I can hold myself accountable enough to be ashamed of how much workplace gossip I entertained and participated in years ago. Just trying to fit in with my colleagues was no excuse! OUCH!! 😬😬 Thanks for your video. Now, I understand much better how to navigate that type of environment and how to conduct myself better.
Thank you! I love the transition statements!!! Why were we not ever taught effective communication? I feel like you are a gold mine of information. I know this is not work related but as another holiday approaches I desperately need some advice on communicating with a difficult relative. I always host family dinners. My brother and sister in law never offer to host. I would be fine with that if my sister in law would not always make the same "joke" about my food...asking if each and every dish is home made. Usually, some dishes are while others are store bought. I know she can tell the difference between a homemade dessert and a store bought one, but she always says (so innocently) Is this homemade? I do the best I can, I have a full time job while she doesn't have to work and I just want to snap at her and tell her if she wants everything homemade, maybe she could host sometime because she has 24/7 to prep and I don't. I don't do that because I don't want to start a fight with my only sibling. Please tell me how to shut her down without blowing up the family. Also, I'd love to hear what your impression of her motive to say this would be? She leaves me baffled.
Rl, I don't know her motive--perhaps jealousy--but I do know how to respond to her. If her main question is whether things are homemade, answer "Ahhhh, that is my hostess secret and I won't divulge it." Say this whether she points out something that is homemade, or something that isn't. Give her the same response. And no matter what she says, be prepared with the "That may be but, that is my hostess secret and I won't divulge it." BUT I'M ASKING BECAUSE I WANT THE RECIPE! "That may be but, that is my hostess secret and I won't divulge it." WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME? "Because it is my hostess secret and I won't divulge it." OH, SO IT MUST BE STORE-BOUGHT OR ELSE YOU'D TELL ME IT WAS HOMEMADE. "That may be but that is my hostess secret and I won't divulge it." Smile as you say these things, but don't budge from your response.
@@TheWizardOfWords Thank You! I am sure I will have a chance to use this tomorrow. I don't know if you celebrate any of the spring holidays but if you do please enjoy them and thank you for the real world, useful education you provide.
I have no advice about what to say but I hope you will not host again. If your brother is allowing his wife to insult & harass you like that, or if no one else there is jumping in on that - that’s outrageous to me. I would look at that. You don’t have to supply any reason or excuse as to why you won’t be hosting. “I just don’t want to this time” or maybe, “I have a lot of things on my plate right now,” should be sufficient If they’re not sufficient, I’d take a look at that, too. I hate when people pull lousy stunts like this.
Yes, gossip about you is none of your business, Radfoo. That sounds counter-intuitive, but you are living proof that you're better off not knowing. Some things are not meant for your ears :) :) :). Of course if it's gossip, it shouldn't be said in the first place :)
You have to go to whoever is spreading the gossip and shut it down, provided it is not true. If you have to approach a dozen people, you do so. That would be my best advice.
@@Books_Makeup I don't have a lot of choices living in a smaller state with fewer options. I've worked in the same place for many years and I disengaged entirely from all of the toxic colleagues after I was targeted. I study at university part-time and stay completely focused on my work to bypass all the ostracising, backstabbing, gossip and unprofessional behaviour. I also appreciate the person working above me who has been good to me. Hard work and study are my escapes. My health has suffered because I don't have time to exercise. There needs to be an internal code of conduct here. Thank you for your reply.
I personally would leave that job. It will usually only get worse from there. If that stuff is going on in your workplace it’s been my experience that the boss is tolerating it on some level. But I myself despise these workplace situations so much that I will no longer work anyplace except from home. Office situations like this seem inevitable to me. Some people are built for it but I’m not.
Just hold my hand up and tell them I am not interested in listening to any gossip. I can’t. I walk away!! PS this gossip crap was horrible and made me very sick. Never gossip with me!
What I say is..."What someone say's about me is none of my business". I also say, 'I don't adhere to 3rd party information'. I say it in a humble disposition.
These are fabulous comebacks! Now, what about when you hear your coworkers gossiping about each other? Up to this point I have stayed out of it and remained silent- nevertheless it is absolutely infuriating.
If they are doing this within your hearing, you're involved. A quick response might be "To be clear, I want no part of this conversation." And then I'd walk away, or if that was not possible, I would make myself busy with work, which is what I'm being paid to do in the first place.
OOO, GOSSIP. Here is what I can say about gossip. It is heresay,; whispers, assumptions, secrets passed on without validation except the fact that the gossip is wide spread ( which is not a validation)
fresapez hace 0 segundos Dan please I need a video or how shut ppl that overcriticism and how not to get frozen and paralyse when someone is putting you down.thanks and blessings 🙌
Oh please make a video on how to react when someone tries to ignore our boundaries in front of other people ,in order for us feel ashamed to stand up for ourselves .
By the way and before I forget - I’ll have to remember those…. I keep my life rich and juicy outside of work, so I’m not interested in gossiping about others!
What???? It's not anyone's job to identify true friends to others at work. What a recipe for unnecessary confrontation! You don't call that gossiping or slander? Being prudent about what we share at work seems more logical. Are coworkers really friends in most jobs? I like most of your videos;however, this one seems dangerous.
The term "friend" in this video is used to simply wake up the individual t the fact that people who gossip are never doing it "for" you or because they "like" you, and you should not be pulled into their world. I totally agree that you should be making friends outside of the workplace--not in the workplace. You can get along with people without their being your friends.
This advice is fantastic however, it would be very very hard to implement in an office that is TINY. I work in a small office, there's only 8 of us. EVERYTHING was harmonious until recently when a serial gossiper joined.. Furthermore, in every situation she is in with thr big boss, she will always position herself in the best possible way to appear as though she is an upstanding employee. The awkward part is that, because we are such a small team, it's so tricky to be this direct because she sits across from me everyday. I wouldn't want to be a an office space that is that tense.
Cheralee, it's all in the way you say it. Remember that if you don't assert yourself--you live with listening to gossip and also being gossiped about. It makes it easier if you bear in mind that you are at work TO WORK, not to make friends. The one who should feel ill at ease is the gossiper.
@@TheWizardOfWords wow, thank you for your reply and words of wisdom! For now I have been trying to disengage from looking in her direction even as it will be an opportunity for her. I agree 100% about being at work to work 🫡
I just found you after searching for how to talk to my son. Help😢 I am a mom of three but my youngest is challenging me in ways that triggersPTSD from my own childhood. I want to be the loving mother i have been for my older two, but I find myself screaming back at him and saying hurtful things back to him. Secondly, I am 4.5 years out from breast cancer and one if my healing processes is to keep peace and harmony within me and my home. I have reminded him of this over and over but he doesn’t seem to stop treating me poorly. He is still a teenager and I know he is hormonal but so am I due to the estrogen blockers I am on for my cancer healing protocol. I try to remain composed when he is being defiant and disrespectful but I eventually lash back and feel aweful both emotionally and physically afterwards. I fear for my health if we continue down this path. Please help.😢
You need my Step Out of the Shadows and Speak course, which will not only give you techniques and approaches to your son, but a "Principle of the week" with each of the 50 lessons. The principle of the week will remind you who you are and who your child is in relation to you--and will help you maintain your peace. That's my best suggestion. If you are interested in this, write jean@danoconnortraining.com . This young man is doing the best he can, so YOU have to concentrate on how YOU will deal with him. You'll change how you deal with him, and I guarantee he will change as well.
This is like the secret code to human interactions. So much to learn but I guess I need to if I actually want to be sane and make more money at work...
Very helpful. I am not good at dealing with people who go down these sort of streets. I always end up looking weak & vulnerable and I set myself up for the predators to devour.
Omg I am so late to the party🎉 I just found your channel, I think I’ve watching all your videos in the last 2 days. I signed up on your website but…it doesn’t appear to be working.
Yes, which is why one of the first questions you ask is "Why are you telling me this?" followed by "How did you handle this when it was told to you--or when you overheard it? How did you defend me?" The answers to those questions will tell you all you need to know. Don't be fooled by someone who starts out with "I knew you'd want to know . . . ."
I see a great difference between direct and confrontational. I'm not sure it's a good idea to dance around anyone engaging in gossip. Sometimes direct embarrasses the listener. That is on the listener, who shouldn't be gossiping in the first place.
If you liked this video and want to support this channel, please consider pressing the "join" button--right here www.youtube.com/@TheWizardOfWords
I can hold myself accountable enough to be ashamed of how much workplace gossip I entertained and participated in years ago. Just trying to fit in with my colleagues was no excuse! OUCH!! 😬😬
Thanks for your video. Now, I understand much better how to navigate that type of environment and how to conduct myself better.
Happy to help Monet. I think we all screw up and the goal is to be a little better tomorrow than we were today - - right?
@@TheWizardOfWords Yes indeed!
Oh really. They told you not me.
Thank you! I love the transition statements!!! Why were we not ever taught effective communication? I feel like you are a gold mine of information. I know this is not work related but as another holiday approaches I desperately need some advice on communicating with a difficult relative. I always host family dinners. My brother and sister in law never offer to host. I would be fine with that if my sister in law would not always make the same "joke" about my food...asking if each and every dish is home made. Usually, some dishes are while others are store bought. I know she can tell the difference between a homemade dessert and a store bought one, but she always says (so innocently) Is this homemade? I do the best I can, I have a full time job while she doesn't have to work and I just want to snap at her and tell her if she wants everything homemade, maybe she could host sometime because she has 24/7 to prep and I don't. I don't do that because I don't want to start a fight with my only sibling. Please tell me how to shut her down without blowing up the family. Also, I'd love to hear what your impression of her motive to say this would be? She leaves me baffled.
Rl, I don't know her motive--perhaps jealousy--but I do know how to respond to her. If her main question is whether things are homemade, answer "Ahhhh, that is my hostess secret and I won't divulge it." Say this whether she points out something that is homemade, or something that isn't. Give her the same response. And no matter what she says, be prepared with the "That may be but, that is my hostess secret and I won't divulge it." BUT I'M ASKING BECAUSE I WANT THE RECIPE! "That may be but, that is my hostess secret and I won't divulge it." WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME? "Because it is my hostess secret and I won't divulge it." OH, SO IT MUST BE STORE-BOUGHT OR ELSE YOU'D TELL ME IT WAS HOMEMADE. "That may be but that is my hostess secret and I won't divulge it." Smile as you say these things, but don't budge from your response.
@@TheWizardOfWords Thank You! I am sure I will have a chance to use this tomorrow. I don't know if you celebrate any of the spring holidays but if you do please enjoy them and thank you for the real world, useful education you provide.
I have no advice about what to say but I hope you will not host again. If your brother is allowing his wife to insult & harass you like that, or if no one else there is jumping in on that - that’s outrageous to me. I would look at that. You don’t have to supply any reason or excuse as to why you won’t be hosting. “I just don’t want to this time” or maybe, “I have a lot of things on my plate right now,” should be sufficient If they’re not sufficient, I’d take a look at that, too. I hate when people pull lousy stunts like this.
I usually want to know what's said about me behind my back but nobody ever tells me lol
Maybe I'm happier in the absence of gossip😂
Yes, gossip about you is none of your business, Radfoo. That sounds counter-intuitive, but you are living proof that you're better off not knowing. Some things are not meant for your ears :) :) :). Of course if it's gossip, it shouldn't be said in the first place :)
Example number 3 is becoming a solid culture in my former workplace. Thank God i no longer work there.
Empowering, Thank you 💕
What happens when the gossip becomes systemic and the rumor is threatening your career and reputation?
You have to go to whoever is spreading the gossip and shut it down, provided it is not true. If you have to approach a dozen people, you do so. That would be my best advice.
@@TheWizardOfWords Or do you go to the team leader, or next level up management as well, so they know what’s happening.
@@Books_Makeup I don't have a lot of choices living in a smaller state with fewer options. I've worked in the same place for many years and I disengaged entirely from all of the toxic colleagues after I was targeted. I study at university part-time and stay completely focused on my work to bypass all the ostracising, backstabbing, gossip and unprofessional behaviour. I also appreciate the person working above me who has been good to me. Hard work and study are my escapes. My health has suffered because I don't have time to exercise. There needs to be an internal code of conduct here. Thank you for your reply.
@@Books_Makeup Thank you, yes my boss is great, and I will get 5 minutes of exercise in somewhere.
I personally would leave that job. It will usually only get worse from there. If that stuff is going on in your workplace it’s been my experience that the boss is tolerating it on some level. But I myself despise these workplace situations so much that I will no longer work anyplace except from home. Office situations like this seem inevitable to me. Some people are built for it but I’m not.
Just hold my hand up and tell them I am not interested in listening to any gossip. I can’t. I walk away!! PS this gossip crap was horrible and made me very sick. Never gossip with me!
That would work perfectly.
They are hateful people
Frenemies!
Very helpful. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge. I'm glad I found your TH-cam channel. This is what I've been looking for.
Glad it was helpful! 🙂
Good reminder not to engage!
I seriously needed these tips❤
What I say is..."What someone say's about me is none of my business". I also say, 'I don't adhere to 3rd party information'. I say it in a humble disposition.
Thank you for your leadership! I also communicate several phrases that you teach. I thank Almighty God for you!
And I thank God for you, @randomactsofchaos :)
These are fabulous comebacks! Now, what about when you hear your coworkers gossiping about each other? Up to this point I have stayed out of it and remained silent- nevertheless it is absolutely infuriating.
If they are doing this within your hearing, you're involved. A quick response might be "To be clear, I want no part of this conversation." And then I'd walk away, or if that was not possible, I would make myself busy with work, which is what I'm being paid to do in the first place.
OOO, GOSSIP. Here is what I can say about gossip. It is heresay,; whispers, assumptions, secrets passed on without validation except the fact that the gossip is wide spread ( which is not a validation)
fresapez
hace 0 segundos
Dan please I need a video or how shut ppl that overcriticism and how not to get frozen and paralyse when someone is putting you down.thanks and blessings 🙌
Fresapez, please scroll through my channel. I have longs and shorts that deal with inappropriate comments, putdowns and the like.
For more extensive training, go to www.danoconnortraining.com/new-home-landing.
Where have you been all my life?
😂
Just subscribed. Nice to meet you.
Nice to have you aboard, Maryann :)
Oh please make a video on how to react when someone tries to ignore our boundaries in front of other people ,in order for us feel ashamed to stand up for ourselves .
Booboo, I have made videos on that topic--and shorts. Check out my playlists.
Love it!
Thanks for being a member Mzhellraiser :)
Really useful video.
Trying to get better at workplace by using this.
By the way and before I forget - I’ll have to remember those…. I keep my life rich and juicy outside of work, so I’m not interested in gossiping about others!
What???? It's not anyone's job to identify true friends to others at work. What a recipe for unnecessary confrontation! You don't call that gossiping or slander? Being prudent about what we share at work seems more logical. Are coworkers really friends in most jobs?
I like most of your videos;however, this one seems dangerous.
The term "friend" in this video is used to simply wake up the individual t the fact that people who gossip are never doing it "for" you or because they "like" you, and you should not be pulled into their world. I totally agree that you should be making friends outside of the workplace--not in the workplace. You can get along with people without their being your friends.
Just started at a new work place, the trainer gossips relentlessly. I know she's doing it about me too. How do you do this when you are new?
Who is telling you this?
This advice is fantastic however, it would be very very hard to implement in an office that is TINY. I work in a small office, there's only 8 of us. EVERYTHING was harmonious until recently when a serial gossiper joined.. Furthermore, in every situation she is in with thr big boss, she will always position herself in the best possible way to appear as though she is an upstanding employee. The awkward part is that, because we are such a small team, it's so tricky to be this direct because she sits across from me everyday. I wouldn't want to be a an office space that is that tense.
Cheralee, it's all in the way you say it. Remember that if you don't assert yourself--you live with listening to gossip and also being gossiped about. It makes it easier if you bear in mind that you are at work TO WORK, not to make friends. The one who should feel ill at ease is the gossiper.
@@TheWizardOfWords wow, thank you for your reply and words of wisdom! For now I have been trying to disengage from looking in her direction even as it will be an opportunity for her. I agree 100% about being at work to work 🫡
🌷🙏🏻🌷
👍
I just found you after searching for how to talk to my son.
Help😢
I am a mom of three but my youngest is challenging me in ways that triggersPTSD from my own childhood. I want to be the loving mother i have been for my older two, but I find myself screaming back at him and saying hurtful things back to him. Secondly, I am 4.5 years out from breast cancer and one if my healing processes is to keep peace and harmony within me and my home. I have reminded him of this over and over but he doesn’t seem to stop treating me poorly. He is still a teenager and I know he is hormonal but so am I due to the estrogen blockers I am on for my cancer healing protocol. I try to remain composed when he is being defiant and disrespectful but I eventually lash back and feel aweful both emotionally and physically afterwards. I fear for my health if we continue down this path. Please help.😢
You need my Step Out of the Shadows and Speak course, which will not only give you techniques and approaches to your son, but a "Principle of the week" with each of the 50 lessons. The principle of the week will remind you who you are and who your child is in relation to you--and will help you maintain your peace. That's my best suggestion. If you are interested in this, write jean@danoconnortraining.com . This young man is doing the best he can, so YOU have to concentrate on how YOU will deal with him. You'll change how you deal with him, and I guarantee he will change as well.
Thank you for replying so quickly and thoughtfully. I will definitely check that out. I need all the help i can get.❤
@@sireanaferns-so3pf I hope you’re following up and doing well. Step Out of the shadows and Speak sounds good for me too.
@@franceslock1662thank you! Things are much better!
Thanks 🎉👍
You're welcome Bernard.
Thank you
You're welcome, Annamay.
This is like the secret code to human interactions. So much to learn but I guess I need to if I actually want to be sane and make more money at work...
Very helpful. I am not good at dealing with people who go down these sort of streets. I always end up looking weak & vulnerable and I set myself up for the predators to devour.
R u in chicago?
No. I am generally in Ajijic, MX or Saint Paul, MN. I haven't lived in Chicago for many many years.
Great video, thanks! So helpful!
Thanks Dan
You're welcome, Rhonda :)
Wow love all of this knowledge- Yezzzz
Omg I am so late to the party🎉 I just found your channel, I think I’ve watching all your videos in the last 2 days. I signed up on your website but…it doesn’t appear to be working.
I'm not sure what you mean, SM. Can you please write jean@danoconnortraining.com and tell her what went wrong--and she'll make it right.
Malicious gossip you need to know about.
Generally when gossip is repeated to you, it is not for your benefit. If the speaker wanted to stop malicious gossip, the speaker should have done it.
@@TheWizardOfWords if the person is genuine and trying to help you he should tell you.....
Yes, which is why one of the first questions you ask is "Why are you telling me this?" followed by "How did you handle this when it was told to you--or when you overheard it? How did you defend me?" The answers to those questions will tell you all you need to know. Don't be fooled by someone who starts out with "I knew you'd want to know . . . ."
@@TheWizardOfWords cheers 👍
I love your videos
Love this ❤
Fantastic!
That is very confrontational
I see a great difference between direct and confrontational. I'm not sure it's a good idea to dance around anyone engaging in gossip. Sometimes direct embarrasses the listener. That is on the listener, who shouldn't be gossiping in the first place.
Good one ❤
Thanks 🔥
Great tips.