I was in a job interview and the guy said "Do you have any questions for me?" So I said "If you were in your car travelling at the speed of light and you turned your headlights on, would they do anything?" He said "I don't know." So I said "I don't want to work for you." ..Comedy genius, no one else comes close to Steven!
Finally saw him once about 10 years ago and after an hour and a half my face and stomach hurt so bad from laughing. Most of the material I had already heard, didn't matter
So a truck driver picks up a hitchhiker. As he starts driving the hitchhiker says, "I really appreciate you picking me up, you have no idea how hard it is to get a ride these days cause everybody thinks we're serial killers." The truck driver said, "I considered that, but then I thought what are the chances of two of us being in the same truck."
“I just installed a skylight at my place. The people who live above me are pissed” favorite Stephen Wright joke. Also, “no matter what room you’re in it’s always room temperature “
I'm just baffled as to how he comes up with these in bulk. It's like it's plausible that a guy could come up with a couple of funny paradoxes but it's like they fall out of his pockets!
i just think its crazy how in his hour-long acts he's able to remember every single unrelated one sentence joke...for a whole hour. I like how he kinda related these ones though
My suspicion is he start collecting these quite young; when he realized he had a helluva collection, & he developed his trademark deadpan delivery, it was ON!
Trust YouMe, I think it works much the same as musicians can remember tunes, how they begin, how the phrases tie together, and how they end. The more you do some things the more they connect; one thing suggests another. We all do it in different parts of our lives.
@@nemo227 I would say you are right. I've been a musician most of my life, and to play as many songs in a given night, your memory has to be pretty good. The trick to it is getting them down until you are in auto mode. This is what he's doing.
Hugh Mungus I prefer Carlin's take on it. To paraphrase, it's us that's on our way out, the planet will be just fine. It'll still be here when we are gone and we will have no lasting effect. The planet heated and cooled several times before we even came along.
Fun fact. Steve Wright is the voice of the DJ in Reservoir Dogs. 'That was The Partridge Family's "Doesn't Somebody Want to be Wanted?", followed by Edison Lighthouse's "Love Grows where my Rosemary Goes" as K-Billy's Super Sounds of the 70's weekend just keeps on... truckin'.
“I’m a peripheral visionary ... I can see into the future, but just way off to the side”. It’s hard to fathom how brilliant you have to be to think of that.
"Then, I tried to hang myself with bungie cord. I kept almost dyin'." Dude, that's some clever writing. I can't believe I never got into Wright before. Always heard a bit or two, here and there, but now he's one of my favorites.
@@snate56 I seen 2 signs at a gas station. One said Help Wanted and the other Self Serve. So I went in, hired myself, made myself the boss, and took the rest of the date off.
I come up with stuff like this all the time, just to get a laugh from any one that feels down. If I knew I could make money at it I would have done it a long time ago myself....Way to go, and keep up the good humor cause that is what this world truly needs today is a good heart felt laugh.
He's been my favorite comedian since I was about 12 or so (I'm 48 now), and I even got to see him perform live in 1985. I've never seen this clip until now. So much fantastic material here that I'd not heard before. "That happens to me when I read menus.." Classic stuff here.
In 1985 you were fourteen years old. Guess comedy clubs must've had different licensing laws back then, you know., where they think 'fuck it, you have to be twenty one to get in here, but let's let this *fourteen year old kid* in so he can lie about it when they get round to inventing the Internet. ...and literally *every* joke in this set is taken from his previous performances- half of them from 1985- weren't you paying attention...? 🙄 🍄
@@the_unrepentant_anarchist. I guess it never dawned on you that comedians sometimes perform to audiences other than in comedy clubs, right? Gee, it must be tough being as smart as you clearly are and yet STILL be so dense at times, huh?
@@the_unrepentant_anarchist. 1985 wasn't a time when you could go online and grab every set he's ever done and not everyone could catch them in realtime otherwise. Along with that, Just for Laughs is not age restricted itself and SeatGeek even says that it may require adult accompaniment if the venue is 18/21+. A lot of age restriction was lighter in the 80s as well just in general. Maybe enjoy the set instead; it's a whole lot more fun than whatever this mood is :)
@@PhillipNeal No. The first voice of Garfield (in the 80s specials/cartoons) was Lorenzo Music, not Bill Murray or Steven Wright (well, Bill Murray voiced him in the 2004 and 2006 movies). Fun bit of serendipity though: Lorenzo Music voiced Peter Venkman in The Real Ghostbusters cartoon, so there's a link between him and Murray.
This...............My friends is Brilliant comedy. He doesn't rely on tacky profanity or stupid material but all things we can relate to and he's a Great Story Teller. My 10 Stars **********.
2:18 -- Man, I've been using that joke for years - without seeing this set! I've always said, "You never fall asleep driving - you WAKE UP driving - and that's what's so terrifying!"
Met him in a small bar in NYC. Sat down next to him, told him I thought he was one of the funniest guys I had ever seen, and his lunch came, so I said thanks for all the great work, and left him to eat his lunch in peace.
Wow, YOU'RE the guy he told me about. I sat down next to him one time and told him I thought he was hilarious and Steven stopped me and said "You're not gonna just say that and then get up and leave like some asshole did in NYC, are ya?" I said no and we had lunch together, it was great!
thanks for posting ..Steven Wright has an unusual way of looking at things which makes his comedy great ..If you don't listen you'll miss the punch line and his comedy won't make any since ...I challenge you if this is the only clip you've seen click on some others before you make a final judgement on him ....
My favourit thing about listening to Steven Wright doing stand up is some of his jokes are really smart and it takes the audience a few seconds to get it.
my favourit ting is reeding tese coments abbout how realy smat day aree too get theese joaks wen day dont evun hav the spellung ablitty off a thurd grayder
This dude has the most subdued personality ever, and yet to every single comedian in that green room he is the single most intimidating human being in that building. This dude made everyone feel like a hack. I imagine Jeselnik has the same effect on people. Because it's so comparatively easy to craft and tell a funny story. To make a joke work in two sentences is almost impossible. Out of all of the great comedians in history, probably ten of them work off of those types of jokes. Because they are *impossible* to write.
I remember him in high school. He was a senior when I was a sophomore. One of my fiends would hang out with him some times. He just seemed kind of odd and quiet to me. But I guess it worked for him. He's rich now and I am not. Good for him.
Always my best comedian I turn to if I really want to laugh. I haven’t seen or heard of Steven in several years. I would love to hear some of his new creative comedy😊 Nobody even comes close to his style of comedy. He invented it. One of a kind👍😄 hilarious!
@@johnmc3862 Carlin's earlier stuff from the 70s & 80s isn't political at all. He did some really funny specials during that time, much sillier and funnier imo. On Location: George Carlin at Phoenix, Carlin on Campus & Playin' With Your Head are all great.
One of my Steven Wright favorites, (cant remember exact words but close enough) was: -"You know that feeling you get,when you're sitting in a chair balancing on the back legs, and you lean back a little too far and catch yourself just before you would've fallen over?.. I feel that way all the time"....I almost died laughing! The monotone voice and lack of any facial expression while saying it, made it twice as funny. Steven Wright is a one of a kind. Always will be. The way he puts literal meaning into inanimate things and words, is very clever. It creates a perspective we may not have otherwise thought of if he hadn't mentioned it. Brilliantly witty. You know that what ever he says, its going to funny and always original.
One of my comedy heroes. Favorite line ever of his: "Everything's within walking distance if you have the time."
yeah f&(#cking amazing line,
"I have the worlds largest sea shell collection....I keep it on beaches all over the world. Perhaps you've seen it..."
He's not wrong
mine is “I bought batteries, but they weren’t included”
@@WICKEDCLOOSTER HE"S GREAT! XDD The best comedian I know, could anyone advice other great comedians like him?
“Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s the scenic route.”
I liked the one: "They say accidents happen within one mile of your home, so I moved."
Such an under rated joke!!
Its a gem bois
He's still funny. Have watched him for yrs.
I’ve lost a shirt buttonhole.
Where am I gonna get a buttonhole this time of night?
Lol
".. the story of a photographer going completely insane trying to take a close-up of a horizon."
That made my night.
I love his delivery. It's not just deadpan. He delivers his punchlines with the cadence of feedlines, and then pauses while you get the joke.
he's more excited than usual in this one
Dave Smith lol that's his bit...
Yup. Like a cat on a hot tin roof.
@@PhillipNeal It's half-and-half, hes said in interviews that hes actually almost scared shitless to be up there on stage
Andrew Pestotnik he’s smoove
“feeling kinda hyper”
“I installed a microwave fireplace. Now I can lay down in front of it for the entire evening in just eight minutes.”
The guy’s a comic genius...
😂😂😂😂
If you cook Minute Rice in a microwave oven-does it go back in time?
I was in a job interview and the guy said "Do you have any questions for me?" So I said "If you were in your car travelling at the speed of light and you turned your headlights on, would they do anything?"
He said "I don't know."
So I said "I don't want to work for you."
..Comedy genius, no one else comes close to Steven!
Maybe Mitch ?
Norm macdonald
Finally saw him once about 10 years ago and after an hour and a half my face and stomach hurt so bad from laughing. Most of the material I had already heard, didn't matter
So a truck driver picks up a hitchhiker. As he starts driving the hitchhiker says, "I really appreciate you picking me up, you have no idea how hard it is to get a ride these days cause everybody thinks we're serial killers." The truck driver said, "I considered that, but then I thought what are the chances of two of us being in the same truck."
I get it but i didnt laugh
@@unholylemonpledge9730
You should have or you're the one he'll be picking up next.. 😂
😢
"I drove cross country with my friend who worked as a AM radio disc jockey. Whenever we went under a bridge, he would shut up."
This is like the old ‘Far Side’ comedy come to life.
"I'm a peripheral visionary, I can see into the future but just way off to the side"
Top 5 best jokes of all time
That's pretty much me
Beautiful
@@andrewpestotnik5495 no it’s not.....
"I bought some powdered water the other day. I don't know what to add to it."
Listening to Steven Wright is like a contest between you and the audience. See if you get the joke before they start to laugh.
I put instant coffee in a microwave and I nearly went back in time. Great Steven Wright line.
wise guy
I drink instant coffee to have the energy to make the real kind"
bought some powdered water to go with that?
525Lines That's my all-time favorite Steven Wright line!
What are you a wise guy?
"I have my moments of clear perspective"
Golden
"What are you, a wise guy?"
"I have my moments of clear perspective".
I still say that line everytime someone flatters me
Brilliant comedian!
He and Mitch Hedberg were in a class all themselves.
+MikeV1961 That's true, my two favorites. I also really like Dan Mintz. I don't think his comedy gets nearly enough respect.
+bafirebat true I like comedy funny 820 am try it on your radio I'm from Toronto
+bafirebat people are stupid!
already rip mitch
already rip mitch
Strange guy my uncle; prosthetic legs...real feet.
+Michael Johns
That's nothing..............my best friend is someone I haven't even met yet.............(8^)
That's brilliant! Is that one of his or did you think of that?
Best profile picture ever
'Everywhere is within walking distance, if you have the time.'
“I just installed a skylight at my place. The people who live above me are pissed” favorite Stephen Wright joke.
Also, “no matter what room you’re in it’s always room temperature “
I spilled spot remover on my dog. He disappeared.
😂
"Walked into a restaurant that said they serve breakfast any time, so I ordered french toast during the Renaissance." Might be mine
@@TayR0C All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Went to a restaurant that said Breakfast Anytime. So I ordered French Toast from the Renaissance.
So I went to a corner grocery at 3 am. But the owner was closing up. I pointed out that your sign says open 24 hours.
He said not one after the other.
I'm just baffled as to how he comes up with these in bulk. It's like it's plausible that a guy could come up with a couple of funny paradoxes but it's like they fall out of his pockets!
Well, just because he delivers them in rapid succession doesn't mean they occur to him in that manner.
i just think its crazy how in his hour-long acts he's able to remember every single unrelated one sentence joke...for a whole hour. I like how he kinda related these ones though
My suspicion is he start collecting these quite young; when he realized he had a helluva collection, & he developed his trademark deadpan delivery, it was ON!
Trust YouMe, I think it works much the same as musicians can remember tunes, how they begin, how the phrases tie together, and how they end. The more you do some things the more they connect; one thing suggests another. We all do it in different parts of our lives.
@@nemo227 I would say you are right. I've been a musician most of my life, and to play as many songs in a given night, your memory has to be pretty good. The trick to it is getting them down until you are in auto mode. This is what he's doing.
"Have you ever fallen asleep while driving?" "No, but I have woken up while driving"... LOL. There's another level of truth to this!
My favorite Steven Wright joke:
_"I think global warming was caused by the ending of the cold war"._
Global Warming was made up a little before the cold war ended but still hysterical!!
@@oginaz "Made up"? I think you mean happening.
"The other day I was thinking...Wait a moment! That wasn't me!!"
"It doesn't matter what temperature it is in a room, it's always room temperature". My favorite
Hugh Mungus I prefer Carlin's take on it. To paraphrase, it's us that's on our way out, the planet will be just fine. It'll still be here when we are gone and we will have no lasting effect. The planet heated and cooled several times before we even came along.
A true comic genius. There are not many of them but Mr. Wright is one for sure.
You're not wrong about that.
I absolutely LOVE his comedy!!! There's no one like him!!!!! 💜💜💜💜
Fun fact. Steve Wright is the voice of the DJ in Reservoir Dogs. 'That was The Partridge Family's "Doesn't Somebody Want to be Wanted?", followed by Edison Lighthouse's "Love Grows where my Rosemary Goes" as K-Billy's Super Sounds of the 70's weekend just keeps on... truckin'.
Also the guy on the couch from half baked
These facts get less funny the 3 thousandth time you read them
“I’m a peripheral visionary ...
I can see into the future, but just way off to the side”.
It’s hard to fathom how brilliant you have to be to think of that.
"It will cost you more than that."
Hahaha!
Dead pan delivery. Insight is amazing. Funny as funny can be. Intellectual - and the crowd is in on it.
"Joke grenades" is what he called these.
That's the other guy. . .
@@NatandGeorge ?
Geechy Guy is the guy that says joke grenades
@@RayKlassen Wow! your response, like this response, is only 2 years late. I shall wait for a response in 2025.
Appreciate this humor. It won't be around forever.
With TH-cam it might.
I've been following Steven long enough to remember him before the bald spot. Have always loved his comic twists.
King of the On Liner, My Fav is "I'm not afraid of heights, but I'm terrified of widths"
I love his stuff. It's timeless.
He is one of my all time favorite comedians.
"They're getting hit by a train...naturally, they're gonna die".
Heard one of his bits on the radio and now I can't stop watching this guy
"Then, I tried to hang myself with bungie cord. I kept almost dyin'."
Dude, that's some clever writing. I can't believe I never got into Wright before. Always heard a bit or two, here and there, but now he's one of my favorites.
standing in place not moving the whole set monotone voice it's a character delivery it's great
I think SW is the most creative/clever comedian in modern times.
yep
Sw means Star Wars u know.
Try Robert Mac then.
Hands down.....!!!!!
Check out Anthony Jeselnik.
I put a humidifier and a dehumidifier in the same room and let em fight it out...LMAO
There's this switch in my apartment. Every time I walk past it I flick it. Two weeks later a guy from West Germany called and said, "Stop it."
😂😂😂😂😂
Hahahahah
How come we don't see much of him performing these days? I miss it.
I went into a grocery store and saw a sign that said, "pet supplies." So I did.
I saw a sign that said "Drink Canada Dry", so I went up there and tried it.
Unknown comic
@@anthonythorp7291
That one is way older than the unknown comic.
@@snate56 I seen 2 signs at a gas station. One said Help Wanted and the other Self Serve. So I went in, hired myself, made myself the boss, and took the rest of the date off.
@@anthonythorp7291 you forgot to take all the money
You guys think I'm balding. It's just a reverse mohawk.
"Sideways mohawk" would have made more sense.
or his foreheads just getting longer.. lol no? 🤣
It's like he knows it's gonna take you a minute to get into his world, but once you're there he really has you.
I come up with stuff like this all the time, just to get a laugh from any one that feels down. If I knew I could make money at it I would have done it a long time ago myself....Way to go, and keep up the good humor cause that is what this world truly needs today is a good heart felt laugh.
Sherry Messer tell me a joke right now.
The only other person to ever make that hairstyle work was Larry from the 3 Stooges.
Who goes to the barber and says give me the larry fine
@@bencooper1764 Among others, probably Reid Fleming, The World's Toughest Milkman. One of his best lines is "I'm not bald, I get it cut this way!"
@@KevKavanagh "79 cents or I piss on your flowers!"
@@KevKavanagh Classic!
Bill bailey too
One of his best performances
True bumper sticker: "I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather---not screaming, like the other people in his car."
I havent heard that one i nearly shit myself after reading that it is so funny.
Very old joke
"Like the passengers on his bus."
Pro tip: replace "the other people in his car" with "his riders".
That's actually the late great British comedian Bob Monkhouse joke
He's been my favorite comedian since I was about 12 or so (I'm 48 now), and I even got to see him perform live in 1985. I've never seen this clip until now. So much fantastic material here that I'd not heard before. "That happens to me when I read menus.." Classic stuff here.
In 1985 you were fourteen years old.
Guess comedy clubs must've had different licensing laws back then, you know., where they think 'fuck it, you have to be twenty one to get in here, but let's let this *fourteen year old kid* in so he can lie about it when they get round to inventing the Internet.
...and literally *every* joke in this set is taken from his previous performances- half of them from 1985- weren't you paying attention...?
🙄
🍄
@@the_unrepentant_anarchist. I guess it never dawned on you that comedians sometimes perform to audiences other than in comedy clubs, right? Gee, it must be tough being as smart as you clearly are and yet STILL be so dense at times, huh?
@@the_unrepentant_anarchist. 1985 wasn't a time when you could go online and grab every set he's ever done and not everyone could catch them in realtime otherwise. Along with that, Just for Laughs is not age restricted itself and SeatGeek even says that it may require adult accompaniment if the venue is 18/21+. A lot of age restriction was lighter in the 80s as well just in general. Maybe enjoy the set instead; it's a whole lot more fun than whatever this mood is :)
"Oh my God, oh my God those people are going to die instantly, Well everyone dies instantly"
one of the best comedians of all time. noone is like steven
The true voice of Garfield the cat
2009Lavoz Sure you dont mean Bill Murray
yep
2009Lavoz He was also in The Emoji Movie.
2009Lavoz Is it really?
@@PhillipNeal No. The first voice of Garfield (in the 80s specials/cartoons) was Lorenzo Music, not Bill Murray or Steven Wright (well, Bill Murray voiced him in the 2004 and 2006 movies).
Fun bit of serendipity though: Lorenzo Music voiced Peter Venkman in The Real Ghostbusters cartoon, so there's a link between him and Murray.
Steven is a comic genius, Jerry should get him on comedians in cars..
That is a GREAT idea!!!
In an alternate universe there's a Steven instead of a Kramer. He never goes over to Jerry's and is never excited about anything.
I’ve had multiple laugh conniptions 😂 Love him!
He's just as good as I remembered.
I can't drive an automatic lol
A lot of people can't, but they still get out there, don't they?
+Aegis Nova hahaha
Wow what an opening! What delivery! Who does comedy like this?!?! I love it 🥰
this was one of the most interesting sets of is as he sort of strings them all together into a story.
My favorite comics always look like they don't want to be on stage at all
This...............My friends is Brilliant comedy. He doesn't rely on tacky profanity or stupid material but all things we can relate to and he's a Great Story Teller. My 10 Stars **********.
Nice stars
The traveling wilburys riff makes me happy.
RIP Roy Orbison, George Harrison, & Tom Petty
@@brendagibson7211 Hard to believe when they recorded that they were all alive
In case you missed the joke, back in the 20th century the audio tape had two sides you could listen to
"I got a great new job in a factory that makes fire hydrants. The pay is great, but I can't park anywhere near the place."
NEVER a curse or swear word from Mr Wright.
"I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone."
IMHO the funniest comedian ever :)
One of the all time great comics.
One of the most underrated comic ever!
I disagree. He is a highly rated comic. And his audience knows it.
I can’t find many albums for sale. Only a couple copies for a ton of money.
He isn’t underrated!!!
You guys have me wrong I love the guy and his work!!!!
I was having a bad day and this made me smile. Lol.
“I lost a button hole.”
2:18 -- Man, I've been using that joke for years - without seeing this set! I've always said, "You never fall asleep driving - you WAKE UP driving - and that's what's so terrifying!"
"If you can be passed, can you be futured? Barry, American Dad.
Couch Guy from Half Baked. Good stuff.
Probably the most unbelievable part of all of this is that a hitchhiker would voluntarily choose to get into a car with him.
Very few can crack reality like this.
I've been getting into astronomy lately, so I installed a skylight. The neighbors above me are furious!
Hey it's the guy on the couch : )
OH SHHIITT !!! That's him, isn't it ?!!
RONSTAR08 nice reference
🧐🧐🧐
@L B holy shit! Mind blown! 🤯 thank you for that fact good sir 👍
Hey guy! Did you kill Killer??
Have you ever fallen asleep driving? No .. but I've woken up driving 🤣 gets me everytime 🤘
Met him in a small bar in NYC. Sat down next to him, told him I thought he was one of the funniest guys I had ever seen, and his lunch came, so I said thanks for all the great work, and left him to eat his lunch in peace.
Kevin Hallisey ...well? What’d you guys talk about? From what you wrote it sounds like a one sided convo and just annoyed the fuck outta him
Kevin Hallisey smirk worthy.... Thumbs up.
Steven told him that he used to live on a one-way dead end street.
Wow, YOU'RE the guy he told me about. I sat down next to him one time and told him I thought he was hilarious and Steven stopped me and said "You're not gonna just say that and then get up and leave like some asshole did in NYC, are ya?" I said no and we had lunch together, it was great!
JOC: My kinda humor; nice job!
Steven cracks me up everytime
I remember when the candle shop burned down...everybody just stood around singing "Happy Birthday"!
This entire set is phenomenal!
“My dental hygienist is very pretty, so i eat s bag of oreo’s in the waiting room” 😂
This is who Seinfeld could’ve been if he we’re funny.
He sure parts his hair W-I-D-E.
HAHAHA! ! Brilliant!
* simply Outstanding *
thanks for posting ..Steven Wright has an unusual way of looking at things which makes his comedy great ..If you don't listen you'll miss the punch line and his comedy won't make any since ...I challenge you if this is the only clip you've seen click on some others before you make a final judgement on him ....
My favourit thing about listening to Steven Wright doing stand up is some of his jokes are really smart and it takes the audience a few seconds to get it.
my favourit ting is reeding tese coments abbout how realy smat day aree too get theese joaks wen day dont evun hav the spellung ablitty off a thurd grayder
This dude has the most subdued personality ever, and yet to every single comedian in that green room he is the single most intimidating human being in that building. This dude made everyone feel like a hack. I imagine Jeselnik has the same effect on people. Because it's so comparatively easy to craft and tell a funny story. To make a joke work in two sentences is almost impossible. Out of all of the great comedians in history, probably ten of them work off of those types of jokes. Because they are *impossible* to write.
I remember him in high school. He was a senior when I was a sophomore. One of my fiends would hang out with him some times. He just seemed kind of odd and quiet to me. But I guess it worked for him. He's rich now and I am not. Good for him.
Always my best comedian I turn to if I really want to laugh. I haven’t seen or heard of Steven in several years. I would love to hear some of his new creative comedy😊 Nobody even comes close to his style of comedy. He invented it. One of a kind👍😄 hilarious!
the guy on the couch!
This man is so brilliant, I get a tan, just listening to him.
I love Steven Wright. The second greatest comedian this world has ever seen, after George Carlin of course, the greatest comedian of all time.
NOT
Carlin was great but he was too political. He just couldn’t t stay away from politics.
Do you not like Richard Pryor?
@@johnmc3862 Carlin's earlier stuff from the 70s & 80s isn't political at all. He did some really funny specials during that time, much sillier and funnier imo. On Location: George Carlin at Phoenix, Carlin on Campus & Playin' With Your Head are all great.
One of my Steven Wright favorites, (cant remember exact words but close enough) was: -"You know that feeling you get,when you're sitting in a chair balancing on the back legs, and you lean back a little too far and catch yourself just before you would've fallen over?.. I feel that way all the time"....I almost died laughing! The monotone voice and lack of any facial expression while saying it, made it twice as funny. Steven Wright is a one of a kind. Always will be. The way he puts literal meaning into inanimate things and words, is very clever. It creates a perspective we may not have otherwise thought of if he hadn't mentioned it. Brilliantly witty. You know that what ever he says, its going to funny and always original.
Steven Wright..a comedic genius!
The mans a genius.
Sincerely,
The Guy On The Couch.