There was a time when every single retailer in the country had a "You Break It, You Buy It" policy. Now, companies are more afraid of losing a customer than keeping people honest or accountable. My wife got a divorce over a glass of water. Never judge a divorce by the catalyst but understand that things were very bad if the catalyst seems completely innocuous.
I mean the inciting issue for my mother's last divorce was her ex stopped taking his pills. Which we say out of respect for OTHER people. The pills he stopped taking were his prescribed antidepressants and antipsychotic to treat chronic depression and schizophrenia. He was put on them after he tried to rape someone that didn't want to press charges but did want him to get help. For six months he was a great guy then did the classic "I feel great I don't need these anymore" and spiraled fast.
Yup! A lot of people don't understand the concept of "the last straw that broke the camel's back." If you were to ask my mother why I was estranged from my family, she would say it's because I didn't like doing chores! But if I hated chores so much, why would I move out into a studio apartment and spend years living on my own? In reality, seeing my entire family kicking back, watching tv, and relaxing in the evening while I was doing so much household labor that I had inherited the nickname "Cinderella" simply ended up being the catalyst that made me realize they never cared about me and never would.
I heard a story about a husband who got a divorce over coffee. He always too his coffee the same way. But every morning, his wife asked him how he wanted his coffee. For twenty years. As my therapist told me, "dripping water wears away stone."
So for story 4, my father would do the same thing with the jars, till one day he was away and I had to open a jar. Come to find out he was putting a small amount of glue in the lids to keep them closed and he would use a glue remover when he opened them. Safe to say they are not married anymore, and this was after 15+ years of marriage
Yeah, I'd be really curious if you have any insight into his motive. It seems like a really odd, petty flex but then people can be really odd and petty.
Story 4: it's not just about jars. It usually never is. It can just be hard to put into words patterns of behavior that add up.This is an update I was able to find: Edited to add: Well after defending myself in this post, I realized there are some other things that are also circumstantial that also weigh into my decision. I had to move my office from my dining nook to a locked room because he was using my workspace on days I went to the office. That was no big deal except he was moving important documents that I needed for work. He denied moving anything and swore he was just setting up his laptop and maybe using my printer. I started taking pictures of my desk before I left for work and things were being moved. He was the only one home. He totaled my car twice in 5 years, even though he rarely drives it. The second time was right after we married and he put a lot of pressure on me to use the insurance money to pay off his car instead of replacing mine because I don’t drive a lot and sometimes bike to work. We live in the suburbs and there is no public transport. He proposed that I could just use his car when I needed to but I really wanted to continue having my own car. As soon as we married he was pressuring me to have a child. His plan for child care was for me to watch the baby while working. I wanted to save a year of child care expenses before we talked about a baby. He didn’t want to. I just felt weird about it, so I got an IUD to make sure we didn’t have an accident. He was angry. Again nothing proves any ill intent on his part, but all of these things just unsettled me.
Sounds like another tale of a passive-aggressive man who claims they want a modern independent woman but really wants a ‘trad-wife’ with a minor income. Catching the exotic bird only to cage it, then torment it.
Sounds like the only idiotic thing OP was stay with him for 5 years. If it had been me, and my spouse did anything like that, we'd be divorced before our first anniversary.
Story #1: *facepalm* Did the Parents really think they could lie to OP about their son not doing damage to the store, when there were Cameras recording the entire incident?
@@JohnDlugosz That wasn't how I saw it, I mean all it took was OP and her Boss saying they had video evidence of their son being destructive and they decided to do something about it.
@@JadenYukifan28 Umm, no.. first of all, there was no "boss" (OP _was_ the boss, and by the sound of it, was the only employee there at the time), and second it wasn't until she actually *showed* them the footage that they acknowledged it (it wasn't just because she _said_ she had footage). They probably genuinely believed that their child was a saint and would never do anything wrong (because lots of these sorts of people do), so therefore if anybody said he did, they must be lying. It was only after being confronted with irrefutable evidence that they were forced to admit it.
@@foogod4237 What I meant was was that because they assumed their child was a saint, they didn't want to believe that he was more than likely not since they punished him after they were shown the footage.
@@foogod4237 ^this. I've known a few people whose parents were somehow convinced their child was perfectly-behaved in spite of the evidence to the contrary. Any time they were shown undeniable proof of their kid's wrongdoing, they'd somehow convince themselves it was a "one-off" incident, ignoring the dozen other "one-off" incidents they had seen in the past week. My aunt was atrocious for this when my cousin and I were kids around the same age. He was a monster, fortunately his father knew, but his mother was convinced that he could do no wrong, no matter how many times she saw proof of him destroying property and causing utter havoc. And often, if you tell someone like that about "we have cameras" without immediately showing the footage, their response won't be to admit fault immediately, but to demand that you let them see the footage with the assumption that it'll prove their child was innocent. It'll only be when they see the video of their kid breaking things that they'll accept it.
Story 4: All he had to do was just explain the super-tight jars, but he never does, just acts like they were just the normal tightness. And this went on for years. How is he over-tightening these anyway? Using tools?
I think it's provably easier to over-tighten a jar (if you set your mind to it) than to open said jar. It's not typically an issue because we all understand intuitively to stop tightening when you feel a certain amount of resistance, but if you force it past that point, it's going to be a real feat to open later.
Sometime, stuff gets on the outside of the jar threads and sort of glues the lid into place as it dries. It happens frequently to our store-bought chili sauce, and I could see that also happening with something like the pepper paste. Either that or he does a lot of work with his hands and has an exceptionally strong grip. I was thinking that almost every place that sells kitchen stuff has cheap jar-opener tools that give you a lot more leverage. Why on earth wouldn't OP get one of those first before filing for papers?
Story 1 - There’s a saying that goes ‘You break it, you buy it’, in the case of these ahole parents it’s ‘Your kid breaks it, You foot the bill.’ I hope OP put their names and pictures on the stores banned list in case they do try to come back.
In regards to your last story, going back 45+ years now, I often struggled with jar lids myself. Then again, I learned all the tricks to run hot water over the top (if metal lids) and discovered joy from this big rubber--ish circle thingy I got from somewhere that really helped in gripping lids. (I have very small, delicate hands that I guess are not very strong. I'm a pretty tiny person to begin with, as don't even get me started on trying to get things down from most shelves!) Then my hubby entered the picture and he made my life so much easier in so many ways, including issues with lids. Now I'm disabled (cancer and numerous health issues from treatments), and he still is looking out for me every day. Yes, I would agree. A life partner who goes out of their way to make something harder is someone you should run away from. I'm just sorry it took OP so long to realize this. It sounds like they at least had not had children together, so look on that as a blessing!
It's not just strength -- the hand size matters in order to apply torque efficiently from that strength. If your hand slips before the lid turns, you have not reached a _strength_ limit. My Mom, about to turn 78, has an electric machine for opening jars now. It's a countertop appliance and you insert the jar and it does its thing.
According to another comment, he tried to pressure OP into having kids, to the point where she got an IUD. Which seriously upset him. He also tried to get her to give up her car. The guy sounds like a real dangerous creep, I hope the divorce is going well.
Story 4: after reading the updates from other commenters (you guys are saints tysm🙏🏼) OP is definitely NTA. Her husband is very controlling and trying to make her dependent on him, breaking her car so she has to use his, gaslighting her about the jars and the workspace being disturbed, pressuring her for a baby right away so she’ll be distracted while working. I wouldn’t be surprised if he planned on making her quit her job to be a full SAHM so she’s completely dependent on him. Then he could do whatever he wants because he has all the power, wether financial abuse, psychological, or physical. Im glad OP got that divorce, its really hard to see those red flags in the beginning, but they were anle to escape in time. Thank the Lord😭🙏🏼
One thing to keep in mind is, people tend to make frivolous claims to pad their arguments. Take their story with a jar of salt ... I mean, a grain of salt.
4:42 🤬🤬 *I absolutely LOATHE people who allow their brats to run amuck in a store!* *Especially a nine years old! He should know better, so that proves he has NO raising in him!*
Story four reminds me of the small ways my boyfriend is just an excellent life partner. The second time I came to him with a too-tight jar lid, he taught me how to break the seal with a sideways knock, and I’ve never asked him to open a jar for me ever again. Five years with my best friend in Feb! ❤
I occasionally need help opening jars/bottles. But I’m ready to turn 70. Luckily fiancé has better hand strength and Circle-K employees are kind enough to open my bottle of Diet Coke. ❤
I feel like Jar husband's dad gave him the advice of "make sure she needs you or she'll leave you." He's either a moron or passive-aggressive he can be both, but he's gotta be one of 'em.
@@sierrajohnson717because they thought that dumb shit actually worked with women in their age, when in reality until 1974, Women weren’t allowed to have their own bank accounts or credit cards without a male co-signer
One difficult thing when open a jar is our grip to the lid is not firm enough. The grips keep on slipping. We can fix that with rubber band around the lid. It will make our grip firmer, and it's easier to open that jar.
The story about the overly tightened jar lids is definatly hubby playing mind games. The term for it is "gaslighting"--purposefully manipulation of objects, environment, etc., to make someone doubt thier sanity. Run--don't walk--away from that maniulative jerk!!!
Story 2: always love it with Karen’s make scenes, lie, make mountains out of molehills and are shocked when they face consequences for their actions or get in trouble after being caught doing something no one would’ve initially noticed
Your true crime comment reminded me of the time my aunt and her son came to visit us in MD for the first time. I wanna say he was 10. We were in DC, at the train station. He was a good kid, so he stayed near us, but he'd never seen anything like the train or tracks before. (They lived in Phoenix.) He stood close to the edge, but no too close, to look down at the tracks. Mom mentioned that my aunt shouldn't let him stand that close. She said he wasn't close enough to fall off, so he should be okay. Mom told her she had seen an episode of Law & Order where a guy came along and pushed another guy onto the tracks. My aunt freaked and screamed for him to get away from the tracks. I shouldn't laugh, but her reaction was kinda funny. She went from 0 to 100 so fast, she broke the sound barrier.
Yer this seems fair. The local station I lived by always had some gits who'd use their wheel cases, and baby's pushchair to scythe their way through. They'd aim at people's ankles standing close. There was a couple of 'accidents' of people being pushed off the platform. Kids shouldn't go in front of the safe line while waiting.
RE: Story 5 - I would have tried the counseling, let the counselor tell him he's being a jerk. However, it does sound like a bit of gaslighting in there. But if it's too a point you have a breakdown, in front of him, and he keeps doing it? Yeah. That's an attempt to control.
Honestly I would have been hesitant to go to counseling too, because I'm sure he would attempt to spin it to make her sound crazy, and it's kind of luck of the draw whether you get a counselor who sees through the bs.
@@meagancall5005 I mean divorce because she was too stupid to open a jar than anyone can open is kinda crazy. Jars are not something that can be tightened to an unopenable condition without superglue, how did she have trouble with that?
I would insist that he sees a mental-health practitioner, and we can go to marriage consoling too. Marriage counselors might not diagnose any real issues with one of the partners, but just keep trying the normal activities which only are meaningful when both partners are sane. He might vary well get over his need to control, with some underlying issues, by seeing someone about it.
There's an update from another channel and added to the husband's other behaviour...the wife NEEDS that divorce The man was isolating her and controlling her and gaslighting.
I have an 8-year-old daughter and a 12-year-old son, it never occurred to them to act that way, I was always able to shop calmly. I also live in Latin America, they learn from a very young age to value their life. 😂
My husband would also over tighten jars and I kept asking him not to but he kept doing it so I quit buying anything in a jar and handed him a dry tuna fish sandwich. He said, "what no relish? No mayo?" I said it was too bad the brands he liked came in jars and I wouldn't have anything in a jar anymore. That's when he finally admitted he DID screw the lids down hard because he liked to feel needed for SOMETHING because I was too independent and acted like I didn't even need a man. In the end we BOTH apologized and jars reappeared in the house. We never divorced over it. He died in 2021 and I miss him SOOOO MUCH!
*Story 4-* the comment on story 4 about making things easier is *TOTALLY TRUE!!!* Im epileptic and my hubby does _so0o0o_ much for me!!! Unfortunately, I’ve had times where I didn’t even know who he was. But, my hubby was right next to me the whole time ❤️ he’s even had to carry me to bed and feed me. I’m the luckiest woman in the world to have him!!! *I love my hubby!!!* 🥰😘❤️❤️❤️
My Dad spent his life doing this - not just jars, but sink taps. It wasn't deliberate, it was just the way he was built (a big man). I believe once he sheared off all the bolts on his motorcycle gearbox. He just wasn't aware he did it, or that it was a problem in the house, despite my mother telling him for over sixty years.. Sadly, I have his genetics - and my wife complains, too (mostly about the taps). 😞
@@fibzchisswap out husband for jar opener. My dad over tightens things and I have hyper mobility so I can pull on my joints when I strain them and it hurts. When he realises what he's done though, he changes his behaviour
@@wessexdruid7598My dad was the same. He didn’t know his own strength and even broke the bolts when going to change the tire on my car one time. He was extremely apologetic and felt bad, but we know he didn’t mean to. Hell, my sister, brother and I have all done it as well. Even disabled, I will sometimes over tighten something that then I need my son to loosen for me because I didn’t realize I over tightened it. That being said, there is a difference between doing it without thinking and doing it that regularly and with purpose.
Story 2 - Oh My 😂😂😂😂😂 That’s hilarious! A Karen does what she does best (which is to cause trouble) and then discovers that she got on the wrong train?! And what did she expect the conductor to do when she yelled ‘turn the train around’, do a U turn on the tracks and go the other way? What an idiot.
My husband has ADHD and autism and does this with all the kids in the house. Me and his mom have to work together to get them open and often I cut my hands through the cloth in using to open a jar. The worst was when he borrowed my car and pulled the emergency brake up so hard it was impossible for anyone but him to put it down so I couldn’t drive that day, and it hurt the brake. We have done everything from gently remind him to snapping and yelling at him. He honestly doesn’t mean to and mostly does it when he forgets his medicine but it is enough to drive you crazy when every chore you try to do is halted because you have to hurt yourself or the product to get it open. After five years of OPs husband obviously doing it on purpose or with just a total lack of care for how she feels, I might be at my wits end too
Don't use cloth. Use rubber band. Loop it around the lid. The issue with difficulty to open a jar is our finger grips are slippery. Rubber band provide traction to our finger and to the lid for a firmer grip. With firm grip, the jar can be opened easily.
I didn’t go to a cafe, restaurant, or supermarket, for over 3 years when my son was born. He couldn’t cope. He wasn’t ready to behave. So I didn’t go. Was I lonely? Yes. Was I depressed? Yes. But I waited. It’s what you do.
that dog treat store story, once the woman said she was not coming back, i would have taken out my phone, snapped a picture of her, her husband and son....i would have said, "If i see you, your husban or son....especially your son....we will call the police....you are not to ever set foot in this establishment again."
Lovely sentiment, but DO NOT CHALLENGE A KAREN! Instead, take images form the CCTV footage and make print-outs with signage "BANNED! Not allowed on premises" so if anyone in that family returns, they can be officially trespassed and if they go nuclear on the cops, they can enjoy a lovely all-expenses vacation at the grey-bar hotel!
Story 2: There are people out there with an aversion to alcohol either because of beliefs or trauma, but saying that simply allowing alcohol to be on a train is "Supporting alcoholism" and then trying to throw a normal person off a train is just unacceptable
I grew up around mormons, and I had friend who were never allowed to play at my house because my parents "were alcoholics". They werent, they just drank alcohol, but many Utah Mormons don't understand the difference.
There was a point (I'm not sure if it's still the case or not) where my country's laws about what makes someone an "alcoholic" were hilariously stupid. If you have at least one standard drink at least once a week *at a regular time* you are legally considered to be an alcoholic. Because of the way that law was written, a guy who drinks a single bottle of beer on friday night after work has a drinking problem, while a guy who gets completely smashed 2 or 3 times a week, but doesn't keep a regular schedule for when they do so, isn't an alcoholic because of the lack of schedule to their drunkenness.
What rings untrue is this story is set in Britain so either it is fake or the EK is American (Europeans, Australians etc all share a drinking culture). We don’t have Puritans over here since the Restoration!!
Story 1 a 9 year old usually knows what is acceptable or not. The parents are the ones to blame (and had rightfully to pay). A "normal" 9 year old would not do such things, at least not after beeing told no by any other adult...
Story 3: Sadly sales droids are not well known for their forward thinking skills. Their world view is that once they get their sales commission nothing matters at all.
ROFL, on hearing the start of the "jar" story, my first thought was "cause for divorce". Classic passive-aggressive controlling behavior: plausible deniability allowing the perpetrator to continue to mess with you again and again and again, and then when you blow up from the accumulation of it all, YOU look like a nut for getting all bent about a triviality like a jar, which is the entire objective of the repeating of the behavior.
On these days and age? C'mon. She has her smartphone and internet. TH-cam has been around for more than a decade. There are videos in TH-cam about opening tight lid. Just watch and apply it.
One of my big issues with my passive aggressive, controlling husband (he became an ex) was his insistence on burying the dog’s waste in the vegetable garden that I so lovingly made for us despite me asking him repeatedly not to and giving him the (valid) reasons for my request. One morning I looked out the window while washing dishes and he was sneaking around and doing it again so I just stopped tending it and let it turn into a weed patch.
@@gorilladisco9108 problem isn't really the tight lid. it is the making it tight despite (perhaps because) knowing it causes someone else a problem. it isn't about the act itself, it is about the purposeful, repeated disrespect. A slap in the face doesn't actually hurt; it isn't about the pain.
@@gorilladisco9108 It wasn't just about the lids being too tight "by accident." It's intentionally going out of his way to make her life extra difficult, just for spite. Those lids were so tight, that even with proper tools, they could not be removed without risk of breaking the jars and ruining their contents. And after reading the updates, the jars thing is just the tip of the iceberg. OP was right to divorce the creep and get out of Dodge ASAP.
@@jorgecarreras4214 There's also other things that OP might conveniently not telling us, since all we know about the situation is from OP's story. She may pads her arguments, building a case, looking for supporter. Unless we hear the story from the husband perspective, we should not judge to side with one side or the other. We should treat the AITA stories with a healthy amount of skepticism.
Love you, DarkFluff. I always have a very late lunch because of my work schedule, and I delight in watching you on desktop while enjoying my meal. Thanks!
In Australia there's a poster I've seen a few times in shops showing a young girl sipping a drink. Fifties or sixties artwork. It reads "Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free kitten". A very clever solution.
Last Story: As someone who habitually over tightens every jar, bottle, or anything else that screws on I can 100% say OP isn't the ahole here and that the husband is using this as some sort of malicious manipulation. It is possible to make the effort to either softly tighten or avoid items you don't use, or at least have the other person test it before you put something away.
24:40 divorce over jar lids, that's insane. But I fully understand that. You've made points about this repeatedly. What's that makes it an irrecasable difference
Story 1 So this karen lets her son destroy what he likes in the store, has the cheek to tell the manager its her job to babysit the brat, hates & complains when made accountable & then makes the most stupidest idle threat of not coming back as if its a threat. Op should have told her good then i don't have to clean up after your brat. But then again when have you ever met an intelligent karen.
Story 4: If OPs husband is doing it on purpose, then I see 2 explanations: 1) It's way to feel needed. In which case, he needs counselling. 2) It's a power trip thing. In which case, he needs counselling.
Divorce for any reason is valid. The jar lid thing is super fishy. Feels like control. Like he’s manufacturing a reason to be needed. The other other commenters are correct, a partner should be helping make things easier. She’s literally having meltdowns over this jar thing and he still keeps doing it.
@@jorgecarreras4214 Is it? Or is it just OP effort to find supporter for her questionable attitude? All we read/heard was OP picturing the husband in bad light. What does the husband say about the situation? We never heard. We should treat AITA stories with a healthy amount of skepticism.
Story 1: 9 Years old...the kid definitely should have known better by then. Story 2: Don't you just love it when EWW try getting away with something when there's a camera around? Story 3: A fool and their money part quickly. A criminal never will regain it. Story 4: OP is NTA.
Another TH-camr I watch covered that story. If I remember correctly, the OP's replies and everything explained that this was not the only incident and it's a very good thing she left
Another possibility is to feel needed. Wants the wife to come to ask for help to open the jar. I can see it happening with quite a few of the jobs out there - unfulfilled at work and come home and you just get in the way of your wife.
I found an update to this post: Edited to add: Well after defending myself in this post, I realized there are some other things that are also circumstantial that also weigh into my decision. I had to move my office from my dining nook to a locked room because he was using my workspace on days I went to the office. That was no big deal except he was moving important documents that I needed for work. He denied moving anything and swore he was just setting up his laptop and maybe using my printer. I started taking pictures of my desk before I left for work and things were being moved. He was the only one home. He totaled my car twice in 5 years, even though he rarely drives it. The second time was right after we married and he put a lot of pressure on me to use the insurance money to pay off his car instead of replacing mine because I don’t drive a lot and sometimes bike to work. We live in the suburbs and there is no public transport. He proposed that I could just use his car when I needed to but I really wanted to continue having my own car. As soon as we married he was pressuring me to have a child. His plan for child care was for me to watch the baby while working. I wanted to save a year of child care expenses before we talked about a baby. He didn’t want to. I just felt weird about it, so I got an IUD to make sure we didn’t have an accident. He was angry. Again nothing proves any ill intent on his part, but all of these things just unsettled me.
#1: I am 81 and when I was growing up children were disciplined. The attitude of parents today that their children do no wrong is why we have so many problems in society today. Husband tightening jar lids - perhaps he has a phobia about mold/germs. However, the only way he had this fetish is if he also closes tightly even boxed food items or wraps up any other food items the same. Otherwise, he's doing it purposely.
Story 1... In my mind I can hear Karen: "WHAT!!! Are you really telling me my $16 dog washing fee does NOT include free child care!!?? " "Are you REALLY telling me I'M responsible for my unsupervised child's destruction of your property!!??" "WELL! I'm NEVER coming back here, EVER!!!!!!!!!"
To story #4 They make devices to open overly tighten jars. They have made them for over 50 years. 😂 I know, I overly tighten jars to myself a lot and I’ve bought jars from stores that were overly tighten. 😅
in your last story, while I understand her concern, I will say I'm more willing to put the AH tag on her because she isn't willing to do Marriage Counseling. Maybe the issue can be resolved, maybe the issue comes down to a real mental issue that can be resolved with some medication, etc. If you ever loved/still love the person you married, you should be willing to at least let a neutral 3rd party break things down and help resolve the problem. If she was willing to do therapy and still thought the answer was divorce, I'd be way more on her side.
i will never ever understand how some parent think it is a store employees job to watch their brat. nope most employees don't get paid enough to do their actual job let alone baby sitting on top of it. every single store needs to have a "your child your problem" sign on any and all doors. because apparently parents are smart enough to figure out what hole to put it in but not what to do with it once its done baking....
My first thought with the jars was that it was about control and forcing someone to depend on you. If you can't get to your food without your partner acting as the key, then they are locking you out of something you have every right to have access to. If your partner makes you feel bad and ignores you when you bring it up, that is not okay. A real partner wants you to be happy. You deserve better.
Story 2: "Oh Mr Porter, what shall I do? I want to go to Birmingham And they're taking me on to Crewe, Send me back to London As quickly as you can. Oh Mr Porter, what a silly girl I am!"
What? A 9 year old who doesn't know right from wrong? I thought it was a 3 year old! 😂😂😂😂😂 None of my children behave like that at age 9. But Swedish kids are different, I think! 😂😂😂
Tip for getting jar lids off: turn the jar upside down, hit the bottom of the jar with your palm, turn it the right way up and you should be able to get it open. Sounds weird but it's worked for me a lot. Sometimes you may have to do it a couple of times
My first boss would take my drink an try to open it, but hardly ever managed it, he accused me of over tighting the cap, i always told him that I only turned it on until it stopped 😂😂😂😂😂😂, but that husband is tah for doing all the lids and not just what he uses.
For those who have issues with tight fitting lids. Put the jar upside down in very warm to hot water. The heat will cause the metal to expand and you might have better luck opening them, of course this only works it the lid is metal and not plastic. Also make sure you keep the threads on the jar and lid clean, a build up of gunk can be a problem too.
Storey 2: The most hilarious part is the Karen demanding for the train to turn around and take her to her destination. That entitlement is on an entirely new level.
Mister Jar Tightener needs to have the opening of every storage bin, drawer, shoebox, box of tissues, EVERY type of storage container, glued shut with an E6000 glue. Preferably after the divorce is finalized. That was NOT a "habit" or an accident.
The dude with the jars might be like the people who way overcook chicken out of fear. Chicken burners are scared they’ll undercook it and get sick, jar jammers are scared that not tightening the jar will let food spoil
My paternal grandmother was that way: when it seems done, give it another ten minutes just to be sure. Food safety was probably more of an issue a hundred years ago, so that's what she learned from her own mother. But the worst I've ever encountered was a big family gathering (I was a +1 for my girlfriend) where they cooked burgers to the point of being indistinguishable from the charcoal briquettes. And that was a "rare" one he had moved farther from the fire! I literally can't imagine how everyone managed to eat them at all, let along not complain about them. He would even squeeze them down with a spatula while cooking, to get all the juices out of the patties. Can you imagine?
"My child would never!" "Bet, let's test that. We've got cameras. You're not paying attention. Guess who wins by default?" ETA: 9 YEARS OLD?! Hell no. That kid is old enough to know better. That was absolutely because that parent gives that child no accountability for their actions and lets them do whatever the hell they want. Screw that.
Jar lid story: NTA, I routinely over tighten jar lids myself without realizing it and yes I'm the one who has to open them back up. I've done everything in my power to change how much I tighten them but you see the difference between me doing it on accident and what the husband is doing is the only jars that get over tightened are the ones that I was the last one to use, he goes out of his way to do it on every one. I do it on accident and am trying not to do it, HE does it intentionally as a power move to gain control of OP. It also isn't a habit because he's shown times when he doesn't do it, it's deliberate.
How to open jars with metal lids. Option 1 - smack the lid flat on the counter. Option 2 - take the handle of a standard butter knife and firmly tap it on the edge of the lid. Both of these break the seal on the jar. Good luck.
Start throwing jars and buy new one from his money... Next start breaking them and dont clean up... Next start throwing it outside ur house so neighbour can see. . . At some point he would remember whenever he touched the jar.
That will makes her sounds crazy to her neighbors. A better way is to look up on TH-cam for videos about open a tight lid. The next time she find a tight lid, she can just looks at her husband's eyes and applies the method.
Story 2: If I were the train conductor, I would say, "The only way for the train to turn around is when it reaches its final destination and then go to the nearest railway yard and use the mechanism that's depicted in Thomas the Tank Engine. That would take a few hours. If you are willing to wait for that long, then by all means, please. But there's a shorter wait available if you were to get down at the next station, get a new ticket to your original destination, and get there. And since you getting on the wrong train is a YOU problem, unfortunately no one in the railway system will be able to either refund you or pay for your next ticket."
Story 4: Growing up I was the person in my family that had to constantly open all the stuck lids, for my mother. If a lid refused to open, I would place the jars in a pot, fill the pot with water and boil the jar until you could hear a pop, signaling that the vacuum seal was released. Even today I think about easier ways to open jars, and boiling the jar until the vacuum seal releases is still the easiest way to open a jar. You’re not insane or crazy! Personally I think your husband is doing his little game for control and manipulation. You’re not the asshat in this situation!
For story 4, That husband guy definitely has some kinda (narcissistic?) wannabe Hero syndrome where he only ever feels good if he can control the physical strength or strength overall in the relationship.
Story 4: it's not the jars, OP just seems to be not happy with her marriage. Just purchasing a simple cheap jar opener could end their frustration. When you're not happy with your marriage, it won't matter what your partner does, you'll just find fault in anything they do. That's my 2 cents on it.
The story about the Sales Rep is crazy. I guess that company and Rep should be lucky they chose OP, because I would have sued the company and the Rep. That was was worse than a confedentiality breach. This person had it on contracts that they passed around to anyone they did a little business with.
Last story: It's not about the lids. It's about making OP feel powerless/weak, then gaslighting her into believing SHE is the one in the wrong for making a big deal about it. If it really wasn't a big deal, why not make your wife happy and NOT overtighten the damned lids? Is that really such a big ask? I have no doubt that if she looks back and takes stock a ways down the road, she'll find all sorts of other little ABUSIVE habits like the lid thing.
I used to be a compulsive jar tightener. It was just a habit. My wife asked me to please be more careful about overtightening, so I did. It wasn't difficult. I just had to relearn some old habits. If he couldn't (or wouldn't) do that for his wife, he obviously didn't care about her all that much. Overtightened jars, on the surface, may seem like a small thing but it's telling.
@gorilladisco9108 You ever seen a moldy pickle in a jar? I've seen mold grow in jelly jars, condiments... but not vinegar. If it can... thats news to me. Either way... if it WERE possible...Id imagine it would take quite sometime for it to happen right? If your pickles are in your fridge long enough to start growing something on them... your lid tightening skills are the last of your worries lol
My veterinarian has a sign that says "Unattended children will be fed candy and given a free kitten."
Not that kid, though. I wouldn't trust him with a kitten.
My tattoo shop has a similar one, "unattended children will be given a free triple espresso and a and a harmonica"
I have seen "Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy"
"Unattended children will be given a Red Bull and taught to swear."
@@kiralana324 Hahaha. That's a great combo. I haven't seen a sign that includes a harmonica, and I love that threat.
There was a time when every single retailer in the country had a "You Break It, You Buy It" policy. Now, companies are more afraid of losing a customer than keeping people honest or accountable.
My wife got a divorce over a glass of water. Never judge a divorce by the catalyst but understand that things were very bad if the catalyst seems completely innocuous.
Are you willing to share that story about how your wife got a divorce over a glass of water?
My fiancé's mom got a divorce over a cup of tea.
I mean the inciting issue for my mother's last divorce was her ex stopped taking his pills. Which we say out of respect for OTHER people.
The pills he stopped taking were his prescribed antidepressants and antipsychotic to treat chronic depression and schizophrenia. He was put on them after he tried to rape someone that didn't want to press charges but did want him to get help. For six months he was a great guy then did the classic "I feel great I don't need these anymore" and spiraled fast.
Yup! A lot of people don't understand the concept of "the last straw that broke the camel's back."
If you were to ask my mother why I was estranged from my family, she would say it's because I didn't like doing chores! But if I hated chores so much, why would I move out into a studio apartment and spend years living on my own? In reality, seeing my entire family kicking back, watching tv, and relaxing in the evening while I was doing so much household labor that I had inherited the nickname "Cinderella" simply ended up being the catalyst that made me realize they never cared about me and never would.
I heard a story about a husband who got a divorce over coffee. He always too his coffee the same way. But every morning, his wife asked him how he wanted his coffee. For twenty years. As my therapist told me, "dripping water wears away stone."
So for story 4, my father would do the same thing with the jars, till one day he was away and I had to open a jar. Come to find out he was putting a small amount of glue in the lids to keep them closed and he would use a glue remover when he opened them. Safe to say they are not married anymore, and this was after 15+ years of marriage
Was there a reason? For control? To feel needed? Or just? I don’t know why this is so mind boggling to me but I can’t imagine this level of petty.
FATHER??? MARRIED???
@@feck7733 "They" are not married - meaning the parents
@@tiffanym2544 ohhhh, I just realized that... my bad lol
Yeah, I'd be really curious if you have any insight into his motive. It seems like a really odd, petty flex but then people can be really odd and petty.
Story 4: it's not just about jars. It usually never is. It can just be hard to put into words patterns of behavior that add up.This is an update I was able to find: Edited to add: Well after defending myself in this post, I realized there are some other things that are also circumstantial that also weigh into my decision.
I had to move my office from my dining nook to a locked room because he was using my workspace on days I went to the office. That was no big deal except he was moving important documents that I needed for work. He denied moving anything and swore he was just setting up his laptop and maybe using my printer. I started taking pictures of my desk before I left for work and things were being moved. He was the only one home.
He totaled my car twice in 5 years, even though he rarely drives it. The second time was right after we married and he put a lot of pressure on me to use the insurance money to pay off his car instead of replacing mine because I don’t drive a lot and sometimes bike to work. We live in the suburbs and there is no public transport. He proposed that I could just use his car when I needed to but I really wanted to continue having my own car.
As soon as we married he was pressuring me to have a child. His plan for child care was for me to watch the baby while working. I wanted to save a year of child care expenses before we talked about a baby. He didn’t want to. I just felt weird about it, so I got an IUD to make sure we didn’t have an accident. He was angry.
Again nothing proves any ill intent on his part, but all of these things just unsettled me.
Thank you for sharing the update. And you're right; it's never about one thing, it's about the one thing that makes everything else too much.
Sounds like another tale of a passive-aggressive man who claims they want a modern independent woman but really wants a ‘trad-wife’ with a minor income. Catching the exotic bird only to cage it, then torment it.
That sounds like an extremely controlling man
The car thing is a huge red flag. Get out!
Sounds like the only idiotic thing OP was stay with him for 5 years. If it had been me, and my spouse did anything like that, we'd be divorced before our first anniversary.
Story #1: *facepalm* Did the Parents really think they could lie to OP about their son not doing damage to the store, when there were Cameras recording the entire incident?
It wasn't lying, it was denialism.
@@JohnDlugosz That wasn't how I saw it, I mean all it took was OP and her Boss saying they had video evidence of their son being destructive and they decided to do something about it.
@@JadenYukifan28 Umm, no.. first of all, there was no "boss" (OP _was_ the boss, and by the sound of it, was the only employee there at the time), and second it wasn't until she actually *showed* them the footage that they acknowledged it (it wasn't just because she _said_ she had footage).
They probably genuinely believed that their child was a saint and would never do anything wrong (because lots of these sorts of people do), so therefore if anybody said he did, they must be lying. It was only after being confronted with irrefutable evidence that they were forced to admit it.
@@foogod4237 What I meant was was that because they assumed their child was a saint, they didn't want to believe that he was more than likely not since they punished him after they were shown the footage.
@@foogod4237 ^this. I've known a few people whose parents were somehow convinced their child was perfectly-behaved in spite of the evidence to the contrary. Any time they were shown undeniable proof of their kid's wrongdoing, they'd somehow convince themselves it was a "one-off" incident, ignoring the dozen other "one-off" incidents they had seen in the past week. My aunt was atrocious for this when my cousin and I were kids around the same age. He was a monster, fortunately his father knew, but his mother was convinced that he could do no wrong, no matter how many times she saw proof of him destroying property and causing utter havoc.
And often, if you tell someone like that about "we have cameras" without immediately showing the footage, their response won't be to admit fault immediately, but to demand that you let them see the footage with the assumption that it'll prove their child was innocent. It'll only be when they see the video of their kid breaking things that they'll accept it.
Story 4: All he had to do was just explain the super-tight jars, but he never does, just acts like they were just the normal tightness. And this went on for years.
How is he over-tightening these anyway? Using tools?
Probably just his hands. My husband overtightens things occasionally. Not intentionally though. Sometimes even he has a hard time opening them.
I think it's provably easier to over-tighten a jar (if you set your mind to it) than to open said jar. It's not typically an issue because we all understand intuitively to stop tightening when you feel a certain amount of resistance, but if you force it past that point, it's going to be a real feat to open later.
Sometime, stuff gets on the outside of the jar threads and sort of glues the lid into place as it dries. It happens frequently to our store-bought chili sauce, and I could see that also happening with something like the pepper paste. Either that or he does a lot of work with his hands and has an exceptionally strong grip. I was thinking that almost every place that sells kitchen stuff has cheap jar-opener tools that give you a lot more leverage. Why on earth wouldn't OP get one of those first before filing for papers?
Yeah. I don't know if I would divorce over it, like that. But, that OP was not crazy or an AH. And, it is certainly true that SOMETHING had to change.
Maybe he had a moment when he was younger and didn't close a jar all the way and it spoiled.
Story 1 - There’s a saying that goes ‘You break it, you buy it’, in the case of these ahole parents it’s ‘Your kid breaks it, You foot the bill.’ I hope OP put their names and pictures on the stores banned list in case they do try to come back.
In regards to your last story, going back 45+ years now, I often struggled with jar lids myself. Then again, I learned all the tricks to run hot water over the top (if metal lids) and discovered joy from this big rubber--ish circle thingy I got from somewhere that really helped in gripping lids. (I have very small, delicate hands that I guess are not very strong. I'm a pretty tiny person to begin with, as don't even get me started on trying to get things down from most shelves!) Then my hubby entered the picture and he made my life so much easier in so many ways, including issues with lids. Now I'm disabled (cancer and numerous health issues from treatments), and he still is looking out for me every day. Yes, I would agree. A life partner who goes out of their way to make something harder is someone you should run away from. I'm just sorry it took OP so long to realize this. It sounds like they at least had not had children together, so look on that as a blessing!
It's not just strength -- the hand size matters in order to apply torque efficiently from that strength. If your hand slips before the lid turns, you have not reached a _strength_ limit.
My Mom, about to turn 78, has an electric machine for opening jars now. It's a countertop appliance and you insert the jar and it does its thing.
According to another comment, he tried to pressure OP into having kids, to the point where she got an IUD. Which seriously upset him. He also tried to get her to give up her car. The guy sounds like a real dangerous creep, I hope the divorce is going well.
Story 4: after reading the updates from other commenters (you guys are saints tysm🙏🏼) OP is definitely NTA. Her husband is very controlling and trying to make her dependent on him, breaking her car so she has to use his, gaslighting her about the jars and the workspace being disturbed, pressuring her for a baby right away so she’ll be distracted while working.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he planned on making her quit her job to be a full SAHM so she’s completely dependent on him. Then he could do whatever he wants because he has all the power, wether financial abuse, psychological, or physical.
Im glad OP got that divorce, its really hard to see those red flags in the beginning, but they were anle to escape in time. Thank the Lord😭🙏🏼
One thing to keep in mind is, people tend to make frivolous claims to pad their arguments.
Take their story with a jar of salt ... I mean, a grain of salt.
Some people still believe that life is like a 1950's sitcom.
4:42
🤬🤬
*I absolutely LOATHE people who allow their brats to run amuck in a store!*
*Especially a nine years old! He should know better, so that proves he has NO raising in him!*
Story four reminds me of the small ways my boyfriend is just an excellent life partner. The second time I came to him with a too-tight jar lid, he taught me how to break the seal with a sideways knock, and I’ve never asked him to open a jar for me ever again.
Five years with my best friend in Feb! ❤
I occasionally need help opening jars/bottles. But I’m ready to turn 70. Luckily fiancé has better hand strength and Circle-K employees are kind enough to open my bottle of Diet Coke. ❤
Lol, mine showed me where his strap wrench was and said i could use it whenever (we're both engineers and enjoy cool tools way too much).
I feel like Jar husband's dad gave him the advice of "make sure she needs you or she'll leave you." He's either a moron or passive-aggressive he can be both, but he's gotta be one of 'em.
So a variant of the "you stink, why don't you shower" guy.
Where are these dads giving their sons shit advice? I need to study one
@@sierrajohnson717because they thought that dumb shit actually worked with women in their age, when in reality until 1974, Women weren’t allowed to have their own bank accounts or credit cards without a male co-signer
One difficult thing when open a jar is our grip to the lid is not firm enough. The grips keep on slipping.
We can fix that with rubber band around the lid. It will make our grip firmer, and it's easier to open that jar.
The guy can be replaced by that jar opening machine they sell on tv.
The story about the overly tightened jar lids is definatly hubby playing mind games. The term for it is "gaslighting"--purposefully manipulation of objects, environment, etc., to make someone doubt thier sanity. Run--don't walk--away from that maniulative jerk!!!
Agreed. Like, as a joke here and there and revealed as goofiness, I get, but doing it specifically to require dependency? Yeah, no.
Story 2: always love it with Karen’s make scenes, lie, make mountains out of molehills and are shocked when they face consequences for their actions or get in trouble after being caught doing something no one would’ve initially noticed
Your true crime comment reminded me of the time my aunt and her son came to visit us in MD for the first time. I wanna say he was 10. We were in DC, at the train station. He was a good kid, so he stayed near us, but he'd never seen anything like the train or tracks before. (They lived in Phoenix.) He stood close to the edge, but no too close, to look down at the tracks. Mom mentioned that my aunt shouldn't let him stand that close. She said he wasn't close enough to fall off, so he should be okay. Mom told her she had seen an episode of Law & Order where a guy came along and pushed another guy onto the tracks. My aunt freaked and screamed for him to get away from the tracks. I shouldn't laugh, but her reaction was kinda funny. She went from 0 to 100 so fast, she broke the sound barrier.
Yer this seems fair.
The local station I lived by always had some gits who'd use their wheel cases, and baby's pushchair to scythe their way through. They'd aim at people's ankles standing close. There was a couple of 'accidents' of people being pushed off the platform.
Kids shouldn't go in front of the safe line while waiting.
RE: Story 5 - I would have tried the counseling, let the counselor tell him he's being a jerk. However, it does sound like a bit of gaslighting in there. But if it's too a point you have a breakdown, in front of him, and he keeps doing it? Yeah. That's an attempt to control.
Honestly I would have been hesitant to go to counseling too, because I'm sure he would attempt to spin it to make her sound crazy, and it's kind of luck of the draw whether you get a counselor who sees through the bs.
@@meagancall5005 I mean divorce because she was too stupid to open a jar than anyone can open is kinda crazy. Jars are not something that can be tightened to an unopenable condition without superglue, how did she have trouble with that?
I would insist that he sees a mental-health practitioner, and we can go to marriage consoling too.
Marriage counselors might not diagnose any real issues with one of the partners, but just keep trying the normal activities which only are meaningful when both partners are sane.
He might vary well get over his need to control, with some underlying issues, by seeing someone about it.
There's an update from another channel and added to the husband's other behaviour...the wife NEEDS that divorce The man was isolating her and controlling her and gaslighting.
I have an 8-year-old daughter and a 12-year-old son, it never occurred to them to act that way, I was always able to shop calmly. I also live in Latin America, they learn from a very young age to value their life. 😂
My husband would also over tighten jars and I kept asking him not to but he kept doing it so I quit buying anything in a jar and handed him a dry tuna fish sandwich. He said, "what no relish? No mayo?" I said it was too bad the brands he liked came in jars and I wouldn't have anything in a jar anymore. That's when he finally admitted he DID screw the lids down hard because he liked to feel needed for SOMETHING because I was too independent and acted like I didn't even need a man. In the end we BOTH apologized and jars reappeared in the house. We never divorced over it. He died in 2021 and I miss him SOOOO MUCH!
*Story 4-* the comment on story 4 about making things easier is *TOTALLY TRUE!!!* Im epileptic and my hubby does _so0o0o_ much for me!!! Unfortunately, I’ve had times where I didn’t even know who he was. But, my hubby was right next to me the whole time ❤️ he’s even had to carry me to bed and feed me. I’m the luckiest woman in the world to have him!!! *I love my hubby!!!* 🥰😘❤️❤️❤️
What does that have to do with the jars?
He's a keeper for sure.
@@SLOTHSRIDEUNICORNS 26:05 I was agreeing with the comment
Story 0ne - I was hoping that the kid ate some of the dog treats.
Story 3 - Yeah that guy destroyed himself to the nth degree. He’ll never be able to pay that back
Last story: that tightening of ALL the jar lids was a passive form of mental abuse, in my opinion.
Some AHs truly get off on making others days rough. They think it's fun. 😡
I agree, and I’m pretty sure the neighbor in the story thought so as well.
Story 4: NTA Overtightening the jars to make the wife dependent is borderline abusive and controlling.
My Dad spent his life doing this - not just jars, but sink taps. It wasn't deliberate, it was just the way he was built (a big man). I believe once he sheared off all the bolts on his motorcycle gearbox. He just wasn't aware he did it, or that it was a problem in the house, despite my mother telling him for over sixty years..
Sadly, I have his genetics - and my wife complains, too (mostly about the taps). 😞
Wow ... male feminist. 😅
Just buy a jar opener, 🫙 🤪
@@fibzchisswap out husband for jar opener.
My dad over tightens things and I have hyper mobility so I can pull on my joints when I strain them and it hurts. When he realises what he's done though, he changes his behaviour
@@wessexdruid7598My dad was the same. He didn’t know his own strength and even broke the bolts when going to change the tire on my car one time. He was extremely apologetic and felt bad, but we know he didn’t mean to.
Hell, my sister, brother and I have all done it as well. Even disabled, I will sometimes over tighten something that then I need my son to loosen for me because I didn’t realize I over tightened it.
That being said, there is a difference between doing it without thinking and doing it that regularly and with purpose.
The jar story…. Making sure you needed him. Ego and control, you can’t do it on your own, he must help
Story 2 - Oh My 😂😂😂😂😂 That’s hilarious! A Karen does what she does best (which is to cause trouble) and then discovers that she got on the wrong train?! And what did she expect the conductor to do when she yelled ‘turn the train around’, do a U turn on the tracks and go the other way? What an idiot.
first story: you break it you buy it, good to see that still stands true
My husband has ADHD and autism and does this with all the kids in the house. Me and his mom have to work together to get them open and often I cut my hands through the cloth in using to open a jar. The worst was when he borrowed my car and pulled the emergency brake up so hard it was impossible for anyone but him to put it down so I couldn’t drive that day, and it hurt the brake. We have done everything from gently remind him to snapping and yelling at him. He honestly doesn’t mean to and mostly does it when he forgets his medicine but it is enough to drive you crazy when every chore you try to do is halted because you have to hurt yourself or the product to get it open. After five years of OPs husband obviously doing it on purpose or with just a total lack of care for how she feels, I might be at my wits end too
Lids” not kids
@@SillhouetteSonata You can edit your post at any time, so just correct the word in place.
I often do that when seeing and reading my own posts later.
Don't use cloth. Use rubber band. Loop it around the lid.
The issue with difficulty to open a jar is our finger grips are slippery. Rubber band provide traction to our finger and to the lid for a firmer grip. With firm grip, the jar can be opened easily.
I didn’t go to a cafe, restaurant, or supermarket, for over 3 years when my son was born. He couldn’t cope. He wasn’t ready to behave. So I didn’t go. Was I lonely? Yes. Was I depressed? Yes. But I waited. It’s what you do.
that dog treat store story, once the woman said she was not coming back, i would have taken out my phone, snapped a picture of her, her husband and son....i would have said, "If i see you, your husban or son....especially your son....we will call the police....you are not to ever set foot in this establishment again."
Lovely sentiment, but DO NOT CHALLENGE A KAREN! Instead, take images form the CCTV footage and make print-outs with signage "BANNED! Not allowed on premises" so if anyone in that family returns, they can be officially trespassed and if they go nuclear on the cops, they can enjoy a lovely all-expenses vacation at the grey-bar hotel!
At nine years old, a child should no better but of course, with entitled parents who don't know crap, how would their child?
Story 1: that manager’s response was absolute perfection. Accountability in the form of financial damages.
I love how they think that saying never coming back is a threat that will destroy your business. lol. I always say "is that a promise or a threat"?
Story 2: There are people out there with an aversion to alcohol either because of beliefs or trauma, but saying that simply allowing alcohol to be on a train is "Supporting alcoholism" and then trying to throw a normal person off a train is just unacceptable
I grew up around mormons, and I had friend who were never allowed to play at my house because my parents "were alcoholics". They werent, they just drank alcohol, but many Utah Mormons don't understand the difference.
I wonder if there were Karens like this during the temperance movement that led to Prohibition in the USA.
@@JohnDlugoszKarens are what made up the Temperance Movement…😂
There was a point (I'm not sure if it's still the case or not) where my country's laws about what makes someone an "alcoholic" were hilariously stupid. If you have at least one standard drink at least once a week *at a regular time* you are legally considered to be an alcoholic. Because of the way that law was written, a guy who drinks a single bottle of beer on friday night after work has a drinking problem, while a guy who gets completely smashed 2 or 3 times a week, but doesn't keep a regular schedule for when they do so, isn't an alcoholic because of the lack of schedule to their drunkenness.
What rings untrue is this story is set in Britain so either it is fake or the EK is American (Europeans, Australians etc all share a drinking culture). We don’t have Puritans over here since the Restoration!!
Story 1 a 9 year old usually knows what is acceptable or not. The parents are the ones to blame (and had rightfully to pay). A "normal" 9 year old would not do such things, at least not after beeing told no by any other adult...
My parents taught me a lot better than that. If I'd done that, I'd have had my behind blistered when we got home. 😮
Story 3: Sadly sales droids are not well known for their forward thinking skills. Their world view is that once they get their sales commission nothing matters at all.
ROFL, on hearing the start of the "jar" story, my first thought was "cause for divorce". Classic passive-aggressive controlling behavior: plausible deniability allowing the perpetrator to continue to mess with you again and again and again, and then when you blow up from the accumulation of it all, YOU look like a nut for getting all bent about a triviality like a jar, which is the entire objective of the repeating of the behavior.
On these days and age? C'mon. She has her smartphone and internet. TH-cam has been around for more than a decade. There are videos in TH-cam about opening tight lid. Just watch and apply it.
One of my big issues with my passive aggressive, controlling husband (he became an ex) was his insistence on burying the dog’s waste in the vegetable garden that I so lovingly made for us despite me asking him repeatedly not to and giving him the (valid) reasons for my request. One morning I looked out the window while washing dishes and he was sneaking around and doing it again so I just stopped tending it and let it turn into a weed patch.
@@gorilladisco9108 problem isn't really the tight lid. it is the making it tight despite (perhaps because) knowing it causes someone else a problem. it isn't about the act itself, it is about the purposeful, repeated disrespect. A slap in the face doesn't actually hurt; it isn't about the pain.
@@stabbrzmcgee825 If it's his habit since his childhood, you can't just stop it. You overcome it, find tips about opening tight lids.
Story 1: I just imagined that "I AM THE MANAGER" comic when the parents asked for one.
A 9 year old is more than old enough to know not to intentionally break or damage other people's things.
Afternoon everyone❤🎉❤🎉❤
I have dexterity issues. I live alone, so it's always a me problem!! Lots of handy-dandy instruments to get jars and bottles open.
"There's no abuse." The whole lid thing is abuse, psychological abuse.
In today's internet era? C'mon.
There are videos in TH-cam about how to open tight lid. It's not even worthy for an abuse strategy.
@@gorilladisco9108 It wasn't just about the lids being too tight "by accident." It's intentionally going out of his way to make her life extra difficult, just for spite. Those lids were so tight, that even with proper tools, they could not be removed without risk of breaking the jars and ruining their contents.
And after reading the updates, the jars thing is just the tip of the iceberg. OP was right to divorce the creep and get out of Dodge ASAP.
@@jorgecarreras4214 There's also other things that OP might conveniently not telling us, since all we know about the situation is from OP's story. She may pads her arguments, building a case, looking for supporter. Unless we hear the story from the husband perspective, we should not judge to side with one side or the other.
We should treat the AITA stories with a healthy amount of skepticism.
Love you, DarkFluff. I always have a very late lunch because of my work schedule, and I delight in watching you on desktop while enjoying my meal. Thanks!
Karen: "I'm never shopping here again!"
Manager: "Thank you, that's the best news I've heard all day".
9 years old. … yea that kid is going to be a problem …. I worry about their dog’s safety….
Hey, even Hitler loved his dog. And you know how much problem he caused.
In Australia there's a poster I've seen a few times in shops showing a young girl sipping a drink. Fifties or sixties artwork. It reads "Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free kitten". A very clever solution.
Last Story: As someone who habitually over tightens every jar, bottle, or anything else that screws on I can 100% say OP isn't the ahole here and that the husband is using this as some sort of malicious manipulation. It is possible to make the effort to either softly tighten or avoid items you don't use, or at least have the other person test it before you put something away.
I can't believe the 9 years old doesn't know how to behave himself, says a lot for Karen's parenting. Most kids know better by 7.
24:40 divorce over jar lids, that's insane. But I fully understand that. You've made points about this repeatedly. What's that makes it an irrecasable difference
Sounds like the definition of gas lighting. Make small stuff to make the other person insecure and feel like they are crazy.
Story 1 So this karen lets her son destroy what he likes in the store, has the cheek to tell the manager its her job to babysit the brat, hates & complains when made accountable & then makes the most stupidest idle threat of not coming back as if its a threat. Op should have told her good then i don't have to clean up after your brat. But then again when have you ever met an intelligent karen.
Story 4: If OPs husband is doing it on purpose, then I see 2 explanations:
1) It's way to feel needed. In which case, he needs counselling.
2) It's a power trip thing. In which case, he needs counselling.
A 9 yr. old should know better than that by his age - if he had been taught ANY manners!
Divorce for any reason is valid. The jar lid thing is super fishy. Feels like control. Like he’s manufacturing a reason to be needed.
The other other commenters are correct, a partner should be helping make things easier. She’s literally having meltdowns over this jar thing and he still keeps doing it.
You have smartphone and internet. Use it. There are videos in TH-cam about opening a tight lid.
@@gorilladisco9108 And then we get to see Husband find new and interesting other ways to force OP into meltdowns, just for laughs.
@@jorgecarreras4214 Is it? Or is it just OP effort to find supporter for her questionable attitude? All we read/heard was OP picturing the husband in bad light. What does the husband say about the situation? We never heard.
We should treat AITA stories with a healthy amount of skepticism.
Story 1: 9 Years old...the kid definitely should have known better by then.
Story 2: Don't you just love it when EWW try getting away with something when there's a camera around?
Story 3: A fool and their money part quickly. A criminal never will regain it.
Story 4: OP is NTA.
I would have gone on a cooking strike (last story)! "If you want to eat either YOU cook or stop tightening the lids!"
Regarding the over-tightened jar lids, her husband sounds passive-aggressive. There is no fixing that, and she is right to leave.
If it's not that, it may be a ritual of OCD. And still grounds for divorce, as it is unacceptable to let somebody else suffer what you to self-soothe
Another TH-camr I watch covered that story. If I remember correctly, the OP's replies and everything explained that this was not the only incident and it's a very good thing she left
Another possibility is to feel needed. Wants the wife to come to ask for help to open the jar. I can see it happening with quite a few of the jobs out there - unfulfilled at work and come home and you just get in the way of your wife.
@@lizzyjones2866 Yeah, when she said "there's nothing else," I immediately thought, "There is absolutely more she's not seeing."
I found an update to this post: Edited to add: Well after defending myself in this post, I realized there are some other things that are also circumstantial that also weigh into my decision.
I had to move my office from my dining nook to a locked room because he was using my workspace on days I went to the office. That was no big deal except he was moving important documents that I needed for work. He denied moving anything and swore he was just setting up his laptop and maybe using my printer. I started taking pictures of my desk before I left for work and things were being moved. He was the only one home.
He totaled my car twice in 5 years, even though he rarely drives it. The second time was right after we married and he put a lot of pressure on me to use the insurance money to pay off his car instead of replacing mine because I don’t drive a lot and sometimes bike to work. We live in the suburbs and there is no public transport. He proposed that I could just use his car when I needed to but I really wanted to continue having my own car.
As soon as we married he was pressuring me to have a child. His plan for child care was for me to watch the baby while working. I wanted to save a year of child care expenses before we talked about a baby. He didn’t want to. I just felt weird about it, so I got an IUD to make sure we didn’t have an accident. He was angry.
Again nothing proves any ill intent on his part, but all of these things just unsettled me.
First story: When I was 9 years old, I knew enough to behave myself in stores. That kid is a nightmare because his parents spoiled him.
THAT is the only time the customer is always right. If THEY want to spend their money on it they are always right…..even if they’re stupid!
Agreed.
The full quote is, "The customer is always right, in matters of taste."
#1: I am 81 and when I was growing up children were disciplined. The attitude of parents today that their children do no wrong is why we have so many problems in society today. Husband tightening jar lids - perhaps he has a phobia about mold/germs. However, the only way he had this fetish is if he also closes tightly even boxed food items or wraps up any other food items the same. Otherwise, he's doing it purposely.
Story 1... In my mind I can hear Karen: "WHAT!!! Are you really telling me my $16 dog washing fee does NOT include free child care!!?? " "Are you REALLY telling me I'M responsible for my unsupervised child's destruction of your property!!??" "WELL! I'm NEVER coming back here, EVER!!!!!!!!!"
To story #4
They make devices to open overly tighten jars. They have made them for over 50 years. 😂
I know, I overly tighten jars to myself a lot and I’ve bought jars from stores that were overly tighten. 😅
in your last story, while I understand her concern, I will say I'm more willing to put the AH tag on her because she isn't willing to do Marriage Counseling. Maybe the issue can be resolved, maybe the issue comes down to a real mental issue that can be resolved with some medication, etc. If you ever loved/still love the person you married, you should be willing to at least let a neutral 3rd party break things down and help resolve the problem.
If she was willing to do therapy and still thought the answer was divorce, I'd be way more on her side.
The last story: yeah if he's over tightening the lids for that long then it's definitely not by accident.
i will never ever understand how some parent think it is a store employees job to watch their brat. nope most employees don't get paid enough to do their actual job let alone baby sitting on top of it. every single store needs to have a "your child your problem" sign on any and all doors. because apparently parents are smart enough to figure out what hole to put it in but not what to do with it once its done baking....
My first thought with the jars was that it was about control and forcing someone to depend on you. If you can't get to your food without your partner acting as the key, then they are locking you out of something you have every right to have access to.
If your partner makes you feel bad and ignores you when you bring it up, that is not okay. A real partner wants you to be happy. You deserve better.
Story 4: NTA. He went out of his way to make your life harder in petty ways. Guy sounds like a sociopath.
Story 2:
"Oh Mr Porter, what shall I do?
I want to go to Birmingham
And they're taking me on to Crewe,
Send me back to London
As quickly as you can.
Oh Mr Porter, what a silly girl I am!"
Story 4: he is abusing her. He is forcing her to be dependant on him to get into these jars.
I hear things men do to make women feel dependent. But not with jar lids. You can easily open tightened jar lids just by following a youtube video.
Get the lids so tight that he could never open them...
Impossible without glue, even a weak person can open any jar lid that is not glued down. You just do it the correct way.
What? A 9 year old who doesn't know right from wrong? I thought it was a 3 year old! 😂😂😂😂😂 None of my children behave like that at age 9. But Swedish kids are different, I think! 😂😂😂
The jars... he feels he needs to be needed... this is how he does it.. it may be subconsciously done.. but it's still there
Tip for getting jar lids off: turn the jar upside down, hit the bottom of the jar with your palm, turn it the right way up and you should be able to get it open. Sounds weird but it's worked for me a lot. Sometimes you may have to do it a couple of times
My first boss would take my drink an try to open it, but hardly ever managed it, he accused me of over tighting the cap, i always told him that I only turned it on until it stopped 😂😂😂😂😂😂, but that husband is tah for doing all the lids and not just what he uses.
Help the new plant manager sue the sales rep and then send the sales rep a bill for YOUR service.
For those who have issues with tight fitting lids. Put the jar upside down in very warm to hot water. The heat will cause the metal to expand and you might have better luck opening them, of course this only works it the lid is metal and not plastic. Also make sure you keep the threads on the jar and lid clean, a build up of gunk can be a problem too.
Storey 2: The most hilarious part is the Karen demanding for the train to turn around and take her to her destination. That entitlement is on an entirely new level.
For storing 4, I think the guys just wanted to feel important I. E tightened the jars, so she had to come to the open them
She didn't though, it's not possible to tighten a jar that way without gluing them. She just never learnt how to open jars correctly.
Mister Jar Tightener needs to have the opening of every storage bin, drawer, shoebox, box of tissues, EVERY type of storage container, glued shut with an E6000 glue. Preferably after the divorce is finalized. That was NOT a "habit" or an accident.
The dude with the jars might be like the people who way overcook chicken out of fear. Chicken burners are scared they’ll undercook it and get sick, jar jammers are scared that not tightening the jar will let food spoil
My paternal grandmother was that way: when it seems done, give it another ten minutes just to be sure. Food safety was probably more of an issue a hundred years ago, so that's what she learned from her own mother.
But the worst I've ever encountered was a big family gathering (I was a +1 for my girlfriend) where they cooked burgers to the point of being indistinguishable from the charcoal briquettes. And that was a "rare" one he had moved farther from the fire! I literally can't imagine how everyone managed to eat them at all, let along not complain about them.
He would even squeeze them down with a spatula while cooking, to get all the juices out of the patties. Can you imagine?
"My child would never!"
"Bet, let's test that. We've got cameras. You're not paying attention. Guess who wins by default?"
ETA: 9 YEARS OLD?! Hell no. That kid is old enough to know better. That was absolutely because that parent gives that child no accountability for their actions and lets them do whatever the hell they want. Screw that.
Being from a Chinese family, we have a belief that jars need to be super tight to keep things fresh for as long as possible
For real dark fluff, your posts make the last two hours of work tolerable.
Jar lid story: NTA, I routinely over tighten jar lids myself without realizing it and yes I'm the one who has to open them back up. I've done everything in my power to change how much I tighten them but you see the difference between me doing it on accident and what the husband is doing is the only jars that get over tightened are the ones that I was the last one to use, he goes out of his way to do it on every one. I do it on accident and am trying not to do it, HE does it intentionally as a power move to gain control of OP. It also isn't a habit because he's shown times when he doesn't do it, it's deliberate.
How to open jars with metal lids.
Option 1 - smack the lid flat on the counter.
Option 2 - take the handle of a standard butter knife and firmly tap it on the edge of the lid.
Both of these break the seal on the jar.
Good luck.
Constantly over tightening the jars is mental/emotional abuse.
Start throwing jars and buy new one from his money... Next start breaking them and dont clean up... Next start throwing it outside ur house so neighbour can see.
.
.
At some point he would remember whenever he touched the jar.
That will makes her sounds crazy to her neighbors.
A better way is to look up on TH-cam for videos about open a tight lid. The next time she find a tight lid, she can just looks at her husband's eyes and applies the method.
The over tight lids are so she needs him. It's a manipulation tactic.
Story 2: If I were the train conductor, I would say, "The only way for the train to turn around is when it reaches its final destination and then go to the nearest railway yard and use the mechanism that's depicted in Thomas the Tank Engine. That would take a few hours. If you are willing to wait for that long, then by all means, please. But there's a shorter wait available if you were to get down at the next station, get a new ticket to your original destination, and get there. And since you getting on the wrong train is a YOU problem, unfortunately no one in the railway system will be able to either refund you or pay for your next ticket."
Story 1: You break, YOU BUY.😊
Story 4: Growing up I was the person in my family that had to constantly open all the stuck lids, for my mother.
If a lid refused to open, I would place the jars in a pot, fill the pot with water and boil the jar until you could hear a pop, signaling that the vacuum seal was released.
Even today I think about easier ways to open jars, and boiling the jar until the vacuum seal releases is still the easiest way to open a jar.
You’re not insane or crazy!
Personally I think your husband is doing his little game for control and manipulation.
You’re not the asshat in this situation!
My job is to run the store, Your job is to parent. Literally. 🙄
For story 4, That husband guy definitely has some kinda (narcissistic?) wannabe Hero syndrome where he only ever feels good if he can control the physical strength or strength overall in the relationship.
Story 4: it's not the jars, OP just seems to be not happy with her marriage. Just purchasing a simple cheap jar opener could end their frustration. When you're not happy with your marriage, it won't matter what your partner does, you'll just find fault in anything they do. That's my 2 cents on it.
There used to be a barbecue restaurant near where I live that had a sign that said "Unattended children will be put to work in the kitchen".
The story about the Sales Rep is crazy. I guess that company and Rep should be lucky they chose OP, because I would have sued the company and the Rep. That was was worse than a confedentiality breach. This person had it on contracts that they passed around to anyone they did a little business with.
Last story:
It's not about the lids. It's about making OP feel powerless/weak, then gaslighting her into believing SHE is the one in the wrong for making a big deal about it. If it really wasn't a big deal, why not make your wife happy and NOT overtighten the damned lids? Is that really such a big ask?
I have no doubt that if she looks back and takes stock a ways down the road, she'll find all sorts of other little ABUSIVE habits like the lid thing.
I used to be a compulsive jar tightener. It was just a habit. My wife asked me to please be more careful about overtightening, so I did. It wasn't difficult. I just had to relearn some old habits. If he couldn't (or wouldn't) do that for his wife, he obviously didn't care about her all that much. Overtightened jars, on the surface, may seem like a small thing but it's telling.
Telling a train to turn around for you shows how little she understands about trains.
Story 4. That's called gaslighting, honey. Run away fast.
Last story: OP is NTA. Abuse takes many forms and this was definitely abuse.
4: The jar tightener.
How is it that neither OP nor her husband know that "pickled" items can't go bad.
The vinegar kills bacteria.
But not molds.
@gorilladisco9108 You ever seen a moldy pickle in a jar?
I've seen mold grow in jelly jars, condiments... but not vinegar.
If it can... thats news to me.
Either way... if it WERE possible...Id imagine it would take quite sometime for it to happen right?
If your pickles are in your fridge long enough to start growing something on them... your lid tightening skills are the last of your worries lol