Don't Let CPTSD Block You From Becoming Your Full and REAL SELF
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Trauma in childhood can leave with obvious problems, but also a subtle tendency to hide your authentic self, and to avoid reaching for big goals that are important to you. In this video I share common reasons why people who were abused in childhood will cope try to manage their vulnerability by playing small. I'll teach you strategies to gradually step forward and big "bigger," braver and more true to who you are and what you want in life.
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Anna, you are truly the fairy godmother I needed as a kid. Thank you for all that you do. I'm healing slowly but steady, your Daily Practice is marvellous. I didn't think I had ALL those fears that come out every day. There's been days that I try to think of fears and resentments and I have very few, and some days I have many to write down. Still, the Daily Practice has really helped me out to regain control over myself. Now I can notice when my symptoms are controlling me, but I remember "I ALWAYS have the option to be the person I want" and with that phrase I can silence the fears and control my emotions, my body, my thoughts again. Hugs from Mexico.
Personal note: 16:41
@@frappedelimon4351your time stamp. I have a friend who is like this & it is such an admirable qaulity & a good goal for me too.
To all those who feel it's too late: it's not! I'm in my 70s & I felt that way until I reached a certain point in healing where I focused more on my healing process & how good it feels. Now I'm identifying life goals for my time left in this life.
Thank you for sharing !! Much love ❤️ it’s never too late
Thank you so much for sharing this! -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you so much. I've been struggling with this at age 65. Full speed ahead then! 😊
We all can move forward❣️ We will have ups & downs but the up periods will get more frequent & longer. Love & encouragement to you❣️
🙏❤️
I’m totally blind, autistic, and have CPTSD. I was raised by people that didn’t allow me to do certain things that benefited my blindness and my autism. I was also discouraged from crying, or showing emotions of anger, and even extreme joy. So now, I hold myself back from things, like crying, touching and exploring my surroundings, running into things, and stuff like that. I even hold myself back from having meltdowns. I do believe that I can change this, and I will change this. I have healed so much. I don’t dwell on the past like I used to. So I feel like I will overcome the self restriction. I will overcome the self shame.
I'm so glad you're part of our community, Sienna. You've been such a positive presence for us!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy i’m glad to be a part of the community as well! I’m really grateful and proud of the progress that I have made. Chris said five years ago, I probably wouldn’t have said half the things I just said right now. I would’ve hated myself with a passion, I would’ve had zero respect for myself. But now, for the most part, I do love myself. I promise, I am committed to learn to love myself all the way.
This is so beautiful ❤
I am sorry you have been through so much. Please remember that if you keep your goals in mind and really truly believe it's possible, you will move forward. I hope you find love and healing
@@quatore-5886 anything is possible if you put your mind, your heart, and soul into it. This is something I believe in 100%!
I've been so disregulated I'm amazed I'm still alive, I've done such stupid things. At 73yrs finally have a counselor. Don't wait so long to seek help. It is never too late.
You are so right. We got my dad into ptsd therapy at ag3 92! And yet I still will sometimes feel depressed over the fact that I didn't start until I was almost 60! All the best to everyone here!
There's a proverb that sums this up: the tallest trees get the axe. In my career, I took the jobs I could get, not the ones I wanted. I hooked up with the partners I could get, not the ones who would be good for me. I didn't major in the field I was interested in, I majored in the one that would get me hired. I see a pattern.
Or only the strong survives, or survival of the fittest
I am severely struggling with this right now at 56 years old. Getting to point not worth relationships or interaction with people. Everyone else seems normal and got the instruction manual I didn't. ACOA, childhood/adult DV, attachment issues in all relationships, codependency++, etc. Beginning to lose hope I can ever change. You are a major support, thank YOU!
hugs, we're all rooting for you ❤
You CAN change. If I did anyone can. And trust me, everyone else is not normal. I still filter everything in my mind but it doesn't bother me. It took a lot of work to climb out of my hole. Groups really do help. Even non support groups like walking events, food bank volunteering and library free classes. Anything that is an opportunity to practice different thoughts is worth it. Behavior follows. My aunt lived to 104. You're waaaay too young to give up. Plus you're here so you don't want to. ❤
I could have written this myself. I'm 60 and this video is me too. Thank goodness Anna took the courage to do what it takes to help us all. She's a lifesaver.
I'm 54, I didn't get the manual either. I'm trying, but not so hard.
Healing is possible and we're all here to support you! Sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I've never heard brain fog described that way before and it totally fits me: "get one thing done and opps, off into the fog again..."
Always believed I was lazy even though I knew something else was going on too.
Thank you for mentioning sugar. I am a mom who has spent 20 years dealing with my kids’ issues of anxiety and extreme fatigue, and sugar is a very dangerous substance. One of the top autism doctors said a year or two ago that while he has been treating children for spectrum disorders for over 30 years, it is only recently that he has gained a full appreciation for how toxic sugar can be. He said that for some people, sugar, even just a little, can be poison. There are many nutritional factors in play here, but sugar has been known to be a big health problem for over 100 years. Try to choose natural foods, like a banana, or apple, instead of a sugar laden snack. It’s not just a little important, it’s really important.
Apparently the sugar and the lack of vitamins/minerals is HUGE
Spot on!! Many people mistake dysregulation for childishness, but the truth is growing up we often had to be the adult in the household and were expected to act like one instead of just being children…
I thought of writing a book once (fiction) describing what it is like with childhood trauma. I used to be a good writer. Like Anna, adult trauma really made it more difficult. It seems that person died.
I feel the same am sorry for my young self . If only I had this knowledge then 😖
I am scared of success... I stop everything as soon as I start to see results. Because It feels like I am doing something wrong by stepping out the space others put me...
I can relate bc I avoid being the centre of attention in some settings because I learned in childhood that the attention would cause so much conflict from my sisters - it just wasn't worth it. I don't know if it was jealousy or maybe so little attention to go around only the dominant could get some. But those experiences are so old and disintegrating. I wish you the best moving forward :)
I get worried I'll work my ass off to cross a finish line or goal, and then people will expect it from me all the time, when it is beyond my average capacity. Similarly, I'm afraid of accepting a job that I technically qualify for, but not being able to manage the position on a long term basis.
We understand as few others can. You're in the right place and we're all here to support you :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
I hear , see and i feel ya
I feel this too! Fear of being visible to others
I am right here today. Empty. Walls built. Avoidance. I am writing my fears and resentments right now. I am ready to show up! I am ready to be my true authentic self my sweet loyal compassionate and funny self. I just met someone and I’m going to show up with joy and curiosity and most of all boundaries in a nice way. Thank you Anna. You’re right the world needs us ❤
I love it! Good luck on your healing journey!
Nika@TeamFairy
I’m 64 and get deregulated worse now. I just don’t want to be around people. I’m overwhelmed with cortisol.
I have always felt like suppressing myself was keeping me safe-ish. It hasn’t. People always tell me that I seem so controlled in my mannerisms and that I never show emotion. It wasn’t safe for us to show emotion. It’s hard to learn something that everyone else is already doing. I want to try but the thought seems overwhelming and at times unbearable. I do get the emails from this channel but sometimes I’m too scared to even look at them
I didn’t realize I was making myself “small”, I still remind myself I’m an adult & I can speak up with kindness. Yoga also reminds me “to take up space” in the final resting pose ❤
Thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I’m learning the same things. And ballet is my way to take up space, put myself out there, and not stay small.
Thank you so much for this.. I cannot describe how much I relate to what you said at 11:15, thinking you had dementia and losing your train of thought all the time. This is me the last 5 years of my life.. I feel like I've lost my memory and my intelligence.. I'm ashamed of constantly forgeting things, even important ones, and I do try to make myself small especially at work (that's an area I used to be outstanding before). I have been grieving my loss of abilities, you do give me some hope that it might not be permanent.. I am raising a small child and I feel ashamed that she will not meet the version of me that was spirited, smart and focused.
Anna, I can't thank you enough. You are the first person who taught me about dysregulation. I was shut down (as a formerly outgoing and fairly fake-confident person) for the past 10 years, because of re-traumatization at age 50. And when you talked about your experience with that, it all made sense. I was isolating. So, a year ago I cut out alcohol and really started working on writing my feelings and paying attention to what sent me into dysregulation. It was VERY tough to basically remove my escape (wine) and then force myself to work on the issues. I watched many of your videos and attended one of the group zoom sessions, and I have spent a lot of time reading and feeling grateful. A year later, and I am to the point where I have a great job and after a year there as well, I'm starting to really thrive. I am going to even give a 5 minute presentation to our department during our monthly meeting this week and I'm not freaking out about it at all. I am amazed at that! Doing the work is of the utmost importance. I also noticed that my memory is getting better, and I can remember a lot of good things about my childhood and past that I hadn't bothered to think of in years. It's wonderful! I also don't feel resentment towards my parents or family members, either. So you have really helped improve my world. CPTSD does NOT own me, I am going to keep striving to manage it going forward.
Congratulations on your healing ❤️🩹! Where do you live? What kind of therapist did you use?
@@DBLuvPack888 I initially went to therapy 20 years ago, for about a year. It didn't help all that much, except that I learned a few things I had (identity crisis, codependence), I did subsequent research on my own. But it made me aware of dysfunction in my family and that there were a lot of Cluster B disorders. Basically I've done a lot of research, journaling, meditation, exercise, and learning from people like Anna Runkle and others. I ran into Anna while researching narcissistic abuse.
Congratulations!
My name is Mary too, and your #s have significance in my life! :-) Anyway, I am 41 and fighting/surviving thru a lengthy life crisis that I never expected... and your words give me hope that I will get past this and I have more to live for and will ENJOY life again, God/universe-willing. Thank you !
You're speaking my language, Anna, on all of the brain fog / "dementia" very real fear / "I used to be smart" / "I need my intelligence back!".... It is literally on my written goals lately to "get my brain cells back!"... I can't wait for mental acuity to come back. In addition to re-regulating practices, I will try to reduce sugar. And do the daily practice more frequently. Life has been extra hard lately. Holding onto hope, we are all facing challenges & wanting healing 🙏🏻
Anna,
YOU SAVED MY LIFE. THANK YOU.
I'm 41 years old. At 21 I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. By age 31 I was using a walker. 3 years ago, I'm now wheelchair bound. No one could figure out why. I found you recently. You have helped me realize my entire existence until now has been governed by cptsd and dysregulation. This has opened the door to me taking steps to have the life I deserve. Thank you times infinity.
I'm so glad you are here! Are you using the Daily Practice yet? This can be a powerful way to "rinse off" the stress twice a day, and this is so important for MS and all autoimmune problems.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy yes I just joined yesterday actually. I plan on starting today. Dysregulation is something that a lot of people do not know about that I plan on showing my ms groups your videos. I'm excited to start this journey.
Other helpful books are by Dr John Sarno, Steve Ozanich xx
Gosh!! Hits deep. I understand all you're describing. Intense!!
My childhood was filled with constantly hearing my dad talk about my tone of voice. He would tell my mom and sister that I NEVER appreciated anything. I was ALWAYS making my dad angry one way or another. My mom let this happen and would go along with whatever dad said... I felt hopeless most of my childhood. Walking on egg shells because I had so much confusion why I ALWAYS made him mad why my mom would stick up for me.
I appreciate this video... I have shared this channel with my younger sister recently... We will see how it's perceived.
Hope all in the comments are well and continue the road to your greatest self😁
I have CPTSD from severe childhood trauma. I can't afford therapy at this time. Thank you so much for your videos, they are a godsend. ❤
You're welcome! If you haven't already try the Daily Practice. It's a free course that provides the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Good luck on your healing journey!
Nika@TeamFairy
To avoid facing my true feelings, I go into hyperdrive with the people pleasing and fawning trauma responses, which I’ve come to learn is a turnoff for most healthy people. In my meditation group, I met some really nice people, but with one person in particular, there seemed to be a budding friendship. As long as I was still an “unknown,” everything seemed just fine, but gradually I started to notice her drifting away due to, what I believe, were my constant acquiescence and people-pleasing tendencies. It even felt icky and repulsive to ME!! But, more importantly, it felt unnatural and inauthentic. Talking too much or out of turn (trying to fill those awkward gaps in conversation), is another outgrowth of the fawn response. What is the antidote to this?
Thanks.
I was a bright kid top of the class even through High school. But I struggled at University because of the emotional abuse at home.cptsd takes away all your confidence and brightness...
True. You are in the right place now. Hope you can find help here!
Nika@TeamFairy
Are we playing it small or playing it simple? We know what we can handle and what we want to handle. Besides, people tire me out. I'm 64yrs old and I've had just about enough of society. I've been disabled since '18 because of my mental health issues. I have simplified my life and live minimally. I don't believe I'm playing it small. I'm doing what gives me peace and contentment. 🙏🇺🇲✌️😎
It's an important point. I believe both aspects can be at play. I know that I have played small all my life but since trying to heal from ME/CFS that's affected me for the past 18 years, I appreciate the simple life. Detoxing (or trying to) body, mind and home. And doing what you love. However I still that I'm playing small even when I'm doing the things I feel nourish me. It's all very confusing and it gets to the point that I don't know what to do for the best anymore.
@@rhiannonchaffer2588 A lot of it is familial and/or societal expectations that you've internalized
Me too. It's less stressful.
I've got a very important question concernong the diet point. I already know from experience how incredibly important diet is for our mental wellbeing but here's the thing: I have dysphagia, that means I struggle to swallow and therefore can't eat or drink (everything/enough). After years of in and out of hospitals and psych wards it's clear that my dysphagia is a psychosomatic symptom. The only things I am able to somewhat choke down are things like very creamy soup, yogurt and spreads and puddings and well both spreads and puddings are very sugary. These things are also obv not very filling. The worse I'm doing mentally the worse my symptom also gets (I start choking more, can't swallow my own saliva, etc) so ofc Im trying my best and I have learned a lot in these past years but I still do get dysregulated and then I'm starving again (not bcs I want to but because I literally choke when i try to swallow something, i can't even drink water) and whenever I hear how important the food you eat for a regulated nervous system is it just makes me even more hopeless, it feels like I'm stuck in this loop of I can't eat normally (without choking too much) unless I'm regulated BUT I also struggle immensly to get regulated when I can barely eat or drink anything. Wow this was a lot. Thank you so much to anyone who did read all this.
does movement help you? i feel like i have a less intense version of this due to injury/healing after strangulation abuse. i found a lot of relief from learning head/neck movements in dance class, doing neck rolls/stretches/self-massage, and weirdly learning to sing (the idea of making a big sound and finding openness/space). i still have symptoms and maybe theyll never go away but these help me out
@@anju8376 hey thanks for the reply! I'm sorry abt what happened and I'm honestly glad you've found ways to help yourself! More often than not movement actually does help me as well, I've been trying Yoga lately but again, it doesn't always seem to work. Haven't tried singing (I'm honestly lacking the confidence) but my psychologist suggested I try making sounds like "Aah" and "Ooh" from deep in the belly to help stimulate the vagus nerve and even with that I struggle because I'm so scared of people hearing me 😅
I still talk and see my mother, who was the person responsible for my physical abuse. I was sexually abused by grown men so many times that I can't really recall.
There's too much trauma to list here but, I struggle with what you have spoken about, struggled for years.
I am still angry about what happened and understand that, she was abused, she didn't have an understanding of the ways to cope.
Today, she's a different person.
Then, there's me. Really feel like a washed up version of myself.
After all of life's traumas.
I watch these videos because, lol.
Therapy is like a guarded secret in society, for the wealthy....
If it wasn't for doctors/therapists/or people who do these videos that explain in the way that they do,
So many people would fall through the cracks and who knows where'd they end up.
Thank you for doing these videos...
Glad you are here. Thank you for watching!
Nika@TeamFairy
I wrote -- then deleted -- a comment, but I'm back because this is so huge. I've watched your channel since last Dec and admittedly only started the daily practice last week. Already, huge things are "shaking loose" in me. I was on the daily practice call a couple days ago, and while I've done an incredible amount of healing through the years and have come a long way, I've never before heard absolutely everything I go through described in detail. I'm endlessly grateful to you, Anna, and to the folks here in your community.
So glad to meet you! That was a good call. Glad you were there.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you so much. Very happy to meet you as well. I get a lot out of your videos, and the call about the daily practice really tied it together.
“Bring your gifts to the world where they are desperately needed” Thanks for showing us we matter/ our healing matters. So glad you created this channel!
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I suppressed myself until I was 38 without knowing and then I had a mental breakdown and a major limerence episode. Your videos have been wonderful lessons since that time late in 2023 ❤❤❤. Even recognising people are triggering lol
Im 27, going through a lot since my entire life, as it seems. Im tired, im sorta alone, as always i guess. I just want tl say thank you. Maybe theres hope, lets start again
There is hope and healing is possible! Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD.
Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD
Nika@TeamFairy
You make so much sense! I've noticed I have memory problems lately and the not being able to think of words, and it's simple words sometimes. The objections thing is very true as well. I've held myself back so much in life because I've made myself small. I hate myself sometimes because I found myself really losing it when I am dysregulated. I find myself sometimes feeling like I have to be angry to stand up for myself and for people to listen or take me seriously. But I hate that, I know that's not always true. It's starting to affect me at work. I know my job is not where I should be either because I'm past the small talk and office gossip, I really dislike drama! So many people at my job seem to thrive off of any drama. I can't stand it! Plus, it's really no work to help me grow as a person. I make myself small all of the time with my mgn and so many people in my life. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around her! We're only 4 years apart. I'm 41 but (I feel like a child sometimes because I'm making myself small and trying to please others and make sure I don't trigger them that will then trigger me), she's 45 and I can tell she has something going on with her mentally as well ( if you met her, I'm sure you'd pick up on it too). I hate my job, and I'm looking for another one to help challenge me more. Currently, it's a call center, so imagine the hell of dealing with so many different personalities 🙃 and rude people triggering me alot throughout the day. I sometimes feel really hopeless, and I have told myself I need to settle for where I am! But I refuse to give up on myself! Last night, for the first time, I wrote down a lot that has happened to me since childhood. I can remember back to when I was 3. I cried during some parts because I'd never really faced it! I've been molested several times by my aunts ex and by some family members and pushed on by many older men most of my life. I have discarded my true story most of my life because I felt that it wasn't as bad as some other people stories. But I've come to the agreement with the fact that does not dismiss my real story. I just finished my degree 🎉so this should help with finding better work. But I'm so blessed to have found your page! Thank you! I've lost so much of who I really am, at least that's how it feels. That was my title last night in my journal entry, who am I! I'm ready to heal fully and move forward in my life! I'm still kinda young and I want a better life!
I have CPTSD and a lot of other issues, and I've recently decided to get into Mad Science. Even talked to a few investors, farmers, and politicians about my idea, and they're supportive of it. My idea: Forcibly evolve mushrooms to eat alkaline. If mushrooms evolved to eat radiation in Chernobyl, I should be able to torture some into eating the batteries we've all thrown in the trash and ended up in landfills.
Edit: Heck, look at abandoned/empty mines. Full of poison and carbon dioxide and no sunlight. Sounds like a good place for me to send my creations, doesn't it? Let's see if I can succeed or not.
This so spoke to me. I also used to be brilliant until I wasnt. I also tested for dementia. CPTSD And then the continued abuse by my X kept me overwhelmed. I'm going to try your daily practice. Thank you for acknowledging my story in yours. That was very significant. 💙
"I was made for this river," yesss! 🥰☺️💖 I love the sure & total belief in your voice, in your face, as you say this! 🎉
So my younger brother and I went to this music school, he learned playing flute and I did piano. He got a flute and I didn't get anything, despite all the money my father earned. He promised, but everytime he got angry cause of any small thing, he'd say: no piano for our daughter. As a speech of his power in the family. I didn't succeed during the exam at the end of the first year. I can remember sitting in front of the jury, not playing well at all, cause I couldn't train at home. That stress of failing is deep inside of me. My brother could go into the second year, I failed so they said I have no talent and won't go further. I don't trust myself since, it was a blamage I won't forget.
These types of family situations are awful. Sorry you have experienced that. Daily Practice can help with the understandable fears and resentments, and if you’re looking for more Anna has a longer course, Healing CPTSD.
Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD
Nika@TeamFairy
I suffered from ADD for years. The last few years of my marriage was really bad. I messed up at work frequently. Every time I messed up the cycle would get worse. After I got divorced 9 years ago and started a new career as an independent massage therapist, I knew I would be without health insurance for awhile. But I was healing. The ADD got better. Then I realized the ADD was actually a trauma response. It was so liberating!!! Thank you for the work you do. I try so hard to get my best friend who also struggles with Cpsd to listen to your videos. She isn’t there yet. It’s hard to watch when I just want to help. Anyway thank you again for your work!
Why do I always feel guilty when I want to do something that involves spending money? I live pretty much paycheck to paycheck with a little cash I can spend doing stuff, buying something I like but don’t need or fir putting gas in my car so I can take a drive and explore which I love. I felt guilty when I got my horse ( I was making more money then) I feel guilty because I like going to dog shows and showing my dog. Why is this? I always feel that I could be using my money to help other people, but then I wouldn’t be able to do anything for me. I just struggle with that.
when we have more resources, we have money to give. at this moment in time, you only have money for yourself, and that is okay. im sure when you have more money on hand, youd give. there are also other ways to give: volunteering your time and such. its hard not to feel guilty, but there is a purpose for why you cannot give just yet. know that the money you spend on yourself is to enrich your own life, so that you have more purpose for why you make money and once there is surplus youre able to give all you want. i struggle with the same thing and this is what ive realized for myself so far
Omg, I'm telling people " I used to be smart" 😮
I feel that
Yep
My trigger in work is being under valued. I work diligently, over time when required, I am really good in my role. My boss always want to add more to my plate without acknowledging my prior efforts. It peevs me off. I can hate him for days afterwards, avoid him as much as I can. I know I do this as a pattern, have done since early teenage years. Now as an adult I don't act on these thoughts and feelings, I just get on with my day and let them deal with their own negatively. Not my business. So the length of time I spend mulling over it has lessened which in turn helps my mental health. Great video.
Thank you Anna. This felt like the pep talk I needed! I do feel like life is just passing me by and I do wanna do something about it. I'm afraid of all the things you mentioned - especially what other people will think. My trouble is that I still feel like I don't even know what I want. It's like I'm scared of what I want. However I definitely don't want what I am doing even though it pays well.
I love your voice of reason! Thank you. It feels very motherly and I need it in my life.
Anna, thank you for doing what you do...am grateful for that!!
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
What if the trauma and the repercussions of the traumatic past are still present and ongoing?
She’s just delightful, a blessing from Yahweh.❤
What a beautiful thing to say. Thank you.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy You’re welcome, Anna ☺️
I don't know how to do it. I feel it's way too late. I am 47 and feel like my life is over.
I will be 56 at the end of this month. I’ve felt the way you’ve describing since my thirties. It feels real but it’s not. For the sake of your 55+ self, do what you can now, while you’re still in your forties.
@@jaygunter210 that's so kind of you. Thank you for your advice.
Yes. The other commentator is right. I'm 56 and still finding myself. If you do, even living one year as your 'authentic self' is a blessing. So 47 - you have plenty of time.
Please be informed that you are wrong here! It is definitely not too late.
Even Aristotle said that the average age for coming in to yourself was 49!! That made me feel better. I am 54 and still living and learning how to deal with life. It's never too late to take things as they come. Xxx🎉
😳 I already get dysregulated when I think about dropping the sugar from my life 🥺 too scared.
😂😂😂😂
Ikr, I am currently dealing with an addiction with sugar, but I say to mayself "ok I DON'T have to leave it 100% RIGHT NOW. Today, for this meal, is going to be 10%" or something like that. I hope you heal from your symptoms!
@@frappedelimon4351 I am working on it. I looked into bright line eating and that shocked me, to rhink I could never ever eat another piece of cake or a cookie in my life. So I have to do it my way, some how. 🤓
maybe try alternative sweetener type foods - not the fake stuff but natural like stevia, xylitol etc that are common ingredients in Keto deserts. It satisfies the 'need' for something sweet without the actual sugar component
What amazing content ! Sadly, I am now 80 yrs old and finally understand why I have all these weird traits.
Please continue to help and bless people Anna.
Once you know what it is, healing is possible and 80 is a good time for this to happen. So much can change quickly, and perspective comes quickly too, when you begin. Have you tried my basic techniques yet? It's free, and so are the Zoom calls we lead once a week for people who have learned this: bit.ly/Cf CF_DailyPractice
I just watched this and I already know a more careful rewatch is necessary, this is so valuable
Agreed. This is a good one.
Your real self might come running out like a colt. Love it. Great imagery. Time to say yes to yourself and to life and bring your gifts to the world. Yes, yes, yes. 😁
I have stayed small my whole life. And im pretty close to alcoholic, and thinking i need to quit. Problem is with no booze, all that other issues pop up and that sucks, then back to the bottle 😢. At 54 not sure it's possible to fix. Doctor told me if i keep boozing i will get pancreatitis. Would like to avoid. By the way,if you get a blood test the doctor knows exactly how much you drink. 😊
I quit drinking 4 years ago and if I did it, I know that you can too. I went on drinking knowing I had a problem for many years before that
All those “other issues” that pop up are precisely what you need to deal with in order to heal. We spend a life time trying to avoid the unpleasant feelings but the feelings always win if we don’t meet them head on
You can do it!
Thanks for all the helpful and nice comments! Yes being a little older also means it's damn near impossible to BS yourself. I need to make a decision here 😊 . Probably need some Ativan to get the first demon out of the way. I will keep you all informed.
If you're having trouble putting alcohol consider cannabis. Every year thousands of people die of alcoholism/ overdosing on alcohol. Zero people die from consuming just cannabis.
At work right now, i have several coworkers who are pushing me into taking over a management position, and im resistant because i dont feel capable or qualified. To be a manager means doing a lot of things im not good at. However, i dont know if im right or if theyre right...
It's true- as soon as you put yourself out there, someone's going to take a shot at you ✌✌
I’d say: Time to stop playing smart. The only truth way is Jesus Christ. A life without God is an empty life. Stop being deceived by believing in self-sufficient. As Bible says: “What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?”(Matthew 16:26) Jesus Christ is coming soon.
It ruins kids life. They abused me until I was 30 years old. My whole life was stolen from me because of this and everyone called me stupid growing up.
Hi Anna -Thank you.I am learning so much from you. I found your videos after an amazing man with CPTSD and depression , committed and then suddenly went MIA and ghosted me. I would have moved mountains to just be there for him - if I wasn't cut out so abruptly. But even to this day I will not dishonour him or disrespect him.Yes I was gentle, respectful and accepting of his situation. He was always ENOUGH.
I was sad to find out perhaps I was a trigger( I don't know?) and that broke me. To go from being somebody's something to somebody's nothing overnight - it is hurtful. He has not reached out in almost five months.As if he is hiding. He had a constant need for space. I feel he ran. I felt lost.Yes, I was deeply in love and chose to walk beside him. I blame myself and I don't even know why.
I am learning about myself too through your videos.How does someone like me on the receiving end help him and also better understand all this?
How about in interpersonal relationships? I used to be afraid of saying what I thought to others but sometimes wonder if I'll be too much by saying what I think? Thanks, Anna. :)
Anna, thank you so much for this video and your TH-cam channel! I find it helpful and inspiring to start my healing journey!💝
something powerful I received from a group meeting about substance abuse was that, when we try to numb we forget how that numbing isnt selective and numbs everything, even the positive stuff.
I am told I am extreme in everything. Always just looked at myself as bold for just saying what needs to be said and take up for myself. But I do crush everyone, if I feel offended or disrespected I am level 50 out of 10 aggressive. I also have been told I’m adhd and I always avoid all functions with people and am a “lone wolf” . Everything you have said in all your videos I’ve looked at in the last few days explains me to a T. I have trauma from childhood but also from several other points in my life. So how does cptsd go with other traumatic events? Thank you you have given me hope maybe I can be better for my family and not be so uptight 24/7 always on edge.
As a SW therapist who is also healing through CPTSD I appreciate you soo much. Thank you ❤
Your vids are great tools for us to identify with dysfunctional habits that were already developed within us. I also hopinh and looking forward to see more of your vids that taught us how to counteract those dysfunctional habits, heal from the traumas and starts creating new habits that are healthy so we can start becoming healthy and having healthier relationships.
Hi Anna !As a trauma response I resigned from a toxic place . Too many aggressive managers in meetings made me flee . Also ,the person whom I liked , had no problem accepting my resignation . So yes I also suffered from limerence at same workplace and want to heal . the problem is because I am lonely inside despite (being married ) am constantly looking for love somewhere. I chose wrong people and go into this fantasy when it is not true . If I don’t have this fantasy I will lose hope I will ever be loved ( in romantic way ) in this lifetime . Just want someone with who I connect and can share my thoughts with . Please guide how to heal and as most people say love myself first . Today I have lost job and the person I liked and feel hopeless . Not sure if this resignation was needed for 1 reason or more .
You have already taken a good first step towards healing by pulling yourself out of a toxic place. I think you may like the Daily Practice bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice, it is a great way to process fears and resentment and it can help with getting regulated. If you'd like to work deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD. Once you are regulated, you'll find it much easier to connect with others and build healthy friendships and relationships with people in general. Good luck!
Nika@TeamFairy
I have CPTSD that began in childhood, and several adult trauma experiences. I still have one abuser in my life who I avoid, but because she's a family member, there are times when I am obligated to be in the same room with her, like a funeral, or other family event. She never misses those times as an opportunity to attack me. I have rehearsed possible responses about a million times over the years, but my mind always turns to honey-quicksand in the moment. She should know better, I think. Shes a highly educated person with a PhD. Why she feels the need to attack me has always been a mystery to me. I do know that she has always been very judgmental of my (trauma response) tendency to live small. She doesn't get it. I need to encounter her next week at a funeral and I'm petrified.
Omg you described what I believe happened to me. I need to regulate.
You're in the right place! We're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Why it feels like in many environments I’m in, I’m told I’m a problem? Or I have a problem? I get it I’m the common denominator. I don’t want to throw race into it but as a AA female I feel like I get treated differently. Im a kind person but I’m not denying I make mistakes but damn it sucks feeling like scapegoat or dumpster for ppl to deflect. Ppl seem to constantly find something “wrong”. I feel like people are trying to “fix” me. I don’t need everyone’s opinion and unnecessary “advice”. If it was another race they are sometimes looked at with a more positive outlook. It’s like my perspective or my thoughts doesn’t matter. A few times ppl try to make it seem like I’m crazy and I make assumptions. I’m just tired of it.
@@elipotter369 thank you for sharing and your kind words! I’m sorry you are also experiencing the same.
You have a great positive mindset and approach to the situation. I agree we must focus on ourselves and what we can do.
Pray for the haters. Don’t play small or dim yourself to make other ppl feel comfortable. Keep shining! I hope you find a community that is supportive and like-minded. Take care!
You have a lot of folks here who can relate to what you're feeling, such as the scapegoating. But I'm sure that being an AA and a woman adds on extra difficulties too. I feel like my ptsd challenges stuck out even more due to my own physical traits. It's just a lot when you just want the same chance you're willing to give others. I kept trying in my career and my friend groups, but without finding help for my ptsd. It wound up getting worse and worse. I hope becoming more ptsd-infomed and healed will give you a far better chance at finding greater success with ppl, and just more of the happiness you deserve ❤️
I discovered this to be true after starting to meditate as a gift to myself when I turned 50. So true. Thank you. You are eloquent smart and generous.❤
Love the Crappy Childhood community! We will all find our river just please love yourself even when life can't :')
Thank you for being a part of it! We appreciate you in the community too!
Nika@TeamFairy
We need you giving your best ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you for the food work. This video helps🎉
Amazing, helpful channel!!! :)
Thank you! great video
Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy
This is so true. Triggered and boom. Used to happen Alot for me . Now I wait and definitely triggering after speaking up for myself..
Those first 2-3 minutes! 🎯 I didn't even realize I was affected this way. This must be why my family member urged me to come out of my shell!
Anna, I had a lonely childhood, infatuation in my teenage and the relationship ended up me becoming schizophrenic. I had psychotic episodes ever since and i am on medication for life. I struggled in my professional education and made wrong decisions in life. Had problems in my married life. Now i am 50. What is the life ahead for me???
After 50 you can start a new life! Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD.
Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD
Nika@TeamFairy
Anna thank for all of your help. U are doing a great job. I'm glad you're not allowing small minded ppl to stop u. U keep on doing u & GOD Bless U!!!
Thank you for your kind words! -Calista@TeamFairy
First time I hear brain fog is a cPTSD symptom, I thought it was just going to be like this for the rest of my life. I was indeed a lot smarter as a child and then just lost it all, flunked out after postgrad. People seemed to notice how crazy I was getting so I quit, cut off the phone, never showed up again. Oh well.
The truth will set us free, Anna! :)
OMG I thought I had dementia, too. And in the past year working on the CPTSD I am making such great strides in getting my brains back. I'm 60 so it's a race against time - lol. But I won't give up. Already seeing a LOT of improvement thanks to your practices.
Keep it up! Every year of life counts. We're all rooting for you!
Nika@TeamFairy
I don't know how I found you on here but I think you just started changing my life everything on this you hit everything on this get home intelligence brain fog trauma and top of Trauma from childhood to adulthood wow it seems like I forgot how to punctuate but I'm doing talk to text
54 and have been lost in the desert
Ugh! Stay out of my counseling appointments. Just caught myself in the space of realizing that I believe I will always be “this way”. Today I reached the edge of this (cannot give any credit to counselor for guiding me to or taking note after). But now I have to watch this so I can - keep “working on my SELF”.
Yes, a fairy you are - I would have rather gotten my wish to go to the ball but thank you for the generous and kind magic you share.
You can do it! We're all rooting for you!
Nika@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy And Im rooting for all of you. the work is never done.
Thank You fairy Anna
👣🧚🏻♀️🍩🧋✏️
Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy
when I come across videos like this it blows my mind and totally make me think that we live in a simulation 😅😅 I swear you're just describing a conflict I'm going through with a friend, and this weekend I was just reflecting that it was caused because I used 'my voice' to say something I didn't like... it's weird how I know other people go through the same problems as others but this video just popping up at this precise moment is so weird 😅😅😁😁 thanks for sharing this information with us! 🙏🙏🙏
You have been so very helpful for me on this sh*t!!! Thank you. YOU have been so courageous.
Wow. Wow. If I weren't trapped under 30+ years of antidepressants, I'd be bawling my eyes out (emotional blunting is a slow death). I've probably said "hey, she gets me!" a dozen times or more watching your videos. Tonight I can't breathe. You're not a fairy. You're an angel. I've downloaded several of your .pdfs but haven't started acting on them because I'm so paralyzed. Tomorrow that changes. A journey of 1,000 miles... Thank you so much.
Glad you are here. Good luck on your healing journey!
Nika@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you so much.
What an inspired message! Wow!❤
🦋💙
After watching you for some years I have to say THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY ❤❤❤❤
Thank you so much for everything you do - I think for some of us, the post-trauma path was actually ultra high performance - and yet, even that is following someone else’s script and despite accolades can be unfulfilling and inauthentic
Yes mam, thank you for helping me with this. I need this breakthrough in Jesus Name. May God get the Glory for my Life!
I am so grateful for running into this video. I kid you not, I’ve been dealing with these exact problems: feeling that I’ve lost intelligence and shutting down mid conversation. As I’ve grown over the past year and discovered things like attachment style, CPTSD, and what I consider to be a misdiagnosis of MDD when I should be diagnosed with BPD, I’ve slowly been connecting the dots. These issues were what I suspected to be the result of childhood trauma, but I never really felt it may be true until you mentioned experiencing the same problems. Even as I’m typing this I’m having so much difficulty making out how to phrase it, but I’m doing my best. I hope yo be able to work towards a path of healing like you’ve done so I can finally feel like myself again.
ANNA... 3:53 , you described a surge of cortisol + adrenaline as "you can FEEL IT RUNNING DOWN YOUR ARMS".... is this a thing? I would get these specific feelings of "acid running down my upper traps, shoulders & arms", for years. I felt like I was the only one!! It happened very often in the mornings during severe situational depression episodes, and sometimes in the afternoon or evening. It is always paired with the deepest ache in my soul & I am forced to pay attention.
It does suddenly go away when the severity of the depression starts to lift. I wonder if it really is cortisol surges causing that very specific (& eerie) feeling.
I am so grateful for you. 😢❤
To start healing what I thought was depression, I’ve put in place a routine that resembles « the Daily pratice » it helped me a lot but i’m steal in freeze mode. I can’t seam to overcome the fear, and finaly get the job that i want (interior designer). I’m writing this hear as a testimony. Starting Now I accept the fear, and I’ll start moving on with my Life with her. I’ll let you know when I get my dream job.
I wish for all of us Healing. 🌸🌸🌸
I had a highly prescribed way of “shining” - nothing but extreme educational performance. Sigh.
Thank you so much for this timely video!!! Ive been doing the Daily Practice for a few weeks now and have realized so much. Sometimes it’s incredibly surprising what comes up for me. But then I meditate and feel like I can reset and release. Today, I received messages about showing my real Self and taking action on my dreams, and I feel like that is congruent with what you shared today. Such beautiful alignment. I’m truly grateful 🥰🙏🏽💖
Wow, that's wonderful! Thank you for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Something about your face reminds me of my 8 yr old daughter , eyes , face structure . Anyways I always think of my daughter experiencing the kinda abuse I did and I get extremely emotional lol I know it sounds silly but it's the reason I listen to your videos instead of watching them lol❤
I was trggered by many cause I was seeking approvals and validation. I was silenced not to talk about hiw I feel about others.
I love hearing this! And I’m so happy you got bigger because you have helped me improve my life ❤
I am so glad you stopped playing small! I recognise myself in some of the things you described about yourself. Looking forward to watching more of your videos.
Thank you for watching! More to come.
Nika@TeamFairy
Does the tendency to automatically feel comfortable around other people who also have cptsd ever go away?
I don't know that I've ever had a strong connection without my girl having trauma in her childhood too.
Is that ok?
I never knew that was why I felt normal around some girls but not others, even before talking to them.
Do I just ignore this?
You're very humble person I've been CPTSD for over 25 years and right now this very moment if I decided that I didn't like what you were saying I would just simply do what a person should do just leave your channel and that would be it I realize because I have had this so long that this channel is your therapy it's your therapy and I know it and it should be your therapy because you have helped a lot of people and I am in my healing process I am perfectly fine with my complex PTSD at this time I don't know what'll happen tomorrow but I know I've been in a great place for quite a while so long that it's scary but hey I'd rather be scared than have the terrible symptoms of what I have the ones I had a long time ago oh wow please I don't ever want to go back there ever so I'm in my healing phase every single day and will be till I take my last breath and hope that I stay in that phase of my terrible mind that told me for so long I was nothing but everything you're saying is the exact road that I followed exactly pretty much so it works for me before I even knew you and the therapist that I had that did this with me I'm still with today and I've been with her for a long time and you and her are preaching the same gospel about CPTSD and it worked for me I'm not saying to anyone on this channel watching this lady right now that you're going to live happily ever after and be healed and everything will be over real soon that would be a total lie we're all different It might take you a long time to figure it out or it may take you a little bit of time I wish you well all of you I've had this a long time it is it can be a I've always called it my fire breathing dragon that's what I've called my CPTSD it's my fire breathing dragon I do not know if this dragon is lurking around the corner right now he could be years ago I would run as fast and hard as I could away from this fire breathing dragon because it was going to kill me literally even though the fire breathing dragon is metaphorically speaking the CPTSD was not it was very real and I gather my tools cuz I had to I didn't have a choice I was going to take my life or use the tools It was that simple That's where I was many years ago now my journey it's easier it's more understandable when I think I'm going to take action or react to hastily I just simply do not accept this dysregulation that is your worst enemy get rid of it the way she's telling you to get rid of it the exact way that she is telling you to get rid of it if you forget what she's telling you go back to the first rule one and view it again and again and again and tell you start using it You're not going to win You're not going to win it's a tool It is a very important tool beginning during and after I hope that no matter what you're on this channel a lot especially when you get into the falsehoods about yourself and all the false things that you think about yourself just because you're complex PTSD I want you to be able to to look at yourself like I do now and go hey this used to be something that was really really overwhelming and I couldn't live I could not live being a person anymore because of this now I look at myself and say I've got this not the CPTSD so much as I've got this like I've got this meaning I've got this under control right now where I'm at in this moment in this day in real time right now so thumbs up to myself and great big kudos to myself because I'm still healing I'm not going backwards I'm going forwards You can do it keep watching this channel Peace out remember I got this!!