Finally ….a male talks about the REALITY females have been talking about it since the beginning of time …..I truly appreciate you talking about this important subject. You should be on national TV .
And your comment displays patriarchy's effect as well women have been saying it since the beginning of time yet it's only valued & given a sliver of clout due to a male is saying it hence patriarchy shows us in subtitle ways that only the male's view is valid as is his words yet in this case he says something against patri that is pro women and so it's still under and not valued. Ah brainwashing!
This is one great video for me personally. I'm from India which is predominantly patriarchal. I always felt that I never really belonged but I never really could identify the reason. After a long time in the recent weeks I have realised I'm not fitting into patriarchal systems. And your insight is so encouraging to stick to my nature & values. I will be glad if I could meet you in person and discuss about these topics more.
Thank you so much for this video. My childhood was based on the religious culture of the 1950's southern United States. Masculinity, misogyny and racial superiority was the norm of my up bringing. It has been and always will be a struggle dealing with that mental indoctrination that I am now recovering from. My military experience helped me be exposed to a world beyond the 30-mile radius of my little town. My eyes were opened to new, wonderful ideas and to beautiful people. Old, preconceived beliefs melted away. I learned to accept my sexuality and came out as a gay man. Loved other people for who they were, no matter what color of skin they had. Fell in love with women for their strength and power. And was exposed to religions other than Christianity. The eighth decade of my life is approaching quickly. Every day is a learning experience. And a blessing. But some of those hard-wired ways of thinking are still there. And sometimes creep back. Thank goodness they are easy to recognize, and I can dismiss them.
Lovely. I’ma bisexual woman who left men in my late 20’s and at 80 have been single for 25 years. (That’s if you don’t count my 2 dogs and a cat). I’m one of those power type women. It’s been a a most interesting journey to be aware of the “isms”. Gender, race, able-bodiness, looks,and one of my faves,social class. I guess it’s about who is in and who is out. Take of yourself!
From a female perspective …. This is extremely sad ….. a female can almost never find a man that really doesn’t think of a woman as a lesser than him …. I for sure look at men differently since I discovered how men really think …. Thank you for your courage to put this on TH-cam …..
That's just not true, most men do not think this way, men have always cared for women & protected them throughout History, the fact you don't know That kind of makes me lose respect for you.
@elongatedmanforever1252 Are they protecting them in Afghanistan right now? About India, the capital R of the world. About when they enslaved African women and forced birth and r them over and over again. Wait, wait.... was it when men excluded women from banking, housing, academia, etc? Or is it in the Congo and Sudan men are r-ing and unaliving women. There's more, it's when the femicide rate when up during the pandemic and all around the world.
And you can literally never say it out loud without a man coming over to shut you and up and tell you you're wrong. It's a joke to them and they should be avoided 99% of the time.
@@amberinthemist7912 Why do you think that?? seriously who hurt you?? why can't you just go out & discuss things with men, why avoid Them or act like they cannot be reasoned With or change?? Cause that's bs.
I am amazed by your presentation. I had no idea that someone else in this universe saw this behavior pattern in men. I am age now of 86 and have struggled my entire life to reconcile this question. My question for knowledge started as a child when I recognized the vast difference of treatment by my Southern society of girls who questioned life and the limits imposed upon women. And how boys had freedoms females were denied. Recently I have accepted the idea that the traits mentioned in your video are just apart of the male y DNA and must be accepted as such. Perhaps when women decide to not accept a male’s bad behavior that things may change. However since so many women have bought into the bad behavior scenario there may not be enough time for equality between male and female. Bad behavior set up and continually supported by the religious communities worldwide 😢
Great video Alex, thank you for sharing. I notice some tendencies of mine, from the four categories you mentioned; Active Ally, Determined to Improve, Nice Guy and Grudging Compliance.
Its amazing how so much of this spectrum is negative and to see the different levels. Really useful as a women to be able to identify the sometimes subtle changes along the spectrum. Very insightful. Thank you. One question, why exactly are the last two groups most dangerous for women looking for a partner?
Hi Victoria, thanks for your comment! I talk about the later categories being more "dangerous" for women because it's just so much harder to spot the remaining patriarchal beliefs and habits in those men. With the earlier types of men you can really easily spot what's going on, but as men begin to sort themselves out they begin to feel safer and more like allies. And then, quite unexpectedly, you can discover a whole area of their beliefs that hasn't been challenges yet, with the insecurity and inconsistency this brings.
I love these videos Alex, it really does put things in perspective that there are various ways of thinking within patriarchy. Thank you so much for your videos!
Met a gentleman who was in stage 5 and thought I finally found the one that would match me despite all our differences. It was a brutal awakening when he did all that you mentioned. But the funny thing is that I actually learned a lot through that experience. And he learned something from my refusal to accept that behavior and eventual retreat
This is sad for everyone. I believe that women will eventually give up on men because they are mostly difficult to be with. Marriages don’t work without the woman doing most of the work, eventually losing themselves in the process, so I would bet that a very small number of marriages provide support and happiness for both parties. What is the point in marriage anyway?
Statistically speaking...marriage is more beneficial for men than women. Men underfunction in the relationship while women overfunction. Just like raising children ......requiring so much more energy from the woman....what is marriage for.....only to make men happy?
Men are not difficult to be with that's a projection, it's that men sadly have been utterly vilified in society women started believing men are automatically the worst of the worst, I'm telling you most of these women who give up on men only date bad men.
I found myself reacting to my oppression by categorizing all men as bad-understandably so. Things have gotten worse in America for women. I love seeing men on a spectrum. Rather than generalizing men i can determine where they are on the spectrum-it’s much healthier. I’m blessed to have allies in my life. I don’t want ignore toxic masculinity, but i also don’t want to generalize all men as bad. Two wrongs don’t make a right. I think this is healthier perspective. As many men I know are “nice guys.” I know they would never rape me or harm me, but they also perpetuate patriarchy. As a recovering white woman, I understand how hard it is to unlearn white supremacy. The work is hard, but it’s worth it. It’s pretty thankless. In my opinion, women’s liberation is part of my spiritual journey. So thank you for being part of that.
Absolutely brilliant insight. I even got my husband to watch both videos. It was interesting where HE thought he was on the spectrum and where I thought he was. I would love to see the same spectrum analysis done on WOMEN. Women are as bought into the patriarchy as men are and can sometimes be feminism's harshest and most dangerous critics (e.g., Phyllis Schlafly). Some women can be ashamed to admit, even to just themselves, that they have feminist views. The word has such a radical, extremist connotation, at least in America. I notice most of the comments below are from women, not men. We have a L O N G way to go.
7:27 isn't it funny that an oppressor class so in touch with their entitlement also feign such helplessness and vulnerability to backlash from the oppressed class.
Hi Alexander, love the video, can you please share some of the books you recommend to your clients to help them become more self aware and aware of the patriarchy and its influence.
For me, it is very patriarchal to be an active ally, and to support every oppressed group, especially when you don't expect eny gratitude. You truly a knight! I m too weak to match you!
One thing i hate is this annoying concept of male dominance and having to be dominant. Its infuriating and invalidating for us who dont care to be like that
There are several books that talk about that: The War Against Women by Marilyn French Women's Reality by Marilyn French Why Does He DO That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft The Theory of the Leisure Class by Thorstein Veblen You really haven't put in much effort to find them.
Nice guys seem often to be kind of flat. As if they had to suppress their masculine energy (which need not be oppressive) to hold this nice guy thing. No wonder they’re mad when a woman/man doesn’t want their company. This applies to women too. To have a man they defuse themselves. Very boring.
interesting how whatever worldview you choose, you'll have a view of original sin and a form of soteriology with a hint of a view of glorification your eschaton is very strange though
So it is a matter of balance for a man? Men are supposed to be masculine. But balance is needed. To not reach that toxic level. As a woman I find my men who have a balance best. But women need to understand men more too. Because just my opinion they can bring out the gentle side of men. Thank you for the video.
Masculinity to any level is not toxic, what can be toxic is causing harm through harmful behaviour... Women do just as much of that as men do, although often using different methods.
I have experienced a LOT more violence FROM women than I've ever suffered from men. But that's just me. Other than this, I have generally tried to not generalize my bad experience with women. I think your spectrum is pretty good. I think there are more stages though. For me, after I became an ally, I started questioning my own assumptions about gender, including all the stuff I had been taught in school (I have a BS, and MA, and a PhD in the social sciences - I've studied a LOT of feminism), and I have begun to look past this rhetoric and to recognize that privilege is a multifaceted thing, and that both men and women have privilege. For example when my wife used to beat me, I would just take it, because I knew that if I called the cops, chances were that I would be the one who got arrested, and I'd lose my children. I had seen it happen before. As a mental health counselor I have seen also seen DOZENS of abusive and addicted women get chance after chance and resource after resource to preserve their relationship with their children, while men get thrown out of the family on a whim. If this isn't women's privilege I don't know what is. So here is a next phase for your list: Noticing that while women have a glass ceiling, men have a trapdoor floor. We are disposable, and we are disposed of.
@@TheEmanep You have it all wrong. Our disposability is not a feeling, it's how the game theory of genetics gets expressed culturally. It's also not toxic. It's our superpower. We engage in high risk, high reward strategies. This is why the vast majority of highly accomplished humans on the planet are men. It's a feature. It's not a bug.
As a woman, I am exhausted from dealing with what seems like never ending patriarchy. Find your videos helpful. Re: 'Nice Guys' Have you ever seen the movie Promising Young Woman? A deep down study of the 'Nice Guy'. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Promising_Young_Woman
Yeah, I saw that movie. Sadly, most “nice guys” are just the misogynistic men who don’t have the chops to make it in patriarchy, so they have developed a different strategy tin order to win, and that strategy ALWAYS comes at the expense of women.
Thanks so much for doing this
Finally ….a male talks about the REALITY females have been talking about it since the beginning of time …..I truly appreciate you talking about this important subject. You should be on national TV .
Actually this has not been going on since the beginning of time...read When God Was A Woman by Merlin Stone.
True!
@@veganbutterfly3652God still is ❤
And your comment displays patriarchy's effect as well women have been saying it since the beginning of time yet it's only valued & given a sliver of clout due to a male is saying it hence patriarchy shows us in subtitle ways that only the male's view is valid as is his words yet in this case he says something against patri that is pro women and so it's still under and not valued. Ah brainwashing!
This is one great video for me personally. I'm from India which is predominantly patriarchal. I always felt that I never really belonged but I never really could identify the reason. After a long time in the recent weeks I have realised I'm not fitting into patriarchal systems. And your insight is so encouraging to stick to my nature & values. I will be glad if I could meet you in person and discuss about these topics more.
Thank you so much for this video. My childhood was based on the religious culture of the 1950's southern United States. Masculinity, misogyny and racial superiority was the norm of my up bringing. It has been and always will be a struggle dealing with that mental indoctrination that I am now recovering from. My military experience helped me be exposed to a world beyond the 30-mile radius of my little town. My eyes were opened to new, wonderful ideas and to beautiful people. Old, preconceived beliefs melted away. I learned to accept my sexuality and came out as a gay man. Loved other people for who they were, no matter what color of skin they had. Fell in love with women for their strength and power. And was exposed to religions other than Christianity. The eighth decade of my life is approaching quickly. Every day is a learning experience. And a blessing. But some of those hard-wired ways of thinking are still there. And sometimes creep back. Thank goodness they are easy to recognize, and I can dismiss them.
Lovely. I’ma bisexual woman who left men in my late 20’s and at 80 have been single for 25 years. (That’s if you don’t count my 2 dogs and a cat). I’m one of those power type women. It’s been a a most interesting journey to be aware of the “isms”. Gender, race, able-bodiness, looks,and one of my faves,social class. I guess it’s about who is in and who is out. Take of yourself!
@clairejeannette8454 thank you, and you too, my beloved sister ❤️.
@@clairejeannette8454 you’ve just told the world you are dying alone. Lol
@@clairejeannette8454 thank you, and you too, my beloved sister.
From a female perspective …. This is extremely sad ….. a female can almost never find a man that really doesn’t think of a woman as a lesser than him …. I for sure look at men differently since I discovered how men really think …. Thank you for your courage to put this on TH-cam …..
That's just not true, most men
do not think this way, men
have always cared for women
& protected them throughout
History, the fact you don't know
That kind of makes me lose
respect for you.
@@elongatedmanforever1252dude, you really on this space being a D-bag
Who told you that she needed your respect?
@elongatedmanforever1252 Are they protecting them in Afghanistan right now? About India, the capital R of the world. About when they enslaved African women and forced birth and r them over and over again. Wait, wait.... was it when men excluded women from banking, housing, academia, etc? Or is it in the Congo and Sudan men are r-ing and unaliving women. There's more, it's when the femicide rate when up during the pandemic and all around the world.
And you can literally never say it out loud without a man coming over to shut you and up and tell you you're wrong. It's a joke to them and they should be avoided 99% of the time.
@@amberinthemist7912
Why do you think that?? seriously
who hurt you?? why can't you just go out
& discuss things with men, why avoid
Them or act like they cannot be reasoned
With or change?? Cause that's bs.
It is so refreshing to hear a man talk about this !
I am amazed by your presentation. I had no idea that someone else in this universe saw this behavior pattern in men. I am age now of 86 and have struggled my entire life to reconcile this question. My question for knowledge started as a child when I recognized the vast difference of treatment by my Southern society of girls who questioned life and the limits imposed upon women. And how boys had freedoms females were denied. Recently I have accepted the idea that the traits mentioned in your video are just apart of the male y DNA and must be accepted as such. Perhaps when women decide to not accept a male’s bad behavior that things may change. However since so many women have bought into the bad behavior scenario there may not be enough time for equality between male and female. Bad behavior set up and continually supported by the religious communities worldwide 😢
Great video Alex, thank you for sharing. I notice some tendencies of mine, from the four categories you mentioned; Active Ally, Determined to Improve, Nice Guy and Grudging Compliance.
They wont sleep with you bro.
Its amazing how so much of this spectrum is negative and to see the different levels. Really useful as a women to be able to identify the sometimes subtle changes along the spectrum. Very insightful. Thank you. One question, why exactly are the last two groups most dangerous for women looking for a partner?
Hi Victoria, thanks for your comment! I talk about the later categories being more "dangerous" for women because it's just so much harder to spot the remaining patriarchal beliefs and habits in those men. With the earlier types of men you can really easily spot what's going on, but as men begin to sort themselves out they begin to feel safer and more like allies. And then, quite unexpectedly, you can discover a whole area of their beliefs that hasn't been challenges yet, with the insecurity and inconsistency this brings.
Thankyou. Excellent videos part one and two. Please more of these. Thank you.
I love these videos Alex, it really does put things in perspective that there are various ways of thinking within patriarchy. Thank you so much for your videos!
Met a gentleman who was in stage 5 and thought I finally found the one that would match me despite all our differences. It was a brutal awakening when he did all that you mentioned. But the funny thing is that I actually learned a lot through that experience. And he learned something from my refusal to accept that behavior and eventual retreat
This is sad for everyone. I believe that women will eventually give up on men because they are mostly difficult to be with. Marriages don’t work without the woman doing most of the work, eventually losing themselves in the process, so I would bet that a very small number of marriages provide support and happiness for both parties. What is the point in marriage anyway?
Are you aware of the 4B Movement in Korea? They've give up ALL relations with men.
Statistically speaking...marriage is more beneficial for men than women. Men underfunction in the relationship while women overfunction. Just like raising children ......requiring so much more energy from the woman....what is marriage for.....only to make men happy?
@@sophiaelayne9984
Why because of lies
told about men??
did you not have a
brother?? father or
man that stood by
you?? or loved you??
@@lizoconnor2752
Men have it worst in
marriage not women
it's just the truth.
Men are not difficult to be with
that's a projection, it's that men
sadly have been utterly vilified
in society women started
believing men are automatically
the worst of the worst, I'm
telling you most of these
women who give up on
men only date bad men.
I found myself reacting to my oppression by categorizing all men as bad-understandably so. Things have gotten worse in America for women. I love seeing men on a spectrum. Rather than generalizing men i can determine where they are on the spectrum-it’s much healthier. I’m blessed to have allies in my life. I don’t want ignore toxic masculinity, but i also don’t want to generalize all men as bad. Two wrongs don’t make a right. I think this is healthier perspective. As many men I know are “nice guys.” I know they would never rape me or harm me, but they also perpetuate patriarchy. As a recovering white woman, I understand how hard it is to unlearn white supremacy. The work is hard, but it’s worth it. It’s pretty thankless. In my opinion, women’s liberation is part of my spiritual journey.
So thank you for being part of that.
Thank you. Also, important for us to see what triggers our dominance stance in regards to sex, race, etc. triggers are helpful to understand.
Whats a 'recovering white woman'?
Absolutely brilliant insight. I even got my husband to watch both videos. It was interesting where HE thought he was on the spectrum and where I thought he was. I would love to see the same spectrum analysis done on WOMEN. Women are as bought into the patriarchy as men are and can sometimes be feminism's harshest and most dangerous critics (e.g., Phyllis Schlafly). Some women can be ashamed to admit, even to just themselves, that they have feminist views. The word has such a radical, extremist connotation, at least in America. I notice most of the comments below are from women, not men. We have a L O N G way to go.
Do you think women cannot
be at fault for things?? &
have 0% autonomy?? like
it's always the man pulling
The strings??
This is gold, OMG 😍
7:27 isn't it funny that an oppressor class so in touch with their entitlement also feign such helplessness and vulnerability to backlash from the oppressed class.
I stopped having relationships with men "until I could figure out what I was doing wrong" and I never went back.
I guess you never figured that out then?
Hi Alexander, love the video, can you please share some of the books you recommend to your clients to help them become more self aware and aware of the patriarchy and its influence.
Agree to this one!
For me, it is very patriarchal to be an active ally, and to support every oppressed group, especially when you don't expect eny gratitude.
You truly a knight! I m too weak to match you!
One thing i hate is this annoying concept of male dominance and having to be dominant. Its infuriating and invalidating for us who dont care to be like that
And all thath thing "meat is manly, man need more food" definetly come fro patriarchy!
Um no... It comes from survival instinct
@benjaminollis do you think woman don't have survival instinkt?
Thanks for the video. Learner a lot.
😊👌💐 Beautifully Eye Opening...Mr Butler😊🎉💐💐👍👍
Great video, I would love to see how patriarchy has affect women on their beliefs and way of thinking. 👍
Thanks for your comment. I'll have a think about how I can cover that topic.
@@alexander_butler Awesome, I noticed nobody really talks about that area. So it would be fascinating to see a video touching that subject. 🤓
There are several books that talk about that:
The War Against Women by Marilyn French
Women's Reality by Marilyn French
Why Does He DO That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
The Theory of the Leisure Class by Thorstein Veblen
You really haven't put in much effort to find them.
The myth of male power is a great feminist book
@@alexander_butler Yours is a typical male answer: *You'll* have to think about it.
Why don't you try *asking women* ?
More of such quality content sir, plssss
It seems like you need great strength to make a video like this within such a toxic culture. Anyway, thank you for your good work.
What's toxic about it??
@@elongatedmanforever1252🤭
@@GoldieBrown-pc6mb
Seriously what's toxic about it??
other then lack of accountability
& Strong men.
@@taracmonroe
Nope he needs great strength to
Not attack other men, & have the
Strength to call out both genders.
I think men are great.👍
Thank you!!!
Thanks for this.
Alexander! Great Channel and we appreciate your work
I can't even open the window, it starts to smell like oppression.
Or delusion ...
*Drop kicks sister* "Oh! Sorry, that was just an unexpected lashing out from my underlying toxic masculinity. I'm still in the fifth category."
There is nothing at all masculine about such behaviour, only feminists want you to believe otherwise..
I'd like a study of toxic masculinity in gay relationships.
Also a study of domestic violence within lesbian couples, as they are the worst offenders statistically.
My father was a monster.
Nice guys seem often to be kind of flat. As if they had to suppress their masculine energy (which need not be oppressive) to hold this nice guy thing. No wonder they’re mad when a woman/man doesn’t want their company. This applies to women too. To have a man they defuse themselves. Very boring.
I attract A LOT of group 3 men....
I'm not a man, however, I'm interested.
My father was violent.
interesting how whatever worldview you choose, you'll have a view of original sin and a form of soteriology with a hint of a view of glorification
your eschaton is very strange though
4B at a minimum.
So it is a matter of balance for a man? Men are supposed to be masculine. But balance is needed.
To not reach that toxic level. As a woman I find my men who have a balance best. But women need to understand men more too.
Because just my opinion they can bring out the gentle side of men. Thank you for the video.
Masculinity to any level is not toxic, what can be toxic is causing harm through harmful behaviour... Women do just as much of that as men do, although often using different methods.
Hmmmm...
Not too many men posting here.
Not too many women posting under content about toxic aspects of the feline gender either, funnily enough
Because the algorithm wont allow them. My comment has been removed twice. Yet were still in a patriarchy?😂
👏🔥
🤍
It's 2024 and now we are choosing the bear. But I see hope...
You're insane, lol bears are
nobody's friend.
As long as you choose the bear there is no hope for you, as it's a clear sign of being delusional
More of these videos, pleaseee
🙏💙🙏
Is anyone else hurt by the lack of men on the thread.
*hugs for the dude guys*
*gives snacks and a working game of duck hunt *
@@zenbearturtleoftheoceans6860
Nope, I'm glad because men are
waking up & realizing the stuff
The guy is talking about in
This video is bs.
What do you expect though? Why would men waste their time obsessing about such nonsense unless they have a serious mental/internalised guilt issue ?
I have experienced a LOT more violence FROM women than I've ever suffered from men. But that's just me. Other than this, I have generally tried to not generalize my bad experience with women. I think your spectrum is pretty good. I think there are more stages though. For me, after I became an ally, I started questioning my own assumptions about gender, including all the stuff I had been taught in school (I have a BS, and MA, and a PhD in the social sciences - I've studied a LOT of feminism), and I have begun to look past this rhetoric and to recognize that privilege is a multifaceted thing, and that both men and women have privilege. For example when my wife used to beat me, I would just take it, because I knew that if I called the cops, chances were that I would be the one who got arrested, and I'd lose my children. I had seen it happen before. As a mental health counselor I have seen also seen DOZENS of abusive and addicted women get chance after chance and resource after resource to preserve their relationship with their children, while men get thrown out of the family on a whim. If this isn't women's privilege I don't know what is. So here is a next phase for your list: Noticing that while women have a glass ceiling, men have a trapdoor floor. We are disposable, and we are disposed of.
You’re making this about your Patriachal entitlement to women as sex objects and nurturers. STOP.
I wonder, perhaps, whether that feeling of disposability is another fear that underlies toxic masculinity. It’s sad all round for all.
@@TheEmanep You have it all wrong. Our disposability is not a feeling, it's how the game theory of genetics gets expressed culturally. It's also not toxic. It's our superpower. We engage in high risk, high reward strategies. This is why the vast majority of highly accomplished humans on the planet are men. It's a feature. It's not a bug.
@@TheEmanepit's more of a reality than an unfounded fear really
This is why the term 'toxic masculinity' is highly problematic, it implies only men can behave in awful ways.
Thought you would never get to the point
When is the episode covering toxic fe min ity?
Equally important isn't it?
As a woman, I am exhausted from dealing with what seems like never ending patriarchy. Find your videos helpful. Re: 'Nice Guys' Have you ever seen the movie Promising Young Woman? A deep down study of the 'Nice Guy'. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Promising_Young_Woman
As a man I'm tired of this
ideology that women can
never do any bad & men
are all bad guys & villains.
Yeah, I saw that movie. Sadly, most “nice guys” are just the misogynistic men who don’t have the chops to make it in patriarchy, so they have developed a different strategy tin order to win, and that strategy ALWAYS comes at the expense of women.
Ah yes, a movie about violently attacking men out of pure hatred, I'm sure misandrists love it.. 😅
@@anonymousa-uy1hktrue.. find a good guy instead of a weak 'nice' guy
@@anonymousa-uy1hkLol. That's why McDonald's tastes so good but will unalive you in the long run.
I thought I was going crazy.
Thank you for this very useful information.
Which part is useful even?