It’s worth noting that ABA practitioners are taught to write off autistic meltdowns as “tantrums” that autistic people need to be broken of. Yet another reason why ABA should be abolished.
Intentional calm breathing like box breaths has to be one of the most useful ways we can help regulate ourselves. It can be done immediately, in public or private, and can have a profound effect on our nervous systems.
I struggle with shutdowns in the office. It's an environment I really hate being in, it's open plan, full of people, extremely bright, has a really loud air con system that I can hear constantly. The longer I'm there the worse I feel. I start struggling to talk, I can't concentrate on my work, I feel the urge to escape, but there's nowhere to go. I can't let myself fully embrace a meltdown because I always cry, and my face looks red and blotchy for hours after, so everyone would know and then keep asking repeatedly if I'm okay, which sets me off again. Work are aware, and I worked from home for a couple of years during COVID which changed my life for the better, my work can be done completely remotely. But now they want me in more for 'team collaboration', which doesn't really exist. This is affecting me so much.
I'm right there with you. Just had some meetings late last week to see if i could stay remote but they'll only let me if I have a doctor's note. Let's give the girl having a meltdown more things to executive function through while she has no spoons left
I left my last job because of this. I got the doctor’s note and everything, but HR (the disabilities director, no less) basically laughed in my face and said I need to be back in the office full time in 3 months. In those 3 months, I took an online course and got a better job with better pay. It’s hybrid, but still better than having to be there full time. Really drives me nuts how much people don’t understand our needs
I just went through this too. They wouldn’t let me permanently work from home even though I kept having melt downs at work. That and being dragged into office politics against my will has caused me to quit. It’s sad how little these companies care about us
You should really search for a job you can do 100 % remote. I could never work in such an environment. I have to be at home all day. So I am a freelancer and I work only in my homeoffice.
I had 3 meltdowns at work so far. Two of them were around a lot of people. Thank God i told my boss and she understands. I had to l eave the area ASAP i couldn't stop crying. There is a wonderful quiet peaceful place i can go with no people. The last 2 meltdowns were from the exact same situation. I told my boss i could not to that again that this job is not worth meltdowns so often and she agreed.
Hi Taylor! I was diagnosed with ADHD about two years ago and self diagnosed on the spectrum after a year of intense research (and another year of self-gaslighting). I discovered your videos a few months ago, and I just wanted to say THANK YOU so much for sharing and advocating in this space! I feel like I'm learning how to be me so much better. I'm learning how to cope with things that previously crippled me, and to give myself grace for needing accommodations and having fewer spoons. Your insight, specifically, has played a key role in that. Thank you for helping me and other AuDHDers feel a little less alien.
Hi. I learned a great tip for getting energized at the latest stages of recovery after a Meltdown: practice play - doing whatever feels like playing to you. After you shut down the info overload, rested and fed your body and other needs from the meltdown, taking some time to “play” will replenish your energy like rest or physical exercise won’t. Consider something you love to do, better if it involves being creative: play with you loved pet, exploratory walk, drawing/ coloring, cooking/ baking, building something, fun joyful dancing, etc. It works!!!!
Breathing techniques never worked for me until at a work trauma training that brought up new concepts to me like threat states, and ones I knew like sensory engagement and observation to pull yourself more into the present, and then it brought up breathing techniques. I commented that it did nothing for me (after trying it) because it just felt difficult, and the trainer took the time to ask me what about it felt difficult and I thought about it and said it was the holding part (we were doing "breathe in 3 seconds, hold 3 seconds, exhale 5 seconds"), so she recommended just... skipping the holding part and doing 3-5 instead of 3-3-5.... first time I ever felt like a breathing technique had any effect on my state of being. It was a reminder that sometimes tweaking a known method to suit your needs can be, well, what you need.
Great video, thanks ❤! My added tip: spend time with animals, preferably by just sitting with them. They feel you and heal you. Cats, dogs, horses, or any other animal, they all have their specific healing talents and they bring you peace of mind.
Yes! My cats have been so incredibly helpful in bringing me back down. One of them loves to lay on my lap and purr when I'm having a hard time (she does it on her own) and the vibrations help ground me.
One thing that isn't often talked about is the amount of shame associated with meltdowns and coping techniques as autistic adults who were undiagnosed as kids. I don't know how many times as I grew up that I was told I was "embarrassing", that my large physical stims were "inappropriate" or "shameful", that my meltdowns were "childish" and eventually, just my "failure to be an adult". Even after diagnosis and learning so much about the way my brain works, I still feel so much shame when I experience meltdowns or shutdowns, or even heightened emotional reactions, and then shame when I try to use coping techniques to manage them. It's a struggle we don't talk about enough.
Hi, I'm new here. I haven't been officially diagnosed yet, I have many other ailments going on too. Some things have been issues and struggles since early childhood. I was a severely abused and neglected child. I have been different since I can remember. I have severe C-PTSD, one thing I wonder if PTSD can be worse for someone on the spectrum? I am looking for positive support. I have my own PTSD coping channel. I want to understand myself better and help others try to understand me too. Meltdowns are not fun, I get them often and when I do I'm just trying to release the over stimulation. I'm glad I found your channel! I have a hard time staying in the present, I'll try the senses exercises you mention! TY, I hope I can help others too
I do think that CPTSD/PTSD tends to be pretty common in the autistic community, unfortunately. I don't know if many studies have been done on it, but I run into it FREQUENTLY in my work as I interact with community members day in and day out.
I've been experiencing a lot of this after becoming a mother. Things that shouldn't require a lot of energy feel completely overwhelming and I want to do nothing. At those moments I want to be alone in silence, but not possible with kiddos. I feel exhausted a few hours into the day, then when the kids go down for a nap, I feel energy. Same thing happens when they go to bed. When the house is quiet and nothing is going on, I feel energy. I could cope before children but it's much more crippling now. And more difficult is trying to explain to spouse why I'm feeling overwhelmed. Why I want to go to our bedroom and lay in the dark in silence. Why I just want to be alone. It's tough. I wish everyone else luck in troubleshooting yourselves. It's a journey.
hey im sorry your having a hard time. does your spouse understand? it could help if he was to do research into how it all affects you, its not your job to teach him but it could help you to guide him when you DO have time and energy. im sending you a virtual air hug, hope you have a few minutes of calm today
Yes I totally understand. I'm so glad i found this channel because when I search for things like "moms with autism" it's all about NT parents with autistic children; there are so few resources for parents with autism (or autistic traits)
Can your husband afford to have a baby sitter come help you with the kids a few hours a day? I know non autistic woman who need this, simply to ensure they have time to just be in their feminine energy. Woman can’t just be expected to be wives, mothers, house keepers, cooks, and not make sure to have that time for themselves. Woman deserve that whether autistic or not. So try not to be too hard on yourself. I hope your husband is understanding.
7:02 what if there are no thoughts and I just feel bad. Like usually my anxiety is all just a feeling and my mind is usually empty. My body feels it more rhen my thoights do.
I realized just a couple weeks ago - when checking "Aspie" traits vs my brother - that this is me. I'm 55 and while it's a relief to have an explanation for literally everything in my life, it's also quite daunting. My only "given" in how people saw me was "gifted" and I think there are gifts to this condition - some of which I may have suppressed via masking, like this odd intuition I used to get on the regular and sometimes still do - but it's hard to reconcile this with autism, a condition my cousin has in its most severe form; he cannot walk. talk, communicate beyond an infant level, and never will. I see traces of Autism in so many members of my family; this explains so much. Yet I don't know if I have the energy to seek formal diagnosis. I've done EVERY test online. I'm not BPD, I'm not narcissistic, I couldn't be more sure I am THIS (whatever they're calling it now, and I find this constant relabelling itself annoying, tbh), and I was unaware of it due to the stereotype of the awkward boy into math and trains or whatever. If I'd known, I wouldn't have beaten myself up for my childhood sneaking away to read comics at parties, getting rejected by other girls because I didn't know how to start conversations, raising my hand too much in class and later avoiding it due to bullying, wanting other kids like me to translate their language into simpler, less formal structures so as not to get picked on, sucking my thumb till I was 9, twirling my hair till now, biting nails then picking at my mascara, then (ugh) smoking (which for all the bad it does, does force me to breathe more slowly), doing long involved research then writing full novels only to chicken out when it comes to trying to sell them, speaking too low in private though I can public speak to the back of an auditorium clearly, walking funny like the great-grandfather I never met, hating every single thing about gym class, from the way teams were picked to the entire locker room experience, developing an allergy when back in my old school to run a program surrounded by office politics, some of it from a more confident ex-HS peer turned office bully... How far do I go on? HOW do I go on? I've done some really great things in life but have no financial success and a job below my abilities but better for me emotionally. I focus on work when working, but otherwise still spend hours fantasizing (sometimes useful for writing, sometimes not) and now I'm unsure I can connect via writing because I don't think like NT people so how do I entertain them? I have a husband who I suspect has a condition himself but not this one and he's very protective of me and accepting of my quirks; this helps, but I worry about him all the time. I've always felt alien and 3 years ago had a meltdown in a job that was very wrong for me and am on anxiety meds at a low dose. I know I should be excited by this new knowledge. But I worry about getting diagnosed at all with SO many doctors getting it wrong, particularly in women, and if it will really make any difference at this age. Considering just assuming I have this and reading up on coping strategies - after all, whether I have this or not, shouldn't the coping strategies work? Sorry so long. I'm so confused. But so grateful there are people out there proving we're not all Sheldon Cooper or RaInman, so that ND people can recognize themselves even if it takes others even more time to catch up. All good wishes to you.
I can so relate! I'm 45. A few months ago I stumbled upon a Ted Talk by a woman with ADHD and thought of my sister. Started researching and found me...first the ADHD, then Autism. And like you it feels like a relief to finally understand what was going on and why there were situations, things and skills I just could never learn and why it felt like I really couldn't. Like all this social and emotional between the lines stuff, networking, mingling... Because my brain just couldn't and can't. Like you, I wonder if I should seek formal diagnosis and how I would deal if I land with a doctor who I can't see beyond the masking or what if my GP does not really know that ADHD and Autism present very different in adult women - and when combined. I wouldn't need a diagnosis for any kind of official support and I don't want meds. For many things, especially the ADHD side, I've come up with strategies and made my peace with working in bursts of productivity. But I do feel a diagnosis would help me to take my needs more serious. Whatever those are as what I believe are ADHD +Autism is a really confusing combo and the Autism side tends to draw the short straw. Especially with the high-pressure job I have in academia. Like taking meltdowns seriously and giving yourself time to deal and process? I just worked through the first anniversity of the death of my feather - and made the decision that something needs to change. I do hope that you figure this weird double-edged epiphany of being an adult woman with Autism!
@@julen2380 Thank you so much for your wonderful reply. I am so very grateful there is a growing ND community, and that many in the community are of an age before this was diagnosed very often in women - or at all. This is the only way medical professionals can even begin to understand us - by listening to us describe our experiences, both internal and external, and how we come to present the way we do. I was 13 by the time "Aspergers" was a diagnosis, and then mostly in boys. By then I was so "successful" in school parents and teachers thought nothing was wrong, and I cried alone EVERY SINGLE NIGHT so they wouldn't know I was a social reject. (My cousin and I, at different schools in different places, both got valedictorian taken away from us by the Grad Committee and given to the most popular kid instead of the kid with the highest marks, for the first time in each school's history; we were outsiders who didn't get invited to parties and therefore, they felt, could not speak for the other kids - not even the other outcasts, presumably, though the committee didn't really think those kids counted, anyway. Imagine having the reward for the thing you got picked on the most for taken away. They even had a vote, which doubled the humiliation.) I went K-12 in the same small town school, meaning whatever I was in Grade 3 was how I was seen forever. It was still a little better to be a girl, though - the Aspie boys got hung out 3rd floor windows by their ankles, tied to trees and left there until someone other than their bullies found them. Parents and teachers of the time really seemed to believe what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I guess they didn't click in that many such kids DO wind up dead as a result of bullying, and that others may have to "kill" large parts of their true selves to be accepted even marginally. I made sure my masking was high in university, but also met a lot wider and more thoughtful variety of people there. So to totally remove a mask I can no longer define the parameters of, flashing back to the worst moments of my life self-esteem wise in the process, sounds exhausting and depressing though the end result will, I hope, be exhilarating. I just wonder if it's too late to make any difference to the things I'm faced with now - low income (I've had higher paying jobs, but they eventually burnt me out), looming no-plan retirement. Honestly, at this point I don't care if I never attend another party larger than 8, but other realities are hitting like a load of bricks - although at least now I can figure out how it came to be this way. It reminds me of the Tolstoy line, "'What if my entire life, my entire conscious life, simply was not the real thing?'" Saw a man on another forum the other day who is unable to mask and is terribly lonely, constantly losing jobs, living in poverty despite great potential and my heart broke for him. He was screaming "I WISH I COULD MASK. I WISH THERE WAS A CURE. THIS DOES NOT FEEL LIKE A GIFT." I think many of us who can mask need to reach out when we recognize those who can't, and be champions for NOT wasting great human potential in favour of shallow social "norms" that have not resulted in anything near a perfect society. Duloc was never a perfect place. ;) I have also found that many people I have connected strongly with IRL have either ADHD, ASD, or both. I do not appear to have ADHD but to have both must be even more complex to "wrap your head around". Whatever the difficulties, I'm proud of you - and all on this forum - to have made it so far EVEN WITHOUT knowing. And maybe it's better to learn it now in some way. I had relatives from earlier generations who were institutionalized unnecessarily, because that was the default for ANY form of mental divergence. Thank you again for your thoughtful response, and above all else I hope you are taking care of yourself and finding joy. And thank you Tay for this forum.
@@booksnuggler2494 Wow, your time in school sounds absolutely horrid! I am so sorry you had to go through all that and so proud you made it through! I believe it's never to late to (re)discover and to try new terrain. I was lucky enough to grow up in Berlin, Germany, in a pretty diverse neighbourhood and with very progressive parents who unfortunately still had no clue about things like ADHD or Aspergers but who taught me the self-confidence to be "weird".Up to a point and beyond that I still learned to mask and I mask a lot and what you write about your previous, higher paying jobs burning you out - I think I'm (once again, if I'm honest) on the cusp of that. I work in university management, in an incredibly high paced (which I quite like < ADHD), high pressure and all the time environment, which I feel this forum is giving me finally the words to describe why this overwhelms me so much. And so I guess, in a way we're in the same boat, maybe? Trying to fgure out if this newfound knowledge about purselves can help us find a middle-ground: a job and a life that allows us to fulfil our potential without burning us out. Or leaving us worried for old age.Which I think it can and I really believe it's not too late at all. :)
Thank you for this video. Very, very helpful. The arm flopping feels wonderful to me. I'm new to all this, and it's so amazing to come in contact with all of you folks
Thanks so much for this video! I'm currently recovering from a prolonged meltdown. I didn't recognize it until I started doing the tips you suggested in your video. Then my mind started clearing up and I could finally rest. Thank you for these great resources and advocating for better support in the community. ❤️
That large physical stim is something I remember doing multiple times as a child. I don't remember the situations, but I do remember the feeling of it making me feel better. 🙂
@@MomontheSpectrum I am embarrassed doing them in public, but that's also the only time I feel the desire to do them, lol. I dance when I'm exercising to music, both at the park and at the gym. I get comments. And I do big rocking and/or spinning when I've been at a party or in a training too long. I often want to do them in the lobbies of theaters, after the show is over but for some reason we're hanging around, waiting.
Daughter, this is beautiful. You have understood perfectly. I need the same thing on total burnout - after recovering a little in the last year and a half - but pray you really DON'T ever need to know that! Meanwhile, this is great. I do all these things AND, if I can, take a nap in a cozy dark , quiet place any time during the process it really helps me to restart. Sometimes it is the next morning, but... better than not. After burn out, I found meltdowns increased dramatically. I don't know if I'm using the terms the way everyone else does or not, but I hit a crash a little while back I'm calling burn out. Tried to pretend to be normal for decades too long... even when I just accepted most folks definition "weird" [instead of Autistic] ... and partly coped that way... SO happy for you guys who are young enough to get a "certified" diagnosis... [PS -scored 195 out of 200 on the big quiz].
I’ve been following your channel for quite a while now and am so glad I found it!! It’s been so helpful, resourceful, educational, and reassuring!! I was finally diagnosed 13 days ago with ASD and OCD (as an almost 33 year old female). I’ve already been diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, and PTSD, but this current diagnosis was just validating. My entire childhood especially makes so much sense now. Thank you so much for creating this channel and continuing to educate on this platform!!
I think yesterday was the first time I recognized I was in meltdown while it was happening. Shut down was imminent. Since I was working that wasn't an option. Fortunately I do work from home, so at least there's that. So I just grabbed my Ono roller (that I learned about from you) and started playing with it. This apparently mimics a stim I have used most of my life when I was trying to not be obvious, so even though it's a small thing, it was the most effective one I found for me at that point. I actually felt all the muscles that were tightening in my face and my shoulders loosen up. Soon as I recognize that I just leaned back and fidgeted for a few minutes, and I was able to get on with the rest of my day.
Hey Taylor! Thank you for all of your videos and especially this one, your tips are incredibly helpful! I personally find the 5-4-3-2-1 technique one of the best self-regulatory practices at any stage of my meltdowns (it's basically the same with what you said about focusing conciously on your senses: observe 5 things, touch 4 things, hear 3 things, smell 2 things and taste 1 thing - it combines mindful sensing, counting and restoring inner order, which is all I need in a meltdown to get the sway of things back). Also, when I feel like I'm about to meltdown, I like taking a walk in a park or any piece of green area that is available to me at that moment (preferably with trees and enough space for walking without bumping into people, and definitely with sound-cancelling headphones, if the place is not particularly quiet). And there I switch my brain from racing over stressful things that it's unable to process to counting my steps, feeling my posture, focusing on my gait, playing around with the pace - walk faster, get cheered up, slow down, relax, observe, then speed up again if I feel like there's still a lot of restless energy in me, and gradually slow down again. Somehow measuring my pace and gait really helps. Hopefully, someone of those who read it will also find it useful.
Thanks Taylor. I get frequent meltdowns dealing with my mentally ill 🤒 parents who focus on the wrong things. I will be careful to handle those feelings well and stay out of legal trouble in the community. It has been a very rough day today for me and I had several meltdowns in one day.
Thank you so much for your videos. I suspect i have undiagnosed autism and adhd. There are lots of things you talk about that i resinate with. Your videos have helped me understand myself a bit more.
I wish there were more autistic speakers that suffer from the anger meltdowns. I’m almost jealous of all the other presentations in a ironic way, they seem preferable to ruining relationships almost every time. I’m doing a lot better since finally getting the meds I asked for years ago. As well as all the new understanding since learning I’m autistic. Having terms and tools and community has been an immense relief.
I relate to that. My meltdowns appear as aggressive anger to anyone in range. I have learnt from these videos that not trying to 'push through' and resting/self-care helps prevent me getting to that extreme stage. I can never remember much about them afterwards...
Haham the rocking the arms back and forth. I've been doing that for years. At home, alone. Usually to release some muscle tension in my neck and shoulders. Never knew it was a stim
Your videos have been so helpful for me as a 32 year old trans guy who just discovered my ASD. They have also been just as helpful for my partner to understand what I'm going through and for her to not take it so personally. Thank you so much for putting all of this out there for us to relate to and share with others when I don't have the words for it. 🖤🖤🖤
KenZ, I write and want my writing to be as inclusive as possible. The ASD part of me is more obsessed now with even writing NT characters correctly, let alone accurately showing people how kaleidoscopic this spectrum is - but I so want to. Even though a fiction writer must write many characters (and they can't all be variations on the writer themselves), I don't want to misrepresent anyone (especially if writing in the first person), even a fictional creation of a different gender, sexuality, or mental make-up to my own. So please keep your unique voice in the world because learning from each other is essential to full representation in all media, and across the spectrum. "Only connect." Best wishes.
They have been really helpful for me as well, a 29 years old trans guy who also resently, like two months ago, discovered I very likely have autism. Happy to find a transsibling here!🎉❤
Not diagnosed here, but I'm pretty sure I just had a meltdown after a very intense morning, I opened youtube after a few moments to forget ahout the world and this pops up, I call that perfect timing! What's your opinion on self diagnosis? I really want to go through it officialy but keep putting it off, I'm actually scared of getting a negative diagnosis because I feel so related to all of this stuff after reading about it for over a year now, the impostor syndrome is at full speed.
I totally support self diagnosis if using the term “autistic” allows you to have more self compassion and understanding. Most people I work with who self diagnose spend a considerable time researching beforehand and want to be respectful of others in the community by understanding the terms they’re using.
@@MomontheSpectrum And for anybody that was evaluated in the past, they may have missed it due to the way the rules were written. Reading through my evaluation report, it looks very much like the psychologist thought I probably had it, but couldn't make a clean yes or no due to other conditions. I know now that just having ADHD at that time would guarantee that there couldn't be a diagnosis. I haven't decided whether or not to bother with a re-evaluation as it's pretty clear that I am autistic, and just living my life as is the most comfortable and geared towards my strengths is the way forward.
BOX BREATHING! It's my gold standard go-to. Also, in DBT, there's something called TIPPS skills, and one of them is submerge your face into ice-cold water so you "shock" your CNS, and it brings you back to a baseline. Great video!! Also, that Ono Roller is the freaking best. Peace!
I am ACTUALLY going through a “meltdown” although I didn’t know I’ve been having one until I watched this video. I couldn’t control my emotions, so I decided to make my physical body as comfortable as possible. I accidentally found all these tips today doing all the things she mentioned in this video, and they seem to be working!! But I still feel defeated for not being able to control myself emotionally… 😭
Thankyou for this. My meltdown shutdowns last for about 2 plus weeks. Already in day 12 and so overwhelmed and so tired still. The fatigue is unbelievable and I am glad I'm not the only one who in which my skin is so itchy and head feels like it's covered in head lice as that is so itchy. Just feels like there's bug crawling all over my skin. Can't waite to feel my base line again. Thankyou for all your videos. 😇
Any tips for a reoccurring meltdowns? I’m a teacher, and sometimes situations come up multiple times a day that can be triggering, so after I’ve calmed once, I have multiple ones throughout the day over the same situation
Hi! Thank you for being a resource for autism. I'm in my late 20s expecting my 2nd baby. I've always felt a little bad about "quirks" that I have (like having to wear shoes because the floor is too much), but now I feel so much better knowing that it's a legit sensory overwhelm.. I can actually practice things to help myself (and at least the firstborn who's showing signs of ASD, too).
This is great. I tried the arm swinging thing as soon as you said it and the world felt INSTANTLY better. It’s been a hard few days with my daughter home sick but still having to work from home. Too many stimuli. Too many interruptions. Too much pressure. Just too much! Of course, I’m glad she is well enough to be getting on my nerves but that almost better stage has been rough.
Twisting movement you showed I took from qui gong thai chi when I was trying to force myself to do meditation. Meditation, did not work haha xD But this movement makes you feel great and helps with lower back pain, amazing stuff. My meltdown remedy is my wife :D She can see me going of the track, and she takes over and i just disconnect in time to not explode.
I've got a singing bowl which can be really calming and kind of satisfying. I can gently bang it and try to tell the moment where I can no longer hear it. Or, I can just run the stick around the edge of it and try to make a controlled and sustained tone.
I just received my ASD dx today 4/6/23. I am 38. It’s a lot to process, but I’m so excited and relieved! Your videos are so helpful; thank you for making this content!!
So very grateful for this video, just realising so much of what I experience matches a lot of autism traits. It's so helpful to have you tube for support and to learn more. I have painted cards from Hanna Ensore, at sticks communications. Really helpful to explain needs, behaviours and conditions to others. She has a UK shop online and a TH-cam channel. Thanks for your video.
This video is great timing. I recently got diagnosed, in a journey that started with me trying to understand my more autistic brother. I just started reading up on autistic meltdown and it suddenly clicked that so many of his struggles are because he has no way to properly process his meltdowns. I'm just beginning to identify what works for me, and your tips are helping me figure out what we can do for him. Something that already stands out is the potential for yoga. I rarely do full mat sessions because the structure and pace of a guide doesn't work for me, but there are some asanas that really satisfy that sensory and physical need. Finding a quiet space for a few forward folds and lifts can make a big difference. Edit: oh wow I just went searching and found you already covered yoga for ASD. Definitely checking that out!
Please explain the good the bsf the ugly of what can "trigger you" How did you know .. kts very inspiring Real life experiences to share goes so very far xxxx
I love that you used Spoon theory!! I have POTS and am being evaluated for suspected ADHD and ASD. These tips are super helpful and very easy to understand.
If I go full meltdown when surrounded by people I start to scream and in like uncontrolled unhuman way 😅 My base instinct is to alway mask mask mask and push push push myself but the meltdowns that follow are so crazy that they actually make me set boundaries and give grace because I don’t want to go all the way down. I find removing all mental pressure and obligations for as long as it takes helps recovering, as well as sensory deprivation and sleep, and after that isolation, reading book, walking outdoors and laughing at funny videos.
I'm kind of glad it's not just me. I just wish my wife would understand that when I'm telling her to go away, I mean, go away and leave me alone. I rarely used to have full on meltdowns before I got married and suddenly, I was expected to mas all of my waking life. It's also why she's going to be my ex wife in the near future. She is not worth it in any way shape or form.
Hey Taylor! Thank you for your videos. My two girls (2&3) were just diagnosed with asd so I've been researching it like crazy. But in the process I've seen a lot of myself in it. How do you deal with shutting down and being completely over simulated when kids are needing you? I feel like I'm going crazy some days.
It’s definitely a challenge. I’m hoping to make a video over this soon. The answer is that I’m constantly in and out of balance, and I do the best I can to share how I’m feeling with my kids so they can better understand their own experiences. My kids are 6 and 9, and so far this has been very helpful to have them out of the baby and toddler stage. They are much more independent right now and that helps a lot.
Y’know, I think I have more meltdowns than I realized. Little ones, of course, but I do recognize many times where I felt a deep anxiety and had to change into softer clothes NOW and get in front of a fan or lay on my face for a few minutes. When I had one of my recent, more noticeable ones over looking at houses (sooooo stressful…) I was listening to music on headphones and just went into an open area and did a weird floppy arm dance to the music. Rather similar to what you did but music really adds to the effect. I also have to have music while driving. Singing along really helps me cope.
Any tips for handling anger-type meltdowns? I tend to hit my last straw without even realizing I got there and then I blow up usually over/ directly at little things. I've only recently realized it's when I'm overstimulated and/or when I'm in high anxiety feelings and also that it's an accumulation that leads to the meltdown. So I'm trying to recognize much sooner when I start to get disregulated/overstimulated aka heading down the path of anger meltdown, and I'mgetting better at recognizing that, but the really really hard part is to calm myself down BEFORE I hit that point of no return and meltdown. I'd love advice for how to do this. Also, specifically looking for how to do this while at work, when you can't just actually step away or leave the room.
Hi You've probably been asked this question & may have a video if I think I am autistic who do I get assessed by? Thanks for your videos & spreading advice & awareness to us ❤
Hi Taylor. I was diagnosed at 38 (I am 43 now). I have heard of the spoons analogy but it has never made sense. For me I describe my experience on the spectrum as boiling pots of water on a stove. So each person is a pot of water. The stove is represents "life". The temperature guage represnts expwriences and how much they affect you. Water boils at 212 °F, but everyone's experiences aren't the same. Negative or challenging experiences raise temperatures but things self care and learning can bring temperatures. For an explain 2 peoples cars won't start, they will likely be affected different ly. One person temp might go up say 25° while another person temp might goto 50°. Engaging in self care wii decrease your temperature. Thoughts
Hey friend, something that tends to get in the way of stimming for me is PAIN. A lot of the stims I naturally gravitate toward cause me joint or back pain (im also possibly hyper mobile) but it’s so hard to be in my body when im super dysregulated and pay attention to the pain. Let me know if you have any tips! This video is super great ❤
My daughter’s friend is autistic on the spectrum and she goes to school and has really good grades, she can talk so her case is not advanced but yesterday at the park she had a tantrum and started hitting everyone even my baby, screaming, shouting and everyone around was stating. Kids are shocked. What can we do? How can we help? Other than these techniques how should her mom deal with this? She said that she spoke to her and grounded her.
In this be sure larger stims is not self harm... (From recovering cutter) Thankfully I can show myself more compasion in meltdown recovery. sometimes that means cancelling Dr appts and resting. I try not to do more than 2-3 appts a week and no more than 2 days in a row. I do not have kids and i am disabled, so easier for me. ..currently in icu.... My body went into shutdown beyond my control after surgery to remove my thyroid last week. In my more self compassion since using ASD I am able to communicate my needs in these situations. I stress to staff if I am talking I am usually good. And to leave my door open at all times or I will panic, meltdown, shutdown, and self harm. I can be dead and wake up as soon as they start to close the door
Have so many of these, only recently realising how many autistic traits. Watched your 10 childhood traits for females, having having my photo taken. Turns out I've struggled with that since toddler years. Is this common for someone on the spectrum?
Can I ask if meltdowns include migraine headaches for other Autistic/ADHD people? I have suffered from migraines since I was a teen (early 50s now, newly diagnosed) and I am wondering if there is a connection because no one has been able to figure out why I get migraines and thinking back, it seems to be after I have been overly stressed and am thinking it maybe my body's way to force me to take time away from the world.
Mine are loud and painful to me biting my finger and screaming. You know when they happen my roommate heard me outside with his window shut pulling into the driveway.
Hi Taylor, I do have a question. It's about the Autistic awareness/acceptance month, in April. I went super excited (like I always do when I find out interesting things I can cosplay like or nice events and museums to go to) when saw online cute blue lipsticks themed merchandise and rainbow puzzles. I'm pretty 'queer' and goth so I was super excited to have cute rainbow themed things I could also use for Pride Month... but online I've been seeing like a feud between categories of autism advocacy, if that's possible? So... do I have to get worried to offend my own people if I show up with a blue lipstick (I also love blue lips in general) and rainbow puzzles instead of rainbow infinite signs??? I like puzzles and I found that symbol adorable because I often didn't 'fit in' and also because as a child I always loved calm activities which involved building things and puzzles were something I enjoyed doing a lot. Am I still allowed to love these symbols or am I insulting autistic people because of my lack of knowledge? Also other autistic people out there do please feel free to give your input.
I always tell people meltdown is like a panic attack you can fix by turning off the lights, taking off your clothes and putting on noise cancelling headphones.
hi! i’m curious with your experience of becoming a mom. I think I might be on the spectrum, i’ve been diagnosed adhd since I was a kid but I resonate a lot with the autism traits. for me, once I had my twins, going from no kids to two, I think I suffered autistic meltdowns for the first….. almost year 😅…. I lived in a complete disregulated state. i’ve adapted, but it was sensory overload every day for what felt like a lifetime 😅 did you have any similar experience when you became a mom? or does my experience sound like it could be a potential autistic meltdown? i’m going to talk to my psychiatrist at my next appointment and see if i’m possibly on the spectrum.
This is almost my exact story! Ever since having my second, I have been so so overwhelmed and I'm thinking it might be autistic burnout but have no idea where to go from here. 😅 Recently bought noise reducing earbuds and that's helped with the normal everyday overwhelm.
It’s worth noting that ABA practitioners are taught to write off autistic meltdowns as “tantrums” that autistic people need to be broken of. Yet another reason why ABA should be abolished.
Intentional calm breathing like box breaths has to be one of the most useful ways we can help regulate ourselves. It can be done immediately, in public or private, and can have a profound effect on our nervous systems.
I struggle with shutdowns in the office. It's an environment I really hate being in, it's open plan, full of people, extremely bright, has a really loud air con system that I can hear constantly. The longer I'm there the worse I feel. I start struggling to talk, I can't concentrate on my work, I feel the urge to escape, but there's nowhere to go. I can't let myself fully embrace a meltdown because I always cry, and my face looks red and blotchy for hours after, so everyone would know and then keep asking repeatedly if I'm okay, which sets me off again. Work are aware, and I worked from home for a couple of years during COVID which changed my life for the better, my work can be done completely remotely. But now they want me in more for 'team collaboration', which doesn't really exist. This is affecting me so much.
I'm right there with you. Just had some meetings late last week to see if i could stay remote but they'll only let me if I have a doctor's note. Let's give the girl having a meltdown more things to executive function through while she has no spoons left
I left my last job because of this. I got the doctor’s note and everything, but HR (the disabilities director, no less) basically laughed in my face and said I need to be back in the office full time in 3 months. In those 3 months, I took an online course and got a better job with better pay. It’s hybrid, but still better than having to be there full time. Really drives me nuts how much people don’t understand our needs
I just went through this too. They wouldn’t let me permanently work from home even though I kept having melt downs at work. That and being dragged into office politics against my will has caused me to quit. It’s sad how little these companies care about us
You should really search for a job you can do 100 % remote.
I could never work in such an environment. I have to be at home all day. So I am a freelancer and I work only in my homeoffice.
I had 3 meltdowns at work so far. Two of them were around a lot of people. Thank God i told my boss and she understands. I had to l eave the area ASAP
i couldn't stop crying. There is a wonderful quiet peaceful place i can go with no people. The last 2 meltdowns were from the exact same situation. I told my boss i could not to that again that this job is not worth meltdowns so often and she agreed.
Hi Taylor! I was diagnosed with ADHD about two years ago and self diagnosed on the spectrum after a year of intense research (and another year of self-gaslighting). I discovered your videos a few months ago, and I just wanted to say THANK YOU so much for sharing and advocating in this space! I feel like I'm learning how to be me so much better. I'm learning how to cope with things that previously crippled me, and to give myself grace for needing accommodations and having fewer spoons. Your insight, specifically, has played a key role in that. Thank you for helping me and other AuDHDers feel a little less alien.
Aw this makes me so happy! Thank you for sharing this Bekah. So happy to hear about the lovely changes you are making for yourself. Keep going!
Hi. I learned a great tip for getting energized at the latest stages of recovery after a Meltdown: practice play - doing whatever feels like playing to you. After you shut down the info overload, rested and fed your body and other needs from the meltdown, taking some time to “play” will replenish your energy like rest or physical exercise won’t. Consider something you love to do, better if it involves being creative: play with you loved pet, exploratory walk, drawing/ coloring, cooking/ baking, building something, fun joyful dancing, etc. It works!!!!
Breathing techniques never worked for me until at a work trauma training that brought up new concepts to me like threat states, and ones I knew like sensory engagement and observation to pull yourself more into the present, and then it brought up breathing techniques. I commented that it did nothing for me (after trying it) because it just felt difficult, and the trainer took the time to ask me what about it felt difficult and I thought about it and said it was the holding part (we were doing "breathe in 3 seconds, hold 3 seconds, exhale 5 seconds"), so she recommended just... skipping the holding part and doing 3-5 instead of 3-3-5.... first time I ever felt like a breathing technique had any effect on my state of being. It was a reminder that sometimes tweaking a known method to suit your needs can be, well, what you need.
Great video, thanks ❤! My added tip: spend time with animals, preferably by just sitting with them. They feel you and heal you. Cats, dogs, horses, or any other animal, they all have their specific healing talents and they bring you peace of mind.
Yes! My cats have been so incredibly helpful in bringing me back down. One of them loves to lay on my lap and purr when I'm having a hard time (she does it on her own) and the vibrations help ground me.
Thank u Taylor you're so pretty ❤ personally my meltdowns are private but pretty ugly.. I would shout curses nonstop. Thankfully more manageable now
After a meltdown, I need to recover rocking in the fetal position, in a very warm and dark room, with no other humans.
"Meltdown! Team 2, repair your generator immediately" - Karen the Computer Wife
One thing that isn't often talked about is the amount of shame associated with meltdowns and coping techniques as autistic adults who were undiagnosed as kids. I don't know how many times as I grew up that I was told I was "embarrassing", that my large physical stims were "inappropriate" or "shameful", that my meltdowns were "childish" and eventually, just my "failure to be an adult". Even after diagnosis and learning so much about the way my brain works, I still feel so much shame when I experience meltdowns or shutdowns, or even heightened emotional reactions, and then shame when I try to use coping techniques to manage them. It's a struggle we don't talk about enough.
Hi, I'm new here. I haven't been officially diagnosed yet, I have many other ailments going on too. Some things have been issues and struggles since early childhood. I was a severely abused and neglected child. I have been different since I can remember. I have severe C-PTSD, one thing I wonder if PTSD can be worse for someone on the spectrum? I am looking for positive support. I have my own PTSD coping channel. I want to understand myself better and help others try to understand me too. Meltdowns are not fun, I get them often and when I do I'm just trying to release the over stimulation. I'm glad I found your channel! I have a hard time staying in the present, I'll try the senses exercises you mention! TY, I hope I can help others too
I do think that CPTSD/PTSD tends to be pretty common in the autistic community, unfortunately. I don't know if many studies have been done on it, but I run into it FREQUENTLY in my work as I interact with community members day in and day out.
I've been experiencing a lot of this after becoming a mother. Things that shouldn't require a lot of energy feel completely overwhelming and I want to do nothing. At those moments I want to be alone in silence, but not possible with kiddos. I feel exhausted a few hours into the day, then when the kids go down for a nap, I feel energy. Same thing happens when they go to bed. When the house is quiet and nothing is going on, I feel energy. I could cope before children but it's much more crippling now. And more difficult is trying to explain to spouse why I'm feeling overwhelmed. Why I want to go to our bedroom and lay in the dark in silence. Why I just want to be alone. It's tough. I wish everyone else luck in troubleshooting yourselves. It's a journey.
Same.
hey im sorry your having a hard time. does your spouse understand? it could help if he was to do research into how it all affects you, its not your job to teach him but it could help you to guide him when you DO have time and energy. im sending you a virtual air hug, hope you have a few minutes of calm today
SJ. Sorry read the reply for Toni, it is meant for you, I mistyped your name. Xx
Yes I totally understand. I'm so glad i found this channel because when I search for things like "moms with autism" it's all about NT parents with autistic children; there are so few resources for parents with autism (or autistic traits)
Can your husband afford to have a baby sitter come help you with the kids a few hours a day? I know non autistic woman who need this, simply to ensure they have time to just be in their feminine energy. Woman can’t just be expected to be wives, mothers, house keepers, cooks, and not make sure to have that time for themselves. Woman deserve that whether autistic or not. So try not to be too hard on yourself. I hope your husband is understanding.
7:02 what if there are no thoughts and I just feel bad. Like usually my anxiety is all just a feeling and my mind is usually empty. My body feels it more rhen my thoights do.
I realized just a couple weeks ago - when checking "Aspie" traits vs my brother - that this is me. I'm 55 and while it's a relief to have an explanation for literally everything in my life, it's also quite daunting. My only "given" in how people saw me was "gifted" and I think there are gifts to this condition - some of which I may have suppressed via masking, like this odd intuition I used to get on the regular and sometimes still do - but it's hard to reconcile this with autism, a condition my cousin has in its most severe form; he cannot walk. talk, communicate beyond an infant level, and never will. I see traces of Autism in so many members of my family; this explains so much.
Yet I don't know if I have the energy to seek formal diagnosis. I've done EVERY test online. I'm not BPD, I'm not narcissistic, I couldn't be more sure I am THIS (whatever they're calling it now, and I find this constant relabelling itself annoying, tbh), and I was unaware of it due to the stereotype of the awkward boy into math and trains or whatever. If I'd known, I wouldn't have beaten myself up for my childhood sneaking away to read comics at parties, getting rejected by other girls because I didn't know how to start conversations, raising my hand too much in class and later avoiding it due to bullying, wanting other kids like me to translate their language into simpler, less formal structures so as not to get picked on, sucking my thumb till I was 9, twirling my hair till now, biting nails then picking at my mascara, then (ugh) smoking (which for all the bad it does, does force me to breathe more slowly), doing long involved research then writing full novels only to chicken out when it comes to trying to sell them, speaking too low in private though I can public speak to the back of an auditorium clearly, walking funny like the great-grandfather I never met, hating every single thing about gym class, from the way teams were picked to the entire locker room experience, developing an allergy when back in my old school to run a program surrounded by office politics, some of it from a more confident ex-HS peer turned office bully...
How far do I go on? HOW do I go on? I've done some really great things in life but have no financial success and a job below my abilities but better for me emotionally. I focus on work when working, but otherwise still spend hours fantasizing (sometimes useful for writing, sometimes not) and now I'm unsure I can connect via writing because I don't think like NT people so how do I entertain them? I have a husband who I suspect has a condition himself but not this one and he's very protective of me and accepting of my quirks; this helps, but I worry about him all the time. I've always felt alien and 3 years ago had a meltdown in a job that was very wrong for me and am on anxiety meds at a low dose. I know I should be excited by this new knowledge. But I worry about getting diagnosed at all with SO many doctors getting it wrong, particularly in women, and if it will really make any difference at this age. Considering just assuming I have this and reading up on coping strategies - after all, whether I have this or not, shouldn't the coping strategies work?
Sorry so long. I'm so confused. But so grateful there are people out there proving we're not all Sheldon Cooper or RaInman, so that ND people can recognize themselves even if it takes others even more time to catch up. All good wishes to you.
*(((hug)))*
I can so relate! I'm 45. A few months ago I stumbled upon a Ted Talk by a woman with ADHD and thought of my sister. Started researching and found me...first the ADHD, then Autism. And like you it feels like a relief to finally understand what was going on and why there were situations, things and skills I just could never learn and why it felt like I really couldn't. Like all this social and emotional between the lines stuff, networking, mingling... Because my brain just couldn't and can't. Like you, I wonder if I should seek formal diagnosis and how I would deal if I land with a doctor who I can't see beyond the masking or what if my GP does not really know that ADHD and Autism present very different in adult women - and when combined. I wouldn't need a diagnosis for any kind of official support and I don't want meds. For many things, especially the ADHD side, I've come up with strategies and made my peace with working in bursts of productivity. But I do feel a diagnosis would help me to take my needs more serious. Whatever those are as what I believe are ADHD +Autism is a really confusing combo and the Autism side tends to draw the short straw. Especially with the high-pressure job I have in academia. Like taking meltdowns seriously and giving yourself time to deal and process? I just worked through the first anniversity of the death of my feather - and made the decision that something needs to change.
I do hope that you figure this weird double-edged epiphany of being an adult woman with Autism!
@@julen2380 Thank you so much for your wonderful reply. I am so very grateful there is a growing ND community, and that many in the community are of an age before this was diagnosed very often in women - or at all. This is the only way medical professionals can even begin to understand us - by listening to us describe our experiences, both internal and external, and how we come to present the way we do.
I was 13 by the time "Aspergers" was a diagnosis, and then mostly in boys. By then I was so "successful" in school parents and teachers thought nothing was wrong, and I cried alone EVERY SINGLE NIGHT so they wouldn't know I was a social reject. (My cousin and I, at different schools in different places, both got valedictorian taken away from us by the Grad Committee and given to the most popular kid instead of the kid with the highest marks, for the first time in each school's history; we were outsiders who didn't get invited to parties and therefore, they felt, could not speak for the other kids - not even the other outcasts, presumably, though the committee didn't really think those kids counted, anyway. Imagine having the reward for the thing you got picked on the most for taken away. They even had a vote, which doubled the humiliation.)
I went K-12 in the same small town school, meaning whatever I was in Grade 3 was how I was seen forever. It was still a little better to be a girl, though - the Aspie boys got hung out 3rd floor windows by their ankles, tied to trees and left there until someone other than their bullies found them. Parents and teachers of the time really seemed to believe what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I guess they didn't click in that many such kids DO wind up dead as a result of bullying, and that others may have to "kill" large parts of their true selves to be accepted even marginally.
I made sure my masking was high in university, but also met a lot wider and more thoughtful variety of people there. So to totally remove a mask I can no longer define the parameters of, flashing back to the worst moments of my life self-esteem wise in the process, sounds exhausting and depressing though the end result will, I hope, be exhilarating. I just wonder if it's too late to make any difference to the things I'm faced with now - low income (I've had higher paying jobs, but they eventually burnt me out), looming no-plan retirement. Honestly, at this point I don't care if I never attend another party larger than 8, but other realities are hitting like a load of bricks - although at least now I can figure out how it came to be this way.
It reminds me of the Tolstoy line, "'What if my entire life, my entire conscious life, simply was not the real thing?'"
Saw a man on another forum the other day who is unable to mask and is terribly lonely, constantly losing jobs, living in poverty despite great potential and my heart broke for him. He was screaming "I WISH I COULD MASK. I WISH THERE WAS A CURE. THIS DOES NOT FEEL LIKE A GIFT." I think many of us who can mask need to reach out when we recognize those who can't, and be champions for NOT wasting great human potential in favour of shallow social "norms" that have not resulted in anything near a perfect society. Duloc was never a perfect place. ;)
I have also found that many people I have connected strongly with IRL have either ADHD, ASD, or both. I do not appear to have ADHD but to have both must be even more complex to "wrap your head around". Whatever the difficulties, I'm proud of you - and all on this forum - to have made it so far EVEN WITHOUT knowing. And maybe it's better to learn it now in some way. I had relatives from earlier generations who were institutionalized unnecessarily, because that was the default for ANY form of mental divergence.
Thank you again for your thoughtful response, and above all else I hope you are taking care of yourself and finding joy. And thank you Tay for this forum.
@@booksnuggler2494 Wow, your time in school sounds absolutely horrid! I am so sorry you had to go through all that and so proud you made it through! I believe it's never to late to (re)discover and to try new terrain.
I was lucky enough to grow up in Berlin, Germany, in a pretty diverse neighbourhood and with very progressive parents who unfortunately still had no clue about things like ADHD or Aspergers but who taught me the self-confidence to be "weird".Up to a point and beyond that I still learned to mask and I mask a lot and what you write about your previous, higher paying jobs burning you out - I think I'm (once again, if I'm honest) on the cusp of that.
I work in university management, in an incredibly high paced (which I quite like < ADHD), high pressure and all the time environment, which I feel this forum is giving me finally the words to describe why this overwhelms me so much. And so I guess, in a way we're in the same boat, maybe? Trying to fgure out if this newfound knowledge about purselves can help us find a middle-ground: a job and a life that allows us to fulfil our potential without burning us out. Or leaving us worried for old age.Which I think it can and I really believe it's not too late at all. :)
I hear you...I am with you...we got this
Thank you for this video. Very, very helpful. The arm flopping feels wonderful to me. I'm new to all this, and it's so amazing to come in contact with all of you folks
I used to flap my arms like that all the time (not in public) It feels so good 😊
Thanks so much for this video! I'm currently recovering from a prolonged meltdown. I didn't recognize it until I started doing the tips you suggested in your video. Then my mind started clearing up and I could finally rest. Thank you for these great resources and advocating for better support in the community. ❤️
That large physical stim is something I remember doing multiple times as a child. I don't remember the situations, but I do remember the feeling of it making me feel better. 🙂
It's also basically a Qi Gong exercise. Just make the hands fists and lightly hit yourself where the hands strike at the end.
Thanks for sharing Taylor! This is always the part of the meltdown process I struggle with most. 💞
💞
If you want to this to the extreme try Wim Hoff breathing and cold exposure. It can reset your nervous system
I find medium pace hiking very regulating. Flapping and jumping around can be embarrassing, so I only do in private. 😄
that helps, and perpetual isolation always feels the safest for me
Yes I only feel comfortable doing large stims privately by myself
@@MomontheSpectrum I am embarrassed doing them in public, but that's also the only time I feel the desire to do them, lol. I dance when I'm exercising to music, both at the park and at the gym. I get comments. And I do big rocking and/or spinning when I've been at a party or in a training too long. I often want to do them in the lobbies of theaters, after the show is over but for some reason we're hanging around, waiting.
Daughter, this is beautiful. You have understood perfectly. I need the same thing on total burnout - after recovering a little in the last year and a half - but pray you really DON'T ever need to know that! Meanwhile, this is great. I do all these things AND, if I can, take a nap in a cozy dark , quiet place any time during the process it really helps me to restart. Sometimes it is the next morning, but... better than not. After burn out, I found meltdowns increased dramatically. I don't know if I'm using the terms the way everyone else does or not, but I hit a crash a little while back I'm calling burn out. Tried to pretend to be normal for decades too long... even when I just accepted most folks definition "weird" [instead of Autistic] ... and partly coped that way... SO happy for you guys who are young enough to get a "certified" diagnosis... [PS -scored 195 out of 200 on the big quiz].
I’ve been following your channel for quite a while now and am so glad I found it!! It’s been so helpful, resourceful, educational, and reassuring!! I was finally diagnosed 13 days ago with ASD and OCD (as an almost 33 year old female). I’ve already been diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, and PTSD, but this current diagnosis was just validating. My entire childhood especially makes so much sense now. Thank you so much for creating this channel and continuing to educate on this platform!!
I think yesterday was the first time I recognized I was in meltdown while it was happening.
Shut down was imminent. Since I was working that wasn't an option. Fortunately I do work from home, so at least there's that.
So I just grabbed my Ono roller (that I learned about from you) and started playing with it. This apparently mimics a stim I have used most of my life when I was trying to not be obvious, so even though it's a small thing, it was the most effective one I found for me at that point.
I actually felt all the muscles that were tightening in my face and my shoulders loosen up. Soon as I recognize that I just leaned back and fidgeted for a few minutes, and I was able to get on with the rest of my day.
Hey Taylor! Thank you for all of your videos and especially this one, your tips are incredibly helpful!
I personally find the 5-4-3-2-1 technique one of the best self-regulatory practices at any stage of my meltdowns (it's basically the same with what you said about focusing conciously on your senses: observe 5 things, touch 4 things, hear 3 things, smell 2 things and taste 1 thing - it combines mindful sensing, counting and restoring inner order, which is all I need in a meltdown to get the sway of things back).
Also, when I feel like I'm about to meltdown, I like taking a walk in a park or any piece of green area that is available to me at that moment (preferably with trees and enough space for walking without bumping into people, and definitely with sound-cancelling headphones, if the place is not particularly quiet). And there I switch my brain from racing over stressful things that it's unable to process to counting my steps, feeling my posture, focusing on my gait, playing around with the pace - walk faster, get cheered up, slow down, relax, observe, then speed up again if I feel like there's still a lot of restless energy in me, and gradually slow down again. Somehow measuring my pace and gait really helps. Hopefully, someone of those who read it will also find it useful.
Thank you so much for sharing this!
I can often feel shutdown after a Autistic meltdown where I don't want to speak
Thanks Taylor. I get frequent meltdowns dealing with my mentally ill 🤒 parents who focus on the wrong things. I will be careful to handle those feelings well and stay out of legal trouble in the community. It has been a very rough day today for me and I had several meltdowns in one day.
Thank you so much for your videos. I suspect i have undiagnosed autism and adhd. There are lots of things you talk about that i resinate with. Your videos have helped me understand myself a bit more.
I wish there were more autistic speakers that suffer from the anger meltdowns. I’m almost jealous of all the other presentations in a ironic way, they seem preferable to ruining relationships almost every time.
I’m doing a lot better since finally getting the meds I asked for years ago. As well as all the new understanding since learning I’m autistic. Having terms and tools and community has been an immense relief.
I wish you'd tell my wife that, she purposefully triggers my meltdowns and then acts like she didn't know what she was doing.
@@SmallSpoonBrigade what do you mean she purposefully triggers them?
I relate to that. My meltdowns appear as aggressive anger to anyone in range. I have learnt from these videos that not trying to 'push through' and resting/self-care helps prevent me getting to that extreme stage. I can never remember much about them afterwards...
Haham the rocking the arms back and forth. I've been doing that for years. At home, alone. Usually to release some muscle tension in my neck and shoulders. Never knew it was a stim
Your videos have been so helpful for me as a 32 year old trans guy who just discovered my ASD. They have also been just as helpful for my partner to understand what I'm going through and for her to not take it so personally.
Thank you so much for putting all of this out there for us to relate to and share with others when I don't have the words for it. 🖤🖤🖤
KenZ, I write and want my writing to be as inclusive as possible. The ASD part of me is more obsessed now with even writing NT characters correctly, let alone accurately showing people how kaleidoscopic this spectrum is - but I so want to. Even though a fiction writer must write many characters (and they can't all be variations on the writer themselves), I don't want to misrepresent anyone (especially if writing in the first person), even a fictional creation of a different gender, sexuality, or mental make-up to my own. So please keep your unique voice in the world because learning from each other is essential to full representation in all media, and across the spectrum. "Only connect." Best wishes.
They have been really helpful for me as well, a 29 years old trans guy who also resently, like two months ago, discovered I very likely have autism. Happy to find a transsibling here!🎉❤
Not diagnosed here, but I'm pretty sure I just had a meltdown after a very intense morning, I opened youtube after a few moments to forget ahout the world and this pops up, I call that perfect timing! What's your opinion on self diagnosis? I really want to go through it officialy but keep putting it off, I'm actually scared of getting a negative diagnosis because I feel so related to all of this stuff after reading about it for over a year now, the impostor syndrome is at full speed.
I totally support self diagnosis if using the term “autistic” allows you to have more self compassion and understanding. Most people I work with who self diagnose spend a considerable time researching beforehand and want to be respectful of others in the community by understanding the terms they’re using.
@@MomontheSpectrum And for anybody that was evaluated in the past, they may have missed it due to the way the rules were written. Reading through my evaluation report, it looks very much like the psychologist thought I probably had it, but couldn't make a clean yes or no due to other conditions. I know now that just having ADHD at that time would guarantee that there couldn't be a diagnosis.
I haven't decided whether or not to bother with a re-evaluation as it's pretty clear that I am autistic, and just living my life as is the most comfortable and geared towards my strengths is the way forward.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
BOX BREATHING! It's my gold standard go-to. Also, in DBT, there's something called TIPPS skills, and one of them is submerge your face into ice-cold water so you "shock" your CNS, and it brings you back to a baseline. Great video!! Also, that Ono Roller is the freaking best.
Peace!
I am ACTUALLY going through a “meltdown” although I didn’t know I’ve been having one until I watched this video. I couldn’t control my emotions, so I decided to make my physical body as comfortable as possible. I accidentally found all these tips today doing all the things she mentioned in this video, and they seem to be working!! But I still feel defeated for not being able to control myself emotionally… 😭
Thankyou for this. My meltdown shutdowns last for about 2 plus weeks. Already in day 12 and so overwhelmed and so tired still. The fatigue is unbelievable and I am glad I'm not the only one who in which my skin is so itchy and head feels like it's covered in head lice as that is so itchy. Just feels like there's bug crawling all over my skin. Can't waite to feel my base line again. Thankyou for all your videos. 😇
You’re welcome. Thanks for your comment and I hope you get some relief soon. Take good care of yourself. 💓
Any tips for a reoccurring meltdowns? I’m a teacher, and sometimes situations come up multiple times a day that can be triggering, so after I’ve calmed once, I have multiple ones throughout the day over the same situation
Hi! Thank you for being a resource for autism. I'm in my late 20s expecting my 2nd baby. I've always felt a little bad about "quirks" that I have (like having to wear shoes because the floor is too much), but now I feel so much better knowing that it's a legit sensory overwhelm.. I can actually practice things to help myself (and at least the firstborn who's showing signs of ASD, too).
You're lovely
This is great. I tried the arm swinging thing as soon as you said it and the world felt INSTANTLY better. It’s been a hard few days with my daughter home sick but still having to work from home. Too many stimuli. Too many interruptions. Too much pressure. Just too much! Of course, I’m glad she is well enough to be getting on my nerves but that almost better stage has been rough.
Twisting movement you showed I took from qui gong thai chi when I was trying to force myself to do meditation. Meditation, did not work haha xD But this movement makes you feel great and helps with lower back pain, amazing stuff.
My meltdown remedy is my wife :D She can see me going of the track, and she takes over and i just disconnect in time to not explode.
I've got a singing bowl which can be really calming and kind of satisfying. I can gently bang it and try to tell the moment where I can no longer hear it. Or, I can just run the stick around the edge of it and try to make a controlled and sustained tone.
I just received my ASD dx today 4/6/23. I am 38. It’s a lot to process, but I’m so excited and relieved! Your videos are so helpful; thank you for making this content!!
So very grateful for this video, just realising so much of what I experience matches a lot of autism traits. It's so helpful to have you tube for support and to learn more. I have painted cards from Hanna Ensore, at sticks communications. Really helpful to explain needs, behaviours and conditions to others. She has a UK shop online and a TH-cam channel. Thanks for your video.
Good information, appreciate!
After church I always need a nap because of all the 'peopling'. It always creates sensory overload.
This video is great timing. I recently got diagnosed, in a journey that started with me trying to understand my more autistic brother.
I just started reading up on autistic meltdown and it suddenly clicked that so many of his struggles are because he has no way to properly process his meltdowns. I'm just beginning to identify what works for me, and your tips are helping me figure out what we can do for him.
Something that already stands out is the potential for yoga. I rarely do full mat sessions because the structure and pace of a guide doesn't work for me, but there are some asanas that really satisfy that sensory and physical need. Finding a quiet space for a few forward folds and lifts can make a big difference.
Edit: oh wow I just went searching and found you already covered yoga for ASD. Definitely checking that out!
Box breathing is my absolute go to for autonomic nervous system regulation
Please explain the good the bsf the ugly of what can "trigger you"
How did you know .. kts very inspiring
Real life experiences to share goes so very far xxxx
I love that you used Spoon theory!! I have POTS and am being evaluated for suspected ADHD and ASD. These tips are super helpful and very easy to understand.
If I go full meltdown when surrounded by people I start to scream and in like uncontrolled unhuman way 😅 My base instinct is to alway mask mask mask and push push push myself but the meltdowns that follow are so crazy that they actually make me set boundaries and give grace because I don’t want to go all the way down.
I find removing all mental pressure and obligations for as long as it takes helps recovering, as well as sensory deprivation and sleep, and after that isolation, reading book, walking outdoors and laughing at funny videos.
I'm kind of glad it's not just me. I just wish my wife would understand that when I'm telling her to go away, I mean, go away and leave me alone. I rarely used to have full on meltdowns before I got married and suddenly, I was expected to mas all of my waking life. It's also why she's going to be my ex wife in the near future. She is not worth it in any way shape or form.
Taylor! What excellent info! Great work! You did a really good job explaining and giving personal examples. 👁⭐️👁🙌🦄✌️
Hey Taylor! Thank you for your videos. My two girls (2&3) were just diagnosed with asd so I've been researching it like crazy. But in the process I've seen a lot of myself in it. How do you deal with shutting down and being completely over simulated when kids are needing you? I feel like I'm going crazy some days.
It’s definitely a challenge. I’m hoping to make a video over this soon. The answer is that I’m constantly in and out of balance, and I do the best I can to share how I’m feeling with my kids so they can better understand their own experiences. My kids are 6 and 9, and so far this has been very helpful to have them out of the baby and toddler stage. They are much more independent right now and that helps a lot.
Thank you
Y’know, I think I have more meltdowns than I realized. Little ones, of course, but I do recognize many times where I felt a deep anxiety and had to change into softer clothes NOW and get in front of a fan or lay on my face for a few minutes. When I had one of my recent, more noticeable ones over looking at houses (sooooo stressful…) I was listening to music on headphones and just went into an open area and did a weird floppy arm dance to the music. Rather similar to what you did but music really adds to the effect. I also have to have music while driving. Singing along really helps me cope.
Any tips for handling anger-type meltdowns? I tend to hit my last straw without even realizing I got there and then I blow up usually over/ directly at little things. I've only recently realized it's when I'm overstimulated and/or when I'm in high anxiety feelings and also that it's an accumulation that leads to the meltdown.
So I'm trying to recognize much sooner when I start to get disregulated/overstimulated aka heading down the path of anger meltdown, and I'mgetting better at recognizing that, but the really really hard part is to calm myself down BEFORE I hit that point of no return and meltdown. I'd love advice for how to do this.
Also, specifically looking for how to do this while at work, when you can't just actually step away or leave the room.
@@BipolarCourage I’m very sorry to hear that and I wish you both all the best.
@@BipolarCourage I definitely agree with you. Thank you so much for sharing and will keep you and your son in my thoughts 💭 and prayers
Hi You've probably been asked this question & may have a video if I think I am autistic who do I get assessed by? Thanks for your videos & spreading advice & awareness to us ❤
Just found this video, can I pay to watch webinar replay? Thank you!
Hi Taylor. I was diagnosed at 38 (I am 43 now). I have heard of the spoons analogy but it has never made sense. For me I describe my experience on the spectrum as boiling pots of water on a stove. So each person is a pot of water. The stove is represents "life". The temperature guage represnts expwriences and how much they affect you. Water boils at 212 °F, but everyone's experiences aren't the same. Negative or challenging experiences raise temperatures but things self care and learning can bring temperatures. For an explain 2 peoples cars won't start, they will likely be affected different ly. One person temp might go up say 25° while another person temp might goto 50°. Engaging in self care wii decrease your temperature. Thoughts
brilliant ... thank you for sharing
Thank you so much for these melt down tips.
You’re welcome Katherine!
Thank you for the permission not to brush my teeth some times!!
Hey friend, something that tends to get in the way of stimming for me is PAIN. A lot of the stims I naturally gravitate toward cause me joint or back pain (im also possibly hyper mobile) but it’s so hard to be in my body when im super dysregulated and pay attention to the pain. Let me know if you have any tips! This video is super great ❤
My daughter’s friend is autistic on the spectrum and she goes to school and has really good grades, she can talk so her case is not advanced but yesterday at the park she had a tantrum and started hitting everyone even my baby, screaming, shouting and everyone around was stating. Kids are shocked. What can we do? How can we help? Other than these techniques how should her mom deal with this? She said that she spoke to her and grounded her.
In this be sure larger stims is not self harm... (From recovering cutter)
Thankfully I can show myself more compasion in meltdown recovery. sometimes that means cancelling Dr appts and resting. I try not to do more than 2-3 appts a week and no more than 2 days in a row.
I do not have kids and i am disabled, so easier for me. ..currently in icu.... My body went into shutdown beyond my control after surgery to remove my thyroid last week.
In my more self compassion since using ASD I am able to communicate my needs in these situations. I stress to staff if I am talking I am usually good. And to leave my door open at all times or I will panic, meltdown, shutdown, and self harm. I can be dead and wake up as soon as they start to close the door
Tips for recovery: sleep, meditate, do nothing... nothing...and less than nothing
Is there anything on relationships & how people go? I would imagine one would need an understanding partner
Have so many of these, only recently realising how many autistic traits. Watched your 10 childhood traits for females, having having my photo taken. Turns out I've struggled with that since toddler years. Is this common for someone on the spectrum?
My name is Daleena ugg too many?? I would like to ask I'm a thalidomide survivor chromosome 7 and chromosome 15 to my research was affected
💚🥰
Can I ask if meltdowns include migraine headaches for other Autistic/ADHD people? I have suffered from migraines since I was a teen (early 50s now, newly diagnosed) and I am wondering if there is a connection because no one has been able to figure out why I get migraines and thinking back, it seems to be after I have been overly stressed and am thinking it maybe my body's way to force me to take time away from the world.
Mine are loud and painful to me biting my finger and screaming. You know when they happen my roommate heard me outside with his window shut pulling into the driveway.
Hi Taylor, I do have a question. It's about the Autistic awareness/acceptance month, in April. I went super excited (like I always do when I find out interesting things I can cosplay like or nice events and museums to go to) when saw online cute blue lipsticks themed merchandise and rainbow puzzles. I'm pretty 'queer' and goth so I was super excited to have cute rainbow themed things I could also use for Pride Month... but online I've been seeing like a feud between categories of autism advocacy, if that's possible? So... do I have to get worried to offend my own people if I show up with a blue lipstick (I also love blue lips in general) and rainbow puzzles instead of rainbow infinite signs??? I like puzzles and I found that symbol adorable because I often didn't 'fit in' and also because as a child I always loved calm activities which involved building things and puzzles were something I enjoyed doing a lot.
Am I still allowed to love these symbols or am I insulting autistic people because of my lack of knowledge?
Also other autistic people out there do please feel free to give your input.
Question, for late (self) dx, coud meltdowns be mistaken for panic attacks?
I personally believe yes they can be
@@MomontheSpectrum thanks ❤ and thank you for all of your amazing videos!
I always tell people meltdown is like a panic attack you can fix by turning off the lights, taking off your clothes and putting on noise cancelling headphones.
How does the differ from bipolar or other disorders xxx
I don't seem to have meltdowns.
Is there a percentage of people who don't experience meltdowns? (Any statistics available on this?)
hi! i’m curious with your experience of becoming a mom. I think I might be on the spectrum, i’ve been diagnosed adhd since I was a kid but I resonate a lot with the autism traits. for me, once I had my twins, going from no kids to two, I think I suffered autistic meltdowns for the first….. almost year 😅…. I lived in a complete disregulated state. i’ve adapted, but it was sensory overload every day for what felt like a lifetime 😅 did you have any similar experience when you became a mom? or does my experience sound like it could be a potential autistic meltdown? i’m going to talk to my psychiatrist at my next appointment and see if i’m possibly on the spectrum.
This is almost my exact story! Ever since having my second, I have been so so overwhelmed and I'm thinking it might be autistic burnout but have no idea where to go from here. 😅 Recently bought noise reducing earbuds and that's helped with the normal everyday overwhelm.
the link for the webinar is not working
🤙🏼