I’m a psychotherapist in the UK, I genuinely think this woman is the best and most authentic TH-cam psychologist around. Every video is absolutely excellent. Thank you Heidi 😊
Likewise. I stumbled across her videos on the Drama Triangle while searching for psychoeducational resources and have binge-watched her videos since then. She’s brilliant ❤️
1.) Become attractive by your own standards 2.) Integrate pain into your identity. Don't dissociate from it 3.) Get outside and do something you love. Foster relationships with the people you're in alinement 4.) When you make a mistake, take the time to understand yourself deeply without judgement 5.) Stop waiting for anyone to come and save you 6.) Start telling the truth as often as humanly possible, with yourself and with others 7.) Focus WAY LESS on what you want to take from the world and WAY MORE on what you wanna give to the world 8.) Remember that you're gonna die 9.) Stop crapfitting. Stop tryna be who others want you to be. Know what you want, genuinely. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. 10.) Only focus on what you can control, right here and right now.
While other guidelines are important too, however, i started to self reflect how personally "do something you love" has been one important thing to me among other these tips. I was unhappy because i didn't change the things that i wanted like hobbies, career and other life choices. I have had some nice guy syndrome not to start learning something i want to learn because other people have installed to me a negative mindset about it (it's boring, why you would ever do thing x and so on) and also i had a self doubt that i never will be good at this activity since it takes so much effort to learn. But now i just start learning the things i want step by step. I'm making great progress and i'm hooked and excited. Finally that boredom and loss of life direction is gone, i'm more motivated than ever. I can start my days with a great purpose because things are moving further. I regret a little how i was a sheep and didn't do what i want. But yeah, i have come closer with realising how it's my own responsibility to great happiness. It's interesting how i don't get so exhausted by learning doing the things i want because i'm eager to learn them. I don't want to be at the end of my life regretting how i didn't live the life i wanted and do things i wanted. Still long journey to go but going to think this stuff more trough.
wow, at the part of the video where she said, 'face your fears head on, stop opening 50 tabs on your phone and actually tend to the problem where you have to be vulnerable, or risk the fear of failure, I immediately opened a tab to buy a minimalist phone. As if that is going to solve my life haha. Time to watch till the end of the video.
When you said, “Stop waiting for someone to save you.” I literally started crying and thought of my dad. The fact that he’s never going to come and meet this unmet need I’ve lived with my whole life. But it’s a fact that I need to accept to finally heal. Thank you.
I read your comment and want to congratulate you. This is the most life-changing realization. I had to come to the same understanding, and once I did, that's where my healing journey began. I excepted my dad for who he is and what he is unable to give. I just began to love him and meet him where he is at in his handicap. This was very healing and strengthening. You'll find your new authentic self now that you have let go of those expectations. 🤍
Of course, it’s not your dad, you know that. It’s the guys in your life who are like him in some way, and something inside you wants them to step in and fix what he didn’t.
i literally can’t get over how profound every single one videos of yours i’ve seen feels to me. you are an anchor in my healing journey and i aspire to be able to navigate my psyche they way you do and use it to heal. everyday i’m building new layers of awareness and excavating deeper and deeper into what i hide from myself. your discussions on limerence and disassociation have radically changed my life. i’ve realized that i have been living in disillusionment because i’ve been shaping my reality based on my expectations, but instead i need to shape my expectations based on my reality.
Putting this on my computer desktop right now: If you can become the person who shows up and saves you from your own circumstances the way you have been waiting for someone or something else to do, think of how much you would love yourself. Right? Think of how much respect and awe and admiration you would have for yourself.
Unfortunately it has to be a holistic effort and consistent work. I did all of the above, and I made a life that I'm proud of, I saved myself, I changed, I learned how to be assertive, I learned how to handle rejection, pain, loss, and I have healed so much, I never imagined I'd even be here right now. But it is still an effort every single day to prove to myself that I'm here for myself, forever yknow? It's like any relationship and it takes time. To tell yourself 'if I do this for myself then I'll be happy and secure' is a trap. You'll learn to handle life better, but the work doesn't stop. You don't view yourself suddenly as a hero, and your trauma and core beliefs don't just melt away. You need to challenge them consistently for a long time, and that is difficult. You also need to build the relationship with yourself and then consistently carry that with you out into the world and back into close relationships, and when that happens, you uncover insecurities you couldn't have fixed alone. You have to go and deliberately let yourself be triggered and proven wrong in your negative beliefs and that is not for the feint of heart. So yes do show up for yourself, but don't trick yourself into thinking that doing so will heal everything or that suddenly you'll just view yourself differently. It is a long and a painful process that you need to be very fucking brave to face up to. That's the part that people often neglect to talk about on social media, in 'therapy' videos, or in social spaces. I hate that people sort of only get one part of the whole healing picture, because healing is ugly and non linear, and I think people deserve to understand the reality of it as well as the positives. You will feel like Sisyphus, and you will need to get creative on how you manage to imagine Sisyphus as happy, but stick it out and keep being brave and vulnerable and consistent.
From Self-esteem pioneer, Nathaniel Branden, Six Pillars of Self-Esteem 1. Living Consciously 2. Self-Acceptance 3. Self-Responsibility 4. Self-Assertiveness 5. Living Purposely 6. Personal Integrity
I was listening to a podcast that said, “it’s important to live life by design rather than emotion. Basically, sticking to a routine is what allows us to be the healthiest version of ourselves (especially when you're fighting these demons ex. OCD for me). I’ve had to overhaul how I approach taking care of my brain (exercise, journaling, studying etc) by practising mediocre consistency. Now I try to put in consistent 50-60% effort into my habits - to make sure I do it I began recording it and posting it on YT. After a really bad depression phase I started to believe I couldn’t change and I’d feel that horrible forever. Historically I have a habit of going too hard, not being able to sustain the Herculean effort, giving up and hating myself. So now I’m trying to give a small, consistent mediocre effort everyday. And its crazy how it adds up.
1. Body positivity ( protect your inner child) 2. Face challenges head on. Work through conflict. Sit with the pain and don’t numb it 3. Pick meaningful goals. 4. Take the time to understand yourself when something happens 5. Stop waiting to be saved by others. Create your own dream life and save yourself 6. Tell the truth to yourself and others 7. Focus on what you want to give back instead of taking. Give back to the community and friends. 8. Keep yourself humble. Be aware that you will die! Accept death and use it as motivation. 9. Stop comparing yourself with others. Say yes to what matters to us 10. Focus on what you can control!
These are great bits of info. I am definitely one who distracts myself instead of facing things head on. I may not have a broken leg but dozens of other things in my life are in need of repair.
Ms. Heidi, I don’t often leave comments on peoples’ channels, but I’m compelled to share with you how impactful your videos are to me. I think it’s important to share since community matters to you. Please know, with all sincerity you are greatly impacting your community for the better. And I hope knowing this inspires you to keep going! I greatly appreciate you. 😊
I am a giver and burned out and became resentful because of lack of boundaries. I love the point regarding giving but also be mindful of your boundaries and what you are capable of giving.
On step 10, as a non-believer I've always appreciated the serenity prayer: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference"
Heidi, I will be 63 in a few days. Every decade since my 30's I stopped to take a look at where I have been and plan & commit to where I am going. After ups & downs I am happy, busy and exited because I have decades to look forward to. A lot of what I have learned comes from mistakes, so I no longer fear screwing up... I will do my best today & enjoy. And I will look forward to tomorrow. I am living because I tried surviving and it socks. When I read a good book, I re read it. Then I summarize it for myself and I take the key lessons and add them to my "truths & wisdom" vaults for lates use. These are documents that I have created and maintained over decades that I review and update every year. My personal "bible" or "laws" that help me craft the better me for tomorrow. Many of your videos I have re-viewed and summarized. You are wise and have a gift for sharing your wisdom. This is in my opinion one of your best videos.
I heard recently another good explanation of self-esteem: “the ability to tolerate the widest spectrum of different emotions” - which a lot of it all comes down to
I can't help wondering if it might have something to do with there being such an incredibly large market for tools of dissociation, between social media, streaming platforms, video games, or really the internet as a whole.
I think the powers that be/‘the establishment’ prefer to have an largely unconscious & traumatised population. Much easier to manipulate and control. It is the the same way as a narcissist likes to gaslight their victims to try to prevent them from obtaining a clear view of reality in order to control them.
Because there is a fundamental conflict between what different members of society want/need, and what is actually in the best interest of the individual/family. It’s why parenting is so absolutely critical, and this can *never actually be taught properly in school*. Society needs most people to be easy to deal with, to buy stupid things, or agree to whatever society wants someone to believe right now. It wants and needs most people to be followers. A society without leaders is a society doomed to failure and pain, as everyone ‘follows’ without taking ownership of their own actions and saying no when it needs to be said. A society composed of nothing but leaders and independent folks, is a society collapsing under the weight of conflict and confusion, with nothing actually being done. Someone who can’t follow when the time is right, is a terrible leader. Someone who cannot lead when the time is right is a terrible follower. School (at scale) can only teach someone to follow.
Heidi, I hope you see this comment. I’ve been on TH-cam since 2009 and this might be the most impactful video I’ve ever watched. There were so many times that I had to pause the video and just take in what you said. I sat down with a note pad and took notes for each step. I finally can say that I have an actionable plan to truly make positive changes in my life. Over the next week I’m going to spend a morning thinking through each step in depth. Thank you.
WOW! Can I just take a moment to say that, I have spent most of my days for the last 7 years listening to psychologists, shadow work coaches, self help leaders, audiobooks upon podcasts upon TH-cam videos... And the echo chamber became really apparent. You are hitting notes that a lot of other people seem to be missing, and it is SO APPRECIATED!! This is only the second video of yours I've seen but my mind and heart have been overloaded with "Aha!" Moments. 🎉🙏 thank you so much for being a voice in this movement!
So the book 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem was published in 1994 and it was an expansion of many ideas that were written in his very wonderful little book from 1983 called Honoring the Self. Out of my libraryof nearly 2000 books on self development, philosophy, and psychology, these are two of my most cherished books!
There's such a thing as being too honest, open and transparent. I do all these ten things, and most of them really do work very well, but I don't have good self esteem because I over share compulsively, I have good self esteem despite it. I actually really dislike this about myself, but I forgive myself and love myself anyway, because I can't help it (yet).
an insight I had after blowing a job interview after being asked "tell me about you..." was realizing after the fact it is good and ok to be truthful, and ok to not try to tell the "whole truth" (whatever that means for you". the trick is figuring out the right levels of discernment...that is right for you. :)
Thank you Heidi for giving so much back to us. I've followed you since the magazine article days & I've always valued your piercing clarity & way you succinctly explain things. You have a gift at putting complex things simply & getting to the root of things. I'm very much enjoying these cascade of videos lately. I've been reading lost connections per your recommendation. It's amazing. Listening to your enlightening videos amongst the backdrop of that book... I can feel myself shifting. It feels refreshing. Just want to let you know you are transforming lives & making waves you may not be entirely aware of. Thank you for being you & for using your voice & wise perspective. Please don't stop. In the meantime I'll be here. Thank you.
Saving this comment ❤ It made my day. I loved reading the sentence 'I can feel myself shifting.' I imagine I know that feeling and it is a beautiful one.
Wow. Just wow. Thank you for articulating all of this stuff and laying it all out clearly. This is giving me an idea of why I don’t feel so great, and how I can feel better. Thank you!!
Dusk and Summer! Also, the way into consistent exercise for me was setting the bar super low at first. Exercise is a lifelong habit. I now have a relationship with myself and running. Some days I can't wait to go, and other days I take it easy. We need to show compassion for our self around exercise, too. But, it's always worth it - best medicine there is.
My goal was to form a community of friends, it was lacking in my life, I was too committed to coaching, now retired, and forgot to keep a strong community. It’s taken me about a year to really step into friendships, I had to relearn. I’m so blessed to say I have the most amazing women to live life with!!
@@ccmjj9770for me, when younger, it was family labelling me as clumsy when I knocked something over, or incompetent when I made any kind of mistake. I internalised that as a subconscious belief, and now realise that that is NOT WHO I TRULY AM. Good luck!😊
The quote on ’love and understanding’ is by Thích Nhất Hạnh. Your talks are só helpful and insightful. Giving all my gratitude :) from Belgium. 🌱 You help me grow into a more secure version of myself. At last (52). 😬
So helpful and incredibly timely! The part where you say “self trust is doing what you said you’d do for yourself” is something I’ve been trying to integrate for a few weeks now, hard but worth it
I for years had debilitating headaches lasting 2-3 days, about two weekly at one time (hormones). That exhausted my brain so much that it took about 5 days to get back on track, only for it to happen again. My self confidence was almost non existent. I completely lost faith in myself, never knowing if I would be able to do what I planned. Only now, early 50s, with menopause and no headaches do I find myself better mentally.
I think communicating clearly with my loved ones about anything and everything humanly possible has been a great help. I’ve been sleeping better and have been able to think as clear as day.
This was exactly what I needed thank you, I did experience a NDE earlier this year and initially I wanted to help change the world but after the nde, a miscarriage, the end of a relationship it sent me into a spiral and being a INFP I guess i got stuck in the loop. Time to dust myself off and keep on going thank you 🙏💖
I love the way Heidi Priebe presents topics. I've listened to at least five videos so far, and find the material very helpful. She comes across as genuine, educated in the subjects, encouraging and kind. Thank You Heidi!!!
I never knew what was going on with me. So much anxiety and depression. I have had numerous turbulent relationships throughout my life and divorce. Constantly feeling disconnected and angry. I was attracting bad partners and I gave up on the idea of romance. Did a deep drive into myself and I had to reparent myself. I am a recovering fearful avoidant. I love your channel it makes complete sense- this video is my favorite bc your so right! I really appreciate your honesty and respect you. Authenticity is hard to find! Thank you!
I've been watching a lot of your videos, Heidi. They are all incredibly authentic, real, wise and caring. This one though is by far the most condensed, valuable message I have ever seen - and I've watched a lot of videos and read a lot of books in my life. If only everyone in the United States, Canada and rest of the English-speaking world watched and implemented these steps, what an impact that would have on the world! Thank you for sharing your gift.
The one that hit home the most is not being ignorant to the fact that we’re going to die. After spending time with my grandparents recently, and hearing this step, it’s reinforced my appreciation for life and the simple things, as well as the hard. I will rewatch this video as many times as I need! Truly a godsend.
I'm so glad I discovered you. I was socially abused all my schooling because of mild autism. Since then I've exhausted myself trying to get everyone to like me. I used Facebook for that, being so hooked which probably impacted by university grade. I moved to Edinburgh to run away from my past in Leeds. But that was a bad move because I can't stand the city or it's people. I struggle with lethargy even though my diets improved. I used my phone to text people far too much. I don't have a job because all my life I've told myself I'm dumb because of autism. I'm changing that now. I have a job waiting in Czech with a new gf. A gf of which I thought I was never capable of getting. I still haven't overcome the horrendous outcasting at school calling me a fk up etc
Heidi, you keep providing the clearest, deepest, and most useful stores of wisdom and perspective that I've exactly needed to be exposed to. It's like you've activated a little motor inside of me that is moving all the time, little by little, filling in all the space that therapy doesn't really fill all by itself. Also, in regard to step 8 (stay humble by remembering that you are going to die), you might appreciate the piece of music "fullmoon" by Ryuichi Sakamoto, which centers around a quote by Paul Bowles from the novel The Sheltering Sky. It's as beautiful as it is heartbreaking.
When she said “if you’re a halfway decent parent you would not leave the child alone in their distress… if you were a loving parent you would not berate them…” that’s the first time any therapist has said anything to “call out” my parents. It’s been a long journey reparenting my inner child. I feel like I’m making up for generations of poor parenting. Reparenting Generations of emotional neglect and psychological abuse. I’m doing it though. Doing the work For ALL of them, my ancestors as well as my descendants.
As if I couldn't love you anymore. Dashboard confessional! Nice!!! My journey has been filled with many sources of wisdom. Be it from a philosophical or religious angle or from a psychological angle such as yourself. I work as an electrician, and if I'm not listening to music in my earbuds I'm typically listening to things that either keep me on the proper path or push me to the proper path that I need to be on. And your videos continuously do that. I'm extremely grateful to have stumbled upon your channel. And everything I learn, I pass on to my peers and friends. I seem to be the go-to guy that people come to and talk to about issues. Simply because I'm able to see it from almost every angle. I'm able to be empathetic as well as logical in the situations because of the education I received from people like you. So even though you were helping me out and others one video at a time. Some of us are taking what we learn from you and helping others. So don't let the numbers your videos receive be the only reflection you have of success. Because it reaches far past your videos. Just from me alone, you've at least reached multiple more people. At least 50-100 on my end, and climbing.
Thank you dear, you say this much better and hopefully believable because you’re a woman. As a man I have been surrounded by women with low self esteem because of my empathy and struggles in my early life. They seem to want to take my energy but never adopt any of the thinking habits that need changed until I feel used instead of the inspiration to learn to love yourself so you can give back and have healthy relationships. You are so spot on on every one and when you got to facing the fear of death, I about lost it because I say it’s key all the time for living in the now. They look at me as if I’m crazy and it hurts so bad to have to finally move on as I know they don’t understand why they can’t ride on my back and energy for ever. So again thank you for confirming I’m not crazy and more importantly maybe reaching some people who are so beautiful and have much to offer, that this world and culture has stolen from them. God bless.
The path you describe, Heidi, reminds me of a book by James W. Fowler that I read long ago: Stages of Faith. The last stage (the “grandpa” phase, where I now reside) is marked by a desire to give back. Perhaps that is why our older years are often our happiest years, unless of course we resist the transition and insist on chasing kids off our lawns. I think it is very powerful when a psychological pathway, such as the one you describe, and a spiritual pathway such as the one Fowler describes, combine and complement one another.
7:58 “regardless” will definitely sound better. Regardless means “without regard”. Irregardless therefore means “without, without regard”. Millennials probably won’t care, but overall, regardless is a better word. (See “anyway” for another grating misuse when it is made plural). No shaming, as you say “criticism is often meant to help”. Totally my intention just trying to help.
All true, but the real reason people like to say 'irregardless' is because it feels more emphatic. You can lean on that 'ihr' nice and hard to create a sense of tension, which is exactly what she did. Grammatically it makes no sense but physically and emotionally it does.
Thank you so on all your video they have made a major impact of change and looking at myself to heal better ways n more ty healing from childhood abandoned and narcissistic relationship ty for open my eyes on my journey May GOD bless you ❤❤❤❤ 3 years on this journey its been awesome and now much needed information to understand better ty ❤❤❤
You are a beacon of hope in a dark place. I am on my healing journey from 30 plus years of unthinkable trauma. You have definitely helped me so much. As I navigate college to become a trauma therapist I will continue to take down your nuggets of truth to share with my clients ❤️
Could you possibly do a video in the future about healthy ways to go about communicating with the people around you what you're feeling, and how to cope with a situation in which those people might not understand/want to see your perspective? I think the biggest thing that keeps me in a dissociative state when it comes to not sitting in and confronting my emotions about things that happen is my track record of bad experiences of the people close to me simply not caring, or sometimes the worst case scenario-completely misunderstanding me and villainizing what I'm saying as things that deeply offend them. I'm unsure of how to alleviate this.
I was talking about this exact struggle with a friend earlier just today. You managed to put my very thoughts into better words here than I have ever been able to speak. Thank you.
Well, accepting yourself and your feelings is an important first step before you share them with others, IMO. Practise with yourself first. Be your own best friend and comfort yourself like you would a teenager with a similar problem (ie, without blame). If other people can't offer support, if doesn't mean your feelings are wrong or you are bad. The reaction you are describing, imo, is probably a trigger response where you are triggering the other person's inability to sit with uncomfortable feelings. So it;s not really to do with you at all. Not everyone is good in a time of crisis. I think friends are better than family because even though we have a belief that family "should" be able to look after us, they are also the most likely to get triggered if we are dis-regulated. Newer friends are better than old friends, old friends can become a bit like family and take you for granted. Newer friends are usually flattered when you open up to them. Pick conscious people who you trust, who don't have big nervous walls up around their vulnerability. Start with small annoyances and then it wont be inappropriate to talk about bigger stuff later. Really tho. When you are regulated I think every problem becomes an annoyance (as opposed to disaster) in the end.
"Self Trust comes from recognizing what's important to you, and doing what you said you would do for yourself." "Be willing to give yourself the permission to prioritize what your soul wants, not just what your cognitive self wants." "Take the time to understand yourself deeply without judgment." - Heidi Priebe I feel a little bit more like my authentic self each day since I found you, and instead of reverting to unhealthy coping mechanisms, I play one of your videos (this one is one of my favorites) and it grounds me and reminds me of what's within my control and what isn't. I'm sharing your videos with all my friends who I feel might benefit from your content. I cannot wait until you have millions of subscriber, I truly believe it's simply a matter of time. The format of your content is probably not what the YT algorithm 'likes' sadly, but the intrinsic value of your content will easily overcome that I just know it
My take on psychology has always been that the underlying mechanism in everything is this pivot on which the attention can swivel either towards the outside world of society and stimulation and activity, or the inside world of our own thoughts and feelings and responsibilities. And what you said about the explanation of why there is a crisis of self-esteem today, due to technology and social media, fits into that because all that it is, is the outside world and stimulation but in a convenient instant pocket size form.
Also, that many of the lenses that we have been taught to use for these focuses are either useful or not useful/healthy not healthy, and how to challenge delusions without hurting ourselves.
Researching your roots and staying rooted in your culture helps! When I learned about the Celtic culture and what they stood for, that helped me jump in to my warrior mindset!
I definitely have to rewatch this and journal along. I love your videos, they really make me feel so compassionate about myself and the people around me. Thank you always ❤
Huge thanks, Heidi. I'm in a healing process, and I'm getting so much from your videos. The examples that you give, make me get things so much easier. Mental health can be so damn complex, and it's wonderful to have it so lovingly "distilled". As Einstein said "You dont understand a subject well enough, unless you can explain it to a child in plain terms". Yu da bomb.
I realized how my neurodivergent brain can play a big role in my self-esteem and it's something I should keep paying attention to. Gosh! listening to the song "VINDICaTED" again reminded me of my emo days as a University student. I was alone in my self-esteem journey. I'm just glad that I have the opportunity to share this with you at this moment :) Meeting a complete stranger you've recently met in a public forum and have a conflict with and resolving it as a proper adult is a challenge. I know that opening up your dark side is terrifying. Terrifying because of what I've seen people(the mob, the mob can be scary) do in the media unless you have some level of awareness, accountability, and eloquence. My profession has allowed me to connect with different people abroad even though I was carrying a facade of my self-esteem I was able to make someone smile who was in a dark place. It created a positive impact on my psyche. I'm guilty of not practicing memento mori.
I laughed out loud when you said "AND, it feels like garbage to exist". I think you had great thoughts on each of these six pillars. This video is kind of opening my eyes right now to some personal problems.
Heidi, you are amazing! My life has improved significantly since listening to your videos. Iv been struggling so much and I feel like you picked me up from the ground and walked with me until i felt ready to walk on my own. Thank you! Its safe to assume you have helped countless people with your knowledge! 👏
Hi Heidi! Greetings from Argentina. I've been watching your videos for a while, and I'm in love with your channel. I rarely leave comments on TH-cam, but I wanted to tell you that, even without knowing me, you have helped me and accompanied me a lot. You are making a great contribution to the world!! And if you ever doubt it, remember that there is a girl in Argentina (and many more around the world) who appreciates hearing your words.
You sound very genuine and authentic, thank you for sharing the ten steps. I wrote them down and I am going to go over them consistently to remind myself and build self-esteem.
As above, so below. Always. Truly wonderful and I have the outmost respect for you Heidi how you approach your content creation and give all you got to improve peoples lives. You are doing it right. Because not only are you showing and talking from your own experience. But also point towards natural wisdom on the matters high and low. Thank you, I look forward to more adventures with you.
So after some procrastinating, it took me half a day to pause, write things down, think about it for a bit, and keep watching. This was so informative, and really hit home. In between watching this video in segments, I got myself a domain name, found a dumb phone with no social media, made a salad, and listened to the poem written by a Samoan man by a bus station about his family getting evicted from their home by the police and deported back to their home country. I feel a lot more grounded, and need to remind myself that there is so much more work that I need to do. Thank you once again Heidi.
I've binged watch three of your videos and they have changed my perspective completely on learning how to love and care for my inner child. Loyal subscribe here!!
Oh my god!!! The saying about love is understanding - it’s what I’ve always defined for myself and it’s at the core of my existence, honestly. Love hearing it here
What came up for me was my surprise on your view on some people not being aware of death and the probability of it.I am going to be a 'grandpa' now too ;) On the contrary a lot of teenagers I see around me gravitate towards energy drinks and snacks so much these days, gravitating towards negativity and death in my eyes because these foods are having a big effect on their health and happiness. About death...my brother left this earth at 33 years of age. It happened a few months ago. He ended his own life, shockingly. He was in over his head on heartbreak, toxic relationships, toxic family patterns, psychosis and what not more. We do not even know the answers to why and how he came to his decision. However, I am grateful for what I am learning from his decease. That there is the need for more videos to help heal people from toxic relationships and to set their own boundaries. Thank you for making videos on those topics. I am also very grateful for my own life and for choosing life. And then now after you mentioned death meditation, really I am intrigued by your account on the death meditation. It is almost halloween and I do not mean to feast a 'stupid' habit but I seriously I am willing to honor death and by honoring death I might appreciate life more but also mourn. So I am gonna try do a death meditation. Who's with me?
Thank you! I just bought the Branden book so I could do some work on my self-esteem and this video came up. I love your authenticity and knowledge. Thank you for doing what you do.
Thanks. I've given up on trying to change other people. If they demonstrate toxic behavior (disrespect) I don't feel the need to "fix" them. They have shown me who they are. I'm out.
At the end of every year I make a video full of book recommendations! So that'll be out in December but I will definitely keep dropping relevant ones as I go. Another one you may like if Denial of Death interests you is 'Who Dies' by Stephen and Ondrea Levine.
I liked that you focused on both the "solving" and "feeling" parts of self-relation, because advice geared towards encouraging one sometimes feels like it encourages me to lean too far away from the other. E.g. if I'm told to "pull myself up by my bootstraps," I get annoyed because it doesn't seem like the difficulty of the tasks I'm trying to accomplish are recognized, and likewise if I'm encouraged to recognize how the circumstances I'm in are probably unfair and to blame things other than myself, I feel somewhat guilty for not holding myself more accountable. This is such a difficult thing for me to balance. Thanks as always for the video!
I really like the radical self responsibility you mentioned about noone coming to save you. I have taken a lot of responsibility in my life but I am currently struggling with feelings of low self efficacy or that I just can't do it because I don't know how. Maybe this is also because I have struggled quite a bit with nihilism and lack of faith and I don't really know what I want. I have thought a lot about it and I can't figure it out.
Another great video. Thank you for this content. I hope to be a patron sometime this year. I'm not a troll, but she said irregardless. My dad says that. Did that become a legitimate word?
I still struggle with the nuance around 'give things instead of get things'. I was/am still a people pleaser, and was giving all I had so that I could get some love back. Truly giving without waiting for something back is very cool mindset, but I feel like I rarely know what I want to get, and so I just give whatever I can to anyone. But otherwise I love your advice, thank you!
I am NOT a psychotherapist, but Frau Priebe describes the condition of my human condition with clarity. Thank you for your explanations and suggested pathways to heal thyself.
Thanks, the part of giving back more than taking resonates with me a lot these days. The mere act of giving involves thinking about what you can offer and putting it to action, which, I think, grounds one to the world.
Wow Heidi, I have been watching you for a while now and I have to say that this is the best video I have ever seen on self-esteem. The way you break down those points, really makes it easy to see why we struggle with low self-worth and self-sabotage. This has been my case for a very long time. I now see that it is easy to build one's self -esteem by doing these things . I intend to start practicing them immediately. Thank you for being a light in this world, much love ❤ from Kenya 🇰🇪.
This is an absolutely stoic approach, which makes so much sense to me now. Stoicism helps me a lot on my way to secure attachment style and it's also something I'm super comfortable with as it doesn't clash with my avoidant dismissive style that much
I’m a psychotherapist in the UK, I genuinely think this woman is the best and most authentic TH-cam psychologist around. Every video is absolutely excellent. Thank you Heidi 😊
💜
Likewise. I stumbled across her videos on the Drama Triangle while searching for psychoeducational resources and have binge-watched her videos since then. She’s brilliant ❤️
I totally agree 100%.
Jan from Brunswick, GA
Heidi is remarkable. She unpacks so much, with such grace.
❤ every video is packed with such solid information and advise. 😊
1.) Become attractive by your own standards
2.) Integrate pain into your identity. Don't dissociate from it
3.) Get outside and do something you love. Foster relationships with the people you're in alinement
4.) When you make a mistake, take the time to understand yourself deeply without judgement
5.) Stop waiting for anyone to come and save you
6.) Start telling the truth as often as humanly possible, with yourself and with others
7.) Focus WAY LESS on what you want to take from the world and WAY MORE on what you wanna give to the world
8.) Remember that you're gonna die
9.) Stop crapfitting. Stop tryna be who others want you to be. Know what you want, genuinely. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
10.) Only focus on what you can control, right here and right now.
Ace. 🙂❤️🤗🙏
"Crapfitting" - You watch the crappy childhood fairy, don't you? 😂
@@themaggattack yeah that's funny finding somebody else that watches her
Thank you
While other guidelines are important too, however, i started to self reflect how personally "do something you love" has been one important thing to me among other these tips. I was unhappy because i didn't change the things that i wanted like hobbies, career and other life choices. I have had some nice guy syndrome not to start learning something i want to learn because other people have installed to me a negative mindset about it (it's boring, why you would ever do thing x and so on) and also i had a self doubt that i never will be good at this activity since it takes so much effort to learn. But now i just start learning the things i want step by step. I'm making great progress and i'm hooked and excited. Finally that boredom and loss of life direction is gone, i'm more motivated than ever. I can start my days with a great purpose because things are moving further. I regret a little how i was a sheep and didn't do what i want. But yeah, i have come closer with realising how it's my own responsibility to great happiness. It's interesting how i don't get so exhausted by learning doing the things i want because i'm eager to learn them. I don't want to be at the end of my life regretting how i didn't live the life i wanted and do things i wanted. Still long journey to go but going to think this stuff more trough.
wow, at the part of the video where she said, 'face your fears head on, stop opening 50 tabs on your phone and actually tend to the problem where you have to be vulnerable, or risk the fear of failure, I immediately opened a tab to buy a minimalist phone. As if that is going to solve my life haha. Time to watch till the end of the video.
When you said, “Stop waiting for someone to save you.” I literally started crying and thought of my dad. The fact that he’s never going to come and meet this unmet need I’ve lived with my whole life. But it’s a fact that I need to accept to finally heal. Thank you.
You can definitely do it!!
I read your comment and want to congratulate you. This is the most life-changing realization. I had to come to the same understanding, and once I did, that's where my healing journey began. I excepted my dad for who he is and what he is unable to give. I just began to love him and meet him where he is at in his handicap. This was very healing and strengthening. You'll find your new authentic self now that you have let go of those expectations. 🤍
Of course, it’s not your dad, you know that. It’s the guys in your life who are like him in some way, and something inside you wants them to step in and fix what he didn’t.
May you be blessed and May god bless you 😢. I feel for you
❤❤❤
i literally can’t get over how profound every single one videos of yours i’ve seen feels to me. you are an anchor in my healing journey and i aspire to be able to navigate my psyche they way you do and use it to heal. everyday i’m building new layers of awareness and excavating deeper and deeper into what i hide from myself. your discussions on limerence and disassociation have radically changed my life. i’ve realized that i have been living in disillusionment because i’ve been shaping my reality based on my expectations, but instead i need to shape my expectations based on my reality.
Couldn’t say it better myself!
So profound
I literally was about to comment the same thing. heidi communicates with such stunning lucidity and insight her videos are such a treasure
Its kind of shocking she only has 70k subs. Very good content.
Absolutely awesome videos! I just found her channel. ❤
Putting this on my computer desktop right now:
If you can become the person who shows up and saves you from your own circumstances the way you have been waiting for someone or something else to do, think of how much you would love yourself. Right? Think of how much respect and awe and admiration you would have for yourself.
Unfortunately it has to be a holistic effort and consistent work. I did all of the above, and I made a life that I'm proud of, I saved myself, I changed, I learned how to be assertive, I learned how to handle rejection, pain, loss, and I have healed so much, I never imagined I'd even be here right now.
But it is still an effort every single day to prove to myself that I'm here for myself, forever yknow? It's like any relationship and it takes time. To tell yourself 'if I do this for myself then I'll be happy and secure' is a trap. You'll learn to handle life better, but the work doesn't stop. You don't view yourself suddenly as a hero, and your trauma and core beliefs don't just melt away. You need to challenge them consistently for a long time, and that is difficult. You also need to build the relationship with yourself and then consistently carry that with you out into the world and back into close relationships, and when that happens, you uncover insecurities you couldn't have fixed alone. You have to go and deliberately let yourself be triggered and proven wrong in your negative beliefs and that is not for the feint of heart.
So yes do show up for yourself, but don't trick yourself into thinking that doing so will heal everything or that suddenly you'll just view yourself differently. It is a long and a painful process that you need to be very fucking brave to face up to. That's the part that people often neglect to talk about on social media, in 'therapy' videos, or in social spaces. I hate that people sort of only get one part of the whole healing picture, because healing is ugly and non linear, and I think people deserve to understand the reality of it as well as the positives.
You will feel like Sisyphus, and you will need to get creative on how you manage to imagine Sisyphus as happy, but stick it out and keep being brave and vulnerable and consistent.
From Self-esteem pioneer, Nathaniel Branden, Six Pillars of Self-Esteem
1. Living Consciously
2. Self-Acceptance
3. Self-Responsibility
4. Self-Assertiveness
5. Living Purposely
6. Personal Integrity
I miss this exercise
Self trust?
I was listening to a podcast that said, “it’s important to live life by design rather than emotion. Basically, sticking to a routine is what allows us to be the healthiest version of ourselves (especially when you're fighting these demons ex. OCD for me).
I’ve had to overhaul how I approach taking care of my brain (exercise, journaling, studying etc) by practising mediocre consistency. Now I try to put in consistent 50-60% effort into my habits - to make sure I do it I began recording it and posting it on YT. After a really bad depression phase I started to believe I couldn’t change and I’d feel that horrible forever.
Historically I have a habit of going too hard, not being able to sustain the Herculean effort, giving up and hating myself. So now I’m trying to give a small, consistent mediocre effort everyday. And its crazy how it adds up.
I agree and am doing the same, baby steps❤
Thank you for sharing this. I feel inspired to reduce my effort and be more sparing on myself.
Hey I just saw your channel. I hope you’ll continue making them videos. ❤️❤️❤️ I subscribed and find them helpful
Hey I just saw your channel. I hope you’ll continue making them videos. ❤️❤️❤️ I subscribed and find them helpful
1. Body positivity ( protect your inner child)
2. Face challenges head on. Work through conflict. Sit with the pain and don’t numb it
3. Pick meaningful goals.
4. Take the time to understand yourself when something happens
5. Stop waiting to be saved by others. Create your own dream life and save yourself
6. Tell the truth to yourself and others
7. Focus on what you want to give back instead of taking. Give back to the community and friends.
8. Keep yourself humble. Be aware that you will die! Accept death and use it as motivation.
9. Stop comparing yourself with others. Say yes to what matters to us
10. Focus on what you can control!
All stupid advice only a brainwashed moron that keeps their narc abuse and human trafficking cycle going would follow 😊
These are great bits of info. I am definitely one who distracts myself instead of facing things head on. I may not have a broken leg but dozens of other things in my life are in need of repair.
These summaries may be intended to help the lazy, but they are a pale, very pale, substitute for the video.
Thank you for the summary of Heidi’s excellent video. In my busy life, recaps are very helpful.
@@sethtenrec Well its good to listen to the video and save the comment for everyday reminder I reckon
Ms. Heidi, I don’t often leave comments on peoples’ channels, but I’m compelled to share with you how impactful your videos are to me. I think it’s important to share since community matters to you. Please know, with all sincerity you are greatly impacting your community for the better. And I hope knowing this inspires you to keep going! I greatly appreciate you. 😊
Beautifully said ❤
Thank you for saying what so many of us think. Thank you Heidi, your impact is far reaching 💕
I am a giver and burned out and became resentful because of lack of boundaries. I love the point regarding giving but also be mindful of your boundaries and what you are capable of giving.
How about your baundaries exactly, I been a giver till I realised I was surrounded by people who only wanted to take from me… 😮
So I formed a new circle of people and trying to maintain my boundaries better now
I don’t think it’s possible to fully overcome and accept the fear of dying
On step 10, as a non-believer I've always appreciated the serenity prayer:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference"
Same here
Add another anti-theist: knowledge doesn't have a God hey? 😊
The serenity prayer is pretty much taken straight from Stoicism's Dichotomy of Control.
I have an atheist (and marginally embarrassing) version of this.
@@joeb218 can you post it here?
Heidi, I will be 63 in a few days. Every decade since my 30's I stopped to take a look at where I have been and plan & commit to where I am going. After ups & downs I am happy, busy and exited because I have decades to look forward to.
A lot of what I have learned comes from mistakes, so I no longer fear screwing up... I will do my best today & enjoy. And I will look forward to tomorrow. I am living because I tried surviving and it socks.
When I read a good book, I re read it. Then I summarize it for myself and I take the key lessons and add them to my "truths & wisdom" vaults for lates use. These are documents that I have created and maintained over decades that I review and update every year. My personal "bible" or "laws" that help me craft the better me for tomorrow.
Many of your videos I have re-viewed and summarized. You are wise and have a gift for sharing your wisdom.
This is in my opinion one of your best videos.
#2 is so me I go straight to my phone when I feel an emotion and don't confront the actual situation or person.
Your videos have been instrumental in my development into a happy and healthy human.
🙏 THANK YOU!!!!!!!!! 🙏
I heard recently another good explanation of self-esteem: “the ability to tolerate the widest spectrum of different emotions” - which a lot of it all comes down to
Wow, this is nice! Where did you come across this? I would love to know more,
@@AnirudhJas it was Dr Becky Kennedy
@@victtayl Thank you!
Amazing
Thanks!
Why is this such an important topic not taught in schools?! I have recently discovered your videos and they bring me so much value! Thank you! ❤
I can't help wondering if it might have something to do with there being such an incredibly large market for tools of dissociation, between social media, streaming platforms, video games, or really the internet as a whole.
I think the powers that be/‘the establishment’ prefer to have an largely unconscious & traumatised population. Much easier to manipulate and control. It is the the same way as a narcissist likes to gaslight their victims to try to prevent them from obtaining a clear view of reality in order to control them.
@@Active0BserverYes disassociation and unresolved trauma is good for business.
Because there is a fundamental conflict between what different members of society want/need, and what is actually in the best interest of the individual/family. It’s why parenting is so absolutely critical, and this can *never actually be taught properly in school*.
Society needs most people to be easy to deal with, to buy stupid things, or agree to whatever society wants someone to believe right now. It wants and needs most people to be followers.
A society without leaders is a society doomed to failure and pain, as everyone ‘follows’ without taking ownership of their own actions and saying no when it needs to be said.
A society composed of nothing but leaders and independent folks, is a society collapsing under the weight of conflict and confusion, with nothing actually being done.
Someone who can’t follow when the time is right, is a terrible leader. Someone who cannot lead when the time is right is a terrible follower.
School (at scale) can only teach someone to follow.
Heidi, I hope you see this comment.
I’ve been on TH-cam since 2009 and this might be the most impactful video I’ve ever watched.
There were so many times that I had to pause the video and just take in what you said. I sat down with a note pad and took notes for each step. I finally can say that I have an actionable plan to truly make positive changes in my life.
Over the next week I’m going to spend a morning thinking through each step in depth.
Thank you.
"I respect myself" is the phrase I want to confidently tell myself eveyday.
WOW! Can I just take a moment to say that, I have spent most of my days for the last 7 years listening to psychologists, shadow work coaches, self help leaders, audiobooks upon podcasts upon TH-cam videos...
And the echo chamber became really apparent.
You are hitting notes that a lot of other people seem to be missing, and it is SO APPRECIATED!! This is only the second video of yours I've seen but my mind and heart have been overloaded with "Aha!" Moments. 🎉🙏 thank you so much for being a voice in this movement!
So the book 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem was published in 1994 and it was an expansion of many ideas that were written in his very wonderful little book from 1983 called Honoring the Self.
Out of my libraryof nearly 2000 books on self development, philosophy, and psychology, these are two of my most cherished books!
What are some of your other recommendations?
Who is the author of the book, Honoring the Self? I couldn’t find it. Closest title also from Nathaniel was published in 2011 not 1983.
Wow. There is so much power and truth in this video. I think I’m going to watch it about 25 times or more.
"It came out in the 70's. Or the 90's. I could totally be making that up"
ENFP
😂
Briggs Myers is useless. Look it up
I'm proud of everyone who watched this video and taking steps to better themselves. You got this everyone 🤗💕
There's such a thing as being too honest, open and transparent. I do all these ten things, and most of them really do work very well, but I don't have good self esteem because I over share compulsively, I have good self esteem despite it. I actually really dislike this about myself, but I forgive myself and love myself anyway, because I can't help it (yet).
an insight I had after blowing a job interview after being asked "tell me about you..."
was realizing after the fact it is good and ok to be truthful, and ok to not try to tell the "whole truth" (whatever that means for you". the trick is figuring out the right levels of discernment...that is right for you.
:)
Thank you Heidi for giving so much back to us. I've followed you since the magazine article days & I've always valued your piercing clarity & way you succinctly explain things.
You have a gift at putting complex things simply & getting to the root of things.
I'm very much enjoying these cascade of videos lately. I've been reading lost connections per your recommendation. It's amazing. Listening to your enlightening videos amongst the backdrop of that book... I can feel myself shifting. It feels refreshing.
Just want to let you know you are transforming lives & making waves you may not be entirely aware of. Thank you for being you & for using your voice & wise perspective. Please don't stop. In the meantime I'll be here.
Thank you.
Saving this comment ❤ It made my day.
I loved reading the sentence 'I can feel myself shifting.' I imagine I know that feeling and it is a beautiful one.
Wow. Just wow. Thank you for articulating all of this stuff and laying it all out clearly. This is giving me an idea of why I don’t feel so great, and how I can feel better. Thank you!!
❤❤❤❤ Thank you for being in the world
I sign under the “putting words together efficiently” - she has that gift. only one of my friends was this succinct, this is a rare gift
Dusk and Summer! Also, the way into consistent exercise for me was setting the bar super low at first. Exercise is a lifelong habit. I now have a relationship with myself and running. Some days I can't wait to go, and other days I take it easy. We need to show compassion for our self around exercise, too. But, it's always worth it - best medicine there is.
My goal was to form a community of friends, it was lacking in my life, I was too committed to coaching, now retired, and forgot to keep a strong community. It’s taken me about a year to really step into friendships, I had to relearn. I’m so blessed to say I have the most amazing women to live life with!!
my parent literally bullied me, and I still "bully" myself when I make mistakes.
You are not alone. 💛
@@ccmjj9770for me, when younger, it was family labelling me as clumsy when I knocked something over, or incompetent when I made any kind of mistake. I internalised that as a subconscious belief, and now realise that that is NOT WHO I TRULY AM. Good luck!😊
The quote on ’love and understanding’ is by Thích Nhất Hạnh. Your talks are só helpful and insightful. Giving all my gratitude :) from Belgium. 🌱 You help me grow into a more secure version of myself. At last (52). 😬
So helpful and incredibly timely! The part where you say “self trust is doing what you said you’d do for yourself” is something I’ve been trying to integrate for a few weeks now, hard but worth it
I for years had debilitating headaches lasting 2-3 days, about two weekly at one time (hormones). That exhausted my brain so much that it took about 5 days to get back on track, only for it to happen again. My self confidence was almost non existent. I completely lost faith in myself, never knowing if I would be able to do what I planned. Only now, early 50s, with menopause and no headaches do I find myself better mentally.
True, I found I could not trust myself.
I think communicating clearly with my loved ones about anything and everything humanly possible has been a great help. I’ve been sleeping better and have been able to think as clear as day.
This was exactly what I needed thank you, I did experience a NDE earlier this year and initially I wanted to help change the world but after the nde, a miscarriage, the end of a relationship it sent me into a spiral and being a INFP I guess i got stuck in the loop.
Time to dust myself off and keep on going thank you 🙏💖
Dude you have NO idea how incredible you are. Seriously.
babe you are my therapist seriously thank you, you are going to be the reason i finally heal
I love the way Heidi Priebe presents topics. I've listened to at least five videos so far, and find the material very helpful. She comes across as genuine, educated in the subjects, encouraging and kind.
Thank You Heidi!!!
You are much more younger than me, and you teach me so much! Thank you, you are incredibly good in what you do.
I never knew what was going on with me. So much anxiety and depression. I have had numerous turbulent relationships throughout my life and divorce. Constantly feeling disconnected and angry. I was attracting bad partners and I gave up on the idea of romance.
Did a deep drive into myself and I had to reparent myself.
I am a recovering fearful avoidant.
I love your channel it makes complete sense- this video is my favorite bc your so right! I really appreciate your honesty and respect you. Authenticity is hard to find! Thank you!
I've been watching a lot of your videos, Heidi. They are all incredibly authentic, real, wise and caring. This one though is by far the most condensed, valuable message I have ever seen - and I've watched a lot of videos and read a lot of books in my life. If only everyone in the United States, Canada and rest of the English-speaking world watched and implemented these steps, what an impact that would have on the world! Thank you for sharing your gift.
I´m from Argentina, can I implement them too? :p
@@AutoestimaNinja absolutamente pero me figuro que por aquí se necesita más 😊
Heidi I can't thank you enough for all your help in my own self-discovery learning journey. Thank you for all you do!
The one that hit home the most is not being ignorant to the fact that we’re going to die. After spending time with my grandparents recently, and hearing this step, it’s reinforced my appreciation for life and the simple things, as well as the hard. I will rewatch this video as many times as I need! Truly a godsend.
I'm so glad I discovered you. I was socially abused all my schooling because of mild autism. Since then I've exhausted myself trying to get everyone to like me. I used Facebook for that, being so hooked which probably impacted by university grade. I moved to Edinburgh to run away from my past in Leeds. But that was a bad move because I can't stand the city or it's people.
I struggle with lethargy even though my diets improved. I used my phone to text people far too much. I don't have a job because all my life I've told myself I'm dumb because of autism. I'm changing that now. I have a job waiting in Czech with a new gf. A gf of which I thought I was never capable of getting. I still haven't overcome the horrendous outcasting at school calling me a fk up etc
Ninja⚡❤️
What you're doing is wonderful! 🙏❤️ Thank you for showing up🙏
Heidi, you keep providing the clearest, deepest, and most useful stores of wisdom and perspective that I've exactly needed to be exposed to. It's like you've activated a little motor inside of me that is moving all the time, little by little, filling in all the space that therapy doesn't really fill all by itself.
Also, in regard to step 8 (stay humble by remembering that you are going to die), you might appreciate the piece of music "fullmoon" by Ryuichi Sakamoto, which centers around a quote by Paul Bowles from the novel The Sheltering Sky. It's as beautiful as it is heartbreaking.
When she said “if you’re a halfway decent parent you would not leave the child alone in their distress… if you were a loving parent you would not berate them…” that’s the first time any therapist has said anything to “call out” my parents. It’s been a long journey reparenting my inner child. I feel like I’m making up for generations of poor parenting. Reparenting Generations of emotional neglect and psychological abuse. I’m doing it though. Doing the work For ALL of them, my ancestors as well as my descendants.
As if I couldn't love you anymore. Dashboard confessional! Nice!!!
My journey has been filled with many sources of wisdom. Be it from a philosophical or religious angle or from a psychological angle such as yourself. I work as an electrician, and if I'm not listening to music in my earbuds I'm typically listening to things that either keep me on the proper path or push me to the proper path that I need to be on. And your videos continuously do that. I'm extremely grateful to have stumbled upon your channel.
And everything I learn, I pass on to my peers and friends. I seem to be the go-to guy that people come to and talk to about issues. Simply because I'm able to see it from almost every angle. I'm able to be empathetic as well as logical in the situations because of the education I received from people like you.
So even though you were helping me out and others one video at a time. Some of us are taking what we learn from you and helping others. So don't let the numbers your videos receive be the only reflection you have of success. Because it reaches far past your videos. Just from me alone, you've at least reached multiple more people. At least 50-100 on my end, and climbing.
Thank you dear, you say this much better and hopefully believable because you’re a woman. As a man I have been surrounded by women with low self esteem because of my empathy and struggles in my early life. They seem to want to take my energy but never adopt any of the thinking habits that need changed until I feel used instead of the inspiration to learn to love yourself so you can give back and have healthy relationships. You are so spot on on every one and when you got to facing the fear of death, I about lost it because I say it’s key all the time for living in the now. They look at me as if I’m crazy and it hurts so bad to have to finally move on as I know they don’t understand why they can’t ride on my back and energy for ever. So again thank you for confirming I’m not crazy and more importantly maybe reaching some people who are so beautiful and have much to offer, that this world and culture has stolen from them. God bless.
Thank god you are back!
❤
The best
I love that advice that your mum gave you about giving back. She must be a wise woman!
The path you describe, Heidi, reminds me of a book by James W. Fowler that I read long ago: Stages of Faith.
The last stage (the “grandpa” phase, where I now reside) is marked by a desire to give back. Perhaps that is why our older years are often our happiest years, unless of course we resist the transition and insist on chasing kids off our lawns.
I think it is very powerful when a psychological pathway, such as the one you describe, and a spiritual pathway such as the one Fowler describes, combine and complement one another.
7:58 “regardless” will definitely sound better. Regardless means “without regard”. Irregardless therefore means “without, without regard”. Millennials probably won’t care, but overall, regardless is a better word. (See “anyway” for another grating misuse when it is made plural).
No shaming, as you say “criticism is often meant to help”. Totally my intention just trying to help.
All true, but the real reason people like to say 'irregardless' is because it feels more emphatic. You can lean on that 'ihr' nice and hard to create a sense of tension, which is exactly what she did. Grammatically it makes no sense but physically and emotionally it does.
Thank you so on all your video they have made a major impact of change and looking at myself to heal better ways n more ty healing from childhood abandoned and narcissistic relationship ty for open my eyes on my journey May GOD bless you ❤❤❤❤ 3 years on this journey its been awesome and now much needed information to understand better ty ❤❤❤
You are a beacon of hope in a dark place. I am on my healing journey from 30 plus years of unthinkable trauma. You have definitely helped me so much. As I navigate college to become a trauma therapist I will continue to take down your nuggets of truth to share with my clients ❤️
Could you possibly do a video in the future about healthy ways to go about communicating with the people around you what you're feeling, and how to cope with a situation in which those people might not understand/want to see your perspective? I think the biggest thing that keeps me in a dissociative state when it comes to not sitting in and confronting my emotions about things that happen is my track record of bad experiences of the people close to me simply not caring, or sometimes the worst case scenario-completely misunderstanding me and villainizing what I'm saying as things that deeply offend them. I'm unsure of how to alleviate this.
I was talking about this exact struggle with a friend earlier just today. You managed to put my very thoughts into better words here than I have ever been able to speak. Thank you.
Well, accepting yourself and your feelings is an important first step before you share them with others, IMO. Practise with yourself first. Be your own best friend and comfort yourself like you would a teenager with a similar problem (ie, without blame). If other people can't offer support, if doesn't mean your feelings are wrong or you are bad. The reaction you are describing, imo, is probably a trigger response where you are triggering the other person's inability to sit with uncomfortable feelings. So it;s not really to do with you at all. Not everyone is good in a time of crisis. I think friends are better than family because even though we have a belief that family "should" be able to look after us, they are also the most likely to get triggered if we are dis-regulated. Newer friends are better than old friends, old friends can become a bit like family and take you for granted. Newer friends are usually flattered when you open up to them. Pick conscious people who you trust, who don't have big nervous walls up around their vulnerability. Start with small annoyances and then it wont be inappropriate to talk about bigger stuff later. Really tho. When you are regulated I think every problem becomes an annoyance (as opposed to disaster) in the end.
"Self Trust comes from recognizing what's important to you,
and doing what you said you would do for yourself."
"Be willing to give yourself the permission to prioritize what your soul wants, not just what your cognitive self wants."
"Take the time to understand yourself deeply without judgment."
- Heidi Priebe
I feel a little bit more like my authentic self each day since I found you, and instead of reverting to unhealthy coping mechanisms, I play one of your videos (this one is one of my favorites) and it grounds me and reminds me of what's within my control and what isn't. I'm sharing your videos with all my friends who I feel might benefit from your content. I cannot wait until you have millions of subscriber, I truly believe it's simply a matter of time. The format of your content is probably not what the YT algorithm 'likes' sadly, but the intrinsic value of your content will easily overcome that I just know it
My take on psychology has always been that the underlying mechanism in everything is this pivot on which the attention can swivel either towards the outside world of society and stimulation and activity, or the inside world of our own thoughts and feelings and responsibilities. And what you said about the explanation of why there is a crisis of self-esteem today, due to technology and social media, fits into that because all that it is, is the outside world and stimulation but in a convenient instant pocket size form.
Also, that many of the lenses that we have been taught to use for these focuses are either useful or not useful/healthy not healthy, and how to challenge delusions without hurting ourselves.
So that's all you have got? That made me chuckle, given how much you offered. I'm truly amazed at your content which is sincerely appreciated.
I would love a deep-dive on social media and self-esteem from Heidi!
I wish I had seen this channel in my teen years. Heidi, thank you
Researching your roots and staying rooted in your culture helps! When I learned about the Celtic culture and what they stood for, that helped me jump in to my warrior mindset!
I definitely have to rewatch this and journal along. I love your videos, they really make me feel so compassionate about myself and the people around me. Thank you always ❤
Huge thanks, Heidi. I'm in a healing process, and I'm getting so much from your videos. The examples that you give, make me get things so much easier. Mental health can be so damn complex, and it's wonderful to have it so lovingly "distilled". As Einstein said "You dont understand a subject well enough, unless you can explain it to a child in plain terms". Yu da bomb.
Thank you so much for deciding to create these videos ❤.
You are answer to prayer Heidi! Thank you and God bless you. 💟
I realized how my neurodivergent brain can play a big role in my self-esteem and it's something I should keep paying attention to. Gosh! listening to the song "VINDICaTED" again reminded me of my emo days as a University student. I was alone in my self-esteem journey. I'm just glad that I have the opportunity to share this with you at this moment :) Meeting a complete stranger you've recently met in a public forum and have a conflict with and resolving it as a proper adult is a challenge. I know that opening up your dark side is terrifying. Terrifying because of what I've seen people(the mob, the mob can be scary) do in the media unless you have some level of awareness, accountability, and eloquence. My profession has allowed me to connect with different people abroad even though I was carrying a facade of my self-esteem I was able to make someone smile who was in a dark place. It created a positive impact on my psyche. I'm guilty of not practicing memento mori.
I laughed out loud when you said "AND, it feels like garbage to exist". I think you had great thoughts on each of these six pillars. This video is kind of opening my eyes right now to some personal problems.
Heidi, you are amazing! My life has improved significantly since listening to your videos. Iv been struggling so much and I feel like you picked me up from the ground and walked with me until i felt ready to walk on my own. Thank you! Its safe to assume you have helped countless people with your knowledge! 👏
Hi Heidi! Greetings from Argentina. I've been watching your videos for a while, and I'm in love with your channel.
I rarely leave comments on TH-cam, but I wanted to tell you that, even without knowing me, you have helped me and accompanied me a lot. You are making a great contribution to the world!! And if you ever doubt it, remember that there is a girl in Argentina (and many more around the world) who appreciates hearing your words.
Wow, I'm so lucky to have discovered you Heidi! One of the most truly authentic, knowledgable and no bs psychology TH-cam channels out there!
You sound very genuine and authentic, thank you for sharing the ten steps. I wrote them down and I am going to go over them consistently to remind myself and build self-esteem.
As above, so below. Always. Truly wonderful and I have the outmost respect for you Heidi how you approach your content creation and give all you got to improve peoples lives. You are doing it right. Because not only are you showing and talking from your own experience. But also point towards natural wisdom on the matters high and low. Thank you, I look forward to more adventures with you.
So after some procrastinating, it took me half a day to pause, write things down, think about it for a bit, and keep watching. This was so informative, and really hit home. In between watching this video in segments, I got myself a domain name, found a dumb phone with no social media, made a salad, and listened to the poem written by a Samoan man by a bus station about his family getting evicted from their home by the police and deported back to their home country. I feel a lot more grounded, and need to remind myself that there is so much more work that I need to do. Thank you once again Heidi.
💖 you are wise beyond your years ~ Thank You
I've binged watch three of your videos and they have changed my perspective completely on learning how to love and care for my inner child. Loyal subscribe here!!
Oh my god!!! The saying about love is understanding - it’s what I’ve always defined for myself and it’s at the core of my existence, honestly. Love hearing it here
What came up for me was my surprise on your view on some people not being aware of death and the probability of it.I am going to be a 'grandpa' now too ;) On the contrary a lot of teenagers I see around me gravitate towards energy drinks and snacks so much these days, gravitating towards negativity and death in my eyes because these foods are having a big effect on their health and happiness.
About death...my brother left this earth at 33 years of age. It happened a few months ago. He ended his own life, shockingly. He was in over his head on heartbreak, toxic relationships, toxic family patterns, psychosis and what not more. We do not even know the answers to why and how he came to his decision.
However, I am grateful for what I am learning from his decease. That there is the need for more videos to help heal people from toxic relationships and to set their own boundaries. Thank you for making videos on those topics. I am also very grateful for my own life and for choosing life. And then now after you mentioned death meditation, really I am intrigued by your account on the death meditation. It is almost halloween and I do not mean to feast a 'stupid' habit but I seriously I am willing to honor death and by honoring death I might appreciate life more but also mourn. So I am gonna try do a death meditation. Who's with me?
Did anyone else notice the small detail at 5:23? It’s so cool!
You blow my mind. U speak so thruthfully. I try everyday to hear one of your videos in the morning. You change my perception.
Thank you for helping me heal 🩵
Thank you! I just bought the Branden book so I could do some work on my self-esteem and this video came up. I love your authenticity and knowledge. Thank you for doing what you do.
Hugely grateful for this- what an extraordinary video and delivery. THANK YOU ❤
Thanks. I've given up on trying to change other people. If they demonstrate toxic behavior (disrespect) I don't feel the need to "fix" them. They have shown me who they are. I'm out.
I just downloaded Becker's "The Denial of Death". More book recommendations, please! 😊📚
At the end of every year I make a video full of book recommendations! So that'll be out in December but I will definitely keep dropping relevant ones as I go. Another one you may like if Denial of Death interests you is 'Who Dies' by Stephen and Ondrea Levine.
'Die Wise: A Manifesto for Sanity and Soul', by Stephen Jenkinson is a good one :)
You make me feel like I want to bake a cake for you. You are simply AWESOME!
I liked that you focused on both the "solving" and "feeling" parts of self-relation, because advice geared towards encouraging one sometimes feels like it encourages me to lean too far away from the other. E.g. if I'm told to "pull myself up by my bootstraps," I get annoyed because it doesn't seem like the difficulty of the tasks I'm trying to accomplish are recognized, and likewise if I'm encouraged to recognize how the circumstances I'm in are probably unfair and to blame things other than myself, I feel somewhat guilty for not holding myself more accountable. This is such a difficult thing for me to balance. Thanks as always for the video!
I really like the radical self responsibility you mentioned about noone coming to save you. I have taken a lot of responsibility in my life but I am currently struggling with feelings of low self efficacy or that I just can't do it because I don't know how. Maybe this is also because I have struggled quite a bit with nihilism and lack of faith and I don't really know what I want. I have thought a lot about it and I can't figure it out.
I enjoy watching your videos, because you are so calm. I don’t get the high-and-mighty attitude that some other self-help gurus have 😅
Another great video. Thank you for this content. I hope to be a patron sometime this year.
I'm not a troll, but she said irregardless. My dad says that. Did that become a legitimate word?
This is an excellent video. Amazing advice. Gen Z take notes.
I still struggle with the nuance around 'give things instead of get things'. I was/am still a people pleaser, and was giving all I had so that I could get some love back. Truly giving without waiting for something back is very cool mindset, but I feel like I rarely know what I want to get, and so I just give whatever I can to anyone. But otherwise I love your advice, thank you!
I am NOT a psychotherapist, but Frau Priebe describes the condition of my human condition with clarity. Thank you for your explanations and suggested pathways to heal thyself.
I’m WAYYYY ahead of you on the remembering that you will die, I spend most of the day thinking about that; it gives me comfort.
Thanks, the part of giving back more than taking resonates with me a lot these days. The mere act of giving involves thinking about what you can offer and putting it to action, which, I think, grounds one to the world.
Wow Heidi, I have been watching you for a while now and I have to say that this is the best video I have ever seen on self-esteem. The way you break down those points, really makes it easy to see why we struggle with low self-worth and self-sabotage. This has been my case for a very long time. I now see that it is easy to build one's self -esteem by doing these things . I intend to start practicing them immediately. Thank you for being a light in this world, much love ❤ from Kenya 🇰🇪.
Thank you Heidi. This is the best video and advice I saw on TH-cam. The steps weren't superficial but really deep and meaningful. Kudos!😊😊
This is an absolutely stoic approach, which makes so much sense to me now. Stoicism helps me a lot on my way to secure attachment style and it's also something I'm super comfortable with as it doesn't clash with my avoidant dismissive style that much
Wonderful, very good explanation and important ways to improve self esteem.
Thank you 🌺
Incredible insight. Thank you for sharing! 🙏🏻
You are a legend, the best channel I discoverd in very long while, massive thanks!