How to Win Back the Secure Attachment Type
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ก.ย. 2024
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In this video I discuss strategies to repair a relationship with (or 'win back') the Secure attachment style - male or female!
Do you know what your Attachment Style is? Take my quiz to find out now, and begin healing your relationships! Click here: attachment.per...
Lastly, if you’re interested in shorter form content and tips, follow my Instagram page! @personaldevelopment_school
I post every other day, and you'll find some completely new content there :)
Thank you for watching!
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I've grown so much as an individual, becoming more secure in meeting my own needs and unlearning my toxic behaviors. It's all because of people like you Ms. Gibson that have taken the time to help people understand how to change and develop into the person they know they're meant to be. I was in a relationship that was everything i could want and more, and lost it because i was so sucked into the stories i was telling myself over and over again. But had this exact conversation with secure attachment style my "ex", and we've been in a secure loving partnership for the past 5 months. Something i always thought i was incapable of, but you've helped me understand that i have the tools and the courage to unpack my baggage and leave it behind, and make something new that feels whole ❤
Such an amazing comment, thank you so much for sharing! So happy to hear how much you've grown -The PDS team
And you are right we can lose a whole relationship being sucked into the stories we tell ourselves.so true,. Good points.😊👌🏾
Interesting. I'd like to see more videos about the secure type. Especially to help non-secure attachment styles understand their viewpoint better.
Me too
I am an FA and didn't know it when I was dating my secure partner. I can see it so clearly now, it was such a huge wake up call when he left. Since he left I've discovered attachment theory and have been working through it and working on myself and I hope he will come back. I am respecting his decision and have been in No Contact since the breakup. I miss him and hope one day he will give me another chance to love him properly.
Did you get him back??
@@alyssaashley3829 sort of. The trust between us wasn't there anymore and it didn't work.
@@iwatchvideos9187 awe I'm sorry to hear. :( how much time did you give for no contact? I'm in a similar situation and all I want it to get him back but he says there is no chance unless I completely change my negative behaviors like insecurity and questioning and getting emotional
No😮.
It’s really good to have knowledge of the secure!
I'm actually Secure but I thought I was AA when I did all these things with my DA, who called me crazy or controlling. In the end I walked out of the relationship for my own mental health and went into no contact, after trying to communicate my feelings one last time. I focused all my energy on self healing and improvement. After less than 2 months, I'm back at my feet, feeling confident, beautiful and loving again. I redid the test on the website and it showed me I'm a lot more secure. I'm so happy I'm on the right path.
This is a great video and is accurate. I think this also will help those who struggle with insecure attachments to understand what it takes to be in a more secure relationship and how to do the work. Its about putting in the effort and work to want a healthy relationship to thrive. It takes two people to do that. Thank you for making this video, and I think it would be helpful to make more videos on secure attachment.
Initially whenever she used to say the coupon code is WITHYOU I used to think she meant that the code is already with us and it took me while to realize what she actually meant.
Hope all you beautiful people are having a fantastic day :) Its nice to learn about other attachment styles but don't forget to look out for yourself as well!
Great content at 2:29
Thank youuu
Primarily secure here.
When you're in your empowerment, self respect is more important than gaining a man's respect.
The Paradox Of Choice is an excellent Ted Talk.
When you've decided you're done you're done.
An ex is an ex for valid reasons.
Amazing information! I’ve realised I’m a DA and I massively neglected my secure attached ex girlfriend in a stressful time of my life and made her feel unloved. We broke up 8 weeks ago and I’ve been NC for 7 weeks which is agony. She says she just doesn’t see a future anymore and lost feelings. I’ve done so much growth but how do I show her these things if she doesn’t want to give me a chance because she says she doesn’t believe I will change? You can’t show these changes unless you’re in a relationship 😢
I was dating someone for a few weeks and I became really intense, obsessive and he’s said he wants to just be friends now because of his busy schedule and not being able to have a healthy relationship at the moment. I’m devastated. I’ve only known him a couple of months and I always get like this. I feel like I ruined it and I wish this wasn’t happening
I learned about attachment theories 2 years after the breakup. Now she's moved on and is telling me I need to move on and she's never getting back together
Hi Thais!!! I love your content. Do you have any videos on responding and not reacting? I’ve realized I have some toxic traits myself. I am enjoying understanding myself and my unmet needs. I am 80% secure and I love to continue to invest in myself. Sending you so much love.
I am a secure attachment style and was dealing with a DA. It has officially been 3 weeks since I asked for a break and let him know about attachment styles and 2 weeks since I broke up with him. I believe that's enough time to wait for him to make a move so as of August 1st I am officially over him. Hurrah
3:37 that would be a great affirmation.
A bit of feedback on the videos that you are welcome to ignore, just my 2 cents. If I could make a small recommendation, I would make the introductions shorter. I am specifically referring to the advertisements, coupons, memberships etc. I understand they are necessary for income and so forth, I don't blame you at all. But they are notably more lengthy than most other advertisements on other videos I watch with similar content to yours. Some videos I just kind of want to...get to the point a little bit quicker and not have to hear the commercial/pitch. Again I understand this is necessary for your business and so forth. If I had to make a recommendation, can you please occasionally shorten the explanations? Some youtube channels I notice do it very well. Some videos the advertisement is explained in longer detail. In other videos, the person just says it like "ps. reminder, please check out the website, coupon code down below", and gets straight to the content. The variation is nice. Having to listen to...a couple of minutes of a commercial on almost every single video gets a bit frustrating and tiring. I only say this as a viewer who really likes your content and wants you to be successful. Again, just my 2 cents.
I agree.. especially for who of us that watch her channel consistently we already know this well.. and I think we’re many..
I don’t think it’s necessary to say it in every video and if it is I think it can be done shorter..
It’s also to have the content more accessible/available to hear and understand..
I loose myself a little bit if there is a long intro for that and I find myself jumping minutes..
I find the content very helpful and she’s too 💗💓 very kind to us!
If I can send a feedback, I would cut that part( completely or a little bit) and speak slower about the topic of the video.
Yea I just skip or look for the comment that says when the video begins lol
So no contact is not the right thing to do with this attachment style? You say contact them right away to resolve the issue.
I was dumped by an anxious preoccupied. I did indeed match this description. I evaluated and wanted to do the work, unfortunately she did not.
Where are all these secure people of which you speak? Oh, that’s right, they’re all happily married. ;)
Lol this comment made my day 🤣 so true
Stole the words right out of my mouth.
I think I am secure attachment, my ex however, I am not sure, I wanted to say secure attachment, but when he broke up, I realized it was due to a whole miscommunication, I could've done better on as well because it had to do with my family, but he never really expressed how he felt to me and more so spoke to his parents for their opinion when his parents didnt even understand the culture and my family. This ultimately led to him breaking up with me. As he was telling me the reasons, the more I was like how tragic... he misunderstood so much. But it didnt sound like he wanted to discuss the reasons, I asked him if hes calling to discuss this or break up? and he said break up, so I never got to explain the misunderstanding to him. He was stern on the break up and that it wouldnt work due to "culture difference". I am frustrated that he didnt take the time to discuss with me. All I can come to understand it, I guess he just didnt want to make it work. But he literally said "we already talked about it, I am choosing this for myself". I am not kidding I was completely blindsided; everything truly was as close to perfect as it could be in a relationship, and I am being very honest with myself, we were SUPER compatible. BTW it was a 4 month official relationship, short story my parents were already pressuring him for engagement in 8 months they wanted it, that he couldnt handle. But it was my parents who said it not me. Also we were both Catholic, and conservative and agreed early on we date for purpose of marriage. We are 22, him 23.
Great to get insight
Thais do you recommend breaking no contact with a secure partner? It's been two months since our breakup and I haven't reached out. I know now that I am an FA and I have so much to say and so much to apologize for. I didn't understand why I behaved the way I did but now I do.
I'm not Thais but as someone in the position of your secure ex partner - I say definitely reach out to apologise and say your piece. They could have moved on and are no longer waiting for an apology or an explanation, but I'm confident that if you're coming from a sincere, heartfelt place, they'll appreciate hearing from you. You might not be able to win them back, but at the very least they'd know that you regret the way you treated them and are sorry. They might even be happy to know that you're working on yourself. You won't know until you try so I say shoot your shot. I hope my DA finds the courage to do that when he's come out of his fog.
@@calistar9444 thank you for your comment. It's hard to bring myself to do it because I would like him to return organically because he misses me and wants me back... I believe in respecting a person's decision when they say that it's over... But goddamn it, I really miss him and I'm the one who ruined the relationship. I'm just so terrified that if I say something he will reject me and send me spiraling.
@@iwatchvideos9187 If he was frustrated enough to break up with you, it's not likely he'll return organically, even if he misses you a lot. He thinks you haven't changed so why should he reach out to you. It would just be history repeating itself.
I understand you're worried he would reject you. Unfortunately that's just how it is - your attempt could go either way. Manage your expectations and make sure that you come from an altruistic place - a place of truly wanting to apologise for how you treated him.
Let him know how exactly you've been working on yourself and what you wish you had done differently had you known about your attachment style. Sincerely ask if he would give you a chance at being a better partner for him than before.
Find the courage. Do it afraid. Don't let him go without a fight. I really do wish you the best. Keep me posted if you're comfortable doing so.
@@calistar9444 He actually did reach out to me a few weeks ago to invite me for coffee but I wasn't available and couldn't go. I didn't suggest a date to reschedule because I wasn't ready to see him and I figured if it was really important he would ask again later. I was devastated when the follow up invitation never came. Now I see everything I did as classic FA behavior - seeing his actions through a worst case scenario lens, having trouble trusting the intentions of someone who left me after I was vulnerable with them. He's dating other women now and I'm not interested in being friends so I don't want to interrupt that. Just trying to suck it up, grieve, learn from my mistakes and do better next time. But maybe an apology is the right thing to do anyway. Online dating experts say that it's critical to stay in no contact and let the dumper make all the moves but perhaps you're right and they are wrong. I really appreciate your insight on this. I no longer trust my relationship instincts because I know they all come from a confused, traumatized and wounded place.
Being a Fearful Avoidant is so hard. I want love but as soon as I get it I don't trust it and run for the hills
@@iwatchvideos9187 Omg. He already reached out to you?! He hasn't asked you out again because you didn't ask to reschedule. He probably thought you aren't interested in seeing him ever again!
Please reach out to apologise and explain. I promise you if he ever had real feelings for you, he would at least hear you out. The relationship I'm sure left him confused and hurt. You reaching out with an apology and an explanation would provide him the clarity he was missing in the relationship. Never mind that he's dating other women. He's not committed to one person yet. You still have a chance!
Those dating experts who say let the dumper reach out - they're not speaking with attachment theory in mind. And you should take them all with a pinch of salt anyway. Trying to right a wrong through an apology can't ever be a bad thing. (Just make sure you apologise and not ask for forgiveness - forgiving you is up to him.)
I empathise with your FA. I know you didn't mean to hurt your ex just like my DA didn't mean to hurt me. You guys are coming from a place of trauma. But you know better now and you need to do better, now.
Find the courage and do the right thing.
Nice
What if you already had all those conversations and figured out how to fix it, but they're already sick of talking and trying to make it work because they don't believe in the relationship anymore?
@Thais I hope you’re able to see this message. Will this method work for an ex who has blocked you?? He came back once but has left a 2nd time. Will this work for an ex who feels you can’t change but you’re really taking the time to change for the better?
This kinda sounds likes anxious preoccupied. I’m sure they over lap
None of this matters anymore, she called it off and it’s over. Didn’t want to hear anything other than I can’t meet her needs and we need to move on.
did she ever reach out to you?