This advice is gold, especially at the start of a relationship. I foolishly tried to be inclusive of a non-Christian. We ended up getting married and it was problem after problem until she walked out. We have a 3 year old daughter. Don’t compromise at all on values and beliefs. It will only bring unbearable pain later on.
One of the number one green flags I’m looking for someone who “advocates for my good, needs, and wants even when I’m not there and even if I’ll never find out”. And by “looking for” I mean I’m doing my best to live out doing the inverse for her
Green flag for me is when they have values, they know what those values are. They have a plan. Especially if they can respectfully disagree with you and discuss. *Intentional* Red flag is if they just “go along” with your values. If they just go along with your plans. They’re “agreeing,” but do they really believe what you say? And this is hard to uncover, so ask questions.
Exactly. I had a 12 year marriage with someone like this. He pretended to agree and over time I discovered that he didn’t share my values and in fact despise that I believed there were objective truths and values. The first red flag should have been that he’s a Democrat!!! Live and learn.
I am in that last tough discernment time situation... I started dating my boyfriend when I thought it's not that important to have the same religions and now my outlook on the issue changed. We are trying to find a common ground though! But it's weighting on me
Being intentional on your dating expectations/goals and non negotiables is absolutely perfect in cultivating a wonderful relationship. Thanks. Plus look at the tree.
Being an autistic adult, I feel like I'm a walking red flag. Ended an unhealthy relationship. Scared to start over, fearing others would mistake my emotional & social awkwardness as malice or intentional. I rely no longer on myself. I trust Jesus and Mother Mary
Trust in God alone, let Him heal you, let Him and his blood cover you. Forgive them truly and let God strengthen you! I feel you brother in Christ, it’s very real to be hurt but we need to give that hurt to the Lord!!
I had a boyfriend where he had most of my green flags EXCEPT for one- Even though he's Christian - He was Baptist & I'm Catholic 😝 Those two Don't Mix - So either he should become Catholic or just accept Catholic Teaching 😅 - So, he agreed to raise any kids we had Catholic so that's good 😊 Then he wouldn't introduce me to his friends - He spent Alot of time with his cousins & "friends" that are girls & invite them to lunch. 🤔 Take out places like to a concert like in another state or for a weekend & not invite me😮 He had All of the green flags you mentioned but then these red flags popped up 😝 Sigh- I'm telling you if I don't laugh, I'll cry
I'm sorry you had to experience that. It's really painful when we think we have found the person God wants us to marry, and then we get overly attached only to later find out they aren't the person we thought they were. Hurts really bad, but every time it happens to me I just realize I've given too much of my heart to a person and sacrificed my love for God in the process. If we keep God at the forefront (I know it's difficult when these strong emotions towards another person comes up, I struggle with this a lot) then ultimately we cannot be totally dismayed or broken because we are secure in our first, and last, and eternal love - Jesus Christ. Stay strong, the gifts God wishes to give us are greater than we can possibly imagine, and the gift of a holy spouse is among the greatest gifts we should be willing to wait for and discern. Your spouse should see you with the eyes of Christ, and he should see Christ in you, and likewise you should emulate Christ (and of course Mary as well if you're a woman.) I could continue to talk for hours to try to edify a fellow brother or sister in Christ on their walk towards holy matrimony, but it's already a lot to read. God bless you and God keep you.
He was all this but then just suddenly stopped once things got really hard and circumstances changed... and I don't want that anymore. And as much as patient i can be, I don't feel like it's right to just "wait it out" especially after being about 7 years in a relationship, then about 5 years out just being friends because he suddenly wanted to be a priest but never actually did anything about it.
The title "Don't date them if they don't have these green flags" turns lacking a green flag into a red flag. For example, you mentioned that a green flag is how they treat service workers. I've seen someone who thought "tips generously" is a green flag, and then after a good first date they declined a second date solely because the guy didn't tip at the level she thought he ought to. So lacking a green flag turned into a red flag and a relationship ended. Instead, this should have been a conversation (perhaps he came from a culture unaccustomed to tipping and he's never been comfortable with it, but he gives generously to charity). I would like to see more videos on saying yes to dates (especially if they aren't perfect!), rather than more videos on saying no to dates.
I try to follow through on what I say, but I struggle the virtue with consistency and accidentally double/triple booking myself because I struggle with time management
@ I did struggle with that for a while, but I haven’t as much recently once I started focusing on gratitude and asking “am I where God wants me to be?”
As a recent Catholic convert, thank you for all your work, this channel has helped me immensely, all glory be to God.
This advice is gold, especially at the start of a relationship. I foolishly tried to be inclusive of a non-Christian. We ended up getting married and it was problem after problem until she walked out. We have a 3 year old daughter. Don’t compromise at all on values and beliefs. It will only bring unbearable pain later on.
One of the number one green flags I’m looking for someone who “advocates for my good, needs, and wants even when I’m not there and even if I’ll never find out”. And by “looking for” I mean I’m doing my best to live out doing the inverse for her
I would put humility in there too.
Green flag for me is when they have values, they know what those values are. They have a plan. Especially if they can respectfully disagree with you and discuss. *Intentional*
Red flag is if they just “go along” with your values. If they just go along with your plans. They’re “agreeing,” but do they really believe what you say? And this is hard to uncover, so ask questions.
Exactly. I had a 12 year marriage with someone like this. He pretended to agree and over time I discovered that he didn’t share my values and in fact despise that I believed there were objective truths and values. The first red flag should have been that he’s a Democrat!!! Live and learn.
I am in that last tough discernment time situation... I started dating my boyfriend when I thought it's not that important to have the same religions and now my outlook on the issue changed. We are trying to find a common ground though! But it's weighting on me
Pray to God. I know it may sound unhelpful, but you need God right now, truly.
Being intentional on your dating expectations/goals and non negotiables is absolutely perfect in cultivating a wonderful relationship. Thanks. Plus look at the tree.
Cool video. Do more of the positive ones!
You can also see, that this video can also be about red flags. The problem is how you see the red flags to work out in yourself.
this is such a great idea! I also tend to focus too much on the negatives
I love your videos, Elizabeth! Yes, more green flag content would be great. 🟩
Being an autistic adult, I feel like I'm a walking red flag. Ended an unhealthy relationship. Scared to start over, fearing others would mistake my emotional & social awkwardness as malice or intentional. I rely no longer on myself. I trust Jesus and Mother Mary
Trust in God alone, let Him heal you, let Him and his blood cover you. Forgive them truly and let God strengthen you! I feel you brother in Christ, it’s very real to be hurt but we need to give that hurt to the Lord!!
I had a boyfriend where he had most of my green flags EXCEPT for one- Even though he's Christian - He was Baptist & I'm Catholic 😝 Those two Don't Mix - So either he should become Catholic or just accept Catholic Teaching 😅 - So, he agreed to raise any kids we had Catholic so that's good 😊 Then he wouldn't introduce me to his friends - He spent Alot of time with his cousins & "friends" that are girls & invite them to lunch. 🤔 Take out places like to a concert like in another state or for a weekend & not invite me😮 He had All of the green flags you mentioned but then these red flags popped up 😝 Sigh- I'm telling you if I don't laugh, I'll cry
Just keep laughing. We cannot let anyone steal our joy.
Just thank the Dear Lord that He helped you to see the red flag. 🙏 ✝️
Hopefully you said goodbye.
I'm sorry you had to experience that. It's really painful when we think we have found the person God wants us to marry, and then we get overly attached only to later find out they aren't the person we thought they were. Hurts really bad, but every time it happens to me I just realize I've given too much of my heart to a person and sacrificed my love for God in the process. If we keep God at the forefront (I know it's difficult when these strong emotions towards another person comes up, I struggle with this a lot) then ultimately we cannot be totally dismayed or broken because we are secure in our first, and last, and eternal love - Jesus Christ.
Stay strong, the gifts God wishes to give us are greater than we can possibly imagine, and the gift of a holy spouse is among the greatest gifts we should be willing to wait for and discern. Your spouse should see you with the eyes of Christ, and he should see Christ in you, and likewise you should emulate Christ (and of course Mary as well if you're a woman.)
I could continue to talk for hours to try to edify a fellow brother or sister in Christ on their walk towards holy matrimony, but it's already a lot to read. God bless you and God keep you.
That is not a Christian man. He just lied to you to tell you what you wanted to hear. Actions are what you need to judge.
Excellent and pertinent information! Great job, thank you!
I did love this! 💚
Very enlightening. 😊
He was all this but then just suddenly stopped once things got really hard and circumstances changed... and I don't want that anymore. And as much as patient i can be, I don't feel like it's right to just "wait it out" especially after being about 7 years in a relationship, then about 5 years out just being friends because he suddenly wanted to be a priest but never actually did anything about it.
You always make good points. I hope we can meet again some day. Because I already met you a couple times
The title "Don't date them if they don't have these green flags" turns lacking a green flag into a red flag.
For example, you mentioned that a green flag is how they treat service workers. I've seen someone who thought "tips generously" is a green flag, and then after a good first date they declined a second date solely because the guy didn't tip at the level she thought he ought to. So lacking a green flag turned into a red flag and a relationship ended. Instead, this should have been a conversation (perhaps he came from a culture unaccustomed to tipping and he's never been comfortable with it, but he gives generously to charity).
I would like to see more videos on saying yes to dates (especially if they aren't perfect!), rather than more videos on saying no to dates.
I wonder what her definition of a generous tip is. That's a highly subjective concept, and not all service deserves a generous tip.
Kindness and re spect is very important. No matter the interaction with anyone.
Greattt video. Do more 🟩🟢⛳
Wish I heard this a year ago… 😬
Would’ve saved me much trouble
Podcast Jay Shetty had a " Love Expert" on Stephen.. He laid out the Map of Individuals really well and the counters. Its worth viewing to delineate
hmmmm, am i a valid candidate?
I try to follow through on what I say, but I struggle the virtue with consistency and accidentally double/triple booking myself because I struggle with time management
Hmmm FOMO?
@ I did struggle with that for a while, but I haven’t as much recently once I started focusing on gratitude and asking “am I where God wants me to be?”
Great way to talk about the “flags”. Feels really interesting and was so helpful. Than you 🫶🏼🙏🏼