is NOT an easy affair. I’m not dogmatic or insecure to follow what Allah has legislated. You are not helping a pious man by helping to put him in a situation he is not ready to deal with because he will be accountable. We don’t need fancy cars finest food or expensive clothes. But we do need housing, clothing , bills paid and food. If a woman is happy to pay for herself while her husband pays for another woman alhamdulillah , but will she still feel like that in 5,10,15 years? We are all only human insecurities and resentment would be totally normal in an unjust situation. That’s why I said serious discussions need to be held because divorce is way to common in our communities and second /third wives come and go way too easily. Children are affected. Children grow up hating their childhood which should have been beautiful. Women are affected and often become depressed which affects their deen. Men are only human, and while it may seem appealing from the outside once entered good pious men can also struggle mentally. I have seen this. Pious men are the ones that struggle when not done properly- other men may just walk away and start again. I am talking from experience. My issue was you saying WE women are happy to finance ourselves that is unfair and so wrong. We have to start teaching our boys responsibility. It’s not dogmatic to say enter things responsibly on both sides.
Why do you keep saying as women we are happy to take care of household finances? Allah has not legislated that for us. How can we be pious staying in the home , covered and still maintain our own finances whilst married and having kids?? Don’t you think that emasculates a man?
@@mishmash7776 if you want to be dependent on a man, then do so, the rest of us depend more on Allah. Prophets Muhammads first wife Khadija was a business woman she earned much more than him and she took care of finances and theyy had a good marriage. She was empowered and because the Prophet was secure and objective, they had a good marriage. Why do you want to be taken care of? Why cant you contribute to make a household better? I just come back earlier today from graduating my second degree, I will go up to PHD level InchAllah. Women who hold their own are much more respected by their husbands than needy women, they also carry themselves better as they are confident. If you want to be a glorified housekeeper with a ring, be our guest. We on the other hand, need pious husbands, who work hard and love family, and meantime, yes where its needed, we are happy to share the bills on a balanced way.
JazaakAllaahu khairan for speaking the truth
Excellent ma sha Allah. Agreed!
AS SALAAMU ALAIKUM Mufti, May ALLAH, SUPHANNA HU WA TA'ALA, allow you to continue to spread Elm. LA'HOWLAH LA QUWWATA ILLAH BILLAH AL ATHEEM, AMEEN!!!!
It's our right if we don't want to be in a polygamous marriage... isn't it ? it's not mandatory so there is no sin in not wanting it. Isn't it ? That's what I understand.
It is a good thing and is from the sunnah of our prophet as mufti emphasised. The woman also is not to ask for divorce if her husband gets another wife, this is something the scholars have generally spoken out against as this is what Allah has made permissible for the man. As for it being waajib then I don't know.
@will de Yes it is a right if a woman does not wish for her husband to be with another wife then she can write this condition in her marriage contract. This is a condition to be discussed prior to the marriage between the future spouses.
If a wife believes that a polygynous relationship will cause her grievous harm and in fact it does cause her grievous harm to the point where she is no longer able to fulfil her obligations to her husband and is affecting her ability to look after her children then she has a right to leave the marriage.
Islam is centered on fairness and justice not oppression. If she is distraught, cannot adjust to this situation then the oppression is on her. He may be a just and fair brother who does fulfil his obligations, however if she is still dissatisfied then she is able to seek a divorce.
Islam came to liberate women not oppress them. Let's not fall into sexist attitudes imposing situations on all women.
I know some women who have no qualms about polygyny and practice it freely. I know others who feel oppressed, lost their natural charm and beauty, became only vessels of themselves with tremendous pain. Their children see their mother deteriorate, hate their father and the family is ruined. Again, do not tell me she should just "adjust" and move on. Women do not function this way. If I said you just get over the fact that your wife will be with another man, then you would be enraged. I repeat it, some women can, most women cannot. Allah knows best.
@@ia1399 Asalamulaikum Brother,
I have responded to a similar comment below. But essentially you are correct, divorcing straight away upon hearing of another wife may not be advisable. However, in the context where the wife feels a complete breach of trust, this new situation affects her ability to care for her husband and children, and despite the fact of her husband being fair and just, then she is allowed to seek a divorce. Islam does not encourage oppression. A woman being distraught, feeling traumatised and extremely sad in a marriage is oppressive and Islam does not encourage oppression including against ourselves.
Also, it is sunnah not fadr. It is a good thing if all parties feel that it is a good thing. In a polygynous relationship you cannot have a husband being very happy having multiple wives and all the wives being sad and depressed all the time as a result of this relationship. This is clearly wrong on the face of it because it shows an immature, irresponsible and selfish husband who has made grave decisions.
This is a sensitive topic and requires a level of maturity whilst addressing one of the dreaded fears of women. And Allah knows best.
@will de I am no feminist. Its polygyny not polygamy. Do not insult me. Your tone says more about you than it says about me. Ego and narcissism of women, what are you even on about here???
Islam liberated women. Nowhere in the world at the time women had rights. They were considered chattels and were exchanged either as a commodity or means of convenience. Islam elevated womens status, from mere things to paradise resting beneath women's feet. There us no equality in Islam, there us equity. I responded in an educated, respectful and informed manner.
You responded in such a condescending and frankly ignorant tone, go educate myself, and quick label of feminism, really??
Whatever happened to good manners especially whilst addressing a woman. The fact of me being online makes no difference.
Asalamulaikum Akhi, May the Almighty show you this conversation on day of judgment whilst he looks at the sincerity of our intentions.
@will de Again, read my reply carefully. You have decided to attack my reply based on your own assumptions and biases.
Your question reveals your own naivety and lack of maturity.
I have not said one word against polygyny. If I did it would be as if I have more hikmah 4han the Quran and Sunna, astaghfirullah. Never! Allah swt in His infinite wisdom knows why this us do explicitly addressed in the Quran.
Now as to harm, some women chose to be in polygyny especially women who are divorced or widowed woth children, who have had the initial marriage experience and now look for companionship. It makes sense to not deprive those women.
Others might be seriously harmed if the men oppress them. The overwhelming majority of these marriages unfortunately involve a husband who may not be just abd fair which are the conditions imposed by the Almighty.
So now, stop labelling a highly educated woman and instead catch some manners along the way.
Hey
He said some mistakes by giving his own opinions as Islamic truths.
Oh shaykh we're not as fool as you depict us. Even when he doesn't show we know well who's the favourite wife.
What's wrong with u muslim men is not that you want to practice polyginy, but that u want to force women into it, that you don't accept the women's right not to take part in this lifestyle. And you always talk about jelousy. It's not about that. In some women polyginy causes mental illness. Stop using Islam to oppress your sisters. This wasn't the Probhet (PBUH) way. You lie against the Quran and Sunnah to strip women of the rights that Islam granted them. Stop lying to your advantage, we know what Islam has granted us.
Sister, may Allah bless you and forgive you aameen, please learn more about your religion before you speak about what the Prophet Muhammad’s way was or what the Qur’an says. I don’t know what you’ve been through but I know what you’ve said is wrong.
@@user-ze9tj9yj4t Brother, I never said anything against the Prophet (PBUH) or the Quran. Don't put in my mouth words I never spoke.