What’s been your experience with toxic people? Have you ever realized someone was holding you back, and how did you handle it? Let’s talk about how we, as INFJs, can break free from these draining relationships and reclaim our energy! 💬👇
I have been in a one-sided relationship so I know what it is and I do everything I can to not allow myself to obsess someone with my standards. Wanting to „polish“ someone to what I think can be his better version, never again.
Yeah. So I think this is a consistent battle for the INFJ. I call it “chewing the cud”. We must stop ourselves from going over the details in our minds: “again and again and again”. In my journey the answer is trust. Trust myself. I considered it well enough to decide.
I was giving the benefit of the doubt to the ex. I was always excusing her for mistreating me and misunderstanding me etc... Until I realised and truly looked back at our relationship to see that she never really truly said sorry to me for any fucking thing. And when she did, it was kinda only when she felt pushed into it. I was so blind, naive and dumm.. But I am not anymore and I am soooooo proud of myself. Thank you Wenzes for your content.
I quit trying to "fix" toxic people a while ago. I realized I was wasting my time and energy. I actually was dumb enough to date some. Even married / divorced one. Realize your own worth and stay focused on your own mission.
Well said! People tend to think being empathetic means always kind and caring. But there is empathic-exhaustion and then there's simply not caring for idiots that treat you as dog shit. The threshold for that is a problem though, taking many lessons before we learn
After six decades of making allowances for the toxicity of certain people, and helping them, this summer I decided enough was enough and started to banish toxic relationships from my life. It has helped me to enjoy life more.
I'm currently working in the service industry. In the high season, it's basically work to exhaustion, eat, sleep and repeat. I could deal with that if I had a hard working and compassionate team. One day, I told a colleague who has been sitting idly at her desk most of the day while I was on my feet dealing with customers that I'm feeling dizzy and sick (from exhaustion) and asked her what to do. She told me coldy: "Then leave, I don't want to catch your illness." This inhumane statement really opened my eyes and I was thinking to myself "What the f... am I doing here?" I'm currently looking for another job, as I know from comparison how good a worker I am and that this team doesn't derserve me.
I'm actually INTJ but with super feelings and empathy. I'm starting to just kind of walk away from anything that doesn't completely align with me and the energy I truly am.
I am feeling so old!!! There was a day a long, long time ago when people loved watching MTV to watch a Southern girl sing about craving a toxic guy on a motorcycle! 😁 That said, stay in the NO DRAMA ZONE and hang out with people who are good to you. You cannot pick family but you can certainly pick your job, your hobbies, your profession, your school, your residence, your professionals to help in life, and most importantly your friends. Pick wisely and look in the mirror for solutions when not happy. Adulthood is the time to fix all issues to improve regardless of the past.
Thank you for this pep talk and helping me not slip back into compassion, forgiving and “water under the bridge” mode. It’s costing me… and I’ve already given 30 years of that to my sister.
It has taken me decades to allow myself to feel my rage over stuff. It's totally a necessary part of healing & growth, so I was handicaped till retirement when I finally started the real work. Learning how to demand to be treated with respect made my life much less complicated now. Thx!❤️🔥
Wenze's I concur I don't like "bull,baggage,drama,games/lies,excuses,stories,whatever/time,energy,motion,vampirism" of me.I'll do the infamous INFJ doorslam.Wenze's I like your guidance Wenze's.Wenze's I thank you for you Wenze's.Jerome❤❤❤
I literally cannot believe how in depth you’ve touched on this exact conflict I’ve had in my head for literally 2 years straight since leaving an 8 year relationship I was so attached to that was ultimately horrible for me. I’ve imagined having a private session trying to formulate the right question wondering if you’d understand where I’m conflicted, and here you are just exactly saying what I’ve needed to hear. And I’ve told myself the same, but it was hard to give myself permission to think about him negatively. Hopefully now I’ll feel more justified in allowing myself to see things how they really were
Thank you for this. I learned these lessons the hard way, and I recently ended a toxic relationship of 10+ years. But I was left feeling MAYBE I could have made it work, if only I'd done things differently. But, no, nothing would have changed. My mistake was in not acknowledging my anger and honoring it -- too busy neglecting myself in order to tap into their energy. This video was perfectly timed, from my perspective. Thanks again.
i developed a phrase to use when confronting toxic people : "There's a limit to how much I can put up with and still act maturely." And then I let them know very quickly that they've crossed over. I've never enjoyed having to confront people or having to get after them about bad treatment, but I learned that at times it simply has to be done. What complicated me in my experience was actually getting input from my family that I shouldn't get after people if they hurt me ("you're too sensitive," "give them a break," ,"show that you're the bigger person," ). Ironically, a lot of the people who would counsel me this way wouldn't have put up with even three seconds if I had treated them like that. I'm taking the liberty of mentioning something that I shared in a comment some time back. Your video of May 5, 2021 was an excellent example of "clapback" wording. I still review it periodically. We all have to develop our own way of dealing with people, and this is a good one to learn from.
I had to cut someone out who was entirely unappreciative and disrespectful ugggggh acknowledgement of that lack of integrity and morals the lying and mean comments-toxic. Admitted to myself they were not what I thought. As sad as it was to accept that - done.
Wenzes your words are a gift. Yes, to this! Timing is perfect. I appreciate that you not only identify the issue, our patterns, with such clarity of understanding, but then offer a path to resolution. Words of anger that we say to ourselves so that we can actually experience it, and stop the rumination (and second guessing) loop. You get it because you have been there. Thank you 🙏
While I’m not an overly religious person, I can thank my Source yet again for showing me something that I’ve sought an answer to. Wenzes, your vids always resonate astoundingly with me and this one was no exception. Thank you so much for sharing your insight, as this speaks directly to my heart. I know now what needs to be done, the trial is getting the nerve to do it.
The saddest part of toxic dynamics is that they compete for healthy dynamics. Leaving the toxic opens up precious resources for healthy people and healthy relationships. Yeah, it’s lonely, but that is a small price to pay, with the understanding that you need healthy relationships badly enough that you will make space for them so they have a place to “land.”
I'm camping at a state park I pulled to the corner of an empty parking lot there's a bike next to me then there's a truck pulling up next to me So I go to the other end of the parking lot and the truck follows me over there The next morning pretty much the same thing happens why can't people be alone or leave others that want to be alone alone Am I missing the herding Mentality and how do I outsmart the Sheep I'm going to ruin the starter on my car
Please pardon. It, without lying, isn't my style at all to go out and write something like this without any real life connection... BUT Ma'am: Besides the impression within all of your videos that you are very aware of your surrounding world, seemingly making you a based beautiful soul, I want/have to add that you are absolutely, stunningly gorgeous. And that is a really lame superficial description, not nearly reaching your unique tasty expression. :] Keep up the inspiring work, reaching out to all those that have not yet understood why they act they way they act being a real INFJ. Cheers from Oberammergau.
I’ve not met many people I feel really comfortable with. And if I met one I went onto distant as I don’t to bother them knowing how I am. The people who are around me are basically those who want to and I started to accept them. Even if they are somewhat toxic by nowadays therm. They are just as broken as I am myself. They do respect me though.
That’s usually where we learned not to value ourselves in the first place! That said, it can be very hard to a) discover the dynamics that devalued us, and even harder to b) accept that truth and mourn. What I did was to study narcissism on you tube videos until I found some descriptions that seemed very familiar. Once I identified and accepted my truths about both parents’ behaviors, I gradually was able to release the hidden, stuck energy surrounding this issue, and use that released energy to make myself happier. I wish you great success in this important journey!❤
Love the growth and you sunshine.Do you want from an I?N f j into being a sigma female. And I appreciate UB and U for others.You are sigma Males kind of girl.👻✍️👑😜🤪🤣😂♥️👽
next time try using eft techniques as you sing that FU song....you can learn them from free, I got lots of free info and I don't spam. Also lots of good links to others you can learn at. See how fast you feel ok and it won't come back to mind as much either. I find letting go very easy when using eft techniques. @Wenzes- INFJ LIFE COAH
What’s been your experience with toxic people? Have you ever realized someone was holding you back, and how did you handle it? Let’s talk about how we, as INFJs, can break free from these draining relationships and reclaim our energy! 💬👇
I have been in a one-sided relationship so I know what it is and I do everything I can to not allow myself to obsess someone with my standards. Wanting to „polish“ someone to what I think can be his better version, never again.
Yeah. So I think this is a consistent battle for the INFJ. I call it “chewing the cud”. We must stop ourselves from going over the details in our minds: “again and again and again”.
In my journey the answer is trust. Trust myself. I considered it well enough to decide.
Can you make video about the INFJ subtype and how to know which one we are ?
I was giving the benefit of the doubt to the ex. I was always excusing her for mistreating me and misunderstanding me etc... Until I realised and truly looked back at our relationship to see that she never really truly said sorry to me for any fucking thing. And when she did, it was kinda only when she felt pushed into it. I was so blind, naive and dumm.. But I am not anymore and I am soooooo proud of myself.
Thank you Wenzes for your content.
This is a re-upload. But your timing stings as impeccably as the first, maybe worse 😂
I quit trying to "fix" toxic people a while ago. I realized I was wasting my time and energy. I actually was dumb enough to date some. Even married / divorced one. Realize your own worth and stay focused on your own mission.
Finally got my divorce papers from mine as well. Sigh.
"...stay focused on your own mission." The best advice.
This! Only took me a few years to realize this and to get out of any of those relationships.
Good for you 🎉god bless 🎉@@theADHDinfj
@@theADHDinfj congratulations. It gets better.
Absolutly, even an understanding heart grows tired of being always understanding and never understood. 👌
Yes indeed!🎉
Well said! People tend to think being empathetic means always kind and caring. But there is empathic-exhaustion and then there's simply not caring for idiots that treat you as dog shit. The threshold for that is a problem though, taking many lessons before we learn
After six decades of making allowances for the toxicity of certain people, and helping them, this summer I decided enough was enough and started to banish toxic relationships from my life. It has helped me to enjoy life more.
“Mentally remove from your mind, people who are not adding to your life.” So hard for the INFJ.
Physical distance helps
I'm currently working in the service industry. In the high season, it's basically work to exhaustion, eat, sleep and repeat. I could deal with that if I had a hard working and compassionate team. One day, I told a colleague who has been sitting idly at her desk most of the day while I was on my feet dealing with customers that I'm feeling dizzy and sick (from exhaustion) and asked her what to do. She told me coldy: "Then leave, I don't want to catch your illness." This inhumane statement really opened my eyes and I was thinking to myself "What the f... am I doing here?" I'm currently looking for another job, as I know from comparison how good a worker I am and that this team doesn't derserve me.
Good for you!
Leave and get a job where you are accountable for your own efforts. Your results will speak forever themselves.
I finally removed several toxics and I'm actually feeling more joy in my days
This also happens with family members too.I'm going through this with them😢
I'm actually INTJ but with super feelings and empathy. I'm starting to just kind of walk away from anything that doesn't completely align with me and the energy I truly am.
I am feeling so old!!! There was a day a long, long time ago when people loved watching MTV to watch a Southern girl sing about craving a toxic guy on a motorcycle! 😁 That said, stay in the NO DRAMA ZONE and hang out with people who are good to you. You cannot pick family but you can certainly pick your job, your hobbies, your profession, your school, your residence, your professionals to help in life, and most importantly your friends. Pick wisely and look in the mirror for solutions when not happy. Adulthood is the time to fix all issues to improve regardless of the past.
Thank you for this pep talk and helping me not slip back into compassion, forgiving and “water under the bridge” mode. It’s costing me… and I’ve already given 30 years of that to my sister.
Wenzes energy these days >>>>>
"Toxic! Period!"❤😊
Ambiguous relationships are more draining than toxic ones. Lose the friendenemies
Very much so! The hardest ones to deal with at times are people who can be nice to us and then suddenly turn on us.
Words can’t express how much I appreciate your dedication to helping us INFJs ❤
That means a lot to me. Thank you ❤️
You are so welcome
What a incredible generous person you are. Wow.
It has taken me decades to allow myself to feel my rage over stuff. It's totally a necessary part of healing & growth, so I was handicaped till retirement when I finally started the real work. Learning how to demand to be treated with respect made my life much less complicated now. Thx!❤️🔥
Wenze's I concur I don't like "bull,baggage,drama,games/lies,excuses,stories,whatever/time,energy,motion,vampirism" of me.I'll do the infamous INFJ doorslam.Wenze's I like your guidance Wenze's.Wenze's I thank you for you Wenze's.Jerome❤❤❤
Thank you
She is awesome and you are awesome for donating.
I literally cannot believe how in depth you’ve touched on this exact conflict I’ve had in my head for literally 2 years straight since leaving an 8 year relationship I was so attached to that was ultimately horrible for me. I’ve imagined having a private session trying to formulate the right question wondering if you’d understand where I’m conflicted, and here you are just exactly saying what I’ve needed to hear. And I’ve told myself the same, but it was hard to give myself permission to think about him negatively. Hopefully now I’ll feel more justified in allowing myself to see things how they really were
13:16 really really good. Always giving the benefit of the doubt to thieves and abusers. Stop it, be firm, have boundaries.
Thank you for this. I learned these lessons the hard way, and I recently ended a toxic relationship of 10+ years. But I was left feeling MAYBE I could have made it work, if only I'd done things differently. But, no, nothing would have changed. My mistake was in not acknowledging my anger and honoring it -- too busy neglecting myself in order to tap into their energy. This video was perfectly timed, from my perspective. Thanks again.
i developed a phrase to use when confronting toxic people : "There's a limit to how much I can put up with and still act maturely." And then I let them know very quickly that they've crossed over. I've never enjoyed having to confront people or having to get after them about bad treatment, but I learned that at times it simply has to be done.
What complicated me in my experience was actually getting input from my family that I shouldn't get after people if they hurt me ("you're too sensitive," "give them a break," ,"show that you're the bigger person," ). Ironically, a lot of the people who would counsel me this way wouldn't have put up with even three seconds if I had treated them like that.
I'm taking the liberty of mentioning something that I shared in a comment some time back. Your video of May 5, 2021 was an excellent example of "clapback" wording. I still review it periodically. We all have to develop our own way of dealing with people, and this is a good one to learn from.
I had to cut someone out who was entirely unappreciative and disrespectful ugggggh acknowledgement of that lack of integrity and morals the lying and mean comments-toxic. Admitted to myself they were not what I thought. As sad as it was to accept that - done.
Wenzes your words are a gift. Yes, to this! Timing is perfect. I appreciate that you not only identify the issue, our patterns, with such clarity of understanding, but then offer a path to resolution. Words of anger that we say to ourselves so that we can actually experience it, and stop the rumination (and second guessing) loop. You get it because you have been there. Thank you 🙏
Cut the bs and there is no more bs
💯💯💯
Amen
Thank you! I find your videos so helpful.
9:24 ❤that Lily Allen song, upbeat and accurate
While I’m not an overly religious person, I can thank my Source yet again for showing me something that I’ve sought an answer to. Wenzes, your vids always resonate astoundingly with me and this one was no exception. Thank you so much for sharing your insight, as this speaks directly to my heart. I know now what needs to be done, the trial is getting the nerve to do it.
Go Wenzes, it's your birthday :)
Yes she looks around 22 :):).
Tedious is a good word.
Those are the people That gets us in trouble - So true 😘.
Really needed this video today to lift me up, I am dealing with one of those toxic people. I appreciate you so much Wenzes, Thank you ❤
Wieso sprichst du mir immer so aus der Seele?
I have always had a huge problem with this topic. I believe everyone has a story, a reason for their behavior.
As always, this is great advice, thank you!
Oh snap! Thank you! 🙏🏼 I needed to hear this! ❤
Thank you, beloved! :)
Go with your gut (intuition).
The big question is part of our personalities comes from experience of abuse in early years
this format really suits me
Thank you. I was greatly needing rhis.
Definitely felt this
Bye. Is a complete sentence.
Wenzes!!! Damn, this is so good! Exactly what I needed to hear to help myself heal and move on. Thank you!
you areee theeeee besttttt💜💙💙
The video I needed to see today
really liked this video
👀 opener GR8 intel on toxic people, toxic relationship dynamics, toxic roles which are no longer useful period. Simple as that. Forward 😊
I learned this the hard way
Not to distract from the valuable content ❤ but I love your eye makeup 😂
😏 thanks
this video’s take really clicks with some of the things I've been reading in the book Magnetic Aura from Borlest
“Bye bye idiot” I wish 😅
ENFJ too💯🙏‼️
Yaya hi :)
Im at Bye Bye idiot faze after subjecting myself to abuse and stupid shit that shouldn't happen. Too much crap just to have somewhere to live
The saddest part of toxic dynamics is that they compete for healthy dynamics. Leaving the toxic opens up precious resources for healthy people and healthy relationships. Yeah, it’s lonely, but that is a small price to pay, with the understanding that you need healthy relationships badly enough that you will make space for them so they have a place to “land.”
I'm camping at a state park I pulled to the corner of an empty parking lot there's a bike next to me then there's a truck pulling up next to me So I go to the other end of the parking lot and the truck follows me over there The next morning pretty much the same thing happens why can't people be alone or leave others that want to be alone alone Am I missing the herding Mentality and how do I outsmart the Sheep I'm going to ruin the starter on my car
Please pardon. It, without lying, isn't my style at all to go out and write something like this without any real life connection... BUT Ma'am: Besides the impression within all of your videos that you are very aware of your surrounding world, seemingly making you a based beautiful soul, I want/have to add that you are absolutely, stunningly gorgeous. And that is a really lame superficial description, not nearly reaching your unique tasty expression. :] Keep up the inspiring work, reaching out to all those that have not yet understood why they act they way they act being a real INFJ. Cheers from Oberammergau.
ow c'mon :o
i love toxic people. It's like studying animals
A LITTLE BIT wenzel THAD MUST BE AN UNDERSTATEMENT ‼️ 4:14
Yet im the hater or im insecure ?? Yea ooookkkk
I’ve not met many people I feel really comfortable with. And if I met one I went onto distant as I don’t to bother them knowing how I am. The people who are around me are basically those who want to and I started to accept them. Even if they are somewhat toxic by nowadays therm. They are just as broken as I am myself. They do respect me though.
What about the own family, parents, kids, sibilins ...?
First thing that popped into my mind as well
Have the same question....moved away from Narc husband and now dealing with boundaries with Borderline mother
That’s usually where we learned not to value ourselves in the first place! That said, it can be very hard to a) discover the dynamics that devalued us, and even harder to b) accept that truth and mourn. What I did was to study narcissism on you tube videos until I found some descriptions that seemed very familiar. Once I identified and accepted my truths about both parents’ behaviors, I gradually was able to release the hidden, stuck energy surrounding this issue, and use that released energy to make myself happier. I wish you great success in this important journey!❤
✌
I only CAN have 💯compassion NOW 4 my boss 🖕
=
AFTER 👈my boss🖕 (who I almost lost my job 2🖕 ) is losing her job and is going 2 leave the building 🖕😊👉
90% of women avoid 11:27 accountability like the plague. You are going to end up alone with a cat or a dog for a man..
Love the growth and you sunshine.Do you want from an I?N f j into being a sigma female. And I appreciate UB and U for others.You are sigma Males kind of girl.👻✍️👑😜🤪🤣😂♥️👽
❤💯
Wenzes i really need your advice on something private , is there any way we can talk before tomorrow , i promise i will make it short x
next time try using eft techniques as you sing that FU song....you can learn them from free, I got lots of free info and I don't spam. Also lots of good links to others you can learn at. See how fast you feel ok and it won't come back to mind as much either. I find letting go very easy when using eft techniques. @Wenzes- INFJ LIFE COAH
Lol wow 🎉.