my mental health story - OCD, spiraling, and growing up ~oversensitive~
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 ก.ค. 2024
- Trigger Warning: I mention sexual assault, as well as Harm OCD in this video.
hi all! welcome to this channel. I'm not sure yet what exactly I'll post on this channel, but I'm hoping to spread awareness for OCD and mental health. thanks for watching and following :) please feel free to comment any topics you'd like to see below!
0:00 Intro
1:55 Childhood - being overly sensitive/emotional, how Chinese American culture affected my emotional expression
6:40 First stint with OCD at age of 12
12:30 Mental compulsions I performed during this time
14:40 OCD resurfacing in college as a result of sexual assault awareness month
21:35 Being involved in social activism and how that contributed to morality obsessions
23:41 My current relationship and how that spiraled into Relationship and Sexual Orientation OCD
IG: justsaymaybepodcast
You can listen to my podcast "Just Say Maybe" on Apple, Spotify, and wherever you get your podcasts!
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your interview literally made me realise that i had pure o ocd (i didn’t even know it existed) after 3 years of absolute chaos in my life because of it (it was unliveable and i had multiple severe depressive episodes and panic attacks) i literally thought i was just crazy and that my brain just worked like that.
i'm so glad it could help you realize this, i wish you all the best in your recovery/healing!
this video just means so much to me. i only recently started therapy for my issues with pure OCD, and the anxieties it carries. it’s so frightening even talking about your experiences because it triggers that self doubt and fear all over again, so i mean it when i say thank you. i can’t imagine it’s easy doing something like this. i hope i can get to the point where i can openly talk about this condition and inspire people like you’ve inspired me. you should be extremely proud of yourself :}
thank you so much! I know that you can reach that point of being able to talk about it. I wish you well!!
came here from SBSK to show my support as someone else with OCD and very similar compulsions. thanks for sharing your experience
Thank you for spreading the word around. I’m seeing a counsellor for an evaluation to see if I have pure O. I’ve had super disturbing intrusive thoughts - mostly sexual - for years and I always thought I was demented and an evil person that just had a messed up brain. I’ve never once told anyone in my life until my sister mentioned pure O randomly. The next day I told her I may have it and I remembered watching your SBSK interview a while back. I’m so glad to know there are others like this. Thank you again, and best of luck with the next chapter of your life.
thank you for sharing. I would never wish pure O or OCD on anyone, and can definitely relate to your experiences! Wishing you well ❤
I recently listened to the playback of the livestream on Psych2Go featuring you, and I also just listened to the entirety of this video. All of this has been valuable information about OCD that I haven't heard of before. Your experience appears to be unique based on what I've heard, but in truth, it's likely that people with these kinds of stories usually don't bother telling them due to how complicated they are. Luckily I understand. Thanks for sharing your experience. 🌟
Dear, your smile one of the prettiest ones I have ever seen, so never let that fade away. I just wish you all the happiness in the world ! God bless you ! ❤️
thank you!
You are so brave for coming out with this. You seem to have a bright mind and I'm sure you will go on to do great things in life. Keep the videos coming, dear!
thanks so much!
You seem so much happier and better than you did on the video of special books by special kids. That video is one of my favorites about internal O that I'm experiencing for a year now and it helps me so much. Can't even tell you how exited I am about you starting a channel. You are one of my hero's honestly ❤️
aw thank you so so much! I've definitely tried to also refine the way I talk about Pure O/OCD and try hard to live by my values. thanks so much for being here!
As a Chinese American strugling with Real Event OCD, thank you.
thank you erica for sharing your story
thank you so much Holly!! I appreciate you being here :')
Your video on Chris channel made me realize I have the same form of OCD. I've always felt like OCD didn't really describe what I was going through exactly since none of my compulsions were physical and I didn't even understand them as compulsions. My sexual obsessions are very controversial and I feel very ashamed about them and have never opened up about them to anyone. Guilt and shame are strong components of this issues and understanding it helps deal with that. Just wanted to thank you personally!
thank you for sharing your story
You are a brave woman! I admire your courage and the way you break things systematically! I admire you WOMAN!
thanks Kou! :)
Hey, everyithng you said in your interview with spsk relates to me so much. My ex partner coudlnt handle it and it made me feel crazy! However, everything you were talking about even with watching tv shows and checking attraction fuckin hit. Makes me feel not so crazy and there is people out there who can relate. thank you :) much love
Ultimately, ignoring it is the only way. Gradually increase time not doing compulsion/ruminate (going from a mere 5 mins to a day, 3 days, then a week )-slowly but surely, go dormant. It’ll try resurfacing to trick you eventually (at this point, the OCD is less sophisticated and is reduced to raw fear/emotion without context) particularly in the morning, but just keep on keeping on- think of it at this stage as a splinter that your body will “push out” on it’s own with time without your involvement (got that from War of The Worlds) .That’s how I cured myself, going on a decade now. It’s really that simple and it’s not true that it’s something you have for life. OCD is a dumb foreign body/ parasite -it’s not a part of you-birthed from falsehood that feeds on your attention, so just starve the f*cker; it’ll wither and die. Don’t waste your time going to therapy over it and make it out to be something it’s not, conflating OCD with real mental wellness problems…. OCD is the manifestation of faulty wiring in the brain itself, a defect, nothing more. Also, you’re beautiful!
First comment!
hi joe!!
Can I offer a simple way you can reset your mind - at least alleviate where these inceptions points began.
Travel.
Your compulsion will have its origins in your identity.
Find the country you are instinctively most drawn to - do you have a favorite that is totally different? Go and visit it. A mega weight will lift from your shoulders as you change surroundings and rid yourself of the responsibility and obligation to possess an identity.
Your anxiety and compulsions are from social pressures and an environment that don’t match. You will also know which individuals your anxiety directly links to I’m sure.
Surroundings and people that are incongruous to one another causes everything to feel foreign to you so you feel lonely and on edge within yourself and began what if scenarios and start to obsess.
The feeling of falling was a huge clue - you feel like you are on the edge of yourself about to fall out of yourself.
Questioning if you are gay was most likely your search for your identity. Because you can choose if you like a guy or like a girl - finally some control! 🎉 Also sensually being involved with both is perfectly healthy.
Trust me. Just go off by yourself to a totally different country for a slightly extended stay. Your brain will have no association or reference point with the place. Leaving behind childhood people to be in their place and finally free to be yourself in a place with no social pressures.
Choose a safe country obviously and pick a weather theme - are you a summer girl or cozy winter girl? Where are you drawn to?
Learning different cultures and languages will help you find peace and realize you are under no obligation to be any particular race or orientation and that cloud that was making you cry will give up when it has no power over you.
hey! Thanks for your comment and your insight. I actually travel quite often :) I was just in Morocco 2 weeks ago and was also in Nepal and Ethiopia this past year. I also speak 3 languages, which I definitely think has helped shape me in a different way as I consider myself both multicultural and multilingual. Interestingly, some of the identity issues I've experienced may come from identifying with 3 different nationalities/cultures. I do agree that traveling exposes you to new environments and social expectations and plan on doing more of it in the future
@@justsaymaybepodcast Yes it will be somewhere along the lines of being Canadian but also Chinese - in your mind at some point along the way a bit of a paradox to whom you should be.
I’m British originally from a town called Swindon but grew up on an island after that. Had awful panic attacks in my youth as I felt out of place on this island. My identity is still an Englishman.
After a first divorce decided to just leave and lived in Thailand and Australia - turned into 9 years. Saw Singapore, Laos, Burma, Cambodia - by the time came back to UK I was tired of visa issues in Thailand but realized all that that anxiety had gone as I had no association with those places.
So glad you are traveling anyway - well done. You will know when you find your soulmate country. Another thing is hobbies - that can really calm the mind having totally unrelated interests.
Conversely having said all of that - maybe it is that you need to make peace with Asian side and could do you the world of good visiting China - at least south east Asia to begin with. 😊
@@justsaymaybepodcast one other thing - genetic memory. My favorite country is Scotland and Glasgow is favorite city. Felt peace there and was a mystery why. Had no idea until years later when doing family tree that my great grandmother - a McQueen - was Glaswegian. 😲
Strange variety of things make up our character and identity and the key is making peace with oneself.
@@singerimpressions6636 I would love to visit China and have already been 4 times in my life for extended periods of time. Unfortunately, COVID has prevented me from visiting the past 4 years because of extremely strict restrictions. it's been pretty devastating because I've missed out on major family changes.
Thanks for sharing your experiences!
@@justsaymaybepodcast Really glad you have already been and connected to that side of your culture. Covid protests at the moment there but the Chinese people putting their foot down hopefully is a sign of change. Known a lot of Mandarin and Cantonese people.
So does America feel like home now?