Inhad my first kid at 37 and second at 41. It is really hard work and im glad i had my 20s and a lot of my 30s to myself. Being a mother is a 24/7 365 job, it can be thankless and exhausting. And women dont get a lot of help. Even now.
I watched my mom struggle as a single parent raising two kids on one salary and I swore I'd never have kids. I then watched a birthing video in sex ed class and that just sealed the deal for me. Women are sold a romanticized version of marriage and motherhood because if they knew the truth more would say hell no.
Saw a vid where a comedian did a bit about the difference between baby daughters and baby sons. If a couple has a boy, he's showered with boy toys like balls trucks, and Lego sets. What's the primary toy for our girls? Babydolls and plushies. We set them up for motherhood from birth.
The best advice I can give is, if you want kids, make sure you have a ‘village’. You will need a good man, family and friends who can and will make time for your child. Make sure the in laws are good. And hopefully a parent to rely on. I have all these things and thats why im staying sane lol. Just dont think u can do it all by yourself. You can, but it wont be fun.
Man I feel bad for that one lady who had no sense of self. I also don’t really feel like I have an identity at times. Having no self identity can definitely lead a person to seek out that identity through external experiences. For me it’s cosplaying but that’s probably a healthier outlet. I definitely don’t wish those feelings on anyone, hugs to anyone who feels the same ❤❤
You'd be surprised (or maybe not) how many moms identify solely as mothers. You see it every time someone's handle is "Barrysmom" or "Momofthree" or their password is a kid's name or birthdate.
I’m a single mother by choice of twins and it was the best decision I ever made. Lived on my own for 10 years in NYC on a 6 figure income and all I did with that “freedom” was smoke weed and play video games. Stopped dating in 2012, was celibate, had only a handful of good friends who I saw sparingly, not much of a drinker, had enough of traveling after studying abroad and seeing the world, had some seasonal hobbies from which I got my fill. Therefore, I was actually ready for the next step and motherhood has been a complete boon to me. But yeah if you are doing it for societal reasons, because your /husband/ wants kids, because your family is pressuring you to, because you feel like you are running out of time, because of some childish fantasy sold to you by Disney, or are doing it for other external reasons; or if you are not mentally, physically or financially ready, then just stop and enjoy your life to the fullest. I’m able to give my all because I don’t also have to look after a husband, and I relish every minute of it. For me, motherhood is worth it and one day soon they too will fly the nest and I can go back to smoking weed and playing video games.
So you had kids because you were bored and thought that motherhood was the next step? 😂😂Sounds like a lack of imagination. Whatever. I'm glad it worked out for you and that you became disciplined after having kids. The fact that you basically lived like a teenager without kids is sad. Anyway.
@ I wasn’t bored, I was happy smoking weed and playing video games and I could do that for the rest of my life and not see a single soul or visit another destination again and be happy and fulfilled. The reality ends up being though that the only point to life from a philosophical and biological perspective is reproduction - the selfish gene and all that - so give back to the next generation all the riches and privileges I’ve enjoyed already and I can bedrot for the rest of my life, again, still contented. And living like a teenager when I already said I was holding down a white collar job (still am), had friends, hobbies, travelled far and wide, did a bunch of other drugs, engaged in capitalism, tried guys of different races and creeds, etc.? Naw, I tried everything else and it’s all BS, but I genuinely hope my kids get more out of it than I did.
You sound pretty amazing 🥰🥰 sending you lots of love, hugs and positivity!! Keep it up Momma.. you're lucky to have your babies and they're lucky to have you!! 🤟🏻🤟🏻
Motherhood is hard work, but I think the interesting point is that you didn't have a man to look after. That's the killer for a lot of us, it's not the kids, it's carrying the dad too
Just had both my tubes removed after an eptopic pregnancy. the blood from one tube filled and burst the other. lost a shit ton of blood and im just so happy I wont ever have to go through the pain of actual childbirth after this. I was excited to be pregnant but now im just happy to be alive.
Honestly, I don't know a single mother who hasn't wanted to run away from home. Society has deemed fathers to be "babysitters" if/when they're tasked with caring for their children. Many eschew what they deem to be solely the responsibility of the mom to cook for, clean and change diapers, being dragged, kicking and screaming, from the mindset put forth in the 1950s. I get it.
Let's see. Being a doctor is a great, fulfilling and worth while profession. Does that mean that we should all be doctors? Being a preacher can be a good, fulfilling, and holy profession. Does that mean that all men should be preacher? Then why in the name of all that's holy, do people think that all women should be mothers or all men should be fathers? For some folks it's worth it and for others it is not. Being a mother is worth it for some and not worth it for others and that's ok. "Children are not a commodity" That's 100% right. Then why push everyone into having them? Why see that as the "right" way to live? There is no right and no wrong in this. I've always thought that people who rage and push other women to have children deep down at some level resent them for having things and being able to do things that they can not do and having the freedom they don't have. Why get angry otherwise? Why try to push other women into it? These women are not saying "don't have children." They are saying it's a choice, and we should all know what it means to be a mother before having a child so that we can either say "Yes! I want that!" or "No, not for me." They are advocating for full transparency and knowledge so that the choice you make is the right one for you.
Nobody talks about the big things and the little things because more women would opt out. Here's the sad truth. A lot of women are pissed that they "had" to have children so they want other women to have to do it too. They don't tell women anything until they get pregnant. Then they line up to gleefully tell that woman what she has to expect. I've seen it happen many times. When women find out that I don't have children, I usually get "how did you manage that?!" The tone is angry and accusatory.
True for sure. Listen to mothers beyond that stage and keep going. It’s sooooo different when you’re looking back on it. And the things you DID do well will come into light more and more.
I don't have kids, I wanted to so badly but it wasn't to be but to me, Mother's are heroes (obviously not all Mothers but most). Men constantly go on about their difficult jobs but they don't work 24/7, they don't have to raise a human being with morals, values, kindness etc, if they care for the kids they say they have to babysit, or they have to do it for HER, or they complain they have to work so why should they get up in the night. Men look down on Moms and don't believe they work but it's a thankless job and the most difficult and responsible of all. Well done to women speaking the truth
Maybe it’s something within the parent needs attention or a healing of your soul. Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Psalm 147:3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.”
For me mother hood journey is worth it cause it made me a wiser, confident and fearless person. But it ent worth getting pregant for men that not willing to put 100 percent in parenting.
Motherhood is definitely worth it for me but thats because I have an amazing husband to lend me a hand when I'm struggling. Even with a good partner, kids are not for everyone. I think one of the reasons I was able to adapt to motherhood better than some is because I never was sold the lie that kids were great, it was always told to me that kids were a lot of work. I'm always baffled by these women who day they were sold a lie, who were they talking to?
Inhad my first kid at 37 and second at 41. It is really hard work and im glad i had my 20s and a lot of my 30s to myself. Being a mother is a 24/7 365 job, it can be thankless and exhausting. And women dont get a lot of help. Even now.
I watched my mom struggle as a single parent raising two kids on one salary and I swore I'd never have kids. I then watched a birthing video in sex ed class and that just sealed the deal for me. Women are sold a romanticized version of marriage and motherhood because if they knew the truth more would say hell no.
Saw a vid where a comedian did a bit about the difference between baby daughters and baby sons. If a couple has a boy, he's showered with boy toys like balls trucks, and Lego sets. What's the primary toy for our girls? Babydolls and plushies. We set them up for motherhood from birth.
@conscientiousobserver8772 yup. I always got makeup as gifts, and I don't wear makeup. I wanted the toys my brother got.
True, with both genders, boys are set up to think all manual labour is their domain and girls house making.
The best advice I can give is, if you want kids, make sure you have a ‘village’. You will need a good man, family and friends who can and will make time for your child. Make sure the in laws are good. And hopefully a parent to rely on. I have all these things and thats why im staying sane lol. Just dont think u can do it all by yourself. You can, but it wont be fun.
Man I feel bad for that one lady who had no sense of self. I also don’t really feel like I have an identity at times. Having no self identity can definitely lead a person to seek out that identity through external experiences. For me it’s cosplaying but that’s probably a healthier outlet.
I definitely don’t wish those feelings on anyone, hugs to anyone who feels the same ❤❤
You'd be surprised (or maybe not) how many moms identify solely as mothers. You see it every time someone's handle is "Barrysmom" or "Momofthree" or their password is a kid's name or birthdate.
I’m a single mother by choice of twins and it was the best decision I ever made. Lived on my own for 10 years in NYC on a 6 figure income and all I did with that “freedom” was smoke weed and play video games.
Stopped dating in 2012, was celibate, had only a handful of good friends who I saw sparingly, not much of a drinker, had enough of traveling after studying abroad and seeing the world, had some seasonal hobbies from which I got my fill. Therefore, I was actually ready for the next step and motherhood has been a complete boon to me.
But yeah if you are doing it for societal reasons, because your /husband/ wants kids, because your family is pressuring you to, because you feel like you are running out of time, because of some childish fantasy sold to you by Disney, or are doing it for other external reasons; or if you are not mentally, physically or financially ready, then just stop and enjoy your life to the fullest.
I’m able to give my all because I don’t also have to look after a husband, and I relish every minute of it. For me, motherhood is worth it and one day soon they too will fly the nest and I can go back to smoking weed and playing video games.
So you had kids because you were bored and thought that motherhood was the next step? 😂😂Sounds like a lack of imagination. Whatever. I'm glad it worked out for you and that you became disciplined after having kids. The fact that you basically lived like a teenager without kids is sad. Anyway.
@ I wasn’t bored, I was happy smoking weed and playing video games and I could do that for the rest of my life and not see a single soul or visit another destination again and be happy and fulfilled.
The reality ends up being though that the only point to life from a philosophical and biological perspective is reproduction - the selfish gene and all that - so give back to the next generation all the riches and privileges I’ve enjoyed already and I can bedrot for the rest of my life, again, still contented.
And living like a teenager when I already said I was holding down a white collar job (still am), had friends, hobbies, travelled far and wide, did a bunch of other drugs, engaged in capitalism, tried guys of different races and creeds, etc.? Naw, I tried everything else and it’s all BS, but I genuinely hope my kids get more out of it than I did.
You sound pretty amazing 🥰🥰 sending you lots of love, hugs and positivity!! Keep it up Momma.. you're lucky to have your babies and they're lucky to have you!! 🤟🏻🤟🏻
@@misspriss2482you sound very bitter. This lady had a fulfilling life and felt ready to be a mother.
Motherhood is hard work, but I think the interesting point is that you didn't have a man to look after. That's the killer for a lot of us, it's not the kids, it's carrying the dad too
Just had both my tubes removed after an eptopic pregnancy. the blood from one tube filled and burst the other. lost a shit ton of blood and im just so happy I wont ever have to go through the pain of actual childbirth after this. I was excited to be pregnant but now im just happy to be alive.
Honestly, I don't know a single mother who hasn't wanted to run away from home. Society has deemed fathers to be "babysitters" if/when they're tasked with caring for their children.
Many eschew what they deem to be solely the responsibility of the mom to cook for, clean and change diapers, being dragged, kicking and screaming, from the mindset put forth in the 1950s. I get it.
Motherhood is miserable. Worst decision of my life.
Nice to be able to express it. There was a time when a woman would never! 💛
@
It’s still frowned upon. My husband tells me I’m awful for saying it all the time but it’s the truth.
Do you regret your children?
Not everybody is meant to be a mother. I am and I find my life more fulfilling than ever before
Let's see. Being a doctor is a great, fulfilling and worth while profession. Does that mean that we should all be doctors? Being a preacher can be a good, fulfilling, and holy profession. Does that mean that all men should be preacher? Then why in the name of all that's holy, do people think that all women should be mothers or all men should be fathers? For some folks it's worth it and for others it is not. Being a mother is worth it for some and not worth it for others and that's ok. "Children are not a commodity" That's 100% right. Then why push everyone into having them? Why see that as the "right" way to live? There is no right and no wrong in this. I've always thought that people who rage and push other women to have children deep down at some level resent them for having things and being able to do things that they can not do and having the freedom they don't have. Why get angry otherwise? Why try to push other women into it? These women are not saying "don't have children." They are saying it's a choice, and we should all know what it means to be a mother before having a child so that we can either say "Yes! I want that!" or "No, not for me." They are advocating for full transparency and knowledge so that the choice you make is the right one for you.
This is true for all Mothers at some point, it says nothing about being cut out for it or not
You're right👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Nobody talks about the big things and the little things because more women would opt out. Here's the sad truth. A lot of women are pissed that they "had" to have children so they want other women to have to do it too. They don't tell women anything until they get pregnant. Then they line up to gleefully tell that woman what she has to expect. I've seen it happen many times. When women find out that I don't have children, I usually get "how did you manage that?!" The tone is angry and accusatory.
True for sure. Listen to mothers beyond that stage and keep going. It’s sooooo different when you’re looking back on it. And the things you DID do well will come into light more and more.
I don't have kids, I wanted to so badly but it wasn't to be but to me, Mother's are heroes (obviously not all Mothers but most). Men constantly go on about their difficult jobs but they don't work 24/7, they don't have to raise a human being with morals, values, kindness etc, if they care for the kids they say they have to babysit, or they have to do it for HER, or they complain they have to work so why should they get up in the night. Men look down on Moms and don't believe they work but it's a thankless job and the most difficult and responsible of all. Well done to women speaking the truth
Maybe it’s something within the parent needs attention or a healing of your soul.
Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Psalm 147:3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.”
For me mother hood journey is worth it cause it made me a wiser, confident and fearless person. But it ent worth getting pregant for men that not willing to put 100 percent in parenting.
Motherhood is definitely worth it for me but thats because I have an amazing husband to lend me a hand when I'm struggling. Even with a good partner, kids are not for everyone. I think one of the reasons I was able to adapt to motherhood better than some is because I never was sold the lie that kids were great, it was always told to me that kids were a lot of work. I'm always baffled by these women who day they were sold a lie, who were they talking to?
Wait. So motherhood is taking care of YOUR child's every need? Who the fuck knew ???🙄